- 7 hours ago
7 Days (2009) Season 18 Episode 8
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00:23I'm your host Jeremy Corbett, I'm a Leo who likes long walks on the beach in a good cuddle.
00:27Big Spoon, but enough about me, I've got six hungry newshounds here in the studio ready to dissect the events
00:33of the week and poke fun at their squidgy insides.
00:36Let's meet the team, shall we? And we'll start with the leader of Team One.
00:39Some people say he hasn't aged a day since this show started.
00:42Those people are watching reruns.
00:44It's Paulie Go!
00:46Hi, everyone. Thank you, Jeremy.
00:48Hi, Paulie.
00:49Thank you very much. Lovely to be here.
00:51Great team tonight, first of all.
00:52She's delivered two babies and thousands of jokes, and he's pushed out thousands of jokes and has a face like
00:58a really old baby.
01:00It's Lana Walters and Jeremy Elwood on my team.
01:07Leading Team Two is a man so tough, he ram-raided a car that was doing a ram-raid.
01:12It's Chopper!
01:15Thank you very much, Jeremy.
01:17And my team tonight is a lovely bunch of C-words.
01:21I've got Courtney and Corey.
01:23Courtney and Corey.
01:24The three C's.
01:27Chopper, Courtney and Corey.
01:28All right, let's kick things off with newsmakers, where I'll give the team some sneaky hints at a headlining news
01:33story from the week.
01:34Tonight, teams, I'm going to give you an answer from a news story.
01:37You give me the question to match, and we'll start with you, Team One.
01:40Your answer from the last seven days, about ten days.
01:44There's probably heaps, but I reckon we've got enough petrol for what?
01:51How long does one of Donald Trump's hard 24-hour deadlines last?
01:59What's the Russian bootleg version of this show?
02:02About ten days.
02:05Comrade Corbett.
02:07I think if it's a day's length of time base thing, the only news story this week is about the
02:14rocket going round the moon.
02:15Is that how long it's been up there, or how long it's been going round?
02:18Correct, Paul. Well done.
02:19It is about Artemis II.
02:21It's how long does a round trip to the moon take?
02:23NASA's Artemis II is currently doing one.
02:25The astronauts becoming the first people to see the dark side since 1972,
02:29breaking the record for the greatest distance humans have travelled from Earth.
02:32Even though the trip is only ten days, you just know a few of them are coming back with an
02:35accent, right?
02:37I've just been on the moon, haven't I?
02:40Just been up there on the moon, yeah.
02:42So where is the moon?
02:43Yes.
02:45It's not part of the UK, but it's in that area, yeah.
02:48It's where they shot EastEnders, is it?
02:49That's right, yeah.
02:51But imagine spending your whole life training to be an astronaut, just to go to space,
02:56and then Katy Perry beats you by two years.
03:01And of course, they were completely out of contact with Earth for about 40 minutes when
03:05they went round the moon, back of the moon.
03:07Were they?
03:08Yeah.
03:08They could be like, oh, amazing guys, we'll talk to you in 40 minutes, and then they go
03:11round and it goes off and they're like, God, I hate space!
03:15This is so boring!
03:20They will eventually land, right?
03:22And then when they have a woman who's there, she'll probably find the aliens straight away.
03:25She'll be like, you guys were so busy playing golf and planting flags, there's a colony.
03:31There's an entire civilisation, you guys just didn't look.
03:34I reckon when they do come back to Earth, after all the news we've had this last week or so,
03:38we should just have, someone should like half bury a fake version of the Statue of Liberty
03:42in the sand, and someone's just there in a monkey costume, just to greet them.
03:45Oh, it'd be so good.
03:48Do you know who I reckon is loving this?
03:51Michael Collins.
03:51Do you know who Michael Collins is, Jeremy?
03:53Yeah, he was the guy that stayed in the lunar module while the eagle went down to the moon
03:57back in 69.
03:58Yeah, first space landing, he has to sit up in the module, right?
04:02The original space cuck.
04:06Neil and Buzz are down there, touching his moon, jamming flags in it, and he's just up
04:10in the capsule going, oh, oh.
04:14Probably the fact that he makes noises like that is why they didn't get him to be the
04:17guy who stepped on the moon.
04:19Okay, and the first words now, oh.
04:23Oh.
04:24We chose the wrong guy.
04:27One of the first things that went wrong is the toilet broke.
04:30That's right.
04:31The lunar moon, they're calling it.
04:32Yeah, so you can do number ones, but number twos aren't going anywhere.
04:36You know, there's just one dude on there who's like, well, I only ever do it when I get
04:39home anyway.
04:42Actually, quite interesting, because Artemis, which the mission's named after, is the Greek
04:46god of pooing in a bag.
04:50That's amazing, eh?
04:51I don't have the knowledge to challenge you, Chopper, so I'll take you in your womb.
04:56I'm like a, I'm a bit of a conspiracy theorist, and I don't reckon that they've circumnavigated
05:00the moon, like, because I say that I'm circumnavigating the car park when I can't parallel park.
05:07Have you noticed, since they started sending the photos back, of the earth, you know,
05:10the big round earth, that the flat earthers have been real quiet?
05:15No, we haven't.
05:19Alright, team two, your turn now.
05:21From the last seven days, little experiment is the answer.
