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00:10:26And we're going to be
00:10:56and we're going to write a story
00:10:58and we're going to write a story about what we're going to write a story about what we're
00:10:58about to do.
00:10:59Okay, Ev, we need to write a story today.
00:11:03Can you sit down?
00:11:04Mom's got to write a story.
00:11:07Story.
00:11:08Story.
00:11:08Story.
00:11:09Story time.
00:11:09Okay.
00:11:09Story time.
00:11:11Are you ready?
00:11:11Ready?
00:11:13Okay.
00:11:14Today is?
00:11:15Today.
00:11:23What is today?
00:11:26Sunday.
00:11:29Today is Sunday.
00:11:32Evan.
00:11:37Evan has been staying at Madison House with Mom and Paul for a long time.
00:11:47time.
00:11:48Evan stayed with Mom and Paul because many people were sick.
00:12:04It is time for Evan to go to...
00:12:11Shut it on, laddie.
00:12:13No, Evan.
00:12:13There's a no-no.
00:12:14Evan's house.
00:12:18Mom will miss him very much.
00:12:27Oh!
00:12:29Oh!
00:12:30Are you good?
00:12:31I'm good.
00:12:32Go to Magnolia tomorrow?
00:12:37Yes?
00:12:38Yes.
00:12:39You're a good guy.
00:12:40I'm proud of you.
00:12:42All right.
00:12:52Got anything you want to say?
00:12:55One, two, three, four.
00:12:59You can take whatever you want.
00:13:06Go back.
00:13:07No job.
00:13:08Yes.
00:13:09Mom has a job.
00:13:10Mom has to go back to her job and you have to go back to your house.
00:13:16Monday?
00:13:18Monday.
00:13:19Tuesday.
00:13:20Wednesday.
00:13:21Mom will come get you.
00:13:22See you at Wednesday.
00:13:24Yes.
00:13:26Wednesday.
00:13:27Mm-hmm.
00:13:28Wednesday.
00:13:29Okay.
00:13:31Good job.
00:13:34Robert.
00:13:35Yes, Robert's there.
00:13:38Uh-huh.
00:13:44He doesn't usually get upset when he's on a regular schedule.
00:13:47We just do his schedule and he's okay with it.
00:13:48So, him getting upset, he usually just, okay, that's my life, you know?
00:13:53But that hadn't been his life.
00:13:55So...
00:13:56Show me your book?
00:13:59Um...
00:14:01So he was a little more upset than he would normally be.
00:14:04Normally he just does whatever he's supposed to do.
00:14:06This is the...
00:14:08Evan goes to college.
00:14:09Yep.
00:14:10Yeah.
00:14:11So this is just sort of like Magnolia book.
00:14:15Eldervite is a small town.
00:14:17My parents lived there.
00:14:18My sister actually was working at the hospital the night that Evan was born.
00:14:23And then, you know, two to three years after that is when I had heard that Evan had been diagnosed
00:14:30with autism.
00:14:38I had a close-knit family.
00:14:40Dennis had a close-knit family.
00:14:41We had a close group of friends.
00:14:45I didn't feel the need to try to hide him.
00:14:50Beth had very limited resources, certainly locally.
00:14:54I mean, she had to dig and research and find her resources herself.
00:15:00There's no internet.
00:15:02There's no cell phone.
00:15:03There's no Google.
00:15:05There's nothing.
00:15:06And so we were going to have to help ourselves.
00:15:09I've always said this, that Dennis and I were similar in that you give us a problem,
00:15:13we're gonna take to our beds and pull the covers over our heads,
00:15:16and Beth is gonna figure out what to do.
00:15:19And she did.
00:15:21And she discovered the National Autism Society, and they were having their annual conference.
00:15:26And we really thought, since we know nothing about autism, let's go see what this is.
00:15:31In Las Vegas, of all places.
00:15:39We were able to gather information that we had not had before.
00:15:43I mean, we're trying to immerse ourselves in it and just absorb everything that was being offered.
00:15:48There were people out there facing the same things we were.
00:15:52None of us were really seeing the answer forever.
00:15:56There's no right or wrong.
00:15:57There's no map.
00:15:58I felt a certain sense of confidence that we could do it.
00:16:02I just didn't know how we were gonna do it.
00:16:04I'd flown to Las Vegas, but I did ride back in the car with Beth and Dennis to El Dorado.
00:16:10We ended up driving straight from Las Vegas to El Dorado because there was not a hotel, motel, anything available
00:16:18all through that night.
00:16:21And Beth had bought a book, Let Me Hear Your Voice.
00:16:25So we had to stay awake, so we read this book.
00:16:28And it was written by a woman in Manhattan who had all the resources of New York right outside her
00:16:34door.
00:16:35But again, like us, it's like none of these particular therapy programs fit her autistic child.
00:16:43So she started taking bits and pieces from the different therapies.
00:16:48Year four was a critical year in the child's development to really do these intense therapies.
00:16:55And that's what Evan was about to turn for.
00:16:57Happy birthday to you.
00:17:04Happy birthday.
00:17:07Are you four?
00:17:11There's Evan's name.
00:17:13E-V-A-N.
00:17:15E-V-A-N.
