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Taskmaster.S21E01.Cube.Is.Good

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Fun
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00:02Don't look away
00:16I might just do this all day
00:32Welcome! Welcome to a brand new series of Castmasters!
00:38CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
00:41Five fresh comedians have been prepared in our laughter kitchen
00:45and are about to be thrown into the buffet of fun
00:48to see if any of them have what it takes to be a main course at the Giggle Feast.
00:52I hope so. I'm Henry VIII of Chuckles,
00:55and my big belly is in need of laughs. Yum-yum!
01:00So, let's meet our new cast of competitors
01:03and marvel at their reputations and stature
01:07while they're still intact.
01:09Please welcome...
01:11CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
01:27And next to me, a man who admitted to me when he was tipsy
01:30that if he'd been alive in the war, he probably would have defected to Mussolini's Italy.
01:35Because he loves pasta and he doesn't believe in freedom.
01:41LAUGHTER
01:42It's...
01:42HE LAUGHS
01:47HE LAUGHS
01:48Right, you're half right. Hello! Hello!
01:52What's the first prize task of the series, please, with Alex Horne?
01:55Well, Greg, you told them your problem and they're here to help
01:59because the category is the thing most likely to deter people from your premises.
02:05LAUGHTER
02:06Yes.
02:07And this guy's got property coming out of his backside.
02:09Greg will give five points to the thing he thinks is most likely
02:12to deter people from their premises and all five deterrents will head home
02:16with the episode winner.
02:17But for now, Greg, it's back to you and your backside big time.
02:20Here we go.
02:21Thank you so much.
02:22Mm-hm.
02:22Amy, welcome to the show.
02:23Hello.
02:24What have you bought to deter people from my property?
02:26Very simple.
02:28Mrs Clatterbottom.
02:29This is Mrs Clatterbottom, Greg.
02:33LAUGHTER
02:37Full size.
02:38Yeah, she's good.
02:40She's good!
02:41Where did you get Clatterbottom?
02:42So, my friend hand-painted this mask, Mrs Clatterbottom.
02:49Ooh!
02:51And what's your plan to deter people from property?
02:53Are you going to put it in the window?
02:54Yeah.
02:55Like, Home Alone style-y.
02:57You know when a light goes on, when you go into a garden
03:00or something?
03:01Yeah.
03:01I think the light will actually go on in the living room
03:03and you'll walk down the path and then the light will come on
03:06and Clatterbottom will be there.
03:07Clatterbottom's there?
03:08Yeah.
03:08I'm never going to break into that house.
03:10Well, that's a good start.
03:11It's one of the strongest starts we've ever had.
03:13Well done.
03:14It doesn't mean it won't come last.
03:17LAUGHTER
03:18Armando, can you beat Clatterbottom?
03:20Well, look, I've gone, like, just no-nonsense.
03:22But I've just put, I'll sign up my gate, which is...
03:25Is this?
03:26This sign here.
03:27This sign here.
03:27And, yeah.
03:28LAUGHTER
03:29I've just got an extra layer of security.
03:32LAUGHTER
03:34Yeah.
03:35Which, as we all know, don't really exist.
03:37LAUGHTER
03:38So, are you presuming that people trying to break into your house
03:41are going to be like, oh, no, I'll have to pay £15 to go rob stuff from?
03:45Yeah.
03:45If someone's going to steal from me, I might as well make some money from it.
03:49LAUGHTER
03:51I mean, sometimes you're going to have to suspend disbelief on this show.
03:55LAUGHTER
03:56These have been good, Joanna.
03:58Now, someone's going to mess up.
03:59Right.
03:59What have you brought me?
04:00I have brought in a mould of my own head, which I've dressed up,
04:05and a sign inviting people to come and join me in my hot tub.
04:11LAUGHTER
04:16This is a mould...
04:17I did a film years ago, and I had to have a lobotomy in it,
04:21and so they did, like, a mould thing of my head
04:24where they put, like, this green, alginate sort of stuff on it,
04:27and so they gave me this head at the end of filming,
04:30and I was like, well, I've got nothing to do with it,
04:31so I put it in my parents' wardrobe.
04:33And then my son, who's ten, a while ago, found it.
04:36I've never had so much information in my life.
04:38LAUGHTER
04:40I own this sign, but I do think if someone has a sign...
04:44I don't have a hot tub, but I do have this sign.
04:46And if somebody, I think, asks you to go and sit in a hot tub with them
04:50to relax and sing and laugh, I wouldn't go anywhere near that house.
04:54OK, I'm going to have to develop some rules for you.
04:57LAUGHTER
05:03Normally, someone's been absolutely rubbish by now,
05:06and I've had to shout at them.
05:07Hello, Joel.
05:09LAUGHTER
05:10It is a glittery frame,
05:14and inside that glittery frame is my son's umbilical core.
05:18LAUGHTER
05:20Ooh, it's good.
05:22LAUGHTER
05:23I loved my son, but that bit of congealed blood and skin,
05:27I don't want to be framed.
05:29Whose idea was it?
05:30Because it's like a nice thing when it gets, you know...
