- 14 hours ago
Category
đŸ“º
TVTranscript
00:00It's on the blink Mary. Literally. It's not igniting. It's not igniting Mary. Turn it off.
00:07Turn it on again. Turn the machine off at the wall. Wait a few seconds. Turn it back on again.
00:18What a time to run for the boiler to get on the blink Mary. The middle of winter with snow
00:24forecast.
00:28No. What an entrance. I'm living for this. Taser in. Oh. Have you ever done a chocolate? It's all sad.
00:35I don't think so. Hey. Oh here we go. What is that? Oh shut up. This doesn't look real. I
00:42don't think it is. A framboisier. What's a framboisier? Oh I knew it. No. This looks dodgy doesn't it? It
00:50does. Why is it dodgy? This is going to go down so badly. None of us learn do it.
00:56I hate you. Must remember that belly. This is what everyone came for. The lamp bells are ringing with me
01:04Mary. Least the nipples are covered. Yeah. It's half the battle.
01:08In the week we said a fond farewell to snooker legend John Virgo. We enjoyed lots of great telly. They
01:16were wheeling out the big brains on Channel 4. Please welcome Susie Dent.
01:25Susie. Lovely to see you. Of course the woman from Countdowns in this. She is really smart to be fair.
01:32But although at the same time doesn't she just look up dictionary like.
01:38That's right. All she does is flip through the dictionary. Yeah. And she goes right. Yeah that is a real
01:43word.
01:46We can do that. I can do that yeah.
01:49Will Smith found himself in a hole on Disney Plus.
01:52The goal of the expedition is to find new species. Not just for the sake of finding new species. You
01:59know we're not collecting stamps here.
02:01His name's Prof.
02:02That means he's a professor. There's a joke at my work that I'm a professor. Because one time I filled
02:10out a form and I put Prof. Instead of Miss.
02:18And Olivia Atwood was showing us how to get filthy rich on ITV2.
02:23It's in the millions. Wow.
02:24I don't know why you don't do any of this.
02:27You'd make a fortune.
02:29You've always said that. You could do a chat line.
02:32I'd be good at it.
02:33I know you said.
02:34Hey Lee look I've already got. I'll show you.
02:36Ready.
02:37What?
02:39Taking your clothes off. What?
02:42Hello sir. Yes.
02:44What would you like to do?
02:47Oh you'd like me to take my dress off?
02:49Yes okay.
02:53Oh the zip's got a bit stuck.
02:56Hold on a moment.
02:59Right the dress is coming off now sir.
03:04Isn't it good?
03:06Oh I've got my finger stuck.
03:17In Leeds.
03:18Where did it all go wrong for you on Saturday night?
03:21Because you seemed alright at the brunch.
03:22I think it was when I had them two spicy margaritas back to back.
03:25One spicy margarita after the other.
03:27I just love a spicy margs.
03:29Sisters Ellie and Izzy.
03:31Well you went absolutely mad with me.
03:33I bought you a pink gin and tonic and you were going
03:35no you know I wanted spicy margarita.
03:37I wanted spicy margarita.
03:38Why have you bought me pink gin?
03:40Yeah and so I necked that gin that you bought me and then trotted off to the bar and bought
03:44myself two spicy margaritas.
03:46Not one but two spicy margaritas.
03:48Yeah.
03:49Just to spite me.
03:49Yeah and then I drunk one spicy margarita after the other necked them and I actually think
03:57that after that point of necking those spicy margaritas that's when the night becomes blurry.
04:02That's when it spiralled.
04:04That's when it spiralled yeah.
04:05You rang me at two in the morning and I thought piss off.
04:09On Thursday night the latest bunch of business hopefuls were suited and booted and back in
04:14the firing line on BBC One.
04:17I tell you what I watched episode one last week shit show.
04:20I wish I was actually clever enough or had the brain to invent something that they would
04:26love but that would just never happen.
04:29You're fired.
04:32We had to do a business plan when we took the pub.
04:35Oh did you?
04:36Yeah well I never did it.
04:38I didn't.
04:38I wouldn't know how to start a business plan.
04:40Where would you start?
04:41How would you start a business plan?
04:42You write it down.
04:43I know that you silly bastard.
04:47In the programme Lord Sugar had a playful way of introducing the next task.
04:53Are you sitting comfortably?
04:55We should begin.
04:58Oh it's Tony.
04:59Not a large sugar Tony.
05:01For your next task I want you to create a story for four to six year olds.
05:07Oh that is such a fun task.
05:10You need to produce a book and an audio version to go with it.
05:14Okay an audio version I think would be tricky because there's no visual aid there.
05:18No no that's the audio bit.
05:21This is a good one.
05:22Surely there can't go far wrong with this.
05:24Writing a kid's book and recording it.
05:26Exactly.
05:27I've got a story idea I think.
05:28Next for the boys.
05:29So mine is Geno Giraffe.
05:31He's on a spaceship and his whole end goal is basically to have a poo.
05:34Oh great.
05:35To have a poo?
05:36Correct.
05:37No get him out.
05:39Nobody wants to talk about excrement.
05:40This boy called Astro.
05:41Five years old.
05:42Goes into space and essentially he's trying to find the perfect toilet.
05:45Why is he all based around toilets?
05:48He's trying to find the perfect toilet in space.
05:51Which mum and dad is going to enjoy reading that story to their child?
05:55One, two, three, poo.
06:00Oh my god.
06:01This is only going to go one way.
06:03Down the toilet.
06:04Yeah.
06:05Next chapter for Marcus's boys.
06:07Please Rue, can I do a poo in your loo?
06:09Oh my days.
06:11Do you want to do for Doo-Doo Land?
06:13Dun, dun.
06:15No.
06:17Don't do that.
06:18You're taking the mix.
06:19Is this for real?
06:21Yeah.
06:21Let's go.
06:21Take us some.
06:22Okay.
06:23Dun, dun.
06:26Oh.