00:17:17Evan.
00:17:17Beth and Dennis found a therapy clinic in Memphis called Communication Station
00:17:24that was taking a similar approach to what we had decided would be best.
00:17:29Turn around this way.
00:17:31You haven't opened this one.
00:17:33You want to try to open this one?
00:17:34The theory at the time was the best way to treat autism was with behavior modification.
00:17:39And you move into this therapy environment.
00:17:43I went for two weeks.
00:17:44Dennis came for one.
00:17:45You're going to have to never assume that he can learn anything, that he's going to have to be taught
00:17:51everything.
00:17:52And this is going to take hours and hours every day, and here's how you do it.
00:17:58And, wow.
00:18:02Yeah, we gotta use that pointing finger.
00:18:07All right!
00:18:09When you're trying to bring them in, bring them into your world, give them the words, give them the explanations,
00:18:15it's not natural to them like it is to you.
00:18:19So your level of frustration is going to be great, but your level of understanding has to be great, too.
00:18:24You touch your pointing finger.
00:18:26There we go.
00:18:31All right!
00:18:33And if it's really going to be successful, your family's going to have to do it, and your friends are
00:18:36going to have to talk to him this way.
00:18:38Because at this point, still, we have no means of communication.
00:18:47Oh, she's going to ride in the car.
00:18:49You want him to ride in the car to get her in the face?
00:18:54He couldn't, wouldn't, whatever you want to call it, even point what he wanted.
00:19:00Evan, you did a good job with the puzzle and the letters, and I like it when you point, point.
00:19:10And I can remember saying, will there ever be words? And I said, well, we're going to guess.
00:19:17B-L-U-E, blue.
00:19:24We were in Memphis at communication station. They said to me, Beth, what are the two things he loves the
00:19:30most?
00:19:30I said, Coke, TV.
00:19:34She said, now, I want you to practice the sign language for I want TV.
00:19:40So, you know, okay.
00:19:44She said, we're starting there.
00:19:47He will never get TV or Coke again until he says the words.
00:19:51Cookie, cookie.
00:19:55I want cookie.
00:19:59I want cookie.
00:20:03So, you know, when you say what was Evan's first word, it was Coke or TV, one or the other,
00:20:08I don't know.
00:20:09But that led us to begin to learn to communicate and have him communicate back.
00:20:16I want candy.
00:20:18Good. Excellent, Evan. Very good.
00:20:21We were going to have to use everything in his senses to teach him about his environment.
00:20:27When we did this first little rudimentary book that's not all here anymore.
00:20:32That's how many times he's looked at it.
00:20:34It just worked.
00:20:36When I realized that he was going to be able to read, him reading the words was one thing.
00:20:42But then we had to give him the meaning of the word.
00:20:44He could easily memorize the word table.
00:20:48But there was no meaning to the word table.
00:20:51So there was a process in there somewhere where I realized his visual memory was going to be excellent.
00:20:56And that's where we began the labeling of everything in his world.
00:21:00So I'm walking around, I'm making these little cards, you know, cutting up construction paper.
00:21:05A little card with a marker and some tape.
00:21:08And I'm taping everything in the house.
00:21:18So window had window on it. Chair had chair on it. Flower had flower on it.
00:21:23And so as we walked around the house, he saw the word, he saw the thing.
00:21:27Well, of course, then pretty soon I realized that, oh, if I put the word chair on this chair, then
00:21:33that's a chair.
00:21:35Not everything that looks like this in this world is a chair.
00:21:39So now we have to have the word chair on every chair so he understands the word chair means all
00:21:46of these things.
00:21:47Or the word flower means not just this thing, but it means all of these things.
00:21:52And a dog is a dog regardless if it's brown or big or little or all of these things are
00:21:57dog.
00:21:57And as we would go, we would share these things so that everyone would know.
00:22:02Now, now we're doing this.
00:22:04You use your pointing finger and say, Evan.
00:22:12Evan.
00:22:12I am.
00:22:14Grandma.
00:22:15Grandma.
00:22:16Yeah.
00:22:17Next turn.
00:22:19Next turn.
00:22:21Yes.
00:22:22That's one of five children.
00:22:24And their attitude is, we face it, we deal with adversity, whatever it is.
00:22:29There is nobody in our family that has ever shied away from Evan.
00:22:35His friends.
00:22:36Nobody has ever shied away from him.
00:22:39Bringing him up as a family, it was no question of whether or not he was going to be included
00:22:43in our lives.
00:22:44Beth makes you aware of what needs to happen, but also lets you know that there's not any fear there.
00:22:50They might have been afraid, but just because I didn't know what to do and they were willing to learn.
00:22:56And everybody learned exactly how they were supposed to communicate with him so that we could all be on the
00:23:03same track.
00:23:04And when it became apparent that he was going to need a helper, interpreter.
00:23:11And that was at the point, of course, that Richard dropped the big bomb.
00:23:15That he was going to come home and he was going to be that for him.
00:23:25We were driving.
00:23:27It started to occur to me in the car, but I kept it in my head, that I could do
00:23:33this.
00:23:34So I've committed to coming back to El Dorado for a year.
00:23:39Richard went to school with Evan and he went in the classrooms.
