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Hacks S05E01-2 [Full Movie] [Hot 2026]Full EP - Full
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00:03EFESCUS
00:45Oh, God, look at this.
00:53She has risen!
00:56Oh, no!
00:58I was never dead.
01:00TMZ got a bad tip.
01:01They issued a retraction this morning.
01:03But they said they carried your body off a boat in Singapore
01:05and you didn't make it.
01:06What?
01:07They said they carried your body off a boat in Singapore
01:11and you didn't make it.
01:13No, yeah.
01:14No, no, no.
01:14I didn't make it to the hospital.
01:17I came to it in the ambulance.
01:19I had them reroute me to my hotel.
01:21Hallelujah!
01:24We didn't want to believe it,
01:25that it made sense because of your,
01:26you know, your...
01:28your breakdown.
01:30My breakdown?
01:31Yeah.
01:32At late night,
01:33it was all over the news
01:35that you went...
01:36cuckoo.
01:41DEBORVANCE IS ALIVE!
01:48TITTY!
01:51TITTY!
01:53Well, I want to thank you for
01:58Motherfuckers!
01:59These headlines are horrible.
02:02How Debra Vance lost her way and lost late night in the process.
02:05Oh, diva down.
02:07Talk show host's bizarre behavior raises serious concerns.
02:11Ever since she went to Singapore, Bob Lipka has been smearing you in the press.
02:14But I defended you in all the comments with my burner at Joyce Goldblatt Chang.
02:18Oh my god, Debra Vance's on-air breakaway, they cut the feed before her meltdown.
02:23What?
02:23That's a bad one.
02:24Oh, once an arsonist, always an arsonist.
02:26Debra Vance burns down late night?
02:28God, I knew that social media detox was going to bite me in the ass.
02:32First, I was tagged in some very unflattering photos.
02:34Now this?
02:35There are hundreds of these.
02:37World Articles calling me a free speech warrior.
02:39Well, there were some positive ones, but they've been buried.
02:42Well, of course, because that bastard owns almost every news outlet.
02:45Oh my god.
02:46I think we've all read the stories.
02:48Yeah, it's tragic.
02:50Of course, I wish Debra had spoken to us first, but hey, it is a tough gig.
02:54Not everyone's built for it.
02:56We all just hope she gets well.
02:58Gets well?
02:59Gets well?
02:59Gets well!
03:01No wonder the obituary was so bad.
03:03They needed someone to blame, so they blamed me, the crazy lady.
03:06It's a fucking house fire all over again.
03:09We need to sue, okay?
03:10And we need to get these websites to issue a retraction.
03:13I don't think that's good.
03:13No.
03:14Damage is already done.
03:16Fuck.
03:16We need to shift the narrative with something bigger than all of this.
03:20Like what?
03:22I'll figure something out.
03:30Sorry, you guys been up.
03:35We should do a couple's costume for Halloween.
03:37Well, what are you thinking?
03:38Or at least a...
03:39Knock, knock!
03:40Hey.
03:41May I?
03:42Sure.
03:45Regret to inform you that Jeff Dunham is signing elsewhere.
03:49Fuck!
03:50But the meeting went so well, I even got along with a stupid-ass puppet!
03:53All of our meetings go well.
03:54And then they find out we can't do business with Bob Lipka's companies and they ghost us.
03:57Well, it doesn't help that our client list is older female and losing bone density by the minute, Jimmy!
04:02You don't have to tell me twice?
04:03We lost two clients to Bad Falls this month alone.
04:05It's sad.
04:06And I don't want to visit the hospital again.
04:08Parking is a nightmare.
04:09I didn't want to tell you this, but we lost Lassie.
04:13The dog signed somewhere else?
04:14No, I mean we literally lost her.
04:16She ran away.
04:17And she's not fixed, Jimmy!
04:18She's probably taking loads of every pity from here to Santa Clarita, stupid whore!
04:21All right, look, I know this isn't popular.
04:23No one's going to want to hear this, but I think we should revisit the conversation about downsizing this office.
04:27We're not downsizing.
04:29Don't make me say that again.
04:31Kayla, the office, the rent, the phones, the insurance, it costs $30,000 a month to be here.
04:36It's worth it.
04:37We're projecting success to the industry.
04:39I mean, there's already nasty gossip going around about us ever since you beat the shit out of Bob Lipka.
04:42I didn't beat the shit out of him.
04:44I just knocked his phone out of his hand.
04:45We had a little scuffle.
04:46The assistant slack is still a buzz, boss.
04:48Not good.
04:49If we move now, it's a death bill.
04:52Okay, fine.
04:54It's Damien.
04:55Says Deborah wants to have lunch in Vegas this afternoon.
04:57Oh my god, last minute flights are going to be so expensive.
04:59This is what I'm talking about.
05:00Do you know what's free?
05:01The BMW, which I just had vacuumed.
05:03It's spotless.
05:04You could eat an omicassee off the dash.
05:06Sure, but if we're going to drive and be there at lunch, we've got to go now.
05:08Road trip.
05:09All right, don't worry.
05:10I just got my license.
05:11Just?
05:12Shotgun.
05:13Okay, I guess I'll sit in the back of my own car.
05:15I'm going to go with the R.
05:19Come on.
05:22Wake up!
05:22Woo!
05:24I figured it out.
05:26What time is it?
05:27Actually, what day is it?
05:28Every obituary leads with a person's greatest achievement or failure.
05:32That's why I need a win.
05:33A legacy-defining win that they cannot spin.
05:35Okay.
05:36I refuse to be remembered on other people's terms as a quitter or the person who killed
05:40late night or some hysterical woman.
05:42I have worked too hard and I have fought far too long.
05:45I will be remembered for my accomplishments.
05:48Yes.
05:48So I have decided to EGOT.
05:54Uh, EGOT?
05:55Emmy, Grammy, Oscar, Tony.
05:56Oh, I know.
05:57Well, actually, I didn't.
05:58I thought the G was for a Golden Globe, but I love that.
06:01I love that!
06:02Oh, good.
06:03I kind of assumed you'd think it was crazy.
06:05No.
06:06I think it would be crazy if you did not do that.
06:08Right?
06:09Yeah.
06:09Great!
06:10Come on, get up.
06:10We're having lunch with the team.
06:11Now!
06:12Lunch?
06:13I'm still on Singapore Standard Time.
06:17Midnight snack would be good.
06:31Let's ride!
06:31It's mail alive!
06:33It's hard!
06:33It's worth it!
06:36I mean, I know EGOT is ambitious, but I'm already halfway there.
06:39I have a daytime Emmy for hosting Begongle.
