- 2 weeks ago
In the Army Now 1994 [Full Movie] [Full Version]Full EP - Full
Category
🎥
Short filmTranscript
00:00:01See how I just blow those guys? Look, and there's the thing.
00:00:04Look up, look up, look up!
00:00:05No under-
00:00:06Huh?
00:00:09Game over you again!
00:00:11Shouldn't we get back to work?
00:00:12I'm working. Look, I'm testing on new products.
00:00:15What are you so paranoid for anyways? Pretty soon we're gonna have our own store.
00:00:18Look, Quinn's gonna fire your ass from this place.
00:00:21Do you think I'm scared of that?
00:00:22What is he? Looks like a lurch.
00:00:25I'm Quinn.
00:00:26Are you afraid of him? No.
00:00:28Bones!
00:00:30Quinn's looking for you.
00:00:32I told him you were playing video games.
00:00:34Here, hold this, okay? I gotta do something.
00:00:36Oh, yeah, you're not afraid, huh?
00:00:38Bop, bop, bop!
00:01:05This is all for you. See all the money I'm saving?
00:01:09Wow, Quinn, look at you. You're looking fantastic. Is that a new suit?
00:01:12It's gotta be Armando.
00:01:15Oh, it's JCPenney.
00:01:18Oh, it's JCPenney.
00:01:18Well, at least you wear it well.
00:01:19Is that brood I smell?
00:01:20What did we say about leaving the sales floor?
00:01:24You told me not to, and I won't. If this place catches fire, I'm selling tape decks to the firemen.
00:01:29You're not selling anything to anybody. That's why we're letting you go.
00:01:33Where?
00:01:33Home.
00:01:34No, no, no, Quinn. Hey, hey, you can't fire me. Come on. I'm a crazy boy. I'm a dedicated crazy
00:01:39boy.
00:01:40Bones, let's not drag this out.
00:01:41No, Quinn, hey, look. Come on, please. I mean, my rent's due. My mom, she needs another tummy tuck. Please,
00:01:47come on.
00:01:47No, Bones. No, not this time.
00:01:49Please, there's a lot of personal things. Please don't let me. Please don't let me go, Quinn. I could be
00:01:54crazier.
00:01:55Let go of my life.
00:01:56I could be totally insane.
00:02:00Bones, let go of my life.
00:02:01Bones, you have a customer waiting.
00:02:05You'll have to excuse me, Mr. Quinn. I have a customer. A customer who evidently asked for me by name.
00:02:15Hi. May I help you, miss?
00:02:16Yes. You sold me this watchman last week, and I'm afraid I have to return it.
00:02:21See, I knew you'd be returning it. It's too small to ruin your eyesight.
00:02:25And besides, I can tell the one you really want is this one.
00:02:27This is our top of the line.
00:02:29Our very best 35-inch projection stereo color monitor with advanced super digital PMP.
00:02:36I'm sorry. That's way out of my price range.
00:02:38Not with our $200 rebate. No money down. 10-month deferred, 64-month layaway plan.
00:02:43You ask yourself, how could it be? Right?
00:02:47Because we're a crazy voice.
00:02:51Sorry, they make us do that.
00:02:52That's a very nice offer, but this is just...
00:02:55Plus this screen, though, it promotes good eyesight.
00:02:58Really?
00:02:59Uh-huh. Four out of five optometrists recommend it.
00:03:03Okay. I'll take it.
00:03:06Okay. Here you go.
00:03:07Fantastic. I'm gonna take this to the cashier, and I'm gonna arrange everything.
00:03:11Thank you very much.
00:03:12Come to the front. You're needed for a carry-out.
00:03:15Huh?
00:03:17Hmm?
00:03:18Come on. Am I not still a crazy boy?
00:03:23That is brute I smell, you pervert.
00:03:30Bones!
00:03:35Come on.
00:03:42Gabriella, you were outstanding.
00:03:44Yeah, right. This is the last time I save your butt. Okay? I work, too, you know?
00:03:49I know. It was an emergency. The guy was about to fire me.
00:03:52Right. It's always an emergency. They better take that TV back.
00:03:55Hey, they're gonna take it back.
00:03:57Now, how about just giving your little Italian sausage man a little kissy-poo?
00:04:03Chad, the U.S. has issued strong warnings that...
00:04:08You are so irresponsible.
00:04:11You should be serious for one minute.
00:04:13It's okay. I'll be serious. Let's get naked.
00:04:17Not now. Not here.
00:04:19Why? Don't you love me anymore?
00:04:21Yes, yes, of course I love you.
00:04:23Yeah, but look, your boss is gonna catch us.
00:04:27I don't care about that perverted fat's on a JCPenney suit.
00:04:32Bones!
00:04:34Jack, turn it off.
00:04:35Turn it off!
00:04:47Well, I can't...
00:04:54I can't believe he actually fired us.
00:04:57Oh, come on. Bones, we blew up 22 TV sets.
00:05:00Yeah, but don't those things come with warranties?
00:05:01I'm sorry, man. You know, I didn't realize Quinn could see you in all those TVs.
00:05:05No problemo, my friend. I was sick of getting down on my knees for that guy anyways.
00:05:10Whoa. Bones. I had no idea.
00:05:13Begging for my job.
00:05:15You know what, Jack, though? This is amazing. You know what this does?
00:05:18Yeah.
00:05:19This brings us one step closer to the, uh, store.
00:05:23No, no, no. What this does is it brings us one step closer to living in the dumpster.
00:05:27How are we gonna get the rent for the store if we don't have rent for our apartment?
00:05:31Excuse me, can we play through?
00:05:33Yeah.
00:05:35Sorry, we're just...
00:05:36Disgusting.
00:05:41Oh, my God.
00:05:42Hey, Army!
00:05:44Navy!
00:05:45Air Force!
00:05:46Marines!
00:05:47No.
00:05:48Did you order a code red?
00:05:51Answer me! Did you order a code red, man?
00:05:54You want the truth. You can't handle the truth.
00:05:57Yay. He's goofing off.
00:06:00Wow, that was my Nicholson impression.
00:06:03Good.
00:06:04I do it sometimes when I play golf.
00:06:08Bones, come on, man.
00:06:09See, I couldn't help myself. I'm sorry.
00:06:11When you join the Army, is it true that you have to give your whole life away?
00:06:14Nah, something like that with us.
00:06:16We're in the reserves.
00:06:18What's that?
00:06:20Let's just get this straight here.
00:06:22After our basic training, we owe you two weeks a year, one week and a month, for which we get
00:06:26paid.
00:06:27And then on top of it, you're gonna throw in $2,500 just for signing up?
00:06:33Basically, yes.
00:06:35Wow.
00:06:36Well, then how come everybody isn't in the reserves?
00:06:39Do people actually know about this stuff?
00:06:42Well, we do try to advertise.
00:06:45Oh, yeah, it's not a job, it's an adventure.
00:06:48No, that's the Navy.
00:06:50The few and the proud?
00:06:51No, that's the Marines.
00:06:53Keep going, going, and gone?
00:06:55No, no, that's the Energizer, buddy.
00:06:58Gentlemen, we're be-all-you-can-be.
00:07:01Yeah.
00:07:02In the Army.
00:07:05You need us, and we need you.
00:07:07It's a win-win situation.
00:07:09I got one more question.
00:07:11Can I get a pen?
00:07:12Oh, no, actually, could we just have a second, uh, amongst ourselves?
00:07:16Certainly.
00:07:17Take all the time you need.
00:07:19Just hold that ballpoint.
00:07:23Whew.
00:07:25This is insane!
00:07:27Why doesn't everybody join when you're listening to him in there?
00:07:30Shh.
00:07:31It's like joining a health spa, only they pay us.
00:07:34Oh, my God, you're going nuts.
00:07:35Okay, we are the beneficiaries.
00:07:37We get a guaranteed check for eight years and a special skill.
00:07:41A special skill.
00:07:42Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
00:07:43Look at the payments.
00:07:44Here we go.
00:07:45Land combat missile op.
00:07:48Opportunities.
00:07:48Tactical fire specialist.
00:07:50You heard him talking about combat pay, right?
00:07:52You know, you have to be in combat to get paid for that, right?
00:07:56He said reserves aren't called up unless there's a major conflict.
00:07:59When was the last war, huh?
00:08:01Yeah.
00:08:02World War II?
00:08:02No.
00:08:03Twenty years ago.
00:08:04Have you ever heard of Vietnam?
00:08:06Huh?
00:08:06Desert storm?
00:08:08No.
00:08:08Uh-uh.
00:08:09What?
00:08:10I'm kidding.
00:08:11Give me the brochure.
