- 5 days ago
The Burbs S01E01 [Full Movie] [Recommended]Full EP - Full
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Short filmTranscript
00:28Transcription by CastingWords
00:58Transcription by CastingWords
01:28Transcription by CastingWords
01:30Oh God, I don't want to go back to work.
01:32You and Mars aren't going to have too much fun without me, are you?
01:34My maternity leave is going to be spent watching a window like Bravo,
01:38learning the choreography.
01:44I don't like that one bit.
01:50Stroll's over.
01:56Are you sure that house is empty?
01:58Yeah, right.
02:47And the sunlight hurts my eyes
02:52And something without warning love
02:57Fares heavy on my mind
03:01Then I look at you
03:05And the world's alright with me
03:11Just one look at you
03:14No, no, no, no
03:18Shit, shit, shit
03:20Wait, wait
03:26Stop, stop
03:27Don't leave me with these diapers
03:35Hayden, fire hair
03:37I forgot
03:38Nice to see you
03:40Back on Ashfield Place
03:45Why you don't
03:46You don't remember me
03:50Sorry
03:51Never been good at remembering faces
03:53That's alright
03:54Yeah, I always liked this street
03:56You hear the thing about cul-de-sacs
03:59There's only one way out
04:03Have a great day, Robert
04:07Bye now
04:23They're okay
04:26Things I do for you
04:42Do you want me to stay?
04:44I can call Nina
04:45Tell her I need another week
04:47What are we watching?
04:49How long has that house been empty?
04:5120 years
04:52Give or take
04:54You don't think that's weird?
04:56Not really
04:56I'm sure they've got a good reason for hanging on to it
04:58So there's a they
04:59Who's the they?
05:00You know
05:01Whoever owns it
05:02Okay, shrug night
05:04So you never thought about it
05:06No, not really
05:07Whatever
05:07I know you gotta get to work
05:09Veen and I are catching the same train
05:10The train pooling, he's calling it
05:12But say the word and I'll stay
05:13No, no, no
05:14Gotta rip the band-aid off some way somehow
05:16It'll be me, myself and I
05:18And Miles
05:18Together, alone for the first time
05:20No friends or family nearby
05:22But that's why it's good
05:24Yeah, cause I'm
05:25I'm not worried at all
05:27You're giving me some very mixed signals here
05:29I know
05:31Get on the train
05:31I love you so much
05:33I love you too
05:34I love you too, little man
05:35And you can call me anytime, okay?
05:37I'm the guy who's saved in your phone as white Bob with the black thumbs up emoji
05:40And it'll never change
05:44Try to get out of the house today
05:55Can I help you?
05:59I'm sorry?
06:03Should he be listening to this?
06:05Well, he can't understand the words
06:08Babies absorb these things
06:11Right
06:12Oh
06:15Oh
06:16You must be Rob Fisher's wife
06:19Oh
06:20I heard you were
06:22Back
06:23Here
06:24To live
06:25Well
06:26This is fabulous
06:27I was wondering when I would get to meet you
06:31I don't get out much
06:33I'm Lynn Gardner
06:34I'm Samira
06:35And
06:35That's Miles
06:37Aww
06:38He looks just like his mama
06:41Samira
06:42Such a pretty name
06:43Is it African?
06:46Yes
06:47Fascinating
06:48I just live catty corner if you ever need anything
06:51And you must come to wine night
06:54It's just a bunch of friendly neighbors
06:56Dabbing and guzzling on my porch
06:59And they are dying to meet you
07:00I'm breastfeeding
07:02Unfortunately
07:03Oh
07:04Pump and dump my darling
07:07Welcome to Ashfield Place
07:17Hey
07:18Hey
07:19Hey
07:20I got a very important question for my big sis
07:22Mariah
07:24Whitney
07:25Janet
07:26Or Beyonce
07:28When you gotta go
07:29I'm not about to fight with you today
07:30Well that's not a fight
07:31I miss you
07:32How's my apartment?
07:34Well if you're referring to the artist currently known as my new apartment
07:38It's divine
07:39Look girl your taste is impeccable okay and these views
07:42Exquisite
07:43How's my nephew?
