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Taskmaster - S19E04 - Midnight Picnic [Full Movie] [New Drama]Full EP - Full
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Short filmTranscript
00:02This was a mistake!
00:04Shut up!
00:05Button?
00:14You're mad.
00:16Wow.
00:34CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
00:36Hello!
00:37I am Greg Davies.
00:40Welcome once more to Taskmaster.
00:42We all know the score, five trophy-hungry comedians,
00:45rip open some medieval envelopes
00:47and then run around having a breakdown,
00:50which I mark out of five.
00:51I'm a dreamer, and one day those cowards at Channel 4
00:55will take my Squid Games crossover proposal seriously.
00:58But for now, regrettably,
01:00it's only their careers that are in danger.
01:03Their names?
01:04Fatih Al Ghori!
01:07CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
01:08Jason Manzuka!
01:10CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
01:11Matthew Bainter!
01:12CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
01:13Rosie Ramsey!
01:15And Stevie Martin!
01:18CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
01:19And next to me, a man who wrote under a pseudonym
01:23to his local paper saying that he thinks
01:25disabled access regulations in shops
01:28are political correctness gone mad.
01:30LAUGHTER
01:31In the Cheshire Gazette, he's Dr Stephen Morris,
01:34but we know him...
01:35LAUGHTER
01:37..and little Alex Hall!
01:40CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
01:44Hi, Greg.
01:46I've created something just for you.
01:47OK.
01:48I've been working with the National Highways.
01:50I know you love driving.
01:53LAUGHTER
01:53He's good at it.
01:55I've come up with some new road signs.
01:57I used to help everyone, really.
01:58This is, um...
01:59You know, sometimes there's quite a lot of flies.
02:01LAUGHTER
02:02So you'll drive more carefully.
02:05LAUGHTER
02:05Oh, gosh.
02:06OK, there's one.
02:07I've got a lot of these.
02:07This is, um...
02:09Quiet Zone on the road.
02:11Just...
02:11How many...
02:12How many of these are there?
02:13We're halfway.
02:15LAUGHTER
02:15OK, this is a little section of the road.
02:17Well, it's back to the flies, really.
02:18Don't open your windows,
02:19open your mouth because of the fly.
02:20Same fly.
02:21LAUGHTER
02:22OK, this one's for outside our house.
02:23Just try it more carefully.
02:26LAUGHTER
02:28LAUGHTER
02:28A little smile.
02:29There's a little smile.
02:31LAUGHTER
02:31LAUGHTER
02:32That's a good one, eh?
02:33Careful.
02:33Yes, it's a very clever technique of lowering the comedic bar so low.
02:38But just the slightest hint of a joke...
02:40Yeah.
02:41..gets something.
02:42I know what I'm doing.
02:43LAUGHTER
02:44Right, let's crack on with the prize task.
02:46Oh, boring.
02:47Not really, of course.
02:48I love the prize task.
02:50And this time, the category is...
02:51The thing that least suits its name if you shout it loudly
02:55while we're all looking at it on the screen.
02:57Whoa!
02:58Oh, my...
02:59Oh, Greg.
03:00We're not running out of ideas.
03:01And yes, Greg.
03:02LAUGHTER
03:03You will give five points to the thing you think least suits its name
03:07when shouted loudly while we're all looking at it on the screen.
03:10And that is horn over and out.
03:12Right.
03:12Jason.
03:14What thing have you brought in that doesn't suit its name
03:16when it's shouted?
03:17So, will we show it and have the audience shout it
03:20immediately upon its arrival on screen?
03:22If that's what you'd like.
03:23This is your moment.
03:24That's what we're going to do.
03:25So, this is an album that I brought you by a great, wonderful band.
03:29Could we throw it up now, Alex?
03:32Fanny!
03:33LAUGHTER
03:35Now, where I come from, Fanny is a tush.
03:38It's a bum.
03:38Yeah.
03:39Right?
03:39But here I've been told it's not.
03:41And it's quite rude.
03:43What have you been told it is here?
03:45Yeah.
03:45It's a front bum.
03:46Oh.
03:47That's what I call mine.
03:49LAUGHTER
03:50I've never heard anyone call it a front bum except my mum.
03:52Oh, I call it that because your mum calls it that.
03:55LAUGHTER
04:01I'm just happy she's getting laid.
04:03LAUGHTER
04:04Great start.
04:05OK.
04:06Who's next?
04:07Certainly Stevie.
04:08I suppose the same.
04:09We just put it up and everyone shouts it.
04:11Show it!
04:12Show it!
04:14Shuttlecock!
04:15It's got cock in it.
04:17LAUGHTER
04:19Should we discuss this or should we just move on to whoever's got tits?
04:23LAUGHTER
04:24We call this a birdie.
04:25That's just as weird as shuttlecock.
04:27Agreed.
04:28Well, let's find out.
04:29Just shout birdie at it for me.
04:31Birdie!
04:32I think that's better than a shuttlecock.
04:33I think it is.
04:34This is strong.
04:35It does not look like a shuttlecock.
