00:01And so as the sun rose over the island of cheese, casting long shadows through the sausage bushes, illuminating the
00:11tops of the honey trees, and warming the fields of smoked salmon,
00:17I, Baron Munchausen, who am renowned first and foremost for telling the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the
00:27truth,
00:29for while it has been my privilege...
00:32Oh! Tighter! Tighter!
00:36Steady! How can you become a great actor like me, poor darling, if you belong to pieces? Come on!
00:43Hey, native lamb!
00:45Oh, yeah!
00:46That's a good one!
00:49That's enough!
00:51There, to attempt the education of my provincial and narrow-minded and stupidly incredulous fellow countrymen, we heaved anchor and
01:02set sail!
01:15The waves! The waves!
01:19Oh, bugger!
01:22We are actors!
01:24Where the devil's a stage man's dead?
01:28How'd all have been killed?
01:29Not killed, Ducky, suicide.
01:31Nothing to do with your acting.
01:33And we hear you again.
01:36Come!
01:38But ill luck pursued me.
01:41I was blown towards the waiting jaws of a wheel
01:44of such prodigious size and length
01:47that I could not, even with a telescope,
01:51see the end of him.
01:57What will become of the barrow?
02:01Surely this time there is no escape.
02:04What will become of the barrow?
02:08Surely this time there is no escape.
02:15I have learned from experience
02:18that a modicum of snuff can be most efficacious.
02:24Ha ha ha ha!
02:31Ha ha ha!
02:43Bells!
02:43Bells!
02:44Bells!
02:44B dazzling!
02:45Buckets of blood!
02:46Where were the waves?
02:49The waves!
02:51Stop it!
02:52You incompetent, Emberteel!
02:55It wasn't me, it was her!
02:58It wasn't me!
02:59It was him, you big dick!
03:02We are supposed to be professionals
03:05and we're trying to stay alive!
03:10Shally!
03:13Shhh!
03:14Now, stay in here
03:16or I shall lock you up.
03:18Where's my brother?
03:19What? You haven't got a brother?
03:21Can you just tell me why it says
03:24Henley Salt and Fun
03:26on your daughter?
03:28I should never have taught you to read.
03:30And sun is traditional.
03:32That's the way it's supposed to be.
03:40Oh!
03:51No.
03:52The Sultan's demands are still not sufficiently rational.
03:55The only lasting piece is one based on reason
03:58and scientific principle.
03:59I'm terribly sorry, Mr. Jackson.
04:01The first act didn't go quite as we would have liked.
04:04One or two little technical problems.
04:06Oh, please don't apologize, Mr. Salt.
04:09I'm sure you're doing your best in very trying circumstances.
04:14Retention.
04:15Hm?
04:16Ah, excuse me.
04:17They were exonerate.
04:18Ah, the officer who risked his life
04:21by single-handedly destroying six enemy cannon
04:24and rescuing ten of our men held captive by the Turk.
04:29Yes, sir.
04:31The officer about whom we've heard so much.
04:33I suppose so, sir.
04:34Always taking risks far beyond the call of duty.
04:38I only did my best, sir.
04:41I've been executed at once.
04:43Yes, sir.
04:45Come along.
04:46This sort of behavior is demoralizing
04:47for the ordinary soldiers and citizens
04:49who are trying to lead normal, simple, unexceptional lives.
04:53I think it's as difficult enough as it is
04:55without these emotional people walking the boat.
05:24Oh, no!
05:27What a surprise that a passing zephyr should waft me here.
05:34Perhaps fate wishes me to teach the sultan a lesson or two.
05:43His Highness the Sultan loved a good wine and could never resist a wager.
05:50Characteristics that were to cost him dear.
05:53Lies! Lies! You scoundrels! I won't put up with it! It's intolerable!
05:59Stop this tapestry! Stop it!
06:02It's an insult! An indignity!
06:05I've never seen so much rubbish in all my life!
06:09You don't know what you're talking about!
06:11One day, after a sumptuous dinner, the sultan bade me to accompany him to his private apartments.
06:20Please, please leave the stage!
06:23This laggard and impostor!
06:26I am the Baron Munchhausen, and I won't be made a fool of!
06:29Please, please, come up here! We are presenting a performance!
06:34We are presenting a mockery!
06:37To present me as if I were ridiculous fiction, a joke!
06:39I won't have it!
06:47What the devil's going on?
06:50No!
06:50Get there!
06:51I told you why!
06:53Put your own shit!
06:57The terns! The terns!
06:59The terns!
07:00The terns!
07:01The terns!
07:05The terns!
07:05Get off!
07:06Get off!
07:06Get off!
07:07Get off!
07:07Get off, you fool!
07:08You're ruining the show!
07:10Can Jeremy Bell do something?
07:11I must talk with my audience!
07:13Mom!
07:16Dear and gentlemen, I must-
07:18I must apologize for this, this most dreadful occurrence.
07:22I can assure you that-
07:24Ah, ah, ah!
07:26Deborah, to continue with the performances advertised in your sheet.
07:30Hello. Hello.
07:33Beautiful ladies.
07:38Hello.
07:40Beautiful ladies.
07:42You have really a great taste, sir.
07:46Otherwise, it's all quite wrong.
07:48Listen, Cocky, we've got a show to do.
07:51Good Lord, Bertold!
07:55Who's Bertold?
07:57How on earth? It's marvellous to see you.
08:01How are you? Where have you been?
08:04How are your legs? Where are the others?
08:07Come away!
08:08Albrecht! Adolphus! Gustavus!
08:13I can't believe it! This is miraculous!
08:17I'm Bill! He's Bill!
08:19Is he still here? Will he get rid of him, for goodness sake?
08:24What is the matter?
08:25Oh, I'm terribly sorry, sir. We're just about to start the second act afresh.
08:29Just...
08:29Who is this?
08:31I've no idea. Some old lunatic.
08:33He's Baron Schausen.
08:36Oh, I see. The real Baron Monk Hosen.
08:43Yes, indeed.
08:46Who, sir, may I ask you?
08:48A public servant.
08:50I am responsible for, among other things, the licensing of this theatre.
08:55This, sir, is the right ordinary Horatio Jackson, who just happens to be winning the war and saving the city.
09:02Pah!
09:03Oh, please, leave us!
09:06He's an ass.
09:07Only I can end this war.
09:11Explain yourself.
09:12I can end it because I began it.
09:15I am the cause.
09:18I'm afraid, sir, you have rather a weak grasp of reality.
09:24Your reality, sir, is lies and balderdash.
09:28And I'm delighted to say that I have no grasp of it whatsoever!
09:40This man obviously needs a doctor.
09:43Doctor!
09:43Doctor!
09:46We will continue with the show, so thank you very much, you Lord, and I mean it's right off!
09:52Doctor!
09:53Please be reasonable!
09:55If we don't get on with it, he'll throw us to the Turks!
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