07:44Cute as hell
07:45Aww
07:46Yes he is
07:48Because we're twins
07:50And see that's why you go off FaceTime
07:53And how is uh
07:54Hinky Mountain?
07:55Hinkley Hills is
07:56Caucasian
07:57That's the burbs babes
07:59Am I a bad mom for
08:01Bringing my melanated son out here?
08:03I don't know
08:03Are you a bad mother for accepting a very nice house in a very nice neighborhood
08:07Where there's practically no crime
08:09Really nice schools?
08:10I mean make it make sense
08:11This feels so isolated
08:13I mean every day is the same thing
08:15I don't know what I'm doing
08:17And I don't have anybody to teach me how
08:19Well you know she looking after you
08:21That's what daddy say
08:22But you can't teach somebody how to swallow a baby from heaven
08:25Amen to that
08:26How am I gonna get through maternity leave?
08:29I mean I thrive in collaborative environments
08:32I need structure
08:34Intangible goals
08:35Bitch I don't speak resume
08:37I speak housewife
08:39This is what you do
08:39Pick up a little day drinking habit
08:41Maybe a little pill habit or something
08:42So I'm cute
08:43Yeah hard to do when you got a tit gremlin
08:46Yeah you could have kept that one
08:47Well baby you just need some friends
08:49I have friends
08:50I mean in a 10 mile radius
08:52None of your neighbors ain't no potential there?
08:55Uh no
08:55It's a who's who of who's not it
08:58These people are crazy
08:59Well I'm just spitballing though
09:01I know
09:02I know and I appreciate you
09:03And I love you
09:04And I'm gonna come and visit you soon
09:06Okay?
09:07And I know you were to chop Mariah
09:09I don't know her
09:10Love you
09:12Bye
09:15Naveen
09:19Look at us
09:20Train buddies
09:22Commute comrades
09:24Megan filed for divorce
09:26What?
09:27She was waiting for me when I got home yesterday
09:30Suitcases at the bottom of the stairs
09:31Like out of a bad movie
09:34Shit
09:34Said she's been unhappy for a long time
09:36And wants to start over
09:37While she still has her youth
09:39Said she can't stand another day of my moodiness
09:41I'm not even
09:45I'm not even that moody wrong
09:49She's fucking her dentist
09:51Dr. James
09:52The only one who takes my insurance
09:54So that's fucking great
09:56I should have known
09:57June's getting way too much dental work done
09:59For someone who has perfect teeth
10:01She does have great teeth
10:02Right?
10:03Two cleanings in a week
10:04She said she needed to get a filling
10:06Oh
10:07Fuck
10:09Remember what you said
10:10At my bachelor party?
10:11No
10:11I was drunken on three different classes of drugs
10:14We were in Miami
10:15My jaw was in Texas
10:16You grabbed my face
10:17And you said
10:18Never trust a Megan
10:22Nostradamus motherfucker
10:23I should have listened
10:24I'm sorry mate
10:26Anyway
10:27Let's talk about you
10:27Enough about me
10:28How's the little man?
10:30Oh god
10:30He's the best
10:32Perfect
10:32I mean he doesn't sleep
10:34And he shits like a trucker
10:35But
10:37Wouldn't change it for the world
10:38Nice
10:39And Samira?
10:42She keeps asking questions
10:44About the house across the street
10:47Really?
10:48Yeah
10:53What'd you tell her?
10:55What is there to tell?
