- 7 weeks ago
Category
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Short filmTranscript
00:02:38You cut his ear.
00:02:39You cut my husband's ear.
00:02:41Why don't you watch what you're doing instead of trying to pick up women?
00:02:44I'm not.
00:02:45I mean, what woman would want you anyway?
00:02:47A barber with no looks and no money?
00:02:49Forget it, Romeo.
00:02:50Romeo, you're a loser.
00:02:51You're a loser.
00:03:14Big baby, I like your style.
00:03:20when did they let you out oh just yesterday so you haven't lost your touch oh hey come on over
00:03:27later for a few beers i'm staying at my mother's i don't think so i'm gonna go check out this
00:03:31new
00:03:32singles join a here that is loaded with women
00:04:02right
00:04:02right
00:04:05okay
00:04:10yeah
00:04:11yeah
00:04:15yeah
00:04:18yeah
00:04:20yeah
00:04:51Is it okay if I still come over tonight?
00:04:54Sure, but give me an hour.
00:05:19Hi, Don.
00:05:21Hi, Vic.
00:05:21Hey, we've got to keep quiet.
00:05:23My mother's asleep.
00:05:31Want a burger?
00:05:34No.
00:05:36Yeah, I can't stay long.
00:05:38I have to get up early.
00:05:39My landlord kicked me out this morning.
00:06:09What are you doing?
00:06:11Victor, I am the devil.
00:06:15Since when does the devil live with his mother?
00:06:19So why'd your landlady toss you out?
00:06:23Uh, same thing as last time.
00:06:26Money.
00:06:27Victor, my boy, I'm afraid you're going to be poor all your life.
00:06:31Why?
00:06:32Because you have no plans.
00:06:35Oh, yeah, I suppose you do?
00:06:37You bet your ass I do.
00:06:38Okay.
00:06:39What are your plans?
00:06:42Contests.
00:06:44Life is one big contest.
00:06:46I've entered 71 of them so far this year.
00:06:49I figured for law of averages, sooner or later, you've got to win.
00:06:53You know, there's probably still hope for you, Victor.
00:06:56I figure you've got to find yourself a rich broad.
00:06:59Forget the romance.
00:07:01It doesn't last.
00:07:03The only thing that lasts is the money.
00:07:19The only thing that lasts is the money.
00:07:55Yes, the room's still available, and it's only a block from Quincy Adams' grave.
00:08:25You're not a smoker, are you?
00:08:29No.
00:08:32Wonderful.
00:08:33I'm Thelma Marshall.
00:08:35Won't you come in?
00:08:37Oh.
00:08:37Okay.
00:08:41I'm Victor Hertz.
00:08:43It certainly looks like a nice neighborhood.
00:08:45Well, it's not.
00:08:47Let me show you the room.
00:08:50You know, sometimes it gets darned lonesome.
00:08:53You're not a smoker, are you?
00:08:58Well, here you can see Montmartre and all the little French cafes.
00:09:03It takes me back a long time.
00:09:09Well, what do you think?
00:09:11I'm asking $35 and not a penny less, but you can have it for $24.
00:09:17All right.
00:09:18But first, let me tell you the rules.
00:09:21No smoking, no girls in the house, and no telephoning after 10 p.m.
00:09:27If you can observe these rules, I'll rent you the room tomorrow.
00:09:35What about tonight?
00:09:37I never do any business on Friday, young man.
00:09:41It's bad luck.
00:09:42Well, the rules are fine, but how will I sleep tonight?
00:09:48Well, you can sleep on the couch, and when you've been here a month, I'll have a key maze for
00:09:52you.
00:09:53It's leaking.
00:09:54Oh, is it?
00:09:55Oh.
00:09:57If you're the gentleman I think you are, I'll stay up and have a drink with you one night.
00:10:02But no getting any ideas.
00:10:05I'm very old-fashioned in some ways, you know.
00:10:09I'd better unload the car.
00:10:11And for one thing, I don't agree with premarital relations, not unless a couple is engaged.
00:10:19I'll unload the car?
00:10:21And I'll fix the couch for you.
00:10:28Victor?
00:10:30Victor?
00:10:31Victor?
00:10:34Do you think I could pass a 60 or a 65?
00:10:42Yeah.
00:10:43Uh, why not?
00:10:46Oh, thank you, Victor.
00:10:50I'm nearly 74.
00:11:01Victor, I do hope I can relax around you.
00:11:06I always dress like this at night.
00:11:09Would you like another drink?
00:11:14Well, I'm kind of tired.
00:11:17Maybe another time.
00:11:24Okay, maybe one more?
00:11:52Find out how much money she had.
00:11:54No, not yet.
00:11:55No.
00:11:57Uh, maybe we should try someplace else, you know.
00:12:00I never have any luck around here.
00:12:02Hello, cutie pie.
00:12:04You're cute.
00:12:05Well, come on over and I'll buy you a drink.
00:12:07All right.
00:12:13He's a little other shy.
00:12:17Victor?
00:12:40I'm just trying to think of something to say.
00:12:44Victor?
00:12:44nothing sadder than a witty jerk.
00:12:47Just buy her a drink.
00:14:14Oh, heavens, Victor.
00:14:16You don't think I trust just one bank with $225,000, do you?
00:14:24You have $225,000.
00:14:27Hmm.
00:14:28And the house and a few bonds that I've forgotten all about.
00:14:33But it's got to last me until I die.
00:14:38Thelma, maybe you can't help me.
00:14:40I was going to surprise you, but I'm going to buy a new car, and I'd like to borrow the
00:14:44money from you, and it only costs $4,000.
00:14:48Oh, I'm sorry, Victor, but it might spoil our friendship.
00:14:53You know what they say about lending money to a friend?
00:14:58Yeah, but I thought that I was a special friend.
00:15:00Oh, so you are.
00:15:02And I've got a nice surprise for you.
00:15:04A surprise?
00:15:05I've made you a key.
00:15:17Thanks.
00:15:18Thanks.
00:15:18I don't want it.
00:15:20Why not?
00:15:25Because I'm moving out.
00:15:54I don't want it.
00:15:57I don't want it.
00:15:58Thelma?
00:16:11Thelma?
00:16:13Excuse me.
00:16:14Could you tell me how Thelma Marshall is?
00:16:16Someone will be right with you.
00:16:20Dr. Forrest, please dial 118.
00:16:25Are you with Mrs. Marshall?
00:16:28Excuse me, are you with Thelma Marshall?
00:16:40Yeah.
00:16:41Well, she's going to be all right.
00:16:46She must mean a lot to you.
00:16:49You'll never know how much.
00:16:54What's your name?
00:16:56Victor.
00:16:58Hello, Victor.
00:17:00I'm Betty.
