- 6 hours ago
The Valley (2024) Season 3 Episode 3- The Santa Clarita Trail
Category
🎥
Short filmTranscript
00:15Previously on The Valley.
00:17Let's talk about a vasectomy.
00:18Oh, boy.
00:19You're like a child.
00:21That's a penis.
00:22Where do you think the vasectomy happened?
00:24Hi, honey.
00:25I miss you.
00:26I miss you too.
00:27Is he your boyfriend officially?
00:28No, he's on.
00:29All I need is a divorce, and I'm done.
00:31So ask him to tie.
00:33I'm team divorce.
00:33I made it very easy for him.
00:35I walk away with nothing, so.
00:38If there's anything you want to get off your chest,
00:40I'm happy to listen.
00:43Well, talk to you soon.
00:45Okay.
00:46There's no conversation unless they apologize.
00:49I don't want to be friends with her.
00:53I'm all right.
00:56I'm all right.
00:57Everything is all right.
01:01Everything is all right.
01:05I'm all right.
01:14Hey, cutie.
01:18Are you going to go upstairs?
01:21So, we have a lot going on today.
01:23The electrician is coming.
01:24The backsplash is done.
01:26The party is tomorrow.
01:28I can't believe the party's tomorrow,
01:29because I have no idea what's going on.
01:35Show me invitations.
01:37Okay, so, the say the dates.
01:39Yay!
01:40They're really simple.
01:41Oh, I love that one.
01:42Yeah.
01:42Okay.
01:43So, everything's, like, moving forward smoothly.
01:45Get in there.
01:56I did.
01:57I'm stoked for you.
01:58I can't believe it's been 10 years.
02:00I can't believe it's been 10 years since she had her boobs done.
02:02Oh, no.
02:03That's wild, because I, like, remember the day you got them done.
02:06Yeah.
02:06I have been thinking about getting a mommy makeover for years now,
02:10which is getting a tummy tuck, getting lipo,
02:13and reducing these huge old boobies.
02:17Upgrade, getting them out, last little piece of Jax.
02:21Yeah.
02:21Toodaloo.
02:22Upgrade, upgrade, my life.
02:24I can bring you back if you're ready.
02:26Okay.
02:29Actually, you're getting Botox.
02:30I guess we can switch whenever.
02:32Hello.
02:33Well, hello, hello.
02:34Found him.
02:36Welcome back.
02:36Hi, guys.
02:39The new mama.
02:40I love it.
02:41Hi.
02:42How you doing, sweet pie?
02:43Good.
02:43How are you?
02:43So good to see you.
02:44You too.
02:44Good to be back here, huh?
02:4610 years later.
02:47Is it really?
02:48Yeah.
02:49For 10 years.
02:49We talked about maybe a mommy makeover.
02:52No, definitely a mommy makeover.
02:53Breasts, do you think we need to lift them as well?
02:55Yes.
02:56I haven't really seen your breasts in a while,
02:57so we're going to have to do that.
02:58You can look.
03:00All right.
03:01So, let's take a quick feel.
03:03Okay.
03:03Okay.
03:04So, implants are in there,
03:05but now what's happened is they've kind of fallen.
03:07So, what we need to do is we need to lift your breasts.
03:10I moved all the way from Kentucky to L.A.,
03:12and within three months, I got a boob job.
03:14Everybody's always like,
03:14Jack's made you get a bigger size.
03:16He did, like, encourage me to go bigger than I wanted,
03:18but I loved the way my boobs looked back then.
03:20I loved whenever I first got them done.
03:22It was after I gave birth.
03:25Then they got so huge, you know,
03:28that I did not like them anymore.
03:29I just thought about the, like, sitting up and hubbub.
03:33Don't worry.
03:34You're next.
03:34I know.
03:35I understand what Brittany is going through.
03:39Postpartum, there's, like, really a mind...
03:41I stare at my closet with a robe on and cry.
03:45Like, my boobs are down here.
03:47My waist is out here.
03:49I'm a little bit angry with myself
03:52for not bouncing back faster.
03:55It's just really difficult to deal with.
03:58In all reality, the first two weeks,
04:00you're going to feel pretty beat up from the liposuction.
04:02You will look fantastic.
04:04Oh, I'm excited.
04:05Not a doubt.
04:06I'm so emotional for you.
04:07I know.
04:07I'll cry my eyes out afterwards.
04:09So what I'm going to do is I'm going to step out.
04:11I'm going to get the face king, Dr. Leakey,
04:13to come give you a little bit of Botox.
04:15I'll be back in a sec, guys.
04:15Okay.
04:16We'll switch so you can get your Botox.
04:19This mommy makeover is going to mean a lot to me
04:22on many levels.
04:24I brought the face master.
04:25To real-life Kendall.
04:26I was talked down to and disrespected
04:29for the way my body looked
04:30after having my beautiful son.
04:32This is going to be amazing for my confidence.
04:35Dr. Leakey and Dr. Daniel Poore
04:37did my first boob job.
04:38They did all of Jax's nose jobs.
04:40I trust them more than anybody.
04:43Okay.
04:43Great to see you both.
04:44Okay.
04:44Love you, bye.
04:46We've got to be hot mamas.
04:47Yep.
04:47We already are.
04:49I am excited for girls.
04:51Did you try her outfits on?
04:53Or did you just order a bunch of stuff
04:54and not try it on for usual?
04:56Well, the dress I already owned,
04:57but I really wanted to do like the fuzzy pink hat
04:59and like the butterfly clips.
05:01I have not been out to a bar
05:03since before I got pregnant with Kaya.
05:05So I'm really excited for Girls' Night.
05:07And it is Y2K themed
05:09because we're going to go to my friend Katie's bar
05:11called Zero Lounge,
05:12which is a Y2K themed bar.
05:15You know, Brandon, he'll be here
05:16once I get back from your Girls' Night.
