- 9 hours ago
In the Army Now 1994 [Full Movie] [Full Story]Full EP - Full
Category
🎥
Short filmTranscript
00:00:01See how I just blow those guys? Look, and there's the thing.
00:00:04Look up, look up, look up!
00:00:05No under-
00:00:06Huh?
00:00:09Game over you again!
00:00:11Shouldn't we get back to work?
00:00:12I'm working. Look, I'm testing on new products.
00:00:15What are you so paranoid for anyways? Pretty soon we're gonna have our own store.
00:00:18Look, Quinn's gonna fire your ass from this place.
00:00:21Do you think I'm scared of that?
00:00:22What is he? Looks like a lurch.
00:00:25I'm Quinn.
00:00:26Are you afraid of him? No.
00:00:28Bones!
00:00:30Quinn's looking for you.
00:00:32I told him you were playing video games.
00:00:34Here, hold this, okay? I gotta do something.
00:00:36Oh, yeah, you're not afraid, huh?
00:00:38Bop, bop, bop!
00:01:05This is all for you. See all the money I'm saving?
00:01:09Wow, Quinn, look at you. You're looking fantastic. Is that a new suit?
00:01:12It's gotta be Armando.
00:01:15Oh, it's JCPenney.
00:01:18Oh, it's JCPenney.
00:01:18Well, at least you wear it well.
00:01:19Is that brood I smell?
00:01:20What did we say about leaving the sales floor?
00:01:24You told me not to, and I won't. If this place catches fire, I'm selling tape decks to the firemen.
00:01:29You're not selling anything to anybody. That's why we're letting you go.
00:01:33Where?
00:01:33Home.
00:01:34No, no, no, Quinn. Hey, hey, you can't fire me. Come on. I'm a crazy boy. I'm a dedicated crazy
00:01:39boy.
00:01:40Bones, let's not drag this out.
00:01:41No, Quinn, hey, look. Come on, please. I mean, my rent's due. My mom, she needs another tummy tuck. Please,
00:01:47come on.
00:01:47No, Bones. No, not this time.
00:01:49Please, there's a lot of personal things. Please don't let me. Please don't let me go, Quinn. I could be
00:01:54crazier.
00:01:55Let go of my life.
00:01:56I could be totally insane.
00:02:00Bones, let go of my life.
00:02:01Bones, you have a customer waiting.
00:02:05You'll have to excuse me, Mr. Quinn. I have a customer. A customer who evidently asked for me by name.
00:02:15Hi. May I help you, miss?
00:02:16Yes. You sold me this watchman last week, and I'm afraid I have to return it.
00:02:21See, I knew you'd be returning it. It's too small to ruin your eyesight.
00:02:25And besides, I can tell the one you really want is this one.
00:02:27This is our top of the line.
00:02:29Our very best 35-inch projection stereo color monitor with advanced super digital PMP.
00:02:36I'm sorry. That's way out of my price range.
00:02:38Not with our $200 rebate. No money down. 10-month deferred, 64-month layaway plan.
00:02:43You ask yourself, how could it be? Right?
00:02:47Because we're a crazy voice.
00:02:51Sorry, they make us do that.
00:02:52That's a very nice offer, but this is just...
00:02:55Plus this screen, though, it promotes good eyesight.
00:02:58Really?
00:02:59Uh-huh. Four out of five optometrists recommend it.
00:03:03Okay. I'll take it.
00:03:06Okay. Here you go.
00:03:07Fantastic. I'm gonna take this to the cashier, and I'm gonna arrange everything.
00:03:11Thank you very much.
00:03:12Come to the front. You're needed for a carry-out.
00:03:15Huh?
00:03:17Hmm?
00:03:18Come on. Am I not still a crazy boy?
00:03:23That is brute I smell, you pervert.
00:03:30Bones!
00:03:35Come on.
00:03:42Gabriella, you were outstanding.
00:03:44Yeah, right. This is the last time I save your butt. Okay? I work, too, you know?
00:03:49I know. It was an emergency. The guy was about to fire me.
00:03:52Right. It's always an emergency. They better take that TV back.
00:03:55Hey, they're gonna take it back.
00:03:57Now, how about just giving your little Italian sausage man a little kissy-poo?
00:04:03Chad, the U.S. has issued strong warnings that...
00:04:08You are so irresponsible.
00:04:11You should be serious for one minute.
00:04:13It's okay. I'll be serious. Let's get naked.
00:04:17Not now. Not here.
00:04:19Why? Don't you love me anymore?
00:04:21Yes, yes, of course I love you.
00:04:23Yeah, but look, your boss is gonna catch us.
00:04:27I don't care about that perverted fat's on a JCPenney suit.
00:04:32Bones!
00:04:34Jack, turn it off.
00:04:35Turn it off!
00:04:47Well, I can't...
00:04:54I can't believe he actually fired us.
00:04:57Oh, come on. Bones, we blew up 22 TV sets.
00:05:00Yeah, but don't those things come with warranties?
00:05:01I'm sorry, man. You know, I didn't realize Quinn could see you in all those TVs.
00:05:05No problemo, my friend. I was sick of getting down on my knees for that guy anyways.
00:05:10Whoa. Bones. I had no idea.
00:05:13Begging for my job.
00:05:15You know what, Jack, though? This is amazing. You know what this does?
00:05:18Yeah.
00:05:19This brings us one step closer to the, uh, store.
00:05:23No, no, no. What this does is it brings us one step closer to living in the dumpster.
00:05:27How are we gonna get the rent for the store if we don't have rent for our apartment?
00:05:31Excuse me, can we play through?
00:05:33Yeah.
00:05:35Sorry, we're just...
00:05:36Disgusting.
00:05:41Oh, my God.
00:05:42Hey, Army!
00:05:44Navy!
00:05:45Air Force!
00:05:46Marines!
00:05:47No.
00:05:48Did you order a code red?
00:05:51Answer me! Did you order a code red, man?
00:05:54You want the truth. You can't handle the truth.
00:05:57Yay. He's goofing off.
00:06:00Wow, that was my Nicholson impression.
00:06:03Good.
00:06:04I do it sometimes when I play golf.
00:06:08Bones, come on, man.
00:06:09See, I couldn't help myself. I'm sorry.
00:06:11When you join the Army, is it true that you have to give your whole life away?
00:06:14Nah, something like that with us.
00:06:16We're in the reserves.
00:06:18What's that?
00:06:20Let's just get this straight here.
00:06:22After our basic training, we owe you two weeks a year, one week and a month, for which we get
00:06:26paid.
00:06:27And then on top of it, you're gonna throw in $2,500 just for signing up?
00:06:33Basically, yes.
00:06:35Wow.
00:06:36Well, then how come everybody isn't in the reserves?
00:06:39Do people actually know about this stuff?
00:06:42Well, we do try to advertise.
00:06:45Oh, yeah, it's not a job, it's an adventure.
00:06:48No, that's the Navy.
00:06:50The few and the proud?
00:06:51No, that's the Marines.
00:06:53Keep going, going, and gone?
00:06:55No, no, that's the Energizer, buddy.
00:06:58Gentlemen, we're be-all-you-can-be.
00:07:01Yeah.
00:07:02In the Army.
00:07:05You need us, and we need you.
00:07:07It's a win-win situation.
00:07:09I got one more question.
00:07:11Can I get a pen?
00:07:12Oh, no, actually, could we just have a second, uh, amongst ourselves?
00:07:16Certainly.
00:07:17Take all the time you need.
00:07:19Just hold that ballpoint.
00:07:23Whew.
00:07:25This is insane!
00:07:27Why doesn't everybody join when you're listening to him in there?
00:07:30Shh.
00:07:31It's like joining a health spa, only they pay us.
00:07:34Oh, my God, you're going nuts.
00:07:35Okay, we are the beneficiaries.
00:07:37We get a guaranteed check for eight years and a special skill.
