- 2 days ago
Austin Powers, a cryogenically frozen British spy from 1960s, is thawed and reinstated when his arch nemesis Dr. Evil returns from space and terrorizes earth with his evil schemes.
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FunTranscript
00:00:00Welcome to my underground lair.
00:00:02I have gathered here before me the world's deadliest assassins.
00:00:08And yet, each of you has failed to kill Austin Powers.
00:00:13That makes me angry.
00:00:15And when Dr. Evil gets angry, Mr. Bigglesworth gets upset.
00:00:19And when Mr. Bigglesworth gets upset, people die!
00:00:31Why must I be surrounded by frickin' idiots?
00:00:42Mustafa, Frau Farbissina, I spared your lives because I need you to help me rid the world of Britain's top
00:00:50secret agent.
00:00:51The only man who can stop me now.
00:00:54We must kill Austin Powers!
00:01:05cole superiorε΄ε΄ε΄ε΄ε΄ε΄ε΄ε΄ε΄
00:01:37Come on, baby.
00:01:38Please work with me, people, all right.
00:01:40Show me love.
00:01:44Great baby, yeah!
00:01:47Oh, behave.
00:01:50It's up, sheep!
00:01:51Help me!
00:02:12It's up, sheep!
00:02:13It's up, sheep!
00:02:14Oh, my God!
00:02:19Oh, my God!
00:02:20Oh, my God!
00:02:25Oh, love you, girl!
00:02:28Ooh, love you, girl!
00:02:30Hm oh, my God!
00:02:32Damn, damn.
00:02:39Oh, my God.
00:02:44Oh, my God.
00:03:08Hello, Mrs. Kensington.
00:03:10Hello, Austen.
00:03:32I'm Basil Exposition with British Intelligence.
00:03:36We have just received word that Dr. Evil is planning a trap for you tonight at the
00:03:41Electric Psychedelic Pussycat Swingers Club here in Swinging London.
00:03:46We'll be there.
00:03:59Oh, come on, baby.
00:04:04There you go, baby.
00:04:06Yes!
00:04:15Austin, it's a swinging ship here.
00:04:18It's my happening, baby, and it freaks me out.
00:04:21Yeah, man!
00:04:42Can I get you a drink, Mr. Powell?
00:04:44Sure.
00:04:44Austin, we've got to look for Dr. Evil.
00:04:47Wait.
00:04:49I've got an idea.
00:04:52Austin!
00:04:53Why on earth did you hit that woman?
00:04:55Right, let me show you, baby.
00:04:58That ain't no woman.
00:04:59It's a man-man.
00:05:03It's one of Dr. Evil's assassins.
00:05:07Look out!
00:05:07He's got a knife!
00:05:14Good work, Mrs. Kensington.
00:05:16All right.
00:05:16Get up!
00:05:17Get up!
00:05:18Right.
00:05:19Where's Dr. Evil, huh?
00:05:21Where is he?
00:05:24There's the bastard.
00:05:28Come on, let's go.
00:05:29He's coming through.
00:05:31Excuse me.
00:05:35I've got you now, Dr. Evil.
00:05:38Not this time.
00:05:39Come, Mr. Bigglesworth.
00:05:42See you in the future, Mr. Powers.
00:05:48My God.
00:05:50He's freezing himself.
00:06:03I'm cold.
00:06:04He's freezing himself.
00:06:18And so Dr. Evil escaped and had himself cryogenically frozen to return at a time when free love no longer
00:06:26reigned and greed and corruption ruled again.
00:06:45Yes?
00:06:46Commander Gilmore?
00:06:47Speaking.
00:06:48Commander, this is Ritter in Southwest Comm 3.
00:06:50Do we have a potential bogey with erratic vectoring and unorthodox entry angle?
00:06:54What are you saying, son?
00:06:57Well, it appears to be in the shape of a big boy.
00:07:00Good God.
00:07:01He's back.
00:07:03Well, in many ways, the big boy never left, sir.
00:07:05He's always offered the same high-quality meals at competitive prices.
00:07:09Shut up.
00:07:11Shall I scramble TAC HQ for an intercept?
00:07:13What's its current position?
00:07:15Well, I'm presently tracking it over Nevada.
00:07:18Oh, my God.
00:07:19The big boy's gone.
00:07:20Listen, son.
00:07:21I want you to forget what you saw here today.
00:07:25Phillips?
00:07:27Call the president.
00:07:28Sir.
00:07:29Prepare the jet.
00:07:30Bring my overnight bag.
00:07:32And, uh, Phillips?
00:07:34Eat my fish?
00:07:36Not too much.
00:07:39I'm off to London, England.
00:07:46Powers volunteered to have himself frozen in case Dr. Evil should ever return.
00:07:51Well, I hope your boy's up to it.
00:07:53We don't want to have to bail you guys out again like after WW2.
00:08:00This is our celebrity vault.
00:08:13Please.
00:08:15So who is this Austin Powers?
00:08:17The ultimate gentleman spy.
00:08:20Irresistible to women.
00:08:21Deadly to his enemies.
00:08:23A legend in his own time.
00:08:25Attention, stage one.
00:08:29Laser cutting begins.
00:08:32Laser cutting complete.
00:08:45Stage two.
00:08:47Warm liquid goo phase beginning.
00:08:53Warm liquid goo phase complete.
00:08:57Stage three.
00:08:59Reanimation beginning.
00:09:03Reanimation complete.
00:09:08Stage four.
00:09:11Cleansing beginning.
00:09:18Cleansing complete.
00:09:23Cleansing complete.
00:09:24Cleansing complete.
00:09:25Cleansing complete.
00:09:26Cleansing complete.
00:09:29Cleansing complete.
00:09:30Cleansing complete.
00:09:31Cleansing complete.
00:09:33Cleansing complete.
00:09:33Cleansing complete.
00:09:34Cleansing complete.
00:09:34Cleansing complete.
00:09:34Cleansing complete.
00:09:35Cleansing complete.
00:09:36Cleansing complete.
00:09:36Cleansing complete.
00:09:36Cleansing complete.
00:09:37Cleansing complete.
00:09:41Cleansing complete.
00:09:41Stage 5. Evacuation beginning.
00:10:16Evacuation complete.
00:10:27Evacuation complete.
00:10:30Complete.
00:10:35Evacuation complete.
00:10:46Where am I?
00:10:48You're in the Ministry of Defense.
00:10:51It's 1997.
00:10:53You've been cryogenically frozen for 30 years.
00:10:56Who are these people?
00:10:58The shouting is a temporary side effect of the unfreezing process.
00:11:02Yes, I'm having difficulty controlling the volume of my voice!
00:11:07This is Commander Gilmore, US Strategic Command,
00:11:10and General Borshevsky, Russian Intelligence.
00:11:13Russian Intelligence? Are you mad?
00:11:16A lot's happened since you were frozen.
00:11:18The Cold War's over.
00:11:20Well, finally those capitalist pigs will pay for their crimes, eh?
00:11:25Hey, comrades? Hey?
00:11:26Austin, we won.
00:11:29Oh, groovy, smashing. Yay, capitalism!
00:11:32Hello. Hello.
00:11:35Mr. Powers, the President's quite concerned.
00:11:37We've got a madman on the loose in Nevada.
00:11:40Dr. Evil, when do I begin?
00:11:44Immediately.
00:11:45You'll be working with Miss Kensington.
00:11:47Mrs. Kensington?
00:11:49Austin.
00:11:50Austin.
00:11:51Mrs. Kensington has long since retired.
00:11:54Mrs. Kensington is her daughter.
00:11:57Ah, here she is.
00:12:01Vanessa is one of our top agents.
00:12:11My God, Vanessa's got a fabulous body.
00:12:14I bet she shines like a minx.
00:12:18How do I tell them that because of the unfreezing process I have no inner monologue?
