- 11 minutes ago
The Young Offenders S05E03 (2026)
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00:01There was an old wise man who I met in prison.
00:03Well, he couldn't be that wise because he was in prison.
00:06But he warned me that the hardest thing about being locked up
00:08isn't the thought of where you are, it's the thought of where you're not.
00:12It's knowing that life outside is continuing on without you.
00:15And that the girl of your dreams is now the girl of some other prick's dreams.
00:19Linda is getting married to Gavin fucking Madigan.
00:23But, after a lot of soul searching, I decided that I was going to be the bigger man.
00:28For better or worse, she was going to stay completely loyal and faithful to him
00:32for the rest of their entire life.
00:40Easy, mate. Looking good, kid.
00:42I hope it lashes rain on the way to the waiting.
00:44And that the whole place is flooded.
00:46Oh, yeah, well, I see what you're saying.
00:48And then Gavin's driving along and his tire hits a puddle and he aquaplates.
00:52And he crashes and he's paralyzed from the neck down for the rest of his life.
00:55And he's to talk using one of those machines.
00:57Oh, I'm Gavin Madigan.
00:59And it's nice to meet you.
01:01Jesus, boy.
01:03It's a little bit dark, no?
01:04Oh, sorry.
01:05I thought that was the direction we were going.
01:07I hope he doesn't die, like, just gets bruised up a bit.
01:10Yeah, you can draw the suits on.
01:11Yeah, yeah, yeah.
01:12Oh, look at you. Don't you look lovely?
01:19Oh, I need a hook.
01:21Oh, what's this?
01:23Oh, Connor, for God's sake.
01:25They must have forgotten to take the tag off in the shop.
01:28We boarded him.
01:29You're on probation.
01:30Do you want to go back to jail?
01:31No.
01:34What do we do?
01:35Go on, get the good scissors quickly.
01:42Do you think it's a good idea you go into this wedding today?
01:45Linda invited me, like, so...
01:46Look, hon, I know this is hard to hear, but...
01:49You will find your someone.
01:51What if I've already found my someone, but I'm not her someone?
01:59What's this, stolen goods?
02:01Jesus Christ, Tony.
02:02Can you not be a guard for one day in your life?
02:04Mom and Healy were in that phase of their relationship all couples go through.
02:08Oh, I'll just go and see the Noel's soul, eh?
02:09The hating each other phase.
02:11Do you know what?
02:11That would be lovely.
02:12Because he probably wouldn't even recognise you at the moment.
02:14Healy was working a lot of triple overtime to pay for nappies and nipple cream.
02:18Alright, I'll just turn a blind eye to whatever it is I'm supposed to be turning a blind eye to.
02:22So will I?
02:23Jesus Christ.
02:24But deep down, love was still in the air.
02:26Wanker.
02:29Try that.
02:33Right.
02:34Thanks, Leigh's bag.
02:35No, no, no.
02:36Claire, sit down for a second.
02:39What?
02:40Nothing.
02:48Is it noticeable?
02:49Eh, you'd have to be really looking for it.
02:52Yeah, they're after leaving the security tag on the blazer.
02:55Oh, God's sake.
02:56They're after doing the same to mine, Jack.
02:58There might be something else, no.
03:00Hand it over, Jack.
03:01Thanks for being in my head.
03:02Sure.
03:03Here, I've got to head over to Siobhan's there.
03:05I want to see Starr in the flower girl costume.
03:08Is this one of your unsupervised access days?
03:10No, but something tells me Siobhan won't be ringing her solicitor today.
03:15Well, you know what they say about weddings.
03:18No.
03:18Oh, they make women horny, Leigh.
03:22It seems like they're doing nothing for me.
03:23Oh, fierce horny, Mireille.
03:25Yeah.
03:26If I'm going to get back with Siobhan, this is my big chance, Leigh.
03:28So, so wish me luck, yeah?
03:30All right, Jack.
03:30Fine.
03:30Good luck.
03:31Thanks.
03:32It's a randy day.