00:07:41A special skill.
00:07:42Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
00:07:43Look at the payments.
00:07:44Here we go.
00:07:45Land combat missile op.
00:07:48Opportunities.
00:07:48Tactical fire specialist.
00:07:50You heard him talking about combat pay, right?
00:07:52You know, you have to be in combat to get paid for that, right?
00:07:56He said reserves aren't called up unless there's a major conflict.
00:07:59When was the last war, huh?
00:08:01Yeah.
00:08:02World War II?
00:08:02No.
00:08:03Twenty years ago.
00:08:04Have you ever heard of Vietnam?
00:08:06Huh?
00:08:06Desert storm?
00:08:08No.
00:08:08Uh-uh.
00:08:09What?
00:08:10I'm kidding.
00:08:11Give me the brochure.
00:08:12We're going to go to the unemployment office.
00:08:14No, just let me see.
00:08:15Let me just try it.
00:08:16Tank tour repair, land mining specialist, water purification?
00:08:21Water purification.
00:08:23That's it.
00:08:24What?
00:08:25Water purification.
00:08:26I'm telling you it's a snap.
00:08:27My brother's a pool man.
00:08:29Hey, look.
00:08:29You take dirty water and you make it clean.
00:08:32How hard can that be?
00:08:33I don't know.
00:08:34And hey, if there is a war, what are we going to go in there with?
00:08:37Water balloons?
00:08:40That's...
00:08:40I mean, but...
00:08:41But...
00:08:41Yeah.
00:08:42This is for our future.
00:08:44Okay.
00:08:44If we could sign up right now, we could get a guarantee check for $2,500, a few times that
00:08:49times two.
00:08:50Wow.
00:08:53That's $6,000.
00:08:56That's a nice chunk of change.
00:08:57Yeah.
00:08:58But...
00:08:59Hey, this is for our storm.
00:09:03Yeah.
00:09:04Look, I'll even give you first billing.
00:09:06No, you don't have to do that.
00:09:08Jacks and boneses.
00:09:10Oh.
00:09:11Atlas of Stereos.
00:09:13I did too much.
00:09:13All right.
00:09:14All right.
00:09:14All right.
00:09:14Let's go.
00:09:15Ah.
00:09:16Yes.
00:09:31Get it real dry.
00:09:34Get it real dry.
00:09:34Get it real dry.
00:09:36See?
00:09:37I told myself that it's a bad dream.
00:09:41I felt bad with some bad dreams.
00:09:47hi um see everybody knows me for my hair okay what i need you to do is just just a
00:09:57little bit
00:09:58on the side not a whole bunch and kind of keep like it so still i'd like to see you
00:10:02in something
00:10:02short but sassy a real 90s look something that works as well on the rifle range as it does in
00:10:07the disco okay that's perfect
00:10:15all right
00:10:16my head i mean look at it does it look bigger than it i mean do i look like a
00:10:37big potato
00:10:37honestly yeah honestly it looks great it really does really really it looks macho all right look at
00:10:48these man look at this army issue see i think those are unique idiotic no those are unique see you're
00:10:56distinctive no one has them really you're king all right one of a kind they built them all when they
00:11:32made you jack
00:11:32yeah yeah you're right you're right that guy is exactly like my dad see come on wait a minute
00:11:38though my childhood sucked no i can't do it man i can't i can't handle being yelled at by some
00:11:44muscle-bound drill sergeant no man i can't do it get the hell off the truck
00:11:52oh whoa she can drill me anytime on the double right now come on move it move it hello sweet
00:12:01pants
00:12:02get down get down rough stuff
00:12:06and take those glasses off what do you think you want something beat you something
00:12:09what's your name private bones car we're reporting for duty sir all right
00:12:15man sergeant whatever you will address me as drill sergeant don't you understand
00:12:25yes but you don't need to yell because look i'm standing right here i'm not yelling at you
00:12:29private drill sergeants do not yell we simply speak in a voice loud enough so everyone can hear
00:12:34that way we all learn from each other's mistakes oh okay thanks for explaining it
00:12:39from here on out your buddy's mind you will obey every order without question grunt
00:12:52oh you a funny boy huh cutie pie right well i don't know you but i don't even like you
00:12:57and i make it my personal mission to turn you into a soldier for the next eight weeks i'll be
00:13:02all
00:13:03over your butt like white old rice is that a promise
00:13:09give me 20 i want my wallet drop and give me 20 hold this boy you better get on that
00:13:16ground and
00:13:17give me them push-ups ah it's been a while all the way up and down right pump
00:13:24pump
00:13:28is that good
00:13:56get your butt off that wreck
00:14:05get your butt off that wreck
00:14:08i'm up i'm up i'm up i'm up
00:14:39jack yeah where'd the sun go there is no sun anymore bones
00:14:48sun is gone we died and this is hell oh okay thanks for explaining
00:15:00private he's got that weapon around backwards
00:15:14see the picture on the front of this weapon
00:15:20it's put there for privates like you it's idiot proof
00:15:33the gig line runs down the seam of your shirt through the edge of your belt buckle down the
00:15:38seam of your zipper this is a straight gig line see it learn it do it
00:15:52from here on out anyone without
00:15:55a straight gig line will have to answer to me
00:16:02conway
00:16:03what the hell is this
00:16:05just sergeant i guess my gig line needs straightening huh
00:16:36come on
00:16:39oh
00:16:39what are they
00:16:39what are they what are you what are they what are you what are they they need volunteers
00:16:45yeah
00:16:47what are you crazy i sure am i'm a crazy boy hello
00:16:55conway yes ma'am come here i'm on my way
00:17:04hi let's not fight come here hit me you'll be sorry i can't hit you you're a girl
00:17:12and i love you you've got two seconds to hit me
00:17:22okay but this is gonna
00:17:24oh
00:17:26oh
00:17:29shit i'm sorry i was just gonna i'm gonna teach you a lesson
00:17:35never
00:17:35go
00:17:44got it
00:17:46can i please throw up now
00:17:51get up
00:17:52fuck get mad
00:17:55now listen to me very carefully private this is exactly the same as practice
00:17:59but this is a real live grenade i want you to do exactly as you've been trained
00:18:03yes joe sergeant when i give the command to execute i want you to drop the pin
00:18:08throw the grenade yes joe sergeant drop the pin throw the grenade yes joe sergeant
00:18:14execute
00:18:18move it
00:18:20oh
00:18:21oh
00:18:31thanks joe sergeant you saved my life
00:18:34i owe you one
00:18:35no you owe me
00:18:38no you owe me
00:18:43fifty
00:18:43yeah
00:18:47yeah
00:18:48fifty
00:18:50mama mama can't you see
00:18:53mama mama can't you see
00:18:56drill sergeant lamb made a man out of me
00:18:59drill sergeant lamb made a man out of me
00:19:01and then i will obey the orders of the president of the united states
00:19:06and i will obey the orders of the president of the united states
00:19:09and the orders of the officers appointed over me
00:19:13and the orders of the officers appointed over me
00:19:16according to regulations
00:19:18according to regulations
00:19:20and the uniform code of military justice
00:19:23and the uniform code of military justice
00:19:25so help me god
00:19:27so help me god
00:19:29nice to meet you
00:19:30bye
00:19:31be good
00:19:32take care
00:19:33bye
00:19:33ah
00:19:35it's the uniforms man
00:19:38private conway
00:19:43hey
00:19:44never thought i'd say this but i think i've done the impossible i've turned you into soldiers
00:19:48thank you drill sergeant
00:19:50carry on
00:20:01uh is this uh unit 341
00:20:04that's us soldier hey bones conway here this is my partner jack
00:20:08hi christine nice to meet you look like we'll be working together
00:20:12christine a la gi jane right what brings a pretty little lady like you to water pier