06:42Yes!
06:42Oh, my God.
06:43Begongle.
06:43Yeah.
06:44Wait, what?
06:44Oh, Begongle was a game show on the USA Network in 1992 where celebrities played Boggle on a
06:50constantly shaking floor.
06:51So funny.
06:52And I already have my Tony for producing.
06:53You know, post-coital haze, Eric Idle convinced me to put some money into Spamalot.
06:57Anyway, I already have my T and my E, so now I need you to get me my O.
07:03O.
07:05Well, it was for Oscar.
07:06No, I know what O stands for.
07:07I just meant, oh, like, a reaction.
07:09Oh, that's crazy.
07:10Wow.
07:11Anyway, Debra, I'm going to have to review your contract because I have to see what you can
07:14even do legally.
07:17Busman, permission to speak?
07:18Sure.
07:18Now, the network paid out Debra's contract and they did it all through her exclusivity
07:22clause, not the non-compete.
07:24Technically, she can't do anything scripted or paid TV, film, no new media, they control
07:27her socials, no live public performances, and the contract specifies Florida law governs.
07:33And because Debra already signed her injunctive relief clause, if she violates the contract,
07:36they can come out of her with a restraining order or worse.
07:39You memorized all that?
07:41Inadvertently.
07:41Someone recently told me they thought I was autistic.
07:44That was me this morning.
07:45Oh, yeah.
07:46Anyway, she can technically still film something out as long as it's not released until the
07:50non-compete is over.
07:51I like this young man.
07:53The thing about an Oscar is...
07:53No, no, no, Jimmy.
07:54It's not that difficult.
07:56I mean, award voters love it when funny people go dead serious.
07:59Yes.
07:59Just find me my Monique moment.
08:01Well, I can set you up.
08:02Oh, no, onto the grounds.
08:03Tragically, I have been nominated for my stand-up record seven times I have never won.
08:07Seven?
08:08It was seven.
08:09A lot of Ants in Hell, Hunter the Night for Over the Drama, Live at the Mall of America,
08:14Your Lester Diaries, Live Free Your Diet, The Death Commandments, and The Best Things
08:19in Life are at Sears.
08:20Different bands live sponsored by Sears.
08:22So, yeah, seven.
08:23Robbed.
08:23Now, I know I can't do stand-up right now, so I'm taking a different route.
08:26I'm going to compete in the best audiobook category by recording my memoir.
08:30You wrote a memoir?
08:31That's free?
08:32Well, no, not yet.
08:32But I happen to know the best writer in the world.
08:36Oh.
08:37Tony Kushner.
08:39Hey, what about me?
08:40You can't write my memoir.
08:41You're too obsessed with me.
08:42It's cool.
08:43I give up on developing my prose skills when I realize Gen Alpha can't read.
08:47All right, everybody, let's go.
08:48G-O stands for Grammy, Oscar.
08:51Yeah.
08:52I'm not scared.
08:53Woo!
08:53A Grammy and an Oscar favor.
08:56No, I know, okay, but you don't understand how bad it got in Singapore.
08:59She was sleeping all day.
09:01She was drinking till noon.
09:01Jimmy, she wore Crocs in public.
09:04Did the Crocs have a heel?
09:05No.
09:06But she keeps her heels on during surgery.
09:08Yeah, so that's why whatever she wants to do, we need to get on board, okay?
09:12Okay, yeah.
09:13And you know what?
09:14I guess she has done crazier things, right?
09:15Yes, of course.
09:17She can do anything.
09:18We can do anything.
09:19Speaking of which, I need you to write and sell a huge international hit that has potential
09:23for sequels.
09:24Can you do that?
09:25I...
09:25Look, I would never normally pressure a client to help our firm financially, but we really
09:30need a...
09:31We've had a tough few months.
09:33Jimmy, she gave up the show for me.
09:35You know, I have to stay and help her.
09:36I'm sorry.
09:37No, no, no.
09:37I get that.
09:39Actually, I did finish my mall girl script in Singapore.
09:41I can send you that.
09:42Amazing.
09:43Okay, great.
09:43You send me that, and I guess I'll go get Deborah an Academy Award.
09:49Perfect.
09:50Great to see you.
09:56Mr. Kushner, I just want to say it's such an honor to observe the writing process of
10:02one of my heroes.
10:03I mean, Angels in America was just, yeah, so formative for me.
10:06Oh, that's sweet.
10:07She's just shadowing, so feel free to ignore her.
10:09I often do.
10:10Oh.
10:11So, Tony, where do we start?
10:13I'm thinking a chapter a day, 15 chapters.
10:15We should be able to wrap this up in two weeks.
10:17Easy.
10:18We're going to need far longer than that.
10:20I really believe in an immersive process.
10:23Oh.
10:24Okay.
10:25Well, I don't tend to love those whiny childhood parts of most celebrity memoirs, but then again,
10:32I was a very strong child.
10:33I held up my own head at three months old.
10:36My little blonde head.
10:37Oh, wow.
10:38I know.
10:38Oh, that would make a great opening sentence.
10:41Quote, I was born blonde.
10:43I actually want to start way before that.
10:47Since your people descend from Scotland, I've been reading The Lion in the North, 1,000 years
10:53of Scotland's history.
10:54Did you know that your eighth great grandfather was a prominent figure in the Battle of Glen
11:00Fruin?
11:01I didn't.
11:02It's really fascinating stuff.
11:04It starts with the McGregor clan.
11:05They were in a feud with the Coughlin clan over cattle thefts and land thefts.
11:09It's like the beginning of the 17th century when James VI, there was a big homo, moved to
11:14England to become James I, and it was the start of the Jacobean era.
11:18And then the celebration of the DJ.
11:20Bye.
11:25Okay.
11:26What if Debra produces a documentary short?
11:28That's got to be an easy category, right?
11:29There's no way Debra's getting into that category this year.
11:33I mean, do you see how many ongoing lords we have going on right now?
11:36There's at least a nominee coming out of each.
11:38Unless Debra wants to drag a film crew through the Congo, it's not happening.
11:42God, this is impossible.
11:43It is.
11:44Is it, though?
11:45Because correct me if I'm wrong, there already is a movie with early Oscar buzz that Debra
11:48has a connection to.
11:49Which one?
11:50The Fatty Arbuckle movie, Jimmy.
11:52The one you're producing.
11:53Hello?
11:54Yeah, no.
11:55That's the only project we have without Debra or a rabid dog attached.
11:58Absolutely not, no.
11:59And dare I say I'm proud of my work on it.
12:01Thank you very much.
12:02It's an awards season dream.
12:04It's a biopic.