00:17:06Look, there's nothing you can do here.
00:17:13Sweet of you to drive me home.
00:17:16Oh, that's all right.
00:17:17We both had a long day.
00:17:20What's wrong with your car?
00:17:22Uh, it's, uh, not mine.
00:17:26It belongs to a friend.
00:17:29Oh.
00:17:33You know, your landlady's lucky you were there when she passed out.
00:17:40She might have died.
00:17:42You mean that I saved her life?
00:17:44That's what the doctor said.
00:17:45Huh.
00:17:46How about that?
00:17:48If it had been anybody else other than Thelma, I probably would have gotten a reward.
00:17:54Just be glad you could help, Victor.
00:17:56It's not every day we can save someone's life.
00:17:59I thought you were compassionate.
00:18:01I am, uh, very passionate.
00:18:04I am, uh, very passionate.
00:18:05Huh.
00:18:10Will you go out with me tomorrow night?
00:18:14Would you go to church with me on Sunday?
00:18:20Agreed.
00:18:25And stop worrying about your landlady.
00:18:27She'll be home in no time.
00:18:39I am sorry that I got angry with you.
00:18:41But, uh, it was a good thing I was there to, uh, save your life, huh?
00:18:45Thank you, Victor.
00:18:47And now I'm going to do something nice for you.
00:18:50Oh, no, you don't have to do anything nice for me.
00:18:52I'm just glad that you're coming home.
00:18:57What are you, what are you going to do for me?
00:18:59Well, from now on, Victor, you'll need not pay any rent.
00:19:04And you can stay in my house as long as you want.
00:19:08No, that's not what I want.
00:19:11Well, what do you want, Victor?
00:19:14Cash.
00:19:16Oh, no, I, I, I couldn't do that.
00:19:19Now, you do realize that I did save your life?
00:19:23Twenty dollars?
00:19:25You know, if I hadn't called that ambulance, you'd probably be dead right now.
00:19:30How much?
00:19:32Uh, four thousand dollars.
00:19:36Oh, Victor, why don't you take the free rent?
00:20:02A hundred dollars.
00:20:04Where are you going?
00:20:06I'm leaving.
00:20:08I'm leaving.
00:20:31You'll fix everything in the house that one's fixing.
00:20:37Yeah.
00:20:39You'll be in by 10 p.m. every night.
00:20:43Uh-huh.
00:20:45And you'll pay me back a hundred dollars a month plus the rent.
00:20:50You got a deal, sweetie.
00:21:06Oh, stop it.
00:21:07You're making me dizzy.
00:21:10Do you want to kill me so you don't have to pay the money back?
00:21:16Don't call Saul.
00:21:17I got the car.
00:21:18Saul, I got the car.
00:21:25I got the car.
00:21:36I got the car.
00:21:40I got the car.
00:21:42I got the car.
00:21:42I got the car.
00:21:42I got the car.
00:21:43I got the car.
00:21:44I got the car.
00:21:44I got the car.
00:21:45I got the car.
00:21:45I got the car.
00:21:47I got the car.
00:21:48I got the car.
00:21:55It's a score, Vic.
00:21:57Not the big time yet, but it's a score.
00:21:59You know, if we do this right, we can make out real good.
00:22:03Do what right?
00:22:05You get her to make out a will, leaving everything to you.
00:22:07Uh-huh, and then what, we kill her?
00:22:09No, we don't kill her.
00:22:11Just make sure she gets the flu or something.
00:22:14That's nice.
00:22:16And you want, uh...
00:22:1825%.
00:22:19Well, I think that that has possibilities, Don,
00:22:22but I would like to name the percentage,
00:22:24and I think it should be 10%.
00:22:26Okay, I'm not greedy.
00:22:35Do you need a fishing license for your car?
00:22:38Not unless you want to fish.
00:22:41It's red, and it's got propellers,
00:22:42and you have to make sure the doors are closed.
00:22:46It's a beautiful car, Victor.
00:22:48But wasn't that generous of Thelma, lending you all that money?
00:22:52Uh, yeah, well, some people are like that.
00:22:54Besides, she's probably grateful for me saving her life and all, you know.
00:23:01Isn't this lovely, Victor?
00:23:03It's so...
00:23:05It's so...
00:23:06It's so...
00:23:09Yeah, uh...
00:23:11Customers.
00:23:17So, what do religious girls do?
00:23:20Just like other girls.
00:23:23We like to walk on the beach.
00:23:25We like to go for picnics, and we like to screw.
00:23:38I didn't mean to shock you.
00:23:40It's just that some fellows get the wrong idea when they find out you're religious.
00:23:45I just didn't want you to lose interest, that's all.
00:23:53See, I was married once, and I got used to sex, and I enjoy it.
00:23:58I'm a good Christian, but I can't hide my feelings.
00:24:02Does that make sense?
00:24:05Yeah, sure, not only that, it gives you a good reason to go to church.
00:24:10Victor, that's not a finger ball.
00:24:15Ow!
00:24:16Ow!
00:24:18Ow!
00:24:19Okay.
00:24:26Ow!
00:24:28Ow!
00:24:33Ow!
00:24:39Ow!
00:24:56Okay.
00:24:57Okay.
00:25:01Are we ready?
00:25:22Victor, you mean you're just going to sit around and wait for that poor old woman to die?
00:25:30Is money really that important to you?
00:25:32No, not to me, but it is to everybody else. They won't do anything for me unless I give them
00:25:38money.
00:25:40You don't have to give me any money.
00:25:45You know, I like you, Betty.
00:25:59I like you a lot.
00:26:04Great. That's a hell of a response. That's just great.
00:26:06I'm sorry. It was the ketchup. I heard you, and I'm glad.
00:26:21You know, you're not supposed to put ketchup on Chinese food.
00:26:42I want my money back.
00:26:47I want my money back. You haven't kept your promise, and I want my money back.
00:26:54Who have you murdered?
00:26:56Velma, it's late. I have to get up early tomorrow. We'll talk about it tomorrow, okay?
00:27:02For tomorrow's Sunday. Why'd you have to get up so early?
00:27:06Because I am going to church.
00:27:09But that's not good enough. I want my money back.
00:27:15Chanting
00:27:17We'll sing now together
00:27:20Our song of thanksgiving
00:27:23Rejoicing in fruits
00:27:27Which the ages have all
00:27:30For life that includes us
00:27:34And helps and builds and holds us
00:27:38And weaves beyond the gold
00:27:41Which our fathers once saw
00:27:46Well, that wasn't so bad, was it?
00:27:55No, I liked a nice sermon.
00:27:59Hello, partner.
00:28:01Well, if it isn't the alcoholic extortionist,
00:28:04what are you doing today?
00:28:04I hear it's a great place to meet rich widows.