05:18He'll be at my house.
05:20Yeah, while Brandon's here,
05:21we're going to go to dinner tomorrow night.
05:22A little date night?
05:23Yeah, a little date night.
05:24Here we go again,
05:28reality's relative,
05:30artificial intelligence.
05:37Hello.
05:38Hi.
05:38Hi.
05:39I'd like to do a tar cherry spritzer.
05:41I'll have that right off for you.
05:44What's going on, man?
05:44What's up, dude?
05:45Sorry, I'm late.
05:46How you doing?
05:46How you working?
05:47Came straight from court.
05:48Yeah, yeah, yeah.
05:49I got caught.
05:49I thought it was going to be like a 20-minute thing.
05:50It was like a 30-minute thing, so.
05:52Okay.
05:53You already ordered?
05:54Yeah, I grabbed the spritzer thing.
05:57I had too much coffee today.
05:58I'm glad you texted me.
06:00Yeah?
06:01It's been a while.
06:01I know.
06:02I wasn't really sure what to expect.
06:04You know, I was hoping this could be a conversation
06:06that we could use to maybe, you know,
06:07move forward with some things.
06:08I want to check in with you.
06:10I want to know if you guys had any communication
06:11with Danny and me.
06:13Oh, no.
06:13I want to know where your head's at.
06:15I mean, I know exactly where Danny's head's at,
06:16and I know what I witnessed.
06:18You called Danny a clown and a douche.
06:20You are a clown, dude.
06:22You're a total clown.
06:22Are you kidding me?
06:23I was in a position where I felt as though
06:25my wife's character was being attacked,
06:27and she was being scapegoated.
06:29That really upset me.
06:30I don't understand the scapegoating thing.
06:32She was not there to witness what happened.
06:33She was not an involved party in the incident
06:37between Danny and Jasmine.
06:38My wife is not a liar.
06:39Dude, you got drunk and did idiotic things.
06:42You know, I saw his actions last year,
06:44and I didn't like his actions last year.
06:45Did I go too hard in calling him names?
06:48You know, I'm a 40-year-old man.
06:49I shouldn't be calling another 40-year-old man names.
06:51I should be handling myself differently.
06:53That's what I'll apologize for.
06:54But it's more about the way that he's handled himself
06:57ever since, the way that he's pointed fingers at my wife.
07:00That's my issue with Danny.
07:01There was an attack,
07:02and you guys participated in it on Danny's character.
07:06What is the point of this talk exactly?
07:07To talk about my relationship with Danny
07:09or to talk about us or what?
07:10I'm trying to come to you.
07:12Like, I believe that there are some steps that need taken
07:14to prevent it from becoming too far gone
07:17to where it's beyond irreparable,
07:19like, beyond, like, being able to build it back.
07:21I don't like the way he and Janet
07:25treated Danny and Nia last year,
07:26but I feel like if someone can get through to both sides,
07:29it's me.
07:30I don't think that I was perfect through the situation.
07:33There are certain triggers that I have
07:35that I didn't even realize,
07:36my wife being one of them.
07:37And I wish that I held my emotions a little bit tighter.
07:40If he wanted to talk
07:42and he's open to a conversation,
07:43then I would be open to it as well.
07:45But I'm not going to take ownership
07:46of all the things that you guys want me to
07:48because I think that we just don't agree
07:49on certain things.
07:51I can see a friendship rekindling with Danny and Nia.
07:54However, that would entail things on their part to happen.
07:57I'm someone who's not a fan of people
07:59who do something terrible, apologize for it,
08:02but make absolutely zero life changes
08:04because then it's like, you're going to do it again.
08:07You know, I just, it is what it is.
08:12Right on.
08:27We're not going to disappoint.
08:28We're going to be hot while she cares.
08:36Nia, when's the last time you went out?
08:38Girl, I don't even know.
08:39You've been baby, baby, baby, baby for four or five years.
08:43Literally, I don't even know the last time I went out.
08:45You guys have to have fun tonight.
08:47Yeah.
08:48Mom's night out.
08:49Yes.
08:50It's going to be so good.
08:51Hello.
08:52Hey, girl.
08:53Girl's night.
08:54Oh, my God.
08:56We're going to be matchy-matchy.
08:58I need help with the butterfly clips.
09:00The butterfly clips.
09:00We got you.
09:01Yay.
09:01Hi.
09:02I'm glad I get a night out with the girls,
09:04but I am exclusively breastfeeding,
09:06and she goes everywhere I go.
09:09For tonight, I got a party bus.
09:11So once we all get off the party bus,
09:13my mom and the baby can be in the party bus.
09:15Baby can sleep.
09:16But if she needs me, if she needs the boob,
09:18I'm close by, and I can feed her.
09:21Before we all had kids, I used to love going out.
09:24And now I'm just so tired.
09:27I would have to bring all my friends out to the club.
09:29I would be wearing sandals, a little romper,
09:31hair in a ponytail, and just like,
09:32go out to the club and have my,
09:33living my best life with zero effort.
09:36And now it's like, let's do all of the things.
09:38Yeah.
09:39We need to go out.
09:39It's fun, though.
09:41It's okay.
09:43Oh, my baby.
09:45Yeah, I know.
09:48Let me just come here for a minute.
09:50Hi, sis.
09:53Shh, shh, shh.
09:54Shh, shh, shh, shh.
09:56I unloaded the bottle washer.
09:58Four bottles next to it.
10:00Okay.
10:00You did the diapers already.
10:02Pajamas are ready to go.
10:04It'll be fine.
10:05I'm not nervous about leaving Kaya with Luke.
10:08I just really like to be with my kid.
10:11It'll be the first time you've done girls' night.
10:13That'll be fun.
10:14I don't know.
10:15The thought of going to a bar freaks me the f*** out.
