- 4 hours ago
In the Army Now 1994 [Full Movie] [Must See]Full EP - Full
Category
🎥
Short filmTranscript
00:00:01See how I just blow those guys? Look, and there's the thing.
00:00:04Look up, look up, look up!
00:00:05No under-
00:00:06Huh?
00:00:09Game over you again!
00:00:11Shouldn't we get back to work?
00:00:12I'm working. Look, I'm testing on new products.
00:00:15What are you so paranoid for anyways? Pretty soon we're gonna have our own store.
00:00:18Look, Quinn's gonna fire your ass from this place.
00:00:21Do you think I'm scared of that?
00:00:22What is he? Looks like a lurch.
00:00:25I'm Quinn.
00:00:26Are you afraid of him? No.
00:00:28Bones!
00:00:30Quinn's looking for you.
00:00:32I told him you were playing video games.
00:00:34Here, hold this, okay? I gotta do something.
00:00:36Oh, yeah, you're not afraid, huh?
00:00:38Bop, bop, bop!
00:01:05This is all for you. See all the money I'm saving?
00:01:09Wow, Quinn, look at you. You're looking fantastic. Is that a new suit?
00:01:12It's gotta be Armando.
00:01:15Oh, it's JCPenney.
00:01:18Oh, it's JCPenney.
00:01:18Well, at least you wear it well.
00:01:19Is that brood I smell?
00:01:20What did we say about leaving the sales floor?
00:01:24You told me not to, and I won't. If this place catches fire, I'm selling tape decks to the firemen.
00:01:29You're not selling anything to anybody. That's why we're letting you go.
00:01:33Where?
00:01:33Home.
00:01:34No, no, no, Quinn. Hey, hey, you can't fire me. Come on. I'm a crazy boy. I'm a dedicated crazy
00:01:39boy.
00:01:40Bones, let's not drag this out.
00:01:41No, Quinn, hey, look. Come on, please. I mean, my rent's due. My mom, she needs another tummy tuck. Please,
00:01:47come on.
00:01:47No, Bones. No, not this time.
00:01:49Please, there's a lot of personal things. Please don't let me. Please don't let me go, Quinn. I could be
00:01:54crazier.
00:01:55Let go of my life.
00:01:56I could be totally insane.
00:02:00Bones, let go of my life.
00:02:01Bones, you have a customer waiting.
00:02:05You'll have to excuse me, Mr. Quinn. I have a customer. A customer who evidently asked for me by name.
00:02:15Hi. May I help you, miss?
00:02:16Yes. You sold me this watchman last week, and I'm afraid I have to return it.
00:02:21See, I knew you'd be returning it. It's too small to ruin your eyesight.
00:02:25And besides, I can tell the one you really want is this one.
00:02:27This is our top of the line.
00:02:29Our very best 35-inch projection stereo color monitor with advanced super digital PMP.
00:02:36I'm sorry. That's way out of my price range.
00:02:38Not with our $200 rebate. No money down. 10-month deferred, 64-month layaway plan.
00:02:43You ask yourself, how could it be? Right?
00:02:47Because we're a crazy voice.
00:02:51Sorry, they make us do that.
00:02:52That's a very nice offer, but this is just...
00:02:55Plus this screen, though, it promotes good eyesight.
00:02:58Really?
00:02:59Uh-huh. Four out of five optometrists recommend it.
00:03:03Okay. I'll take it.
00:03:06Okay. Here you go.
00:03:07Fantastic. I'm gonna take this to the cashier, and I'm gonna arrange everything.
00:03:11Thank you very much.
00:03:12Come to the front. You're needed for a carry-out.
00:03:15Huh?
00:03:17Hmm?
00:03:18Come on. Am I not still a crazy boy?
00:03:23That is brute I smell, you pervert.
00:03:30Bones!
00:03:35Come on.
00:03:42Gabriella, you were outstanding.
00:03:44Yeah, right. This is the last time I save your butt. Okay? I work, too, you know?
00:03:49I know. It was an emergency. The guy was about to fire me.
00:03:52Right. It's always an emergency. They better take that TV back.
00:03:55Hey, they're gonna take it back.
00:03:57Now, how about just giving your little Italian sausage man a little kissy-poo?
00:04:03Chad, the U.S. has issued strong warnings that...
00:04:08You are so irresponsible.
00:04:11You should be serious for one minute.
00:04:13It's okay. I'll be serious. Let's get naked.
00:04:17Not now. Not here.
00:04:19Why? Don't you love me anymore?
00:04:21Yes, yes, of course I love you.
00:04:23Yeah, but look, your boss is gonna catch us.
00:04:27I don't care about that perverted fat's on a JCPenney suit.
00:04:32Bones!
00:04:34Jack, turn it off.
00:04:35Turn it off!
00:04:47Well, I can't...
00:04:54I can't believe he actually fired us.
00:04:57Oh, come on. Bones, we blew up 22 TV sets.
00:05:00Yeah, but don't those things come with warranties?
00:05:01I'm sorry, man. You know, I didn't realize Quinn could see you in all those TVs.
00:05:05No problemo, my friend. I was sick of getting down on my knees for that guy anyways.
00:05:10Whoa. Bones. I had no idea.
00:05:13Begging for my job.
00:05:15You know what, Jack, though? This is amazing. You know what this does?
00:05:18Yeah.
00:05:19This brings us one step closer to the, uh, store.
00:05:23No, no, no. What this does is it brings us one step closer to living in the dumpster.
00:05:27How are we gonna get the rent for the store if we don't have rent for our apartment?
00:05:31Excuse me, can we play through?
00:05:33Yeah.
00:05:35Sorry, we're just...
00:05:36Disgusting.
00:05:41Oh, my God.
00:05:42Hey, Army!
00:05:44Navy!
00:05:45Air Force!
00:05:46Marines!
00:05:47No.
00:05:48Did you order a code red?
00:05:51Answer me! Did you order a code red, man?
00:05:54You want the truth. You can't handle the truth.
00:05:57Yay. He's goofing off.
00:06:00Wow, that was my Nicholson impression.
00:06:03Good.
00:06:04I do it sometimes when I play golf.
00:06:08Bones, come on, man.
00:06:09See, I couldn't help myself. I'm sorry.
00:06:11When you join the Army, is it true that you have to give your whole life away?
00:06:14Nah, something like that with us.
00:06:16We're in the reserves.
00:06:18What's that?
00:06:20Let's just get this straight here.
00:06:22After our basic training, we owe you two weeks a year, one week and a month, for which we get
00:06:26paid.
00:06:27And then on top of it, you're gonna throw in $2,500 just for signing up?
00:06:33Basically, yes.
00:06:35Wow.
00:06:36Well, then how come everybody isn't in the reserves?
00:06:39Do people actually know about this stuff?
00:06:42Well, we do try to advertise.
00:06:45Oh, yeah, it's not a job, it's an adventure.
00:06:48No, that's the Navy.
00:06:50The few and the proud?
00:06:51No, that's the Marines.
00:06:53Keep going, going, and gone?
00:06:55No, no, that's the Energizer, buddy.
00:06:58Gentlemen, we're be-all-you-can-be.
00:07:01Yeah.
00:07:02In the Army.
00:07:05You need us, and we need you.
00:07:07It's a win-win situation.
00:07:09I got one more question.
00:07:11Can I get a pen?
00:07:12Oh, no, actually, could we just have a second, uh, amongst ourselves?
00:07:16Certainly.
00:07:17Take all the time you need.
00:07:19Just hold that ballpoint.
00:07:23Whew.
00:07:25This is insane!
00:07:27Why doesn't everybody join when you're listening to him in there?
00:07:30Shh.
00:07:31It's like joining a health spa, only they pay us.
00:07:34Oh, my God, you're going nuts.
00:07:35Okay, we are the beneficiaries.
00:07:37We get a guaranteed check for eight years and a special skill.
00:07:41A special skill.
00:07:42Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
00:07:43Look at the payments.
00:07:44Here we go.
00:07:45Land combat missile op.
00:07:48Opportunities.
00:07:48Tactical fire specialist.
00:07:50You heard him talking about combat pay, right?
00:07:52You know, you have to be in combat to get paid for that, right?
00:07:56He said reserves aren't called up unless there's a major conflict.
00:07:59When was the last war, huh?
00:08:01Yeah.
