- 5 hours ago
In the Army Now 1994 [Full Movie] [High Quality]Full EP - Full
Category
🎥
Short filmTranscript
00:00:01See how I just blow those guys? Look, and there's the thing.
00:00:04Look up, look up, look up!
00:00:05No under-
00:00:06Huh?
00:00:09Game over you again!
00:00:11Shouldn't we get back to work?
00:00:12I'm working. Look, I'm testing on new products.
00:00:15What are you so paranoid for anyways? Pretty soon we're gonna have our own store.
00:00:18Look, Quinn's gonna fire your ass from this place.
00:00:21Do you think I'm scared of that?
00:00:22What is he? Looks like a lurch.
00:00:25I'm Quinn.
00:00:26Are you afraid of him? No.
00:00:28Bones!
00:00:30Quinn's looking for you.
00:00:32I told him you were playing video games.
00:00:34Here, hold this, okay? I gotta do something.
00:00:36Oh, yeah, you're not afraid, huh?
00:00:38Bop, bop, bop!
00:01:05This is all for you. See all the money I'm saving?
00:01:09Wow, Quinn, look at you. You're looking fantastic. Is that a new suit?
00:01:12It's gotta be Armando.
00:01:15Oh, it's JCPenney.
00:01:18Oh, it's JCPenney.
00:01:18Well, at least you wear it well.
00:01:19Is that brood I smell?
00:01:20What did we say about leaving the sales floor?
00:01:24You told me not to, and I won't. If this place catches fire, I'm selling tape decks to the firemen.
00:01:29You're not selling anything to anybody. That's why we're letting you go.
00:01:33Where?
00:01:33Home.
00:01:34No, no, no, Quinn. Hey, hey, you can't fire me. Come on. I'm a crazy boy. I'm a dedicated crazy
00:01:39boy.
00:01:40Bones, let's not drag this out.
00:01:41No, Quinn, hey, look. Come on, please. I mean, my rent's due. My mom, she needs another tummy tuck. Please,
00:01:47come on.
00:01:47No, Bones. No, not this time.
00:01:49Please, there's a lot of personal things. Please don't let me. Please don't let me go, Quinn. I could be
00:01:54crazier.
00:01:55Let go of my life.
00:01:56I could be totally insane.
00:02:00Bones, let go of my life.
00:02:01Bones, you have a customer waiting.
00:02:05You'll have to excuse me, Mr. Quinn. I have a customer. A customer who evidently asked for me by name.
00:02:15Hi. May I help you, miss?
00:02:16Yes. You sold me this watchman last week, and I'm afraid I have to return it.
00:02:21See, I knew you'd be returning it. It's too small to ruin your eyesight.
00:02:25And besides, I can tell the one you really want is this one.
00:02:27This is our top of the line.
00:02:29Our very best 35-inch projection stereo color monitor with advanced super digital PMP.
00:02:36I'm sorry. That's way out of my price range.
00:02:38Not with our $200 rebate. No money down. 10-month deferred, 64-month layaway plan.
00:02:43You ask yourself, how could it be? Right?
00:02:47Because we're a crazy voice.
00:02:51Sorry, they make us do that.
00:02:52That's a very nice offer, but this is just...
00:02:55Plus this screen, though, it promotes good eyesight.
00:02:58Really?
00:02:59Uh-huh. Four out of five optometrists recommend it.
00:03:03Okay. I'll take it.
00:03:06Okay. Here you go.
00:03:07Fantastic. I'm gonna take this to the cashier, and I'm gonna arrange everything.
00:03:11Thank you very much.
00:03:12Come to the front. You're needed for a carry-out.
00:03:15Huh?
00:03:17Hmm?
00:03:18Come on. Am I not still a crazy boy?
00:03:23That is brute I smell, you pervert.
00:03:30Bones!
00:03:35Come on.
00:03:42Gabriella, you were outstanding.
00:03:44Yeah, right. This is the last time I save your butt. Okay? I work, too, you know?
00:03:49I know. It was an emergency. The guy was about to fire me.
00:03:52Right. It's always an emergency. They better take that TV back.
00:03:55Hey, they're gonna take it back.
00:03:57Now, how about just giving your little Italian sausage man a little kissy-poo?
00:04:03Chad, the U.S. has issued strong warnings that...
00:04:08You are so irresponsible.
00:04:11You should be serious for one minute.
00:04:13It's okay. I'll be serious. Let's get naked.
00:04:17Not now. Not here.
00:04:19Why? Don't you love me anymore?
00:04:21Yes, yes, of course I love you.
00:04:23Yeah, but look, your boss is gonna catch us.
00:04:27I don't care about that perverted fat's on a JCPenney suit.
00:04:32Bones!
00:04:34Jack, turn it off.
00:04:35Turn it off!
00:04:47Well, I can't...
00:04:54I can't believe he actually fired us.
00:04:57Oh, come on. Bones, we blew up 22 TV sets.
00:05:00Yeah, but don't those things come with warranties?
00:05:01I'm sorry, man. You know, I didn't realize Quinn could see you in all those TVs.
00:05:05No problemo, my friend. I was sick of getting down on my knees for that guy anyways.
00:05:10Whoa. Bones. I had no idea.
00:05:13Begging for my job.
00:05:15You know what, Jack, though? This is amazing. You know what this does?
00:05:18Yeah.
00:05:19This brings us one step closer to the, uh, store.
00:05:23No, no, no. What this does is it brings us one step closer to living in the dumpster.
00:05:27How are we gonna get the rent for the store if we don't have rent for our apartment?
00:05:31Excuse me, can we play through?
00:05:33Yeah.
00:05:35Sorry, we're just...
00:05:36Disgusting.
00:05:41Oh, my God.
00:05:42Hey, Army!
00:05:44Navy!
00:05:45Air Force!
00:05:46Marines!
00:05:47No.
00:05:48Did you order a code red?
00:05:51Answer me! Did you order a code red, man?
00:05:54You want the truth. You can't handle the truth.
00:05:57Yay. He's goofing off.
00:06:00Wow, that was my Nicholson impression.
00:06:03Good.
00:06:04I do it sometimes when I play golf.
00:06:08Bones, come on, man.
00:06:09See, I couldn't help myself. I'm sorry.
00:06:11When you join the Army, is it true that you have to give your whole life away?
00:06:14Nah, something like that with us.
00:06:16We're in the reserves.
00:06:18What's that?
00:06:20Let's just get this straight here.
00:06:22After our basic training, we owe you two weeks a year, one week and a month, for which we get
00:06:26paid.
00:06:27And then on top of it, you're gonna throw in $2,500 just for signing up?
00:06:33Basically, yes.
00:06:35Wow.
00:06:36Well, then how come everybody isn't in the reserves?
00:06:39Do people actually know about this stuff?
00:06:42Well, we do try to advertise.
00:06:45Oh, yeah, it's not a job, it's an adventure.
00:06:48No, that's the Navy.
00:06:50The few and the proud?
00:06:51No, that's the Marines.
00:06:53Keep going, going, and gone?
00:06:55No, no, that's the Energizer, buddy.
00:06:58Gentlemen, we're be-all-you-can-be.
00:07:01Yeah.
00:07:02In the Army.
00:07:05You need us, and we need you.
00:07:07It's a win-win situation.
00:07:09I got one more question.
00:07:11Can I get a pen?
00:07:12Oh, no, actually, could we just have a second, uh, amongst ourselves?
00:07:16Certainly.
00:07:17Take all the time you need.
00:07:19Just hold that ballpoint.
00:07:23Whew.
00:07:25This is insane!
00:07:27Why doesn't everybody join when you're listening to him in there?
00:07:30Shh.
00:07:31It's like joining a health spa, only they pay us.
00:07:34Oh, my God, you're going nuts.
00:07:35Okay, we are the beneficiaries.
00:07:37We get a guaranteed check for eight years and a special skill.
00:07:41A special skill.
00:07:42Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
00:07:43Look at the payments.
00:07:44Here we go.
00:07:45Land combat missile op.
00:07:48Opportunities.
00:07:48Tactical fire specialist.
00:07:50You heard him talking about combat pay, right?
00:07:52You know, you have to be in combat to get paid for that, right?
00:07:56He said reserves aren't called up unless there's a major conflict.
00:07:59When was the last war, huh?
00:08:01Yeah.
00:08:02World War II?
00:08:02No.
00:08:03Twenty years ago.
00:08:04Have you ever heard of Vietnam?
00:08:06Huh?
00:08:06Desert storm?
00:08:08No.
00:08:08Uh-uh.
00:08:09What?
00:08:10I'm kidding.