05:32That's not a nice thing, is it?
05:33We've agreed.
05:34Absolutely.
05:35Yeah, but I didn't know that's what it looks like when it dries.
05:38Ah.
05:39Do you know what I mean?
05:39So it was, like, appealing when it was wet?
05:42LAUGHTER
05:45Imagine if that was, like, hung on my door.
05:47OK.
05:47You know, you'd be like, whoa, whoa, this...
05:50I've got to go now.
05:52LAUGHTER
05:53Thieves around Britain are going to be ready for you.
05:56LAUGHTER
05:57It's incredible.
05:59Kamal, hello.
06:00What have you brought me?
06:00I think this sign speaks for itself.
06:03Yes, Kamal has brought this in.
06:06LAUGHTER
06:09Nobody's going in there.
06:11Is this a real Department of Homeland Security sign?
06:14No, it's not a real one, Greg.
06:16I'm trying to stay away from where the real signs are.
06:20LAUGHTER
06:21It's strong.
06:23OK.
06:23Here come my points.
06:24I'm giving Joel's horrible umbilical cord one point.
06:27Not because it's not fascinating,
06:28but because it wouldn't stop me from robbing him.
06:30Now, Department of Homeland Security are going to put me off over here.
06:35Oh, it's over here.
06:36Right.
06:37They don't have jurisdiction.
06:40LAUGHTER
06:41LAUGHTER
06:43Two points to Kamal.
06:44OK.
06:45Erm, I very much found it amusing, Armando,
06:48but if I was a really committed villain,
06:50I don't think I'd get £15 out three points.
06:53Right.
06:53And then we're up to the two creepy women.
06:55LAUGHTER
06:56I'll just do it on gut instinct.
06:58I found Clatterbottom slightly more creepy than Lobotomy Girl.
07:01Four points to you.
07:02Five points to you.
07:03Well done.
07:03Well done.
07:04Congratulations.
07:07Right.
07:08What is the first task proper of the series, please, Alex?
07:11Well, it's actually something a little...
07:16HIT!
07:17Wait.
07:18Wait.
07:20Oh, fuck.
07:22LAUGHTER
07:23What's going on?
07:24Oh, God.
07:27I've got an egg.
07:28You've got a what?
07:29Has no-one else got an egg.
07:30Can we see your egg?
07:32LAUGHTER
07:35Oh, no.
07:37Yeah, I see what's happened here, Greg.
07:38There's a chance I might have forgotten to give this one to everyone.
07:42LAUGHTER
07:42Oh, no.
07:45Oh, no.
07:46I'm so sorry.
07:47Let's have a look.
07:48LAUGHTER
07:48Oh, my God!
07:51LAUGHTER
08:03Oh, closer than I expected.
08:05So, there's something in your pigeonhole, Joel.
08:11Can I?
08:11Mm-hm.
08:13Protect this egg.
08:15It's in your pigeonhole.
08:16That's my egg?
08:18You must have this egg with you, unseen, for every task and every episode in the studio.
08:26Wow.
08:28You must hand Alex your wholly intact egg within 30 seconds every time the egg timer goes off.
08:38If you mention damage or lose your egg, you are disqualified. Your time starts now.
08:46Oh, there's the egg.
08:47Oh, there's the egg.
08:47And I can't damage it.
08:49No, you've got about six months.
08:50Six months.
08:51Do you want a little practice?
08:57That was well within time.
08:58OK, you can go now.
09:00Bye-bye.
09:02APPLAUSE
09:04So sorry.
09:05Yeah.
09:05APPLAUSE
09:07This is so mad.
09:09I'm so sorry.
09:10I don't know what happened.
09:11That was...
09:11The whole time that we were backstage, I was like, oh, where is everyone else's egg?
09:17LAUGHTER
09:19No, I'm so sorry, Joel.
09:20I'm so sorry.
09:20And also, you'll notice it didn't say, if you do it, you'll get any points.
09:24So it's, um...
09:26LAUGHTER
09:28I guess it's up to you, Greg.
09:29If we get to episode 10 and he's still got the egg and he still reveals it on the horn...
09:33Oh, no, there'll be no points.
09:36LAUGHTER
09:39OK.
09:40Well, that's going to be a lot of fun for everyone.
09:43And now, as if things couldn't get any better, I've got worms.
09:48Oh.
10:02Caravan?
10:03Yeah, yeah, why not?
10:04Are you a caravan guy?
10:05No, I hate them.
10:09I like this.
10:10Yeah.
10:11I like that cat, and I'd have that in my house.
10:15And there's a lot of things I'd have here in my house.
10:17Right, well, we'll keep an eye on you, then.
10:21Why aren't you inside?
10:22Sometimes I go outside.
10:25Doesn't look like it.
10:28Find a worm.
10:29Find a worm.
10:30Find a worm.
10:31Fastest wins.
10:32Your time starts now.
10:33Let's go.
10:34OK, find a worm.
10:35Find a worm.
10:36Find a little worm.
10:38Find a worm.
10:39Find a worm.
10:40What does that mean?
10:42Ah, do you not have worms in America?
