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Malcolm In The Middle Lifes Still Unfair S01E01 [Full Movie] [Hot 2026]Full EP - Full
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00:07Previously on Malcolm in the Middle
00:15What are you looking at?
00:18Wee!
00:21I've been stealing money from the church
00:33You're going to put your hands inside of mommy
00:35And take out this baby
00:38And someone actually asked for more of this
00:44Life is unfair
00:51I really appreciate the opportunity
00:53Everyone in my class was after this internship
00:56I fought tooth and nail work
00:57No problem, we are glad to have you
00:59So, what do you guys do?
01:02Well, we install computer systems
01:05In grocery store chains and food manufacturers
01:07To align their inventory software
01:09With food banks and shelters all across the country
01:11So instead of unused food getting dumped
01:14It goes to people who actually need it
01:15Got it, and what is a food bank?
01:20Maybe watch our video a few more times
01:27Yeah, I look different
01:29But hey, everything about me is different
01:32I'm happy
01:33I'm successful
01:34I've learned to work productively with idiots
01:36My life is fantastic now
01:40You want to know how I did it?
01:41All I had to do
01:43Is stay completely away from my family
01:46Here we go
02:00You know, I think you are finally beginning to thin out
02:03These things have lasted for six months
02:05You know, I can call back later
02:07Come on, Dewey
02:07You've seen this like a thousand times
02:09It's just a normal human body
02:11Doing normal human behavior
02:13Undergrowth
02:16How's the concert tour?
02:18It's fine
02:19But I'm really sorry
02:20I'm not going to make your anniversary party
02:22I'm sad too
02:23But you cannot turn down a chance to play for royalty
02:25I mean, what if Carl Gustav
02:27Wants to give you a knighthood or a sword or something?
02:29Is Jamie going to make it?
02:30I think so
02:31He put in for a leave
02:31Towel! Towel! Towel!
02:35Trauma averted
02:36Thank you
02:39Hey, Dewey
02:40Hi, Kelly
02:40How's school?
02:41Beneath me
02:42How's Sonia?
02:43Oh, um
02:44It's not Sonia anymore
02:45It's Lisbon
02:45No!
02:46Annette!
02:47Anyway
02:47She's good
02:48We're really connecting
02:49But we're going to go shopping later
02:51Do them want to come?
02:54Him can't come with we?
02:56Us has homework
02:57Hey, he's trying
02:58Don't mock him for it
02:59I'm not afraid of you
03:00That's not
03:01I get good grades
03:02I help around the house
03:03I'm your only kid without a file at the police station
03:06I'm untouchable
03:07Yeah, well
03:08It wouldn't kill you to tell your father you loved him every once in a while
03:12I love you
03:13Oh, that just sounds sarcastic
03:15I love you
03:17Nice and annoyed
03:18I kind of do
03:19It's your timbre
03:21I love you
03:21I love you
03:22I love you
03:23The middle one was nice
03:25Thank you
03:28So back in college
03:30I completely turned my life around
03:31Because I realized
03:33The less contact I have with my family
03:35The less I act like a sociopath
03:37I've become more patient
03:39Less angry
03:40Way more mature
03:42Anytime I am around them
03:44It takes me like two seconds to revert
03:46For crying out loud
03:47I speak fluent Spanish
03:48I know how to say quesadilla
03:50I don't know
03:50It sounded like you said
03:51Quesadilla
03:52Oh, no
03:52You're like
03:53Quesadilla
03:55Siempre hacen esto
03:56Intentan colegir a las personas por algo de lo que no sabes nada
03:59Say exactamente como van a enseñar quesadilla
04:02Quesadilla
04:03That's it
04:04That already said
04:05That already said
04:05Quesadilla
04:12Grandma's television was plasma
04:13I had to watch two episodes of frickin' Dexter with her
04:16And it was obvious from the rich deep black
04:18You're insane
04:19She bought that TV in 2015
04:20All right
04:21They already had full array LEDs
04:22With the same picture quality for a quarter of the price
04:26It's not showing off
04:27It's a completely sensible
04:29Mid-price sedan
04:30Why don't you just admit
04:31You're stuck up
04:32And shoving your shiny new car in my face
04:33To make me feel bad
04:34Is this stuck up
04:36Is this showing off
04:39Is this me trying to make you feel bad
04:42It's not them
04:43It's me
04:44Being around them
04:46So I've arranged my life to ensure absolute minimum contact
04:49My house is a true layover flight from anyone
04:52I'm always swamped with work on holidays
04:55But I also create the illusion of closeness
04:57With effusive emails
04:59And phone calls
05:00And birthday cards
05:01Saying how much I miss them
05:02And I can't wait to see them
05:03It's really important to me
05:05Not to hurt their feelings
05:07Because then
05:07They'll make me talk to them about it face to face
05:10Welcome to Huge Mart
05:12Where our deals are
05:13We still need a 200 pack of votive candles
05:14And a thousand feet of ruby tassel garland
05:17Oh, there's gold
05:18No, 40th anniversary's ruby
05:19Not gold
05:20Get in the game, Hal
05:22Hey, lovebirds
05:24I hid your mini disco balls
05:26Thank you, Craig
05:27They're in the clone aisle
05:28Behind my signature scent
05:32Which is
05:33Suave Sauvage
05:34For him
05:35Already got it
05:37So, how do you like the new job?
