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#video #EastEnders 15th April 2026
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TVTranscript
00:00I
00:42so classic or quirky you know sports car double decker golf cart what i want to get something
00:49special to take you to the wedding i thought we were keeping it simple well it can be simple
00:54but still special you deserve it so what do you fancy i don't know anything about cars i'll surprise you
01:03then don't want anything stopping you getting to the altar no me neither
01:21i mean his commitment to local issues is very admirable ian's actually led quite a fascinating
01:29life for me yeah it was a lovely evening no yeah yeah it was as it happens oh maybe we
01:37should make a regular thing of it yeah yeah because that's what life is all about isn't it
01:41spending time with your friends and family and we really appreciate you treating us be don't we billy
01:47yes we do oh my pleasure at least i could do i've already got a credit card why do they
01:53always want
01:54to try and sell you another one yeah that's junk mail it says don't it babe i've got to go
01:58oh see you later
02:01yeah be actually whilst you're here you wouldn't mind helping me fold this sheet would you oh of
02:09course not eggs which end i'll take that bit all things and thumbs it's mad to think this place is
02:15going to be my kid's future my kid i know it's going to be hard work but i can't wait
02:23robbie
02:24i mean ivani and nugget they're great i suppose i'm nervous being a dad being a better dad than us
02:33don't worry about it you're going to be great yeah thanks mate um look let me give you some cash
02:40for helping out for this you'll be giving gene competition soon for wolfman's best cleaner
03:02you can't just leave me to deal with this on my own you know just because you've got nothing to
03:06lose
03:07ain't i look ross is a good bloke i don't want to hurt him either
03:16maybe you should think about telling him rather than get involved in all of this
03:19hey it's less messy it's too messy now i was literally tossing and turning all night trying
03:25to work out who would want to blackmail me think about this logically anyone from the hen they're all
03:30my friends okay well the photo was taken outside anyone could have been passing everybody's got a
03:35camera everybody's got a phone it could literally be anyone so if you want a blackmailer come on
03:40think about it make a list people who don't like that impossible to imagine i understand zach
03:48well what do i do then what i just go around confronting them all talk to them but tread
03:53carefully see who seems shifty jack that is a stupid idea is she bothering you we live together
04:02am i not allowed to pop in for a chat all right who rattled your cage you
04:05vick i've got to get on with work please talk to you later
04:17well admittedly i did have to put up with billy and honeybee in them and see what those two
04:20i mean they're really not the brightest crowns in the box either of them but get this
04:26b paid wow yeah she knows the weight of your heart
04:32she is a real life person here not just a cash machine i did go along thinking i was just
04:37schmoozing
04:38a potential voter but it turns out she's um she's bright she's kind she's funny and she's beautiful
04:48i mean what's not like so you're gonna see her again yeah i think i am
04:53well as it happens that's perfect timing because what do women want from their men
04:57more than anything else not a word about me mother no not that but it doesn't hurt
05:04dancing it's dancing all right vicky loves watching these flash mob videos so i want to
05:11organize one for our top secret at the wedding all the stags that's a no from me yeah we look
05:16stupid
05:16it doesn't matter if we do oh come on look last year it was awful for us right everything with
05:23joel vicky's cheating and i just want to draw a line under all of it plus we're getting married
05:27on vicky's birthday so i would get to make a special special day extra special well i have been known
05:34to
05:35you throw a few shapes b will love it kathy will love it and i know vicky will love it
05:41so go on have
05:42a look on social media for flash mob videos so you know what i'm on about and i'm gonna go
05:46get the
05:46boys wait what i didn't actually say yes i thought it was supposed to just be a bit of fun
05:58yeah it's like ross said women like dancing
06:07keen aren't you it's my day off
06:11i saw that video you know of zach stripping at your endo
06:19a bit weird innit sitting there watching your housemate get naked
06:24it was a laugh
06:29was it you was what me that message what message you know i really don't don't mess with me
06:35zoe you ain't got the brain cells if i wanted to say something about you i'd say it to your
06:40face
06:42you're losing it i think babe coming from you
06:50i'm sorry come on come on chill out come on be back as soon as i can all right
06:58so
07:07so
07:08so
07:35All right, Ian?
