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Have I Got News for You - Season 4 (US) - Episode 08: Ophira Eisenberg, Moshe Kasher
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00:22Welcome to Have I Got News For You.
00:25I'm Roy Wood Jr.
00:25In the news this week, RFK Jr. has more to say about what you're eating.
00:37Texas man loses big on Jeopardy.
00:40By the way, what kind of freak even knows Stalin's birthday?
00:45I don't know it and I don't care to know it.
00:47Trump continues evading Epstein questions.
00:58On Amber's team tonight, he's a comedian, podcaster, and author who you can catch on this season
01:03of The Pit.
01:04I'm going to get him to check out this rash I got on my neck during the commercial break.
01:07It's Moshe Kasher.
01:13And joining Michael, she's a comedian, writer, and actress who hosts the podcast Parenting
01:18is a Joke.
01:19She's also Canadian.
01:21So that means she can get me a deal on some backbaking.
01:25It's Ophira Eisenberg.
01:27I got you.
01:28I got you.
01:29Now for the biggest stories of the week, let's play the feud.
01:33Everybody watch the clip.
01:34Tell me, what is the story?
01:37That's the Italian flag.
01:39That's wet, man.
01:40Oh, straight up Hormuz.
01:42Oh, that's expensive.
01:43That's expensive.
01:44Yeah.
01:45What's the story?
01:45We're living in hell?
01:47Yeah.
01:48The story is the war in Iran.
01:50The administration is selling it, but is anybody buying it is the bigger question.
01:54Now, I think we can all agree that the best option is to not have a war, but as the
01:59great
01:59Slim Charles said on the wire, once you in it, you in it.
02:03Mm-hmm.
02:04So, question to the American government, how's that timeline thing going?
02:09President Trump also telling Time Magazine this week that, quote, I have no time limits
02:14on anything.
02:15President Trump told CBS News, quote, I think the war is very complete, pretty much.
02:19We won.
02:20We won the best.
02:20In the first hour, it was over.
02:22When it's over.
02:23And I don't think it's going to be long.
02:24When are you going to know when it's over?
02:26When I feel it.
02:28Okay.
02:28I feel it in my bones.
02:29It seems as though we've moved away from weeks and just onto vibes.
02:32It is.
02:33War is vibes.
02:34Everybody knows that famous quote.
02:36Is that also from the wire?
02:37No, that's not from the wire.
02:39So, now, the administration says that there's only one person that's in charge of calling
02:43the shots on this war.
02:44Who is that person?
02:45Netanyahu.
02:47The ghost of Jeffrey Epstein.
02:52If he's dead.
02:53If he's dead.
02:54The person that's making the decisions is actually the exact person you wish it wasn't.
02:59The president has set a very specific mission to accomplish.
03:02And so, it's not for me to posit whether it's the beginning, the middle, or the end.
03:06I love wet man.
03:07That man just is so drenched at all times.
03:12Is he doing drugs and it's just making him a juicy boy?
03:15Every day.
03:18What a wet man.
03:20I'll tell you what, when I watch him speak, I turn into a juicy boy as well.
03:25Are you saying that our secretary of war does like 40 burpees before every press conference
03:30and it just comes out, just, I'm ready.
03:32And then he shadow boxes and does a lot of like, you are a defense secretary.
03:38You are.
03:41How are Republicans as a whole feeling about the war, gang?
03:45Nobody wants this war.
03:47Well, except...
03:48Netanyahu.
03:49Yeah, that's right.
03:50Nobody's into it.
03:51Nobody.
03:51The Republicans are gone.
03:52The Democrats were never there.
03:53Who is this for?
03:55According to White House Press Secretary Caroline Levitt, quote,
03:58Republicans are unanimously supportive of President Trump's bold decision to launch combat operations.
04:05Ah, yes.
04:06The only thing Republicans are unanimous about is that they hate taxes and they hate good haircuts.
04:14Is it true that the Republicans are unanimous in supporting this war?
04:18Is what Caroline Levitt is saying?
04:19Is that the right thing?
04:20Well, she's always told the truth.
04:22That's right.
04:22Yeah, she's...
04:23I haven't seen a lot of Republicans coming out like full-throated.
04:26I should rephrase that.
04:27I haven't seen a lot of Republicans...
04:29One Republican that has been coming out in full support...
04:34Oh, yes.
04:36...is South Carolina Senator Lindsey Graham.
04:39What do you mean you ain't got no more mint and juleps?
04:42Lindsey Graham has been salivating for war with Iran for years, and now that it's happening,
04:47oh, boy, he's happy, and he's got no time for people who disagree with him.
04:51So we have a Commander-in-Chief in President Trump who I think is Ronald Reagan plus, plus, plus.
04:56If President Trump had not done this, they could have had a nuclear capability within months,
05:02or weeks, not months, to all those who don't believe that, you're stupid.
05:06You're a fool.
05:07He's just like the President who had Alzheimer's plus, plus, plus, plus.
