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Best Medicine - Season 1 - Episode 11: Mind Your Own Buboes
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00:01Get out of here.
00:02Previously on Best Medicine.
00:04Are you more his parents?
00:06I'm his best friend.
00:08Why are you here?
00:09I've decided to sell a house.
00:11My house? My house.
00:13It was left of me. I'm the eldest son.
00:16It's going viral.
00:17Is this what you're going to do with your life?
00:19What? Be a garbage person?
00:21It really makes you think, doesn't it, Doc?
00:23What am I dedicating my life to?
00:25I've loved Louisa since I was 12 years old.
00:27She's perfect. Nobody's perfect.
00:30The only mean thing that she's ever done is break up with...
00:33Maybe we could... Get together.
00:35For real. Date.
00:37Martin, inhale. Exhale.
00:40Hey, Martin, buddy.
00:41Not sure if you're here yet, but if...
00:47Um, I'm gonna call you back, buddy.
00:50We were both riding the adrenaline of the moment,
00:52but I'm happy to pretend it never happened.
00:56Good night.
01:04You don't think he looks depressed?
01:07I think he looks like a dog.
01:09Whatever he's feeling can be solved by sleeping, eating, pooping,
01:13or destroying a pair of my shoes.
01:23What's got them so interested?
01:25I have no idea.
01:31It looks like you have the flu.
01:33So, you and Louisa, huh?
01:35I beg your pardon?
01:36I mean, I get why you like her.
01:38She's a ray of sunshine.
01:40But you?
01:41Here you go, babe.
01:41Thanks.
01:42So, you and Doc Martin, huh?
01:43I did not see that coming.
01:45Like at all.
01:46Uh, excuse me?
01:48So, to manage your flu symptoms, you need to hydrate
01:50and take pain relievers as needed.
01:51You know who needs pain relievers right now?
01:53Sheriff Mark!
01:55Woo-hoo!
01:56Come on!
01:57Up high, baby!
01:58Up high!
01:58Yes!
02:00I think it's great.
02:02Love can come at any age, you know?
02:04What?
02:05It's the flu, Mr. Collins.
02:07Any questions?
02:08Who initiated the kiss?
02:10How passionate are we talking?
02:12How did he kiss?
02:14I picture a turtle eating a piece of lotus.
02:18Oh, my God.
02:19Oh, my God.
02:21Oh, my God.
02:22Oh, my God.
02:23Absolutely not.
02:31What's this?
02:32Take it.
02:33Your car's parked in the red.
02:35I parked exactly where I always have since I got here.
02:37I turned a blind eye before, but those days are over.
02:41Mark, it's her $50.
02:42Let me just go out and move it.
02:43Sorry.
02:44Some mistakes can't be just moved back.
02:47What?
02:48What?
02:49Mark, since when do you go out giving tickets like this?
02:52Since when do you care nothing about rules and decency?
02:54Okay, I have no idea what's going on right now.
02:57Yeah, me neither.
02:58Not after what I saw in the parking lot of the hospital.
03:01Wait, what?
03:03You saw that?
03:04Yeah.
03:06It might not be a crime, but it doesn't make it right.
03:14You want me to close the door?
03:16You don't have to.
03:44What are you doing here?
03:46You don't have to flu like everyone else, do you?
03:49Nope.
03:51But, word around town, though, is that you and a certain adorable-
03:56Not you too.
03:57This is a nightmare.
03:59Is there privacy anywhere?
04:01In Port Wynn?
04:02Not really.
04:03So, what happened?
04:05Nothing.
04:09All right, fine.
04:11After a very long day tending to Peter Kronk together, the natural bond people feel in a crisis boiled over.
04:19And you and Louisa kissed.
04:23Hmm.
04:24Well, good for you.
04:25You've been carrying a torch for her since you laid eyes on her.
04:33What did you do wrong?
04:34Nothing.
04:35Why do you assume that I-
04:35Come on, what?
04:37Nothing.
04:37Tell me.
04:38No.
04:40Martin.
04:40I may have suggested that we pretend it never happened.
04:45Oh, my God.
04:46Why?
04:48Spare us both the trouble.
04:49I-
04:51Martin.
04:52Is that how you really feel about love?
04:54Or were you just trying to blow the whole thing up to protect yourself so you wouldn't get hurt?
04:59Well, either way.
05:01Very insensitive.
05:02You're gonna have to apologize for that.
05:05ASAP.
05:08I have to go see George and Greg.
05:11Apologize, Martin.
05:16Miss Michelle.
05:17You can call me Savannah.
05:19You have fever, aches, and fatigue.
05:23Sounds like the flu.
05:24Are you sure we shouldn't be talking about that little patient?
05:27He's running on a very low frequency.
05:29No idea what that means.
05:30Well, your dog is depressed.
05:32Obviously.
05:33Well, for starters, he's not my dog.
05:37I'm with the patient.
05:38Please go now.
05:41Elaine!
05:42Open.
05:44What?
05:45Get him out of here.
05:48Buddy, come on.
05:49Come on.
05:50Okay.
05:51We have a low fever.
05:54And lymph nodes are inflamed.
05:57Okay, just FYI, understanding animals is literally my job.
06:00Oh, yeah?
06:01And what job is that?
06:02I own a traveling petting zoo.
06:03And in my expert opinion...
06:05Oh, expert?