04:37Matthew.
04:38I'm going to shout this because people might mistake it.
04:41So what have you brought in, Matthew?
04:44Mummy!
04:46LAUGHTER
04:48APPLAUSE
04:52You've been raiding the old tombs again, haven't you?
04:55Like our forefathers before us.
04:58Grab it, bring it back to Britain.
05:00Why not?
05:02Elgin Mark II.
05:03Rosie.
05:04I have brought with me...
05:06A LIAR!
05:08LAUGHTER
05:10L-Y-R-E.
05:13LIAR!
05:14And I feel like that's not the first time you've shouted that at some point.
05:17LAUGHTER
05:18I'm a bit thrown by these because normally they all bring such terrible ones in.
05:23And it's quite good.
05:24It's quite strong, isn't it?
05:26Oh, Fatia.
05:27Is it OK if we do the thing where...?
05:29But you'd like the audience to shout your ones?
05:31Please, yeah.
05:31OK, so Fatia's brought in this.
05:34Broom!
05:35I brought in a broom because what is a broom?
05:38Like, that's a sweeper, isn't it?
05:40LAUGHTER
05:41The name doesn't do what it says.
05:43Like, a cooker cooks.
05:44What would you call a car?
05:45Are you saying a car should be called a broom because it goes broom?
05:48Broom, broom.
05:49LAUGHTER
05:50It's actually called an automobile, but we call it car because it's...
05:55And after Alan Carr.
05:59LAUGHTER
06:02She had faith in that sentence all the way up.
06:04LAUGHTER
06:06A car should be called an automobile.
06:07It is called an automobile.
06:09Because it...?
06:10It's mobile, but it's automatically mobile.
06:13That's why it's called that.
06:14What do you call a chair?
06:16What do you call a chair?
06:16Listen, brav!
06:17LAUGHTER
06:19I don't know if she's got a point.
06:21Or...
06:22Absolute madness.
06:23I don't...
06:24I'm going to give Fanny one point because I don't mind it.
06:27I don't mind it.
06:27OK, one point to chase.
06:28I mean, Matt's very clever because you could shout Mummy in such a way
06:31that it does suit it, but he shouted it in a sort of
06:34I've wet my pants way.
06:36LAUGHTER
06:36What's the matter to you?
06:37Broom, three points, and you can thank me for it.
06:40LAUGHTER
06:40Liar.
06:41What a beautiful instrument that is.
06:43So, four points to Liar.
06:44Five points to Shuttlecock.
06:46APPLAUSE
06:49I would very much like a task proper, please, young man.
06:53OK, well, what are your two favourite things, Greg?
06:56Mannequins and wetsuits.
06:58Oh, bingo!
06:59LAUGHTER
07:14Jason.
07:16Alex.
07:17You've got lovely wrists.
07:18Do you mind giving me your wrist?
07:20Which one?
07:24Let's just finish the afternoon.
07:29All right.
07:30Ready?
07:31Yes.
07:31Put the most wetsuits on mannequins.
07:36The mannequins must be wearing their wetsuits properly.
07:40Also, you must tiptoe throughout.
07:42And put your finger on your lips and say shh at least once every 20 seconds.
07:48You have 15 minutes.
07:50And you're going to give me the buzz for that...
07:52Yeah.
07:5320 seconds?
07:54A very small electric shock.
07:55OK.
07:56It seems cruel, but OK.
08:00That'll buzz every 20 seconds to remind you to shh.
08:04Too much...
08:07Shhh.
08:08OK.
08:08Your time starts now.
08:10Tiptoe, please.
08:11Oh!
08:16Pretty straightforward game, I would say.
08:18But before we start, who would like to see Matthew adopt his tiptoe position?
08:23LAUGHTER
08:24LAUGHTER
08:29APPLAUSE
08:30LAUGHTER
08:31LAUGHTER
08:32LAUGHTER
08:33APPLAUSE
08:34Wonderful.
08:35The toxic masculinity coming off you is disgusting.
08:39Right.
08:40Right.
08:41I'm going to start by showing you three people, including Matthew,
08:43trying to put wetsuits on mannequins whilst shushing.
08:47And those people are Manzoukas, El Ghori and, of course, Payton.
08:51Where are the mannequins?
08:52Tiptoe, please.
08:52Tiptoe, please.
08:53Mm, shh.
08:55Sshh.
08:55Where are the mannequins?
09:00Sshhh.
09:02Sshhhh.
09:04Sshhhh.
09:05And...
09:05LAUGHTER
09:09Have you found a wetsuit?
09:11Shhh.
09:13None in there.
09:15I can see another one in there.
09:17Shhh.
09:19Why is this locked?
09:20Alex, do you know where the key to this is?
09:22Yeah.
09:23Can you tell me?
09:24Normal place.
09:27Shhh.
09:30Here we go with the nonsense.
09:32Here we go.
09:33There's a lot of keys there.
09:34Shhh.
09:35Is there a key in there?
09:37And a lollipop?
09:41Oh.
09:42Under door, man.
09:46Oh, my God.
