The madness keeps going… 😂🔥 In Malcolm In The Middle Season 1 Episode 4, Malcolm and his family face another wave of hilarious chaos, awkward situations, and unforgettable moments.
As everything spirals in unexpected ways, the comedy hits even harder.
👉 Watch now and don’t miss this fun episode!
#MalcolmInTheMiddle #S01E04 #ENGLSUB #ComedySeries #FullEpisode
As everything spirals in unexpected ways, the comedy hits even harder.
👉 Watch now and don’t miss this fun episode!
#MalcolmInTheMiddle #S01E04 #ENGLSUB #ComedySeries #FullEpisode
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TVTranscript
00:02No, Wayne, you cannot have it yet.
00:05Something came up.
00:07Can we move this along here, please?
00:09You're not wrapping a Christmas present.
00:10I've got a party to go to.
00:11Lady, your leg is broken.
00:13You're not going to do anything except go home and rest.
00:16Less yapping, more wrapping.
00:18Lois, I am so much less high now.
00:21Sir, please, their earlobes are gushy.
00:23Gushy, gushy.
00:24Stop it.
00:26I want my little hammer back.
00:31Okay, we'll print your post-treatment orders and get you some painkillers.
00:35Yeah, I don't need them.
00:36What are you doing?
00:36Sit down.
00:38Your past is still setting.
00:39You don't even have crutches yet.
00:40You're going to injure yourself even worse.
00:42Then I'll come back after the party tonight and you can fix that.
00:45Come on, Hal.
00:47Hal?
00:48Oh, squishy.
00:50Oh, squishy.
00:52Okay, come on, let's go.
00:54Mom and Dad are already there waiting.
00:56Kelly, breathe.
00:57It doesn't start till 8.
00:58You want to look sharp or not?
00:59Mom, just, I wish I knew what revenge Reese had planned for me.
01:02Don't worry about Reese, because there's nothing you can do about it.
01:05It's like a tornado, except there's no alert.
01:08It's just something you've got to accept.
01:09What the hell?
01:10My underwear's already too tight.
01:12Francis, get me a pair of your mom's granny panties.
01:15Right away, honey.
01:20Man, you need to adjust these speakers.
01:22I'm not talking about the volume.
01:23I'm talking about the mix.
01:24That speaker is too quiet and these three are too loud.
01:26And did you remember the backup tables I asked for?
01:28I know you don't mean it, but I'm getting a vibe of impatience bordering on menace,
01:32and it's pushing my agitation levels past the point of productive conversation.
01:35So, we'll continue this after I've run cold water over my hands.
01:38Honey?
01:39Now, please, I don't need any help.
01:41Just back off and let me do everything.
01:43Honey, I'm so sorry.
01:44I should have realized that my natural enthusiasm was just adding to your stress.
01:50You've got this.
01:51Everything is already perfect.
01:53Are you still high?
01:54No.
01:55I'm just more perceptive because of the ego death that I experienced from my expanded consciousness.
02:01This is so yucky.
02:04Let me know if you want a break.
02:06I juggle the sound pizzas every Wednesday at Shadyside Assisted Living.
02:10Yodeling, barbershop, yodeling, barbershop.
02:12People go nuts.
02:18Wow, surprisingly nervous.
02:20What's surprising about it?
02:22Yeah, you ghosted these people for years, and now you have to face them and explain why.
02:25Hey, hey, here's how I see it.
02:27We both want to avoid mom and dad as long as we can,
02:29so we hide into the spotlight dance and come out when we're the happiest.
02:32Before then, it's every man for himself.
02:36Nice.
02:37Give me your business card later.
02:40Malcolm?
02:41Malcolm!
02:43Those are your friends?
02:45I wouldn't call them my friends.
02:47Malcolm!
02:47It's us!
02:48Your friends!
02:51Hey, guys.
02:52How we've missed our fourth musketeer.
02:57Lloyd, Dabney, Kevin, this is Tristan and my daughter Leah.
03:01You procreated!
03:02What a relief.
03:04The three of us have also created a child.
03:06Like, with a surrogate?
03:10Sure.
03:10That's our Hubert.
03:15There's an aunt.
03:16Don't worry.
03:17I have confused him.
03:19So, what have you guys been up to?
03:21Genetic Tech Resources.