00:08:02World War II?
00:08:02No.
00:08:03Twenty years ago.
00:08:04Have you ever heard of Vietnam?
00:08:06Huh?
00:08:06Desert storm?
00:08:08No.
00:08:08Uh-uh.
00:08:09What?
00:08:10I'm kidding.
00:08:11Give me the brochure.
00:08:12We're going to go to the unemployment office.
00:08:14No, just let me see.
00:08:15Let me just try it.
00:08:16Tank tour repair, land mining specialist, water purification?
00:08:21Water purification.
00:08:23That's it.
00:08:24What?
00:08:25Water purification.
00:08:26I'm telling you it's a snap.
00:08:27My brother's a pool man.
00:08:29Hey, look.
00:08:29You take dirty water and you make it clean.
00:08:32How hard can that be?
00:08:33I don't know.
00:08:34And hey, if there is a war, what are we going to go in there with?
00:08:37Water balloons?
00:08:40That's...
00:08:40I mean, but...
00:08:41But...
00:08:41Yeah.
00:08:42This is for our future.
00:08:44Okay.
00:08:44If we could sign up right now, we'd get a guarantee check for $2,500 a few times that times,
00:08:49too.
00:08:50Wow.
00:08:53That's $6,000.
00:08:56That's a nice chunk of change.
00:08:57Yeah.
00:08:58But...
00:08:59Hey.
00:09:00This is for our storm.
00:09:03Yeah.
00:09:04Look, I'll even give you first billing.
00:09:06No, you don't have to do that.
00:09:08Jacks and bones and sp...
00:09:10Oh.
00:09:11And the Alice of Stereos.
00:09:12I did too much.
00:09:13Alright, alright, alright, let's go.
00:09:15Ah.
00:09:16Yes!
00:09:17Yes!
00:09:19Yes!
00:09:19Oh, my God.
00:09:20Oh, my God.
00:09:51Everybody knows me for my hair, huh?
00:09:55Okay, what I need you to do is just a little bit on the side, not a whole bunch, and
00:09:59kind of keep like it soaked still.
00:10:01I'd like to see you in something short but sassy, a real 90s look, something that works as well on
00:10:06the rifle range as it does in the disco.
00:10:08Okay.
00:10:09Okay. That's perfect.
00:10:15All right.
00:10:16Oh, my head. I mean, look at it.
00:10:32Does it look bigger than it?
00:10:35I mean, do I look like a baked potato?
00:10:37Honestly?
00:10:38Yeah, honestly.
00:10:39It looks great. It really does.
00:10:42Really?
00:10:42Really.
00:10:43Really?
00:10:43It looks macho.
00:10:46All right.
00:10:47Look at these, man. Look at these.
00:10:50Army issue.
00:10:51See, I think those are unique.
00:10:54Idiotic.
00:10:54No, those are unique.
00:10:55See, you're distinctive.
00:10:56No one has them.
00:10:57Really?
00:10:58You're king.
00:10:59All right.
00:11:00One of a kind.
00:11:01They built them all when they made you, Jack.
00:11:22Come on, I can't. I can't do it.
00:11:24Jack, come on.
00:11:25I can't do it, man. I can't do it.
00:11:27This is just like your childhood, remember?
00:11:32Yeah. Yeah, you're right. You're right.
00:11:34That guy is exactly like my dad.
00:11:36See? Come on.
00:11:38Wait a minute, though. My childhood sucked.
00:11:40No, I can't do it, man.
00:11:41I can't handle being yelled at by some muscle-bound drill sergeant.
00:11:46No, man. I can't do it.
00:11:48Get the hell off the truck!
00:11:53Oh, whoa.
00:11:55She can drill me any time.
00:11:57On the double right now! Come on, move it, move it!
00:12:00Hello, sweet pants.
00:12:02Get down here!
00:12:03Get down here!
00:12:05Rough stuff.
00:12:06And take those glasses off!
00:12:08What do you think you want something? Beat yourself up?
00:12:10No.
00:12:10What's your name, private?
00:12:11Bones car. We're reporting for duty, sir!
00:12:14All right.
00:12:15I mean, man, sergeant.
00:12:17Whatever.
00:12:17You will address me as drill sergeant.
00:12:21Don't you understand?
00:12:25Yes, but you don't need to yell, because look, I'm standing right here.
00:12:28I'm not yelling at you, private.
00:12:30Drill sergeants do not yell.
00:12:31We simply speak in a voice loud enough so everyone can hear.
00:12:34That way we all learn from each other's mistakes!
00:12:37Oh, okay.
00:12:38Thanks for explaining it.
00:12:39From here on out, your butt is mine.
00:12:42You will obey every order without question!
00:12:48Grunt!
00:12:51Oh, you a funny boy, huh?
00:12:54Cutie pie, right?
00:12:55Well, I don't know you, but I don't even like you.
00:12:57And I make it my personal mission to turn you into a soldier.
00:13:01For the next eight weeks, I'll be all over your butt like white old rice!
00:13:06Is that a promise?
00:13:09Give me 20.
00:13:11I want my wallet.
00:13:13Drop and give me 20!
00:13:14I can't hold this.
00:13:15Boy, you better get on that ground and give me them push-ups!
00:13:17Ah, it's been a while.
00:13:21All the way up and down, right?
00:13:24Pump!
00:13:27One!
00:13:29Is that good?
00:13:37Get up!
00:13:39Get up!
00:13:42Everybody up!
00:13:46On your feet!
00:13:48I'm going to crash right now, sleeping beauties!
00:13:56Get your butt off that rack!
00:13:59Get up!
00:14:07I'm off!
00:14:10I'm off!
00:14:12Extend the ramp!
00:14:14Extend the ramp!
00:14:16All right!
00:14:17All right!
00:14:39Jack, yeah, where'd the sun go?
00:14:45There is no sun anymore, Bones.
00:14:48The sun is gone.
00:14:51We died, and this is hell.
00:14:53Okay, thanks for splitting it.
00:15:00Private, he's got that weapon around backwards.
00:15:04Thanks.
00:15:14See the picture on the front of this weapon?
00:15:20Let's put there for privates like you.
00:15:24It's idiot-proof.
00:15:28Damn it!
00:15:30Mr. Ditch!
00:15:33The gig line runs down the seam of your shirt, through the edge of your belt buckle, down the seam
00:15:38of your zipper.
00:15:40This is a straight gig line.
00:15:42See it, learn it, do it.
00:15:52From here on out, anyone without a straight gig line will have to answer to me.
00:16:03Conway, what the hell is this?
00:16:06Just sergeant!
00:16:07I guess my gig line needs straightening, huh?
00:16:09I guess my gig line will have to answer to you.
00:16:12Come on.
00:16:13Come on.
00:16:18Come on.
00:16:29Come on.
00:16:30Come on.
00:16:30You can't do it.
00:16:31I know you can't do it.
00:16:35There are two types of bayonet fighters, the quick and the dead.
00:16:37What are you?
00:16:38What?
00:16:38What are they?
00:16:39What are you?
00:16:40What?
00:16:41What are they?
00:16:41What are you?
00:16:43What are they?
00:16:44They need volunteers!
00:16:48Are you crazy?
00:16:49I sure am.
00:16:50I'm a crazy boy!
00:16:53Hello!
00:16:55Conway!
00:16:56Yes, ma'am.
00:16:57Come here.
00:16:58I'm on my way.
00:17:00Woo!
00:17:03Hi.
00:17:04Hit me.
00:17:05Let's not fight.
00:17:06Come here.
00:17:07Hit me or you'll be sorry!
00:17:09I can't hit you.
00:17:11You're a girl.
00:17:12And...
00:17:13I love you.
00:17:16You've got two seconds to hit me.
00:17:22Okay, but this is gonna hurt.
00:17:25Any other volunteers!
00:17:28Oh, shit.
00:17:30I'm sorry.
00:17:30I was just gonna...
00:17:31I'm gonna teach you a lesson.
00:17:35Never!
00:17:36Drop!
00:17:40You're gone!
00:17:43Oh, got it.
00:17:46Can I please throw up now?
00:17:51Get up!
00:17:52Get mad!
00:17:53Get mad!
00:17:53You get mad, you!
00:17:54Get mad at me!
00:17:56Now, listen to me very carefully, Private.