00:23:45Richard was Evan's inclusion therapist.
00:23:48Went to kindergarten with him, took him to therapy.
00:23:52We brought the people from communication station to El Dorado.
00:23:55My mom went, my sisters went, my brothers went, the friends went.
00:24:00They came down to El Dorado and trained me in Evan's classroom, in his house.
00:24:05All of his normal environments.
00:24:08I don't know if Evan would have made it through preschool.
00:24:11Without that, I certainly don't think that what happened to him in the next few years would have been possible
00:24:20at all.
00:24:21When we started these therapies with him, it was very frustrating to him because he did not understand what we
00:24:27were doing.
00:24:28You know, a change in temperature, Lord, a change in texture, those were all issues.
00:24:34I would have to hold his hand in a bowl of shaving cream for him to get used to that
00:24:40texture.
00:24:41You know, he can walk into a room and there will be a fluorescent light bulb that's humming and not
00:24:46perceptible to us and it will freak him out.
00:24:50I think he hears more than we hear.
00:24:52I think he sees more than we see.
00:24:56His senses are magnified.
00:24:59When he's looking at that yard of grass, we see grass.
00:25:03Evan may see one blade.
00:25:06He eventually just realized that I was going to be putting him in situations that were new to him, but
00:25:11that even started to become a routine.
00:25:14I would go over to their house at six o'clock in the morning.
00:25:17I mean, sound asleep.
00:25:19I would throw him in the deep end of that pool and he would just start squealing with delight, you
00:25:25know.
00:25:28And it really helped him get through the rest of the day.
00:25:31And as you get the body to work in sync with the mind, the better the mind works.
00:25:36Of course, now that sounds so trite.
00:25:38But 30 years ago, we didn't understand how the mind and the body affected, or if we understood it, the
00:25:45average person was not practicing it.
00:25:47Seeing him progress and the bond that formed between us was the most rewarding year of my life.
00:26:03And I'll always treasure that and treasure him for it.
00:26:09One of my best childhood friends who does not live here now, she came to visit.
00:26:13And I introduced her to Evan, you know, who's four or five years old at this point.
00:26:17And she goes, oh, Richard, he's your soul mate.
00:26:21And she was right.
00:26:23He really is.
00:26:27Evan, what do you want to eat?
00:26:30Chicken strips, french fries and ketchup.
00:26:32Drugs Sprite.
00:26:33Okay.
00:26:34That's what I figured.
00:26:35To him, everything is a video.
00:26:38That's how his brain works.
00:26:40And just like if you say, what are the specials today?
00:26:42He recites the whole cat in the hat.
00:26:46Are there some specials today?
00:26:47We got lots of baskets today.
00:26:50Fried eggs and ham.
00:26:52Ham on a move.
00:26:54Ham soufflite, every cheese.
00:26:57Them on toast.
00:27:00Gleased ham.
00:27:01Ham fredders.
00:27:03Mashed ham.
00:27:06Green ham.
00:27:07Ham gabobs.
00:27:10Ham paw paw.
00:27:11Hey, when you're morning.
00:27:13Ham, ham, ham.
00:27:15All the lovey ham.
00:27:16I am.
00:27:18I am.
00:27:19I am.
00:27:20All right.
00:27:21Well, I guess that's what I'm having.
00:27:29Being in El Dorado, we realized that we had a village of very loving, dedicated people
00:27:35that were family and friends of Beth and Dennis' that picked up all the slack.
00:27:41There are times where you get very tired.
00:27:44Well, it makes the difference, you know, for someone to say, I'll do that or I'll take
00:27:50them somewhere or I'll pitch in for you.
00:27:55Somebody had a day that they would pick up Evan and then with that person, you had a specific
00:28:03routine that you did.
00:28:04You know, he is very regimented and no surprises.
00:28:07And it made you only had him two hours.
00:28:10I mean, it wasn't a long block of time.
00:28:14It's not about the hour as much as it is about the acceptance to give you the space that you
00:28:23need to do something normal.
00:28:24And it's not about doing something special.
00:28:26It's about doing something normal.
00:28:28It gave Evan a social life and it gave Beth and Dennis their lives back too.
00:28:34And I would accept help from anyone who had Evan's best interest at heart, mine, Dennis's.
00:28:41Beth knew that he was tended and taken care of with someone who loved him and cared about him.
00:28:48And he was, is, still is very intrigued.
00:28:51I mean, he's hysterical.
00:28:53Evan, you're so weird.
00:28:54You had no idea.
00:28:57I was one of the few people at that point that Evan was comfortable, um, and Beth and Dennis were
00:29:04comfortable leaving him with me.
00:29:07And I don't know where they went, but they were doing something that night.
00:29:11So Evan came up and stayed with me in my apartment.
00:29:15Richard is a great baby sister.
00:29:21Baby sinner?
00:29:23Baby sinner.
00:29:24And I was just letting him do his thing.
00:29:26I think I was doing some kind of domestic drudgery, but I was walking, you know, in and out of
00:29:32the bathroom and past him.
00:29:33And I just looked down at him, watching him make faces in the mirror just constantly.
00:29:38And I said, Evan, you're so weird.