10:18I'm not quite ready for, like, a babysitter,
10:19no matter who it is.
10:20I want you here with her.
10:23Like, I feel like I'm gonna miss, like,
10:24her first laugh or something.
10:26And then have mom guilt and regret.
10:29Yeah, I'm on the party bus.
10:31Okay.
10:32How are you?
10:32I was talking to Luke and Kaya.
10:34No, ma'am.
10:35This is me.
10:36They exist later.
10:39Let's party.
10:40Oh, my God.
10:40I almost forgot my engagement ring.
10:42Okay.
10:43See you in a minute.
10:43Bye.
10:45She hung up.
10:46She's not coming.
10:47Oh, my God.
10:47I look like a Y2K prostitute.
10:52You're cutting into Kristen's bar time.
10:54Come on.
10:54Let's go.
10:55Don't let her come back sober.
10:56No, duh.
10:57That's my job.
10:57Okay.
10:58I'm ready.
10:58All right.
10:59Mom's already out there?
11:01Okay.
11:01My hat.
11:02Okay.
11:03I'm so excited.
11:04I feel like we're in middle school.
11:33Oh, my gosh.
11:34We got it.
11:35We did it.
11:37Yeah, we're here.
11:38Let's do it.
11:40All right.
11:40Let's dance.
11:42Oh, yeah.
11:43Oh, is anybody here?
11:47It's like, what's going on?
11:48It's 8 o'clock at night.
11:52There is not a single cell in this building.
11:55Is it open yet?
11:56Oh, I don't know.
11:57For me, this empty bar is perfection.
12:00No line out the door.
12:01No waiting for a drink.
12:02This is exactly what I wanted for my girls' night out.
12:06We're on Hollywood Boulevard on a Wednesday.
12:09Coming up.
12:10What I said in that conversation with you wasn't like, oh, I can say the thinking of that.
12:15Okay, can you calm down?
12:16Do not talk to me like that.
12:18I'm not your title.
12:19I just don't like that s***.
12:30I'm not your title.
12:39Yeah.
12:55How did Brittany end up with a pink fuzzy hat as well?
13:00And now I'm like twinning at 35, I don't love that.
13:04Here's the snakes and condoms.
13:06Two things we don't with.
13:09So are you and Jesse good?
13:10We're OK.
13:12He has his moments.
13:14I understand what you're going to do a million percent.
13:17I also think.
13:18And I know how hard it must be to have everybody be like,
13:20oh, but I like him.
13:21Yeah, that's a hard time for you to hear that.
13:24Yeah.
13:25If we weren't all part of this friend group,
13:27I don't think it would be the way it is.
13:29Of course.
13:30I mean, I can say that about a lot of people here, though.
13:33Like, like La La Lover.
13:35But honestly, like outside of all this in the group,
13:38she would not be hanging out with me.
13:39I know that's more fat.
13:40I know.
13:41I'm going to get a drink.
13:43I'm very surprised that Jasmine said that about La La.
13:46I think La La's way more genuine than Jesse ever will be.
13:51Can I get one more skinny?
13:52For me, I loved it.
13:53It was so good.
13:54A full tajin rip because I lick it all.
13:56Be all about it.
13:58That's right.
13:59Be all about it.
14:01Do you ever hang out with Jasmine?
14:03We went to dinner the other night.
14:05OK.
14:05Ten years, we've known each other.
14:07I know.
14:07And now we're like grown, getting married.
14:10Real life.
14:11Real lesbian.
14:12It was like very nice.
14:14Yeah.
14:14Oh.
14:14It was very cute.
14:16Well, I was talking like a little about Jesse.
14:19And I was basically to Jasmine.
14:21Yeah.
14:21And I was basically like, you know,
14:23I feel like if this wasn't happening,
14:26things would be very different.
14:28And then she's like, no, I feel like certain people
14:30are like that.
14:31Like maybe La La's like that.
14:33Like I don't.
14:34That's the part.
14:36Yeah.
14:37I don't know where Jasmine is pulling this from.
14:41I have been authentic and real
14:44since the time I entered the world.
14:48Hey.
14:49I'm not trying to start drama.
14:51Well, that hurts.
14:51I like that.
14:52I don't like that.
14:53Are you trying to speak?
14:54Yeah.
14:55Hey, what's going on?
14:56Hey, girl.
14:57Michelle said the answer is good.
14:59Oh, my God.
15:00I'm not trying to start drama.
15:02No, I was talking about Jesse and how I was saying,
15:05like, he can be a showman and whatever.
15:08And you're like, I feel like some people cannot,
15:11can be like that, too.
15:12Yeah.
15:13Well, I haven't.
15:14And then you mentioned my name.
15:15I did not say that.
15:16Yes, you did.
15:17No, I did not.
15:18What I said in that conversation with you wasn't like,
15:20oh, I can see the thinking that style off.
15:22I apologize.
15:23OK, can you calm down?
15:24Do not talk to me like that.
15:25I'm saying I'm trying to be nice.
15:27Yeah, but don't speak to me like that.
15:28I'm not your child.
15:29You're not going to speak to me like, calm down.
15:31I'm not a child.
15:32Well, you're getting really upset.
15:33Well, I don't care.
15:34I can be upset.
15:34I'm an emotional person.
15:35And that's what I do.
15:36I know that.
15:37What are you doing right now?
15:38Like, you're stirring the pot.
15:39You started, Michelle.
15:40And I got to calm down.
15:41And now that I'm upset, it's a problem.
15:44She needs to check herself, because I am not the one.
15:46Correct.
15:47Honestly, to be real about all this,
15:49I was like, I don't think me and Lala would be friends
15:51are hanging out.
15:52I take offense to that, because we had a wonderful time.
15:57And I have a very, very hard time connecting with people,
16:01opening up to people.
16:03I am very guarded.
16:04It takes a while for me to leave my bubble.
