- 2 days ago
The Burbs S01E01 [Full Movie] [Recommended]Full EP - Full
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Short filmTranscript
00:28Transcription by CastingWords
00:58Transcription by CastingWords
01:28Transcription by CastingWords
01:30Oh God, I don't want to go back to work.
01:32You and Mars aren't going to have too much fun without me, are you?
01:34My maternity leave is going to be spent watching a window like Bravo,
01:38learning the choreography.
01:44I don't like that one bit.
01:50Stroll's over.
01:56Are you sure that house is empty?
01:58Yeah, right.
02:42When I wake up in the morning, love
02:47And the sunlight hurts my eyes
02:52And something without warning, love
02:57Fares heavy on my mind
03:01Then I look at you
03:05And the world's alright with me
03:11Just one look at you
03:15And I know we're gonna be
03:18Shit, shit, shit
03:20Wait, wait
03:26Stop, stop
03:27Don't leave me with these diapers
03:37I forgot
03:38Nice to see you
03:40Back on Asheville Place
03:44Why you don't, you don't remember me?
03:50Sorry, never been good at remembering faces
03:53That's alright
03:54Yeah, I always like this street
03:56You hear the thing about cul-de-sacs?
03:59There's only one way out
04:03Have a great day, Robert
04:08Bye now
04:23They're okay
04:25Things I'll do for you
04:42Do you want me to stay?
04:44I can call Nina, tell her I need another week
04:47What are we watching?
04:49How long has that house been empty?
04:5120 years
04:52Give or take
04:54You don't think that's weird?
04:56Not really
04:56I'm sure they've got a good reason for hanging on to it
04:58So there's a they
04:59Who's the they?
05:00You know
05:01Whoever owns it
05:02Okay, shrug night
05:04So you never thought about it?
05:06No, not really
05:07Whatever
05:07I know you gotta get to work
05:09Veen and I are catching the same train
05:10The train pooling, he's calling it
05:12But say the word and I'll stay
05:13No, no, no
05:14Gotta rip the band-aid off some way, somehow
05:16It'll be me, myself and I
05:18And Miles
05:18Together, alone for the first time
05:20No friends or family nearby
05:22But that's why it's good
05:24Yeah, cause I'm
05:25I'm not worried at all
05:27You're giving me some very mixed signals here
05:29I don't know
05:31Get on the train
05:31I love you so much
05:33I love you too
05:34I love you too, little man
05:35And you can call me anytime, okay?
05:37I'm the guy who saved in your phone as
05:38White Bob with the black thumbs up emoji
05:40And it'll never change
05:44Try to get out of the house today
05:55Can I help you?
05:59I'm sorry?
06:03Should he be listening to this?
06:05Uh, well, he can't understand the words
06:09Babies absorb these things
06:11Right
06:14Oh, oh, you must be Rob Fisher's wife
06:19Oh, I heard you were back here to live
06:25Well, this is fabulous
06:27I was wondering when I would get to meet you
06:31I don't get out much
06:33I'm Lynn Gardner
06:34I'm Samira and that's Miles
06:37Aw, he looks just like his mama
06:41Samira, such a pretty name
06:43Is it African?
06:46Yes
06:47Fascinating
06:48I just live catty corner
06:50If you ever need anything
06:52And you must come to Wine Night
06:54It's just a bunch of friendly neighbors
06:56Dabbing and guzzling on my porch
06:59And they are dying to meet you
07:00I'm breastfeeding, unfortunately
07:03Oh, pump and dump, my darling
07:07Welcome to Ashfield Place
07:17Hey
07:18Hey
07:20I got a very important question for my big sis
07:22Mariah
07:24Whitney
07:25Janet
07:26Or Beyonce
07:28When you gotta go
07:29I'm not about to fight with you today
07:30Well, that's not a fight
07:31I miss you
07:32How's my apartment?
07:34Well, if you're referring to the artist currently known as my new apartment
07:38It's divine
07:39Look, girl, your taste is impeccable, okay?
07:42And these views
07:42Exquisite
07:43How's my nephew?