00:12:26I hope I didn't say that out loud just now.
00:12:33Mr. Powers, my job is to acclimatize you to the 90s.
00:12:37You know, a lot's changed since 1967.
00:12:41No doubt not.
00:12:42But as long as people are still having promiscuous sex with many anonymous partners without protection,
00:12:46while at the same time experimenting with mind-expanding drugs in a consequence-free environment,
00:12:53I'll be sound as a pound.
00:12:59Danger Powers, personal effects.
00:13:02Actually, my name is Austin Powers.
00:13:05It says your name, Danger Powers.
00:13:07No, no, no, no, no.
00:13:10Danger's my middle name.
00:13:13Okay, Austin Danger Powers.
00:13:16One blue crushed velvet suit.
00:13:19Hey, all right.
00:13:20One frilly lace cravat.
00:13:22There it is.
00:13:23One silver medallion with male symbol.
00:13:26One pair of Italian boots.
00:13:29From Giorno, boys.
00:13:30One vinyl record album.
00:13:32Bert Bacharach plays his hits.
00:13:34Hey, Bert.
00:13:35Yeah.
00:13:36One Swedish-made penis enlarger pump.
00:13:42That's not mine.
00:13:43One credit card receipt for Swedish-made penis enlarger.
00:13:48Signed by Austin Powers.
00:13:50I'm telling you, baby, that's not mine.
00:13:53One warranty card for Swedish-made penis enlarger pump filled out by Austin Powers.
00:14:00I don't even know what this is.
00:14:01This sort of thing ain't my bag, baby.
00:14:03One book.
00:14:04Swedish-made penis enlarger pumps and me.
00:14:06This sort of thing is my bag, baby.
00:14:10By Austin Powers.
00:14:14Ah.
00:14:14Just sign the form.
00:14:16Okay, don't give heavy men.
00:14:17I'll sign him just to get things moving, you know.
00:14:21You all right, baby?
00:14:23Listen, Mr Powers.
00:14:25I look forward to working with you, but do me a favor and stop calling me baby.
00:14:30You can address me as Agent Kensington.
00:14:33Oh, come on.
00:14:36All right, then.
00:14:37Vanessa.
00:14:38Was that so hard?
00:14:41Now, come along.
00:14:42We have to leave immediately.
00:14:43We preserved your private jet just as you left it.
00:14:45It's waiting for you to throw up.
00:14:48Majembo jet!
00:14:49Smashing baby!
00:14:51Ooh.
00:14:51Sorry.
00:14:53Mr Powers.
00:14:58Quickly.
00:15:00Quickly.
00:15:00Come on now.
00:15:01Let's go.
00:15:16Gentlemen, welcome to my underground lair.
00:15:20It's been 30 years, but I'm back.
00:15:23Everything's gone perfectly to plan except for one small flaw.
00:15:27Due to a technical error by my henchman Mustafa, complications arose in the unfreezing process.
00:15:35But my design was perfect.
00:15:37Look what you did to Mr. Brigglesworth!
00:15:41But Dr. Evil, we were unable to anticipate feline complications due to the reanimation process.
00:15:48Silence!
00:15:57Let this be a reminder to you all that this organization will not tolerate failure.
00:16:03Ah!
00:16:05Ah!
00:16:08Gentlemen, let's get down to business.
00:16:12Ah!
00:16:13Ah!
00:16:14Ah!
00:16:15Ah!
00:16:16Ah!
00:16:16We've got a lot of work to do.
00:16:18Someone help me!
00:16:19I'm still alive, only I'm very badly burned.
00:16:25Some of you I know.
00:16:27Some of you I'm meeting for the first time.
00:16:29Ah!
00:16:30Ah!
00:16:30Hello there!
00:16:31Anyone?
00:16:33Can someone call an ambulance?
00:16:35I get quite a lot of pain.
00:16:37Okay.
00:16:38You've all been gathered here to form my evil cabinet.
00:16:40Excuse me.
00:16:42Yes.
00:16:43He's down there.
00:16:44No, not dead.
00:16:46Burnt.
00:16:47Badly.
00:16:49Yes?
00:16:51Right.
00:16:52If somebody could open the retrieval hatch down here, I could get out.
00:16:56See, I designed this device myself.
00:16:59Oh!
00:17:00Hi!
00:17:01Good.
00:17:02I'm glad you found me.
00:17:03Listen.
00:17:03I'm very badly burned, so if you could just...
00:17:07You shot me!
00:17:10Okay, moving on.
00:17:11You shot me right in the arm!
00:17:13Why did...
00:17:14...
00:17:21...
00:17:24...
00:17:25...
00:17:26...
00:17:26Right.
00:17:27Let me go around the table and introduce everyone.
00:17:29Frau Farbissenen, founder of the militant wing of the Salvation Army.
00:17:35Random task, Korean ex-wrestler, evil handyman extraordinaire.
00:17:41Random task, show them what you do.
00:17:58Patti O'Brien, ex-Irish assassin.
00:18:02His trademark, a superstitious man.
00:18:04He leaves a tiny keepsake from his good luck bracelet on every victim he kills.
00:18:10Scotland Yard would love to get their hands on that piece of evidence.
00:18:14Yeah, they're always after me lucky charms.
00:18:22What? Why does everyone always laugh when I say that?
00:18:26They are after me lucky charms.
00:18:29What?
00:18:30It's a television commercial with this got to leprechaun.
00:18:36And all of these children are trying to chase him.
00:18:39Hey, leprechaun man, leprechaun man.
00:18:40I want to get your lucky charms.
00:18:43Oh, and there's all these little tiny bits of marshmallows just stuck right in the studio so that when the
00:18:49kids eat them, they think,
00:18:50Oh, this is candy.
00:18:52I'm having fun.
00:18:55Finally, we come to my number two man.
00:18:58His name, number two.
00:19:02For 30 years, number two has run Virtucon, the legitimate face of my evil empire.
00:19:10Dr. Ebel, over the last 30 years, Virtucon has grown by leaps and bounds.
00:19:16About 15 years ago, we changed from volatile chemicals to the communications industry.
00:19:23We own cable companies in 38 states.
00:19:27We own a steel mill in Cleveland, shipping in Texas, oil refineries in Seattle, and a factory in Chicago that
00:19:35makes miniature models of factories.
00:19:38Naturally.
00:19:42Gentlemen, I have a plan.
00:19:54It's called blackmail.
00:19:56Well, as you know, the royal family of Britain are the wealthiest landowners in the world.
00:20:02Either the royal family pays us an exorbitant amount of money, or we make it seem that Prince Charles has
00:20:09had an affair outside of marriage and therefore would have to divorce.
00:20:18Prince Charles did have an affair, he admitted it, and they are now divorced.
00:20:23Right, okay, people, you have to tell me these things, all right?
00:20:26I've been frozen for 30 years, okay?
00:20:30Throw me a frickin' bone here.
00:20:33I'm the boss.
00:20:34Need the info.
00:20:37Okay, no problem.
00:20:39Here's my second plan.
00:20:40Back in the 60s, I developed a weather-changing machine, which was, in essence, a sophisticated heat beam, which we
00:20:46called a laser.
00:20:48Using these lasers, we punch a hole in the protective layer around the world, which we call the ozone layer.
00:20:57Slowly but surely, ultraviolet rays would pour in, increasing the risk of skin cancer that is, unless,
00:21:05unless, the world pays us a hefty ransom.
00:21:15That also already has happened.
00:21:20Shit.
00:21:22Oh, hell, let's just do it, we always do.
00:21:24Hijack some nuclear weapons and hold the world hostage, yeah?
00:21:28Good.
00:21:28Gentlemen, it's come to my attention that a breakaway Russian republic, Kriplakistan, is about to transfer a nuclear warhead to
00:21:35the United Nations in a few days.
