- 8 hours ago
The Worst Film Festival Ever [Full Movie] [New Drama]Full EP - Full
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00:00:29Transcription by CastingWords
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00:01:50shit. Tug Speedman, I'm just not the biggest fan. A father with money and an idiot with
00:01:58an expensive habit, the transition from drugs to movie making has been glorious for us.
00:02:04The problem with Tug Speedman movies are his endings. Well, it's not just the endings.
00:02:08We even got shortchanged on the nudity. Esme Presley used a body double. I just had a thought.
00:02:17What do you think if I asked you to present the awards?
00:02:19Oh, Gabriel, let me stop you there. I'm not presenting these awards.
00:02:23Well, that would be a mistake. A missed opportunity for you, Will the Farmer. With some brand.
00:02:31Gabriel, your little festival, it's a low-rent nightmare. Whatever bullshit you've done,
00:02:36to get this accredited by the Academy, it's a win here. Honestly, I don't want to be part
00:02:39of it when it all goes tits up. It's all showbiz, Will. And you are one of the greats. This
00:02:45is an
00:02:45opportunity that should be grabbed with both hands.
00:02:48Gabriel, please. Please don't bullshit me.
00:02:50Put on a show, Will. Razzle dazzle them. It will be you that they'll remember.
00:02:57I don't want to present an award to a shit Tarantino wannabe Tug Speedman.
00:03:01Truth is stranger than fiction, Will. Look, why don't you stay, listen to the key speaker talk,
00:03:08and then see how you feel. Do you know what? I don't feel well, Gabriel.
00:03:14That was funny, innit? If you've got a tractor, you're a farmer. If you don't, you're just a gardener.
00:03:19Do you know what? I am not sitting here listening to that.
00:03:25Gabriel? Are you alright?
00:03:28Uh-huh.
00:04:09Hello. Hello, giggles. Didn't know we were going to be a threesome tonight.
00:04:13What's the point in having a phone if you don't read your messages?
00:04:17Oh, shit. Sorry, no. I've been avoiding my dad all day. So, phone.
00:04:23I'm breaking up with you.
00:04:26Okay.
00:04:27It's not you. It's your dad.
00:04:31Yeah?
00:04:32Not in that way. Just the way he controls everything you do.
00:04:39I'm waiting for the punchline here, but I'm sensing it's not coming.
00:04:44Look, my dad is just my dad. Like, I'm my own boss.
00:04:52Okay, but that is five unread messages, which I'm not going to read.
00:04:57I'm with Giggles.
00:05:01Caroline, I thought we were going to make a movie together.
00:05:04I think we're both done with that.
00:05:07You know, you know what? I think I'm just gonna...
00:05:25Oh, God. Sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry.
00:05:27I've been learning and I'm just going to read.
00:05:30I'm with your dad.
00:05:31Where are you going?
00:05:34I'm with your dad.
00:05:35My father's the best friend.
00:05:35I'm here to read.
00:05:38I'm sure you'll be Emily.
00:05:39I'm here too.
00:05:42I'm here to read.
00:05:43I'm not sure.
00:05:43I'm not sure you're on.
00:05:44So, I'll take it out of here.
00:05:45I'm here to read.
00:05:46I'm here to read.
00:05:56I think I'm not sure you're even here.
00:05:57Where have you been? He's having a heart attack.
00:05:59Will the farmer?
00:06:01And a cow jumped over the moon.
00:06:03No, Dad, I'm sorry.
00:06:04Gabriel, everything's gonna be okay.
00:06:06Alan's here now.
00:06:08Listen to me, son.
00:06:11Do you want to make it in this business,
00:06:12or fold shirts at the Chinese laundromat?
00:06:15Pledge.
00:06:16Um, how sure are we that this was a heart attack?
00:06:20Shit, no, the film festival.
00:06:22The film festival goes ahead.
00:06:26You're in charge.
00:06:27Gabriel, talk about this at the hospital.
00:06:29Where is this ambulance?
00:06:30Ambulance is on the way.
00:06:32No, Dad, Dad, cancel the film festival.
00:06:34Alan.
00:06:36I am not willing to donate a kidney,
00:06:38but I am willing to watch you die slowly
00:06:40if you're looking for that kind of thing.
00:06:42Huh.
00:06:45Any idea what you're gonna do?
00:06:47No, no, Will, I don't.
00:06:49Well, good luck with everything.
00:06:51Will the farmer to present best picture?
00:06:54Oh.
00:06:56Oh.
00:06:56Oh.
00:06:57Sorry.
00:06:58Oh, good luck with everything,
00:07:18got it interesting in your life,
00:07:20ladade, got it afternda,
00:07:21Wang, why she needs toge it on free'.
00:07:22with him like,
00:07:23Oh no, he wants to.
00:07:24She puts out in here.
00:07:24The child is was a pain
00:07:24If, told those will have to stop and have to serve.
00:07:25It will have to be 30.
00:07:27Oh yes.
00:07:27I'm not standing in my shoes.
00:07:32I got this feeling that I'm always going to lose.
00:07:37I guess I know someday I'm going to have to choose.
00:07:41Because I don't want to hide away.
00:07:45Yeah, yeah.
00:07:47Somebody I'm not.
00:07:50I don't want to be somebody I'm not.
00:07:54I'm standing in the shoes of someone I'm not.
00:07:58Because I don't want to be somebody I'm not.
00:08:04Standing in the line.
00:08:07I never know when it's going to be my time.
00:08:11I got some merchants I really want to shine.
00:08:15Because I don't want to hide away.
00:08:19Yeah, yeah.
00:08:21Somebody I'm not.
00:08:24I don't want to be somebody I'm not.
00:08:28Standing in the shoes of someone I'm not.
00:08:32Because I don't want to be somebody I'm not.
00:08:36So it goes.
00:08:42Seems like I'm running blind.
00:08:48But oh, you know.
00:08:53It's like I'm stuck in time.
00:09:17Somebody I'm not.
00:09:19I don't want to be somebody I'm not.
00:09:23Standing in the shoes of somebody I'm not.
00:09:29You know, I think I'm going to faint if we don't eat soon.
00:09:33There's a Costa Starbucks back at the station.
00:09:36I can get those anywhere.
00:09:38I need authentic Edinburghan food.
00:09:42I don't know if it's an actual word, but it is now anyway.
00:09:47Um, there's a greasy spoon three blocks from here.
00:09:52Authentic Scottish cafe, it says.
00:09:54Perfect word.
00:09:56I'm going to use it in a sentence.
00:09:58I just did.
00:10:05Where are all these Scottish fruits I've been told about?
00:10:10You're going to cop a flower pot if you don't move them trotters.
00:10:15At her butt.
00:10:17Oh my god.
00:10:25Are you sure?
00:10:28Of course.
00:10:29She's got no reason to lie, is she?
00:10:31Can we go home then?
00:10:33Alan's sorting it out.
00:10:35That can't be good.
00:10:42Come on.
00:10:53How's it going?
00:10:55A few technical issues, but then again it's an old laptop so I probably need some replacing.
00:10:59She means your dad, Alan.
00:11:02Oh god.
00:11:03Um, yeah.
00:11:04Better, I think.
00:11:06He left me a three-page text message this morning that he signed off with.
00:11:10And don't mess this up.