03:23Incorporated in college and started getting contracts before we even graduated.
03:27Department of Defense.
03:28Guys, we're doing so much weird shit.
03:33Here's your mom.
03:40Stevie!
03:41Oh my goodness!
03:43It is so great to see all of you.
03:46Hi there.
03:48This is Tristan and Leah.
03:49Hi.
03:50How are you?
03:51I was wonderful.
03:52Up until the moment I caught my ex-husband wallowing in his usual vortex of resentment,
03:57based on nothing other than his own self-loathing.
03:59But thanks for asking.
04:01Tell your mother.
04:03I do resent her showing up here, wearing the necklace I gave her 29 years ago to be my forever
04:09love.
04:10It is a slap in the face across space and time.
04:13Tell her!
04:20Dad
04:23says
04:26he does
04:32resent
04:34rat cowards.
04:37You.
04:38All I'm saying is Dewey is stupid to be here on a laptop.
04:41Eat my balls, Jamie.
04:43I'm being considerate.
04:44Excuse me.
04:45Hey.
04:46I'm sorry.
04:47We'll have to get back to you.
04:48We're all just so busy.
04:50Yeah, we're completely swamped.
04:51I'm sorry.
04:52I don't have any excuses.
04:54I just want to clear the air and make it right.
04:57Please.
05:01Well, it's not like this is the first horrible thing you've ever done.
05:04Hey, Leah.
05:05Do you want to hear all the horrible things she's ever done?
05:07Yes.
05:08Kids, I need some help.
05:10They put the Javari chairs and high tables in front of the low tables and it's blocking the
05:13eyelines of the stage.
05:14Hi, Grandma.
05:16Well, I was somebody who actually likes to hug.
05:18I said I would try it for your birthday.
05:20Malcolm, I'm so happy.
05:22He must have dropped and crawled.
05:25What the heck is wrong with him?
05:26He showed up.
05:27Give him a break.
05:28No.
05:28Jamie's not ashamed of his family.
05:30You know how hard it was for him to get permission to leave the base and come here?
05:33Oh, they don't know that I'm gone.
05:35I'm on guard duty right now.
05:39Then the face across space.
05:48And time.
05:50Okay.
05:51Who wants another?
05:51Well, you can tell your father to find a dictionary and look up the meaning of the word gift.
05:55Unless it's like every other thing in our relationship that came with secret conditions that he would
06:00only reveal when he needs to attack me when I'm at my most vulnerable.
06:11She loves you.
06:16Can I have Francis head, horse?
06:21That's what militaries put into us, baby.
06:24You'll never say again.
06:25Boys, wow, you started early.
06:27I think ten is a respectable age.
06:29We're just raising a toast to our dear old commandant's back there.
06:34Run to hell, you want our bastard?
06:38Uh, you want to tell me what's in the sack?
06:40Are you my parole officer?
06:42No, seriously, are you?
06:44Okay.
06:45We decided to do one last keeper for all time's sake.
06:49Nice statue head.
06:52I came, I sawed, I conquered.
06:57That's good.
06:58We're putting that on the Instagram.
07:00Wait.
07:02It was the most beautiful, transcendent experience.
07:05Abe said you were rolling around naked on filthy linoleum choking yourself.
07:10Transcendently?
07:12Psst, Kelly.
07:13Before you try anything, just remember, revenge for an unjustified revenge is justified,
07:17but revenge for a justified revenge is unjustified revenge.
07:21Yeah.
07:22Relax, we're in a ceasefire until the party's over.
07:24Could you sneak me a couple dinner rolls?
07:34It's so nice to have someone I can share my deepest feelings with.
07:46Crap.
07:47Yeah, sounds like I'm seven.
07:49Quick, change the subject.
07:55Perfect set up.
07:56I look great.
08:14I made him nervous.
08:18Cute, pretty, hot.
08:35Ew.
08:36Ew!
08:39Wait.
08:40Where the hell did you get that mac and cheese?
08:42I brought it from home.
08:46When I get back, I'm expecting a new full-size plate handed over without any looks.
08:52There you are, Piyama!
08:54Oh, my juicy jelly bean.
08:58Oh, Gretchen, so great to see you.
09:01Oh, we were so sorry to hear about Otto.
09:05He didn't suffer.
