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[Hot 2026]
(2026) - FULL ENGSUB | Reelshort Hot HD
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Short filmTranscript
00:00:18You
00:00:43A little treat for you tonight.
00:00:44My first guest is a young man, and when I say young man, I mean a young man.
00:00:47He's landed the lead role in an NBC pilot, and he won that audition with a song and dance routine,
00:00:52and we thought he did it so well that you might like to meet him tonight.
00:00:54Would you welcome Rafe Hawk.
00:01:04In my regards to Broadway, remember me to Head Road Square.
00:01:14Hello, the gang, it's 42nd Street, and I will soon be there.
00:01:21Whisper a poem yearning to mingle with the old-time dronk.
00:01:30Give my regards to old Broadway and tell them I'll be there alone.
00:01:37Oh!
00:01:39Oh!
00:01:39Oh!
00:01:43Oh!
00:01:49Oh!
00:02:10You're my regards to old Broadway and telemorphins.
00:02:16They'll get off me, they'll get off me, they're alone.
00:02:36Reef Hawk, for the last four decades America's favorite movie star.
00:02:41What an unbelievable career you've had,
00:02:43starring in three of the biggest franchises in film history,
00:02:46winning two Oscars.
00:02:48In this fall, you'll shoot the biggest movie you've ever made.
00:02:51You've had five years off to reflect.
00:02:55Is that what you're gonna say? Reflect?
00:02:58How are you gonna frame the five years thing?
00:03:00Also, I should literally be a famous-ass interviewer.
00:03:04Even when I'm fake interviewing, I'm like incredible at it.
00:03:07Incredible.
00:03:07Thank you. So what are you gonna say about the five years thing?
00:03:11Well, I was thinking I was gonna say I've been working since I was six
00:03:16and needed a break and that I needed to find out who I was away from all this.
00:03:23I love that.
00:03:24That works, totally.
00:03:26I won't say that I was hiding a heroin addiction from the public
00:03:30and that my best friends from high school and my insane lawyer helped me cover it up for years.
00:03:36So no one ever found out.
00:03:39That is a really smart omission.
00:03:40Strong omiss.
00:03:41No omiss.
00:03:42You're gonna be amazing, babe.
00:03:43You got this.
00:03:44Yeah.
00:03:44I'm very lucky to have you, too.
00:03:46Mm-hmm.
00:03:47And thank you both for being here and thank you for helping me.
00:03:51Yeah, babe.
00:03:52Now get out there and tap dance for mommy.
00:03:54Yeah, there's jazz hands.
00:03:56That's it.
00:03:58Two minutes.
00:03:58All right, look, before we get started, I just gotta say this is a career highlight for me.
00:04:03You, Tom Cruise, Denzel, you're my favorite actors of all time.
00:04:08Thanks.
00:04:08So, look, first we're gonna start off with the box office records and, uh, what?
00:04:13Do you mind?
00:04:14I don't know if anyone talked to you, but, um...
00:04:18Oh, my God.
00:04:19Oh, my God.
00:04:19Oh, no.
00:04:20He's asking about the Oscars.
00:04:22I know.
00:04:22I can tell.
00:04:23When you introduce me, would you mind not forgetting to say two-time Oscar winner before you say Reeve Hawk?
00:04:31Look, of course.
00:04:31I was planning on doing that anyway.
00:04:32I mean, I thought it was something serious.
00:04:33Of course, man.
00:04:34Oh, that's about it, man.
00:04:35Yeah, I mean, I would never even say it.
00:04:37It's just that sometimes people forget.
00:04:41Who forgets?
00:04:42You are the most beloved movie star in the world.
00:04:47Yeah.
00:04:47I'm just honored to have you on the show.
00:04:48This is gonna be a cakewalk for you.
00:04:50Oh, thanks, man.
00:04:51Hi.
00:04:52How are you?
00:04:54We're Reeve's best friends from high school, but, like, we have our own lives, too.
00:04:58I'm just here supporting you.
00:04:59I'm just here supporting you.
00:05:00Listen.
00:05:01You are so fucking charming.
00:05:03Yeah.
00:05:04Enough of that.
00:05:05I don't want to fan out too much.
00:05:06You ready?
00:05:07Yeah, let's go for it.
00:05:08All right, let's go for it.
00:05:09All right.
00:05:09Let's try one.
00:05:09We'll get one going.
00:05:10All right, here we go.
00:05:10Three, two, one.
00:05:13Tonight, I'm interviewing somebody I never thought I would interview.
00:05:17I'm talking about a legend, an icon.
00:05:20What is there even to say?
00:05:21Reeve Hawk is in the house?
00:05:24Welcome.
00:05:25Oh, wait.
00:05:26Sorry, I messed up.
00:05:27I left out the Oscar part.
00:05:28I'm sorry.
00:05:29Guys, gotta do it again.
00:05:30Sorry about that.
00:05:31No, we're leaving this in.
00:05:32No, no, no.
00:05:33I messed it up.
00:05:33We're not starting over.
00:05:35People at home need to see this.
00:05:38Let me tell you right now, if I'm ever the kind of out-of-touch jerk who needs to restart
00:05:42an intro because you didn't mention an award, brother, we got way bigger problems.
00:05:51My man.
00:05:51My man.
00:05:52That's why the world loves you, man.
00:05:54The real Reeve Hawk.
00:05:55That's amazing.
00:05:56Reeve Hawk.
00:05:57Okay, you ready?
00:05:58We're already starting.
00:06:00Yes, we are.
00:06:03We gotta go.
00:06:04Babe, babe.
00:06:05I know you love mopping with the crew, but we're gonna hit crazy traffic if we don't get out of
00:06:09here.
00:06:09What's mopping?
00:06:10M.O.P.
00:06:12Man of the people-ing.
00:06:14It's actually pretty fucking funny, huh?
00:06:16Thanks.
00:06:16Yeah, we should get going.
00:06:18Can I talk to you guys for a second?
00:06:20Yeah.
00:06:20Hey, guys.
00:06:20Thanks so much.
00:06:22Bye.
00:06:23Did anyone else see the silver fox eye fucking me?
00:06:26I did.
00:06:27I am so serious.
00:06:27It was so blatant and out in the open, I almost want to, like, write an op-ed, but I
00:06:31like that.
00:06:32Reeve.
00:06:32Reeve, Reeve, Reeve.
00:06:34What are you doing?
00:06:35Whoa.
00:06:36We don't know those guys.
00:06:38They could literally go online and say that I was, like, being fake or mopping or whatever insult you just
00:06:43said, and then people will think that I'm like that.
00:06:47Okay.
00:06:47So?
00:06:49So?
00:06:50So?
00:06:50That would be like a fucking disaster.
00:06:53Reeve, chill out.
00:06:54Yeah.
00:06:55Dude, take a deep breath, okay?
00:06:57Dude.
00:06:59It's just...
00:07:01It's just that you're...
00:07:06It's just that you're always being watched these days.
00:07:09And observed.
00:07:10Yeah.
00:07:10Everywhere.
00:07:12Yeah.
00:07:12Yeah, yeah, it's really weird.
00:07:13It's really weird.
00:07:14Okay, Pepe.
00:07:18It's okay.
00:07:19Yeah.
00:07:20Lookit, this was, like, a really stressful situation for you.
00:07:23So just take a deep breath.
00:07:25It's all good.
00:07:26I'm sorry, okay?
00:07:27I was just being dumb and trying to be funny and...
00:07:29No, I'm sorry.
00:07:31No, please.
00:07:31A lot of anxiety today.
00:07:33Of course.
00:07:33It was...
00:07:34My bad.
00:07:35You don't have to...
00:07:36No, come on.
00:07:36Come on.
00:07:37You love us.
00:07:39I love you guys.
00:07:41I love you.
00:07:41By the way, you were amazing.
00:07:44Oh, my gosh.
00:07:44He is a fan.
00:07:46Yeah.
00:07:47Oh.
00:07:54Shit.
00:08:00Hello?
00:08:01Bubby, it's Ira.
00:08:02We got a big fucking problem.
00:08:03It's fucked up.
00:08:04It's really fucked up.
00:08:04It's a total fucking nightmare.
00:08:06I'll be over at 10.30 a.m. tomorrow.
00:08:08I'll have my assistant text your assistant my breakfast order.
00:08:10Beg her not to fuck it up for me.