07:36Yeah, yeah. Busy, busy, you know.
07:40Give me a call, yeah?
07:42Change your mind.
07:43Where's she gone now?
07:45Priya.
07:46Let's do the test drive, why?
07:50How you doing, Ross?
07:51You all right?
07:52Do you want to update your motor?
07:54Oh, no.
07:56Actually, I don't know if you do this,
07:57but I'm thinking about trying to hire something for the day.
07:59You know, get Vicky to the wedding in style.
08:01Oh, yeah. Definitely help you with that.
08:03What are you looking for? Something traditional?
08:05Yeah.
08:07No, Vicky's a modern woman.
08:08She's going to want something cool and sexy.
08:10Yeah, sounds good.
08:11Lovely, sweet.
08:12Come inside, I'll tell you what I've got.
08:13You know what? I've got something I can show you
08:15how Vicky's going to love it, yeah?
08:16All right.
08:17Hang on, I'm sorry. Just a sec.
08:19Give me a second.
08:22Don't try and step in on my sale.
08:24Who said it's your sale?
08:25It's just my sale. I spoke to him first, didn't I?
08:26Find his keepers? Is that how you do business, is it?
08:28No, it's a professional courtesy line, all right?
08:30You do not steal a colleague's client line.
08:33Oh, shut up. It's surviving the fittest, isn't it, you old man?
08:35You shut up. This place weren't doing so good, was it?
08:38When I weren't about, you little girl.
08:41Er, another time, yeah?
08:46That's your fault.
08:47That's your fault?
08:48No, that is your fault.
08:49It's your fault.
08:49I've never said anything you were talking about.
08:50It's your fault.
08:52If I do four PT sessions a week, that would really help.
08:59I don't need a lecture.
09:02I can't take it, Mark.
09:05If Ross finds out...
09:06You should have told me about this last night.
09:08I didn't really believe it.
09:09What sort of person blackmails someone?
09:12It's got to be a stranger.
09:14A weirdo.
09:14Maybe someone who comes in here.
09:16It's definitely their first time.
09:18How do you know that?
09:19They ain't said how much they want,
09:20or where to leave the money.
09:23And if they're not very good.
09:25What are you doing?
09:26On this app, you can see where the message is sent from,
09:29if they've left their location on.
09:34Maybe there's someone closer to her than you think.
09:37Lauren and Peter's place?
09:40They wouldn't.
09:43She would, though.
09:44She was off on me when you moved the hen from her place to Harry's barn.
09:48Marie, thank you very much.
09:49Family's out.
09:51Jimmy's new nursery's so expensive, every penny will help.
09:53Cindy?
09:55Where were you last night?
09:57Um, what's it got to do with you?
10:01If you must know, I went to the cinema with my very handsome son here.
10:06That's what I thought, yeah.
10:08I thought I saw you coming out of there.
10:10Was it like nine-ish?
10:12What's with the questions?
10:14No, no, that weren't us.
10:15We were out to 11.
10:18We should invite Lauren and Louie next.
10:21Lauren?
10:22No.
10:22All right, just Louie, then.
10:24Make it more of a regular thing.
10:26Yes, we are.
10:28Thank you so much.
10:29Have a nice day.
10:29Cheers.
10:32Hi.
10:33Oh, get back already.
10:35It didn't suit me in the end.
10:36So if I could just get a refund.
10:38I mean, I'll come back.
10:39You've got other stuff.
10:40It's not a rental situation.
10:42I saw you stumbling at night fusion, laughing your head off, holding hands with creel.
10:45But then again, there is no accounting for taste.
10:48You're right.
10:49I did.
10:49I was just trying to do this a nice way.
10:51But the truth is, is that your stuff isn't very good.
