- 4 weeks ago
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00:00:00Hello there everybody you're all very welcome to the show and I hope you enjoy what happens here
00:00:20over the next hour or so. To find out who our first guest is let me hand you over to our MC
00:00:25for the evening, the beautiful Fred Cook. Thank you Tommy, well our first guest is Louise James.
00:00:41Hello, welcome sit down there. Thank you. I don't know you? No. Where are you from? I'm from Derry. Derry? Yes. And what's your
00:00:51line of work like or what do you what do you do? Well I'm a mum. I'm a Zoom. So in 2016 I
00:01:02lost my family in the Bon Canipier tragedy. So I lost my two sons Mark and Evan, my mum, my sister and my
00:01:12partner and my baby daughter at the time, she was four months, she was the sole survivor. Can you remind
00:01:22me of what happened there please? Um so I had been away for the weekend with friends, we were on a
00:01:30home weekend and my mum had the boys and my daughter and my partner Sean had taken them out for dinner
00:01:40on the Sunday. And on the way home they went to the pier to watch the sunset and the car slid in the algae
00:01:51on the pier. And the car went under the water. How come your baby daughter survived? A fella swam and her
00:02:06dad handed her out and he swam back to shore with her. What year was it did you say? 2016. So it's 10 years.
00:02:17It'll be 10 years now in March. The 20th of March. Yeah. Who told you? I knew. I had a feeling that something was wrong.
00:02:31But my brother was the one day breaking to me.
00:02:40I had a gut feeling.
00:02:41That you, would you have had those gut feelings before? Yeah. About things and nothing had happened? Yeah.
00:02:54But I had been, I got up on the Sunday and I had phoned Sean and I'd say to him you know I just want to
00:03:01come home. You know I didn't leave the boys much you know they were mine. You know I just had
00:03:07Raina. Raina was four months old. And I phoned him and he said you know enjoy, enjoy being away.
00:03:14You know you're coming home tonight. You know you'll be fine. You know the boys will see you when you're home.
00:03:20And so that was fine. Later on that evening I had phoned Jodie to tell her that my flight had been
00:03:27delayed for an hour. And I said where are you? And she goes we're in the park playing. They had just
00:03:33gone for dinner. And I chatted to the boys. And Evan said that I just can't wait to get you home.
00:03:39I just want to give you a hug. He loved, he loved his hugs. He loved giving hugs the two of them did.
00:03:44And Jodie started laughing and she says I'm just laughing at these things telling me how much they
00:03:49love you and I can't wait for you to come home. And I hung up the phone. I told her to look after them.
00:03:55I was all like look after him in the park. Evan had, he was the youngest boy and he had
00:04:00Duchenne muscular dystrophy. So she was all he's fine. And I was like Mark watch your brother.
00:04:06And he was all, Mama you worry too much. You know, he's fine. Leave him alone. He's having fun.
00:04:11Can you, can you just go through the people again because I'm a bit overwhelmed.
00:04:16Yes. So who, because I'm getting mixed up with the kids.
00:04:20Yes. So Mark is my oldest son. Yeah. And Evan is my youngest son. Okay.
00:04:25And Jodie is my sister. Okay. So the three of them were playing in the park and I was talking to
00:04:31Jodie. Okay. So she was 14. Mark was 12 and Evan was eight. And my mum and Sean were in the car with
00:04:40Raina. Yeah. And so I was chatting to her on the phone and then I hung up and I'm going to say it was
00:04:47about 15, maybe 20 minutes later. I literally felt like somebody had ripped my heart out of my chest.
00:04:58That's the only way to describe it. And that happened when? At the airport.
00:05:04So I immediately like rang her back and there was nothing, you know, no connection.
00:05:12And I started to panic. And I was like, I know there's something wrong.
00:05:20So this, this feeling of that your heart. Yeah.
00:05:23It was ripped out of my chest. And there's nothing around you. No.
00:05:30Just something. Hmm. So I phoned, I phoned my brother and he had asked me,
00:05:36was I on social media? And I'd said, no, cause I had taken, I had taken all my, I took everything off
00:05:43my phone because my battery was low. So you turn everything off to save your battery. And I said,
00:05:50I said, no, no. And he said, there's been an accident in Boncana. And I, I said, it's them.
00:05:58You know, I have a feeling I just know. And he said, no, it's, it's a car with, with two men.
00:06:04And I said, and I'm very like, I need to see. So I was like, well, what color is the car?
00:06:09He says, I don't know. It's just, it's just come up. And I went, just tell me the color of the car.
00:06:14And you know, I'll be okay, but I need to know the color of the car. And he went, well,
00:06:18you used to drive a Jeep. You know, it's a car that's gone on. So it's gone off the pier.
00:06:24And I says, look, turn, don't go on anything and turn your phone off.
00:06:28And I says, right, okay. So he hung up. I turned my phone off. And I got on that plane.
00:06:36And as the plane was coming on the land, I had looked across and a girl had turned on her phone.
00:06:46And it just came up, black SUV has gone onto the pier at Boncana Pier.
00:06:55And I, I don't, I just remember running off that plane. And as I was running, I switched my phone back on.
00:07:03And that's when my brother phoned me to tell me.
00:07:09What did he say?
00:07:10He, he said, are you listening to me? And I said, I know. And he says, I know.
00:07:18I said, are they all gone? And he said,
00:07:21Raina's at the hospital.
00:07:28I said, I don't know what stitch she's in. He said, but she's at the hospital.
00:07:32But yeah, they're all gone. Sorry.
00:07:35Hey.
00:07:39Just in case.
00:07:42Yeah. So we went straight on to see Raina.
00:07:45And my mum always used to say, you know, if, if I die, I'll, I'll show you a sign, you know,
00:07:55and I was like, well, what's your sign? She goes, well, I love elephants.
00:07:59So my sign will be an elephant. So if I ever die, and you see an elephant, you know, that's me.
00:08:04And I'd gone on and the nurse said,
00:08:07Louise, I, I don't know if you give Raina a dummy or not, but I've given her a dummy
00:08:12because she's been crying. And I said, no, that's fine.
00:08:15And on the front of the dummy was a wee elephant.
00:08:20You know, and I just thought, right, that's, that's my sign.
00:08:24My mum's here and she's okay.
00:08:33What, can you remember what your body felt like?
00:08:38Numb.
00:08:39I felt like I was just drifting.
00:08:45You know, I just felt like I was existing. I wasn't here.
00:08:49How long did that last? That, that, it's still here now.
00:09:12I'm still here.
00:09:17You know, you laugh all day, you carry on, you cry all night.
00:09:22You know, you feel guilty for loving. You feel guilty for
00:09:26telling jokes, laughing, being involved, going to parties.
00:09:32But then that's not fair on Raina. You know, I still have to live a life for her.
00:09:36How's she getting on?
00:09:42She's fantastic.
00:09:43You know, she's our two brothers mixed into one, along with a wee pinch of her.
00:09:49She's, she's my everything. I exist for her.
00:09:56So she might be,
00:10:00she is no weight of grief.
00:10:02I hope not.
00:10:03When it comes to asking questions about it.
00:10:05No.
00:10:07So I'm imagining that she might have
00:10:09often been asking questions in a very happy way.
00:10:14Yes. You know, she'll be like, oh, do you want to go to the pier? Do you just want to go down and
00:10:19you know, have a look or just to see. And she'll, no, I'll say aye, okay. I'll never say no. We can't.