07:44Cute as hell
07:45Aw
07:46Yes, he is
07:48Because we're twins
07:50And see, that's why you go on FaceTime
07:53And how is uh
07:54Hinky Mountain
07:55Hinkley Hills is Caucasian
07:57That's the burbs, babes
07:59Am I a bad mom for bringing my melanated son out here?
08:03I don't know
08:03Are you a bad mother for accepting a very nice house in a very nice neighborhood
08:07Where there's practically no crime, really nice schools?
08:10I mean, make it make sense
08:11This feels so isolated
08:13I mean, every day is the same thing
08:15I don't know what I'm doing
08:17And I don't have anybody to teach me how
08:19Well, you know she's looking after you
08:21That's what daddy say
08:22But you can't teach somebody how to swallow a baby from heaven
08:25Amen to that
08:26How am I gonna get through maternity leave?
08:29I mean, I thrive in collaborative environments
08:32I need structure
08:34Intangible goals
08:35Bitch, I don't speak resume
08:37I speak housewife
08:39This is what you do
08:39Pick up a little day drinking habit
08:41Maybe a little pill habit or something
08:42Something cute
08:43Yeah, hard to do when you got a tit gremlin
08:46Yeah, you could have kept that one
08:47Well, baby, you just need some friends
08:49I have friends
08:50I mean, in a 10-mile radius
08:52None of your neighbors ain't no potential there?
08:54Uh, no
08:55It's a who's who of who's not it
08:58These people are crazy
08:59Well, I'm just spitballing, boo
09:01I know
09:02I know, and I appreciate you
09:03And I love you
09:04And I'm gonna come and visit you soon
09:06Okay?
09:07And I know you were to chop Mariah
09:09I don't know her
09:11Love you
09:12Bye
09:15Naveen
09:19Look at us
09:21Train buddies
09:23Commute comrades
09:24Megan filed for divorce
09:26What?
09:27She was waiting for me when I got home yesterday
09:30Suitcases at the bottom of the stairs
09:31Like, out of a bad movie
09:34Shit
09:34Said she's been unhappy for a long time
09:36And wants to start over
09:37While she still has her youth
09:39Said she can't stand another day of my moodiness
09:41I'm not even
09:45I'm not even that moody wrong
09:49She's fucking her dentist
09:51Dr. James
09:52The only one who takes my insurance
09:54So that's fucking great
09:56I should have known
09:57June's getting way too much dental work done
09:59For someone who has perfect teeth
10:01She does have great teeth
10:02Right?
10:03Two cleanings in a week
10:04She said she needed to get a filling
10:06Oh
10:07Fuck
10:09Remember what you said
10:10At my bachelor party?
10:11No
10:11I was drunken on three different classes of drugs
10:14We were in Miami
10:15My jaw was in Texas
10:16You grabbed my face
10:17And you said
10:19Never trust a Megan
10:22Nostradamus, motherfucker
10:23I should have listened
10:24I'm sorry, mate
10:26Anyway, let's talk about you
10:27Enough about me
10:28How's the little man?
10:29Oh, God
10:30Oh, God
10:31He's the best
10:32Perfect
10:32I mean, he doesn't sleep
10:34And he shits like a trucker
10:35But
10:36Wouldn't change it for the world
10:38Nice
10:39And Samira?
10:41She keeps asking questions
10:44About the house across the street
10:47Really?
10:48Yeah
10:53What did you tell her?
10:56What did you tell her?
10:56What is that to tell?
10:57How did you tell her?
11:01I don't know
11:02How did you tell her?
11:15How did you tell her?
11:24I don't know
11:25How did she tell her?
