- 14 hours ago
Scrubs S01E01-2 (2026)
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TVTranscript
00:03Gunshot wound to the left side, so you have missed the heart, but shredded the lung.
00:06BP dropping.
00:07He's hypoxic to 70.
00:08Must've nicked a vessel.
00:09Gotta find a pleater.
00:10Prep for thoracotomy.
00:11On my count.
00:12Three, two, one.
00:14Order two units of Onegg.
00:15Scalpel.
00:16A career in medicine can take you down many different paths.
00:19Brenner!
00:21If you're lucky, you end up where you're supposed to be.
00:24Found it.
00:24Clamp.
00:27Clamping.
00:28Clamping.
00:28Clamping.
00:30BP rising.
00:31Great save, JD.
00:33Great, let's get a new water, guys.
00:37Stop it.
00:39Stop it.
00:40Clamping.
00:41Clamping.
00:41Clamping.
00:43Clamping.
00:44Clamping.
00:45Clamping.
00:46Clamping.
00:47Clamping.
00:47Dr Dorian?
00:48Yeah?
00:48Will you sign my tattoo?
00:49Sure.
00:51That was a good hair day.
00:53Clamping.
00:54Clamping.
00:54Clamping.
00:55Clamping.
00:55Clamping.
00:58Clamping.
01:03Clamping.
01:04Clamping.
01:06Clamping.
01:18Clamping.
01:21Clamping.
01:27Clamping.
01:38Clamping.
01:40Clamping.
01:40Clamping.
01:41Clamping.
01:49Clamping.
01:51Clamping.
01:53Clamping.
01:55Clamping.
01:57Clamping.
01:58Clamping.
01:59Clamping.
02:01Clamping.
02:04Clamping.
02:05Clamping.
02:10Clamping.
02:11Clamping.
02:12J.D. is here.
02:17Turk!
02:17J.D.!
02:20Coming in hot!
02:22Ready to receive!
02:26Eagle!
02:28Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!
02:29My back!
02:30It's your sciatica! Engage your cornicey bear!
02:32Oh, I'm going down! Pull up!
02:34Pull up!
02:38I think it might be time to retire, Eagle.
02:40She's right, J.D. It's time. Call it.
02:43Okay.
02:44Time of death.
02:46I know I actually can't see that without my glasses.
02:49I can't do this all on my own.
02:53Though I know I'm no Superman.
02:59I'm no Superman.
03:03So, now that you're in town, should we go out to dinner?
03:06Yes! Do you guys have a place to usually go?
03:07Buddy, we haven't been out to dinner since the Disney princesses were white.
03:11Besides, baby, I could really use some man time.
03:14Turk was surrounded by female energy.
03:16He had four daughters.
03:17Izzy, Ellie, Sofia, and Nora.
03:19I love you!
03:20Izzy, Beetle, take care of Bella Bella.
03:21Daddy, why don't I have a nickname?
03:23Oh, you do, sweetness?
03:25You're the accident!
03:27Turk!
03:28Fine. Have you guys' night out.
03:30Yes!
03:30See you later?
03:31See you later, guys.
03:32Ow.
03:34Nostalgia washed over me.
03:36The smell of the bleached floors.
03:38The blinding fluorescent lights.
03:40The closet where Elliot and I hid from our very first code.
03:43That's where our love story began.
03:45Do me right here.
03:47Okay.
03:48See?
03:49Holy crap! J.D.
03:51Good God, you're like a blonde ninja.
03:53What the frick? Why are you here?
03:54Oh, by the way, our marriage didn't make it.
03:55I have a patient. I'll be gone soon, I promise.
03:57Your promises mean just about as much as...
04:06We agreed in couples counseling that in order to have a healthy post-divorce life,
04:10we need to respect each other's space.
04:11I hate couples counseling.
04:12Could you please be mindful of your tone to avoid negative patterns from our marriage?
04:15I love couples counseling.
04:17Look, J.D., I've really been working on myself, okay?
04:19I've been lighting a candle for every resentment I had about our marriage
04:22and floating them across the pond at Winston Park.
04:24I'm in a good place.
04:25I don't want to backslide.
04:26I can't just light all those candles again.
04:27It was really cold and I got a ticket for scaring the ducks.
04:33There's my gal.
04:34Oh, goodness, Jonathan.
04:36They've got teenagers working here.
04:38Those are just interns, Mrs. Brooks.
04:41Okay, your labs look fine.
04:43I think you're just dehydrated.
04:44Who admitted you?
04:45I did.
04:46Oh, uh, can I ask why?
04:48No judgment.
04:49None taken.
04:49I admitted her because I'm a good doctor.
04:52Oh, Dr. Park, is it?
04:54When doctors fight in front of a patient, they always try to make it sound friendly.
04:58These labs are normal for a woman of her age?
05:01If it helps, I could explain to you what all these fancy numbers mean.
05:05It's so nice to meet an incredibly stupid person.
05:09Her abdominal pain suggests ischemic bowel.
05:11No.
05:11All she needs is hydration and emollient laxatives.
05:15And there he was, the chief of medicine, my mentor.
05:19At least he couldn't call me newbie anymore.
05:21What can I do for you there, oldie?
05:23Damn it.
05:24Harry, Dr. Park here needs to know that my medical expertise is on par with his.
