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Taskmaster - S20E08 - Am I an Idiom [Full Movie] [High Quality]Full EP - Full
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00:01Oh, no!
00:05Hello?
00:12Hey!
00:18Nothing's ever straightforward in this stupid house.
00:31APPLAUSE
00:35Hello, I'm Greg Davies. Welcome to Taskmaster.
00:39I'd like to start on a personal note, if I may, today,
00:41and tell you that Anna, the member of the crew
00:44who makes my coffees when I arrive at studio,
00:46recently pointed out to me that in nearly 200 episodes of television,
00:49I have not once said thank you to her.
00:52And so I want to start this show by putting that right.
00:55Anna, sincerely, thank you for all your hard work.
00:58But also...
01:00Your coffee tastes like crap! Clear your desk!
01:02You think I can't replace you? I've got a Susan waiting!
01:05Right.
01:07Please welcome our contestants...
01:10Anya Magliano!
01:12CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
01:13Maziana!
01:15Phil Addis!
01:17Rhys Sheer-Smith!
01:19And Sanji Bhaskar!
01:23And next to me, a man who tells me he's going on holiday this year
01:28to a mysterious place where everybody spits when they talk.
01:32Wales!
01:33It's...
01:34Little Alex Horne!
01:37CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
01:38So, hello, people of Wales.
01:41I don't know what you've got against the people of Wales.
01:44Subhuman, you said.
01:45Oh, dear.
01:46Bryce Tusk, then.
01:47Yes, it is.
01:48Greg and I suppose it's also...
01:50Boo!
01:52Because this week, the category...
01:55The category is the best thing that has a surprise aspect to it.
01:59Oh, good.
02:00Yeah.
02:00I have to say, I was a little alarmed when I first saw your surprise
02:03aspect, Greg, but I've got used to it.
02:05I don't mind it at all now.
02:06The thing with a surprise that Greg likes best will get five points
02:10and the winner of the show gets to take home all five things.
02:14Hello, Rhys.
02:14What have you bought that might surprise me?
02:16As you know, I am a bit of a David Dickinson in real life.
02:19Well, you've filled your house full of weird things.
02:21That's right.
02:23I went to an antique fair and I bought this item.
02:27The Improved Patent Magneto Electric Machine for Nervous Diseases.
02:34You crank the handle and you hold the two things and it's meant
02:37to give you a shock.
02:39I was assured when I bought it from the man, it didn't work.
02:43Right.
02:44So, I took it home and I said to my daughter, Holly,
02:48do you want to have a go at it?
02:49Yeah, let's not take a risk on using it yourself.
02:52No.
02:52And I turned out and...
02:53And she gave her a mass in electricity.
02:58Absolutely bizarre.
03:01Anya?
03:01I brought in a mixtape and the thing that is surprising about it
03:04is that someone gave it to me and I've never listened to it.
03:07A boy?
03:08Yeah.
03:09What's he called?
03:10Ray.
03:10Ooh!
03:12So, I didn't have anything to listen to it on.
03:15I didn't have one of those...
03:15Oh, you didn't have a tape machine?
03:17Yeah.
03:18I don't know what that is.
03:19The mixtape looks like this.
03:20It is a classic cassette.
03:21We can see it there.
03:25I've never listened to it but Alex has listened to it.
03:28You don't know this, Anya, but Ray introduced it.
03:30So, I can play you Ray's voice.
03:31This is a meditation I made for you.
03:37There we go.
03:38Is that genuinely his voice?
03:41It's like older than the electric shock machine.
03:45It sounds like the guy who invented the telephone.
03:49The second bit goes, Germany call it!
03:52Germany call it!
03:55Well, Anya, let's not mess around.
03:57You've surprised me.
03:59It's the weirdest thing that we've ever had on the show.
04:04Sanjeev, what surprising thing have you brought in?
04:06Christmas crackers.
04:09Here they are.
04:10He's brought in Christmas crackers.
04:12OK.
04:12A variety.
04:13Hey!
04:14Huh?
04:17Do you know what's in them?
04:18Oh, OK.
04:19I shouldn't write one point down?
04:21It's not going to stop you.
04:24OK, let's take the white one.
04:26If you open that up...
04:28There's a banana in it!
04:30Weren't expecting that, were you?
04:32I thought it was.
04:35Hang on, then.
04:36If we take the banana out, what do we find in the banana?
04:39A little cracker!
04:40You weren't expecting that, were you?
04:42I am slightly more surprised by that.
04:45What do you find in the little cracker?
04:47Oh, God, it's not a mixtape, is it?
04:51No, it isn't!
04:52It's a picture of you!
04:53I was kind of expecting it to be a banana.
04:56I wasn't expecting the small cracker.
04:57There was an element of surprise.
05:01Macy.
05:03I've made a mixtape.
05:04I'm not Ray.
05:06I'm not Ray.
05:07No, I've made a compilation album.
05:10I reached out to various people connected to my fellow contestants
05:14and asked for surprising facts about you all.
05:17And this is the album that she's produced?
05:19It's called, Now What's That About You?
05:24Do you want to hear Phil's one?
05:27This is from your mum.
05:28When Phil was four, he went through a phase of only saying the words,
05:32Hedgehog no.