06:29Is this seriously what The Apprentice has come to?
06:33Central London.
06:35Are we excited?
06:36Yeah!
06:37No.
06:38Oh my god.
06:39What are the kids going to say?
06:40Oh dearie me.
06:41Right, this is your audience, isn't it?
06:42If the kids like it, you've got some testimonials.
06:44He is not scared of any planet in the universe.
06:49Except for one.
06:51Oh Jane.
06:52Look at the faces.
06:53Oh the bird.
06:55Doo-Doo Land.
06:57Dun, dun.
07:03Not a one is laughing.
07:05But what did people think of the adventure that Astro went on?
07:07Shut it, isn't that funny?
07:09Oh.
07:10Ha ha ha ha ha.
07:12It isn't that funny.
07:14Do you know what, kids are brutal.
07:16They are.
07:16Do you want to hear it one more time?
07:19No.
07:19No.
07:20No.
07:20No, ha ha ha ha.
07:22Once was enough.
07:24That kid likes a cigarette.
07:25I prefer the humour of a PG Woodhouse.
07:27Ha ha ha.
07:295 p.m.
07:32Arriving some of Britain's biggest booksellers. Oh, no. Oh, this is a bit. This will be sir. We are here
07:40to present to you astro and the three aliens
07:45Shit on his head
07:55That's exactly how he's gone
07:59They've actually narrated how their books got there
08:04In home I got to be back does it look as though I'm glad to be back. Did you enjoy
08:09it? Yes, I did. Oh good
08:11I enjoyed my library. Where did I go? Hey, best friends Jenny and Lee candy. No, not candy. What is
08:19it?
08:22India
08:24Yeah
08:27Go
08:28Go away. Oh, yeah, go away. Yeah
08:32Go away. I'm surprised. I'm surprised. You won't ask me where did I get it from? Where'd you get it
08:37from?
08:37Fucking India. Where do you think? Manchester. Oh, yeah
08:41On Sunday night we settled in for a light-hearted game of tactics and trivia on ITV
08:48The floor
08:50We can't have an alcoholic drink on a Sunday
08:53It's only one
08:56You better drink this famous last word
08:58I'm Rob Brydon and this is the floor. Hello, Rob. He looks like a koala. Let's bring in our players
09:07Oh, they're all happy to be there. Oh my lord
09:12Oh, I think I quite like this already. Have they all got a box? They've all got their own box
09:16So you choose your subject depending on your specialism
09:20So like you might choose, I don't know, Aston Villa
09:23Okay, or pop music
09:24Yes
09:26And what would your specialist subject be? Food
09:28Food
09:28Absolutely
09:30Hello, everybody
09:3249 of you remain
09:3449
09:3549
09:36And you're all still in with the chance of winning that huge jackpot of £50,000
09:43Oh
09:44It's not bad for a Sunday afternoon, Mike
09:46No
09:47Let's light up the floor
09:50What a strapline
09:52Here we go, any second
09:53Now
09:54Oh
09:56Sleigh
09:58Sleigh
09:58Clacky
09:59What does that mean? Sleigh bells?
10:02It must have been S-L-A-Y
10:05He's going to kill the contestants, his rivals, slay them
10:09Now then, George, your category is?
10:12US states
10:13Ooh
10:15I've been in a few states, but not in many US states
10:18So there's four
10:19Four states
10:21I think there's at least 60
10:23America
10:24New York
10:25You're going to be dueling on a category belonging to one of your neighbours
10:28America, New York, and then there's another two
10:31You're lying to me
10:33I'm not
10:34But George wasn't playing his own category
10:36He was about to play Aisha's category
10:39The category is famous hair
10:42I don't think Dad would get very far with this one
10:44No
10:44No
10:45No
10:50Claudia Winkleman
10:51Claudia Winkleman
10:53No
10:53Long black and shiny
10:54No dandruff
10:56Mr T
10:57Mr T
10:58BA Barakas
10:59I ain't getting no playing fool
11:00Mr T
11:01I've woke up like Mr T and all my hair shrinks
11:04We've all woken up like Mr T
11:05Well, not all of us, but us people of colour
11:09Harry Winkleman
11:10No
11:11No
11:12Harry Winkleman
11:15Prince Harry
11:16Prince Harry
11:17I mean, they've done him wonders there, because they've clearly used an old picture
11:22Yeah
11:22It's like orange smoke on top now
11:27Bob Rob, get out of my pub
11:30His fingers
11:31Dolly Parton
11:33Dolly Parton
11:35I thought it was Peggy from his fingers
11:40Oh, I know
11:41What's her name?
11:42Er...
11:42What's their name?
11:43Have you seen the beard?
11:45Oh, no
11:46Jason Momoa
11:48No, I didn't know that one
11:49I was going to be like, Jesus?
11:51No, I was going to say the one that...
11:53Say
11:53The one that's the best
11:56Posh Spice
11:57No, that's not Posh Spice
11:59It's Baby Spice
12:01Mel B?
12:02Nope
12:03Diana Ross
12:03Mel B
12:05Mel B?
12:06Oh
12:07Oh
12:08Told you, pal
12:09No
12:10I'm sorry, they're exaggerating her hair a little bit there
12:12No, her hair don't...
12:13No, she doesn't look like that
12:16Prince...
12:17Prince?
12:18That's a woman
12:20I was going to say Prince William's woman
12:24Prince William's woman?
12:27In this day and age, Amani
12:30In this day and age, she's only his woman
12:33No, I forgot her name
12:35She's only his woman
12:36This is what I like to call an ironing show
12:39You know, if you're doing a bit of ironing
12:40You bang this on, don't you?