12:05It's got famous actors playing a game's type.
12:07It's a period piece.
12:08It's got everything.
12:09She just seems a small part.
12:10Do you know that Beatrice Strait won the Oscar for Network despite having only five minutes
12:14of screen time?
12:14Five minutes!
12:16I didn't know that.
12:16I had no idea.
12:17But it doesn't matter.
12:18We're already finished shooting.
12:19Don't we have to do reshoots?
12:20No, we are doing additional photography.
12:21Reshoot!
12:22We are doing additional photography that's different than a reshoot.
12:24Christopher Plummer was nominated for a performance done entirely within additional photography.
12:31Wow.
12:31How do you know all this stuff?
12:32Once I started learning about Hollywood, I couldn't stop.
12:35Such a fascinating mix of culture and business and art and history.
12:39It's America.
12:40I mean, maybe if she was Australian, I could see it.
12:42Hmm.
12:43But, no, look.
12:45The Arbuckle movie is the only thing that's going well for her.
12:48I can't mess it up.
12:49All right, whatever you say.
12:50Maybe she could learn sound mixing and rise to the top of her field in the next two weeks.
12:55The worst idea I've ever heard.
12:57Hey, there are no bad ideas, but...
12:58No, it's okay.
12:59I probably shouldn't have said anything.
13:00Hmm.
13:02Fuck!
13:03You've got to be more sensitive to her, okay?
13:05Kayla, Kayla, honey, it's okay.
13:07You know what?
13:07There are no bad ideas in a brainstorm.
13:08And it's really hard to get an Oscar.
13:09We've got a break or up our home.
13:12But God has a child inside his home.
13:17Okay.
13:18So today, let's start with high school.
13:20I was gorgeous, smart, and popular.
13:22College, same.
13:23Now, that's when Frank came in.
13:24Before we get into that, let me just play you something.
13:28I stood there, shivering in my pajamas and...
13:31I think this is the soundtrack for the first chapter of the book.
13:34I was all over.
13:36I said to myself...
13:36Books don't have soundtracks.
13:38No, the soundtrack I'll listen to while I write that section of your life.
13:41Oh my God, that is such a cool way to do it.
13:45God, when I write, I just change out of my sleep pajamas to my daytime pajamas.
13:50Maybe close your eyes to really feel it?
13:54I don't know.
13:55I have a Pulitzer.
14:01Oh, wow.
14:03This does feel good.
14:04Right?
14:05She gets it.
14:11Oh, I love this song.
14:14Hi, Tony.
14:16Is that all there is?
14:19Is that all there is?
14:23If that's all there is, my friends,
14:27then let's keep dancing.
14:31Oh, Freddy.
14:33I can't be alone.
14:35I wish I could hold you just one more time.
14:42I can't believe I'm saying this,
14:44but Debra actually would be better for this part.
14:46Uh, yeah, anybody would.
14:47Let's cut.
14:49I'm sorry, guys.
14:50I'm really having trouble accessing the emotions today.
14:53No, no, no, darling.
14:54You're doing fantastic.
14:55We love it.
14:57I hate it.
14:58She's so bad.
14:59Yeah, she's been horrible all day.
15:01Do you think that maybe she'd be better
15:02if we put peanut butter on the roof of her mouth?
15:05What?
15:05We recently did the last reboot.
15:07She's kidding, I think.
15:07I'm not kidding.
15:08I hope.
15:09Look, I hate to say this,
15:10but I do think we should recast her.
15:12You do?
15:13That's a good idea.
15:14I mean, this movie's about a comedian, right?
15:15It's leaning a little maudlin.
15:17I think you should put a comedian in the role, right?
15:20What about Debra Vance?
15:23It's an interesting idea.
15:24Does she act at all?
15:25Are you kidding?
15:26She was the lead of Who's Making Dinner?
15:27Groundbreaking sitcom in the 70s?
15:29She's great at that.
15:30You know what is crazy?
15:30Her story is exactly like Fatty's.
15:32I mean, she was cast aside by the public.
15:34She was maligned.
15:35But then she rose from the ashes.
15:36It's actually really good for the narrative,
15:37and I think she'd be amazing in the park.
15:39That was very inspiring, Kayla.
15:40I just totally came up with it.
15:42Didn't she go crazy or something?
15:43No, no, no.
15:44That was a coordinated smear campaign.
15:45That is absolutely false.
15:46I can tell you, Esme.
15:47All those things are rad.
15:48Something not true.
15:49She's sassier than ever.
15:50Okay, great.
15:50I love it.
15:51Let's do it.
15:52Okay.
15:53Awesome.
15:53And you have to fire Esme because I'm not good at being direct with people.
15:56You're a director.
15:58I know.
15:59Okay.
16:00Great.
16:01Cool.
16:02Moving on, everyone.
16:03All right, moving on.
16:06God, I can't believe you're recording a book already.
16:08Oh, no, no.
16:09The book's not happening.
16:10I fired Kushner.
16:11You fired Tony Kushner?
16:13Hmm?
16:14Oh, Deborah!
16:15God!
16:16I was going to slowly develop a relationship with him over the course of years
16:19and then eventually ask him to read my script, and he was going to love it.
16:22You know how it is with men.
16:23If they're not moving at your pace, it just gets boring and painful after a while.
16:26Okay, so why are we in a recording studio then?
16:29I had McKinsey run the numbers to see if I could still get a Grammy this year.
16:34Deborah, we talked about you not using McKinsey.
16:37You said I could do it if it was for a good cause.
16:39No, I didn't.
16:40Well, it is, and I did.
16:42Apparently, it is an incredibly weak year for one Grammy category.
16:46Regional Mexican music album, including Tejano.
16:50And...
16:51And if I'm featured with the frontrunner, and they win, which they will cause it's a weak year,
16:55I get my G!
16:56Yay!
16:58Hey, Deborah.
16:59We're ready for you.
17:00Thanks.
17:02Okay, kiss me love.
17:06Did you know about this?
17:07Yes.
17:09What's this?
17:11Hi, hi.
17:11Hey, how are you doing?
17:13Good.
17:13All right.
17:14Yeah.
17:15Hit it!
17:20My cigarritas, que solo yo puedo querer, de porcelana, que solo yo puedo querer, son las que más quiero yo,
17:30y solo son bellagro, son mi vida.
17:36Oh, God.
17:37I hate firing people.
17:39Let's do good cop, bad cop.
17:40I'll be bad cop.
17:41They're sexier.
17:42Okay.
17:43Just...
17:44Okay.
17:44We should see a concert soon.
17:46I'm kind of in the mood for a concert.
17:48All right.