05:28Well, now, Dr. Park graduated top of his class at Stanford, whereas your current claim to fame is handing out
05:33erections like tiny hot dogs at a bar mitzvah.
05:36We'll run a blood gas hunter and see who's right.
05:38Is that an E.I.O.?
05:39Mm.
05:40It's an E.I.O.
05:42Dr. Park is teaching me Korean.
05:43Did I hear my name in there?
05:45No.
05:45Walk with me.
05:46I, uh, heard about the divorce.
05:48Sorry about that.
05:48Also, thankful I, uh, won five dollars off of mickhead.
05:52I took the yonder.
05:54Actually, it is good to see you.
05:56I miss the days when you're an intern.
05:58Oh, you don't have to say that.
05:59I knew it.
05:59He's about to ask you to play golf at his fancy private club.
06:02Damn it.
06:03Why did you only learn the mini kind?
06:04Get a load of this motley crew.
06:11Oh, no, no.
06:11Sorry.
06:12I am not sure how to teach these kids.
06:15I can't work them crazy hours or even abuse them anymore.
06:18And that's a bad thing.
06:18Exactly.
06:19I wasn't sure if you'd get that.
06:21I am now supposed to watch every word that comes out of my mouth
06:24because apparently they are all fragile little Christmas ornaments.
06:28Case in point.
06:30Tick, tock, tock.
06:31Oh.
06:32Hey, Dr. Cox.
06:33Tomorrow I am going to perform a central line placement
06:35and it would just be fabulous if you could come in early and observe.
06:39I'm good.
06:39I just watched one on YouTube like two days ago.
06:42It slapped.
06:43Do you know Dr. Randy?
06:44He's my favorite creator.
06:45He breaks down procedures while doing bedtime ASMR.
06:47It'll give you really graphic dreams.
06:48I'll send it to you.
06:49You're gonna die.
06:50I will die if you send it to me because then I'll just have to murder you.
06:54And with all these witnesses, I think it's pretty safe to assume they'll give me the share.
06:59Dr. Cox, I'm gonna need you to go ahead and bring it down.
07:05Work-life balance is a core principle of our wellness program.
07:08Now, if you can't embrace that, then you'll have to join me at my sensitivity training workshop.
07:13Don't I get three strikes?
07:14You have 900 strikes.
07:18Woman's like the damn Feelings Police.
07:21Feelings Police?
07:23Ugh.
07:24Go change your shirt.
07:25You look chubby in that.
07:27Feelings Police!
07:29Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
07:31You know he's insecure about his body.
07:34He's just not ready to show you his vulnerability yet.
07:36Wow.
07:37You're really in touch with male feelings.
07:40Then you think I became a feelings cop.
07:41Ugh.
07:42What the hell?!
07:46I could help so many people.
07:51Hey.
07:52Good morning, sir.
07:55Dr. Chapstick is flirting with you?
07:57I don't know.
07:57I'm never sure.
07:58Last Thursday, he did tell me that he thought I had a cute burp.
08:01Shark thoughts?
08:02Yeah, he totally wants to get on that flat ass.
08:04I'm sorry.
08:05I had planned to accidentally burp near him again today, but then JD threw me off my gate.
08:09Stop worrying about JD.
08:11Here.
08:12Chug half of that and go launch a cute burp into that man's face.
08:15Hey.
08:20Hey, guys.
08:21Crack!
08:21I cannot believe I wasted that on you.
08:23I actually missed those.
08:25Hey, by the way, if you can get out of here early, we can hit a happy hour that has
08:28those awesome free wings.
08:29Tashana, can you go see if there's an open OR?
08:31You know our diabetic guy, Mr. Kiefer?
08:33Let's move his toe amputation up to him.
08:35On it, Dr. Turk.
08:36I'll tell the patient there's a free wing issue.
08:38Well, don't do that.
08:39Don't mention the wings, please.
08:40Don't do that.
08:40No, no.
08:41Just one more test, and if the results are what I think they are, I should be able to get
08:45you out of here today, all right?
08:46Oh, thank goodness.
08:47Yes.
08:47Hold it.
08:48Can you babysit these for a minute, please?
08:50I need to go count to ten.
08:52This one asked if he could shut his eyes while I place a central line.
08:56Admittedly, I do still get a little woozy around some procedures.
08:58All procedures.
08:59All procedures.
09:00Oh.
09:01Okay, well, let's start by introducing yourself.
09:03This is Mrs. Brooks.
09:04I'm Dr. Green.
09:05I believe kindness is the best medicine.
09:07Actually, medicine is the best medicine.
09:09You're gonna get an arterial blood gas on Mrs. Brooks.
09:11He's gonna do it?
09:12I'm gonna puke if I do it.
09:13I don't want him puking on me.
09:14If he pukes, I'll puke.
09:15No one is puking, okay?
09:16You got this.
09:23Mm-mm.
09:24Mm-mm.
09:25Oh, my God.
09:26This is humiliating.
09:27Captain Bedside faced that way.
09:29Yeah, I think that's probably for the best.
09:31And don't be overconfident.
09:32Finding the radial artery can be tricky.
09:34I'm in.
09:35Nice job, Blake.
09:36You made that look handsome.
09:37Easy.
09:37Easy does it.
09:39I gotta admit, I miss teaching.
09:42That's what this place is all about.
09:43Dr. Turtle.
09:44Hmm.
09:45Maybe I could close?
09:46No, just watch.