06:06Really?
06:06Is there a petting zoo college somewhere?
06:08It's called Nature.
06:10I'm sorry.
06:11Do you seriously not see how sad your dog is?
06:13Thank you, random zookeeper person.
06:15But I...
06:15What's coming out of your bag?
06:18Oh, my God.
06:20Oh, my God.
06:20Oh, my God.
06:20You're crawling on my leg.
06:22I'm so gross.
06:23What the hell is going on?
06:24It's so wild.
06:25Yes!
06:26What the fuck?
06:27She's...
06:27Got it.
06:29Fleas.
06:30Just as I suspected.
06:31Fleas!
06:31What the?
06:32That's it.
06:32I'm outta here.
06:33Sorry.
06:34Fleas are a public health hazard.
06:36And as much as I hate to say this, which is a lot, until we can prove we're not carrying
06:40them out, no one can leave.
06:41Oh, my God.
06:41I am torching this place on Yelp.
06:46The gossip about Mark and I had finally died down.
06:50And now everybody is talking about me again.
06:52People are awful.
06:53So nosy.
06:54No boundaries at all.
06:55What did happen?
06:56Was it really just a kiss?
06:58I bet Dr. Fussypants has a real tiger under that suit.
07:07Well, I hope you're me.
07:16This feels excessive.
07:18No, first we saw the shower with dishwashing soap was excessive.
07:21Again, dishwashing soap kills fleas, as does putting your clothes in the dryer.
07:25It'll be done soon.
07:26How soon?
07:27Today's the deadline to turn in my audition for Juilliard.
07:30Al is recording it later.
07:31So I really need to move this along.
07:32Audition, huh?
07:33What monologue are you doing?
07:35I'm a thespian myself.
07:37That's right.
07:38Yeah.
07:38You were so great as the mad scientist in the blood factory.
07:40Oh, stop.
07:41Stop.
07:42I'm still working on my monologue.
07:45Well, break a leg, as we actors say.
07:48I put the clothes in the dryer 37 minutes ago.
07:50Feel free to check if they're done.
07:52Answer the phones.
07:53Show up on time.
07:54Now I have to vacuum and do laundry.
07:57Why don't I become act one Cinderella?
07:58If I wrote a letter to Juilliard, do you think you could start tomorrow?
08:01All right.
08:07I can't even have a personal moment with someone without the whole town blabbing about it.
08:11I know.
08:11I'm so sorry about Greg.
08:12He really should have known better.
08:14So I'm just gonna stay in here and avoid people like that.
08:16Oh my gosh.
08:17His little planes are like crazy.
08:18Would you like a spoon?
08:19No, thanks.
08:20I just don't know how everybody knows already.
08:23That is my question.
08:24Well, maybe Martin told someone.
08:26Doesn't seem like the bragging type.
08:28It definitely wasn't something to brag about.
08:30Really? Why?
08:32Never mind.
08:33I don't know why I would be interested.
08:35I just don't know how Elf everyone knows so fast.
08:38You know?
08:41I guess I should call him.
08:44Can I have a-
08:45Oh, oh, yeah.
08:46Of course. Of course.
08:47Yeah, yeah.
08:47And you sure you don't want me to get you a spoon?
08:51Okay.
08:52Hello?
08:53Did you tell someone about what happened between us?
08:55Because everybody at the salty breeze knows.
08:57Of course not. I would never.
08:59It was Mark.
09:00Apparently he saw us.
09:02Mark saw us?
09:04Mm-hmm.
09:05Oh God.
09:06Oh God.
09:06Uh, this is a disaster.
09:08Mark saw us and everybody's talking.
09:12So much for pretending it never happened, huh?
09:15Yes.
09:17So...
09:18About that.
09:19Oh God, she is freezing in here.
09:22I'm sorry, where are you right now?
09:24Hiding in the walk-in.
09:26So, you know, I'm super happy about how this is working out.
09:29Well, uh, a hippie infested my office with fleas.
09:33Okay.
09:36Stay warm in there.
09:37Yeah, um, good luck with the fleas.
09:42Mark.
09:48All right, everyone, please get on your clothes and then leave as soon as humanly possible.
09:53I'm having a strange feeling. I've had this conversation before.
09:57Oh, are you like a psychic?
09:58Deja vu can be a sign of...
10:00Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God.
10:02I'm a seizure.
10:03Is anybody anybody in a CR?
10:06Stop.
10:08Everybody stay put.
10:16Is he texting?
10:18Is he texting?
10:18No one can leave.
10:21Why? What's the problem this time?
10:23Don't panic.
10:24But this woman has lesions that look like buboes.
10:26It's labubu, Boomer.
10:28What the hell's a bobo?
10:29Doc, she has the plague?
10:37As soon as possible, thank you.
10:39If I could have everyone's attention...
10:41I can't breathe! The plague is closing my throat!
10:43It's definitely not.
10:45The health authorities are sending a biohazard team for Savannah,
10:49but they're coming from Boston, so it's gonna be a while.
10:51The plague would probably kill all the old people first, right?
10:54Ghoulish question, but brings me to my next point.
10:57This type of plague doesn't spread easily from person to person,
11:00but from fleas and infected animals.
11:02And if antibiotics are taken within the first 24 hours,
11:06outcome's very good.
11:07Kind of sounds like if that bio-whatever team
11:09doesn't get here in 24 hours, we're all screwed.