05:14What is President Trump now calling the military action in Iran?
05:19It's a rondelet.
05:21Is it a jaunt with missiles?
05:25That's a pretty solid guess.
05:26I think I do know.
05:28Is it an excursion?
05:30Wait.
05:30Oh!
05:32It's just a little excursion, baby.
05:35Just a few missiles, baby.
05:36Why are you tripping?
05:37And the President makes it perfectly clear that he has his priorities in order.
05:41We did a little excursion.
05:43We had to take this little couple of weeks, few weeks of excursion, but it's been incredible.
05:49Our military is unbelievable, the job they're doing.
05:52So we had to take an excursion, but it's doing well, the market's holding up well.
05:57You just said it is a little excursion, and you said it is a war.
06:01So which one is it?
06:03Well, it's both.
06:04Did you see how many times he circled back to say excursion?
06:08He's really trying to get it to take.
06:10Loves that word.
06:11Well, when you're going through late stage dementia, certain things get stuck in your brain on a loop.
06:16I'm sorry, I didn't mean to offend anyone here.
06:19Our audience all has late stage dementia.
06:24Merriam-Webster definition of excursion, a usually brief pleasure trip.
06:31Oh, my God.
06:32Oh, my God.
06:34Where's the pleasure part of this excursion?
06:36You didn't see Lindsey Graham in that talking head.
06:39He seemed like he's having extreme pleasure right now.
06:42But it's also like, whatever, improv, right?
06:45Yes, and?
06:45And he just yes-ands them in this grand circle.
06:48It's like, well, thank you.
06:49It is both.
06:51You are brilliant.
06:52Oh, yeah, excursion and a war.
06:54That's it.
06:55How is the war actually going?
06:57No matter how much we bomb them, Iran has control of a very, very important piece of geography within the
07:05region.
07:05What are they in control of over?
07:07The Hard Rock Cafe Tehran.
07:11What piece of geography is Iran in control of?
07:16The Strait of Hormuz.
07:17The dire Straits of Hormuz.
07:19It is the Strait of Hormuz.
07:21Seen there, trying to just put the tip in.
07:25Roy, Roy, we have to look at it.
07:28Put the picture back up.
07:29It looked like it's throwing it back.
07:31Yeah, you want me to say that?
07:32The Strait is one of the most important energy choke points.
07:36One-fifth of all crude oil flows through there.
07:39That's why Lindsey Graham likes it.
07:40It's a choke point.
07:41Now I get it.
07:44Here's the spokesman for Iran's military command.
07:47We will never allow even a single liter of oil to pass through the Strait of Hormuz for the benefit
07:52of the United States, the Zionists, or their partners.
07:56I did not think he sounded like that.
07:57That's crazy.
07:59How is it after all this time, there's still just one path, the most important path of resources in the
08:07world, and no one's like, you know, you can just go that way.
08:09Like, there's just one path.
08:11There is another road, the gay of Hormuz, but it's much, much more, you like that.
08:18It's much more complicated.
08:20What else did Iran reportedly do to the Strait of Hormuz that made headlines?
08:25Oh, they're mining the shit out of it right now.
08:26On Tuesday, it was reported that Iran was laying mines in the Strait.
08:31Trump was quick to address this news, posting on Truth Social, quote,
08:36If Iran has put out any mines in the Strait of Hormuz, we want them removed immediately.
08:42If for any reason mines were placed and they were not removed forthwith, the military consequences to Iran will be
08:49at a level never seen before.
08:52Oh, shit, new Trump truth just dropped.
08:56General, General.
08:58Ebrahim, pick up the mines.
09:00We got to do a forthwith.
09:05Between Iranian mines and American strikes, the Strait has become extremely dangerous and is now described as Death Valley.
09:13Knowing all of this, the president says the Strait of Hormuz is open for business.
09:18He spoke to reporters at the White House on Wednesday, but before we get to what he said,
09:22Please check out this photo from the impromptu press briefing.
09:26Whoa.
09:27Yeah, there's a honey-baked president right there, boy.
09:32The makeup is shrieking from his eye.
09:34You see that?
09:35He sweats so much, all of a sudden he's like,
09:37It's me, Jeffrey Epstein!
09:40Here's Trump's advice for ships in the Strait of Hormuz.
09:44Are you talking to CEOs of various oil companies, encouraging them to use the Strait of Hormuz right now?
09:51They should. I think they should. I think they should use the Strait of Hormuz.
09:54What? What? What? What happened?
09:55Yeah, what could happen? Go ahead.
09:56Why not?
09:58It's going like this.
09:59Iran repeatedly attacking the flow of Middle East oil.
10:02At least six ships targeted in the last 24 hours.
10:05Overnight, two oil tankers hit off southern Iraq.
10:08Videos circulating online showing one of them ablaze.
10:11President Trump still sounding optimistic,
10:13claiming the vital Strait of Hormuz is in, quote, great shape.
10:17Yes, that shape is a mushroom cloud.
