- 2 days ago
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00:00Huh?
00:01I said, if you ain't gonna let me no cash, I ain't taking you on no date.
00:08But yo, if you put out, I'll take you wherever.
00:11Like a love hotel.
00:13But you're paying for it.
00:20Friggin' creep!
00:21Shut up!
00:26What? Whatcha gonna do? Kick my ass?
00:30Man, I'm done!
00:31You're no girlfriend, you're broke, you won't put out, you're lame.
00:35Yeah? You're an octopus, squid, tuna!
00:40Like, wow. Calling him seafood is pretty lame.
00:45Call me some slack. My first boyfriend just broke up with me.
00:49And who told you not to go out with him?
00:52Why'd you fault him anyway?
00:54He looked like Ken Takakura.
00:56Again?
00:57You're such a dork.
00:58There's nothing weird about liking strong, silent types like Ken Takakura!
01:03I'm an awkward guy.
01:05There ain't no dudes alive like that anymore.
01:11What the hell?
01:13All I want is a boyfriend like Ken Takakura.
01:17Come on, universe. I'm not asking for much here.
01:20Why is life so cruel?
01:23Hmm?
01:25God damn it!
01:27What are you looking at, do this?
01:31Wait.
01:33Put this magnet in it.
01:36This is gonna hurt.
01:43So, what you reading? Anything cool?
01:46Oh?
01:51Bunch of losers.
01:56There's nothing but scum in this world.
02:04This sucks. I need to blow off some steamer.
02:07I'm gonna hurt someone.
02:09This is Momoa, is it?
02:11I think I know what you're into.
02:13Huh?
02:13I think I know what you're into.
02:16Yeah, you said that twice now.
02:17There's only one reason someone like you would talk to me,
02:20and that's the reason you talk to me.
02:22Sorry, I think you got the wrong idea.
02:24I wasn't looking to be friends with you or anything like that.
02:27Just forget I talked to you.
02:29This is the reason.
02:30Look!
02:31Project Pegasus, the U.S. president went to Mars and met with aliens!
02:35Wait, what?
02:36You're into the occult, aren't you?
02:38Nah, I don't believe in UFOs and aliens and that kind of stuff.
02:41They're not UFOs, they're UAPs!
02:44Unidentified aerial phenomena!
02:46I didn't ask, don't care.
02:49The U.S. military admitted UAPs exist and reformed their space force!
02:53And now Japan has an aerospace defense force!
02:56Don't you see everyone's gearing up for war in space?!
02:59Okay, bye-bye.
03:00But, hang on a sec!
03:02There's this new picture of Nessie!
03:04Look!
03:05There's also stuff about Lieutenant Colonel Jim Chandon at Skinwalker Ranch!
03:10I don't care!
03:11I just got dumped and I'm pissed off at everything and the last thing I need right now is some
03:16nerd pushing their nerdy crap in my face!
03:19That right there is why you got no friends!
03:23There's no chance we'll ever be.
03:53There's no chance we'll ever be.
03:57Here.
03:58Oh.
04:00I don't believe aliens are real, but I believe ghosts are.
04:05There's no such thing as ghosts!
04:07AHHHH!
04:08What kind of jerk goes this last at a girl when she's trying to relate to him?!
04:12You shouldn't have mocked the occult!
04:14AHHHH!
04:17For your information, my grandma's a real-life medium.
04:21What?!
04:21You ever see an exorcism?
04:23It's totally insane!
04:25The possessed person goes into full-on convulsions!
04:28Illnesses cause convulsions too, you know.
04:30You need evidence like this to prove something?
04:34You ever go for a ride in a UFO with an alien before?!
04:37Only an idiot would jump to conclusions like that!
04:43Oh, she gave up Kentaku Kure for some kooky otakus.
04:47Yeah, right?
04:48Jane, you've been trying to hide it.
04:50Get it, girl.
04:53I dare you to go to someplace haunted!
04:55And the deal is, if you end up seeing a ghost, you have to be my gopher!
04:59Only if you go where there's UFOs, I mean, UAPs!
05:02And if you see an alien, then you have to admit they're real and be my gopher!
05:13Where did you send me?
05:14This place is mega-creepy!
05:16Why would aliens hang out here?
05:19Nagi Hospital is widely known to be a UFO hotspot!
05:22If you go up to the roof, you're bound to get abducted by one!
05:26Wait, what do you mean, abducted?
05:30That's when an alien kidnaps you and does experiments on your body!
05:34Hold on, have they experimented on you?
05:37Of course, I think.
05:39Huh?
05:39Usually, the people who get abducted by aliens have their memories white.
05:43Have you seen a UFO before or not?
05:46You know regressive hypnosis?
05:48Oh, great, dodging the question!
05:49It doesn't matter if I saw one!
05:51All that matters is I have proof they exist, and you don't have proof they don't!
05:54Ugh, shut up!
05:56Anyway, you find my place yet?
06:02I found it!
06:09It doesn't look bad!
06:15Okay, I'll start heading inside now!
06:17I'll prove there's no such thing as ghosts!
06:20Oh, you sound scared!