00:08:17Do I have shit on my face?
00:08:19Yes.
00:08:20I do?
00:08:20Yes.
00:08:21Oh, my God.
00:08:22It's fucking embarrassing.
00:08:23Ira, tell me what the fuck is going on?
00:08:26Here's a video.
00:08:27Oh, Jesus fucking Christ.
00:08:29What's on it?
00:08:29I have no idea.
00:08:30I thought you buried everything that needed to be buried without it getting out to the public.
00:08:35When I got sober five years ago, I changed my life.
00:08:38And thank God you did.
00:08:39But since you've been out of the game, everything's changed.
00:08:42For the record, you are the GOAT.
00:08:43The true GOAT, Bubby.
00:08:45You were the best to ever do it.
00:08:46I swear to God, I hate to say it, but it's nice to be back on the fucking court with
00:08:50you.
00:08:51We used to be out here in these streets smashing fucking concrete, getting our hands dirty.
00:08:55Hollywood was our goddamn glory hole.
00:08:57These kids today, they don't know how we used to do it.
00:08:59You, me, Rourke, little Chuckie Sheen, Stephen Hawking, you know, the original Pussy Posse.
00:09:04You boys kept me busy, didn't ya?
00:09:06Can't you just make this go away like you always used to?
00:09:09I can't, Bubby.
00:09:10The internet changed everything.
00:09:11I know you panicked, and we used to get this shit wrapped up with a briefcase of cash in a
00:09:15day or two.
00:09:15It ain't like that anymore.
00:09:18You can text me or call me 24 hours a day, just like the old days, except for Tuesdays from
00:09:243pm till about 10pm.
00:09:26What's on Tuesdays?
00:09:27Personal shit, don't worry about it.
00:09:29Oh.
00:09:30What?
00:09:31Huh.
00:09:33Are you okay?
00:09:35Do I have to be in here? Can I just wait till you're done?
00:09:39Bubby, I'm on a massive time crunch.
00:09:41By the way, I love this gay wallpaper.
00:09:44Thanks, Sandra bought all the art in the house.
00:09:46Very colorful, very gay and classy.
00:09:49Look, Bubby, there are some steps we can take in the meantime while we're waiting this out.
00:09:53But I need you to be completely honest with me.
00:09:55There are no more secrets between us.
00:09:57Look into my eyes.
00:09:58Do not break eye contact with me, Bubby.
00:10:01Have you ever killed someone?
00:10:02No, Ira, I've never killed someone.
00:10:04I can't wipe my ass with this.
00:10:06This is performative.
00:10:07I'm a good person, environmental toilet paper.
00:10:09What's your assistant's name?
00:10:11Sammy.
00:10:11Sammy?
00:10:12Yeah?
00:10:13Come in here.
00:10:13Can you go into the master and bring the toilet paper here?
00:10:17The good toilet paper.
00:10:18The good toilet paper.
00:10:19Yeah.
00:10:20And, Bubby, just real quick, it's primary, not master.
00:10:22What thread count is it?
00:10:23Sorry.
00:10:24I don't know, Ira.
00:10:25It's Scott from the store.
00:10:27Toss it.
00:10:28Let me see.
00:10:29Jesus Christ.
00:10:30Smells like, um, like earring backs in here.
00:10:34Yes, that means you're healthy.
00:10:37Ugh!
00:10:39What the fuck?
00:10:40Cover your mouth.
00:10:40It's disgusting.
00:10:41You get germs.
00:10:42I'm sorry.
00:10:42Besides the health stuff, it's so rude.
00:10:45I'm sorry.
00:10:45Aside from me getting sick, it's rude.
00:10:48Because those particles fly into my nose and mouth.
00:10:51Do you-
00:10:51Actually, this is fucked up to say I kinda like this.
00:10:54Turn around, Bubby.
00:10:55Eye contact.
00:10:56Come closer.
00:10:57Have you ever killed someone?
00:10:59No, Ira.
00:11:00Okay.
00:11:01Bubby, I'm not a judgy person.
00:11:03I'm more of a, you do you.
00:11:05I'm a go ahead and do me girl.
00:11:07Ira!
00:11:09I have never killed someone!
00:11:13For real!
00:11:17You're making me uncomfortable with your anger.
00:11:21And I think that's something we should look at.
00:11:25You can have at the scraps.
00:11:28I'm sorry, what?
00:11:29You can have at the scraps.
00:11:31That's really nice of you, Ira.
00:11:33You know, she's actually great.
00:11:35Yeah.
00:11:35I like her.
00:11:36Next, have you ever watched anyone be killed?
00:11:38No, Ira.
00:11:38Have you ever paid someone to kill someone?
00:11:40No.
00:11:40Have you ever fucked a dead person?
00:11:41No.
00:11:41Has a dead person ever fucked you?
00:11:42No!
00:11:44How does that even work?
00:11:45Let's just say it starts with Mel Gibson and a whole lot of paupers
00:11:48and ends two decks over with a 10 a.m. Nate and Mel's breakfast.
00:11:50You do the math, gorgeous.
00:11:51Just to be clear, you're saying how a corpse fucks a human being is that Mel Gibson takes paupers.
00:11:58You're saying that.
00:11:59You're saying that.
00:12:00I would never betray a client like that.
00:12:02And I'm offended you would even suggest it.
00:12:03I would lose my license to practice law in the state of California if I did.
00:12:07But just between us is pretty fucked up, actually.
00:12:10They partied with the guy like he was alive all weekend.
00:12:12They actually made a cute little picture about it.
00:12:14Weekend at Bernie's?
00:12:15Yes, Weekend at Bernie's, Bubby.
00:12:17You're hysterical.
00:12:20You've gotten funnier.
00:12:22I need to know everyone who hates you.
00:12:25Uh, who hates me?
00:12:27Fuck.
00:12:30My first manager from when I was a kid, probably.
00:12:34Good.
00:12:34Right.
00:12:35The guy who represents kid actors and works out of the bowling alley.
00:12:37Who else?
00:12:39My old on and off ex-girlfriend, Savannah.
00:12:42Yeah.
00:12:43Okay.
00:12:44And?
00:12:45Who else?
00:12:47That's it.
00:12:51Who hates him?
00:12:53Uh, what?
00:12:54Who hates him?
00:12:56Well, off the top of my head, your old manager, your old trainer, your new trainer, your old
00:13:02pool guy, your old, old pool guys, your mom.
00:13:05Your mom needs you.
00:13:06Uh, those three shelter dogs that you got when you were lonely and then returned when
00:13:10you realized, like, they don't wipe their own asses and I sure as fuck wasn't gonna
00:13:13do it.
00:13:13Um, your old boxing coach, your old tennis instructor, your ex.
00:13:17And I have, like, a separate list for, like, directors, actors, costume designers, hair and
00:13:20makeup people, craft service, whatever, da-da-da-da-da, like, executives that you've worked
00:13:23with if you want me to start on that.
00:13:24Jesus Christ.
00:13:25Sorry.
00:13:26Can I just say something?
00:13:28My old trainer doesn't hate me.
00:13:31Because he passed away.
00:13:34Okay.
00:13:35I'm just saying.
00:13:37Mm-hmm.
00:13:37Hey.
00:13:38I believe you, pal.
00:13:39I really do.
00:13:40That's, that's awesome.
00:13:42You need to go see these people and apologize to them.
00:13:45Make it right with them.
00:13:47And without them realizing it, feel out if they're the ones behind the video.
00:13:50I don't know if I can do that, Ira.
00:13:52That's way too intense.
00:13:54Bubby, you don't have to mean it.
00:13:56You just have to go through the motions of apologizing to save your ass.
00:14:00All right, Bubby.
00:14:00I gotta get going.
00:14:01Tom Hanks body slammed his housekeeper.
00:14:02It's not as bad as it sounds.
00:14:04They were just roughhousing.
00:14:05But she is in her 70s.
00:14:06Shouldn't be horsing around like that.
00:14:08So I should get over to Cedars and make sure shit's kosher.
00:14:10By the way, incredible crushed ice at Cedars.
00:14:12I'll let you know if I hear anything.
00:14:15I'm sorry.
00:14:20I'm sorry.
00:14:20I'm sorry.
00:14:21I'm sorry.
00:14:44My assistant said all of these people don't like me.
00:14:47Was I an asshole?
00:14:54Do you want to take longer to answer that?