05:33Oh, fuck.
05:36Hedgehog no?
05:37We all go through that phase, don't we?
05:41Rhys, I reached out to your comedy partner, Steve Pemberton, for this one.
05:45OK. This is what Steve said.
05:47One surprising thing about Rhys is that he used to draw pornographic pictures of all our tutors when we were
05:57at college and he would take requests.
06:05Yeah, that's true.
06:07The requests used to be animals.
06:09Oh, George!
06:12Hedgehog no!
06:13LAUGHTER
06:18That is very surprising.
06:21Phil, last one.
06:22I have brought in a beautiful family heirloom, which is a grandfather clock.
06:28Yes, he has. Here it is.
06:29There it is. Beautiful, isn't it?
06:31It's lovely.
06:32Passed down, ironically, from my auntie, RIP.
06:35I, er...
06:37She's not dead, but it's no life the way she is at the moment, but...
06:40LAUGHTER
06:44But you opened the grandfather clock.
06:47It is a little surprise.
06:49Watch this.
06:50Yeah.
06:51It's also a fridge.
06:55Did you put the fridge in?
06:57Yeah.
06:58I've devalued it quite a lot.
07:01Oh, God.
07:03Oh, they're all quite good.
07:04Mm.
07:05Banana within a cracker.
07:07LAUGHTER
07:08I still think it's the worst one.
07:11LAUGHTER
07:12One point to Sanjeev.
07:14One point to Sanjeev, is it?
07:16Phil, I'm going to give it two points, cos it doesn't surprise me that much
07:19that you've put a fridge in a grandfather clock.
07:21It doesn't surprise me that you have got a Victorian device
07:25for electrocuting people, but you get a point more than him
07:28because it does surprise me you electrocuted a child.
07:31And then we're up to the big guns.
07:34LAUGHTER
07:34Four points to the wonderful research.
07:36And wherever you are, Ray...
07:38LAUGHTER
07:38..you've just got her five points.
07:40Five points down, yeah!
07:42CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
07:45Right, let's have the first task, please, Alex.
07:48Right you are.
07:49And we begin with some honking, some whistling,
07:51and ten simple questions.
07:53MUSIC
08:06Hello!
08:08Oh, my gosh!
08:10Mm-hm.
08:11That's a lot of ducks.
08:11I was hoping there'd be ducks at some point.
08:14Very excited.
08:15What fresh hell is this?
08:19I feel judged.
08:22LAUGHTER
08:28Go and sit in the entrance lobby on Alex's horn
08:32and return on Alex's whistle.
08:35Every time you return, you must answer Alex's question within 30 seconds.
08:40You cannot change your answer.
08:42Alex will ask you ten questions.
08:44Most correct answers wins.
08:47Your time starts now.
08:50BUZZER
08:51All right.
08:52BUZZER
09:09BUZZER
09:14Well, there's not much more we need to know, is there?
09:17So let's just crack on.
09:18Yes, it's an intriguing one.
09:19And we're going to start with Anya, Maisie and Philip.
09:25BUZZER
09:25Alex, I'm here!
09:26Alan?
09:27Where's this supposed to sit?
09:30BUZZER
09:31Come on, brilliant, really.
09:36BUZZER
09:36Maisie Adam, have a seat.
09:38Hello, Anya.
09:39BUZZER
09:39Are you ready for the question?
09:43Yes.
09:44Yes, I am.
09:46Oh, lovely.
09:47That wasn't the question.
09:48Phil? Yes.
09:50What's missing?
09:52BUZZER
09:55Your whistle.
09:57This one? This whistle?
10:00Eight seconds. I need an answer.
10:02BUZZER
10:03OK, please write that on the board.
10:05BUZZER
10:06Confident with that?
10:07Yes, one duck you've written.
10:08One blummin' duck.
10:09BUZZER
10:10Off you go.
10:10Cool.
10:11You need to be quicker with blowing your whistle.
10:13I won't be quick.
10:14Why?
10:15Because you're moving things.
10:19BUZZER
10:21OK, right.
10:26BUZZER
10:27OK, good.
10:28Hi.
10:29Phil.
10:30Anya Magliano.
10:31Yes.
10:32What's missing?
10:34Chicken.
10:35Chicken.
10:36BUZZER
10:36Duck.
10:38BUZZER
10:38Maisie, what's missing?
10:39A pumpkin.
10:41BUZZER
10:41Why did you say that?
10:42Because it's right.
10:43BUZZER
10:43Fucking hell.
10:45Fuck about this and they're missing here now.
10:47Bastards.
10:48That was...
10:49Was that there?
10:50There's new stuff up.
10:51Cows.
10:52Was that there before?
10:53That is all stuff that's in that room.
10:56But that is that sock.
10:57BUZZER
10:58What's missing?
10:59Oh, the ducks are facing another way.
11:01Is that a clue?
11:01What's missing?
11:02Nothing?
11:03You haven't moved a thing?
11:05BUZZER
11:06I think you're Magliano.
11:07What's missing?
11:07What's missing?
11:08What's missing?
11:09Wait.
11:10That apple wasn't there.
11:12BUZZER
11:13Is this the lobby?