05:25What's the question?
05:26What do you call having an open relationship with Peter Dinklage?
05:36What led to Corbett hosting the show for nearly 20 years?
05:41They don't always work out.
05:44Any ideas what the story might be, Chopper?
05:46I mean, these days, it could be anything.
05:49It could be.
05:50It's not a great clue, I'll give you that.
05:51Why don't you help us out, Corby?
05:52We're here swimming around debris that used to be our mines.
05:55Yeah, Boston University have set up a bright yellow call-a-boomer payphone.
06:00As a what?
06:01It's a little experiment.
06:02Let students chat with seniors in a retirement community in Reno, Nevada.
06:06It's all in an attempt to bridge the generational divide.
06:09And it's a little bit weird, because the students call the seniors on a landline,
06:13but somehow the boomers still manage to have their phone torch on.
06:16I don't know.
06:18We actually already have a boomer hotline in New Zealand.
06:21It's called Newstalk ZB.
06:26And it's only called a boomer hotline if you call them.
06:29If they ring you, it's called a boomerang.
06:34The weird thing is, so this was set up so that young people can feel connected,
06:38you know, have some connection with someone who's willing to listen.
06:40But it doesn't quite work, because I bet five minutes into every call,
06:43they're like, OK, so you go to the Netflix site.
06:48Is it just going to be one boomer they talk to?
06:51Because I like the idea of them being different boomers there for different sort of advice.
06:55So you're calling up, maybe you want some advice on cancer,
06:58you talk to the tumour boomer.
06:59You want some advice on having a baby, you talk to the wooma boomer.
07:03Then you've got just the generic, you know, the world isn't very good,
07:07that's the doom and glooma boomer.
07:09And what about the gossip, the rumour boomer?
07:12Oh, that's very good.
07:14Or the gossip specifically about Ms Thurman, the ooma rumour...
07:19Oh, this was so good.
07:21The astrology boomer, the luna boomer.
07:24How do I cook a fun meal for my in-laws?
07:29The shroomer boomer.
07:30The shroomer boomer.
07:31Beef Wellington's a specialty.
07:33What about the guy who's into fishing, the tuna boomer?
07:36Oh, that's close.
07:37I feel like I need to interrupt.
07:40That's a good round, good opening round.
07:42Newsmakers enjoyed that.
07:43Points.
07:44Team 1, you can have 10.
07:45That's the number of points scored by Kiwi Charlize Ledger-Walker
07:48for the University of California as they beat South Carolina
07:52to win the Women's Division I College Champs Basketball,
07:55making her the first Kiwi woman to be an NCAA champion.
07:58Great stuff.
07:59Team 2.
08:00You can have 2.
08:00That's the number of Emmy nominations for the Jacinda Ardern documentary Prime Minister.
08:0410, however, beats 2.
08:06The star goes to team 1.
08:08Well done.
08:13I'm excited about this.
08:14This is good.
08:14Stars aren't just what you see when you get a cartoon bonk on the head.
08:17They're also how we keep track of who's winning tonight.
08:20The team with the most stars at the end of the episode will win an incredible prize.
08:24Very excited about this week's one.
08:25Please look and ooh at it right now.
08:28That is a chunk of no-gravity cheese.
08:30Whoa!
08:31Fresh from the Artemis II mission to the moon,
08:33perfect for catching space mice,
08:35or maybe use it to make a space pie
08:37by combining it with the mints from the cow who jumped over the moon.
08:40What a wonderful prize.
08:42All right, New Zealand, I hope you're on your best behaviour.
08:44We're about to be joined by a real-life politician
08:46who, if he doesn't like you,
08:48could presumably have you deported somewhere horrible like Australia.
08:51This week we have the National Party MP for Rangatata in the South Island.
08:55Please welcome James Meagher.
08:59James, welcome to Seven Days.
09:01Thank you for joining us.
09:02Sit yourself down.
09:04Your job to answer these guys' questions without saying yes or no
09:07sound doable?
09:08I hope so.
09:09I hope so.
09:10Good stuff.
09:10All right, we're underway.
09:11Teams, away you go.
09:13James, hello.
09:15Chopper.
09:16How are you?
09:17Afraid.
09:20All right, that's good.
09:21I feel good about that.
09:23That feels right.
09:24Now, you're the Minister for Youth
09:25and the Minister for Hunting and Fishing.
09:28How long until I can hunt young people?
09:33It's funny you mention Minister for Youth.
09:35It's actually where I met Jeremy's wife.
09:37CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
09:42Wow.
09:44Damn.
09:45No, I'll play that.
09:46Well done.
09:48Looks like we've got two creeps in the room.
09:54James, you grew up in Temaru.
09:56Is that as amazing as it sounds?
09:59It's even better.
10:00It's the Riviera of the South.
10:02Oh.
10:03Your career's been quite varied.
10:06You were a press secretary to Paula Bennett,
10:08staffer for Chris Bishop,
10:09and an advisor to both Bill English and Simon Bridges.
10:12Do you suffer from PTSD?
10:15LAUGHTER
10:17You are the Minister for the South Island.
10:19Is part of that job hating the Minister for Auckland?
10:22And was that easier last week
10:24before the reshuffle when it was Simeon Brown?
10:26LAUGHTER
10:30Look, things change,
10:32and I love all my colleagues equally,
10:34some more equally than others.