00:14:58Just the people you interacted with.
00:14:59Yeah.
00:15:00Not like fans and stuff.
00:15:01I think there maybe was a time where your success did go to your head.
00:15:05And maybe you weren't like super considerate about how you spoke to people.
00:15:09And now you're very aware.
00:15:11But up until like a few years ago, you could kind of get away with being a secret dick.
00:15:15We've known each other for 40 years.
00:15:17We've been there and supported one another.
00:15:19We have always known the person that was in there.
00:15:22Yeah, and go easy on yourself.
00:15:24You were literally on drugs.
00:15:26It's way easier to support you now that you're sober.
00:15:29At least we don't have to come grab you out of that creepy doll store you used to buy heroin
00:15:33at downtown.
00:15:35You know how many empty, naked baby dolls I had to explain to the housekeeper?
00:15:39I had to look up in Spanish.
00:15:40Don't worry, Maria.
00:15:41It's no for sexual.
00:15:42It's for drug.
00:15:44By the way, zero parking at the heroin doll store downtown.
00:15:51Yeah.
00:15:54It got bad.
00:15:56It got really scary.
00:15:59I don't ever want to see that look in your eye again.
00:16:04You never will.
00:16:06So let's do what Ira says.
00:16:08Make the apologies and find out who's extorting you.
00:16:11He always gets you out of this stuff.
00:16:13It's going to be so fun.
00:16:14I'm already putting together a playlist for the apology slash who's extorting Reef tour.
00:16:18Hey Siri, whip me up a playlist for a middle-aged man in extreme state of crisis.
00:16:24But keep it fun and slutty.
00:16:25Come on.
00:16:26And skinny.
00:16:27Come on.
00:16:29Yeah.
00:16:31Come on.
00:16:34Yeah.
00:16:36Uh oh.
00:16:39Uh oh.
00:16:40Uh oh.
00:16:41Uh oh.
00:16:44If the party's where you're at then shut up, don't you trip when you see us in the club.
00:16:49I will say, I kind of hate extortion,
00:16:52but the upside is that we all get to drive around together
00:16:54like the dumb sluts we used to be in high school,
00:16:56and I am obsessed with that part of extortion.
00:16:59Beyond! What I really enjoy about it
00:17:01is that we get to be here with you, Grief,
00:17:04and guess what else I brought with me?
00:17:07O-M-G. Are we gonna smoke?
00:17:09We're not gonna smoke. We're 120, okay?
00:17:13We're gonna fake smoke.
00:17:15I cannot believe kids vape these days.
00:17:17They are so gay.
00:17:18They're so lame.
00:17:20If I saw a kid vaping, I'd literally run over to him,
00:17:23push him over, and be like, nice look, virgin.
00:17:29They're literally an oral fedora.
00:17:31Fuck. I haven't seen this guy in, like, 30 years,
00:17:33and now I'm gonna be late to apologize,
00:17:35and I'm gonna look like even more of an asshole.
00:17:38I've always said it's not an amends unless you power top it.
00:17:42Just get in there and just dom it out, babe.
00:17:45I love outlandish humor with my friends.
00:17:50You know, kid, I found this guy, Reef, over at Oakwoods,
00:17:53same as you, and I signed him at this booth, same as you.
00:17:59Right here at this booth.
00:18:01Reef, can't wait to work with you.
00:18:03I know our schedules will wind up one of these days.
00:18:06Can you imagine them letting us two silverbacks pound our chest in the same cage?
00:18:11I'd sit down and order a salad.
00:18:13I've got a 4.30 call back for that Valtrex commercial.
00:18:15Valtrex.
00:18:16Yeah, I'm reading for the grandson of the woman who has gentle to herpes.
00:18:19It's actually quite a complex character.
00:18:20I love that. Is Ellen casting it?
00:18:22Yep.
00:18:22Ellen's such a sweet girl.
00:18:24I know she is.
00:18:25And we love her.
00:18:26Oh, fuck me, I'm late.
00:18:28Beautiful day, guys.
00:18:29Okay, hey, knock them dead, will ya?
00:18:31Always will and will do.
00:18:33Wow.
00:18:40Quit SIGs.
00:18:4116 days now.
00:18:43Sorry.
00:18:44That's awesome, Red.
00:18:45Yes.
00:18:46Red Rodriguez, manager to the stars.
00:18:50Always bet on Red, baby.
00:18:52Yeah.
00:18:54Still out here hustling.
00:19:01Red.
00:19:04I came here to apologize to you.
00:19:10Can I ask you something, Reeve?
00:19:12Of course.
00:19:15What are you sorry for?
00:19:18I'm really sorry I fired you.
00:19:27You know, I remember when I met you by the pool, and you had no front teeth,
00:19:32you know.
00:19:34It was so fucking adorable.
00:19:37You were really there for me at that time.
00:19:40I was.
00:19:41I was.
00:19:43But you had this fucking light in you.
00:19:46You'd light up my days.
00:19:48And I'm not just talking about the work.
00:19:49The work was always bringing.
00:19:50But you.
00:19:53You know, you started getting jobs.
00:19:56And there he is.
00:20:00There he is.
00:20:02Right?
00:20:02And I was fucking proud.
00:20:04I gotta tell you.
00:20:04Not just because I'm a manager.
00:20:05But, you know, it was almost as if it was me.
00:20:10In a way, I was so proud.
00:20:13Then you start running around Hollywood, and you're getting some bit parts in movies.
00:20:17You're hitting the clubs.
00:20:18You're getting some pussy.
00:20:19I'm getting nervous.
00:20:21Not just because I don't want you to get in trouble for your career.
00:20:25But I'm worried about you getting trouble for you.
00:20:29And I hear things.
00:20:31I mean, weed and all that, I know, okay.
00:20:33But I hear the hardest stuff.
00:20:36The hardest stuff.
00:20:37And, um, I didn't know how to handle it.
00:20:40You know?
00:20:41I did the best I could at that time.
00:20:45I wanted to smack the shit out of you.
00:20:48But I still worked for you.
00:20:49Really, honestly, I didn't know what my role was.
00:20:53You know?
00:20:54In that whole thing.
00:20:55I just didn't know.
00:20:58Maybe I handled it right.
00:21:00Maybe I did the right thing.
00:21:04Maybe I didn't.
00:21:07I really don't know.
00:21:08I don't know what's right or wrong in this situation.
00:21:12Anyway.
00:21:13Look, I didn't expect you to stay.
00:21:14I didn't expect that.
00:21:15I know.
00:21:16I know I'm a joke to you guys now.
00:21:18The bowling alley.
00:21:19The roulette wheel.
00:21:20I know who the fuck I am.
00:21:23I know what the fuck I am.
00:21:25Which is, I'm the guy you leave if I do my job right.
00:21:30Okay?
00:21:31I know that.
00:21:32It's all right.
00:21:36I loved all you crazy little cocksuckers.
00:21:39I really did.
00:21:40But you were different.
00:21:41You see, you were different.
00:21:42You were like, you were like family to me.
00:21:47Yeah.
00:21:52Yeah.
00:21:55And you know, what gets me is that not one of you guys ever picked up the phone.
00:22:01Not one.
00:22:03Every time with you guys, the last time we spoke was the last time we spoke.
00:22:08I mean, all I ever wanted was to pick up the phone and hear,
00:22:13Hey, Red.
00:22:21Could've called me.
00:22:27They don't have your number.
00:22:50I just want to see.
00:22:52I'm a big fan.
00:22:54I appreciate that.
00:22:56Mate, you're a fucking hawk.
00:22:58Fuck!
00:22:58Are you fucking serious?
00:22:59There was a period where I did not speak to my son for three years.
00:23:03Eleven years ago, in Sydney, I chucked it in the dumper because she was on the blog.
00:23:08Aside from my feelings on the film, technically, it's astonishing.
00:23:12Honestly, Red, feel like you chucked it in my dumper.
00:23:15Actually, what's your phone number?
00:23:22Hey, pal.
00:23:23Excuse me.
00:23:24Yo.
00:23:24Hey.
00:23:25I don't want to interrupt you.
00:23:26I never do this.
00:23:27I'm a big fan.
00:23:28I'm not here to blow you up or bug you.
00:23:30I just want to tell you, I'm running this for a while.
00:23:33Wanted to introduce myself.
00:23:36Brief.
00:23:36Yeah, I know, I know.