05:39Well, my heart belongs to Lucky Aid
05:42But after they denied my promotion
05:44And that mysterious, untraceable fire
05:46I'm glad I found a new home
05:47Lois
05:48Come quick
05:49It's that famous celebrity you like
05:56Oh, yeah, yeah
05:58Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
06:03Never had much faith in love for miracles
06:07Miracles
06:09Never wanna put my heart on the line
06:16But swimming in your water
06:18Is something spiritual
06:21Spiritual
06:22Spiritual
06:22Spiritual
06:22I'm born again every time you spend the night
06:27E-I-I-I
06:29Cause the sex takes me to paradise
06:32And it's true
06:36Yeah, yeah, yeah
06:38Cause you make me feel like
06:41I've been locked out of heaven
06:45For too long
06:47Woah, woah, woah, woah Wow, woah, woah
06:55Woah, woah, woah Woah, woah, woah
06:56Yeah, yeah, yeah
06:58Can I just stay here?
07:02And spend the rest of my days here?
07:05Cause your sex takes me to paradise
07:08Yeah, your sex takes me to paradise.
07:32That's it.
07:33Now it's my meatball.
07:36Okay, let's take it from the sex part.
07:38Guys, you know, that was magical.
07:40Let's not go past it.
07:42It was lovely.
07:43Hal, thank you.
07:44Well, it was just a little weird two weeks before the anniversary.
07:47No!
07:48Before or after the party.
07:49We agreed.
07:50You can do anything you want as often as you want before or after.
07:54The actual anniversary day is mine.
07:57You promise.
07:57Under duress.
07:58I'll promise anything when you do that thing.
08:02Hal, for 39 years of anniversaries and birthdays and really every celebration,
08:07you do the most wonderful, romantic, amazing, grand gestures.
08:11The fireworks display?
08:13Oh, yeah.
08:13Releasing those doves?
08:15That should have been done outside and away from the fam.
08:18And now this once, I want to be the one deciding how we celebrate
08:22and not have your plans just happen to me.
08:27Yeah.
08:28Why don't you play with your friends while I finish up?
08:33She makes it seem like every little romantic gesture I've ever made is crazy.
08:39No, no.
08:40It won't hurt to let Lois do it exactly the way she wants to, for one.
08:44Oh, so I just sit back, do nothing like I don't even love her?
08:47No, no, no.
08:47Not on my watch.
08:48Hal, please.
08:49You're the only one of us still married.
08:51Do not break a promise to that woman.
08:53I would never.
08:55Lois gets her day.
08:57But until then, every moment of every day, I will show her so much love,
09:01she will run screaming at the sight of me.
09:17Nice, right?
09:18And this isn't even the best thing.
09:20The best thing.
09:21The best thing in the whole world is who's inside it.
09:24My daughter, Leah.
09:26She's kind of a trophy I won in college for attending my first kegger.
09:29She hates that joke.
09:33Her mother, Dreamer.
09:34Yes, her name is Dreamer.
09:37Ran off three days after giving birth, so single father.
09:40But I'm good at it.
09:42I just imagine what my parents would do and do the exact opposite.