00:21:37Here's the plan.
00:21:39We get the warhead, and we hold the world ransom for...
00:21:45One million dollars.
00:21:50Well, don't you think we should maybe ask for more than a million dollars?
00:21:55A million dollars isn't exactly a lot of money these days.
00:21:59VirtuCon alone makes over nine billion dollars a year.
00:22:03Really?
00:22:04Mm-hmm.
00:22:04It's a lot more.
00:22:06Okay, then.
00:22:08We hold the world ransom for...
00:22:12One hundred billion dollars.
00:22:20Pretty groovy, Jumbo Jetta.
00:22:23When you see this Jetta rock-a-dough come a-knockin', baby, yeah!
00:22:27I'm gonna need you to sign these release forms.
00:22:30Release forms?
00:22:31Well, yes, you're not officially working for the Ministry of Defence,
00:22:33and these forms indemnify the Ministry against any, um, mishaps that may occur on the line of duty.
00:22:39Mishaps?
00:22:40But isn't that what being an international man of mystery is all about?
00:22:45Well, okay, name, Austin Danger Powers.
00:22:50Sex?
00:22:51Yes, please.
00:22:53How does a hot chick like you end up working at the Ministry of Defence?
00:22:58Oh, well, um, I went to Oxford, where I excelled in several subjects,
00:23:03but I ended up specialising in foreign languages.
00:23:05You know, I really wanted to travel.
00:23:07You know, sort of, see the world.
00:23:09That's fascinating, Vanessa.
00:23:10Listen, why don't we go in the back and shag?
00:23:13What?
00:23:13I've been frozen for 30 years.
00:23:15I've got to see if my bits and pieces are still working.
00:23:18Excuse me.
00:23:19My wedding tackle.
00:23:20Look, I'm sorry, I'm...
00:23:21My meat and two vids, my twigging berries.
00:23:24Hello, lads.
00:23:25Oh, no, Mr Powers, Mr Powers, please.
00:23:27I'd appreciate it if you could concentrate on our mission and give your libido a rest.
00:23:33Can I, uh, can I show you something?
00:23:52I won't bite hard.
00:24:01All right.
00:24:03Tell me about...
00:24:04Let me ask you a question, and be honest.
00:24:09Oh!
00:24:10Do I make you horny, Randy?
00:24:13Do I make you horny, baby?
00:24:15Yeah, do I?
00:24:16God, I hope this is part of the unfreezing process.
00:24:19Oh, terminate!
00:24:20Oh, look at that!
00:24:21Oh, terminate!
00:24:22Oh, I fell over!
00:24:24Oh, I fell over again!
00:24:26Ow!
00:24:27Mr Powers!
00:24:29I will never have sex with you, ever.
00:24:32If you were the last man on Earth, and I was the last woman on Earth, and the future of
00:24:36the human race depends on our having sex simply for procreation, I still would not have sex with you.
00:24:42What's your point, Vanessa?
00:25:03Remember when we froze your semen?
00:25:05Then, you said if it didn't look like you were coming back, we should try to make you a son
00:25:10so that a part of you could live forever.
00:25:12Oh, sure.
00:25:13Well, after a couple of years, we got a little impatient.
00:25:18Dr. Evil, I want you to meet your son.
00:25:22My son?
00:25:24Yeah.
00:25:26Scott!
00:25:35Hello, Scott.
00:25:37Hi.
00:25:39I'm your father, Dr. Evil.
00:25:46I haven't seen you my whole life, and now you come back and just expect a relationship?
00:25:51That's it.
00:25:52I hate you.
00:25:57What?
00:25:59Could I have a hug?
00:26:01No.
00:26:03Give me a hug.
00:26:04No way.
00:26:05Come here.
00:26:05I'm not coming over there.
00:26:06Let's go.
00:26:07Forget it.
00:26:08Fronto.
00:26:08What are you doing?
00:26:09I'm with it.
00:26:11I'm hip.
00:26:13I'm hip.
00:26:22Huh?
00:26:26Well, don't look at me like I'm frickin' Frankenstein.
00:26:29Give your father a hug.
00:26:31You're...
00:26:31Hey.
00:26:32Don't touch me.
00:26:34Hug.
00:26:35Hug.
00:26:35You lazy-eyed psycho?
00:26:49No way.
00:26:51Oh, oh, oh, oh.
00:26:52Oh, oh.
00:26:54Oh.
00:26:54River Blows.
00:26:55Oh, oh, oh.
00:26:59Oh, oh, oh.
00:27:03Oh, eh-ay-ay.
00:27:06Jo!
00:27:06Woo!
00:27:07Yeah!
00:27:09Welcome to Las Vegas, sir.
00:27:15So, which sign of the bed do you want?
00:27:17You're sleeping on the sofa, Mr Powers.
00:27:20In fact, I'd like to take this opportunity to remind you
00:27:23that the only reason we're sharing the room
00:27:25is to keep up the context that we're a married couple on vacation.
00:27:28Right. Shall we shag now or shall we shag later?
00:27:32How do you like to do it? Do you like to wash up first?
00:27:35You know, top and tails, whore's bath.
00:27:38Personally, before I'm on the job,
00:27:40I like to give my undercarriage a bit of a how's your father.
00:27:45I'm just joking, Vanessa. I'm just trying to get a rise out of you.
00:27:48That's all for shits and giggles.
00:27:51Let's unpack.
00:27:59Oh, blimey. Nerd alert!
00:28:16How did this get in here?
00:28:18Somebody's playing a prank on me.
00:28:20Honestly, it's not mine.
00:28:23Hey, Americans.
00:28:24Yeah.
00:28:26Enjoy that wine.
00:28:27Hey, there you are.
00:28:28Well, hi. Do I know you?
00:28:30No, but that's where you are. You're there.
00:28:32Hey, we were Las Vegas, baby.
00:28:34Hey.
00:28:35Okay, Austin.
00:28:36Yes.
00:28:37Austin, there's a company in Las Vegas called Virtucon,
00:28:39which we think may be linked to Dr. Evil.
00:28:42Plenty of the Virtucon executives are gambling in this casino.
00:28:46Smashing.
00:28:47Let's go.
00:28:48Look, there's one over there.
00:28:50Changing a thousand?
00:28:51Hello.
00:28:52Excuse me.
00:28:54Yeah, better luck coming from here.
00:28:57Do you mind if I join you?
00:28:59Not at all.
00:29:02Game is black, Jack, gentlemen.
00:29:05$10,000 minimum bet.
00:29:07A king for you, sir, and a three for you.
00:29:12Seventeen.
00:29:21Hit me.
00:29:22You have seventeen, sir.
00:29:25I like to live dangerously.
00:29:30Four.
00:29:32Twenty-one.
00:29:39Five.
00:29:43I'll stay.
00:29:45I suggest you hit, sir.
00:29:50I also like to live dangerously.
00:29:54As you wish, sir.
00:29:58Twenty beats your five.
00:30:01I'm sorry, sir.
00:30:03Well, I won't lie to you.
00:30:05Cards are not my bag, baby.
00:30:08Allow myself to introduce...
00:30:12myself.
00:30:14My name is Richie Cunningham.
00:30:17And this is my wife, Oprah.
00:30:21My name is number two.
00:30:23This is my Italian confidential secretary.
00:30:26Her name is Alotta.
00:30:28Alotta for China.
00:30:31Come again?
00:30:33Alotta vagina.
00:30:35Oh, I'm sorry.
00:30:35I'm just not getting it.
00:30:36It sounded like you said your name was Alotta...
00:30:40Never mind.
00:30:44What exactly do you do, Mr. Number Two?
00:30:47That's my business.
00:30:49Yeah.
00:30:50Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to go to the little boy's room.
00:30:54You keep your eye on the Italian bird.
00:30:56We'll rendezvous back at the hotel suite.