10:55Quality.
10:56What are you on about?
10:58You just did that.
11:00Did I?
11:01Yes.
11:02No, I didn't.
11:02I mean, it's unwarrable.
11:03I can't wear that now.
11:04Look.
11:05Okay, yeah, yeah.
11:05That's your problem.
11:06Not mine.
11:08Do you need any help?
11:11Yeah, yeah.
11:12That's fine.
11:14That's what I'm saying, Lauren.
11:15Like, being a good salesperson is about reading people, yeah?
11:17And unless someone is flirting with you, you can't really do it.
11:21You're really going to go there?
11:22So you're saying clients are flirting with me now?
11:24No, I'm saying you just get distracted, all right?
11:26Don't focus on the sale, do you know what I mean?
11:28Coming from you?
11:29You two are like an old married couple.
11:31What do you want?
11:32I've completely forgotten.
11:34Carry on, though?
11:36No, there's nothing really to carry on about.
11:38You're just going to have to face it, Dad.
11:40You're a dinosaur.
11:41Your sales techniques, they are prehistoric.
11:43Right, well, maybe we are carrying on, right?
11:45You've just got to realise.
11:46Let's have a quiz.
11:48What?
11:49Find out what the best salesperson is.
11:51Because, you know, 2026.
11:52That should be childish, isn't it, mate?
11:54Is it childish?
11:55Or are you two chicken?
12:02Ain't you got nothing better to do?
12:05Where's Jasmine?
12:06She's hanging out with Josh, her twin.
12:09I'm leaving them to it.
12:10OK.
12:12Right, loser gives the winner 50 quid.
12:17All right, sweet.
12:19It's got to be easy work, yes?
12:21I'll take candy from a baby.
12:2250 quid, you're on.
12:30You're not letting Harry get to you, are you?
12:34Come on, man.
12:36What is it?
12:37You're not letting Harry get to you, isn't it?
12:40Come on.
12:41You talk to me.
12:48You know, Vin, I'm really proud of you.
12:52Do you know that?
12:54When you're only shot for Penny for your kid,
12:58you've got a real chance to start cleaning.
13:01You know, to do it proper.
13:05It's not too late for you.
13:09Thanks, Madness.
13:11It's not too late for you, either.
13:15Nugget.
13:16Nugget, can you just wait, please?
13:18Look, just let me talk to Mr Primrose.
13:20He'll sort it.
13:20And what's he going to do?
13:21Avani, Nugget, what's going on?
13:22Why would someone feel Nugget when he had his seizure and he...
13:28They put it up online.
13:35Look, just don't worry about it, OK?
13:37I'll sort it.
13:38Avani!
13:41Kids, eh?
13:42I guess there's always something, then.
14:01How do we get started?
14:03What, the music kicks in?
14:04Yeah.
14:05We get into position.
14:07And just start.
14:08You haven't got a clue, have you?
14:10No, I haven't.
14:11But listen, it's worth a try, though, right, boys?
14:13It's hard, you know, just dancing in front of people, sober.
14:16Oh, we'll get the beers in, I promise.
14:17Oh, I'll stop moaning.
14:19Come on, we've got warm up.
14:20Yeah, come on.
14:21It's only a bit of fun.
14:22It doesn't matter if we're bad, does it?
14:23Oh, that's definitely guaranteed, Harry.
14:25I'll tell you that for nothing.
14:26You love showing off.
14:27Come on, let's have it.
14:30Right, where's the music?
14:31Come on!
14:32Let's have it.
14:32Here we go.
14:33All righty.
14:35Let's go.
14:35Come on, we got this.
14:36Come on, we're dancing.
14:37Hey, what is it?
14:39Yeah.
14:39Come on, sexy.
14:40Come on, have a dance.
14:41Stop it.
14:42Stop it, mate.
14:43Your mum never pulls that face.
14:44Don't.
14:45Don't.
14:47Let's do this, son.
14:48Go on, Howie.
14:49Right, go on.