00:28:08Uh, who's the lovely lady?
00:28:11You've been hiding things from me, Vic.
00:28:13Uh, this is Virginia.
00:28:15She's from Colorado.
00:28:16She's on vacation.
00:28:17She'll be going back tomorrow.
00:28:18You're still married, right?
00:28:19What are you doing here?
00:28:20Oh, it's part of your probation.
00:28:22He's a great kidder.
00:28:23Uh, what is your name?
00:28:25Betty.
00:28:26Oh, Betty.
00:28:26Hello.
00:28:28How are you?
00:28:29I'm proud of you, Vic.
00:28:31Hey, when are you going to fix me up
00:28:32with some of that action you owe me?
00:28:33You fix me up with that one,
00:28:35and I'll wipe the slate clean.
00:28:37That one is off limits.
00:28:42Believe it or not,
00:28:45the level.
00:28:45Okay, okay.
00:28:46What about the will?
00:28:47You working on it?
00:28:48Yeah.
00:28:49For a change,
00:28:50I think you got a good idea.
00:28:53Uh, take care of Victor for me,
00:28:55Betty,
00:28:56or Virginia,
00:28:57or whatever.
00:29:03Do you and your friend always
00:29:05put each other down like that?
00:29:07We were just kidding.
00:29:10Besides,
00:29:10I didn't want him to know
00:29:11that you were a nurse.
00:29:12We'd never get rid of him.
00:29:13Why not?
00:29:14Well, he's got this weird
00:29:17disease.
00:29:19Uh, he's always looking for
00:29:21medical advice.
00:29:23Especially if it's free.
00:29:25He likes nurses.
00:29:27It's worth right for the nurse.
00:29:43Who's that?
00:29:45She's with me.
00:29:47We're friends of Victor's.
00:29:49We met at church.
00:29:51Oh.
00:29:52Well,
00:29:53we have to be going now.
00:29:55It's been awfully nice
00:29:56meeting you, ma'am.
00:30:04I want my money back.
00:30:06You haven't kept your word
00:30:08you out half the night
00:30:09and you haven't fixed
00:30:10anything in the house.
00:30:11I'll ask you to...
00:30:13Uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh,
00:30:14I fixed the van.
00:30:15Oh,
00:30:16it doesn't blow any more.
00:30:17It sucks.
00:30:19Besides which,
00:30:20everybody steals
00:30:21from me,
00:30:22I can't trust
00:30:23anyone anymore.
00:30:24Even a mailman
00:30:25doesn't bring me
00:30:26any mail.
00:30:27No,
00:30:28don't talk like that.
00:30:29We'll just...
00:30:31We'll go for a ride
00:30:32in the new car,
00:30:32take you to Chinese food,
00:30:34we'll go out for dinner.
00:30:35Oh,
00:30:36you mean you'll
00:30:36take me out on a date?
00:30:39Sure.
00:30:40Oh,
00:30:40that would be lovely.
00:30:41Oh,
00:30:42I would like to go
00:30:43on a date.
00:30:44We could get Chinese food.
00:30:45Don't worry, Selma.
00:30:54Nobody is taking
00:30:55anything
00:30:56from anybody.
00:31:04Oh,
00:31:04thank you
00:31:05for a wonderful
00:31:07dinner,
00:31:08sweetie.
00:31:08Well,
00:31:09it was my pleasure.
00:31:10Of course,
00:31:10it wasn't a real date.
00:31:13Yeah?
00:31:13What do you mean?
00:31:13Well,
00:31:14if it had been a real date,
00:31:15you'd have taken me
00:31:16somewhere to get into my...
00:31:22Are you all right?
00:31:25Uh,
00:31:25yeah.
00:31:27Uh,
00:31:27Victor,
00:31:28uh,
00:31:28do you like a hot number?
00:31:30Huh?
00:31:31Well,
00:31:32that's what my husband,
00:31:33Charlie,
00:31:34used to call it,
00:31:35a hot number.
00:31:37Uh,
00:31:38you mean,
00:31:38uh...
00:31:39Yes,
00:31:40but we've got to wait
00:31:41until we get home.
00:31:50I certainly enjoyed dinner.
00:31:53Uh,
00:31:53so we're still friends?
00:31:55Of course we are.
00:31:57Victor,
00:31:57would you like me
00:31:58to change into something
00:31:59more comfortable?
00:32:01I mean,
00:32:02like they do
00:32:02after the late show.
00:32:05No,
00:32:06uh,
00:32:06I would like to talk to you.
00:32:08Uh,
00:32:09you said that you were alone.
00:32:10Do you have any relatives?
00:32:12Well,
00:32:12I've got one niece
00:32:14living in Texas,
00:32:15but I haven't seen
00:32:16a few years.
00:32:17Is she the one
00:32:18who gets the money?
00:32:19What do you mean?
00:32:20What money?
00:32:21When you die.
00:32:22Is she on the will?
00:32:24Oh,
00:32:24I haven't made any will.
00:32:26I'm not going to die,
00:32:27not yet,
00:32:28anyway.
00:32:29I go after my mother.
00:32:31She lived to be
00:32:33nearly a hundred.
00:32:34Poor dear,
00:32:35she wanted so badly
00:32:36to reach a hundred.
00:32:39What happened to her?
00:32:40A heart attack?
00:32:41No,
00:32:41a truck.
00:32:43Oh,
00:32:43that's,
00:32:43that's too bad.
00:32:44So you see,
00:32:46there's no will.
00:32:47I'll worry about that
00:32:48when I'm ninety-eight.
00:32:50Mm-hmm.
00:32:51Uh,
00:32:52what about your niece?
00:32:53Is she poor like me?
00:32:54My niece,
00:32:56Lucy?
00:32:56Oh,
00:32:57no,
00:32:58she owns an oil well
00:33:00and a rich husband.
00:33:02That's great.
00:33:03Why don't you make out a will
00:33:04and leave all your money to me?
00:33:07But what about my niece?
00:33:09She's loaded
00:33:10and besides,
00:33:11she didn't save your life,
00:33:12did she?
00:33:14Well,
00:33:14Victor,
00:33:15I think you've got
00:33:16a good idea.
00:33:18If you'll pay for it,
00:33:20I'll do it.
00:33:21Agreed.
00:33:22Money is no object.
00:33:24We'll do it tomorrow.
00:33:27If you'll do something
00:33:29for me tonight.
00:33:36Now you're sure
00:33:37you understand,
00:33:38right?
00:33:38Of course I do,
00:33:40Victor.
00:33:41Which hat shall I wear?
00:33:43What are you going
00:33:44to tell your lawyers?
00:33:45That you're an old friend
00:33:46and I've known you
00:33:47for years.
00:33:49And?
00:33:49That I saved your life.