00:11:12So, safe to say he's better the farm on this festival.
00:11:16That'll be fine.
00:11:19See, he's working.
00:11:21And gone again.
00:11:23Yeah.
00:11:24Ugh.
00:11:27He's fucked.
00:11:33Will!
00:11:35Gabriel's on the mend.
00:11:36That's good.
00:11:37Will, I still need a key speaker.
00:11:39Please check out time for me.
00:11:40No, Will, please.
00:11:41I'll give you anything, okay?
00:11:42I have a kidney you can have.
00:11:44It's barely been used.
00:11:45When you get chased by a pack of taxidermists, don't play dead.
00:12:06Er, is there no one here to meet us?
00:12:08It's fine, we'll just grab a taxi.
00:12:11Did you not order car service?
00:12:13Oh, I'm sorry.
00:12:15I'll just bong it on my credit card, shall I?
00:12:17There's no budget for this trip.
00:12:22Seriously.
00:12:31Good news or bad?
00:12:32My father would say this is a challenge.
00:12:35So bad, then?
00:12:36Yeah, it's not good.
00:12:37One of my key speakers has pulled out.
00:12:38He's got the flu.
00:12:39One of the criteria for qualifying for an Academy Award
00:12:42is you must provide at least two key speakers
00:12:46to tell you movies are good.
00:12:49Alright, okay, it's fine.
00:12:51Just breathe.
00:12:53That's it.
00:12:55Not the first guy to have a panic attack on us.
00:12:57Look, if my dad doesn't kill me,
00:12:59Tug Speedman will.
00:13:00God's was a good movie.
00:13:02The ending wasn't much, though.
00:13:03No, his father is paying for the festival.
00:13:06You know this isn't your fault, right?
00:13:08Yes, but my dad can make it my fault.
00:13:11Right, first things last.
00:13:13What's a key speaker?
00:13:14Oh, I don't know.
00:13:15It's got to be an actor or a celebrity.
00:13:17Someone who can talk about their experience
00:13:19making movies with the other filmmakers.
00:13:27Rachel.
00:13:28Oh, shit, yeah, Rachel Warren.
00:13:30Who is Rachel Warren?
00:13:35She did that stupid werewolf movie with Jess.
00:13:38It's in the festival.
00:13:39Can you get her?
00:13:41Yeah, I know her well.
00:13:42I'm sure she'd love to come and be your celebrity.
00:13:49You have no idea where we're going.
00:13:52Yes, I do.
00:13:59It's this way.
00:14:00Come on.
00:14:01Come on.
00:14:02We made a movie about Chinese families in the 18th century.
00:14:06Stories about mothers and daughters.
00:14:12This country makes no sense.
00:14:20You can't be married.
00:14:22You don't want to marry me.
00:14:24You can't marry me.
00:14:24You don't want to marry me.
00:14:26You don't want to marry me.
00:14:27I'm sorry.
00:14:32You're so sorry.
00:14:33I mean by, woman does sure raise she wrong you.
00:14:48Hey, remember what we spoke about?
00:14:52Yeah, yeah, Dad, no danger.
00:14:55Hi, we're Ashraf and...
00:14:58Millie.
00:15:00I thought we was going home with Millicent.
00:15:01We made Millicent Incent.
00:15:10Do I think we can win?
00:15:12Fuck yeah.
00:15:13What, babe?
00:15:15Well, forget winning.
00:15:16I mean, I'm just here for the fit guys with their sexy Scottish brogue.
00:15:21I mean, I haven't met any just yet, but I did spot this guy.
00:15:24He looked a little bit like Chris Hemsworth on the plane.
00:15:26You know, the guy from Thor.
00:15:28I mean, given the chance, I don't.
00:15:29I was Thor.
00:15:32You do know I'm not one of your pals, don't you?
00:15:35You know I can't just un-hear this stuff.
00:15:38Oh, well.
00:15:41I'm not really hungry.
00:15:43Nominations for Best Actress are...
00:15:47Fran Whittaker for Hey, Mr. DJ.
00:15:59I can explain.
00:16:01I want you to leave.
00:16:02I want you to leave.
00:16:04Out of my house.
00:16:13What's black pudding?
00:16:15It's pork with beef blood mixed with oatmeal and fried.
00:16:18Are we in the same country?
00:16:20No, we're in Scotland.
00:16:23Esme Presley, poor gods of Shodditch.
00:16:26Your sword skills do you a disservice, sir.
00:16:29The seal calls to you.
00:16:32But it is lying.
00:16:34That may be so.
00:16:35The seal is our portal to the future.
00:16:38It is the devil's work.
00:16:40Then the devil does fine work.
00:16:42How are the nominations?
00:16:43Oh, yeah.
00:16:44It's in the back.
00:16:58Hi, guys.
00:17:00We're the Kidnap Gang, and we do kidnap pranks.
00:17:03This is my partner, Darren.
00:17:05Hello, hello.
00:17:06Now, obviously, we've entered two films into the festivals,
00:17:10which doubles our chances of winning something.
00:17:14But, look, I've got to warn you,
00:17:16when we're about, there's always some fuckery afoot.
00:17:19Idiots.
00:17:20Both my dad and my uncle.
00:17:22Well, Gabriel, the guy who runs the festival,
00:17:24he invited us along.
00:17:25He thought we'd be some good entertainment.
00:17:42Joking, we got her.
00:17:43You didn't?
00:17:44She said she'll do it.
00:17:45Thanks, little madam.
00:17:46Oh, thank you, thank you, thank you so much!
00:17:49Sorry, I'm not really a hugger, but you know what I mean.
00:17:51She said she liked working with me, and the movie's nominated in the festival.
00:17:55You'll cover travel and bar bill.
00:17:57Yeah, bar bill?
00:17:58Yeah, but don't worry about that now, you have a speaker.
00:18:02Hey, is this an exclusive party or can anybody join in?
00:18:05Doug, you're here!
00:18:07Alert the paparazzi.
00:18:09That's good, that's good things, dude.
00:18:10No, seriously, alert the paparazzi.
00:18:12Uh, your dad has press at the awards.
00:18:16How are you?
00:18:17Jade.
00:18:18And what movie are you with?
00:18:19Sex.
00:18:20Hmm.
00:18:22Well, your film sounds interesting and equally your name.
00:18:26Both subjects I'd love to learn more about.
00:18:30Tug Speedman.
00:18:32Actor, writer, film maker.
00:18:35Triple Tread.
00:18:35Pow!
00:18:36Tug, have you checked in yet? It's actually just this way, I'll just show you where it is.
00:18:40I want that review.
00:18:49Listen man, I didn't want to say anything in there, I didn't want to embarrass you.
00:18:55There was no one there to meet us at the airport.
00:18:57Oh, I didn't know we were...
00:19:00You know what, technical issues.
00:19:03Get it together man.
00:19:05You do realise what a big deal this is.
00:19:07To have me and my movie playing exclusively at your festival.
00:19:12Of course.
00:19:14I thought I played in Ireland.
00:19:17That wasn't a film festival.
00:19:19That was a tent with a projector.
00:19:21Right.
00:19:21No, this...
00:19:24This is the one we've been waiting for.
00:19:27Academy qualifying.
00:19:29You do realise this is going to be huge for my movie.