09:48Okay.
09:49Damn, I wish this guy would just die all at once instead of in tiny little pieces.
09:55I don't know how much more I can take of this, but I'm not gonna let him crush my spirit.
09:59We can't let Dr. Bummer break us.
10:02See, this is what I really miss.
10:03The hot goss.
10:05Who's Dr. Bummer?
10:06I don't know.
10:06Some other guy.
10:07Definitely not your best friend.
10:08Turk's not a bummer.
10:09He is the worst.
10:10There's no way.
10:11And if he's ever in a bad mood, all you gotta do is go,
10:13What's up?
10:14And he'll die laughing.
10:15I swear.
10:15Try it.
10:16What's that?
10:17Go practice.
10:18Carla, do you know Turk's interns call him Dr. Bummer?
10:22Well, I mean, I'm sure you know how Dr. Turk's been at work lately.
10:25Just nod like you do.
10:26And he refuses to talk about it.
10:28You all talking about Dr. Turk?
10:30If so, where's that?
10:32Even Hooch knows?
10:36Is Hooch still crazy?
10:37He's gotten worse.
10:40Just what I wanted to see.
10:43Hey, Sea Bear.
10:44I was right about my patient.
10:46Wanna come watch me rub it in Dr. Cox's face like the good old days?
10:49You know I do.
10:50Hey, but you know what?
10:51You should chew a big wad of gum.
10:52You always look tough when you chew gum.
10:54I do look tough when I chew gum.
10:56I hope they have berry blast.
10:59Excuse me, doctor?
11:01My wife's outside in the car throwing up.
11:04It might just be the stomach flu, but-
11:05So you're gonna have to go to the ER?
11:07If we go to the ER, we're gonna be crushed with bills.
11:11I think we'll just wait in the car in case it gets worse,
11:14but could you just take a quick look at her?
11:16Look, man.
11:18You can't order health care from your car.
11:20Okay?
11:21It's a hospital.
11:22Not a Wendy's.
11:22Sorry.
11:24You didn't have to be so hush.
11:25If you wanna go help them, help them.
11:27You're gonna get fired, but I think we'll all live.
11:29Let's go, Kim.
11:31It's Sam.
11:33A word, Perry?
11:34Yeah, a word, Perry.
11:35So it turns out that Mrs. Brooks' blood gas-
11:37I can't understand a word you're saying.
11:39I know, because the club has too much bubble.
11:40I can't control it.
11:41The berry's blasting all over my mouth.
11:42Give it to me.
11:43Go ahead.
11:44Mrs. Brooks' blood gas came back.
11:46She's not acidotic.
11:47Dr. Park, you were wrong.
11:48Your boy botched it.
11:49Well, my boy here needs the burn unit because he's on fire.
11:52You both owe me an apology.
11:53I'd rather self-circumcise.
11:56Ah.
11:57Comey.
11:58You two idiots are perfect for each other.
11:59He's not wrong, by the way.
12:01I managed to last him.
12:03Yeah, would've.
12:03Let's get wings.
12:04You look so tough right now.
12:07That went so well with Dr. Cox, I decided to press my luck.
12:10What's been going on with you, man?
12:12I'm hearing you're in a rough place.
12:13Nah, that's nothing.
12:14Your interns call you Dr. Bummer.
12:16You know, I really don't want to talk about it right now.
12:17I just want to go out and blow off some steam.
12:21Actually, Kirk, just hold on one second.
12:22Oh, boy.
12:23Come on, man.
12:24What is up?
12:25I'm burnt out.
12:27Okay?
12:28My patient today is a perfect example.
12:30Once he heals, he's gonna ignore my advice and go right back to drinking and eating garbage.
12:34And I'll keep removing body parts until he eventually dies on my table.
12:38And his family will ask me, why couldn't you do more?
12:41You know, back in the day when you were here, we could at least get up on the roof and
12:43we could laugh the day off with a couple of beers.
12:46But we can't do that anymore, can we?
12:53There's no joy.
12:55None.
12:56Why haven't you told me this?
12:58I could have been there for you.
12:59I don't think you could relate to what I'm going through anyway.
13:01I mean, you write scripts in the suburbs.
13:07I don't feel like going out anymore.
13:08I'm gonna go home.
13:10Turk!
13:12What's up?
13:14Not tonight, JD.
13:16Ooh, you okay?
13:18No.
13:19Good.
13:20Did you at least discharge my patient?
13:21Dr. Cox wants me to keep her for another night.
13:24Toodles.
13:26Are you kidding me?
13:30I was doing my best angry walk because after Turk told me he was going home last night, I heard
13:35he went out with someone else.
13:37What the hell, man?
13:38You went out with the Todd?
13:39I knew with you would be therapy.
13:40I didn't want to go deep.
13:41The Todd really likes to go deep.
13:43With consent, five.
13:47Hey, Carla.
13:48If you were planning on having sex with Turk tonight, don't.
13:51He doesn't deserve it.
13:51She's not!
13:52They're sex nights Thursday!
13:54Stop telling everyone what to do!
13:55Elliot!
13:56What?
13:56I didn't even mention that you do it in the minivan because of the kids.
13:59Ugh.
13:59I'm sorry.
14:00I've just been a little bit tense because someone decided to keep JD's patient here a little bit longer.
14:04Why is JD being here so very hard on you? Aren't you the one who ended the marriage?