00:08:11Give me the brochure.
00:08:12We're going to go to the unemployment office.
00:08:14No, just let me see.
00:08:15Let me just try it.
00:08:16Tank tour repair, land mining specialist, water purification?
00:08:21Water purification.
00:08:23That's it.
00:08:24What?
00:08:25Water purification.
00:08:26I'm telling you it's a snap.
00:08:27My brother's a pool man.
00:08:29Hey, look.
00:08:29You take dirty water and you make it clean.
00:08:32How hard can that be?
00:08:33I don't know.
00:08:34And hey, if there is a war, what are we going to go in there with?
00:08:37Water balloons?
00:08:40That's...
00:08:40I mean, but...
00:08:41But...
00:08:41Yeah.
00:08:42This is for our future.
00:08:44Okay.
00:08:44If we could sign up right now, we could get a guarantee check for $2,500 a few times that
00:08:49times too.
00:08:50Wow.
00:08:53That's $6,000.
00:08:56That's a nice chunk of change.
00:08:57Yeah.
00:08:58But...
00:08:59Hey.
00:09:00This is for our storm.
00:09:03Yeah.
00:09:04Look, I'll even give you first billing.
00:09:06No, you don't have to do that.
00:09:08Jacks and Boneses.
00:09:10Oh.
00:09:11And Alice's Stereos.
00:09:12I did too much.
00:09:13All right.
00:09:14All right.
00:09:14Let's go.
00:09:15Oh.
00:09:16Yes!
00:09:20Oh.
00:09:31You're real, a try.
00:09:33I need a try.
00:09:35See?
00:09:37I told myself that it was a bad dream.
00:10:09I'm out of bed, it's a mess on today
00:10:12Get a haircut and get a real job
00:10:15All right
00:10:21Ah!
00:10:29It's my head
00:10:30I mean, look at it
00:10:32Does it look bigger than it did?
00:10:35Do I look like a big potato?
00:10:38Honestly?
00:10:38Yeah, honestly
00:10:39It looks great
00:10:40It really does
00:10:41Really?
00:10:42Really
00:10:43Really?
00:10:44It looks macho
00:10:46All right
00:10:47Look at these, man
00:10:48Look at these
00:10:50Army issue
00:10:51See, I think those are unique
00:10:53Idiotic
00:10:54No, those are unique
00:10:55See, you're distinctive
00:10:56No one has them
00:10:57Really?
00:10:58You're king
00:10:58All right
00:10:59One of a kind
00:11:00They broke them all when they made you, Jack
00:11:22Come on, I can't do it
00:11:24I can't do it
00:11:25Jack, come on
00:11:25I can't do it, man
00:11:26I can't do it
00:11:27This is just like your childhood
00:11:29Remember?
00:11:32Yeah, yeah, you're right
00:11:34You're right
00:11:34That guy is exactly like my dad
00:11:36See?
00:11:37Come on
00:11:37Wait a minute, though
00:11:39My childhood sucked
00:11:40No, I can't do it, man
00:11:41I can't handle being yelled at by some muscle-bound drill sergeant
00:11:46No, man
00:11:46I can't do it
00:11:48Get the hell off the truck
00:11:52Oh, whoa
00:11:54She can drill me any time
00:11:56On the double right now
00:11:58Come on, move it, move it
00:12:00Hello, sweet pants
00:12:02Get down here
00:12:03Get down
00:12:05Rough stuff
00:12:06And take those glasses off
00:12:08What do you think you want something?
00:12:09Beat yourself
00:12:09No
00:12:10What's your name?
00:12:11Private
00:12:11Bones car
00:12:12We're reporting for
00:12:13Duty, sir
00:12:14All right
00:12:15I mean, man
00:12:16Sergeant
00:12:17Whatever
00:12:17You will address me as drill sergeant
00:12:21Don't you understand?
00:12:25Yes, but you don't need to yell
00:12:26Because, look, I'm standing right here
00:12:28I'm not yelling at you, Private
00:12:29Drill sergeants do not yell
00:12:31We simply speak in a voice loud enough
00:12:33So everyone can hear
00:12:34That way we all learn from each other's mistakes
00:12:37Oh, okay
00:12:38Thanks for explaining it
00:12:39From here on out, your buddy's mind
00:12:42You will obey every order
00:12:45Without question
00:12:48Grunt
00:12:51Oh, you a funny boy, huh?
00:12:54Cutie pie, right?
00:12:55Well, I don't know you
00:12:56But I don't even like you
00:12:57And I make it my personal mission
00:12:59To turn you into a soldier
00:13:00For the next eight weeks
00:13:02I'll be all over your butt
00:13:04Like white old rice
00:13:06Is that a promise?
00:13:09Give me 20
00:13:11I want my wallet
00:13:12Drop and give me 20
00:13:14Here, hold this
00:13:15Boy, you better get on that ground
00:13:16And give me them push-ups
00:13:18Ah, it's been a while
00:13:21All the way up and down, right?
00:13:24Pump
00:13:24Pump
00:13:28Is that good?
00:13:37Get up!
00:13:39Get up!
00:13:42Everybody up!
00:13:46On your feet!
00:13:48I'm gonna crash right now
00:13:49Sleepy, beauties
00:13:54Get up!
00:13:56Get up!
00:13:57Get your butt off that rack!
00:14:06Ow! Ow! Ow!
00:14:07Get up!
00:14:08I'm out!
00:14:09I'm out!
00:14:10I'm out!
00:14:12Next hand to the lamp
00:14:14Next hand to the lamp
00:14:16All right
00:14:17All right
00:14:23We're going to be there
00:14:24We're going to be in grass field
00:14:25Happy day, buddy
00:14:26And play
00:14:26When I say go, go!
00:14:28Go!
00:14:33Go!
00:14:33Go!
00:14:34Go!
00:14:35Go!
00:14:36Go!
00:14:36Go!
00:14:36Go!
00:14:39Jack
00:14:40Yeah
00:14:41Run
00:14:42Where'd the sun go?
00:14:44Run
00:14:44There is no sun anymore, boys
00:14:47Run
00:14:47The sun is gone
00:14:49Run
00:14:50We died
00:14:52And this is hell
00:14:53Ah, okay
00:14:54Thanks for splitting
00:14:55Run
00:15:00Private
00:15:01Got that weapon around backwards
00:15:04Thanks
00:15:14See the picture on the front of this weapon
00:15:19See the picture on the front of this weapon
00:15:20It's put there for privates like you
00:15:25It's idiot proof
00:15:28Damn it
00:15:32The gig line runs down the seam of your shirt
00:15:36Through the edge of your belt buckle
00:15:38Down the seam of your zipper
00:15:39This is a straight gig line
00:15:42See it
00:15:44Learn it
00:15:45Do it
00:15:52From here on out
00:15:53Anyone without a straight gig line
00:15:56Will have to answer to me
00:16:02Conway
00:16:04What the hell is this?
00:16:06Just sergeant
00:16:06I guess my gig line needs straightening, huh?
00:16:12Oh
00:16:14Oh
00:16:18Thank you, just sergeant
00:16:19Don't thank me
00:16:21Thank you, recruiter
00:16:29Come on, boy
00:16:30Come on
00:16:30You can't do it
00:16:31I know you can't do it
00:16:35There are two types of bayonet fighters
00:16:36The quick and the dead
00:16:37What are you?
00:16:38What are they?
00:16:39Dead
00:16:39What are you?
00:16:40What are they?
00:16:41Dead
00:16:42What are you?
00:16:43What are they?
00:16:44Dead
00:16:44I need volunteers
00:16:45Yeah
00:16:47Are you crazy?
00:16:49I sure am
00:16:50I'm a crazy boy
00:16:53Hello
00:16:55Conway
00:16:56Yes, ma'am
00:16:57Come here
00:16:57I'm on my way
00:17:00Woo
00:17:03Hi
00:17:04Hit me
00:17:05Let's not fight
00:17:06Come here
00:17:07Hit me or you'll be sorry
00:17:09I can't hit you
00:17:10You're a girl
00:17:11And
00:17:12I love you
00:17:16You've got two seconds
00:17:17To hit me
00:17:23Okay
00:17:23But this is gonna work
00:17:24Any other volunteer?
00:17:28Oh, shit
00:17:29I'm sorry
00:17:30I was just gonna
00:17:31I'm gonna teach you a lesson
00:17:34Never
00:17:35Go
00:17:36Drop
00:17:37Drop
00:17:39You're gone
00:17:43Got it
00:17:45Can I please throw up now?