00:17:57This is exactly the same as practice,
00:17:59but this is a real live grenade.
00:18:01I want you to do exactly as you've been trained.
00:18:03Yes, Joe Sergeant.
00:18:05When I give the command to execute,
00:18:06I want you to drop the pin, throw the grenade.
00:18:09Yes, Joe Sergeant.
00:18:10Drop the pin, throw the grenade.
00:18:12Yes, Joe Sergeant.
00:18:15Execute.
00:18:18Move it!
00:18:25Help!
00:18:26Help!
00:18:31Thanks, Joe Sergeant.
00:18:33You saved my life.
00:18:34I owe you one.
00:18:35No, you owe me 50!
00:18:4850!
00:18:50Mama, Mama, can't you see?
00:18:53Mama, Mama, can't you see?
00:18:56Drill Sergeant Lamb made a man out of me!
00:18:59Drill Sergeant Lamb made a man out of me!
00:19:01And then I will obey the orders of the President of the United States.
00:19:06And I will obey the orders of the President of the United States.
00:19:10And the orders of the officers appointed over me.
00:19:13And the orders of the officers appointed over me.
00:19:16According to regulations.
00:19:18According to regulations.
00:19:20And the Uniform Code of Military Justice.
00:19:23And the Uniform Code of Military Justice.
00:19:26So help me God.
00:19:27So help me God.
00:19:29Bye.
00:19:29Nice to meet you.
00:19:31Bye.
00:19:31Be good.
00:19:32Take care.
00:19:33Bye.
00:19:34It's the Uniforms man.
00:19:36I know.
00:19:38Private Conway.
00:19:43Never thought I'd say this, but I think I've done the impossible.
00:19:46I've turned you into soldiers.
00:19:48Thank you, Drill Sergeant.
00:19:50Carry on.
00:20:01Uh, is this, uh, Unit 341?
00:20:05That's us, soldier.
00:20:06Hey.
00:20:06Bones Conway here.
00:20:07This is my partner, Jack.
00:20:08Hi.
00:20:08Christine.
00:20:09Nice to meet you.
00:20:10You look like we'll be working together.
00:20:12Christine a la G.I. Jane, right?
00:20:15What brings a pretty little lady like you to Water Pier?
00:20:18I want an infantry, but until they ask that crap about women not being allowed in combat,
00:20:23I'll just have to settle for kicking your little butt.
00:20:26Oh.
00:20:27That would be nice.
00:20:30Heisty one, huh?
00:20:31I like that.
00:20:34Shut up.
00:20:39I'm gonna have to kill your friend.
00:20:41Hey.
00:20:42Bones Conway.
00:20:43Hey, uh, Fred Osthoff.
00:20:44Good to meet you.
00:20:46You okay, Fred?
00:20:47Oh, man.
00:20:47I'm fine.
00:20:48Yeah.
00:20:49Thanks.
00:20:52So, uh, what do you do when you don't purify water?
00:20:55Well, I'm going into my, uh, final year of dental school.
00:20:59Wow.
00:21:00And now that is great.
00:21:01No, it's not.
00:21:03Why?
00:21:04Did you know that dentists are more feared and loathed than any other profession?
00:21:09That's including lawyers.
00:21:10No, see, I don't think people hate dentists.
00:21:13It's just the sound of that drill.
00:21:15Yeah, and then they stick that sucking thing in the back of your mouth.
00:21:18Right there.
00:21:19And the nurse says, oh, yeah, that.
00:21:21And then they jam those cardboard x-ray things.
00:21:24And then they...
00:21:25And you know when there's...
00:21:26You have a cavity, and they do that little pointy thing, and then they...
00:21:29Vee!
00:21:30Vee!
00:21:31Right?
00:21:32The nurse leaves, and she goes to lunch.
00:21:35And she jams it out there, right?
00:21:37Meanwhile, there is a lead apron.
00:21:39Right?
00:21:40On the thing.
00:21:41And you're sitting there like...
00:21:42Vee!
00:21:44Vee!
00:21:46Vee!
00:21:47Vee!
00:21:48Vee!
00:21:48Vee!
00:21:48See?
00:21:49See?
00:21:49That's what I'm talking about.
00:21:50If you don't want to talk about it, it's okay.
00:21:53Oh, no, no, no.
00:21:53It's good.
00:21:54We should talk about it.
00:21:54Because my therapist said that I need to get it out.
00:21:58Kind of like an emotional enema.
00:21:59So we talked about it.
00:22:01And said, why not join the Army Reserve?
00:22:04Be all that you can be on the weekends.
00:22:08Yeah.
00:22:09Maybe it'd help me to face those things in my life that I'm most afraid of.
00:22:14And what are you afraid of?
00:22:16Uh, well, I'd have to say, uh, damn near everything.
00:22:21Floss?
00:22:23Hey.
00:22:24Keep it.
00:22:29Good morning.
00:22:30Purifying our water is one of the most vital operations in the military.
00:22:34It is absolutely vital that you know your equipment inside and out.
00:22:46Two soldiers must man the hose at all times.
00:22:50This is for your own safety, people.
00:22:53Okay.
00:22:54Never lose control of your hose.
00:22:58Turn it off.
00:23:00Turn it off.
00:23:02Turn it off.
00:23:02Turn it off.
00:23:05After careful training, you will be able to produce potable water from the most disgusting,
00:23:11swampy, parasite-infected, diseased water.
00:23:14Hey!
00:23:15Guys!
00:23:15Look!
00:23:16It's our first glass of purified water.
00:23:19All right.
00:23:22Go for it, man.
00:23:23Try it.
00:23:24Nah.
00:23:25I'm not gonna try it.
00:23:26Hey, you try it.
00:23:27I'm not gonna try it.
00:23:30We should get Christine.
00:23:31Yeah!
00:23:32She'll taste anything.
00:23:38I'm not gonna try it.
00:23:41Let's get Freddy.
00:23:42Okay.
00:23:43Oh, Freddy!
00:23:44No, no, thanks.
00:23:44I'm allergic.
00:23:45It'll make me break out.
00:23:48Well, then who's gonna try it?
00:23:53Yes.
00:24:07Who's the leader of this outfit?
00:24:10He is.
00:24:11He is.
00:24:13Son, I've been doing this for a long time, and I gotta say, this is the best damn glass
00:24:19of purified water I ever had.
00:24:21Congratulations.
00:24:22You keep this up, and I'll be putting you in for private first class.
00:24:26Thank you, Sergeant.
00:24:27But I could not have done it without the inspirational guidance of my brother, the pool man.
00:24:35What she needs is what you want me to meet.
00:24:39Just raise money.
00:24:41We're back, honey.
00:24:43Excuse me.
00:24:46Go fresh in love.
00:24:50You're not gonna-
00:25:52We're in the middle of the party here.
00:25:53You know, your friends might come in.
00:25:54That'd be cool.
00:25:55I don't think so.
00:25:56I think it's very rude if we stay away more than a couple of minutes.
00:25:59Two minutes?
00:26:00That's perfect.
00:26:01We'll have time to cuddle afterwards.
00:26:07Hold that thought.
00:26:09Somebody better be dead.
00:26:11Hello?
00:26:12This is an official message.
00:26:14I saw a flock of wild geese migrating south.
00:26:19I say again.
00:26:20The geese are migrating south.
00:26:23Yeah, well, my goose is about to lay a golden egg.
00:26:26So you're going to have to cruise the south solo, okay?
00:26:29Have a nice flight.
00:26:31Who was it?
00:26:32Someone who's into birds.
00:26:33What?
00:26:33I don't know here.
00:26:34Uh-uh!
00:26:40Look, you saw the goose.
00:26:42I'm the walrus.
00:26:43And tall is dead.
00:26:43And I'm trying to bury my beak here.
00:26:45So give it a rest.
00:26:46All right.
00:26:47That's it.
00:27:01Jack, get the phone.
00:27:03Who is it?
00:27:04It's a freak going on about wild geese migrating.
00:27:07Phone!
00:27:12What the hell?
00:27:13Don't, don't, don't, don't.
00:27:15What?
00:27:16Which way?
00:27:17Who cares?
00:27:18North or south?
00:27:19South.
00:27:21Yes!
00:27:22Yes, yes!
00:27:23What?
00:27:25You guys, don't you remember?
00:27:28About the code?