10:35Oh, you are a politician.
10:37LAUGHTER
10:37Um, James, you're pretty young.
10:39Like, is it alarming that your age
10:41and National's current approval rating
10:43is the same number?
10:44LAUGHTER
10:45Well, I'm in my late 30s, so let's hope.
10:49Whatever, man.
10:50LAUGHTER
10:51LAUGHTER
10:52James, kia ora.
10:54I read on Wikipedia
10:55that on the national list,
10:57you're number 69.
10:59Um, is that crack up to you
11:01or are you dry?
11:03LAUGHTER
11:05I think it's nice.
11:06I think it's nice.
11:08That might be crack up to you
11:09cos you're a bit of a troublemaker in university, right?
11:12You've confessed to all of this.
11:14I think I would...
11:15What did I describe myself as?
11:17Obnoxious?
11:18Obnoxious, yeah.
11:19That was Otago, so everyone was obnoxious.
11:22Well, I was going to ask, actually,
11:23you're from Temeroo,
11:24you went to Otago University
11:25and, you're right,
11:26you're self-described as obnoxious.
11:27Are you just Josh Thompson in a mask?
11:30LAUGHTER
11:31I was hoping he was here tonight
11:32cos I was going to say
11:33I'm not even the best thing
11:34that's come out of Temeroo in this room.
11:36LAUGHTER
11:36Are you referring to Sukatai,
11:38the Thai restaurant in Temeroo?
11:40On Stafford Street?
11:42Yeah.
11:43I might be.
11:43Their money bags are to die for.
11:47So are James's.
11:48You should see him come out of the shower.
11:49Oh.
11:57So you're the Minister for Hunting and Fishing.
12:00Does your government hate living fish
12:02as much as they hate poor people, or...?
12:07LAUGHTER
12:15Just say no!
12:17Just say no, James!
12:19No, no, it's like the old saying goes.
12:21Give a man a fish,
12:22then you can eat the man and his fish.
12:25LAUGHTER
12:26As Minister for Hunting and Fishing,
12:28can you say
12:28I love country hunting five times really quickly?
12:32LAUGHTER
12:34I love country hunting five times really quickly.
12:38LAUGHTER
12:38Very good.
12:39Very good.
12:40Very good.
12:42And you were head boy and ducks
12:43of Temeroo High School.
12:44I was.
12:45Ooh, fantastic.
12:46In Temeroo, if you get ducks,
12:48do they just give you a duck?
12:50I think that's why I'm hunting and fishing, right?
12:52That's the wrong thing.
12:54If you cover Marathon,
12:55does your portfolio include the Chatham Islands?
12:58I've claimed it as the South Island, yeah.
13:00Right, yeah, yeah.
13:01It makes a town.
13:02Yeah, yeah.
13:03Give it up for National MP James Meagher!
13:05Great work.
13:06Good work.
13:07And keep the applause going for Team One.
13:10Congratulations, Team One, you get a start.
13:12I don't know how we got this.
13:14All right, you need to move on from those celebrations, Team One.
13:17It's time for the Burger Fuel Brain Grill.
13:18We find historical news
13:20and we test whether the comedians have any recollection of it.
13:23This week, we're heading back to the distant year of 1986.
13:27Cool.
13:27Yes, Team One, what is going on here?
13:30They're making a great go of it, aren't they?
13:32They're keeping their balance very, very well indeed, is Alexandra.
13:35Some of those boys are very, very heavy
13:37and if they come off, they'll hit that paddock with a heck of a whack.
13:40I was going to say, American Gladiators,
13:41my memory of it is far more spectacular than that.
13:44Yeah, I think this is Squid Games on a New Zealand budget.
13:47Yes.
13:48Yeah.
13:49This is why no one respects the Commonwealth Games.
13:51Yeah.
13:52That is Top Town.
13:53That's Top Town, though, isn't it?
13:54Of course it is, Paulie.
13:55That was a clip from Top Town, classic Kiwi TV show,
13:58where teams from towns across New Zealand
14:00competed in physical challenges and obstacle courses, as you saw,
14:03all for local pride and bragging rights.
14:05Top Town famous, being the last and only time
14:07anyone's ever cheered for Huntley.
14:11Right, join us back here after the break
14:13because we're heading on down to Club Topicana
14:15right after this.
14:16See you soon.
14:27Aloha.
14:28Welcome back.
14:29Seven days.
14:29Well, the clocks may have changed,
14:31but even the pitch blackness of night
14:33won't stop us from grabbing the budgie
14:35and smuggling it down to the beach of Club Topicana.
14:37Play the steel drum.
14:49Club Topicana is brought to you by Dole Pineapples.
14:52Pineapples, spiky on the outside and sweet on the inside.
14:55Like a hedgehog, you've injected with jam.
14:57Inside this spiky little juice factory
14:59lies some news stories, got me all tingly inside
15:02and I wanted to know more about.
15:03And that's just what our comedians will provide for us.
15:06Let's crack into it.
15:07Ah, yes, West Auckland.
15:08Hollywood stars Takawa Ititi, Jason Momoa and Cliff Curtis
15:11banded together to purchase production house studio West
15:15in West Auckland.