11:14Does he really mean, what's missing?
11:16I'm going to take everything off here.
11:18Is the question actually like, what would you put in this room?
11:21Yeah, boss.
11:21I've furnished it to my abilities, what's missing?
11:24What's missing?
11:25Nothing, Alex.
11:26It's perfect as it is.
11:30BUZZER
11:34BUZZER
11:35Ah.
11:36The ducks have gone everywhere.
11:38What's missing?
11:38OK.
11:39Yeah, well then all the ducks.
11:41All the...
11:41No, the ducks have found you.
11:43Absolutely.
11:45All of the ducks.
11:47These are appearing outside.
11:48Maybe they're being taken out of the room.
11:50That wasn't there.
11:51Yes, but what's missing?
11:52Sock.
11:53Egg.
11:53Apple.
11:54Horse.
11:54Are you ready for the question, Phil?
11:55All ears.
11:56What's new?
11:58Why would you do that?
11:59I think I've just got a hang of what's going on.
12:01You're just trying to throw me off and it's not working.
12:04BUZZER
12:04Fucking hell.
12:17Oh my God, what's going on?
12:21Oh, thank God you're here.
12:22Before you go, do you know what that looks out of interest?
12:26I don't know what's happening anymore.
12:27What's missing?
12:28Nothing.
12:28I'm worried these things that aren't meant to be in the task and I'm seeing stuff again.
12:32Oh, I've rumbled you, Horne.
12:34What is this?
12:37Are you ready for your question, Phil?
12:38The final one.
12:39What connects all the correct answers?
12:44An iron.
12:45A butternut squash.
12:46A horse.
12:47An egg.
12:47What just connects all of these things?
12:49Yes, that's the question.
12:50They're all things...
12:51No, I can't get that up my arse.
12:53Good try.
12:54They're all nothing.
12:56They're all nothing.
12:58Nothing.
12:58Yeah.
12:59They're all stuff I was left in my nana's will.
13:03They're all outside, on the shelf.
13:06In the waiting lobby.
13:08Thank you, Anya.
13:09I feel like I'm going to pass out.
13:13All right.
13:14Good.
13:19So, and Anya, did you work it out, do you think?
13:22It drove me insane.
13:24It was horrible.
13:24It was crazy.
13:25It felt like some sort of torture system from an ancient culture.
13:29Phil, it was the most focused I've seen you throughout this series,
13:32up until the point you stated that you couldn't get a big iron up your bone.
13:37Well, not if it's hot.
13:41I'm waiting to give it a go if it's not been near a stove.
13:44Let it chill down, get some butter, Bob Toronto.
13:48Now then, what I was amazed by, because this hasn't been a characteristic of you during this series,
13:53is just how smug you were.
13:55You were so pleased with yourself.
13:57I thought I'd cracked it.
13:58I thought I'd worked hard.
13:59Oh, that was my favourite bit.
14:00You going, I'm inside his head.
14:04Have you got a smug face?
14:05Well, maybe.
14:06Have a look at this.
14:13Yes, so we left them alone in the lobby, and Anya and Phil noticed things.
14:22Oh, no.
14:27Oh, come on.
14:29And I can tell you that none of that is relevant to the task, absolutely.
14:32LAUGHTER
14:35APPLAUSE
14:39Good.
14:40That is the end of part one, and Alex's turn.
14:43For the first time ever, I'm going to let him send us into the break.
14:46Oh, thanks, Greg.
14:47That's all right.
14:48OK, well, it's the end of part one, and as far as people...
14:51Shut up!
14:51LAUGHTER
14:53See you in a bit.
14:56APPLAUSE
15:05Hello.
15:07Welcome back to the final part of this half of the show.
15:10What's he on about? Bonkers!
15:12Yes.
15:13In the current task, they had to keep leaving the living room,
15:16and then working out what had changed upon their return.
15:19Now, finally, it's two impatient guys from the 60s.
15:22Sanjeef Bhaskar, OBE, and Rhys Wayne Shearsmith.
15:30Yes.
15:32Have a seat.
15:33I'm going to ask you your question now.
15:35Yep.
15:36What's missing?
15:39Oh, no.
15:41There's something that was in the room that is no longer in the room.
15:44Er, my enthusiasm.
15:47You ready?
15:48Yeah.
15:48Question one.
15:49Yep.
15:50Would you mind writing enthusiasm on the board?
15:53I don't know if I can be arsed.
15:57Great.
15:58Just nine more to go.
16:02The answer is one of the many ducks.
16:04Right.
16:04So, you could have just written duck.
16:05So, now penalised for being really clear.
16:08I mean, he can't wait with you.
16:12Ah, Sanjeef Bhaskar.
16:13What's missing?
16:15Yellow duck.
16:16Ah.
16:19Hello, Sanjeef.
16:20What's missing?
16:25I'm going to go for another yellow duck.
16:27Duck.
16:27Yep.
16:30There you go.
16:31Duck.
16:31Right.
16:32Which duck?
16:32I knew you were going to say that!
16:35It's nothing to do with a duck.
16:36Start with the thing of it.
16:39What's missing?
16:40I'm going to say two yellow ducks.
16:44Er, my next answer is going to be another yellow duck.