14:49Copy Howie.
14:50That's too much.
14:51Okay, done.
14:52No, I've got it.
14:52Go right that way, Howie.
14:53Out of the way, right.
14:54We're like the links and Cole Warford.
14:56Right, follow me.
14:56Ready?
14:57Here we go.
14:57That's it.
14:58That's it.
14:58To the right.
14:59And we're going to turn it.
15:00Turn it.
15:00Turn it.
15:01That's it.
15:01Cat showed me this.
15:03What are you doing?
15:04Oh, OK.
15:05All right.
15:08Ready?
15:08Come on, we got this one.
15:09Follow him.
15:16This is ridiculous.
15:18What am I supposed to say?
15:18Let me handle this.
15:19Oi, Lauren.
15:23What do you want?
15:23That's a good question.
15:26And the answer is?
15:27I want to know if you're as squeaky clean as you're making out, Brandon.
15:30Or how dirty you'd get for the money you need.
15:34I've made a bet with my dad, but more idiotic than dirty.
15:40Is that all?
15:41Yes.
15:44What's going on with him?
15:46I just wondered if, um, if there was anything we needed to talk about.
15:51No.
15:53That what?
15:54I just didn't see you at the hen do, so I thought maybe I'd upset you.
15:58No, of course you ain't.
15:59I should have said something, but I was at an auction.
16:03I don't really appreciate your brother threatening me, though.
16:05What?
16:06I'm not threatening you.
16:07It's your tone.
16:08It's not exactly neighbourly.
16:10Yeah, well, neither is what you did to me.
16:12Sorry, Lauren.
16:13Crosswise.
16:21Hi.
16:23Hi.
16:24What's wrong?
16:26Nothing.
16:28It's only money.
16:30What do you mean, it's only money?
16:32Come on, sit down.
16:39Sometimes I just do things.
16:43Just tumble into them, really.
16:46It's because I genuinely want to do something nice for someone.
16:50So I close my eyes and just do it.
16:54Pretending that my bank account will magically sort itself out.
16:58But it's so deluded of me.
17:02The truth is...
17:05The truth is...
17:10I've found a flat.
17:13It's mine in two months.
17:15Well, that's great news, isn't it?
17:17Well, it is, if I can come up with a deposit.
17:22And you've been spending so much on us recently.
17:25Listen, we will pay you back for dinner last night.
17:27No, no, no, you don't have to do that.
17:27No, yes, yes.
17:29I insist.
17:30I will not take no for an answer.
17:32Well, thank you.
17:33But that won't quite cut it.
17:38Oh.
17:41Listen, why don't I have a little word with Billy?
17:43Yeah?
17:44Maybe we can get some money together and help you out for a bit.
17:47You'd do that for me?
17:49Yeah.
17:49You'd really do that?
17:51Yes, because that's what friends are for.
17:53Oh, honey.
17:54Thank you, honey.
17:55I promise I will scrimp and save and you don't have to do it all.
18:00And I swear I'm going to pay you back and stop closing my eyes.
18:06I know.
18:09Sorry I was at work so long, Vic.
18:11I'm such an idiot.
18:13I've just accused Lauren.
18:15There's someone in there.
18:17Mark found the location on the message.
18:19Told Mark?
18:20Yeah.
18:21Sorry.
18:23Yeah, checking the location was clever.
18:26As you know, someone who lives there could be just someone who visits.
18:29Yeah, but who?
18:30I can't just go round the square accusing everyone, can I?
18:38It is all your fault.
18:39How do you work that out?
18:41I told you to tread carefully.
18:43I'm not talking about that.
18:44I'm talking about this mess.
18:47It's your in my head.
18:52Hey, what did I tell you, mate?
18:53It's all in the hips, innit?
18:55Yeah, I know, because your mum always says.
18:57Hey.
18:58Would it be a grie?
19:00Actually, yeah, get us a drink in, will you?
19:02Sure.
19:04You did it there, too.
19:06Take you two to tango in here.