00:33:51Why do I have to say
00:33:52all these things,
00:33:53Victor?
00:33:54Because,
00:33:55Thelma,
00:33:55lawyers are dumb
00:33:56and they only know
00:33:57what you tell them.
00:34:07You're calm,
00:34:08madam.
00:34:12Hello,
00:34:13Aunt Thelma.
00:34:16Lucy,
00:34:17well,
00:34:18how's Houston?
00:34:20You're not.
00:34:22You are.
00:34:23Well,
00:34:23that's wonderful.
00:34:25Yes,
00:34:26yes,
00:34:26I'll be here.
00:34:28Okay,
00:34:29darling.
00:34:31Bye.
00:34:33Oh,
00:34:35Victor,
00:34:36guess what?
00:34:37Lucy's in town.
00:34:39She's coming over.
00:34:41Okay,
00:34:42just don't mention the will.
00:34:45That'll be our little secret.
00:34:46Anything you say,
00:34:48Victor.
00:34:48But we can't go
00:34:49for the will just now.
00:34:51Because guess what?
00:34:53Lucy's in town
00:34:54and she's coming over.
00:34:56Okay,
00:34:57just don't mention the will.
00:34:59Oh,
00:35:00and there's one other thing
00:35:01that you can do for me.
00:35:02Well,
00:35:02what's that?
00:35:03Write me a love letter.
00:35:04Oh,
00:35:05Victor,
00:35:06you're so romantic.
00:35:12Hmm.
00:35:14Dear Victor,
00:35:18I've been laying on the couch
00:35:20fantasizing about you.
00:35:25What I really need
00:35:27is your young,
00:35:30hard body
00:35:35to do the job.
00:35:44You're hot-blooded
00:35:45whore,
00:35:45Thelma.
00:35:48I'm not
00:35:49a whore.
00:35:52Of course you're not,
00:35:53but that's the way
00:35:54the lovers talk to each other
00:35:55these days.
00:35:55Oh,
00:35:56it's no wonder
00:35:57the young people
00:35:57are so mixed up.
00:35:59They don't know
00:35:59how to sweet talk.
00:36:01But,
00:36:02why did you want me
00:36:03to write a dirty letter?
00:36:06Okay,
00:36:06just write whatever you want.
00:36:08Oh.
00:36:10Oh.
00:36:34Oh.
00:36:39Oh,
00:36:40Lucy.
00:36:40Aunt Thelma, darling.
00:36:47Oh, how nice. You have a servant.
00:36:49Oh, no, that's Victor. He's my rumor.
00:36:53A rumor? You mean you spent all your money and now you have to take in rumors?
00:36:58Oh, of course not. You know how your aunt watches her pennies.
00:37:04Aunt Thelma, please. Must we talk in front of him?
00:37:07That's all right. Thelma, I'm going to give you gals some privacy.
00:37:09I'm just going to sit on the porch.
00:37:16I was on my way to New York and got your letter that you were in the hospital.
00:37:19And I just had to stop and see my favorite aunt.
00:37:23Your only aunt.
00:37:34Aunt Thelma, I brought you a present all the way from Paris.
00:37:38What?
00:37:41Ooh, what is it?
00:37:43Why, it's a wig, silly.
00:37:45It cost me a fortune, but I don't mind.
00:37:47It'll make you look ten years younger.
00:37:49And before I forget, I want to talk to you about making a will.
00:37:53Oh, no, I couldn't do that.
00:37:55Victor said I wasn't to discuss it with anyone.
00:38:00Is that man in your will?
00:38:02Yes, of course. He's paying for it.
00:38:05Oh, he is, is he?
00:38:06And how long have you known him?
00:38:09About a month.
00:38:11And how well do you know this Victor?
00:38:13Well, to tell you the truth, he's my boyfriend.
00:38:18You mean?
00:38:20Yes! Isn't it wonderful?
00:38:32So you're Victor, the degenerate barber that's sleeping with my 73-year-old aunt.
00:38:39Ben, you're Lucy, the fat asshole from Texas.
00:38:44You listen to me, mister.
00:38:45She's my blood relative.
00:38:47She owes me.
00:38:48And no third-rate Casanova's gonna take money that belongs to Lucy Hawthorne.
00:38:52Now, I don't have time to argue.
00:38:55Clear out, and I'll give you 5,000 cash.
00:39:01You can't buy me.
00:39:02All right, I'll go as high as 10,000.
00:39:05I'll take it.
00:39:06Good, I thought so.
00:39:08I'll be here tomorrow at noon with the money.
00:39:10You be ready with your car packed.
00:39:12Agreed.
00:39:13Good day, Victor.
00:39:46I'll be here tomorrow at noon with the money.
00:39:53What is it?
00:39:55What's wrong?
00:39:57Sorry to bother you tonight, but I have to make a big decision tomorrow, and I need to know something
00:40:02tonight.
00:40:10Oh, uh, here.
00:40:17There you go.
00:40:19Know what?
00:40:22If it were possible, would you marry me?
00:40:25I mean, you know, if it were possible.
00:40:28Victor, are you proposing?
00:40:30No, I can't propose, not tonight.
00:40:32But if it were possible, would you marry me if I was poor?
00:40:35Uh, and Diane.
00:40:37Victor, this is awfully sudden.
00:40:41But I'll think about it.
00:40:50Victor, are you going to do something?
00:40:58Do what?
00:41:02Victor, if you're having fun with me.
00:41:05No, no, I can't ask until tomorrow.
00:41:07And what happens tomorrow?
00:41:09I think I'm going to get $10,000.
00:41:12Victor, you can't do it.
00:41:14I can't do what?
00:41:15I don't know, but whatever it is, it's illegal, and you'll go to jail.
00:41:19No, it's not illegal.
00:41:19It's just a bribe.
00:41:20Victor, do you know how dumb that sounds?
00:41:25No, it's the truth, and it's legal.
00:41:27I just had to ask you to marry me first.
00:41:30I needed to know that you'd have me poor.
00:41:36Poor Victor.
00:42:07You son of a bitch.
00:42:10Victor, baby, take a look at this window.
00:42:13Boy, you'd be amazed what you see up here on the roof.
00:42:15You, you, you are really something.
00:42:18Everybody is working this morning.
00:42:19You're up here, you're looking for action.
00:42:25Wow.
00:42:26That's one couple that's working overtime, huh?
00:42:30Hey, Vic, look what they're doing now!
00:42:33Yeah.
00:42:33John.
00:42:36Look, I've got to talk to you about something that's important.
00:42:39Important?
00:42:40Okay, I'll meet you this afternoon.
00:42:46So, that's it.
00:42:47At least we tear that funny wheel apart.
00:42:50So, we're going to have to settle for $10,000.