10:23Now, obviously, the violence and uncertainty is impacting gas prices,
10:28which have risen 65 cents a gallon nationwide.
10:31Panel, how high do you think gas prices are going to go before it's all over?
10:36Seven dollars.
10:37I live in California. It is seven dollars now.
10:40Oh, no, that's right.
10:41Yeah, that's why I drive a zero-guilt vehicle, a Tesla.
10:45But, um...
10:48No, I'm kidding. I drive an oil tanker.
10:52They groan like a paternity test episode.
10:55Like you...
10:56The bad dad that came out.
10:59Right now, oil costs about $100 a barrel.
11:02But Iran says we need to get ready for oil to cost $200 a barrel.
11:09So, here's Energy Secretary Chris Wright with a response.
11:12Do you agree that people need to be prepared for that?
11:17We're going through short-term energy disruption for just huge long-term gain.
11:22You're seeing Iran's behavior.
11:24Could that hit...
11:25Could short-term mean $200 a barrel?
11:30Um...
11:31I would say unlikely.
11:34Um...
11:36That means yes.
11:37It's going up to $200 a barrel.
11:38I love it when people pretend there's a delay.
11:41You know?
11:42I mean, there was a delay.
11:44It was in his brain.
11:46Anytime anybody in this administration starts stuttering,
11:49you know you're on to some sort of essential truth.
11:51Yeah, well, it's going to be $200 a barrel.
11:53It is, and that's when we're going to stop the war.
11:56When it gets too expensive for them to continue to perpetuate this lie
11:59that this is somehow for our safety.
12:02Nobody's buying that.
12:03How do you stop it?
12:05Like, once you've started, how do you stop it?
12:08Kate, I'm going to say something controversial here.
12:10This is, uh, the best part about Donald Trump being the president.
12:16He can just be like,
12:17Daddy's done, baby!
12:18Like, he can just pull out anytime he wants.
12:21Oh, yeah.
12:22But I do think that his essential instability is the off-ramp.
12:27His madness is the off-ramp that he needs.
12:30Another leader would double and triple down.
12:33I think he's going to just go,
12:34We're done.
12:35Mission accomplished.
12:36Everything's happened.
12:37But, I mean, do you think Iran stops when Trump stops?
12:40Do you think Israel stops when Trump stops?
12:42Do you think Bahrain stops?
12:44And do you think Lebanon stops?
12:45And do you think the Houthis in Yemen stop and Russians stop and all the rest of it?
12:49Oh, you brought in the Houthis?
12:50I had to.
12:50I love saying Houthi.
12:54Listen, I haven't, um, game-theoried out this entire thing that I just said.
12:58Neither has Trump.
13:00Fair enough.
13:01But I do, I think everybody wants a way out.
13:03And in war, right, you're looking for an off-ramp.
13:05And I think there is no off-ramp because there was never an on-ramp.
13:08This is all the most incoherent, all war is incoherent.
13:11And this is the most incoherent one that I've ever seen.
13:13And as we know, day one, they killed Khomeini, right?
13:17And as we know as comedians, you don't start with your closer or you're going to bomb.
13:23With oil prices, uh, $100 and climbing, uh, what's the administration going to do to alleviate this pain at the
13:31pump?
13:32They're going to release sanctions on Russia, and they're going to, they're going to empty the, uh, strategic petroleum reserves,
13:37which are already half empty.
13:39Yeah, they're half empty.
13:39It's the same person that was supposed to do that, that never fills the burrito in the fridge.
13:45I feel like you're bringing a battle from your home on this show.
13:48I have a problem with that.
13:50But they were supposed to be filled.
13:51Look, are they half empty or are they half full?
13:54I love it.
13:54That's a good point.
13:55Uh, the administration has made it easier for Russia to sell their oil, Michael, issuing a 30-day waiver that
14:03lets countries buy the Russian oil that is already at sea.
14:07Why is it particularly weird that we're helping Russia make a profit off of this war?
14:13Aren't they sharing strategic military intel with Iran?
14:18Points.
14:20Yes.
14:21The Washington Post reported that Russia is providing intelligence to Iran to help them target U.S. forces, uh, in
14:29the region.
14:30Our administration is a lot of things, but are they mad at Putin?
14:33Not really.
14:35Do we think that the Russians have shared, uh, intelligence about the location of U.S. military assets?
14:41And if they have, why would we be giving, uh, waivers on Russian oil sanctions?
14:48Well, I'm not an intel officer, um, so I can't tell you.
14:52I can tell you that yesterday on the call with the president, uh, the Russians said that they have not
14:58been sharing.
14:58That's, that's what they said.
14:59So, you know, uh, we can, we can take them at their word.
15:04Putin said it.
15:04I believe it.
15:05That settles it.
15:07This, this whole thing is a mess.
15:09Yeah.
15:09But at least we're over there in the region for a good reason.
15:13Question to the panel.
15:14What's the reason?
15:15You remember when he went to Congress and said, this is why we have to have this war with Iran?