00:19:32And for your festival.
00:19:36Yeah, so get it together.
00:19:44We're in room 175.
00:19:47Esme Presley.
00:19:49That's my name.
00:19:50Don't wear it out.
00:19:55Don't mess this up.
00:19:57Right.
00:20:01Please let me help you with your bag.
00:20:03I'd be much obliged.
00:20:04He likes people to think I'm his assistant.
00:20:07Yeah, he's certainly a character with a small c.
00:20:11No, he's definitely something with a small c.
00:20:22We're going to need to separate these.
00:20:25Oh, like a twin room?
00:20:28Don't get me started.
00:20:30Tud likes his space to sleep.
00:20:32Proper diva.
00:20:36You can put that down.
00:20:38Oh, God.
00:20:39Yeah.
00:20:40Sorry.
00:20:41Is there a turndown service or do I tip?
00:20:45Hell no, no.
00:20:45I'm just helping.
00:20:48Just a thanks then.
00:20:51Instant coffee.
00:20:52I liked your movie.
00:20:55Well, no.
00:20:55I liked your role in it.
00:21:00It's okay.
00:21:01You can say it's crap.
00:21:02It is.
00:21:02No, no.
00:21:03It's not crap.
00:21:03It's just...
00:21:04It's unusual.
00:21:06It's time-travelling gangsters.
00:21:08So...
00:21:09But it's up for best picture and it's probably going to get the Oscar qualifying spot.
00:21:12So what do I know?
00:21:14Alan.
00:21:15That's your name, right?
00:21:16The festival director's son.
00:21:19Tug Speedman's a hack.
00:21:21Tug Speedman's a hack.
00:21:21And worse, a hack with a father with money.
00:21:23The writer's inspiration for Gods of Shoreditch was a story with strong female characters
00:21:28who brought about the end of the world of men.
00:21:31Instead, Tug turned a brilliant script into a wannabe gangster action movie.
00:21:36With so much nudity, it could have been set in ancient Rome.
00:21:39Oh, I mean, I thought that it was...
00:21:42Sorry, darling.
00:21:42Body doubles for those scenes.
00:21:44Oh, no, no.
00:21:45I wasn't being weird.
00:21:46I was just...
00:21:46Alan, it's fine.
00:21:47I limit who sees me naked, including Tug.
00:21:52Oh, you thought...
00:21:54Alan, no.
00:21:55Hasn't been like that for a very long time.
00:21:58Tug, I imagine, is currently down in the bar, flirting with any tart, unlucky enough
00:22:02to be with an air shot.
00:22:10I know his father paid for the movie to win, and I'm fine with it.
00:22:14Oh.
00:22:16Alan?
00:22:18Yes?
00:22:20Do you want a coffee?
00:22:26That's my dad.
00:22:27I should.
00:22:28I didn't see him, Lance.
00:22:29Is that something okay?
00:22:31Uh...
00:22:32Complicated, uh, but...
00:22:34Yeah.
00:23:00Hello, Alan.
00:23:03You all right?
00:23:05Um...
00:23:05Yeah, all good.
00:23:06Um...
00:23:06The Abdueth Kit is here.
00:23:08Okay.
00:23:14Yes, we made a movie called Sex.
00:23:27At first, there was nothing.
00:23:31Then, there was woman.
00:23:45So, the role of the woman is the sole provider.
00:23:48The one giving the pain is the only one that can take it away.
00:23:51My role is to assist of clients, but I'm also an actress.
00:23:56Not again with that stupid werewolf movie with Rachel.
00:24:00Rachel was amazing to work with.
00:24:03And you too.
00:24:04Yeah.
00:24:05But...
00:24:06Both equally.
00:24:07Yeah, of course.
00:24:09Do you know what?
00:24:09Whatever, I don't care.
00:24:10Anyway.
00:24:10Can somebody take this off, please?
00:24:24You have 12 finalists in your festival this year?
00:24:28Uh, yes.
00:24:29They are the final 12.
00:24:31The opening ceremony is tonight, and there will be a party.
00:24:36Not quite a party person.
00:24:40Each film has been individually assessed and announced within the required time period?
00:24:47Yes.
00:24:47Uh, no formal queries from the other candidates.
00:24:50Uh, and my father has done all of the, uh, assessments.
00:24:54Your father?
00:24:56Yes.
00:24:57Spoke to him many times.
00:24:59On the phone.
00:25:00Never met.
00:25:02Where is he?
00:25:05Currently sorting out, um, something or other.
00:25:08You know what these crazy filmmakers are like.
00:25:13No!
00:25:14Oh.
00:25:21I'm absolutely mortified.
00:25:24I didn't mind, really.
00:25:25It was kind of fun.
00:25:26A bunch of kids, them too, honestly.
00:25:36Very amusing.
00:25:39My preference is to sit near the back and on the aisle for each showing.
00:25:46Yes, we can accommodate that.
00:25:47Your father is the signatory for the festival.
00:25:51Have him speak to me at his earliest convenience.
00:25:54Of course.
00:25:55No, no problem.
00:25:57Would you excuse me?
00:25:58I need to go and sort out a thing.
00:26:02Okay.
00:26:02Thank you very much.
00:26:09.
00:26:38Good morning to you.
00:26:42You, a beaten actress.
00:26:44Yes, I am.
00:26:46Well, no, no, no, no, no.
00:26:48You have certainly got the look.
00:26:50As if.
00:26:51He's like some old guy.
00:26:54You play your cards right.
00:26:57I might just let you audition for me sometime.
00:26:59So obviously networking is the best part of these events.
00:27:03Before Tug realizes I'm a tease,
00:27:05his next movie will already be out, starring me.
00:27:13I thought you might be hungry.
00:27:16But the breakfasts are meant to be for the film contestants.
00:27:20But yeah, they're not going to miss it, are they?
00:27:23They're adjudicated by your story?
00:27:25Mm-hmm.
00:27:26Jade.
00:27:27Ah.
00:27:27How is your father doing?
00:27:29Still in the hospital, and I think, I think Tug Speedman
00:27:32might just kill me when he finds out.
00:27:35So have you.
00:27:36I always wanted to be an actress then.
00:27:38Come on, move along, Romeo.
00:27:40There's a cue here.
00:27:42I'll talk to you later.
00:27:47You seem to be doing OK so far.
00:27:49Just a few more days.
00:27:51Tug will be happy once he gets his coveted Academy place.
00:27:54Do you like working with him?
00:27:55You don't work with Tug.
00:27:57You experience the carnage he leaves in his wake.
00:28:00You get used to the crazy after a few years.
00:28:02Yeah, I was going to pitch my film to him.
00:28:04The God Particle.
00:28:06Yeah, I optioned the third book.
00:28:07But I tell you what, an award-nominated actress
00:28:10would look great on the cast list.
00:28:12This is a shit business, Alan.
00:28:14You can do your best performance
00:28:15and some hack director fumbles the ball in the edit.
00:28:19Hey, no, your character Joe Marsh in Gods of Shortage was amazing.
00:28:22Tets and Arse don't make a movie.
00:28:24At least my body double had a good bum.
00:28:30The God Particle is a black ops super soldier
00:28:35who seeks vengeance after they have been betrayed
00:28:38on a mission gone terribly wrong.
00:28:40Good pitch.