17:49Come in.
17:52Hi, there.
17:52It's, uh, Jimmy and Kayla.
17:53Yeah.
17:54Hi.
17:54Hi.
17:55We need to talk to you, honey.
17:57Oh, okay.
17:58Sure.
17:58Come on in.
18:00Oh, thank you so much for welcoming us into your space.
18:03Of course.
18:05Um, we should start by saying that you, madam, have been just so punctual.
18:12Of course I'm punctual.
18:13That being said, you're bad.
18:15You're acting's ass.
18:17Hey.
18:17And you're being outperformed by a dead corpse, mama.
18:19Okay.
18:20Sorry about her.
18:20Give us a second.
18:21That was insane.
18:22But honestly, it's on me.
18:23I should have never let you be bad cop.
18:24You be good cop.
18:25Okay.
18:26Kind of an oxymoron, though.
18:27Fucking pigs.
18:28Just be as nice as you possibly can, okay?
18:30Okay.
18:31I'll be the nicest girl in the whole world.
18:33Sorry about that, hon.
18:34I'm super bipolar.
18:36Oh, my God.
18:36I did not know that.
18:38Um, yeah.
18:39I, uh, I'm really sorry about that.
18:42But, unfortunately, I do have some bad news.
18:44Okay.
18:45Those are your real lips.
18:46If so, your boyfriend's one lucky son of a bitch.
18:50I, I, I have a wife.
18:52Oh, gay ass.
18:53Listen, there's no easy way to say this.
18:56You are being recast.
18:57What?
18:58Oh, my God.
18:59You are terminated and effective immediately.
19:01Please pack up your things and return your costume and the wig cap.
19:03Fuck you, Jimmy.
19:04Seriously?
19:05What?
19:06I mean, this is so unfair, right?
19:08Insane.
19:08Wrong.
19:09Let's get the union involved.
19:10You jackass.
19:11No, we're not getting the union involved.
19:13We're just recasting.
19:14It happens every day.
19:14No, I mean, seriously, you've been mistreated in the workplace.
19:16No, she hasn't.
19:17This is just a recasting.
19:18It happens every day in Hollywood.
19:19I've never seen something like this.
19:21It happens a lot, okay?
19:22Unfortunately, this decision is final.
19:24You're fired.
19:25But you're also signed by us as a client.
19:28Really?
19:29Mm-hmm.
19:29Kayla.
19:30I am seeking representation.
19:32Well, you found it.
19:32Schaefer and Lusak.
19:33Welcome to the family.
19:35Oh, my God.
19:36Yeah, we should definitely get a dinner on the books.
19:38Yay!
19:39Fuck it!
19:40Fuck it!
19:41Fuck it!
19:42To us will come back to our hands to our hands to our hands to our hands to our hands.
19:47I'm a screenwriter.
19:49I consider myself a playwright who's learned to write screenplays.
19:52Or perhaps I should say, I'm a playwright who's learned to write screenplays for Steven Spielberg.
19:56Hello.
19:57Hey, what's up?
19:59I've been thinking the real way to cement my legacy is for me to primary AOC.
20:05What do you think?
20:07Oh, um, yeah.
20:10Yeah, totally.
20:11That sounds good.
20:12I guess we'd have to get you a New York address first in the Bronx.
20:15That could be cool.
20:16We could hang out there.
20:17I heart New York.
20:17I would love to hang out in New York City a lot more.
20:19I would love that.
20:20Okay, that's it.
20:21What is wrong with you?
20:23Nothing.
20:23What are you talking about?
20:24You're not challenging me in your normal,
20:26why haven't you ever considered Ava way?
20:29I'm just trying to be supportive.
20:30Well, I don't need a yes man.
20:31I need a no woman to ignore.
20:35Okay, well, fine.
20:38Uh, yeah, things got really dark in Singapore and it was really scary seeing you that way.
20:43And now you're back and you're motivated and it's just nice to see you getting out of bed every day
20:47excited.
20:49Well, okay.
20:53But, you know, I do sometimes need you to be honest with me.
21:00Okay, well, I don't think performing Tejano music is how you want to rewrite your legacy.
21:05Por que no?
21:08I just, I don't know that, like, trying to find some loophole to game the system in an obscure awards
21:14category is what you want to be remembered for, is it?
21:16Maybe.
21:18I mean, this non-compete could be a blessing in disguise.
21:20I could discover something new I'm brilliant at, my true calling.
21:23I mean, look at Woody Allen.
21:24He's a gifted clarinetist.
21:26Doll, Woody Allen is not going to be remembered for playing the clarinet or the movies or the bucket hat.
21:31It's going to be the other thing, okay?
21:33And you are going to be remembered for comedy because you're a comedian.
21:37You said it yourself in your final monologue, remember?
21:40God, I don't remember what I said.
21:42I certainly haven't watched it.
21:43Yeah, well, maybe you should.
21:47Okay, what is the biggest achievement for a comedian?
21:51Beating a rape trial.
21:53Seriously.
21:54Hosting a late night show.
21:56Come on, anything else?
21:59Selling out Madison Square Garden.
22:01Okay, great.
22:03But I can't do that.
22:07I can't perform.
22:08I know, and I don't know how to get around that.
22:11I don't know what to do.
22:12So you have a bump, but no pitch.
22:17Yeah, I'm sorry.
22:19Yeah, me too.
22:27I'm going to battle.
22:33And I...
22:34I...
22:51I...
22:55What?
22:57What?