03:42Oh.
03:50Morning, girl.
03:57Morning.
03:58Jeez.
03:59You need to go now.
04:01The trolls are in there.
04:02I have them.
04:03I have them.
04:04And just the next guy.
04:06What?
04:07You can't go down there.
04:08You need to go to the window.
04:09The window?
04:10Yeah.
04:11Have you found that?
04:13What's wrong with some form?
04:15I'm not.
04:15Okay, I'm going.
04:16Shit.
04:17Just go.
04:19Don't fuck it.
04:21Don't fuck it.
04:26I'm sitting down the painter, mate.
04:28Yeah, but I'm telling you.
04:29You sure?
04:30What?
04:30What do you mean by?
04:31Should I know his arse as well as I know my own face?
04:35Handsome once posed for an ad for hemorrhoid cream.
04:37The billboard company went bust, which meant the poster stayed up for three years and became
04:41one of Cock's biggest tourist attractions.
04:44Fair play to her, Leigh.
04:45What are you on about, Con?
04:46His name is Handsome Dan, Jack.
04:49He's gorgeous.
04:50Aye, you're not getting what I'm telling you.
04:52If she's shagging Handsome Dan the night before her wedding, it means she obviously
04:56doesn't want to marry Gavin Madigan.
04:57It's a proxy ride.
04:59A proxy ride?
05:00A proxy ride.
05:02A proxy ride.
05:02Yeah, sure.
05:03She might have gotten up and down, but she was thinking about you by the whole time.
05:07Really?
05:08Sure.
05:11She's thinking about me.
05:12Yes, you, boy.
05:13She's still in love with you.
05:15This was going to be my last chance to win Linda back.
05:18And what's more of a romantic place to do it than a wedding.
05:21Her wedding.
05:22Half a sausage just to left your fork there, aren't I?
05:25Right, this sausage is going to sort me out now.
05:28She's sick.
05:29I'm done.
05:30Bart, take it away from me.
05:33Why'd you have that?
05:35To take her Auntie Linda into her dress.
05:37Don't want her tits spilling over when she's saying her I do's.
05:39OK girls, 40 minutes and we head to the church yet?
05:42But we're not going to the church, remember?
05:44You know what I mean.
05:45It's a great idea Gavin's to have the wedding in the place where you two first met.
05:48He's too tight to spend his own money is what he's saying.
05:51Well I think it's mad romantic.
05:52Let's try and get him even.
05:55I don't want one in for mine.
05:56The other one in Charleville.
06:05Hey tryna them!
06:19You alright there, lads, huh?
06:21I don't know.
06:21I have question for you.
06:24Connor has a question, right?
06:27Yeah, Connor has it. I just want to ask, did you have sex with Linda Walsh last night at the
06:31hen?
06:32Yeah, ma no, lads.
06:33Know yourselves, a gentleman never tells.
06:36Yeah, but if you did sleep with her, I just want you to know she was probably thinking of someone
06:40else the whole time.
06:42Now that you say it, she actually did keep shouting out some other lads' name the whole night.
06:46Well, you should have heard her. She was all...
06:49Oh! Oh, Jesus Christ! Oh, Jesus Christ! Oh, Jesus Christ!
06:56Look, whatever happened between you and Linda, all right? She's still in love of a kind, all right?
07:00And now she's going to marry some other fella. All right, cool.
07:03So what's up with me, lads?
07:04We want you to come to the wedding and tell Gavin Madigan that you slept with Linda.
07:08What, and humiliate her? Yeah, yeah.
07:09And don't have all of her friends and family?
07:11Yeah, if you don't mind.
07:13Do we, we should be ashamed of ourselves?
07:14Yeah.
07:15The answer's no. Let's get lost.
07:18I hate to admit it, but maybe Hanson was right.
07:21He was more than just a six-pack and a cute ass.
07:25Come on, wedding guests, please. We see you in the assembly hall. Thank you.
07:29I'm going to get married at school.
07:32Cheapest thing I ever heard in my life.