16:06I don't trust people.
16:08Any time I've opened up to somebody,
16:11I go home, and I beat myself up, because I feel like I've
16:14given them a piece of me that they didn't deserve.
16:17OK.
16:17We're good?
16:18OK.
16:18We're fine.
16:19So to hear that Jasmine is just throwing my name out there,
16:21it makes me pump the brakes and go, damn.
16:25I should have known.
16:27All is good.
16:28OK.
16:29Jesus Christ.
16:30Are you guys good?
16:33Yeah, we're good.
16:34We're good.
16:34We're good.
16:34We're good.
16:35I just don't like that .
16:37No, you did not.
16:38Me did not.
16:41Dad, come here.
16:42Which one did you get?
16:43I was pissed off.
16:45If you want to go check on the baby, OK.
16:47My body's telling me to check on the baby.
16:49OK, I'll be right back.
16:51OK, I love you guys.
17:02Oh!
17:07Come on, Michelle!
17:09I'm double!
17:11Hi.
17:12Hey.
17:13I brought you your mocktail.
17:15Oh, thank you.
17:15She just finished nursing.
17:17My body said time to feed baby.
17:19Yeah.
17:20The letdown was happening.
17:21I'm praying that in the next two to three weeks,
17:25I can get her in a bottle so I can not have to put my baby
17:28on a party bus.
17:28We tried breast milk in a bottle and she won't do it.
17:30We tried it three times.
17:31Hasn't worked.
17:32We're not going to start trying new bottles.
17:34Adelaide is three months old.
17:35She has still not taken a bottle.
17:38I am her only source of food.
17:39My whole body is dedicated to her.
17:42It's just so overwhelming sometimes.
17:44And, like, I know I signed up for it and I love it and I'm grateful.
17:48And my kids are like, my world, it's just, um, it's a lot.
17:54I just can't get another baby.
17:56Hi.
17:57Hi, Addy.
17:58Real question.
18:00Do you think you and Luke are going to have fun tonight?
18:03No.
18:04Body to brain is not there.
18:06I'm not in that headspace.
18:08That headspace is different right now.
18:09Yeah.
18:09That's all.
18:11I feel bad for Luke, but my libido is just non-existent.
18:14It definitely affects our relationship.
18:17I am grateful that he always says, like, he's never going to stop trying because he feels
18:22like if he stops trying, it's never going to happen.
18:24So, it is nice to still feel wanted even though I don't feel that way about myself.
18:32Wait.
18:33Okay.
18:34So, what of you guys are going to meet Brandon at Nia's house party?
18:38Are you in this life?
18:40I know, but, like, I'm asking.
18:43I can ask.
18:44But listen, once you meet him, I love, like, honestly, I hope so.
18:50This night's been a lot of fun, but Brandon is going to be waiting for me at home, and
18:54I'm ready to get it on, and I am out.
18:58Y2K.
19:01Party buses leaving.
19:04We're in Hollywood this whole time.
19:08I had no clue.
19:11I thought we were in the valley.
19:14I'm more drunk than this bitch.
19:16Really?
19:202, 3, come on.
19:222, 3, come on.
19:26You want to go down, yeah, yeah.
19:28You want to go down.
19:34Stack of flapjacks.
19:36Do you want a good old ghost night?
19:39My mama went out last night, it was weird.
19:42Well, next time I get a guy's night, how's that for a stack?
19:46You're like, come home drunk.
19:48Let's have sex.
19:51Sleeping on the couch.
19:53I thought you were going to come home a little drunk.
19:55I was hoping you would.
19:57You feel fine this morning?
19:58Yeah.
19:59Yeah?
20:00Can't be hungover and have a baby.
20:03I mean, can.
20:05I can't be.
20:07Girls' night was perfect.
20:10And waking up, I'm not hungover.
20:13I'm well rested.
20:15Didn't have to have sex.
20:17And Luke's bringing me breakfast in bed.
20:19I will schedule my next girls' night immediately.
20:24Oh, my God.
20:27I'm dying.
20:29Were you at the Abbey?
20:31No, we went to all the gay bars, like, next to the Abbey.
20:35I've never been to all those places.
20:37No?
20:37And I stayed out till, like, 2.30 in the morning.
20:40I'm kind of jealous.
20:42I'm so hungover, I just went to In-N-Out.
20:46And I have to show a house in an hour, so I'm like, oh, great.
20:49Oh, you look fantastic.
20:51I don't feel it, but.
20:52Okay, I know you gotta go.
20:54I love you.
20:54I'll talk to you soon.
20:55All right.
20:56All right.
20:56Bye.
20:57Bye.
20:59Oh.
21:01Here we go again.
21:04Reality's relative.
21:06Artificial intelligence versus real-life ignorance.
21:11There we are.
21:12There we are.
21:12Hi.
21:17Hi.
21:18Hi.
21:18Thank you for Brittany.
21:19Yeah.
21:20Nice to stay for you.
21:22All right.
21:23I've never been in this room, I don't think.
21:24All the times that I've come here.
21:29My pleasure.
21:29Here's the money for you.
21:30I met Brandon in Kentucky.
21:32We started off as really close friends.
21:34I loved his personality.
21:36He is just such a good, genuine person.
21:38But the timing just wasn't right.
21:40Do we want to get some drinks started?
21:41I want the one from Paso.
21:42That's where I'm from.
21:43Can I have an Arnold Palmer?
21:45I'll be right back.
21:46He lives like three hours away.
21:47He lives in Peso Robles or Paso Robles or what do you call it?
21:53Paso Robles?
21:55Whatever it's called.
21:57I definitely want to get the caviar.
21:58The caviar.
21:59And can I do extra creme fraiche?
22:00Absolutely.
22:01Yeah.
22:02Pretzel bread.
22:03Pretzel bread.
22:04Pretzel bread.