10:44LAUGHTER
10:47We have worms.
10:48Well, find one, then.
10:51APPLAUSE
10:57I think let's just crack on with it, really.
10:59OK, and we're going to initiate, invertebrate, investigate with Amy Gledhill and Joanna Page.
11:05My automatic thought is to go into the garden and dig it up, but that would be cruel and there
11:12probably isn't going to be a worm in the garden.
11:14There's going to be a worm here somewhere.
11:17Find a worm, find a worm.
11:19Find a worm.
11:20Yeah, any worm.
11:21Any worm.
11:22But then what about an earworm?
11:24Like, what's it called when there's a worm in your ear?
11:26I think you said it.
11:28An earworm.
11:29An earworm.
11:30Like an actual worm.
11:32Find a worm.
11:34Find a worm.
11:35A worm.
11:37Find a worm.
11:38Find a worm.
11:38Find a worm.
11:38Where would a worm be?
11:39Where would a worm be?
11:41Find a worm.
11:42A worm.
11:43A worm.
11:44No, you're a duck.
11:46It can't be that I'm digging for worms, can it?
11:50Find a worm.
11:51A worm.
11:55What are these?
11:56Maggots?
11:57Ah!
11:59Right.
12:00They're maggots.
12:01They're not worms, are they?
12:02Is that a worm?
12:04Might be.
12:06It's not a worm, because I know it's not a worm.
12:09Right.
12:10That's a worm.
12:12Oh, you've got a mealworm.
12:13That's a mealworm.
12:14Yeah, lovely.
12:15Lovely.
12:16We're going to dig up the garden.
12:18It's like when it's raining, that's when they come up.
12:21Yeah.
12:22There's going to be hundreds in a minute.
12:27Oh!
12:28Oh, my God!
12:29I found a worm!
12:30I found a worm!
12:32I don't want to touch it, because I don't like touching them.
12:35I found a worm.
12:37You found a worm.
12:38I found a worm.
12:40I've probably talked about it.
12:46Well, I think we know who the BBC are coming to,
12:49and Attenborough finally retires.
12:51LAUGHTER
12:52There was quite a long period of that VT
12:55that you were just both walking around saying,
12:57find a worm.
12:58And I sort of imagined if one of your family members
13:01that have been there, they'd have turned to me and gone,
13:03she does this.
13:05LAUGHTER
13:06Where do we stand on mealworms being worms or not?
13:09Well, I'll tell you now, I'm making a judgement.
13:11The mealworm's a worm.
13:12So if that was presented, it's a worm.
13:14OK.
13:15Well, Joanna, 14 minutes 30 till she charmed the worm out of the ground.
13:19Unharmed.
13:19But Amy, you won't believe it, 3 minutes 35 to find a worm.
13:23A worm.
13:24Wow.
13:24I would have said if she was saying find a worm for one hour.
13:28LAUGHTER
13:29OK.
13:30That's the end of part one,
13:31and time for our first break of the series.
13:33But first, let's see how their nerves are holding up, because...
13:37Oh, stop it.
13:38LAUGHTER
13:39Yay!
13:42APPLAUSE
13:42QUICK! QUICK! QUICK! QUICK!
13:46QUICK!
13:46Well, see you soon!
13:53Well, welcome back to Taskmaster, where it's very early in the series
14:04and we've already lowered the bar with a worm-finding task.
14:09Yes, Greg, you're absolutely right.
14:10Amy and Joanna went first and succeeded,
14:13which proves that the early birds do catch the worms.
14:15I think that's fine to say.
14:16And we're now going to give two Hollywood superstars a reality check
14:21by making them look for worms just like the rest of us have to.
14:24It's Armando Iannucci and Kumail Nanjiani.
14:28OK, where would a worm be?
14:31Early birds?
14:32Early birds get worms?
14:33You want me to find you an early bird?
14:35Would it have a worm in its mouth?
14:37Not at this time of day.
14:39LAUGHTER
14:41You're looking for a worm?
14:42That's not it.
14:44What do you mean, find a worm?
14:46It's a little wiggly, guys.
14:50Oh, my God!
14:53Have you ever looked for a worm before?
14:55I don't think I have.
14:57I get that impression.
14:58I don't... I've never been into worms.
15:00Are those worms?
15:01I don't know, really.
15:02They are.
15:04Well, up to you, really.
15:05They're called mealworms.
15:06Can you search, is a mealworm a worm?
15:10OK.
15:11No, a mealworm is not a true worm.
15:13It's the larval stage of a darkling beetle.
15:17I should not have had you search for that.
15:20Books in books were a bookworm.
15:23I love books, so I'm a bookworm.
15:25I'm a bookworm.
15:28And this is a reminder of the other sort of worm.
15:32And, you know, that's it.
15:33Would you like me to stop the clock?
15:34I think so.
15:35I mean, in my head, it stopped a long time ago.
15:42What am I doing?
15:44I sit here.
16:01Oh, my God.
16:02That's a worm.
16:03I just got a flashback to when I...
16:05When my cat had something like this.
16:07I saw one coming out of my cat's...