11:32you know what you are absolutely right
11:42i attempted to leave the house today during daylight hours yes and i met lynn and she's
11:49exactly as you might have described nosy and extremely abstract sense of personal space
11:54yeah that's it and um she invited me for drinks with the neighbors she did you should go little
12:02man i can get some qt i think i might i want to see who i'll be there
12:1020 years huh so you you must have known them who the grants ah why so you did know them
12:16you're doing
12:17that thing what thing that thing you do when you get a little obsessed it's the lawyer in you you
12:23lock-in remember your ramen conspiracy i know it wasn't ideal to get banned from the local bodega
12:28but i still stand by my theory that they were running drugs with the instant noodle cups it
12:32was right there i mean you were 100 onto something i mean they didn't even have a bodega cat what
12:37kind
12:37of bodega doesn't have a bodega cat babe i'm not being obsessed okay just humor me so tell me what
12:43you know about the creepy house family they lived across the street from us does anyone ever really
12:51know their neighbors yes i knew my neighbors first and last name we was all up in each other's business
12:54you did okay oh by the way speaking of being all up in each other's business megan left naveen
13:00so i guess i owe you 10 bucks you always call it also even worse shagging the dentist what yes
13:07oh
13:08my gosh never trust megan that's what i said do that's right allegedly babe please never leave me
13:18where am i gonna go oh yeah you're trapped now love you honey love you too and if a cheetah
13:26won't be the dentist
13:27thanks babe that means a lot somebody we don't know wow
13:39the next time that beast uses my lawn as its personal port-a-potty i am gonna get out my
13:45glue gun
13:46break out the crayons and color me thrilled it's samara so close come come come sit sit sit uh oh
13:56this is rob fisher's way oh from across the street dana richards is the name it's very nice to
14:02finally make your acquaintance likewise samira samira oh i'm so bad with names we haven't seen you
14:10around before we were starting to think that rob made you up no no i'm real just a new reclusive
14:16mom
14:16with leaking nipples now dana is a retired marine oh very distinguished lots of medals
14:25wow also i'm a real handy andy i have noticed not to be nosy but uh you have some spots
14:32on your
14:33fence that are pretty effed up and i can fix those for you i'm here for it because the only
14:38screwdriver
14:38i'm familiar with contains vodka and here's todd hi hi todd is a man of few syllables i don't think
14:48i've seen you around here before you've been keeping tabs on us through the window jimmy stewart
14:55which one of us is the murderer
15:00your face
15:02i'm sorry it's okay we all know that suburbia is a spectator sport you you have not seen me
15:09my home shares no sight lines with yours and i keep out ours what do you do this and that
15:19what do you and rob do i'm a civil litigation attorney hello sheeo i don't know what that is
15:25but good for you yeah rob is a book editor oh how'd you meet him a kate renata concert actually
15:32kate renata i'm going to look her up let me know what you find rob seems like he's romantic he
15:39is
15:39so how long have you guys lived here for me just a couple years i wanted something with nature but
15:46my wife's idea of outdoorsyness is like a restaurant with a patio so this was our compromise
15:53and then she got deployed she's in military too cannot confirm or deny honestly despite what two
16:02decades of daytime television tell you there are a lot of people that don't care for middle-aged
16:06lesbians but i felt welcome for the most part i've been here eight months and ten days
16:13that's precise she's been here for freaking ever not as long as some marty and i moved here 15 years
16:21ago marty i can't wait to meet him um unfortunately he passed oh lynn i'm so sorry i thank you
16:29heart attack it's been almost half a year but i still feel his presence every day
16:39anyway these wine nights really help it's it's a bit like family that's right when you have
16:46neighbors you're never alone even when you want to be how'd you city kids end up here oh well rob's
16:52parents i'm sure you guys know they uh retired to one of those timeshare cruise ships last month
16:57that's a choice not mine but a choice well they had been asking us to come out here we didn't
17:02want
17:02to leave the city but our building got broken into we just felt like maybe we should we should try
17:08it
17:08out at least temporarily well thank goodness you're safe and sound here with us so what's the deal
17:16with that victorian house chainsaw massacre satanic cult jilted bride who severed the head of her lost
17:26unfaithful lover it's haunted as shit the lights go on and off all the time by themselves i've seen that