11:11Yeah, screwed isn't dead.
11:12Wait, so you're the only doctor?
11:14There isn't anybody better who, like, knows how to deal with diseases?
11:18Well, I went to medical school, so I, like, know about diseases.
11:22But yes, I'm it. But we're fine.
11:25No need to panic.
11:27Panicking.
11:34Doc, what are you doing?
11:36Looking for clues as to where Savannah and her flea-ridden purse have been.
11:45Damn it.
11:46What?
11:47She was at the salty breeze.
11:49Which means people over there have been exposed,
11:51and I need to get in touch with them.
11:52We don't have to change back into the little gowns, do we?
11:54Because if I'm gonna die of the plague...
11:56You're not.
11:56I'm dying with my pants on.
11:58Right.
11:58And I've always said that.
12:01Hey, guys.
12:02What'd you want to talk to me about?
12:04Well...
12:05Wait a minute.
12:06What's going on back here?
12:08Doug claims he found a baby fox and is nursing it back to health.
12:11I wish you'd take it somewhere else.
12:13It's making Brisket very anxious.
12:15I get that.
12:16It's kind of a rabbit-eared devil chihuahua.
12:20Makes me a little nervous, too.
12:24Listen, Sarah, we have a small confession to make.
12:28You cheat at poker night.
12:29You think I don't know.
12:31Oh.
12:31But not that.
12:32We're the ones showing your house.
12:34What?
12:34Your brother saw that Greg is a realtor in the area
12:38and asked us to convince you to accept his offer,
12:41since we're friends.
12:43Oh, some friends you are.
12:45Did he tell you what the terms of his offer is?
12:48Mm.
12:48Sell a house out from under me and I get 20%.
12:51Thank you so much, your lordship.
12:53We thought at least if it was us,
12:55we'd look after your best interest.
12:56Yes, by kicking me out of my own house.
12:59Listen, I hate to bring it up,
13:01but your brother says you don't have much
13:03by way of retirement savings.
13:05Yeah, well, you know how it is,
13:08lobstering, you have a good year and then a bad one.
13:11So maybe you should let us show the house.
13:13There's a couple who wants to see it today.
13:15Fine, fine.
13:17Fine.
13:18So, any intel on what happened
13:22between Luisa and your nephew?
13:23Yeah.
13:24She's hiding in the walk-in right now.
13:27Very upset.
13:28You are not getting the hot goss.
13:30You two are off the hot goss list.
13:33No, no, no, you can't do that.
13:34No, no, no, you can't do that.
13:35I should be able to stay on.
13:38Hello?
13:39And, Sarah, listen.
13:40There could be a crisis at the salty breeze.
13:42Oh, you bet there is.
13:44Luisa is hiding in the walk-in refrigerator.
13:47When are you going to apologize to her?
13:49Never mind that.
13:50A patient here, a woman named Savannah,
13:52she was recently at the salty breeze
13:54and she's exhibiting plague-like symptoms.
13:56The plague?
13:57Like, bring out your dead?
13:59That plague?
14:00I'm all the way down.
14:01It's fine.
14:02Bubonic, yes, the very one.
14:04Wait, what's that behind you?
14:07Oh, Doug's got a baby fox, don't ask.
14:12Hold the phone closer to it?
14:13Sure.
14:13Greg, stay here, please.
14:19Look at those ears.
14:21That's a North African fennec fox.
14:23Doug, where did you get one of those?
14:25Funny story.
14:29Whoa!
14:30Whoa!
14:31Huh?
14:31Wow, what's wrong with him?
14:33For starters, his face is in a bowl of oatmeal.
14:35Now pull him out and make sure he's breathing.
14:38Okay.
14:39Whoa!
14:41Hold the phone closer.
14:42Let me see his neck.
14:44Oh, good Lord.
14:45What are those?
14:46Do you promise to remain calm?
14:48Wait.
14:51This is the plague.
14:52Yeah!
14:54I didn't even want to eat here today.
14:56Uh, excuse me.
14:57Everyone listen up.
14:58What do we do?
14:58A biohazard team is coming.
15:01Until you have all been tested
15:02and the plague has been ruled out,
15:03no one should leave the salty breeze.
15:04Understood?
15:05But we can still take walk-ins, right?
15:09Ugh!
15:15You get a sandwich!
15:17You get a sandwich!
15:19Mark!
15:20What are you doing here?
15:21Bringing people something to eat
15:22because I knew you wouldn't think about that
15:24because you don't think about people
15:25or their feelings.
15:28Mark.
15:29Mark, we haven't had a chance to fumigate
15:31since you left.
15:31Just some vacuuming.
15:33So congratulations,
15:34you've now potentially exposed yourself
15:35to plague-carrying fleas.
15:36Fuck.
15:38It's probably fine.
15:39Well, now you can't leave
15:40until you've been cleared
15:40by the health authorities.
15:41Good!
15:45Mark, would you like to talk?
15:47No!
15:51Yes.
15:52I would like to talk.
15:57Is there anything you'd like to say to me
15:58that actually makes sense?
16:00Nope!
16:00I got nothing to say to you, man.
16:02Okay, fine.
16:03Then you can go back out.
16:11Okay, I actually do have a couple questions.
16:15Well, this should be fun.
16:17How long has it been going on
16:19between you and Louisa?