10:57No
10:58No
10:58No
11:00No
11:00No
11:00No
11:02No
11:02No
11:08No
11:32you know what you are absolutely right
11:43i attempted to leave the house today during daylight hours yes and i met lynn and she's
11:49exactly as you might have described nosy and extremely abstract sense of personal space
11:54yeah that's it and um she invited me for drinks with the neighbors she did you should go little
12:02man i can get some qt i think i might i want to see who i'll compete at
12:1020 years huh so you you must have known them who the grants ah what so you did know them
12:16you're doing that thing what thing that thing you do when you get a little obsessed
12:21it's the lawyer in you you lock in remember your ramen conspiracy i know it wasn't ideal to get
12:27banned from the local bodega but i still stand by my theory that they were running drugs with
12:31the instant noodle cups it was right there i mean you were 100 onto something i mean they didn't
12:36even have a bodega cat what kind of bodega doesn't have a bodega cat babe i'm not being obsessed okay
12:40just humor me so tell me what you know about the creepy house family they lived across the street
12:48from us does anyone ever really know their neighbors yes i knew my neighbors first and last name we was
12:53all up in each other's business you did okay oh by the way speaking of being all up in each
12:58other's
12:58business megan left naveen so i guess i owe you 10 bucks you always call it also even worse
13:05chugging the dentist what yes oh my gosh never trust megan that's what i said do that's right
13:13allegedly babe please never leave me where am i gonna go oh yeah you're a trap now
13:23love you honey love you too and if a cheetah won't be the dentist thanks babe that means a lot
13:29somebody we don't know wow
13:39the next time that beast uses my lawn as its personal port-a-potty i am gonna get out my
13:45glue gun break out the crayons and color me thrilled it's samara so close come come come
13:53sit sit sit uh oh this is rob fisher's way oh from across the street dana richards is the name
14:01it's very nice to finally make your acquaintance likewise samira samira oh i'm so bad with names
14:09we haven't seen you around before we were starting to think that rob made you up
14:13no no i'm real just a new reclusive mom with leaking nipples
14:19now dana is a retired marine oh very distinguished lots of medals wow also i'm a real handy andy
14:28i have noticed not to be nosy but uh you have some spots on your fence that are pretty effed
14:34up and i
14:35can fix those for you i'm here for it because the only screwdriver i'm familiar with contains vodka
14:41and here's todd hi hi todd is a man of few syllables i don't think i've seen you around
14:48here before you've been keeping tabs on us through the window jimmy stewart which one of us is the
14:56murderer
15:00your face
15:03i'm sorry it's okay we all know that suburbia is a spectator sport you you have not seen me
15:09my home shares no sight lines with yours and i keep out ours what do you do this and that
15:19what do you and rob do i'm a civil litigation attorney hello ceo i don't know what that is but
15:26good for
15:26you yeah rob is a book editor oh how'd you meet him a kate renata concert actually kate renata
15:33i'm going to look her up let me know what you find rob seems like he's romantic he is so
15:40how long
15:41have you guys lived here well for me just a couple years i wanted something with nature but
15:46my wife's idea of outdoorsyness is like a restaurant with a patio so this was our compromise
15:53and then she got deployed she's in military too cannot confirm or deny honestly despite what two
16:02decades of daytime television tell you there are a lot of people that don't care for middle-aged
16:06lesbians but i felt welcome for the most part i've been here eight months and ten days
16:13that's precise she's been here for freaking ever not as long as some marty and i moved here 15 years
16:21ago marty i can't wait to meet him um unfortunately he passed oh lynn i'm so sorry i thank you
16:29heart attack it's been almost half a year but i still feel his presence every day
16:39anyway these wine nights really help it's it's a bit like family that's right when you have
16:46neighbors you're never alone even when you want to be how'd you city kids end up here oh well rob's
16:52parents i'm sure you guys know they uh retired to one of those timeshare cruise ships last month
16:57that's a choice not mine but a choice well they had been asking us to come out here we didn't
17:02want
17:02to leave the city but our building got broken into we just felt like maybe we should we should try
17:08it out at least temporarily well thank goodness you're safe and sound here with us so what's the
17:16deal with that victorian house chainsaw massacre satanic cult uh jilted bride who severed the head of
17:24her lost unfaithful lover it's haunted as shit the lights go on and off all the time by themselves
17:32i've seen that it could just be filthy wiring a skeptic i like it when you're the resident