14:09Where did you hear that?
14:10Who can say?
14:11Carla!
14:12Barbie.
14:13Carla and I have been sharing secrets since before you and your sorority sisters were in Panama City flashing the
14:18cameras for girls gone wild.
14:20I was told I would be pixelated!
14:21Elliot is in a lot of pain, okay?
14:23Okay?
14:23Ah, yes.
14:24In the history of relationships, it has always been hardest on the one who ends it.
14:31Well, I'm not being a jerk, am I?
14:32Oh, sweetie.
14:35It's gonna be fine.
14:40The second I saw Dr. Cox, I turned my angry walk right back on.
14:45Why is Mrs. Brooks still here?
14:46Why do you have the physique of a menopausal lesbian?
14:49Whoa! Too mean!
14:50Not now, oldie.
14:52This is frustrating.
14:54You gave me the impression that you were able to place a central line since you learned from your...
15:00Dr. Randy, was it?
15:02Yeah, but he was really chillin' your giving mean football coach vibes.
15:05Miss Tosh, you'll notice I'm not saying Dr. Tosh.
15:09Dr. Cox?
15:12Oh.
15:15You know, it used to be see one, do one, teach one.
15:20Alas, now it is C1, C1, C1, C1, C1, C1 more.
15:24Call your therapist.
15:25Talk about how it felt to C1.
15:28Decide that scene one is just too triggering.
15:30It would take a Xanax to calm down, an Adderall to lock in, and finally, focus enough to be able
15:36to write about the whole ordeal in your dream journal.
15:39Of course, if your dream is to be a mediocre doctor, mission accomplished, and by all means, hang on to
15:45the scrubs.
15:45Maybe use them for Halloween, because you're damn sure not going to be using them around here much longer.
15:50Okay, I'll see you Saturday.
15:52Worth it.
15:54Feelings police!
15:56What?
15:56Oh, it's this little song I hear in my head whenever I see you.
15:59Oh, I love it.
16:00Feelings police.
16:01You got it.
16:04Hey, you can do this.
16:06Guard that finer needle into the jugular.
16:08She's gonna nick that artery.
16:09No, she's not. She's not nicking anything. You got this, Sam.
16:15Is it on my face?
16:16No.
16:19No, no, no.
16:21Why don't you go take a couple, okay?
16:23Five, ten, fifteen, whatever you need.
16:26Keep going.
16:27And she did it.
16:31And only one person wasn't psyched for her.
16:34Hey, Blake.
16:36Just a little advice.
16:37You can't keep alienating everyone, okay?
16:39This job is really rough.
16:41You're gonna need people.
16:42Well, I'm not a kid like them, so don't worry about me.
16:45I'll be fine.
16:45Not if nobody has your back.
16:47Trust me.
16:49Gotta go.
16:54That's why I kept your patient here.
16:57I'm sorry, what?
16:58To keep you here.
17:01You needed a reminder of how very good you are at what you do.
17:05Getting her through that procedure.
17:07That inspiring nonsense you just said to that gorgeous young man.
17:11I can't do that.
17:14I want you to come back.
17:16Are you messing with me?
17:18No.
17:19Come back.
17:21Make a difference.
17:23At least give it some thought.
17:28Dr. Dorian.
17:30Can I talk to you?
17:34I'm about to go into surgery.
17:35What the hell are you guys doing?
17:36All right, Tashara.
17:36Tell him what you told me.
17:37Well, Dr. Turk, the reason I chose this hospital was because of you.
17:42Hey, all I kept hearing was how great Dr. Turk is.
17:45You're like the only other black surgeon in this place.
17:48Hey, the rest of them just got, like, some Coldplay on loop in the OR and say stuff like,
17:53wow, you're so articulate.
17:56I guess I just thought you'd be my guy.
17:58Great job.
17:59Now we leave so he can feel horrible about himself.
18:02No, Tashana, you stay.
18:03You're gonna close. Are you good with that?
18:06Yeah, sure. Yeah, no problem.
18:14Oh, and Tashana?
18:16This brother likes Coldplay, too.
18:29I had no idea what to do about Dr. Cox's job offer, so I decided to sleep on it.
18:34Sometimes when you feel a little lost, the world gives you a sign.
18:38It's just not always a good one.
18:41What's your status?
18:42She was found unresponsive in her car. Heart attack.
18:45We're trying, but she's gone.
18:50Why couldn't you have helped us?
18:55I had seen these moments too many times.
18:58You just thought it was a stomach ache.
19:01You can't get through them on your own.
19:08This wasn't your fault.
19:10Could have happened to any one of us.
19:12It would have taken me one minute to just walk out there and check on her.
19:14Now she's dead because I didn't walk outside.
19:17I should have done something.
19:26And like that, I knew what my decision was.
19:29Hey!
19:30What are you still doing here?
19:32I thought you'd be long gone by now.
19:33I'll take the job.
19:35Oh, I'm quite glad.
19:36Perry, working alongside you will be one of the great honors of my life.
19:41I should have been clear.
19:42You're not going to be working with me.
19:44You're going to be me.
19:47You're the new chief of medicine.
19:50What?
19:51No.
19:52I can't be you.
19:53You're right.
19:55Just be you.
19:57This particular world has passed me by.
20:01You're the only one I trust to do better and try harder.
20:05Perry, I really don't think I-
20:07J.D., those interns need somebody to do for them what I did for you.