16:47Oh, you can...
16:47Do you want me to put that in now?
16:48Do you know what?
16:49That'll save a bit of time, innit?
16:50Yeah.
16:53Do you want me to give you the next answer as well?
16:56Well, it would save some time.
16:57It's up to you if you want to.
16:58OK.
16:59Great.
16:59Well, I've actually...
17:00The question for number six is actually what's new in the room.
17:03Oh, is it?
17:03Hmm.
17:04Yeah, what the hell?
17:06Duck, is it?
17:07Yeah.
17:09Rhys Shearsmith.
17:10What's missing?
17:11What's missing?
17:11What is missing?
17:12The duck's face is...
17:14Some ducks.
17:15There's a cat in here.
17:16Teapot.
17:16Rhys Shearsmith.
17:17How are you?
17:18Just before I ask you the question.
17:19I think, just get on with it.
17:20What's missing, is it?
17:21What's missing, yeah.
17:21Mr. Rhys Shearsmith.
17:24That's what's missing.
17:26What was the one after that?
17:26What's missing?
17:27Yeah, what's missing.
17:32Nothing's changed here.
17:34Definitely.
17:35Definitely.
17:36Not.
17:44Well, that's new.
17:47So, just two questions left.
17:50Well, question nine is what's missing?
17:53What was in the room that isn't in the room now?
17:54Yep.
17:55Yep.
17:56OK.
17:56OK.
17:58And then question ten is what connects all the correct answers?
18:01What connects all the correct answers?
18:03OK.
18:06I do too.
18:07Excellent.
18:08And that's the end of the task.
18:09I didn't get to honk my horn as much as usual, but I will honk it now.
18:11There you go.
18:12I didn't do very well.
18:13By name, by noise.
18:16Thank you very much.
18:17Thank you, Sanjeev.
18:17We've got duck, duck faces.
18:20We've got a tie, some ducks.
18:21Cat, teapot, mister, and the colour permitted from a duck.
18:25I'm going to say it's duck things.
18:28Connects all the answers.
18:29That's it.
18:30See you, Rhys.
18:31See you later.
18:38I mean, that's one way to do it, Sanjeev.
18:41Not to care.
18:41But it's true.
18:42My enthusiasm, my will to live, my soul, they had all left the room.
18:48Did you have a lovely time, Rhys?
18:50It was frustrating.
18:52I thought the big duck walking out of the toilet, I thought,
18:54well, this is going to send him over the edge.
18:57That's new.
18:58No, it was sort of, it was what you would do to break somebody.
19:02Shall we see what was actually missing?
19:04Who, yeah, who got it right?
19:05Well, Sanjeev didn't, of course, notice the enormous duck at any point.
19:09Couldn't give a shit.
19:14Well, let's see if that tactic works.
19:17This is what was going on.
19:20Go and sit in the entrance lobby on Alex's horn.
19:24And return on Alex's whistle.
19:31Alex, I'm here.
19:33Pardon?
19:33Blow your whistle.
19:35I'll go.
19:36What's missing?
19:37One of the many ducks.
19:39A pumpkin.
19:40Eggs.
19:40Eggs.
19:41Eggs.
19:42What's missing?
19:43Teapot.
19:43A horse.
19:44Nothing.
19:46There has been a slam of the door each time I've come out.
19:49The question for number six is actually what's new in the rooms?
19:52Duck, is it?
19:53Yeah.
19:53Duck.
19:55What connects all the correct answers?
20:02I'm going to say it's duck.
20:04Duck things connects all the answers.
20:08Yeah.
20:09No doubt.
20:10Yeah.
20:12You're playing good in the end, but who would have thought literally a person who couldn't
20:17care less whether he was here or not has got the system right?
20:20Yeah.
20:21Well, Maisie, you didn't put duck once.
20:23What?
20:23That is stupid tusk.
20:25It is.
20:27You've changed your tune.
20:28That is so stupid.
20:29Show us mud face again.
20:31LAUGHTER
20:40Phil, you got one and a half right out of ten.
20:42Oh, what's the half?
20:43Well, you put all the ducks were missing at one point because he didn't see that all the
20:46ducks were still in the room.
20:47Oh, yeah.
20:48In fact, just one of the ducks was missing at that point, so I've given you a half.
20:50Oh.
20:51And you got two right.
20:52Rhys, you got five right, but the winner and five points to him is Sanjeev with six points.
20:56There it is.
20:56CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
21:02Scoreboard, please.
21:03Well, Rhys is in second place with seven points, but in the lead with eight points,
21:06it's Anya.
21:07Oh.
21:08CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
21:11OK, great.
21:13Next task, please.
21:15OK, and it's time for an art task that made them go above and beyond the canvas.
21:21Ooh.
21:22Ooh.
21:22MUSIC
21:25No, Doc.
21:27Ah
21:27Ah
21:56Hello
21:58Hello
21:59And stop
22:01Do you feel safe?
22:02Well, I did, now I don't, since you said that
22:05I'm not going to talk to you until you're safe
22:07Am I not safe?
22:08Nope
22:10Safe from what?
22:11Peril
22:13Peril?