09:45It's not that hard.
09:50I won't make it worse.
09:51I won't make it worse.
09:56Just so you know, I don't cry like this all the time.
09:59And I also do depressed apathy, paralyzed embarrassment, and impotent fury.
10:07It's a rich inner life.
10:10Sweetie, what's wrong?
10:11Allison Gibgott invited me to her birthday party.
10:15Why is that sad?
10:17You want the list?
10:18I only want...
10:18Allison and her friends did this as a joke.
10:20They know I know they don't want me to go.
10:22If I do go, they'll freeze me out until I burst into tears
10:25and Daddy comes to get me, which is what they really want.
10:27I'm completely isolated at school.
10:30I've never had any friends.
10:31And my personality, by which I mean your personality,
10:35makes it impossible for me to ever have any.
10:39Okay, well, do you want my list?
10:41You're intelligent.
10:42You're beautiful and hardworking and incredibly perceptive.
10:46Yeah, thanks for that, too.
10:47That's how I notice every smirk
10:49and slight and microscopic eye roll
10:52aimed at me since first grade.
10:53Why'd you have to be so gentle with me growing up?
10:55I have no armor!
10:57Leah, look, I am so sorry you're going through this,
11:00but I promise it'll get better.
11:02It got so much better for me once I went off to college,
11:05so that's less than a...
11:07a decade.
11:10It's actually worse when he tries hard.
11:15Why'd that make you nervous?
11:17What?
11:17Your phone.
11:18Why did that call make you nervous?
11:20I'm not nervous.
11:21It was just work and we're talking.
11:24Maybe my concern for how upset you are
11:26is coming across as nervous.
11:27And why do you keep it so hot in here?
11:29I want to be alone now anyway.
11:31Okay.
11:33I'm not going to smother you.
11:34But I'm here for you, like always.
11:37I love you.
11:39Really love you.
11:43Love you so much.
11:49Malcolm, I need you to call me back today
11:51about our anniversary.
11:52We have to know when you're coming.
11:53And we know you're coming
11:54because you would never be that monstrously inconsiderate.
11:57Love you.
11:59I didn't answer Dad's voicemail yesterday,
12:01so I knew it would escalate to Mom.
12:03I heard her with the email.
12:04Sorry, I was in emergency meetings till late
12:06and I just heard your voicemail.
12:08I scheduled that to send at 2.16 a.m.
12:10That way, I look considerate for emailing
12:12instead of calling her back.
12:13Trust me, she'll check the timestamp.
12:16I have to set up six more food banks this month,
12:18but barring a crisis, I'll be there.
12:20That's what's great about running a charity.
12:23Anything I say is a crisis is a crisis.
12:26For charity.
12:29Scored the cut, dry-fitted twice,
12:31so now I glue it down.
12:33Perfect.
12:33This is so easy, I had no idea.
12:35I can't wait to start the gazebo next week.
12:37You know, Reese, doing these projects together every weekend,
12:43I love it more than anything.
12:44Me too.
12:45I have to confess, though, that this floor was fine.
12:51You don't actually have to rotate floor tiles every six months.
12:55I know.
12:56You do?
12:58But almost every job we've done,
13:00the car, the backyard irrigation, the washing machine,
13:03they didn't need to be done either.
13:05It's my favorite thing to do anyway.
13:06I'm spending a lot of money
13:08fixing things that don't need fixing.
13:12And since this is really just about us spending time together,
13:16maybe we can do jigsaw puzzles.
13:18No!
13:18I know how to do puzzles.
13:20You steal one piece,
13:22so you're the only one that can finish it.
13:24We have to be building or fixing things.
13:26Oh, son.
13:26Whoa.
13:27What's going on?
13:30Dad,
13:31have you ever heard of
13:33a metaphor?
13:34A metaphor?
13:36Yes, Reese.
13:38We all know my life sucks.
13:40I've ruined my job,
13:41my marriages.
13:43I don't really have any friends.
13:46That's not the metaphor yet.
13:48Ready?
13:49Things like gluing these tiles
13:50so they fit together perfectly
13:52is a metaphor for me fitting in with people.
13:56And these tools are a metaphor for you
13:59and all the things in life you're teaching me.
14:02Mm-hmm.