15:16It's been a while since I saw a proper Westy flick,
15:19so I'd like to see some scenes
15:20from West Auckland movies, please.
15:25You had me at, want to root?
15:36I'm flying, Jack.
15:39I'm flying.
15:45OK, cut, cut, no, audio issue.
15:48We've got a police helicopter down.
15:51Oh, that goes the whole time?
15:57Hunt for the sober people.
16:07I see stoned people.
16:14Baby, I'm just calling to say
16:15I don't know if I'm going to get out of here.
16:17I came to Costco for just a hot chicken
16:20and now the crowds are crazy.
16:22I bought a kayak.
16:25I bought two air fryers.
16:27They wouldn't let me buy one.
16:32The hills are alive
16:34with the sound of V-A-s.
16:41Now it's time for the kids' classic
16:43Harry and Henderson.
16:44Get away, Harry.
16:46They've got knives.
16:55Luke, I or one of many other men
16:59on the New Lynn Rugby League team
17:04am your father.
17:09Let's go on to the pineapple
17:10for our next story.
17:12A new podcast has been launched
17:14about a Kiwi who joined the CIA
17:15as a spy in 1970.
17:17It's called The Agency.
17:19It must have been good
17:20because I didn't find out about him
17:21until just now.
17:23But what about the bad spies?
17:24Give me some examples
17:25of the world's worst spies, please, team.
17:29Hello, Mr. Trump.
17:31My name is Melania.
17:32I am not a spy.
17:42Hey, babe, have you seen
17:43my cyanide suicide pill?
17:47Yeah, it's just your mum's
17:48blood pressure tablet here.
17:57Nah, bro, I'm Russian Naz.
17:58Now let's switch cases
18:00and I'll get out of here.
18:06Martini, thanks.
18:10Oh, that's straight alcohol.
18:12Oh, yuck.
18:12Can I have a lemonade?
18:19Hello.
18:20My name is Ana Hira.
18:22I am the third National Party
18:24Maori MP.
18:30Yes, okay.
18:31Passport and arrival card.
18:33Travelling for business.
18:35Yes, it says there,
18:35I am a spy.
18:37First time.
18:39I think it's going to go good, though.
18:45Um, if the mission's impossible,
18:48why even bother?
18:53Alright, let's go to our pineapple
18:54for our next story.
18:56School holes.
18:57Yes, parents were left reeling this week
18:59when they realised it was
18:59the school holidays again.
19:01But we here at Seven Days,
19:02we're here to help.
19:03So let's make the parents at home
19:04feel better about themselves
19:06by giving them some examples
19:07of terrible school holiday activities.
19:12Okay, so we're going to go
19:13and sponge bath the old people
19:15and today the first person
19:16is Mr Corbett.
19:20Get in there.
19:23Alright, kids, I know Easter's over
19:25but we've got another fun hunt
19:27because Daddy can't remember
19:28where he put his weed.
19:33Alright, Jimmy, remember the other day
19:35you asked me where sneakers come from?
19:37Let's play a game called sweatshops.
19:44Okay, so here's your gun
19:45and you ship off to the Middle East tomorrow.
19:49Alright, back for our next story.
19:51With daylight saving ending,
19:53we appreciate having Shihard's song
19:55Home Again to tell us
19:56to put our clocks back for the winter.
19:58Surely can't be the only song
19:59with useful advice in it.
20:01So I would like to see
20:02some more examples
20:03of helpful song lyrics, please.
20:06Helpful song lyrics.
20:08Knives, don't go in toasters,
20:10toasters, don't go in the back.
20:18And I, I always blow on the pie
20:23cause the feeling's thermonuclear
20:26and I know I could die.
20:34Don't you want your baby?
20:42Stop, conjugate and listen.
20:44Don't start a sentence with a preposition.
20:52I'm on my way
20:53to go and get
20:54a prostate check today.
20:57Uh-uh.
20:58Uh-uh.
21:04In the jungle,
21:06the mighty jungle,
21:07the lion doesn't actually sleep tonight.
21:09It's more of a Savannah creature.
21:10It's similar temperature,
21:11but it's more of an arid sign.
21:13Wah, wah, ooh, bow.
21:15Bowie.
21:18All right, that is it.
21:19There's too much sand in the Speedos.
21:20Head back to your desks.
21:22Play the steel drums.
21:34Oh, it had everything.
21:35Yep, great movie ideas,
21:36great songs, enjoyed it.
21:37Team One,
21:38you can have eight.
21:39That is the number of years
21:40since Flight of the Conchords
21:41performed together.
21:42Set to change next week
21:43when Jermaine and Brett
21:44will do four warm-up shows
21:45at Wellington's Meow Nui.
21:46Be a great show to be at.
21:48And you can have 8.5 million,
21:50Team Two.
21:50That's the amount per day
21:51Air New Zealand is spending
21:52on jet fuel.
21:53Six weeks ago,
21:54it was less than half of that,
21:55just 4 million.
21:56Either way,
21:57it means a star for Team Two.
21:59Congratulations.
22:03Team Two,
22:04you don't have time to celebrate.
22:05I'm staying with you.
22:06I need you back in your game
22:08for your burger fuel brain grill.
22:10It's from 1986.
22:12This one's a picture.
22:13What do you think is going on here?
22:14Have a look.
22:17Welcome back to Talkin' Slaw,
22:19the world's only cabbage podcast.