20:12Okay?
20:15Dr. Park really wanted this job.
20:18And his hatred for you is going to burn quite hot.
20:22And that thought will keep me warm at night.
20:30I have never been a boss.
20:33I've never even run a lemonade stand.
20:35But one thing's for sure.
20:38I can't do this all on my own.
20:47You know, I read in the New York Times that there's such a male loneliness epidemic
20:51that some guys are actually calling their friends at night to say goodnight.
20:55That's crazy.
20:57I know.
20:59Do you think it would be cool-
21:00Not a shot in the dark.
21:02I don't want to do it either.
21:05Maybe once a week.
21:08Wednesday it is!
21:17You ready for your first date, Chief?
21:18I sure am, Chief.
21:19And tonight's my welcome dinner.
21:20You're coming, right?
21:21Absolutely.
21:22If someone at your table doesn't show up, you're allowed to eat their cake.
21:24Wait a minute.
21:25I know that smirk.
21:26You got me a present, didn't you?
21:27I did!
21:28Oh my god!
21:29No, no.
21:30This isn't your present.
21:31Their buzz jumped immediately and I got you these.
21:33Two Chiefs!
21:35Oh my god!
21:36I know!
21:37My littlest made them for us.
21:38Mine's chocolate, yours is vanilla.
21:39I'll take brown.
21:40We're gonna need a secret handshake.
21:42Well, I worked on that at 4 o'clock in the morning.
21:43You ready?
21:44This is how it goes.
21:45We go two Chiefs, high five, bring it down.
21:47And then jazz hands if we have time.
21:48Sure.
21:49Hey kid, do me a favor.
21:50Give us a beat.
21:52Throw some stank on it.
21:53This is our first Chief strut.
21:54Make it nasty.
22:03Where am I, Hornbeck?
22:05Okay, our next patient, Blake.
22:08This is Ms. Flynn, 42, admitted with edema, fatigue.
22:11My very first rounds with my interns.
22:13I needed to establish my teaching style.
22:15Be firm.
22:16That's not gonna cut it, buddy boy.
22:18But I correctly diagnosed her and she's being discharged.
22:21Oh, sorry.
22:22To be honest, I was thinking about my teaching style.
22:24Great job, buddy boy.
22:26Next patient.
22:26You've never been good at being mean.
22:29Try super friendly with fun nicknames.
22:31Okay, this is Stanley Campos, submitted for cardiac embloidosis.
22:35He's hypnotremic.
22:35Who can tell me why?
22:37It's hypervolemic hyponatremia secondary to congestive heart failure.
22:40Nice job, Dr. Tosh.
22:42You are on fire today.
22:43I'm gonna call you...
22:44Hot mouth?
22:45You called an intern hot mouth?
22:47Dr. Tosh was answering every question right.
22:49She was on fire.
22:50Dr. Dorian, in the future, I'm going to need you to...
22:54Wait, I know.
22:55Bring it down.
22:57Okay, leave the gestures to me.
22:59In the future, I'm going to need you to stop and think.
23:04Now, if you'll excuse me, my next meeting is going to be a long one.
23:09Speaking of things that are wrong, no, I'm not going to finish that.
23:12The big dog has learned.
23:14That's not appropriate.
23:15Todd, you're showing huge growth.
23:18Well, then you should see my dog.
23:19I can't do this all on my own.
23:23No, I know.
23:24I'm no Superman.
23:29I'm no Superman.
23:31Being chief of medicine was an opportunity to change the culture,
23:34to treat interns with dignity,
23:36and to put patient care above profits.
23:38I had been chosen by the best to ever do it.
23:41And even though they painted him like a serial killer,
23:43I'm not going to let him down.
23:44I know you're thinking you won't let him down,
23:46but I can assure you, you most definitely will.
23:48You haven't worked at a hospital in over 15 years,
23:51and you think you could prance in here like a gay little reindeer
23:53ready to lead Santa's sleigh?
23:54Even though Rudolph was there before you,
23:56Rudolph worked harder, and Rudolph deserves it more.
23:59I'm guessing you're Rudolph.
24:00Just like in the movies, every hospital has a hero and a villain.
24:05Appletini. Shaken. Not stirred.
24:08The name's Dorian. John Dorian.
24:11Seriously? You made me the Asian villain with no lines?
24:14And yet here you are, talking.
24:26That was definitely not shaking.
24:28Listen, when I see something I want, I get it.
24:31You see those two gorgeous surgeons back there?
24:34Before they met me, they were married.
24:35And then I banged them both.
24:37Wow, that is a lot of input for me first thing in the morning.
24:40That's exactly what they said.
24:41What is your point?
24:42I'm very good at sex.
24:43Now, what is your macro point?
24:45I don't quit until I get what I want.
24:50You banged them both.
24:54How are you?
24:55I was going to check in because I know you've had a rough week.
24:57But then I realized, it's funny really, is that we don't have each other's numbers.
25:01Yeah.
25:02Yeah, I know.
25:03Okay, Asher.
25:04Your patient. Take it away.
25:05Stanley, or as I call him, Stan the Man.
25:07Oh, we're not doing nicknames anymore.
25:09Touch the bullet there, bud.
25:11Anyway, Stanley here has a heart full of joy.
25:13Well, his chart says he has a heart full of protein deposits.
25:16So, maybe start with that.