16:09Wormhole?
16:10Out of my cat's wormhole.
16:15CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
16:21There's this trend, Armando, on this show where...
16:25And I speak of a man of a certain vintage.
16:28Thank you very much.
16:28Where I find myself pointing out how grumpy
16:30and or disinterested.
16:33People of a certain vintage can sometimes appear on this show.
16:36You're the first to do both.
16:38Yeah.
16:39But, in the final analysis,
16:42pretty good, I thought.
16:43I'm buying bookworms straight away.
16:45Oh, fantastic. There we go.
16:45Yeah, you like that.
16:46So, of the three we've done,
16:48two of them have not found worms.
16:51LAUGHTER
16:51LAUGHTER
16:54Mealworm is not a worm and a bookworm.
16:56And mealworm is a worm.
16:58It's not a worm.
17:01I've already given the points, then.
17:03Yes, stop.
17:03No, you haven't.
17:05I will stop.
17:06I love you, Amy.
17:07And I do think, OK, you know what?
17:09You're right.
17:09Yeah, yeah, yeah.
17:12LAUGHTER
17:13She should certainly have a point.
17:14Well, just one sweet little boy left to go.
17:17It's Joel Domit.
17:19I know exactly where to look.
17:23I'm going in the kitchen right now.
17:35Did that work?
17:36Did that work, then?
17:37I've stopped the clock.
17:40APPLAUSE
17:46I wrote, your enthusiasm was infectious.
17:49You were so pleased that you'd remembered the worm.
17:52But I was a teacher for many years,
17:53and if you'd invaded my space, like you did with Alex,
17:56it would have resulted in retribution.
17:59LAUGHTER
18:00Long since not been acceptable in schools.
18:04LAUGHTER
18:07Excited boy, isn't he?
18:08Yes, but who wouldn't be?
18:09You'd be excited if you found a worm in 21.8 seconds.
18:13Come on!
18:14CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
18:16And that boy gets the full five points.
18:18Joel, 21.8 seconds.
18:21Yeah.
18:23But then it gets interesting.
18:24We have Amy in second place.
18:26Joanna, third place.
18:27Armando, the bookworm.
18:2916 minutes and one point to Kamel.
18:31It took half an hour to find...
18:33LAUGHTER
18:33..to find his worm.
18:35Well done, Kamel.
18:37APPLAUSE
18:40Right, let's see the first scoreboard of the series, please, assistant.
18:43OK, well, unfortunately that means Kamel,
18:46you're in last place with three.
18:47Amy's in the lead with nine points!
18:49CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
18:52Well done, Amy.
18:54APPLAUSE
18:56OK, I'd like another task.
18:57Anne, I'd like to see how they work together in teams.
19:01Ooh.
19:02It's a great call from a great guy with great thighs.
19:04Yes, it's the first...
19:07..team task of the series.
19:08And I, for one, am buzzing.
19:13BUZZING
19:13BUZZING
19:15BUZZING
19:16BUZZING
19:17BUZZING
19:18BUZZING
19:20BUZZING
19:20BUZZING
19:21BUZZING
19:21BUZZING
19:22Amando.
19:23Alex!
19:25Good morning.
19:26Good morning.
19:27Are these all fake?
19:28What do you mean?
19:31BUZZING
19:31That's what a pineapple sounds like.
19:33Nope.
19:34BUZZING
19:35Hello?
19:37Come in.
19:39BUZZING
19:39BUZZING
19:39Hi!
19:40Hi!
19:41Oh, my God!
19:42Hi.
19:43Hi, I'm Amy.
19:44Hi, I'm Camille.
19:45Nice to meet you.
19:46How are you doing?
19:47I'm great.
19:48Nice to meet you.
19:49Any particular favourite amongst them?
19:51A lime.
19:53A lime.
19:54A lime.
19:55There's one particular lime.
19:56Right.
19:57Oh, hello.
19:58Hello.
19:59Hiya.
20:00Nice to see you.
20:01Hi, you too.
20:02How long have you been here?
20:03Literally just walked in.
20:04Right?
20:05Yes.
20:05Well, off the street?
20:06Ah, yes.
20:07Yes.
20:07No, around the corner.
20:09There's your buzzer, Amy.
20:11So now I'll have someone to melt down with.
20:15Hey!
20:16Hey, guys.
20:17How's it going?
20:19Hi.
20:19Oh, great.
20:20Nice to see you.
20:21Hi, I'm Camille.
20:22You're so famous.
20:23Nice to meet you.
20:24You're so famous.
20:26You look very cool.
20:27Like a leather cap.
20:29Look how cool.
20:29Thanks, man.
20:31I wonder what that is.
20:32Would you like one as well, Joanna?
20:34Yes, please.
20:37Joel, like me, if you Google you, the second picture is you without a shirt.
20:43I'm frustrated it's not the first.
20:44Wow!
20:46Oh, my gosh.
20:47Yes.
20:48Come on, then.
20:48OK, then we go.
20:48Right.
20:49Go.
20:50Right.
20:52Give Greg five foods correctly.