00:08:12We're going to go to the unemployment office.
00:08:14No, just let me see.
00:08:15Let me just try it.
00:08:16Tank tour repair, land mining specialist, water purification?
00:08:21Water purification.
00:08:23That's it.
00:08:24What?
00:08:25Water purification.
00:08:26I'm telling you it's a snap.
00:08:27My brother's a pool man.
00:08:29Hey, look.
00:08:29You take dirty water and you make it clean.
00:08:32How hard can that be?
00:08:33I don't know.
00:08:34And hey, if there is a war, what are we going to go in there with?
00:08:37Water balloons?
00:08:40That's...
00:08:40I mean, but...
00:08:41But...
00:08:41Yeah.
00:08:42This is for our future.
00:08:44Okay.
00:08:44If we could sign up right now, we'd get a guarantee check for $2,500.
00:08:48A few times that times two.
00:08:50Wow.
00:08:53That's $6,000.
00:08:56It's a nice chunk of change.
00:08:57Yeah.
00:08:58But...
00:08:59Hey, this is for our storm.
00:09:03Yeah.
00:09:04Look, I'll even give you first billing.
00:09:06No, you don't have to do that.
00:09:07Jacks and bones and sp...
00:09:10Oh.
00:09:11And Alice's and Rios.
00:09:12I did too much.
00:09:13Alright, alright, alright, let's go.
00:09:15Ah!
00:09:16Yes!
00:09:17Yes!
00:09:19Yes!
00:09:19Oh, my God.
00:09:20Oh, my God.
00:09:51Everybody knows me for my hair, huh?
00:09:55Okay, what I need you to do is just a little bit on the side, not a whole bunch, and
00:09:59kind of keep like it soaked still.
00:10:01I'd like to see you in something short but sassy, a real 90s look, something that works as well on
00:10:06the rifle range as it does in the disco.
00:10:08Okay.
00:10:09Okay. That's perfect.
00:10:15All right.
00:10:16Oh, my head. I mean, look at it.
00:10:32Does it look bigger than it?
00:10:35I mean, do I look like a baked potato?
00:10:37Honestly?
00:10:38Yeah, honestly.
00:10:39It looks great. It really does.
00:10:42Really?
00:10:42Really.
00:10:43Really?
00:10:43It looks macho.
00:10:46All right.
00:10:47Look at these, man. Look at these.
00:10:50Army issue.
00:10:51See, I think those are unique.
00:10:54Idiotic.
00:10:54No, those are unique.
00:10:55See, you're distinctive.
00:10:56No one has them.
00:10:57Really?
00:10:58You're king.
00:10:59All right.
00:11:00One of a kind.
00:11:01They built them all when they made you, Jack.
00:11:22Come on, I can't. I can't do it.
00:11:24Jack, come on.
00:11:25I can't do it, man. I can't do it.
00:11:27This is just like your childhood, remember?
00:11:32Yeah. Yeah, you're right. You're right.
00:11:34That guy is exactly like my dad.
00:11:36See? Come on.
00:11:38Wait a minute, though. My childhood sucked.
00:11:40No, I can't do it, man.
00:11:41I can't handle being yelled at by some muscle-bound drill sergeant.
00:11:46No, man. I can't do it.
00:11:48Get the hell off the truck!
00:11:53Oh, whoa.
00:11:55She can drill me any time.
00:11:57On the double right now! Come on, move it, move it!
00:12:00Hello, sweet pants.
00:12:02Get down here!
00:12:03Get down here!
00:12:05Rough stuff.
00:12:06And take those glasses off!
00:12:08What do you think you want something? Beat yourself up?
00:12:10No.
00:12:10What's your name, private?
00:12:11Bones car. We're reporting for duty, sir!
00:12:14All right.
00:12:15I mean, man, sergeant.
00:12:17Whatever.
00:12:17You will address me as drill sergeant.
00:12:21Don't you understand?
00:12:25Yes, but you don't need to yell, because look, I'm standing right here.
00:12:28I'm not yelling at you, private.
00:12:30Drill sergeants do not yell.
00:12:31We simply speak in a voice loud enough so everyone can hear.
00:12:34That way we all learn from each other's mistakes!
00:12:37Oh, okay.
00:12:38Thanks for explaining it.
00:12:39From here on out, your butt is mine.
00:12:42You will obey every order without question!
00:12:48Grunt!
00:12:51Oh, you a funny boy, huh?
00:12:54Cutie pie, right?
00:12:55Well, I don't know you, but I don't even like you.
00:12:57And I make it my personal mission to turn you into a soldier.
00:13:01For the next eight weeks, I'll be all over your butt like white old rice!
00:13:06Is that a promise?
00:13:09Give me 20.
00:13:11I want my wallet.
00:13:13Drop and give me 20!
00:13:14I can't hold this.
00:13:15Boy, you better get on that ground and give me them push-ups!
00:13:17Ah, it's been a while.
00:13:21All the way up and down, right?
00:13:24Pump!
00:13:27One!
00:13:29Is that good?
00:13:37Get up!
00:13:39Get up!
00:13:42Everybody up!
00:13:46On your feet!
00:13:48I'm going to crash right now, sleeping beauties!
00:13:56Get your butt off that rack!
00:14:15I'm going to crash right now, sleeping beauties!
00:14:25I'm going to crash right now, sleeping beauties!
00:14:25I'm going to crash right now, sleeping beauties!
00:14:26I'm going to crash right now, sleeping beauties!
00:14:27I'm going to crash right now, sleeping beauties!
00:14:27I'm going to crash right now, sleeping beauties!
00:14:28I'm going to crash right now, sleeping beauties!
00:14:28I'm going to crash right now, sleeping beauties!
00:14:28I'm going to crash right now, sleeping beauties!
00:14:29I'm going to crash right now, sleeping beauties!
00:14:39Jack, yeah, where'd the sun go?
00:14:45There is no sun anymore, Bones.
00:14:48The sun is gone.
00:14:51We died, and this is hell.
00:14:53Okay, thanks for splitting.
00:15:00Private, he's got that weapon around backwards.
00:15:04Thanks.
00:15:14See the picture on the front of this weapon?
00:15:20It's put there for privates like you.
00:15:25It's idiot proof.
00:15:33The gig line runs down the seam of your shirt, through the edge of your belt buckle, down the seam
00:15:38of your zipper.
00:15:39This is a straight gig line.
00:15:42See it, learn it, do it.
00:15:52From here on out, anyone without a straight gig line will have to answer to me.
00:16:03Conway, what the hell is this?
00:16:06Just, Sergeant.
00:16:07I guess my gig line needs straightening, huh?
00:16:09Come on.
00:16:12Oh.
00:16:14Oh.
00:16:18Thank you, Joe Sargent.
00:16:20Don't thank me.
00:16:21Thank you, recruiter.
00:16:29Come on, boy.
00:16:30Come on.
00:16:30You can't do it.
00:16:32I know you can't do it.
00:16:33Ah!
00:16:34Ah!
00:16:35There are two types of bayonet fighters, the quick and the dead.
00:16:37What are you?
00:16:38What?
00:16:38What are they?
00:16:39What are you?
00:16:40What?
00:16:41What are they?
00:16:42What are you?
00:16:43What are they?
00:16:44They need volunteers!
00:16:45Are you crazy?
00:16:49I sure am.
00:16:50I'm a crazy boy.
00:16:53Hello!
00:16:55Conway!
00:16:56Yes, ma'am.
00:16:57Come here.
00:16:58I'm on my way.
00:17:00Woo!
00:17:03Hi.
00:17:04Hit me.
00:17:05Let's not fight.
00:17:06Come here.
00:17:07Hit me or you'll be sorry!
00:17:09I can't hit you.
00:17:11You're a girl.
00:17:12And I love you.
00:17:16You've got two seconds to hit me.
00:17:22Okay, but this is gonna work.
00:17:24Idiot of volunteer!
00:17:28Oh, shit.
00:17:30I'm sorry.
00:17:30I was just gonna...
00:17:31I'm gonna teach you a lesson.
00:17:35Never!
00:17:35Never!
00:17:36Drop!
00:17:39You're gone!
00:17:43Oh, got it!
00:17:45Can I...
00:17:46Can I please throw up now?
00:17:49Move!
00:17:51Get up!
00:17:52Fuck!
00:17:52Get mad!
00:17:53You get mad, you!
00:17:54Get mad on me!
00:17:56Now, listen to me very carefully, Private.
00:17:57This is exactly the same as practice,
00:17:59but this is a real live grenade.
00:18:01I want you to do exactly as you've been trained.
00:18:03Yes, Joe Sergeant.