25:17Stanley, are you taking your medication?
25:19I am.
25:20Ashy here has been really worried about me.
25:22But I'm doing, you know, I'm doing all...
25:25Oh!
25:25Oh, my God.
25:26Is he coding?
25:27He's coding.
25:28Oh, my God.
25:29Oh, my God.
25:29I got you.
25:31He almost started chest compressions and broke most of your ribs.
25:34But good one.
25:34Let's get a TDM and check the level of meds in his system.
25:39After you.
25:41Bowl head.
25:43He's crashing.
25:44Nurse, compressions, Tosh, intubate.
25:48Visualize the larynx.
25:49Get the tube in place.
25:51I'm in.
25:52But his jaw fell off.
25:53Am I gonna get sued for this?
25:56Should I fix it?
25:57No.
25:57You don't have to fix this.
25:58Okay.
26:00You have to fix this.
26:02I'm the head of the hospital simulation program.
26:05His mannequins are so old, they don't even think I should have the right to vote.
26:07Is that Norm?
26:08Oh, he and I go way back.
26:10I put my mouth on him before I ever put my mouth on you.
26:12Pay attention.
26:13Every other hospital has a high-tech simulation program with mannequins that provide real-time vitals.
26:18It's a big expense, JD, but this is your chance to actually make a difference around here.
26:23You know what, Elliot?
26:24Thank you for bringing this to my attention.
26:26I'm gonna approve it.
26:27Yes!
26:28I owed it to Norm.
26:29He made me a better kisser.
26:31We won't ever tell her what really happened.
26:32Norm will be.
26:35I felt good about my decision.
26:36Cutting edge technology was the best way to give interns hands-on experience.
26:40None of you allowed to touch my surgical robot.
26:42That is my robot.
26:44Whose robot is it?
26:44Your robot.
26:45Exactly.
26:46When it arrives, if you plan on using it, you will have to finish every single training module.
26:51Oh, Dr. Turd.
26:52Yes.
26:52I'm in the middle of an 18-hour shift.
26:54When am I supposed to learn all this without losing my mind?
26:57That is a great question, Dashana.
26:59What is that not, everyone?
27:00Your problem.
27:02Exactly.
27:02Exactly.
27:04Matter of fact, don't even look at this no more.
27:07Hi.
27:08Hospital-mandated nap time about to go down.
27:10Thankfully, I have my Winston smart sleep mask.
27:13Thank you, Winston.
27:14Hey.
27:15Could you create content elsewhere?
27:17I'm just trying to sleep.
27:18Oops.
27:19Sorry.
27:20I just have to say I've followed you since bed school.
27:22Huge fan.
27:24Sorry.
27:26I really like your sleep mask.
27:27My aunt knitted mine.
27:29She has arthritis and can't tighten the knots.
27:31It lets in a lot of light, but I just count the holes until I fall asleep.
27:33It's like counting stars.
27:35They send me these for free.
27:37They're Velcro, so they wrap around your head.
27:38Maybe you could wrap it around your mouth so I can take part in the mandated 30-minute REM sleep.
27:53Stanley, do your blood works show that you aren't taking your medication?
27:57I'm taking it.
27:58The lab results don't lie, Stanley.
28:01Even with my insurance, it's like a thousand bucks for 90 pills.
28:04So I take two a week instead of one a day.
28:07Makes them last longer.
28:12It's all I can afford.
28:15A thousand dollars for 90 pills.
28:18The NHS isn't perfect, but you do realize all our prescriptions only cost $10.
28:22I mean, how the hell is anyone supposed to afford to live in this country if they get sick?
28:25Well, if you're ugly, there's GoFundMe.
28:27If you look like me, it's OnlyFans.
28:29Good heavens.
28:30Look, you don't have time to get involved.
28:31You have too many patients to see.
28:33Hey, dummies!
28:33Let's go!
28:34Tick tock!
28:34To maximize profits, doctors are required to see five patients every hour.
28:39That's only 12 minutes per patient.
28:41It can feel a bit... mechanical.
28:43Move, move, move!
28:44Let's drop it, move!
28:45Let's go!
28:46Tick tock, tick tock, let's go!
28:49Tick tock, tick tock!
28:49Tick tock, let's go!
28:50Tick tock, let's go!
28:51Tick tock, let's go!
28:51Tick tock, let's go!
28:51Go, go, go!
28:52And clear!
28:54Let's go, let's go!
28:55One, two, three!
28:56Take it hard!
28:59You know what?
29:00I'm changing the culture around here.
29:02Don't worry about Dr. Park.
29:03You call the insurance company, you do whatever you need to do for Stanley.
29:07Well, what about my patients?
29:08I'll cover them.
29:09Trust me, they won't notice you gone.
29:11That's not nice.
29:12Thank you, Dr. Dorian.
29:14I'll call this insurance company now.
29:16And there it was.
29:17The look that I had given Dr. Cox so many times.
29:20The one that said...
29:21Dr. Dorian, you're the mentor I've always dreamed of.
29:23Ooh!
29:23It sounded even better in British.
29:27Next stop on Chief Day One, it was time to double down and bond with the most important people in
29:32the hospital.
29:33Hello, charge nurses.
29:35You two are a fun pair.
29:36I'm gonna call you...
29:37Uh, uh, uh!
29:40By your given names.
29:42Mm.
29:43Mine's John Dorian.