17:38historian catch her up well it was a little before my time a family lived there the grants yes and
17:46they
17:46had a daughter who died in the house there have been whispers of mysterious circumstances surrounding
17:56her passing maybe even murder and then the parents moved away and never sold the house
18:05so it just sits there rotting pissing off the hoa god i would give my left tent to go over
18:14there and
18:14do a little ghost hunt hi everyone it's cookie time it's like she just knows when my sugar drops
18:21rory likes to prey on vulnerable shard sippers business is much more lucrative in this neighborhood
18:27than in mine the usual and keep the change honey hey i saw a stroller at your door i am
18:33a great
18:33mother's helper if that's something that might interest you how old are you 13 next month i have
18:37my cpr certification and badges in child development early literacy and swaddling swaddling okay sunflower
18:44scouts my business card feel free to reach out anytime you're a notary public
19:08it's like they heard us after all this time we'd love a plot twist
19:27you'd really like this podcast it's two guys talking about medieval construction tech you are
19:32so boring you're so hot when you cook thanks babe how are the neighbors uh good a bit weird yeah
19:39well
19:39this is a cul-de-sac what's wrong with cul-de-sacs people are weird i think people are waiting
19:44cul-de-sac wait is it cul-de-sac like attorneys general this given get out yeah i hear you
19:50look
19:52when my family first moved here some people didn't know how to feel about us but it's a nice area
19:57and
19:58people like to think of themselves as nice so they try to act nice until they're actually nice
20:04that's nice don't get me wrong i was still a sad little kid until i found my people by his
20:10people
20:10he means an awkward gangly tween with a funny accent that had just been dragged across the pond
20:15for his dad's new job funny accent what are you talking about dude your accent pulled still pulls
20:20if we're being honest you know the girls called him prince rob i don't think that's true it's so
20:25true did you know the victorians for sale really i'm assuming that's what the for sale sign means
20:33yeah that would indicate that so why didn't you tell me somebody was murdered there
20:40what are you talking about the grant girl
20:44yeah right allison wasn't murdered that's just small town gossip allison
20:50so what happened to allison
20:54i honestly like it was so long ago that i i don't remember a lot from that but you did
20:59know her
21:01uh yeah but in the same way that anybody knows a neighbor why wouldn't you tell me that
21:07because i didn't think it was relevant babe it was like 20 years ago there's a reason they call
21:12hinkley hills the safest town in america okay well is there anything else you want to tell me about
21:28this place
21:29completed in 1902 hinkley house was built by hinkley hills founder h horace hinkley
21:36the mining magnet and philanthropist purchased 25 000 acres of hillside forest in 1898
21:43and developed it into the thriving suburb that bears his name today hinkley hills is more than
21:51just an idyllic bedroom community it is a shining example of fellowship and family values
21:56hinkley hills the safest town in america
22:02so
22:06so
22:14so
22:17so
22:29here we go
22:37hello how may i help you do you have a periodical section collections of old newspapers microfiche maybe
22:43i'm doing okay thank you for asking oh i'm sorry i am a new mom and i'm practically feral i
22:50understand
22:52oh what a cute little mocha munchkin
22:56to answer your question yes we have bound copies of all the hinkley hills heralds dating back to 1946
23:04is there a particular date you're interested in march 15 2005
23:10one moment please
23:30i'm afraid that march volume has been checked out really it's due back in a week you can come back
23:35for it then
23:36it's a date judy
23:39i'm sure
23:39i'm sure
23:58will you miss the spot dear
24:15Oh, shit, she about to do it.
24:18Mm-mm-mm.
24:19It's not even her house.
24:22What's she feeding that doll?
24:27She gonna be mad when she get cussed out.
24:29Spokes me.
24:32Oh, my goodness.
24:38You are not gonna believe this.
24:42Oh, my gosh.
24:44I know.
24:45So are we gonna go in?
24:47Do white ladies love salads?
24:48Hell, yeah, we're going in.
24:50BRB, I'm gonna go get Lynn.
24:51Rob, honey, if you were awake, I would have asked what you thought, but oh, oh, well.
25:02I just gotta chill.
25:06Anybody else get a chill?
25:12I'll do it.
25:13I was gonna offer, but it seems like you already offered.
25:18Oh, it's stuck.
25:20Oh, well.
25:42Everybody be cool.
25:44I could not be less cool right now.
25:48This place looks like a museum.
25:52Or a mausoleum.
25:54Oh.
25:55That's why the lights are on.
25:57You're staging the house.
26:00Hiya, homebuyers.
26:01How can I help you?
26:02We are looking for an enormous house.
26:04For our niece.
26:07Um, we would love a tour.
26:11Follow me.
26:13The owners have instructed that interior photography is not permitted.