00:20:18i want an infantry but until they ask that crap about women not being allowed in combat
00:20:23i'll just have to settle for kicking your little boy
00:20:27that would be nice
00:20:30heisty one huh
00:20:31i like that
00:20:33shut up
00:20:39i'm gonna have to kill your friend
00:20:41hey bones conway
00:20:43hey uh fred austroff good to meet you
00:20:46you okay fred oh man i'm fine yeah
00:20:49thanks thank you
00:20:52so uh what do you do when you don't purify water well i'm going into my uh final year of
00:20:57dental school
00:20:59wow and then now that is great no it's not why did you know that dentists are more feared
00:21:07and loathed than any other profession that's including lawyers no see i don't think people hate
00:21:11dentists it's just the sound of that drill yeah and then they stick that sucking thing in the
00:21:17back of your mouth like this and the nurse says oh yeah that and then they jam those cardboard x
00:21:23-ray
00:21:24things and then they and you know when there's you have a cavity and they do that little pointy thing
00:21:29and then right the nurse leaves and she goes to lunch and she jams it back there right meanwhile
00:21:38there is a lead apron right on the thing and you're sitting there like
00:21:48see see that's what i'm talking about if you don't want to talk about it it's okay oh no no
00:21:53it's good we should talk about it because my therapist uh said that i need to get it out
00:21:58kind of like an emotional enema so we talked about it and uh said why not join the army reserve
00:22:04be all that you can be on the weekends maybe it helped me to face those things in my life
00:22:12that
00:22:13i'm most afraid of and what are you afraid of uh well i'd have to say uh damn near everything
00:22:21floss hey keep it
00:22:29good morning purifying our water is one of the most vital operations in the military it is
00:22:36absolutely vital that you know your equipment inside and out
00:22:47two soldiers must man the hose at all times this is for your own safety people okay never
00:22:54lose control of your home
00:23:05after careful training you will be able to produce potable water from the most disgusting swampy
00:23:11parasite infected diseased water guys look it's our first glass of purified water all right
00:23:22go for it man try it nah i'm not gonna try hey you try it i'm not gonna try it
00:23:29we should get christine
00:23:31yeah she'll taste anything
00:23:38i'm not gonna try it let's get freddy okay oh freddy no no thanks i'm allergic it'll make me break
00:23:46out
00:23:47well then who's gonna try it
00:24:08who's the leader of this outfit he is
00:24:13son i've been doing this for a long time and i gotta say
00:24:17this is the best damn glass of purified water i ever had congratulations you keep this up and i'll
00:24:24be putting you in for private first class thank you sergeant but i could not have done it
00:24:29without the inspirational guidance of my brother the poor man
00:24:41we're back honey excuse me gonna go freshen up
00:24:50you're not
00:25:10you're not
00:25:10um
00:26:10Better be dead. Hello?
00:26:12This is an official message.
00:26:14I saw a flock of wild geese migrating south.
00:26:19I say again, the geese are migrating south.
00:26:23Yeah, well, uh, my goose is about to lay a golden egg.
00:26:26So you're gonna have to cruise the south solo, okay?
00:26:29Have a nice flight.
00:26:31Who was it?
00:26:31Someone who's into birds.
00:26:33I don't know here.
00:26:34Uh-uh!
00:26:40Look, you saw the goose, I'm the walrus, and tall is dead.
00:26:43And I'm trying to bury my beak here, so give it a rest.
00:26:46All right, that's it.
00:27:01Jack, get the phone.
00:27:03Who is it?
00:27:04It's a freak going on about wild geese migrating.
00:27:07Hello?
00:27:08It's a phone.
00:27:12What?
00:27:12No, no, no, Christine, don't.
00:27:14Don't run.
00:27:16Which way?
00:27:17Who cares?
00:27:18North or south?
00:27:19South.
00:27:21Yes!
00:27:22Yes!
00:27:23Yes!
00:27:23What?
00:27:26You guys, don't you remember?
00:27:28About the cold?
00:27:29So that if we got called up for active duty, then we would know that it was for real.
00:27:33It's gotta be a mistake.
00:27:35It's gotta be Chad.
00:27:36Hello, Mama?
00:27:38It's Frederick.
00:27:39Uh, you sitting down?
00:27:42Chad is in the African country, the one that Libby's about to invade.
00:27:45Uh, turn off the music.
00:27:50Do you remember when you told me that every black man should visit the motherland?
00:27:54Bones, why do you think I chose water purification?
00:27:57Is your brother a poor man?
00:27:59No, it's because Chad is in a desert.
00:28:02And water purification is the reserve occupation most likely to be called up if there's a desert war.
00:28:08And there's a desert war, and we're going!
00:28:12That's it, Bones.
00:28:13I'm gonna kill you.
00:28:14Well, go ahead.
00:28:14You gotta relax here, okay?
00:28:16I'm gonna get us out of this one.
00:28:19Trust me.
00:28:30At ease.
00:28:32Sir, I know we're going to Chad, but there's something that you need to know about Jack and I before
00:28:38we go, sir.
00:28:39Yes?
00:28:41Uh, uh, Bones and I are very close, uh, friends.
00:28:47Very.
00:28:48Oh, I see.
00:28:51In that case, boys, I guess you're not going to Chad.
00:28:57Sorry to disappoint you, sir.
00:29:03Uh, just one thing.
00:29:08Anything.
00:29:10Kiss him.
00:29:12Excuse me?
00:29:14Kiss your friend.
00:29:16You don't have a problem with that, now, do you?
00:29:20Oh, no.
00:29:21Oh, no.
00:29:22He kisses me every day.
00:29:24Oh, no.
00:29:29Oh, no.
00:29:30Oh, no.
00:29:34Oh, no.
00:29:47Oh, no.
00:29:48He kisses me every day.
00:29:49Is it hot in Chad?
00:29:51As the Libyan raids against U.N. forces near the border continue, this U.S. force is being ready to
00:29:59deter the invasion threatened by the Libyan leader in his television broadcast last night.
00:30:04And as the buildup here continues, the first Army Reserve units arrived here today.
00:30:09These units will aid in the supply and logistical support for the growing U.S. presence here.
00:30:14These troops are in high spirits, and the morale is high, and their hopes are high.
00:30:19And this mission will remain at peace.
00:30:22Reporting live from Chad for World Wide News Report, this is Stu Krieger.
00:30:44I am 1st Sergeant Brandon T. Williams.
00:30:47It is my intention to run this company like a clock.
00:30:50If one gear slips in my clock, my clock will tell the wrong time.
00:30:54If one spring is loose in my clock, my clock will tell the wrong time.
00:30:581st Sergeant Williams likes this clock to tell the right time.
00:31:00Do you understand me?
00:31:02Yes, 1st Sergeant!
00:31:04What did he just say?
00:31:05I don't know, something about his clock being broken.
00:31:10Have my words fallen upon deaf ears?
00:31:13Yes, Sergeant!
00:31:15I mean, no, Sergeant.
00:31:17Don't you know I'm your 1st Sergeant?
00:31:21Well, actually, I wish you were my 1st Sergeant, but I already had a couple ones already.
00:31:27Drop!
00:31:28And give me push-ups!
00:31:29You will continue to do push-ups until you learn to address me as 1st Sergeant!
00:31:33Use that clear!
00:31:34Yes, 1st Sergeant!
00:31:36Cardinal!
00:31:361, 1, 1st Sergeant!
00:31:382, 1st Sergeant!
00:31:393, 1st Sergeant!
00:31:404, 1st Sergeant!
00:31:424, 1st Sergeant!
00:31:425, 1st Sergeant!
00:31:435, 1st Sergeant!
00:31:43Don't eyeball me.
00:31:446, 1st Sergeant!
00:31:447, 1st Sergeant!
00:31:468, 1st Sergeant, 9, 1st Sergeant, 10, 1st Sergeant, 11, 1st Sergeant, 12, 1st Sergeant, 13, 1st Sergeant, 14, 1st
00:31:56Sergeant, 123, 1st Sergeant, 124, 1st Sergeant, 125, 1st Sergeant.