09:47I'm not going to get anything done.
09:49This has got something to do with it.
09:53I'm...fucking hate me.
09:56Oh, my God.
09:57Sorry, it's dead.
10:00Shhh.
10:01Shhh.
10:04Where are the wetsuits?
10:11That's crafting materials.
10:13Where are all the fucking wetsuits?
10:16I see my wetsuits.
10:22I've located several mannequins.
10:25I'm not certain I should be whispering.
10:27And I can't find you in wetsuits.
10:30You've got ten minutes to go.
10:40Oh.
10:43How much time do we have left?
10:45Five minutes twenty.
10:45.
11:05You say, you say, you say, you say, you sit in the myths you're putting in there?
11:16Maybe there's that baby mannequin somewhere yeah, maybe come on you little fucker one minute forty left
11:24Three seconds left, okay
11:28That's a wetsuit
11:30Oh
11:34Please why would I be pleased?
11:37I definitely took my finger off my lips, so I was you take your finger off your lips
11:43That was part of the task wasn't it
11:59That was part of the task, right? I mean he was so upset he thought he'd been disqualified because he
12:03took it off at one point
12:05Yeah, I've thought about that more than once a day every day soon
12:11Devastation at the end of both of your scenes was quite similar and yet you increasingly are coming across as
12:18a serial killer
12:18The child mannequin and within seconds you said come on you little fuck
12:28Question is am I gonna allow wetsuit you bloody better I
12:33I
12:33Will allow wetsuit. Thank you
12:35It was thinking this is a bit of lateral thinking and we've got a reward that her baby. Thank you.
12:39Oh
12:43This place is gonna be called Mosque master
12:51So the chance for you to take a few moments away from the intensity of this competition, I'm not gonna
13:00tell you how to relax
13:01Alex you do you Alex
13:03Alex?
13:16Hello! Welcome back! It's the start of part two
13:21Mannequins, wetsuits and shushing are the name of the game and the names of the people playing the game right
13:25now are Stevie and Rosie
13:30Ah
13:31Ah yes!
13:32Found a kid!
13:34Shhh!
13:36Lovely
13:36Come on
13:38Under the doormat
13:39Yeah, you always keep them under the doormat
13:44Right, okay
13:47Wet suit
13:49Oh
13:50The suit's wet
13:51Is it?
13:53Yeah
13:53I thought these things were like illegal
13:55Not on people weirdly
13:57Just on dogs
14:00Come on
14:01I imagine this is what marrying older man's like
14:05Yeah
14:10Yeah
14:10Come on mate
14:17There you go, that's fine
14:19I need some more wetsuits
14:20Can I have that one that you've got on?
14:23If you don't mind, I don't want to be awkward or weird
14:26I
14:26I
14:26Oh
14:29A child!
14:30Oh
14:31There's a hole
14:35There's another one
14:36Have you got any underwear on?
14:37That's fine, yeah
14:38Sorry
14:38No, that's all right
14:40Thank you
14:43Oh
14:45Right, I'm going in
14:46Okay
14:48Oh
14:49Jackpot!
14:56He's gonna bury
14:57The floor's back
14:59This is weird
15:01I don't
15:02I'm getting paid enough
15:03For this
15:04Hmm
15:08Oh
15:08Did you get me your other suits that you've got?
15:11You could do with putting one on later on
15:15We're getting ready
15:22Yeah, the time's up
15:24Thank you, Stevie
15:25Thank you
15:26Bye-bye
15:36Bye-bye
15:37Stevie, I thoroughly enjoyed you repeatedly punching a mannequin in the gooch
15:44Apparently the mannequins that I found in the bushes were not part of the task
15:49That was like a mannequin graveyard
15:51Yeah
15:51Yeah, we used mannequins over the years and this and the ones that had been too, I guess, punched over
15:56the years
15:56We'd just chuck under a tree and we weren't expecting someone to go foraging for mannequin
16:01Under the tree
16:03Rosie, talk me through the narrative of the way that you look after this old man
16:07Oh
16:08I've got a bit attached to him actually
16:09I'm trying to name them
16:10Yeah, he gave him names
16:10Yeah, I named quite a lot of them
16:12Yeah, it was Eric, Eric's brother and their son, Shearer
16:14Yes
16:16So Eric was the old man
16:18The older guy
16:18That you were in a relationship with
16:19Yeah
16:19And you put his trousers on so violently his arm fell off
16:22He gets right on me fucking nerves
16:27Um, did they do well?
16:29Yes
16:29Matt, nearly sort of three quarters of one wetsuit onto one mannequin
16:34Oh
16:34In fact, she's got a total of one
16:37Jason really went for it and got a total of two and a quarter wetsuits
16:41Stevie, you got three and a half
16:42Rosie, because she used the suits and made them wet
16:45Four in total, so she gets a full five points
16:48There it is
16:49APPLAUSE
16:51There we go
16:53Let's see the scoreboard
16:55All right, well, it's interesting
16:56Our winner of the first three episodes is in last place on three points
17:00Whereas Rosie and Stevie are three times as many
17:02They've got nine points each and are joined first
17:04CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
17:09Right, ten of the task, please
17:12Hmm, there is no task
17:15Ooh
17:16No, there is one really
17:17I was lying
17:18Here we go
17:18LAUGHTER
17:28Hello, Rosie
17:29Hello, Alex
17:30Hello
17:31Alex, how are you?