00:28:40Yeah, but without Esme Presley in it,
00:28:43it's just another silly spy adventure.
00:28:48Actually, can you just give me a full second, please?
00:28:53Alan, my man.
00:28:55How are we?
00:28:56Right, are you all set for my screening?
00:28:57Yes, of course, um...
00:28:59Emmett?
00:28:59Emmett, yes.
00:29:00Yes, no, it's only because I heard there was some technical issues.
00:29:03Who told you that?
00:29:04No, never mind.
00:29:05No, everything's fine.
00:29:06We're good to go.
00:29:07Perfect.
00:29:07So, yeah, we made a horror movie.
00:29:10Yes, I play a maid.
00:29:12Don't you play a maid in Jade's movie too?
00:29:14Typecasting is a good thing.
00:29:16Did you actually watch the movies?
00:29:17Have you seen mine?
00:29:18It's got Rachel on it.
00:29:19Uh, no, my dad watches the films.
00:29:20It's more his thing.
00:29:21Oh, hi.
00:29:23Hey.
00:29:24Um, the breakfasts are actually just for the film candidates, so, uh...
00:29:28I appreciate it.
00:29:29Yeah.
00:29:30Yeah, no, so that means...
00:29:33Sorry.
00:29:34But what if I was a film contestant?
00:29:39OK, OK, look.
00:29:41If you want to go, like, just, like, wait in the lobby,
00:29:43and wait till they're all gone, I'll come give you a shout and...
00:29:46How'd they print the application form from the library?
00:29:48That was a nightmare while I had ink.
00:29:50So, like, sorry.
00:29:51I ain't taking a line for that.
00:29:53Hang on, you've made a movie?
00:29:54Sure.
00:29:55Just like all the cats up in this geth.
00:29:58It's a personal story.
00:29:59A flick about lovin' on the streets.
00:30:01Mic in your face.
00:30:04That's... that's actually really impressive.
00:30:06I'm not sure how you'd do that.
00:30:08Check it.
00:30:09Shot on a phone, edited at a library.
00:30:12The equipment was 90s, but it's all good.
00:30:15Uh, well, that is all good, but, um...
00:30:19The applications closed, uh, two months ago now,
00:30:22so...
00:30:22Understands completely.
00:30:24But listen here, I ain't interested in what you're selling.
00:30:27For me, this is a golden opportunity of honest food
00:30:30and a bed for the night.
00:30:31Look, please, I really don't know how else to say this,
00:30:35but all of the final films have been announced.
00:30:39We can't add this.
00:30:41That's...
00:30:41That's how it is.
00:30:43Sorry.
00:30:44What's your name?
00:30:45Mike.
00:30:46Iron Mike.
00:30:47Wow.
00:30:48Intimidating name.
00:30:49It's cause where I'm bedding down.
00:30:51I have, like, three iron baths tied together.
00:30:53So, Iron Mike.
00:30:54Makes perfect sense.
00:30:56Listen.
00:30:57Alan's gonna take your application because he's good at problem solving
00:31:00and he very much wants to impress me.
00:31:04Alan, I was thinking...
00:31:06What was that?
00:31:07Simple.
00:31:08You did a very kind thing for a homeless man and it did impress me.
00:31:11Okay, yeah, that is very nice, but all the films have already been announced, Esme.
00:31:14I don't think he cares.
00:31:17Morning.
00:31:17Morning.
00:31:18Oh, shit.
00:31:19I mean, morning.
00:31:21Your father down for breakfast?
00:31:23Oh, you know, he was, but he's an early riser, so you know how it is.
00:31:27We're just going to meet him now.
00:31:29The signatory is a very important part of the process.
00:31:33Of course.
00:31:41I played Lord Harrington of Mortar.
00:31:48Beasts must die.
00:31:52Whatever you think's best.
00:31:58I'm now unarmed.
00:32:01I'll prevent you from doing your duty.
00:32:06Maybe she should kill us both.
00:32:10You've been bitten, mistress.
00:32:15The wolf...
00:32:20Courses through my veins.
00:32:23Run!
00:32:27So, yeah, it's a movie with a werewolf in it.
00:32:31Is this the heights that we're together?
00:32:34In the movie?
00:32:36Look.
00:32:37I spent a lot of time and energy into this ending, and trust me, once people see what we've done
00:32:43here,
00:32:45It's supposed to be a woman as mine.
00:32:48Ours.
00:32:49And everyone that was in the movie.
00:33:00æ–¼ me is...
00:33:01That's the end.
00:33:08You've been there.
00:33:09I've been there.
00:33:10I've been there.
00:33:13I've been there.
00:33:14I've been there.
00:33:18I've been there.
00:33:29Agnes, I just...
00:33:31I'm sorry for frightening you, Lady Harrington.
00:33:38Callum, go back to the house.
00:33:41Elizabeth.
00:33:45Now.
00:34:10No, no, not now!
00:34:13Everyone, look into the...
00:34:19God damn it!
00:34:21No one saw the ending!
00:34:32I'm here.
00:34:38It was just an utter shit show!
00:34:41I was pretty awesome as the maid.
00:34:53Are you okay?
00:35:05Are you fucking kidding me?!
00:35:08Did you just leave and come back so you could do that?
00:35:11Take some water.
00:35:13Fuck water! I want some fucking cocaine!
00:35:17Oh fuck. Just call my fucking sponsor.
00:35:23You.
00:35:25Is your pathetic father gonna make it or not?
00:35:28Tell me.
00:35:29I don't know, but I'm obviously hoping.
00:35:32It's not his fault.
00:35:34Oh!
00:35:37Of course you knew!
00:35:38Everybody knows except poor old Tug!
00:35:41It wasn't like that.
00:35:43Look, as long as the adjudicator doesn't find out, we're fine.
00:35:46We're fine.
00:35:48Yeah, we're fine.
00:35:50Yeah, we're fine.
00:35:51Until he visits your poor little Siebel dad on his fucking deathbed!
00:35:56Tug, his father's still alive. Take that back!
00:35:59I'll tell you one thing, boyo.
00:36:01He's not gonna be alive when my dad gets his hands on him.
00:36:04Or if you make this go catch up!
00:36:11You.
00:36:13I'm going to the bar.
00:36:15Fuck my sponsor.
00:36:34I'm going to the bar.
00:36:36Really?
00:36:38I thought you had to call your sponsor.
00:36:42You didn't drink it.
00:36:43But you thought about it.
00:36:46And you promised.
00:36:49Go away, Esme.
00:36:51I'm not cleaning up after you again.
00:36:55Well, do you know what, Mum?
00:36:58Do you know what I'm gonna get you for Christmas?
00:36:59A nice big wooden cross.
00:37:02So next time you feel unappreciated for all your sacrifices,
00:37:07you can climb on up there and nail yourself to it.
00:37:26I love you.
00:37:27I love you.
00:37:29I love you.
00:37:34Yes, the movie did well. We are very proud.
00:37:39I love you.
00:37:40I love you.
00:37:42I love you.
00:37:44I love you.
00:37:46I love you.
00:37:46The adjudicator, of course, he picks the winner.
00:37:50You are a good one.
00:37:52You are a good one.
00:37:53That is not correct.
00:37:55He's just an official.
00:37:56Gabriel chose the winner.