00:10:27You know, and we do. She went down, she'll put a Derry City scarf on the, on the gate.
00:10:33And she writes their name on it.
00:10:36You know, and then she goes, can we go back down there and make sure that scarf's still there.
00:10:39What, what do you reckon she makes of it?
00:10:46I don't know. I've never, you know, she, she knows it's hard. She, she, like she misses them.
00:10:53She'll tell you, you know, she misses, she misses the fact that she had two big brothers and they're
00:10:58not here. You know, she goes, that's not fair that they got to know me, but I didn't get to know them.
00:11:04And I went, but you do know them because they're basically you.
00:11:08Hmm. Is the house covered in?
00:11:12Not covered. I do have.
00:11:14I'm not that morbid.
00:11:17Is there, are there photographs everywhere?
00:11:22In my hall, I've got photographs in the hall of them.
00:11:25And that's, and maybe two in the living room and then that's it. But it's, it's not a shrine.
00:11:29Was that a decision as well?
00:11:32Well, it's photos that was there anyway, you know, it's photos that I had.
00:11:36I just never took them down, you know, and it's photos that some photos have been taken away and
00:11:42she's been in their place, you know, but there's still some photos there to let her know that they
00:11:50still, they're still part of our family. We still talk about them.
00:11:59What's the journey
00:12:04from that moment like?
00:12:10Very hard. Very hard.
00:12:12You know, you exist. You don't love. You exist.
00:12:17You know, from a busy household today, you're on your own with a four-month-old baby.
00:12:24The person that you want to talk to is no longer there.
00:12:27The person that you want to give you a hug, to tell you everything's going to be okay, is no longer there.
00:12:33You know, you think that can be your partner or your mum, but when the two of them's gone,
00:12:38you're left standing going, what do I do? Who do I turn to? Who do I talk to?
00:12:44You know, you're left, you're left talking to a four-month-old baby.
00:12:48Crying in the middle of the night or whatever and...
00:12:50Sometimes I didn't sleep. I walked the floors.
00:12:57How important was the, uh, were the three or four days of
00:13:03grieving before they were buried?
00:13:08That was hard because the house didn't empty.
00:13:11You like, there was thousands of people came, they pay their respects.
00:13:16The house never emptied. You know, we didn't get a chance to breathe.
00:13:22You know, if there wasn't people and there was media trying to take pictures,
00:13:25you know, it was tough going. You know, you felt like you had no privacy. You were just invaded.
00:13:36With people trying to take pictures of the coffins.
00:13:40You know, it was hard.
00:13:42And were you aware of that?
00:13:43Yeah.
00:13:46Can you, can you talk to me about those feelings and what they're like?
00:13:49Tough. They're heart-wrenching. They're sick. You want to throw up.
00:13:59You don't want to let them go. You just want to keep them forever. You can't.
00:14:05That lad has to go in that coffin at some stage. And that's, that's the bit you don't want to do.
00:14:13Taking them to the cemetery is, is terrible. You don't want to leave the cemetery then.
00:14:19Like it's hard having a wake for one. But when you're having a wake for five, it's a different story.
00:14:32Did you choose everybody's clothes?
00:14:34I did. I did.
00:14:36What did you put them in?
00:14:37I put them in their Dairy City rigs.
00:14:40Of course.
00:14:43Had to be the red and white.
00:14:44Yeah.
00:14:47Yeah.
00:14:47And your mum and your sister.
00:14:49Yeah.
00:14:49I put a nice dress for my mum, my sister.
00:14:53And my mum had a nice skirting top.
00:14:57Were you in the room when they closed the coffins?
00:15:00Yeah.
00:15:02Yes.
00:15:02Do you remember what you did?
00:15:10I gave them a kiss.
00:15:14Told them night-night.
00:15:18All of them?
00:15:19Yeah.
00:15:25Yeah.
00:15:26It was hard.
00:15:28But I had to.
00:15:31Do you, are you apart from Rena much now?
00:15:34No, only when she's at school.
00:15:36She's nearly like stuck to my side.
00:15:37Yeah.
00:15:40What do you think of, I know you feel the guilt.
00:15:42Yes.
00:15:46What do you think of that?
00:15:48What do you think about feeling guilty?
00:15:53I feel guilty every day.
00:15:54And then I feel guilty for feeling guilty.
00:15:56Because of, of Rena.
00:16:00You know, I just, I feel guilty for going away.
00:16:03For being away.
00:16:04Because I go, you know, might not have happened if I had been there.
00:16:09You know, but then you have to stop and tell yourself that
00:16:12what's happened's happened and you can't change it.
00:16:14And you can't feel guilty forever.
00:16:18You know, at some stage you have to draw a line and say, you know.
00:16:22And be brave.
00:16:23And be brave.
00:16:24And go.
00:16:26Yeah.
00:16:26Enough's enough.
00:16:27This is me.
00:16:28This is my new chapter.
00:16:31So it's, it's 10 years now in March.
00:16:34And I'm doing a charity event.
00:16:39Charity event is in Boncana.
00:16:41So it's a walk.
00:16:42It's going to start at the park where they were last playing.
00:16:45Where they were last having fun.
00:16:47And it's going to go over towards the RNLI station.
00:16:52And the RNLI men are going to have the booked out.
00:16:55And let people see what they actually do.
00:16:58In remembrance of them.
00:17:00The money that I raise is going towards the RNLI.
00:17:04This is the, I want to celebrate their life.
00:17:08Celebrate them in the walk.
00:17:11And a gala ball.
00:17:13I'm doing a gala ball in Everlyton Hotel.
00:17:16And the money that I raise is all going to the RNLI.
00:17:21Do you think it's, it's possible to have a bit of crack at something like that?
00:17:28Of course, yeah.
00:17:30I don't want it to be doom and gloom.
00:17:31You know, I'm definitely not a doom and gloom person.
00:17:34You know, I do like to have a bit of crack.
00:17:37I'll cry when I go home.
00:17:39You know, I'll bawl my eyes out for having a bit of crack.
00:17:42But of course, yes, you know, I do, I do like a bit of fun.
00:17:46How about dating?
00:17:53Well, that hasn't taken off yet.
00:17:56With a big yet.
00:18:00Maybe someday.
00:18:01You're just getting yourself organised.
00:18:06Oh, maybe I'm a wee bit too much for someone.
00:18:10Too much baggage.
00:18:12No, but your body has needs.
00:18:20Do you mean?
00:18:20Yeah.
00:18:21You're a physical person.
00:18:22Yes.
00:18:22You know?
00:18:25Yeah, of course.
00:18:26You want to meet someone.
00:18:28Of course you do.
00:18:29You know, I don't want Rena growing up and saying,
00:18:32I'm going to get my mum a cat.
00:18:35You know, because she's on her own.
00:18:37Don't want to be on my own forever.
00:18:39You know, I want her to be.
00:18:41Do you know that life is about having someone there?
00:18:45Being in a relationship with someone?
00:18:49Yes, of course.
00:18:49Do people ask you advice about grief?
00:18:55Sometimes, yeah.
00:18:56But I can't give, I can't give them that answer.
00:19:01I know, everybody grieves in different ways, at different stages.
00:19:05You know, all I can say is just be patient.