00:18:05When I give the command to execute,
00:18:06I want you to drop the pin,
00:18:08throw the grenade.
00:18:09Yes, Joe Sergeant.
00:18:10Drop the pin,
00:18:11throw the grenade.
00:18:12Yes, Joe Sergeant.
00:18:13Good.
00:18:14Execute.
00:18:18Move it!
00:18:20Oh!
00:18:25Help!
00:18:26Help!
00:18:31Thanks, Joe Sergeant.
00:18:33You saved my life.
00:18:34I owe you one.
00:18:36No, you owe me 50!
00:18:4950!
00:18:50Mama, mama, can't you see?
00:18:53Mama, mama, can't you see?
00:18:56Drill Sergeant Lamb made a man out of me.
00:18:59Drill Sergeant Lamb made a man out of me.
00:19:01And that I will obey the orders of the President of the United States.
00:19:06And I will obey the orders of the President of the United States.
00:19:10And the orders of the officers appointed over me.
00:19:13And the orders of the officers appointed over me.
00:19:16According to regulations.
00:19:18According to regulations.
00:19:20And the Uniform Code of Military Justice.
00:19:23And the Uniform Code of Military Justice.
00:19:25So help me, God.
00:19:27So help me, God.
00:19:29Nice to meet you.
00:19:31Bye.
00:19:31Be good. Take care.
00:19:33Bye.
00:19:34It's the uniforms, man.
00:19:38Private Conway.
00:19:43Never thought I'd say this, but I think I've done the impossible.
00:19:46I've turned you into soldiers.
00:19:48Thank you, Drill Sergeant.
00:19:50Carry on.
00:20:01Uh, is this, uh, unit 341?
00:20:05That's us, soldier.
00:20:06Hey, Bones Conway here. This is my partner, Jack.
00:20:08Hi, Christine.
00:20:09Nice to meet you. You look like we'll be working together.
00:20:12Christine a la G.I. Jane, right?
00:20:15What brings a pretty little lady like you to Waterpure?
00:20:18I want an infantry, but until they ask that crap about women not being allowed in combat,
00:20:23I'll just have to settle for kicking your little butt.
00:20:25Oh, that would be nice.
00:20:30Heisty one, huh?
00:20:31I like that.
00:20:34Shut up.
00:20:39I'm gonna have to kill your friend.
00:20:41Hey, Bones Conway.
00:20:43Hey, uh, Fred Osthoff. Good to meet you.
00:20:46You okay, Fred?
00:20:47Oh, man, I'm fine. Yeah.
00:20:49Thanks.
00:20:52So, uh, what do you do when you don't purify water?
00:20:55Well, I'm going into my, uh, final year of dental school.
00:20:59Wow.
00:21:00And now that is great.
00:21:01No, it's not.
00:21:03Why?
00:21:04Did you know that dentists are more feared and loathed than any other profession?
00:21:09That's including lawyers.
00:21:10No, see, I don't think people hate dentists.
00:21:13It's just the sound of that drill.
00:21:14Oh, yeah, and then they stick that sucking thing in the back of your mouth, like this.
00:21:19And the nurse says, oh, yeah, that.
00:21:21And then they jam those cardboard x-ray things.
00:21:24And then they, and you know when there's, you have a cabinet, and they do that little pointy thing,
00:21:29and then they, BEEE, A BEEE, right?
00:21:32The nurse leaves, and she goes to lunch.
00:21:35And she jams it out there, right?
00:21:37Meanwhile, there is a lead apron, right, on the thing.
00:21:41And you're sitting there, like,
00:21:44See, see, that's what I'm talking about.
00:21:51If you don't want to talk about it, it's okay.
00:21:53Oh, no, no, no, it's good.
00:21:54We should talk about it.
00:21:54Because my therapist said that I need to get it out, kind of like an emotional enema.
00:21:59So we talked about it, and said, why not join the Army Reserve?
00:22:04Be all that you can be on the weekends.
00:22:09Maybe it'd help me to face those things in my life that I'm most afraid of.
00:22:14And what are you afraid of?
00:22:15Uh, well, I'd have to say, uh, damn near everything.
00:22:21Floss?
00:22:23Hey.
00:22:24Keep it.
00:22:29Good morning.
00:22:30Purifying our water is one of the most vital operations in the military.
00:22:35It is absolutely vital that you know your equipment inside and out.
00:22:47Two soldiers must man the hose at all times.
00:22:50This is for your own safety, people.
00:22:53Okay.
00:22:54Never lose control of your hose.
00:22:57Ah!
00:22:59Turn it off!
00:23:00Turn it off!
00:23:01Ah!
00:23:05After careful training, you will be able to produce potable water from the most disgusting,
00:23:11swampy, parasite-infected, diseased water.
00:23:14Guys!
00:23:15Look!
00:23:16It's our first glass of purified water.
00:23:19All right.
00:23:22Go for it, man.
00:23:23Try it.
00:23:24Nah.
00:23:25I'm not gonna try.
00:23:26Hey, you try it.
00:23:27I'm not gonna try it.
00:23:29We should get Christine.
00:23:31Yeah!
00:23:32She'll taste anything.
00:23:38I'm not gonna try it.
00:23:40Let's get Freddy.
00:23:42Okay.
00:23:42Oh, Freddy!
00:23:43No, no, thanks.
00:23:44I'm allergic.
00:23:45It'll make me break out.
00:23:48Well, then who's gonna try it?
00:24:07Who's the leader of this outfit?
00:24:10He is.
00:24:13Son, I've been doing this for a long time, and I gotta say, this is the best damn glass
00:24:19of purified water I ever had.
00:24:21Congratulations.
00:24:22You keep this up, and I'll be putting you in for private first class.
00:24:26Thank you, Sergeant.
00:24:27But I could not have done it without the inspirational guidance of my brother, the poor man.
00:24:40We're back, honey.
00:24:44Excuse me.
00:24:46Gonna go freshen up.
00:24:50You're not gonna.
00:25:20love you.
00:25:21Bye.
00:25:21Bye-bye.
00:25:21Bye-bye.
00:25:21Bye-bye.
00:25:36Bye-bye.
00:25:42Bye-bye.
00:25:47Oh, man.
00:25:49Wait, wait, hold it here a second.
00:25:51Listen, hey, we're in the middle of the party here.
00:25:53You know, your friends might come in.
00:25:54That'd be cool.
00:25:55I don't think so.
00:25:56I think it's very rude if we stay away more than a couple of minutes.
00:25:59Two minutes?
00:26:00That's perfect.
00:26:01We'll have time to cuddle afterwards.
00:26:07Hold that thought.
00:26:09Somebody better be dead.
00:26:11Hello?
00:26:11This is an official message.
00:26:14I saw a flock of wild geese migrating south.
00:26:19I say again, the geese are migrating south.
00:26:23Yeah, well, my goose is about to lay a golden egg.
00:26:26So you're going to have to cruise the south solo, okay?
00:26:29Have a nice flight.
00:26:30Who was it?
00:26:31Someone who's into birds.
00:26:33What?
00:26:33I don't know here.
00:26:34Uh-oh!
00:26:40Look, you saw the goose, I'm the walrus, and Paul is dead.
00:26:43And I'm trying to bury my beak here, so give it a rest.
00:26:46All right, that's it.
00:26:47All right, that's it.
00:27:01Jack, get the phone.
00:27:03Who is it?
00:27:04It's a freak going on about wild geese migrating.
00:27:07What?
00:27:12What the hell?
00:27:14Just get going.
00:27:15Don't.
00:27:15Don't.
00:27:16Which way?
00:27:17Who cares?
00:27:18North or south?
00:27:19South.
00:27:21Yes!
00:27:22Yes!
00:27:23Yes!