29:44Oh, you better not be.
29:45Oh, but I am.
29:46Nope.
29:47Retracted.
29:48I'm the new chief of medicine.
29:49You're Dr. Reed's ex-husband.
29:51We've heard all about you.
29:52Taking a mistress.
29:53Cheating on that queen.
29:54Beautiful queen.
29:54Cheating on that beautiful queen.
29:55I never cheated on that queen.
29:57Beautiful queen.
29:57I never cheated on that beautiful queen.
29:59Mm.
30:00Mm-mm.
30:02Mm-mm.
30:03Mm-mm.
30:04A mistress, Elliot?
30:05You were telling people I cheated?
30:06That's a lie.
30:07I never said that.
30:08I mean, sure, I vented about our marriage, but it was basic stuff.
30:10Like, how we drifted apart or how you reloaded the dishwasher every time I loaded it.
30:15Cups don't go on the bottom, Elliot.
30:16That's what the top shelf is for.
30:17Oh, relax, Che.
30:18Do you know how hospital gossip is?
30:20It just takes on a life of its own.
30:21I get it.
30:22It's just that I'm the chief now, and I can't have people hating me.
30:24I know.
30:25Thanks so much again for the Sim Lab upgrade.
30:28Okay, so some people had the wrong idea about me.
30:30I didn't need everyone to be a fan.
30:34I'm gonna need you to stop fangirling over that med intern.
30:36Got it. Will do.
30:38But I just find her so inspiring.
30:39Oh, my God, dude.
30:40I find her ridiculous.
30:41You kidding me?
30:42Oh, hi.
30:43I'm Dr. Tosh.
30:44Um, I'm eating lunch.
30:45Oh, I can't eat lunch without telling you I'm eating lunch.
30:48Comment what I should eat for lunch tomorrow.
30:50Like...
30:52Hey!
30:52Hey!
30:53I don't think I was supposed to hear that, but I'm glad I did.
30:59I'm sorry.
31:00I get secondhand embarrassment, and I need a minute.
31:03Hey.
31:04Hey.
31:04Have you heard these rumors about me having a mistress?
31:06Yep.
31:07But you can't stop hospital gossip, so I hooked you up.
31:09I made her a really sexy Brazilian woman named Valentina.
31:12You wanna hear about some of the stuff y'all got into?
31:14No.
31:15But I bet Valentina has caramel skin.
31:17Oh, you know she does.
31:18Mmm.
31:20Valentina.
31:21I just hope all the gossip doesn't undermine my chief thing.
31:23Hey!
31:24Look at me.
31:26Your chief thing is amazing, and I mean that.
31:29Look at that guy right there.
31:30Yes.
31:30Hi.
31:31I'm trying to get a voucher for my patient's medicine.
31:33He's over there fighting the good fight because you taught him that.
31:37I'm proud of you, Chief.
31:39Two cheese!
31:41I'll see you later.
31:45Can I help you?
31:46Oh, I'm just here for the show.
31:48What show?
31:49What the hell?
31:50I'm not getting my robot because of you?
31:52You know what?
31:52You can get me a damn chief bracelet.
31:55How dare you?
31:56The board froze my funding because apparently you approved some sim lab for Elliot?
32:00Who told you that?
32:00He did!
32:01Oh, I did.
32:02What the hell, JD?
32:03Drag him.
32:03I just got a text that I might not be getting my sim lab because of Turk's stupid robot.
32:06Oh, I sent that one too.
32:07The board said there's only room in the budget for one of them?
32:09So what's it gonna be, Chief?
32:11Okay, I bet he just calmed down.
32:12I need a minute.
32:12And more drama in three, two, one.
32:16Dr. Dorian, I need a minute.
32:17Bring us home, Simi.
32:18Not a big deal, but did you tell this little English Chalamet to do what it takes to help
32:22his patient with insurance?
32:23Yes, I did.
32:24Okay, well I lied about the not a big deal part.
32:26Can you tell him what you said?
32:27Well, I lost my temper with the person on the phone.
32:28I'm sorry.
32:29You did a bit more venusia temple with the person on the phone, chitty chitty bang bang.
32:33What happened to no nicknames?
32:35He screamed a curse word that they use over in London that no one in this nation would
32:38ever have the audacity to yell in a hospital.
32:41Except maybe in gynecology.
32:43Okay, listen.
32:44I'm gonna fix this.
32:45Everyone get out of here.
32:46Just give me a minute.
32:47You take this.
32:48Go.
32:50You're out your mind if you think I'm gonna wear this.
32:52Bravo, Chief.
32:53I mean, you promised Elliot a sim lab without checking the budget, or you would have known
32:57that that robot would bring in much needed revenue for this hospital.
33:01You're a people pleaser.
33:02You want to help everybody, Dr. Dorian?
33:05You can take a look at this and make sure the hospital stays open.
33:12I looked at the numbers.
33:14The robot will bring in money.
33:15The sim lab will cost us money.
33:17I'm sorry Elliot.
33:24Even though I wanted to be Asher's hero.
33:27Focus on your patient load and discharge Stanley.
33:30Are you being serious?
33:31Dead serious.
33:32Sometimes you have to be the villain.
33:38You want to hit the buffet?
33:39Fine.
33:40Let's do it.
33:42I know I hit a wall with Stanley's insurance and the drug company, but there's got to be another way.