00:19:08Be patient with somebody that's grieving.
00:19:10You know, you think the first, everybody thinks the first year's the hardest.
00:19:17It's not.
00:19:18That's the easiest.
00:19:20For me, it was the second and third.
00:19:24The reality of, you know, everybody getting back to normal.
00:19:30And then no longer being involved in people's lives.
00:19:34You know, their friends still calling to me.
00:19:36They're amazing.
00:19:37Their wee friends, their mommies.
00:19:39Should all be so proud of them.
00:19:40Because they're amazing.
00:19:42You know, they're still calling and check on me and check on Reina.
00:19:46And they're so, they're so lovely.
00:19:47And they tell me that their memory will live on forever with them.
00:19:51You know.
00:19:52Remarkable.
00:19:52I don't want anybody to forget them.
00:19:55How old are these young Felizanella?
00:19:56Because how old are...
00:19:57Well, some of them would have been eight at the time.
00:20:00And some of them would have been 12.
00:20:02So Evan's friends would have been eight.
00:20:04Mark's friends would have been 12.
00:20:06So now you have 18 to 22-year-olds.
00:20:0918 and 22-year-olds coming into me with tattoos.
00:20:12And driving their cars.
00:20:13And their girlfriends all tell me, they all look what I've done.
00:20:16And see, like, when they do something, they come on to get my approval.
00:20:20You know.
00:20:21But they're amazing, you know.
00:20:22And Jodie's friends as well.
00:20:24You know, I see Jodie's friends and they want to meet me for coffee.
00:20:28And they might chat to me.
00:20:29They want to talk to me about the fundraising.
00:20:31They want to get involved.
00:20:32They're like, right, is there a Facebook?
00:20:34You know.
00:20:34And there is.
00:20:35It's the Bunkranapir tragedy.
00:20:39That's the Facebook page and the Instagram page for donations.
00:20:43If anybody wants to go on and support us with the foundation.
00:20:48I just want to raise as much awareness for the RNLI.
00:20:51And Mark and Evan and Jodie's friends are helping with that.
00:20:55And they're remarkable.
00:20:56They're amazing.
00:20:58You know.
00:20:58And I love seeing them.
00:21:01What did you write on their tombstones?
00:21:05I wrote all, well, it's quite a big one.
00:21:07Is it one big one?
00:21:08Yeah.
00:21:09They're all in together.
00:21:10So my mum and Jodie's on one side and Sean and the two boys are on the other.
00:21:16And then I had a girl in between.
00:21:18I had a baby daughter in between the two boys.
00:21:22And she is now in with the boys and her dad.
00:21:26She died 17 hours after she was born with fluid in the lungs.
00:21:31So I have a wee prayer.
00:21:32I have the angel, the angel of God prayer on their headstone.
00:21:37Because we said that every night before we went to bed.
00:21:40How does that go?
00:21:43Angel of God, my guardian dear, to whom God's love commits me here,
00:21:47ever this day be at my side, to light and guard, to rule and guide.
00:21:51Amen.
00:21:54Yeah.
00:21:54So that's on, that's on their headstone.
00:22:00What was then your daughter's name?
00:22:02Oh, Jessica.
00:22:08It's, it's too easy a thing to say, but it, it's,
00:22:17I hope that there is
00:22:21that you can leave a lot of stuff behind you.
00:22:23Yeah.
00:22:24That the 10 years thing is all right.
00:22:27It's, it's nearly like I wanted to be,
00:22:31you know, I wanted to be a celebration of their life,
00:22:34you know, and thank every individual that was there that night that helped.
00:22:41You know, there's, there's so many of them that I don't know.
00:22:43And I want them to know that I'm grateful.
00:22:45I want them to know that, you know, I appreciate everything that they did.
00:22:52And for me, this is, it's 10 years.
00:22:54And I do want to do, you know, the, the fundraising,
00:22:58but it's nearly like, this is the closing of a chapter and open up a new chapter with me and Rena.
00:23:06And it's like a fresh start.
00:23:08In a way, no, we'll, we'll never move on, but we can move forward.
00:23:12Hmm. What date in March is the, is the, the walk?
00:23:18The anniversary is the 20th.
00:23:22And the walk we're doing is on Sunday, the 22nd at 11 o'clock at the park in Boncana.
00:23:31And then on Friday, the 8th of May, which is my mum's birthday.
00:23:35That's when I'm doing my gala ball in Everington Hotel.
00:23:44So I don't know, really,
00:23:55what you were thinking in terms of coming on to the show.
00:23:58But I just want to thank you very much for being so open and talking to me about what happened.
00:24:07And I know this is my first ever interview. I've never done one before.
00:24:13This is the first time I've spoke publicly about it.
00:24:16I talk about it all the time.
00:24:17You know, I talk to friends and family and, you know, people who ask, if people ask me,
00:24:22I'll, I'll openly talk about it.
00:24:23No, I'm not afraid.
00:24:25People think if they bring it up, they're upsetting me, but, you know, they're not.
00:24:30But, you know, I don't, I actually don't mind.
00:24:34I like knowing that I've helped people.
00:24:36Some people say, no, you've helped me, you're three.
00:24:38And that's nice to know, you know, but the whole reason for me doing this was to promote the fact that I
00:24:46want to make as much awareness for the RNLI as possible in Boncana.
00:24:51Okay.
00:24:51Yeah.
00:24:52Thanks, Louise.
00:24:54Thank you so much.
00:24:55Welcome back to the second half, everybody.
00:25:17Freddie, who's next?
00:25:18Tommy.
00:25:19Our next guests are Cormac and Brandon O'Biogli.
00:25:31Now, you're, you're a man I often think of.
00:25:38Good way or bad way?
00:25:41Well, in a very inspirational way.
00:25:43I'd be very, uh, inspired by you, Brendon, and your attitude to life.
00:25:50And the last time I was talking to you, uh, you were on with Seamus,
00:25:54but I think after that, I bumped into you somewhere and you were just about to drive
00:25:59across Mongolia in an old banger of a car.
00:26:04There's something about the attitude of saying yes to things,
00:26:08though that's very inspiring.
00:26:12Did you get any of that?
00:26:15Well, I'm here.
00:26:19What could be more dangerous than this?
00:26:20So for people who don't know your father and son, are you a good dad, do you reckon?
00:26:28I'm full of, full of faults.
00:26:30I have been, I've made mistakes.
00:26:32I might have been too hard at times, which there wasn't.
00:26:36And, um, I just gave it my best shot.
00:26:40Um, I gave it my best shot.
00:26:44I made mistakes.
00:26:45Everybody makes mistakes.
00:26:46Yeah.
00:26:47And.
00:26:53When did, this isn't a therapy session.
00:26:56I don't like it.
00:26:56Uh, was there, um,
00:27:01when did you realize that you'd be able to work with your dad?
00:27:05Um, work with him.
00:27:10I don't know.
00:27:11I don't really see music as work.
00:27:12Like I could kind of grow up with it.
00:27:14Um, but I guess working on, I suppose, the TV program,
00:27:18She in the Meagliach.
00:27:19And that's kind of, that's a bit, that's kind of work, I suppose.
00:27:23But, um, I guess when I was asked, he was very excited to work with him.
00:27:26Like, and I go, like, the question you asked him, how, uh, how he was as a father, like,
00:27:35I'd say I'm probably in the best position to ask that, answer that, maybe.