09:07The puma is very quick and efficient.
09:09What are you doing now?
09:11I am a doula for cattle.
09:12Well, I go from town to town, cow to cow, helping them give birth.
09:17It's very spiritual.
09:20Well, not the clean-up.
09:22That's nasty.
09:28Oh, my goodness.
09:30You have a calf inside you.
09:33How do you-
09:33Oh, it's my gift.
09:35For your girl.
09:36We don't know yet.
09:39Do you want to?
09:41What the hell?
09:43The video of us beheading the statue got 3,000 dislikes.
09:46Who doesn't love a classic prank?
09:48Missy?
09:51Uh, where was this statue?
09:54A friend of the Lord had a creepy vibe speeding you in.
09:57And did this bar have a name?
09:59That was weird, too.
10:00It was called Stagnus.
10:03What is that?
10:04Like how much you're like a stag?
10:07Idiots, it's not Stagnus.
10:09It's St. Agnes.
10:13It's a church.
10:14Whose statue do they put in front of churches?
10:22Looks like...
10:24Burger King.
10:25Well, no wonder they're mad.
10:27People love that guy.
10:40Come on!
10:41You're right!
10:42Come dance with dadada dadada!
10:49Maybe I'm overreacting.
10:51Maybe he was teasing.
10:59What a creep
11:01My first crush is a creep
11:09It's been 20 minutes
11:11I still don't have a better idea
11:13Don't come
11:16Occupy
11:17You think I wouldn't crawl under and pull you out of there?
11:26Can we do this outside the men's room?
11:28Nope
11:28It's gone on long enough
11:29We're going to straighten everything out
11:31Right here, right now
11:31We're going to go back to the party as a family
11:33The shrimp is bad
11:34The shrimp is bad
11:36We're not serving shrimp
11:37I ate something with a tail on it
11:39Oh, sweet Father, mercy, friends
11:44Now let's go
11:47You can't be serious
11:48If you want to get out of here
11:49You are going to tell me why you have been doing this
11:53Come on
11:54Out with it
11:57Sorry, I know you didn't mean me
11:59How do you think one conversation in a toilet is going to fix everything?
12:02I don't
12:03But at least it's a start
12:04What do you want to do?
12:05Wait for my funeral?
12:06There's nothing to say
12:08It's just the way we are
12:10We all just swirl around each other fighting and taking turns creating disasters
12:13So we drive each other nuts
12:15So what?
12:16That's what families do
12:17It's more than that
12:18I like myself better when I'm not around you
12:22So you have said
12:24And I
12:28Feel bad for who I am when I am around you
12:30What?
12:30You yelling?
12:32Spit balls to a battleship
12:34No
12:34I mean I know I'm disappointing you
12:40What?
12:41He said he knows he's disappointing you
12:45Sorry
12:46I'll be quiet
12:48Now I'll be quiet
12:50Mom
12:51You've always had these gigantic expectations of me
12:54Like I'm some sort of superhuman brain that can fix all the world's problems
12:58I'm sorry
12:59I can't
13:00And I can't deal with that pressure
13:01When did I ever pressure you?
13:03You said I had to become president of the United States
13:06A president?
13:07Is that what this is about?
13:10Malcolm
13:11That was just a plan
13:14Plans aren't contracts
13:15They're just plans
13:16Your father and I have made hundreds of them
13:18And look at us
13:19Barely ever work out
13:20So we just make some new ones
13:22Yeah you can't take it that seriously
13:28That was you lying?
13:33You've been lying to me?
13:34All this time?
13:36Do you know the kind of trauma you caused me?
13:38For a lie?
13:40Making me suffer under your lie?
13:42For 18 years?
13:44What kind of satanic monster are you?
13:47Oh
13:47Oh
13:50They found each other
13:52We tried to give you very specific positive goals to help you get through college
13:56So you wouldn't just party and drop out and end up in a homeless shelter
13:59That was called good parenting
14:01You don't even care about the constant stress and anxiety of trying to live up to that?
14:05Do you realize that my degrees, my charity, the awards, my beautiful, perfect daughter, finding a woman who loves me
14:14for me and makes my life complete?
14:16All of that was based on your lie?
14:18How could you do that to me?