00:29:41He goes, you have no idea.
00:29:43He, uh, he'd never put a sentence together in his life.
00:29:46And I dropped whatever I had in my hand.
00:29:49I turned around.
00:29:50I was like, it was like the exorcist.
00:29:52I mean, I didn't know what was happening.
00:29:55Come to find out, and it took a while to figure it out.
00:29:57This was, um, in The Lion King.
00:30:01You're so weird.
00:30:03You have no idea.
00:30:05And that's exactly where that came from.
00:30:09Here's your schedule.
00:30:15So I will, uh, put this in his room, and every once in a while you'll see him reading it.
00:30:19So he reads it kind of over and over and over again until he gets it in his head what
00:30:22it is he's supposed to do.
00:30:23So that's pretty much the process.
00:30:28A variety of responses that he might have as the day goes on in between now and when we pack
00:30:33our bags tomorrow.
00:30:35The erasing of the schedule on his iPad is sort of like trying to say this is not gonna happen
00:30:41to me.
00:30:41If it's not on my iPad or it's not on my schedule, it's not gonna happen.
00:30:51Do you like to go back?
00:30:54Do you like to go back?
00:30:56Go back.
00:30:58Go back.
00:31:02I know, listen, I know you don't want to.
00:31:06Never, never, never.
00:31:09But, don't be, don't be mad or sad.
00:31:11It's just for a couple of days.
00:31:15I get it.
00:31:16Ouch!
00:31:17I know.
00:31:19I know.
00:31:21Shut up!
00:31:23Oh, okay.
00:31:25Oh, pack a bag.
00:31:27Yeah, tomorrow.
00:31:31You're gonna have to go back.
00:31:32Pack a bag.
00:31:33Yeah, tomorrow.
00:31:42Okay.
00:31:43Bag.
00:31:43Okay!
00:31:47Hmm, hmm.
00:31:50Hmm?
00:31:54When it was time to put him in public school, we knew that he needed to be in a regular
00:32:00classroom.
00:32:01How do you teach someone normal behaviors if they're not around normal behaviors?
00:32:05And how do you get people to understand people with disabilities if they're not around them?
00:32:11Like, he knew everything a kindergartener was supposed to.
00:32:14He had some words.
00:32:16We have never, to this day, acquired conversational language.
00:32:19You cannot have a conversation with them.
00:32:22A prodigy, this is here that comes for you.
00:32:25And you comes if you dis, booze, them.
00:32:30I have not thought, I haven't figured it out yet.
00:32:33But due to the language acquisition that we've done, he has learned how to express himself, and he can tell
00:32:39you what he wants and needs.
00:32:42There were points I look back on, and I must have been extremely naive, because I thought someone would ask
00:32:48me, like, what would you like to happen to him as he enters public school?
00:32:51So I'm thinking, okay, he knows all the stuff.
00:32:55Yes, he can have a conversation with him.
00:32:57Yes, he continues to have sensory issues.
00:33:01But I still, on the other hand, say he deserves to be included in a classroom.
00:33:07He has the knowledge, and that's his least restrictive environment, which was the law at the time.
00:33:14And Beth, knowing what she knew, she knew her rights.
00:33:18As a parent, she knew district policy.
00:33:23Legally, she had the right to have him in a regular classroom and request the school district to provide an
00:33:30aide to assist for him to be in the classroom.
00:33:33So we go for the preschool meeting, and the special education person from the public school said,
00:33:40all right, well, Evan James will be placed in the self-contained classroom at so-and-so, so-and-so,
00:33:45so-and-so.
00:33:47I said, pardon me?
00:33:48Putting him in a self-contained special ed classroom was the only thing that the school district was offering.
00:33:55And Beth was like, no, he's got to be in a regular classroom because he's going to emulate whatever behavior
00:34:02he's around.
00:34:03None of those people were bad people.
00:34:06This was an unusual situation.
00:34:08It was an unusual request.
00:34:10It was going to require things that had not been required before.
00:34:14I understood that.
00:34:16At the same time, it was going to happen.
00:34:21And so we came to an impasse that day.
00:34:24Let me say, he went to the regular classroom with an aide.
00:34:30She said, there's no way that Missy's going to be able to do this by herself.
00:34:33So we had Diane Smith as an aide.
00:34:36We had Valerie Barnes as an aide.
00:34:38And they came, and they would sit with Evan to make sure that he was on task.
00:34:43But they also would help the other students, so it wasn't just Evan.
00:34:47And then there were other students that came, and she was somebody that those parents could go and talk to
00:34:54and learn from.
00:34:56Consequently, through the years, there was lots of training that was done.
00:35:00And several students with autism ended up at Hugh Goodwin because of the training that those people had taken upon
00:35:07themselves to get and took seriously.
00:35:10There were some people there, some of the best classroom teachers and therapists that I have ever met, no matter
00:35:17where I've been in this country.
00:35:18Really, growing up with him in school was where I learned or I was impacted most by him.
00:35:24There weren't very many children like Evan at the time.
00:35:26That wasn't something that the world really knew about, and especially El Dorado.
00:35:29But I do think that now that his impact on everyone's awareness has probably made a 360.