12:42Yeah, it used to be the EastEnders omnibus
12:44Yeah
12:44But now you can just bang the floor on
12:46Yeah
12:47Get the kids' uniforms boshed out
12:49Yeah
12:49Done
12:50It's not going to put you off
12:51No
12:52No
12:52But it's nice to have one in the background
13:01In Manchester
13:03Me mate's getting married on Friday and I'm really looking forward to it
13:06But me mate's a vegetarian
13:09So that means vegetarian food at the wedding
13:12No, surely he'll do some normal options
13:15It's veggie food
13:16The Malones
13:18The thing is, I like vegetables and that
13:20No issue with vegetables
13:23But I do like a good, like, bit of chicken or something
13:28Hey Sean, you never know, you might go
13:30The food might be that good, you might become a vegetarian
13:35Ah, lads, can't see that
13:36Well, yeah, sure, you could be the one that turns up
13:38Who's the guest that's turned up with a, like, with a wedding present at a packet of pork pies and
13:42sausage rolls here
13:43They're all going to be around it, aren't they?
13:45Don't give him ideas
13:47This week, Disney Plus was pushing a Hollywood A-lister to the limit on an epic new adventure series
13:53Pole to pole with Will Smith Shirl
13:56He's going from the North Pole right down to the South Pole
13:59He's walking, is he?
14:01Walking?
14:04Where is the North Pole?
14:05I don't think you can live there
14:07You can
14:07I can't
14:08Santa lives there
14:10Yeah, just Santa
14:11No one else
14:15I don't think I'd want to go pole to pole with Will Smith or toe to toe
14:19You know, Chris Rock found that out, didn't he?
14:21Did you ever have one of those friends
14:23Why is he that close to the camera like that?
14:25That, like, gets you in trouble all the time?
14:29Well, I was that friend
14:30Yeah
14:33How does he know?
14:34I remember my very first snake bite
14:36You never forget your first
14:37What do you mean?
14:38How many snake bites have you had in your life?
14:40Has he been in the shop?
14:42No, darling
14:43Over the last 25 years, I've had 27 snake bites
14:4627?
14:4724 broken bones
14:48400 stitches
14:49Oh my God
14:51Two stingray stings
14:52And one near fatal scorpion sting in the Amazon
14:54Oh dear, that's like my summer holidays
14:57Have a doll then
14:58I hope you've got good health insurance
15:01Brian has us in the middle of the Amazon
15:06And you want to go there?
15:08Yeah, not necessarily with Brian
15:11Now, Brian thinks there are creatures here that could hold the secret to saving millions of lives
15:18That's worth looking for
15:19Oh, wow
15:20Hey, let them stay there
15:21Stay there with your secret
15:23We are arriving
15:24The main goal of our expedition is just there
15:27Oh, what's the main?
15:28But today we are not going up
15:30We are going down
15:31We're going up
15:32No, I couldn't be going down
15:33I'm terrible
15:34When I got stuck behind that woman in the great pyramids that year
15:36I'll never forget it
15:45Cueva de los Tayos
15:47AKA where people don't come back out
15:50You know what that means in Spanish?
15:52What?
15:52De ball
15:54We are going down
15:55About 20-story building
15:5820-story building?
16:00Isn't there a lift?
16:01See you on the bottom
16:01You go first
16:03Set some lights up
16:05And a little fire
16:06Imagine if down there
16:08There's a cure for cancer
16:10He's shooting for the stars
16:11Fair play to him
16:12Oh, I'd go
16:13I'd go
16:14There's a cure for cancer
16:15Oh, please let there be
16:16I'll call my help
16:17It wasn't long before Brian and Will's poking about
16:20Would unearth some creepy crawlies
16:23Oh, hey
16:24Oh, that's a nice one
16:26Oh, wow
16:27Oh my God!
16:30What the fuck?
16:32Sorry, Vin
16:33Oh, my God!
16:34Don't yell at me
16:35It's really big
16:36I'm not looking
16:36I'm not looking
16:37We're going to need a bigger jug
16:39Here we go
16:40Thank you
16:41Oh, no
16:42Oh, my God
16:42It's the size of a hand
16:43Yowd, that is yowd
16:45I'll tell you what
16:46That's got airier legs than me
16:48Yeah, that thing is insane looking
16:49Oh, my gosh
16:51Could you imagine that in your bedroom?
16:54So what do they do now?
16:55They've got the animals
16:56So how do they extract the venom?
16:58Because them animals aren't going to give it freely, are they?
17:02So we're going to milk the biggest of the tarantulas
17:05Milking tarantulas
17:06Go on
17:09How long does the spider stay knocked out?
17:11I try to do as minimal as possible
17:13So it's usually out for about five minutes, ten minutes at most
17:16So you should hurry up
17:17Spider sedation?
17:19Well, I never
17:20It takes three of us just to wrangle the animal
17:23Uh-oh
17:24Oh, it's just so big
17:28Right, so first Amalia is going to pop open one of the fangs
17:35Whoa
17:37Fucking hell
17:38Stay to that
17:40Jesus
17:41Getting any venom?
17:43Oh, a nice big drop, look at that
17:44Look at that
17:45Look at that
17:46It's milking
17:48There we go
17:48Oh, that was a good amount
17:50Oh my god, look at that
17:52The spider's waking up rapidly
17:53Oh
17:54Oh, it's waking up now, Lee
17:56Oh shit
17:57Rapidly, fucking hell
17:58Knock him out, man
17:59Get some gas on him
18:01Your first venom extraction
18:03Look at all that
18:05Will drinks it
18:06We're going to do some shots down here, I know what
18:11In Durham
18:12When I go food shopping
18:14Because I go food shopping now
18:15Only done it twice
18:16You must be starving
18:18In the whole six months I've lived there
18:20Best friends Abby and Georgia
18:23Well, that's when I done that week of Hello Fresh, didn't I?
18:26Ah
18:26Never do that again
18:29Hated it
18:30It was the worst week of my life
18:32It was the worst week of my life
18:33There was tomato puree up me walls
18:35I hated every second
18:39I'm being devious, I put a complaint in
18:41Didra
18:42Please send a chef with this next time
18:47On Sunday night ITV2 was showing us new ways to make a living
18:51Right, get your notepad out
18:53What?