15:19Yeah, and he asked for permission.
15:20And he received that permission, right?
15:23Oh, yeah.
15:24They voted and they gave it.
15:25He wouldn't have launched this war if he didn't have congressional approval, obviously.
15:28Yeah, there was like a vote.
15:29Yeah, there.
15:29Yeah, okay.
15:30And then the entire world community came together and said, we also support this.
15:34We'll go, okay.
15:35Okay, so this war started because of a dare?
15:40Caroline Levitt said it a lot better.
15:42The president said yesterday for the first time that he had to strike Iran because he believes that Iran was
15:48going to strike U.S. targets within seven days.
15:50Where is he getting that?
15:51This was a feeling the president had based on facts.
15:54Oh.
15:56Vibes, baby.
15:57I told you war is vibes.
15:59If this is feelings based on facts, question to the panel, where did Trump get his facts?
16:06From his feelings.
16:08Sort of a circle.
16:09The feelings bring the facts, the facts bring the feelings, the feelings, the facts, war.
16:15The president went to war with a little help from his friends.
16:18The situation was very quickly approaching.
16:21The point of no return and the United States found it intolerable, in my opinion, based on what Steve and
16:29Jared and Pete and others were telling me.
16:32Marco was so involved that I thought that they were going to attack us.
16:38Steve and Tommy and Jim and them.
16:41Ronnie, Bobby, Ricky and Mike.
16:45I'm going to bomb Iran.
16:46Who cares who you like?
16:49That's a joke for four black people and Moshe.
16:52Yes.
16:55Jared Kushner and Steve Witkoff were the guys in charge of the Iran negotiations in Geneva last month.
17:00They did a great job, didn't they?
17:01How about a hand for Jared and Steve, everybody?
17:04Keeping us out of war.
17:05Good job, guys.
17:06To be fair, Michael, they're real estate guys.
17:09Okay?
17:10They did the best they could.
17:11They really did.
17:13It was reported on Monday that even though nuclear experts questioned the extent to which they understood the technical details
17:21of enrichment programs,
17:24Witkoff and Kushner still did not bring any technical experts from the U.S. to sit in on their talks
17:31with Iran.
17:32This is what I'm saying.
17:33They used to pretend they used to do theater.
17:35They'd bring the nuclear expert knowing we're going to war with them no matter what happens.
17:39They'd bring on the scientists.
17:40What do you think?
17:40Oh, he says that they were doing it.
17:42We've got a reason.
17:42The theater's done.
17:43You remember when George W. Bush trotted Colin Powell out to the U.N. with all his lies and the
17:49pictures and the missiles and the things.
17:50And then all of us were like, oh, Colin Powell, he wouldn't lie to us.
17:54Hmm.
17:57That was theater.
17:58We're kind of post-theater.
17:59I miss theater.
18:01Me too.
18:02And the fact that they gave Colin Powell a Tony Award for that, I thought was just great.
18:07It was a good performance, to be honest.
18:24Welcome back.
18:25It's time for the Offend-O-Meter.
18:27Teams have to tell us who's the offender, what they did, and who they offended.
18:31Put an offender on the screen, please.
18:34Teams, who is this offender staring into your soul?
18:39Lex Luthor.
18:41He's offended because you shut your blinds, and he was looking in there.
18:47That's Judge Boesburg, I believe.
18:50Yes, it is.
18:51That is U.S. District Court Judge James Boesburg.
18:56Yes.
18:57He does look like a Boesburg, doesn't he?
18:59Yeah.
19:00Boesburg offended U.S. attorney and unofficial brand ambassador for box wine, Judge Jeanine Perra.
19:06She looks fine.
19:10How did Judge offend Jeanine?
19:13They were trying to prosecute Jerome Powell, who's the head of the Fed, and they were trying
19:18to indict him.
19:19I know this one.
19:20They're accusing him of fleecing the remodel of the Federal Reserve buildings and padding
19:27their profits or pimping their rides, as it were.
19:30Judge Boesburg offended Jeanine Perra by blocking her subpoenas against Federal Reserve Chair Jerome
19:36Powell.
19:37Technically, the whole subpoena had a lot to do with building renovations, but if you ask
19:42Ms. Perra to explain...
19:44I'll deal with the devil.
19:46I'll take a case from the devil.
19:49If you can give me information that will lead me to possibly find a crime.
19:57You just know she'd be so fun to get shit-faced with.
20:02It would be a good night out.
20:03It would be so fun.
20:04Here's Powell at a congressional hearing on the renovations last summer.
20:07We took down the old marble while putting it back up.
20:10We'll have to use new marble where some of the old marble broke, but there's no new...
20:14There are no special elevators.
20:16There's just...
20:16There are old elevators that have been there.
20:18There are no new water features.
20:20There's no...
20:21Water features?
20:22There's no water features?
20:23Oh, no, Ophira.
20:25I'm sorry.
20:26Since 2022, the Fed has been renovating two historic buildings in D.C.