00:27:38Um, but he's a great father and, uh, great musician, singer, very loving.
00:27:44He did his best for all of us and, uh, learned a lot from him.
00:27:48And I wouldn't be here without him, like in terms of music, what I'm doing, uh, in my life.
00:27:54So, um, yeah, I'm very grateful to be, to be born into the family I have been.
00:27:59What, what, what have you learned from him?
00:28:02Um, music and honesty, I think.
00:28:06I think that connection and how he, um, how he plays.
00:28:10He's a very emotional player and very honest player.
00:28:13And, um, I've grown up with him playing and I literally wake up in the, in the morning
00:28:20to hear him playing the accordion for years.
00:28:22And then I'd, I'd go down and I'd associate that with how he was.
00:28:25It was formless.
00:28:27So I can tell what form my dad's in just by playing a few notes.
00:28:31There was one time I came home from the Hillgrove, the nightclub in Dingle.
00:28:34Came in late and I could hear my dad playing.
00:28:37And I went down the hallway and I looked into two hall, two, two holes in the, in the door in the kitchen.
00:28:42And I knew from the millisecond I walked in the door that he was crying and playing.
00:28:45So I walked, I walked in, sure enough, looked in and he was playing, playing in the air and streaming, crying.
00:28:52So there's a, there's a, there's a big, like, there's a lot of honesty in the man and kind of grew up in that.
00:28:58Um, and I learned that from him, I think, um, I've learned a lot more from him as well as I can.
00:29:04But how long have we got?
00:29:06Any practical things like fixing punctures or bleeding radiators?
00:29:12He hates my car.
00:29:13Oh, his car, don't you?
00:29:15He's one wiper.
00:29:17I should be there.
00:29:18One wiper.
00:29:19You're driving at night, um, the window steams up.
00:29:23You press the, you try to press the heater to clear the window.
00:29:26It takes five minutes to clear it.
00:29:28There was a bulb gone there last week, um, sticky seats.
00:29:32Sticky seats?
00:29:33So.
00:29:36You have no class, though.
00:29:38But the first priority of the car is to get you where you're going.
00:29:42She's never let me down.
00:29:43Yeah, yeah.
00:29:44That's my father's thing as well.
00:29:46A car is just to get you from A to B.
00:29:48That's all there is to it.
00:29:49Um, it's an interesting word to use in terms of music, isn't it?
00:29:52Honesty.
00:29:53In terms of a tune, um, and I'm very taken with that idea of, uh, the full range of human emotions are,
00:30:06can be found in a musical instrument.
00:30:10Yeah, they're in the tunes, like, because tunes don't, um, grow on trees.
00:30:14They're coming from people's and people's experiences and composers and musicians generally.
00:30:21Uh, the good ones are very sensitive and they put their heart and soul and their experiences
00:30:27into these tunes.
00:30:28And I see tunes, they're kind of like blockchains.
00:30:29Like they, they capture, um, they capture meanings, uh, feelings and also historical events in them.
00:30:38And I think the, the goal of an artist or musician or singer is to unlock that meaning
00:30:44and to apply it.
00:30:44Like we play lots of old tunes, but to apply that to nowadays and to your own experiences.
00:30:50And, um, that's why it's, it lasts as long as it has.
00:30:56Yeah.
00:30:57Is there a living for you in the music, Cormac?
00:31:00There is.
00:31:01Yeah.
00:31:01Yeah.
00:31:02How, how, how do you put that together?
00:31:04Um, well, to make a living, uh, in traditional music anyway, I think the main way to do is to play solo.
00:31:12So I play, I play gigs, I play, at this stage I'm playing about 10, 20 gigs a year.
00:31:19Um, Ireland and internationally, I play, I think, well, I play in different projects, um,
00:31:26play with, play duets and, and trios and the family, myself and my dad and my sister,
00:31:32Cleena are recording at the moment.
00:31:34Um, but it's mostly solo to make a living from it.
00:31:38It doesn't sound like an awful lot of gigs in fairness, does it, 10 or 20?
00:31:41No, but at this stage...
00:31:42In terms of your living and in terms of, you know, um...
00:31:44Yeah, well, it's kind of supplemented as well, because at, at home in, in, in, in Dingle,
00:31:48I got a, I bought a guest house two years ago and I'm setting that up as a school,
00:31:52like, of week-long courses and various, um, instruments or dancing or music,
00:31:59and I've artist residency there as well.
00:32:03So, I, I spent about 14 years on the road playing, like, in various different, like,
00:32:08projects, um, at this stage, uh, less is more, and, um, I have to mind the love for the
00:32:18music and the playing, because overdoing it, um, uh, I was at a, at a point where I was probably
00:32:24playing too much and losing the, losing the, the garage for it, so, trying to, trying to keep
00:32:30the core of it. Sometimes you might overbook a tour, um, and there'll be, sometimes you go off the
00:32:37stage and you're, like, you're getting through it, like, you're kind of going through the motions
00:32:42on some level, but, like, I, I'd rather do three or four really good gigs than to do 20 gigs and...
00:32:50Wow, yeah, yeah, yeah, totally.
00:32:53Those kind of tours can be relentless, and I'm going to talk about the honesty,
00:32:56first. If you, if you don't really feel that tune, like, I mean, unless you're really hard,
00:33:02hard up, and you need the money, you're prepared for the heart first, and I think
00:33:10the, the money will follow if you, if you, if you stick with that.
00:33:13That all sounds, um,
00:33:17ideal and attractive. How does it tie into paying bills?
00:33:23I think you cut your cloth. I, I, I, I lived in the campervan in Galway for about seven,
00:33:28eight years, toured around playing in the campervan.
00:33:31Whereabouts did you park up?
00:33:33On campus. What?
00:33:35On campus, outside the Crane Bar.
00:33:37Really? You did seven years of that?
00:33:39I did, yeah, yeah, I did, I had a Ford Transit, lived in a campervan.
00:33:42Can you describe the, uh, the back of the campervan to me?
00:33:45Well, uh, it was a, it's an old British railway, short wheelbase, high roof, Ford Transit,
00:33:54and so I had a bit of electrics in the back, so I had a Birko in the back of it,
00:33:57for the hot water bottle.
00:33:59I had a, I, I, I, I had, I had, I had, I had a microwave and I had an electric blanket.
00:34:07I feel like I was paying it forward, like you, like you live for very little.
00:34:10Yeah, yeah.
00:34:11And save money and then, yeah.
00:34:14And I'm sure dad was proud of it, but what, what did mom think?
00:34:19Mom isn't a fan of dad's car, or my, or my type of campervan, like.
00:34:30Um, you separated, did you yourself and, and, and, and Cormac's mom?
00:34:35Well, we did, and we're still good friends.
00:34:37Right.
00:34:37And I think if you really love your children, you'll be good to their mother or their father.
00:34:41Mm.
00:34:42That, that, that was the golden rule number one with me.
00:34:45And things I, I simply let go, uh, was, was, uh, um, was it more important for me to show
00:34:52that I love my children.
00:34:53Mm.
00:34:53So, I mean, best way to do that is be good to their father or their mother.
00:34:58Simple enough, I think.
00:35:00But easier said than done.
00:35:04Looks good.
00:35:05Um, will you play me a tune?
00:35:06I'd love to, yeah.