22:23That's almost on the topic.
22:25That was a farmer
22:26testing his crop for radiation
22:27following the catastrophic explosion
22:29of the Chernobyl nuclear reactor
22:31in Ukraine in 1986.
22:34An horrific event.
22:35But we all did get to watch
22:37an incredible eight-part TV series
22:38out of it,
22:38so I guess every mushroom cloud
22:40has a silver lining,
22:41doesn't it?
22:42All right,
22:42we'll take a break,
22:43then we'll be playing a special game
22:44I like to call Jeremy's Special Game.
22:46What have I concocted for you this week?
22:48Find out after these ads.
23:00You are back with seven days,
23:03just in time for JSG.
23:06Yes, Jeremy's Special Game,
23:07the not-to-miss moment
23:08for most people's 2026.
23:09This week,
23:10we're exploring the art of mime
23:12in a game of Charade the News.
23:14This is fast becoming one of my favourites.
23:16All right,
23:17Team One,
23:17you're up first now.
23:18The story is,
23:19according to Vogue,
23:20skinny jeans are back.
23:21Supermodels including Cindy Crawford,
23:23Kate Moss and Angelina Jolie
23:25have been photographed,
23:26which is reviving the trend
23:27from the 90s
23:28and reviving them as well,
23:29I'd imagine.
23:30Made me think about
23:31what else from the 90s
23:32I would like to see.
23:33So your category
23:34is things from the 90s.
23:36Lana,
23:37you will be doing the charading.
23:39Come and grab your cards.
23:41Move on over to the screen, Lana.
23:43Ego and Elwood,
23:43you'll be guessing
23:44what Lana is acting out
23:47and I'll get my little dinger here.
23:50So things from the 90s
23:51is the category
23:51and your time starts now.
23:54Okay.
23:58Grunge music.
23:59Yeah.
24:00Guitar.
24:01Alanis Morissette.
24:02Creed.
24:03Creed,
24:04shooting himself in the face.
24:05Yes, well done.
24:06Yeah, well done.
24:07Kukubane.
24:07Kukubane.
24:08Kukubane.
24:09Okay.
24:12Steve Austin.
24:13Tom Cruise.
24:15The running...
24:15Oh, Falling.
24:16Forrest Gump.
24:17Fat Man Running.
24:19Big, droopy teddies.
24:21Oh, um...
24:22Oh, um...
24:23Uh, Borat.
24:25Man, heady.
24:27Baywatch.
24:28Baywatch.
24:28Baywatch.
24:30Oh, my gosh.
24:32Oh.
24:36The all-backs.
24:37Rugby World Cup.
24:38Well done.
24:41Pages.
24:42Colossomy.
24:43Yes, well done.
24:46Microwave.
24:47The microwave.
24:48VHS players.
24:49We'll pay that.
24:55Oh, my...
24:56Oh, voguing.
24:57Vogue.
24:57The Macarena.
24:59Madonna.
25:00Oh, the Spice Girls.
25:02The Spice Girls.
25:03Well done.
25:03Wow.
25:04I know you're...
25:04Okay.
25:07Oh, uh, Walkman.
25:08Sonny Walk...
25:09Uh, leggings.
25:10Leggings.
25:10Eddie Davis, zip pants.
25:12Um, hip bone.
25:13Hip pockets.
25:13Skinny jeans.
25:15Uh, cargo pants.
25:17Yes, well done cargo pants.
25:22Hi, I'm Jeremy Corbett.
25:26This is one of my many television shows.
25:28Um, uh, Seinfeld.
25:31Uh, standard comedy.
25:31Oh, you were right the first time.
25:32Oh, it is Jeremy Corbett.
25:33Where's Jeremy Corbett?
25:34Is it Jeremy...
25:35No, what?
25:35Oh, uh, Jeremy Corbett doing, um, stand-up.
25:38Oh, deal or no deal?
25:39No.
25:40No, um...
25:41Not TV.
25:42Not...
25:42What?
25:43It's radio.
25:44Jeremy Corbett on radio.
25:45Kevin Corbett, more of a reference show.
25:47No, no, no.
25:53Very kind, uh, Lana.
25:54Could have been far worse, that last one.
25:56What was going on, Dan?
25:56I don't know.
25:57Okay, well done, uh, team one.
25:59Lana, uh, great stuff.
26:00And Paul and Jeremy, you contributed as well, I guess.
26:02Uh, eight.
26:03Eight.
26:03I got you for eight.
26:04That's a, that's a hard score to beat.
26:05I didn't want to do a big piece.
26:06A hard score to beat.
26:07Yeah, yeah, yeah.
26:08I mean, it's like bad days.
26:09Oh!
26:10Team two, over to you.
26:11Your turn, uh, as mentioned, Kiwi Eco Shoe Company, Allbirds, sold recently for a fraction
26:15of its one-time billion-dollar valuation.
26:18Uh, your category is companies that have animals in their names, like Allbirds.
26:23Chopper, you will be doing our charading.
26:25Oh!
26:27Courtney and Corey, it is your turn to guess, and you have got eight to beat.
26:31All right, Chopper, if you'd like to move over to the screen, please.
26:34Good luck, mate.
26:34I don't want to play Jeremy's special game.
26:38It's not the first time I've heard that.