14:23Wait
14:26Malcolm, you've accomplished so much
14:28And all of it is you
14:31It's just you
14:34You're a good father
14:35You're a good man
14:37Better than we ever hoped
14:39And I wish we didn't upset you so much
14:41And I can't say it's ever going to get better
14:44I just miss you
14:48I miss you too
14:52I'm trying so hard to hold it in, it just makes the pitch go higher
14:56Please, let's just get out of here
14:59Oh, by the way, I love my granddaughter
15:02Yeah, it's pretty easy
15:03And I approve of Tristan
15:04Thanks
15:05I mean, I don't actually need your approval
15:07I know, but I approve anyway
15:11Thanks
15:12I really love her
15:14I think I love her like you and Dad
15:23We are no longer friends
15:24We'll discuss it after dessert
15:29Hey, Dad
15:30Looking good
15:31All better now?
15:32We'll ever pass that
15:33We're not past it yet, Rhys
15:36Did we miss anything?
15:37Pull me higher, I can't see space
15:38You are in for it now
15:40All right, all right
15:40You're right, it's your moment
15:41We'll pile on later
15:43Dad
15:45There's no point in me saying I'm sorry
15:47I'm always sorry
15:49But this is different
15:51I not only took advantage of you
15:53I did it by pretending to have a closer
15:56More loving relationship
16:00I know how horrible I made you feel
16:02And the horrible thing for me
16:06Is I was faking the relationship I always wanted with you
16:11Way to take all the fun out of it
16:12Yeah, nice man
16:13That is the most honest apology I have ever heard
16:18Wow
16:19But it is completely meaningless
16:21Wait, let's get it together
16:23You have always counted on the fact that no matter what you do
16:27I will always love you
16:28And that is just true
16:30It is for all of you
16:32I assumed the love was just there
16:35In every cell of my body
16:37And I was helpless to prevent it
16:39But then I realized that that was just for your mother
16:42You guys are completely different
16:44You're so unfailingly destructive
16:47And self-absorbed
16:49And self-absorbed
16:50And oblivious
16:51That you make it so damn difficult
16:53That my genuine deep love
16:56Is an actual act of heroism
16:58Well, do you realize how good that makes me feel about myself?
17:03Thank you
17:04Thank you
17:05Thank you for that gift
17:09Especially you
17:15Are you sure everything's ready?
17:17Don't worry
17:18Don't worry everything's ready
17:19Or just don't worry
17:20Whatever answer makes you stop glaring at me
17:22I don't like it
17:24That's too late now anyway
17:28Can I have your attention please?
17:30Everyone?
17:34This is such an important day for me
17:37After 40 years of frustration
17:40Hal has finally let me celebrate our relationship
17:43My way
17:46My way
17:48Today is happening exactly the way I always wanted it to
17:52Because honey
17:54For once
17:56For once
17:59It's not about me
18:01It's about you
18:02Oh
18:11Happy anniversary, sweetheart
18:14This has taken so many online tutorials
18:16And equipment rentals
18:17And crazy expensive laptop I've been hiding from you
18:20And I hope you like it
18:23What would you like people to know about your father?