00:31:16You didn't happen to see anything at all.
00:31:21Sorry.
00:31:35Oh, Patty.
00:31:37Oh, ah.
00:31:43Whoo!
00:31:44That is one crazy get-up you got there, fella.
00:31:47Yeah, thank you.
00:31:48Are you in the show?
00:31:50Uh, no, actually, I'm English.
00:31:53Sorry.
00:31:55Right.
00:32:05Hey, partner.
00:32:07Have a good one.
00:32:09Okay.
00:32:34Hey, partner.
00:32:35Come on.
00:32:35You've got to relax.
00:32:36Don't force it.
00:32:36You're going to blow out your O-ring.
00:32:37Drop a lung.
00:32:52Who does number two work for?
00:32:58Who does number two work for?
00:33:01That's right, buddy.
00:33:02You show that turd who's boss.
00:33:06Hey.
00:33:07Hey, just grab a hold of something, bite your lip, and give it hell.
00:33:10Come on.
00:33:12We're going to get through this.
00:33:17Hey, that sounds pretty nasty.
00:33:19How about a courtesy flush over there?
00:33:30Jesus Christ, boy.
00:33:32What did you eat?
00:33:44Gentlemen, the warhead is ours.
00:33:49Patch me through to the United Nations Security Secret Meeting Room.
00:33:55Gentlemen, my name is Dr. Evil.
00:33:58In a little while, you'll notice that the Kreblakistani warhead has gone missing.
00:34:03If you want it back, you're going to have to pay me...
00:34:07One million dollars.
00:34:17Sorry.
00:34:20One hundred billion dollars.
00:34:23Gentlemen, silence.
00:34:25One hundred billion dollars.
00:34:26One hundred billion dollars.
00:34:27Now, Mr. Evil.
00:34:29Dr. Evil.
00:34:30I didn't spend six years of evil medical school to be called Mr. Thank you very much.
00:34:35It is the policy of the United Nations not to negotiate with terrorists.
00:34:41Really?
00:34:43So long.
00:34:51Gentlemen, in exactly five days, we will be one hundred billion dollars richer.
00:35:25We will be one hundred billion dollars.
00:35:34Hello, Mummy.
00:35:36Oh, hello, Vanessa.
00:35:38And how's Austin?
00:35:39He's asleep.
00:35:41You didn't.
00:35:43No.
00:35:44I made him sleep on the sofa.
00:35:46Vanessa, I'm proud of you.
00:35:49Why?
00:35:51Because you've managed to resist Austin Powers' charms.
00:35:55Oh, for God knows he tried, Mummy.
00:35:57I actually had to end up being rather firm with him.
00:36:00What about his teeth?
00:36:01It's really bizarre.
00:36:03Darling, you have to understand.
00:36:05In Britain, in the 60s,
00:36:08you could be a sex symbol and still have bad teeth.
00:36:11It didn't matter.
00:36:13Did you ever?
00:36:14Me?
00:36:15No, of course not.
00:36:17I was married to your father.
00:36:18Did you ever want to?
00:36:20Austin is very charming.
00:36:23Very debonair.
00:36:25He's handsome, witty.
00:36:28He has a knowledge of fine wines.
00:36:30Women want him and men want to be him.
00:36:34Every bit an international man of mystery.
00:36:37Yeah, but you didn't answer my question, Mummy.
00:36:40I know.
00:36:42Let me just say this.
00:36:45Austin was the most loyal and caring friend I ever had.
00:36:50I will always love him.
00:36:55Do you want to speak to him?
00:36:57No, it's been too long.
00:36:59Okay, well, I'm going to have to go, Mummy, but I love you.
00:37:02Ciao, darling.
00:37:09A limo's just pulled up.
00:37:11Let me see.
00:37:15That's Dr. Evil's cat.
00:37:17How can you tell?
00:37:18I never forget a pussy.
00:37:20Cat.
00:37:23Oh, no, he's gone away.
00:37:29My God, Vanessa.
00:37:30You are so incredibly beautiful.
00:37:35That's it.
00:37:36Yes, yes, yes.
00:37:38Come on, darling.
00:37:39I'm going to take you out for a night on the town.
00:37:53Ladies and gentlemen, Mr. Bert Bacharach.
00:37:55What the world needs now is love, sweet love.
00:38:04No, not just for some, but everyone.
00:38:11What the world needs now is love, sweet love.
00:38:21Not just for some, but for everyone.
00:38:46Oh, yeah.
00:38:47Oh, yeah.
00:38:59Oh, yeah.
00:39:00Oh, go on, Austin. Get on with her.
00:39:01I'm going to do it. Do you want me to do it?
00:39:04Oh, go on.
00:39:05Do you want me to do it?
00:39:05Yes!
00:39:06Okay.
00:39:08Right hand green.
00:39:10Oh, no!
00:39:14Oh, you're all right?
00:39:16I'm all right.
00:39:17Oh, you know what?
00:39:18Wait a sec.
00:39:19I forgot something in the lobby.
00:39:22Why don't I take the stairs?
00:39:28Why take the stairs when I could take the escalator?
00:39:37Why take the escalator when I've got a perfectly good canoe?
00:39:44I know what.
00:39:46I'll take the elevator.
00:39:52Austin?
00:39:53Yes?
00:39:55Come and have some champagne with me.
00:39:56Okay.
00:39:59Oh, I tripped.
00:40:01You know, I haven't had this much fun since college.
00:40:03Well, I'm sorry.
00:40:06Why?
00:40:07I'm sorry that bug up your arse had to die.
00:40:13I've always wanted to have fun, Austin, that's you in a nut shell.
00:40:16No, this is me in a nut shell.
00:40:18Help!
00:40:18I'm in a nut shell.
00:40:19How did I get into this nut shell?
00:40:22Look at the size of this bloody great big nut shell.
00:40:24What sort of shell has a nut like this?
00:40:27I mean, this is crazy.
00:40:29Yes, look at you.
00:40:32You're smashed.
00:40:33No, I'm not.
00:40:34Yes, you are.
00:40:35No, I'm not.
00:40:35I'm a sensible one.
00:40:36I'm always a designated driver.
00:40:42Kiss me.
00:40:43I can't, darling.
00:40:44Why not?
00:40:45Because you're drunk.
00:40:45It's not right.
00:40:46No, I'm not drunk.
00:40:47I'm just beginning to see what my mummy was talking about all those years ago.
00:40:51I can't.
00:40:54All right, well, tell me all about my mummy in the 60s.
00:40:57I'm dying to know what she was like.
00:41:00She was very groovy.
00:41:05Your dad loved her very much.
00:41:10If there was one other cat in this world that could have loved her and treated her as well
00:41:14as your dad, well, it was me.
00:41:18But unfortunately, for yours truly, that train has sailed.
00:41:32Vanessa?
00:41:34Vanessa, hello.
00:41:37Come on, run over.
00:41:39Sleepy time.
00:41:45Okay, Austin needs his hand back.
00:41:56You've got mail.
00:41:58Hello, Austin.
00:41:59This is Basil Exposition from British Intelligence.
00:42:02Now, I want you to find out what part Virtucon plays in something called Project Vulcan.
00:42:08I'll need you to go to a lot of vaginas penthouse immediately.
00:42:38I'll need you to go to a lot of vaginas penthouse immediately.
00:42:41Hello, hello.
00:42:44Okay, great.
00:42:44Now, maybe this is magic.
00:42:46Love it.
00:42:46Okay.
00:42:47Yes, yes.
00:42:48Okay, great.
00:42:53Project Vulcan.
00:42:55Yeah, okay.
00:42:57Cheeky, huh?
00:42:57Yeah.
00:42:58Come on, baby.
00:42:59Give it to me.
00:43:00Yes, yes, yes.
00:43:01No, no!