00:17:49Move
00:17:51Get up
00:17:52Get mad
00:17:53Get mad
00:17:54Get mad
00:17:54Get mad
00:17:55Now listen to me very carefully, Private
00:17:57This is exactly the same as practice
00:17:59But this is a real live grenade
00:18:01I want you to do exactly as you've been trained
00:18:03Yes, Joe, Sergeant
00:18:04When I give the command to execute
00:18:06I want you to drop the pin
00:18:08Throw the grenade
00:18:09Yes, Joe, Sergeant
00:18:10Drop the pin
00:18:11Throw the grenade
00:18:12Yes, Joe, Sergeant
00:18:15Execute
00:18:18Move it!
00:18:32Thanks, Joe, Sergeant
00:18:33You saved my life
00:18:34I owe you one
00:18:35No, you owe me
00:18:38Fifty
00:18:49Fifty
00:18:50Mama, mama
00:18:52Can't you see?
00:18:53Mama, mama
00:18:55Can't you see?
00:18:56Drill Sergeant
00:18:57Lamb
00:18:57Made a man out of me
00:18:59Drill Sergeant
00:19:00Lamb
00:19:00Made a man out of me
00:19:01And then I will obey
00:19:03The orders
00:19:03Of the President
00:19:04Of the United States
00:19:06And I will obey
00:19:07The orders
00:19:07Of the President
00:19:08Of the United States
00:19:09And the orders
00:19:10Of the officers
00:19:11Appointed over me
00:19:13And the orders
00:19:14Of the officers
00:19:15Appointed over me
00:19:16According to regulations
00:19:18According to regulations
00:19:20And the uniform code
00:19:21Of military justice
00:19:23And the uniform code
00:19:24Of military justice
00:19:25So help me, God
00:19:27So help me, God
00:19:29Nice to meet you
00:19:30Bye
00:19:31Be good
00:19:32Take care
00:19:33Bye
00:19:34Ah, it's the uniforms, man
00:19:36I know
00:19:38Private Conway
00:19:43Never thought I'd say this
00:19:45But I think I've done
00:19:45The impossible
00:19:46I've turned you into soldiers
00:19:48Thank you, Drill Sergeant
00:19:50Carry on
00:20:01Uh, is this, uh, Unit 341?
00:20:05That's us, soldier
00:20:05Hey, Bones Conway here
00:20:07This is my partner, Jack
00:20:08Hi, Christine
00:20:09Nice to meet you
00:20:10You too
00:20:10We'll be working together
00:20:11Christine a la G.I. Jane
00:20:14Right
00:20:14What brings a pretty little lady
00:20:16Like you to Water Pier
00:20:18I want an infantry
00:20:20But until they ask that crap
00:20:21About women not being allowed
00:20:22In combat
00:20:23I'll just have to settle
00:20:24For kicking your little butt
00:20:25Oh, that would be nice
00:20:30Heisty one, huh?
00:20:31Like that
00:20:33Shut up
00:20:38I'm gonna have to kill your friend
00:20:41Hey, Bones Conway
00:20:43Hey, uh, Fred Osthoff
00:20:44Good to meet you
00:20:46You okay, Fred?
00:20:47Oh, man, I'm fine
00:20:48Yeah
00:20:49Thanks
00:20:49Thank you
00:20:52So, uh, what do you do
00:20:53When you don't purify water?
00:20:55Well, I'm going into my, uh
00:20:56Final year of dental school
00:20:59Wow
00:21:00And now that is great
00:21:01No, it's not
00:21:03Why?
00:21:03Did you know
00:21:04That dentists are more feared
00:21:06And loathed
00:21:08Than any other profession?
00:21:09That's including lawyers
00:21:10No, see, I don't think
00:21:11People hate dentists
00:21:13It's just the sound of that drill
00:21:15Yeah, and then they stick
00:21:16That sucking thing
00:21:17In the back of your mouth
00:21:18Like this
00:21:18And the nurse says
00:21:20I'll do that like that
00:21:21And then they jam
00:21:22Those cardboard x-ray things
00:21:24And then they
00:21:25And you know when there's
00:21:26You have a cavity
00:21:27And they do that little
00:21:28Pointy thing
00:21:29And then
00:21:29Vee
00:21:30And Vee
00:21:31Right
00:21:32The nurse leaves
00:21:33And she goes to lunch
00:21:35And she jams out there, right?
00:21:37Meanwhile, there is a lead apron
00:21:39Right?
00:21:40On the thing
00:21:40And you're sitting there like
00:21:42Huh
00:21:43Huh
00:21:43Huh
00:21:44Huh
00:21:44Huh
00:21:44Huh
00:21:44Huh
00:21:45Huh
00:21:45Huh
00:21:45Huh
00:21:48See?
00:21:49See?
00:21:49That's what I'm talking about
00:21:50If you don't want to talk about it
00:21:52It's okay
00:21:52Oh, no, no, no
00:21:53It's good
00:21:53We should talk about it
00:21:54Because my therapist said
00:21:56That I need to get it out
00:21:58Kind of like an emotional enema
00:21:59So we talked about it
00:22:01And, uh, said
00:22:02Why not join the Army Reserve?
00:22:04Be all that you can be
00:22:05On the weekends
00:22:07Yeah
00:22:09Maybe it'd help me to
00:22:10Face those things
00:22:12In my life
00:22:12That I'm most afraid of
00:22:13And what are you afraid of?
00:22:16Uh
00:22:17Well, I'd have to say
00:22:18Uh
00:22:20Damn near everything
00:22:21Floss?
00:22:23Hey
00:22:23Keep it
00:22:29Good morning
00:22:30Purifying our water
00:22:31Is one of the most vital operations
00:22:33In the military
00:22:34It is absolutely vital
00:22:37That you know your equipment
00:22:38Inside and out
00:22:47Two soldiers must man the hose
00:22:49At all times
00:22:50This is for your own safety people
00:22:53Okay
00:22:53Never lose control of your hose
00:22:56Turn it off
00:23:00Turn it off
00:23:05After careful training
00:23:07You will be able to produce potable water
00:23:09From the most disgusting
00:23:11Swampy
00:23:11Parasite infected
00:23:13Diseased water
00:23:14Guys
00:23:15Look
00:23:16It's our first glass
00:23:17Of purified water
00:23:19Alright
00:23:21Go for it, man
00:23:23Try it
00:23:23Nah
00:23:25I'm not gonna try
00:23:26Hey, you try it
00:23:27I'm not gonna try it
00:23:29We should get Christine
00:23:31Yeah
00:23:32She'll taste anything
00:23:37I'm not gonna try it
00:23:40Let's get Freddy
00:23:42Okay
00:23:42Oh, Freddy
00:23:43No, no, thanks
00:23:44I'm allergic
00:23:45It'll make me break out
00:23:48Well, then
00:23:49Who's gonna try it?
00:24:08Who's the leader of this outfit?
00:24:10He is
00:24:12Son
00:24:13I've been doing this for a long time
00:24:15And I gotta say
00:24:17This is the best damn glass of purified water I ever had
00:24:21Congratulations
00:24:22You keep this up
00:24:23And I'll be putting you in for private first class
00:24:25Thank you, Sergeant
00:24:27But I could not have done it
00:24:29Without the inspirational guidance
00:24:31Of my brother, the pool man
00:24:40We're back, honey
00:24:43Excuse me
00:24:45Gonna go freshen up
00:24:50You're not gonna
00:24:52You're not gonna
00:24:53I'm just gonna
00:25:51Hey, we're in the middle of the party here.
00:25:53You know, your friends might come in.
00:25:54That'd be cool.
00:25:55I don't think so.
00:25:56I think it's very rude if we stay away more than a couple of minutes.
00:25:59Two minutes?
00:26:00That's perfect.
00:26:01We'll have time to cuddle afterwards.
00:26:06Hold that thought.
00:26:09Somebody better be dead.
00:26:11Hello?
00:26:12This is an official message.
00:26:14I saw a flock of wild geese migrating south.
00:26:19I say again, the geese are migrating south.
00:26:23Yeah, well, my goose is about to lay a golden egg.
00:26:26So you're going to have to cruise the south solo, okay?
00:26:29Have a nice flight.
00:26:31Who was it?
00:26:31Someone who's into birds.
00:26:33I don't know here.
00:26:34Uh-uh!
00:26:40Look, you saw the goose, I'm the walrus, and Paul is dead.
00:26:43And I'm trying to bury my beak here, so give it a rest.
00:26:46All right, that's it.
00:27:01Jack, get the phone.
00:27:03Who is it?
00:27:04It's a freak going on about wild geese migrating.
00:27:07Hello?