00:32:01That's enough. On your feet.
00:32:04Son, I bet you did a lot of push-ups when you were in basic training, didn't you?
00:32:07Yes, 1st Sergeant.
00:32:09Well, you just did your last push-up, soldier. I will never ask you to do another.
00:32:12Thank you, 1st Sergeant.
00:32:14You just graduated peeling potatoes.
00:32:166,543, 1st Sergeant, 6,544, 1st Sergeant, 1st Sergeant, 6,505, 1st Sergeant, 6,505, 2st Sergeant, 10.
00:32:35Shit, I lost count.
00:32:37We got it, we got it, we got it, look!
00:32:41That's my butt.
00:32:42That's a good one.
00:32:43I couldn't help it.
00:32:44I was just trying to say, you guys get going fire.
00:32:48Stop it!
00:32:49Okay!
00:32:50Come on!
00:32:50Come on!
00:32:51Come on!
00:32:52Come on!
00:32:53Come on!
00:32:54Come on!
00:32:57Oh!
00:32:58Oh!
00:32:58Oh!
00:32:59Oh!
00:32:59Oh, look!
00:32:59Hey!
00:33:00It's the sunroof!
00:33:22Gabrielle tucked in a little note into my duffel bag.
00:33:26Oh!
00:33:26Oh!
00:33:26Yeah!
00:33:28Dear Bones, by the time you read this, I will already be...
00:33:33What?
00:33:34I will already be in Milan with Guido.
00:33:39Oh!
00:33:40She dumped you.
00:33:41Sorry, Bones.
00:33:43I must say, though, this guy sounds really nice.
00:33:45He's got a villa right on the Adriatic Sea.
00:33:47Jack, don't rub it in.
00:33:49No, no.
00:33:49You're better off.
00:33:50She's a horrible speller.
00:33:52There's only one S in loser.
00:33:54Look at that.
00:33:54And immature-ish?
00:33:55I don't even think that's a word.
00:33:57Gabriella.
00:33:59She broke my heart.
00:34:01Sorry.
00:34:02Well, fortunately, I'm too shallow to stay bummed for too long.
00:34:06Oh!
00:34:09Mmm!
00:34:09Would you mind turning the light off, please, Jack?
00:34:11Oh, yeah.
00:34:13Fred, you checked your bag for scorpions, right?
00:34:17Scorpions?
00:34:18He's messing with you, Fred.
00:34:20No, I'm not.
00:34:22Chad is the scorpion capital of the world.
00:34:25Yep, Fred.
00:34:25They're big ones, too.
00:34:26About as big as my fist.
00:34:28They outnumber people two to one.
00:34:30And that margin grows with every sting.
00:34:34So have a good sleep, Fred.
00:34:36Good night, everybody.
00:34:37Good night, Bones.
00:34:38Good night, Sue Allen.
00:34:39Good night, John Boy.
00:34:42Scorpions.
00:34:54I got one.
00:34:56I got one!
00:34:57I got one!
00:34:59I got one!
00:35:00I got one!
00:35:02I got one!
00:35:04I got one!
00:35:05I got one!
00:35:06I got one!
00:35:07I got one!
00:35:08Ah!
00:35:11Very funny!
00:35:13We're just trying to help you get over your fears, Fred, really.
00:35:16Fred, don't worry about it.
00:35:17You come and sleep with me.
00:35:18Yeah, well, I'd rather take my chances with the scorpion.
00:35:25God, I hate this.
00:35:27It's not that bad.
00:35:28It's like camp.
00:35:31John Jacob Jingleheimer-Smith.
00:35:35John Jacob Jingleheimer-Smith.
00:35:36That's my name, too.
00:35:38Whenever we go.
00:35:40Whenever we go.
00:35:41There goes John Jacob Jingleheimer-Smith.
00:35:44John Jacob Jingleheimer-Smith.
00:35:49Come on!
00:35:50That's my name, too.
00:35:53John!
00:36:23Don't eat the chicken.
00:36:25It tastes just like frog.
00:36:28Thanks.
00:36:30Enjoy.
00:36:36Ready.
00:36:38Go.
00:36:42What are we doing?
00:36:44Special Forces.
00:36:4914.11 seconds.
00:36:51Damn!
00:36:52Try it again.
00:36:55Go.
00:36:56He's incredible.
00:36:58Time me.
00:37:00All right.
00:37:03Go.
00:37:05Go.
00:37:06Shoo, shoo, shoo, shoo, shoo, shoo, shoo, shoo, shoo, shoo, shoo, shoo.
00:37:16Well, that is not good.
00:37:18What happened?
00:37:18That is not good.
00:37:20Damn it.
00:37:26Oh, great.
00:37:28He's coming over.
00:37:29Just don't look at him.
00:37:32You lose something?
00:37:35Yeah.
00:37:36Thanks.
00:37:38Put it in my lasagna.
00:37:40You better call 911, get an ambulance, find a doctor, order a toe tag, because I'm going
00:37:44to tear off your head and spit down your neck.
00:37:46Do you understand me, boy?
00:37:48Oh!
00:37:49Hey, hey.
00:37:52You have to relax a little.
00:37:54Take it easy.
00:37:56We're in the middle of a war, and we're on the same side.
00:38:00Yeah, dude.
00:38:04Would America...
00:38:05have won the Civil War, uh...
00:38:08if Benjamin Franklin did not get along with Eleanor Roosevelt.
00:38:12Right on.
00:38:12A little knowledge.
00:38:14A little knowledge to partay.
00:38:16Huh?
00:38:18Go ahead, man.
00:38:18If our soldiers, our American soldiers, acted like this in Desert Storm, Sodom the same
00:38:26would still be running Iraq.
00:38:28Uh, what?
00:38:30What?
00:38:35So maybe we're a bunch of reservists fresh off the plane, right?
00:38:38It's obvious.
00:38:39But you regular guys, you've been here so long that your brains are fried.
00:38:45So I guess what I'm really trying to say is...
00:38:48Come on, genius.
00:38:49Come on.
00:38:52That doesn't mean we all can't be friends.
00:38:55Please.
00:38:56There's only one problem with you newbies, Olin.
00:38:58We've got the truth, man.
00:39:00You don't eat enough.
00:39:01No, that's...
00:39:03No, I don't...
00:39:05Watch it!
00:39:06Shut it!
00:39:19As you were.
00:39:28Son.
00:39:29I bet the mess sergeant could use a volunteer to peel potatoes.
00:39:33Yes, sir.
00:39:34Can I count on you?
00:39:35Yes, sir.
00:39:37Carry on.
00:39:40I happen to know, on this base, there's not one unpeeled potato.
00:39:58I heard the Libyans are already backing down, and we're going to be out of here in two weeks.
00:40:02Yeah?
00:40:03Well, I hear they're sending 20,000 more troops, and we're going to be here until Christmas.
00:40:07Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
00:40:10Where you going?
00:40:13Sound like I got bad breath.
00:40:20Help!
00:40:22And until they comply with you and Resolution 991, I don't think anybody's going anywhere.
00:40:29Oh, you're amazing, Christine.
00:40:31How do you keep up with all that stuff?
00:40:36Christine?
00:40:38Christine?
00:40:42All right, quit screwing around.
00:40:46Chris!
00:40:48Send some water with this mud.
00:40:56Chris!
00:41:01Jack?
00:41:07Fred!
00:41:13How does it feel to be dead, motor boy?
00:41:18I don't know.
00:41:19How does it feel to be a dick, dick?
00:41:29Damn it!
00:41:30Where's my water?
00:41:31There was none delivered last night, first sergeant.
00:41:37God damn piece of shit, newbies.
00:41:39How am I going to run a decent HQ without my coffee?
00:41:48That is truly a pathetic sight.
00:41:51Who perpetrated this?
00:42:05Who did this to you?