00:23:38I'm Buddy.
00:23:40I'm everybody's Buddy.
00:23:42We're having some people over today.
00:23:43If we make noise, some rap music or something, just tell me.
00:23:46We got tons of food.
00:23:47Gonna have some slubs.
00:23:49Cool.
00:23:49Awesome.
00:23:50Hon, the McLaren's taking up both spots and UD's pulling up from Nobu.
00:23:54I'll take care of it.
00:23:55Honey, get off your feet.
00:23:56You gotta lay down.
00:23:57How many cigarettes did Dr. Crane say I could smoke while pregnant again?
00:24:00Oh, he said zero.
00:24:02Oh, hey, I know you.
00:24:03You dated my grandma.
00:24:06That's Reef.
00:24:07Nice to meet you, Queef.
00:24:12Fucking shit, dude.
00:24:14Having my first kid.
00:24:15Well, congrats.
00:24:17I'm like a kid having a kid.
00:24:19But I'm under 60.
00:24:21That's what they call a Malibu teen dad.
00:24:24Huh.
00:24:25You got kids?
00:24:26Uh, no.
00:24:28Oh, yeah, I read that.
00:24:30Fuck, you're lucky, dude.
00:24:32Just get to party 24-7.
00:24:34I gotta deal with it.
00:24:35Shit.
00:24:37Anyway, all love, homie.
00:24:39Have a good one.
00:24:41I always do.
00:24:42And I will do.
00:24:47Man's Search for Meaning.
00:24:48It's like the most lit Holocaust book.
00:24:51My therapist gave me this one after my parents' divorce.
00:24:53And, like, in a way, the divorce was my family's personal Holocaust.
00:24:57You know?
00:24:58Like, the mistress was Hitler.
00:25:00My mom was, like, Jesse Jackson, that black guy that won that medal because he ran really fast.
00:25:06Jesse Owens.
00:25:07Jesse Owens.
00:25:08And I was, like, Anne Frank.
00:25:10You know, because I was, like, hiding from my shame.
00:25:13This book taught me, like, not to hide anymore.
00:25:15And I don't think you should either.
00:25:16So, I'm giving this to you.
00:25:18It would be good for you.
00:25:20Excuse me.
00:25:21Oh, yeah, I'm gonna give you some privacy.
00:25:24Ira, what's happening?
00:25:25Fuck, Bubby, I'm so glad I caught you.
00:25:27Holy shit.
00:25:27What is it?
00:25:28Did you see a pair of sunglasses after I left your house?
00:25:30I'm, like, fucked up looking for them.
00:25:31They're Chanel.
00:25:32Ira, are you fucking kidding me?
00:25:33No, no, I know.
00:25:34I never splurge like that.
00:25:35Ira, you scared the shit out of me.
00:25:37I thought something had leaked or something fucked had happened with the video.
00:25:40Oh, shit.
00:25:40Did something happen?
00:25:41I'm asking you.
00:25:42Are you fucking serious?
00:25:44Hey, I'm fucking with you.
00:25:45But for real, though, shit is not going well.
00:25:47I got nothing on my side.
00:25:49You gotta keep apologizing to people, all right?
00:25:51Oh, hey, Bubby.
00:25:52Sorry if I sound distracted.
00:25:53I'm getting an IV trip right now.
00:25:55I'm also doing couples therapy and playing chess.
00:25:57I'll call you back when I hear something.
00:26:02So, do you, like, want me to pretend that I don't know what's going on to, like, make
00:26:07things easier for you, or what?
00:26:10Let me think on it.
00:26:12I may just want to pretend things are not insane with one person in my life.
00:26:17Sure.
00:26:18Hey.
00:26:19What extortion?
00:26:22Thanks, Emi.
00:26:25It's been so long, Mom.
00:26:29It has.
00:26:32I have a lot to apologize to you for.
00:26:39For starters, I was often very rude about you participating in this kind of entertainment.
00:26:50I'm sorry for that.
00:26:56Fuck.
00:26:57Sorry.
00:26:58Can we try that one more time, huh?
00:27:00The label wasn't cheated towards camera.
00:27:02And that was such a great fucking emotional moment.
00:27:04I'm so fucking touched genuinely.
00:27:06I just have to be sure it's usable because my content partners need it.
00:27:10Sometimes you gotta tickle their balls so Mommy can get her beak wet.
00:27:14My son may be a star, but I'm a whole damn planet.
00:27:22This is so triggering and fucked up for so many reasons I can't even begin to tell you.
00:27:27Didn't you come here to apologize to me?
00:27:29Yeah.
00:27:30And you'd only receive the apology if we did it on the show, which makes my skin crawl that you're
00:27:35even on in the first place.
00:27:37Okay, we'll get to that in one second, you pretentious little fuck.
00:27:40But for starters, you showed up, didn't you?
00:27:44You're a little truffle-sniffing fame piggy, just like Mommy.
00:27:47I wanted to please you.
00:27:49I became famous to please you.
00:27:52I supported your career, day in and day out, for nine years of my life.
00:27:57I wanted a parent, not a business collaborator.
00:28:01When you were a little kid, you begged me every day to be on TV. Begged me.
00:28:05I'm talking tantrums, days-long tantrums, fits, making scenes, screaming, carrying on.
00:28:12I didn't know what to do.
00:28:14I was 25 and you were six, so I moved us across the country.
00:28:19Away from your father, my husband.
00:28:22Away from my parents, my support system.
00:28:26Into a shitty little month-to-month in the valley so I could take you to auditions every day.
00:28:32You were my focus.
00:28:35Your father left us.
00:28:37Not just you.
00:28:38He left me, too.
00:28:39I sacrificed my marriage.
00:28:43Who were you sacrificing anything for when you were 25, Reef?
00:28:49But then something amazing happened.
00:28:51Your fucking dreams came true.
00:28:54And I went from being a little nobody in the middle of nowhere,
00:28:58to suddenly my son singing and dancing on The Tonight Show.
00:29:03You became a big, famous actor.
00:29:06You got everything you ever wanted.
00:29:12Mom, I was a kid.
00:29:16Kids don't know what they want.
00:29:20Kids want to be astronauts.
00:29:22Yeah, and some of them actually do become astronauts.
00:29:26The ones whose dreams are supported by their mothers.
00:29:29Mom, I felt used and exploited.
00:29:32You stopped seeing me when I got on this show.
00:29:36You stopped talking to me.
00:29:40Your fucking mother.
00:29:51You're right.
00:29:57I'm sorry.
00:30:01That's not okay.
00:30:08Can we take that from after you're right?
00:30:10But before, sorry, that's not okay?
00:30:12I want to get a different reaction on my side.
00:30:15Jesus fucking Christ!
00:30:18You see?
00:30:19What?
00:30:20You even take a moment like that and make it for the show.
00:30:24You make it for show!
00:30:26I was actually feeling in that moment.
00:30:29I didn't say anything about your take.
00:30:31I bought it.
00:30:33Your delivery was very strong.
00:30:35I just wanted one where I cry and one where I don't on my side.
00:30:39So the editor will have options.
00:30:42What even is an apology, Reef?
00:30:44Is it for you?
00:30:45Is it for me?
00:30:48Isn't an apology just a show also?
00:30:51This was such a fucked idea.
00:30:54You are such a scorched unit.
00:30:57Not everything is one thing, Reef.
00:31:00Yes, I want to be great on this show, but I mean everything that was in this conversation.
00:31:04Just because the cameras are rolling doesn't mean it's not real.
00:31:08Just because it's performative doesn't mean that it's not the truth.
00:31:12Why can't it be both?
00:31:14You and I see things so fucking differently, Reef.
00:31:19I've accepted that.
00:31:21I hope you can too one day.
00:31:24I'm not trying to change you.
00:31:27So don't try and change me.
00:31:36Kyle, your abstinence dog is out here.
00:31:40Do you want me to let him in or do you a favor and put it down so someone will
00:31:43date you?
00:31:44Just put it under the window over there, guys. Thanks.
00:31:48I should not be looking at this couch right now.
00:31:50I have been so nauseous today.
00:31:53Babe, maybe you're pregnant.
00:31:55Is that unhoused gentleman outside of general nutrition that you've been romantically intertwined with not been using contraception?
00:32:03Babe?
00:32:04Yeah?
00:32:05I'm as at risk of getting pregnant as you are.