00:43:09You seem surprised to see me, Miss Fagina.
00:43:14What do you want, Mr...
00:43:17Cunningham, was it?
00:43:19Your boss.
00:43:20Number two.
00:43:22I understand that cat's involved in big underground drills.
00:43:26How did you know?
00:43:29I didn't, baby.
00:43:30You just told me.
00:43:32We can talk about business later.
00:43:35Let me slip into something more comfortable.
00:43:38Oh, behave.
00:43:51Good God!
00:43:52You smile, can't disguise.
00:43:58You smile, can't disguise.
00:44:00You smile, can't disguise.
00:44:03You love, love, love, love.
00:44:06It's so, it's so much more than just words could ever say.
00:44:16And when my heart has hurt, well, it takes my breath.
00:44:22I can't breathe.
00:44:24I can hardly wait to know.
00:44:27You hear my arm around you.
00:44:30Come in.
00:44:32And I'll show you everything you need to know.
00:44:35Oh, no.
00:44:37It's on your face.
00:44:43And when my heart has hurt, well, it takes my breath away.
00:44:51I can hardly wait to know.
00:44:54Feel my arms around you.
00:44:58You've got the way of love.
00:45:04It's on your face.
00:45:06May I wash you?
00:45:08Oh, groovy, baby.
00:45:10Yeah.
00:45:21Mm, it feels yummy.
00:45:26Mm, mm, mm, mm, mm.
00:45:33In Japan, men come first and women come second.
00:45:38Or sometimes not at all.
00:45:43Here for some sucky?
00:45:47Suck it to me, baby.
00:45:51Mm.
00:45:52Yes.
00:45:53Mm, clinky.
00:45:55Clinky.
00:46:06How do you feel, Mr. Cunningham?
00:46:09I feel extreme relaxation.
00:46:18How dare you break wind before me?
00:46:21I'm sorry, baby. I didn't know it was your turn.
00:46:28Pardon me for being rude. It was not me. It was my food.
00:46:31It just popped up to say hello, and now it's gone back down below.
00:46:35That's beautiful. Thank you.
00:46:39Let's make love, you silly, hairy little man.
00:46:45I say, hello, vicar.
00:46:52That's the spot all right. That's the spot right there. Look at that now. Good God.
00:47:01Austin Powers is getting too close. Any suggestions?
00:47:06Jawohl, Herr Dr. I have created the ultimate weapon to defeat Austin Powers.
00:47:14Bring in the Fembats!
00:47:25You keep saying you've got something for me.
00:47:31Stop it, Max!
00:47:33Don't call love, but confess.
00:47:36These are the latest web and android replicant technology.
00:47:41Lethal. Efficient. Brutal.
00:47:45No man can resist their child.
00:47:48Send in the guys!
00:47:49These boots are made for walking.
00:47:52And that's just what they'll do.
00:47:54Kill these women.
00:47:56One of these days these boots are gonna walk all over you.
00:48:06Are you ready, Boots?
00:48:08Start walking.
00:48:11Start walking.
00:48:12Start walking.
00:48:15Start walking.
00:48:19Start walking.
00:48:20Start walking.
00:48:21Quite impressive.
00:48:22Thank you, Herr Dr.
00:48:25I'd like to see girls of that caliber.
00:48:33By caliber, of course, I mean both the size of their gun barrels
00:48:38and the high quality of their character is two meanings caliber.
00:48:42It's a homonym.
00:48:47Forget it.
00:48:52At ease, boys.
00:48:56Austin, I want to show you something.
00:48:59We're going to outfit you with this.
00:49:01It looks like a watch, but in fact, it's a due-synchronous positioning device.
00:49:06Very shagadelic.
00:49:08And then there's this.
00:49:10Okay, let me guess.
00:49:12The floss is garot wire.
00:49:14The toothpaste is plastic explosives.
00:49:17And the toothbrush is the detonation device.
00:49:20No, actually.
00:49:22Well, since you've been frozen, there have been fabulous advances in the field of dentistry.
00:49:27What do you mean?
00:49:29Nothing.
00:49:30Oh, look, here's Basil.
00:49:33Hello, exposition.
00:49:34Austin.
00:49:35Let me bring you up to speed.
00:49:37Dr Evil has hijacked a nuclear warhead from Kreblakistan.
00:49:41Only two things scare me.
00:49:43And one is nuclear war.
00:49:46What's the other?
00:49:47Excuse me?
00:49:47What's the other thing that scares you?
00:49:50Carnies.
00:49:52What?
00:49:53Circus folk.
00:49:54Nomads, you know.
00:49:55Smell like cabbage.
00:49:57Small hands.
00:50:00Indeed.
00:50:02Perhaps these photographs are the last piece of the puzzle.
00:50:04Aha.
00:50:05I've uncovered the details of Project Vulcan.
00:50:08Oh, good God.
00:50:09An underground missile?
00:50:10Austin, where did you find these?
00:50:12Austin did some reconnaissance work last night at a lot of vaginas penthouse.
00:50:18Our next move is to infiltrate VirtuCon.
00:50:22Any ideas?
00:50:24Oh, yes.
00:50:25VirtuCon runs a tour of its facility every hour.
00:50:29I thought perhaps we could disguise ourselves as tourists and do some on-site reconnaissance.
00:50:34Top drawer, Kensington.
00:50:36Oh, uh, Austin, I'd like you to meet somebody.
00:50:39This is my mother, Mrs. Exposition.
00:50:43How do you do?
00:50:44No!
00:50:45Austin!
00:50:47My God, men.
00:50:48What have you done?
00:50:50That's not your mother.
00:50:51It's a man, baby!
00:50:53No!
00:50:54Yeah!
00:50:54Come on!
00:50:55No!
00:50:55Why won't this wig come up?
00:50:59Austin!
00:51:00Yeah, hold on, hold on.
00:51:01No, no!
00:51:02My mother!
00:51:03Oh!
00:51:04Oh, mother.
00:51:05Mother, are you all right?
00:51:06What?
00:51:07Austin, have you gone mad?
00:51:09No.
00:51:10You have a lot of explaining to do.
00:51:12I'm sorry, Basil, I thought she was a man.
00:51:15Damn it, man, you're talking about my mother!
00:51:18Well, you have to admit, she is rather mannish.
00:51:20Austin!
00:51:21Well, no offence, but if that is a woman, it does look like she was beaten with an ugly
00:51:25stick.
00:51:26What?
00:51:27Really, Austin?
00:51:28Austin!
00:51:28Austin!
00:51:30Austin!
00:51:32Austin!
00:51:34Austin!
00:51:35Give in to the beauty of your feelings and say the words.
00:51:39Come on.
00:51:40I love you, Dad.
00:51:43I love you, kids, son!
00:51:46I love you.
00:51:48I love you.
00:51:49I love you.
00:51:50I love you.
00:51:50I love you.
00:51:51Okay, group.
00:51:52We have some newcomers here today with us.
00:51:55Say hello to Scott and his father, Mr. Evil?
00:52:00Evil, actually.
00:52:05Dr. Evil.
00:52:08Hello, Dr. Evil.
00:52:10Hello, Scott.
00:52:11Hello, Dr. Evil.
00:52:11Hello, everybody.
00:52:13So, Scott, why don't we start with you?
00:52:15What brings you here with us today?
00:52:18Well, I just really met my dad for the first time five days ago.
00:52:21I was partially frozen his whole life.
00:52:24That is beautiful that you can admit to that.
00:52:28He comes back and now he wants me to take over the family business.
00:52:32But, Scott, who's gonna take over the world when I die?
00:52:40Feels like that to some of us sometimes, doesn't it?
00:52:44So, what do you want to do, Scott?
00:52:47I don't know.
00:52:48I was thinking I like animals.
00:52:51Maybe I'd be a vet.
00:52:52An evil vet?