19:09Ah.
19:11You two look really cosy.
19:14Have fun at the hindu?
19:15Yeah.
19:17Yeah, what can remember of it?
19:20Good.
19:21Will you have to pop in for a cuppa?
19:23Yeah, maybe.
19:27See ya.
19:30See ya, then.
19:39Couldn't be you, could he?
19:42Where's Harvey?
19:43Was getting drinks?
19:44Oh, in the loo.
19:45Oh, no, I'll get that.
19:46And, er, same for me.
19:48One for Harvey.
19:49Thank you, kind sir.
19:51No, no, no.
19:51You, er, you got dinner the other day.
19:53At least I can do.
19:53Well, you can't take it with you.
19:55That's what I say.
19:57Mmm.
19:58Nice.
19:59You know, we should, er, do a proper wine tasting sometime.
20:03I'd love that.
20:04That or a glassblowing class.
20:06Ooh, have you ever done, um, like a helicopter ride over the city?
20:11Er, er, no, um, no, I haven't.
20:13Fancy it?
20:14Er, er, yeah.
20:15Cheers, Trace.
20:16Um, Bea, we, we have only been on one date so far.
20:21Throw caution to the wind, seize the day, and squeeze the joy out of it.
20:25That's what I always say.
20:28I do think you are.
20:29Very charming, you know.
20:32I'm not sure I've got time for a helicopter ride with, er, all the campaigning.
20:37I'm busy, but, er, if you want to take me out for dinner again, I mean, we could arrange that.
20:43Oh, OK.
20:44I might just hold you to that, Mr. Beal.
20:46OK, then.
20:49Think about it.
20:50Ian is close with Ross.
20:52He knows Lauren and Peter need the money, and he's got his campaign to pay for.
20:55Ian bills a lot of things, but would he do that to you?
20:57I don't know, Zach.
20:58I got your text.
20:59So it's Ian, is it?
21:00Listen, he was weird with me earlier, and then when he saw us talking, he...
21:04He looked like he knew, didn't he?
21:06Well, he said he looked cosy.
21:07Yeah, I bet he did, didn't he?
21:09Look.
21:10It's got to be him.
21:12Right?
21:13What a gutless snake that man is.
21:15Black man in his own family like that.
21:17Oh, listen, he would do anything to avoid putting his tight hand in his own tight pocket.
21:21This has got Ian being written all over him.
21:23He's taking you for a mug.
21:24Can we calm down, please?
21:25What's being calm going to do, eh?
21:28What do you want to do?
21:29I want to bring him a new one.
21:31Well, I'm with you.
21:35See, Mr. Primrose said that he'll talk to the head of Sixth Form about a bully.
21:39Yeah, I knew we shouldn't have told him.
21:40No, it's not his fault.
21:41He's a millennial, isn't he?
21:42What's wrong with people?
21:43It's a proper invasion of privacy, actually.
21:47And you've got no idea who's done this?
21:48No, it was under a fake name.
21:50Well, whoever it is, I should kill him.
21:52All right, babe.
21:52Look, I know you're angry.
21:54What?
21:54You just need to calm down.
21:55You don't think they deserve this, Mum?
21:58Dad?
21:59Aren't you angry?
22:02Yeah.
22:03Yeah, I'm.
22:05I'm your dad, so I'll handle it.
22:17Here.
22:18Hi.
22:19You little weasel.
22:21What?
22:22I think I'll be working out.
22:24I thought you'd like it.
22:27I'd like to be trapped and forced to sit and smile and watch the car crash unfold.
22:31Hang on, we're not that bad.
22:33We?
22:34Is there more than one of you?
22:37What are you talking about?
22:39I'm talking about you trying to blackmail me over cheating on Ross.
22:42Why would I blackmail you?
22:45Are you seeing him again?
22:46No, I'm not.
22:48Oh, look, listen, if I've got this wrong...
22:50No, no, hold on.
22:51Right?
22:52Ross loves you.