00:32:08Because you're old.
00:32:09Yeah.
00:32:09That's the meaning of that bit.
00:32:11Okay, just making sure you understood the math a bit.
00:32:12Oh, you know, I got it. Thanks.
00:32:15And Reef?
00:32:16Like, I know you can't handle any of the housewife stuff.
00:32:18But, like, your mom is so fucking major and iconic.
00:32:21Like, what was she wearing?
00:32:23I need details.
00:32:24Babe, lay off the mom stuff, okay?
00:32:26Even though we're all dying to know what she was wearing.
00:32:28No, it's okay.
00:32:29But it's not her.
00:32:32It's not her.
00:32:37Okay.
00:32:55Hello?
00:32:56Be in my office.
00:32:57One hour.
00:32:57I got the fucking dream team assembled for you, buddy.
00:33:00One hour.
00:33:00Be here.
00:33:06Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today because I have assembled the greatest group ever to protect our boy Reef
00:33:11Hawk and bathe him in the waters of our combined genius.
00:33:16Nothing?
00:33:18Prince?
00:33:20Whatever.
00:33:21Reef, I would now like to introduce you to your new crisis team, or as I call them, the Reef
00:33:27Unit.
00:33:30Didn't land.
00:33:31Okay.
00:33:32Tough room.
00:33:33I will start with one of the greatest to ever do it.
00:33:35One of the world's most renowned lawyers, the most legendary advocate for women whose rights have been violated.
00:33:44Illegal reaches wide and long.
00:33:48And my man, you know she doesn't mind not.
00:33:50I'd run.
00:33:51Ladies and gentlemen, Virginia Allen, I've been green.
00:33:58Reef, it's nice to meet you.
00:34:00Don't you represent women who are victims of terrible men?
00:34:04Not if I hire her first.
00:34:05I'm not.
00:34:06I didn't like.
00:34:07Oh, I know.
00:34:08Oh, we know.
00:34:09Bobby, we know.
00:34:10I wouldn't have accepted this if I thought this was a me too type of thing.
00:34:15What if it is?
00:34:17It's not.
00:34:17We know.
00:34:18I know.
00:34:19She knows.
00:34:20We know.
00:34:20We know.
00:34:21We know.
00:34:23I, of course, know.
00:34:24But if it is, you're gonna want Virginia here, Bobby.
00:34:28Speaking of, I would now like to introduce you to the third in our three tenors of naughtiness.
00:34:34Ladies and gentlemen, the sultan of social justice, the rabbi of race relations.
00:34:44He's bringing sexy back to the civil rights movement.
00:34:49I don't know.
00:34:49He's been preaching since age three and boys is so tired.
00:34:54The reverend Leandrus Carter!
00:34:59Shut the fuck up, Iro.
00:35:00Oh, you're still sorry about last time we worked together?
00:35:02Yeah, because you completely ruined the entire thing and embarrassed the shit out of me and my client.
00:35:06Here we go again.
00:35:07Did you follow the Jussie Smollett thing?
00:35:09Uh, the two racist guys who beat up the black actor and ended up being set up by him.
00:35:14Leon and I came up with that at lunch one day.
00:35:16It was a killer idea.
00:35:17We pitched it around town and Jussie was the most passionate about the project.
00:35:20Sometimes these things are reverse engineered where the idea comes before the talent.
00:35:23You know, like when a movie studio has a franchise but they don't have a star attached.
00:35:26Then tell them what happened to Iro.
00:35:27You're such a fucking hypocrite, Leon.
00:35:29You're one of my best friends.
00:35:30I love you more than life itself.
00:35:31But you're a hypocrite.
00:35:32You're always on me about hiring more black people.
00:35:35So, I hired two black guys to beat up Jussie.
00:35:37This is me growing with elegance.
00:35:39And all of a sudden, I'm the asshole!
00:35:41You hired two black guys to play white supremacists to commit a hate crime against a black guy!
00:35:45You stupid motherfucker!
00:35:46It's impossible to keep up!
00:35:47Hire black guys!
00:35:48Don't hire black guys!
00:35:49Make up your mind!
00:35:50I shouldn't have to explain this one.
00:35:52You're acting like I didn't even post a black square a couple years ago!
00:35:55You saw that!
00:35:56I storied it!
00:35:57It wasn't on my permanent grid, but I storied the black square!
00:36:01I obviously know who you are.
00:36:03And I'm a fan, Reverend.
00:36:05But why is he on our team?
00:36:08Oh, I pray to God you didn't say the word on that video.
00:36:12What?
00:36:13No!
00:36:13I would never-
00:36:15We know!
00:36:16We know!
00:36:16We know!
00:36:17I know!
00:36:18He knows!
00:36:19We know!
00:36:19We know, brother.
00:36:21But if you did, I will smack the livid shit out of you.
00:36:26And then, we're gonna hold hands and walk through the fire together, my brother.
00:36:32I'm not a racist.
00:36:34Reef, while we totally believe you aren't racist, we do know for a fact you have done racist things.
00:36:41Which is very common, except in your position, it's incredibly dangerous.
00:36:47I'm Eunice Kim.
00:36:48I'm a lawyer and activist.
00:36:49I'm here because I famously started the hashtag, Stop Imitating Asian People.
00:36:53I did, by the way.
00:36:55We noticed.
00:36:55Thank you for doing that.
00:36:56No, thank you.
00:36:57Reef, do you recall a scene from a- Jesus, I hate to call it a film- a thing
00:37:03you were
00:37:03in called Titty School Six, Let's Get Tit-Tarded in here?
00:37:08An 80s low-budget teen comedy, Ira Buried When You Got Famous?
00:37:12We think someone may have found it.
00:37:14Do you recall a scene from this film in which your character, Israel Boner Shartstein,
00:37:19is tasked with breaking into the girls' sorority to steal their bras and panties?
00:37:23And in order to pull off this caper, you, as your character, dress up as a geisha to sneak
00:37:28into the sorority?
00:37:29We think someone may be framing this scene in a modern context to use it to cancel you
00:37:34for being racist against Asian people.
00:37:37It was a scene in a stupid movie.
00:37:39It wasn't me.
00:37:39It was a character in a movie.
00:37:41Doesn't matter.
00:37:42Hey, wait, where's Moshe from the Anti-Semitism Committee?
00:37:44We ran the numbers.
00:37:45It turns out that hating Jews doesn't negatively affect a person's career.
00:37:49In fact, it could even help.
00:37:52Like, that sounds like a Frico acid trip.
00:37:55So you go through every hypothetical, fucked-up thing you may have ever done in your entire life?
00:37:59Yeah.
00:38:00If we broke down my text in my dry cleaner on Tuesday, I'd never work again.
00:38:03I mean, it felt like fire against my skin the whole entire time.
00:38:07I hate that you're being put through this.
00:38:10I-I just hate it when you're sad.
00:38:11You know, I was thinking about when you got clean, how you never did AA or any other program like
00:38:18that
00:38:18because you were just, like, so worried that people were going to recognize you and out that you had a
00:38:22problem
00:38:23and how that would, you know, affect your image, of course.
00:38:27But a big part of all of that is doing the steps, right?
00:38:30Apologizing to the people you hurt.
00:38:32Maybe this whole thing is, like, the universe's way of making sure that you apologize to the people that were
00:38:39hurt by your addiction, you know?
00:38:43I'm sure there's a lot of people that would appreciate an apology from you.
00:38:49Right, Sander?
00:38:52Yeah.
00:38:55Sure.
00:39:02You're right.
00:39:07Fuck, this is hard.
00:39:13I need to apologize.
00:39:20To Savannah.
00:39:27Yeah.
00:39:29I'm gonna try and get back before dinner, but thank you.
00:39:33Yeah.
00:39:33Thanks.
00:39:33Thanks.
00:39:38What the actual fuck?
00:39:40Dude, I don't even know what I said.
00:39:41It was like...
00:39:43Why?
00:39:44Why did I, like...
00:39:46So stupid.
00:39:46No, you're right.
00:39:48No.
00:39:49Stupid.
00:39:49Come here.
00:39:50Come here.
00:39:51Come here.
00:39:52Come here.
00:39:52Come here.
00:39:52Come here.
00:39:53Come here.
00:39:54Come here.
00:39:55Come here.
00:39:59Come here.
00:40:27Come here.
00:40:56Rave!