16:20Have you been dating all this time
16:22and just laughing at me behind my back?
16:24Are you two gonna get married
16:25and have a little doctor
16:27and school teacher babies?
16:28Are you hoping that I die
16:30so you guys can just dance on my grave?
16:32Mark! Mark!
16:32I assure you,
16:34Louisa and I were not
16:35and are not together.
16:35So if we're done here,
16:37I have a plague outbreak to deal with.
16:39Yeah, but you didn't say
16:39that you won't be together, okay?
16:41Because I can just see
16:42through that little game of yours.
16:43You are not gonna sneak the future
16:45past Sheriff Mark Mila!
16:50The plague?
16:51I go into the walk-in for an hour
16:53and come out to the literal plague?
16:55Yeah, it makes you think, doesn't it?
16:57About our mortality.
16:59Makes me think about getting our affairs in order,
17:01updating our wills,
17:03double-checking the DNR.
17:04Boring.
17:05Right.
17:06Who wants a shot?
17:07On the house?
17:08No, what's happening?
17:09Oh, sure.
17:10First sign of a crisis
17:11and everyone drinks for free.
17:13Well, if we're gonna die,
17:14let's die at a party.
17:16This is my kind of plague.
17:18Free booze with my special lady.
17:21Oh, that's what I'm talking about.
17:23Let's toast to living life to the fullest.
17:25To no regrets?
17:26To do not resuscitate.
17:28Oh, stop.
17:28The plague?
17:30Are you serious?
17:31It's a possibility.
17:32But we caught it early
17:33and we're treating it with antibiotics
17:34so you should be okay.
17:36Wow.
17:36You know, I had my cards read recently
17:38and the reader said that something bad
17:39or not so bad could or could not happen.
17:42And now look at this.
17:43It's crazy, right?
17:44Hey, you better not be interrogating someone
17:45because I'm the one who does the interrogating.
17:47Who are you?
17:48We'll ask the questions here.
17:50Go ahead.
17:51Ask your questions.
17:53Doug over at the Salty Breeze
17:55has been exhibiting similar symptoms.
17:56Have you had any recent interactions with him?
17:58Doug?
17:59Doug.
18:01Dougie, Dougie, Doug, Doug, Doug.
18:03Mm, no.
18:04That name does not ring a bell.
18:05I don't believe you.
18:07I don't believe anyone anymore.
18:08You know, stop trusting and you start resting.
18:11Think about it.
18:11Have you been abroad lately?
18:13You know what?
18:13Actually, I did go to Morocco recently
18:15for a yoga retreat.
18:16Namaste.
18:17Mm-hmm.
18:17And that's where you got the fennec fox?
18:19What's a fennec fox?
18:22Anyway, it's probably just like a regular fox,
18:24but with bigger ears.
18:25You just said you didn't know what a fennec fox was,
18:27so how would you know that fennec foxes have big ears
18:29if you don't know what a fennec fox is?
18:32Don't you lie to me, Savannah!
18:33Okay.
18:34Thank you for your help, Mark.
18:36I'll take it from you.
18:37Okay.
18:37Hey, I think I rattled her cage pretty good.
18:40She's gonna crack soon, all right?
18:41Hey!
18:43But I'm still mad at him.
18:44Okay, thank you.
18:45I'm still mad at him.
18:46Okay, I got it.
18:46Thanks, Mark.
18:47I got it.
18:48Wow!
18:50There's some roiling tension between you two.
18:52What's going on there?
18:53Just admit you smuggled the fennec fox
18:55and sold it to Doug,
18:56so I don't have to bring back
18:57the emotionally unstable sheriff.
18:58Okay?
19:00Fine!
19:01But if you think you can make a living
19:02charging five-year-olds to ride ponies,
19:04think again.
19:05I don't think that.
19:06I don't know why anyone would think that,
19:07but the fox you trafficked...
19:09Ah!
19:09Mm-mm.
19:10I call it exotic animal rehoming.
19:12Whatever!
19:12It likely has plague-carrying fleas
19:14that multiplied and migrated
19:16to the other animals in your zoo
19:17and then spread to you and not a duck.
19:19Look, I'm not a monster, okay?
19:21I'm just trying to find loving homes
19:22for these animals.
19:24They carry stress in their bodies
19:25just like we do.
19:26You really feel like you're holding on
19:28to a lot of stress too, my dude.
19:30And the only way to let go of stress
19:32is to open up.
19:33Well, I wouldn't open up too much
19:35unless you have a lawyer present.
19:36Now, if you'll excuse me,
19:38I need to let the town know
19:39about the mess you've made.
19:41Elaine, we need to make a PSA.
19:42A what?
19:43A public cert.
19:45A video telling the community
19:47what's going on, okay?
19:48We'll post it to your social media.
19:50Oh, now you like my social media?
19:52Elaine, please.
19:58I regret never making time
20:00to visit my sister in Florida.
20:02Uh, you called your sister,
20:04and I quote,
20:05a joyless iguana
20:07with a Chardonnay frapple.
20:09I also regret trusting George
20:11to keep our conversations private.
20:14What about you, Louisa?
20:16Is there anything or anyone
20:19you'd be sad to miss out on?
20:24Really?
20:25Really?
20:26Really?
20:26With everything that's going on,
20:28this is what you're focused on?