22:14This will hurt a little bit
22:16OK, clicked in
22:18You are secure
22:22I haven't been harnessed in months
22:25This is great
22:29Oh God
22:30It's really quick how much it hurts and pulls you back
22:36Paint the best picture of one animal sitting on top of another animal
22:41You must paint on the paper below
22:47I didn't spot that
22:49Excellent
22:50You must not leave the balcony
22:52You have 15 minutes and your time starts now
22:55OK, let me just have a little look at my things I've got
22:59Interesting
23:01So that's for the more the finer work
23:04Oh well this is just stupid
23:15It's a fast master classic really
23:17It's paint a picture in difficult circumstances
23:20So I think we'll just crack on with it
23:22But before we do
23:22Would anyone like to see Anya
23:24Deliberately run away from something that she's been tethered to
23:28And make a noise like a small cat
23:32You're in luck
23:35OK, here they all are creating their high concept artwork
23:47So what animals are there?
23:50Snakes
23:54Pig
23:55An orangutan
23:56Have you decided on your animal yet?
23:58No, I'm just trying to work out how useful these things are
24:02No
24:02No?
24:03Not yet
24:04All right
24:06I hear you're quite an artist, Rhys
24:08Not on this scale
24:10We need brown
24:11Brown is red and blue
24:13OK
24:14Just going to be a mucky horse
24:16So it's an orangutan sitting on a mucky horse
24:18Yeah
24:19That's a horse
24:21Just screams horse to me
24:24I'm trying to draw a top view of a hippopotamus
24:29Hippos have quite big bodies
24:33Oh my God
24:35Oh, it's lovely
24:37Thank you
24:39Well maybe it is a dragon
24:41It could be a Komodo dragon
24:42That's a dressing gown, isn't it?
24:45Well that's quite good
24:47Why not?
24:51This is hype
24:53Come on, horsey
24:55Oh, this is so stupid
24:57Right
25:00Oh, this is ungainly
25:03Shut up, Alex
25:05Sorry
25:06I'm going to have to use the tube
25:08Alex
25:09Alex, could you pour it in the end, really?
25:11Just stop when I tell you
25:12Obviously
25:14Right, start pouring
25:16Here we go
25:17There we go
25:18Here we go
25:20Stop pouring
25:25Stop pouring, I said
25:26I haven't
25:30It's now a panda
25:32That is striped ginger cat
25:35Oh, it was good for a bit, this
25:4515 seconds
25:46Shut up!
25:48I'm quite happy with that, do you want me to sign it?
25:50P-E
25:52OK
25:54It's got an eye!
25:55WHISTLE
26:02APPLAUSE
26:03Oh
26:04Phil
26:05Yeah?
26:06I've said it before, I'll say it again
26:07I think you're wasted in this era
26:08I think you're a 70s slapstick king
26:11Thanks very much
26:12I mean, how could you get wrapped up in yours?
26:13I've reached your word
26:13I mean, how could you get wrapped up in yours?
26:16LAUGHTER
26:17APPLAUSE
26:20We start with Phil's
26:22Oh, I enjoyed this task
26:27It's good
26:28Well, it's an orangutan on either a dog, a horse
26:31or a fire-breathing dragon
26:33Yes!
26:34It was meant to be fire
26:35but it looks like it is being... just bleeding from its mouth
26:38But...
26:39It's a great orangutan
26:40It's amazing
26:41Yeah, the orangutan
26:42And it's a great demonic creature
26:44Intended
26:44You've got this, Phil
26:45Oh, thank you
26:46You're welcome
26:46Let's have a look at Sanjeev's effort
26:48Here we go
26:53So this is viewed from above
26:55It's a... a ginger cat sitting on the back of a hippopotamus
26:59Oh, OK
27:00Yeah
27:02Yeah, it's a... it's a big grey thing, all right
27:05And it's a ginger cat?
27:07Yeah
27:07Do you need me to make the noise?
27:10LAUGHTER
27:11Can't
27:13Who's next?
27:14Look at Maisie's one
27:17Oh, wow
27:17Never has anyone fucked up their own snake so quickly
27:21You like the detail, though?
27:23The detail in the tail?
27:25That's pretty good
27:25Squig... squiggly piggy tail?
27:27Yeah, squiggly piggy tail
27:28Squiggly piggy tail
27:29They've got corkscrew penises as well, did you know?
27:32What?
27:32I did
27:35What are you talking about, a corkscrew penis?
27:37They've got a penis that's shaped like a corkscrew?
27:40Like a spiral?
27:41No, the other bit
27:43The arms
27:45LAUGHTER
27:48LAUGHTER
27:49APPLAUSE
27:52OK, let's leave the gallery for a quick break
27:55And then, as has happened throughout our friendship
27:57I'll show Alex some images of one animal on top of another
28:06APPLAUSE
28:12Hello! Here we are again, welcome back to an arty part three
28:16Our contestants have all had a long-distance relationship with their canvases
28:19Best picture of an animal sitting on top of another animal wins
28:23And our next gallery singleton comes from resident artist
28:26Reece Wayne Shearsmith
28:29LAUGHTER
28:32It's a crocodile
28:33Yeah
28:36It's a pretty good crocodile
28:37Oh, it's a great crocodile
28:38It's really good
28:38If you imagine it, it's quite a coquettish panda
28:41That's looking... that's looking to the left like...