00:27:29So that if we got called up for active duty, then we would know that it was for real.
00:27:33It's gotta be a mistake.
00:27:35It's gotta be Chad.
00:27:36Hello, mama?
00:27:38It's Frederick.
00:27:39Uh, you sitting down?
00:27:41Well, Chad is in the African country, the one that Libby's about to invade.
00:27:45Uh, turn off the music.
00:27:50You remember when you told me that every black man should visit the motherland?
00:27:54Bones, why do you think I chose water purification?
00:27:57Is your brother a poor man?
00:27:59No, it's because Chad is in a desert.
00:28:02And water purification is the reserve occupation most likely to be called up if there's a desert war.
00:28:07And there's a desert war, and we're going!
00:28:12That's it, Bones. I'm gonna kill you.
00:28:14Well, go ahead. You gotta relax here, okay?
00:28:16I'm gonna get us out of this one.
00:28:19Trust me.
00:28:30At ease.
00:28:32Sir, I know we're going to Chad, but there's something that you need to know about Jack and I before
00:28:38we go, sir.
00:28:39Yes?
00:28:41Uh, uh, Bones and I are very close, uh, friends.
00:28:47Very.
00:28:48Oh, I see.
00:28:51In that case, boys, I guess you're not going to Chad.
00:28:58Sorry to disappoint you, sir.
00:29:03Uh, just one thing.
00:29:08Anything.
00:29:10Kiss him.
00:29:12Excuse me?
00:29:14Kiss your friend.
00:29:16You don't have a problem with that, now, do you?
00:29:20Oh, no.
00:29:22He kisses me every day.
00:29:41Just do it.
00:29:49is it hot in chat as the libyan raids against u.n forces near the border continue this u.s
00:29:57force is being ready to deter the invasion threatened by the libyan leader in his television
00:30:02broadcast last night and as the build-up here continues the first army reserve units arrived
00:30:08here today these units will aid in the supply and logistical support the growing u.s presence
00:30:14here these troops are in high spirits and the morale is high and their hopes are high and this
00:30:19mission will remain reporting live from chad for worldwide news report this is stew creek
00:30:44i am first sergeant brandon t williams it is my intention to run this company like a clock
00:30:50if one gear slips in my clock my clock will tell the wrong time if one spring is loose in
00:30:55my clock
00:30:55my clock will tell the wrong time first sergeant williams likes his clock to tell the right time
00:31:00do you understand me yes sergeant what did he just say i don't know something about his clock being
00:31:10broken have my words fallen upon deaf ears yes sergeant i mean no sergeant don't you know i'm your
00:31:18first sergeant well actually i wish you were my first sergeant but i already had a couple ones
00:31:25already drop and give me push-ups you will continue to do push-ups until you learn to address me
00:31:32as
00:31:32first sergeant use that clear yes first sergeant yes first sergeant
00:31:36call one first sergeant two first sergeant three first sergeant four first sergeant five first sergeant
00:31:43don't eyeball me
00:31:43seven first sergeant seven first sergeant eight first sergeant nine first sergeant ten first sergeant eleven first sergeant twelve first
00:31:53sergeant thirteen first sergeant fourteen first sergeant 123 first sergeant 124 first sergeant 124 first sergeant 124 first sergeant 124
00:32:01first sergeant 124 first sergeant 124 first sergeant 124 first sergeant 124 first sergeant 124 first sergeant 124 first sergeant
00:32:02124 first sergeant 124 first sergeant 124 first sergeant 124 first sergeant 124 first sergeant 124 first sergeant 124 first
00:32:02sergeant 124 first sergeant 124 first sergeant 124 first sergeant 124 first sergeant 124 first sergeant 124 first sergeant 124
00:32:02first sergeant 124 first sergeant 124 first sergeant 124 first sergeant 124 first sergeant 124 first sergeant 124 first sergeant
00:32:02124 first sergeant 124 first sergeant 124 first sergeant 124 first sergeant 124 first sergeant 124 first sergeant 12
00:32:13you just graduated peeling potatoes six thousand five hundred and forty three for sergeant six
00:32:20thousand five hundred and forty four for sergeant for sergeant six thousand five hundred five six
00:32:29six hundred thousand fifty four hundred fifty two for sergeant okay i lost count
00:32:56oh look hey it's the sunroof
00:33:21oh look gabrielle tucked in a little note into my duffel bag oh yeah dear bones by the time you
00:33:30read this i will already be well i will already be in milan with guido
00:33:39oh she dumped you sorry bones i must say though this guy sounds really nice he's got a villa right
00:33:46on the adriatic sea jack don't rub it in no no you're better off she's a horrible speller there's
00:33:52only one s and loser look at that and immatureish i don't even think that's a word gabriella she
00:33:59broke my heart sorry well fortunately i'm too shallow to stay bummed for too long
00:34:09oh would you mind turn the light off please jack oh yeah fred you checked your your bag for scorpions
00:34:16right scorpions he's messing with you fred no i'm not chad is the scorpion capital of the world
00:34:24yep fred they're big ones too about as big as my fist they outnumber people two to one and that
00:34:31margin grows with every sting so have a good sleep fred good night everybody good night
00:34:37people nice to alan nice john boy scorpions
00:34:53i got one i got one
00:34:57i got one i got one i got one i got one got one i got one i got one
00:35:06i got one i got one
00:35:10very funny we're just trying to help you get over your fears fred really fred don't worry about it
00:35:17you come and sleep with me yeah well i i'd rather take my chances with the scorpion thank you
00:35:24god i hate this it's not that bad it's like camp john jacob jingelheimer smith
00:35:47come on
00:35:50that's my name too
00:36:17oh
00:36:23don't eat the chicken and it tastes just like frog
00:36:36ready go
00:36:42who are you that special forces
00:36:45don't eat the chicken
00:36:5014.11 seconds
00:36:51damn try it again
00:36:55he's incredible time me
00:37:01all right
00:37:04go
00:37:16well that is not good what happened that is not good
00:37:27oh great it's coming over just just don't look at him
00:37:32you lose something
00:37:35yeah thanks
00:37:38put it in my lasagna
00:37:40you better call 9-1-1 get an ambulance find a doctor order a toe tag because i'm gonna tear
00:37:44off your head and spit down your neck do you understand me boy
00:37:49hey hey
00:37:52you have to relax a little take it easy we're in the middle of a war and we're on the
00:37:58same
00:37:58side
00:38:00yeah dude
00:38:03would america have won the civil war
00:38:08if benjamin franklin did not get along with eleanor roosevelt right on
00:38:12a little knowledge
00:38:14a little knowledge to partay
00:38:17go ahead man
00:38:19if our soldiers our american soldiers
00:38:22acted like this in desert storm
00:38:25saddam the same would still be running iraq
00:38:35so maybe we're a bunch of reservists fresh off the plane right
00:38:38it's obvious
00:38:40but you regular guys you've been here so long that your brains are fried
00:38:44right so i guess what i'm really trying to say is
00:38:51that doesn't mean we all can't be friends
00:38:56please there's only one problem with you newbies
00:38:59you don't eat enough
00:39:05watch it shut
00:39:19as you were
00:39:27son
00:39:29i bet the mess sergeant could use a volunteer to peel potatoes
00:39:33yes sir
00:39:34can i count on you
00:39:36yes sir
00:39:37carry on
00:39:40i happen to know on this base there's not one unpeeled potato
00:39:58i heard the uh libyans are already backing down and we're gonna be out of here in two weeks
00:40:02yeah well i hear they're sending 20 000 more troops and we're gonna be here till christmas
00:40:08wait wait wait wait wait wait where you going
00:40:22and until they comply with you and resolution 991
00:40:26i don't think anybody's going anywhere
00:40:29oh you're amazing christine how do you keep up with all that stuff
00:40:36christine
00:40:38christine
00:40:39christine
00:40:42all right quit screwing around
00:40:46chris
00:40:48send some water with this mud
00:40:56chris
00:41:01jack
00:41:02jack
00:41:07fred
00:41:12how does it feel to be dead motor boy
00:41:18i don't know how does it feel to be a dick dick
00:41:29damn it where's my water there was none delivered last night for a sergeant
00:41:37god damn piece of shit newbies how am i gonna run a decent hq without my coffee
00:41:47that is truly a pathetic sight who perpetrated this
00:42:00ow
00:42:06who did this to you i can't tell you for a sergeant what you have too much honor
00:42:14been threatened with death untie these clowns and get me some water
00:42:28that's what's going to happen to you guys want your water because you're looking a little bit
00:42:32crispy you better oh i know i know i know tell me if this is right i better call 976
00:42:38find a doctor
00:42:39and tag an ambulance because you're gonna tear off my toe and spit down my head right you guess what
00:42:44you're watered or not sergeant report to captain roberts you've got a mission
00:42:50water boys report to first sergeant williams you've got a mission too listen up captain denby
00:42:58says we're going to resupply the forward un peacekeeping base this is a very simple routine
00:43:05mission you will fall into line in the very large very prepared convoy all you have to do is follow
00:43:11the truck in front of you when your troops get thirsty you will give them water conway you look
00:43:17confused are you sure you want to send us to a forward area we're just water boys you are soldiers
00:43:23you will get in that convoy and you will be a credit to the united states army is that clear
00:43:27and muster your lollygagging bus for getting chicken move out
00:43:31so
00:43:35so
00:44:02Damn it, forget it.