00:42:08I can't tell you for a sergeant.
00:42:10What?
00:42:10You have too much honor?
00:42:12Oh, I've been threatened with death.
00:42:16Untie these clowns and give me some water!
00:42:26Ah!
00:42:27Ahem, I have an announcement.
00:42:29Do you guys want your water?
00:42:31Because you're looking a little bit crispy.
00:42:33Shh!
00:42:33You better what?
00:42:33Oh, I know, I know, I know.
00:42:35Tell me if this is right.
00:42:35I better call 976.
00:42:38Find a doctor and tag an ambulance, because you're going to tear off my toe and spit down my head,
00:42:43right?
00:42:43Do you guys want your water or not?
00:42:45Sergeant, report to Captain Roberts.
00:42:48You've got a mission.
00:42:50Water boys, report to 1st Sergeant Williams.
00:42:54You've got a mission, too.
00:42:55Listen up!
00:42:57Captain Denby says we're going to resupply the forward UN peacekeeping base.
00:43:02This is a very simple, routine mission.
00:43:06You will fall into line in the very large, very prepared convoy.
00:43:09All you have to do is follow the truck in front of you.
00:43:13When your troops get thirsty, you will give them water.
00:43:16Conway, you look confused.
00:43:18Are you sure you want to send us to a forward area?
00:43:20We're just water boys.
00:43:21You are soldiers.
00:43:23You will get in that convoy, and you will be a credit to the United States Army.
00:43:27Is that clear?
00:43:27Yes, 1st Sergeant!
00:43:29Then muscle your lollygagging bus, we're getting taken.
00:43:31Move out!
00:43:31Yes, 1st Sergeant!
00:44:02Damn it!
00:44:02Damn it!
00:44:02Forget it.
00:44:03They're going to send a tow truck.
00:44:08Man, what I wouldn't do for a double meat chili cheeseburger right now?
00:44:13No.
00:44:14A margarita on the rocks.
00:44:16Mmm.
00:44:18Or some fresh buttery Jiffy Pop.
00:44:22That's not Popcorn Boys.
00:44:24Hmm?
00:44:25That convoy's under attack.
00:44:29Really?
00:44:30I don't think so.
00:44:35Maniac shooting at us!
00:44:37What a maniac!
00:44:37It's the enemy!
00:44:38What the hell are you doing?
00:44:39Surrendering!
00:44:40Don't shoot!
00:44:41Surrendering!
00:44:46You!
00:44:52Stay calm!
00:44:56Nice going, Christine!
00:44:58Did you have to shoot so close, huh?
00:45:00You scared the shit out of me!
00:45:02Now, excuse me for living. I was just trying to save your worthless little life.
00:45:05Christine, are you aware that after a near-death experience, there's often a desire to have sex?
00:45:11Yeah, Jack.
00:45:12That's right.
00:45:13I feel it.
00:45:15All right.
00:45:17Just not with you. Ever.
00:45:20Got it?
00:45:21Yeah, got it.
00:45:23I'm glad we could have this little talk.
00:45:25I didn't feel anything.
00:45:27You guys, let's get out of here. The truck's on fire.
00:45:48Day long, it's gonna...
00:45:57Explode.
00:46:00Where's the phone?
00:46:04Hello!
00:46:11Now, rickety-tick, you're mustering lollygaggin' let's lollygaggin' out of here!
00:46:27Is it the road that way?
00:46:29I'm taking the shortcut.
00:46:30Is there one?
00:46:31Uh-huh.
00:46:32The road curves around like this.
00:46:34All we gotta do is cut the desert here and catch up the convoy over there.
00:46:39Watch out! Come on!
00:46:40I think I know what I'm doing here.
00:46:42I guess this is the wrong time to tell you guys I get very easily car-seeked.
00:47:02Bones, I have the best sense of direction of anyone you know.
00:47:08The road's over there.
00:47:10The road's over there.
00:47:10Three miles.
00:47:11Maybe four.
00:47:12Oh, yeah.
00:47:13Maybe ten.
00:47:15Maybe twenty.
00:47:16Maybe our truck is sinking.
00:47:20No!
00:47:21No!
00:47:38Push!
00:47:40Hey, forget it, okay?
00:47:43Just shut it down.
00:47:44We'll take it out.
00:47:45No, stand back.
00:47:46Stand back!
00:47:47I'm gonna rock it!
00:47:53You quit it.
00:47:54It's not working.
00:47:56You're sucking too much sand into the air filter.
00:47:59I order you to shut it down now!
00:48:02You order me?
00:48:04Yeah, but I'm private first class, okay?
00:48:06I'm ordering you.
00:48:07Come on.
00:48:07The only reason you made private first class is because your brother's a poor man.
00:48:20Huh?
00:48:21You happy?
00:48:22You happy?
00:48:24Come on.
00:48:26Yeah, well, I hope you brought your triple-A card.
00:48:29Let's see.
00:48:36Well, look, you cracked the block.
00:48:38I could've done it if you hadn't stopped me.
00:48:40Yeah, you're so full of it.
00:48:42You know what?
00:48:43Shut up!
00:48:44We gotta figure out what we're gonna do!
00:48:46Then why don't you just ask our fearless leader here?
00:48:49Private first class bones.
00:48:51The one with the highest rank.
00:48:52All you had to do, Jack, was just listen to me, okay?
00:48:55I was trying to...
00:48:56All I've ever done is listen to you, and look where it's taken me!
00:48:58Look!
00:48:59We're in the middle of some African hellhole!
00:49:02Under a flesh-frying sun, with the sky filled with vultures, ready to pluck out my eyeballs!
00:49:09Vultures don't come around unless something's about to die.
00:49:29What are you...
00:49:30Are you ripping the sleeves off your jacket?
00:49:33Oh, that's gonna look sexy.
00:49:36Jack, tomorrow we have to walk away from this water truck.
00:49:40We have two canteens between us.
00:49:42We're gonna fill up the sleeves of our jackets with water, and then we have more water.
00:49:45Am I the only person who paid attention in survival class?
00:49:52There's a scorpion on my back!
00:49:54There's a scorpion on my back!
00:49:55That's enough!
00:49:56There's not a scorpion on your back!
00:50:00Uh-uh.
00:50:02There is a scorpion on my back!
00:50:04Fred!
00:50:05There's nothing on your back!
00:50:07You keep on imagining things!
00:50:13I needed that.
00:50:16I'm sorry I snapped.
00:50:18Look, you don't have to apologize.
00:50:20You're right!
00:50:22I see things very clear now.
00:50:24All right, Fred!
00:50:26Hey!
00:50:26Look, guys, I wanna apologize to everybody.
00:50:28He's okay?
00:50:29He's okay!
00:50:30I feel like a brand new man!
00:50:31All right.
00:50:31Now, can we get some rest?
00:50:33Okay.
00:50:34Okay.
00:50:44What are you doing?
00:50:46It just felt like...
00:50:49He's always playing.