26:18This is the library.
26:21Very tasteful.
26:22We enjoy literacy.
26:24All of the flooring is original to the house, which is built in the Queen Anne style.
26:29As you can imagine, a little love and a professional sander will go a long way.
26:34Oh, feel free to show yourselves around.
26:37Excuse me.
26:38Hello there.
26:38Welcome.
26:40They discriminate against older female buyers.
26:42This always happens.
26:43Oh, please.
26:44Our niece, you're a really bad liar.
26:46Well, I had to get him to take the bait or he might have thrown us out.
26:50Well, it's an open house, so by definition...
26:52I'm gonna peek around.
27:27This is the ugliest kitchen I've ever seen.
27:52When did you get here?
27:56Okay.
28:37That's creepy.
28:47Oh, absolutely not.
28:51Everything okay, ma'am?
28:53Yes, I'm good.
28:54Great house.
28:55Beautiful house.
29:13Can you believe it?
29:15After 20 years...
29:16End of an era.
29:18So, any intel on our new neighbors-to-be?
29:21It was an all-cash deal.
29:23A quick escrow, too.
29:24They must have really wanted it.
29:26He.
29:27Just he.
29:28Go on.
29:29A doctor.
29:30How'd you find that out?
29:32I have my ways.
29:33He installed a security system, which, in my expert opinion, is overkill for a private residence.
29:39You would only need a security system that robust if you are in danger or you have something
29:45to hide.
29:46Or both.
29:47I've never heard you say so many words at once.
29:49Well, I wish him luck with the Munster mansion, and I hope he has a good contractor.
29:55And a good exorcist.
29:57One minute.
30:12Two minute.
30:24I've been here.
30:28What time is it?
30:292 a.m.
30:32Something's not right out there.
30:34Okay, that is so weird.
30:40Is that it?
30:42No.
30:51Oh!
30:56Yeah.
30:57Uh-uh.
30:58That was about the new neighbor.
30:59But I'm sad and starving.
31:01Too bad.
31:01I'm being nice.
31:02Isn't this the kind of place where the neighbors act nice until they are nice?
31:06I did say that.
31:07Yes, you did.
31:08Your mother's up to something.
31:10What?
31:10I just want to know what his deal is, don't you?
31:12Maybe he doesn't have a deal.
31:14A guy moves into a dilapidated haunted house at 2 a.m.?
31:17Come on.
31:18He definitely has a deal.
31:20That is weird, weird.
31:21When did you pick that up?
31:23Ninja.
31:25Ninja.
31:52Ninja.
32:24I got him. Five minutes on the left boob and he was out like a lion.
32:27That's great, babe.
32:28Great. It's a miracle.
32:30Okay, if he can go to sleep when it's dark outside in a stationary position, that is a game changer.
32:34A life-affirming moment.
32:37What are you looking at?
32:39Your brownies are still there.
32:42Wait, really?
32:44Why won't he eat the goddamn brownies?
32:47Maybe he doesn't fuck with gluten?
32:49Then throw him out and give us the plate back. That's a good plate.
32:51It doesn't make sense. Everyone likes brownies. They're the Beyoncé of dessert.
32:56And if they don't, they're just being contrary.
32:59Jinx? Maybe you just didn't see a button there.
33:01The camera was on, on.
33:04Sorry, I just love it when you get all lawyery.
33:06Order in the court.
33:07Oh, counsel, please approach the bench.
33:09I object.
33:10Is there anything else you've noticed?
33:12Curtains opening and closing?
33:14Could he be watching us?
33:15Definitely could be.
33:16I think we better.
33:23He always knows.
33:24No.
33:25I got too cocky.
33:26I flew too close to the sun and now he's punishing me like a tiny, vengeful god.
33:31It's all right.
33:32I'm going to go drive him around.
33:33Okay.
33:37I'm coming. I'm coming.
33:45I'll be back in a sec.
33:47Love you.
33:48Love you.
33:49Get some rest.
33:50Come on.
34:01Fuck it.
34:06Reclaiming my plate.
34:09What's he think he is?
34:11Not eating my brownies.
34:12I love my brownies.
34:13I eat them my damn self.
34:18Mm-hmm.