00:27:08Phone!
00:27:12What's up?
00:27:13Don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't.
00:27:16Which way?
00:27:17Who cares?
00:27:18North or south?
00:27:19South.
00:27:21Yes!
00:27:22Yes, yes!
00:27:23What?
00:27:25You guys, don't you remember?
00:27:28About the code?
00:27:29So that if we got called up for active duty, then we would know that it was for real.
00:27:33It's gotta be a mistake.
00:27:35It's gotta be Chad.
00:27:36Hello, Mama?
00:27:38Well, it's Frederick.
00:27:39Uh, you sitting down?
00:27:42Chad is in the African country, the one that Libby's about to invade.
00:27:45Uh, turn off the music.
00:27:50You remember when you told me that every black man should visit the motherland?
00:27:54Bones, why do you think I chose water purification?
00:27:57Is your brother a poor man?
00:27:59No, it's because Chad is in a desert.
00:28:02And water purification is the reserve occupation most likely to be called up if there's a desert war.
00:28:08And there's a desert war, and we're going!
00:28:10Ha ha ha!
00:28:12That's it, Bones.
00:28:13I'm gonna kill you.
00:28:14Well, go ahead.
00:28:14You gotta relax here, okay?
00:28:16I'm gonna get us out of this one.
00:28:19Trust me.
00:28:30At ease.
00:28:32Sir, I know we're going to Chad, but there's something that you need to know about Jack and I before
00:28:38we go, sir.
00:28:39Yes?
00:28:41Uh, uh, Bones and I are very close, uh, friends.
00:28:47Very.
00:28:48Oh, I see.
00:28:50In that case, boys, I guess you're not going to Chad.
00:28:57Sorry to disappoint you, sir.
00:29:03Uh, just one thing.
00:29:07Anything.
00:29:10Kiss him.
00:29:12Excuse me?
00:29:14Kiss your friend.
00:29:16You don't have a problem with that, now, do you?
00:29:20Oh, no.
00:29:22He kisses me every day.
00:29:31It's going to be done.
00:29:34It's going to be done.
00:29:42Just do it.
00:29:49Is it hot in Chad?
00:29:51As the Libyan raids against U.N. forces near the border continue, this U.S. force is being ready to
00:29:59deter the invasion threatened by the Libyan leader in his television broadcast last night.
00:30:04And as the buildup here continues, the first Army Reserve units arrived here today.
00:30:09These units will aid in the supply and logistical support for the growing U.S. presence here.
00:30:14These troops are in high spirits, and the morale is high, and their hopes are high, and this mission will
00:30:20remain a peaceful.
00:30:22Reporting live from Chad for World Wide News Report, this is Stu Krieger.
00:30:44I am 1st Sergeant Brandon T. Williams.
00:30:46It is my intention to run this company like a clock.
00:30:50If one gear slips in my clock, my clock will tell the wrong time.
00:30:54If one spring is loose in my clock, my clock will tell the wrong time.
00:30:581st Sergeant Williams likes his clock to tell the right time.
00:31:00Do you understand me?
00:31:02Yes, Sergeant!
00:31:04What did he just say?
00:31:05I don't know, something about his clock being broken.
00:31:10Have my words fallen upon deaf ears?
00:31:13Yes, Sergeant!
00:31:15I mean, no, Sergeant.
00:31:17Don't you know I'm your 1st Sergeant?
00:31:21Well, actually, I wish you were my 1st Sergeant, but I already had a couple ones already.
00:31:27Drop!
00:31:28And give me push-ups!
00:31:29You will continue to do push-ups until you learn to address me as 1st Sergeant!
00:31:33Is that clear?
00:31:34Yes, 1st Sergeant!
00:31:36Call!
00:31:361st Sergeant, 2 1st Sergeant, 3 1st Sergeant, 4 1st Sergeant, 5 1st Sergeant, 6 1st Sergeant,
00:31:447 1st Sergeant, 7 1st Sergeant, 8 1st Sergeant,
00:31:468 1st Sergeant, 9 1st Sergeant, 10 1 1st Sergeant, 11 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1
00:31:531 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1
00:31:581 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1
00:31:591 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1
00:32:001 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1
00:32:001 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1
00:32:001 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1
00:32:001 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1
00:32:021 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1
00:32:021 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1
00:32:041 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1
00:32:08first sergeant well you just did your last push-up soldier i will never ask you to do another
00:32:12thank you first sergeant you just graduated the peeling potatoes six thousand five hundred and
00:32:17forty three for sergeant six thousand five hundred and forty four for sergeant for sergeant six
00:32:25thousand five hundred five six thousand one six hundred thousand fifty four hundred fifty two
00:32:33first sergeant okay shit i lost count
00:32:37wait we got it we got it we got it look
00:32:58oh look hey it's the sunroof
00:33:20oh
00:33:21oh look gabrielle tucked in a little note into my duffel bag oh yeah dear bones by the time you
00:33:30read this i will already be what i will already be in milan with guido
00:33:39oh she dumped you sorry bones i must say though this guy sounds really nice he's got a villa right
00:33:46on the adriatic sea jack don't rub it in no no you're better off she's a horrible speller there's
00:33:52only one s and loser look at that and immature-ish i don't even think that's a word gabriella
00:33:58uh she she broke my heart sorry well fortunately i'm too shallow to stay bummed for too long
00:34:09oh would you mind turn the light off please jack oh yeah fred you checked your your bag for scorpions
00:34:16right scorpions he's messing with you fred no i'm not chad is the scorpion capital of the world
00:34:24yep brett they're big ones too about as big as my fist they outnumber people two to one and that
00:34:31margin grows with every sting so have a good sleep brett good night everybody good night
00:34:37fun nice to alan nice down boy scorpions all right
00:34:53i got one i got one
00:35:10very funny we're just trying to help you get over your fears fred really fred don't worry about it
00:35:17you come and sleep with me yeah well i i'd rather take my chances with the scorpion thank you
00:35:24god god i hate this it's not that bad it's like camp john jacob jingelheimer smith
00:35:35that's my name too whenever we go whenever we go there goes john jacob jingelheimer smith
00:35:44john jacob jingelheimer smith come on that's my name too
00:35:53come on
00:35:55come on
00:36:06come on
00:36:24don't eat the chicken and it tastes just like frog
00:36:27okay
00:36:36ready go
00:36:42who are you that special forces
00:36:45what are you that special forces
00:36:5014.11 seconds
00:36:51damn try it again
00:36:56he's incredible time me
00:37:01all right
00:37:04go
00:37:16well that is not good what happened that is not good
00:37:27oh great it's coming over just just don't look at him
00:37:32you lose something
00:37:35yeah thanks
00:37:38put it in my lasagna
00:37:40you better call 9-1-1 get an ambulance find a doctor order a toe tag because i'm gonna tear
00:37:44off your head and spit down your neck do you understand me boy
00:37:49hey hey hey you have to relax a little take it easy we're in the middle of a war and
00:37:57we're on the same
00:37:59side
00:38:03would america have won the civil war
00:38:11okay
00:38:12A little knowledge. A little knowledge to partay.
00:38:17Go ahead, man.
00:38:19If our soldiers, our American soldiers, acted like this in Desert Storm,
00:38:26Saddam Hussein would still be running Iraq.
00:38:28Uh, what?
00:38:35So maybe we're a bunch of reservists fresh off the plane, right?
00:38:38It's obvious. But you regular guys, you've been here so long that your brains are fried.
00:38:45So I guess what I'm really trying to say is...
00:38:51That doesn't mean we all can't be friends.
00:38:55Please.
00:38:56There's only one problem with you newbies, O.
00:39:00You don't eat enough.
00:39:02No, that's...
00:39:05Attention!
00:39:19As you were.
00:39:28Son.
00:39:29I bet the mess sergeant could use a volunteer to peel potatoes.
00:39:33Yes, sir.
00:39:34Can I count on you?
00:39:35Yes, sir.
00:39:37Carry on.
00:39:40I happen to know, on this base, there's not one unpeeled potato.
00:39:52I don't forget, I got the $1,000.
00:39:55I want to go, I'll get all of them.
00:39:58I heard the Libyans are already backing down, and we're going to be out of here in two weeks.
00:40:02Yeah?
00:40:03Well, I hear they're sending 20,000 more troops, and we're going to be here until Christmas.
00:40:07All right, then.
00:40:09Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
00:40:10Where you going?
00:40:13Sound like I got bad breath.
00:40:22And until they comply with you in resolution 991, I don't think anybody's going anywhere.
00:40:28Oh, you're amazing, Christine.