07:33It's all garbage.
07:35It was time to bow out to grace, William.
07:41So the better man won in the end, huh?
07:42It's not a competition, Lee.
07:44Of course it was a competition.
07:45And I wiped your eye for you.
07:49A wedding doesn't count if it's in a school.
07:52I think that's actually true, you know.
07:54Would you look at the state of them?
07:58Would you stop being such a snob?
08:00It's amazing what you can find in a charity shop if you're not fussy.
08:05One sec.
08:08Why, Harliel, like your hat.
08:13Siobhan would like you to sit next to her for the mass.
08:16Really?
08:17What about...
08:18Don't mind what Barry thinks.
08:20As Linda said, you're a star's daddy, which makes you friendly.
08:25Yeah.
08:26Ah, thanks.
08:27Man.
08:28All right, con.
08:29Smile wouldn't kill you.
08:31I told you, Harliel did it.
08:39The rumour is this could be Father Rooney's last mass.
08:43Supposed to be going through a crisis of faith.
08:46Yeah.
08:47Everything all right, Linda?
08:48Yeah.
08:49You're not thinking of jilting him at the altar, are you?
08:52It's just, you know, the reception's after costing me a fortune.
08:54Dad!
08:55It was a joke.
08:59He's a good man, Linda.
09:01Solid, you know?
09:03And the best thing about marrying a teacher, as your mother knows well,
09:06you can't be sacked.
09:07No matter how bad you are at your job.
09:11You know the way you love them spring rolls from the paddy field above the bishops town?
09:14Yeah.
09:15Well, there's nothing wrong with not wanting those spring rolls every night for the rest of your life.
09:19What?
09:20You've lost us.
09:21Last night, you fancied the spring rolls from Walk This Way in Tokar.
09:26And there's no shame in that.
09:28I'm going to be sick.
09:30I'm going to get sick.
09:36I'm going to be sick.
09:36Siobhan!
09:37The caterer said the money is non-refundable.
09:39Piss off, guys!
09:41I'm good.
09:42I'm good.
09:44I'm fine.
09:46Stop my fight! Stop my fight!
09:48Stop my fight!
09:49Oi!
09:50Try to control yourself when we're saying the vows.
09:53The last thing we need on video is to sound you
09:55blowing your eyes out.
09:57Billy thinks weddings are like funerals.
09:59You can just turn up, pay your specs,
10:00and get free booze and sandwiches.
10:04Billy!
10:05Why do you let him talk to you like that?
10:08I'm not letting him.
10:09It's his day, alright?
10:11Like he said, he won.
10:12Won? Is that what this is all about?
10:15Winning? I thought it was about love.
10:18Do you still love her?
10:19Of course I love her.
10:21She doesn't love him.
10:23Why, she slept with handsome Dan Fogarty at the hen last night.
10:27She did what?
10:29Look, as much as I love a good ball of one,
10:32I think we're gonna have to cancel this wedding.
10:34And how do you suppose we do that, Billy?
10:36We suppose we could drag handsome Dan in here,
10:38and he can confess in front of the whole congregation.
10:40I tried that, he said no, I asked.
10:42That's your big mistake.
10:44You asked him.
10:47Are you okay?
10:48No, Billy.
10:49I'm really sad.
10:50Okay.
10:53God, he is so intense.
10:55Just don't want to hurt Gavin's feelings.
10:57That's the worst reason to get married.
11:00Especially when it's stopping you from getting what your heart really wants.
11:02He's a good person, Siobhan.
11:04If he's a good person, he'll understand that you want to go back to your first love.
11:10You heard what Dan said.
11:12Everything's paid for now.
11:14Star, you ready to be a flower girl?
11:17Yay!
11:31You would've been on time if you hadn't stopped at every orange light.
11:35I'm on time, we're here before the bride.
11:37Oh yeah, thanks to you.
11:39I can't believe you got overtaken by a mobility scooter.
11:42Could you maybe stop him crying?
11:44Oh, will I switch him to flight mode, will I?
