- 9 hours ago
- #bait
#Bait S01E03 [Full Movie] [Full Episodes]Full EP - Full
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Short filmTranscript
00:24Packing.
00:42I hear that. I really do. It's just really not a good day to me because it's Eid, so I've
00:46got to stick with family.
00:46Okay. Well, you could have stuck with the family yesterday, but now you've got to deal with the shitstorm you
00:50created.
00:50Is it really that bad? A lot of people seem to like the whole action and ritual.
00:55I reckon it will help them visualize me as Bond.
00:57Oh, okay. Well, there is a lot of chatter. Some people think you're a tough guy. Other people think you're
01:00insane.
01:01This could cost you the role. Oh, fuck.
01:06Saju, what happened to you once again?
01:09Mommy, have you met Felicia?
01:10This is the team.
01:11Oh, this is your agent.
01:16Remember I said wait in the car and I'm going to get the sweetest.
01:19Don't give me a ticket because Felicia, what's going on?
01:23Same as you, just babysitting Bond.
01:25Oh, that horny auntie's waiting for you.
01:27You're a disgrace.
01:28Felicia, you're going to get him the job, yes.
01:31If it kills me.
01:33My Shahjee's just perfect for the job. I'll tell you why.
01:35Okay.
01:35When he was a little boy, he used to say,
01:37Mama, I want a license to kill. Remember, Shahjee?
01:41Oh, how specific?
01:42I don't remember that.
01:43Oh, look, he's got the military.
01:46I'll just be a minute, okay?
01:47Bye-bye, Felicia.
01:48Bye, Felicia.
01:54I'm sorry. You are a black lady.
01:58I know.
02:01What the fuck is this?
02:03You told me.
02:10Oh, you know what? I can't get into this right now.
02:12Okay, listen, none of this matters, okay?
02:15No one reads the fucking news.
02:17However, this is a big problem.
02:20The person you assaulted, you broke his arm,
02:22and now he wants an apology.
02:24Sid said he was going for the giant Buddha's head,
02:26but now he's coming for you with 200,000 followers
02:29and counting young and brown your core fan base.
02:32Assaulted?
02:33This man ran at me with a metal object, Felicia.
02:36It was a can of spray paint, Shahjee.
02:38Yeah, in hindsight.
02:39I mean, the worst he could have done was tag you.
02:41Okay, fine. Just give him his apology.
02:42Okay, good.
02:43All right, so how are you going to do?
02:44Oh, no, you have to apologize.
02:47On a video by end of day, or he's pressing charges.
02:49Listen, it's Ian, so I've got to stick with the family.
02:52My mum usually hosts, but I fucked that up this time.
02:54That's on me.
02:55So I can't be dealing with this.
02:56I have to be with the fan today.
02:58I have to make it right.
02:58This is about your career, Shah.
03:00Your credibility in your community
03:02for the people that you say you're doing all of this for.
03:05Do you want more followers of me?
03:10Shah!
03:12Shah Latif here.
03:14Eve Mubarak to everyone celebrating.
03:15I want to address the incident at the King's Museum last night.
03:19You might have heard about it or seen it.
03:21Well, I lived it.
03:23And I want you to know that in that moment,
03:24I wasn't thinking at all.
03:26I was acting out of sheer instinct.
03:30Community is the most important thing in the world to me.
03:33And I would never take it for granted.
03:36And there's nothing more painful to me
03:38than to know that I might have hurt a member of my own community.
03:41and to know that I might have betrayed your trust in some way
03:44hurts me deeply.
03:46You good, yeah?
03:47Yeah, I'm good.
03:50So you've come to visit us lowly villagers.
03:55Oxford educated.
03:56But no sense.
03:58Why did you attack that young man?
03:59Don't listen to him.
04:01Come.
04:01Let's take a selfie.
04:03And I want you to know
04:04that I'm going to do everything in my power
04:06to make up for it
04:07and to make it rightful.
04:09Right?
04:10Should have won black.
04:12Hmm?
04:13It would go better with the animal bitches' gold palace.
04:17Hmm?
04:18Eve is my day.
04:19It belongs to all Muslims.
04:21Mummy.
04:21It's mine.
04:22And she took it.
04:23Oh.
04:23You know one thing she doesn't have?
04:25What?
04:27Hassan.
04:29Salim.
04:30You golden boy.
04:31I stood to buy a big shot.
04:33Always trying to compete with you.
04:35Bad shot.
04:36Probably getting a Russian prostitute pregnant this second.
04:38Don't talk filthy.