00:37:58I know Alan, and I hope we have made a big impression on him and his father Gabriel.
00:38:04We do rap movie next.
00:38:06Thanks.
00:38:25There was a lot of nudity in gods.
00:38:29Yes, well, nudity was very important in our story of Gods of Shoreditch, but some were
00:38:37more comfortable than others.
00:38:39I think sometimes nudity is considered controversial in some cultures because it challenges the
00:38:46standards of modesty.
00:38:48Yes, exactly.
00:38:50Nudity, it's a state of mind.
00:38:52I'll happily wander around the house all day with no clothes on.
00:38:56Just let it all hang out.
00:38:58Feel that breeze.
00:39:00It's quite liberating.
00:39:03Would I be shallow if I said size doesn't matter?
00:39:11It's perfectly adequate.
00:39:18Is it true that it's all a force?
00:39:21I don't really know.
00:39:23Well, you seem very close with Alan.
00:39:26He must have told you something.
00:39:28This is starting to feel like an intervention.
00:39:30Or maybe an interrogation.
00:39:32It's because everyone is hiding something.
00:39:36Esme, we're just curious.
00:39:38This festival is really important to us.
00:39:41We have vested interest.
00:39:45Look, I don't want to speak out of turn and I understand that you guys are anxious, but
00:39:50really you have to speak to Alan about this.
00:39:52Oh, we will.
00:39:53Don't you worry about that.
00:39:58The mountain has arrived.
00:40:01You know, we all know that you're here.
00:40:04Can you help with this please?
00:40:05They know, Alan.
00:40:06You might as well just tell me the truth.
00:40:08The truth will set you free.
00:40:10Okay.
00:40:11I've spoken to my dad in the hospital.
00:40:13He is getting better.
00:40:14It is a question of whether he can do the sign off though.
00:40:17No, he can't.
00:40:19Not while he's in hospital.
00:40:20What's the sign off?
00:40:22The festival director has to sign off on the adjudicator's paperwork.
00:40:26Can't Alan do that?
00:40:28Are you the festival director, Alan?
00:40:30No, I'm...
00:40:31Yeah, not the festival director then.
00:40:34What's that smell?
00:40:37Listen, monkey boy.
00:40:40I swear to God and the Sonny Jesus.
00:40:42If you don't find a solution, I'm going to drop kick your head.
00:40:46And I've done seven days.
00:40:49Intensive stage combat.
00:40:50You watch yourself.
00:41:03Forget the gold particle this is producing.
00:41:06Oh yeah, just without the money or the credit.
00:41:09You'll cut out for greater things.
00:41:11Yeah, well you clearly haven't met my dad.
00:41:13He's going to kill my movie.
00:41:16Still living in his shadow, just like Tug.
00:41:18He'd own own self be true.
00:41:20Yeah, well that's really easy for you to say.
00:41:22You're an award winning actress with a string of movie titles behind you and I'm just...
00:41:25And you're currently a festival director.
00:41:29Ah, yeah I see.
00:41:30Trying to sway influence with the festival director to try and win an award.
00:41:33It's not going to work.
00:41:35Oh my, what's a girl got to do?
00:41:39Mate, borrow your shaver?
00:41:42Yeah, sure.
00:41:43Whatever you need.
00:41:44Keep that towel on and I'll cut your hair.
00:41:48How's our cleaning service?
00:41:49Sure.
00:41:51Mike, can we grab a look at your movie?
00:41:54Sure.
00:41:54Sure.
00:41:55It's your funeral.
00:42:04Well, this is it.
00:42:06This is where Iron Mike is staying tonight.
00:42:10Because I did have three iron bath tubs.
00:42:13They were all tied together.
00:42:15And it was really, really, really good.
00:42:17Always get a wee check on the buns because you just don't know what's on these buns.
00:42:22Mike, this is good.
00:42:26And phone boxes.
00:42:29Always keep your eye out for them.
00:42:30A lot of people miss them.
00:42:32It's really good.
00:43:12You, uh, you're calm down, aren't you?
00:43:17And it's it help yourself you usually do I
00:43:21Wake up this morning. You're gone. Didn't think you'd notice they're intensely snoring
00:43:28I'm at a loss here as me
00:43:30What's going on?
00:43:32Do you remember the little talk me and you had I support you you support me
00:43:39That's all I ever do is support you
00:43:42Yeah, well you've been missing an action all weekend
00:43:45I've been here all this time. The question is where have you been?
00:43:51clever
00:43:52How's that working out for you?
00:43:56That's the thing about relationships they give you reason to live
00:44:02revenge
00:44:04Hey, hey remember this I've heard there was a secret cord know that David played it pleased the Lord
00:44:15But you don't really care for movies. Do you?
00:44:19It goes like this the fourth the fifth
00:44:23Sit down the major falls the minor lifts the baffled king composing
00:44:32Hallelujah
00:44:34No
00:44:36Those old cheap moves aren't gonna work on me anymore. I've got plenty of new cheap moves for you
00:44:41How are you gonna face all these people when they find out you paid for the award?
00:44:46Question is babe
00:44:48Do you feel paid for?
00:45:01Esme?
00:45:06That's bad gg mate you need to let her take a moment, but she's upset
00:45:11Having your bridges burn is never gonna be easy, but she's strong
00:45:27I think he's better from an older person
00:45:31But this is your fault Jess you were in a fucking movie
00:45:35She was very giving as an actress. Yeah, okay. Can one of you please just tell me what's going on?
00:45:43Oh
00:45:43Rachel can't do it. Oh
00:45:45We forgot Jade posted on Rachel's socials that she was so bitchy. She's probably playing the werewolf. Why?
00:45:52Because it was my role
00:46:01Wow, what a transformation. Hey got myself some new threads
00:46:09It's gonna be a long night
00:46:11I mean this is getting ridiculous
00:46:28Sorry Caroline hi, um
00:46:32Hey Ellen
00:46:35Can I be the most beautiful girl in the world?
00:46:38Uh, uh, come on. Wow. Um, what are you doing here?
00:46:43I mean, I'm glad that you are but
00:46:45why?
00:46:47Seems most men take advantage except you of course
00:46:52Giggles was a mistake
00:46:56I'll still do your announcements if you want me
00:46:58Really? Oh, Caroline absolutely. That'd be amazing. Yes. Yes. Thank you. Thank you so much
00:47:04Oh
00:47:05Wow slain it Mike
00:47:07Nobody even seen a man on a suit
00:47:10Ah, she's just getting a bit excited
00:47:12At film show today
00:47:13Malicious intent
00:47:15Gangster comedy
00:47:16Has malicious intent even got a chance?
00:47:19Well, it's a lower budget than tugs film but
00:47:22hopefully we spent the money where it really mattered
00:47:25We got the secret ingredient
00:47:27Me? I'm the secret ingredient
00:47:30Well look when millie was 10 we done a short film together called daddy's girl
00:47:37Those clips are a springboard for malicious intent
00:47:41It's like the story picks up from that point
00:47:45She was much cuter then
00:47:47Not such a pain in the arse
00:47:52Well, the best advice I can give is that you never know who's going to grow up to be famous
00:47:57So just make yourself available
00:47:59Oh, don't be a tart
00:48:00Well, I wish it was Beyonce
00:48:06I've been looking for you
00:48:07I found me
00:48:09Well, I thought maybe you wanted some space
00:48:11Good choice
00:48:12I could just kill all the girls prettier than me
00:48:15Or maybe just tug
00:48:20Where are all the good guys dead? In the heart or in the head?