18:54Olivia Upwood
18:54How to get filthy rich
18:56Oh, I'd love to be filthy rich, wouldn't you?
18:58It's alright, I would
19:02This gives you an insight into how people are making money in questionable ways
19:07Yeah
19:07It's people that make money out of like OnlyFans and stuff
19:11Oh
19:12Hey, I don't want Nat watching this getting ideas
19:15Seeing what else there is available on the internet for money
19:19No, well, do you know what? I actually did once buy some saucy underwear
19:23And he got annoyed with me and says, what have you bought that for?
19:28Visibility on social media of the foot fetish has spiked in recent years
19:32Oh, foot fetish!
19:34I don't want to look at my own, let alone someone else's dusty crusty feet
19:38Does that turn you on?
19:39No, not really
19:41Is it so parcel?
19:43With Pornhub reporting a 58% increase of interest from the under 35s
19:49Don't include me in that
19:50Yep, it's your generation
19:52Look, it's your splat bang in the middle
19:54My generation, we need to be doing better
19:56I think everyone's got a foot fetish on a slam
19:59No
19:59No, no
20:00One guy I found online stumbled upon the earning power of his feet
20:04While serving in the armed forces
20:06What?
20:07You're joking
20:08Surely you can't do that in the armed forces
20:10What are you so attractive about this size 11 stinky foot?
20:14Oh Lord, move that foot away!
20:17He has been the only person thus far to be kicked out of the Navy for creating adult content
20:23Why can't he do that and serve the nation?
20:28I like men in uniform though, Lee
20:30Oh
20:31I do, honestly
20:32I can believe
20:34Is that why you used to see the lollipop man?
20:36Yeah
20:37What he's told me, which I don't really understand, but he's doing a sock drop
20:42A what?
20:43Sock drop
20:44Now this isn't the first time I've heard about this
20:46There's a post that says Millennium Bridge 10.30am today
20:51I am leaving a pair of dirty socks to come and get them
20:54This is insane
20:56I've missed my calling
20:57The world has gone mad
20:59I mean, my sock drawer needs a good sorting out
21:03To be fair, if I could make a bit of money from selling my old socks
21:06I've been my holy socks, maybe I should be selling them
21:09We're in central London today
21:11And as requested, so many of you want me to leave a sock on Millennium Bridge
21:16Guys, look, you might see me on this bridge because I was in London the other day
21:19If I turn up, it's just coincidence, okay?
21:21Yeah, right, London
21:22So I've actually got this pair that I've been wearing for four days straight
21:24Oh, four days?
21:27Why should they be walking around on their own?
21:29He suffers for his art, doesn't he?
21:31Clearly
21:33He's tying them on
21:34Right, there you go
21:36Are we supposed to get a pair?
21:38Posted
21:40Well, he's learnt something in the napey nut
21:42He's learnt how to tie a knot
21:44So what do the people that have picked up the socks in the past look like?
21:47I want to see who's getting those socks
21:49Yeah, I want to see
21:50That's what I want to know
21:51Name and shame
21:52As we're leaving the bridge, Zach spots someone he recognises
21:58Nooo!
21:58He recognises somebody
22:00That's one of my fans
22:01Where?
22:02Where?
22:03Running for the sock now
22:07That's one of his fans, Mary
22:08How long's that been?
22:09What? 30 seconds? Minute?
22:11Gross, he's on his street, are we?
22:13Shall we meet him?
22:14Well, I mean, I would, obviously, but he's your fan, not mine
22:17This is crazy, this is actually crazy
22:21Where have they gone?
22:22Someone got him before him
22:24Somebody's already got him
22:30Oh, look, it's got it
22:32So, where's the socks?
22:34Is he coming?
22:35Hi
22:35Where are they?
22:36No, we're actually meeting a foot fetishist, don't we?
22:39I think I've gone into a sort of nightmare or something
22:42Well, better luck next time
22:45Nice to meet you
22:46Thanks for talking to me
22:48I'll let you say your goodbyes
22:49I'll give you a hug
22:50Wait, really?
22:51I'll be nice
22:52Oh, are they hugging?
22:53They're hugging Daniella
22:54Right
22:57That'll be better than the socks
22:58Yeah
22:59What could I show people?
23:03What's the matter?
23:05Well, I don't want to play
23:07Because I'm thinking
23:08It's going to be your stinky underwear
23:10That's what they want, Jane
23:11I could do a bra, couldn't I?
23:14Yeah, way too much already
23:15I am so in to sell socks
23:20It's not happening, darling
23:24And I'm going and checking every sock in the drawer upstairs
23:27Before we go to bed tonight
23:29There's going to be a sock register
23:30And there's going to be a sock register upstairs
23:32And if any socks have gone next week
23:35I'll know where they are
23:44In the Cotswolds
23:46I almost did dry January
23:48What do you mean you almost did?
23:50Well, I did
23:50I did that week
23:52The week where you did three days
23:53I did four
23:54Andrew and his husband Alfie
23:57I quite liked it for my ten days
23:59There's probably 30 non-alcoholic beers still left in the fridge
24:03Yeah, I drank four
24:04OK, so it wasn't that
24:05It was more of a damn January
24:06It was a total damn January
24:08OK
24:09On Monday night
24:10There were more police in pursuit on Channel 5
24:13Can I just change?
24:14Oh, I couldn't possibly
24:15Thank you so much
24:18Come on, off your cop
24:19Good girl
24:19Yay
24:20What are we cops?
24:22Watch this for me
24:22Right, we're going to watch this
24:23So that you know what not to do on the motorway
24:26Now that you're learning to drive
24:27It's fine, Jay, go so slowly
24:29Cheers, Captain Obvious
24:32When it comes to bad driving
24:34Dash camp never lies
24:36There are some shite drivers out there, aren't there?