22:05And then can we do the 12-ounce filet medium?
22:09Medium?
22:10Medium?
22:11Yeah.
22:11And can we cut it because we'll just share?
22:13Oh, absolutely.
22:14All right.
22:14And I think that's plenty.
22:15Perfect.
22:16I'll get these out of your way.
22:17You're very welcome.
22:18You look pretty tonight.
22:20Thanks.
22:20I like those earrings.
22:22You do?
22:23Me too.
22:23The very first time I came here was I separated from Jack's on January 24th.
22:29And I came here for my birthday the very next day.
22:31I'm pretty sure my separation was January 27th.
22:35Nuh-uh.
22:36Of this year though, yeah.
22:37Really?
22:37Yeah.
22:37Mine was almost two years ago.
22:39Yeah.
22:40I just hope your ex doesn't think like I have anything to do with it.
22:44No, I mean...
22:46Because you guys were already separated far before.
22:49She just makes things difficult.
22:51I'm going through my separation, my divorce, and he's going through a separation as well.
22:56I'm sure there's jealousy there with the exes and different things like that.
22:59So we got a lot of things that we're going to have to work through.
23:02Yay!
23:04It's so pretty!
23:06Oh, wow.
23:07Did we ever go on a date in Kentucky?
23:10Probably just Hooters.
23:12I can't believe I met you when I was a Hooters girl.
23:16And look at you now.
23:18Ooh!
23:20Yes!
23:22I do really want you to charm the hell out of Zach tomorrow.
23:26I'm going to love Zach.
23:27I think I will.
23:28Zach's going to love me.
23:29We're probably going to be best friends.
23:31Yeah.
23:31And he's going to be like, I can't believe that I thought you were going to be a red flag.
23:36I know that Zach means will.
23:38He's seen me hurt so bad.
23:40And he doesn't want me to look over red flags or fall in love too quickly.
23:45He's trying to protect me.
23:46I am a little worried.
23:48Like, I know I haven't met Brandon yet.
23:50Mm-hmm.
23:51But like, there are red flags that what I see right now is that it's moving so fast.
23:56I feel like it's almost him pushing for a third baby mama.
24:00Woo-hoo!
24:01Yeah!
24:02I don't think I'm oblivious to red flags.
24:05Like, my peripherals aren't up.
24:06Like, if a red flag's right there, I'm like, red flag.
24:09But if a red flag's over there, I'm like, I don't see it.
24:13Don't try to blow it.
24:16I figured we would do something special.
24:19What?
24:22I just want to ask you if you would be my girlfriend.
24:26And I want to do something sweet.
24:30So that was it.
24:33Are you sure we're not moving too fast?
24:36I think we're in a good space.
24:38I think it would be very appropriate if we were exclusively dating and I could call you my girlfriend.
24:46Aww.
24:47I think we're on the same page.
24:51Let's do it.
24:52Let's do it.
24:55You are so cute.
24:57Well, Zach's really going to have some things to say tomorrow.
25:02Now just don't up.
25:07Coming up.
25:08We can have a conversation and get to know each other.
25:10And, you know, I have Brittany's best interests in mind.
25:12I did ask her out last night.
25:15So she has my girlfriend now.
25:33Come on, girls.
25:33Let's go.
25:34You got a man to help you take care of all these kids?
25:39You're hilarious.
25:40You see my mountain?
25:41I'm very excited about this housewarming party.
25:44I've never been more happy in my life.
25:47A house we got, a five bedroom with a yard and a pool.
25:52Having the space.
25:54It's just so clean.
25:56It's so beautiful.
25:57It doesn't even feel real.
25:59I just want to make sure nothing's blocking my mountain up there.
26:02Right, as long as we can all see the mountain.
26:05Come on inside.
26:06We got to talk about everything.
26:07The theme of our housewarming party is a new frontier
26:10because we live in the middle of nowhere.
26:14A new frontier.
26:15I ordered all the food.
26:17It's all coming.
26:18Barbecue, tri-tip, ribs.
26:20I ordered about 70 pounds of meat.
26:26Ay, ay, ay.
26:27And where are we going to put the food?
26:29I can't.
26:30I'm struggling talking to you right now.
26:31Why?
26:32What?
26:33I feel like I can't have a serious conversation with you.
26:35You never met a cowboy before?
26:37I can't.
26:38I can't.
26:39Honey, I want to actually have a conversation with you.
26:41I'm trying.
26:41Just a normal conversation.
26:43You're just so pretty.
26:44Oh, my gosh.
26:45You have teeth whitening strips on me.
26:46What are you talking about?
26:48Don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't.
26:50Take him off.
26:51Don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, ah!
26:59You.
27:00Don't ever touch a cowboy and white in the strip.
27:03It's just.
27:10Let's do it.
27:11You're going to meet everybody.
27:14Hello?
27:15Hey!
27:17Hey!
27:19Brent?
27:19Let me see ya.
27:20Did someone pee pee?
27:21Dolly Jean.
27:23Dolly Bean?
27:25Jean.
27:26Oh, Jean.
27:28I'll get it.
27:29Hi.
27:32So do you.
27:34This is Brandon.
27:35Hi, Brandon.
27:37Nice to meet you.
27:38Nice to meet you.
27:39Nice to meet you.
27:41We're supposed to be there in five minutes.
27:42What's the PTA say?
27:4459 minutes.
27:46No.
27:48It's a road trip.
27:51What the ?
27:52You brought stuff?
27:53I went ham.
27:54You went ham.
27:55I love it.
27:55Wait, you have a neck pillow on?
27:57What the heck is that?
27:58Hell yeah.
27:59In L.A., we're a little melodramatic.
28:01We're kind of divas about traffic, but Santa Clarita is a whole other realm.
28:06Hi.
28:07Hello.
28:08We're ready for a two hour drive.