18:25That is a complicated man
18:29No he's not
18:30He's the least complex man of all time
18:33Which I love
18:34I spend so much time touring in different cities
18:37Sometimes I don't know where I am
18:39And dad calls
18:41He doesn't understand time zones
18:42And it's always like
18:44Four in the morning
18:46But it's still very thoughtful
18:49Three minutes talking to him
18:51I feel like I'm home
18:53Anyway
18:53He caught me thinking
18:54And I wrote this
19:02For me
19:02The most singular thing about dad
19:04Is his stamina
19:06The sheer amount of grief
19:08He could stomach
19:09I got in trouble
19:10Got in fights
19:11Got suspended
19:12Got expelled
19:13Twice
19:15Dad was always
19:17Unfailingly patient with me
19:19The first time I met Hal
19:20Oh got married to you
19:22Without telling them
19:22That was a big one
19:24Anyway
19:24I was dreading it
19:26As far as I knew
19:27All dads were drunk and mean
19:28But he was always so steady and reliable
19:31Now he feels like my real dad
19:33Got arrested three times
19:35No arrested twice
19:36Expelled three times
19:40We were all pretty wild
19:43But my brothers
19:44They were so far ahead of me
19:46That I needed to find my own thing
19:49So
19:50I chose noise
19:51I especially like the sound of crashing
19:55Ditches
19:55Lamps
19:56Big windows
19:57Little windows
19:59If you know what you're doing
20:00I mean you can create these frequencies
20:01That rip right through your brain
20:04And when dad stopped me
20:05He was always so
20:08Gentle
20:09About it
20:10I mean it really made me
20:12Want to be peaceful
20:14I really appreciated his tenderness
20:18Even though
20:18I'm kind of a tough guy
20:19I mean
20:21Look at these beasts
20:23Can the love of your life be a man
20:25Another heterosexual man
20:27I say yes
20:28A thousand times yes
20:30When someone is that loving
20:32And giving
20:33And honest
20:34And true
20:34You can't stop it
20:36You understand
20:36He's not just my best friend
20:38He's the best person
20:40No one disagree with me
20:42On this one
20:45Hell
20:48Is a
20:48Great
20:49Everyone expects me to talk about
20:54How forgiving and accepting he is
20:56And he totally is with me
20:59I don't know why I do what I do
21:01I actually asked a therapist about it
21:03But he was all
21:03I don't know you
21:05And I don't work for free
21:06But what I'm really thankful for
21:08Is the optimism he gave me
21:10I still wake up every day
21:12Thinking I'll be better
21:14He's always cheerful
21:15And honest
21:16And helpful
21:16And wise
21:17And honest
21:18Oh right
21:20You already said that
21:20Yes
21:21I admire his enthusiasm
21:22And his courage
21:23He can try anything
21:24And make us do it too
21:25Our vocal group
21:26Firewalk
21:28Firewalk
21:28And don't forget
21:30Insightful
21:31Nobody else recognized
21:32That my bluster
21:33Was just a cover
21:34To hide my shame
21:35At ruining secret Santa
21:36And he's incredibly generous
21:38Especially when they play in poker
21:41Hey Doug
21:42I'm sorry this is so rushed
21:43But I'm just a holy swamp
21:44But I wanted to say
21:45I love you
21:46I admire your decency
21:48And your honesty
21:48And your
21:50Hair
21:50So happy birth
21:52Anniversary
21:52Hey Linda
21:53Can you bring me that report?
21:56I was like
21:58Five
21:59When I started feeling wrong
22:02Thought I was great at hiding it
22:04Because you guys never said anything
22:07But then
22:10I had this one
22:12Really shitty day
22:14In the fifth grade
22:15With the other kids
22:16And even my teacher
22:22When I had
22:23Little kid problems
22:25I'd just go to dad
22:27And he'd clown around
22:28And make me feel better
22:31And I wanted to do that
22:32But
22:34Instead I just
22:35Blurted out
22:36Dad am I wrong
22:40And
22:41He was looking at me
22:42And
22:43And I knew that he knew
22:45And had always known
22:48And
22:51I could tell he was thinking like
22:53Like really hard
22:57And I was terrified
23:01And then
23:02And then he finally said
23:04Could be nicer to your mom sometimes
23:09So yeah
23:11I like him
23:15Sincere
23:17Loyal
23:17Tenderness
23:18Brave
23:18Funny
23:19Faith
23:19Incredible
23:20Remarkable
23:21Wrinkling
23:22Determined
23:23Considered
23:24Sparkling
23:25Fetched
23:26Awesome
23:26Outlaw
23:27Amazing
23:28Fetched
23:29Fetched
23:29Fetched
23:30Love
23:36We did it
23:38Woohoo
23:38All lines are beautiful lines
23:43Hal
23:45When we first met
23:47I knew I'd been looking for you my entire life
23:54You're my wish come true
24:07Woohoo
24:22No one's ever done anything like that for me
24:26No one ever led us
24:28Excuse me
24:32It feels weird
24:33To insert myself into this moment
24:35But if
24:36I don't do it now
24:37I'm afraid I never will
24:39Dad
24:42I'm sorry for how crappy my part in that was
24:46I didn't realize how much this meant
24:49How much you meant
24:53I'm sorry
25:03I thought I was improving myself
25:05By being away from you
25:07But instead I
25:08Forgot the important things I learned from you
25:11Give everyone a chance
25:15Love is brave
25:18Don't stop believing
25:21I know where you got that one
25:23But it's still good
25:24So
25:26Love is brave
25:30Tristan
25:32I am so flawed
25:33There are so many parts of my personality
25:36That don't work right
25:38But I love you
25:40So much
25:42Will you marry me?