24:39Shite
24:39Shite
24:40Locking up the most dangerous people on our roads
24:44Are the motorway cops
24:45I'd love to see them catch a few
24:48I haven't been on the motorway for ages
24:49Since my mother died, there's no reason to go anywhere
24:52Mum would make a good motorway cop
24:54She can make a one-point-full turbo mocker
24:56Do things that the Stig could only dream of
25:00Yeah
25:03I like driving on the motorway
25:04But I hate the lane hoggers, man
25:06Move out the way
25:07Shae doesn't like the lane hoggers, Audrey
25:10She is a lane hogger
25:11She's the number one lane hogger
25:13Oh my days, Shae
25:15That's worse than me
25:16That is worse than me
25:17No, your dad just... Your dad goes all over the place
25:20You're like, Andre
25:21Just stay in one lane, man
25:22I'm all over
25:22Shae sits there
25:23Nye nye nye nye
25:23In his little mini
25:24Nye nye nye nye nye
25:28Ombudsad police
25:28What's the emergency?
25:30Ombudsad, that's us
25:31It's the refinery service station
25:32I've got a theft of fuel
25:34Just literally left the site now
25:35A theft of fuel? You know what that means, don't you, yourself?
25:38They've net some fuel
25:39That's right
25:39I've done that, have you driven away?
25:41Yeah
25:41Without paying?
25:42Yeah, accidentally mine was paid
25:44Of course
25:44Alright, sir
25:45What? Stop it!
25:46Hey, he looks stoned off his head.
25:48Oh, he's stoned on the drugs.
25:50He's on drugs, is he, love? Oh, that's even worse, isn't he?
25:53Mill's made off with fuel.
25:55It's a Bentley Continental in black.
25:58A Bentley Continental?
26:00Oh, what? Oh, no, what's that? It's a Bentley?
26:02And you can't pay for your fuel?
26:04The last reliable site was at Inningham Dock.
26:06Tango November 1-1. We're blue lighting across there now.
26:09We're blue lighting. We're blue lighting.
26:13He's a hallucination. He believes he's the second coming of Jesus.
26:16He believes he's the second coming of Jesus.
26:19Oh, Jesus. He's off his trolley, then.
26:22To be fair, I would imagine that the second coming of Jesus
26:24would drive round in a Bentley Continental.
26:27Yeah.
26:30He's got a couple of pals in the car and all.
26:33So it's Jesus and the disciples.
26:36It is failing to stop.
26:39Well, in excess of 7-0 in a 3-0.
26:42Oh, I see 17 or 30.
26:44Yeah, that's way worse than I was.
26:46This is marvellous, this programme.
26:48Yeah.
26:51There's the car.
26:52The wagons have got him. 8 CVs have got him.
26:54Box him in. Box him in.
26:59Stop. Stop.
27:00Yeah, stop, you silly bastard.
27:02Contact made with subject vehicle. Contact made.
27:06Vehicle is continuing.
27:08No, he's gone away. The lorries.
27:10Oh, my days.
27:12You stupid wagons.
27:14Fucking wagon drivers.
27:17It's going to go straight through.
27:21It just went through the barrier.
27:24It's going right, right, right, right, right.
27:28Oh, my God.
27:29This is absolutely wild.
27:31This is crazy.
27:32It's like a James Bond film.
27:34Isn't it?
27:35Hang on, November 1-1.
27:36Other units are now on site.
27:38You've got backup.
27:39OK, good, good.
27:40Finally.
27:41Where's the helicopter, man?
27:46Get a break.
27:47This is fast.
27:48This is so cool.
27:51For all the wrong reasons.
27:53This must be the best car chaser ever.
27:55It's been fantastic, isn't it?
27:58They got him.
27:59They got him.
28:00That's it.
28:00They got him.
28:01Rotel Zulu 1-0.
28:03Subject detained.
28:04He's been dogged.
28:05He's been dogged.
28:08He's been dogged.
28:09He's been dogged.
28:10Get him dogged.
28:11Lay it on your front.
28:12Lay it on your front.
28:13Do me now.
28:14Do not move.
28:15I don't think he can move, can he?
28:17There's not John's been moving.
28:18Where's he off to?
28:20Right, mate.
28:20You're under arrest on suspicion of failing to stop for police,
28:23dangerous driving and abduct slash kidnap.
28:26Suspicion of failing to stop for the police?
28:28There's no suspicion in that.
28:30He's gone for 40 miles at 100 miles an hour.
28:33Charge him for that one now.
28:35Do you understand?
28:36I was scared.
28:36Sorry?
28:37I was scared.
28:38But he's from...
28:39I do nothing to know what.
28:40Oh, I can that.
28:41Fucking hell.
28:42He's wrecked that car.
28:44What?
28:44Your mum has come back with some dents and scratches,
28:47but never like that.
28:48No.
28:54In Leeds...
28:55Izzy, is that my jaw or have I got jowls?
28:58Jowls, definitely.
29:00Sisters Ellie and Izzy.
29:02I'm getting jowls.
29:03Yeah.
29:04Seriously?
29:05Like, you being mean or being honest?
29:09Let me feel.
29:12It's jowls.
29:14Fuck's sake.
29:18Gobble, gobble.
29:20On Friday, an exciting expose was making the headlines on the BBC.
29:26As soon as we put the news on, any chance we could watch it?
29:28Because it would be nice.
29:29I know I do love looking at doggies.
29:31Well, thanks for the kiss.
29:40Do you have to keep fucking slapping?
29:43Well, get me some bread then.
29:45Complaints about rogue locksmiths have risen by two-thirds
29:48over the last four years.
29:51Good heavens.
29:52Good grief.
29:52I had no idea that was a thing.
29:54No-one needs to die.
29:55Oh, dear.
29:56What are they doing?
29:57Using a tactic known as bait and switch,
29:59where companies offer an affordable call-out fee
30:02but hike up the price when they get there.
30:05Oh, that's when you hear the whips.
30:07Oh.
30:08Yeah.