20:55When the buzzer buzzes, give Greg one food.
20:57If you give Greg the wrong food, you must start again.
21:00If your buzzer does not buzz, you must stay in this room.
21:04First team to give Greg five correct foods wins.
21:08You have a maximum of 35 minutes and your time starts immediately.
21:11Who's Greg?
21:13Have you seen the show?
21:15Oh, Greg!
21:16Yes!
21:19SHE'S NOT THE WORLD
21:23OK, you OK?
21:29Yeah, yeah, fine.
21:32Not everyone knows.
21:33I was in the moment, and because you weren't in the room at that time,
21:37I was like, oh, my God, what's going on?
21:39What have I got to look at?
21:40Who's Greg?
21:43Hey, let's see the teams in action, can we?
21:45Yes.
21:46And we're going to begin by seeing if the team of three figured it out.
21:49It's Joel, Amy and Kumail.
21:52Here we go.
21:52SHE LAUGHS
21:55Oh, it's buzzing!
21:57Oh, it's buzzing!
21:57We have to give him a correct food.
21:59I'm going to go orange, potentially nectarine, potentially...
22:03Let's try it.
22:06All right, yes.
22:07Yes.
22:08He said, all right, yes.
22:10OK.
22:12It's me, it's me.
22:13Shall we go for another fruit?
22:14A pineapple?
22:17A lemon.
22:17Oh, yes.
22:18Yes!
22:19He liked the pineapple!
22:21He liked the pineapple.
22:21He liked the pineapple.
22:22OK.
22:23All right.
22:24Onion.
22:25Onion.
22:26Onion.
22:26Yes.
22:29Yes.
22:29Yes, I failed.
22:30Yes, I failed.
22:35Ooh.
22:36Ooh, no.
22:38Ugh.
22:39Bad news, guys.
22:41Oh, shit.
22:42OK.
22:43OK.
22:43OK.
22:44So these are the ones we know he likes.
22:46Yeah.
22:48OK.
22:49Yes.
22:49Yes.
22:52No, I wouldn't have thought so, no.
22:54Oh, God.
22:55OK.
22:55No.
22:55Doesn't like the pea.
22:57Doesn't like the pea.
22:58OK.
22:58The carrot goes there.
22:59We like it.
23:00The pea goes over here.
23:02Yes.
23:03Yes!
23:04Guys, we just need one more.
23:05That was good.
23:05He likes it.
23:06Oh, my God.
23:07We just need one more.
23:09Yes, please.
23:11Mmm.
23:12Love the cucumber.
23:13OK.
23:13Oh, so we've got it all.
23:14We just have to wait until they buzz and then we can go.
23:17OK.
23:17Oh, this is fun now.
23:20OK.
23:20Now we can just enjoy it.
23:21Wow, we really, really nailed that one.
23:25No.
23:26No?
23:27What?
23:28He said no.
23:29He said no to carrot.
23:31He said yes to carrot before.
23:32So there's an order.
23:33OK.
23:34So he liked this, then this.
23:38The mood has really changed.
23:44Yes?
23:45Yes.
23:45What do you want, Greg?
23:50Was that always there?
23:52The drink price?
23:53Because there are five things there.
23:55There's one over here as well.
23:59It says instead of time starts now, it says time starts immediately.
24:04And your time starts immediately.
24:06Why is it immediately instead of now?
24:10Is it syllables like, and your time starts immediately?
24:15Egg, meat, fruit, protein, vegetables.
24:17Oh.
24:19Each one has more letters than the last.
24:23Each one has more.
24:26Can we go up from orange?
24:29Carrot.
24:30Oh.
24:33Yes.
24:37Yes.
24:38And how much time do we have left?
24:39You've got about 40 seconds.
24:41Oh!
24:42Oh.
24:43This is great, guys.
24:44This feels real.
24:44Wait, we don't have much time left.
24:46Give us a buzz.
24:47Give us a buzz.
24:49No, no, no, no, no.
24:51No.
24:52It's like that final scene in the Eternals.
24:54You've never seen it.
24:55I've seen it, though.
24:56God damn, I think it is.
24:57Yes, please.
24:58Yes!
24:59One more, one more, one more.
25:0015 seconds
25:03Everybody come here whoever what it is will run
25:08Buzz make a buzz
25:10Oh
25:28Well it was it was a shaky start when I witnessed two grown adults turn into like take that fun
25:42Oh
25:49Although actually pretty cohesive team I thought they were a good team. They were working. Well, hey
25:54What was all that syllable bullshit towards the end though?
25:58Primary school you go who is Greg Alex two syllables. Yeah, how does it apply to this task? Sorry
26:08The words were getting bigger
26:12Oh
26:12What a me that worked out that the words yeah, yeah that there were more syllables. Yeah. Ah, I apologize
26:18for calling your system bullshit
26:29Okay, I've heard time have a break have some tea leave your man come back to me
26:46oh
26:48oh
26:50What's the deal?
26:51Oh, hey mate. Yeah, they're trying to give your strategy
26:55Five correct foods
26:56The team of three managed to work out that it's all about delivering the food in order of the number
27:01of letters in each item's name
27:03And they delivered the goods just in time
27:05But it's fastest wins so how will the other team get on?