25:46No
25:58That doesn't work for everything Stevie
26:00Malcolm
26:02I love you
26:04So much
26:06But we both just found out
26:07We've been keeping
26:09Gigantic
26:10Awful secrets from each other
26:12We have to figure that out
26:14Before we do anything
26:18Except sex
26:18We'll definitely have sex later
26:21Yes
26:22Thank you
26:23Thank you
26:24Thank you
26:26Thank you
26:28Thank you
26:29Thank you
26:39Thank you
26:40Sweetie get off your phone
26:41It's a party
26:42Don't talk to that little weirdo
26:44He looks lonely
26:51Hi
26:53I'm Leah
26:53Hubert
26:55Who ordered you to approach me?
26:57My grandma
26:58She could tell I was lonely
26:59Just as I could tell you're lonely
27:02It's probably because you're odd
27:04I am
27:05Well then
27:07We're a match made in heaven
27:08Don't do eyebrows
27:09And you're already giving me good advice
27:12We're blossoming
27:15Hi
27:16Would you like to join what may become a super cool friend group?
27:23Yeah, okay
27:24Thanks
27:26Can I ask you guys about something really embarrassing?
27:29If you knew me better you wouldn't
27:31But go ahead
27:33Ladies and gentlemen
27:34We present the anniversary dance
27:36Under the spotlight
27:37Please remember
27:38They chose the music
27:41What have you done?
27:43What are you talking about?
27:45No
27:46It's just a silly little romantic thing
27:48It's no idea
27:49Do you feel my heart beating?
27:52Do you understand?
27:55Do you feel the same?
27:58Am I only dreaming?
28:03I believe
28:04It's meant to be
28:07Do you feel the same?
28:12Am I only dreaming?
28:17Oh my god
28:19I'm being in a dream
28:20You're a dream
28:21You're a dream
28:29Do you feel the same?
28:31Do you feel my heart beating?
28:33Do you feel the same?
28:35Do you feel the same?
28:38Am I only dreaming?
28:42I'm dreaming
28:43To be
28:44It's just a silly little romantic thing
28:50You're a dream
28:54Do you feel the same?
28:57Do you feel my heart beating?
28:59Do you feel the same?
29:02Do you feel the same?
29:04Am I only dreaming?
29:27I'm sorry, I'm sorry that I wasn't supposed to, I didn't mean to, do you like it?
29:46This is the most incontestable forfeit of a security deposit of all time.
29:52And well worth it.
29:54Ow.
29:56What?
29:56What the hell?
29:58My leg is killing me.
30:03When the hell did I get a cast?
30:06Having friends is awesome.
30:08I had no idea.
30:10We talked everything out and they gave me a whole new perspective.
30:13So, I am going to send a picture.
30:16Well, a screenshot.
30:18To his parents.
30:19And every girl in school.
30:24Teachable moment.
30:27Just so you know, Grandma actually helped me solve a problem.
30:29Really?
30:30How?
30:31Well, by bossing me around about something completely different.
30:35That's the MO.
30:36It just occurred to me.
30:38My next poo is going to be amazing.
30:42Nice job ruining the anniversary.
30:45Me?
30:45Everything would have been fine if those rafters were spaced properly.
30:48Oh cool, those rafters are exactly the code.
30:50They absolutely are not.
30:52God's sake, Reese.
30:53Building codes specify different rafter spacing for 4x6s and 4x8s.
30:56And there's no way you can tell the dimensions from down here.
30:58And when a zipper sticks, you don't keep yanking on it.
31:00Alright?
31:01You pull gently and wiggle it side to side.
31:03That's another thing.
31:04That cheap zipper.
31:05There's tons of things to blame.
31:07Well, I guess this is my life again.
31:10I just have to do everything I can to make it work.
31:13Mostly because I can't think of any way out of it.
31:16Hope Leah's going to be okay with this family.
31:18I like this family.
31:20I feel so much less weird by comparison.
31:23I hope dad's going to be able to handle it.
31:26I'm sure he'll be fine.
31:31Free designs, Rob.
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