00:50:52did you guys see that thing
00:50:54follow me I know exactly
00:51:06where I'm going
00:51:09trust me
00:51:35you guys get down I see something
00:51:37get down
00:51:49it's a truck there's the road we
00:51:51are safe I told you I had a
00:51:53flawless sense of direction
00:51:56what a coincidence that truck
00:51:58looks
00:52:00it looks like our truck
00:52:09hey listen you guys hey I
00:52:11figured out why we went in
00:52:13circles do you remember our map
00:52:15reading class we didn't follow
00:52:18the sun
00:52:22this stream is due west all we
00:52:26have to do is walk away from the
00:52:28sun in the morning and towards
00:52:29the sun in the afternoon we
00:52:30should be there by nightfall so
00:52:32you're saying we should risk
00:52:34being dried up into human jerky
00:52:36again just to follow another one
00:52:38of your half-baked plans I'm not
00:52:40saying anything okay I mean I'm
00:52:42pretty sure this is gonna work but
00:52:44since I let us down before I say
00:52:46from here on in we put everything
00:52:48to a vote we can't vote you order
00:52:52we follow okay why order us to vote
00:52:55that is not how the army goes you have
00:52:58to tell us what to do what if I'm wrong
00:53:01then we die I order us to do a
00:53:14sunbaked plan thing we're dead
00:53:21hey guys just think of it as a very
00:53:25long day on a very big beach in a very
00:53:29dry year
00:53:49wait a minute it's the ocean I don't see
00:53:54anything what are you blind waves it's
00:53:58the ocean it's a mirage it is a mirage
00:54:03and there's caesars and right across
00:54:05street is the barbary coast where you
00:54:07get a 399 buffet
00:54:34there's a canteen go get your boy because he's bugging
00:54:51you okay man you okay here take a sip
00:54:58listen look Jack we got two choices one we could put your clothes back on and get ourselves out of
00:55:05this mess go back to Glendale start up our own store become rich and famous or two
00:55:11you can lie here butt naked and crushed away leaving your skull to be found by a young
00:55:15arabic prince that's going to use it for an ashtray
00:55:21you don't want that in your head you make the call
00:55:25come on come on let's get out of here
00:55:28come on
00:55:42hey oh oh Jack look at that ass maybe you should stay naked get some sun on those cheeks
00:55:57what oh man man now I'm seeing things the palm trees right on the horizon
00:56:02oh it's another mirage oh my god I see it too
00:56:06it's not a mirage those are the palm trees
00:56:10it's the oasis
00:56:12oh man you saved our life
00:56:20where's my kiss
00:56:22Christine
00:56:30the street was due west right it was on the map right
00:56:35where's the water
00:56:39this is sand
00:56:47nobody move
00:56:50there is a big snake right by your feet
00:56:55no
00:56:57thanks for not moving Jack
00:57:01throw me the gun
00:57:04if you don't attack it it'll go away
00:57:07I don't want it to go away I want to have it for dinner
00:57:10throw me the gun
00:57:24you want some of this baby huh
00:57:26there you go come on
00:57:28oh no
00:57:31I'm still gonna get ya
00:57:36it's time for me
00:57:37I'll kill ya
00:57:41huh
00:57:43shoulda buta da da da da
00:57:50huh
00:57:52it's a win-win situation
00:57:56will you look at that
00:57:59water from the bullet hole
00:58:04water
00:58:05water
00:58:06yeah
00:58:07water
00:58:08water
00:58:09fresh water
00:58:11I can't believe it
00:58:14is it snake yet
00:58:16depends how you like it
00:58:18well done
00:58:19used to be afraid of scorpions
00:58:22now he's eating snake
00:58:23that is impressive for him
00:58:26hmm
00:58:27I thought we were all gonna die
00:58:30but you pulled us through
00:58:33I don't know how
00:58:35but thank you
00:58:47that was uh
00:58:50pretty exceptional
00:58:53so what are you gonna do if I get us rescued
00:58:58um
00:59:00I will
00:59:02take off all your clothes
00:59:06tie you to the bed
00:59:11rub warm oil
00:59:12all over your body
00:59:14from the bottom of those feet
00:59:17to the top of that head
00:59:19and proceed
00:59:20to have the nastiest
00:59:23freakiest sex with you
00:59:25that you have ever imagined
00:59:26imagined
00:59:30oh that's it
00:59:31damn it
00:59:31I saw her first
00:59:33and look what happens
00:59:35same thing that happened with gabriella
00:59:37I saw her first
00:59:39and and and wanda tushman
00:59:40in the third grade
00:59:41I saw her first
00:59:42and that girl in palm springs
00:59:44it turned out to be the guy
00:59:45I saw that thing first too
00:59:47you know
00:59:47why I'm not just
00:59:49strangling you right now
00:59:51cause you can't cook a snake
00:59:53no
00:59:55because no matter how long
00:59:56we've been friends
00:59:57I never thought
00:59:59you'd be the kind of guy
01:00:00that would
01:00:00save our lives
01:00:02let alone kill a snake
01:00:04but you did
01:00:06oh hey man
01:00:07thanks
01:00:07yeah
01:00:09I think it's the UN flag
01:00:11we're safe
01:00:14guys christine and I
01:00:16are gonna need some time alone
01:00:17sure man
01:00:32you are the reservist
01:00:34from glendale california
01:00:36correct
01:00:37according to wnr
01:00:39you are presumed dead
01:00:40in a truck explosion
01:00:41um
01:00:42where are we
01:00:45you're on a military base
01:00:46well inside libya
01:00:48that is all you need to know
01:00:50oh
01:00:50I forgot to mention
01:00:53the war is starting tomorrow
01:00:55how'd you know that
01:00:56american tv
01:00:59your country is expected
01:01:00to start bombing
01:01:01our air bases tomorrow
01:01:02and when that happens
01:01:04we will unleash missiles
01:01:06with chemical warheads
01:01:07against your bases
01:01:08consider yourself lucky
01:01:10to be here
01:01:11sleep well
01:01:14you know
01:01:15this is fine
01:01:16it's like the time
01:01:17you got us arrested
01:01:18to you wanna
01:01:18except we're in libya
01:01:20and your dad's
01:01:21not gonna pick us
01:01:22up here brother
01:01:25yo it's
01:01:26aren't you guys
01:01:26also american
01:01:32oh
01:01:32see I see
01:01:34I was wounded
01:01:34and I don't feel well
01:01:36please sing a song
01:01:37to comfort me
01:01:38sing a song
01:01:39any song
01:01:40oh
01:01:43oh
01:01:44okay
01:01:46rescue me
01:01:47sing
01:01:48uh-huh
01:01:49what
01:01:50I want your tender
01:01:51chance
01:01:52cause I'm a long
01:01:53uh-huh
01:01:53uh-huh
01:01:54uh-huh
01:01:54uh-huh
01:01:55uh-huh
01:01:56my team was on
01:01:56strategic recon
01:01:57huh
01:01:59you know that's when
01:02:00you go behind enemy
01:02:00lines and you try to
01:02:02locate their assets
01:02:03like tanks and bunkers
01:02:04we were on our way
01:02:05to a resupply drop
01:02:06and we were ambushed
01:02:07the other guys were killed
01:02:08killed
01:02:13I took a bullet in the leg
01:02:15and they brought me here
01:02:16uh-huh
01:02:17I don't know
01:02:18any words to this song
01:02:20kiss me baby
01:02:21kiss me baby
01:02:22kiss me baby
01:02:23yeah
01:02:23hold me baby
01:02:24hold me baby
01:02:25hold me baby
01:02:26use this
01:02:27to dig around the base
01:02:29of the bars
01:02:29from the window
01:02:30I got one of them
01:02:31loose all over
01:02:32no escape
01:02:33what are you crazy
01:02:38look
01:02:39it's the duty
01:02:39of every POW
01:02:40to try and escape
01:02:41we're in the middle
01:02:42of a desert
01:02:42what good is it gonna do
01:02:43for us to escape
01:02:44to complete the recon
01:02:45mission soldier
01:02:46a special operations
01:02:48cargo plane
01:02:48was instructed
01:02:49to make a
01:02:49supply drop
01:02:50at a rendezvous point
01:02:51about 15k north of here
01:02:53if we can get off
01:02:54this base
01:02:54I can get us
01:02:55to the rendezvous want
01:02:56you're insane
01:02:57okay
01:02:57the Libyans
01:02:57are gonna launch
01:02:58chemical weapons
01:02:59we're much safer here
01:03:00no
01:03:00I'm a soldier
01:03:01and I got a job
01:03:02to do
01:03:02so are you
01:03:04now get to work
01:03:07it's private
01:03:08I'm lonely
01:03:10rescue me
01:03:27my heart
01:03:29you know what
01:03:31you didn't scare me
01:03:33I just felt like
01:03:33screaming
01:03:34don't worry about it
01:03:35most men think
01:03:36I'm scary
01:03:40so you can't sleep
01:03:41huh
01:03:42I'm too excited
01:03:43excited
01:03:44they might torture us
01:03:46tomorrow
01:03:46they might even
01:03:46even kill us
01:03:47I know
01:03:48it's just like
01:03:49the night before
01:03:50Christmas
01:03:50yeah
01:03:51well at my house
01:03:52we got presents
01:03:53I'm talking about
01:03:55the anticipation
01:03:57we might die
01:03:58we might escape it
01:04:01we don't know
01:04:02what's gonna happen
01:04:02that's the coolest
01:04:03thing in the whole world
01:04:04most girls are into
01:04:06horses and stuff
01:04:07you're weird
01:04:11most men say that too
01:04:14I like it
01:04:17you do
01:04:20yeah
01:04:20horses are boring
01:04:30so
01:04:31if I do
01:04:32get us out of here
01:04:34and I will
01:04:35is it true
01:04:36what you said
01:04:36about tying me up
01:04:37and all that wild
01:04:38sick stuff
01:04:39I'll have you
01:04:40kiss me again
01:04:44okay
01:04:45I can't wait
01:04:49I think I got
01:04:52wait
01:04:52look
01:04:53you got it
01:04:54yeah
01:04:54look
01:04:55look
01:04:56oh
01:04:57oh
01:04:57oh
01:04:58oh
01:04:58oh
01:05:00oh
01:05:01Stern
01:05:02Stern
01:05:03you gotta wake up
01:05:05I can't turn the alarm off
01:05:06it's not an alarm
01:05:07it's an air raid
01:05:08silence
01:05:08oh
01:05:09thank god
01:05:11I thought it was having another panic attack
01:05:18oh
01:05:19oh
01:05:20oh
01:05:20oh
01:05:20oh
01:05:21oh
01:05:22oh
01:05:23oh
01:05:33oh
01:05:34it's okay
01:05:34oh
01:05:35oh
01:05:36oh
01:05:44oh
01:05:53yes
01:05:54oh
01:05:56oh
01:05:58oh
01:05:59oh
01:05:59oh
01:05:59oh
01:05:59oh
01:06:00oh
01:06:00Try again.