04:42Orbita?
04:44She doesn't have her main attraction.
04:46You and me can be the stars of the show.
04:48We just...
04:50Come on.
04:51You worried about what Naughty Naila thinks?
04:53Mangi Naila.
04:54Mangi Naila.
04:55Oh, my God.
04:56Thank you, Naila.
04:57And she always shows skin because she's got no style.
05:01Look, where is she?
05:01She's probably too busy checking herself out in the mirror
05:04to come host her own party.
05:05Eve is my body.
05:06Oh, you're such a beautiful woman.
05:09Thank you so much for having me.
05:15Mmm.
05:19Samina?
05:20Eve is my body.
05:23I'm so happy you could come.
05:25So we've decided to co-host this year.
05:27His brother, you've done a great job, Tahira.
05:30But you know Naughty Naila, how is she?
05:32She doesn't manage her.
05:33She doesn't have to do anything.
05:34I'm not going to do decoration.
05:35I'm going to put her in the penthouse.
05:39The Quran says charity is a blessing.
05:41Garden where I can.
05:42Please come here.
05:43Eid Mubarak.
05:45Eid Mubarak.
05:46Eid Mubarak.
05:47Eid Mubarak.
05:47What the fuck?
05:48Don't leave my sight.
05:49Okay.
05:50Don't leave my sight, huh?
05:52Idh Mubarak!
05:54He's coming!
05:55Hello, ladies!
05:56Idh Mubarak!
05:59What is my?
06:01Seed, na?
06:03Insane seed?
06:04Now he has passed, you're the eldest.
06:06No, thank you, I'm fine standing.
06:09Baba, call you a favor.
06:11Don't tell mommy, yeah?
06:12Is that how you're going to kill us, Bond?
06:13By raising the blood sugar?
06:16Yeah, I'll mention that to the writers.
06:19I'm letting go.
06:22Maybe, yeah, maybe.
06:23Why don't you do a Pakistani film?
06:24Something with Mehra Khan in it.
06:26No, no.
06:27Hey, I'm kind of fucked right now.
06:43Shark, good first try, good first try.
06:46But I'm going to need you to do another apology video.
06:49First, you forgot to say the words, I'm sorry.
06:51Which is kind of key to the whole thing.
06:53He's buff, no?
06:55Kitty says he's gone mental.
06:56Yeah, it's fucking hot.
06:57Sorry, can you mum focus, please?
07:00This is the latest.
07:02Sir, this guy likes you.
07:05Hmm.
07:07Also, the whole Aladdin outfit and the Bollywood sweet shop,
07:11it's their community like ten times.
07:13It feels like you're begging it.
07:15Maybe down the brow.
07:16I don't get it, what is a problem?
07:18I like you.
07:19Stop, man, I'm 22, mate.
07:21What were you trying to get wifed up?
07:22Get it to me sooner rather than later.
07:25This is not going away.
07:27Hi, everyone.
07:28Shah Latif here.
07:29Now, last night at the King's Museum,
07:31a brother and I came into conflict.
07:34Now, I should not have reacted the way that I did.
07:37And the brother in question, perhaps,
07:39should not have run at me with a metal object
07:42the way that he did.
07:44Nuba is a community-led...
07:46It's not fucking community-led.
07:48The fact is, we're all in this together.
07:50And in the future, I promise to use my platform
07:52not to lash out, but to reach out.
07:57Bro?
07:57Nuba is full of...
07:59Yeah.
08:00You want some chai or something?
08:02No.
08:04Nuba...
08:04Bro, we good?
08:05I'm good, are you good?
08:06Yeah, I'm good, bro. We good.
08:07I'm good, are you good?
08:09Yeah, I'm good.
08:09I'm good then.
08:11Nuba, not Nuba.
08:12What are you doing?
08:12I'm trying to focus, man.
08:13You are distracting me.
08:15Alright.
08:16Yes.
08:17Yo, they've got them little laddus over there
08:18with the pink and green balls on them.
08:19You want them?
08:20Big man, please.
08:21I don't want laddus right now, okay?
08:22I just want to concentrate.
08:24Aren't you supposed to be holding Ammi's hand?
08:26Oh, yeah.
08:27Shit.
08:28In a bit, yeah?
08:29Don't bring me no laddus.
08:31Before that...
08:33I need a baby.
08:34I need a baby.
08:35I need a baby.
08:36Hey.
08:38Here I go.
08:39It's only gone.
08:39It's only gone, it's only gone.
08:40You came in there?