30:08Oh, that's a modest five-leaver.
30:11Yeah, five-leaver.
30:13Basically, every plumber and locksmith
30:15and builder and roofer in London is a crook.
30:19No.
30:20No, not all crooks.
30:22Emergency call-out fee, £45.
30:24Finn and Maria were locked inside when they called 24-7 Locksmiths UK.
30:29Hey, how do you lock inside?
30:30You got locked between two doors one time.
30:32I did, I got locked in the port.
30:34She was there all day until I got back from work.
30:36They say they were quoted £45 over the phone.
30:39Well, that's where they get you.
30:41Cheap call-out fee.
30:42Expensive repair bills.
30:44Yes.
30:44Just make in store full.
30:46We'll have to replace the door here, love.
30:47Yeah, yeah.
30:48Really, we're going to have to knock down this house, really,
30:50to get you in.
30:51I stuck my head out the window and said,
30:52do not break the lock.
30:53We can, you know, we can definitely fix this without doing that.
30:56We're not going to have to replace this.
30:57You don't need to do that.
30:58And he said, no, I need to do it.
30:59Snap.
31:00Lock was broken.
31:00He was in.
31:01I love how she's laughing at the situation.
31:03Yeah, because she's thinking,
31:03that's definitely not how it panned out.
31:05Yeah, that's not how it panned out at all.
31:07You know, you said to me, it doesn't need doing.
31:09He said, it needs doing.
31:10And I've said, let's do it.
31:13£1,250 altogether.
31:15What?
31:15Oh!
31:17How much?
31:17How'd you get to that much?
31:19How'd you get to that much?
31:20The call out fee was 45.
31:2245?
31:22Thieving Robin, bastards.
31:24We wanted to investigate.
31:26Yeah.
31:27Come on, let's set him up.
31:28So, we secured a property and rigged it with secret cameras.
31:31Oh, I love this.
31:32A sting.
31:33Is this the news?
31:35Yes.
31:35It's quite a long news, isn't it?
31:38Yeah.
31:38But first, we wanted to prove that this lock didn't need to be drilled.
31:43We should be able to bypass this lock in seconds.
31:46No damage.
31:47By bypassing means break in.
31:49Yeah.
31:49And they're not going to show us how to do that,
31:51because that would be a bad idea.
31:55Is that how quick it is?
31:57Then we made the call.
31:58We charge £40 for a simple door opening.
32:01Well, then you'd snap their hand off at that, wouldn't you?
32:03£40? Sounds quite reasonable.
32:05Yeah.
32:05So, to open it, I'm going to have to drill the lock.
32:08Oh.
32:09Here we go.
32:09You barely even examined it, mate.
32:11The price of drilling is £125 plus VAT.
32:14He's just throwing prices at him.
32:15No, that's naughty.
32:17But at this point, when he's there going,
32:19price of this, £125, I'd say,
32:21put your tool back in your van, Tiger, and fuck off.
32:25Butchery, it's villainous.
32:28So, there you go.
32:29That's the lock ruined now.
32:31£314 plus VAT.
32:34£376.
32:34Oh, my God.
32:37£376.
32:37Where's Dominic Littlewood when you need him?
32:40You know, he needs to be out there, on the beat.
32:42Yeah.
32:42Do we go now?
32:43Yeah.
32:43Yeah.
32:45Get out with the camera and the microphone.
32:46Get out!
32:47I love wrong-uns being caught.
32:49Hello.
32:50We're the BBC.
32:51Why are you charging so much for this job?
32:53Why is it costing so much?
32:55Because I'm a corn man.
32:57I know.
32:59Next question.
33:00We email the company for further comment.
33:02They've yet to respond, and their website has been taken down.
33:05Oh, there's a surprise.
33:07Yeah, but it's probably been set up under another name.
33:09Yeah, yeah, yeah.
33:09You know, at least Dominic Littlewood would get stuck in.
33:12Oh, he'd have booted.
33:12He'd have fucking kicked the wingman off or something.
33:15At least.
33:25In Blackpool.
33:26Hey, Soph.
33:27Treating myself to a new suit.
33:29Oh, very nice.
33:30Oh, yeah.
33:30It was awkward, actually, because we were just chatting to the lads that were there,
33:36you know, whose shop it is, Chris's shop.
33:38Pete and his little sister Sophie.
33:41Because we were chatting and that, I didn't want to get changed in the dressing room
33:44because I thought it were rude.
33:45So, I just got changed in the shop.
33:49And next thing, this dude's walked in and all I've got on is my undies and a smile.
33:54I don't think that's right.
33:55Well, nobody seemed to mind.
33:57That was the thing.
33:58But it just felt a bit awkward.
34:00Are you sure those men even work there?
34:03Well, I would hope so.
34:06You know, isn't it a curtain as well?
34:09So, even if you were chatting, you could just chat through the curtain.
34:12I know, but I like to make eye contact when I'm speaking to people.
34:15I bet there were people that worked in the shop, when you dropped your trousers,
34:19they were thinking...
34:20What a lad.
34:21What is happening?
34:23What?
34:24This week, it was the return of the raciest Regency drama on Netflix.
34:29Oh, I'm buzzing Bridgerton's back on.
34:32I've been listening to mucky books lately.
34:34Haven't you, you dirty bitch?
34:39See if we get some naughty bits.
34:41Is that what you're watching it for?
34:43No, it's educational.
34:47Is everything well, Mum?
34:48Oh, everything is perfect.
34:50It shouldn't be perfect.
34:52It would be perfect if...
34:53Where is Benedict?
34:54Who's Benedict?
34:55That's her other son.
34:57If he guesses where he is, he's probably shagging.
34:59Liar.
34:59Yeah.
35:03Oh.
35:04That butler knows exactly where Benedict is.
35:07Exactly.
35:08Yeah.
35:10Please fetch my carriage.
35:12Uh-oh.
35:13Is she going to go and find him?