20:31The buildings are almost 100 years old, so that means there's a lot of work to do to
20:35the buildings, like making things ADA-compliant and removing asbestos and lead.
20:41But the White House says the whole thing is too expensive and extravagant and a boondoggle,
20:47with Trump's deputy chief of staff, James Blair, even calling the project the Taj Mahal
20:53on the National Mall.
20:55Yeah.
20:55I mean, it's not like they're making a ballroom.
20:58Are the renovations too extravagant?
21:01It's ADA compliance and asbestos and lead.
21:04Those are like three things Trump don't like.
21:06He's like, there is no such thing as disability, asbestos makes you stronger, and lead is a
21:11good beverage.
21:11Like, they're...
21:13Of course they're upset about it.
21:14They're the deregulation kings.
21:16Well, as of last year, the project is running about $700 million over budget, but according
21:23to Jerome Powell, that's just what fixing an old building like that costs.
21:28Uh, Janine Pirro's subpoenas say that Jerome lied in his testimony, but Judge Bosberg did
21:34not agree with Janine.
21:36What's the real reason people think Ms. Pirro subpoenaed Mr. Powell?
21:41Trump keeps wanting him to cut the interest rates, and Powell keeps saying, eh, eh, maybe
21:46not right now, and then that's why he went after him.
21:48And so then, Pirro is then sent out like a legal hit-hit person.
21:53Yep.
21:53Okay.
21:54Here's Jerome when he was first subpoenaed back in January.
21:57The threat of criminal charges is a consequence of the Federal Reserve setting interest rates
22:02based on our best assessment of what will serve the public, rather than following the preferences
22:07of the president.
22:08None of this is really about the renovations.
22:11In his ruling, the judge wrote, quote,
22:13There is abundant evidence that the subpoena's dominant, if not sole, purpose is to harass
22:18and pressure Powell either to yield to the president or to resign and make way for a Fed chair who
22:24will.
22:24He also added, the government has offered no evidence whatsoever that Powell committed
22:29any crime other than displeasing the president.
22:34Oh.
22:34Don't displease the king.
22:37What do we think Judge Pirro had to say about the judge's ruling?
22:41She probably said,
22:41.
22:42She —
22:42sorry, I got searched for one of my bereit program, I'm not sure, I'm not sure, I'm not sure,
22:47I'm not sure if you live in someben, I'm repetitive I'm not sure, they can't play it, I'm optimize
22:55this, I'm nervous, I'm sorry, I'm not sure, they can't travel."
23:02Good!
23:04What's this?
23:05he has neutered the grand jury's ability to investigate crime as a result
23:13Jerome Powell today is now bathed in immunity in immunity yeah I didn't
23:21immunity Wow wild bathed in Botox herself yes no matter what happens with
23:28Powell Janine Pirro is gonna be the one who really gets the last word I'll tell
23:32you what's historic what's historic is that I prosecute everything other than
23:3610% of the cases where the United States Attorney before me didn't prosecute 67
23:41percent of the cases that's what's historic I'm willing to take a not
23:46guilty I'm willing to take a no true bill because I'll take all the crimes and put
23:52them in thank you she definitely does have arrested by airport security at a
23:58bar vibe you want to go out with her no you'll never go back to that bar again
24:05but you will have a story for the rest of your life yeah I feel like she has that
24:11moment of like it's 1 a.m. you want to go to the yacht you're like there's a yacht
24:21she's performing and her performing like that has done her a lot of good it got her where she is
24:26today the latter she is personally the more fun I have I feel like I know where he's going with
24:32this and I like it last week Kristi Noem out on her ear people were speculating about who's next
24:38the name Pam Bondi keeps coming up what's Pam Bonnie the Attorney General of the United States
24:44you don't think Judge Jeanine is looking at Pam Bondi and going I could do that better than you
24:48can do that Judge Jeanine is being very emphatic about this issue and the reason why CNN's Casey
24:56Hunt has a theory there's been some conversation around whether Jeanine Pirro is potentially a future
25:02replacement for Pam Bondi if the administration is unhappy with her what do you plan on focusing on
25:10with the current Attorney General well first I mean that I've heard that same rumor that would be
25:18a complete disaster I mean I'm not sure you get worse than Pam Bondi but that that might be it
25:23right
25:23there is Judge Jeanine worse than Pam Bondi for comedy no yeah I have never watched Pam Bondi speak for
25:36any
25:36real length you know just other than clips let that hoe get in there I will watch every fuck
25:44that was offended meter we'll be right back
25:58welcome back it is time for like curious teams I'll give you three biographical details about a public