08:40Where have you been?
08:41I've just been checking on Baba and Zofi.
08:44Bastard, you promised you're not going to leave me.
08:46So if I just die standing here alone...
08:49Please don't do this now.
08:50You left me.
08:51I'm sorry.
08:52I'll make it up to you.
08:53My name!
08:54My Salim is coming!
08:55I'll come here.
08:59Salim!
09:01My daughter!
09:05Salim!
09:10Salim!
09:31Ah, Peter!
09:34Look, Mr. Tobai.
09:37Look at him, the dancing monkey doing his mother's dirty bidding,
09:41making Russian prostitutes pregnant.
09:43Look!
09:43No, he's not, mummy.
09:44That was a joke that I just made.
09:47Oh, look at that fresh prey.
09:50Zulfi, weakest of us all.
09:52Ya, I'm good, man.
09:53I'm good, you know.
09:54Don't leave. Shaju, she's coming. Don't leave.
09:56Shavita, can I borrow your money for a minute?
09:58I need my co-host in the kitchen.
10:00Okay, we're just gonna...
10:01Okay, okay. No, no, let's go, let's go, let's go, let's go.
10:08Our KPI is the most interesting thing about this, okay?
10:10It's the retention of the customer base after that discount period, you know?
10:14It's off the charts.
10:15People want more community-driven rideshare options.
10:17Yes, Salim. Yes.
10:19What are you saying, bro? Yes.
10:20Look at this guy. You good?
10:21Yeah. Come, join us, man. Join us.
10:23I was doing that anyway.
10:25Yeah, I got you some loaders, bro.
10:26Thank you, thank you.
10:27That's how I never got your number.
10:29How you been? I've been good, bro.
10:30Yeah? You've been breaking shit.
10:32What do you mean by that?
10:35Glass ceilings.
10:36Thank you. Try it, man. Try it.
10:38And I got his arm.
10:40It's just a fracture.
10:42Hey, just to bring this back to what we were talking about before you got here,
10:45you know, our number of drivers are growing by the day.
10:47We'll be in all key five bars by June, so...
10:50Muba! Sick idea, innit?
10:51I've been there from day one, I remember.
10:53Bro, I'm so proud of this guy.
10:54Gus Smith is so proud.
10:55And you know what's amazing?
10:56He's always been an entrepreneur.
10:58If anything, he just went from selling grams to Instagram.
11:05Just out of interest, what was your credit situation with the criminal record and everything?
11:10No problems whatsoever. No issues.
11:12And just for clarity, I didn't go inside for selling mall.
11:15It's not just a bit of violent disorder.
11:17It was self-defense, to be honest with you.
11:19It was really before, in a way. He's a ride or die, and he was there for me.
11:21Any credit issues, though?
11:23No credit issues, because I'm going all in with everything that I've got, right?
11:26So if you need any credit, if you need financing, just talk to me.
11:30Sorry, I was on the impression we were coming in seed round rather than, sort of, Series A.
11:35See this conversation here?
11:36This is, in fact, the closest he's been to the business.
11:40Right?
11:41And in fact, I'll be honest with you, it's too close.
11:43Okay, give me back my dildos then.
11:48Even for me personally, the most important quality about Mooba is, in fact, the quality
11:53of the relationships.
11:55We're not just there for them when we want, because that's bullshit.
11:58That's fake.
12:00Get the fuck off me, bro.
12:02I don't know.
12:05And anyway, I've always had a passion for customer service.
12:08It's my thing.
12:08That's one thing I picked up in Dubai.
12:10That's what we do best, hospitality.
12:12That's our culture.
12:12One might say, like, the Muslim way of doing business.
12:16I love the idea.
12:17I'm going to present it to the guys, see what they say.
12:19Well, you're taking this, you're trying to get investment from Dubai.
12:25Yeah.
12:26Okay.
12:26Yeah.
12:27You been?
12:28No, I'm just saying, you know, Dubai works for people with, you know, all like, with the,
12:33but, I mean, what the fuck's this guy going to do in Dubai, mate?
12:35He ain't going to let you in, bro.
12:37You don't want to go there, mate.
12:38I'm all in, yeah?
12:39Remember that.
12:43He was disrespectful.
12:44He referred to your quiff like that.
12:45There was no need.
12:46They lose good.
12:48Shah, got your second apology.
12:50Yeah, that's not going to work.
12:52First of all, what was up with that background?
12:54If you post that, you'll have to issue a second apology for being a rich asshole.
12:58Also, you forgot to say sorry again.
