- 2 minutes ago
"Bank manager Belinda Braithwaite (Hannah Gordon) wants to retire, but her house husband David (Peter Egan), likes things the way they are, and doesn't want to go back to work. " IMDB Also starring John Bird, Lill Roughley, Ruth Mitchell, Richard Aylen.
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00:00The End
00:38Good morning!
00:41Morning!
00:56Well, we're pathetic!
01:02oh you look very nice very authentic you haven't got to wear it I told you there
01:06were no women bank managers a hundred years ago oh no wonder if they had to
01:09wear stuff like this if I fell over I'd never get up what's that two bills and
01:15a recorded delivery oh you'll have to go to the post office or the sorting
01:18office and collect it it's probably a parking ticket oh go away Louise it's
01:26me I know it's you why are you still in your pyjamas this is a tracksuit oh wait
01:33watchers watch it I bought you this oh how nice thank
01:38you very much hello Louise oh he's just giving me a squeeze very nice too you look
01:47nice where's my cloak Belinda looks nice yes has the letter come from the business
01:54scheme people no not yet the child said they posted it two days ago really
01:59recorded delivery recorded delivery just a minute where are you going I haven't seen
02:10him move that fast since his trousers caught fire on our honeymoon what he
02:15knocked the candle over during a very romantic dinner how wonderful what did
02:20you say to him to cause that I didn't say anything the way to give them the bill
02:36I don't believe it what it's a parking ticket
02:41anyone at home hello my dear hello Charles here you are brought it myself they were going to
02:49send you about a recorded delivery but um you'd only thought it was a parking ticket
02:53hello Charles ah Lucinda oh your centenary frock very nice oh very nice too and so are you very nice
03:04too
03:07why don't you get to open it oh all of a sudden I've become very nervous Charles that's all right
03:12perfectly understandable here you are what I always do give it to the missus and if it's bad news she
03:19can deal with it well my dear ready where are we going husband's still in Guatemala he's in Newcastle
03:28on time this week well that's far enough your place for coffee then I'm married
03:33Charles so am I but it doesn't stop me drinking coffee bye-bye bye-bye bye-bye
03:42so what does it say come to a meeting for final formalities oh I don't like the sound of that
03:48you
03:49don't like the sound of anything these days yes I do what name one thing that you like the sound
03:55of
03:57apart from that hello oh hello Barrington I don't like the sound of that it's cutting it a bit
04:09fine actually I mean the bank opens in an hour and a half you're the boss
04:18I don't think we've got time for any of that do you know what that silly back has gone and
04:22done
04:23what he's postponed the centenary day until tomorrow well what about everyone wearing
04:28Victorian costumes exactly hello hello Jess don't wear your costume today it's all off until tomorrow
04:34ring round would you no I'll tell Ned yeah bye well it's either the centenary or it isn't it's also
04:42the bicentenary of the French Revolution so well there's a French yogurt manufacturer wondering
04:48whether to build a factory in the town and they're dropping by the bank this morning well I don't
04:53see why the French Revolution should take precedence over the centenary of councils well Barrington Ricketts
04:57does so he's cancelled the costumes hello oh can I yeah can I speak to Ned please oh he hasn't
05:03has he
05:04in costume uh no no no no no it doesn't matter bye he'll think it's my fault you've done it
05:16on purpose
05:17do you think I don't know that every chance you get to belittle me you seize it with glee I
05:22mean look at
05:23me we're not having centenary day today now does nobody told you that will do miss I am truly sorry
05:32Ned
05:32why don't you slip home and change we'll cover for you till you get back I can't go home and
05:37change
05:37now I still will think it's me that got the day wrong you're still going on this training weekend
05:44what David's built an obstacle course in Louise's back garden to practice on something you're getting
05:49to know you weekend oh his manhood's risen to the surface every single thing was a competition
05:54oh it's bound to happen you took the lid off Pandora's box well I suppose I thought all those years
06:00of making quiches and ironing sheets would have made more impact once a man always a man I am not
06:05complaining there's some foreigners outside trying to get in what kind of foreigners I don't know they
06:11don't speak English well people speak a different language in business these days Charles I hope I'm
06:18up to it that's all who are they again they're prominent local businessmen who want to set up a business
06:27enterprise scheme before the government sticks its nose in and tells them how to do it what were they
06:34expected me just keep nodding and smiling from time to time I'm not a glove puppet Charles do your
06:43best dear boy it'll only take 15 minutes and then you can be yourself again for the rest of your
06:49life I
06:50don't know what they're looking for all you've got to do is to persuade them that that search is over
07:02Mr Braithwaite yes
07:09do sit down Mr Braithwaite thank you now Mr Braithwaite there's been a lot of loose talk about government
07:17intervention in local industry we are here to knock that on the head we want to set up our own
07:23advice
07:23center for people starting up on their own your name keeps coming to the fore there's one thing we
07:32want to know before we can go any further anything you like just ask I'm trying to that's all right
07:39now
07:40then you're not one of these left-wing troublemakers are you yeah no not at all
07:53all in favor then congratulations Mr Braithwaite I'm sure that we've made the right choice of course we