35:18That is a mother with purpose.
35:20Oh, she's on a mission there, isn't she?
35:22I've seen that walk before.
35:24From your mother?
35:25Yeah.
35:26Move!
35:28Here we go.
35:29Oh, my God.
35:29What's she going to find?
35:32Oh, my gosh.
35:34What's she walked in on?
35:35I don't know.
35:36It's a shittle.
35:40Benedict Bridgerton.
35:41Oh, my word.
35:43Woo!
35:43Ho-ho!
35:45It was best she'd just stay down through.
35:47Yeah, what was she expecting?
35:48Let's draw back the curtains.
35:49It is time for my son to wake up.
35:50No, no, no.
35:51Please, please do not.
35:52Oh.
35:53Oh, that hurts.
35:55Oh, that hurts.
35:57He's had an orgy in there, too.
35:59Fancy being caught by your mother like that?
36:01There's always a black sheep in the family, isn't there?
36:10Who's that, Jane?
36:11I don't know.
36:11I've not seen this one before.
36:13Who is she?
36:13What are you asking me for like I know?
36:16I can do this.
36:17I can do this.
36:18She looks as if she's nervous to go in there.
36:20I don't think she's used to this sort of thing.
36:22I don't think she's used to this sort of thing.
36:22She's not giving swanky Bridgerton do, is she?
36:24There is a large group arriving.
36:26Just conceal yourself behind her.
36:29And just be out by midnight.
36:31Oh, fuck it.
36:32Fuck it, Cinderella.
36:34Oh, God.
36:35Out by midnight.
36:36Was she going to leave her gloss slipper?
36:38Oh.
36:38Good evening, ladies.
36:40Good evening.
36:42Here he is.
36:43Benedict.
36:43The man of the hour.
36:44Old Benedict.
36:45Oh, he's such a ladies' man.
36:47Mr Bridgerton.
36:48Mr Bridgerton.
36:49Over here.
36:53Hello.
36:54Oh, look who he spotted.
36:56The unknown.
36:57That glance across a crowded room, Michelle.
36:59I know.
37:01Pardon me, young lady.
37:02Could I trouble you for the next dance?
37:04Oh, no.
37:05Missed a chance, Benedict.
37:07Oh.
37:08That is unlucky.
37:10Oh, he's in like Flynn.
37:12Never seen him move so quick in my life.
37:14Forgive me for interrupting.
37:15I have just found this young lady's dance card.
37:17But, unfortunately, my name is next.
37:20No!
37:21Oh, no!
37:23Bingo.
37:24Smooth movie.
37:25Oh, I'm not looking for her husband.
37:28You are not.
37:29Oh, no, she's talking his language.
37:32That's going to change his world.
37:33Yeah.
37:34He's like, she's the woman for me.
37:38Excuse me.
37:39I meant to be somewhere.
37:40Where's she going?
37:41Is it midnight already?
37:42I can't.
37:43She just got there.
37:44Have you lost your chakra?
37:44No.
37:45Is it that we've met?
37:46No, I cannot dance.
37:48She can't dance.
37:49Because she's not a lady.
37:50Oh, she's common as muck, Jenny.
37:52She's common as muck.
37:53A lady who cannot dance.
37:58Huh.
37:59He's mind blown.
38:00Yeah.
38:00He's like, tick.
38:02She's unladylike.
38:04Tick.
38:05She doesn't want a husband.
38:05That's her own marriage.
38:06Tick.
38:07Later in the garden, we saw Benedict showing the mystery woman a few moves.
38:13Two.
38:13Three.
38:14One.
38:15Two.
38:16How gorgeous.
38:17It's been really sweet and romantic with her.
38:24What's he doing?
38:27It was taking her glove off.
38:29What for?
38:34What's happening?
38:35Why is he smelling her?
38:39He's infatuated.
38:40My guy said, I want to get a good smell of this.
38:47Oh, she's got to go.
38:49Is it 12 o'clock yet?
38:50She's got the charms.
38:53Oh, here we go.
38:55Oh.
38:56That's very forward, isn't it, Natty?
39:01Wait.
39:02She said you ain't gonna forget me, boy.
39:05Who is this mystery woman?
39:07I'm dying to know.
39:13Oh, come and take it off.
39:14Tell us who you are.
39:15We're gonna get to see her face now.
39:20Oh!
39:21She's one of the maids.
39:22She's a frickin' maid.
39:27Oh, Jane.
39:29Mmm.
39:30This is forbidden love.
39:31That were quite tame for Bridgerton.
39:33That's just getting us warmed up, that.
39:36It's not even started yet.
39:37Just getting the juices flowing, yeah?
39:41In home.
39:42Hey, do you know?
39:43The listening you know on these phones.
39:46I know they do.
39:47Do you know something yesterday?
39:48I was talking about potato waffles.
39:50Oh, yeah.
39:52And then I went on.
39:53And potato waffles started coming on me phone.
39:55You're joking.
39:56No, I swear.
39:57Best friends Jenny and Lee.
40:00I did that with the barbecue.
40:02What?
40:02Because we were talking about getting a barbecue.
40:05And then the next minute, I was sat, they come up on me phone.
40:08So they hear what you're saying.
40:12The next time I was sat there, I said, I want a six foot man.
40:15Unk.
40:16Like that.
40:16Send me some of them.
40:19And it's the lad arrived.
40:21No, I'm still waiting for it.
40:25I need to talk to them more often, don't I?
40:28Six foot two.
40:29Six foot two.
40:30Yeah.
40:31Six foot two.
40:31Dark hair.
40:32Don't want blonde.
40:33Dark hair.
40:34See what pops up.
40:37It'll be race done on his chair.
40:42On Monday night, Alan Carr was on the hunt for closet clever clogs on Channel 4.
40:48I've done like you, Jess.
40:49Yeah.
40:50I did pretty well.
40:51I got like 120 or something.
40:53I got 121, I think.
40:54You're a liar.