13:01What the?
13:02First class, Naila.
13:03No.
13:07Next year, I read this back at yours, no?
13:08No, absolutely, yes.
13:10Very kind of you to step in this year, Naila.
13:13Taira, don't mind you.
13:15Everything is okay, right?
13:16Do you?
13:19Why?
13:20No, nothing.
13:22It's because I was watching Shaanju and I think I worry for him, for all of you.
13:30It's so much pressure.
13:32That's very kind of you to worry.
13:34I see a bit of your sister in him.
13:44Does Shaanju have someone you can talk to?
13:47He has me.
13:48Rukaiya had you too.
13:50But she needed more help, no?
13:52And Bichariya ain't go there.
13:54She doesn't know anything.
13:55Naila, please.
13:57It's all good.
13:58My son is going to be the next James Bond.
14:01We all couldn't be more proud.
14:07It's okay to talk about these struggles now, really.
14:13It's all good.
14:15First class.
15:01First class.
15:12Shah, we need that apology, we're running out of time, I've literally written it out for you, just find a
15:18quiet, neutral room, record it and send it back now, before it's too fucking late, okay?
15:47Am I interacting, Sammy?
15:50Yeah, a conversation. Can you fucking close the door, please? Thank you.
15:57Is this like, you two... I like her. Texting, wow.
16:02So how long has this been going on? Six months. Three months? Okay, so this is nothing.
16:07Can we please not do this in front of Shah? I'm chill, I'm not going to tell anyone. Why did
16:10I come here?
16:11Can we not do this in front of Shah? I came here for you. But I never asked you to,
16:15did I?
16:15But I asked me to. I never, calm down, I never fucking asked you to, and this, this whole thing
16:20you're doing here, this is what I'm talking about, this is the whole problem.
16:21So just to clarify, you didn't come in to see Zilfie then for the thing? No, yes.
16:25Does he know, by the way? Oh, fuck's sake, well, yeah, he's going to find out now, isn't he?
16:29I'm not going to say anything, I've got your back. I've got your back.
16:32Look, we don't have to tell anyone, but let's just be real about what this is, because this is something,
16:37right? Me and you both know it.
16:39What does that even mean, bro? You live a million miles away, okay? You have a whole life, you have
16:45fucking house keys, car keys, so many keys, okay? I have one key.
16:50I can give you keys. I don't want your keys, okay? I want mine.
16:54Yo, can I just step in here for a minute, offer maybe a different perspective from my own more mature
16:58experience, yeah?
16:59I want an honest answer from both of you, okay? Alright? Alright.
17:04Now, let's say, let's say you've been texting, there's some emotional ambiguity about where you both stand, alright? Yeah? You
17:12can relate, right?
17:13You send a message, a heartfelt one. Instead of it going green, it goes grey. What does that mean to
17:20you?
17:21It means you're blocked. Fuck off, really? Yeah. Let me just show you this.
17:28Okay, I'm going to ask you to leave now. Can I show you this quickly? No, no, no. Oi? Don't
17:32say anything to anyone.
17:33I'm chill.
17:36Selim, yeah?
17:40He's not fucking chill.
17:41He's not fucking chill.
17:48With Sai gone, who will lead the prayer?
17:50Pasha?
17:51Okay.
17:52He recites beautifully, but I think I should lead.
17:56How will you? Seated?
17:57I won't be seated.
17:58Well, where's by? Think about it.
17:59Let someone else lead.
18:01Listen, you ass-wipes. I can run circles around you idiots. I will lead.
18:13By so desperately pursuing the role of Bond, an icon of the white establishment,
18:18Shah Latifah's exchanging his political art for vanilla distraction.
18:22And so he joins a long line of brown men who think that by becoming our oppressor,
18:26he's somehow liberating all of us.
18:28And he puts a filter on his IMDb pic to look more white.
18:40Come on.
18:43Allahu Akbar, Allahu Akbar.
18:45La ilaha illa Allah.
18:48Allahu Akbar.
18:53Hey, Shah Latif here.
18:56I was involved in an incident last night at the King's Museum that was both unfortunate and avoidable.
19:01And I'm deeply sorry.
19:04Fucking pathetic.
19:07Bismillahirrahmanirrahim.
19:09Al Hamdlillahi Rabbil Alameen.
19:11Shah Latif here.
19:12Last night at the King's Museum, I fucked up a guy running at me with a metal object
19:17and apparently I'm the one who has to apologize.
19:19Allahu Akbar.