28:10This is a road trip.
28:12No, this isn't just a road trip.
28:14This is like a journey.
28:15This is a trek.
28:16This is a pilgrimage.
28:20Schwartz, why'd you bring a pumpkin?
28:22It's not even October.
28:23What?
28:23It starts September 1st.
28:25Michelle, you're in Brandon.
28:26Everybody knows that.
28:27I took dysentery pills.
28:29And I also have a water purifier.
28:31So no dysentery, because I always died of that on Oregon Trail.
28:34I'm so excited Brandon's coming today.
28:35I want to meet Brandon.
28:37And if you guys like him, that's great.
28:40I'm probably going to love him.
28:42That's not the issue.
28:42The issue is when Brittany gets into a relationship, she doesn't then handle any other things because she's happy in
28:50a relationship, but she's not dealing with the other things in her life.
28:52So I'm just trying to be like, hey, I want to make sure you stay on track.
28:56I agree with that.
28:58I heard that Jasmine kind of like flip flops a little.
29:03A little?
29:04What do you mean?
29:06Okay.
29:06So I'm going to tell you.
29:07I've heard that she'll like be cool to your face and then say things behind your back and then will
29:13like pretend to not remember these things.
29:16I kind of noticed that.
29:18And that's why I said something to you.
29:19Okay.
29:20So at the Y2K party, Michelle tells me that, what did she say?
29:26Michelle?
29:26I don't know if she's genuine or not, but then she said she didn't say that.
29:31Jasmine seems very, very nice.
29:33And she's always like very upbeat and happy when she's around me.
29:36Maybe she came off the wrong way.
29:38Brandon just got here and he's already like picking sides.
29:45Well, she put it on me.
29:46Which isn't fair.
29:47You got to own up to your own stuff.
29:49But every time I've been around her, she's very happy and genuine.
29:55I could be halfway to Palm Springs right now.
29:59How many freeways did we take to get here?
30:01At least three.
30:02Are we in LA still?
30:04Are we in Ventura County?
30:05I think we are.
30:07Shut up.
30:08I'm not sure.
30:09Oh, we are far, y'all.
30:12They have Uber helicopter from Santa Clarita back to LA.
30:15Are you joking?
30:16No.
30:17Ooh.
30:18Coming up.
30:19Lala was kind of like taken aback.
30:21Michelle is trying to say, like, I'm fake or something?
30:23Michelle is not good at understanding how you talk about something.
30:25I know nothing.
30:26I'm on a healing journey with her, so I have to take that.
30:35At least it's cooler.
30:36Let's go see who's here.
30:39Hi.
30:39Hello.
30:40Ooh.
30:41You are very Cowboy Carter.
30:43Hello.
30:44I love this.
30:45Yee-hoo.
30:46Yes.
30:47Best dress.
30:47Come on now.
30:48Where's his boots?
30:49Howdy.
30:49How you doing?
30:50How you doing, girl?
30:51Fantastic.
30:52Well, this is so cute.
30:54Oh, like they have a great view.
30:56Hey, this is sick.
30:58Whoa.
30:59It's so beautiful.
31:00Hey.
31:00What's up, man?
31:01Hi.
31:02What is this?
31:02We got all kinds of presents.
31:04Hello.
31:05Oh, my gosh.
31:05Is this the mayor?
31:06This is Brandon.
31:07Nice to meet you.
31:10Howdy.
31:11Yee-hoo.
31:13Cowley.
31:13Oh, my God.
31:14We're finally here.
31:15This is crazy.
31:16This was the longest trek.
31:17This wasn't just the Oregon Trail.
31:19This was like the world trail.
31:20The Santa Clarita Trail.
31:22Ugh.
31:22I honestly don't even think they can get Amazon, like, two-day deliveries out in Santa Clarita.
31:27Honestly, even if it was a 14-bedroom mansion with manservants, a pool, and a gay club, I still wouldn't
31:34live there.
31:35No one goes there.
31:36Like, you go there to die, maybe.
31:38I got a cattle.
31:39I forget what a character you are sometimes.
31:41I got a cattle up there.
31:42Hi. How are you?
31:43Skinny.
31:43Good to see you.
31:43Kept you warm.
31:45How are you feeling without Kaya?
31:46I'm okay now, but she literally, right before we left, she spit up all over Tori, all over the couch,
31:53just projectile everywhere.
32:00Zachary.
32:01Are we already?
32:01This is Brandon.
32:02Hey, nice to meet you.
32:03Oh, my God.
32:04We're gonna do a shot right away?
32:05Yeah.
32:06Bonding shot right after the...
32:08I love it.
32:08I can't wait.
32:09Cheers.
32:10Okay.
32:10Yes.
32:10I'm gonna let you guys talk to us, but I'm gonna go get a drink.
32:12Oh, man, we don't have to talk right now.
32:14Oh, yeah.
32:14You're on to eat.
32:15You bonded over the shot.
32:16There you go.
32:17Yeah.
32:19I think you guys should get it over now and talk to each other and get to know each other
32:23now.
32:25I want you to know, like, I'm very protective.
32:27Not even if there was red flags so much as...
32:30Well, there are.
32:30I just...
32:31I do have three kids.
32:32I do have an ex.
32:33And two baby moms.
32:34I get it.
32:35There are red flags.
32:36I get it.
32:36Brandon is that they're talking to Zach.
32:38Yeah, I know.
32:39They're in the way of the cheese and I'm a little pissed off.
32:41I know.
32:41I wanted to...
32:42I wanted to hear what they're talking about.
32:44They're guardian.
32:46What do you think about Brandon?
32:47Like, actually, like...
32:48Yeah.
32:48Obviously, he's smart.
32:50You guys have a lot in common.
32:51Yeah.
32:51And I feel like you need somebody like that.
32:53And I think he likes you more than you like him.
32:55And that's what you want.