00:27:23what you guys don't you remember about the code so that if we got called up for active duty then
00:27:31we would know that it was for real it's gotta be a mistake it's got a chat hello mama it's
00:27:38frederick
00:27:40uh you sitting down chad is in the african country the one that libby's about to invade
00:27:45uh turn off the music
00:27:50you remember when you told me that every black man should visit the motherland
00:27:53bones why do you think i chose water purification is your brother a poor man no it's because chad
00:28:01is in a desert and water purification is the reserve occupation most likely to be called up
00:28:06if there's a desert war and there's a desert war and we're going that's it bones i'm gonna kill you
00:28:14well go ahead and you gotta relax here okay i'm gonna get us out of this one
00:28:19trust me
00:28:30at ease
00:28:32sir i know we're going to chad but there's something that you need to know about jack and i
00:28:37before we go sir yes uh uh bones and i are very close uh friends
00:28:47very oh i see in that case boys i guess you're not going to chad
00:28:57sorry to disappoint you sir
00:29:03uh just one thing
00:29:08anything
00:29:10kiss him
00:29:12excuse me
00:29:14kiss your friend you don't have a problem with that now do you
00:29:20oh no
00:29:22he kisses me every day
00:29:41just do it
00:29:49is it hot in chad
00:29:51as the libyan raids against u.n forces near the border continue this u.s force is being
00:29:58ready to deter the invasion threatened by the libyan leader in his television broadcast
00:30:03last night and as the build-up here continues the first army reserve units are right here today
00:30:09these units will aid in the supply and logistical support for the growing u.s presence here
00:30:14these troops are in high spirits and the morale is high and their hopes are high and this mission
00:30:20will remain
00:30:20reporting live from chad for worldwide news report this
00:30:26is stew creek
00:30:28i am first sergeant brandon t williams it is my intention to run this company like a clock if one
00:30:51gear slips in my clock my clock will tell the wrong time
00:30:54If one spring is loose in my clock, my clock will tell the wrong time.
00:30:58First Sergeant William's license clock will tell the right time.
00:31:00Do you understand me?
00:31:02Yes, Sergeant!
00:31:04What did he just say?
00:31:05I don't know, something about his clock being broken.
00:31:10Have my words fallen upon deaf ears?
00:31:13Yes, Sergeant!
00:31:15I mean, no, Sergeant.
00:31:17Don't you know I'm your first Sergeant?
00:31:21Well, actually, I wish you were my first Sergeant, but I already had a couple ones already.
00:31:27Drop! And give me push-ups!
00:31:29You will continue to do push-ups until you learn to address me as first Sergeant!
00:31:33Is that clear?
00:31:34Yes, first Sergeant!
00:31:36Call!
00:31:36One first Sergeant, two first Sergeant, three first Sergeant, four first Sergeant, five first Sergeant...
00:31:43Don't eyeball me.
00:31:44...six first Sergeant, seven first Sergeant, eight first Sergeant, nine first Sergeant...
00:31:48...six first Sergeant, ten first Sergeant, eleven first Sergeant, twelve first Sergeant, thirteen first Sergeant...
00:31:56...thirteen first Sergeant, fourteen first Sergeant, one hundred and twenty-three first Sergeant, one hundred and twenty-four first Sergeant,
00:32:00one hundred and twenty-four first Sergeant...
00:32:01That's enough! On your feet!
00:32:04Son, I bet you did a lot of push-ups when you were in basic training, didn't you?
00:32:07Yes, first Sergeant.
00:32:09Well, you just did your last push-up, soldier. I will never ask you to do another.
00:32:12Thank you, first Sergeant.
00:32:13You just graduated the peeling potatoes.
00:32:15Six thousand five hundred and forty-three first Sergeant.
00:32:19Six thousand five hundred and forty-four first Sergeant...
00:32:23...first Sergeant.
00:32:25Six thousand five hundred and...
00:32:27Five!
00:32:28Six thousand one...
00:32:30Six hundred thousand fifty-four hundred fifty-two first Sergeant.
00:32:35Okay.
00:32:35Shit, I lost count.
00:32:37Yeah!
00:32:37We got it! We got it! We got it! We got it! Look!
00:32:40Oh!
00:32:41That's my butt!
00:32:42That's a good one.
00:32:43I couldn't help it. I was just trying to...
00:32:45You guys get...
00:32:46Oh, I am...
00:32:48Stop it!
00:32:49Okay!
00:32:50Come on!
00:32:50Get out!
00:32:51Get out!
00:32:53Oh!
00:32:57Oh, look!
00:32:59Hey!
00:33:00It's the sunroof!
00:33:22Gabrielle tucked in a little note into my duffel bag.
00:33:26Oh!
00:33:26Yeah.
00:33:28Dear Bones, by the time you read this, I will already be...
00:33:33What?
00:33:34I will already be in Milan with Guido.
00:33:39Oh!
00:33:40She dumped ya.
00:33:42Sorry, Bones.
00:33:43I must say, though, this guy sounds really nice.
00:33:45He's got a villa right on the Adriatic Sea.
00:33:47Jack, don't rub it in.
00:33:48No, no. You're better off.
00:33:50She's a horrible speller.
00:33:52There's only one S in loser. Look at that.
00:33:54And immature-ish...
00:33:55I don't even think that's a word.
00:33:57Gabriella.
00:33:59She...
00:33:59She broke my heart.
00:34:01Sorry.
00:34:02Well, fortunately, I'm too shallow to stay bummed for too long.
00:34:06Mmm.
00:34:09Uh, would you mind turning the light off, please, Jack?
00:34:12Oh, yeah.
00:34:13Fred, you checked your... your bag for scorpions, right?
00:34:17Scorpions?
00:34:18He's messing with you, Fred.
00:34:20No, I'm not.
00:34:22Chad is the scorpion capital of the world.
00:34:25Yep, Fred.
00:34:25They're big ones, too.
00:34:26About as big as my fist.
00:34:28They outnumber people two to one.
00:34:30And that margin grows with every sting.
00:34:34So have a good sleep, Fred.
00:34:36Good night, everybody.
00:34:37Good night, Bones.
00:34:38Good night, Sue Allen.
00:34:40Good night, John, boy.
00:34:42Scorpions.
00:34:45All right.
00:34:55I got one.
00:34:56I got one.
00:34:57I got one.
00:34:58I got one.
00:35:00I got one.
00:35:01I got one.
00:35:03I got one.
00:35:04I got one.
00:35:05I got one.
00:35:06I got one.
00:35:07I got one.
00:35:08I got one.
00:35:08I got one.
00:35:08I got one.
00:35:08I got one.
00:35:08I got one.
00:35:10Very funny!
00:35:12We're just trying to help you get over your fears, Fred, really.
00:35:16Fred, don't worry about it. You come and sleep with me.
00:35:18Yeah, well, I'd rather take my chances with a scorpion. Thank you.
00:35:25God, I hate this.
00:35:27It's not that bad. It's like camp.
00:35:32John Jacob Jingleheimer Smith
00:35:36That's my name, too
00:35:38Whenever we go out
00:35:39Whenever we go out
00:35:41There goes John Jacob Jingleheimer Smith
00:35:44John Jacob Jingleheimer Smith
00:35:49Come on
00:35:50That's my name, too
00:35:53Show!