00:42:53There's another way, Vic.
00:42:55Sure.
00:42:56Marry the old broad.
00:42:58Victor, baby, that's just what you're going to do.
00:43:01And I'll organize the whole thing.
00:43:02Let's say 15%.
00:43:09What about my girl?
00:43:10What about Betty?
00:43:12Vic, we're talking big time here.
00:43:16I know.
00:43:17I love her.
00:43:20What happened to your other girls?
00:43:22What went wrong there, Vic?
00:43:24Was it money?
00:43:26You want to keep Betty?
00:43:28You've got to marry the old broad.
00:43:46You're late, lover boy.
00:43:47My offer just went down $1,000.
00:43:52The deal's off.
00:43:58I know what you want.
00:43:59You want more money.
00:44:00How much?
00:44:01Where's Thelma?
00:44:02She's not home.
00:44:03But where is she?
00:44:04Don't worry.
00:44:05She's not cheating on you.
00:44:06I've arranged for her to see a doctor.
00:44:09I want Thelma to live to be a very old lady.
00:44:11Don't you, Victor?
00:44:12You know, you might find this hard to believe, Lucy,
00:44:15but I happen to like the old girl.
00:44:16Now, when's she coming back?
00:44:18Not till five o'clock.
00:44:20And, um, we have the whole place to ourselves.
00:44:34Why so quiet?
00:44:36I'm trying to think of how to say this.
00:44:39Oh, Victor.
00:44:42No, no, it's, uh, it's not what you think.
00:44:46Um, look, I love you and I want to marry you.
00:44:51But first, I have to marry that old lady first, okay?
00:44:55Fine.
00:44:58Then why don't you take me home?
00:45:00Well, I'm doing this for us.
00:45:02For us?
00:45:03Yes, so that we can have a big house,
00:45:04all paid for, money in the bank.
00:45:06Victor, you're such a dummy.
00:45:08We can have a big house and money in the bank,
00:45:11but you'll have to work for it.
00:45:13You're lazy, Victor.
00:45:15That's your problem.
00:45:16And what does marry her for a little while mean?
00:45:19Are you planning on killing her?
00:45:23Do you think that I could do something like that?
00:45:26No.
00:45:27Look, she's 75.
00:45:28She's almost 80.
00:45:29She's got a bad heart.
00:45:31Uh, lots of other bad organs.
00:45:33And what if she wants to sleep with you?
00:45:36No.
00:45:37That's the spat for the heart, too.
00:45:39I mean, she was wise to you.
00:45:40Take me home, Victor.
00:45:41No, you know, uh, you know how temporary this is.
00:45:44You know how much I love you.
00:45:45You don't love me.
00:45:54I do love you.
00:45:58It's poverty I hate.
00:46:05Victor, I've got some bad news.
00:46:07According to her doctor,
00:46:08looks like the old gal's not gonna make it.
00:46:12Really, what's wrong with Selma?
00:46:14A nurse said that she could kick off from stroke, heart failure, kidney trouble, anytime.
00:46:19And she's been passing blood.
00:46:21Look, we're running out of time, Victor.
00:46:23First, you gotta take her down to the license bureau.
00:46:25Then you gotta wait three days before you marry her.
00:46:28And by that time, she'll start to smell.
00:46:33Is any of this stuff contagious?
00:46:35How would I know?
00:46:36I'm only getting 15%.
00:46:38Okay, this is Friday.
00:46:40Uh, we'll get the license this afternoon.
00:46:43We'll get married on Monday.
00:46:44You really gonna do it?
00:46:45Yep.
00:46:45And if she goes as fast as you say, you get your 20%.
00:47:06God, it's me.
00:47:13Victor.
00:47:15I'm gonna need your help.
00:47:16I can't marry both of them, so I'm gonna leave it up to you.
00:47:19I'm gonna flip this coin, God.
00:47:21And if it comes up heads, then I'll know that you want me to marry Selma.
00:47:25Okay?
00:47:32God, I think that this is important, so I think that we should make it two out of three.
00:47:42I don't think that you understand.
00:47:44Thank God.
00:47:44That one's a very sick old lady, and I can help her at least for a little while.
00:47:49I know you're busy.
00:47:50I bet you overlooked that, right?
00:47:51So we'll flip again.
00:47:58Yeah, I know what it was.
00:47:59I was thinking tails.
00:48:01That's it.
00:48:02I said heads, but I was thinking tails.
00:48:04So just to prove it will, we'll flip again.
00:48:13Why should I mix you up?
00:48:14I know what you want.
00:48:19I'll do it.
00:48:27Thelma, I have to ask you something.
00:48:33What's wrong?
00:48:33I've just heard this letter from Lucy's doctor, and it says that I'm mentally crazy and can't
00:48:41look after my own money, and she wants to put me away.
00:48:48Oh, Victor, can she really do it?
00:48:52I don't know.
00:48:55Well, you are nearly 74.
00:48:57They might think that you'd be better off in a crazy house.
00:49:00But I don't want to go to a crazy house.
00:49:03Oh, what can I do?
00:49:08Well, they couldn't put you away if you were married.
00:49:15Married?
00:49:16Sure.
00:49:18You would have a husband to look after you.
00:49:23Victor, are you proposing?
00:49:30Yes.
00:49:33Victor.
00:49:35Okay, okay.
00:49:36We'll get the marriage license and the blood test today.
00:49:39We'll hide out for the weekend, and we'll get married on Monday.
00:49:42Tuesday is Halloween, and it's my birthday.
00:49:45I want to get married on Tuesday.
00:49:48It'll be good luck.
00:49:49We'll do it on Tuesday.
00:49:51Why do we have to hide away for the weekend?
00:49:54So that Lucy won't find us.
00:49:56See, she's going to try to stop us, but by Tuesday it'll be too late.
00:49:59I know a great motel in Salem.
00:50:01Come on, sweet dad.
00:50:02It'll be your own marriage date.
00:50:21Great.
00:50:22First I have a niece to deal with, now the storm.
00:50:26Oh, but Victor, you're right.
00:50:28This is so romantic.
00:50:31Yeah, and I have the room right next door.
00:50:33Next door?
00:50:35Do you mean to say we've got separate rooms?
00:50:37Oh, yeah, it's very bad luck for the bride-suited groom before the wedding.
00:50:43I'm going to be alone all the whole weekend.
00:50:46What if a whole weekend, just Saturday and Sunday.
00:50:50The phone is right there if you need to talk, and if you need anything, I'll be there.
00:50:59I'll be there.
00:50:59Mr. Thelma, from now on.
00:51:01I'll always be there.
00:51:03So sweet, Victor.
00:51:27Oh, hi.
00:51:28Uh, can you connect me with 555-44-10?