27:08Representing Scotland and Italy and Wales it's Armando and Armando and Joanna
27:13Right there's a pineapple here
27:15Is it stuff that's in here?
27:17Yeah
27:18Oh, it's you, it's you
27:22All right, yes, yes
27:24Why do we have such a long time?
27:27It's because we've got to discover things food
27:30That was it
27:31Egg, meat, fruit, protein, vegetables
27:33So what meat?
27:35Meat!
27:36It's you again
27:37Give him a meat
27:38Oh, right, hang on
27:42I'm afraid it's a no
27:44Oh, fuck it
27:46It's really nice
27:47It's the first time I've met him
27:49He's a lot slower than me
27:51It sort of highlights my manicness
27:53That was a rejection
27:55No way
27:55No, I know
27:56Oh my god, we've got to start again
27:58Oh, you're buzzing out
28:00We need to do an order
28:02I'm going to go and get an egg from the kitchen
28:04Right, okay
28:05How are you finding being on a team with Joanna, Sophie?
28:07It's, er, it's certainly
28:09Er, walking me up
28:10Greg, you've got an egg
28:12Yes
28:13Ooh!
28:15I think she's got high expectations of you on em
28:19What?
28:20You said yes
28:22Excellent
28:23Maybe we should go for meat
28:24Or egg, meat
28:25I think yes on this occasion
28:29Yes
28:30On this occasion
28:31Oh my god, we need a fruit now
28:33We've got you a pineapple
28:35Oh, yes
28:36Oh, yes
28:37Brilliant
28:39We've got to find
28:40Some protein
28:41What about that?
28:43Because that
28:43Or will you just go, that is just basically a cow
28:47Nice
28:50Oh, I've broken the egg
28:52I've broken the egg
29:01Right, so we're going with our trusty egg
29:04Yes
29:06Yes
29:07We're trying an orange this time
29:09Yes, please
29:10I'm just wondering if you're spelling out E-B-O
29:14E-B-O
29:15No
29:17No
29:17No, no
29:17That's not like a bowl
29:21Five, breast
29:23Chicken
29:24Do you like it?
29:25All right then
29:25Yes
29:26Cool
29:27Five foods correct
29:28Ugh
29:29Should we just go for it?
29:31Let's see what I am
29:31Okay
29:32Cauliflower Greg, but we don't know why
29:34Ooh, yeah
29:35Oh my god, he said yes!
29:38He said yes!
29:39Yes
29:39Yes
29:40I have to stop at the top
29:41Excellent
29:42Do you know why you've succeeded?
29:44No
29:44No
29:45LAUGHTER
29:49APPLAUSE
29:50Brilliant
29:52You're going to know
29:53You're going to know
29:54You're going to know
29:55It's a fascinating dynamic this
29:57I can't wait to see this team play out
30:00Instinctively, we were just failed
30:02Yeah, we didn't need to know what they were
30:04No, we didn't
30:05We just fell out there
30:05Because you thought we were trying to get you to spell out Ebola
30:07LAUGHTER
30:10E-bola
30:11LAUGHTER
30:13Well, that does make more sense
30:15Yeah, yeah, yeah
30:17LAUGHTER
30:18Shall I tell you some timings, Greg?
30:20Yes, please
30:20Well, we know the team of three found it just in the nick of time
30:23Nearly 35 minutes
30:24The team of two, 21 minutes
30:27APPLAUSE
30:28They get a five point
30:29That's just how you serve
30:30So how many points should the team of three get?
30:33They did succeed
30:33They did succeed
30:34Three points, five and three
30:36Three points, 15 minutes
30:37Yeah, yeah
30:38What a sharpie guy
30:39APPLAUSE
30:40Right, another task, please
30:42And can it be big fun
30:44On a big scale?
30:47LAUGHTER
30:47Yes and yes
30:49Because you deserve it, Greg
30:50Also, just so you know
30:51I'm in great shape
31:12Where is he?
31:16LAUGHTER
31:23Why are you laughing?
31:24You look incredible
31:26Well, it's a hot day
31:27Hi, Joel
31:29Hello, Alex
31:31You've been working out
31:33I need to go to the gym
31:34You look really good
31:36Do you mind?
31:37Yeah, go on, yeah
31:38It's so warm
31:39I might join you
31:40This is really exciting
31:43Put the most t-shirts on Alex
31:46Alex would only wear t-shirts launched
31:49From the t-shirt launcher
31:51And onto a target
31:53According to the t-shirt launcher rules
31:56There
31:58If a t-shirt lands in a blue circle
32:01Alex must wear that t-shirt
32:03White circle
32:04Alex must wear every t-shirt that has been fired
32:07So the white circle's the best one
32:09If a t-shirt lands on the central target
32:12That t-shirt must be dunked in the bucket
32:13Then put on Alex
32:15Then that is the end of the task
32:16Oh, God
32:18If a t-shirt lands in a red circle
32:20Alex must take off every t-shirt that he's wearing
32:23You must always launch upwards
32:25And each t-shirt can only be launched once
32:28If you catch the golden t-shirt
32:31Your t-shirt total will be doubled
32:34You have 20 minutes
32:35Or until you've run out of t-shirts
32:37Your time starts on the whistle
32:39Have you used a t-shirt launcher before?