17:33it could just be filthy wiring a skeptic i like it when you're the resident historian catch her up well
17:40it was a little before my time a family lived there the grants yes and they had a daughter who
17:48died in the house
17:51there have been whispers of mysterious circumstances surrounding her passing maybe even
17:58murder and then the parents moved away and never sold the house so it just sits there rotting pissing off
18:09the hoa god i would give my left tent to go over there and do a little ghost hunt hi
18:16everyone it's
18:18cookie time it's like she just knows when my sugar drops rory likes to prey on vulnerable shard sippers
18:25business is much more lucrative in this neighborhood than in mine the usual and keep the change honey hey
18:30i saw a stroller at your door i am a great mother's helper if that's something that might interest you
18:35how old are you 13 next month i have my cpr certification and badges in child development
18:40early literacy and swaddling swaddling okay sunflower scouts my business card feel free to reach out anytime
18:48you're a notary public
19:08it's like they hurt us after all this time i'd love a plot twist
19:27you'd really like this podcast it's two guys talking about medieval construction
19:31technology you are so boring you're so hot when you cook thanks babe how are the neighbors uh good
19:37a bit weird yeah well this is a cul-de-sac what's wrong with cul-de-sacs people are weird
19:42i think people are weird in cul-de-sacs wait is it cul-de-sac like attorneys general this given
19:48get
19:49out yeah i hear you look when my family first moved here some people didn't know how to feel about
19:56us
19:56but it's a nice area and people like to think of themselves as nice so they try to act nice
20:03until
20:04they're actually nice that's nice don't get me wrong i was still a sad little kid until i found my
20:09people
20:09by his people he means an awkward gangly tween with a funny accent that had just been
20:13dragged across the pond for his dad's new job funny accent what are you talking about dude your
20:18accent pulled still pulls if we're being honest you know the girls called him prince rob i don't
20:23think that's true it's so true did you know the victorians for sale
20:30really i'm assuming that's what the for sale sign means yeah that would indicate that so why
20:36didn't you tell me somebody was murdered there what are you talking about the grant girl
20:43yeah right allison wasn't murdered that's just small town gossip allison
20:50so what happened to alison i honestly like it was so long ago that i i don't remember a lot
20:58from
20:58that but you did know her uh yeah but in the same way that anybody knows a neighbor why wouldn't
21:05you
21:05tell me that because i didn't think it was relevant babe it was like 20 years ago there's a reason
21:11they
21:11call hinkley hills the safest town in america okay well is there anything else you want to tell me
21:18about this place
21:30completed in 1902 hinkley house was built by hinkley hills founder h horace hinkley
21:37the mining magnet and philanthropist purchased 25 000 acres of hillside forest in 1898 and developed it
21:44into the thriving suburb that bears his name today hinkley hills is more than just an idyllic bedroom
21:52community it is a shining example of fellowship and family values hinkley hills the safest town in america
22:06community it is more than just an idyllic bedroom here we go
22:30here we go
22:37hello how may i help you do you have a periodical section collections of old newspapers microfiche maybe
22:43i'm doing okay thank you for asking oh i'm sorry i am a new mom and i'm practically feral i
22:50understand
22:52oh what a cute little mocha munchkin
22:55uh to answer your question yes we have bound copies of all the hinkley hills heralds dating back
23:03to 1946 is there a particular date you're interested in march 15 2005. one moment please
23:30i'm afraid that march volume has been checked out really it's due back in a week you can come
23:35back for it then it's a date judy
23:58bill you missed a spot dear
24:01bill you missed a spot dear
24:01bill you missed a spot dear
24:15oh shit she about to tell me it's not even her house what's she feeding that dog
24:27she's gonna be mad when she gets cussed out
24:37you are not gonna believe this
24:42oh my gosh i know so are we gonna go in do white ladies love salads hell yeah we're going
24:49in brb i'm
24:50gonna go get lynn rob honey if you were awake i would have asked what you thought but oh oh
24:55well
25:03i just gotta chill
25:06anybody else get a chill
25:12i'll do it i was gonna offer but it seems like you already offered
25:17oh it's stuck oh
25:20Noelle.
25:42Everybody be cool.
25:45I cannot be less cool right now.
25:49This place looks like a museum.
25:52Or a mausoleum.
25:55That's why the lights are on.
25:57Your stage in the house.
26:00Hiya, homebuyers. How can I help you?
26:02We are looking for an enormous house.
26:04For our niece.
26:07Um, we would love a tour.