00:48:24You think I'm a good guy?
00:48:27Well, when your instinct tells you to do something you don't do it
00:48:30So maybe when it tells you not to that's when you should
00:48:35Oh
00:48:37Read the room, Alan, this is the consensual kissing part
00:48:44Caroline's back
00:48:50Your ex that caught with your best friend Caroline
00:48:52Yeah, she wants to present the awards
00:48:57That's good, I guess
00:48:58Great for you
00:48:59Well, the whole thing with giggles was a mistake
00:49:01I mean, I always thought so
00:49:02But I guess she's realised it too, so
00:49:05Yeah, no, great
00:49:06So pleased for you
00:49:09Are you okay?
00:49:10Yeah, just peachy
00:49:12Learning lessons all the time
00:49:15Right, um, sorry, just one second, thank you
00:49:30Ladies and gentlemen, I would be happy to present our next film, Malicious Intent
00:49:36No, no, no, no, wait, wait, wait
00:49:46Um, my apologies
00:49:49There will now be a short interval as I need a word with the festival director
00:49:55Young man
00:49:58This is totally irregular
00:50:01My paperwork should have been signed and she mailed off this morning
00:50:07So I understand, he's just busy
00:50:10Yeah, he fobbed me off with that before
00:50:12Where is your father? He is festival director
00:50:15Fully understand, uh, end of the next movie, he'll be here
00:50:18Yeah, listen, young man
00:50:20This might seem like a game to you, but it's also my job
00:50:24And I don't like explaining to my line managers that I can't manage a simple task such as getting a
00:50:31Signature
00:50:33Stand on me, I will sort it
00:50:37It's our big day
00:50:41Yeah, it is
00:51:03I curse them to hell
00:51:05As her both fought the swell
00:51:08Our ship danced like a moth in the firelight
00:51:13Wild horses rode high
00:51:15As the devil passed by
00:51:17Taking souls into Hades by twilight
00:51:23Five weeks out to sea
00:51:25We were now 43
00:51:27We buried our comrades each morning
00:51:32In our own slime
00:51:33We were lost in the time
00:51:36Endless night we were dawning
00:51:43Oh, I wish I was back home in Derry
00:51:48Oh, I wish I was
00:51:54So essentially it's like a black ops agent
00:51:57Oh, oh, Caroline, you have to meet our president movie star, Esme Presley
00:52:02Today everyone's a star, they're all billed as starring
00:52:05Or also starring without earning that recognition
00:52:08Caroline, you're back
00:52:10From outer space
00:52:12I notice you cry a lot in your films
00:52:15Your tear ducts must be very close to your bladder
00:52:17Has Alan talked you into the presenting?
00:52:20All these best actress nominees and I'm just thinking shut up and get a salad
00:52:25Uh, so, um, Caroline thinks that we should just come clean with your adjudicator
00:52:30Not the best idea
00:52:32Is that your own thought or do you need a screenwriter?
00:52:37Caroline, we should be friends
00:52:41Yes, I agree, best friends
00:52:45I think that ending needs work
00:52:47How about less silly questions and a bit more shut the hell up
00:52:51How did you make her look younger in the film? Was that computer stuff?
00:52:56This is a man who thinks the plural of goose is sheep
00:53:00I ain't saying anything
00:53:01So then, your, uh, your style's clearly more
00:53:05gangster than it is horror
00:53:07Hey, that cat who played Dudley in your movie
00:53:11He was awesome
00:53:15Joy
00:53:16All right, ladies and gentlemen, our next film is...
00:53:22Sex
00:53:24Have fun
00:53:57Turn around and bend over
00:53:58Time don't wait for no one
00:54:02There's no escape from what I must do
00:54:06Turn around and bend over
00:54:14I think it's time to leave
00:54:17I'm young
00:54:17I'm all dressed up
00:54:19I'm on my way to marry the asexual awakening
00:54:22And there's 290 years separating from the films of Kevin Smith
00:54:26But that doesn't mean it's true
00:54:32If time don't wait for no one
00:54:38How can I wait for you?
00:54:42Tough love
00:54:44It is complete love
00:54:50It is complete love
00:55:02Didn't fancy sex then?
00:55:04It was beauty that killed the beast
00:55:07Malicious intent should be good competition for Tug
00:55:11It might blindside him
00:55:13Well, we can hope so
00:55:14But look, I'm probably the most non-competitive person here so
00:55:18I win
00:55:20Secrets and lies
00:55:23Come with me
00:55:28This is bang out of order
00:55:29Have you any idea how much shit I went through to get the day off today?
00:55:33This ain't my day job, you know
00:55:35It's not Alan's fault
00:55:37Well, this does land squarely on Alan's door
00:55:40I was thinking, since no one saw the ending of my film
00:55:44Can we screen it again, maybe?
00:55:48Look at you, all of you
00:55:50No problem is too big, we can't fix it if we work together
00:55:54What's that?
00:55:54Esme, you're beautiful on the inside
00:55:57But it's important you understand your limitations
00:56:00Alan, what I'm saying is
00:56:03If anyone actually saw the ending of the film
00:56:05Then people would know that my character disguises itself as older
00:56:09I will play your dad
00:56:10And I will sign off this whole festival
00:56:15What?
00:56:17I've got range
00:56:21Kim
00:56:23I can't play Gabriel
00:56:25That accent's incredibly tricky
00:56:27If you don't do it, then all of this is over for everyone
00:56:32Hello son, how are you?
00:56:35Oh god, this has disaster written all over it
00:56:39Something is missing
00:56:40Could be range
00:56:43The meanness
00:56:44Yeah, Gabriel is an arsehole
00:56:47Oi, I'm not happy and I don't like it
00:56:50Oh my god
00:56:55It's my foot scrub in there
00:56:58Yes, it's gonna be brilliant
00:57:02And bring me a razor as well, will you?
00:57:22You've been blowing hot and cold with me all day
00:57:25Everything's fine in my world
00:57:28You might want to tell your face that
00:57:31This is a big day for us
00:57:33You bought the award, Tug
00:57:35Hardly meritable
00:57:37I read a book about this once
00:57:38You sure it was a book?
00:57:40You sure it wasn't nothing?
00:57:42This is show business
00:57:43Not care business
00:57:46You're like all the worst parts of a girlfriend
00:57:49And do you not want to meet a producer?
00:57:52And just for that, when the movie comes out
00:57:55I'm gonna get Matt Damon to play you
00:57:56Oh
00:57:58Well maybe I'll get Jade to play you then
00:58:01Jade?
00:58:02Yeah, your new producing partner
00:58:06A little girl on girl action
00:58:10I'm joking
00:58:13Unless, unless you'd be up for it
00:58:22Jeez, I was only joking
00:58:24It's not a joke, I'm feeling lost
00:58:27Hey
00:58:28I've heard there was a secret code
00:58:30Stop
00:58:31That Michael played to please the Lord
00:58:33Stop
00:58:36If I explained it, I think I'd only confuse you
00:58:41Do you know what?