08:01shall just have to get in touch with our money people and then we ought to be able to be
08:05in a
08:05position to make you some kind of an offer you'll be hearing from us shortly
08:15stupid language I don't care what Emily says la and la why can't they say the like anyone else would
08:21you're not on strike you two are you I am a member of the management team managers don't go on
08:28strike
08:28she on the other hand is on strike all day long I want you to draft a letter to the
08:34new businesses
08:34manager and dictated to Jessica tell him to get in touch with this monsieur well however you pronounce
08:39this and tell him that we are in with a shout well how do you pronounce it I don't know
08:44well what did
08:44you call him I just called him monsieur well how can I date a letter when I can't pronounce one
08:49of
08:49the names in it my typewriter won't do accents oh not does mistakes perfectly stop bickering you
08:59too take a letter please certainly mr. race thank you one two three go
09:16pause for breath which one's me
09:21that one oh look you've called it over too that isn't me that's the observer ratface rickets
09:29have a good day I managed to flog another bit of our birthright to the common market which
09:39particular bit was that the yogurt bit ah inward investment that's very good all they'll do is
09:44print the labels in French and English for the first couple of years then they will
09:47sack all the British employees take the whole lot over to France and put them in a field outside
09:52Toulouse by Jove you have had a good day haven't you
09:58hi make my day where did you get the Rambo outfit it's Desmond's TA gear we're having a practice run
10:06now Louise's back garden we put lots of obstacles up why didn't you come as well Belinda it's it's
10:11going to be bad enough doing it for real without making a fool of myself in front of my own
10:14sparrows
10:15oh come on it'll be fun it may be a lot of things I bet you 100 pounds it will
10:21not be fun oh come
10:22on don't be such a spoilsport put your tracksuit on it'll give you an appetite for dinner cowardly
10:27cowardly custard all right I shall hammer the pair of you into the ground ready yeah catch me and I'm
10:36I shall hammer the pair of you I shall hammer the pair of you I shall hammer the pair of
10:53you and I are in training for the weekend
11:01we always used to go to Brighton
11:07I can't remember we always went in twos there which I do remember we're not actually in training for a
11:15dirty weekend Charles muddy perhaps now David and I have been asked to go on a training weekend for
11:21back there's an assault course involved and Louise is helping us to get into practice I see David chases
11:30after Louise and then assaults her come to see David yeah just a couple of points about this local
11:38business initiative he had his interview this afternoon he did very well just the one hurdle to
11:46jump now what did Charles say well apparently it's not going to be as straightforward as we thought it
11:53was going to be I never thought it was going to be straightforward what's the problem the funding
11:58committee want to say in the appointment he who pays the piper well that's a very interesting thing
12:04to say sorry what you said he who pays the piper you've lost me he who pays the piper calls
12:12the
12:13tune don't tell me they've asked if you can play the bagpipes no they asked me if I was a
12:19left-wing
12:20troublemaker and what did you tell them I said no I said no I wasn't good you got that right
12:25at least
12:25but I am left-wing I've always been left-wing I compromise my principles just to get a job
12:31you are about as left-wing as Louis the 14th of France I get the observer
12:39yeah and you can do the quick crossword in the Guardian but that does not make you a Marxist
12:43intellectual like the rest of us you're left-wing in theory and in the pub at lunchtime I sent 25
12:50pounds of children in need and I always buy flags on flag day if you were left-wing you'd refuse
12:55to do
12:55that because it's the government's job to do things like that not not flag days and pop you gave 25
13:01quid to
13:02children in law yes yes I did and I'm not sorry you're a nice man aren't you yeah I just
13:09about
13:09sums me up a nice man next time you give 25 quid to charity though use your own credit card
13:19my credit card was in the bedroom you were asleep I didn't want to wake you up
13:22and Joanna Lumley might have taken her dress off again and you'd have missed it
13:29yes let's get back to this job what did Charles say there's one final hurdle which is the funding
13:34committee have to have the final approval you do want this job yes I do but why are my politics
13:42so
13:42important if it's such a good idea it should be non-political a place where people can go and get
13:47advice setting up small businesses listen I mean there's going to be money involved say you were left-wing
13:51and you had grandiose ideas about redistribution of wealth you'd hand out money to anybody that
13:57came up with a long face and a sob story no I wouldn't that's why the CAB sacked you for
14:01goodness
14:02sake I was not sacked you were invited to resign it's the same thing well I don't think there's
14:07actually anything wrong with the redistribution of wealth well don't let anybody from the bank hear
14:11you say that will you you don't really have to go over an assault course do you well haven't you
14:19seen
14:20that program on television where there's four men and sometimes there's a token woman that's
14:23question time no there are ropes and can you can you spare a minute Ned ropes and nets and some
14:35people
14:35start further back than others sounds like life to me what does some people starting further back than
14:41others what did you want and when you do want to speak to me I wish you wouldn't pretend that
14:46I have a
14:47choice all you have to say is race get over here no need to be nice you're the manager is