00:41:02Savannah, here we are.
00:41:04Dude, you are so annoying.
00:41:07I can hate you or want to kill you or even forget about you,
00:41:11but then you sit here in front of me and you are still the goofy kid
00:41:15lighting fireworks off at the vents behind the mall,
00:41:19almost going deaf.
00:41:20Jesus, I haven't thought about that in so long.
00:41:23Such a little twerp.
00:41:26Always showing off for everybody, center of attention.
00:41:30But I always liked you in moments like this.
00:41:35When it was just us talking.
00:41:38Nobody to show off for.
00:41:47I pulled it off. Photo finish.
00:41:50Don't worry, they're not yours.
00:41:52That's not funny.
00:41:55Oh, Gary.
00:41:56Do they have your sense of humor?
00:41:59They're smarter than me.
00:42:02Let's hope they make better choices.
00:42:13I'm really sorry I let you down.
00:42:24How do I put this the right way?
00:42:26I want to use the correct verbiage here and not mince words.
00:42:36You're not a good person.
00:42:45I wasted years of my life on you.
00:42:48With you.
00:42:50With you.
00:42:51And about you.
00:42:52Because it's always about you, Reef.
00:42:57Let me guess.
00:42:58Xander and Kyle haven't been this...
00:43:01Honest with you.
00:43:03About your behavior in these conversations.
00:43:06They never had a problem lying to you.
00:43:08Or for you.
00:43:11Yeah, you don't stick around long with this kind of realness.
00:43:15Do you, Reef?
00:43:20But I'm not around anymore.
00:43:24Thank God.
00:43:28Because after the last thing.
00:43:35The last thing that happened.
00:43:40It took finally allowing a good and devoted man to love me to realize that I'm not just a distraction
00:43:49to run to and toy with when you're depressed or lonely or between movies or literally bored.
00:44:06Only to discard when something amazing would happen.
00:44:11No, you're not.
00:44:13Correct.
00:44:25I used to think that telling you all this would make me happy.
00:44:32It doesn't...
00:44:34It doesn't...
00:44:37My family makes me happy.
00:44:40My children make me happy.
00:44:47It's a little...
00:44:51That's a little...
00:44:58Good thing.
00:45:03It doesn't...
00:45:05It's a little...
00:45:12face off at the mall.
00:45:13They're cute when you buy them,
00:45:15but then it's like...
00:45:15Wait, Ira.
00:45:30Ira, we have him on the line.
00:45:32All right, this is it.
00:45:32At your stations, okay?
00:45:34Put him through.
00:45:36Hey, Ira.
00:45:36Yo, how's things?
00:45:37All good over here.
00:45:39Just in the office, solo,
00:45:40doing a million things.
00:45:41Oh, yeah.
00:45:42By the sound of that speakerphone
00:45:43and the cavernous echo
00:45:44in the conference room,
00:45:45I can tell it's just you in there.
00:45:47Fuck you.
00:45:47What do you got?
00:45:48I'm assuming Virginia and Leandrus
00:45:50and the crew are all in there with you.
00:45:52Hello, all.
00:45:53Nope, wrong again.
00:45:54Okay, Ira.
00:45:56Hey, by the way,
00:45:57I want to say, Reef,
00:45:58if you're there too,
00:45:59which I'm pretty positive that you are,
00:46:02I should legally disclose
00:46:03that I'm your neighbor
00:46:04who's been renting a house next to you
00:46:05for the past few months.
00:46:07What the fuck?
00:46:11Legally disclosed.
00:46:12Since when you were sickler for the law?
00:46:14All right, well, you know,
00:46:15not legally, but like homie to homie.
00:46:17I thought I should tell you that.
00:46:19It felt fucked up not to.
00:46:20All right, so what do we got here?
00:46:22Okay, as you know,
00:46:23I can't reveal much,
00:46:25but I have procured a video
00:46:26from a person who wishes to sell it
00:46:28to the highest bidding media outlet.
00:46:30I would like to offer Reef
00:46:31the opportunity to buy it first.
00:46:33How fucking generous of you.
00:46:36All I can tell you about the video is this.
00:46:47He comes.
00:46:54The price is 15 million.
00:46:56The deadline is Tuesday at 10 a.m.
00:46:59Peace.
00:47:03He comes.
00:47:11He comes.
00:47:13He comes.
00:47:14Oh, God.
00:47:15He comes.
00:47:21He comes.
00:47:23He comes.
00:47:24This is the actual worst moment of my life.
00:47:27He comes.
00:47:31I accept that.
00:47:33I do.
00:47:34I accept it.
00:47:39But who says cumming is bad, right?
00:47:42I'm in sex positive.
00:47:44Cum makes babies.
00:47:46Babies grow up to be doctors.
00:47:48Doctors heal us when we're ailing.
00:47:49Technically he's right.
00:47:51You know who's made out of cum?
00:47:53She is.
00:47:53I'm not made out of cum.
00:47:55Absolutely are.
00:47:55Even Reef Hawk.
00:47:57Dramatic pause.
00:47:59Matinee idol.
00:48:00Hand prints in the Grauman Chinese sidewalk.
00:48:04100% completely cum based.
00:48:06I believe in the profundity of this argument.
00:48:11This young lady here.
00:48:13Cum.
00:48:15That felt wrong even as I was saying it.
00:48:17But I urge you to hear me when I say this.
00:48:20None of us in this room would be here without cum.
00:48:26Am I wrong?
00:48:29Applause.
00:48:31If you want.
00:48:33If you want.
00:48:34If you want.
00:48:39No.
00:48:40Whoa, bubby.
00:48:40You don't understand, Ira.
00:48:42You don't understand.
00:48:43I've been so fucking careful.
00:48:45Hey, you're okay.
00:48:46I've never filmed myself.
00:48:47I've never been filmed with anyone.
00:48:50I've been so fucking careful.
00:48:52Why is this happening to me?
00:49:01What did you just say?
00:49:06Why is this happening to me?
00:49:08No, before that.
00:49:13I've been so fucking careful.
00:49:15Before that.
00:49:17I've never filmed myself.
00:49:19And I've never been filmed with anyone.
00:49:28What?
00:49:33What is it?
00:49:34You were filmed without your consent.
00:49:40It was non-consensual.
00:49:43Virginia, do you want to explain this?
00:49:44I'd love to.
00:49:46Reef, have you ever heard of victim capitalism?
00:49:51No.
00:49:52When you were growing up, you wanted to be an actor.
00:49:54You wanted to be a gifted artist.
00:49:56And that, in turn, would bring you riches and fame.
00:49:59You were part of the recognition for talent generation.
00:50:02But people got tired of having to work hard and actually be good at something.
00:50:06I do all that work.
00:50:06It's exhausting.
00:50:07And the odds are so terribly low of succeeding.
00:50:10So, here come the Kardashians.
00:50:13The big bang happened.
00:50:15The tension culture.
00:50:17And it is huge.
00:50:20Now, you don't have to do anything special to be famous.
00:50:22You just have to be.
00:50:23You just have to make enough noise to garner the attention.
00:50:27Any kind of noise.
00:50:28Any kind of attention.
00:50:30And this brings us to the birth of social media.
00:50:33Now, anyone with a phone can have it at the push of a button.
00:50:36That sweet, sweet nectar of attention.
00:50:39And then, it was ignited.
00:50:42The spark.
00:50:45Victimhood.
00:50:46The only way you can become rich and famous in this culture is to be a victim.
00:50:53Victim capitalism.
00:50:54The best thing you can be in our modern society is a victim.
00:50:57And you, Reith Hawk, are a white, middle-aged, rich, famous, straight movie star who is, indeed, a victim.
00:51:07You're a fucking unicorn.
00:51:09This will be the biggest year of your whole career.
00:51:11I mean, you're going to be a bigger star than ever.
00:51:13You know what we have to do, right?
00:51:14We got one move.
00:51:16Live interview.
00:51:18That's right.
00:51:18A live interview cuts him off at the knees.
00:51:21Talking about the video before they have a chance to leak it makes you the victim and gives us all
00:51:25the leverage.
00:51:28God, where are they?
00:51:30Come on, we're going to be fucking late.
00:51:34Everything okay?
00:51:35Yeah, yeah.
00:51:37I'm just running a little late, and it's the one day a week I've got to be out by a
00:51:39certain time.