23:06no results unbelievable yeah they've taken down every late night clip it's criminal hang on
23:14oh shit what they took down my bad too what
23:24why would my special be gone because it's on their streamer Bob Luka controls that too
23:29they fucking scrubbed everything everything everything that we have worked on for the past
23:37five years is gone they're not just rewriting me they are erasing me I'm so sorry you know the
23:45last time the press smeared me I just let him I leaned into it but not this time this time
23:51I am
23:52writing my story because you're right I am a comedian and I'm doing comedy and I'm doing it
23:57tomorrow night totally super support you but how are you gonna call Jimmy manager being let go is a
24:04normal part of the business I'm sure she'll be okay thank you but again I do want to revisit working
24:09on your boundaries with clients I've been thinking about that a lot and I um oh you know what Debra's
24:15calling same time next week great hey Debra hi hi hi I hope it's not too late no no this
24:21is great
24:21I actually want to talk to you I just figured it was too late for you are you ready for
24:25your close
24:25up Mr. Vance what I got you a part your Oscar is just one great performance nomination flawless
24:31campaign and win away no I'm over that don't need an Oscar anymore no yes you do you need it
24:36you told
24:37me you needed it and and we we we recast somebody we're putting you on the call sheet right now
24:40Jimmy
24:40I'm doing stand-up tomorrow oh no you're sundown in darlin you cannot perform no I'm gonna do a
24:47secret show we're gonna confiscate phones well no venue's gonna agree to that they don't have to
24:53I know I know a guy password Hermes Kelly 28 croc gold hardware
25:03follow me that is just a tag
25:15phones please if your babysitter calls Damien here will handle it and if you try to sneak in a device
25:20you will be tamed they are good follow me and watch yourself you're not liable before ladies open any
25:26heart candy now so help me god if I hear a rustle you're gone sit right this way front row
25:33best seat
25:33in the house you do have to sit on a floor though sorry did you get your mom yet the
25:37rbuckle movie is
25:37freaking out all right let me try her again
25:44i'm so sorry everybody i'm so sorry oh it's it's my son calling he's been trying to reach me
25:50hi honey what's going on you know that we shoot until midnight every night i know i'm sorry just
25:55listen i got your role in the fatty arbuckle movie okay say more here's the only issue we lose our
26:00location saturday so we have to shoot tomorrow and you'd be off book for eight pages by morning
26:04baby are you kidding i'm in soaps i could be off book for hamlet in 20 minutes oh great okay
26:09oh
26:10the show's starting i gotta go i'll text you all right love you okay when the mom is in she's
26:15gonna do it
26:22yes
26:45oh
26:46oh thank you here i am back from the dead
26:54you know when a man does that he's the son of god when a woman does that she's held for
26:58questioning at lax
27:01the only other time i was mistaken for a corpse is when i let a straight man do my makeup
27:10you know when you're away from the spotlight
27:14you have time to think about what really matters
27:17the spotlight
27:19god
27:35oh
27:36oh that that is fierce stunning that stunning oh excuse me are you deborah vance yes i'm alive and
27:46i know you've been so
27:51bitch
27:53shit there's a video of you from the show online i can't believe that people found it so quickly
27:58looks like we're going to court ma'am we need that ring back she'll give it back when she's ready
28:27we've just learned the judge has ruled that due to comstar's investment in promoting deborah vance as
28:31the host of late night the clause barring her from performing is in fact enforceable
28:35a temporary restraining order will be put in place until a full trial can be set
28:39this is a huge loss for miss vance and her team we'll be covering
28:48free speech is under attack in this country today i have been told that i cannot so much as
28:53perform one single joke or i will go to jail but they can't censor me forever the moment my contract
29:00expires i will be speaking my truth in fact i'll be shouting it at my comeback show at the world's
29:06most famous arena madison square garden thank you excuse us guys excuse us please block it up
29:15give us some room thank you the garden yeah it's the ultimate wing for a comedian if i sell it
29:22out
29:22i'll be one of only a handful who've ever done it and that will be my legacy you know for
29:27women who
29:27can't be on camera you just got a lot of air time mm-hmm wait you leaked that video didn't
29:33you
29:33no i did that was a great pitch we had to announce somehow oh my god
30:08it's so great to be back in new york yeah
30:27wow i see that hi pretty
30:34oh look at that look at that view that's gorgeous
30:40you know i can't accept bribes bribes i don't like to say well i i heard that you were
30:51understandably less than pleased that i announced i was doing a show at your esteemed venue before i
30:57had actually booked it and i just wanted to come in person and apologize and say i cannot wait to
31:01work
31:01together you're right i was very pissed off because that is not how things work around here
31:06no i'm i'm sorry and if you would come to me i would have told you that i don't think
31:11you're right
31:11for msg i think you're right for uh radio city i think you're right for webster hall i know this
31:17bitch didn't just say webster hall oh okay i can tell you're a whole deal she is but we do
31:24feel very
31:24strongly that the garden is the best venue for someone of deborah stature okay the talk show was
31:29great but you don't have the cops you haven't toured in years you barely have any social media presence
31:35it's just it's too much of a gamble i will sell out and even if i don't what does it
31:41matter to you
31:42i mean we will front the rental cost you'll be off the hook it's not just about the money if
31:45you are
31:45playing msg you are the center of cultural conversation i mean our our venue is a major part of new
31:51york city's history we can't just let anyone perform here i'm sorry isn't there a live true
31:56crime podcast playing tonight murder my stupid ass please has over 90 million monthly listeners
32:00it is hosted by two of the most popular people in america they swayed the presidential election you
32:06know i think you might be underestimating deborah's fans because they are rabid they abducted me once
32:10i got free but i didn't call the cops because they are so sweet my point is they're enthusiastic
32:16and these tickets are gonna sell i just don't see it this won't be just a stand-up show
32:20this will be historic i'm taking down bob lipca and his censorship of me and speaking truth to
32:25power this is bigger than just me i'm sorry deborah i'm so sorry i i i should not have wasted
32:33your
32:33time with this petty gifting business i had two shares of berkshire hathaway class a stock so thank
32:40you so much for coming by absolutely thanks we'll leave these with your time have a nice day i guess
32:49that msg booker is dumb and her leather jacket was stupid no it was a full grain leather and a
32:53sophisticated cup fine she's rich cool and ruining our lives we just need to reignite the base the
32:59little debbies would help me with anything you remember 93 they started that hunger strike so i
33:03could get reinstated at the spokesperson for snack wells or when they crashed the eileen fisher website
33:07the day your casual duster's dropped exactly what about that autograph you mentioned in Vegas you
33:11pass on the little deputies will love that you're a genius right we get my biggest fans together in
33:15one place i shower them with love and affection and then we ask them to organize a grassroots movement
33:20to get me madison square garden when is it three weeks the 21st that's ava's birthday it's fine are