17:32I'm great
17:33Would you like to?
17:34Yeah
17:35After you, please
17:35OK
17:36OK
17:39Convince the other team that the following things are the opposite of what they are
17:43The liquid in the cup is very hot
17:45Or very cold
17:47The bag is really heavy
17:49Or really light
17:50The paste in the tube is delicious
17:52Or disgusting
17:54Alex is or isn't behind the curtain
17:57Two of you have or haven't met the same really famous person
18:02Most deceptive team wins
18:04You have a maximum of 20 minutes
18:06Your time starts
18:09Now
18:10OK, I get this
18:12And you're an actor
18:13So you'll be really good at this
18:14So we have to
18:14Oh, what about me?
18:16Yeah, you'll be fine
18:17Are they inclined to believe us?
18:19I mean, A
18:19We're phenomenal actors
18:22So if I go like this
18:25Pretend it's hot
18:26That was very rubbish, bruv
18:28The paste in the tube is delicious
18:30Or disgusting
18:30OK, it's so hard
18:32The paste in the tube is
18:33And it's empty
18:34Who's the most famous person you've met?
18:36Well, weirdly
18:37You were just talking about
18:38Anne or Ed Sheeran
18:39And you just did a thing with him
18:41Yeah
18:41You've both met Ed Sheeran
18:42Have you not?
18:44Not yet
18:44Bruv, they let anyone on this show
18:46Swear darn
18:47We're off
18:51OK
18:51Good luck team
18:52Thank you
18:57Let's go
18:58OK
18:58So one team is going to try to convince the other team
19:01That things are not what they are
19:03We're going to see, first of all
19:04The team of three
19:05Trying to convince the team of two
19:06That the liquid in the cup
19:08Is very hot
19:08Or very cold
19:09The bag is really heavy
19:10Or really light
19:11And the paste in the tube
19:12Is delicious
19:12Or disgusting
19:15CHEERS
19:17CHEERS
19:18CHEERS
19:20CHEERS
19:21CHEERS
19:21CHEERS
19:22CHEERS
19:23CHEERS
19:25CHEERS
19:25CHEERS
19:25CHEERS
19:26CHEERS
19:27CHEERS
19:32CHEERS
19:33CHEERS
19:41CHEERS
19:42That was nice, that
19:51This is so soothing lovely and hot
19:57Okay, did you go to rather?
20:03I don't get a BAFTA for this. I swear
20:08Well, there you go. We've never done a live guessing. No, this is interesting. This is interesting
20:12Okay, I'm gonna go over there. Oh, right. Oh, this is nice. Stevie, you could go over there. Yeah, all
20:17right
20:32The children's midnight picnic
20:34It's only reason why they can't confer out loud. No, no, no, it would be much easier all around, but
20:38you do whatever you want
20:39This is cold. Are you whispering? I was going to
20:47Would be nice if we could hear this because it's a telly show
20:55For giving us this opportunity to do something we've never done before
21:00What's gonna happen when we graduate
21:10So you think you think Matthew's double bluffing and that it is in fact heavy Matthew's is the only one
21:16I think I'm not sure about I feel like it was disgusting for Rosie
21:19I feel like it was cold for fattier. I might have something up
21:22I mean, sit down. It's just making me really
21:30What are your answers cold disgusting heavy, okay? Well, let's see. Here's the truth
21:51What is it vegan mayonnaise delicious?
22:07You're not gonna see Jason and Stevie either lying or not lying so watch closely, okay?
22:22Okay
22:33I made you some tea. Thank you so much. You're so relevant to the task
22:36Oh
22:42All right, okay, cheers bottoms up
22:51That's absolutely delicious
22:53Oh
22:53Oh
22:54Really?
22:56Sure
22:58That's pretty good
22:59That's not very well
23:02Before the dressing style, I'd just like to point out that those two have the energy of an educational theatre
23:09Okay, guys, let's talk period
23:14Right, team of three, what do you think?
23:15I think it's light and they thought the sound of the pebbles would make us think that they'd kept them
23:20in
23:20I think it was really hot
23:22I think it might be a talent that she's got where she's like I can drink really hot stuff
23:26And I think it was hot
23:27I think it was cold like ours because the steam disappeared immediately
23:31No, it still kept a little bit
23:32I think they just did a better job of not having
23:46Like a fawn that had been scared
23:48You did the thing as well, the little thing
23:54Sorry, the audible ice cubes, I think that's what got us, not your acting
24:00And I think it was delicious, but it hit the back of his throat and made him gag
24:04Do you think? I think it was disgusting
24:06I'd back use whatever you said, I promise I won't kick off
24:10So we're going light, hot, delicious
24:15If you fucking get this wrong
24:18This is what I was afraid of
24:20Well, let's see how many of the three you got right
24:22Oh, no
24:23Here we go, guys
24:24Okay
24:28Now, we've got to empty it
24:30So, I just want to make sure there will be a cut here, right?