28:46It's a pretty good panda
28:48That's exactly what I was going for
28:50Who's next?
28:51It's Anya's picture of this animal sitting on this animal
28:55LAUGHTER
28:57Oh wow, that is the worst, isn't it?
29:00LAUGHTER
29:01What do you mean?
29:02Is it a dolphin?
29:04Yes
29:04It's a whale
29:05I can see it's aquatic
29:06Yeah
29:07Yeah
29:07It's in the sea
29:09And is the other animal the yellow thing?
29:11Yes
29:11A chicken leg?
29:13A chicken leg
29:14It's a bird
29:14It's not a bird, you said it was a monkey
29:17LAUGHTER
29:20All right, it's a rubbish monkey
29:22On top of some sort of aquatic creature
29:25Show me them all and I'll make some decisions
29:27OK
29:27I really like all of the paintings
29:30I do, I enjoy them
29:31So I'm not going to give anyone one point
29:33I know you won't like this
29:34Right
29:35I think that at the bottom of the pile
29:38With two points each
29:39And I don't think this is unfair
29:40Would be Anya and Sanjeev
29:42I certainly don't think that's a cat
29:43And my god, that's no monkey
29:46LAUGHTER
29:46But sure, there's a hippo
29:48And I can see that's aquatic
29:50So I'm going to give them two points each
29:51OK, two to Anya, two to Sanjeev
29:52I've got it
29:53I'm going to give four points each
29:54To Maisie and Rhys
29:55Because I really like their paintings
29:57But it's the detail on the orangutan
30:00Oh, thank you
30:00That takes the five points
30:01I see the orangutan and I feel good
30:03LAUGHTER
30:04And five points to Phil Ellis
30:06Well done guys
30:07APPLAUSE
30:11Please may we have one more task
30:13Yes, of course
30:14And now it's time to put all five of them
30:16In some awkward positions
30:17In the dome
30:42Hi Alex
30:43Oh hi Maisie
30:44In you go Anya
30:45In I go
30:46Can I read that?
30:49Please read and do the task immediately
30:51Your time's started when you walk through the door
30:53Oh, OK
30:54My time's already started
30:56Need that in bigger writing
30:57Or maybe on the outside of the, er
31:00Right
31:00The dome
31:01OK, I'll get on that
31:03Have a little look?
31:04I'll just read this, shall I?
31:06OK
31:07You must read each of these instructions out
31:10And do them immediately
31:13Stand on one leg
31:14And keep standing on one leg
31:15Doing it now
31:16That's my bad leg
31:17That's it
31:18Put one finger in your...
31:20I've got no balance
31:21I've got flat feet
31:22Put one finger in your ear
31:24And keep it there
31:25Put your other hand on your head
31:27And keep it there
31:29Put an extreme facial expression
31:31And keep that expression on your face
31:34There
31:36Yeah, lovely
31:38Wow
31:40Your time has started
31:41And will end if you move your hands
31:43Touch the ground with your foot
31:45I've came to take it second
31:48Please read
31:50And do the task immediately
31:51The time starts when you walk through the door, yeah?
31:55What's the task?
31:58All the information's on the task, Rhys
32:01What?
32:02Is it just the task?
32:04Why is there a...
32:06An apple turnover?
32:08Why is...
32:09I don't understand the chicken
32:10Why did the chicken cross the road?
32:12To get to the other side
32:15Why did the chicken cross...
32:17Turn over!
32:17Turn up, turn the task...
32:18Oh, you...
32:19Ha ha!
32:22Oh, come on!
32:29It's not touching the ground
32:30No, you're OK
32:31Oh, you can...
32:33Oh
32:34It's all right, it's fine
32:35There we go
32:35Oh, there we go, you've done it
32:36You've done it, you've done it
32:37Oh, I've done it
32:38Say the most five-letter words
32:41If anyone uses the same five-letter words as you
32:44Five words will be lost from both your totals
32:49Most five-letter words wins
32:52I have 20 minutes
32:53Yeah
32:54Of this
33:06I think Rhys has spoken for everyone there
33:08I mean, it's a fun task
33:10A lot of fun, yeah
33:1120 minutes of this
33:13It does seem like cruel torture
33:15You're just resting on that thing
33:17Mm, as always
33:18All the information's on the task
33:20Fuck off
33:20Oh!
33:25Let's have a look
33:26Let's have a look, OK
33:27Well, here is a clip about APR
33:29No, not your annual percentage rate
33:31It's Anya, Phil and Rhys, Wayne
33:33Shearsmith
33:36Say the most five-letter word
33:41Erm...
33:42Am I allowed to rest the leg on anything?
33:45I've tried to put all the information on the task
33:48Oh, that's opened up a whole new world to me
33:52Ticks
33:53Staff
33:54Tiger
33:55Horse
33:55Lovely
33:55Here we go
33:56Animals
33:57Roads
33:58Gangs
33:59Crook
34:00Crime
34:03Pasty
34:04Oh, no, but someone else has probably said that
34:05Pasty
34:06Oh!
34:08I'm just confused about why that's there
34:10You've got 16 minutes left
34:11Wait, what?