01:06:02Okay, crush.
01:06:09That was good.
01:06:09Just a little more to the left.
01:06:11We got him.
01:06:12Yeah, you guys just keep trying.
01:06:14Do you guys realize what we are doing right now?
01:06:17This is a scene from Pirates of the Caribbean.
01:06:20All we need is that mangy dog.
01:06:23Right?
01:06:24And then we can go...
01:06:25Quiet!
01:06:25Just try it again.
01:06:57How much do you love me?
01:07:09I'm sorry. I don't get it. What is it with us and trucks?
01:07:12I mean, we get them, we break them, we smash them, we crash them, we run out of gas. I
01:07:16don't get it.
01:07:16Yes, yes, yes, I understand that, but we're not getting tortured by Baba Gadoosh right now, okay?
01:07:21No. Instead, we're lost in the desert, again, without food and water, again, stuck with this special forces guy.
01:07:30He can't even walk because he got his legs shot off.
01:07:32Fred, we're free.
01:07:33Damn, we're gonna die free!
01:07:36Or maybe not.
01:07:4455 American dollars.
01:07:47And then on top of it, see this, Chuck?
01:07:51Serious, bona fide, Libyan army fighting machine.
01:07:55And it's all part of this amazing offer, my friend.
01:07:57And maybe if you're lucky, you might even have a cool 8 track.
01:08:00You can play abuda-ba-da-ba-da stuff on it.
01:08:04Huh? And you ask me, how could it be?
01:08:07Why such a deal? Because we're crazy, boys!
01:08:11We're giving it away!
01:08:18Hmm?
01:08:21You like this watch? Is it interesting?
01:08:24Oh, no, no, no, no, no.
01:08:25No, he likes it.
01:08:26The watch!
01:08:27Come on, it's got the phases of the moon and a compass.
01:08:32what this has a compass yeah really yeah well we've been stuck in the desert for three days
01:08:37and you're telling me this watch has a compass sorry oh jack oh you're gonna get some noogies
01:08:43later i'm gonna just pound you like this i forgot yeah well uh well you're gonna forget about your
01:08:48little watch here jack because it's gone uh-huh here you go my friend hey you guys in my life
01:08:56i've seen a lot of camel's toes but i'd never see one in a camel i think he's got a
01:09:04crush on you
01:09:04bones really how can you tell because he's been nibbling on your ears yeah and licking on your
01:09:12neck it's okay you're just a camel
01:09:20our supply drops on the other side of that libyan base what libyan base
01:09:25bones are you blind it's a libyan base covered with a camo tent what are you talking about
01:09:31i guess we're gonna have to go around it around what see that jeep right there i see the jeep
01:09:37okay but i certainly don't oh you mean that libyan base the one under the camo tent
01:09:46i thought you guys were talking about some other libyan base
01:09:50will there be medical supplies medical supplies uniforms food water radio everything we need
01:09:56yeah but where is it it's supposed to be right here
01:09:59hey you guys come on
01:10:03hey come on you guys come on
01:10:26hot wheels
01:10:28hot wheels
01:10:36oh
01:10:43stern these things are intense no wonder people join the army be all that you can be in the army
01:10:52What happened to him his leg looks pretty bad. I think it's infected cuz he lost a lot of blood
01:10:58But look at his gums. They're fabulous man. Not a touch of gingivitis. He's been flossing. Yeah, but why is
01:11:04he acting so wasted?
01:11:05Oh, that's the morphine
01:11:07Absolutely, the morphine better
01:11:12Hello, somebody answer us, please you gotta believe us. We're stuck out here in the middle. Please just help us
01:11:18Get a hold of yourself soldier. Oh, thank God. It's you. Listen, don't say my name
01:11:24What did I say to you when you first arrived in Chad?
01:11:28Uh something about your clock being broken
01:11:31Close enough. Okay. Calm down son. We're gonna get you out of there now. Listen carefully
01:11:36Your call sign is now Glendale. Our call sign is now Burbank
01:11:45Oh, you mean those doom buggies. Yeah, those things are intense. Good
01:11:50This equipment was intended for the special forces team to carry out a vital mission
01:11:54On the ground with the right equipment in the right place say what?
01:12:01Yeah, listen, let me explain something first
01:12:06First of all sergeant, we're water boys
01:12:08Okay, please your soldiers first Glendale
01:12:12Now listen up
01:12:14The Libyans have a mobile scud launching base right in your area
01:12:18These scuds are loaded with chemical weapons and targeted at U.S. bases
01:12:23Our aerial photographs haven't been able to find them
01:12:26You want us to find them?
01:12:28Well, what about stern? Stern can find them
01:12:30He'll be up pretty soon stern
01:12:31Daddy
01:12:33Why can't I go to ballet class?
01:12:35Teacher says I'm a natural
01:12:38These scuds can't be spotted from the air because of heavy camouflage
01:12:44Camouflage?
01:12:44Camouflage?
01:12:45Why didn't you say so in the first place?
01:12:47Listen, we saw the thing this morning
01:12:49Stern wrote down the coordinates, right? Stern
01:12:51We'll tell you where it is
01:12:53You guys can come here and bomb the hell out of it
01:12:55Come on, send the air force
01:12:57It's not enough to tell us
01:12:59You have to go back there and paint it
01:13:02Paint it?
01:13:03Trust me, it looks perfectly fine the way it is
01:13:06I mean paint it with the laser
01:13:08The laser target designator is in your equipment
01:13:12All you have to do is return to that base
01:13:14Point the laser at it and call me back on the radio
01:13:18The air force will do the rest
01:13:19You can be a mile away in perfect safety
01:13:24All right, wait a minute
01:13:26Chris!
01:13:27What?