24:33Yeah, yeah, okay
24:34Please tell us, what was in the cup?
24:37Cold water
24:39What was in the tube?
24:41Marmite
24:41Peanut butter
24:42Water
24:43And gravy pellets?
24:47Bisto
24:47Oh, Bisto
24:50Really nice
24:52It was fine
24:53BUZZ
24:54Two out of three, not bad
24:56I'll do out of three
24:57APPLAUSE
25:01Well, has another part break come along quickly
25:03Same drill, you do what you want, me and Alex will do our thing
25:07That's...
25:12That's...
25:15APPLAUSE
25:19Hello, welcome back to Taskmaster part three
25:23Good morning, darling
25:24Now, we're going to see
25:25All of them lying or not lying
25:28About whether they've met the same famous person
25:30And whether I'm behind a shower curtain
25:32Weird, isn't it?
25:34Good luck
25:34Here we go
25:37Welcome
25:38Alex Horne is behind the curtain
25:40Please show them
25:46Disgusting clipboard
25:48Ta-da!
25:53So I met James Bay
25:55My husband Chris is a comedian
25:56And he was doing the comedy
26:02Where did you meet James Bay?
26:04I met James Bay at Old Trafford
26:07That's a charity football match
26:10Yeah, I haven't met him
26:11I'm not famous enough, sorry
26:13We've met James Bay
26:14We've met James Bay
26:15Nice guy
26:16I've met some famous people
26:17You've met loads of famous
26:18Oh, I've met Tom Cruise
26:19Oh, I've met Tom Cruise
26:21No, you haven't
26:21I tested for a Mission Impossible
26:24For, like, one of the computer guys
26:25He was leaving as I was coming in
26:27And he was like, hello
26:27I used to be a journalist
26:28But he walked right past me
26:30But he did go, how you doing?
26:31Yes!
26:32That's enough, isn't it?
26:33Tom Cruise
26:33Tom Cruise!
26:36Interesting
26:37I think maybe the team of three
26:38Should do the guessing
26:39And I don't want to influence you
26:41But if you're behind the curtain
26:42For Jason and Stevie's attempt
26:45I will pull my trousers and pants down
26:47Right?
26:47LAUGHTER
26:50That was very good
26:51You make your own decision
26:52I thought he might be behind the dummy that they were punching
26:55That's what I thought
26:56And that, I will come to regret that
26:57Which is technically behind
26:59OK, and the famous person?
27:02I doubt it
27:02I doubt it
27:03Yeah, I doubt it
27:04I've seen all of Mission's Impossible
27:05He ain't in it
27:06OK
27:08That's a lie
27:09That's a lie
27:09So it's a lie
27:09One or both of them
27:10So we're saying no to the famous person, yes to me being behind the shelter
27:14Yes
27:14All right, team of two
27:16What do you think?
27:17Now, who is it that you guys are saying you've met?
27:19I don't know him either
27:21The singer James Bale
27:22Oh, James Bale
27:22Possibly they've met him because he seems very accessible
27:25He's not Tom Cruise
27:29He's not Tom Cruise, is he?
27:37Because that's huge
27:37LAUGHTER
27:40Let's say it
27:40I think they met him
27:41OK, and then is Alex behind the thing?
27:43They took the clipboard out?
27:44No, I think they balanced the clipboard on a mannequin
27:47Oh, yeah
27:47And then did that
27:48All right
27:48So let's find out if they were telling the truth
27:51Oh
27:52Hello, team
27:52Hello
27:53Please raise your hands if you've met James Bale
28:00Have you met Tom Cruise?
28:02No
28:13Yes
28:13Yes
28:13Yes
28:16Yes
28:19Yes
28:19So, do some summaries
28:21Well, not before you take your trousers and pants down
28:23Yes
28:24Yes
28:25Yes
28:25Yes
28:26Yes
28:26Yes
28:26Yes
28:29I am a man of my word
28:31And I told you you would all get an opportunity to see me take my trousers and pants down
28:36But I didn't say when or where
28:38Ah
28:39I'm going to meet you all individually
28:42Individually?
28:43That's the time and place of my choosing
28:45We're all looking forward to that
28:46But that final round really changed things
28:48It turned out that the team of three ended up getting four out of the five right
28:51The team of two only got three out of the five right
28:53So the team of three get five points
28:55It's up to you how many the team of two get
28:57Or we should give them three points
28:58Three to the team of two
28:59Five to the team of three
29:00Correct
29:01APPLAUSE
29:04Very good, what's next please?
29:05We're going to have a glorious yet infuriating lightbulb moment
29:20Hello
29:22Lovely smile
29:24You too
29:37Tell Alex why the lightbulb turns on
29:44You may not touch or tamper with the lightbulb
29:48Fastest correct answer wins
29:51Your time starts now
29:53Your time starts now
29:53I don't understand what that means
29:57So I need to...