00:44:03They're going to send a tow truck.
00:44:08Man, what I wouldn't do for a double meat chili cheeseburger right now.
00:44:13No.
00:44:13A margarita on the rocks.
00:44:16Mmm.
00:44:18Or some fresh buttery Jiffy Pop.
00:44:21That's not Popcorn Boys.
00:44:24Hmm?
00:44:25That Convoy's under attack.
00:44:29Really?
00:44:30I don't think so.
00:44:35Maniac shooting at us.
00:44:37What a maniac.
00:44:37It's the enemy.
00:44:38What the hell are you doing?
00:44:39Surrendering.
00:44:40Don't shoot.
00:44:41Surrendering.
00:44:45Oh!
00:44:52Steel!
00:44:56Nice going, Christine.
00:44:58Did you have to shoot so close, huh?
00:45:00You scared the shit out of me.
00:45:02Well, excuse me for living.
00:45:03I was just trying to save your worthless little life.
00:45:05Christine, are you aware that after a near-death experience there's often a desire to have sex?
00:45:11Yeah, Jack.
00:45:12That's right.
00:45:13I feel it.
00:45:14All right.
00:45:17Just not with you.
00:45:19Ever.
00:45:20Got it?
00:45:21Yeah.
00:45:22Got it.
00:45:23I'm glad we could have this little talk.
00:45:25I didn't feel anything.
00:45:27You guys, let's get out of here.
00:45:29The truck's on fire!
00:45:47It's good.
00:45:48Day-long, it's gonna-
00:45:57Explode.
00:46:00Where's the phone?
00:46:04Hello!
00:46:08Hehehehe.
00:46:11Now rickety ticker mustering loli gag and listen to it.
00:46:14It's Lolly Kacken out of here.
00:46:27Isn't the road that way?
00:46:29I'm taking the shortcut.
00:46:30Is there one?
00:46:31Uh-huh.
00:46:32The road curves around like this.
00:46:34All we gotta do is cut the desert here
00:46:37and catch up the convoy over there.
00:46:39Watch out! Come on!
00:46:40I think I know what I'm doing here.
00:46:42I guess this is the wrong time to tell you guys
00:46:44I get very easily car seen.
00:47:02Bones, I don't see a road.
00:47:05I have the best sense of direction of anyone you know.
00:47:08The road's over there.
00:47:10Three miles, maybe four.
00:47:13Oh, yeah. Maybe ten.
00:47:15Maybe twenty.
00:47:17Maybe our truck is sinking.
00:47:21No!
00:47:22No!
00:47:39Push!
00:47:42Hey, forget it, okay?
00:47:43Just shut it down. We'll kick it out.
00:47:45No, stand back.
00:47:46Stand back! I'm gonna rock it!
00:47:53You're quitting. It's not working.
00:47:56You're sucking too much sand into the air filter.
00:47:59I order you
00:48:00to shut it down now.
00:48:02You order me?
00:48:04Yeah, but I'm private first class, okay?
00:48:06I'm ordering you. Come on.
00:48:07Come on. The only reason you made private first class is because your brother's a poor man.
00:48:20Huh?
00:48:21Huh? You happy?
00:48:22You're happy?
00:48:23You're happy.
00:48:26Come on.
00:48:26Yeah, well, I hope you brought your triple-A card.
00:48:29Let's see.
00:48:36Well, look, you cracked the block.
00:48:38I could have done it if you hadn't stopped me.
00:48:40Yeah, you're so full of it.
00:48:42You know what?
00:48:42Shut up!
00:48:44We gotta figure out what we're gonna do.
00:48:46Then why don't you just ask our fearless leader here?
00:48:49Private first class bones, the one with the highest rank.
00:48:52All you had to do, Jack, was just listen to me, okay?
00:48:55I was trying to...
00:48:56All I've ever done is listen to you, and look where it's taken me.
00:48:58Look!
00:49:00We're in the middle of some African hellhole!
00:49:02Under a flesh-frying sun, with the sky filled with vultures, ready to pluck out my eyeballs.
00:49:09Vultures don't come around unless something's about to die.
00:49:29What are you... are you ripping the sleeves off your jacket?
00:49:33Oh, that's gonna look sexy.
00:49:36Jack, tomorrow, we have to walk away from this water truck.
00:49:40We have two canteens between us.
00:49:42We're gonna fill up the sleeves of our jackets with water, and then we have more water.
00:49:45Am I the only person who paid attention in survival class?
00:49:52There's a scorpion on my back!
00:49:54There's a scorpion on my back!
00:49:55That's enough!
00:49:57There's not a scorpion on your back!
00:50:01Uh-uh.
00:50:02There is a scorpion on my back!
00:50:04Jack!
00:50:04Brad!
00:50:05There's nothing on your back!
00:50:07You keep on imagining things!
00:50:13I needed that.
00:50:16I'm sorry I snapped.
00:50:18Look, you don't have to apologize.
00:50:20You're right!
00:50:22I see things very clear now.
00:50:25All right, Brad.
00:50:26Look, guys, I want to apologize to everybody.
00:50:28He's okay?
00:50:29He's okay.
00:50:30I feel like a brand new man.
00:50:31All right.
00:50:31Now, can we get some rest?
00:50:33Okay.
00:50:34Okay.
00:50:35It's fucking awesome.
00:50:37It's all right.
00:50:39It's all right.
00:50:44What are you doing?
00:50:46Just felt like...
00:50:49He's always playing.
00:50:52Did you guys see that thing?
00:50:54It wasn't...
00:51:04Follow me.
00:51:05I know exactly where I'm going.
00:51:09Trust me.
00:51:35You guys, get down.
00:51:36I see something.
00:51:37Get down.
00:51:49It's a truck.
00:51:50There's the road.
00:51:51We are safe.
00:51:52I told you I had a flawless sense of direction.
00:51:57What a coincidence.
00:51:58That truck looks...
00:52:00That looks like our truck.
00:52:09Hey, listen, you guys.
00:52:10Hey.
00:52:11I figured out why we went in circles.
00:52:14Do you remember our map reading class?
00:52:16We didn't follow the sun.
00:52:22Look, this stream is due west.
00:52:25All we have to do is walk away from the sun in the morning and towards the sun in the
00:52:30afternoon.
00:52:30We should be there by nightfall.
00:52:32So you're saying we should risk being dried up into human jerky again just to follow another one of your
00:52:38half-baked plans?
00:52:40I'm not saying anything, okay?
00:52:42I mean, I'm pretty sure this is going to work.
00:52:43But since I let us down before, I say from here on in, we put everything to a vote.
00:52:49We can't vote.
00:52:51You order, we follow.
00:52:53Okay, why order us to vote?
00:52:55That is not how the army goes.
00:52:57You have to tell us what to do.
00:53:00Well, what if I'm wrong?
00:53:04Then we die.
00:53:10I order us to do a sun-baked plan thing.
00:53:17We're dead.
00:53:21Hey, guys.
00:53:23Just think of it as a very long day on a very big beach in a very dry year.
00:53:49Hey, hey, hey, wait a minute.
00:53:51It's the ocean.
00:53:53I don't see anything.
00:53:55What are you, blind?
00:53:56The waves.