14:54Estelle
14:55that's still going to her school reunion this weekend yeah she is oh I should make you happy
14:59then weekend on your own picking your nose and watching dirty videos I can't though can I she wants
15:05me to go with her or school reunions can be very jolly Estelle keeps up with all her old friends
15:11all the
15:12time soon as I walk in they start giggling what did you want you've got you've got a new title
15:19to go
15:20with your notional upgrade oh good perhaps we should go into the interview room it's not my fault if it
15:27makes her jealous what am I going to be called the small business advisor
15:40I suppose that was your idea very funny head off he's got something right for once needless to say
15:46your title has not been changed you will still be known as the pain in the bottom you don't know
15:50what
15:51do without me I know I can't introduce Ned to people as the small business advisor they'll be
15:57asking to see something in a larger size I know advisor brackets small businesses brackets off sounds
16:06all right as long as you never have to say it Ned what we're going to put brackets round you
16:15what you're going to do about this assault course what would you do about it apart from anything
16:19illegal or immoral oh David hello Charles ah sorting out the halls are we yeah we're thinking of going
16:32up the Amazon that's been done old boy fellow by the name of Burton what was that the Blue Nile
16:37you
16:38were in the army weren't you Charles in zone skittish light infantry found a member they use assault
16:43courses for promotion exercises don't they mmm was me what the war office selection board so I
16:51gotta go on this training scheme with Belinda there's gonna be an assault course in there somewhere
16:56and well I don't want to look a complete bird do I well don't go then I've got to go
17:01I've got to
17:01support Belinda ah mmm-hmm-hmm-hmm reconnoiter then what do you mean do a dummy run that's
17:11brilliant chance you're absolutely right we can do a dummy run Desmond's in the TA he can book it
17:16for us and get us some kit I'm gonna buy you a drink Charles ah let me a couple of
17:21quid
17:21that joke balanced that was quick yes it's always quick when you wanted to be slow that means I'll
17:32have to take a stealth mother to the station just start telling me about her son the brain surgeon
17:38Jess and I go for a drink and come if you like someone might see us well will you come
17:44if I promise
17:44not to put my hand on your knee you see she's not safe to go for a drink with wasn't
17:48my fault you bit
17:48your hand I'll sit between you that should put a stop to any gossip and that's of course you both
17:53put your hands on my knees anyway we haven't celebrated your new job title yet I knew opening
18:09pubs in the afternoon would be the ruination of the unemployed oh another two pints of old peculiar
18:19please Annette that'll teach you to take me for granted good gracious they're out in force all we
18:28need is Louise and we've got a full deck why are you still dressed like Sylvester Stallone I got locked
18:36out I thought there was a key under the mat round the back there's was got an important customer in
18:40with him he saw me coming across the lawn and just managed to lock me out in time I'll buy
18:45we're
18:46celebrating Ned's new job leaving town are you very wise no I'm not I've just got a new job title
18:52I saw
18:52what's your new job title Ned he's not allowed to say but it's very important oh well what's everybody
19:03having this calls for a pint of rambuie don't worry Ned nobody could drink a pint of rambuie make it
19:14a
19:14rambuie shandy I'm driving have you been here all afternoon guilty as charged your reverend tell my
19:20mother I died smiling Charles and I have been celebrating I have had well with Charles assistance
19:27I have had the brainwave to end all brainwaves is it better than the gas-fired salad dryer
19:32locks into a cocked hat excuse me oh thanks Lou what's he been drinking well I have been drinking
19:39from the well of inspiration well I hope they do it in bottles because we may need some later on
19:44all we need is a few trusted friends with a few weekend hours to spare how trusted do they have
19:50to
19:50be can you trust them to stand up and how many would we need uh between three and five
20:00four if anybody wanted to back out yesterday was the time to do it
20:11stop have you got the stopwatch here take mine I'll be in the car fast asleep give me a shout
20:21when
20:21you finished it was all right but it was just an idea it's all your fault my fault you took
20:31a
20:31stupid idea and you turned it into even stupider reality come on you're not quitters are you it'll
20:37be fun fun fun's getting rotten on a Saturday night and not feeling rotten on a Sunday morning
20:44Ned what about you what about me what you're having fun aren't you know what I know I'm married
20:53I wouldn't recognize fun if he jumped up a bit well what did you come for then you were keen
20:58enough in
20:58the pub on Friday it's quite simple Mrs Carr the alternative is my wife's school reunion the worst
21:05that can happen to me here is either break a leg or drown cheer up you might break your neck
21:11then
21:11you won't have to make a fool of yourself when it comes to the real thing two teams okay me
21:22and Rambo
21:23in team a and Ned and Jessica in team B Charles will be the timekeeper oh well what why can't
21:30I be in a team
21:31yeah I am going to ignore all the faint hearts all right Lewis you can do first aid and remember
21:38this is a team effort particularly over the wall three two one go
21:57put you one in my house what like that that's it one two three go there was a push for
22:07you
22:27come on come on Ned it's easy easy easy peasy
23:02come on come on come on come on come on help it oh come on Ned
23:16Come on, come on, come on, come on.