22:54And you're cheating on him again?
22:56No, I'm not, I'm not.
22:56Don't have a go at her, Ian.
22:58Come on, you know him, Ross, ten minutes.
22:59Well, at least he can keep his clothes on.
23:01It's not for you.
23:04I love you.
23:04Come on, we've got to go.
23:10Tim, here's the man.
23:17So, with Max Branning leading nine to seven, we go into the final round.
23:22According to...
23:23data, what personality type is best suited for sales, introverts or extroverts?
23:29Bing-bong!
23:31Extroverts.
23:32No, it's a trick question.
23:33It is ambivert, because you need to be able to listen as well as talk.
23:37Good answer, big sir.
23:39Yeah, well, I'm more action on Ireland's theory, so...
23:43No, you're all mouth, no trousers.
23:45All right, so, Maximus leading nine to eight.
23:49Who said always be closing?
23:51Bing-bong! Bing-bong!
23:53Um, Alan Sugar.
23:56Alec Baldwin.
23:57Glenn Gary, Glenn Ross.
23:59Yeah, Pete, you made me watch it.
24:00Correct!
24:01Which makes it nine all, just in time for the final question.
24:05Ooh!
24:09What was the first car I ever went joyriding in?
24:12Oh, come on, Oscar, how are we supposed to know that one?
24:14No, you can listen to my life stories.
24:17Fine.
24:19What was the name of my first driving instructor?
24:21Can we just have serious questions?
24:23Serious?
24:24Yeah.
24:24My childish quiz?
24:25All right, fine.
24:26Final question.
24:28What percentage of the UK second-hand car market...
24:31It was a Redfall for yes then, Clive.
24:32Beasy-dubs.
24:33Comes from electric vehicles.
24:35Bing-bong! Bing-bong!
24:38Uh, ten, ten per cent.
24:40Uh, 15 per cent.
24:43I have 10.8, so...
24:45Dad wins!
24:47Max Branning is officially the best salesperson in the port cabin.
24:50A great one.
24:54Yes!
24:55Ha-ha-ha!
24:57All right, I'm going to make a coffee, Lauren.
25:00Give you a minute, find your wallet.
25:01Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!
25:03So you two have been having an affair?
25:04No!
25:05Right, and you knew?
25:06Uh, can you keep the noise down?
25:07I've just got Jimmy off to sleep.
25:09These two have been carrying on behind Ross's back.
25:11Again?
25:11What, you knew too?
25:13No, they told me it was just one kiss.
25:15You're practically related!
25:17No, we're not.
25:17Yeah, and we're not carrying on!
25:19I made a stupid mistake, that's all.
25:21Cheers.
25:23Oh, you are unbelievable.
25:24Ripping your clothes off, flashing your pecs,
25:26I mean, throwing yourself at her.
25:27Oh, Ian, it wasn't like that.
25:28Oh, so what was it like?
25:29I mean, did you just trip over and fall into his naked lap?
25:32Oh, will you stop looking at me like that?
25:33Like you've never made a mistake in your life!
25:35I tell you what, I have made plenty of mistakes,
25:36but I've never been accused of cheating with Mr...
25:38I can't keep my clothes on whilst my fiancée's next door,
25:41and I have never accused my family of blackmailing me over an affair.
25:44I know, Ian, all right?
25:45I feel like my world is about to explode!
25:48I promise you, I want to put this behind me.
25:51I want to move forward, get married.
25:54I want to be with Ross.
25:56Yeah, just, it won't happen again.
26:06Vic, what is it?
26:07You've got 24 hours to give me 20 grand,
26:10or I tell Ross everything.
26:25The Bad Lads of Cork are back for more japes and hijinks.
26:28Watch New Young Offenders on BBC iPlayer.
26:31Listen to Celebs Unboxed Treasures with Dilly Carter,
26:34Kerry Kitona, the latest Sort Your Life Out,
26:36and Pat Guest on BBC Sounds.
26:55Music by Ben Thede.
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