00:53:57It's the ocean.
00:53:59It's a mirage.
00:54:01It is a mirage.
00:54:03And there's Caesars.
00:54:05And right across the street is the Barbary Coast.
00:54:07We can get a $3.99 buffet.
00:54:09And it's the ocean.
00:54:11Come on.
00:54:13Come on.
00:54:14Go.
00:54:16Come on.
00:54:18We're spotted.
00:54:20Come on.
00:54:23Come on.
00:54:25Come on.
00:54:27Come on.
00:54:34Here's the canteen.
00:54:35Go get your boy, because he's bugging.
00:54:51You okay, man?
00:54:53You okay?
00:54:54Here, take a sip.
00:54:57Listen.
00:54:59Look, Jack.
00:55:00We got two choices.
00:55:02One, we can put your clothes back on.
00:55:04We can get ourselves out of this mess.
00:55:05Go back to Glendale.
00:55:06Start up our own store.
00:55:07Become rich and famous.
00:55:09Or two, you can lie here butt naked and crushed away,
00:55:13leaving your skull to be found by a young Arabic prince
00:55:16that's going to use it for an ashtray.
00:55:21You don't want that in your head.
00:55:23You make the call.
00:55:25Come on.
00:55:25Let's get out of here.
00:55:27What do you say?
00:55:28Come on.
00:55:29Here.
00:55:31Here.
00:55:32Here.
00:55:32Here.
00:55:33Here.
00:55:34Here.
00:55:35Here.
00:55:35Here.
00:55:35Come on.
00:55:36Come on.
00:55:37Here.
00:55:38Come on.
00:55:39Here.
00:55:41Hey.
00:55:43Oh.
00:55:43Oh, Jack.
00:55:44Look at that ass.
00:55:45Maybe you should stay naked.
00:55:47Get some sun on those cheeks.
00:55:57What?
00:55:58Oh, man.
00:55:59Man, now I'm seeing things.
00:56:01The palm trees right on the horizon.
00:56:03Oh, it's another mirage.
00:56:05Oh, my God.
00:56:06I see it, too.
00:56:07It's not a mirage.
00:56:09Those are the palm trees.
00:56:11It's the oasis.
00:56:12Oh, man.
00:56:13You saved our life.
00:56:15Ha, ha, ha.
00:56:21Where's my kiss?
00:56:23Christine.
00:56:30The street was due west, right?
00:56:33It was on the map, right?
00:56:35Where's the water?
00:56:39This is sand.
00:56:47Nobody move.
00:56:50There is a big snake right by your feet.
00:56:55No!
00:56:57Thanks for not moving, Jack.
00:57:01Throw me the gun.
00:57:04If you don't attack it, it'll go away.
00:57:07I don't want it to go away.
00:57:09I want to have it for dinner.
00:57:10Throw me the gun.
00:57:24You want some of this, baby, huh?
00:57:26There you go.
00:57:27Come on.
00:57:28Oh, oh, oh, no.
00:57:31I'm still going to get you.
00:57:36It's time for me.
00:57:37I'll kill you.
00:57:42Huh?
00:57:43Shoulda, but da, da, da, da, da.
00:57:51It's a win-win situation.
00:57:57Will you look at that?
00:57:59Water from the bullet hole.
00:58:05Water!
00:58:06Yeah!
00:58:07Water!
00:58:08Water!
00:58:11I can't believe it!
00:58:14Is it snake yet?
00:58:16Depends how you like it.
00:58:18Well done.
00:58:20Used to be afraid of scorpions.
00:58:22Now he's eating snake.
00:58:23That is impressive for him.
00:58:27I thought we were all going to die.
00:58:30But you pulled us through.
00:58:32I don't know how, but thank you.
00:58:47That was, uh, pretty exceptional.
00:58:53So what are you going to do if I get us rescued?
00:58:59Um, I will take off all your clothes, tie you to the bed,
00:59:11rub warm oil all over your body,
00:59:14from the bottom of those feet to the top of that head,
00:59:19and proceed to have the nastiest, freakiest sex with you
00:59:25that you have ever imagined.
00:59:30Oh, that's it.
00:59:31Damn it!
00:59:32I saw her first.
00:59:33And look what happens.
00:59:35Same thing that happened with Gabriela.
00:59:37I saw her first.
00:59:39And-and-and Wanda Tushman in the third grade.
00:59:41I saw her first.
00:59:42And that girl in Palm Springs.
00:59:44It turned out to be the guy.
00:59:45I saw that thing first, too.
00:59:47You know why I'm not just strangling you right now?
00:59:51Because you can't cook a snake?
00:59:53No.
00:59:55Because no matter how long we've been friends,
00:59:58I never thought you'd be the kind of guy that would save our lives,
01:00:02let alone kill a snake.
01:00:05But you did.
01:00:06Oh, hey, man.
01:00:07Thanks.
01:00:08Yeah.
01:00:09I-I think it's the UN flag.
01:00:12We're safe!
01:00:14Guys, Christine and I are going to need some time alone.
01:00:17Sure, man.
01:00:22The President is in the Situation Room of the White House today,
01:00:26and the President is scheduled to address the nation tomorrow
01:00:28at 6 p.m. Eastern Standard Time.
01:00:31We will, of course, bring that to you live on-
01:00:33You are the Reservists from Glendale, California, correct?
01:00:36This all fuels-
01:00:37According to WNR, you are presumed dead in a truck explosion.
01:00:42Um, where are we?
01:00:43Here, more in four base.
01:00:44In Chad.
01:00:45You're on a military base, well inside Libya.
01:00:48That is all you need to know.
01:00:50Oh, I forgot to mention.
01:00:53The war is starting tomorrow.
01:00:55How'd you know that?
01:00:57American TV.
01:00:59Your country is expected to start bombing our air bases tomorrow.
01:01:03And when that happens,
01:01:04we will unleash missiles with chemical warheads against your bases.
01:01:09Consider yourself lucky to be here.
01:01:11Sleep well.
01:01:15You know, this is fine.
01:01:16It's like the time you got us arrested, Tijuana.
01:01:18Except we're in Libya.
01:01:20And your dad's not gonna pick us up here, brother.
01:01:25Yo, it's...
01:01:26Aren't you guys also American?
01:01:32Oh, see, I see.
01:01:34I was wounded, and I don't feel well.
01:01:36Please, sing a song to comfort me.
01:01:38Sing a song?
01:01:39Any song.
01:01:42Oh, because I think I'm sitting there.
01:01:44Oh, okay.
01:01:46Rescue me.
01:01:48Sing.
01:01:49Uh-huh.
01:01:50What?
01:01:50I want your tender chance, cause I don't know.
01:01:55My team was on strategic recon.
01:01:58Huh?
01:01:59You know, that's when you go behind enemy lines,
01:02:01and you try to locate their assets, like tanks and bunkers.
01:02:04We were on our way to a resupply drop, and we were hand-rushed.
01:02:07The other guys were killed.
01:02:08Killed?
01:02:12Took a bullet in the leg, and they brought me here.
01:02:17Uh-huh.
01:02:18I don't know any words to this song.
01:02:20Kiss me, baby.
01:02:21Kiss me, baby.
01:02:22Kiss me, baby.
01:02:23Hold me, baby.
01:02:24Hold me, baby.
01:02:25Hold me, baby.
01:02:26Hold me, baby.
01:02:26Hold me, baby.
01:02:26Hold me, baby.
01:02:27Use this to dig around the base of the bars on the window.
01:02:31I got one of them loose all over the...
01:02:32You want to escape?
01:02:33What are you crazy?
01:02:38Look, it's the duty of every POW to try and escape.
01:02:41We're in the middle of a desert.
01:02:42What good is it going to do for us to escape?
01:02:44To complete the recon mission, soldier.
01:02:47A special operations cargo plane was instructed to make a supply drop
01:02:50at a rendezvous point about 15K north of here.
01:02:53If we can get off this base, I can get us to the rendezvous if we want.
01:02:56You're insane, okay?
01:02:57The Libyans are going to launch chemical weapons.
01:02:59We're much safer here.
01:03:00No, I'm a soldier, and I got a job to do.
01:03:03So are you.
01:03:05Now get to work, private.
01:03:08I'm lonely.
01:03:10Yeah.
01:03:11Rescue me.
01:03:12Rescue me.