19:24Hi, Shah Latif here. Literally nothing to apologize for. Trying to save my career and my life. So I'll fuck
19:31you and your little TikTok, you little...
20:04Hello? Yeah, hi, is this Sid? Uh, yeah. Hi. Hi, this is Shah Latif. Is it? Actually... Yeah, it is
20:16actually. Bro, I just want to say...
20:18I am so, so sorry for what happened yesterday. No excuses. I was bang out of order. I just don't
20:30know what came over me. I really hope you can find it in your heart to please forgive me.
20:36Yo, I appreciate this, man. Like, I really do. I was going to call my lawyers, but then the fact
20:44you called, man...
20:45Oh, bro, he's been eating me up the whole day. Can't tell you how much this means, man. Legit.
20:53Well... Do you mind just sending me what you just said? Like, in a recording?
20:59Sorry? I need the engagement, bro. Right. I mean, I guess so.
21:05I like it. Nice, man. Appreciate it. All right. Oh, and thanks for the follow, mate. Just remember, keep the
21:10vid under 90 for the algorithm, yeah?
21:14Mm-hmm. How would you do? All right. Safe. Safe.
21:36What happened?
21:37What happened? He fell. Move.
21:39What? Why was he praying on a chair already?
21:41Oh, you want to sit down? Yeah. Come on. Come on. Easy, easy.
21:44What about how's your breathing, okay?
21:46You okay?
21:47Huh? Why didn't you sit him down?
21:48Well, now you want to be involved. What the fuck's that supposed to mean? I'm doing something inside.
21:51You're for yourself. Don't come at me. You always fucking want to be the hero, and you're never around.
21:54All right. All right. Come on, mate.
21:56Huh? Baba?
21:58Is anyone getting any water? Yeah.
22:00I'm glad you want to get a blanket or something.
22:05Are you good, bro?
22:07Bro, are you good?
22:08Are you dumb?
22:10He's a fucking diabetic, and you're giving him boxes of sweets.
22:14Shabbat, please.
22:14All right, all right.
22:15Should I just fuck off again, yeah?
22:16You better when I'm not around.
22:17That's what you're saying.
22:18No, no, what? He's not my dad. He's your dad.
22:19What?
22:20Shut you.
22:22You know what? You think you're a fucking bad man, yeah?
22:24How?
22:24Fucking, yeah, my people is my bad.
22:26How the fuck are you going to help your people if you're too busy sucking white people's dicks?
22:31It's okay with me. He's just crying about it last night, bro.
22:33What? You came in to take care of me.
22:34You came for a free fucking meal, bro.
22:35I saw you giving out your little business cards.
22:37That's some sweating old minicap driver.
22:38Shut up, allow it, allow it.
22:39He's a leech, man.
22:40Tell the truth. He's been leeching off me my whole life.
22:42Oh, you know how you're trying to leech off this dickhead?
22:44Bro, he doesn't care about your shitty ideas.
22:46He's trying to chirps your little sister.
22:47What?
22:48Only chirpsing.
22:49I love her.
22:50I...
22:50What the fuck, man?
22:51Are you fucking...
22:52Are you mad?
22:53Listen, don't listen to him.
22:54He's lost the fucking plot.
22:55He's been chatting to a pig's head in the freezer.
22:56What?
22:57What freezer?
22:57He's in the carriage and he's been talking to a pig's head.
23:00Oh, what if I have?
23:01What if I have?
23:02What if I have?
23:02Better listener than any of you lot.
23:04Well, that's what happens when you're related to you guys.
23:05I'm not the first family member to lose my mind.
23:07Hey, it's not.
23:08Shut up.
23:10Chalo, Shahju.
23:13Why are you?
23:13Why are you saying Nicole Jao to me?
23:15No, no, I'm asking.
23:16Why is he saying that to me?
23:17Baba, what did I do?
23:18What did I do?
23:18I'm trying to fucking make a difference.
23:19I'm not just sat there fucking complaining about everything.
23:21Well, you lot would judge me.
23:23Huh?
23:23Why are you fucking touching me?
23:25Don't touch me.
23:25Shh, I'm trying to change your world, all right?
23:28So anyone doesn't look at you and think you're some fucking worthless, stinking,
23:32bitter-baggy look at me.
23:33Get the fuck out of here, wasp.
23:35Oh, I've got a problem, am I?
23:36She blames you for what happened to your mum, bro.
23:38Shut up!
23:38Oh, I've got a problem, no, I've got a problem.
24:07Yeah
24:08Yeah
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26:31I
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