06:22FYI, that place is super haunted!
06:24That's what folks say online!
06:43What's with this online stuff?
06:45Ghosts hate loud noises.
06:47That's what folks say.
06:48Too shy, shy, boy!
06:50Online.
06:50What's with this online stuff?
06:53You keep saying that, but have you ever seen a ghost?
06:56Nope.
06:58Whaaaaat?
06:58Before, you sounded like you seen them all the time!
07:01No, I haven't.
07:02But you totally acted like you had!
07:04How can you believe in ghosts when you've never seen one?
07:06That's crazy!
07:07It's not crazy at all.
07:09Remember?
07:10I told you, my grandma's a medium.
07:13She's the one who raised me.
07:15Both my parents are dead.
07:16Oh, I'm so sorry.
07:20Don't get all sad and mopey on my account.
07:24My family's weird, and I'm just trying to tell you where I'm coming from.
07:28Whenever I went out, I had to do this ritual pose for good luck.
07:33Grandma made me hold that pose the whole way to school.
07:37Of course, all the boys laughed at me.
07:39And if I didn't do it, grandma'd get mad, and I'd feel bad about that.
07:44Then, the worst happened.
07:47The boy I liked started making fun of me, too.
07:51I hated my grandma for that.
07:53I told her, now the boy I like hates me because of your dumb ritual.
07:57I don't remember exactly, but it was something horrible like that.
08:03We didn't speak for a long time after that, and I never did the ritual again.
08:09But, like, I get super pissed if I find out someone's making fun of her.
08:16In the end, I didn't hate the fact that the boy I liked didn't like me.
08:21No.
08:21What I hated was that the boy I liked made fun of my grandma.
08:27The truth is, my grandma and her being a medium were special to me, and I loved that.
08:36She took me in and raised me all by herself.
08:39That's why I believe in what she does.
08:41And that's also why I believe in ghosts, too.
08:45And now it's your turn to tell me why you believe in aliens.
08:49Huh?
08:51I don't think that matters.
08:53Oh, don't give me that.
08:55Of course it matters.
08:56You don't need to have a reason to like something.
08:59Yeah, I guess you don't.
09:00I like this version of you, Occult-kun.
09:03Straight talk.
09:03No BS.
09:06Huh?
09:07You think so?
09:09I guess it's because you're so easy to talk to.
09:23I'll let you suckle my teats, boy.
09:27If you let me gobble your dung.
09:32No way!
09:32You shouldn't run!
09:34And it's not good!
09:35I don't believe it!
09:37No, God damn it!
09:39Yeah, that's it!
09:39Stop running!
09:40It's just a creepy weird old lady!
09:41That's a bad idea!
09:46I'm pretty sure the son of a ghost back there!
09:48I just bumped into a horny old back lady out for a while!
09:52Okay, if you're running, don't let her catch up to you!
09:55Folks online, we have turbo-grading out.
09:57Red, you should let a curse on you!
10:05What happened?
10:06Why are you screaming?
10:08Hello?
10:08Are you there?
10:10Oh, this is so not good.
10:11I hope when I get to him, he's not dead!
10:24We're right.
10:26I'll go the other way.
10:35Greetings, female human.
10:39We are Serpoians.
10:41We are called that because we come from the planet Serpo.
10:44Aliens?
10:45Do not be afraid.
10:47We are a friendly species.
10:49In my experience, friendly guys don't go around stripping girls naked!
10:52Where are my clothes?
10:54We have handled your belongings with care, as you see.
10:56Oh my god, you're paying for those!
10:58Get me out of this thing right now!
11:00I'm going home!
11:02Our species is all male.
11:05Therefore, we must reproduce using cloning technology.
11:08You hear me?
11:09I want to leave!
11:09Since we are identical, evolution does not occur, resulting in conflict being eradicated, along with emotion.
11:17For our species to regain reproductive functions, we require the use of your banana organs.
11:23What?
11:24We shall have intercourse with you, after which we will extract your uterus, along with your bananas, for research purposes.
11:31The hell you will!
11:32I might have dated a loser-ass scumbag, but I never let him take my virginity!
11:36I'm saving it for a Kentakakura I haven't even met yet!
11:40And there's no way you creepy aliens are taking it!
11:49We will now use psychokinesis to control your brainwaves and arouse you.
11:56How does it feel?
11:58Is your body getting warmer?
12:03No!
12:06You are resisting our psychokinesis.
12:09You have a strong will.
12:10However, we shall begin.
12:14No!
12:15Stop!
12:22Someone with incredibly bad timing is trying to contact you.
12:54I'm sorry, Miss A.S.A.
12:56She was a ghost!
12:58Turbo-Pretty-cut!
12:59Infinite Curse on me!
13:01Oh my god!
13:01A cocoon!
13:02Get me out of this thing!
13:03Using a smartphone for teleportation is a technology we do not yet have.
13:08Who are you?
13:09There's something coming!
13:11I'm gonna gobble all your dogs!
13:18Dude, would you get a grip?
13:19Attention, male human.
13:21We did not authorize your intrusion.
13:24You will either leave immediately or...