26:41It's not the one you're thinking of.
26:44Companies that have animals in their names.
26:47Your time starts now.
26:50Uh, whoa.
26:52You can't talk.
26:53Shoe.
26:54Big.
26:54Lacoste.
26:55Juntman.
26:57Uh.
26:57Lacoste.
26:58Big sh...
26:59Big...
27:01Crocs!
27:02Crocs!
27:02Crocs is correct, well done.
27:08Crank.
27:09Party.
27:10Uh...
27:11Rave.
27:13Red Bull.
27:14Yes, well done.
27:15Yes.
27:19Joint.
27:21Smir...
27:23Uh, horn.
27:24Camel back.
27:25Uh...
27:26Camel sm...
27:27Camel cigarettes.
27:27Yes, well done.
27:28Yes.
27:32Beer.
27:34Uh, bird.
27:36Tui.
27:37Tui.
27:37Nice.
27:39Good stuff.
27:39Nailing it.
27:42Uh, penguin books.
27:44Oh, wow!
27:45Yes.
27:46So good.
27:46What a team.
27:49Uh...
27:49Elephant publishing.
27:51Elephant publicity.
27:55Uh, go to the next one.
27:59Anita.
28:00Oh, what?
28:01Uh...
28:02T-Rex.
28:04No!
28:09String.
28:11Earthful.
28:16Pedophile!
28:16Pedophile!
28:18No, go.
28:19Another one.
28:20You can move on if you like.
28:20Another one.
28:21Moving on.
28:27Oh, meh.
28:37Chew, chew, chew, train.
28:38Chew?
28:41Uh...
28:41Thomas, no.
28:42Uh...
28:43Train.
28:43Train.
28:44Train.
28:44Train your dragon.
28:45How to train your dragon.
28:49Uh...
28:49Cocaine.
28:50Cocaine's great.
28:51All right, yeah, cool.
28:52Drug.
28:52Oh.
28:54Moving on.
28:55Next one.
28:57Driving drunk.
28:58No, all right.
28:59Corn.
29:00Tiger.
29:02Hungry, hungry hippos.
29:05Drive.
29:06Truck.
29:07Two, two...
29:08Uh, dragon.
29:09Uh...
29:10Brands of stuff!
29:13Oh, uh...
29:14It's a car.
29:15Uh, Bronco.
29:16Companies that have animals in their names.
29:18Bobcat.
29:19Puma.
29:22We'll be...
29:24Horn.
29:24Uh, horn.
29:25Uh, horn.
29:26Uh...
29:28Oh, just the next one, man.
29:29Ha, ha, ha.
29:32That's time.
29:33That is time.
29:34Oh, wow.
29:36Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.
29:41Sorry.
29:43I have to tell us what that...
29:44I was going to tell you, but I thought Chopper might like to share it.
29:48OK.
29:48Do you want to tell them what they couldn't guess?
29:49Your wonderful mime?
29:51It was a kiwi.
29:52It was kiwi bank and then kiwi rail.
29:54That's right.
29:56I was like bumping rails with a kiwi.
30:00And last one was jaguar.
30:02Jaguar, yeah.
30:03Oh, I said a puma.
30:04That's f***ing the same thing.
30:04It's not the same.
30:07Different cats.
30:08Come on.
30:09They're both leopards.
30:10They're both from the leopard family.
30:11Oh, is it a house cat?
30:13No, it's a brand!
30:14Oh, yeah.
30:15Very impressive start, team two, but slowed up in the end, unfortunately,
30:18which means it's 8-5.
30:20Team one gets the start.
30:22Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you.
30:24Oh, wow.
30:25That's good.
30:26Great stuff and well done, Chopper and Lana.
30:28Time for a break, but staple yourself to your couch
30:30because we're going to have a special Secret Mystery Guest 2
30:33right here when we get back.
30:35See you soon.
30:35Seven days later.
30:47Welcome back to Seven Days.
30:49Our next game is called Guest 2,
30:51where a mystery person from the week of news
30:53takes time out of their newsworthy week
30:55to join us in the studio
30:56and hide their face inside a clean-ish sack.
30:59Please welcome our Guest 2 guest.
31:03Right on this way.
31:06I'll jump behind you and guide you in.
31:08Three, two, one.
31:10Right there.
31:11You stand there, Guest 2, yes.
31:12You say yes or no.
31:13Teams, you ask yes or no question.
31:15You get a no, it goes to the other team.
31:17Team one, you get first pop at it.
31:18Are you National MP James Meeker?
31:22That's a no.
31:23That's a no.
31:24Team two.
31:25I don't know too many New Zealand sort of newsworthy people,
31:30but I'm going to guess you're not Lord.
31:35Yes.
31:37That's a yes.
31:38He's not Lord.
31:40You look strong.
31:42Are you famous for doing something strong?
31:45Famous for doing something strong.
31:48Ish.
31:49Can you rephrase?
31:50I'll give you another chance.
31:51When he did that, my eyebrows fluttered.
31:53That's a funny thing.
31:55Very strong.
31:55Is it sport related?
31:57Yes.
31:58Yes.
31:58That's a yes.
31:59Does your sport have running in it?
32:01No.
32:01No.
32:02Team one.
32:03Did you just negotiate a peace deal in Iran?