32:41No, I've never used a t-shirt launcher before, Alex
32:45What do you think my life is?
32:46I've used one before
32:47I worked at the basketball
32:48Uh-huh
32:49The basketball?
32:50For the Lakers
32:52Who's your favourite player on the Lakers?
32:54Cube
32:54Cube
32:54Cube is good
32:56Fuck, he's good
33:05Right, well, Jake, Camel is up to it
33:07With Armando and Joel
33:09But before we begin
33:10I do have to give one of these health and safety warnings
33:12About the video that's coming up
33:13Just look at the size of his arms
33:15They're massive
33:16OK, here we go
33:27Oh
33:30Oh
33:33Whoa
33:34Whoa
33:35Whoa
33:35Whoa
33:36Whoa
33:37Oh
33:38Very satisfying
33:40I might just do this all day
33:42I'm trying something else
33:43OK
33:44New strategy
33:47It's never happened to me before
33:51It's not usually a problem I have
33:57That has happened to you before
33:58Yeah, it just happened to me
34:00Now twice in a row
34:05Oh no
34:06Take it off
34:07Well, I'm not wearing a t-shirt, luckily
34:09OK
34:10This is so fun, man
34:13Oh
34:14That one unflapped
34:15Oh
34:16Oh
34:17Oh
34:17Oh
34:18Ha ha ha
34:19Ha ha
34:19Ha ha
34:22Oh
34:23A lovely launch
34:28Yes, that's on the white
34:29It's touching the white
34:32I don't think it is
34:33Stay there
34:35OK
34:38Is that on the white?
34:40That's not on the white, either
34:42It's golden t-shirt. Golden t-shirt time. Ah, right. Okay. I catch this, haven't I? Yeah, being careful. Being
34:49careful, yeah. Yeah, this is nerve-racking
34:53Best of luck. Don't need it mate. Are you good at catching? Yeah, I've been catching t-shirts my whole
34:58life
35:07Okay, bit of extra juice
35:14Come on. Come on. Come on. Come on. I can't even remember what it does
35:24What does it do? Oh
35:37Pleasure, thank you. Thanks for having me
35:42Yeah, I've never dressed someone in a wet t-shirt before almost 15 t-shirts left
35:50Interesting
35:56No, no, no, no, no, oh
35:58It's so wet
36:00Arms up and two. Oh, it's quite cold. Yep
36:04Doesn't say I should be behind the line. There is no line
36:13All right, I've got two minutes to put on as many t-shirts as possible. You have two minutes? No,
36:17then you should all put them on. Here
36:22One and a half minutes. Okay, hurry up. Hurry up. Hurry up. Is this your first step putting on t
36:27-shirts? Come on, man
36:29Why are you so bad at it?
36:31That's the end of the talk. The time's up
36:34Do you think you've built this for two t-shirts? It's all coming down now
36:44Well, goodness me, have we ever had a contrast between men?
36:49like
36:49Like we have here
36:50The opening reaction to the t-shirt launch was like, whoa
36:55Whoa, and then we cut over here and it's like a very satisfying
37:01Kamal, you were a real action hero for about 30 seconds. I went this man's gonna be
37:07Deadly accurate and then was just a total collapse
37:11Yeah, the t-shirt dribbled out of there a couple of times once you stop trusting yourself. There's nowhere to
37:17go
37:21Right advert time in the final part of the show
37:24Someone will feel the high of victory and then a couple of hours later
37:28Find themselves sitting at home between mrs. Clatterbottom and a randy mannequin and then and only then will the haunting
37:34introspection begin
37:46Oh
37:48Show the current task started a promisingly an incredible location with a t-shirt cannon
37:55But then on plotted Alex in a cheap nylon muscle t-shirt and any hint of cool instantly vanished
38:05It wasn't a t-shirt and this iPad does actually play the videos and you are definitely still six foot
38:10eight
38:10There are only two people left to go. It is Amy and Joanna
38:16This is fun, okay
38:28Wow
38:37Right
38:38Well that goes far doesn't it?
38:41Can I take some of these t-shirts down there?
38:43Yeah, I can bring the thing down for you if you want. Oh my god. Come on. Let's go down.
38:47Okay. I'm strong remember, okay?
38:59What am I doing with the gold one now? You're trying to catch it if you catch it your total
39:03at the end will be doubled
39:05Are you good at catching? Yep, okay
39:20Oh my god, that was incredible. I have to say, I've let myself down earlier on, but I think I
39:26brought it back with that
39:32All I gotta do is get something on the white and then you've got to put the loads on
39:37Mm-hmm. I'm not gonna think about it
39:41Yes! Yes!
39:43Do I start putting them on?
39:44Yes, start getting them on. I think I'm just gonna help you put on t-shirts
39:48They're the what?