26:06figure but only one is true you have to guess which is the truth and which are sort grubby lies
26:11time for three facts about Trump's pick for Homeland Security Secretary and third smartest Mark Wayne in
26:18his class Mark Wayne Mullin our facts about Mark Wayne are he builds birdhouses in his free time
26:26he hosts a podcast where he breaks down Reacher episode he once owned a plumbing company birdhouses
26:34all right I don't think he builds a birdhouse I don't think he likes birds so do you think he
26:39owned a plumbing company I think he owned a plumbing company yes I do all right we're gonna go with
26:42plumbing company he hosted Jack Reacher podcast that just fills me with joy I love the idea it's like
26:48what's up this is Mark Wayne I'm the head of Homeland Security today's episode is brought to you by
26:52me undies Mark Wayne Mullin once owned a plumbing company after high school Mark Wayne took over his
27:07family's plumbing business and with his level of animal magnetism obviously he had to be the face of
27:14hi I'm Mark Wayne Mullin with mullin plumbing the red ridder do you have a stool that just doesn't
27:18flush right a lot of times that's due to the water level in the tank that needs to be adjusted
27:23it needs to be about a half inch below the Douglas valve or to where it's clearly marked as water
27:28line
27:30politics aside I trust somebody who talks that fast to fix shit in my house I've never heard a plumber
27:37describe a stubborn stool in their promotional material you have a big fat stool that you just can't get to
27:43flush it breaks in half but it kind of goes on to the side and then you got to pee
27:46it off and then
27:47it just won't go Mark Wayne TMI time for three facts about journalists and the lady who designs the
27:56Incredibles costumes Christiane Amanpour our facts about this fine respected journalists are she was
28:07former housemates with JFK Jr she rollerblades to work she has seen Fleetwood Mac in concert over 150
28:15times which one is the truth I'm going to say it's number three seen Fleetwood Mac a hundred percent
28:21yeah why would JFK Jr have housemates that doesn't make any sense right he's like I'm rinsing out a two
28:29bedroom it's rough for the Kennedy's these days Christiane if you pay a little more you could
28:35have the bigger bedroom it's got to be three all right we're going to Fleetwood Mac also
28:40how about well now they said you can both so now I want to go to two quick copy of
28:44you're saying two
28:45we're going three if you're saying three we're going two correct no we're going one
28:51Christiane Amanpour was former housemates with JFK Jr is the chief international news anchor for
29:04CNN so she can probably afford her own house now but back in the day in college she needed a
29:11roommate
29:12here she explains I spend two of my years at university sharing a house with him probably
29:18to this day nobody really believes that John Kennedy cleaned his own toilets he did I'm here to tell
29:22you wow are you not like JFK Jr and can't clean your own stools come on down Mark Wayne Mullins
29:29red
29:30roto rooters does anyone know why JFK Jr is in the news this week did he come back there's a
29:40show
29:40about him and his grand love bonus points you know the love yeah the blonde lady mm-hmm the blonde
29:46lady
29:46Nancy Grace herself people are talking about JFK Jr because of the Ryan Murphy show love story which
29:55details the relationship between Kennedy's son and his wife Carolyn Bissette and one person
30:00definitely does not like the show oh is it the um the weird guy that says we can't take Tylenol
30:07it's actress Darryl Hannah what I knew it yes earlier this month Hannah wrote a piece in the New York
30:14Times about how furious she was about how she was portrayed in the show and apparently it was bad
30:21enough that Hannah felt the need to say this I have never used cocaine in my life or hosted cocaine
30:28fueled parties I have never pressured anyone into marriage I have never desecrated any family heirloom
30:35or intruded upon anyone's private memorial wow you're gonna talk shit about America's mermaid
30:41do you prefer mermaid era Darryl Hannah I'm more of a Kill Bill era
30:48wait a minute that's Uma Thurman
30:52no she said she plugged her eye out she was in another oh
30:57yeah yeah yeah yeah
31:00this has been like curious more after the break
31:13welcome back it is time for meet in the middle where we find common ground between two different
31:19people who would never be caught hanging out all right on one side we have Susie Wiles
31:24Jason Kelsey Sean Penn and Ken Paxton and on the other side there's Benny Blanco Paul McCartney
31:31Timothy Chalamet and Paul Thomas Anderson wow the game is afoot which two of these people
31:38have notoriously dirty feet oh well we all saw oh I guess we didn't y'all Selena Gomez and Benny
31:48Blanco were
31:48doing a podcast Benny Blanco was like y'all always clowning me because you say my feet are gross