32:56Yep.
32:58I get being the protective friend and, like, you know...
33:01No.
33:01It's fine.
33:02We can have a conversation and get to know each other.
33:03And, you know, I have Britney's best interests in mind.
33:06And I did ask her out last night.
33:09So she has my girlfriend now.
33:14One of Britney's biggest weaknesses is that she's very susceptible to being love-bombed by men.
33:19She will open up her heart to anyone.
33:22And I want her to stop opening her heart and just open her legs.
33:25Because it's a lot more fun that way.
33:27Okay, if we could just take it slow.
33:32We're on the same page.
33:32She's just so fragile.
33:35In a state of, like, I just want her to have fun.
33:38Yes.
33:39But also, like...
33:39The wrong person can come along and, like, manipulate that.
33:43And that's what I...
33:43That's all I'm worried about.
33:45Starting this friendship.
33:46And you know what?
33:47I'm so glad that you and me are together.
33:49You were the final boss.
33:51Mm-hmm.
33:52And you defeated me.
33:53No, not yet.
33:56It's like barbecue on, like, a flimsy plate.
33:58And I'm like, .
34:02Bro, usually you need two hands.
34:04Yeah.
34:04Because I get, like, down and dirty with my barbecue.
34:07Me too.
34:20Senor Bucco.
34:21Yes.
34:22Yes.
34:22Yes, cowboy.
34:23Head of the Bucco clan.
34:24That's right.
34:25Can we have a little quick talk about some...
34:27100%.
34:28The beaver hat.
34:29The fur.
34:30That's felt.
34:30This is felt.
34:32Is this yours?
34:33Yeah.
34:34Great.
34:35So, what do you think?
34:36I just...
34:37Yeah.
34:37One of the things you said was,
34:39yeah, we're not doing the boyfriend-girlfriend.
34:41We official.
34:42Like, I was like...
34:42Oh, he told you. Okay.
34:43I was like, oh, okay.
34:45It's like I'm gonna get engaged or married or...
34:48You know you're colorblind when it comes to flags, okay?
34:50I'm just saying it.
34:51What flags does he have?
34:53I'm trying really hard to get them off bottles,
34:55but I have not been successful yet, so...
34:57You're the best.
34:58Yes.
34:59Best cowgirl in all the West.
35:00West of the Mississippi.
35:01Okay.
35:03Uh, I talked to, uh, Jason yesterday.
35:07Why?
35:08There were some things that he'd like to apologize to you for.
35:13Okay.
35:14But you've opened to a group setting.
35:16We're talking me, Jessie, Schwartz, and you two.
35:20Cigar Lounge tomorrow night.
35:21Are you at all open to something like that?
35:28Um, that's tough because I've never had anybody in my entire life do what him and Janet did.
35:38He said he thought it would be weird for him to reach out to you, which seemed a little odd
35:42to me,
35:43because, you know, a simple text could have gone a long way being like, you know, we were out of
35:46line.
35:47We may have taken things too far and regret some things we did.
35:52They have had a year.
35:54Yes.
35:54To do this.
35:55I understand.
35:56So I feel like they have had their chances.
35:58Why is it now all of a sudden so important for you to give Jason this kind of opportunity to
36:05do this when you know how I feel about him?
36:07And if you were my real friend, like I feel like we are, I wouldn't be hanging out with Jason
36:13at all.
36:14For me, I personally, I had to already like forgive them.
36:20I'm such a loyal person.
36:22Like, I don't have friends.
36:23I have like brothers.
36:24And we shared a lot of good times together.
36:27And that's where it's just really hard and it's, and there's a lot of pain there.
36:33This year, I just wanted to cut anything off that was just toxic.
36:38Taking me and my energy away from my family.
36:42Your family.
36:42My family.
36:43You're so blessed.
36:44And I want to keep that joy.
36:47And I, you have to protect your joy, protect your peace.
36:50Look, tomorrow night, I'd like to have my friends together.
36:55I see your friend.
36:58If he had done to you what he did to me, he would not be my friend.
37:06Let me think about it.
37:07Okay.
37:08It's something that I can't just say right now that I would do.
37:11That's good.
37:11Right.
37:19Can we get two chilled shots?
37:22Smallmouth are a different beast than smallmouth.
37:24Like the way they fight, smallmouth go and they take off like a saltwater fish.
37:27Mm-hmm.
37:28Do you agree with that situation?
37:31100%.
37:32Doing shots?
37:33Not like that.
37:37No.
37:39Mocktail.
37:40I have to look into it, but some of the parents from her school are members of the tennis club
37:45up the street.
37:46They're the exes?
37:47Yeah.
37:49And this is his girlfriend right here.
37:50I'm still learning.
37:52Wait a minute.
37:53They're exes.
37:54That's the new girlfriend.
37:55Well, I did tell Jessie that Michelle called him a showman.
37:58Mm-hmm.
38:02Oh, Jessie being friends with you or whatever.
38:04It's all like fake performance.
38:06Like it's not real.
38:06And that's why I said the thing about Lala wouldn't be friends with me.
38:10And she like went and repeated that to her.
38:11And I was like, well, how would you repeat that?
38:13I know they were talking about in the car.
38:14Mm-hmm.
38:15Lala was like, well, what's the issue?
38:16Like, what's the problem?
38:17So Lala didn't have an issue.
38:19Yeah.
38:20Lala was cool.
38:20Lala was kind of like taken back by it like.
38:23Oh, they were trying to say like I'm fake or something?
38:25Michelle did?
38:26Mm-hmm.
38:27Michelle wasn't really like trying to force the issue.
38:29But she was like, this is what was said.
38:31Yeah.
38:31Michelle is not good at understanding like street, like how you talk about something.
38:35I know nothing.
38:35I'm on a healing journey with her.
38:37So I have to play dumb.
38:39I will not.