39:52Oh, you're like a big baby
39:53Oh, you're like a big baby
39:54I never had a man in front of me put his clothes on this fast before ever
40:02Yes!
40:03You've got to dunk that in the bucket and put it on me and that's the end of the task
40:06Oh, yes!
40:10There we go
40:11It's like putting the condom on the sausage
40:15Oh my gosh, this is brilliant
40:17That's amazing
40:18You've run out?
40:19Yeah
40:19Toss over
40:20Brilliant
40:21High five
40:22Thank you!
40:27Well, I guess the obvious first question is, have you put her condom on the sausage?
40:36Have you?
40:39Maybe one
40:39Okay
40:42They both managed to get a lot of t-shirts on me, they were running out at the time
40:45You dunked one at the end because you wanted to put a wet one on me
40:48Excuse me?
40:49Time was running out
40:50So both women got 24 t-shirts
40:53Woo!
40:54Wow!
40:55Thank you, four
40:56Wow!
40:57Wow!
40:59Well, Joanna has to be doubled the number of shirts you put on me
41:02What does that do to the score?
41:03Well, it means Armando gets one point for his one t-shirt
41:05Joel got six, so he gets two points
41:07Kamel, 12, three points
41:09Amy, twice as many, 24, four points
41:12Joanna, twice as many again, 48 t-shirts and five points to play!
41:17Well done!
41:19Woo!
41:21Is your scoreboard done?
41:22Sure, yes, and it does mean the women are on top
41:24Joanna's at the top of the leaderboard with 17, then Amy on 16 points
41:27CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
41:31All right, everyone
41:32Will you please make your way to the stage for the first final task of the show?
41:39CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
41:46Hello, my handsome prince
41:47I'm a little worm
41:49Hello, Greg
41:49Hello
41:50Who will be reading the task for us?
41:52I think Joanna Page
41:53Ah, Joanna Page
41:55You ready?
41:57Find four oranges
41:59If you find an apple, you miss your next go
42:03If you find a lemon, the order reverses
42:07If you find a duck, you must greet the duck by name
42:12If you find an orange, you can look under another can
42:17Fastest to find four oranges in one turn wins
42:20Who's starting, Alex?
42:22Amy's going to start
42:23I've also got to say, only one person gets points here
42:26Only the orange finder gets five points
42:28LAUGHTER
42:29Ready?
42:30Ready!
42:31Amy
42:32Find the orange!
42:33Find the orange
42:34CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
42:35An apple!
42:36That means...
42:37I miss my next go
42:37You miss your next go, Amanda, you're up
42:41Apple, you miss your next go
42:44Lemon
42:45That means the order reverses
42:46You miss a go, you miss a go
42:47So it's Camel's turn
42:48LAUGHTER
42:50GASP
42:51GASP
42:52CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
42:54Hello, Dave
43:00Hello, Dr. Cooper
43:02LAUGHTER
43:04Yes
43:06Hello, Dave
43:13Come on
43:19Fuck you, Debbie
43:23Yes!
43:25Yes!
43:26Yes!
43:29Yes!
43:30Yes!
43:31Oh!
43:33Oh!
43:34Yes!
43:34Oh!
43:34Yes!
43:36Diane!
43:36Oh!
43:37Denise, you bitch!
43:39LAUGHTER
43:40There we go
43:41Good feeling
43:42Good vibes
43:43Oh!
43:46Oh!
43:48Debbie, where are the fucking oranges?
43:55CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
44:01Oh!
44:09Hiya, Dave!
44:11Donna!
44:12Hi, Donna!
44:13Hi, Donna!
44:16He twiddles the moustache
44:18Oh, everybody!
44:19hazel
44:33Oh!
44:36Oh!Cómo
44:45Right that
45:08Yes, oh my god, I feel very confident
45:15Come on Joanna
45:19Yes
45:21I've always thought you'd be the one Joanna. I always thought Joanna
45:26Yeah, feels good, isn't it? Yeah feels right
45:32Joanna this could be the greatest moment in Taskmaster history
45:56You did it! Come down here and we'll let that back to the final score!
46:00Ohhhhhhh!
46:08CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
46:11Wow, wow, wow, wow
46:14Wow
46:14Well only one person was able to snuffle out the four oranges
46:17And that was of course Joanna Page, who gets the full five points
46:20Thank you
46:27You've truly snuffled for Wales there Joanna
46:29She did, which means the final league table
46:32We have Armando and Joel joint third on 11 points
46:36And I say that because Joanna's got twice as many points
46:38She's won the episode with 22 points!
46:41CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
46:42Joanna Page wins!
46:44Please pop up and claim your property to keep folk off your property!
46:50CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
46:53So, what have we learnt today?
46:55Well, we've learnt that Taskmaster is the great leveller
46:58If you take part, there is no hierarchy, there is no ego
47:01It's just five humans being together
47:06But also, oh my God, he's so famous!
47:10LAUGHTER
47:15We have begun!
47:17We'll see you soon for episode two
47:18But for now, here is your winner for the night
47:21Joanna Page!
47:35CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
47:45CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
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