00:35:54Come on
00:35:54Come on
00:36:23Don't eat the chicken and it tastes just like frog
00:36:36ready go who is that special force 14.11 seconds try it again he's incredible time me all right
00:37:08go oh great it's coming over just just don't look at him
00:37:32you lose something yeah thanks put in my lasagna you better call 9-1-1 get an ambulance find a
00:37:43doctor order toe tag cuz I'm gonna tear off your head and spit down your neck do you understand me
00:37:46boy hey hey you have to relax a little take it easy we're in the middle of a war and
00:37:57we're on
00:37:58the same side would America have won the Civil War if Benjamin Franklin did not get along with
00:38:11Eleanor Roosevelt right on a little knowledge a little knowledge to partay if our soldiers our
00:38:20American soldiers acted like this in Desert Storm Sodom the same would still be running Iraq
00:38:35so maybe we're a bunch of reservists fresh off the plane right it's obvious but you regular guys
00:38:41you've been here so long that your brains are fried so I guess what I'm really trying to say is
00:38:51that doesn't mean we all can't be friends please it's only one problem with you newbies
00:38:58that's the truth man you don't eat enough
00:39:01no that's
00:39:05what's it son
00:39:19as you were
00:39:28son
00:39:29I bet the mess sergeant could use a volunteer to peel potatoes
00:39:32yes sir
00:39:33can I count on you
00:39:35yes sir
00:39:37carry on
00:39:40I happen to know on this base there's not one unpeeled potato
00:39:58I heard the Libyans are already backing down and we're gonna be out of here in two weeks
00:40:02yeah well I hear they're sending 20,000 more troops and we're gonna be here till Christmas
00:40:08okay wait wait wait wait wait wait where you going sound like I got bad breath
00:40:22and until they comply with you in resolution 991 I don't think anybody's going anywhere
00:40:28oh you're amazing Christine how do you keep up with all that stuff
00:40:36Christine
00:40:38Christine
00:40:42all right quit screwing around
00:40:46Chris
00:40:47send some water with this mud
00:40:56Chris
00:41:01Jack
00:41:07Fred
00:41:13how does it feel to be dead motor boy
00:41:18I don't know how does it feel to be a dick dick
00:41:29damn it
00:41:30where's my water
00:41:31there was none delivered last night for a sergeant
00:41:37god damn piece of shit newbies
00:41:39how am I gonna run a decent HQ without my coffee
00:41:48that is truly a pathetic sight
00:41:51who perpetrated this
00:42:05who did this to you
00:42:08I can't tell you for a sergeant
00:42:09what you have too much honor
00:42:12oh
00:42:14I've been threatened with death
00:42:16untie these clowns
00:42:17and give me some water
00:42:27I have an announcement
00:42:29do you guys want your water
00:42:30because you're looking a little bit crispy
00:42:32you better
00:42:33oh I know I know I know
00:42:34tell me if this is right
00:42:35I better call 976
00:42:38find a doctor and tag an ambulance
00:42:40because you're gonna tear off my toe
00:42:41and spit down my head right
00:42:43do you guys want your water or not
00:42:46sergeant
00:42:47report to captain Roberts
00:42:48you've got a mission
00:42:50water boys
00:42:53report to first sergeant Williams
00:42:54you've got a mission too
00:42:55listen up
00:42:57captain Denby says
00:42:59we're gonna resupply
00:43:00the forward UN peacekeeping base
00:43:02this is a very simple
00:43:04routine mission
00:43:05you will fall into line
00:43:07in the very large
00:43:08very prepared convoy
00:43:09all you have to do
00:43:11is follow the truck in front of you
00:43:13when your troops get thirsty
00:43:15you will give them water
00:43:16Conway you look confused
00:43:17are you sure you want to send us
00:43:19to a forward area
00:43:20we're just water boys
00:43:21you are soldiers
00:43:22you will get in that convoy
00:43:24and you will be a credit
00:43:25to the United States Army
00:43:26is that clear
00:43:27yes first sergeant
00:43:29then muscle your lollygagging bus
00:43:30we're getting taken
00:43:30move out
00:43:31yes first sergeant
00:44:01damn it
00:44:02forget it
00:44:03they're gonna send a tow truck
00:44:08man what I wouldn't do
00:44:09for a double meat
00:44:10chili cheeseburger
00:44:12right now
00:44:13no
00:44:13a margarita
00:44:15on the rocks
00:44:18or some fresh buttery
00:44:20jiffy pop
00:44:21that's not popcorn boys
00:44:23hmm
00:44:24that convoy's under attack
00:44:29really
00:44:30I don't think so
00:44:32ah
00:44:34man
00:44:35shooting at us
00:44:36a maniac
00:44:37it's the enemy
00:44:38what the hell are you doing
00:44:39surrendering
00:44:40don't shoot
00:44:41you're ready
00:44:42you're ready
00:44:46whoa
00:44:52steel
00:44:56nice going christine
00:44:58did you have to shoot so close
00:45:00huh
00:45:00you scared the shit out of me
00:45:02well excuse me for living
00:45:03I was just trying to save
00:45:04your worthless little life
00:45:05christine
00:45:06are you aware
00:45:07that after a near-death experience
00:45:09the answer's often a desire
00:45:10to have sex
00:45:11yeah jack
00:45:12that's right
00:45:13I feel it
00:45:14all right
00:45:17just not with you
00:45:18ever
00:45:20got it
00:45:21yeah
00:45:21got it
00:45:23I'm glad we could have
00:45:24this little talk
00:45:25I didn't feel anything
00:45:27you guys let's get out of here
00:45:29the truck's on fire
00:45:48day long
00:45:49it's gonna
00:45:57explode
00:46:00where's the phone
00:46:04hello
00:46:10now rickety ticker mustering
00:46:13lollygaggin
00:46:14let's lollygaggin
00:46:15out of here
00:46:27isn't the road
00:46:28that way
00:46:29taking the shortcut
00:46:30is there one
00:46:32the road curves around
00:46:33like this
00:46:34all we gotta do
00:46:35is cut the desert here
00:46:37and catch up
00:46:38the convoy over there
00:46:39watch out
00:46:39come on
00:46:40I think I know
00:46:41what I'm doing here
00:46:42I guess this is the wrong
00:46:43time to tell you guys
00:46:44I get very easily
00:46:46car seen
00:47:02Bones
00:47:02I don't see a road
00:47:04I have the best sense of direction
00:47:07of anyone you know
00:47:08the road's over there
00:47:09three miles
00:47:11maybe four
00:47:12oh yeah
00:47:13maybe ten
00:47:14maybe twenty
00:47:16maybe our truck
00:47:18is sinking
00:47:20no
00:47:39push
00:47:42hey forget it
00:47:43okay
00:47:43just shut it down
00:47:44we'll kick it out
00:47:45no stand back
00:47:46stand back
00:47:47I'm gonna rock it
00:47:53you quit it
00:47:54it's not working
00:47:56you're sucking too much sand
00:47:58into the air filter
00:47:58I order you
00:48:00to shut it down now
00:48:02you order me
00:48:03yeah but I'm private first class
00:48:06okay
00:48:06I'm ordering you
00:48:07come on
00:48:07the only reason
00:48:09you made
00:48:10private
00:48:11first class
00:48:12because your brother
00:48:13is a poor man
00:48:20huh
00:48:21you happy
00:48:22you happy
00:48:26yeah well I hope you brought
00:48:27your triple a card
00:48:28let's see
00:48:36well look
00:48:37you cracked the block
00:48:38I could have done it
00:48:39if you hadn't stopped me
00:48:40yeah you're so full of it
00:48:42you know what
00:48:42shut up
00:48:44we gotta figure out
00:48:45what we're gonna do
00:48:46then why don't you just ask
00:48:48our fearless leader here
00:48:49private first class bones
00:48:51the one with the highest rank
00:48:52all you had to do jack
00:48:53was just
00:48:54listen to me
00:48:55okay I was trying to
00:48:56all I've ever done
00:48:56is listen to you
00:48:57and look where it's taken me
00:48:58look we're in the middle
00:49:00of some african hellhole
00:49:02under a flesh frying sun
00:49:04with the sky
00:49:05filled with vultures
00:49:06ready to pluck out
00:49:07my eyeballs
00:49:09vultures don't come around
00:49:11unless something's
00:49:12about to die
00:49:29are you ripping the sleeves
00:49:31off your jacket
00:49:33oh that's gonna look sexy
00:49:36jack
00:49:36tomorrow
00:49:37we have to walk away
00:49:39from this water truck
00:49:39we have two canteens
00:49:41between us
00:49:42we're gonna fill up
00:49:43the sleeves of our jackets
00:49:44with water
00:49:44and then we have more water
00:49:45am I the only person
00:49:46who paid attention
00:49:47in survival class
00:49:52there's a scorpion on my back
00:49:54there's a scorpion on my back
00:49:55that's enough
00:49:57there's not a scorpion
00:49:58on your back
00:50:00uh-uh
00:50:01there is a scorpion
00:50:03on my back
00:50:04friend
00:50:04there's nothing on your back
00:50:06you keep on imagining things
00:50:11thank you
00:50:13i needed that
00:50:14i'm sorry i snapped
00:50:17look you don't have to apologize
00:50:20you're right
00:50:22i see things
00:50:23very clear now
00:50:24all right
00:50:25hey brad
00:50:26look guys i want to apologize
00:50:27to everybody
00:50:28okay
00:50:29he's okay
00:50:30i feel like a brand new man
00:50:31all right
00:50:31now can we get some rest
00:50:33okay
00:50:33thank you
00:50:34okay
00:50:44what are you doing
00:50:46just felt like
00:50:49he's always playing
00:50:52did you guys see that thing
00:50:54it was
00:51:04follow me
00:51:05i know exactly
00:51:06where i'm going
00:51:10trust me
00:51:35you guys get down
00:51:36i see something
00:51:37get down
00:51:49it's a truck
00:51:50there's the road
00:51:50we are safe
00:51:52i told you i had a flawless sense of direction
00:51:56what a coincidence
00:51:58that truck looks
00:52:00that looks like our truck
00:52:09hey listen you guys
00:52:10hey
00:52:10i figured out
00:52:12why we went in circles
00:52:13do you remember our map reading class