20:31Our school is closing,
20:33which is a huge blow to Portwood,
20:36not to mention my career.
20:37I mean, I have no idea
20:38what's happening in my life next.
20:39Oh, oh, and we might all have a disease
20:41that killed half of medieval Europe,
20:44so, you know, sure,
20:45we can just discuss my weird kiss
20:47with the town doctor.
20:50When you say weird...
20:53Yeah, I was thinking it out.
20:53I already did.
20:55Ah!
20:57Port Wynn is a fishbowl,
20:59and I'm tired of being a goldfish.
21:01Are we recording?
21:02Yes.
21:03Why are you looking at the...
21:04Okay, ready?
21:05A, go.
21:08Hello.
21:10Dr. Martin Best here in Port Wynn,
21:13where we appear to be having...
21:15having an outbreak of bubonic plague.
21:19Now, there's no cause for panic,
21:21but if you're experiencing flu-like symptoms,
21:23along with painful swelling in your neck,
21:26armpits, or groin area,
21:28or unusual lesions or sores,
21:30please come see me
21:30or another healthcare provider immediately.
21:32Just because I'm stuck at the doctor's office
21:34don't get any ideas about committing any crimes.
21:36Shh.
21:38Please share this post widely, Eleniacs.
21:40You could save a life.
21:42Is she saying give me a follow
21:43as if she isn't talking to, like...
21:45Eleniacs?
21:46She's worse than the plague.
21:47Let those three die.
21:48Yeah, question.
21:50Shouldn't we consider other disease vectors,
21:53like, dirty?
21:54I hate the internet.
21:56Elaine!
21:57Hey! No!
21:59Don't! Stay there!
22:00The plague?
22:01Hey.
22:01Are you okay?
22:02Yeah. I don't know.
22:03This is weird, but I'm fine.
22:05I, um...
22:06I-I brought you lunch.
22:08Uh-huh.
22:09Mark brought sandwiches, too.
22:10I'll take it.
22:11His were very dry.
22:12Hey, listen.
22:13So I speed-read this acting book,
22:15and it said,
22:16track the emotional beats of a monologue.
22:18So I got your monologue,
22:18and I started tracking the emotional beats of it.
22:20Actually, actually, um...
22:20I, uh...
22:21I-I don't think I'm gonna get to it.
22:23What?
22:23You have to.
22:24I-I looked at it,
22:25and there-there's no extension.
22:26Well, you have to do it today.
22:27Al.
22:28Look around.
22:29I'm in a crisis.
22:29I can't...
22:30Just let it go, okay?
22:33No!
22:34Look, this is all you talk about.
22:36Wanting to go to school in New York City, okay?
22:38Let me help.
22:39I don't want your help, okay?
22:40If you like the idea of school in New York so much,
22:42you can go.
22:47Fine.
22:48Bye.
22:48Bye!
22:49Leave the lunch!
22:53Are you guys fighting?
22:59Cheers.
23:01Poor woman in a plague house,
23:02you're looking awfully pleased with yourself.
23:04Well, I'm feeling very at peace with my life.
23:07Plus, you're stuck here with me,
23:08so you can't show my house.
23:11No such luck.
23:12We have someone showing it for us.
23:14Aww.
23:15Who?
23:16Old man Collins.
23:17Damn it all.
23:18Ooh.
23:19Doug!
23:20Hmm.
23:21You good?
23:22Whoa.
23:23I was really out of it.
23:25Doug, I've got something really important to tell you,
23:28and it might be scary.
23:30I'm not gonna be a dad, am I?
23:32What?
23:33Oh, I don't know.
23:34You might have the plague.
23:35The bubonic plague?
23:36Mm-hmm.
23:37How did I get that?
23:38Doc said it must be some animals owned by some woman named Savannah.
23:41Oh, no.
23:43Savannah's got the plague.
23:44Mm-hmm.
23:44Where is she?
23:45Doc Martin's office.
23:46Why?
23:47She needs me.
23:49Doug.
23:50It's Doug.
23:50Excuse me.
23:50We're not supposed to leave.
23:51Hi, Jeb.
23:53Hello?
23:54Jeb, it's Sarah.
23:56I can't talk now.
23:57I'm showing a house for Ken.
24:00You mean Greg?
24:00Yeah, Greg.
24:01Listen, could you do me a favor?
24:04Where is she?
24:06Where's Savannah?
24:07Whoa, whoa, whoa.
24:07Slow your roll, Chief.
24:08Doug, what are you doing?
24:09You shouldn't be running around town with a plague-infested creature.
24:12Don't you call my Savannah that!
24:14I'm talking about...
24:15Wait.
24:16You're Savannah?
24:18Have you and Savannah been intimate?
24:20That's a clinical way to put it.
24:22That's Doc.
24:23Clinical.
24:23No harm.
24:24Clock it, Marky.
24:25Period.
24:26Go on.
24:27I met her on a website for enthusiasts of unusual pets,
24:30but I only took a few encrypted texts for me to realize that she's my soulmate.
24:35That's what you said about my wife!
24:37Oh, hey, Gil.
24:38Good to see you, man.
24:39So the answer is yes.
24:41You two have been intimate.
24:43Come with me.
24:47Savannah!
24:48You're my love.
24:49Let's not go crazy.
24:51Are most of your painful lesions in your groin area?
24:53Oh, yeah.
24:54Do you want to see?
