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20:42And a Diet Pepsi.
20:44Thanks.
20:48We could take a cab home.
20:50Don't tell me you don't need a drink, because you need a drink.
20:53I don't need a drink.
20:53You need a drink.
20:55You don't need a drink.
20:56I call bullshit on that.
20:58I need sleep.
20:59That's what I need.
21:00Hey, cheers to the best tour yet.
21:04You leave me hanging here?
21:05I do not clean buses with fucking Diet Pepsi.
21:08Best book tour.
21:10What is that?
21:11Is that, like, the stomach cancer?
21:13You endure it.
21:14You do not toast it.
21:15Oh, how I hate all those paying customers showering me with love and respect.
21:19And why do I have to make so much money?
21:20Where?
21:22How do you bear it?
21:32Bunch of dummies.
21:34Wow.
21:35It's a ship that sells on sand?
21:38Purple sand?
21:39That is, uh, that's brilliant.
21:41The world needed that.
21:43And the world needed yet another female character who spends all her time mooning over some fucking
21:48proud and haughty pirate.
21:49He's a corsair, not a pirate.
21:52Mm.
21:53Mandovian spice fruit.
21:56Jesus, that, uh, it's like a bad episode of Star Trek.
22:00All right, so how about you throw everybody a change-up?
22:01Hmm?
22:02Green sand?
22:03Is that a purple?
22:05Maybe it's time for your serious book.
22:09Why not?
22:09You've been plugging away on it for five years.
22:12Four and a half, barely.
22:14Pardon me.
22:14So put it out already.
22:15I can't just...
22:16It...
22:18It needs polishing.
22:21Obviously.
22:21I mean, it does, right?
22:22But okay, take the next few months and polish.
22:25I'll work it out.
22:26I'll buy you some more time before your next Ycaro.
22:30Do you really think bitter chrysalis is that good?
22:34I think people will love it.
22:42You ever read, um, Finnegan's Wake?
22:44No.
22:46I tried, too.
22:48In grad school.
22:51It's probably great.
22:53I don't know.
22:55All I know is it made me miserable trying to get through it.
23:01I figure...
23:03You make even one person happy?
23:06Maybe that's not art.
23:09It's something.
23:17To Rabanne.
23:19Proud, haughty Rabanne.
23:29Did you bring your cigarette?
23:31Since when do you smoke?
23:33Since now?
23:35Made my rest all over town.
23:38And I hope I see the country.
23:41And everybody's like to have what I got.
23:44You pull them down.
23:45It's more than mine.
23:47It's what you find me here.
23:49That's my name.
23:56Are you trying to start a forest fire?
23:57Stop wasting my butane.
24:01Stop telling me how to smoke.
24:02I used to smoke in middle school.
24:04You know, you're supposed to light the other person's cigarette first, by the way.
24:06That's etiquette.
24:07Yeah?
24:07On a plane, do you put your own oxygen mask on first?
24:13Oh, you're going to hear it.
24:15Houston Mom, 78, says about Blood Song.
24:18Best Waikaro ever.
24:19All caps.
24:20And, uh...
24:2316, 17.
24:24No.
24:25Exclamation points.
24:26Wow.
24:26Is that a new record?
24:27It's got to be.
24:28Spoiler alert.
24:29Rabanne is back.
24:30And yummier that ever.
24:31Yummier than ever.
24:32Think she means?
24:33Mm-mm.
24:34You better believe he's got my permission to come aboard.
24:37I'd walk his plank anytime.
24:39I'm sensing an auto-comotif.
24:41A little bit.
24:41Think Houston Mom's off for meds again?
24:43I think Houston Mom would spread her legs for a grilled cheese sandwich.
24:48Huh.
24:51Look at that.
24:53What?
24:55What do you think they're doing?
24:57What's what doing?
24:58The planes.
25:00Look.
25:03I don't know.
25:04What, is that weird?
25:05Yeah, it's weird, isn't it?
25:07All of them kind of parallel like that.
25:10Huh.
25:22Anybody else weigh in?
25:24That's all the usual suspects.
25:26Plus, a few new ones.
25:28Everybody loves it.
25:40You want to answer a few questions for them?
25:43What, now?
25:44No, no, no.
25:44Do one quick one.
25:45Let them know you're paying attention.
25:48Carol, my husband says Rabanne can be my hall pass, which I don't think is fair since Rabanne's not a
25:53real live person, although I wish he was.
25:55In real life, was there an actual man you were thinking of when you came up with Rabanne?
26:01That's hilarious.
26:05You want to tell the truth?
26:09Or do you have to lose?
26:13Put down George Clooney.
26:15What?
26:16Nothing.
26:17What's wrong with him?
26:17Nothing.
26:18Just, I mean, how about a hot Brazilian soccer player, someone with dreadlocks?
26:22Hip it up.
26:25Just put George Clooney.
26:27It's safer.
26:34Shit!
26:36Shit!