30:01APPLAUSE
30:05I don't know how the lightbulb turns on
30:07But Rosie was certainly having a good time
30:10LAUGHTER
30:11Let's see some stuff
30:12Yes, it's not how it turns on
30:14It's why it turns on
30:14And first to go
30:15It's Rosie Ramsey
30:16And...
30:17Matty Batty
30:23No
30:27Ooh
30:31How did this turn on?
30:34The speed of light
30:37Is it when I talk?
30:39No
30:40When I...
30:41Smile?
30:42No
30:45When I look at it
30:46Do you turn it on when I...
30:49I don't
30:50Oh
30:53Oh, there's another
30:59Fastest wins, remember
31:02Right
31:02Oh my...
31:04Oh my word, right
31:04Read this out loud and in full
31:06If you fail to read this out loud and in full
31:09You will fail the current task
31:14Dear Rosie, congratulations
31:15You have looked under the table and found this
31:18A letter just for you
31:19This is bullshit
31:19This is gonna be bullshit
31:20You didn't have such curious instincts
31:23You wouldn't now be reading this personal note
31:26No, this is bullshit
31:27I think you are funny
31:28I like your hair
31:29In almost every drawer
31:31And almost every shelf
31:32Beneath almost every stone
31:33I've always thought you're the sort of person
31:36Who would look under the table
31:38The truth
31:39The truth
31:39The truth is our taskmaster
31:40Is not just about the taskmaster
31:41You're a humble person
31:42And I don't have to carry on
31:44Like
31:44See you discover there's a little box inside your mouth
31:47It's about opening that box
31:48It's about opening that box
31:49It's about opening that box
31:50OK, then
31:51I'd better go now
31:52Well done again on finding this valuable paper
31:55OK, carry on
31:56Yours Greg
31:56That's
31:59That's
31:59That's not anything
32:00Is it?
32:00I don't think that means anything
32:01Right, yeah, you've got to tell me why the lightbulb turned off
32:05What's this?
32:05Plus two
32:06Plus two
32:07Plus two
32:09It's spatial expressions
32:16Extraordinary
32:21I've got to cry
32:22Can you cry on cue?
32:23Probably
32:23It's worth a try
32:30You're good?
32:31Yeah?
32:32Oh dear
32:37Oh yeah
32:41It's not crying, is it?
32:43No
32:43No
32:43You're good?
32:44Yeah?
32:46Oh dear
32:47I smiled when I came in
32:48Something to do with facial expressions
32:50Two times
32:52Is it smiling?
32:54And then being sad
32:56And then smile
32:56And then being sad
33:01Two seconds after I smile
33:03I've stopped the clock
33:04When I smile
33:05And then I go sad
33:06Two seconds later it goes on
33:09I'm going to stop the clock
33:11You're right
33:13You're right
33:17This should be a jolly task
33:19But there were moments of great sadness there, won't there?
33:22Rosie crying
33:23Matthew appeared to have some sort of existential crisis
33:26It's nice to have a task that fractures your relationship
33:29With the concept of smiling
33:34Exactly what we hoped for
33:35Rosie thought it might be smiling very early on and then moved on very quickly
33:38But you got it in the end in 16 minutes 54
33:40Matthew 13 minutes 54
33:4213?
33:4313, yeah
33:43Wow, it felt like a lot longer
33:48Right, soon
33:49Someone will be taking home a liar and a fanny
33:52Which reminds me of a date with my ex
33:56As in
33:58She was dishonest
33:59And her name was Fungita
34:11Hello, and here we go, it's the final part of the show and there's a really annoying tusk in play
34:17They're the best ones and now it's Jason and Stevie's turn to work out what's turning the lightbulb on
34:23Alright, let's see
34:25I'm going to try
34:30It's when I tip to the right
34:32It's not
34:34I put raisins in this little hole
34:36Can't imagine this is what I'm meant to do
34:38But there is something oddly satisfying about it
34:41No, you look happy
34:42I appreciate it
34:45You're looking at me as a red herring
34:50Plus two
34:51Plus two
34:52Hmm
34:52I'll do two raisins
34:55Oh boy
34:57That only tells me I'm on the right path
35:03Is it every time I look at the ball?
35:10Oh, I hate it
35:20We haven't put the ball on for eight...
35:22What?
35:33If you've turned that bulb on...
35:40Is that you?
35:41No
35:43Looks like you
35:44Is it when I make this space?
35:49Nope
35:51Fuck off!
35:55Speed of light?
35:56Question mark miles
35:58Divided by two seconds
35:59What do you want me to do with that information?
36:01Like what?
36:02Speed of light?
36:04So that is relevant
36:05Oh, is it?
36:06This clue is relevant to the goddamn task?
36:10Shocking!
36:11It's almost like he's asking me how many miles
36:15Smiles
36:17Smiles per two seconds
36:18So I go off two seconds after I put raisins in the little hole?
36:22Here we go
36:24No
36:25I mean...
36:26No
36:26No
36:27Oh, wait a minute!