00:52:53No.
00:52:54Maybe like work in a petting zoo.
00:52:56An evil petting zoo?
00:52:58You always do that!
00:53:00What?
00:53:00What?
00:53:01What?
00:53:01What?
00:53:03I just think like he hates me.
00:53:05I really love him.
00:53:05I really think he wants to kill me.
00:53:07Now, Scott, we don't want to kill each other in here.
00:53:10We might say that we do sometimes, but we really don't.
00:53:15Actually, the boy's quite astute.
00:53:17I really am trying to kill him, but so far and successfully,
00:53:21he's quite wily like his old man.
00:53:26This is what I'm talking about.
00:53:28Okay.
00:53:29Well, we've heard from you, Scott.
00:53:31Now, uh, you tell us a little about yourself.
00:53:35The details of my life are quite inconsequential.
00:53:38Oh, no.
00:53:39Please, please.
00:53:40Let's hear about your childhood.
00:53:42Okay.
00:53:42Come on.
00:53:46Very well.
00:53:47Where do I begin?
00:53:50My father was a relentlessly self-improving boulangerie owner
00:53:54from Belgium with low-grade narcolepsy and a penchant for buggery.
00:53:58My mother was a 15-year-old French prostitute named Chloe with webbed feet.
00:54:03My father would womanize.
00:54:05He would drink.
00:54:07He would make outrageous claims like he invented the question mark.
00:54:11Sometimes he would accuse chestnuts of being lazy.
00:54:15The sort of general malaise that only the genius possess and the insane lament.
00:54:22My childhood was typical.
00:54:24Summers in Rangoon, luge lessons.
00:54:28In the spring, we'd make meat helmets.
00:54:31When I was insolent, I was placed in a burlap bag and beaten with reeds.
00:54:35Pretty standard, really.
00:54:38At the age of 12, I received my first scribe.
00:54:41At the age of 14, as a roastery named Vilma ritualistically shaved my testicles.
00:54:47There really is nothing like a shorn scrotum.
00:54:50It's breathtaking. I suggest you try it.
00:54:53You know, we have to stop.
00:54:57Austin, can I have a word with you?
00:54:58Of course you may love.
00:55:03Look, I know I'm being neurotic, but I can't shake off this suspicious feeling about that Italian secretary.
00:55:09You know, Miss Vagina.
00:55:11I don't want to sound paranoid, but I've had some bad relationships in the past and I have been known
00:55:17to be jealous.
00:55:18I'm sorry.
00:55:19No, don't be sorry, baby.
00:55:22You're right to be suspicious.
00:55:24I shagged her.
00:55:25What?
00:55:26I shagged her rotten, baby.
00:55:28Yeah.
00:55:30I don't believe you, Austin.
00:55:31She was repellent.
00:55:33Saucer of milk, table two.
00:55:35Did you use protection?
00:55:37Of course.
00:55:38I had my 9mm automatic.
00:55:40You know I meant, did you use a condom?
00:55:43No.
00:55:45How many sailors use condoms, baby?
00:55:47Not in the 90s, Austin.
00:55:49Well, they should, those filthy beggars.
00:55:50They go from port to port.
00:55:53Well, Vanessa, don't have a thrombo.
00:55:55A lotter meant nothing to me.
00:55:57Well, it means something to me.
00:55:59Austin, if you want us to have a relationship, you have to get it into your head that times have
00:56:03changed.
00:56:04You can't just go off shagging anybody anymore, and if you could, I wouldn't because I'm not like that.
00:56:11Vanessa.
00:56:14You're everything to me.
00:56:16You just don't get it, do you?
00:56:20Good night, Austin.
00:56:22Welcome to the 90s.
00:56:24You're going to be very lonely.
00:56:59Jimmy Hendrix, deceased, drugs.
00:57:04Dennis Joplin, deceased uncle, Mama Cass, deceased ham sandwich.
00:57:41Oh, jeez, that's great. Is the lighting halfway decent?
00:57:44Yes, indeed. They've got the flag up now, and you can see the stars in sight.
00:57:48Beautiful. Just beautiful.
00:57:50Good morning, Austin.
00:57:58You know, I sometimes forget you've missed out on the last 30 years.
00:58:02Fall of the Berlin Wall, first female British Prime Minister, end of apartheid.
00:58:08Yeah, and I can't believe Liberace was gay.
00:58:12And then women loved him. I didn't see that one coming, no.
00:58:17The tour is about to begin, so if you please take your seats.
00:58:20Welcome to VirtuCon, company of the future.
00:58:24VirtuCon is a leading manufacturer of many items you can find right in your very own home.
00:58:28Do you mean she's prettier than me?
00:58:30Who? You know who.
00:58:33Oh, the Italian bird. No, baby, she's rancid.
00:58:37I think you're shagadelic, baby. You're switched on. You're smashing.
00:58:42We make steel, petroleum products, and volatile chemicals.
00:58:46But don't worry about the Italian bird, okay?
00:58:49She's the village bicycle. Everyone's had a ride.
00:58:53You're using a VirtuCon product.
00:58:55On your right, you'll notice a door leading to a restricted area.
00:58:59The only authorized personnel are allowed...
00:59:01I'll take him. You take her.
00:59:19Let's go.
00:59:20It's Bolton.
00:59:22We've got a problem.
00:59:24Intruders in the condom.
00:59:26Intruders in the condom.
00:59:28Ah!
00:59:28Watch out!
00:59:32Judo chop!
00:59:37They're coming!
00:59:39Hang on, I'm gonna floor it!
00:59:41Watch out!
00:59:42Move!
00:59:42Move!
00:59:43Move!
00:59:46Careful, Austin!
00:59:48No!
00:59:52Watch out!
00:59:53No!
00:59:56Watch out!
00:59:57No!
01:00:00No!
01:00:03Oh.
01:00:04Let's go. Come on, let's go.
01:00:07Oh, thank goodness we made it, Austin.
01:00:11All right. Stay very cool, baby.
01:00:37Mr. Powers.
01:00:40Welcome to my underground lair.
01:00:43You're just in time.
01:00:45Enjoy the share.
01:00:53Gentlemen, I give you the Vulcan.
01:00:57The world's most powerful subterranean drill.
01:01:01Does that make you hominy?
01:01:03Not now, Austin.
01:01:05So powerful it can penetrate the Earth's crust.
01:01:07Delivering a 50 kiloton nuclear warhead deep into the liquid hot core of the planet.
01:01:12Upon detonation, every volcano on Earth will erupt.
01:01:20It seems we have no choice but to pay your ransom.
01:01:24You have my instructions. Bye-bye.
01:01:29Check it out, bud-head.
01:01:31This chick has three boobs.
01:01:34How many butts does she have?
01:01:43Do you like your quasi-futuristic clothes, Mr. Powers?
01:01:47I designed them myself.
01:02:02Hey!
01:02:05Scott! Scott, my boy. How are you?
01:02:08How was your day?
01:02:09Well, my friend Sweet Jay took me to that video arcade in town, right?
01:02:12And they don't speak English there, so Jay got into a fight.
01:02:15And he's all, hey, quit hassling me because I don't speak French or whatever.
01:02:18And then the guy says something in Paris talk, and I'm like, just back off!
01:02:22And they're all, get out!
01:02:23And we're like, make me!
01:02:25That's cool.
01:02:28Fascinating.
01:02:28What are your plans for this evening?
01:02:30I thought I'd stay in.
01:02:32There's a good titty movie on Skin and Max.
01:02:34And that's how you'd like to live your life, is it?
01:02:37Yeah.
01:02:39Pretty much right.
01:02:41Why?
01:02:48Scott!
01:02:50I want you to meet Daddy's nemesis, Austin Powers.
01:02:56What, are you feeding him?
01:02:57Why don't you just kill him?
01:02:59No, Scott.