23:21Two minutes!
23:25Come on, Ned!
23:35Honestly, Ned, I don't even want the lounge on the school.
23:39Come on!
23:40Oh!
23:58Oh, you'll never be a manager if you can't make your mind up.
24:04One, two, four!
24:09Give us a kiss.
24:11No!
24:11Why not?
24:12Because it's disgusting, and in any case, we'll be disqualified.
24:19Oh!
24:23Oh!
24:32Oh!
24:37Oh!
24:39Oh!
24:40Oh!
24:41Oh!
24:42Oh!
24:42Oh!
24:42Oh!
24:42Oh!
24:43Oh!
24:44Shut up!
24:47I can't give me a punch.
24:49Hit me.
24:50Right.
24:51Come on, up we get.
24:52I can't.
24:53Oh!
24:56No!
24:58Sorry, I'm right behind you.
25:01Now, I don't want you to worry about a thing now. Off you go.
25:15What are you doing?
25:20I've just remembered something.
25:22What?
25:23I'm a devout coward.
25:25Well, at least we'll know what we're in for when we do it for real.
25:29Come on!
25:46Well done!
25:47What was the time, Charles?
25:49I'm not exactly sure.
25:51The watch!
25:54That was brilliant, wasn't it?
25:56Where's Ned?
26:11There he is.
26:18Ned enjoyed himself.
26:20Enjoyed himself?
26:21A newt fell out of his trousers.
26:24He had a good time, and he'd do it again if asked, and so would I.
26:27I haven't had so much fun since I found out about girls.
26:32I trust you mean women, sexist?
26:35I haven't found out about women yet.
26:38However, that is not important.
26:39What is important is that we are in good shape for anything rat-faced Ricketts throws at us.
26:44I wonder if you could get used to calling a barrington, Ricketts, just for safety's sake.
26:49Don't worry.
26:50I won't let you down.
26:51Good.
26:52It was a good idea, wasn't it, of mine?
26:54Getting him to lend us the assault course.
26:56Uh, yes, it was a remarkable idea.
26:59Don't worry.
27:00I know you weren't exactly brilliant today, but now at least you've done it once.
27:04It won't hold any fears for you, will it?
27:06Uh, no, I don't suppose it will.
27:09What?
27:10I got the, um, new training instructions just before I left the bank.
27:14You know, special messenger.
27:15Oh, good.
27:16Apparently, uh, somebody broke his leg on the training weekend last year,
27:22so they decided to cancel the assault course at this time.
27:30You knew there wasn't going to be an assault course,
27:32and you just let me go ahead having a dummy run.
27:35Why?
27:37Why, you were so full of...
27:39I mean, you were like you used to be.
27:40You were full of fun and alive and, and, and sparky.
27:44I mean, any thoughts of washing, lettuce and ironing were a thousand light-years away.
27:50I just didn't want to rain on your parade.
27:53Well, is there any point in going on this training weekend?
27:56With Ratface?
27:57I really think you ought to practice calling him Barrington.
28:01I don't really want to, you know.
28:02I don't like him, and I never will.
28:04And I don't think there's any reason why I even have to be polite to him, is there?
28:09Barrington Ricketts is your last hurdle for the business enterprise, John.
28:15What?
28:17They told me there was a bank invoice.
28:19Don't tell me I'm going to be working for you.
28:22Oh, don't be ridiculous.
28:23Of course you're not going to be working for me.
28:26Good.
28:29Not as such, anyway.
28:32APPLAUSE
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