31:54she goes no they're not grabs his nasty foot no and puts both of her angelic lips on them and
32:00kisses it
32:01like this buddy you could have barfed your face off wow but they're in love and I think that's
32:09beautiful okay so Benny Blanco who's on the other side don't you think Sean Penn has the nastiest feet
32:14decades of a crude Malibu asphalt on his foot
32:20by the way either side of this is a dream blunt rotation
32:25I want to say Chalamet Chalamet his dirty feet right doesn't he his mom was the ballet dance
32:31that's why he hates ballet that's why he hates ballet
32:35Chalamet and Penn Blanco and Penn Benny Penny
32:38it is Benny Blanco and Jason Kelsey
32:43footballer in 2024 Jason Kelsey made waves when he tweeted quote
32:47what kind of weirdo washes their feet
32:50now uh Benny Blanco didn't announce his foot washing habits but if you look really closely
32:55on his show friends keep secrets you can tell what's going on with his foot
32:59let's just pretend that we're hanging out like we normally do you never even hang out
33:02I was gonna say that's the goal
33:03are we gonna have to pretend
33:06his feet are like Trump's hands
33:10either way it's gonna bring down his wiki feet school that's for sure
33:14if you don't know what wiki feet is wiki feet is a website where people can rate the feet of
33:19various celebrities question to the panel who on this panel has the highest wiki feet
33:25score
33:27it's so obvious
33:28his spine is very low
33:30I know it's not mine I look like a hobbit
33:32here are the scores
33:34Ophira Eisenberg your rating on wiki feet is 3.79 stars
33:39that seems really good
33:42Amber Ruffin
33:463.82 stars
33:48well that's from people who ain't seen these shits
33:50it is busted down there
33:52Michael Ian Black
33:544.84 stars
33:59but the wiki feet winner on this panel
34:04Moshe Kasher 4.17 stars
34:08congratulations
34:11I'm telling you it's hobbit life
34:24I feel like Lindsey Graham at a Thunder Down Under concert
34:30alright next up we've got
34:33Jam Mams
34:34which two of these people dated Lilith Fair performers
34:40I do know that Ken Paxson was with Ani DeFranco for a while
34:46it seems like it's got to be Sean Penn and Paul McCartney right
34:50sure
34:51Paul Thomas Anderson
34:52he could easily
34:53that's a Lilith Fair guy right there
34:55Paul Thomas Anderson
34:57Sean Penn
34:58Sean Penn and Paul Thomas Anderson
35:01both dated Lilith Fair performers
35:04in addition to directing several of her music videos
35:07Paul Thomas Anderson was in a relationship with Fiona Apple
35:10oh yeah
35:10and Sean Penn had a secret relationship with Jewel
35:14in the mid 90s
35:16whoa
35:16when she was living in her car
35:18and was looking for a little extra poetry money
35:22Miss Apple has said that her relationship with Paul Thomas Anderson
35:25was not healthy
35:27but she did credit him with helping her to quit drugs
35:32wow
35:32in an interview with The New Yorker
35:34Fiona Apple says she was inspired to quit drugs
35:36after quote
35:36one excruciating night with Paul
35:39at Quentin Tarantino's house
35:42explaining quote
35:43every addict should just get locked
35:45in a private movie theater
35:47with QT and PTA on coke
35:49and they'll never want to do it again
35:53I saw you on coke
35:55I was like
35:55I gotta put this shit down
35:58let's do beak freaks
36:00which two of these people
36:01both love bird watching
36:03oh
36:04well
36:04these two motherfuckers are birds
36:07look at this face
36:08Susie Wiles
36:08look at that face
36:09now you can't see who I'm pointing to
36:11but you knew exactly who I'm pointing to
36:25that's right
36:26White House chief of staff
36:28Susie Wiles and Paul McCartney
36:30are both big bird watchers
36:32everyone's right
36:32it's the bird people
36:35it's like looking in a mirror
36:37well I love me
36:39you know
36:39so I like to watch me
36:41Paul has a lot of references
36:43to birds and songs of his
36:44and likes to go bird watching
36:46between shows
36:46when he's on tour
36:47does anyone want to guess
36:48what conservative politician
36:50Susie Wiles
36:51has gone birding with
36:52I know Dick Cheney
36:54likes to shoot people in the face
36:55when he goes birding
36:56right
36:56and Matt Gaetz
36:58likes to look at younger birds
36:59right
37:02point
37:02oh
37:04shut up
37:06wow
37:08it's former Florida rep
37:09Matt Gaetz
37:12they said that the two
37:14spent time together
37:14watching the herons
37:16and the wood ducks
37:17and the woodpeckers
37:18and
37:18wow
37:19that's probably not the only reason
37:20Matt Gaetz owns binoculars
37:22yes
37:23the cool part is
37:24there's no age of consent
37:26in the wild
37:29we didn't get to
37:30Ken Paxson and
37:30Timothee Chalamet
37:31but they're both
37:32desperate for votes
37:33and they're both
37:34flirting with your mom
37:35more after the break
37:45welcome back
37:46it's time for
37:47which is higher
37:48I'll give you two
37:49unrelated numbers
37:50from the news