36:29Oh, no!
36:30Oh, no!
36:32No!
36:36Does it go after?
36:37Two seconds after I'm angry
36:38Two seconds after I've laughed
36:39After I say, okay
36:41Two seconds after I'm thinking
36:44It's everything in my power right now to not flip this table
36:47Is it two seconds after I stop smiling?
36:51Can you try it out?
36:56Ah!
36:57Ah!
36:58Yes!
37:02The light goes on two seconds after I stop something
37:06I've stopped the clock
37:07But I need you to go now
37:08Because I need to take that box apart
37:09Because it's full of raisins
37:10You know what?
37:11Put some water in
37:12You'll have grapes
37:20I don't think so far we've seen you quite as crazed during a task
37:24I think it really got to you, right?
37:26Yeah, that was the angriest I was
37:27But what a celebration
37:30Jason?
37:31Yes, Greg?
37:31I thought it was quite clever
37:32Um, on the first attempt of popping raisins into the little hole
37:36Yeah
37:36I was less convinced of your intelligence by the third time you started
37:41I'm not going to lie
37:42They cut many times out
37:44Yeah, yeah
37:45Do you want to tell us how they did?
37:47Yes, Stevie, you were 28 minutes
37:48Oh, my God
37:49Jesus Christ
37:50That's why I was so upset
37:52What about old raisin popper?
37:54Yeah
37:5552, 52 minutes
37:57LAUGHTER
38:03We had a six minute debate about whether it's math or maths
38:06Can you cut it?
38:07We had to cut it, Jason
38:09LAUGHTER
38:10Now, this will be interesting
38:12Can the angriest Taskmaster contestant of all time
38:16Can she even smile?
38:18We don't know
38:19We don't know
38:21No
38:22You're quite right, Greg
38:23It's time for fabulous fatia final
38:26What's this?
38:27Can I use these?
38:28Ooh
38:31What happened?
38:36Is it when I smile?
38:44Do you remember I used to do that in school?
38:46That's a fake smile
38:47Do you remember that?
38:48We didn't go to the same school
38:49No
38:51Oh, hell no
38:52LAUGHTER
38:53OK, wait
38:53This says, yeah
38:55Two plus smiles
38:57Oh, is it got to do with time?
38:58I got it
38:59I got it, honey
39:01OK
39:02I smile
39:03Two second break
39:04And then it comes on
39:05That's it
39:06OK
39:08Smile
39:09One, two
39:10Light comes on
39:11Got it?
39:12You got it
39:15Somebody call the vet
39:16Because these swans are sick
39:23Somebody call the vet
39:25Because these swans are sick
39:26No, man
39:26No, the swans aren't actually sick
39:27And if they were
39:28Well, they're not really swans, are they?
39:29But also, it's not the vet you call for this
39:31They've got this domestic stuff
39:33Yeah
39:33What you actually should say
39:35Someone call whoever's responsible for the swan community
39:40That's directly linked to the royal family
39:41Because these swans are sick
39:43And not many people are qualified to deal with it
39:47Give me some times
39:48Well, obviously, Jason gets one point
39:49For his nearly an hour
39:50Stevie, two points
39:52Nearly half an hour
39:53Rosie, three points for your 16 minutes
39:55Matt, four points for 13 minutes
39:57Fatia, seven minutes, five points
39:59There we go
39:59CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
40:05I can't believe it
40:06To exceed some scores
40:08Fatia, you are now in second place
40:10Just two points behind Rosie
40:11Who's on 17 points
40:12Wow
40:13CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
40:18OK, everyone
40:19Please make your way to the stage
40:20For the final task of the show
40:23CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
40:31Hi there, baby boy
40:33Hello
40:36Who's going to read the task out?
40:38It's Fatia
40:40Win a game of...
40:44Frontham
40:46One at a time
40:47Each person must discard three socks
40:50From the washing line
40:51And add one
40:52If all your coloured socks are removed
40:56You are eliminated
40:57Last player standing wins the game of Frontham
41:01We all know Frontham
41:02So it's a...
41:03Traditional game
41:04You may not be aware of it, Jason
41:06But the others will be
41:06Um...
41:09In your black socks
41:10You've got a secret sock
41:11That is your colour
41:12Don't let anyone else see the colour of your sock
41:14The aim of Frontham, as we all know
41:16Is to leave your coloured sock
41:18Standing on the washing line
41:20So on your go
41:21You're going to go first Fatia
41:22You can remove three socks
41:23Any socks
41:24And then you've got to put one sock on
41:26From your bucket
41:27As soon as your colour disappears
41:29You're out
41:29It's Frontham
41:30I mean I don't know why I'm...
41:32LAUGHTER
41:33This is sock chess
41:34This is...
41:35Yeah
41:35This is cerebral
41:36So why don't you all have a look
41:37Secretly inside your secret sock
41:39Remember your colour
41:41Don't reveal it
41:41Because there's a lot of tactics involved in this
41:43As always we go right to left
41:45That's you first Fatia
41:46So you can remove three socks
41:48I'm going to be tactical here
41:50I have to be
41:51I'm so sorry
41:54Oh my god
41:55If you...