00:35:37As Evan progressed through this, we were going to take as many people with us as we could.
00:35:41If you get the appropriate therapies and that sort of thing, you are going to have a better life.
00:35:48There is just no way around it.
00:35:50Mary Pat was seeing that in her classroom.
00:35:52There were five of us that came together and wanted to create Hope Landing.
00:35:57So a child with special needs, it was a one-stop shop, but it serviced the whole family.
00:36:04It wasn't just the child. It was the child's family.
00:36:07By this time, they're talking about it.
00:36:09They're talking about water therapy and horse therapy and all those kinds of things that are really, really making a
00:36:14difference for kids.
00:36:15There was a movement, and we were able to start planning for what we felt like would be a peaceful
00:36:24setting
00:36:24that provided traditional as well as non-traditional therapies and support for entire families without being based on whether you
00:36:33could pay or not.
00:36:34It was a huge idea for a small southern town to be able to pull that off.
00:36:50So how has Evan been over the last 24 hours?
00:36:54He didn't go to sleep very well last night, so it was kind of a late night.
00:36:59And he was afraid when Paul took him for an isolated day, he wouldn't bring him back to get his
00:37:03stuff.
00:37:04So he's a little nervous, but he hadn't been terrible.
00:37:12Yeah!
00:37:15Can't help you much.
00:37:17Go to the movies.
00:37:19We'll try to go to the movies, but right now we need to pack your bag to go to the
00:37:22group home.
00:37:23First.
00:37:25Yes.
00:37:33Okay.
00:37:34No one's going to get it until you come back, I promise.
00:37:37Shut up!
00:37:43Listen, you need to pack your bag.
00:37:46Pack your bag!
00:37:50Wow!
00:37:53Yes, yes.
00:37:55You have to go back because I've got things I have to do.
00:38:02Pack your bag.
00:38:03Pack your bag!
00:38:11That's all?
00:38:15That's all.
00:38:17Mickey and demo have a farm.
00:38:20Okay.
00:38:22He's the many adventurers of Winnie the Pooh.
00:38:25Okay.
00:38:28That's all?
00:38:29No books?
00:38:30That's a no-no!
00:38:32Dr. Susan's ABC.
00:38:35The Cat in the Hat.
00:38:38And Greenix and Ham.
00:38:40Okay.
00:38:41Now, do you want a DVD player?
00:38:45What's next?
00:39:12I see.
00:39:13Owl.
00:39:13Do you?
00:39:14Woo!
00:39:15Woo!
00:39:16Owl!
00:39:19Do you?
00:39:19Do you want this in here?
00:39:22Hob on Pop by Dr. Seuss.
00:39:27That's it?
00:39:28That's it.
00:39:32Group home first.
00:39:34Yes, you're going to the group home tonight, yes.
00:39:37Ready to go?
00:39:38Yeah, Paul's truck and go to the movies.
00:39:40We're gonna try.
00:39:42We gotta try!
00:39:42Okay.
00:39:48Car.
00:39:49We're gonna go in Paul's truck today, okay?
00:39:52Truck!
00:39:54I know we usually go in Mom's car, but we're gonna go in Paul's truck today.
00:39:58You can sit in the front of him.
00:40:00You wanna sit up front or in the back?
00:40:06Au revoir.
00:40:07Yeah.
00:40:18One or two right.
00:40:26One or two right.
00:40:30One or two right.
00:40:34Right one.
00:40:38Car.
00:40:46Okay, here we are.
00:40:49He is a cat in a hat.
00:40:51I know.
00:40:52Did you miss it?
00:40:54Uh, miss it.
00:40:55You did?
00:40:56You pretty happy?
00:40:57You happy?
00:40:58Yeah.
00:41:00All your movies?
00:41:01Wow.
00:41:06When I wish to make a wish, I wean my head and swish swish.
00:41:10Did I say?
00:41:12I wish for fish.
00:41:14Peggy fish we are my dish.
00:41:16So, if you wish to wish a wish, and make a wish for fish, we my ish wish dish.
00:41:22Would you make sure there's some toilet paper in there, please?
00:41:26Remember
00:41:26Remember
00:41:28Love
00:41:28Father's Son into the Holy Spirit
00:41:30Father's Son into the Holy Spirit
00:41:33You gonna do good?
00:41:34Do good
00:41:35Yeah?
00:41:35Yes
00:41:36Okay
00:41:39Alright
00:41:40You alright?
00:41:41When am I gonna see you?
00:41:42See you
00:41:44I'm gonna pick you up
00:41:47See you Wednesday
00:41:48Wednesday
00:41:48Okay, good
00:41:49Alright
00:41:51You okay?