00:40:31How do you keep up with all that stuff?
00:40:36Christine?
00:40:38Christine?
00:40:42All right, quit screwing around.
00:40:46Chris!
00:40:48Send some water with this mud.
00:40:50Let's go, guys.
00:40:56Chris!
00:41:01Jack?
00:41:07Fred!
00:41:13How does it feel to be dead, motor boy?
00:41:18I don't know.
00:41:19How does it feel to be a dick, dick?
00:41:29Damn it!
00:41:30Where's my water?
00:41:31There was none delivered last night for a sergeant.
00:41:38Goddamn piece of shit, newbies.
00:41:39How am I going to run a decent HQ without my coffee?
00:41:42Well...
00:41:48That is truly a pathetic sight.
00:41:51Who perpetrated this?
00:42:00Ow!
00:42:06Who did this to you?
00:42:08I can't tell you for a sergeant.
00:42:10What?
00:42:10You have too much honor?
00:42:14Oh...
00:42:14I've been threatened with death.
00:42:16Untie these clowns.
00:42:18And give me some water!
00:42:19Ow!
00:42:27I have an announcement.
00:42:29Do you guys want your water?
00:42:31Because you're looking a little bit crispy.
00:42:33You better...
00:42:33Oh, I know, I know, I know.
00:42:35Tell me if this is right.
00:42:35I better call 976.
00:42:38Find a doctor and tag an ambulance, because you're going to tear off my toe and spit down my head,
00:42:43right?
00:42:43Do you guess what you're watered or not?
00:42:45Sergeant!
00:42:47Report to Captain Roberts.
00:42:48You've got a mission.
00:42:50Water, boys.
00:42:53Report to 1st Sergeant Williams.
00:42:54You've got a mission, too.
00:42:55Listen up!
00:42:57Captain Denby says we're going to resupply the forward UN peacekeeping base.
00:43:02This is a very simple, routine mission.
00:43:06You will fall into line in the very large, very prepared convoy.
00:43:09All you have to do is follow the truck in front of you.
00:43:13When your troops get thirsty, you will give them water.
00:43:16Conway, you look confused.
00:43:18Are you sure you want to send us to a forward area?
00:43:20We're just water, boys.
00:43:21You are soldiers.
00:43:23You will get in that convoy, and you will be a credit to the United States Army.
00:43:27Is that clear?
00:43:27Yes, 1st Sergeant!
00:43:29Then muscle your lollygagging bus for getting ticket.
00:43:31Move out!
00:43:31Yes, 1st Sergeant!
00:44:01Damn it!
00:44:02Forget it.
00:44:03They're going to send a tow truck.
00:44:08Man, what I wouldn't do for a double meat chili cheeseburger right now.
00:44:13No.
00:44:14A margarita on the rocks.
00:44:18Or some fresh, buttery Jiffy Pop.
00:44:21That's not popcorn, boys.
00:44:24Hmm?
00:44:25That convoy's under attack.
00:44:29Really?
00:44:30I don't think so.
00:44:35Maniac shooting at us!
00:44:37You're a maniac!
00:44:37It's the enemy!
00:44:38What the hell are you doing?
00:44:39Surrendering!
00:44:40Don't shoot!
00:44:41Surrender!
00:44:46Whoa!
00:44:52Jill!
00:44:56Nice going, Christine.
00:44:58Did you have to shoot so close, huh?
00:45:00You scared the shit out of me.
00:45:02Well, excuse me for living.
00:45:03I was just trying to save your worthless little life.
00:45:05Christine, are you aware that after a near-death experience, there's often a desire to have sex?
00:45:11Yeah, Jack.
00:45:12That's right.
00:45:13I feel it.
00:45:15All right.
00:45:17Just not with you.
00:45:19Ever.
00:45:20Got it?
00:45:21Yeah.
00:45:22Got it.
00:45:23I'm glad we could have this little talk.
00:45:25I didn't feel anything.
00:45:27You guys, let's get out of here.
00:45:29The truck's on fire!
00:45:48Stay low!
00:45:49It's gonna...
00:45:57Explode.
00:46:00Where's the phone?
00:46:04Hello!
00:46:10Now, rickety-tick, you're mustering lollygaggin' let's lollygaggin' out of here!
00:46:27Is it the road that way?
00:46:29I'm taking the shortcut.
00:46:30Is there one?
00:46:31Uh-huh.
00:46:32The road curves around like this.
00:46:34All we gotta do is cut the desert here and catch up the convoy over there.
00:46:39Watch out!
00:46:40Come on!
00:46:40I think I know what I'm doing here.
00:46:42I guess this is the wrong time to tell you guys I get very easily car-seamered.
00:47:02Bones, I don't see a road.
00:47:04I have the best sense of direction of anyone you know.
00:47:08The road's over there.
00:47:10Three miles.
00:47:11Maybe four.
00:47:12Oh, yeah.
00:47:13Maybe ten.
00:47:15Maybe twenty.
00:47:17Maybe our truck is sinking.
00:47:21No!
00:47:24No!
00:47:40Hey, forget it, okay?
00:47:43Just shut it down.
00:47:44We'll kick it out.
00:47:45No, stand back.
00:47:46Stand back!
00:47:47I'm gonna rock it!
00:47:54You're quitting.
00:47:54It's not working.
00:47:56You're sucking too much sand into the air filter.
00:47:58I order you to shut it down now.
00:48:02You order me?
00:48:04Yeah, but I'm private first class, okay?
00:48:06I'm ordering you.
00:48:07Come on.
00:48:08The only reason you made private first class is because your brother's a poor man.
00:48:20Huh?
00:48:21You happy?
00:48:22You happy?
00:48:26Yeah, well, I hope you brought your triple A card.
00:48:29Let's see.
00:48:36Well, look, you cracked the block.
00:48:38I could have done it if you hadn't stopped me.
00:48:40Yeah, you're so full of it.
00:48:42You know what?
00:48:43Shut up!
00:48:44We gotta figure out what we're gonna do.
00:48:47Then why don't you just ask our fearless leader here?
00:48:49Private first class bones, the one with the highest rank.
00:48:52All you had to do, Jack, was just listen to me, okay?
00:48:55I was trying to...
00:48:56All I've ever done is listen to you, and look where it's taken me.
00:48:58Look!
00:49:00We're in the middle of some African hellhole!
00:49:02Under a flesh-frying sun, with the sky filled with vultures, ready to pluck out my eyeballs.
00:49:09Vultures don't come around unless something's about to die.
00:49:13Shh!
00:49:29Are you ripping the sleeves off your jacket?
00:49:33Oh, that's gonna look sexy.
00:49:36Jack, tomorrow, we have to walk away from this water truck.
00:49:40We have two canteens between us.
00:49:42We're gonna fill up the sleeves of our jackets with water, and then we have more water.
00:49:45Am I the only person who would pay attention in survival class?
00:49:52There's a scorpion on my back!
00:49:54There's a scorpion on my back!
00:49:55That's enough!
00:49:57There's not a scorpion on your back!
00:50:00Uh-uh.
00:50:02There is a scorpion on my back!
00:50:04Frank, there's nothing on your back!
00:50:07You keep on imagining things!
00:50:09No, no, no, no!
00:50:12Thank you!
00:50:13I needed that!
00:50:14No, I'm...
00:50:16I'm sorry I snapped.
00:50:18Look, you don't have to apologize!
00:50:20You're right!
00:50:22I see things very clear now!
00:50:25All right, Fred!
00:50:26Look, guys, I wanna apologize to everybody, okay?
00:50:29He's okay!
00:50:30I feel like a brand new man!
00:50:31All right.
00:50:31Now, can we get some rest?
00:50:33Okay!
00:50:34Thank you!
00:50:34Okay!
00:50:35Okay!
00:50:44What are you doing?!
00:50:47Just felt like...
00:50:48...but we're always playing!
00:50:53Did you see that thing?
00:50:54It was...
00:51:04Follow me. I know exactly where I'm going.
00:51:09Trust me.
00:51:35You guys, get down. I see something. Get down.
00:51:49It's a truck. There's the road. We are safe.
00:51:52I told you I had a flawless sense of direction.
00:51:56What a coincidence. That truck looks...
00:52:00It looks like our truck.
00:52:08Hey, listen, you guys. Hey.
00:52:11I figured out why we went in circles.
00:52:14Do you remember our map reading class?
00:52:16We didn't follow the sun.
00:52:21Look.
00:52:22This stream is due west.
00:52:25All we have to do is walk away from the sun in the morning
00:52:28and towards the sun in the afternoon.
00:52:30We should be there by nightfall.