00:52:15we didn't follow
00:52:18the sun
00:52:21look
00:52:22this stream
00:52:23is due west
00:52:25all we have to do
00:52:27is walk away from the sun in the morning
00:52:28and towards the sun in the afternoon
00:52:30we should be there by nightfall
00:52:32so you're saying
00:52:33we should risk being dried up into human jerky again
00:52:37just to follow another one of your half fake plans
00:52:40i'm not saying anything okay
00:52:41i mean i'm pretty sure this is gonna work
00:52:43but since i let us down before
00:52:45i say from here on in
00:52:47we put everything to a vote
00:52:49we can't vote
00:52:51you order
00:52:52we follow
00:52:53okay why order us to vote
00:52:55that is not how the army goes
00:52:57you have to tell us what to do
00:53:00what if i'm wrong
00:53:02then
00:53:04we die
00:53:10i order us
00:53:13to do a sunbaked
00:53:15plan thing
00:53:17we're dead
00:53:21hey guys
00:53:22just think of it as a
00:53:24very long day
00:53:26on a very big beach
00:53:28in a very dry year
00:53:50wait a minute
00:53:51it's the ocean
00:53:53i don't see anything
00:53:54what are you blind
00:53:55the waves
00:53:57it's the ocean
00:53:58it's a mirage
00:54:01it is a mirage
00:54:03and there's caesars
00:54:04and right across the street
00:54:05is the barbary coast
00:54:07so you can get a
00:54:07$3.99 buffet
00:54:09and it's the ocean
00:54:11come on
00:54:13come on
00:54:14go
00:54:16come on
00:54:17come on
00:54:34here's the canteen
00:54:35go get your boy
00:54:36cause he's bugging
00:54:51you okay man
00:54:53you okay here
00:54:54take a sip
00:54:57listen
00:54:59look jack
00:54:59we got two choices
00:55:01one
00:55:02we can put your clothes
00:55:03back on
00:55:04we can get ourselves
00:55:04out of this mess
00:55:05go back to glendale
00:55:06start up our own store
00:55:07become rich and famous
00:55:09or two
00:55:11you can lie here
00:55:12butt naked
00:55:12and crushed away
00:55:13leaving your skull
00:55:14to be found
00:55:14by a young arabic prince
00:55:16that's gonna use it
00:55:16for an ashtray
00:55:21you don't want that
00:55:22in your head
00:55:23you make the call
00:55:25come on
00:55:25let's get out of here
00:55:27what do you say
00:55:28come on
00:55:29here
00:55:31here
00:55:31here
00:55:32here
00:55:33here
00:55:33here
00:55:35come on
00:55:36come on
00:55:37here
00:55:37come on
00:55:39here
00:55:41hey
00:55:42oh
00:55:43oh
00:55:44jack
00:55:44look at that ass
00:55:45maybe he should
00:55:46stay naked
00:55:47get some sun
00:55:48on those cheeks
00:55:57what
00:55:58oh man
00:55:59now i'm seeing things
00:56:00the palm trees
00:56:01right on the horizon
00:56:02oh it's another mirage
00:56:04oh my god
00:56:06i see it too
00:56:06it's not a mirage
00:56:08those are the palm trees
00:56:10it's the oasis
00:56:12oh man
00:56:13you saved our life
00:56:21where's my kiss
00:56:23mystine
00:56:30the street
00:56:31was due west
00:56:32right
00:56:33it was on the map
00:56:33right
00:56:35where's the water
00:56:39this is sand
00:56:47nobody move
00:56:50there is a big snake
00:56:52right by your feet
00:56:55no
00:56:57thanks for not moving
00:56:58jack
00:57:01throw me
00:57:02the gun
00:57:04if you don't
00:57:05attack it
00:57:06it'll go away
00:57:07i don't want it to go away
00:57:09i want to have it for dinner
00:57:10throw me
00:57:11the gun
00:57:24you want some of this baby
00:57:26huh
00:57:26there you go
00:57:29oh no
00:57:31i'm still gonna get you
00:57:36let's die for me
00:57:37i'll kill you
00:57:41huh
00:57:43shoulda buta
00:57:44da da da da
00:57:50huh
00:57:52it's a win-win
00:57:56situation
00:57:57would you look at that
00:57:58water from the bullet hole
00:58:03water
00:58:05water
00:58:06yeah
00:58:07water
00:58:09water
00:58:10fresh water
00:58:11i can't believe it
00:58:13is it snake yet
00:58:16depends how you like it
00:58:18well done
00:58:20used to be afraid of scorpions
00:58:22now he's eating snake
00:58:23that is impressive for him
00:58:26hmm
00:58:27i thought we were all gonna die
00:58:30but you pulled us through
00:58:33i don't know how
00:58:35but thank you
00:58:47that was uh
00:58:50pretty exceptional
00:58:53so what are you gonna do
00:58:54if i get us rescued
00:58:58um
00:59:00i will
00:59:02take off all your clothes
00:59:06tie you to the bed
00:59:10rub warm oil
00:59:12all over your body
00:59:14from the bottom of those feet
00:59:17to the top of that head
00:59:19and proceed
00:59:21to have the nastiest
00:59:24freakiest
00:59:24sex with you
00:59:25that you have ever
00:59:26imagined
00:59:30oh that's it
00:59:31damn it
00:59:31i saw her first
00:59:33and look what happens
00:59:35same thing that happened
00:59:36with gabriella
00:59:37i saw her first
00:59:39and and and wanda tushman
00:59:40in the third grade
00:59:41i saw her first
00:59:42and that girl in palm springs
00:59:44it turned out to be the guy
00:59:45i saw that thing first too
00:59:47you know why i'm not just
00:59:49strangling you right now
00:59:51because you can't cook a snake
00:59:53no
00:59:55because no matter how long
00:59:56we've been friends
00:59:57i never thought you'd be the kind of guy
01:00:00that would
01:00:01save our lives
01:00:02let alone kill a snake
01:00:04but you did
01:00:06oh hey man thanks
01:00:07yeah
01:00:09i think it's the u.n flag
01:00:11we're safe
01:00:14guys christine and i are gonna need some time alone
01:00:17sure man
01:00:41you're on a military base
01:00:46well inside libya
01:00:48that is all you need to know
01:00:50oh
01:00:50i forgot to mention
01:00:53the war is starting tomorrow
01:00:55how'd you know that
01:00:56american tv
01:00:59your country is expected
01:01:00to start bombing
01:01:01our air bases tomorrow
01:01:02and when that happens
01:01:04we will unleash missiles
01:01:06with chemical warheads
01:01:07against your bases
01:01:08consider yourself lucky
01:01:10to be here
01:01:11sleep well
01:01:12you know this is fine
01:01:16it's like the time
01:01:17you got us arrested
01:01:18except for in libya
01:01:20and your dad's not gonna
01:01:22pick us up here brother
01:01:25yo it's
01:01:26are you guys also american
01:01:32oh
01:01:32see i see
01:01:34i was wounded
01:01:34and i don't feel well
01:01:36please sing a song
01:01:37to comfort me
01:01:38sing a song
01:01:39any song
01:01:41oh
01:01:43oh
01:01:44okay
01:01:46rescue me
01:01:47sing
01:01:48uh-huh
01:01:49what
01:01:50i want your tender
01:01:51sounds
01:01:52cause i'm so mad
01:01:55my team was on strategic recon
01:01:57huh
01:01:58you know that's when you go behind enemy lines
01:02:01and you try to locate their assets
01:02:03like tanks and bunkers
01:02:04we were on our way to a resupply drop
01:02:06and we were ambushed
01:02:07the other guys were killed
01:02:08killed
01:02:13i took a bullet in the leg
01:02:15and they brought me here
01:02:16uh-huh
01:02:17i don't know
01:02:18any words to this song
01:02:20kiss me baby
01:02:21kiss me baby
01:02:22kiss me baby
01:02:23kiss me baby
01:02:23hold me baby
01:02:25hold me baby
01:02:26hold me baby
01:02:27use this
01:02:27to dig around the base
01:02:29of the bars
01:02:29on the window
01:02:30i got one of them loose all
01:02:32you want to escape
01:02:33what are you crazy
01:02:38look it's the duty of every p.o.w. to try and escape
01:02:41we're in the middle of a desert
01:02:42what good is it gonna do for us to escape
01:02:44to complete the recon mission soldier
01:02:46a special operations cargo plane was instructed to make a supply drop at a rendezvous point about 15k north of
01:02:52here
01:02:53if we can get off this base
01:02:54i can get us to the run if we want
01:02:56you're insane
01:02:57okay the libyans are gonna launch chemical weapons
01:02:59we're much safer here
01:03:00no
01:03:00i'm a soldier
01:03:01and i got a job to do
01:03:03so are you
01:03:05now get to work
01:03:07this is private
01:03:07i'm lonely
01:03:11rescue me
01:03:12rescue me
01:03:12rescue me
01:03:25my heart
01:03:30you know what
01:03:31you didn't scare me
01:03:33i just fell like screaming
01:03:34don't worry about it
01:03:35most men think i'm scary
01:03:40so you can't sleep
01:03:42i'm too excited
01:03:43excited they might torture us tomorrow
01:03:46they might even even kill us
01:03:47i know
01:03:48it's just like the night before christmas
01:03:50yeah well at my house we got presents
01:03:53i'm talking about
01:03:55the anticipation
01:03:57we might die
01:03:59we we we might escape it
01:04:01we don't know what's gonna happen
01:04:02that's the coolest thing in the whole world
01:04:04most girls are into horses and stuff
01:04:07you're weird
01:04:11most men say that too
01:04:14i like it
01:04:17you do
01:04:20yeah horses are boring
01:04:31so if i do get us out of here
01:04:33and i will
01:04:35is it true what you said about tying me up
01:04:37and all that wild sex stuff
01:04:40i'll have you kiss me again
01:04:49i think i got it
01:04:52i think i got it
01:04:54you got it
01:04:54yeah look
01:04:55look
01:04:56oh
01:04:56oh
01:04:57oh
01:04:58oh
01:04:59oh
01:05:01stern
01:05:03stern
01:05:03you gotta wake up
01:05:05i can't turn the alarm off
01:05:06it's not an alarm
01:05:07it's an air raid silence
01:05:08oh thank god
01:05:11i thought i was having another panic attack
01:05:14i thought i was having another panic attack
01:05:16james
01:05:18oh
01:05:20oh
01:05:20oh
01:05:20oh
01:05:20ah
01:05:21ah
01:05:22ah
01:05:23ah
01:05:27ah
01:05:28ah
01:05:28ah
01:05:29ah
01:05:30ah
01:05:31ah
01:05:32ah
01:05:43ah
01:05:44ah
01:05:45ah
01:05:53yes
01:05:54ah
01:05:58ah
01:05:59ah
01:05:59ah
01:06:01ah
01:06:02Okay, Cush.