00:41:52You okay
00:41:54Okay
00:41:59Bye
00:41:59Bye-bye
00:42:00Love you
00:42:01Love you
00:42:04See you later
00:42:05Say bye
00:42:08Bye
00:42:14Things were progressing with Evan
00:42:16And, you know, we were dealing with
00:42:18Each New Year's
00:42:20Set of circumstances
00:42:22Dennis was in a play
00:42:23Dearly Departed
00:42:24And Dennis was getting very bad bruises
00:42:27It got to the point where Dennis did show the bruises
00:42:30To Matt Calloway, his doctor
00:42:33And Matt was immediately alarmed
00:42:35A-P-L
00:42:37And I can't tell you the A and the P
00:42:39But the L is leukemia
00:42:42Just me and my dad
00:42:45Just me and my dad
00:42:47That just pulled the rug out from under everybody
00:42:50Because we did not, of course, see that coming
00:42:54And he said, oh my God
00:42:55And daddy's turn
00:42:55Okay, seven's turn
00:42:57You do it
00:42:58For me personally
00:42:59For the village
00:43:00There was kind of a shift in focus
00:43:02From what we were going to do
00:43:04For people like him
00:43:05And in his future
00:43:06And oh my goodness
00:43:09Now
00:43:10What are we going to do about this?
00:43:12My mom and dad
00:43:15Are Beth and Dennis James
00:43:19Dennis was
00:43:21Well, he was special
00:43:25That's all I'm going to say
00:43:27Sometimes you can just look at Evan
00:43:29And you can see Dennis
00:43:32My eyes are blue
00:43:35Just like my daddy's
00:43:37The village had to rally for this
00:43:40Because we had Evan
00:43:41Who needed attention
00:43:43And now we had Dennis
00:43:45In the hospital for who knows how long
00:43:48In Little Rock
00:43:48Over the next three years
00:43:50He continued to seek treatment
00:43:55He had periods of remission
00:43:57You know, you couldn't really explain to Evan
00:44:00What was going on
00:44:01I mean, there wasn't
00:44:02A way to explain
00:44:04That kind of concept to Evan
00:44:07Daddy
00:44:09It was just a very rough time
00:44:11But once again
00:44:14Stupid me
00:44:15I felt like it
00:44:16Well, would it be easy
00:44:18But we would make it
00:44:20And so for three years
00:44:23We did treatments
00:44:24Friends would help
00:44:25Go sit with Beth
00:44:26Or take shifts
00:44:27To go sit with Dennis
00:44:28So that he wasn't by himself
00:44:30And we see the re-emergence
00:44:33Of a community of people
00:44:35Willing once again
00:44:36To reach out
00:44:36And lift up
00:44:38And support
00:44:38And care
00:44:39With no judgments
00:44:44We thought we were beating this
00:44:45We really did
00:44:46Against all odds
00:44:47We thought
00:44:48We were beating the cancer
00:44:50I mean, he endured a lot
00:44:53But he still
00:44:53He kept his sense of humor
00:44:55In the beginning
00:44:56He did
00:44:57But it was
00:44:58It was just painful to watch
00:44:59For me
00:45:00He was a
00:45:02A constant in my life
00:45:03A constant male in my life
00:45:04And he meant a whole lot to me
00:45:07Daddy
00:45:09Daddy
00:45:09It would have been a long shot
00:45:11If he would have had
00:45:13Long time survival
00:45:14With this form of leukemia
00:45:19And he
00:45:20I will say this
00:45:23I've never seen anybody
00:45:24Fight harder than he did
00:45:26To
00:45:26Because he knew
00:45:27What it would mean to Evan
00:45:30For him to
00:45:32Not me
00:45:34I have often walked
00:45:38Down the street before
00:45:41But the pavement always stayed
00:45:45Beneath my feet before
00:45:47While at once have I
00:45:50Several stories found
00:45:53Knowing I'm on the street
00:45:57Where you live
00:46:00And know
00:46:02The overpowering feeling
00:46:05Just to know
00:46:07Somehow you are near
00:46:12The overpowering feeling
00:46:17That any second
00:46:20You may sign
00:46:22On me
00:46:26Because Dennis did die
00:46:27In the hospital
00:46:28And Evan was not with me
00:46:30There was going to have to be
00:46:31A communication of that
00:46:32And so all the way home
00:46:34I kept thinking
00:46:35Now
00:46:36Everything I know about Evan
00:46:38I knew that he had
00:46:39Some basic religious understandings
00:46:41The Lord bless you
00:46:42And keep you
00:46:43The Lord make his face shine
00:46:45And pray to you
00:46:45And grace is to you
00:46:46The Lord make your power
00:46:48And give you his peace
00:46:50Amen
00:46:51And any time
00:46:53That I could communicate
00:46:54Something with him
00:46:55In a picture
00:46:56Or words
00:46:57He was going to understand
00:46:59So
00:47:00I came home
00:47:02And I got a
00:47:06Picture board
00:47:08Of heaven
00:47:09What you would
00:47:10You know
00:47:11Heaven
00:47:11It was a
00:47:12Clouds in the sky
00:47:15And I got a picture
00:47:17Of Dennis
00:47:18And a picture
00:47:19Of an angel
00:47:20And a picture
00:47:21Of Jesus
00:47:23And I put them