14:02Dad,
14:03you're a tool.
14:04A tool to help me build my life back.
14:09I will always be your tool.
14:15You know what's great
14:16about going to a fancy private high school?
14:20Nothing.
14:21It is the same emotional shithole
14:22as every other high school.
14:26Leah!
14:27Hi.
14:28Allison.
14:28Did you get my invitation?
14:30It's going to be really fun.
14:31Dad got an aura camera.
14:32I did.
14:34Thanks.
14:34Great.
14:35See you there.
14:36Bye.
14:38Bye.
14:40Bye.
14:41Bye.
14:41Bye.
14:42Bye.
14:47Leah?
14:48Oh, hey, Cheyenne.
14:49I couldn't finish my math homework.
14:51Can you show me how to do a slope intercept?
14:53Of course.
14:54I don't mind at all.
14:55I'm always happy to help.
14:56You know, you don't have to panic about it.
14:58I wasn't panicking.
15:00Oh.
15:01It's just...
15:02I can see where you've been pulling out your hair.
15:05I'm not saying you pull out your hair.
15:06It's probably just ring work.
15:07And that's easy to fix.
15:09Eight weeks of fungicide pills.
15:11Because it's not an actual worm inside your head.
15:12It's a fungus.
15:16Oh, God.
15:17What do I do?
15:18Make it seem like I was joking?
15:20All right.
15:25Come on.
15:27What is wrong with her?
15:29I'm really sorry about the whole thing.
15:31You othered Cheyenne in view of the peer group.
15:34Yeah.
15:34I knew I was upsetting her and I was trying to fix it.
15:36but i kept making it worse because right before other girls hurt my feelings so i i wasn't thinking
15:41clearly i'm not blaming them they can't help it robert sapolsky has pretty compelling research
15:47that endorphin levels actually spike when members of an in-group exclude or attack members of an
15:51outgrip at least with chimpanzees he's on youtube once a week he'll stand in the front yard shirtless and flex
16:17get ready you're gonna see something shocking hey i'm proud of us we actually got all the way to the
16:25bed before you went at it huh tristan my girlfriend i mean it is so much more than that she
16:34loves me
16:35i know it sounds like a lot of me too how was your day was good we won the grosvenor
16:44innovation grant
16:45i beat an ai dude you don't have to keep proving how smart you are i really don't care
16:51oh except for my taxes that was awesome so what do you care about i care that you always listen
16:57to me
16:58and that you're supportive and that you keep your promises and mostly i care that you understand
17:07in a deep and complete way who i am inside then you love me anyway and i am so grateful
17:16for that
17:18jesus i thought you were just doing panther
17:27she's gonna like me right you're kidding leah's gonna love you you're as worried as i am what makes
17:33you say that because you know that if she doesn't like me we can't move forward i mean eventually we'd
17:39have to break up but i have so many plans to prevent that uh mutual interest outings weekly kindness
17:45days shared journaling there's one where you hold on to the end of a yarn ball and you pass it
17:49back
17:49and forth to each other and you keep saying nice things and and you keep throwing it until you guys
17:53are both tied up really tight together in the yarn i'm betting on us look you can make friends with
18:01anyone i've seen it and it's obvious how much we love each other leah's gonna see that and she's
18:05gonna want to be a part of it i don't know when i was her age i hated myself and
18:09everything in my
18:10field of vision so shall i grow it can we wait for that no no it is past time we
18:16did this we're doing
18:18it okay you're also honest and sincere and sensitive not to mention in bed the way you combine enthusiasm
18:30and startling physical strength with a clear understanding of nuance
18:39tristan likes green so maybe wear your chinos she went to private school too so you can talk about
18:43that and politics just makes her upset movies she can talk about them all day but she loves rom-com
18:50so
18:50don't you say anything snotty you can write this down if you want i would but my pen is busy
18:55doing
18:55actual homework so when do i yell i want my real mommy and run out in tears i'll surprise you
19:02please
19:02this is important to me dad i get it it's your only chance for love and i have complete control
19:08over
19:08your future happiness every parenting book says i shouldn't let you believe that
19:19kelly where are you what can i do are you okay what's the matter but i have to make up
19:22a lie to get
19:23my own brother to answer the phone you have to promise me you'll come to mom and dad's anniversary
19:27kelly i'm trying hey listen to me all they talk about is whether or not you'll be there they're old
19:33malcolm they could die any second decapitated in a car wreck slowly choking to death on a respirator