32:08That's a no.
32:09Sorry, guys.
32:10Well, that's not a very good game.
32:11I know.
32:11Sorry.
32:12Are you into water?
32:14Oh, yes.
32:15Yes.
32:16All right.
32:17Are your arms tired?
32:19Sorry, are they tired?
32:20I mean, not like in the last week.
32:22Have they been tired at some stage?
32:24They've been tired for a wee while, yeah.
32:27That's a yes.
32:28We're into a full conversation now.
32:30The game's fallen apart.
32:31How was everything?
32:32That's not a yes, no question.
32:36Ask a yes, no question.
32:37Yeah, when people ask me how I'm doing, I'll say yes.
32:41That's why not many people ask.
32:43No.
32:44Courtney.
32:44Water stuff.
32:45Can you hold your breath longer than two minutes?
32:48Yes.
32:49Wow.
32:50So, is it underwater sport?
32:54Hmm.
32:55Oh.
32:56It's no.
32:56Oh, what the hell is it?
32:57It's not.
32:58We've got that good.
32:59It's not underwater.
33:00It's not.
33:00It's on the water.
33:01Are you the guy who's just swum like the length of New Zealand?
33:04Oh.
33:05Sort of along, around New Zealand, down the side of New Zealand.
33:09Swum somewhere.
33:10Yes.
33:10Yes.
33:11That is Jono Ridler.
33:13What a privilege.
33:15Thank you, God.
33:16Oh, oh.
33:18World record ocean swimmer, Jono.
33:21Congratulations.
33:22What a feat.
33:23And it was from North Cape to Wellington, right?
33:25North Island.
33:25Yes, it was.
33:25It wasn't quite the country, but...
33:27And that is nearly 1,400 kilometres?
33:321,400.
33:33Just shy of.
33:34And 90 days, 468 hours of swimming.
33:37And just over 1.4 million strokes.
33:39Have you ever thought about getting a boat?
33:44That would be no fun.
33:45Did you ever cop a good current and just flap your arms around a bit?
33:50Sometimes.
33:51So, 90 days.
33:53Can you talk us through sort of a standard day?
33:55What happened?
33:55I mean, fast forward a bit.
33:58Day one.
34:00So, what, 6am alarm?
34:01What happens?
34:02Yeah, sometimes it would be starting in the dark.
34:05A normal day would be about nine hours of swimming.
34:08Doing four hours and then five hours.
34:11And having that block in the morning.
34:13Having maybe a three, four hour break.
34:14And then going back in the evening.
34:16There's all of the team preparation around that.
34:19So, we'd have some big days and, you know, do these five day blocks.
34:22Have a rest.
34:23Incredible.
34:23And then go again.
34:24How good was it swimming into Wellington?
34:26And so many people there.
34:27Were you expecting that many?
34:28Yeah, not as many people as we had.
34:30It was just an unreal scene in Wellington.
34:33With people, like, lining along the boardwalk.
34:36And coming into Wharepo Lagoon.
34:38There were just thousands of people.
34:39It was just, yeah, unreal.
34:41It completely blew our expectations out.
34:42It looks like you actually got it on the one good day.
34:47Well, there was, you got out of the water in Wellington.
34:49And the reason you were there was to go to Parliament, right?
34:51Because you got a serious kind of message behind what you were doing.
34:53Yeah, why did you do it?
34:54You nutter.
34:57So, we finished at Wharepo Lagoon and then walked up to the steps of Parliament.
35:02It was symbolic.
35:03We do have a petition that's open for asking for a phased into bottom trawling, starting
35:07with seamounts.
35:08And so, we had hundreds of people walking with us.
35:11And we presented, symbolically, representation of our cause.
35:15We will be presenting the petition later.
35:18Which is already up to, like, 80,000 signatories or something.
35:21Yeah, it was past 80,000.
35:25That's incredible, man.
35:27I have a real love-hate.
35:30Like, I love the ocean.
35:31I love swimming.
35:31But at the same time, I have a kind of pathological fear of sharks.
35:34Was there a moment in the swim where anything, where just you had a moment of going,
35:38why am I doing this?
35:40Yeah, there were certainly moments like that.
35:42But in the first 90 minutes of starting, leaving Waikuku Beach, I had a flyby from a big shark
35:47right next to me.
35:48We had a number of shark sightings up in the far north.
35:52And, yeah, that plays on your mind, for sure.
35:54Oh, you think?
35:57Didn't I read that you said somewhere your sort of attitude changed as you swam down with
36:01the sharks?
36:02You realised they weren't after you for food?
36:05Yeah, I try, you know, you try to have that mentality.
36:08And my saying was, you're not on the menu.
36:12But, yeah, you know, they're big predators and you've got to respect them when you're
36:17in their environment.
36:17So, if we were going down to the local pool and we want to match the kind of pace that
36:21you were setting, how fast, say, would you swim, like, 100 metres when you're doing this?
36:25Oh, the pace that I was doing out there was maybe two minutes per 100 metres, which is
36:30pretty slow.
36:31Yeah.
36:31It's slow.
36:35Did you know Jeremy Corbett used to be a swimmer?
36:38Yeah.
36:39He used to swim competitively.
36:40Now, none of a swimmer's work.
36:42He's got a swimmer's frame, you know?
36:43Thanks, mate.