34:42He can keep the damn place.
34:44I eat them.
34:45I eat.
35:00Shit.
35:04Shit.
35:05Shit.
35:11Shit.
35:31Is everything all right?
35:32That's where I can see him.
35:34What's happening?
35:35We got a call about a trespasser at the old Grant House.
35:38I guess who matches the description.
35:40Hey!
35:42What the hell is going on?
35:43New owners said they saw a black person skulking around the property.
35:47This is a big misunderstanding.
35:49Is it?
35:50Because apparently it happened twice.
35:51I was just dropping off brownies.
35:53This is my wife.
35:54In our house, where we live with our son.
35:57Fuck off.
36:00Robert Fisher.
36:02Danny Daniels.
36:03From high school.
36:05I heard you move back.
36:09Baby, it's okay.
36:10Mommy's...
36:11Sorry, man.
36:11You know we got to take the call.
36:13This is nuts.
36:15Ah, consider this drop, my good man.
36:19Aw.
36:21Yeah, don't worry about it.
36:22They all kind of look like that at that age.
36:26Robert Fisher.
36:28As I live and breathe,
36:30you folks have a great evening.
36:36Did you just thank the cops?
36:39Oh, shit.
36:41But...
36:42What's wrong with me?
36:44Sorry, babe.
36:45I...
36:47We can't live across the street from someone like that.
36:50I mean, what would have happened if I hadn't gotten there when I did?
37:00What's up, man?
37:00This is some bullshit.
37:02That freak, Nark, will rue the day he stepped foot in Hinkley Hills.
37:05Huh, yeah.
37:06Just used rue the day in a sentence.
37:08You're welcome.
37:11Hey.
37:13Todd told me what happened.
37:14I heard it on the police scanner.
37:17What the hell?
37:18What do you need, babe?
37:20You need some wine?
37:21How about some ice cream?
37:22You want a hit, man?
37:23I know people.
37:24I'm people.
37:25Say the word.
37:26Okay, we can hold on the ladder,
37:28but I could use some wine.
37:30Yeah, that's the cure-all for all.
37:32Even racial profiling?
37:33We share your rage.
37:35He will not last long here.
37:38Spoken like a true hater.
37:39I love this energy, my dude.
37:40Oh, there's the sommelier now.
37:42Oh, Rob, this is lunacy of outrageous proportions,
37:47and we won't stand for it.
37:49Should I get some glasses?
37:50Yes.
37:51I got it.
37:51Please, make your stuff.
37:53Yeah, shove over.
37:55I think we should all sleep here tonight.
37:57Safety in numbers.
37:59Hunker down.
37:59Someone should always be on watch, right?
38:01Like in the Marines?
38:02Yes, I will be out front the entire time.
38:05Okay, good.
38:05I've had a lot of coffee, so I'll stay up all night.
38:09Sleep out there like a dog.
38:10Um, we gotta, like, stick together right now
38:12and form an alliance.
38:14Mm, right.
38:16I'm a lone wolf.
38:16Is that a united front?
38:17I've got some big-ass flashlights.
38:19I'm gonna bring over about 10 of them.
38:20Do you have stuff that you brought home from the Marines?
38:22I have a lot of stuff in the garage.
38:24I just have to remember the password for that case.
38:27Oh, wow.
38:42Are those fireflies?
38:46Yeah.
38:48I always wanted to see fireflies growing up,
38:50but you can't see them in the city.
38:52It's like spotting a fairy in the wild.
38:58It's not fair.
39:01I was just starting to feel at home here.
39:05There's space
39:07and a community.
39:12I damn sure don't want to drag no stroll up
39:14for flights of stairs.
39:24I think we should stay.
39:27I want Miles to have fireflies.
39:30And our family's not gonna be run out
39:32by some racist, brownie-hating prick.
39:39We're doing this.
39:41Hell yeah, we're doing this.
39:54Coming in?
39:56In a minute.
39:59I want to smell this sweet suburban here.
40:03Let's go.
40:13Oh, dear.
40:13Oh, dear.
40:16Oh.
40:27Oh, dear.
40:32Oh, shit.
41:11Oh, shit.
41:34Oh, shit.
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