40:56No, I'm not a liar.
40:57You just picked one higher than me.
40:58No.
41:00I swear, I'm sure it was 121.
41:04Across the UK, there are estimated to be a million undiscovered geniuses.
41:10Oh, I wonder if I'm one of them.
41:12You could be a genius and not realise.
41:15Yeah.
41:16That's probably me.
41:18That's me all over.
41:21When I were a kid, I used to know everybody's red plate on a state where I lived.
41:25Oh, Michelle knows that.
41:26She's a copper.
41:27Each week, 12 people from different corners of the UK.
41:31Complete the number sequence.
41:35Have been invited to Genius HQ.
41:38Okay.
41:39Oh.
41:39Genius HQ.
41:40I'd love to go to Genius HQ.
41:42Yeah, we're going to send you in, darling.
41:44We're going to sign you up for this.
41:45Get me in there.
41:46Here, they'll compete in a series of mind-stretching games.
41:50Where do we begin?
41:51Designed with Mensa.
41:53Oh.
41:53Mensa.
41:54I've heard of Mensa.
41:55The Society for the World's Smartest People.
41:58I was told I wouldn't go far in life.
42:00That's nasty.
42:02And I...
42:02Who are these horrible people that taught you, please?
42:05Honestly.
42:05Horrible bastards.
42:06Fuck yous all.
42:07This is what I was told.
42:09And you know what?
42:10Actually, I wish I could say to them now, er, hello, I work in the Cheese Factory.
42:18I'm proper smart, me.
42:19Oh, jeez.
42:21I would be intrigued to know what my IQ was.
42:24But would I?
42:26Because if it's really low.
42:28I don't want to know.
42:29Better off not knowing.
42:30Better off not knowing.
42:31Better off burying your head in the sand.
42:3327-year-old Jess is the first player to face the final round.
42:37Come on, Jess.
42:38Oh, Jess is a real smart cookie.
42:41Yeah.
42:41Let's see how she does with this one.
42:43Okay.
42:43Right.
42:46Memorise the details of this stack of Turkish Delight.
42:49Ooh, I love Turkish Delight.
42:51Turkish dish, yeah, it's more, eh?
42:52I want to eat that.
42:53When you are ready, you must move on to the next room.
42:55Your first question can be found on the jar.
43:00I think I'll be looking at the colours, you know, how they run, the sequence.
43:04I just want to eat the Turkish Delight.
43:06Select the jar that displays the number of cubes in the Turkish Delight tower.
43:10How would you know that? How would you count them all then?
43:12This is about spatial reasoning.
43:14Right, no, lost me.
43:15How the bloody hell would you know that?
43:17I'll tell you what, it's quite hard, this self.
43:19It is.
43:20I got a general vibe that it was definitely over a hundred.
43:25What?
43:25Yeah.
43:25I'm going to go 1-6-2.
43:28Yeah, but there's no reasoning behind it.
43:31Well, I've got so far and I'm thinking, yeah, there's a lot of Turkish Delight there.
43:36I didn't think that would make sense for how to do that.
43:42Correct.
43:43No way.
43:44Bloody hell.
43:45Damn, she's quick.
43:47Well, I won far out.
43:49162.
43:50So that's not bad.
43:52Containers choices of jam elderflower.
43:54Right, let's try the next one.
43:56Jelly.
43:57Ooh, jelly.
43:58Very good.
43:59We're looking for a verbal sequence.
44:01Jelly what?
44:02Jelly bean?
44:02Jelly.
44:03Jelly.
44:04Whoa.
44:05Jelly.
44:06Jelly.
44:07Ooh.
44:09Warm.
44:10Jelly.
44:11Jelly whims!
44:13The seven.
44:15What's that?
44:15Seven becomes an L?
44:18Oh, that's L.
44:19It's like an L.
44:24Oh, L.
44:25Oh, lemon.
44:26Lemon.
44:27Lemon plop.
44:29It is lemon plop.
44:31Is it?
44:33Lemon drop, isn't it?
44:34Drop.
44:35Lemon drop.
44:36Lemon drop.
44:37I like that.
44:39Lemon drop.
44:40Not lemon plop.
44:41It's lemon drop.
44:43What am I?
44:44What am I?
44:45Squirrel.
44:46Squirrel minus question.
44:48OK.
44:50Have you got it?
44:51No.
44:52Is it word, word, and then you have to add the O-I-C
44:55to make a new word?
44:56That is the trickiest question.
44:59Look at the sweets.
45:00How can there be an answer out of this?
45:02Is it licorice?
45:07It's not licorice.
45:08There's no...
45:09There's no H.
45:10There's no H in licorice, you dickhead.
45:13Yeah.
45:13Licorice.
45:16Licorice.
45:17Jess.
45:19Wow.
45:20Licorice?
45:21Well, what's licorice got to do with Squirrel?
45:24Well done.
45:25That was amazing for that whole reasoning.
45:27Well done, Jess.
45:28She was amazing.
45:29I can't believe it.
45:31I actually can't believe I've done it.
45:34I'm impressed there.
45:35I'll give you that.
45:36I'm smart.
45:38I'm not.
45:39Well, listen.
45:40Remember the paddling pool?
45:44Do you remember the paddling pool?
45:46Yeah.
45:47And it said...
45:48Fill it with water.
45:50Yeah?
45:52Well...
45:52You filled the bit you brought with air.
45:54With water.
45:58And then we couldn't get it up because the other inflatable bit was full of water.
46:02Do you remember that, Sean?
46:04Yeah.
46:05And you're telling us you're a fucking secret genius?
46:09What?
46:21Well, if you want to see more of Secret Genius, and maybe find out if you are one too, Alan
46:26and Susie will be here Sunday at 9.
46:28Well, next up tonight, the last leg is looking sharp, although there is probably more to do with guests Grayson
46:34Perry and Judy Love than Adam, Alex and Josh, to be fair.
46:38Stay with us.
Comments