00:52:32So you're saying we should risk being dried up into human jerky again
00:52:37just to follow another one of your half-baked plans?
00:52:40I'm not saying anything, okay?
00:52:42I mean, I'm pretty sure this is going to work.
00:52:43But since I let us down before,
00:52:46I say from here on in,
00:52:47we put everything to a vote.
00:52:49We can't vote.
00:52:51You order, we follow.
00:52:53Okay, why order us to vote?
00:52:55That is not how the army goes.
00:52:57You have to tell us what to do.
00:53:00Well, what if I'm wrong?
00:53:01Well, then we die.
00:53:10I order us to do a sun-baked plan thing.
00:53:17We're dead.
00:53:21Hey, guys, just think of it as a very long day
00:53:26on a very big beach in a very dry year.
00:53:49Hey, hey, hey, hey, wait a minute.
00:53:51It's the ocean.
00:53:53I don't see anything.
00:53:55What are you, blind?
00:53:56The waves.
00:53:57It's the ocean.
00:53:59It's a mirage.
00:54:01It is a mirage.
00:54:03And there's Caesars.
00:54:04And right across the street is the Barbary Coast
00:54:07so we can get a $3.99 buffet.
00:54:09And it's the ocean.
00:54:11Come on.
00:54:13Come on.
00:54:14Go.
00:54:16Come on.
00:54:18Come on.
00:54:20Come on.
00:54:25Come on.
00:54:34Here's the canteen.
00:54:35Go get your boy because he's bugging.
00:54:51You okay, man?
00:54:53You okay?
00:54:54Here, take a sip.
00:54:57Listen.
00:54:59Look, Jack, we've got two choices.
00:55:02One, we can put your clothes back on.
00:55:04We can get ourselves out of this mess.
00:55:05Go back to Glendale.
00:55:06Start up our own store.
00:55:07Become rich and famous.
00:55:09Or two, you can lie here butt naked and crushed away,
00:55:13leaving your skull to be found by a young Arabic prince
00:55:16that's going to use it for an ashtray.
00:55:21You don't want that in your head.
00:55:24You make the call.
00:55:25Come on.
00:55:25Let's get out of here.
00:55:27What do you say?
00:55:28Come on.
00:55:29Here.
00:55:31Here.
00:55:32Here.
00:55:32Here.
00:55:33Here.
00:55:34Here.
00:55:35Here.
00:55:35Come on.
00:55:36Come on.
00:55:37Here.
00:55:38Come on.
00:55:39Here.
00:55:41Hey.
00:55:43Oh, Jack, look at that ass.
00:55:46Maybe you should stay naked.
00:55:47Get some sun on those cheeks.
00:55:57What?
00:55:58Oh, man.
00:55:59Man, now I'm seeing things.
00:56:01The palm tree's right on the horizon.
00:56:03Oh, it's another mirage.
00:56:05Oh, my God.
00:56:06I see it, too.
00:56:07It's not a mirage.
00:56:08Those are the palm trees.
00:56:11It's the oasis.
00:56:12Oh, man.
00:56:13You saved our life.
00:56:21Where's my kiss?
00:56:23Christine.
00:56:30The street was due west, right?
00:56:33It was on the map, right?
00:56:35Where's the water?
00:56:39This is sand.
00:56:47Nobody move.
00:56:50There is a big snake right by your feet.
00:56:55No!
00:56:57Thanks for not moving, Jack.
00:57:01Throw me the gun.
00:57:04If you don't attack it, it'll go away.
00:57:07I don't want it to go away.
00:57:09I want to have it for dinner.
00:57:10Throw me the gun.
00:57:24You want some of this, baby, huh?
00:57:26There you go.
00:57:27Come on!
00:57:28Oh, oh.
00:57:29Oh, no.
00:57:31I'm still gonna get you.
00:57:36Let's die for me.
00:57:37I'll kill you.
00:57:42Huh?
00:57:43Shoulda, but da, da, da, da, da!
00:57:50Huh?
00:57:52It's a win-win situation.
00:57:57Will you look at that?
00:57:59Water from the bullet hole.
00:58:05Water!
00:58:06Water!
00:58:07Water!
00:58:08Water!
00:58:10Fresh water!
00:58:11I can't believe it!
00:58:13Water!
00:58:14Is it snake yet?
00:58:16Depends how you like it.
00:58:18Well done.
00:58:20Used to be afraid of scorpions.
00:58:22Now he's eating snake.
00:58:23That is impressive for him.
00:58:27I thought we were all gonna die.
00:58:30But you pulled us through.
00:58:33I don't know how.
00:58:35But thank you.
00:58:47That was, uh, pretty exceptional.
00:58:53So what are you gonna do if I get us rescued?
00:58:59Um, I will take off all your clothes.
00:59:06Tie you to the bed.
00:59:10Rub warm oil all over your body.
00:59:15From the bottom of those feet to the top of that head.
00:59:19And proceed to have the nastiest, freakiest sex with you that you have ever imagined.
00:59:30Oh, that's it.
00:59:31Damn it!
00:59:31I saw her first.
00:59:33And look what happens.
00:59:35Same thing that happened with Gabriela.
00:59:37I saw her first.
00:59:39And-and-and Wanda Tushman in the third grade.
00:59:41I saw her first.
00:59:42And that girl in Palm Springs that turned out to be the guy.
00:59:45I saw that thing first, too.
00:59:47You know why I'm not just strangling you right now?
00:59:51Because you can't cook a snake?
00:59:53No.
00:59:55Because no matter how long we've been friends, I never thought you'd be the kind of guy that would save
01:00:01our lives.
01:00:02Let alone kill a snake.
01:00:05But you did.
01:00:06Oh, hey, man.
01:00:07Thanks.
01:00:08Yeah.
01:00:09I think it's the U.N. flag.
01:00:12We're safe.
01:00:15Guys, Christine and I are going to need some time alone.
01:00:18Sure, man.
01:00:18We're safe.
01:00:20We're safe.
01:00:22Thank you, Mr. President.
01:00:23In the Situation Room of the White House today.
01:00:26And the President is scheduled to address the nation tomorrow at 6 p.m. Eastern Standard Time.
01:00:31We will, of course, bring that to you live.
01:00:33You are the Reservists from Glendale, California, correct?
01:00:36This all fuels...
01:00:37According to WNR, you are presumed dead in a truck explosion.
01:00:42Um...
01:00:42Where are we?
01:00:45You're on a military base, well inside Libya.
01:00:48That is all you need to know.
01:00:50Oh, I forgot to mention.
01:00:53The war is starting tomorrow.
01:00:55How'd you know that?
01:00:57American TV.
01:00:59Your country is expected to start bombing our air bases tomorrow.
01:01:03And when that happens, we will unleash missiles with chemical warheads against your bases.
01:01:09Consider yourself lucky to be here.
01:01:11Sleep well.
01:01:15You know, this is fine.
01:01:16It's like the time you got us arrested, Tijuana.
01:01:18Except for in Libya.
01:01:20And your dad's not gonna pick us up here, brother.
01:01:25Yo, it's...
01:01:26Aren't you guys also American?
01:01:32Oh, see, I see.
01:01:34I was wounded and I don't feel well.
01:01:36Please, sing a song to comfort me.
01:01:38Sing a song?
01:01:39Any song.
01:01:41Oh, because I think I'm sitting there.
01:01:43Oh, okay.
01:01:46Rescue me.
01:01:48Sing.
01:01:49Uh-huh.
01:01:49What?
01:01:50I want your tender chance.
01:01:55My team is on strategic recon.
01:01:58Huh?
01:01:59You know, that's when you go behind enemy lines and you try to locate their assets, like tanks
01:02:03and bunkers.
01:02:04We were on our way to a resupply drop.
01:02:06We were ambushed.
01:02:07The other guys were killed.
01:02:08Killed?
01:02:13I took a bullet in the leg and they brought me here.
01:02:17Uh-huh.
01:02:18I don't know any words to this song.
01:02:20Kiss me, baby.
01:02:21Kiss me, baby.
01:02:22Kiss me, baby.
01:02:23Hold me, baby.
01:02:25Hold me, baby.
01:02:26Hold me, baby.
01:02:27Use this to dig around the base of the bars on the window.
01:02:30I got one of them loose all over there.
01:02:32One of them escape?
01:02:33What are you, crazy?
01:02:38Look, it's the duty of every POW to try and escape.
01:02:41We're in the middle of a desert.
01:02:42What good is it going to do for us to escape?
01:02:44To complete the recon mission, soldier.
01:02:47A special operations cargo plane was instructed to make a supply drop at a rendezvous point about
01:02:5215K north of here.