33:26there any other options no no no i honestly i don't care about my birthday i really don't
33:31know you have to at least take the day off and hang out with who i only have one friend
33:36remember
33:36what are you talking about remember the last night in singapore you said it was weird you were my only
33:41friend you probably don't remember you're pretty drunk girl it's fine don't worry i didn't survive
33:47growing up in massachusetts by letting a drunk person's insults affect me seriously you should do it
33:52so should i cook it or yeah yeah here jimmy get the shot
34:01perfect what that's what we've been waiting for yeah for content
34:22good morning my favorite ladies and damien so we've talked to the organizers slipped them a hundo
34:28and guess what they moved tether locklear to the other side of the building good she's still my
34:32exact shade of blonde in 98. and look i know you want to be out by three so i'm going
34:35to talk to
34:35billy baldwin and see if he'll give you his time slot in the photo studio perfect yeah i don't want
34:39to
34:39be here too late okay i'm gonna head to the table all right see you over there and you happy
34:44birthday
34:45birthday girl oh i know we normally get you a gift but we are a little low on funds this
34:50year i'm sorry
34:50about that don't even worry about it oh my god i finished your mall girl strip last night ava it
34:55is
34:55so good oh yeah i laughed i cried it's like it's emotional and cinematic it's really special and i
35:01can't wait to send it around oh my god amazing thank you i'm proud of you oh coffee birthday girl
35:06wow this is a really fancy tray had it custom made heaters built-in usb charging patent
35:12ending you're really good assistant you know in hollywood it's not about good or bad it's about power
35:19nice watch
35:25honey i would love to sign it but i can't legally
35:32there they are they're probably just filming at the mouth hey my little jammies
35:41hi
35:47hello oh wow the dv industry swiss army knife it's got it all it's got the tweezers it's got
35:53the brow spoolie and come on who could ask for more than that very rare item actually it's widely
35:58available on the internet which you'd know if you were still active on the dv message boards um
36:03how would you how would you like to use your name please
36:10it's great to see
36:14hey how's it going oddly let you see well i just met the actor who gave dawson a blowjob on
36:19the boat and
36:19season very something on starstruck and amazing one autograph hi there hi hi oh hey sorry uh i think
36:27the line starts back there oh no i'm actually here for you i am a huge fan of of me
36:33yeah i was obsessed
36:35with girltown and you always wrote the best episodes oh my god i left college for that job i know
36:40and then i
36:41follow you on twitter even now i'll just randomly look up your old tweet sometimes oh no don't do
36:46that anyway then i saw my bad because i heard that you'd worked on it yeah i never even seen
36:53deborah
36:53before i mean it's kind of crazy how you've changed the whole trajectory of her career
36:58she's mad lucky to have you wish you said that a little louder but thank you will you sign your
37:03times
37:04magazine cover yes i i've never never signed anything for anyone before wow this is amazing
37:12i really now understand why parasocial relationships are replacing real ones
37:16but seriously thank you for all that you contribute to society
37:21anytime
37:25i'll catch you around yeah i'll be around all day coolie cool cool
37:34it's on me thank you thanks thanks for coming oh ezekiel how nice to see a familiar face what can
37:41i sign for you i've actually signed something for you it's my resignation letter as president of the
37:45deborah vance fan club southwest branch is he you you've been a pillar of the little debbie community
37:50for years i heard that kathy griffin is looking for an infusion into her base so i am taking my
37:54talents
37:55elsewhere okay okay what what is going on what is the problem the problem is that you went hollywood
38:02i did not go hollywood yes you did you haven't sent out deborah's do's and don'ts in almost two
38:07years i don't know what to do or what not to do sometimes i just sit in the dark yeah
38:12you discontinued
38:13your car insurance plan but now i'm uninsured oh honey you gotta have insurance and you discontinued
38:20the deborah vance red light mask i liked the burns it eventually turned to tan you want to me you're
38:25a
38:25lizard hey get into a single file line or you will be tased do not with me
38:36you should address the lizard thing it's not gaining traction
38:41who's next and you really don't mind switching with them oh no no not at all that ranch you did
38:45against lipca gold legend as a freaking animal tell me about it well she always invites me to
38:50wear fourth of july party i never go but uh the invite's always nice well you're going to be on
38:55the list forever man we appreciate you never too big jimmy never too big my man all right okay now
39:02that's a guy i could be friends with i love him exactly what i like to hear from you boss
39:05because
39:06i do not want to see you fall prey to the male loneliness epidemic no i know it's terrible man
39:10uncle maury shot himself in the head it's renee o'connor who's that from xena warrior princess the
39:16show the show on the wb oh tv show yeah i haven't made it to tv yet i'm still making
39:20it through all
39:21the movies she's xena no that's gabrielle that's xena's battle partner her confidant she's a traveling
39:27bard well you gotta go say hi hell no i would be so nervous i i would faint no i
39:31couldn't i mean i've
39:32seen every episode multiple times i even still have a recurring dream that i'm helping xena save
39:35prometheus so that humans don't lose their capacity for healing and fire jimmy you're meeting her
39:39you'll regret it if you don't you think i know so okay okay god i wish i had a beta
39:44blocker all
39:45right let's go so are you working on anything else other than writing for deborah yeah yeah i actually
39:51just read a movie about a girl who lives at the mall oh such a good idea got my tickets
39:56i am so russat
39:57you're so sweet shit wait this is just occurring to me are you gonna have to leave deborah no no
40:03i mean
40:04especially not after what she did for me at late night so what's your like dream i've always wanted
40:13to create my own show i was voted uh most likely to show run my high school yearbook i mean
40:18i did
40:18create the superlative but still really hope this isn't weird but i know this but um it's your birthday
40:24today right yes it is and you're turning 30 right yeah poof pretty big milestone are you like freaking
40:33out about where you're at in your life no no i mean no not really i don't think should i
40:38no no i'm not
40:39well i'd love to get you something for your birthday like a cupcake or you don't have to
40:45but if they have chocolate cake i'd take chocolate icing or if they have vanilla cake i still would want
40:50chocolate icing but if unfetti's in the mix of course i'd have they just have corn muffins perfect
40:55it's your day why are you performing only at madison square kind of nut ports with new hampshire
41:00i mean we are important too we booked a revolutionary war fleet and we so appreciate that you stopped
41:06doing your annual christmas conference call now how are we supposed to sync up on michael thing you never
41:10published another book of debokus and the regular sudokus are just too hard i'm mad you left qvc and i'm
41:16mad you didn't leave qvc earlier work it out i miss marcus damien never sends us locks of your hair
41:25you didn't endorse a candidate in the presidential election so why didn't vote and now my kids won't
41:30talk to me i sent you two suspicious packages and didn't even receive a cease and desist letter
41:34you used to care okay that's it i need a break 10 minute break
41:41these people are impossible to please i mean my fans seem to think i owe them every single moment of
41:45my