01:13:28Get over here
01:13:28Bones, they can't make us do anything
01:13:30We don't know how to use this stuff
01:13:32Fred, do you use lasers in dentistry, right?
01:13:36I know what's going on
01:13:37You're gonna try to make the brother hold the laser, right?
01:13:39No, my laser was a little itty bitty laser
01:13:41This is a big laser, there's a difference
01:13:44Glendale, Glendale!
01:13:45No, no, no, no, no
01:13:46Can't they just evacuate the bases?
01:13:48Yeah, or we can take an hour out of our busy lives
01:13:51Hop in these cool dune buggies
01:13:52Pop the base with the laser
01:13:54And let the air force blow the hell out of it
01:13:56Now you listen to me, Glendale
01:13:57Please, hold yourself there one second
01:14:00I'm just trying to have a moment with my friends
01:14:02Is that okay?
01:14:03Just have a cup of java
01:14:04Please, chill
01:14:08Fred, when you first got here
01:14:10You were completely freaked, right?
01:14:12Yeah
01:14:12And now look at you, huh?
01:14:15You're a regular G.I. Joe
01:14:16A fighting man from head to toe
01:14:19And Chris, you wanted infantry
01:14:22Well, now's your chance, let's see what you got
01:14:27And Jack, my friend, you were a complete screw up
01:14:31But now look at you, you're still a screw up
01:14:34But if you did this and you survived
01:14:36You'd have stuff to tell your little screw up grandkids
01:14:39Basically, you guys, up to a few months ago
01:14:41We were all a bunch of minimum wage losers from Glendale
01:14:44But this whole event has changed our lives
01:14:47You know who we owe it to?
01:14:48The army
01:14:50This is something we gotta do
01:14:52Come on, just go with it
01:14:53Chris, I know you're with me
01:14:57Yeah, boy
01:14:58Yeah, boy
01:14:59Fred, listen, if you can't handle it, I understand, man
01:15:01I can handle it
01:15:04Jack, what do you say, man?
01:15:07Oh, I say, I say you're crazy
01:15:08I think you're all nuts
01:15:11But you're the private first class
01:15:13I'm the private
01:15:14I'm gonna follow you, my friend, wherever
01:15:17All right, you guys, let's do this thing
01:15:19Kick it, man
01:15:21Darren, you ready?
01:15:23Let's go, Bone
01:15:24I know, I know
01:15:26It's just a little bit of business I have to take care of
01:15:33You're gonna have to go now
01:15:36You're gonna have to go be all the camel that you can be
01:15:44All right
01:15:45All right, troops!
01:15:53Let's go bust some scuds!
01:16:09All right
01:16:48All right, Glendale to Burbank, come in.
01:16:50I wish we had cooler codenames.
01:16:52What was that, Glendale?
01:16:54Nothing. I was just saying that these codenames suck.
01:16:57Can I call you General Sweetpants?
01:16:59You better remember who you're talking to, Glendale.
01:17:01Are you in position?
01:17:02Guy's got no sense of humor.
01:17:04Yeah, we can see the target.
01:17:06Have you painted it with the laser?
01:17:11Just did.
01:17:13Good going, Glendale. The airstrike is inbound.
01:17:16You should acquire the target in seven minutes.
01:17:19It is vital that you do not take the laser off the target until the target is destroyed.
01:17:24Can you hold it there for seven minutes?
01:17:26I got it propped up here on the rock. I can hold it here all day long. I'm good to
01:17:30go.
01:17:31No problem, Burbank.
01:17:32Good. Lay low and report any change in situation. We'll be standing by. Out.
01:17:55Come on. Come on.
01:18:04Tell me again about the store.
01:18:07Oh, the store.
01:18:09Well, it's going to be great.
01:18:10We're going to have our own room where people can get their feet massaged.
01:18:14Sorry.
01:18:37Hold your position, Glendale. And keep that laser on the target.
01:18:41On the target? We are the target.
01:18:47Tell them to hurry up.
01:18:48You better hurry. We got 60 pissed off Libyans heading towards us.
01:18:52Stay with it. Stay with it.
01:18:57Let's get these guys here.
01:18:59Come on.
01:19:00Okay.
01:19:02Get out of bed.
01:19:02All right.
01:19:03This is for the Glendale water boys.
01:19:16Not bad, huh?
01:19:17Woo!
01:19:41Reload.
01:19:43No, no, no, no.
01:19:50No, no, no, no, no, no.
01:20:19Oh, shit.
01:20:20It missed.
01:20:21Yeah, well, at least they didn't blow up my head.
01:20:25Where are you going, soldiers? We know you can do it.
01:20:27Oh, perfect.
01:20:28I'm going to find you the biggest bottle of champagne in Chad.
01:20:32Yeah, well, don't pop the cork yet. The bomb's messed.
01:20:35The base wasn't hit.
01:20:37You better send another airstrike here and send it fast.
01:20:40Wait one.
01:20:50The backup strike of F-111s is being diverted to your target.
01:20:54ETA, three minutes.
01:20:55Three minutes? What are you, crazy? We don't have three minutes.
01:20:59In three minutes, we're going to be shish kebabs.
01:21:01We're under serious attack.
01:21:03You'll have to hold them.
01:21:05You'll have to hold them.
01:21:17Oh, shit. Oh, my God.
01:21:21You better get the planes here sooner. The scuds are ready to fire.
01:21:25Two minutes and 30 seconds.
01:21:29Hey, hey! Where's he going?
01:21:46All right, my man!
01:21:50You stay right here. I got to go.
01:22:03You guys, move over. Move over.
01:22:06Oh.
01:22:08Cock-firing mechanism.
01:22:11Report the situation.
01:22:28Hey, intercept range, if known or estimate.
01:22:31Who came up with these directions?
01:22:33I don't know.
01:22:34Tell me to shut up one more time when I'm going to rip your spine out and use it for
01:22:37a putting iron.
01:22:38Shut up. I'm not good with directions.
01:22:42Push.
01:22:43Safety.
01:22:44And hold down.
01:22:46Okay, now everybody back.
01:22:48Fire.
01:22:49My push and trick.
01:22:55Suck on this at once, time!
01:23:05Sorry.
01:23:10Last chance, my friend.
01:23:23Last chance, my friend!
01:23:38Yeah!
01:23:39Yeah!
01:23:40Yeah!
01:23:41Yeah!
01:23:43Yeah!
01:23:45Yes!
01:23:47Yeah!
01:23:47Yeah!
01:23:47Oh, man!
01:23:50Guys, on my signal, everybody scream like crazy.
01:23:53Make them think we've got 50 guys up here, okay?
01:23:57One and go!
01:24:14We scared them!
01:24:17I can't believe we scared them all in one way!
01:24:24Yeah!
01:24:25Don't mess with the Glendale Reserves!
01:24:29Behind them!
01:24:30Two weeks a year!
01:24:32We're the few!
01:24:35We're the proud!
01:24:37We're the water boys!
01:24:40All stuck!
01:24:42Get down!
01:24:43No!
01:24:44No!
01:24:56No!
01:24:58No!
01:25:00No!
01:25:02No!
01:25:11No!
01:25:13No!
01:25:37No!
01:25:39No!
01:25:40No!
01:25:41No!
01:25:43No!
01:25:53You ought to be damn pleased with yourselves!
01:25:56Congratulations!
01:25:57You did an outstanding job!
01:25:59It wasn't a job!
01:26:00It wasn't a job for a sergeant!
01:26:01It was an adventure!
01:26:11Yeah!
01:26:23Yeah!
01:26:24Yeah!
01:26:26Yeah!
01:26:28Hey!
01:26:30Hey!
01:26:31Yeah!
01:26:32Hey!
01:26:35You're gonna have to go get a blood test, Bone.
01:27:23You're gonna have to go get a blood test, Bone.
01:27:32You're gonna have to go get a blood test, Bone.
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