26:11Follow me.
26:12The owners have instructed that interior photography is not permitted.
26:18This is the library.
26:21Very tasteful.
26:22We enjoy literacy.
26:24All of the flooring is original to the house, which is built in the Queen Anne style.
26:29As you can imagine, a little love and a professional sander will go a long way.
26:35Oh, feel free to show yourselves around. Excuse me. Hello there. Welcome.
26:40They discriminate against older female buyers. This always happens.
26:43Oh, please.
26:44Our niece, you're a really bad liar.
26:47Look, I had to get him to take the bait or he might have thrown us out.
26:50Well, it's an open house, so by definition...
26:52I'm gonna peek around.
27:20I don't want anybody.
27:27This is the ugliest kitchen I've ever seen.
27:53When did you get here?
27:57Okay.
28:36That's creepy.
28:46Oh, absolutely not.
28:51Everything okay, ma'am?
28:53Yes, I'm good.
28:55Great house.
28:55Beautiful house.
29:13Can you believe it?
29:15After 20 years...
29:16End of an era.
29:17So, any intel on our new neighbors-to-be?
29:21It was an all-cash deal.
29:23Quick escrow, too.
29:24They must have really wanted it.
29:26He.
29:27Just he.
29:28Go on.
29:29A doctor.
29:30How'd you find that out?
29:31I have my ways.
29:33I have my ways.
29:33He installed a security system which, in my expert opinion, is overkill for a private residence.
29:39You would only need a security system that robust if you are in danger or you have something to hide.
29:46Or both.
29:47I've never heard you say so many words at once.
29:49Well, I wish him luck with the Munster mansion and I hope he has a good contractor and a good
29:56exorcist.
30:09What did he do?
30:13You're in here.
30:15What?
30:16Damn.
30:19So sorry.
30:21does no.
30:28What time is it?
30:292 a.m.
30:32Seems it's not right out there.
30:34Okay, that is so weird.
30:40Is that it?
30:42No.
30:56Yeah.
30:57Uh-uh.
30:58That was about the new neighbor.
30:59But I'm sad and starving.
31:01Too bad.
31:01I'm being nice.
31:02Isn't this the kind of place where the neighbors act nice until they are nice?
31:06I did say that.
31:07Yes, you did.
31:08Your mother's up to something.
31:10What?
31:10I just want to know what his deal is, don't you?
31:12Maybe he doesn't have a deal.
31:14A guy moves into a dilapidated haunted house at 2 a.m.?
31:17Come on.
31:18He definitely has a deal.
31:20That is weird, weird.
31:21When did you pick that up?
31:23Ninja.
31:53Can you go here?
31:54Yeah.
31:57Yeah.
32:14That is weird.
32:15Bye-bye.
32:16Hey,300.
32:18Can you go here?
32:18All right.
32:19Turn it up here.
32:19No, no, no, no.
32:21Go ahead and pages.
32:23i got him five minutes on the left boob and he was out like a light that's great babe great
32:28it's
32:29a miracle okay if he can go to sleep when it's dark outside in a stationary position that is a
32:33game changer a life-affirming moment what are you looking at your brownies are still there
32:42wait really why won't he eat the goddamn brownies
32:47maybe he doesn't fuck with gluten then throw him out and give us the plate back that's a good play
32:51it doesn't make sense everyone likes brownies they're the beyonce of dessert and if they
32:56don't they're just being contrary jinx maybe you just didn't see you put in there the camera was
33:02on one sorry i just love it when you get all lawyery order in the court oh counsel please
33:08approach the bench i object is there anything else you've noticed curtains opening and closing
33:13could he be watching us definitely could be i think we better
33:23he always knows no i got too cocky i flew too close to the sun and now he's punishing me
33:28like a tiny
33:29vengeful god it's all right i'm gonna go drive him around okay
33:37i'm coming i'm coming
33:42thank you
33:45be back in a second love you love you get some rest
34:01fuck it
34:06reclaiming my plate
34:09what's he think he is not eat my brownies i love my brownies i eat it my damn self
34:42he can keep the damn place
34:44what's he who just pronunciation
34:57th inar
35:00sh't
35:01sh's
35:02sh't
35:02sh's
35:03sh't
35:03sh't
35:05sh't
35:05sh're
35:08sh't
35:10sh't
35:13s사가
35:31Is everything all right?