00:35:07Yeah.
00:35:08Whatever flows out of you.
00:35:09Yeah, we'll do the tunes, yeah.
00:35:10Yeah.
00:35:11Yeah.
00:35:13It's good.
00:35:14It's good.
00:35:14It's good.
00:35:15It's good.
00:35:15It's good.
00:35:16It's good.
00:35:17Oh, yeah.
00:35:17Oh, yeah.
00:35:17Okay.
00:35:18This song was written in 1880.
00:35:21There are 13 verses.
00:35:23I believe it's one or two.
00:35:25And it was a celebration of a naivog from the great basket that won a regatta in Ventry.
00:35:31And, um, people use the Irish language, they would put, use Irish words for being cool.
00:35:38That time they used English words for being cool.
00:35:40So, they were so happy with the boat that they've always called it the beauty.
00:35:44The beauty that's the line.
00:35:45Mm-hmm.
00:35:46.
00:35:49And, uh, if you have a new life, it's great for you.
00:35:52Yeah.
00:35:57And you have a new life, you are one of our best friends,
00:36:03and we're so happy to have a new life.
00:36:04And you have a new life, and you have to connect with all of our friends.
00:36:08And you can't please it.
00:36:10And you can't please let your family in your family Si'Kluoom or the place.
00:36:12CHOIR SINGS
00:36:42CHOIR SINGS
00:37:12CHOIR SINGS
00:37:17CHOIR SINGS
00:37:22CHOIR SINGS
00:37:27CHOIR SINGS
00:37:32CHOIR SINGS
00:37:37CHOIR SINGS
00:37:42CHOIR SINGS
00:37:44CHOIR SINGS
00:37:49CHOIR SINGS
00:37:53CHOIR SINGS
00:37:55CHOIR SINGS
00:38:08Do you want us to, when that started, like I was thinking, it clashes with the way we're
00:38:25living, that there's something about that that is, it feels, I was imagining a fella
00:38:37in a, listen to something like that and then try to go into an office. Do you know what
00:38:42I'm trying to say? That there's something that that music is suggestive of another way
00:38:47of being in the world or something?
00:38:50Well, without a doubt, it's from the land, like it's from the sea and the land. And whatever
00:38:58I have, I learned from the people before me and Cormac was inspired by his neighbours and
00:39:03by me. And that's how it's, that's the natural way.
00:39:07Hmm. Can you tell me about the time after Seamus passed and how you travelled through that as a family?
00:39:20Well, it is very difficult when you lose a sibling. And I lost my brother John in 2000
00:39:26and 15, he was 62, and then Seamus when he was 73. And recently I lost my sister, she was 74.
00:39:37But I'm at that stage of life. I do my crying, I do my emotion and I, I just get through it.
00:39:43I was born in, in, in, in an island that, that, um, faced birth and death in almost the same way.
00:39:52Your first breath and your last breath, your life is that between those two breaths. And, um, I just,
00:39:59it's a natural part of life. And without accepting it, I think you, that's where the problem starts.
00:40:06Hmm. Because you, you're kind of prioritising your own pain. You just have to let the pain live it and
00:40:15play your way through it, run your way through it, swim your way through it and, and just accept it.
00:40:19There's nothing, it's, it's the most natural thing in the world. Again, easier said than done.
00:40:26Do you go for checkups and stuff like that? Like, did they, did they, did they pass the similar things?
00:40:31Or was the, or was the... Every year I go for my NCT. If you do it with your own car,
00:40:35what would you do to yourself? And so far so good anyway.
00:40:40Yeah. I look forward to your doctor's report that says there's only one wiper working.
00:40:46The seat is a bit sticky. You open two eyes, there's only one light, one full light going.
00:40:54Will you play me another tune? I'd love to, yeah. We will, yeah.
00:40:57Yeah, yeah, yeah. We'll play three polkas. Please.
00:41:00Three polkas from, um, West Kerry. The first one's called We Won't Go Home Till Morning.
00:41:04Got that from Póedembeog. And the second one, Downies. And then the third one.
00:41:09From MorÃach. Yeah, yeah. And the third one called Nelly. Yeah.
00:41:13Yeah.
00:41:15Yeah.
00:41:17Yeah.
00:41:19Yeah.
00:41:21Yeah.
00:41:23Yeah.
00:41:25Yeah.
00:41:27Yeah.
00:41:29Yeah.
00:41:31Yeah.
00:41:33Yeah.
00:41:34Yeah.
00:41:35Yeah.
00:41:36Yeah.
00:41:37Yeah.
00:41:38Yeah.
00:41:39Yeah.
00:41:40Yeah.
00:41:41Yeah.
00:41:42Yeah.
00:41:43Yeah.
00:41:44Yeah.
00:41:45Yeah.
00:41:46Yeah.
00:41:47Yeah.
00:41:48Yeah.
00:41:49Yeah.
00:41:50Yeah.
00:41:51Yeah.
00:41:52Yeah.
00:41:53Yeah.
00:45:26That's it.
00:45:28How are they all not alone?
00:45:29Yeah, yeah, we're all good.
00:45:31Yeah, great.
00:45:33Yeah.
00:45:33Do you get anything from being a Tiernan?
00:45:38One of the things I get from the Tiernans is their sense of sociability.
00:45:47So your dad, my dad, that elder kind of tribe of five,
00:45:54what I am very inspired by in terms of them is the ability to be social,
00:46:00the ability to have pints with one another, the ability to tell stories.
00:46:06So that's the thing that I'm very, that I feel part of or something like that.
00:46:12I'm just curious, is there, do you get the same?
00:46:14I'm not the same kind of storyteller as you.
00:46:16So I don't think that's coming through for me as evidently.
00:46:22But I think it's the weirdness and the abstractness
00:46:27and the alternative oblique point of view
00:46:32that would, you know, be expressed in what I do.
00:46:37See, I always thought that I had got that from my mother.
00:46:42So it's interesting to say that,
00:46:43no, you think it's on the Tiernan side as well.
00:46:47I always thought that my mother was,
00:46:49my father was the social creature
00:46:51and that my mother was the dark whip of strangeness.
00:46:55That could be true, but I think it's probably,
00:46:58it can be on both sides.
00:47:00Yeah.
00:47:02Because I have a kind of a,
00:47:07on my mother's side, which you don't have,
00:47:11a kind of a political kind of self-righteousness
00:47:15that some, I guess maybe it's sometimes it's good in comedy,
00:47:20maybe it's a bit too much sometimes as well.
00:47:23But just so the people know, they're from Cork.
00:47:25They're from Cork.
00:47:26So that might be explanation.
00:47:27Well, yeah, yeah, exactly.
00:47:29Yeah, yeah.
00:47:29My mother is still furious that she left Cork
00:47:3240 years later.
00:47:36I think you've got a very peculiar type of intelligence,
00:47:45a kind of a fearless,
00:47:49that I don't see so much,
00:47:53like when we're yapping,
00:47:54it's you're just social and you're the crack,
00:47:57but in your stand-up,
00:47:59a kind of a,
00:48:02kind of, I'm not going to play down to the audience.
00:48:05Oh yeah, okay, yeah, yeah.
00:48:08You know, that I'm a really smart woman
00:48:11and if you don't get these jokes,
00:48:13I don't really feel too bad about that.
00:48:16That was my sense of watching you.