41:45life think of it this way today you are being paid to be elda for some people that's a kink
41:53oh yeah this is classic happy yeah oh she looks the exact same did you know it was actually the
41:58fans that saw xena as a guest character on hercules and they were so enthusiastic that they actually
42:02helped get the spin-off series made grassroots movements are always so inspiring that is until they
42:07turn bloodthirsty next so here we go here we go we paid i'm renee i'm you're renee you're renee i'm
42:15jimmy i am so sorry i'm so sorry this is weird because um so okay i'm a manager in la
42:20so i never
42:21get starstruck but i i think that you were such a talent and the series meant so much to me
42:25i was so
42:26lucky to be a part of that world have you ever thought about doing a rewatch podcast you know they're
42:29really big right now where you go through old episodes and discuss them i don't think enough
42:32people want to hear me talk about that girl shut up we love the show we watched it people would
42:37love that content like the hope storyline you know when did you realize your daughter was going
42:41to be evil was it from the beginning or did it slowly dawn on you well her father was a
42:44wicked
42:44demigod so it kind of tipped it off for me right mysteriously impregnated at a demon ritual
42:49i was like that's going to come back yeah do you mind if we get a photo of course i'm
42:54sorry i'm
42:54sweating now all right smile big bigger ah not that big not that big split the difference split
43:03the difference you should just start over get all new fans i mean there are people born every day
43:06right i gotta tell you i mean as someone who just got their first fan you really need to cherish
43:10it
43:10it's been 12 minutes and i said time oh okay hey just try to keep it together right no promises
43:20hello how can i do better for you oh no i just wanted to say thank you oh you're welcome
43:27for what
43:28well my mom and i have been like huge fans of yours ever since live for your diet and we
43:33came to vegas
43:34and we saw you at the palmetto and then we were like literally quoting your jokes for 10 hours the
43:40entire car ride home it was like the best weekend i'm so glad thank you anyway we made you
43:47something to say thank you it's you barry and cara wow and we made this completely out of natural
43:57seeds and grains 29 types we were sorting yellow peas for an entire winter just to nail your light
44:04honey blonde it's gotten a little warped because we made it three years ago but you haven't been to any
44:09of these so we we couldn't get it to you but here you go
44:15that's beautiful it's beautiful is your mom here so i can thank her oh no she passed in may
44:26i'm i'm so sorry honey thank you she would be so happy that i was finally able to get this
44:32to you
44:32she really loved you she really loved you thank you thank you
44:45i need a minute it's okay damien it's okay
45:06oh yeah been there it's carpal tunnel you need one of these no it's not bad it's
45:15ah fan art so ugly it moves you to tears something like that i once had a guy paint a
45:22portrait of me
45:22using a stamp pad and his anus it's framed in my bathroom no it's not that it's ugly i mean
45:31it's just this this woman and her mother spent months of their lives making this oh yeah but so
45:40what they love doing it they support us we show up for them that's the freaking deal mama well that's
45:48the thing i haven't been showing up for them and they're very mad at me for it they'll forgive you
45:57i don't deserve it i just came here to explain them because i need their help
46:04well just tell them what you need they want to feel like they're in a relationship with you and
46:09that you need them more than anyone else and it sounds like you might the truth will set you free
46:15baby doll
46:17that's all that's all they want
46:23that and a t-shirt that only some people are allowed to get
46:42little debbies
46:44i have news madison square garden won't give me a date because they say i'm not big enough to play
46:51it
46:52so i came here to get you to rally for me which is unfair because you're right i have neglected
47:04you
47:06and i am so sorry hold on they're saying you're not big enough to play msg
47:12fuck that the garden would be lucky to have you thank you well in time i hope that i can
47:19regain
47:19your trust they don't get to tell you what you can and can't do that's our job
47:23the greatest comedian of all time so the nicks can play msg but not deborah vance
47:30misogynistic i don't care if you are a lizard you deserve to play msg
47:36as president of the little debbie's tucson chapter this will not stand wait sorry sorry
47:41i thought you were my fan what are you talking about that's cindy she's the third generation
47:45little debbie that's right i'm here for deborah i just wanted to replace you and write for her
47:50you stupid bitch oh my god so you didn't like any of my tweets they're not jokes they're thought
47:57poems okay deborah who do we talk to about this amanda weinberg at msg-entertainment.com
48:07one madison square garden plaza suite 3h deborah we will get you that motherfucking venue that's a
48:14promise you know what if you can do that i'm making the tickets twenty dollars so you all can come
48:20and you know what i'm bringing back deborah plus
48:23and you know what else this year's christmas theme is fuchsia and cherry the 1997 redox
48:36i didn't think it would be but the macchiato perfect moment why jimmy
48:40macchiato was really good jimmy jimmy hey you know i want to thank you for your advice
48:45i reached out to lucy and she loves the xena rewatch podcast idea lucy lawless knows my idea yeah well
48:51you know it's really nice to talk about business with someone who is familiar with my work i've
48:55never had a rep pitch me any ideas much less actually watch the whole show what people are
48:59insane people are sick people are sick sick people piece of i'm sure your roster is crowded but um
49:05would you ever consider representing me awesome absolutely all right well then i mean i probably
49:12should give you know 10 of what i made today no no no that's not necessary but thank you are
49:16you
49:17okay with hundreds yes love that we are take care thank you this is this is the money okay well
49:23this was amazing consider yourself a client of shade from the sack yeah let me put you on an email
49:27with
49:27lucy and i next week when you're back in elia we'll take you to dinner you like greek i love
49:31greek
49:31i don't need to piss them anymore it's too intelligent that's right
49:40it's amazing
49:41oh my god
49:47my surprise this is crazy
49:51we love you girl thank you
49:54happy birthday love
49:58happy birthday honey look who's here oh wow hi oh it's me
50:03Regan. It's me. Hey, how are ya?
50:06Nice to see ya. Hi.
50:07It's so nice to see you. It's been forever.
50:10It's great graduation. How could I forget?
50:12Yeah, when Deborah called, I told her how inseparable
50:13you two were and how it would mean
50:15the world to you to be together on your 30th.
50:17So here we all are. Absolutely.
50:19How are you? Amazing.
50:22Yeah. I married Greg Holland.
50:24Remember him?
50:26He ran through a glass door.
50:28His cousin drowned in the quarry.
50:29Oh, yes, Greg. He used to put girls in his hockey bag.
50:31Him. Anyway, we have four kids under six.
50:33Whoa. Yep. Whoa. Yep. All natural.
50:36Sorry for you. Anyway,
50:37needless to say, I am thrilled to be here. Yeah, I bet.
50:39I should tell you, Mr. Merce just died. Oh,
50:41that's so sad. No, it's not. He was a pedophile.
50:43Convicted. Multiple times over.
50:46Let's party.
50:47Come on.
50:51Oh. Oh, my God.
50:53And we got just a few of your
50:55favorite things. The entire
50:57Jack and Box menu, a cranberry
50:59kombucha. Oh, yes. Cupcakes
51:01from a queer bakery. Oh, my God. And of course.
51:03Oh, my God. For two cheese rolls
51:05and pappacino pumpkin outs.
51:07I haven't flown in this morning. I miss these rolls.
51:11I don't want them.