00:58:43I think it's times like this
00:58:44If I wasn't a multi-award winning, talented filmmaker
00:58:48And you were just an ordinary girl
00:58:50Then we wouldn't have these problems
00:58:53On Gods of Shoreditch, I was supposed to be an associate producer
00:58:57But in reality, I was more of a dog's body
00:59:00Seriously, this again
00:59:02I told you
00:59:03It's whatever it takes to get this shot
00:59:09Look
00:59:10You can produce the next one in full
00:59:13Yeah, my dad's already on board
00:59:15Take that back and I'll kill you
00:59:19You're the producer
00:59:22Game face on
00:59:24Hooray for Hollywood
00:59:37Don't you hold the bloody lift?
00:59:39Oh, didn't I?
00:59:42Come on
00:59:47Yes
00:59:49Oh God
01:00:09Are you not going to change for the paparazzi shorts?
01:00:12It's not really my thing.
01:00:13Besides, Gabriel would wear something like this, right?
01:00:16No, I've got a bad feeling about this.
01:00:18Listen, son, I've got this whole routine work there.
01:00:21No routine, okay? This isn't an audition.
01:00:23Just say hello and then sign the pissing document.
01:00:26Where's your wife?
01:00:27I think we should just come clean.
01:00:29Hello, you must be the adjudicator.
01:00:34My son Alan's been telling me all about you.
01:00:38Sorry for being a bit busy.
01:00:40This film festival malarkey kept me on me toes.
01:00:43Yes, seems to have ramped up a notch
01:00:46with the screening of Gods of Shoreditch.
01:00:48One of my personal favourites.
01:00:51Um, now that you're here,
01:00:55my paperwork needs a signature.
01:00:58Absolutely. Happy to.
01:01:06Oh, sorry.
01:01:08Forgot who I was there for a second.
01:01:12Is that a what?
01:01:14I'll need a final signing off when the winners are announced.
01:01:21Your accent seems off.
01:01:25Uh, it's, it's push voice.
01:01:30A push telephone voice.
01:01:32Yeah.
01:01:33I should use it all the time, really.
01:01:36Right.
01:01:37Your Honour, may I show you to the next screening?
01:01:46You know, my movies are inherently amazing.
01:01:50It's all about the big screen.
01:01:53And it's not easy being an action star.
01:02:02Shouldn't you be up there now that you're here?
01:02:06Yes.
01:02:07Uh, absolutely.
01:02:09He is such a star when it comes to these things.
01:02:17Uh, ladies and gentlemen,
01:02:18I'd like to introduce to you Gods of Shoreditch.
01:02:25And it stars, big round of applause for its stars,
01:02:29Esme Presley and Tugs Beatman.
01:02:46Good entrance.
01:02:48You want to see the one I'm going to make when I, uh, win my award?
01:02:54No!
01:02:55Get out!
01:02:58Crazy filmmakers trying to draw attention to their film.
01:03:02I thought they were quite fun.
01:03:08You know, they do say I'm the new Robert Rodriguez.
01:03:10Except I star in my own movies as well.
01:03:13Maybe Robert was smarter.
01:03:21You fought well, despite the twisted ankle.
01:03:25You will live to fight another day.
01:03:28And I assure you, it is not serious.
01:03:30I took the liberty of feeling the bone.
01:03:33And it is perfectly sound.
01:03:36Oh, sir.
01:03:37How will I ever thank you?
01:03:39Please, do not think of it.
01:03:42It is my honor to serve you.
01:03:45Will you not be seated?
01:03:47Pray, excuse me.
01:03:49I do not wish to leave a watermark.
01:03:54Permit me to call tomorrow afternoon,
01:03:57so that I may inquire after you.
01:04:04Fight hard.
01:04:06Fight for me.
01:04:27Fight for me.
01:04:29That director is the worst.
01:04:32He couldn't even direct traffic.
01:04:34You know, they should have come to me, Tug Speedman.
01:04:39You know I'm right, babe.
01:04:55Fun and happiness in short supply?
01:04:57Out of the frying pan and into the fire.
01:05:00It's always difficult when one person moves on.
01:05:02Hmm.
01:05:04I spoke to Dad this morning.
01:05:06Er, he's recovering, but no mention of my movie, so...
01:05:10Nice guys doing it for themselves?
01:05:12Yeah.
01:05:15You're planning something that's going to get me in trouble,
01:05:17aren't you?
01:05:18Oh, most definitely.
01:05:42You best move out of the way and let me be.
01:05:44This is not how it works.
01:05:47Nice time, stunt boy!
01:05:48Beautiful, représent.
01:05:49Ah, cute!
01:05:52Ohh!
01:05:55Ahh!
01:05:57Ah!
01:06:00Ahh!
01:06:02Ahh!
01:06:03Ahh!
01:06:03Ahh!
01:06:04Ahh!
01:06:19Alan?
01:06:23Thank you, everyone, for your kind words and praise.
01:06:26The buffet has been provided for yours truly.
01:06:29Fill your guts.
01:06:33You really don't have to do this.
01:06:35You know, they have a meal before their wards.
01:06:37These ain't for me.
01:06:54That went well.
01:06:55Thanks for that.
01:06:56What happened to the group?
01:06:58Oh, this is the best fun I've had all year.
01:07:06What's this?
01:07:08Naughty movies?
01:07:09Or my ransom demands?
01:07:14We have a late entry to the film festival.
01:07:18And I wanted you to experience it in my full company.
01:07:26Late entries are highly irregular.
01:07:36But this could be a lot of fun.
01:07:40Well, this is it.
01:07:42This is where Iron Mike is staying the night.
01:07:47Because I did have three iron bathtubs.
01:07:49They were all tied together.
01:07:51And it was really, really, really good.
01:07:55I don't know what you want me to say.
01:07:58Mike's was the best film.
01:07:59I have no patience with best.
01:08:01I have no patience with fairness.
01:08:04Life is not fair.
01:08:05Love is not fair.
01:08:08And as long as we still breathe the air of a free capitalist society,
01:08:13business will never be fair.
01:08:18Sacrifice, Alan.
01:08:20Like the kamikaze pilots used to do.
01:08:23Yeah, that's a discomforting stay, isn't it?
01:08:26Hemorrhoids cause discomfort.
01:08:28This is open heart surgery.
01:08:36Fuck the phone, Alan.
01:08:38You said I could produce.
01:08:40I will knock you the fuck out right here, right now.
01:08:44We did the right thing.
01:08:47Are you okay?
01:08:51Movie stars do not have opinions.
01:08:56Sorry, I know you're his dad.
01:08:58But Alan worked damn hard throughout this festival.
01:09:00And I suppose the bro's code is over now, you fucking tug's wife.
01:09:05I think I'm done here.
01:09:10We're bloody ruins.
01:09:22Ah, Alan!
01:09:24You know what I'm going to say.
01:09:25Yes, I know, you're ending.
01:09:26But I'm not being funny.
01:09:27The only thing I care about ending is this festival.
01:09:29Eyes front.
01:09:31God, does making movies have to be all this difficult?
01:09:34I'm looking forward to this.
01:09:35Who's doing your presentation?
01:09:37Hope is a surprise.
01:09:38Oh, me too.
01:09:39If she shows up.
01:09:41Hmm?
01:09:41Hmm?