01:03:13Good morning, baby.
01:03:24Bye.
01:03:28My heart.
01:03:30You know what?
01:03:31You didn't scare me.
01:03:33I just fell like screaming.
01:03:34Don't worry about it.
01:03:35Most men think I'm scary.
01:03:40So you can't sleep, huh?
01:03:42I'm too excited.
01:03:44Excited?
01:03:44They might torture us tomorrow.
01:03:46They might even kill us.
01:03:47I know.
01:03:48It's just like the night before Christmas.
01:03:51Yeah, well, at my house we got presents.
01:03:53I'm talking about the anticipation.
01:03:57We might die.
01:03:59We might escape it.
01:04:01We don't know what's going to happen.
01:04:02That's the coolest thing in the whole world.
01:04:04Most girls are into horses and stuff.
01:04:08They're weird.
01:04:10Most men say that, too.
01:04:14I like it.
01:04:17You do?
01:04:19Yeah.
01:04:21Horses are boring.
01:04:31So, if I do get us out of here, and I will, is it true what you said about tying
01:04:37me up and all that wild, sick stuff?
01:04:40I'll have you kiss me again.
01:04:44Okay.
01:04:48I can't worry about it.
01:04:50Wait.
01:04:51I think I got it.
01:04:52Wait.
01:04:53Look.
01:04:54You got it?
01:04:54Yeah.
01:04:55Look.
01:04:56Oh!
01:04:57Oh!
01:05:01Stern!
01:05:03Stern!
01:05:04You gotta wake up.
01:05:05I can't turn the alarm off.
01:05:06It's not an alarm.
01:05:07It's an air raid silence.
01:05:09Oh, thank God!
01:05:11I thought I was having another panic attack.
01:05:15You gotta wake up.
01:05:18Please.
01:05:19No!
01:05:21No!
01:05:22Ah!
01:05:22Ah!
01:05:24Ah!
01:05:27Ah!
01:05:29Ah!
01:05:31Ah!
01:05:33It's okay.
01:05:35Ah!
01:05:37Ah!
01:05:40Ah!
01:05:41Ah!
01:05:44Ah!
01:05:54Yes.
01:05:59Almost.
01:06:00Try again.
01:06:02Okay, gosh.
01:06:09That was good.
01:06:09Just a little more to the left.
01:06:11We got him.
01:06:12Yeah, you guys just keep trying.
01:06:14Do you guys realize what we are doing right now?
01:06:17This is a scene from Pirates of the Caribbean.
01:06:20All we need is that mangy dog, right?
01:06:24And then we can go...
01:06:25Why?
01:06:25Just try it again.
01:06:29Yeah.
01:06:43Oh, Joe.
01:06:45Oh, Joe.
01:06:47Oh, Joe.
01:06:48Oh, Joe.
01:06:53Oh.
01:06:57How much do you love me?
01:07:09I'm sorry. I don't get it. What is it with us and trucks?
01:07:12I mean, we get them, we break them, we smash them, we crash them, we run out of gas.
01:07:15I don't get it.
01:07:16Yes, yes, yes, yes, I understand that, but we're not getting tortured by Baba Gadoosh right now, okay?
01:07:21No, instead, we're lost in the desert again, without food and water again, stuck with this special forces guy.
01:07:30He can't even walk because he got his legs shot up.
01:07:32Fred, we're free.
01:07:33Damn, we're going to die free.
01:07:35Or maybe not.
01:07:4455 American dollars.
01:07:47And then on top of it, see this truck?
01:07:51Serious, bona fide Libyan army fighting machine.
01:07:54And it's all part of this amazing offer, my friend.
01:07:58And maybe if you're lucky, you might even have a Koi track.
01:08:00You can play a-boo-da-boo-da-boo-da stuff on it.
01:08:04Huh?
01:08:05And you ask me, how could it be?
01:08:07Why such a deal?
01:08:08Because we're crazy, boys.
01:08:11We're giving it away.
01:08:21You like this watch?
01:08:23Is it interesting?
01:08:24No, no, no, no, no, no.
01:08:25Not the watch.
01:08:27Come on, it's got the phases of the moon and the compass.
01:08:31What?
01:08:32This has a compass?
01:08:34Yeah.
01:08:34Really?
01:08:35Yeah, well, we've been stuck in the desert for three days,
01:08:37and you're telling me this watch has a compass.
01:08:39Sorry.
01:08:40Ooh, Jack, boy, you're going to get some noogies later.
01:08:43I'm going to just pound you like this.
01:08:45I forgot.
01:08:46Yeah, well, uh, you're going to forget about your little watch here, Jack,
01:08:50because it's gone.
01:08:51Uh-huh.
01:08:52Here you go, my friend.
01:08:54Hey, you guys.
01:08:55In my life, I've seen a lot of camel's toes.
01:09:00But I never see one in a camel.
01:09:03I think he's got a crush on you, Bones.
01:09:06Really?
01:09:06How can you tell?
01:09:08Because he's been nibbling on your ears.
01:09:11Yeah.
01:09:12And licking on your neck.
01:09:14It's okay.
01:09:16You're just a camel.
01:09:20Our supply drop's on the other side of that Libyan base.
01:09:24What Libyan base?
01:09:25Bones, are you blind?
01:09:27It's a Libyan base covered with a camo tent.
01:09:29What are you talking about?
01:09:31I guess we're going to have to go around it.
01:09:34Around what?
01:09:35See that jeep right there?
01:09:36Mm-hmm.
01:09:37I see the jeep.
01:09:37Okay.
01:09:38But I certainly don't...
01:09:40Oh, you mean that Libyan base,
01:09:43the one under the camo tent.
01:09:46I thought you guys were talking about
01:09:47some other Libyan base.
01:09:50Will there be medical supplies?
01:09:51Medical supplies, uniforms, food, water, radio,
01:09:55everything you need.
01:09:56Yeah, but where is it?
01:09:57It's supposed to be right here.
01:10:00Hey, you guys!
01:10:01Come on!
01:10:04Hey!
01:10:05Come on, you guys!
01:10:06What is it?
01:10:06Come on!
01:10:07Oh!
01:10:08Oh!
01:10:13Yeah!
01:10:21Yeah!
01:10:23Yeah!
01:10:24Get fun!
01:10:27Hot wheels!
01:10:36Oh!
01:10:43Stern, these things are intense. No wonder people join the army.
01:10:47Be all that you can be in the army.
01:10:52What happened to him?
01:10:54His leg looks pretty bad. I think it's infected because he lost a lot of blood.
01:10:58But look at his gums. They're fabulous, man. Not a touch of gingivitis. He's been flossing.
01:11:03Yeah, but why is he acting so wasted?
01:11:05Oh, that's the morphine. Absolutely. The morphine better.
01:11:12Hello? Somebody answer us, please. You gotta believe us. We're stuck out here in the middle.
01:11:17Please, just help us. Get a hold of yourself, soldier.
01:11:20Oh, thank God it's you. Listen.
01:11:22Don't say my name. What did I say to you when you first arrived in Chad?
01:11:28Uh, something about your clock being broken?
01:11:30Close enough. Okay, calm down, son. We're gonna get you out of there.
01:11:35Now listen carefully. Your call sign is now Glendale. Our call sign is now Burbank.
01:11:42Did you recover the fast attack vehicles, Glendale?
01:11:45Oh, you mean those dune buggies. Yeah, those things are intense.
01:11:49Good. This equipment was intended for the Special Forces team to carry out a vital mission.
01:11:54You are our only assets on the ground with the right equipment in the right place.
01:12:00Say what?
01:12:01You have to take over, Glendale.
01:12:03Huh. Listen, let me explain something first of all, Sergeant. We're water boys.
01:12:08Okay, please.
01:12:09Your soldiers first, Glendale.
01:12:12Now, listen up. The Libyans have a mobile scud launching base right in your area.
01:12:19These scuds are loaded with chemical weapons and targeted at U.S. bases.
01:12:23Our aerial photographs haven't been able to find them.
01:12:26You want us to find them? Well, what about Stern? Stern can find them. He'll be up pretty soon. Stern?
01:12:31Daddy, why can't I go to ballet class? Teacher says I'm a natural.
01:12:38These scuds can't be spotted from the air because of heavy camouflage.
01:12:44Camouflage? Why didn't you say so in the first place?