01:02:53If we can get off this base, I can get us to the rendezvous if we want.
01:02:56You're insane, okay?
01:02:57The Libyans are going to launch chemical weapons.
01:02:59We're much safer here.
01:03:00No, I'm a soldier.
01:03:01I got a job to do.
01:03:03So are you.
01:03:05Now get to work.
01:03:08I'm lonely.
01:03:11Rescue me.
01:03:13Rescue me.
01:03:18Bye.
01:03:24Bye.
01:03:28My heart.
01:03:30You know what?
01:03:31You didn't scare me.
01:03:33I just fell out screaming.
01:03:34Don't worry about it.
01:03:35Most men think I'm scary.
01:03:40So you can't sleep, huh?
01:03:42I'm too excited.
01:03:44Excited?
01:03:44They might torture us tomorrow.
01:03:46They might even kill us.
01:03:48I know.
01:03:48It's just like the night before Christmas.
01:03:51Yeah, well, at my house we got presents.
01:03:52I'm talking about the anticipation.
01:03:57We might die.
01:03:59We might escape it.
01:04:01We don't know what's going to happen.
01:04:02That's the coolest thing in the whole world.
01:04:05Most girls are into horses and stuff.
01:04:08You're weird.
01:04:10Most men say that, too.
01:04:14I like it.
01:04:17You do?
01:04:20Yeah.
01:04:21Horses are boring.
01:04:31So, if I do get us out of here, and I will, is it true what you said about tying
01:04:37me up and all that wild, sick stuff?
01:04:40I'll have you kiss me again.
01:05:06I'll have you kiss me again.
01:05:11I thought I was having another panic attack.
01:05:16Jesus.
01:05:32Oh, it's okay.
01:05:35It's okay.
01:05:35It's okay.
01:05:58Almost.
01:06:00Try again.
01:06:02Okay.
01:06:09That was good, just a little more to the left, and we got him.
01:06:13Yeah, you guys just keep trying.
01:06:14Do you guys realize what we are doing right now?
01:06:17This is a scene from Pirates of the Caribbean.
01:06:20All we need is that mangy dog, right?
01:06:23And then we can go...
01:06:25Why?
01:06:25Just try it again.
01:06:57How much do you love me?
01:07:09I'm sorry, I don't get it.
01:07:10What is it with us and trucks?
01:07:12I mean, we get them, we break them, we smash them, we crash them, we run out of gas.
01:07:15I don't get it.
01:07:16Yes, yes, yes, I understand that, but we're not getting tortured by Baba Gadoosh right now, okay?
01:07:21No.
01:07:22Instead, we're lost in the desert.
01:07:24Again.
01:07:25Without food and water.
01:07:26Again.
01:07:27Stuck with this special forces guy.
01:07:30He can't even walk because he got his legs shot off.
01:07:32Fred, we're free.
01:07:33Damn, we're gonna die free.
01:07:35Or maybe not.
01:07:4455 American dollars.
01:07:47And then on top of it, see this, Chuck?
01:07:51Serious, bona fide Libyan army fighting machine.
01:07:54And it's all part of this amazing offer, my friend.
01:07:57And maybe if you're lucky, you might even have a Koi track.
01:08:00You can play abu-da-ba-da-ba-da stuff on it.
01:08:04Huh?
01:08:05And you ask me, how could it be?
01:08:07Why such a deal?
01:08:08Because we're crazy, boys.
01:08:11We're giving it away.
01:08:21You like this watch?
01:08:23Is it interesting?
01:08:24No, no, no, no, no, no.
01:08:25Come on, he likes it.
01:08:26Not the watch.
01:08:27Come on, it's got the phases of the moon and the compass.
01:08:31What?
01:08:32This has a compass?
01:08:34Yeah.
01:08:34Really?
01:08:35Yeah, well, we've been stuck in the desert for three days and you're telling me this watch
01:08:38has a compass.
01:08:39Sorry.
01:08:40Ooh, Jack.
01:08:41Ooh, you're gonna get some noogies later.
01:08:43I'm gonna just pound you like this.
01:08:45I forgot.
01:08:46Yeah, well, uh...
01:08:46About the compass.
01:08:47Well, you're gonna forget about your little watch here, Jack, because it's gone.
01:08:51Uh-huh.
01:08:52Here you go, my friend.
01:08:54Hey, you guys, in my life I've seen a lot of camel's toes, but I've never seen one in
01:09:01a camel.
01:09:03I think he's got a crush on you, Bones.
01:09:06Really?
01:09:06How can you tell?
01:09:08Because he's been nibbling on your ears.
01:09:11Yeah?
01:09:12And licking on your neck.
01:09:14It's okay.
01:09:16You're just a camel.
01:09:20Our supply drop's on the other side of that Libyan base.
01:09:24What Libyan base?
01:09:25Pones, are you blind?
01:09:27It's a Libyan base covered with a camo tent.
01:09:29What are you talking about?
01:09:31I guess we're gonna have to go around it.
01:09:34Around what?
01:09:35See that jeep right there?
01:09:36Mm-hmm, I see the jeep.
01:09:37Okay.
01:09:38But I certainly don't...
01:09:41Oh, you mean that Libyan base, the one under the camo tent.
01:09:46I thought you guys were talking about some other Libyan base.
01:09:50Will there be medical supplies?
01:09:51Medical supplies, uniforms, food, water, radio, everything you need.
01:09:56Yeah, but where is it?
01:09:57It's supposed to be right here.
01:10:00Hey, you guys!
01:10:01Come on!
01:10:04Hey!
01:10:05Come on, you guys!
01:10:06What is it?
01:10:06Come on!
01:10:07Oh!
01:10:08Oh!
01:10:10Oh!
01:10:11Oh!
01:10:12Oh!
01:10:12Oh!
01:10:13Oh!
01:10:15Woo-hoo!
01:10:16Yeah!
01:10:18Yeah!
01:10:21Yeah!
01:10:23Yeah!
01:10:24Good fun!
01:10:27Hot wheels!
01:10:36Oh!
01:10:42Sterk!
01:10:44These things are intense. No wonder people join the army.
01:10:47Be all that you can be in the army.
01:10:52What happened to him?
01:10:54His leg looks pretty bad. I think it's infected because he lost a lot of blood.
01:10:58But look at his gums. They're fabulous, man. Not a touch of gingivitis. He's been flossing.
01:11:03Yeah, but why is he acting so wasted?
01:11:05Oh, that's some morphine.
01:11:07Absolutely. The morphine better.
01:11:12Hello? Somebody answer us, please. You gotta believe us. We're stuck out here in the middle. Please, just help us.
01:11:18Get a hold of yourself, soldier.
01:11:20Oh, thank God it's you.
01:11:22Listen.
01:11:22Don't say my name. What did I say to you when you first arrived in Chad?
01:11:28Uh, something about your clock being broken?
01:11:31Close enough. Okay, calm down, son. We're gonna get you out of there.
01:11:35Now listen carefully. Your call sign is now Glendale. Our call sign is now Burbank.
01:11:43Did you recover the fast attack vehicles, Glendale?
01:11:45Oh, you mean those doom buggies. Yeah, those things are intense.
01:11:49Good. This equipment was intended for the Special Forces team to carry out a vital mission.
01:11:54You are our only assets on the ground with the right equipment in the right place.
01:12:00Say what?
01:12:01You have to take over, Glendale.
01:12:04Listen, let me explain something. First of all, Sergeant, we're water boys.
01:12:08So keep playing these...
01:12:09Your soldiers first, Glendale.
01:12:12Now, listen up.
01:12:14The Libyans have a mobile scud launching base right in your area.
01:12:19These scuds are loaded with chemical weapons and targeted at U.S. bases.
01:12:23Our aerial photographs haven't been able to find them.
01:12:26You want us to find them? Well, what about Stern? Stern can find them. He'll be up pretty soon. Stern?
01:12:31Daddy, why can't I go to ballet class?
01:12:35Teacher says I'm a natural.
01:12:38These scuds can't be spotted from the air because of heavy camouflage.
01:12:43Camouflage? Why didn't you say so in the first place?
01:12:47Listen, we saw the thing this morning. Stern wrote down the coordinates, right, Stern?
01:12:52We'll tell you where it is. You guys can come here and bomb the hell out of it.
01:12:56Come on, send the Air Force!
01:12:57It's not enough to tell us. You have to go back there and paint it.
01:13:02Paint it? Trust me, it looks perfectly fine the way it is.
01:13:06I mean paint it with the laser.
01:13:08The laser target designator is in your equipment.