35:32That's where I can see him.
35:34What's happening?
35:35We got a call about a trespasser at the old Grant House.
35:38I guess who matches the description.
35:40Hey!
35:42What the hell is going on?
35:43New owners said they saw a black person skulking around the property.
35:47This is a big misunderstanding.
35:49Is it?
35:50Because apparently it happened twice.
35:51I was just dropping off brownies.
35:53This is my wife.
35:54In our house, where we live with our son.
35:57Fuck off.
36:00Robert Fisher.
36:02Danny Daniels.
36:03From high school.
36:05I heard you move back.
36:09Baby, it's okay.
36:10Mommy's...
36:11Sorry, man.
36:12You know we gotta take the call.
36:13This is nuts.
36:16Consider this drop, my good man.
36:21Yeah, don't worry about it.
36:22They all kind of look like that at that age.
36:26Robert Fisher.
36:28As I live and breathe,
36:30you folks have a great evening.
36:36Did you just thank the cops?
36:39Oh, shit.
36:41But...
36:42What's wrong with me?
36:44Sorry, babe.
36:47We can't live across the street from someone like that.
36:50I mean, what would have happened if I hadn't gotten there when I did?
37:00What's up, man?
37:00This is some bullshit.
37:02That freak, Nark, will rue the day he stepped foot in Hinkley Hills.
37:05Yeah, just used rue the day in a sentence.
37:08You're welcome.
37:13Todd told me what happened.
37:14I heard it on the police scanner.
37:17What the hell?
37:18What do you need, babe?
37:20You need some wine?
37:21How about some ice cream?
37:22You want a hit, man?
37:23I know people.
37:24I'm people.
37:25Say the word.
37:26Okay, we can hold on the latter,
37:28but I could use some wine.
37:30Yeah, it's the cure-all for all.
37:32Even racial profiling?
37:33We share your rage.
37:35He will not last long here.
37:38Spoken like a true hater.
37:39I love this energy, my dude.
37:40Oh, there's the sommelier now.
37:42Oh, Rob.
37:44This is lunacy of outrageous proportions,
37:47and we won't stand for it.
37:49Should I get some glasses?
37:50Yes.
37:51I got you.
37:51Please, make your...
37:52Yeah.
37:54Shove over.
37:55I think we should all sleep here tonight.
37:57Safety in numbers.
37:59Hunker down.
38:00Someone should always be on watch, right?
38:01Like in the Marines?
38:02Yes, I will be out front the entire time.
38:05Okay, good.
38:05I've had a lot of coffee, so I'm going to...
38:07I'll stay up all night.
38:09Sleep out there like a...
38:09Todd, we got to, like, stick together right now
38:12and form an alliance.
38:15Right?
38:16I'm a lone wolf.
38:16Is that a united front?
38:17I've got some big-ass flashlights.
38:19I'm going to bring over about a...
38:20Do you have stuff that you brought home from the Marines?
38:22I have a lot of stuff in the garage.
38:23I just have to remember the password for that case.
38:27Oh, wow.
38:41Are those fireflies?
38:45Yeah.
38:48I always wanted to see fireflies growing up,
38:50but you can't see them in the city.
38:52It's like spotting a fairy in the wild.
38:59It's not fair.
39:02I was just starting to feel at home here.
39:06There's space...
39:07And the community...
39:12I damn sure don't want to drag no stroll up
39:14four flights of stairs.
39:24I think we should stay.
39:27I want Miles to have fireflies.
39:30And our family's not going to be run out
39:32by some racist, brownie-hating prick.
39:39We're doing this.
39:41Hell yeah, we're doing this.
39:54Coming in?
39:56In a minute.
39:59I want to smell this sweet suburban hair.
40:31I want to smell this type of threads.
40:31I want to smell this.
40:31Oh, shit.
41:11Oh, shit.
41:34Oh, shit.
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