24:54Worth it.
24:55No, no, no, no.
24:56I take your word for it.
24:58Now, you might actually have a sexually transmitted infection called LGV,
25:03which has similar symptoms to the plague.
25:05Must have been that guy from Bonnaroo.
25:07Luckily, it too can be treated with a course of antibiotics.
25:10Sorry, Doug.
25:11What?
25:16Doug, your last girlfriend gave you breasts.
25:18This one gave you a disease similar to the plague.
25:20As your physician, I feel compelled to say, make better dating choices.
25:25I gotta say, the vibe at the salty breeze was way better.
25:28Elaine, we need to make another post.
25:29On it.
25:32Hello, everyone.
25:33This is Port Wynn Public Safety Officer Elaine with an important update.
25:39Hi, everyone.
25:40Dr. Best here.
25:42So, the situation is evolving, and we're still waiting for the biohazard team to arrive to confirm,
25:48but at the moment, my assessment is we are not having a plague outbreak in Port Wynn.
25:52But still don't commit any crimes.
25:56Doc, have you ever thought about being a hair model?
25:58Because the camera actually loves your hair.
26:00What?
26:01Loves it.
26:02Really?
26:02Hey, if it's not the plague, what do you think it is?
26:04I can't say.
26:07Confidentiality.
26:07There can't be that many diseases that have plague-like symptoms.
26:12Yikes.
26:12That looks uncomfortable.
26:25So, good news.
26:27Martin just posted another video saying that it looks like there's no plague outbreak after
26:30all, so all we have to do is just hang out here for a little bit longer, get tested just
26:34to be sure.
26:35That's great.
26:36You seem less than thrilled.
26:41I just feel disappointed about where my life is right now, so.
26:45Well, this may be controversial given the day that we've had, but when I'm feeling low,
26:52do you know what makes me feel better?
26:55Besides umbrellas and drinks.
26:56Okay, then I give up.
26:58Watching animal videos.
27:00Huh?
27:01Mm-hmm.
27:01Not what I was expecting.
27:03Hey, hey, hey.
27:03Otters holding paws while they float on their backs.
27:06Pudgy marmots doing goofy marmot things in the Alpine Meadows.
27:09My favorite is this wolf den in Acadia.
27:12I defy you not to be transported.
27:16This is a twist.
27:17Should we watch one?
27:18I mean, after that, how could we not?
27:19You know I gotta queue it up already.
27:21I'm serious!
27:22Okay, here we go.
27:34Okay, that is Wolf Blitzer.
27:36We love him.
27:37And this one?
27:39Oh.
27:41No, was this a bad choice?
27:42No, no, no.
27:43It's perfect.
27:45Okay.
27:45Okay.
27:47Let's watch this the right way.
27:50Okay, so that's it.
27:51That's Wolf Blitzer.
27:52Wolf Blitzer.
27:53And we don't like that one.
27:54Okay.
27:54But we love Wolf Blitzer.
27:55We love Wolf Blitzer.
28:07Sorry to intrude, but I'm sensing some inner tension.
28:10Whoa, you really are psychic.
28:11People do say that.
28:13But really, we're all just animals who think we're better at hiding our own stress than we actually are.
28:19I've barely worked on my audition.
28:21I don't know.
28:22I'm, like, too scared, I guess.
28:25Fear of failure.
28:25I get that.
28:27I hated taking tests in school.
28:29Why do you think I turned to a life of crime?
28:31Yes, crazy animal lady.
28:33So hot.
28:35Actually, I'm more afraid of success.
28:37I mean, what if I crush this audition and Juilliard is like, holy crap, we have literally never seen anyone
28:42act so good.
28:43Then you move to New York City and you follow your dreams?
28:46Barf.
28:46So basic.
28:47Do you mind?
28:49Then I would have to leave Al behind.
28:52Is Al your boyfriend?
28:54You know, we have this idea that life has to be either or.
28:58But we can only have one good thing.
29:00But what if the universe is like, no, you can have all the good things.
29:05So I could have Al and Juilliard?
29:06Yeah.
29:07Or in my case, beat this crazy STD in the federal wildlife animal charges that I'm facing.
29:11Yeah, no fingers crossed for the both of us.
29:16I saw your video.
29:17Hey, uh, no offense, buddy, but you're not looking too good right now.
29:20Um, Doc?
29:23Lennon, you shouldn't be here.
29:25Oh, I'm growing nipples on my neck.
29:28Okay, maybe you should.
29:29Have you had intimate contact with this woman?
29:31Doug?
29:32Or both?
29:33Are you suggesting I had some kind of woo-woo three-way with those weirdos?
29:37Hell no.
29:38Rules out the STD.
29:40I got it.
29:42Well, have you visited the petting zoo, maybe?
29:44I mean, uh, I don't think so.
29:47This isn't a hard question.
29:48I might have taken my son.
29:50Isn't Glendon Jr. like 17?
29:52Fine.
29:53I went alone.
29:53Okay.
29:55I like petting the goats.
29:57Soothing.
29:58Exposure.
29:59Bubos.
30:01We might be looking at a plague outbreak after all.
30:04Yeah.
30:04I concur.
30:05Hey, Doc.
30:06Bad news.
30:06Biohazard team got in a fender bender and said they're gonna be delayed by a couple of hours.
30:10What?