01:13:12All you have to do is return to that base, point the laser at it, and call me back on
01:13:17the radio.
01:13:18The Air Force will do the rest. You can be a mile away in perfect safety.
01:13:24All right, wait a minute.
01:13:26Chris!
01:13:27What?
01:13:28Get over here.
01:13:29No, Bones, they can't make us do anything. We don't know how to use this stuff.
01:13:32Fred, do you use lasers in dentistry, right?
01:13:35Uh-uh, I know what's going on. You're gonna try to make the brother hold the laser, right?
01:13:39No. My laser was a little itty-bitty laser. This is a big laser. There's a difference.
01:13:44Glendale! Glendale!
01:13:45No, no, no, no, no. Can't they just evacuate the bases?
01:13:48Yeah, or we can take an hour out of our busy lives, hop in these cool dune buggies,
01:13:53pop the base with the laser, and let the Air Force blow the hell out of it!
01:13:56Now you listen to me, Glendale.
01:13:57Please, hold yourself there. One second.
01:14:00I'm just trying to have a moment with my friends. Is that okay? Just have a cup of java. Please,
01:14:04chill.
01:14:08Fred, when you first got here, you were completely freaked, right?
01:14:12Yeah.
01:14:13And now look at you, huh? You're a regular G.I. Joe, a fighting man from head to toe.
01:14:19And Chris, you wanted infantry. Well, now's your chance. Let's see what you got.
01:14:27And Jack, my friend, you were a complete screw-up.
01:14:31But now look at you. You're still a screw-up, but if you did this and you survived,
01:14:36you'd have stuff to tell your little screw-up grandkids.
01:14:39Basically, you guys, up to a few months ago, we were all a bunch of minimum-wage losers from Glendale.
01:14:44But this whole event has changed our lives. You know who we owe it to? The Army.
01:14:51This is something we gotta do. Come on. Go with it.
01:14:54Chris, I know you're with me.
01:14:57Yeah, boy.
01:14:58Fred, listen. If you can't handle it, I understand, man.
01:15:01I can handle it.
01:15:04Jack, what do you say, man?
01:15:07Oh, I say you're crazy. I think you're all nuts.
01:15:11But if you're the private first class, I'm the private. I'm gonna follow you, my friend, wherever.
01:15:17All right, you guys, let's do this thing.
01:15:20Kick it, man.
01:15:21Darren, you ready?
01:15:23Let's go, Bone.
01:15:25I know, I know. It's just a little bit of business I have to take care of.
01:15:32I, you're gonna have to go now.
01:15:36You're gonna have to go be all the camel that you can be.
01:15:44Bye.
01:15:49All right, troops!
01:15:53Let's go bust some scuds!
01:15:55Let's go bust some scuds!
01:16:09Oh, come on!
01:16:14Ah, barbecue!
01:16:16Ah!
01:16:19Ah!
01:16:48All right, Glendale to Burbank, come in.
01:16:50I wish we had cooler codenames.
01:16:52What was that, Glendale?
01:16:54Nothing. I was just saying that these codenames suck.
01:16:57Can I call you General Sweetpants?
01:16:59You better remember who you're talking to, Glendale.
01:17:01Are you in position?
01:17:02Guy's got no sense of humor.
01:17:04Yeah, we can see the target.
01:17:06Have you painted it with the laser?
01:17:11Just did.
01:17:13Good going, Glendale. The airstrike is inbound.
01:17:16You should acquire the target in seven minutes.
01:17:18It is vital that you do not take the laser off the target
01:17:22until the target is destroyed.
01:17:24Can you hold it there for seven minutes?
01:17:26I got it propped up here on the rock.
01:17:28I can hold it here all day long. I'm good to go.
01:17:31No problem, Burbank.
01:17:33Good. Lay low and report any change in situation.
01:17:37We'll be standing by.
01:17:39Out.
01:17:55Come on.
01:17:57Come on.
01:18:04Tell me again about the store.
01:18:07Oh, the store.
01:18:09Well, it's going to be great.
01:18:10We're going to have our own room
01:18:12where people can get their feet massaged.
01:18:14Sorry.
01:18:38Hold your position, Glendale.
01:18:39And keep that laser on the target.
01:18:42On the target?
01:18:43We are the target.
01:18:47Tell them to hurry up.
01:18:48You better hurry.
01:18:49We got 60 pissed off Libyans heading towards us.
01:18:52Stay with it. Stay with it.
01:18:57Let's get these guys here.
01:18:59Come on.
01:19:00Okay.
01:19:02Get out of here.
01:19:03All right.
01:19:04This is for the Glendale water boy.
01:19:16Not bad, huh?
01:19:17Woo!
01:19:40Reload.
01:19:50Reload.
01:20:19Oh, shit.
01:20:21Missed.
01:20:21Yeah, well, at least they didn't blow up my head.
01:20:25Where you going, soldiers?
01:20:26We know you can do it.
01:20:27Oh, perfect.
01:20:28I'm gonna find you the biggest bottle of champagne in Chad.
01:20:32Yeah, well, don't pop the cork yet.
01:20:34The bomb's messed.
01:20:35The base wasn't hit.
01:20:37You better send another airstrike here and send it fast.
01:20:40Wait one.
01:20:49Lindale.
01:20:50The backup strike of F-111s is being diverted to your target.
01:20:54ETA, three minutes.
01:20:55Three minutes?
01:20:56What, are you crazy?
01:20:57We don't have three minutes.
01:20:59In three minutes, we're gonna be shish kebabs.
01:21:01We're under serious attack.
01:21:03You'll have to hold them.
01:21:18Oh, shit.
01:21:19Oh, my God.
01:21:21You better get the planes here sooner.
01:21:23The scuds are ready to fire.
01:21:25Two minutes and 30 seconds.
01:21:29Hey!
01:21:30Hey!
01:21:31Where's he going?
01:21:39Hey!
01:21:40Hey!
01:21:40Hey!
01:21:40Hey!
01:21:41Hey!
01:21:42Hey!
01:21:42Hey, what?
01:21:47All right.
01:21:48The man!
01:21:50You stay right here.
01:21:52I got to go.
01:21:53Move the dude.
01:21:54Move the dude.
01:21:56Move the dude.
01:21:57Move the dude.
01:21:59Hey!
01:22:03You guys.
01:22:05Move over.
01:22:05Move over.
01:22:06Whoa.
01:22:08Cock firing mechanism.
01:22:11report the situation
01:22:16shut up
01:22:28aim to set range if known or estimate
01:22:31who came up with these directions
01:22:32I don't know
01:22:34tell me to shut up one more time when I'm gonna rip your spine out
01:22:36and use it for a putting iron
01:22:38shut up I'm not good with directions
01:22:42push
01:22:42safety
01:22:44and hold down okay now everybody
01:22:46back fire
01:22:48by pushing
01:22:50suck on this at once
01:22:56time
01:23:05sorry
01:23:10last chance my friend
01:23:38yes
01:23:39Yeah!
01:23:40Yeah!
01:23:41Yeah!
01:23:43Yeah!
01:23:45Yeah!
01:23:46Yeah!
01:23:47Yeah!
01:23:47Oh, man!
01:23:48Yeah!
01:23:49Oh!
01:23:50Oh!
01:23:51That's my signal.
01:23:52Everybody scream like crazy.
01:23:54Make them think we've got 50 guys up here, okay?
01:23:57One, and go!
01:24:00Yeah!
01:24:14We scared them!
01:24:17I can't believe we scared them out!
01:24:21Yeah!
01:24:25Don't mess with the Glendale Reserves!
01:24:29Two weeks a year, one week in a month, we're the few!
01:24:35We're the proud!
01:24:36We're the water boys!
01:24:41All stuck!
01:24:42Get down!
01:24:44Get down!
01:25:06We're the first!
01:25:08Yes!
01:25:11Ohhh!
01:25:14Yes!
01:25:16Nooo!
01:25:20Yeah!
01:25:22Whoo!
01:25:22Whoo!
01:25:23Yeah!
01:25:24Come on!
01:25:27Come on!
01:25:28Come on!
01:25:29Come on!
01:25:34Yeah!
01:25:35Hey!
01:25:35All right!
01:25:36Yeah...
01:25:37Not bad for a bunch of waterboys, huh?
01:25:40No! Soldiers! I'm proud of you guys!
01:25:44Not now!
01:25:52You ought to be damn pleased with yourselves.
01:25:56Congratulations. You did an outstanding job.
01:25:59It wasn't a job for a sergeant. It was an adventure.
01:26:35You're going to have to go get a blood test phone.
01:26:37What?
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