01:09:42Hmm.
01:09:42I do love surprises.
01:09:57Ladies and gentlemen, please put your hands together for our wonderful guest speaker, Caroline Doherty.
01:10:08So very glad to be here this evening amongst all the wonderful filmmakers and stars.
01:10:15To be a filmmaker, you have to be psychotic in your desire to do something.
01:10:20For the first category, best actress in a feature film.
01:10:27Millie Ward with Milisha's quieren a show.
01:10:32Millie Ward with Milisha's Appetit.
01:10:33Of course.
01:10:56Esme Presley in Gods of Shoreditch.
01:10:57I would like to show my immense gratitude to all of the team involved in Gods.
01:11:09And for our first Best Picture nominee, we have Hey Mr DJ.
01:11:15You didn't think to thank me, the man who made it all happen.
01:11:18A film about a time in the 90s where DJs were Gods and gangsters ruled the streets.
01:11:24Your ego will be strict enough tonight.
01:11:27Let's have a look.
01:11:34What'd you throw up there?
01:11:36Just some bags I was storing stuff in.
01:11:41Right, get yourself freshened up. Got a great place for us to go to.
01:11:44Oscar, I'm not feeling up to it.
01:11:45Hey, you're single now remember? Half an hour off.
01:11:50And the next category is Best Newcomer nominees.
01:11:55Lynn Chang for Opera in the Evening Garden.
01:11:59Millie Ward for Malicious Intent.
01:12:02And Jess Bronski in Mysterious.
01:12:07And the winner is Millie Ward in Malicious Intent.
01:12:17Oh my god, I don't even know what to say.
01:12:19Thank you so much to the festival.
01:12:22Thank you so much to everyone that I've met.
01:12:25And if you would like to come for drinks afterwards, then meet me at 7th.
01:12:31She knows how proud I am of her, doesn't you?
01:12:34Hey, I was nervous and I got one.
01:12:37I mean, it looks like roughly the right shape.
01:12:40I mean, it's going to save me a tonne of berries.
01:12:43And our next Best Film nominee is for Malicious Intent.
01:13:04And the next category is Best Editing nominees.
01:13:09We have Emmett Bronski in Mysterious, Target Speedman for Gods of Shoreditch, George Chang for Opera in the Evening Garden.
01:13:21And the winner is...
01:13:24Well, this is a vindication considering no one saw the ending.
01:13:27And our third Best Film nominee is Gods of Shoreditch, a story about time-travelling gangsters.
01:13:36By night one way, by day another, this shall be the norm.
01:13:40Until you take true love's first kiss, and love takes its true form.
01:13:50But turn no one out!
01:13:54In a rather exciting category, Best Actor nominees.
01:13:59We have George Chang in Opera in Evening Garden.
01:14:05Ashraf Ward in Malicious Intent.
01:14:09Tug Speedman in Gods of Shoreditch.
01:14:13And the winner is Tug Speedman.
01:14:20Gutted, mate. Proper gutted.
01:14:24Honestly thought I was in with his chat.
01:14:28Me too. I was the best actor.
01:14:30And our fourth Best Film nominee...
01:14:34I didn't know nothing about no. Fourth nomination.
01:14:37...is a work of modern day art versus immense need.
01:14:41Now, let's have a look at Homelessness and The Man by Mike Reed.
01:14:46So there's certain things that you would do, well, certain things you look for.
01:14:49Like shopping centre. Pounds on the trolleys.
01:14:52That's a pound, like... Pounds, like...
01:14:57200 pound.
01:14:59And we're down to the final award of the evening.
01:15:02Best overall film of the festival.
01:15:05And the winner is...
01:15:07Hardly a win if you paid for it.
01:15:11Mike Reed.
01:15:25Well, it looks like you might just run best film in town.
01:15:30Thanks and everything.
01:15:32The beds are really comfortable.
01:15:38This isn't right!
01:15:40That fucking film wasn't even in the program!
01:15:43What the hell even is this fucking shit film?
01:15:45My daddy paid for all of this!
01:15:48What are you talking about?
01:15:50This was all paid for!
01:15:52No, not him!
01:15:54That's just a shit actor!
01:15:56This is outrageous. I knew something was wrong.
01:15:59Oh!
01:16:01Okay!
01:16:02I thought he was pretty convincing.
01:16:05You've falsified records.
01:16:07There may well be charges.
01:16:09What charges?
01:16:11No, no, no, please. All right, look, I'm sorry.
01:16:12This whole thing was my fault.
01:16:14Don't punish or charge anyone else.
01:16:16My dad, Gabriel, guy from the phone, had a massive heart attack,
01:16:21and he had so much money invested in this festival.
01:16:24And is Tug Speedman telling the truth?
01:16:27Technically, yes. Most of it was his money.
01:16:30His father's money.
01:16:31Yes, but we went with our hearts, and that's why Mike won Best Film.
01:16:36I don't judge the films.
01:16:38Merely here to make sure that the festival is run properly.
01:16:41From what you're telling me, this has been an absolute farce.
01:16:52Mr. Audjudicator, excuse me for interrupting.
01:16:56I have known Esme a long time.
01:16:59And, well, if my word has any bearing,
01:17:04Esme, she always speaks from her heart.
01:17:08Ms. Warren.
01:17:13I am a huge fan of your movies.
01:17:23And your words do carry significant weight.
01:17:27But this is an official matter.
01:17:30Mm. I fully understand that.
01:17:35But if Esme says that Homeless Man is the best film,
01:17:42I would not disagree.
01:17:45Thank you, Rachel.
01:17:47You're welcome.
01:18:15Producer, is this jacket okay?
01:18:16It feels a bit big.
01:18:21Sometimes he's got to take the chances.
01:18:24Do you regret taking a chance on me?
01:18:26Who am I to argue with the producer?
01:18:32Do you miss Tuck?
01:18:35Wherever he is and whatever he's doing, let's just hope he's not missing us.
01:18:51Total submission, bitches.
01:18:54Is this going to hurt?
01:18:56True love is pain.
01:19:55Turnover and action.
01:20:02I'm not playing a streetwalker.
01:20:05It's a tarp with a heart.
01:20:07What? A second rate streetwalker wearing an outfit like this?
01:20:09I'm first class, one best new come on.
01:20:11Just do it at Harry's Britain, please, babe.
01:20:16Idiot.
01:20:19So you know the saying, never work with children or animals.
01:20:24Loves me really.
01:20:26You're not my dear.
01:20:29You're not my dear.
01:20:30You're not my dear.
01:20:33You're not my dear.
01:21:02In Yahya, light Yah,
01:21:10Oh, me, oh, me, true.
01:21:44Some beautiful paths can't be discovered without getting lost.
01:21:50I never did thank you, did I?
01:21:56Emmet!
01:22:01I've got something for you.
01:22:02Oh, God, please do not kidnap me now.
01:22:05You'll like this.
01:22:10Oh, please, he did it to himself when we went back on his word.
01:22:15You're welcome.
01:22:18Why did you just not leave us alone?
01:22:21We told you time and time again, but you still don't listen, do you, sister?
01:22:30Oh, okay.
01:22:31All right?
01:22:32Oh.
01:22:33Oh.
01:22:33Mm-hmm.
01:22:35Yeah.
01:22:45Oh.
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