00:51:38Sweetheart, hi.
00:51:38I've got to talk to you.
00:51:40Where are you?
00:51:41Well, I'm at Captain Jackson's Salem.
00:51:43Are you with her?
00:51:46Thelma, yeah, she's writing a story.
00:51:49And I'm sorry, Victor, there's nothing to talk about.
00:51:52You've made your choice.
00:51:54I hope you're happy.
00:51:57No, no, no, listen.
00:51:58Listen, I've got to tell you.
00:52:15Hi, sweetheart, I've got to see you.
00:52:17I'll be right over.
00:52:18Thelma, uh, no, no, stay, stay there.
00:52:22Well, I thought you wanted to see me.
00:52:24I thought so, too, but, uh, just hearing your voice, uh, he's scared of me.
00:52:30Besides, we can talk on the phone.
00:52:31We're doing it right now.
00:52:35Victor, I don't like it here.
00:52:38I know, neither do I, but just, uh, wait till Tuesday,
00:52:41and then we'll get the wedding license.
00:52:43It's then the storm will be on.
00:53:10Victor, you've been gone all day.
00:53:14Why did you take so long?
00:53:16It's a hurricane, Thelma.
00:53:18It's insane out there.
00:53:21Do you think we're safe here?
00:53:24I don't know.
00:53:25It looks like the whole motel is moving closer to the beach.
00:53:30Uh, I've got to call you back.
00:53:40Be crazy going out in a hurricane.
00:53:42Aren't you glad to see me?
00:53:46I had to see you.
00:53:48Take this off.
00:53:49You must be so big.
00:53:58You're wonderful.
00:54:00Victor, are you...
00:54:02Married, no.
00:54:03Uh, not till tomorrow.
00:54:04It's her birthday.
00:54:06And there's nothing I can do to change your mind?
00:54:10Victor!
00:54:13Uh, look, honey.
00:54:15You're a maid.
00:54:17That's $225,000 coming through that door.
00:54:19Don't let me down.
00:54:27Victor!
00:54:32I heard you took it to someone.
00:54:36Yeah, well, of course you're me talking to someone.
00:54:38I mean, you know, look at this room.
00:54:39I was yelling at the, uh, nurse.
00:54:42Maid.
00:54:43Maid?
00:54:44She's a maid?
00:54:46Yeah, that's, that's what I said.
00:54:47I mean, you know, they must never clean up around the day around here.
00:54:50I mean, she's probably a trainee.
00:54:52I mean, look at this room.
00:54:53That's not what I came for.
00:54:55There's a frog in my room, and I'm scared of frogs.
00:54:59Sidewitch, I don't feel too well.
00:55:01Frog!
00:55:06Oh, my gosh, she died.
00:55:08She's just fainted, Victor.
00:55:10But we should take her to a hospital.
00:55:16She has a fever.
00:55:19Now, Victor, I'm not feeling too good.
00:55:24Why is a maid taking my temperature?
00:55:28I want to go home.
00:55:31Thelma, the maid thinks that we should go to the hospital.
00:55:34I'll go with you.
00:55:35No, uh, you go home.
00:55:38I, I may need you there.
00:55:39I'll call.
00:55:46It's going to be all right.
00:55:54You're going to be all right.
00:55:58Thelma, I'm going to take care of you.
00:56:00Come on.
00:56:27Your fiancée?
00:56:29That old woman is your fiancée?
00:56:34Go ahead.
00:56:35Get him the hell out of here.
00:56:37Go.
00:56:38Let's go.
00:56:39And if I see him in here again,
00:56:41shoot this son of a bitch.
00:56:43Read my lips.
00:56:45No.
00:56:48Don, I'm not going to go higher than 25%.
00:56:51Okay, buddy.
00:56:5325%.
00:56:55Get on over here and bring the marriage license.
00:56:58Well, uh, I left it at the motel.
00:57:01I'll pick it up.
00:57:01I'll bring it right over.
00:57:24I've been waiting for you.
00:57:28Oh, well, if it isn't Lucy.
00:57:30How'd you find us?
00:57:32Money, honey.
00:57:33You can do anything with money.
00:57:35Or get something, Victor.
00:57:38Why don't you give me that purse?
00:57:40You can't have it.
00:57:41What?
00:57:42You think that I can't take that?
00:57:43I think you should take that up with Bruno.
00:57:45Bruno?
00:57:56Victor, I'd like you to meet Bruno.
00:58:01Bruno is sort of an electrician.
00:58:04He's going to put your lights out.
00:58:06Did you get that, Victor?
00:58:08Oh, yeah.
00:58:09You're going to get it.
00:58:10Now, Bruno.
00:58:13Ow!
00:58:13That was my leg.
00:58:15He's over there.
00:58:29Ah!
00:58:30Yeah!
00:58:30Ah!
00:58:33Ah!
00:58:40Ah!
00:58:49Ah!
00:58:51Ah!
00:58:51Ah!
00:58:52Ah!
00:58:53Ah!
00:58:54Ah!
00:59:08Did you get him?
00:59:11No, he didn't.
00:59:13You bastard.
00:59:25You should have got rid of this.
00:59:27My leg.
00:59:29You lousy pervert.
00:59:30This is all your fault.
01:00:04This is all your fault.
01:00:23This is all your fault.
01:00:29Good road.
01:00:31We can't very well walk out the front doors of the hospital with her.
01:00:34We're going to need a good road.
01:00:36How high is she?
01:00:37Three stories about 30 feet.
01:00:40Okay.
01:00:41We lower her down.
01:00:42Drive off.
01:00:43You get married.
01:00:45Simple.
01:00:48We're going to get married.
01:00:50And if the guard sees me, I'll get shot.
01:00:52Don't worry.
01:00:53That's the second part of my plan.
01:01:01And for this, I get 68 grand, right?
01:01:05Oh, yeah, but there's one string.
01:01:07Don't tell me.
01:01:08Let me guess.
01:01:09I've got to stay away from Betty.
01:01:11I don't want to talk to me.
01:01:12There's one girl that is not going in your scrapbook.
01:01:15And another thing, I don't like these tits.
01:01:17They're too lumpy.
01:01:18I'll find the tits.
01:01:19Just try the wig on.
01:01:23Here you go.
01:01:30Now, here's how we do it, Nick.
01:01:32Anybody stops us.
01:01:33We just flew in from Texas to visit your poor, dying aunt.
01:01:38Let's just hope the old lady is still dying.
01:01:42You are a heartless mother.
01:01:45Yes, I am.
01:01:46But at least I'll admit it.
01:01:48I suppose you're hoping she gets better.
01:02:04Whoa.
01:02:06It's a few more miles to the hospital.
01:02:08You think this wreck will make it?
01:02:09Sure, it will.