30:10Okay, didn't you say the longer it takes those guys to get there, the more dangerous it gets?
30:13Great. Now I have to text my mom back and tell her I am gonna die.
30:16Thanks a lot.
30:16Nobody is going to die.
30:18Hey, we just need to stay calm and in control of the situation.
30:22Is that clear?
30:23Um, has anyone seen the fox?
30:26What?!
30:27My mom was right.
30:28I lack the emotional maturity to own a pet.
30:30You need to find that fox.
30:32You're gonna be fine.
30:33But if you need to pet a baby goat...
30:35Oh, shut up!
30:36Doc!
30:37We got more incoming!
30:38I'm not feeling so hot.
30:40I'm like, is this the plague?
30:41My daughter's like, go find out, dummy.
30:44I just feel like ass.
30:47You know, like a general all-over assiness.
30:51Mark, text your mom at the pharmacy.
30:52Tell her we need more antibiotics, rapid flu tests, and any IV bags she may have on hand.
30:56Have her leave them out front and then go run down and get them.
30:58Got it?
30:58All right, no problem.
30:59Elaine, we need to update the public.
31:03Excuse me.
31:04Dr. Best here.
31:06Small update on the previous update.
31:08But...
31:09Not...
31:10Yes.
31:11To reiterate, please disregard my previous post.
31:14We are having an outbreak of plague here in Portland.
31:18Also, Al, if you're watching, I am sorry that I was so crabby.
31:22That was not about you.
31:23I do want to go for it, and I really need your help.
31:25Okay, bye.
31:26First we're gonna die, then we're not gonna die, now we're back to dying.
31:30Make up your mind already, will you doc?
31:32Boo!
31:33That guy sucks.
31:34We're all symptom-free for now, so I think we should just...
31:37What?
31:39Stay calm.
31:39I'm calm.
31:41I'm calm!
31:44What is...?
31:45It's Greg's real estate phone.
31:47Hi, Greg Garrison Realty.
31:49This is Greg speaking.
31:50How may I help you find the home of your dreams?
31:54I see.
31:55Well, that is...
31:58Okay.
31:59Well, thank you very much.
32:01Who was that?
32:02The buyer is looking at Sarah's house.
32:04Jeb Collins told him the house was full of fleas with plague.
32:07I wonder why he would do that.
32:11Beats me.
32:15Oh, fine.
32:17I paid him off to badmouth it.
32:19Excuse me.
32:20If I'm gonna die of the plague, I want to do it in my own house.
32:23Nobody's pushing me out.
32:24Well, except possibly death.
32:26But, point taken.
32:28You know what I think we could all use right now?
32:31Wulff Den Video.
32:32Oh.
32:33Yes.
32:34Fire it up.
32:34Yes.
32:35Okay.
32:36Did you get the antibiotics?
32:38Yeah, I got you.
32:38Sorry, y'all.
32:40Alright.
32:43Okay, everybody, listen up.
32:45We're having a lot of people come in right now not feeling well.
32:48Now, most of you probably just have the flu, but some of you might have the plague.
32:52So, here's what we're gonna do.
32:54Who here's having fever, aches, and fatigue?
32:57Okay.
32:57Now, you're gonna take rapid flu tests out here in the waiting room.
33:00Now, who has swollen lymph nodes under your chin, possibly in your armpit or groin?
33:04Okay, if you have any of those, you're gonna come into the exam room.
33:07We're gonna give you antibiotics right away.
33:09Now, you are not contagious, and we will take care of you.
33:11I'm just here for nighttime gas.
33:13Noted.
33:14Let's go.
33:19Al, what are you doing here?
33:20Do you have plague symptoms?
33:21I don't care about the plague.
33:22Famous last words.
33:24I came back.
33:25I'm so sorry.
33:26Honestly, I was just afraid of my own awesomeness.
33:29I forgive you, but we have to move fast.
33:31We only have a couple hours until the deadline.
33:32All right?
33:33Did you memorize your speech?
33:34Yeah, I'm off book.
33:35Sick.
33:35I have no idea what that means.
33:37Okay.
33:38Who wants to be in a movie?
33:39Or a very low-budget audition video?
33:43I might be available.
33:45You're not thinking of doing this in here, are you?
33:51Why not?
33:53I'll go deal with the plague while you put on your little show.
33:59Hi.
33:59I'm Elaine Denton, and I will be performing Olga's monologue from Anton Chekhov's Three Sisters,
34:06which is a play that I have read.
34:17It almost seems as if a minute more, and we'll know why we live, and why we suffer.
34:27If only we knew.
34:30If only we knew.
34:33What difference does it make?
34:36What difference does it make?
34:40If only we knew.
34:44Cut.
34:48Elaine.
34:49You're so good.
34:51Should I take my line again?
34:52No.
34:53I think we got it.
34:55Awww.
34:58Awww.
34:59Awww.
35:00Awww.
35:00Awww.
35:01Awww.
35:02Awww.
35:03Awww.
35:04Awww.
35:04Awww.
35:04Awww.
35:06Awww.
35:07Awww.
35:11The mother-child bond, it's so primal, so deep.
35:15I mean, why would a lady wolf ever not want to have that experience?
35:18Guy wolves come and go, but the bond to your wolf baby, that's...
35:22That's forever.
35:23I mean, not having a wolf cub.
35:26I mean, she'd probably regret that for the rest of her wolf life.