00:48:17Right, yeah, yeah.
00:48:20How is the...
00:48:21That's the self-righteousness though
00:48:23that I'm kind of alluding to.
00:48:26Yeah.
00:48:28So your story in stand-up
00:48:31is interesting to me.
00:48:36In that you decided at a particular time,
00:48:37okay, I am,
00:48:40for whatever reasons,
00:48:40I don't know,
00:48:41but I'm going to move to London
00:48:42and I'm going to work the circuit there.
00:48:44There's any amount of gigs,
00:48:46any amount of travel,
00:48:48but there's any amount of gigs.
00:48:49Yeah.
00:48:50How is all that?
00:48:52So the circuit in the UK,
00:48:55it's bloody brilliant.
00:48:57You can work
00:48:58and you can go into rooms
00:49:01and be on with some,
00:49:05the talent and the intelligence
00:49:08that you're talking about.
00:49:09I get to be on bills
00:49:12with some of the best talent in the world
00:49:15and it's just brilliant
00:49:18to be holding my own
00:49:19in that world.
00:49:21And I, you know,
00:49:24I have nights where, you know,
00:49:27I do sets in the Comedy Store,
00:49:30central London.
00:49:31And, you know,
00:49:33there's no,
00:49:34like,
00:49:35you couldn't be asking.
00:49:37It's like high-speed broadband
00:49:38in terms of the electricity
00:49:40in the room
00:49:41and with the crowd.
00:49:42And,
00:49:43I come off
00:49:45and you might have another gig
00:49:47to go to straightaway afterwards
00:49:48and you're walking
00:49:50through the tube station
00:49:52and you just feel like,
00:49:55I'm fucking here in this city.
00:49:57No, but you can't say
00:49:58I wasn't here tonight.
00:49:59I fucking did it.
00:50:00I laid it out.
00:50:02And it's just the,
00:50:03like,
00:50:03and I'm going over the top here
00:50:05because I think the club comedy circuit
00:50:08is kind of maligned in a way.
00:50:10And it's because,
00:50:12in a sense,
00:50:12it doesn't,
00:50:13it's an outsider
00:50:14of the whole,
00:50:16the thing we talk about a lot,
00:50:17which is the economy
00:50:18and the neoliberal
00:50:19kind of whole circuit
00:50:22and funneling
00:50:24that happens to comedians,
00:50:25which is where you go
00:50:26and you build your own brand
00:50:27and you're selling out shows everywhere
00:50:29and that's the high thing.
00:50:31But I think the club comedy circuit
00:50:32is,
00:50:33it's a very psychologically healthy space.
00:50:35So it's more anarchic?
00:50:37It's anarchic.
00:50:37Yes, it is.
00:50:38Yeah.
00:50:38There's more that can happen
00:50:40and,
00:50:40and I guess
00:50:43the UK,
00:50:45whatever you say about it,
00:50:45it's very politically alive.
00:50:48And it's,
00:50:50I think that fearlessness
00:50:52is,
00:50:53is all around me
00:50:54over there
00:50:55and I'm,
00:50:56you know,
00:50:56it's,
00:50:57it's there to be.
00:50:58Come,
00:50:58come with us,
00:50:59come over and do more
00:50:59club comedy gigs.
00:51:01Is it,
00:51:01is it demanding in terms of travel
00:51:06and money
00:51:08and no pension
00:51:10and you only get paid
00:51:11if you get on the train to Cardiff?
00:51:14Absolutely, yeah.
00:51:15The rewards are not there
00:51:16in terms of,
00:51:18you know,
00:51:18comfort
00:51:18or,
00:51:19you know,
00:51:20future planning
00:51:21for yourself
00:51:22but,
00:51:23yeah,
00:51:23I guess,
00:51:25you know,
00:51:25that's the world
00:51:26where,
00:51:27the world is changing
00:51:28and all that stuff
00:51:30is happening
00:51:31in every aspect of life
00:51:33so we're not
00:51:34kind of different there
00:51:35but.
00:51:36And so that there's,
00:51:37you're not going to be
00:51:37saving money?
00:51:39Absolutely not,
00:51:39no,
00:51:40no.
00:51:41So it's,
00:51:42you kind of have to
00:51:43really enjoy it
00:51:44and love it
00:51:45if you're,
00:51:45if you're going to do it
00:51:46and get your goods that way.
00:51:49But actually since I started doing,
00:51:51so I went and did a master's
00:51:54to kind of change things up
00:51:59and be like,
00:52:00introduce new reading and stuff
00:52:03into what I was looking at
00:52:05and I think I probably do see like more,
00:52:11just myself doing more of that
00:52:12because of what you're talking about
00:52:14but it has actually made me like,
00:52:19just realise and appreciate
00:52:20the comedy circuit
00:52:21an awful lot more,
00:52:23just the very,
00:52:24because actually when I went into
00:52:25the master's was in sustainability
00:52:27and I was,
00:52:28the whole thing was like,
00:52:29oh,
00:52:29this is unsustainable.
00:52:31Yeah.
00:52:31So it made a lot of sense in the end.
00:52:35And it wasn't a master's
00:52:36with a view to getting employment
00:52:38as a sustain-abiliter.
00:52:41No,
00:52:42I wasn't really,
00:52:43I mean,
00:52:44I couldn't even go into,
00:52:46you know,
00:52:47kind of a company now
00:52:49and be their sustainability manager.
00:52:51You know,
00:52:51it wouldn't be,
00:52:53it just wouldn't work really,
00:52:56I don't think.
00:52:56But I think
00:52:58it has definitely given me
00:53:01a new,
00:53:02I guess,
00:53:02point of view on the world
00:53:04and,
00:53:05it gave me like,
00:53:12the answers to a lot of the questions
00:53:14I had about like,
00:53:15what the hell is happening here?
00:53:16So,
00:53:17so what is happening?
00:53:18So,
00:53:21our whole society
00:53:23is caught up in this
00:53:26paradigm of
00:53:28neoliberal
00:53:29trying to extract,
00:53:32extract,
00:53:32extract from the ground
00:53:34and the trees
00:53:34and the animals
00:53:35and
00:53:36I don't believe
00:53:38until we get right
00:53:39with the natural world
00:53:40we're going to
00:53:41be able to,
00:53:42we're going to keep doing
00:53:44the same thing.
00:53:45I get that.
00:53:46Yeah.
00:53:46Yeah.
00:53:46Totally.
00:53:49Why do you use the phrase
00:53:50neoliberal?
00:53:51Is there a definition of it?
00:53:54There's,
00:53:54it's,
00:53:55yeah,
00:53:55but it's long.
00:53:57Go on,
00:53:57it's okay.
00:53:57Yeah,
00:53:57so it's like,
00:53:59you have capitalism
00:54:00and
00:54:01then
00:54:03that,
00:54:04capitalism is fine
00:54:05because it can operate
00:54:06in discrete,
00:54:07small ways
00:54:07but neoliberalism
00:54:09is like,
00:54:10taking over everything
00:54:11and it wants to
00:54:12interact with yourself
00:54:13and change yourself
00:54:15so that
00:54:16you are
00:54:17in and under it.
00:54:20And the system
00:54:21is so big
00:54:21that you'd wonder
00:54:23how to act against it.
00:54:25Yeah.