36:44Thanks.
36:45It's good to have someone that actually cares about my swimming career.
36:48But you've got...
36:49So, how long after the swim did it take until you felt recovered?
36:52Because it was a lot of pain, right?
36:54Yeah.
36:55Every single day was really, really tough.
36:56Like, battling muscular fatigue and jellyfish stings and the cold and everything else.
37:02But right now, I feel pretty good.
37:04So, yeah, long may that last.
37:05That is great.
37:06Give it up for Jono Riddler, world record ocean swimmer.
37:11Great stuff, mate.
37:12Very, very cool.
37:15And, I believe, team won.
37:16You get a star.
37:17Well done.
37:18We wanted her out.
37:19So, well, we are just...
37:21Nearly time for a break.
37:22But first, you at home need to get your very own Burger Fuel Brain Grill assignment.
37:26Here is your picture.
37:28Have a look at that.
37:29Memorise that.
37:30Head to the 7 Days Instagram or Facebook pages.
37:32Let us know your caption.
37:33You could win 100 Burger Fuel bucks for your troubles.
37:36Do that, but don't do anything else.
37:38Because after the break, we're playing Caption That!
37:39And crowning a glorious winner on 7 Days.
37:52Welcome to the fifth and final part of our show's evenings entertainment.
37:57We've got just enough time for a round of Caption That.
37:59I provide the pictures.
38:00The teams provide the captions.
38:01You know how it works.
38:02Team won.
38:02You do too.
38:03You're up first.
38:04Here's your first picture.
38:04What's the caption?
38:05Is this just all the little men in my brain when my wife says,
38:09What do you think?
38:13Chaos erupts at Starbucks when five guys named Steve all order the same thing.
38:19Years later, they'll say these men's heart attacks came out of nowhere.
38:23Man in the front wearing blue really regrets choosing this library for his quiet time.
38:30This is how I think the stock exchange reacts when I put $20 on sharesies.
38:37Kiwi man on phone says, I love you to wife, and his colleagues question his sexuality.
38:46Is it taking a phone call in the 90s when the rest of your family was on the internet?
38:52As that chopper's teammates go, how the f*** does this mean a Kiwi?
39:00Is it the guy on the iPad looking at a picture of a Kiwi being like,
39:03Actually, that's exactly what a Kiwi is?
39:07That is traders signalling offers in the S&P Options trading pit
39:11at the Global Markets Exchange in Chicago, Illinois.
39:14Alright, team one, back to you.
39:15Here's your photo.
39:16What's the caption?
39:17How Corby wishes, guessed who was run.
39:23Is this just married at first sight, men's prison edition?
39:29Is this when you get a gigolo but you ask to be gif-rat?
39:34Whenever you're in a rush for a plane, there's always one guy in front of you at airport security.
39:42Weird way to remember your mate who died, the photo at the back.
39:51I think he's going to come back.
39:53So it's always...
39:54Is it, of course I'm chaining him up.
39:56Last time I left my gimp outside of the shop, someone stole him.
40:00That's a man preparing for the Inglados, or Shackled Ones, procession
40:04where hundreds of shackled men walk in search of divine forgiveness
40:07through the streets of Altichco in Mexico.
40:10Wow.
40:11How do we see where they're going?
40:12I don't know.
40:14I don't explain, I just give you the caption.
40:16Alright, team two, over to you now.
40:18What is the caption for this picture, please, from the last seven days?
40:21Oh, wow.
40:22Is it the crazy new game show, gas, bomb, cat or nothing?
40:30Is it how I pick my toddler up from daycare without catching anything?
40:36Is this Catholic school has demonstration on how to perform safe sex?
40:43Is it what brown people experience when flying internationally?
40:47Is this how gingers have to go to the beach without getting burnt?
40:52Everyone prepares differently when they're about to chop onions.
41:00That is bomb disposal experts inspect and neutralise suspected explosive devices
41:05to ensure public safety in van in Turkey.
41:09Team two, what is the caption for this picture?
41:11Is it waiting for your kid to just unpack the dishwasher like a normal person?
41:17Is it not what I expected when you said, let's go bowling?
41:21Is that beautiful moment captured of Tupperware leaving their nest?
41:28Is it waitress loses bowls but finds eggbeater?
41:43The caption is Red Panda performs during half-time
41:46at the NCAA Women's Basketball Tournament in Phoenix, Arizona.
41:50Great round, great captions, great game.
41:53Let me do some quick maths.
41:54Oh, my gosh.
41:54The winner of the entire episode is...
41:59Team one!
42:02There you go.
42:04You can have the rods.
42:07Enjoy your moon cheese.
42:10Watch out for the moon hook and the moon fishing line.
42:12You might find there.
42:13Thank you all at home for watching.
42:14We do appreciate it.
42:15And please help me to thank our contestants.
42:17Paul, Lana, Jeremy, Chopper, Courtney and Corey.
42:22Thank you, New Zealand.
42:29Sorry, I'm just calling the boomer hotline.
42:32I'll call, but your phone's buzzing.
42:33I'm getting a call.
42:39Hello?
42:40Hang on, hang on, hang on.
42:42I'm not quite ready yet.
42:43Just give me a second.
42:44Slip, slip.
42:45There we go.
42:49Hello?
42:50Hello?
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