01:06:09That was good, just a little more to the left.
01:06:11We got him.
01:06:12Yeah, you guys just keep trying.
01:06:14Do you guys realize what we are doing right now?
01:06:17This is a scene from Pirates of the Caribbean.
01:06:20All we need is that mangy dog, right?
01:06:23And then we can go...
01:06:25Why?
01:06:25Just try it again.
01:06:37Oh, my God.
01:06:57How much do you love me?
01:07:09I'm sorry. I don't get it.
01:07:10What is it with us and trucks?
01:07:12I mean, we get them, we break them, we smash them, we crash them, we run out of gas.
01:07:16I don't get it.
01:07:16Yes, yes, yes, yes, I understand that, but we're not getting tortured by Baba Gadoosh right now, okay?
01:07:21No, instead we're lost in the desert again, without food and water again, stuck with this special forces guy.
01:07:30He can't even walk because he got his legs shot off.
01:07:32Fred, we're free.
01:07:33Damn, we're going to die free.
01:07:36Or maybe not.
01:07:42Fifty-five American dollars.
01:07:47And then on top of it, see this truck?
01:07:51Serious, bona fide Libyan army fighting machine.
01:07:54And it's all part of this amazing offer, my friend.
01:07:57And maybe if you're lucky, you might even have a Koi track.
01:08:00You can play abuda-ba-da-ba-da stuff on it.
01:08:05And you ask me, how could it be?
01:08:07Why such a deal?
01:08:08Because we're crazy, boys.
01:08:11We're giving it away.
01:08:21You like this watch?
01:08:23Is it interesting?
01:08:24No, no, no, no, no, no.
01:08:25Not the watch.
01:08:27Come on, it's got the phases of the moon and the compass.
01:08:31What?
01:08:33This has a compass?
01:08:34Yeah.
01:08:34Really?
01:08:35Yeah, well, we've been stuck in the desert for three days,
01:08:37and you're telling me this watch has a compass.
01:08:39Sorry.
01:08:40Ooh, Jack.
01:08:41Ooh, you're going to get some noogies later.
01:08:43I'm going to just pound you like this.
01:08:45I forgot.
01:08:46Yeah, well, uh...
01:08:46About the compass.
01:08:47Well, you're going to forget about your little watch here, Jack,
01:08:50because it's gone.
01:08:51Uh-huh.
01:08:52Here you go, my friend.
01:08:54Hey, you guys.
01:08:55In my life, I've seen a lot of camel's toes.
01:09:00But I never see one in a camel.
01:09:03I think he's got a crush on you, Bones.
01:09:06Really?
01:09:06How can you tell?
01:09:08Because he's been nibbling on your ears.
01:09:11Yeah?
01:09:12And licking on your neck.
01:09:14It's okay.
01:09:16You're just a camel.
01:09:20Our supply drops on the other side of that Libyan base.
01:09:24What Libyan base?
01:09:25Bones, are you blind?
01:09:27It's a Libyan base covered with a camo tent.
01:09:29What are you talking about?
01:09:31I guess we're going to have to go around it.
01:09:34Around what?
01:09:35See that jeep right there?
01:09:36Mm-hmm.
01:09:37I see the jeep.
01:09:37Okay.
01:09:38But I certainly don't...
01:09:40Oh, you mean that Libyan base, the one under the camo tent.
01:09:46I thought you guys were talking about some other Libyan base.
01:09:50Will there be medical supplies?
01:09:51Medical supplies, uniforms, food, water, radio, everything you need.
01:09:56Yeah, but where is it?
01:09:57It's supposed to be right here.
01:09:59Hey, you guys!
01:10:01Go on!
01:10:04Hey!
01:10:05Come on, you guys!
01:10:06Come on!
01:10:07Oh!
01:10:10Woo!
01:10:12Woo!
01:10:16Woo!
01:10:17Woo!
01:10:21Yeah!
01:10:23Yeah!
01:10:24Good one!
01:10:26Hot wheels!
01:10:36Oh!
01:10:42Stern!
01:10:44These things are intense. No wonder people joined the army.
01:10:47Be all that you can be in the army.
01:10:52What happened to him?
01:10:54His leg looks pretty bad.
01:10:55I think it's infected because he lost a lot of blood.
01:10:58Look at his gums. They're fabulous, man.
01:11:00Not a touch of gingivitis. He's been flossing.
01:11:03Yeah, but why is he acting so wasted?
01:11:05Oh, that's the morphine.
01:11:07Absolutely. The morphine better.
01:11:12Hello? Somebody answer us, please.
01:11:14You gotta believe us. We're stuck out here in the middle.
01:11:17Please, just help us.
01:11:18Get a hold of yourself, soldier.
01:11:20Oh, thank God it's you.
01:11:22Listen.
01:11:22Don't say my name.
01:11:24What did I say to you when you first arrived in Chad?
01:11:27Uh, something about your clock being broken.
01:11:31Close enough.
01:11:32Okay, calm down, son.
01:11:34We're gonna get you out of there.
01:11:35Now listen carefully.
01:11:36Your call sign is now Glendale.
01:11:39Our call sign is now Burbank.
01:11:43Did you recover the fast attack vehicles, Glendale?
01:11:45Oh, you mean those dune buggies. Yeah, those things are intense.
01:11:49Good.
01:11:50This equipment was intended for the special forces team to carry out a vital mission.
01:11:54You are our only assets on the ground with the right equipment in the right place.
01:12:00Say what?
01:12:01You have to take over, Glendale.
01:12:04Listen, let me explain something first of all, Sergeant.
01:12:07We're water boys.
01:12:08Okay, please.
01:12:09Your soldiers first, Glendale.
01:12:12Now, listen up.
01:12:14The Libyans have a mobile scud launching base right in your area.
01:12:19These scuds are loaded with chemical weapons and targeted at U.S. bases.
01:12:23Our aerial photographs haven't been able to find them.
01:12:26You want us to find them?
01:12:28Well, what about Stern?
01:12:29Stern can find them.
01:12:30He'll be up pretty soon.
01:12:31Stern?
01:12:31Daddy, why can't I go to ballet class?
01:12:35Teacher says I'm a natural.
01:12:38These scuds can't be spotted from the air because of heavy camouflage.
01:12:43Camouflage?
01:12:45Why didn't you say so in the first place?
01:12:47Listen, we saw the thing this morning.
01:12:49Stern wrote down the coordinates, right, Stern?
01:12:51We'll tell you where it is.
01:12:53You guys can come here and bomb the hell out of it.
01:12:56Come on, send the Air Force.
01:12:57It's not enough to tell us.
01:12:59You have to go back there and paint it.
01:13:02Paint it?
01:13:04Trust me, it looks perfectly fine the way it is.
01:13:06I mean paint it with the laser.
01:13:08The laser target designator is in your equipment.
01:13:12All you have to do is return to that base, point the laser at it, and call me back on
01:13:17the radio.
01:13:18The Air Force will do the rest.