01:02:11I realize it's not a new car like yours.
01:02:15But then again, I haven't gotten around to sleep with many old ladies yet.
01:02:21Look at this hurricane.
01:02:22I don't think I've ever been as close to one.
01:02:24You know, I always wanted to be in the eye of a hurricane.
01:02:27All of a sudden, it's quiet.
01:02:29No wind, no rain.
01:02:31Why?
01:02:32I don't know.
01:02:33Just to say I was there.
01:02:35Hey, look at that.
01:02:37Hey, forget it.
01:02:39I just figured she might be grateful.
01:02:42And you call me a heartless mother.
01:02:45Well, maybe I am, but I'm paying you a lot of money for your cooperation.
01:02:48So for the next couple of hours, no booze and no girls, okay?
01:02:52Okay, okay, okay.
01:02:53But maybe I wouldn't be so horny if you kept your dress down and act like a lady.
01:02:58Heartless mother.
01:03:21And remember, just like we all in the place.
01:03:24Why can't we use the back stairs?
01:03:26Stairs are for crooks.
01:03:27We're going to do this the right way.
01:03:29Hey, excuse me.
01:03:31My wife and I are looking for Thelma Marshall.
01:03:34Thelma Marshall?
01:03:35Yes, she's a patient of Dr. Schwartz.
01:03:37Oh, yes, she's in the West Wing.
01:03:39If you'll follow me, please.
01:03:52Thelma.
01:03:55Thelma.
01:04:00You know who I am?
01:04:04You know who I am now?
01:04:06Victor.
01:04:07What happened?
01:04:08We had to sneak him in.
01:04:10The doctor thinks Victor's a creep.
01:04:17We're going to get you out of here.
01:04:22We're going to get you out of here.
01:04:35Are you sure?
01:04:37Sure, I'm sure.
01:04:38We've got one more problem.
01:04:42I can't see a lady out the window in a storm.
01:04:44She'll blow away.
01:04:46Okay, so how do we get her out of the hospital?
01:04:50I'll go out and check the halls.
01:04:51You get your girlfriend ready to go.
01:05:00Okay.
01:05:01Look, sweetie, we're going to get you out now, okay?
01:05:04But how are you going to get me out?
01:05:07Oh, we're just going to go down the staircase or out the window.
01:05:11Halls are almost clear.
01:05:12We can take her out the front door and make a run for it.
01:05:17Okay.
01:05:34What are you going to do down?
01:05:37You were going to back me up that way.
01:05:39Make a run for it, Vic.
01:05:42Backstairs.
01:05:51Why is it so quiet in here?
01:05:55It's a cardiac ward.
01:05:57It's supposed to be quiet.
01:05:59I guess.
01:06:01It's kind of spooky.
01:06:12Con, it's not quiet in here.
01:06:14It's quiet out there.
01:06:16Let's go.
01:06:21Even God wants us to get married and stop the hurricane for us.
01:06:24God didn't stop the storm, Vic.
01:06:26This is the one place I always wanted to be.
01:06:29In the eye of the hurricane.
01:06:38What's going on here?
01:06:41You're going to kill her.
01:06:43I'm going to get Dr. Schwartz.
01:06:50It's okay, sweet face.
01:06:51We'll have you down in a flash.
01:07:28She's looking.
01:07:29Look, look at her.
01:07:35Shut that window.
01:07:37Dr. Schwartz is coming with the guard.
01:07:39They'll take care of you.
01:07:42Poor woman.
01:07:43Do you realize I have a woman in the next room who's dying?
01:07:46Well, do you realize you have a woman in this room that's dead?
01:07:49Do you realize it's quite possible that you killed this woman?
01:07:51She's been dead for hours.
01:07:53Well, maybe you didn't do this one.
01:07:54But I've got one next door who's receiving the last rites, and I know you're the cause of that one.
01:07:59The last rites? Who's giving them? A priest?
01:08:01Of course he's a priest.
01:08:03What do you think? A priest can marry people.
01:08:06Where are you going?
01:08:24What are you doing?
01:08:25Father, we need your help.
01:08:27We have two people in this room, and they want to get married.
01:08:29Can you help us, Father?
01:08:31Positively done.
01:08:34Hey, this is the police department. Open the door.
01:08:38It's all right, take it down.
01:08:51Okay, mister, are you going to open the door?
01:08:56There's nothing you can say.
01:08:58Father, I've got to talk to you.
01:09:01In private.
01:09:03My friends just want to get married.
01:09:05And if you don't help them, you're going to need a priest.
01:09:09You can't marry them. It's not legal.
01:09:12Clearly, beloved.
01:09:15Will you, Victor, take this man to be your lawfully wedded wife?
01:09:19I'll get you, you dumb barber.
01:09:23I'll get you, you dumb barber.
01:09:24Your sickness and health will be tempted to depart.
01:09:27Will you, Thelma, take this man to be your lawfully wedded wife?
01:09:32Who haven't evolved from this day forward?
01:09:37I can't believe I pronounce you man and wife.
01:09:52You're the best, best man in the world.
01:09:54You get another 5%.
01:09:56Is that all a lousy 5%?
01:10:04Don't worry, sweetie.
01:10:05It's all a mistake.
01:10:06Everything's going to be all right.
01:10:24You think in the mail, Victor?
01:10:27We're waiting. Congratulations.
01:10:30Anything about us in the paper?
01:10:31Oh, yes, there is in the people column.
01:10:37Oh, here it is.
01:10:40Congratulations to Victor Hertz, 35, and the former Thelma Marshall, 73,
01:10:45who were married in Salem Hospital one week ago today.
01:10:49The trick-or-treat couple had a bridal shower provided by Hurricane Gloria.
01:10:57Isn't that cute, Victor?
01:11:08Hello?
01:11:09Hello, Vic. How's the newlywed?
01:11:12Not too good.
01:11:13That's funny. You should feel great.
01:11:15You're famous, you know.
01:11:17I always knew you were out of your mind.
01:11:19And now the whole town knows it.
01:11:21Well, screw everybody in town and you two if that's why you called.
01:11:24No, I've got something important to talk to you about.
01:11:29What's wrong with you?
01:11:31I think I'm getting the flu or something.
01:11:33That's great. Why don't you come over?
01:11:35I'll be over in a few minutes.
01:11:37Bye.
01:11:39What was that?
01:11:40That was Don. He's coming right over. Where's our checkbook?
01:11:43Oh, a checkbook? Well, what does he want?
01:11:47I have to write him a check. I owe him some money.
01:11:51Oh, well, my checkbook is in the Bureau, in the metal box with my other papers.
01:11:57And don't forget to bring my pen.
01:12:00And, oh, another thing I wanted to talk to you about.
01:12:03You're spending far too much money.