00:54:25But
00:54:26that
00:54:27idea
00:54:28of
00:54:29the
00:54:30type of stand-up
00:54:32that
00:54:33world that you operate in
00:54:35is where
00:54:37it's not about people
00:54:38turning themselves
00:54:38into a product
00:54:39because
00:54:39they're,
00:54:41nobody knows who they are
00:54:42in a sense
00:54:43they are
00:54:44where they are
00:54:45tonight.
00:54:46This is not part of a
00:54:47career move
00:54:50in a sense.
00:54:51It's,
00:54:52I get that.
00:54:55What do you find yourself
00:54:56writing jokes about?
00:54:58it?
00:54:58I actually,
00:55:02like,
00:55:05probably
00:55:05am funniest
00:55:07about
00:55:08like,
00:55:09very mundane
00:55:10stuff.
00:55:13I,
00:55:14yeah,
00:55:15like,
00:55:15household
00:55:16bits
00:55:16and just
00:55:17the frustration
00:55:18of that.
00:55:19I think it goes
00:55:20against because,
00:55:21you know,
00:55:21I kind of,
00:55:21here I am on television
00:55:22talking about
00:55:23neoliberalism,
00:55:24but,
00:55:25you know,
00:55:25if I,
00:55:26you know,
00:55:26go on about the
00:55:27grade of cardboard
00:55:28in the box
00:55:29of the washing powder
00:55:30and how that's,
00:55:31you know,
00:55:31so good these days,
00:55:34that actually,
00:55:34it's so good.
00:55:36Yeah,
00:55:36yeah.
00:55:37They're getting stronger
00:55:38and stronger.
00:55:38I can't throw them out.
00:55:40That's the,
00:55:41yeah,
00:55:43just that kind of,
00:55:46stuff that I guess
00:55:49I don't,
00:55:50like,
00:55:51I think I'm kind of
00:55:52too good to be talking about,
00:55:53but actually that's,
00:55:54that's really funny,
00:55:55that stuff.
00:55:57And how do you feel
00:55:58then coming home
00:55:59to us
00:56:01in terms of the
00:56:03stimulation
00:56:04of England
00:56:05and what have you noticed
00:56:06about the English
00:56:06that you kind of think,
00:56:08because you're so unusual
00:56:10and you have no idea.
00:56:11It's really funny
00:56:11because when I do your show,
00:56:14you know,
00:56:14when I do supports
00:56:15for you in the UK,
00:56:16Yeah.
00:56:16And the,
00:56:18you know,
00:56:19there'll often be,
00:56:21I would think,
00:56:21more Irish
00:56:22than English
00:56:23in the audience.
00:56:25And there is a sense
00:56:26in the room,
00:56:27I think,
00:56:28and I have this
00:56:29in my head,
00:56:30whether it's true or not,
00:56:31but that everybody
00:56:32in the room
00:56:34is an Irish person
00:56:35who's been holding
00:56:36stuff in
00:56:37that they wanted
00:56:37to say about English.
00:56:38but that you have,
00:56:42because you're an immigrant,
00:56:43you have to mind
00:56:43your manners a bit
00:56:44and, you know,
00:56:45be kind of go,
00:56:46okay, no, no,
00:56:47that's absolutely normal.
00:56:48You put butter
00:56:49on the toast
00:56:49before you give it to me.
00:56:50That's, no,
00:56:51it's grand.
00:56:51It's grand.
00:56:52This kind of thing,
00:56:54it's a great feeling
00:56:55and I like it as a show
00:56:57when we do it together
00:56:58because I do that thing
00:57:00but then you're,
00:57:01you know,
00:57:02obviously doing,
00:57:03you know,
00:57:04the full set
00:57:05and everything.
00:57:06So that's brilliant.
00:57:07So what stereotypes
00:57:09do you think
00:57:10that they have of you?
00:57:11Yeah,
00:57:11they could,
00:57:12they probably think
00:57:13I'm very overwrought
00:57:14about religion
00:57:15and, yeah,
00:57:18that,
00:57:19you know,
00:57:22if you say
00:57:22you don't drink
00:57:23over there
00:57:24in an Irish accent,
00:57:25that's something
00:57:26that has to be explained.
00:57:27Wow.
00:57:31Yeah.
00:57:32Do you still not drink?
00:57:33Yeah,
00:57:33I don't drink, no.
00:57:34How long are you off it now?
00:57:35I'm off,
00:57:36I haven't drank in 18 years,
00:57:38any alcohol,
00:57:39yeah.
00:57:39Why did you give up the drink?
00:57:42I gave up the drink,
00:57:43I was sad.
00:57:46It was making me sad
00:57:47and I,
00:57:49it was weird,
00:57:50I didn't know how else to,
00:57:53like,
00:57:53I had to take steps
00:57:54to get off the drink
00:57:55in that,
00:57:57like,
00:57:57I just,
00:57:57I couldn't do it
00:57:58on my own
00:57:59so I went to,
00:58:00you know,
00:58:01I went to meetings
00:58:04and,
00:58:05yeah,
00:58:07acted on it.
00:58:08Hmm.
00:58:09Yeah.
00:58:11So I never had a sense of you
00:58:12of someone
00:58:13who was a problem drinker.
00:58:15See,
00:58:15it was all kind of internal,
00:58:17kind of,
00:58:17I never,
00:58:18like,
00:58:18was,
00:58:19you know,
00:58:20acted out
00:58:21and that was a little hard,
00:58:22actually,
00:58:22when I went to meetings first
00:58:23because I was comparing myself
00:58:25to people
00:58:26who,
00:58:27you know,
00:58:27had also,
00:58:28were at the same,
00:58:29you know,
00:58:30struggle,
00:58:32you know,
00:58:32and trying to stop
00:58:33and they,
00:58:34but,
00:58:34like,
00:58:35they kind of maybe had
00:58:36wake up calls,
00:58:37like they had
00:58:38crashed a car,
00:58:39something like that,
00:58:40that kind of thing
00:58:41and I,
00:58:43um,
00:58:44would be kind of saying,
00:58:45but I'm not that,
00:58:46I didn't do that,
00:58:47you know,
00:58:47but it's,
00:58:48it's absolutely nothing
00:58:49to do with that.
00:58:49If you want to stop drinking,
00:58:50it's about your internal,
00:58:52how you feel about yourself
00:58:53and is this
00:58:54impacting my mental health
00:58:57and,
00:58:57yeah.
00:58:58Yeah.
00:58:59Um,
00:58:59did it make sense to you
00:59:01when you,
00:59:02I don't know if you did,
00:59:02but standing up
00:59:04at a meeting
00:59:04and going,
00:59:05my name is Eleanor Tiernan
00:59:06and I'm an alcoholic,
00:59:07did that,
00:59:08did that,
00:59:09so,
00:59:09yeah,
00:59:09you've named it there now.
00:59:10Um,
00:59:11I,
00:59:12I had to work at that
00:59:13and I wasn't sure
00:59:15I ever really got there,
00:59:17but,
00:59:18yeah,
00:59:19I guess that was,
00:59:20the words are another step,
00:59:21aren't they?
00:59:22Like,
00:59:23sitting in the room
00:59:24felt right.
00:59:26So that was,
00:59:27that was,
00:59:28that was enough.
00:59:30Hmm.