37:51you tell me
37:51which is
37:53higher
37:53Melania arrived
37:55on streaming earlier
37:56this week
37:57panel
37:57the controversial
37:58documentary is now
37:59available to watch
38:00at home via
38:01Amazon Prime
38:02which brings us
38:03to the question
38:04which is higher
38:05the domestic box office
38:07gross
38:08for Melania
38:09or
38:10the amount of cash
38:12Ivana Tromp
38:13received from
38:13Donald
38:14in their divorce
38:16oh
38:16oh wow
38:18both such
38:19small numbers
38:22Melania
38:22I want to say
38:24grossed a surprisingly
38:25high number
38:26I want to say
38:27Ivana
38:28I just want that
38:29anyways
38:29I'm pretty sure
38:31the Melania number
38:32is 16 million
38:34because it cost
38:3540 million
38:36to make
38:37and I remember
38:39laughing about that
38:42the domestic box office
38:44gross of Melania
38:4516.4 million
38:48dollars
38:48and the amount
38:49that Ivana got
38:50from Trump
38:51in their divorce
38:5214 million
38:54dollars
38:54so the domestic
38:56box office gross
38:57of Melania
38:58is higher
38:59wow
39:00that means
39:01Melania too
39:02is going to get
39:02greenlit
39:05Ivana was able
39:06to parlay
39:06her marriage
39:07to Donald
39:07and some of
39:08the paying gigs
39:09five years
39:09after they got
39:10divorced
39:11the two actually
39:12appeared in a
39:13commercial together
39:14here's the first
39:15part
39:15you really think
39:16this is the right
39:17thing for us
39:17to be doing
39:18Ivana
39:19what do people
39:20think
39:20let them talk
39:21Donald
39:23Ivana
39:23Ivana
39:23Ivana
39:24it's wrong
39:25isn't it
39:26but it feels
39:27so right
39:28then it's a deal
39:29wow
39:30question to the
39:31panel
39:32what is that
39:33commercial about
39:33adult diapers
39:37it feels so
39:39right
39:40golf course
39:42cemeteries
39:44divorce lawyers
39:46here's the answer
39:48then it's a deal
39:49yes
39:49we eat our pizza
39:50the wrong way
39:51crust first
39:52introducing
39:52stuffed crust
39:53pizza from pizza
39:54you'll want to
39:55eat it the wrong way
39:55crust first
39:56I have the last
39:57slice
39:58actually
39:58you're only
39:59entitled to half
40:00see
40:03divorce lawyers
40:04around the time
40:06of the errand
40:06of this commercial
40:07uh
40:08industry experts
40:09say it transformed
40:10stuffed crust pizza
40:11into a multi
40:12billion dollar
40:13business
40:14adding 300 million
40:16in sales
40:16in its first year
40:17according to
40:18the official
40:19pizza hut blog
40:20hut life
40:23hut life
40:25I didn't choose
40:26hut life
40:27hut life
40:27chose me
40:30that's what
40:31java has
40:32tattooed right here
40:33that was
40:34witch's heart
40:35we'll be right back
40:41all right
40:42it's time for my
40:44favorite game
40:45it's called
40:45who that baby is
40:47I'll show you
40:47a famous person's
40:49baby picture
40:49and you tell me
40:50boy who baby is
40:51who's the baby
40:52let's see the baby
40:53aww
40:54that baby looks familiar
40:55they were born in
40:56Englewood California
40:57they once taught a
40:59class at Stanford
41:00on personal branding
41:01and they were the
41:02first black woman
41:03to appear on the
41:03cover of sports
41:04illustrated swimsuit
41:05issue dated Chris
41:06Weber in the early
41:062000s and they
41:08were the main
41:08subject of the
41:09recent docu-series
41:10reality check
41:11inside America's
41:12next top model
41:13I had it no clues
41:15but I felt in a
41:15weird position
41:16to have to lean
41:17to a black woman
41:18and say oh I
41:19know exactly who
41:20that is
41:21but it's
41:22Tyra Banks
41:22yeah
41:22Jarrell Hanna
41:25that baby is
41:27Tyra Banks
41:29I'm going to give
41:30you all two facts
41:31about Tyra Banks
41:32you tell me
41:33which fact is
41:34real
41:34first fact
41:35on her daytime
41:36talk show
41:37did Tyra fist fight
41:38the cheetah girls
41:40or pretend
41:41to have rabies
41:43the drama
41:44for the rabies
41:45sounds like
41:45so good right
41:46it's great
41:47but
41:47I mean like
41:47she put a little
41:48Alka-Seltz
41:49in her mouth
41:49and then she's
41:50on her daytime
41:52talk show
41:52Tyra Banks
41:53pretended to have
41:54rabies
41:57that was
41:58who's that baby
41:59I want to thank
42:00our guests
42:00Moshe Tasha
42:01and Ophira
42:02Eisenberg
42:02and of course
42:03thank you to
42:04our team captains
42:05Amber Ruffin
42:06and Michael
42:07Ian Black
42:07before we sign off
42:10here are a few
42:11more stories
42:12we're watching
42:13politician frustrated
42:14with sneaky
42:15little hobbitess
42:20senator introduces
42:21bill to limit
42:22the temperature
42:22of soup
42:25I'm Roy Wood
42:26Jr.
42:26and I'll see you
42:27next week
42:27for another episode
42:28of How I Got
42:29Loose For You
42:29and check out
42:30my website
42:31www.roywoodjumia.com
42:32for my rescheduled
42:33straight of her
42:34muzz days
42:34and I'll see you
42:35next week
42:36we'll see you
42:38next week
42:38we'll see you
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