33:46Not for us.
33:47It's up to Mr. Campos to figure that out now.
33:49I took a Hippocratic oath to first do no harm.
33:51Letting this man slowly kill himself because he can't afford medicine is definitely causing him harm.
33:55Asher, I have a hospital to run and you have many patients to see.
33:58That is your job.
34:00Around here, victories are short-lived.
34:03What did we get?
34:04The robot!
34:05And what do we do?
34:06The robot!
34:08Let's go.
34:09Ay!
34:09Ay!
34:10Ay!
34:11Ay!
34:15Sorry about your sim lab, Elliot.
34:17Not your fault.
34:18Of course JD sided with you.
34:19It's always been that way.
34:20I don't know why I even tried.
34:23Elliot.
34:24Elliot!
34:26what the hell was that i'm gonna need you to hold please i don't know turk i guess i just
34:29wish genie would prioritize me the way he does you oh okay you sound crazy right now
34:34what did he just call her crazy oh no he didn't oh yes he did francois yes he did
34:42damn y'all supposed to be on my side why because you black no because we black you do not
34:45get
34:45preferential treatment over that fine queen she's been through too much too much but take some of
34:50this lotion baby for what for them ashy ass elbows you got walking over here come on you gotta detect
34:55that beautiful melanin yeah get on it 30 seconds yes thank you he's fine as hell but i will never
35:02let him know he's gonna do you wrong so that thing happened uh and look i didn't mean for you
35:09to hear
35:10it and hopefully it won't happen again um i think that would be a really good apology except for the
35:18part we didn't say sorry at all well i'm not good at apologizing okay but i shouldn't have said what
35:24i said and i feel bad about it oh my god can you stop popping out of places like that
35:31girl from the
35:31ring i accept your apology dashana look is what i do silly sometimes have guys offered to buy my socks
35:38after a 36-hour shift all the time you thankfully i haven't had to go there but the money i've
35:43made
35:43from brand partnerships has helped me pay off every single medical school loan you've got no
35:48loans damn told you sorry that is inspirational told you
36:02yeah uh jd does prioritize me and i'm sorry if our friendship got in between you guys
36:08it's not even about the funding turk i mean how many times have you and i actually spoken
36:11since jd and i separated elliot we speak a lot dming me star wars memes does not count
36:18i get that people choose sides but i just never thought that you would disappear
36:25i don't think i'm i'm not choosing sides
36:27i just don't know how to be anymore i guess i just default to ignoring it all
36:35i met you and jd at the exact same time 25 years ago you remember yeah playing pegman
36:44look i get that he's your best friend but you're my friend too and
36:51i miss you
36:54i'm sorry you're so right i can be better and i won't be better i promise
36:58cut her oh heading to your big dinner yeah it should be fun yes professional fun just don't
37:08do anything crazy like oh sounds like you've had some fun nights let's just say i wasn't
37:15always a saint i used to do a lot of
37:21i'm not resisting i'm not resisting anyway have a great night okay oh you're from england
37:30i'm going in the spring any tips cut down on your sodium your blood pressure is reaching
37:35stroke levels you okay i'm just not sure this is what i signed up for i think maybe you just
37:42need some sleep in a hospital we experience loss every day but one of the worst kinds is the loss
37:48of hope i was in a free fall and needed some answers i knew just who to turn to hey
37:54coming
37:54through excuse me i'm kind of in the middle of something so are we we're making space with a new
37:59guy new guy and then it hit me if i was looking for answers they'd have to come from me
38:08it was all on my shoulders now hello dr tarsus this is dr tarsus hey i need a favor
38:18you see your phone just uh don't make it weird i'll change my number
38:25thank you hey what's this three months of samples for stanley i called a bunch of concierge doctors and
38:34had to promise clinic hours and some guest lectures thank you look i'll do my best to
38:40get an actual doctor on the phone at stanley's insurance but i need you to know we can't do
38:44this for everyone you're going to meet a whole lot of stanley's in your career with with bills
38:49they can't pay and treatments they can't afford and if you let every single one of them break your
38:53heart you're going to have a very short career look at me we do the most good we can in
39:00a single
39:00shift and then as hard as it is we go home that is the job now i'll go get on
39:08the phone you'll get
39:08some rest
39:12every doctor wants their hero moment
39:16you're welcome
39:18but it's not always like it is in a james bond movie
39:20our hero moments can be mind-numbingly tedious representative and any action involves a lot of
39:27holding your wait time is two hours 58 minutes and holding and holding
39:37and sometimes you hold so long the villain even eats your cake
39:42not howling when but when this work makes you fall apart
39:47takes a steady hand okay remember that
39:51steady hand watch this
39:53someone is there to patch you up
40:07at the end of the day
40:08we do whatever it takes to help people
40:14representative
40:16buddy your welcome dinner was off the chain i said some really nice things about you and
40:22i bought you cake thank you i'm gonna be here late you want to hang with me i don't but
40:28i will
40:29bracelet coat two cheese oh it's caramel like valentina oh yeah speaking of which uh
40:36what did me and my fake mistress get into
40:40starts off on the tropical island of cuba go on the air is hot but not as hot as valentina
40:46looks
40:46in her bikini i'll bet it's the thong kind oh it is her twin saunter zone
40:51thank you for holding oh now you pick up
40:53go
40:53go
40:53go
40:53go
40:53go
40:53go
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