00:47:24All together
00:47:25And explained to him
00:47:27That dad had gone there
00:47:30And he was with Jesus
00:47:32And just like we
00:47:33Didn't see Jesus
00:47:34We wouldn't see dad anymore
00:47:36Now I will say this
00:47:37There's a difference
00:47:38Between
00:47:40Death
00:47:40And grief
00:47:41R-E-D
00:47:44Spells red
00:47:50Roll 2
00:47:51Scene Richard
00:47:52Take 1
00:47:52Mark
00:47:53Beth
00:47:54Interview B
00:47:54Take 1
00:47:55When Dennis died
00:47:57We all felt like
00:47:58We had the rug
00:48:00Pulled out from under us
00:48:01And for months
00:48:04I mean
00:48:05Many, many months
00:48:07We were just
00:48:08Walking around
00:48:09Like zombies
00:48:12A lot of
00:48:13Evan's
00:48:14Therapies
00:48:15Early on
00:48:16Were about
00:48:17Emotions
00:48:18We did a lot
00:48:19Of emotion
00:48:21Expression
00:48:22Therapy
00:48:22He had to learn
00:48:23To read people's faces
00:48:25And so
00:48:25He would look at me
00:48:27And I would know
00:48:27That when he looked at me
00:48:28That I had to have
00:48:29A look on my face
00:48:30That I was calm
00:48:32That I wasn't sad
00:48:33That I was okay
00:48:34And I was gonna make it
00:48:35Through the day
00:48:36And he would
00:48:37Really examine me
00:48:39He
00:48:41He really reads
00:48:42People's expressions
00:48:44Everything he does
00:48:45Is in
00:48:46Pictures
00:48:47Either in his mind
00:48:48He will take
00:48:49An instamatic
00:48:50Photograph
00:48:51Of something
00:48:52On a television
00:48:59Since the beginning
00:49:00Evan has been obsessed
00:49:01With taking
00:49:02Photographs
00:49:03He has always
00:49:05Taken pictures
00:49:06Of the TV screen
00:49:07And put them together
00:49:09We can't quite figure out
00:49:11What it means
00:49:11But to him
00:49:12He's putting a sequence
00:49:14Of things together
00:49:15He takes
00:49:16Expressions
00:49:17A series
00:49:19Of expressions
00:49:19Many times
00:49:20And then there's always
00:49:22A
00:49:23Like a couple
00:49:24Blank screens
00:49:25Like that's the end
00:49:26Of that movie
00:49:27Or an end of that
00:49:28Thought
00:49:28Before
00:49:29He begins
00:49:32Another series
00:49:35He missed his daddy
00:49:37And so he was
00:49:38Carrying these
00:49:3850
00:49:39Zero
00:49:40To 50
00:49:41Pictures
00:49:41They were numbered
00:49:43And I said
00:49:44Beth
00:49:44What do they mean
00:49:45She said
00:49:45I don't know
00:49:46So she went
00:49:47Somewhere one day
00:49:48And I said
00:49:48Evan
00:49:48Let's put your
00:49:50Pictures out
00:49:50So he laid them
00:49:51Out in order
00:49:52On the kitchen floor
00:49:52And I said
00:49:53Give me words
00:49:54For these pictures
00:49:57Oh my gosh
00:49:58Talk about
00:49:59Communicate
00:50:00Don't say
00:50:01He can't
00:50:01Communicate
00:50:02It started out
00:50:03With pictures
00:50:04From home
00:50:05Happy times
00:50:07And then it was
00:50:08A series of scenes
00:50:09From the Lion King
00:50:10And it was sad
00:50:13Cry
00:50:13Sleep
00:50:15Cry
00:50:16I mean
00:50:17He had
00:50:18A word
00:50:18For every
00:50:20Picture
00:50:20It was
00:50:21Amazing
00:50:22We spent one Saturday
00:50:24And we put it together
00:50:26In a book
00:50:26Called Being My Dad
00:50:27I miss my daddy
00:50:32I lot
00:50:35I wish
00:50:36That
00:50:37He were
00:50:39Still
00:50:40Living
00:50:41At the
00:50:42New house
00:50:43With
00:50:44Mama
00:50:45And me
00:50:46He
00:50:47Was so smart
00:50:48To go
00:50:48And find that
00:50:49And give words
00:50:51To his
00:50:52Emotions
00:50:53And then he
00:50:54Could convey it
00:50:55To someone else
00:50:56That just
00:50:56Blew me
00:50:57Out of the water
00:50:59One of my
00:51:00Favorite
00:51:00Examples
00:51:01Of the village
00:51:02Rallying
00:51:03Evan's
00:51:04The birthday
00:51:05After Dennis
00:51:07Had died
00:51:07Beth
00:51:08Asked
00:51:09All her
00:51:09Teenage
00:51:10Friends
00:51:10If they
00:51:11Would dress
00:51:11As Disney
00:51:12Characters
00:51:13And come
00:51:14To her house
00:51:15And be part
00:51:15Of Evan's
00:51:16Birthday party
00:51:17So there
00:51:17Was Cinderella
00:51:19Tigger
00:51:19All of these
00:51:20Like eight
00:51:21To ten
00:51:22People showed
00:51:22Up in costumes
00:51:23Just to make
00:51:25Evan happy
00:51:25And feel better
00:51:31There was a change
00:51:33With Dennis' death
00:51:34There was a change
00:51:35It kind of
00:51:36Turned my focus
00:51:38From
00:51:40Training
00:51:40Teaching
00:51:41To
00:51:44Planning for a future
00:51:46Because I'm all he has
00:51:49It was apparent to me
00:51:51Life skills
00:51:52A safe environment
00:51:53Were going to become
00:51:54The important things
00:51:56Not whether or not
00:51:58He was in a normal
00:51:59Classroom
00:52:07What'd she do?