26:50Oh.
26:51Oh.
26:56Buddy, you okay, buddy?
27:05Oh, Jesus.
27:17Helen, should we call someone?
27:21Helen! Helen, stop looking at the goddamned fu-
27:37Helen?
27:41Oh, my God, Helen?
27:44Helen?
27:46Helen?
27:47Helen?
27:51Help! Help!
27:53Somebody help us!
27:54Help!
27:56Just hang in there.
27:57Hang in there.
27:59Just hang in there.
28:00Just hang in there.
28:07Oh, my, my, my!
28:08No, my, my, my!
28:17Fuck!
28:19Oh, my!
28:25Tim, come on!
28:29All right.
28:30I've got to do it.
28:31Oh, my.
28:31Oh, my god!
28:38Sorry about this.
28:38Oh, my God.
29:15Oh, my God.
29:23Please.
29:24Please.
29:26Please.
29:27Please.
29:28Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes.
29:30Please remain on the line.
29:32An operator will be with you shortly.
29:34Be free to be out of the curtain.
29:37Number three on the line.
29:40An operator on the left.
29:42Be free to be out of the curtain.
29:44Oh, God.
30:20Come on. Come on. Come on. Come on. Come on. Come on. Come on. Come on. Come on. Come on.
30:26Come on. Come on. Come on. Come on. Come on. Come on. Come on. Come on. Come on.
30:34Fuck you. Fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, fuck you.
30:42Fuck you!
30:52You better get out. Come on, get out. Get out!
31:00No! Fuck!
31:03Fuck it, go!
31:20Move.
31:47No!
31:50No!
31:52No!
31:54No!
32:02No!
32:04No!
32:04No!
32:06No!
32:08No!
32:10No!
32:10No!
32:11Shh, shh, shh, shh.
32:32Oh, thank God.
32:35Oh, thank God.
32:37Shh.
32:56Oh, thank God.
33:14Oh, thank God.
34:00Wake up.
34:03Dr. Nguyen, I need you to wake up.
34:09Please wake up.
34:11Dr. Nguyen, wake up.
34:15Please wake up.
34:17Dr. Nguyen, wake up.
34:20Dr. Nguyen, wake up.
34:26Dr. Nguyen, wake up.
34:28Dr. Nguyen, wake up.
34:30Dr. Nguyen, wake up.
34:32Dr. Nguyen, wake up.
34:33Dr. Nguyen, wake up.
34:37Dr. Nguyen, wake up.
34:40Dr. Nguyen, wake up.
34:54I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
35:19Okay, here we go.
35:24Helen?
35:26Helen?
35:28Helen?
35:30Helen?
35:37Hi.
35:39Baby.
35:47Hi.
35:56No, no, no, no, no.
36:24God damn it!
36:26Okay.
36:31Come on.
36:37Please help me.
36:39No, no, no.
36:40Oh, God, no.
36:41Come on.
36:42Please.
36:43Please help me.
36:50Love you.
36:56Help.
36:58Help.
36:59Help.
37:07Oh, my God.
37:29Oh, my God.
37:59Oh, my God.
38:02Oh, my God.
38:11Oh, my God.
38:24Oh, my God.
38:34Oh, my God.
38:42Oh, my God.
38:49Hey, hey.
38:50Go sir, touch her.
38:51You put her down.
38:52Put her down.
38:53Get out.
38:54Go away.
38:59What the hell is wrong with you people?
39:02We just want to help Harold.
39:09No.
39:11Oh, my God.
39:16Oh, my God.
39:28Oh, my God.
39:39Oh, my God.
40:13Oh, my God.
40:37Oh, my God.
40:39Oh, my God.
40:49Oh, my God.
41:26Oh, my God.
41:29Oh, my God.
41:36Oh, my God.
41:52Oh, my God.
42:03Oh, my God.
42:15Oh, my God.
42:29Oh, my God.
42:31Oh, my God.
42:50Oh, my God.
43:06There's a spare key.
43:08Oh, my God.
43:10We can show you.
43:11No, no, Scott.
43:13Don't, don't, don't, don't come any closer.
43:14We don't mean to scare you, Carol.
43:17You're in no danger.
43:18We really do want to help.
43:21We really do.
43:21We really do want to help.
43:22We really do want to help.
43:22You put a spare key under the flower pot.
43:28The one on the way, the one on the way, the one on the way, the one on the way.
43:35There you go.
43:46Leave me alone
43:48Please
43:49Sure Carol
43:50Just give us a couple of minutes to clear out
44:30We're very sorry for your loss
44:51I'm sorry
44:51I'm sorry
44:53I'm sorry
44:54I'm sorry
44:54I'm sorry
45:05I'm sorry
45:08I'm sorry
45:08No
45:08No
45:22No
45:23No
45:23No
45:24Let's go.
45:59Let's go.
46:25Let's go.
47:03Oh, fuck yeah.
47:05God bless America.