01:03:00I have an even better idea.
01:03:02I'm going to place him in an easily escapable situation involving an overly elaborate and exotic death.
01:03:09Why don't you just shoot him now?
01:03:11I mean, I'll go get a gun.
01:03:12We'll shoot him together.
01:03:13It'll be fun.
01:03:14Bang!
01:03:15Dead.
01:03:15Done.
01:03:16One more peep out of you and you are grounded, mister, and I am not joking.
01:03:23All right, let's begin.
01:03:25Dr. Evil, do you really expect them to pay?
01:03:29No, Mr. Powers.
01:03:31I expect them to die.
01:03:36Even after they pay me the money, I'm still going to melt every city on the planet with liquid-hot
01:03:41magma.
01:03:44Release the sharks!
01:03:46Mr. Powers, you'll notice that all of the sharks have laser beams attached to their heads.
01:03:51I figure every creature deserves a warm meal.
01:03:56Dr. Evil, it's about the sharks.
01:04:00When you were frozen, they were put on the endangered species list.
01:04:05We tried to get some, but it would have taken months to clear up the red tape.
01:04:09You know, I have one simple request.
01:04:13And that is to have sharks with frickin' laser beams attached to their heads.
01:04:18Now, evidently, my cycloptic colleague informs me that that can't be done.
01:04:23Can you remind me what I pay you people for?
01:04:27Honestly, throw me a bone here.
01:04:29What do we have?
01:04:31Sea bass.
01:04:36Right.
01:04:38They are mutated, sea bass.
01:04:42Really?
01:04:43Are they ill-tempered?
01:04:45Absolutely.
01:04:46That's a starch.
01:04:48All right, guard.
01:04:49Begin the unnecessarily slow-moving dipping mechanism.
01:04:55Close the deck!
01:04:57Wait, aren't you even going to watch them?
01:05:00They could get away.
01:05:01No, no, no.
01:05:02I'm going to leave them alone and not actually witness them dying.
01:05:05I'm just going to assume it all went to plan.
01:05:07What?
01:05:09I have a gun in my room.
01:05:11You give me five seconds, I'll get it.
01:05:13I'll come back down here.
01:05:14Boom!
01:05:15I'll blow their brains out.
01:05:17Scott.
01:05:18You just don't get it, do you?
01:05:21You don't.
01:05:24It's no hassle.
01:05:26But I'm...
01:05:28All I'm saying...
01:05:30They're going to get a...
01:05:31I...
01:05:32I'm just...
01:05:33We...
01:05:34We...
01:05:34Knock, knock.
01:05:35Who's there?
01:05:36Shh.
01:05:38Look.
01:05:39Let me tell you a little story about a man named...
01:05:41Shh.
01:05:42Even before you start, that was a pre-emptive shh.
01:05:46Just know I have a whole bag of shh with your name on it.
01:05:55What's your plan?
01:05:57First, I plan to soil myself.
01:06:00Then I'm going to regroup and come up with a new plan.
01:06:02Any thoughts?
01:06:04Wait a minute.
01:06:07I always have this with me, just in case.
01:06:09Okay, I get it.
01:06:11I have bad teeth.
01:06:13No, Austin.
01:06:14Just the flosses to swing ourselves onto the ledge?
01:06:17No.
01:06:19All right.
01:06:19All done.
01:06:22Got it.
01:06:23Okay.
01:06:24Toothpaste.
01:06:25Hello.
01:06:30Geno chop!
01:06:33Hang on.
01:06:44Geno trip!
01:07:02Not a good time to lose one's head.
01:07:04Oh, indeed.
01:07:07That's not the way to get a head in life.
01:07:09No.
01:07:11It's a shame he wasn't more headstrong.
01:07:16He'll never be the head of a major corporation.
01:07:18Okay.
01:07:19That'll do.
01:07:19Okay.
01:07:26No!
01:07:27What are we going to do?
01:07:28Oh, look.
01:07:29There's an emergency exit.
01:07:30Go get help.
01:07:31I'm going to stay here and keep an eye on Dr. Evil.
01:07:34Okay.
01:07:35I'll hurry back.
01:07:38Listen, Vanessa.
01:07:42Whatever happens, I want you to know that I feel really bad about that Italian bird.
01:07:50What I'm trying to say is that if you want me to be a one-woman man, well, that's just
01:07:57groovy, baby.
01:07:59Yeah.
01:08:02Me.
01:08:08.
01:08:11.
01:08:13.
01:08:13.
01:08:15.
01:08:15.
01:08:15.
01:08:15.
01:08:16.
01:08:19.
01:08:19.
01:08:21.
01:08:21.
01:08:37Come, everyone.
01:08:39Let us prepare to the main chamber.
01:08:43Project Vulcan is about to begin.
01:08:49Scott, don't you want to see what Daddy does for a living?
01:08:53Allow me.
01:08:53Excuse me?
01:08:55Show me.
01:08:58Okay.
01:09:10Assisted Vulcan.
01:09:12Assisted Vulcan.
01:09:27Bring hands on the law, man.
01:09:28Bring hands on the law, man.
01:09:41Oh.
01:09:44Oh.
01:09:57Hello.
01:09:58Hello, hello.
01:10:00Hello, Mr. Powers.
01:10:01Hello, Mr. Powers.
01:10:02Hello, Mr. Powers.
01:10:03Care to have a little fun?
01:10:05Care to have a little fun?
01:10:05Care to have a little fun?
01:10:06No, actually, I, uh, I have to save the world.
01:10:20Is it cold in here?
01:10:23Hello, Mr. Powers.
01:10:45No, he's waiting for a little fun.
01:10:48No, he's showing you doesn't want to be a little fun.
01:10:50Can you give me a little fun?
01:10:51I'm not doing a little fun.
01:10:51I don't know.
01:10:51Okay, we're doing a little fun.
01:10:57No! No! No! I've got to get Dr. Evil! I've got to get Dr. Evil!
01:11:03No, no, no. Baseball, cold showers. Baseball, cold showers.
01:11:08Give it up, Mr. Powers.
01:11:10Margaret Thatcher naked on a cold day! Margaret Thatcher naked on a cold day!
01:11:15Gentlemen?
01:11:21Let's lock and load!
01:11:23Right, lads. All right.
01:11:24Up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up!
01:11:26No, come! No, come! No, come! No, come! No, come! No, come! No, come! No, come!
01:11:30You can't resist us, Mr. Powers. You can't resist us, Mr. Powers.
01:11:36Au contraire, baby. I think you can't resist me.
01:11:40You're the one who makes me go money
01:11:44You're the sun who makes me shine
01:11:48When you're around, I'm always laughing
01:11:52I wanna make you mine
01:11:56I close my eyes and see you before me
01:12:02Like I would die if you were to ignore me
01:12:06I forgot to see you just too much
01:12:09I adore you
01:12:10I can't get on my knees
01:12:12I'd do anything for you
01:12:15I don't want anybody else
01:12:20When I think about you, I touch myself
01:12:24I don't want anybody else
01:12:29I don't want, I don't want anybody else
01:12:49When I think about you, I touch myself
01:12:54I don't want anybody else
01:12:59When I think about you, I touch myself
01:13:02I touch myself
01:13:04I touch myself
01:13:06Vanessa, it's not what it seems
01:13:12At ease, boys
01:13:13Likewise
01:13:16Vanessa, I can explain
01:13:18See, what happened was
01:13:19I broke in trying to get to Dr. Evil
01:13:21And then all of a sudden
01:13:22The Fembox came by
01:13:23And smoke started to come out of the jumblies
01:13:25So I thought I'd work my mojo
01:13:27To count to their mojo
01:13:28We got across mojo nations
01:13:30And the head started
01:13:31Like, you know, that thing
01:13:33And I ended up in my knickers here
01:13:34And then
01:13:37Okay, Austin, I believe you
01:13:39Now get dressed
01:13:40Smashing baby
01:13:43Onward, boys
01:13:49Launching the subterranean probe
01:13:56Begin initial surface penetration
01:14:03Subterranean will kill the nation
01:14:05In three minutes and counting
01:14:22Now the man will lead to life of danger
01:14:26Subterranean will kill the nation
01:14:28In three minutes and counting
01:14:30He stands a stranger
01:14:32We got him
01:14:34We got him
01:14:34We're ready to move it
01:14:36We got him
01:14:38Another chance to take
01:14:39Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh
01:14:41I'm trapped
01:14:41Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh
01:14:44Open the frickin' door
01:14:45Secret page
01:14:47An honeymoon's secret
01:14:49World destruction beginning in
01:14:52Tudu
01:14:52Tudu
01:14:54Ten
01:14:54Nine
01:14:56Eight
01:14:57Nine, seven, six, five, four, three, two, one.