51:13The spray cleans the screen
51:15while the brush wipes the crumbs
51:17from the keyboard.
51:19Thank you so much. Please use it.
51:21I will. Sorry.
51:22Ladies and gentlemen,
51:23we have one last surprise.
51:25Please give a warm welcome to
51:27Jesse McCartney.
51:31Jesse!
51:34This one goes out
51:35to the most special girl in the world.
51:37You know who you are?
51:39It's me.
51:40Happy birthday.
51:41I've heard about this
51:42in my middle school journal.
51:43It's coming true.
51:44I know.
51:45I read your journals.
51:46That's why he's here.
51:49I don't want another pretty face
51:52I don't want just anyone to hold
51:55I don't want my love to go to waste
51:57I want you and your beautiful soul
52:02Yeah
52:06I know that you
52:08Are something special
52:10To you
52:12I'll be
52:14Always faithful
52:15And I want
52:17To be
52:18What you always needed
52:20Then I hope you see
52:22The heart in me
52:24I don't want another pretty face
52:26I don't want just anyone to hold
52:29I don't want my love to go to waste
52:31I want you and your beautiful soul
52:36Okay, I'm sleeping in late tomorrow
52:39You can bowl your own cantaloupe
52:41Good night
52:42Night
52:42Well, you know what?
52:43I'm going to say good night now, too
52:45I have a 4.15 a.m. flight
52:47To Papeete
52:47To see my boyfriend
52:48In the senior world windsurfing competition
52:50I'm sorry, you have a boyfriend?
52:51Well, I emailed you about him
52:53I emailed her
52:53Uh, no, I don't think you did
52:55Well, I'm seeing someone, Ava
52:56And it's become physical
52:58The first since your father
52:59Well, depends what you count
53:01Oh, God
53:02Uh, well
53:03I love you
53:03Okay
53:03Bye
53:04Mwah
53:04Good night
53:05Night
53:06Bye
53:09Wow
53:10Oh, my God
53:11That was a successful party
53:13Yeah
53:13It's so many friends
53:15Who showed up for you
53:17And that Jenny
53:18You know, the one who
53:19Drank vodka
53:20Out of one of my
53:20Really nice wine glasses?
53:22Yes
53:22Jenny Regan
53:23The girl I only befriended
53:25So that I could play
53:25With her hermit crabs
53:26And then she stopped
53:27Being my friend
53:27When she got her period
53:28Before me
53:30Oh
53:32Friend's a friend
53:32Yeah
53:33And you got a lot of them here
53:38Deborah
53:40Did you only throw me
53:41At this party
53:41Because you feel bad
53:42About what you said
53:42On the phone
53:42In Singapore?
53:44No
53:46I mean, it's your birthday
53:47You deserve a party
53:48A birthday party
53:49Wow
53:50Did you ever hear of one of those?
53:51Guilt looks good on you
53:53Deborah, you don't have
53:54To feel guilty about that
53:56You're not wrong
53:58You are my only friend
54:01What hurt me
54:02Was that you said
54:02It was weird
54:03Because I don't think it is
54:06You know, I think you're
54:07You're the reason that I
54:09Haven't been there
54:10For the Little Debbies
54:12You know, I used to spend
54:13So much time with my fans
54:14But it wasn't
54:16For them
54:17It was for me
54:19I mean
54:20They were my friends
54:23Because I never really had any
54:25Yes, you did
54:26You had friends
54:27You've always had friends
54:28You have tons of friends
54:29You know
54:29I was
54:31Popular
54:33I never had a
54:35Best friend
54:38Well, I mean
54:38You know
54:40My sister
54:41You know
54:42We know how that went
54:43So I just relied
54:44More and more
54:45On
54:45The Little Debbies
54:46And
54:47It was as much for me
54:49As it was for them
54:52But then I met you
54:56And I didn't need them
54:57So much anymore
54:59Well, it makes sense
55:02I'm your number one fan
55:06Hey
55:06Oh, oh, oh
55:07Oh, you've got
55:08Fifty minutes left
55:09On your birthday
55:10What do you want to do?
55:19That's a new phone background
55:21Someone's smoking the Cheech
55:22Hey, you
55:24You're still here
55:25Oh, yeah
55:26I just fucked Jesse McCutney
55:29Yeah
55:29You cheated on Greg?
55:31Okay, you don't know our arrangement
55:32Wow, okay
55:33You open?
55:34No
55:36Hey, you mind if I rinse off in your swimming pool?
55:38I don't like a UTI
55:39Sure
55:40Wonderful
55:40Thank you
55:43Wow, a lot of salt and pebble shakers
55:44You think you got enough?
55:46Sorry about that
55:47Oh, here
55:48Try this
55:51What is it?
55:52It's my pumpkin yogurt bread batter
55:54I want to include a fat-free recipe
55:56In my newsletter tomorrow
55:57Mmm
55:58Because my little Debbies
55:59Are going to need all the energy
56:00They can get
56:02Absolutely
56:03I was going to say
56:04Get out of my head
56:04Because when he
56:05When he took the old set
56:10Can't take my place
56:12Katie's remains
56:13Were never recovered
56:14From that creek
56:14All right, it's Paris
56:16Put your shoes on, honey
56:17This episode of
56:18Murder My Stupid Ass, please
56:19Is sponsored by
56:19Deb for MSG
56:20Go to change.org today
56:21And add your name to the petition
56:22Amanda
56:31Oh, good
56:32This is all for you
56:33What?
56:36Oh, my God
56:37They're from my home address
56:38Oh, my God
56:39No, I don't want anything
56:40To do with this
56:41Return to Sender
56:42Except the old Navy
56:44I got three other bands
56:45I am being stuck
56:46And harassed
56:47Return to Sender
56:48Grassy ass
57:14I understand many of you
57:15Have been waiting for me
57:16To speak on this
57:17So hear me now
57:18I am not a lizard
57:21And I know that is something
57:23A lizard would say
57:24However
57:25That was really, really
57:26Believable
57:27Yeah?
57:27Thanks
57:28Perfectly
57:29The harassment
57:30Has got to stop
57:32Still don't think
57:32It's a good idea
57:34But I'm giving you
57:35A date at the garden
57:36Oh, okay
57:37Wow
57:38That's fantastic
57:39Yeah, great
57:40Thanks, Amanda
57:41We'll talk real soon
57:45We're going to MSG
57:46Yes!
57:48One
57:49September 11
57:509-11
57:51It was the only date available
57:52Grant!
57:54Ah!
57:55Here we go!
57:56Ow, that hurt!
57:57God, it's like
57:57High-fiving the whole
57:59Of your step
58:01Ha ha ha ha
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