47:29God bless America.
47:43God bless America.
47:57God bless America.
48:22God bless America.
48:25God bless America.
48:46God bless America.
48:47Hi, Carol.
48:48Thank you for calling.
48:53Yep.
48:55This must be so bewildering for you, so terrible, all the death and destruction you witnessed
49:01tonight, especially Helen's passing.
49:04Please know, none of that was intentional.
49:06You have our deepest condolences.
49:09And to say it again, you are in no danger.
49:11You are perfectly safe.
49:14Okay.
49:14Your life is your life.
49:17Your life is your own.
49:17Your life is your own.
49:17Please know that.
49:18Your well-being is of utmost importance to us.
49:22Okay.
49:24Completely up to you, of course, but you might want to stick close to home for the next few
49:28days.
49:28We have a lot to clean up, and it may be distressing for you to see, but we will put
49:34things right.
49:35To that end, if we may be of assistance with Helen's remains.
49:39Nope.
49:40Okay.
49:41If we can help you in any way, please let us know.
49:44We can deliver food, medicine, whatever you need.
49:48Just dial zero, day or night.
49:50You will want to call from a landline, as all the cellular networks are down.
49:54But we are here for you.
50:00We feel like we're doing all the talking here.
50:04Are there any questions you might have for us, Carol?
50:07Anything at all?
50:11Uh, uh, yeah.
50:15Yeah, sure.
50:17I guess to start with, what the fuck is happening?
50:23Well, basically...
50:25It's an alien invasion, right?
50:26I mean, obviously, it's an alien invasion.
50:28Actually, no, it is not.
50:30What the fuck it isn't?
50:31You know my name.
50:33You know Helen's name.
50:36You are talking to me from my TV.
50:39And what the fuck is with everybody's shit like this?
50:44And those two weird, the weird, the weird neighbor kids, and next door, they know we're some goddamn...
50:51How, how would they know that, huh?
50:53Are you reading my mind?
50:55No, absolutely not.
50:57We couldn't do that if we wanted to.
50:59Who is we?
50:59Why is everybody suddenly we?
51:01You know, we could continue this after you've had a good night's sleep.
51:04Who is we?
51:06We is us.
51:08Just us.
51:09Who the fuck is us?
51:10Us.
51:11There are no aliens.
51:13None on this planet.
51:14We are, however, beneficiaries of extraterrestrial technology.
51:20Fourteen months ago, astronomers discovered a radio signal from 600 light years away.
51:25There's no telling how long it's been repeating, maybe throughout all of human existence.
51:30This signal, it's made up of four tones, representing guanine, uracil, adenine, and cytosine.
51:39It's a recipe, it turns out, for a nucleotide sequence, RNA.
51:44A. Scientists have created this sequence in a lab.
51:49It is not a living thing, per se.
51:51It is more akin to a virus.
51:53Though it's not that exactly, either.
51:56It's kind of a psychic glue, capable of binding us all together.
52:03Okay.
52:05So if you're not aliens,
52:08who am I talking to right now?
52:10Who are you?
52:10This particular individual, this is Davis Taffler,
52:15Undersecretary of Agriculture for Farm Production and Conservation.
52:19But you are currently talking to every person on Earth,
52:23including Davis Taffler.
52:26We're all one.
52:27How does that work?
52:29We don't know exactly.
52:31It just does.
52:34Can I talk to the president?
52:35That individual passed away this evening, unfortunately,
52:38along with quite a few senior members of the United States government.
52:43Davis Taffler happened to be nearby and intact,
52:48and he was wearing a suit.
52:49So...
52:50So...
52:50So you're in charge now?
52:52The Undersecretary of...
52:54No, nobody's in charge, or everybody's in charge.
52:58Really, there's no such thing anymore.
52:59But...
53:00There has got to be others like me.
53:02Your situation is a rare one.
53:04There appear to be 11 other individuals like yourself.
53:08In Albuquerque?
53:10No.
53:11In the world.
53:12We have reached out to them.
53:14Like you, they are disoriented, understandably.
53:19Rest assured, Carol, we will figure out what makes you different.
53:24Figure it out? Why?
53:26So we can fix it.
53:28So you can join us.
53:32Oh, God.
53:37Carol?
53:38You still there?
53:44You said my life was my own.
53:46It is.
53:47One hundred percent.
53:51So what happens when I say no?
53:53Carol, once you understand how wonderful this is...
54:00Carol?
54:12I don't know.
54:15I don't know.
54:19Hi!
54:20You've reached 505-796-6933.
54:24We're on the French Riviera drinking champagne.
54:27We are not here in our sweatpants screening your call.
54:29Make it a good one.
54:32Carol? Hello? It's us. Hello? We're sorry we upset you, Carol. We only want to make you happy.
54:42Shut up, shut up, shut up, shut up!
55:30yes, that appeals to us, but do not repent.
55:30Oh, oh, oh, oh.
56:00Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.
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