38:40But you got a fan.
38:40We're good.
38:41We're good.
38:41No, no.
38:42I mean, thank you for telling me that.
38:42I appreciate that.
38:44Because I feel like Brittany wouldn't tell me.
38:45She's like, all right, bye.
38:47We're busy.
38:48Just go talk to her.
38:49Say, I'm hungry.
38:51Yeah.
38:51Feed me, mama.
38:52Feed me.
38:53I'm going to go sit and pull out the boob.
38:55Brittany, come here.
38:56Michelle is so dumb.
38:57She don't have street smarts.
38:58What are we talking about?
38:59You?
39:00Me?
39:00Wait, no.
39:01Yes.
39:02Hold on, hold on.
39:02Hold on, no.
39:04I just had a conversation with Brandon.
39:06And he was telling me that you were in the car saying that I was fake and that.
39:10I didn't say you were fake.
39:12Wait, Brandon said that?
39:14Alluding to that, whatever.
39:15I didn't say you were fake.
39:16They said that you thought Lala was fake.
39:18And I was like, no, that's not the case.
39:20Brandon said that?
39:21God, Brandon.
39:22I met you and I understand who you are, all this stuff.
39:24And I was like, thank you, Brandon.
39:25That's a lot.
39:26Lord, help me.
39:27I know that Brandon is a social butterfly, but he is social butterflying a little too
39:31much here.
39:32Like, you do not tell my friends what another friend just said.
39:36Come here.
39:37Okay, I gotta go.
39:38Jacks love to stir the pot, gossip.
39:41This is not okay.
39:42He said he had my back in the car.
39:44I'm like, why would he have to have my back then, guys?
39:46Oh, I did.
39:46Why would somebody have to have your back in a car?
39:48Word for word.
39:49I said, I've met Jasmine.
39:50I love her.
39:51She's always been nice to me.
39:52Because they were talking about me.
39:53No, they weren't talking bad about you.
39:54I feel like you're trying to attack me for no reason.
39:56No, because he was saying that you were saying some stuff in the car.
39:58Wait, no, no, no.
39:59I don't think he did.
40:00I know, but you're like jumping.
40:01Like, I'm not talking about you.
40:02I'm just because I'm having a stranger telling me that you were.
40:05Sometimes Jasmine doesn't understand maybe fully what's being said.
40:10And she will take something and run with whatever she thought was said.
40:14I will say, sometimes Jasmine, you need to listen to the full.
40:16I get that, but Zach, if a random, sorry, you're not in the group telling me this.
40:19Not random.
40:19That makes me feel a type of way.
40:21I agree.
40:21Okay.
40:22Let's shut this down.
40:23Lala, please help me to tell what happened in the car.
40:26I brought it up because I've heard that you will do this thing where, like, you'll be
40:32cool to someone's face and then you kind of will talk behind their back and sometimes
40:36flip flop.
40:37I want to know, like, is that a true thing or do I need to worry about Jasmine talking
40:41.
40:42Britt said I have never had that experience with her at all.
40:46It's kind of what Brandon said.
40:48You were in my car.
40:50The safe space.
40:52The bubble.
40:53You going to tell the enemy what we were talking about?
40:56You're a brat.
40:58We haven't been close in a long time and I think you feel the same way.
41:01We're keeping an eye on each other.
41:02Like, we don't know.
41:03We're just filling it out.
41:04It's been a while.
41:05And I feel like you were trying to step on that and ruin it.
41:07I'm not trying to step on anything.
41:08I didn't feel like she was trying to step on it.
41:09I think she was trying to be protective of me and I very much appreciate it.
41:12That's how I took it.
41:13She was talking about you.
41:14I said it's not like she was talking .
41:16Bro.
41:16This is so dumb.
41:17I brought it up.
41:18This is so dumb.
41:19I don't think she talks about you at all.
41:22This is so stupid.
41:23She's not listening.
41:23She's not listening to me.
41:25Zach, I need you to stop for two seconds, please.
41:26Oh, now you're in trouble.
41:27I'm actually on his side.
41:30Zach's coming in here all hot trying to tell me to calm down and be quiet.
41:33It's not helpful right now.
41:34Jasmine doesn't mean what she's even saying.
41:36She's just not thinking.
41:38If you knew what was going on, you'd probably be quiet and have my back right now.
41:41Well, she keeps getting triggered.
41:42I don't know why.
41:44I'm not trying to fight with her.
41:45He really made it seem like Michelle was like a bad guy.
41:47That sounds like, what?
41:48It didn't make sense to me.
41:49You don't need to say anything else.
41:50You go in there and drink and have fun.
41:52I just hate that Zach's like, who do you need clients?
41:54Shut the up.
41:55Let me say that to my friends, won't you?
41:58It happened in regular conversation.
42:00Now it's like a big thing.
42:01Definitely worried that this is going to affect the way that my friends think about him.
42:05And I'm going to try to like, hold on.
42:08But, goodness.
42:10Ugh.
42:10I don't really love it.
42:11I need another shot now because I'm ready to go home.
42:15If someone's defending you, it makes you feel like something bad was said about you.
42:18I'm going to go back past Rebels and just hide in my cave.
42:21Oh, no.
42:22Next time on The Valley.
42:24I'm going to singles night tonight with your ex-wife and Lala.
42:28The three of us are going to tag team you.
42:31Yeah, I worked out this one.
42:32These bridges are burned and he's rolling his eyes.
42:35I'm rolling my eyes a little bit of the excusability.
42:37I just don't feel like you actually give a how I feel.
42:41No.
42:41Tristan, I've tried to talk to you numerous times.
42:43I'm not allowed to have a hard time.
42:44I feel like any time I misstep, I have to walk on eggshells most of the time.
42:47This is not where I want to be.
42:49You know that.
42:49You know what?
42:50Because I don't you?
Comments