34:14Oh, no
34:15Oh!
34:20Oh!
34:20I know, I know
34:21No, that's the end of the task
34:23What?
34:23It doesn't...
34:24Does it say that?
34:27Oh, shit!
34:29Oh, Anya
34:33Oh...
34:34How long do I have to do it for?
34:36You've got a maximum of 20 minutes
34:3720 minutes?
34:38Yeah
34:38How many minutes left?
34:3912 and a half
34:4012 and a half?
34:42You've got 12 minutes left
34:4312 minutes?
34:44Jesus Christ
34:46Tangle
34:47On the dances now
34:48Oh, beasts!
34:49Let's have that one
34:50Right
34:50Beasts
34:51Teeth
34:52No-one's going to say that, aren't they?
34:53Teeth
34:54Plane
34:55Plane
34:56I'll have the other plane as well, please
34:58The I-N
34:59Right, both planes, got it
35:01Pains
35:02Cramp
35:03Tired
35:04Hurt
35:05Cruel
35:05I'm not quite, I don't think you know much about me, Alex, but...
35:08I don't quit
35:09You do look in a lot of pain, though
35:11I'm in so much pain, aren't they?
35:12He doesn't sweat quite so much
35:15Er...
35:15Really sweaty
35:16Sweat
35:17Stats
35:18Just two and a half minutes left
35:20Great
35:22Must get clean
35:23Hurt
35:24Boots
35:25Snore
35:25Shoes
35:26Death
35:28Socks
35:30Yeah, ten seconds
35:31Let's spend on a nice one
35:33Do you know what?
35:35Laugh
35:36We thought it would be one of them, couldn't we?
35:38BUZZ
35:44That was real as well
35:52I thought it was fair that you were kicked out because I was not happy with your silly face maintenance
35:57Oh
35:57What? Really?
35:58Yeah, this was your silly face
36:00THEY LAUGH
36:01They're laughing at that
36:03That's pretty silly then
36:04Good, a lot of pain
36:06Yeah
36:06A lot of sweat
36:0720 minutes, one leg
36:08No fucking leaning
36:10But you took advantage of the pain with your choice of words
36:13I did
36:13Pain, tired, hurt, cruel
36:16Oh, wow, what a start
36:20OK
36:20It's time for some adverts now
36:22But fortunately, their insipid blandness will only make the next part taste even sweeter
36:32LAUGHTER
36:37Hello!
36:38Hello and welcome to the final part of the show
36:41How are you feeling about it all, Alex?
36:43You know, confident, relaxed, a little bit roundy, the Holy Trinity
36:48The current task involves finding the other part of the task and then saying as many unique five-letter words
36:54as possible
36:54But meanwhile, if a foot touches the floor, it's game over
36:58With all of that in mind, and especially relevant, here is Maisie and Sanjeev
37:04You must read each of these instructions out and do them immediately
37:09Stand on one leg and keep standing on one leg
37:14Oh, that's a switcher
37:16Legs, OK
37:18Oh, bollocks
37:19Right, I can't help noticing your foot keeps touching the ground
37:22OK
37:22Yeah
37:25I really needed to go to the loo, actually
37:28LAUGHTER
37:29This is it?
37:30It's how it started?
37:32What?
37:34What?
37:35For God's sake
37:36What have I got to do?
37:41That's just the road
37:43Why did the ticking cross the road?
37:46Is it about what?
37:46Oh, maybe
37:47But why is there an apple pie?
37:50What's that for?
37:51An apple pie, is it?
37:56Is that apple pie?
38:00Oh!
38:01Is it an apple curl over?
38:04Why did the ticking cross the road to get to the apple curl over?
38:07Why did the ticking cross the bastard road?
38:11Oh, bastard
38:17I don't think I have to do anything
38:19I don't think I have to do anything
38:20You...
38:22You would have fed
38:24Wouldn't you?
38:26Stop the clock
38:28You want me to stop the clock?
38:30Yeah, I'm done
38:31I'm done
38:32OK
38:33Bye
38:33Bye-bye
38:41I was so excited to do this show
38:45I didn't understand the task
38:47No
38:47I got frustrated
38:49Yes
38:50And I left
38:50True
38:51All of that was evident
38:54I've got some interesting statistics for you
38:56Rhys, you said 117 words
39:0041 of them were said by other people
39:02Mostly Phil
39:02Which means your final number is minus 88
39:06Each of those 41 loses you five words
39:09Yeah, yeah
39:10So Rhys, you come last
39:11Great minds
39:13Shocking
39:13Cruel
39:14Maisie, you get minus 81
39:16You get two points
39:17Phil, minus 74 in the end
39:20Anya, minus 49
39:22The winner of the task was minus 32
39:25Is Sanchez Bosco
39:33The winner of the task, it turns out, was to not say a lot
39:37If you'd not said a word, you would have won
39:39You fucking mean to tell me
39:44That I stood sweating on one leg for 20 minutes
39:50And I've lost
39:52Rose and Sanjeev, care less
39:57Let's have a look at the scores
39:58Yes, Sanjeev, you were in second place on 13
40:01One point away from Anya, who's got 14 points
40:06CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
40:06In Sweden
40:07Yep
40:09It's that time again, please, will you make your way to the stage
40:12For the final task of the show
40:18CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
40:23Who will read the task, young fella my lad?