01:12:04I shall have to.
01:12:05I don't want to give you such a big allowance if you keep on like this.
01:12:09Oh, and besides this,
01:12:11the poor laundry bill is getting very high.
01:12:13I don't know what to do.
01:12:15Oh, and by the way,
01:12:17I don't know why your use is so much electricity.
01:12:38Thelma, you're a liar.
01:12:40What do you mean?
01:12:43Why did you lie about your age?
01:12:45Is that all?
01:12:46Well, I always lie about my age.
01:12:50Women are allowed to do that, you know.
01:12:54Yeah, sure.
01:12:55I know that women lie about their age,
01:12:56but they usually say that you're younger.
01:12:57You said that you were 74.
01:12:59Your birth certificate says that you're 64.
01:13:01Why did you lie?
01:13:02Because I like compliments.
01:13:04That's why.
01:13:09What the hell does that mean?
01:13:11Well, when people ask me how old I am,
01:13:14and I say I'm 73,
01:13:16they say how good I look.
01:13:18And I like that.
01:13:19That's why.
01:13:24You know, I thought that you'd be grateful
01:13:26that I married you.
01:13:29You married me
01:13:31because you thought I was a goner.
01:13:34Well, I'm gonna be here
01:13:36for a long time, Victor.
01:13:50Okay, all right, calm down.
01:13:52I think that Don's here.
01:13:53Well, you go along and play with your friend.
01:13:56I'm gonna have a bath.
01:14:13I'll be here.
01:14:13Hey, come on inside.
01:14:14Thelma's about to take a bath.
01:14:15First, I want you to kiss her hello.
01:14:17You mean kiss her goodbye, don't you?
01:14:19Yeah.
01:14:20Vic, sit down. I want to talk to you.
01:14:24Yeah?
01:14:27How's your mouth?
01:14:28Four stitches, but it's worth it to get rid of Fat Lucy.
01:14:31The cops arrested her.
01:14:33That's swell, Vic.
01:14:35Hey, listen, let's go inside.
01:14:36I can't do it.
01:14:40I've done a lot of crummy things in my life, but I've never killed anybody.
01:14:44I'll be damned, the crookedest man in town, and now he finds religion.
01:14:47What kind of hoodlums are you hanging out with, anyway?
01:14:53Vic, I wanted to talk to you man-to-man about this.
01:14:56Oh, you bastard.
01:14:58Don't you remember her agreement? I told you to stay away from her.
01:15:00I know, Vic. I just couldn't help myself.
01:15:03Oh, I can see it all now.
01:15:05You marry me to the old bag so that you can move in on Betty.
01:15:08It's not going to work, Betty. Thanks to you, you're a creep.
01:15:11Vic, we're getting married.
01:15:14What?
01:15:15I knew you wouldn't believe me, so I brought Betty along.
01:15:25You can have the money, Vic.
01:15:27That old lady ain't going to die.
01:15:29She's going to keep right on having birthdays.
01:15:33Oh, you are welcome.
01:15:33Oh.
01:16:05Hello, Victor.
01:16:06Hi, Betty.
01:16:08I read about your wedding in the paper.
01:16:12You're famous, you know?
01:16:15How's your wife?
01:16:18Well, fine.
01:16:20I married her and she's ten years younger.
01:16:24So now you hang around and wait for her to die?
01:16:27What about Don?
01:16:29You mean about us getting married?
01:16:31Mm-hmm.
01:16:32He asked me.
01:16:33What'd you say?
01:16:34I said I'd think about it.
01:16:37You're doing this to get even, right?
01:16:39No, I'm not, Victor.
01:16:41I need somebody.
01:16:43And I think Don needs somebody.
01:16:45He's a liar.
01:16:46He's a thief.
01:16:47He's a backstabber.
01:16:48I'm his best friend.
01:16:48Look what he did to me.
01:16:50Victor, you haven't seen the real Don.
01:16:53He has a gentle side.
01:16:55Yeah.
01:16:55He's also got an album with all of the girls that he's had.
01:16:58You're not going to be his wife.
01:16:58You're going to be number 87.
01:17:00And if you think it's going to stop that close to 100, you're crazy.
01:17:02Well, maybe he was a little wild.
01:17:06But people can change.
01:17:09You changed.
01:17:11Yeah.
01:17:13Sure did.
01:17:15For the first time in my life, I realized the importance of money.
01:17:19Don doesn't have any.
01:17:20No, and he never will.
01:17:21He'll never have anything.
01:17:22He'll have me.
01:17:28Why can't you wait for me?
01:17:31I love you, Victor.
01:17:33But you're a married man.
01:17:41It's a funny world, isn't it?
01:17:43Yeah.
01:17:46Even a funny world has a chair of bad jokes.
01:17:55Goodbye, Victor.
01:17:58Goodbye, Victor.
01:18:02Goodbye, Victor.
01:18:20Oh, whoopsy.
01:18:21I'm ready to make whoopies.
01:19:06Where is Victor?
01:19:09I think your husband just left you.
01:19:12Oh, well, I always thought he'd leave me for a younger woman.
01:19:18Come on, Thelma. I'll walk you inside.
01:19:32You know, Thelma, some people just can't be trusted.
01:19:48You know, Thelma, some people just can't be trusted.
01:20:19You know, Thelma. I'll walk you inside.
01:20:23I'll walk you inside.
01:20:23Goodbye.
01:20:41¶¶
01:20:47¶¶
01:20:52See that small wee little lizard
01:20:54With the gold round his throat
01:20:57Trying to reel in that stone-faced brunette
01:21:02Well, if she turns out the kind
01:21:05Who'd be caught on his line
01:21:08I suppose she deserves what she gets
01:21:12Dig that geeky little nothing
01:21:15With his eyes on that big blonde
01:21:18Ain't got an atheist prayer you can bet
01:21:22Don't make no point for being eager
01:21:25When you're just a little eager
01:21:27I suppose he deserves what he gets
01:21:31It's a dance that's been done
01:21:33Since the clock started running
01:21:35A system that's flourished and thrived
01:21:39Full of losers, lions, and so many cross wires
01:21:45It's a miracle the species survives
01:21:48See that streamlined little redhead
01:21:51In the strapless bagless gown
01:21:53Ain't got that one quite figured out yet
01:21:57Whether she's dressed for depravity
01:22:00Or justify her gravity
01:22:02I suppose she deserves what she gets
01:22:22Watch that swammy little schemer
01:22:25Put the moves on that old date
01:22:27Till matrimonial conditions are met
01:22:31Thought she'd croak and he'd be wealthy
01:22:33Granny fooled him and stared healthy
01:22:35Now you know he deserves what he gets
01:22:41Yeah
01:22:42Ha ha
01:22:45Yeah
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