19:39from some lingering illness stabbed over and over by some drifter they took in clock is ticking busy
19:44boy you can do this for them i am doing everything i can to be there but my charity just
19:49has me so busy
19:50all the time so you can figure out all this advanced infrastructure for hundreds of charities
19:53and corporations but even after six months notice you can't plan half a day off wow that's almost
19:59mom level okay at their age they're a little self-righteous simultaneously overconfident and
20:05insecure validate their intentions and blow some smoke look i am glad that you see how important this
20:11is for mom and dad they are lucky to have you looking out for them other kids your age aren't
20:15half as
20:15perceptive what i'm i i i'm on the phone okay look i am so sorry but i do have to
20:23get back to work
20:23but don't worry i'm sure i can be there love you hey linda can you print me that report
20:29with that one you got to get in and out before they can think too much how do you not
20:33allow glitter
20:34you're a party venue i just want a couple of handfuls for people to toss during our spotlight dance
20:40okay so no letter did our monogrammed cocktail stirs with the little hearts did they come in
20:47no no they come with the radiant elegance package
20:52the radiant mystique elegance package how much does that cost
21:00okay just do it such nonsense i'm sorry to be taking all the attention away from your 40th birthday
21:07mom i'm 39 i was born on your first anniversary not your wedding day 39 of course you are hey
21:18how
21:18are you guys enjoying the new guest suite the garage yeah once we unpacked the bag stomped a few spiders
21:24got the plastic tarp off the bed it was real homey me and dad did all the renovations your brother's
21:29become quite the handyman well it is great a heads up the toilet wasn't connected would have been
21:34cool you know we could afford a motel absolutely not we love having you here besides you got to
21:40save up some money until you get a solid job mom i've been there 15 years i'm senior management
21:45i have 75 people under me that's 75 people plotting to replace you and you need to retie your bows
21:52they need to be droopy they droop they need to droop languidly look at your father's your knots are
21:58too crisp use baby hands why don't you criticize his bows those aren't languid they're turgid dad likes
22:05me better than you now did you ever talk to malcolm no we keep trading emails back and forth i
22:11know he's
22:11doing good things but he is going to work himself to death i just got off the phone with him
22:15he's not
22:17coming okay we can do this it's gonna be great love you love you do you need to pee no
22:28yes no no
22:31i'm sorry leah we're here leah this is tristan
22:42hi hi leah
22:51good we're we're easing in slowly it's no rush
22:58so how much did he prep you
23:06when you were four you tried to scare miss rachel into canceling preschool by saying her mold didn't
23:10look right
23:14you have to twist your hamburger bun exactly three times so the condiments smear evenly
23:21you refused an award from the state young sciences challenge because you thought it would make
23:25you a famous nerd you love being a physical therapist but you are grossed out when you have
23:30to touch old people you find to a spitting rage if you do wordle in three i do sometimes when
23:37you stand
23:37up too fast you fart and i have to ignore it i do you don't now him
23:45have you ever told you about his reluctant move into politics oh my god no one time i found a
23:52notepad
23:52where he wrote assemblyman congressman lieutenant governor and the thing the thing with the after
23:59shape
24:03why i don't know i've never been so happy to be humiliated in my life this could be my family
24:11my
24:11last checkbox this is amazing welcome we are not doing this by email or text or over the phone or
24:19by
24:19zoom we are going to talk about it no matter what you have to arrange you are going to be
24:24at our
24:24anniversary with the rest of the family dad
24:32you have a daughter she's alive what's happening
24:44you made me do this how come this family's non-stop anti-social behavior and mindless belligerence and
24:50myopic priorities are toxic to me every single bad thing that happened to my life is your fault
24:56getting away from you is how i finally stopped being such an
25:00asshole wait so your biggest problem is that we exist
25:14thank you who are you i don't know how could you do this to your family no stop you insisted
25:24on
25:24barging in on my home okay without an invitation so you can at least give me the courtesy to explain
25:29myself please sit down
25:35Oh, God.
26:28Oh, God.
26:33Oh, God.
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