11:45Just take him outside.
11:47Oh, maybe you should take him outside.
11:48Oh, Jesus.
11:58In you, Pop.
12:00Please, why me?
12:01Look, I'm not going to hurt you.
12:03Fingers crossed.
12:04I'm just going to bring you to this wedding and you're going to tell everyone how you rode the bride
12:08last night.
12:09Right, just mind my arse going in, it's the money maker, alright?
12:13You're not claustrophobic, yeah?
12:15No.
12:15No.
12:16You might be after this.
12:20Do you notice they all have the same tash?
12:23Yeah.
12:24They're like the three musketeers.
12:26Except there's four of them always coming.
12:31Can we have a quick chat?
12:33A quick chat?
12:35What about what?
12:38Somewhere in private.
12:51Listen.
12:55I want to say I'm sorry.
12:58For being such an asshole to you just now.
13:01Is this some sort of joke like?
13:02I was standing on the altar and it dawned on me that I should be thanking you.
13:08For why?
13:11Because you'll be something I'll never be.
13:14It's Linda's first love.
13:17And you know, she said to me, she wouldn't have fell in love with me if you didn't teach her
13:22to love in the first place.
13:24Linda?
13:25Linda?
13:25Linda said that?
13:27Would you do me a favour?
13:31Would you do the readings for us?
13:35I know I mean a lot to Linda.
13:37Oh.
13:41Garvin.
13:43The whole thing.
13:46For the second time that day, I realised that humiliating Linda in front of her family and friends might not
13:52be the right thing to do.
13:53Billy.
13:54I changed my mind.
13:55It's not a joke.
13:58Careful now.
13:59We don't want to hurt you.
14:00Oh, here we go.
14:03I tell you something.
14:04You're going to get your steps in today.
14:17That's a really long car.
14:22Is that a boat?
14:23It's great.
14:25She's here.
14:28It's going to be okay.
14:33Oh, Jesus Christ.
14:45And remember, at least any of us deserve us to be happy.
14:48Thanks, Ron.
14:53Come on.
14:54Come on.
14:58Pretty name I can't remember.
15:02Christmas party.
15:04Are they going to a community like this?
15:07What?
15:08Wait.
15:10Oh, great.
15:11First love's day with you forever, forever, ever.
15:23First love's day with you forever, ever.
15:33Oh, so great.
15:48I know you're not used to me giving you advice.
15:49But you found yourself somewhere.
15:53I know you're not used to me giving you advice.
16:01But you found yourself somewhere.
16:02So pretty on those windows.
16:04I don't want you to mess it up.
16:06I didn't.
16:10You should go get him.
16:13Not now.
16:15Go after him.
16:18We're gathered here today to celebrate the marriage of Gavin Madigan and Linda Walsh.
16:25Great.
16:26Yeah, first reading.
16:27Who is for the first reading?
16:31First reading.
16:34Conor.
16:35Is it Conor?
16:36Are we Conor?
16:37Are you the first reading?
16:39We're the first reading.
16:40Yeah.
16:41Come on.
16:42Come on.
16:43What's he doing?
16:44What's he doing?
16:44There he is.
16:45Very good.
16:45Yeah.
16:48Okay.
16:50What's he doing here?
16:55Sorry, I'm not going to read the whole thing.
16:59Okay.
17:01Hey, Linda said you have a mickey on you like a bucket of polos.
17:10And can you please get a move on?
17:13I'm playing golf at three.
17:14Public speaking isn't my strong point.
17:15But I was going to nail this.
17:17For Linda.
17:18The first reading.
17:20A reading from a book of...
17:23Sorry.
17:24Dub book.
17:24What's wrong with you?
17:25Come on.
17:26You can't read, is it?
17:27I can read.
17:28I'm just a bit dyslexy.
17:29Or just make it up and say anything.
17:34Do I speak with the tongues of men and of angels?
17:40Angels.
17:41Oh.
17:42Eh.
17:43Eh.
17:45Eh.