00:51:48Hey, I know that was a lot.
00:51:51Sit with it tonight.
00:51:54Digest it.
00:52:02Ira, you have a really weird job.
00:52:08It's like you just wait for a call that I got in trouble.
00:52:23Bubby, you ever think about why you thought it was okay to get in the kind of trouble you got
00:52:31in for as long as you did?
00:52:35Everybody's a psycho when they're young.
00:52:37But I hit myself at number one.
00:52:42But for everybody else in the world, all these people, they can't act like that forever.
00:52:51I had real life hit me like a fucking train.
00:52:57But when my phone rings and it's you, I pick up.
00:53:01I always pick up.
00:53:07There he is.
00:53:09Hey, hey.
00:53:10Sorry, Ira.
00:53:12We hit crazy traffic.
00:53:14No worries, Elliot, baby.
00:53:15So bad.
00:53:16Traffic?
00:53:16Come on, are you crazy?
00:53:17Buddy.
00:53:18There he is, my boy.
00:53:20Oh, my dad.
00:53:20What, are you too old to kiss your dad?
00:53:22Oh, come on.
00:53:23When you were a baby, I used to kiss your face.
00:53:26I still see you as this little, fat little, chunky little guy.
00:53:30Dad, I hate being late for the Dodgers.
00:53:32Yeah, no, I hate being late.
00:53:33I'm sorry, buddy.
00:53:34But we got to listen to Britney Spears' audio book.
00:53:36And let me just say, she lived a very wild life.
00:53:42She's the best.
00:53:42She's hanging at your mom and I's wedding.
00:53:44Mm-hmm.
00:53:44Hey, you know who this guy is?
00:53:46Reef Hawk?
00:53:47That's right.
00:53:49OG client of your dads.
00:53:51I always wanted you guys to meet each other, but Reef is always very busy.
00:53:55So, Reef, do you have a girlfriend?
00:53:58This guy with the girlfriend.
00:53:59Always with the fucking girlfriend.
00:54:00Not right now.
00:54:02Well, same here.
00:54:03We're on the same boat.
00:54:04That's why I tell him he's got to keep his options open.
00:54:06Yeah, Dad said, got to keep my options open because I'm a handsome guy.
00:54:10Cool and handsome guy.
00:54:11Mm-hmm.
00:54:12Just like Reef.
00:54:14Hey, you guys should be wingmen for each other.
00:54:16Just try and leave some pussy for the rest of us.
00:54:17Shut up, Dad.
00:54:19What do I always say?
00:54:20Keep your options open.
00:54:22Yes.
00:54:22Never sign anything.
00:54:24Check the Saudi money.
00:54:25Check the Saudi money.
00:54:27Right.
00:54:27Okay.
00:54:28Hey, I'll check in tomorrow.
00:54:32Enjoy the game.
00:54:34See you later, Reef.
00:54:35Nice to meet you, man.
00:54:37Don't do alcohol and say no to crack, Reef.
00:54:40Hey, I told you not to tell anybody about that.
00:54:42You're not supposed to repeat that shit.
00:54:43Get in the car, guys.
00:54:44Let's go.
00:54:53Put that in the car.
00:54:55Put that in the car.
00:54:56Ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-la.
00:54:57Yeah.
00:54:57Bye-bye.
00:54:59Get out.
00:55:00Bye-bye.
00:55:00Madestones.
00:55:00Bye-bye.
00:55:00Bye-bye.
00:55:00Bye-bye.
00:55:00Bye-bye.
00:55:01Bye-bye.
00:55:01Goodbye.
00:55:14Bye-bye.
00:55:15Reef Hawk.
00:55:19Hey.
00:55:20I think I read a couple years ago your dad hung himself, right?
00:55:24It's so funny, I'm reading the new Jennifer Egan,
00:55:27and the main character is a rock star whose mom is on a reality show,
00:55:30and the dad hangs himself.
00:55:33I mean, it's a rock star, it's not a movie star,
00:55:35but it's crazy close, right?
00:55:43Anyway, check it out if you have a flight or something.
00:55:45You'll breeze right through it.
00:55:57Can I just say what we're all thinking?
00:56:00A live tell-all interview while pretending to be a victim
00:56:04seems like the actual complete opposite of what you should do.
00:56:09What's the alternative?
00:56:10Give everything up I've worked for my entire life?
00:56:13I have what everyone dreams of.
00:56:15I can't just throw it away.
00:56:23Let's just, like, sell everything and move to Hawaii.
00:56:27Open the smoothie stand or something.
00:56:30Yeah, there we go.
00:56:32Well, I'll open a smoothie stand.
00:56:35What a brilliant idea.
00:56:37You just seem a little off lately, so...
00:56:41Look, I just want to make sure that you're...
00:56:42Make sure I'm what?
00:56:45Are you implying that there's something important I'm hiding from you?
00:56:49Reeve, dude, she's just asking you.
00:56:51I know what she's asking.
00:56:53I don't know why it's such a big deal.
00:56:55It's a big fucking deal.
00:56:56Because questioning that is questioning the very core of everything I am the last five years.
00:57:03Everything I've fought and clawed and promised to not be.
00:57:08So you questioning that isn't just a chill little question.
00:57:13It's calling me a fraud.
00:57:15So what the fuck are you asking?
00:57:22Don't fucking curse at me, ever.
00:57:26Don't ever talk to me like that, ever.
00:57:31You are under immense pressure and anxiety.
00:57:35So I am asking you, as somebody who loves you, are you strong in your sobriety?
00:57:41Because you have that look in your eyes you promised I wasn't going to see again.
00:57:47How fucking dare you?
00:57:49How dare I?
00:57:50How dare I?
00:57:52I ask you because I am someone who loves you at times more than you are capable of loving yourself.
00:57:59I ask because I would rather you throw some little bitchy diva movie star tantrum and not be my friend
00:58:05for a month than to walk in on you overdosed again thinking that you were fucking dead.
00:58:13Which you don't even remember but was like the worst moment of my life.
00:58:22Dude, you're a 56 year old man who might be back on hard drugs.
00:58:27So when I ask you, it's not because it's fun for me.
00:58:35My sobriety is stronger than fucking steel.
00:58:43And as far as moving to Hawaii and opening a smoothie stand, that might be in the realm of possibility
00:58:52for you.
00:58:54But honestly, Kyle?
00:58:56Yeah.
00:58:56I don't have the patience or the fucking energy to fake being able to relate to your shitty little life
00:59:03today.
00:59:04I live in an existence you literally have no way of understanding.
00:59:12Oh fuck.
00:59:13You're right.
00:59:15I have no idea.
00:59:17I hope that you do that giant interview and I hope you get more famous and more rich, more attention.
00:59:27As it seems to historically serve you super well.
00:59:31And you know what?
00:59:32I love my life, my shitty little life.
00:59:35You know why?
00:59:36I get to be whoever I want to be all the time.
00:59:41I wish you cared about what we thought of you, Reef, more than a bunch of people on the internet.
00:59:50And the next time you do a performative apology tour, throw your two best friends on the list, you sad
00:59:55fucking junkie.
01:00:13Why are you still here?
01:00:17I ordered food and I already paid for it on the app.
01:00:27Why did you stay my friend, Xander?
01:00:38I hate emotions so fucking much.
01:00:42Um...
01:00:48When we were in high school, every other word out of everyone's mouth was faggot, including mine.
01:00:54And one time you slept over in 10th grade and you asked me point blank if I was gay.
01:00:59And I denied it for hours and we got into this big screaming fight and...
01:01:06You said to me...
01:01:09You said you would not be my friend if I was gay.
01:01:13You would only not be my friend if I was not myself.
01:01:18Because that would be too hard to watch.
01:01:27When you act gross like this, I choose to remember that person.
01:01:31I must confess you.
01:01:32I'm sorry.
01:01:37I'm sorry.
01:01:38I'm sorry.
01:01:46I'm sorry, sir.
01:01:50I'm sorry.
01:02:11I don't know.
01:02:22I don't know.
01:02:55There's D-Max in there.
01:02:56I don't know.
01:03:26I don't know.
01:03:41I don't know.
01:03:48I don't know.
01:03:51I don't know.
01:03:56I don't know how much our lives have paralleled and the things we've been through.
01:04:02It's a very, very unique experience.
01:04:07Like when we were kids.
01:04:11Like why did we do this and who did we do it for?