01:15:08No!
01:15:14Abort. Abort. Abort. Abort. Abort. Abort.
01:15:23Now to Dr. Evil.
01:15:26Din, din.
01:15:28I want chicken. I want liver. Meow mix, meow mix, please deliver.
01:15:35I've got you now, Dr. Evil.
01:15:38Well done, Mr. Powers.
01:15:41We're not so different, you and I.
01:15:46However, isn't it ironic that the very things that you stand for,
01:15:50free love, swinging, parties are all now in the 90s considered to be evil?
01:16:03No, man.
01:16:04What we swingers were rebelling against is uptight squares like you,
01:16:08whose bag was money and world domination.
01:16:11We were innocent, man.
01:16:12If we'd known the consequences of our sexual liberation,
01:16:17we would have done things differently, but the spirit would have remained the same.
01:16:20It's freedom, baby. Yeah.
01:16:24Face it.
01:16:25Freedom failed.
01:16:27No, man. Freedom didn't fail.
01:16:29Right now we've got freedom and responsibility.
01:16:33It's a very groovy time.
01:16:35There's nothing more pathetic than an aging hipster.
01:16:39All right, Baldi.
01:16:41Shut your cake hole.
01:16:42Come on, let's go. On your bike.
01:16:45Not so fast.
01:16:46It seems the tables have turned, Mr. Powers.
01:16:50Go ahead, Olsen.
01:16:51Don't worry about me.
01:16:53Hey, I can take my Sega, right, Dad?
01:16:56It seems the tables have turned again, Dr. Evil.
01:16:59Not really.
01:17:00Kill the little bastard.
01:17:01See what I care.
01:17:02But, Dad, we just had a breakthrough in group.
01:17:05I had the group liquidated, you little shit.
01:17:07They were insolent.
01:17:09I hate you. I hate you.
01:17:11I wish I was never artificially created in a lab.
01:17:14Oh, Scott, that hurts, Daddy, when you say that.
01:17:16Honestly.
01:17:18Ah.
01:17:19Number two.
01:17:20Your timing is impeccable.
01:17:22Go ahead. Take Mr. Powers away.
01:17:25No.
01:17:27What?
01:17:28Dr. Evil.
01:17:30I spent 30 years of my life
01:17:32turning this two-bit evil empire
01:17:34into a world-class multinational.
01:17:36I was going to have a cover story in Forbes.
01:17:40But you, like an idiot, wanted to take over the world.
01:17:43And you don't realize there is no world anymore.
01:17:46It's only corporations.
01:17:48Silence, number two.
01:17:49No.
01:17:50I've had enough of you pushing me around.
01:17:54Oh.
01:17:56Mr. Powers, I have a business proposition
01:17:59you might find very interesting.
01:18:03Right.
01:18:04I've had enough.
01:18:04Oh!
01:18:06Oh!
01:18:07Oh!
01:18:09Oh!
01:18:10Do the-
01:18:10Oh!
01:18:14Going back to the cellar, this car.
01:18:22Robin, let's go!
01:18:25This place is gonna blow!
01:18:34Come on, let's go!
01:18:35The complex will certainly strive!
01:18:37Help me!
01:18:39Come on, let's go!
01:18:43The complex will certainly strive!
01:18:47What else did?
01:18:48Come on baby, it's gonna blow! Let's go!
01:18:50Move it!
01:18:52Alley!
01:18:53Whoa!
01:18:54Oh!
01:18:58Oh!
01:18:59Oh!
01:19:05Oh!
01:19:17Ha, ha, ha ha, ha!
01:19:19Hm...
01:19:21Hahahaha!
01:19:29I love you, Mr. Powers.
01:19:32And I love you, Mrs. Powers.
01:19:38Oh, that'll be Basil Exposition.
01:19:41Oh, ignore it, Austin. Come back to bed.
01:19:43Judy Coles, baby.
01:19:48Hello, Austin.
01:19:50Oh, I hope I'm not interrupting your honeymoon.
01:19:54No, not at all, Basil.
01:19:56Did you get that fruit basket I sent you?
01:19:58Yes, we did, Basil, but you sent too much.
01:20:01I'm going to have to send them to my mother.
01:20:03Oh, don't forget these.
01:20:05Oh, thanks.
01:20:06There you go.
01:20:08Did you get my other gift?
01:20:10We did.
01:20:11Yes, Basil. Nice rack.
01:20:14But who in the world gave us this drawing?
01:20:16It's bizarre.
01:20:19Well, as you know, Dr. Evil has escaped in his rocket,
01:20:23which has disappeared from our tracking system.
01:20:26Oh, dear. Hold on. Coffee?
01:20:27Oh, yes, please.
01:20:28Okay, thank you.
01:20:30Oh, and Vanessa, by the way, you have been made a full agent.
01:20:34Oh, that's fantastic, Basil. Thanks.
01:20:37Milk?
01:20:38Yes, please.
01:20:39Oh, and Austin, Her Majesty the Queen informs me
01:20:42that you are to be knighted.
01:20:44Very shagadelic.
01:20:46Well, the best of luck to both of you.
01:20:49Thanks, Basil.
01:20:50Goodbye.
01:20:51You know, Vanessa,
01:20:53I'll never forget the first time I saw you.
01:20:56You were so incredibly beautiful.
01:21:00So incredibly sexy.
01:21:03I knew I had to have you.
01:21:06Right then and there.
01:21:10Did you feel the same way?
01:21:13Actually, I couldn't stop staring at your teeth.
01:21:16Oh.
01:21:18Oh, I ordered some champagne.
01:21:20Come in!
01:21:22Oh, lovely, Austin.
01:21:23Right over there is fine.
01:21:25Let's go out on the terrace.
01:21:26It's a beautiful night.
01:21:27We can look at the stars.
01:21:29Smashing idea, baby.
01:21:35Oh.
01:21:36Oh.
01:21:40That really hurt.
01:21:42I'm going to have a lump there, you idiot.
01:21:45Who throws a shoe?
01:21:47Honestly.
01:21:49You fight like a woman.
01:21:53Oh.
01:21:54Oh.
01:21:56Oh.
01:21:58Oh.
01:21:58Oh.
01:21:58Oh.
01:21:58Oh.
01:21:58Oh.
01:21:59Oh.
01:21:59Oh.
01:22:00Oh.
01:22:09Honestly, it's not mine.
01:22:11No, use it.
01:22:18Whoa.
01:22:20Oh.
01:22:38Look how beautiful the night sky is.
01:22:41Hey, isn't that the Big Dipper?
01:22:43Yeah, and that looks just like Uranus.
01:22:47Austin.
01:22:48Well, you know.
01:22:49Hey, I've never seen that big star before.
01:22:52Yeah, what is that?
01:22:56Good God.
01:23:02I'm gonna get you, Austin Powers.
01:23:06It's frickin' freezing in here, Mr. Bigglesworth.
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