17:46Eh.
17:52Eh.
18:01Eh.
18:04Kevin.
18:05What?
18:07Linda, I'm sorry.
18:08I wanted to be happy for Linda.
18:10But I can get a bit hormonal at weddings.
18:12And it has a tendency to mess with my decision-making process.
18:15But fuck it.
18:16Back to the old plan.
18:22Hello.
18:24Connor.
18:25Billy.
18:26I changed my mind again.
18:28Okay.
18:29Operation Handsome Hand Grenade is a go-go.
18:32No, no, no, no.
18:33Go ahead.
18:33Every other hour that I spend with you is not the beast.
18:37It's sad.
18:38Why, shit.
18:39What?
18:39Yeah.
18:39Yeah.
18:39Yeah.
18:39Yeah.
18:43Yeah.
18:43I'll say aye.
18:44What?
18:44I do.
18:45Dan, Dan, Dan.
18:47Change your plan.
18:49Wind your head.
18:51And now before Gavin and Linda make their solemn commitment to each other.
18:55They've written their own vows.
18:57Which they're now going to recite to each other.
19:00The mind of my phone.
19:01Brilliant.
19:04Shit.
19:05What?
19:06It's asking for a software update.
19:08Matt's saying yes.
19:09Why didn't you just print them out?
19:11I don't know.
19:12You know the one always saying we're living in a pain for this world.
19:15Do you not like, I don't know, remember them?
19:19Three guesses as to who's singing this.
19:22I don't know.
19:22I don't know.
19:23No.
19:24You're mad.
19:25No.
19:26Go on, have another guess.
19:27Is it Daniel actually?
19:28Gilbert O'Sullivan.
19:30He's actually from Waterford.
19:32What could it be?
19:34Woo!
19:35That's Matt Ramoney.
19:38It won't take long.
19:41Look, it's initializing.
19:42Yeah.
19:46Where's Billy?
19:49Look at this prick with ears.
19:52There's nobody on the road.
19:56Look.
19:57Come here.
19:57I've got somewhere I've got to be.
20:00Chop, chop.
20:00Alright, lad.
20:01I'm only messing with you.
20:02Go on.
20:03Go ahead.
20:03In your own time.
20:09I'm sorry about this.
20:10It took me hours to ride them.
20:13And there's a little bit of something in there for everyone.
20:16Cries.
20:17Laughters.
20:18Zero car chases, sir.
20:20Well, we're all on tender hooks, I'm sure.
20:23It's 80%.
20:24You'll be cutting the cake when we get there.
20:26Shut up, you!
20:29Steve McQueen.
20:31Alright, tell the turps I said hello!
20:35What's happening, Shakespeare?
20:37It's the Wheel of Death.
20:38I think it's frozen.
20:39We're going to leave the vows.
20:41Well, that's ruined everyone's day, I'm sure.
20:44Right, let's zip through this.
20:46Right.
20:46Gavin, Jimmy, Barry, Madigan, do you take Linda Anastasia Walsh to be your lawfully wedded wife, sickness and health, up
20:52and down, deathly apart?
20:54I do.
20:54Great.
20:54Linda, do you take Gavin, lawfully wedded husband, sickness and health, rest your days?
20:59I...
21:04I...
21:05I...
21:06I...
21:06So, yes.
21:07Stop this travesty!
21:10I don't know who's the face.
21:12When I saw Linda's face, I realised the desperate lengths that love had driven me to.
21:17Oh, mother of God, who's this now?
21:20It's Dan Fogarty!
21:22He's a good-looking fella, isn't he?
21:25Yeah.
21:25Yeah.
21:25And he's got something to tell you.
21:28Wait, wait, wait, wait!
21:32Dan, you can go home.
21:34Yeah.
21:34But I...
21:35I brought him for you, Con.
21:36Are you the fella from the poster?
21:37What is he doing here?
21:39He had sex with the bride last night.
21:42He what?
21:43Fuck.
21:45No, he didn't!
21:47Sure, how could he?