01:04:18One minute to live air.
01:04:20You know, it's funny.
01:04:25I didn't like you.
01:04:27Is that funny?
01:04:29You were always so smug, you know, but then when Virginia called me and told me what really
01:04:36is going on and what you are surviving as a victim.
01:04:43I mean, and the fact that you were willing to talk about it and share everything and share
01:04:48it with the world.
01:04:50I mean, you're a hero.
01:04:52You're a hero.
01:04:52And I want to interview that hero.
01:05:05It's going to be great.
01:05:15I'm going to leave.
01:05:17What?
01:05:19I'm going to leave now.
01:05:2130 seconds to live air.
01:05:22Wait, no, no, no.
01:05:22You can't.
01:05:23You can't.
01:05:23No, no, no.
01:05:24We can talk about other things.
01:05:26I mean, we need to talk about the thing.
01:05:28I just don't want to do this.
01:05:30But you're here.
01:05:31Why would you do that?
01:05:32I'm really sorry.
01:05:33Did I say something?
01:05:34No.
01:05:35But you cannot do this.
01:05:37We're about to go to live TV in how many seconds?
01:05:4010 seconds live air.
01:05:41What the fuck are you doing, Reeve?
01:05:44God fucking damn it!
01:05:45You fucked me!
01:05:46I will fuck you so hard!
01:05:49I'll fucking go out on all you motherfuckers!
01:05:53Bubby, hey, it fucking worked.
01:05:54Ira, I'm leaving.
01:05:56No, you don't understand.
01:05:58It worked.
01:05:59What worked?
01:06:00I didn't do the interview.
01:06:01Yeah, no shit.
01:06:02You didn't have to.
01:06:03And I knew that even threatening a live interview would force in a hand and it fucking did.
01:06:07It's just some random nobody who found the video on his ex-girlfriend's computer.
01:06:10They caved.
01:06:11I got them from 15 mil down to 35k.
01:06:1535k.
01:06:17And this is all behind you for the rest of your life.
01:06:26Hello?
01:06:32I don't know.
01:06:36Fuck do you mean I don't know?
01:06:38I just wanted all this to go away.
01:06:44And now that it's right here in front of me...
01:06:52It's just so fucking wrong!
01:07:09Probably it's 35k.
01:07:11It's a fucking forerunner.
01:07:17You pay it.
01:07:21It's the cosmic tax.
01:07:42It's the end of the game.
01:08:27Hey.
01:08:28Is this so crazy?
01:08:30Yeah, I guess.
01:08:32I mean, you're Reeve Hawk.
01:08:34And you're talking to me like, what?
01:08:37Yeah, I don't know.
01:08:38You're a huge movie star, dude.
01:08:40Like, shouldn't you be at a big party or something?
01:08:42Um, I mean, I've been shooting in Albuquerque for like six months, living in this, uh, hotel room.
01:08:52I guess I'm, uh, a little lonely or something.
01:08:57That's no good.
01:09:01Don't you have, like, a wife or kids or a family or something?
01:09:07Um, no, no, no, I don't.
01:09:15Hmm.
01:09:17Why not?
01:09:20Uh, why not?
01:09:28I guess, uh, I guess when it came time to do that, I, uh, I always chose something else I
01:09:43thought was bigger or more important.
01:09:47Hmm.
01:09:55That's really sad.
01:10:05Do you want to see my tits?
01:10:09Sure.
01:10:10I guess, uh, I guess, uh, okay, uh, I wish I could but, uh, I..?
01:10:39I wish I could do that, okay?
01:10:43You have kind eyes.
01:10:50I just need you for two minutes outside?
01:10:51Yeah.
01:10:52Okay, great.
01:11:07You know, I've thought and fantasize about what I would do or say to you if I ever had the
01:11:14chance.
01:11:25Do you hate me?
01:11:32No, no, I don't, I don't hate you.
01:11:38I love you, man.
01:11:45I'm just broke.
01:12:20I'm just broke.
01:12:21I'm just broke.
01:12:27There aren't words for what you mean to me and the shame I feel for what I put you through.
01:12:50You're my whole life.
01:12:58But it's not about me.
01:13:11I'm sorry.
01:13:15I forgive you.
01:13:19I forgive you, too.
01:13:27I'm sorry.
01:13:32Do you need a hug?
01:13:34Yes.
01:13:36I love you, girl.
01:13:37I love you, guys.
01:13:39Thank you, Reeve.
01:13:49The day I walk down the street, I used to wonder, yeah, scratched my head and lit my cigarette.
01:14:00Well, there was all these things that I don't think I remember.
01:14:05Hey, how lucky can one man get?
01:14:10Hey, how lucky can one man get in?
01:14:12Hello.
01:14:13Hey.
01:14:14Hi.
01:14:16Who's this?
01:14:17It's Reeve.
01:14:19Reeve?
01:14:21Reeve?
01:14:22What can I do for you, Reeve?
01:14:25I'm just calling to see how your day is.
01:14:28What do you mean?
01:14:29I mean, how's your day?
01:14:32Like, how are the events of your day?
01:14:35What do you mean, how's my day?
01:14:36How are the events of my day?
01:14:37What does that mean?
01:14:39I'm just asking how your day is.
01:14:41Like, what you did and how it is.
01:14:44What the fuck do you mean, how is my day?
01:14:46What do you want, Reeve?
01:14:47What's your angle?
01:14:48Red.
01:14:49I'm calling to see how your day is going.
01:14:53Like, how you are.
01:14:55Like, how you're doing.
01:14:58Oh.
01:15:00Oh.
01:15:02Well, thanks.
01:15:04I mean, all I'm doing, I'm just hanging out.
01:15:07That's all I'm doing.
01:15:09Nice.
01:15:11That's awesome.
01:15:13I mean, isn't, you know, nothing crazy?
01:15:15Same old.
01:15:17Yeah, yeah, same.
01:15:20Not a whole lot here today either.
01:15:25Well, that's nice.
01:15:26That's nice.
01:15:27Today I walked down the street I used to wander.
01:15:32Yeah, shook my hand and made myself a bear.
01:15:38There was all these things that I don't think I remember.
01:15:43Hey, how lucky can one man get?
01:15:49Hey, how lucky can one man get?
01:15:55Hey, how lucky can one man get?
01:16:36Carl, Carl, Carl, Carl, Carl, we got this.
01:16:38Who are you?
01:16:39We got this, the second most interesting bitch in this room.
01:16:42Trust.
01:16:42Oh.
01:16:43Three, two, one.
01:16:45Good evening.
01:16:46And welcome to the primetime special edition of the Drew Barrymore Show.
01:16:52We begin tonight with a gentleman I do not know.
01:16:56Hi, Xander Alexander, huge fan, and you soon will be of mine as well.
01:17:01So much of your show is about your guests coming on here and unloading on your tits, and I just
01:17:06want you to know that today I'm here to take that load for you.
01:17:11Well, let's get the tissues out and do this right now.
01:17:15Yes.
01:17:16First of all, I don't know if you know anything about my past, but, you know, E.T. changed
01:17:21my life.
01:17:22I actually always thought it was et.
01:17:24You know, like French?
01:17:25Never seen it before, saw the poster, know how relevant it is, know how important it is.
01:17:30From what I understand, it's about you and a bunch of other little kids finding a little
01:17:33old Jewish guy and taking him for a ride on a bicycle.
01:17:36Little bald guy, you just put a blanket on him and take him for a ride on a bicycle.
01:17:39Again, I haven't seen it.
01:17:42I've only seen Call Me By Your Name in the notebook.
01:17:48I don't know how I did that now, wonder where it's gone.
01:17:55Must have spent the way I went, waiting for the dawn.
01:18:02Shoot the moon right between the eyes, I'm screaming.
01:18:09Take me back to sunny countryside.
01:18:16Shoot the moon right between the eyes, I'm screaming.
01:18:23Take me back to sunny countryside.
01:18:30Clocks and spoons, empty rooms.
01:18:33It's raining out tonight.
01:18:36It's raining out tonight.
01:18:39It's raining out tonight.
01:18:39It's raining out tonight.
01:18:42It's raining out tonight.
01:18:42It's raining out tonight.
01:18:44It's raining out tonight.
01:18:45It's raining out tonight.
01:18:55It's raining out tonight.
01:23:35I'm Reeve Hawk and I got staff in the sauna.
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