00:59:30Um,
00:59:31I have a,
00:59:32uh,
00:59:33a sense of you
00:59:34as well as,
00:59:36uh,
00:59:37there's no definition
00:59:39of you
00:59:42that
00:59:42is accurate.
00:59:45so sometimes,
00:59:48and sometimes people
00:59:49want identity,
00:59:50sometimes people say,
00:59:51I'm a this
00:59:51or I'm a that,
00:59:53but the truth of their lives
00:59:54is,
00:59:55it's a lot,
00:59:57it's,
00:59:57those categories
00:59:58are,
01:00:00so,
01:00:01I don't know when,
01:00:02you came out as gay,
01:00:04maybe,
01:00:05what was that,
01:00:07maybe 10 years ago
01:00:08or something
01:00:08or maybe a bit more?
01:00:09Yeah,
01:00:10yeah,
01:00:10yeah.
01:00:10And the next time I met you
01:00:11then you were going out
01:00:11with a fella.
01:00:13Yeah.
01:00:13So what was that experience?
01:00:15What was that?
01:00:17Um,
01:00:18yeah,
01:00:20I just found it very hard
01:00:21to be,
01:00:22uh,
01:00:23uh,
01:00:24yeah,
01:00:27really land on something
01:00:28that made sense.
01:00:29Hmm.
01:00:30And I guess you're kind of
01:00:31presented with a few categories
01:00:33and line up in one of those.
01:00:36Hmm.
01:00:37And,
01:00:37you know,
01:00:38I was stressed about that
01:00:39for a very long time
01:00:40and I said,
01:00:41well,
01:00:41I have to say something,
01:00:42you know,
01:00:43just to kind of move on
01:00:44and move forward
01:00:45and,
01:00:45you know,
01:00:46whatever happens afterwards
01:00:48at least it won't be inside me
01:00:50all the time
01:00:50and just me on my own
01:00:52with this thing.
01:00:53So I
01:00:54kind of
01:00:55did it
01:00:56and,
01:00:57and,
01:00:57uh,
01:00:57spoke to people
01:00:58and,
01:00:59you know,
01:00:59uh,
01:01:00and,
01:01:02um,
01:01:03then,
01:01:05uh,
01:01:06yeah,
01:01:07it just kind of went away then.
01:01:08It was all kind of,
01:01:09I
01:01:10thought
01:01:11that
01:01:14so can you talk to me about that a little bit,
01:01:16just like that sense of having to say something
01:01:19in order to get beyond it.
01:01:21Yeah, yeah.
01:01:21So it was a,
01:01:22it was a declaration
01:01:23of,
01:01:25of what,
01:01:26of not being,
01:01:28I'm not being straight.
01:01:29I'm not straight.
01:01:30Yeah.
01:01:31Yeah.
01:01:31but that was as far as I,
01:01:34I did go with it.
01:01:35You know,
01:01:35I was,
01:01:36uh,
01:01:38yeah,
01:01:39like you say,
01:01:39like,
01:01:40I,
01:01:40I do find
01:01:41it very difficult to say
01:01:43I am something.
01:01:43Mm.
01:01:44In that sense,
01:01:45but also other senses
01:01:46as well.
01:01:48Uh,
01:01:49but,
01:01:49yeah.
01:01:51Did you,
01:01:51now,
01:01:52did you go home to Athlon
01:01:53and say,
01:01:54I've got something to tell you?
01:01:55Yeah, I did, yeah, yeah, yeah.
01:01:56And how did that go?
01:01:57Uh,
01:01:58they were
01:01:59delighted.
01:02:00Yeah.
01:02:00Yeah.
01:02:01They were like,
01:02:02you know,
01:02:03kind of going,
01:02:03where's the gate here?
01:02:04And then,
01:02:04bingo.
01:02:08Like,
01:02:08were they washing the dishes
01:02:10and,
01:02:11and they kind of went,
01:02:11oh, great.
01:02:14No,
01:02:14I kind of,
01:02:15yeah,
01:02:15no,
01:02:16I said,
01:02:16come into the sitting room
01:02:17and,
01:02:18uh,
01:02:19cause that's where
01:02:19things are said.
01:02:22And,
01:02:23uh,
01:02:23they came in
01:02:24and,
01:02:24um,
01:02:26I,
01:02:26I just,
01:02:28no,
01:02:28I just said,
01:02:29here,
01:02:30listen for a second.
01:02:33Here's some information.
01:02:35And,
01:02:36uh,
01:02:37they were just grand,
01:02:38like,
01:02:39yeah,
01:02:39fine,
01:02:40no bother.
01:02:42Were you,
01:02:43how did you feel
01:02:44about their reaction to it?
01:02:46I,
01:02:47yeah,
01:02:48no,
01:02:49maybe I felt like
01:02:50a little bit more
01:02:53of a struggle
01:02:54would have been,
01:02:55would have,
01:02:55would have honored
01:02:56my silence
01:02:57for,
01:02:58for,
01:02:58for,
01:02:58for,
01:02:59my decades of,
01:03:03wow,
01:03:05yeah,
01:03:05yeah,
01:03:05was there,
01:03:07um,
01:03:08I bet you if John had said
01:03:09he was gay,
01:03:10there'd be a lot more
01:03:11of a fuss.
01:03:12Yeah,
01:03:12well,
01:03:12that's true,
01:03:13that's just true.
01:03:13Oh,
01:03:17Jesus.
01:03:17Yeah,
01:03:18no,
01:03:18my mother would have been out,
01:03:19you know,
01:03:20buying rainbow stuff.
01:03:24What do you see yourself
01:03:25getting up to
01:03:26over the next while?
01:03:27Is it to decide on?
01:03:29I want to get up
01:03:30in the morning more,
01:03:31I want to just
01:03:32experience the morning
01:03:33and experience,
01:03:35uh,
01:03:35yeah,
01:03:36birds and,
01:03:38uh,
01:03:38as much nature
01:03:39as I can
01:03:40and,
01:03:41you know,
01:03:41just,
01:03:41I feel that's really good
01:03:42for your head.
01:03:44Um,
01:03:45I'm not going to end
01:03:46this interview
01:03:47formally
01:03:49because
01:03:52we're blood-like,
01:03:54so
01:03:54I'll be talking to you.
01:03:56That's all from us
01:03:59this week,
01:04:00ladies and gentlemen.
01:04:01Thank you very much
01:04:01for watching.
01:04:05Did you tell
01:04:06mum and dad
01:04:06we're going to be on?
01:04:07No.
01:04:07Really?
01:04:08No.
01:04:26I'm not going to be on
01:04:27the show.
01:04:28I'm not going to be on
01:04:28the show.
01:04:29I'm not going to be on
01:04:29the show.
01:04:30I'm not going to be on
01:04:30the show.
01:04:31I'm not going to be on
01:04:31the show.
01:04:31I'm not going to be on
01:04:32the show.
01:04:32I'm not going to be on
01:04:33the show.
01:04:34I'm not going to be on
01:04:34the show.
01:04:35I'm not going to be on
01:04:35the show.
01:04:36I'm not going to be on
01:04:36the show.
01:04:37I'm not going to be on
01:04:37the show.
01:04:38I'm not going to be on
01:04:38the show.
01:04:39I'm not going to be on
01:04:39the show.
01:04:40I'm not going to be on
01:04:40the show.
01:04:41I'm not going to be on
01:04:41the show.
01:04:42I'm not going to be on
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