01:12:47Listen, we saw the thing this morning. Stern wrote down the coordinates, right, Stern?
01:12:52We'll tell you where it is. You guys can come here and bomb the hell out of it.
01:12:56Come on, send the Air Force.
01:12:57It's not enough to tell us. You have to go back there and paint it.
01:13:02Paint it? Trust me, it looks perfectly fine the way it is.
01:13:06I mean paint it with the laser.
01:13:08The laser target designator is in your equipment.
01:13:12All you have to do is return to that base, point the laser at it, and call me back on
01:13:17the radio.
01:13:18The Air Force will do the rest. You can be a mile away in perfect safety.
01:13:24All right, wait a minute. Chris!
01:13:27What?
01:13:28Get over here.
01:13:29Bones, they can't make us do anything. We don't know how to use this stuff.
01:13:32Fred, do you use lasers in dentistry, right?
01:13:35Uh-uh, I know what's going on. You're gonna try to make the brother hold the laser, right?
01:13:39No. My laser was a little itty-bitty laser. This is a big laser. There's a difference.
01:13:44Glendale! Glendale!
01:13:45No, no, no, no, no. Can't they just evacuate the bases?
01:13:48Yeah, or we can take an hour out of our busy lives, hop in these cool dune buggies,
01:13:53pop the base with the laser, and let the Air Force blow the hell out of it.
01:13:56Now you listen to me, Glendale.
01:13:57Please, hold yourself there. One second.
01:14:00I'm just trying to have a moment with my friends. Is that okay? Just have a cup of java. Please,
01:14:04chill.
01:14:08Fred, when you first got here, you were completely freaked, right?
01:14:12Yeah.
01:14:13And now look at you, huh? You're a regular G.I. Joe, a fighting man from head to toe.
01:14:19And Chris, you wanted infantry. Well, now's your chance. Let's see what you got.
01:14:27And Jack, my friend, you were a complete screw-up.
01:14:31But now look at you. You're still a screw-up.
01:14:34But if you did this and you survived, you'd have stuff to tell your little screw-up grandkids.
01:14:39Basically, you guys, up to a few months ago, we were all a bunch of minimum-wage losers from Glendale.
01:14:44But this whole event has changed our lives. You know who we owe it to? The army.
01:14:51This is something we gotta do. Come on. Go with it.
01:14:54Chris, I know you're with me.
01:14:57Yeah, boy.
01:14:59Fred, listen. If you can't handle it, I understand, man.
01:15:02I can handle it.
01:15:04Jack, what do you say, man?
01:15:07Oh, I say, I say you're crazy. I think you're all nuts.
01:15:11But you're the private first class. I'm the private. I'm gonna follow you, my friend, wherever.
01:15:17All right, you guys, let's do this thing. Kick it, man.
01:15:21Darren, you ready? Let's go, Bone.
01:15:25I know, I know. It's just a little bit of business I have to take care of.
01:15:32I, you're gonna have to go now. You're gonna have to go be all the camel that you can be.
01:15:44Bye.
01:15:49All right, troops! Let's go bust some scuds!
01:15:55Hussein, you ready? Let's go!
01:16:09Ah!
01:16:10Oh, my God.
01:16:48All right, Glendale to Burbank, come in.
01:16:51I wish we had cooler codenames.
01:16:52What was that, Glendale?
01:16:54Nothing, I was just saying that these codenames suck.
01:16:57Can I call you General Sweetpants?
01:16:59You better remember who you're talking to, Glendale.
01:17:01Are you in position?
01:17:02Guy's got no sense of humor.
01:17:04Yeah, we can see the target.
01:17:06Have you painted it with the laser?
01:17:11Just dead.
01:17:13Good going, Glendale.
01:17:14The airstrike is inbound.
01:17:16You should acquire the target in seven minutes.
01:17:19It is vital that you do not take the laser off the target until the target is destroyed.
01:17:24Can you hold it there for seven minutes?
01:17:26I got it propped up here on the rock.
01:17:28I can hold it here all day long.
01:17:29I'm good to go.
01:17:31No problem, Burbank.
01:17:32Good.
01:17:34Lay low and report any change in situation.
01:17:37We'll be standing by.
01:17:39Out.
01:17:55Come on.
01:17:57Come on.
01:18:04Tell me again about the store.
01:18:07Oh, the store.
01:18:09Well, it's going to be great.
01:18:10We're going to have our own room where people can get their feet massaged.
01:18:38Hold your position, Glendale, and keep that laser on the target.
01:18:41On the target?
01:18:43We are the target.
01:18:47Tell them to hurry up.
01:18:48You better hurry.
01:18:49We got 60 pissed off Libyans heading towards us.
01:18:52Stay with it.
01:18:53Stay with it.
01:18:57Let's get these guys here.
01:18:59Come on.
01:19:00Okay.
01:19:02Get out of here.
01:19:03All right.
01:19:04This is for the Glendale water boy.
01:19:16Not bad, huh?
01:19:17Woo!
01:19:18Woo!
01:19:41Reload.
01:19:42No, no, no!
01:19:50I'll put it!
01:20:19Shit!
01:20:21Missed.
01:20:21Yeah, well, at least they didn't blow up my head.
01:20:25Where are you going, soldiers?
01:20:26We know you can do it.
01:20:27Oh, perfect.
01:20:28I'm gonna find you the biggest bottle of champagne in Chad.
01:20:32Yeah, well, don't pop the cork yet.
01:20:34The bomb's messed.
01:20:35The base wasn't hit.
01:20:37You better send another airstrike here and send it fast.
01:20:40Wait one.
01:20:49Lindale, the backup strike of F-111s is being diverted to your target.
01:20:54GTA, three minutes.
01:20:55Three minutes?
01:20:56What, are you crazy?
01:20:57We don't have three minutes.
01:20:59In three minutes, we're gonna be shish kebabs!
01:21:01We're under serious attack!
01:21:03You'll have to hold them.
01:21:18Oh, shit.
01:21:19Oh, my God.
01:21:21You better get the planes here sooner.
01:21:23The scuds are ready to fire.
01:21:25Two minutes and 30 seconds.
01:21:29Hey!
01:21:30Hey!
01:21:31Where's he going?
01:21:40What, what do?
01:21:42What, what?
01:21:44Bye.At
01:21:45you! All
01:21:47right, my man! You
01:21:51stay right here. I
01:21:52gotta go. Go!
01:21:54Put the gear! Put the gear! Put the gear!
01:22:03You guys, move over.
01:22:08Cock-firing mechanism.
01:22:11Report the situation.
01:22:14Shut up.
01:22:28Aim to set range if known or estimate. Who came up with these directions?
01:22:33I don't know.
01:22:34Tell me to shut up one more time when I'm gonna rip your spine out and use it for a
01:22:37putting iron.
01:22:38Shut up. I'm not good with directions.
01:22:43Push, safety, and hold down. Okay, now everybody back!
01:22:48Fire by pushing trigger.
01:22:55Suck on this a one time!
01:23:03Oh. Sorry.
01:23:10Last chance, my friend.
01:23:27No!
01:23:29No!
01:23:34No!
01:23:35No!
01:23:38No!
01:23:39Yeah!
01:23:42No!
01:23:46Yes!
01:23:46Oh, man!
01:23:50My signal everybody scream like crazy make them think we got 50 guys up here
01:24:14We scared
01:24:25Don't mess with the Glendale Reserves
01:24:29Two weeks a year, one week in a month, we're the few! We're the browns! We're the water boys!
01:24:41All stuck!
01:24:43Get down!
01:24:43No!
01:24:44No!
01:24:45No!
01:24:50No!
01:24:56No!
01:24:58No!
01:25:11No!
01:25:37No!
01:25:40No!
01:25:40No!
01:25:43No!
01:25:44No!
01:25:52You ought to be damn pleased with yourselves!
01:25:56Congratulations! You did an outstanding job!
01:25:59It wasn't a job for a sergeant!
01:26:01It was an adventure!
01:26:03– G feeds here!
01:26:23Thank you!
01:26:28Let's go toabad!
01:26:30Congratulations!
01:26:31Daniel Jesus!
01:26:35You're going to have to go get a blood test phone.
01:27:13You're going to have to go get a blood test phone.
01:27:32You're going to have to go get a blood test phone.
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