01:13:19You can be a mile away in perfect safety.
01:13:24All right, wait a minute.
01:13:26Chris!
01:13:27What?
01:13:28Get over here.
01:13:29Bones, they can't make us do anything.
01:13:30We don't know how to use this stuff.
01:13:32Fred, do you use lasers in dentistry, right?
01:13:35Uh-uh, I know what's going on.
01:13:37You gonna try to make the brother hold the laser, right?
01:13:39No.
01:13:39My laser was a little itty-bitty laser.
01:13:41This is a big laser.
01:13:42There's a difference.
01:13:44Glendale!
01:13:45Glendale!
01:13:45No, no, no, no, no.
01:13:46Can't they just evacuate the bases?
01:13:48Yeah, or we can take an hour out of our busy lives, hop in these cool dune buggies, pop the
01:13:53base with the laser, and let the Air Force blow the hell out of it!
01:13:56Now you listen to me, Glendale!
01:13:58Please, hold yourself there one second.
01:14:00I'm just trying to have a moment with my friends.
01:14:02Is that okay?
01:14:03Just have a cup of java.
01:14:04Please, chill.
01:14:08Fred, when you first got here, you were completely freaked, right?
01:14:12Yeah.
01:14:13And now look at you, huh?
01:14:15You're a regular G.I. Joe, a fighting man from head to toe.
01:14:19And Chris, you wanted infantry.
01:14:22Well, now's your chance.
01:14:24Let's see what you got.
01:14:27And Jack, my friend, you were a complete screw-up.
01:14:31But now look at you.
01:14:33You're still a screw-up, but if you did this and you survived, you'd have stuff to tell your little
01:14:37screw-up grandkids.
01:14:39Basically, you guys, up to a few months ago, we were all a bunch of minimum wage losers from Glendale.
01:14:44But this whole event has changed our lives.
01:14:47You know who we owe it to?
01:14:48The army.
01:14:50This is something we gotta do.
01:14:52Come on.
01:14:53Go with it.
01:14:54Chris, I know you're with me.
01:14:57Yeah, boy.
01:14:59Fred, listen.
01:14:59If you can't handle it, I understand, man.
01:15:02I can handle it.
01:15:04Jack, what do you say, man?
01:15:07I say you're crazy.
01:15:09I think you're all nuts.
01:15:11But you're the private first class.
01:15:13I'm the private.
01:15:14I'm gonna follow you, my friend, wherever.
01:15:17All right, you guys, let's do this thing.
01:15:20Take it, man.
01:15:21Darren, you ready?
01:15:23Let's go, Bone.
01:15:25I know, I know.
01:15:26It's just a little bit of business I have to take care of.
01:15:32I...
01:15:33You're gonna have to go now.
01:15:36You're gonna have to go be all the camel that you can be.
01:15:44Bye.
01:15:49All right, troops!
01:15:53Let's go bust some Scuds!
01:15:56Let's go bust some Scuds!
01:16:04Let's go bust some Scuds!
01:16:09All right, Tim!
01:16:14Bye!
01:16:21Bye!
01:16:48All right, Glendale to Burbank, come in.
01:16:50I wish we had cooler codenames.
01:16:52What was that, Glendale?
01:16:54Nothing. I was just saying that these codenames suck.
01:16:57Can I call you General Sweet Pants?
01:16:59You better remember who you're talking to, Glendale.
01:17:01Are you in position?
01:17:02Guy's got no sense of humor.
01:17:04Yeah, we can see the target.
01:17:06Have you painted it with the laser?
01:17:11Just did.
01:17:13Good going, Glendale. The airstrike is inbound.
01:17:16You should acquire the target in seven minutes.
01:17:18It is vital that you do not take the laser off the target
01:17:22until the target is destroyed.
01:17:24Can you hold it there for seven minutes?
01:17:26I got it propped up here on the rock.
01:17:28I can hold it here all day long. I'm good to go.
01:17:31No problem, Burbank.
01:17:33Good. Lay low and report any change in situation.
01:17:37We'll be standing by.
01:17:39Out.
01:17:55Come on.
01:17:57Come on.
01:18:04Tell me again about the store.
01:18:07Oh, the store.
01:18:09Well, it's going to be great.
01:18:10We're going to have our own room
01:18:12where people can get their feet massaged.
01:18:14Sorry.
01:18:37Hold your position, Glendale,
01:18:40and keep that laser on the target.
01:18:41On the target?
01:18:43We are the target.
01:18:47Tell them to hurry up.
01:18:48You better hurry.
01:18:49We got 60 pissed off Libyans heading towards us.
01:18:52Stay with it. Stay with it.
01:18:57Let's get these guys here.
01:18:59Come on.
01:19:00Okay.
01:19:02Get out of bed.
01:19:03All right.
01:19:04This is for the Glendale Waterboy.
01:19:16Not bad, huh?
01:19:17Woo!
01:19:18Woo!
01:19:41Reload.
01:19:42No, no, no!
01:19:44No, no, no!
01:19:50Oh!
01:19:51Oh!
01:19:51Get out of it!
01:19:52Oh!
01:19:58Yeah!
01:20:20Shit, they missed.
01:20:21Yeah, at least they didn't blow up my head.
01:20:25Where are you going, soldiers? We know you can do it.
01:20:27Oh, Burbank. I'm gonna find you the biggest bottle of champagne in Chad.
01:20:32Yeah, well, don't pop the cork yet. The bomb's best.
01:20:35The base wasn't hit. You better send another airstrike here and send it fast.
01:20:39Wait one.
01:20:49Lindalee.
01:20:50The backup strike of F-111s is being diverted to your target.
01:20:54ETA, three minutes.
01:20:55Three minutes? What are you, crazy? We don't have three minutes.
01:20:59In three minutes, we're gonna be shish kebabs.
01:21:01We're under serious attack.
01:21:03You'll have to hold them.
01:21:05There you go.
01:21:13Oh, shit. Oh, my God.
01:21:21You better get the planes here sooner. The scuds are ready to fire.
01:21:24Two minutes and 30 seconds.
01:21:29Hey, hey! Where's he going?
01:21:51You stay right here.
01:21:52I gotta go.
01:22:02You guys? Move over. Move over.
01:22:06Oh.
01:22:08Cock-firing mechanism.
01:22:11Report the situation.
01:22:14Shut up.
01:22:28Aim to set range, if known, or estimate.
01:22:31Who came up with these directions?
01:22:33I don't know.
01:22:34Tell me to shut up one more time when I'm gonna rip your spine out and use it for a
01:22:37putting iron.
01:22:38Shut up.
01:22:39I'm not good with directions.
01:22:42Push.
01:22:43Safety.
01:22:44And hold down.
01:22:46Okay, now, everybody back!
01:22:48Fire.
01:22:49My pushing trick.
01:22:55Suck on this at once, time!
01:23:05Sorry.
01:23:10Last chance, my friend.
01:23:38And...
01:23:39Yeah!
01:23:40Yeah!
01:23:40Yeah!
01:23:42Yeah!
01:23:43Yeah!
01:23:45Yeah!
01:23:47Yeah!
01:23:47Oh, man!
01:23:48Yeah!
01:23:49Oh!
01:23:50Guys, on my signal, everybody scream like crazy.
01:23:54Make them think we've got 50 guys up here, okay?
01:23:57Okay.
01:23:57One, and...
01:23:59Go!
01:24:00Yeah!
01:24:13Yeah!
01:24:15We scared them!
01:24:24Yeah, don't mess with the Glendale Reserves!
01:24:29Behind us!
01:24:30Two weeks a year, 12 week in a month, we're the few!
01:24:35We're the browns!
01:24:37We're the water boys!
01:24:40All stuck!
01:24:42Get down!
01:25:14Yeah!
01:25:33Yeah!
01:25:34Hey, all right, sir.
01:25:37Bones.
01:25:38Not bad for a bunch of waterboys, huh?
01:25:40No! Soldiers!
01:25:42I'm proud of you guys!
01:25:44Redmail!
01:25:52You ought to be damn pleased with yourselves.
01:25:56Congratulations. You did an outstanding job.
01:25:59It wasn't a job for a sergeant. It was an adventure.
01:26:22Hey!
01:26:24Hey!
01:26:24Hey!
01:26:25Yay!
01:26:26Give her a hand.
01:26:28That was fun!
01:26:30Wow!
01:26:31Wow!
01:26:32Wow.
01:26:35You're gonna have to go get a blood test, Bone.
01:27:23You're gonna have to go get a blood test, Bone.
01:27:33You're gonna have to go get a blood test, Bone.
01:27:35You're gonna have to go get a blood test, Bone.
01:27:37You
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