13:30Give us your banana.
13:32Kill me.
13:33Six and six.
13:36My psychokinesis cannot last...
13:42You have taken his banana.
13:44You banana-y.
13:46Surf our gram-a-tree.
13:49A cocoon!
13:50We have a friendly relationship with humans and have never encountered such an aggressive
13:55one before.
13:56Please give us your banana.
13:58Fine!
13:59Take it!
14:00Take whatever I have!
14:01All I ever wanted was to meet an alien!
14:03I've never had any friends and I thought if anyone would be friends with me, it'd be aliens!
14:08Ever since grade school, I've been staring up in the sky and calling out for you guys to
14:12show up!
14:15But you never did!
14:17No matter how many times I called out to you, you never came!
14:21There I was, bullied by kids and ignored by aliens.
14:24My life sucked!
14:26No one gave a crap if I was alive or dead.
14:29Let me sigh, I say, she's the only one who stood up for me!
14:34So get your lousy hands off her!
14:38I won't let anyone hurt her!
14:40You hear me?
14:42I can't eat me for her!
14:44I'm headed to a monster for her!
14:48Get him, a cocoon!
14:49Kick all their asses!
14:52Fine.
14:55Sorry, I don't think I can save you.
14:57You barely even tried to!
15:01We cannot be friends with violent humans like you.
15:04And, besides, we prefer female humans to the male ones anyway.
15:10I shall now commence with the arousal.
15:17Release your chi.
15:18I don't wanna!
15:20All the other kids make fun of me because of it.
15:23I look stupid.
15:24No, you don't.
15:26By releasing your chi, you won't ever get hurt or sick.
15:29It'll also keep evil away.
15:32Now, firm up the muscles in your tummy.
15:36And picture your chi shooting up from the top of your head.
15:46I hate it!
15:47I won't do it again!
15:49Momo, wait!
15:51I hate you, Grandma!
15:52You're a fake!
15:57Why am I remembering that now?
16:00I didn't hate my grandma.
16:02I was just embarrassed is all.
16:07Now, firm up the muscles in your tummy.
16:11Picture your chi shooting up.
16:19I'm sorry to say.
16:21You never said you had psychic powers!
16:23I didn't know I had them either.
16:26My psychokinesis is being repelled by a greater force.
16:29What happened?
16:31Perhaps the female human's brainwaves were overstimulated, granting access to her chakra.
16:36She's not a fake!
16:37My grandma's an honest-to-god medium!
16:40Thanks, Grandma!
16:42Now I've got the power to take these crissons!
16:46And send them flying!
17:04We're in a real UFO!
17:06Where are you, Ococoon?
17:08We need to leave!
17:14Quit biting me, you dummy!
17:17What?
17:18Out of it all!
17:20Granny!
17:26Terrible, Granny?
17:28Who the hell are you?
17:34Granny's out of his body!
17:35But he's still under her curse!
17:37The kid's dog is all mine!
17:41And as long as I've got it, the curse ain't gonna be lifted from him!
17:46I can't stay here long, so if you want it back, go to the tunnel!
17:51If you wanna fight me, fight me there, you tacky little bitch!
17:55Who you call is tacky, you brinkly old ghost hag!
17:58Give him this tacker back!
18:02Holy crap, if we don't get off this thing, we're dead!
18:05But you get up already, and we gotta go!
18:28That sucked!
18:31I was snatched by aliens!
18:33Guess I believe in him now!
18:35And I got cursed by a ghost!
18:37I believe in them now!
18:39So, what are we supposed to do from here?
18:41How should I know?
18:43Well, if I stop using my power to block your curse, you'll go ape shit again!
18:47Sorry about that!
18:48Thanks to those jag-offs, I lost my clothes, my wallet, my phone!
18:52What do we do about getting rid of this curse?
18:55Turbo Granny's the cause of it, so we have to beat the crap out of her, obviously!
19:00Oh, right!
19:01Guess I'll go back to the tunnel!
19:04Wait, now?
19:06Take my clothes, so you don't go home like that!
19:09Hang on!
19:10Without me, you can't control yourself!
19:16This is all my fault!
19:18This all happened because of me!
19:20I won't get you involved in whatever happens next!
19:23I'll force myself to get to the tunnel somehow!
19:26What else can I do?
19:29You can ask me to come with you, that's what!
19:31I can't leave you alone after everything that's happened!
19:34Heck, if I wasn't around, you'd be dead right now!
19:38Are you sure?
19:40You don't have to, you know!
19:42I'm going with you, and that's that!
19:52Here, put them on!
19:56Let's go!
19:58Listen, sorry.
20:00I'm an awkward guy.
20:02Huh?
20:03Could you please put these on already?
20:06I'm worried I won't be able to think straight.
20:10Why's my heart beating so fast?
20:13No way!
20:14He just happened to say one of Ken Takakura's lines.
20:17That's all!
20:19Calm down.
20:20No biggie.
20:23Um, my memory for names is awful.
20:26So, what'd you say yours was again?
20:28Oh.
20:29I'm Ken.
20:30Ken Takekura.
20:31Let's go.
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