41:56Yeah
41:57And now what?
41:58Pick one and put it on
41:59Absolutely
41:59Just bring it back to its folk
42:01Mr. Friends
42:02Yeah
42:03I wonder what your secret sock colour is
42:05That's the guy
42:06No it could be a double bluff
42:07That's Frontham
42:10Jason's up now
42:10Now he could eliminate orange from the game
42:12I mean he'd be a fucking psycho if he did
42:14Let's see
42:17Ooh
42:17Oh my god
42:19He's mixing his colours
42:20These Americans are so flash
42:22So green is back to normal now
42:24OK
42:24Perilous for orange
42:26But he's still going to put one back on
42:27Oh my god
42:28Matthew that's Frontham
42:31Oh my gosh
42:32Oh Jesus
42:33Oh my god
42:34Don't reveal your orange yet
42:35Don't reveal your orange yet
42:36You pig
42:37Again don't reveal if you're orange yet
42:41Not even a clue Rosie if possible
42:43Mmm
42:43OK
42:44Oh
42:45Back to the half dozen yellows
42:47So
42:47Would you like the orange to reveal themselves?
42:49Do I need to?
42:51Ask them?
42:52It's me
42:53Oh
42:53Oh
42:54Look you all
42:58Rosie
42:58A master of deception
43:00Let's Frontham
43:01OK
43:02This is tricky
43:03OK
43:03It's a full board at the moment
43:07Oh
43:08Lovely
43:10I know right
43:11Yeah
43:12Well I've got to put one up don't I?
43:14She takes the blue off
43:15She puts the blue back on
43:18Psychological
43:18LAUGHTER
43:21APPLAUSE
43:24For a second I thought it was a masterful game of psychological warfare
43:28But she just forgot she took the blue off
43:32Now Fatia back to you I believe
43:33One
43:34One
43:35There's an aggression here
43:36Two
43:36Oh
43:38Oh Christ
43:39Oh
43:41Red's back up to full strength Greg
43:42I've not seen that for a few years
43:44LAUGHTER
43:47Lovely
43:48Oh my god
43:49That's great
43:51That's great
43:52Oh
43:54Cautious
43:55So Matthew
43:55The door is open on blues
43:57If you want to eliminate blues
43:58That means you do go up on the leaderboard
44:02Quick remind me why wouldn't he go for blue at this stage?
44:04LAUGHTER
44:06Matthew's his own man we've seen this in previous tournaments
44:09Interesting
44:12And then one back on is it another blue back on?
44:15No
44:15Yeah
44:16Oh it is
44:16That's unbelievable
44:18Wow
44:18Works for Rosie
44:20Is it the end?
44:23Yes
44:23Wow
44:24Very good
44:25APPLAUSE
44:26We love her
44:27We love her
44:28And there we go
44:29So we've lost Green
44:30But let's see who she puts up
44:32Even Stephens
44:33She's taken two people to a full complement
44:35Yeah
44:36We've lost someone
44:37Green
44:38It's me
44:38Oh
44:39Jason Mantuka gets two points
44:41APPLAUSE
44:43Yeah
44:44Yeah
44:46I know I'm going to have to do this like
44:47Come on
44:48Of course
44:48You do a double blue now
44:50I'm going to lose my god damn mind
44:52Oh
44:52I've gone
44:54Oh
44:54So this is it
44:55We might find out what colour she is
44:57Hmm
44:58Ooh
44:59It might be checkmate
45:00Oh
45:01Oh
45:04She's set up the ultimate head to head
45:07Unbelievable
45:08We've lost blue finally
45:09They clung on for a while
45:10Good blue step forward
45:11Thank you
45:13Thank you
45:13Thank you
45:14Thank you
45:16Thank you
45:16And now we're winning
45:18Rosie this is your turn
45:19You can't eliminate your opposition yet
45:21Please step up to the line
45:23North-South divide
45:29And the red
45:29Would you do that
45:34Yeah but they both know who the other one is
45:37Yeah
45:40The numbers will go down it will dwindle it has to dwindle
45:47It's the only move
45:47It's the only move
45:48It's the only move
45:48Oh god
45:49Sorry
45:50Sorry
45:51Tricky for you now Rose
45:57She's lost three yellow
45:59It's a desperate bit though because there's not a lot she can do
46:07She's staying brave
46:08She's staying brave
46:08We've got a real situation
46:10Yeah
46:10At this stage it's really whether or not Fatty remembers what colour her sock is
46:15Right let's have it bruv
46:18And we will last go
46:19Okay
46:20She's won something
46:24And listen I'll have those two final scores
46:26Come down and join me
46:34One of the greatest games of front hand I've ever witnessed
46:37I know it has changed the scores
46:38Very tight at the top but with 21 points
46:41The winner of this episode is Rosie Ramsey
46:51Rosie Ramsey has won things go and ogle your ugly men don't appear
46:55Thank you
46:56Thank you
47:27Thank you
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