21:48He was with me, all night.
21:51Oh, my God.
21:52Playing cards, like, here.
21:54You don't have to lie for me, Con.
21:57I'm so sorry, Gavin.
21:59Was it the full ride?
22:01Because I'm over the braction, I can forgive.
22:03I don't want your forgiveness.
22:06I...
22:06I don't want to marry you.
22:11I thought I did, but then I realised I wasn't being true to myself.
22:15And what I want more than anything in this whole world
22:19is to be with my first true love.
22:23You're not talking about that fucking lang ball, are you?
22:27I am.
22:28Dolphins.
22:30Dolphins?
22:31Yeah.
22:33I want to go to UCC and study marine science.
22:35How are you going to say me there, Linda?
22:37Then I'm going to work with an NGO and clairs all the plastic from the Pacific Ocean.
22:41You really thought you were going to say me?
22:42I'm sorry.
22:44To both of you.
22:46But you're holding me back.
22:48Did anyone else think she was going to say me?
22:51Ah, right.
22:52Well, I'm teeing off at 3.30.
22:53Good luck.
22:56Sorry.
23:02Well...
23:02As the software update finished.
23:05You shouldn't even worry about the nice things that I had to say, because...
23:09It would be wasted on someone like you.
23:13They were all wrote by ChatGPT anyway.
23:15I'll see you.
23:23Hey.
23:31Look, I know you've been working really hard and...
23:33Yeah, to provide for our child's future.
23:34I know what I'm saying.
23:35You don't have to.
23:37I've already raised a son.
23:38I did it by myself without a penny to my name.
23:40He turned out all right, didn't he?
23:42Yeah, is that the one who's just done three years in prison?
23:45That's a fair point.
23:48All I'm saying is, what kind of future is our little boy going to have if his mother and father
23:52are strangers to each other?
23:55Yeah, I suppose it is a bit early to start thinking about which college to send him to.
24:01Keep him alive, show him love, that's the job.
24:04Everything else you just make up as you go along.
24:14Are we going to this wedding then?
24:16Oh, the wedding's off.
24:18It's off?
24:19Long story.
24:22Maybe you and me could go home while he's asleep.
24:27Guess it's true what they say about weddings?
24:34Huh?
24:40This is so fucking fun.
24:41Oh yeah?
24:42Who's my fault?
24:43You're the one that told Billy to find an answer to the church.
24:45To the church?
24:45Boy, that's hardly a church.
24:46You were too stingy to afford a real wedding.
24:48Ah, she was out of your league anyway!
24:51I love you Linda!
24:52I love you more!
24:55You're just a fool!
24:58Out of his league, is it?
24:59Well, it's true.
25:00Hasn't he got a good job and isn't a permanent and pensionable?
25:03We pay for half of this wedding, alright?
25:04And you can sing for us!
25:06Oh, yeah!
25:06Flatter them back!
25:08Oh!
25:08Flatter them back!
25:09Being married to a school teacher isn't the end of everyone's rainbow, you know!
25:13And neither has been married to a slapper!
25:17You're never going to get married again, boy!
25:18I'll get married to myself!
25:19Yeah, is that right?
25:20We need a vraencia form too!
25:20Mike, sp cart everyone over there, wouldn't you?
25:22Com și, con aces.
25:28Mi u tre Em.
25:29Mestan fbi Cart!
25:40Oh...
25:40Il vị nu as mė!
25:41U te Em!
25:42No taa bai'n...
25:43You've toered holem lvoa'n!
25:45I'm going to go in my box, mate, you know what I'm going to do, man!
26:04Okay.
26:05We're going down, please!
26:07Keep playing for Cork with a kick like that!
26:09It's coming and fuck that wagon!
26:13You're going to do it still!
26:15And she won!
26:18In the end, no one got what they wanted.
26:21Except for Linda.
26:22And she won.
26:24The day didn't turn out the way any of us imagined it would.
26:27Except Jock was right what he said.
26:30Weddings really do make women horny.
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