35:29Awww.
35:33Awww.
35:34Awww.
35:43Awww.
35:45If you're overstepping, tell me to buzz off.
35:46Okay.
35:47If you ever decide to have a baby on your own, I will be there for you.
35:54Cooking, babysitting, whatever you need.
35:56We'll all be there for you.
35:58Of course, all of us.
36:01Oh, yes, honey.
36:03Even when we're nosy and annoying, we're your friends.
36:08You guys.
36:16That took you a while.
36:18Everyone in this room needs to be tested along with a few people down the street.
36:21Understood.
36:22We've already got team members over there.
36:24We'll get a testing station set up ASAP.
36:26Coming back.
36:27I first want you to check on my patients with lesions.
36:29Some of the ones out here might have the plague.
36:32Some of them might just have the flu.
36:34But everyone out here needs rapid tests for plague.
36:40Okay, folks.
36:41I'm headed home as soon as they clear me.
36:44Oh, I gotta just leave it up.
36:45Sam, my nerves are shot.
36:47You can settle them by helping me prep for tomorrow.
36:49Sweetie, after the day I've had, I'm in bath and a nap there.
36:53Am I crazy to say today was fun?
36:57Yes.
36:57Yes.
36:58Fun.
36:59First we're dying, then we're not dying, then we're dying, now we're not dying.
37:08Another drink, anybody?
37:10Drinks on the house.
37:11We'll be called animal control real quick.
37:13Oh, hey, thanks, Doc.
37:15You know, despite being trapped in the paradigm of Western medicine, I would have been in real
37:19trouble if I hadn't come to you.
37:21I think you are in real trouble.
37:22Your fox did give six of our townspeople the plague.
37:25Yeah, well, if I may, I think your dog is sad because he doesn't know where he stands
37:31with you, he's like, am I his dog or am I not?
37:34He's not.
37:38I don't believe you.
37:39And neither does your dog.
37:41You know, you should admit that you actually care about whoever it is that you care about.
37:47At least to yourself.
37:50Uh-huh.
37:51Well, you should pursue a therapy degree while you're in jail.
37:55Maybe I will.
37:58Anyway.
38:00Thanks, Doc.
38:02Hey, do you know any lawyers?
38:07Bye, Sheriff.
38:09Bye, Savanne.
38:11Bye, Savanne.
38:20So it's like that, huh?
38:21You're not even going to apologize.
38:23Look, Mark, I understand you're upset, but I don't know what I actually did to-
38:26Am I your friend?
38:27Excuse me?
38:28Do you consider me your friend?
38:35Yes.
38:38Okay.
38:40Well, when you're friends with someone and you start having feelings for their ex,
38:44you gotta give them a heads up, Doc.
38:47It was just something that happened.
38:48I know, I know.
38:49Like a one-time heat of the moment type thing, huh?
38:52It meant nothing.
38:55Ha-ha.
38:57Ha-ha.
38:59What?
39:00You kiss Louisa and you think it meant nothing?
39:04You're not just lying to me, buddy.
39:07You're lying to yourself.
39:12I'll see you later, okay?
39:29Thanks for meeting me.
39:30Sure.
39:31I mean, what a day.
39:34In fact, it gave me a lot to think about.
39:37About what?
39:40Um, just...
39:51What are the odds of an exotic animal, not even from the continent, showing up in a small town
39:57and causing an outbreak of plague?
39:59Wait, wait, what?
40:00Low.
40:01Oh.
40:01Very low.
40:03Vanishingly low.
40:06And there are lots of things about life that I might not understand as well as I thought.
40:14I-I don't know why I sometimes say obnoxious things.
40:18Martin, you don't.
40:20Please, I...
40:22You know, another surprising thing about life is that...
40:28Sometimes other things with incredibly low odds can also happen.
40:35Nice things.
40:37Things between two people.
40:41Martin, please.
40:43I...
40:43I've been thinking too.
40:46Mm-hmm.
40:46And I think this town is too small for us to date.
40:54Even if it were a good idea, which I don't think that it is.
41:00Oh.
41:01You're-you're a great guy.
41:02Oh, no, you don't-you don't need to explain anything to me.
41:04No, I just, um, and we have this crazy push and pull, which is exciting and also frustrating.
41:08And, uh, I just don't think I have a bunch of time for a lot of drama right now because
41:15I want to have a baby.
41:21Oh, God, not with you.
41:22Oh.
41:23Not with-I-not what I was saying.
41:26Just, uh, just, uh, a baby.
41:29Mm-hmm.
41:30Mm-hmm.
41:40I wish you luck with that.
41:42I do.
41:45Okay.
41:47Have a good night.
41:48Okay.
41:49Okay.
41:52Okay.
41:53I kind of fool what I was before.
41:59Stepping out on my own.
42:03Bringing nothing along.
42:06Just turn off the lights before I go.
42:13When nobody knows.
42:29Okay, Copernicus, let's go for a walk.
42:33The way that I always let you down, cause nobody knows.
42:51I know I've been the light to hold, I learned that lesson long ago.
42:58When one door opens, another's gotta close.
43:05I'll go as far as I can see, to make some better memories.
43:13To get to where you go, you gotta leave.
43:28Hear your words.
43:28I'm not sure you're gonna use it, I'm not sure if I'm not using it.
43:29I can see you too.
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