40:25I think Anya's going to read it
40:27OK
40:29Demonstrate to the taskmaster
40:31The idiom demonstrated to you by your team mate
40:34All team members must remain silent and on their spots during a round
40:39Best team wins
40:41What is an idiom?
40:43Am I an idiom?
40:46LAUGHTER
40:46They're just phrases, an idiom is something like jump on the bandwagon
40:49And first up, it's going to be the team of two
40:51I've got a list of phrases, I'm going to show you one, Maisie
40:55You're going to demonstrate the idiom to your team mate, Reece Shearsmith
40:59He will then, at the same time, do it to Greg
41:01Essentially charades with an extra link
41:03OK
41:04Greg, ready to guess?
41:05OK, Reece
41:06I've never been radier
41:07Here we go
41:10Go
41:19Rocking man
41:22You can just copy her if you want
41:28What do you think it is, Greg?
41:32Let's...
41:40What do you think it was in the end, Reece?
41:42Because you're the only one who saw it
41:44Something like a taste injection? Yes
41:46A taste injection? Yes
41:46A taste injection?
41:47He was just doing this
41:48It's a phrase, so think about phrases
41:50Yes
41:50They've turned on each other
41:52A taste...
41:53A taste of...
41:54Of your own injection
41:55A taste of your own medicine?
41:57Oh, yeah
41:57They scored zero, so can we have two of the team of three, please
42:00If you can go and sit down and swap chairs
42:01Shall we go for...
42:02OK
42:02OK, so you've got to beat zero
42:04Are you ready, Greg?
42:05Ready
42:05Your time will start when you see the first one
42:12Oh!
42:20Chat dog
42:20Chat cat
42:22Chat chat
42:22Chat
42:25Talk
42:26Talk
42:27Chat
42:27Chat or talk
42:30Uh, uh...
42:31Uh, dear
42:32Rat
42:33The devil!
42:34Oh, so close!
42:36You were so close to it
42:38What was it?
42:39I think Greg is the weak link in this
42:42Get fucked am I!
42:44It was of course speak of the devil
42:47Speak of the devil
42:47The good news is it's still nil, nil
42:50You can go back to your seats
42:51APPLAUSE
42:58Oh
42:59Over
43:00Go go
43:04Go on go on a
43:11Wild right
43:15On a wild
43:26You have the actor Sanjeev Bhaskar with me nice and quiet everyone, please
43:34First word a oh
43:39Moon oh leg
43:43Me thigh limb Oh shirt
43:50Blue
43:53No blue moon
43:55Five seconds
43:57No balloon no blue moon a
44:00One
44:00What is it?
44:03Once in a blue moon
44:04Once in a blue moon
44:05It was once a blue moon
44:06It's 1-0 with one round to go well done
44:08That was great Sanjeev
44:10This is the last round 1-0 so you need to build a lead here
44:13Good luck Greg good luck Rhys
44:14Thank you good luck mate
44:20Cold
44:21Cold foot
44:22Cold shoe
44:23Cold foot
44:24Cold foot
44:28Cold feet
44:29Cold feet
44:29Cold feet
44:30Cold feet
44:35Bite
44:37Bite
44:38Bite the bullet
44:41Forte
44:42Cold
44:42Tick
44:43Lesson
44:44Tick
44:44What's the time?
44:46Time to fly
44:50It's party time
44:51Oh
44:53Oh
44:55Time flies
44:57What are you having fun?
45:00So far 3-0 with one go to go
45:03Ready Greg?
45:04Yeah, I mean yeah
45:05Ready Sanjeev
45:05Ready Phil
45:12Bite.
45:15OK. First word.
45:18Bye. Bye.
45:20The.
45:21Don't bite the hand that feeds you, surely.
45:26By the...
45:27Oh!
45:28By the spider.
45:32By the...
45:33What was it, Phil?
45:36It was dead easy.
45:38By the skin of your teeth.
45:42Yeah. I probably would have got that if it wasn't for this.
45:49Add that to the final scores. Come down and join me.
46:00Come on, man. OK, well, scores-wise, well, it's up to you.
46:04The team of two got three right.
46:05The team of three got zero right, so how do the points work?
46:08Right. So, five points to the team that got some right
46:10and no points to the ones who didn't get any.
46:12Well done, Maisie and Rhys. Five points each!
46:17CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
46:19So, it's turned upside down.
46:21The two people at the bottom are now at the top.
46:22Maisie's in second place with 16 points,
46:24but the winner is Rhys with 17 points!
46:26CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
46:29Rhys Shearsmith has won!
46:31Please head up to secure your things with a surprise aspect of it!
46:36CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
46:39So, what have we learnt from today's show?
46:42We've learnt this.
46:42If you want to win in life, be more Sanjeev.
46:46Care less, win more.
46:49We've also learnt, don't tie your cap to a fence.
46:52Mwah!
46:53So...
46:55And let's not forget, this episode's winner, Rhys Shearsmith!
46:58Cheers, man!
47:00APPLAUSE
47:28To be continued...
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