00:52:16Did you do good?
00:52:17Do good
00:52:18You did?
00:52:19Was it okay?
00:52:20Is it okay?
00:52:21Yeah
00:52:21Yeah
00:52:22Did you miss me?
00:52:23Miss me?
00:52:23Yeah
00:52:25You gonna go home
00:52:26With me?
00:52:26Go home
00:52:27Okay
00:52:27Get your stuff
00:52:28Get your stuff
00:52:29Baby
00:52:30He's been very good
00:52:31Today
00:52:32He has
00:52:33Well thank you
00:52:33For helping me
00:52:34You're welcome
00:52:40She gonna help him
00:52:41Isn't she?
00:52:43I love to eat
00:52:43But I don't need to eat
00:52:45How about you
00:52:46Good night
00:52:47Your class is pretty small today
00:52:49Well yeah
00:52:50We got two more
00:52:52Two more
00:52:52Great
00:52:55Alright let's go
00:52:56See you Evan
00:52:57See you Evan
00:52:59Bye Evan
00:53:00Hey Evan
00:53:01Hey Evan
00:53:02Come here
00:53:07Say see you next week
00:53:09See you next week
00:53:10See you next week
00:53:11See you next week Evan
00:53:12Bye
00:53:14Bye
00:53:14Bye
00:53:15Bye
00:53:15After Dennis passed away
00:53:17It had been a couple of years
00:53:19And Beth's sister Heidi
00:53:21Was talking with Paul's sister Laura
00:53:25They had been friends from high school
00:53:27And knew that Beth and Paul had dated
00:53:30Many years before
00:53:33I met Beth in the spring of 1983
00:53:38At El Dorado High School
00:53:40Heidi my sister is in the same class with his sister
00:53:43And we all have to go to this event
00:53:46It was love at first sight
00:53:48She walked up the sidewalk
00:53:49I was introduced to her
00:53:51I mean it's like the conversation never ended
00:53:54And so we dated for some months
00:53:57And then we got engaged
00:54:00You know isn't that what you do when you're in your 20s
00:54:02We considered getting married
00:54:04And things just did not work out for us
00:54:09At that point in time
00:54:10And we were mutually hurt by that
00:54:12And parted as friends
00:54:15I didn't see her again until 2007
00:54:20Paul's sister in fact
00:54:21Had returned to El Dorado
00:54:23To teach nursing at the community college
00:54:25So I asked about Paul
00:54:27And you know things didn't work out
00:54:29Exactly as he had intended
00:54:30But he's got five children
00:54:33I said oh my gosh
00:54:35I think she was thinking
00:54:37He still has no sense at all
00:54:39You know with that many kids
00:54:42I said well you tell him
00:54:44That I ask about him
00:54:46I was coming down for a visit
00:54:48And Heidi and my sister Laura
00:54:52Decided that they wanted to
00:54:55Get Beth and I back in the same room together
00:54:59What if next time Paul comes to town
00:55:03We'd fix him up
00:55:05We all go out to dinner
00:55:06And she goes oh it would make him so uncomfortable
00:55:09Wouldn't that be great
00:55:10Paul's going to come to El Dorado
00:55:13And we're all going to go out to eat
00:55:16And we want you to come along
00:55:17And I said have you lost your mind
00:55:19And I said oh come on
00:55:21Come on
00:55:22It'd be fun to catch up
00:55:24It had only been a year since Dennis had died
00:55:26And no one was breaking down my door
00:55:28But I had made it pretty clear
00:55:29That I was unable at this time
00:55:32To move forward in that sense
00:55:36And I went to dinner with my sister at Fay Ray's
00:55:39And I did not know what to expect
00:55:42And she walks in
00:55:44She and I looked at each other
00:55:46And she sat down by me
00:55:49We all sat to where she was going to have to sit beside him
00:55:52And the conversation just started all up again
00:55:56And never stopped
00:55:59They never once put us in the conversation
00:56:03They never once
00:56:04We weren't there
00:56:06She said would you like to come back to my house
00:56:10So we can keep talking
00:56:12And you can meet Evan
00:56:15That was my first
00:56:17That was my first encounter with Evan that night
00:56:23There is something very soothing about that that you know
00:56:28I've said very often that he probably saved my life
00:56:31And he probably did
00:56:32I think when I left that evening
00:56:34We both realized it was divine intervention
00:56:38I didn't know really if I would see him again
00:56:41And it wasn't too much later that I got an email from him
00:56:45That was back in the days when you emailed
00:56:46You know this is before texting
00:56:48And stuff like that
00:56:50And you know he kind of said
00:56:52I'm probably going to keep on emailing you
00:56:54And calling you
00:56:55And probably coming down to right
00:56:57It could be guys
00:56:59I lost once
00:57:00I'm not going to lose twice
00:57:04I can't imagine
00:57:05Coming into all this
00:57:08Like Paul did
00:57:09I mean he's got five of his own
00:57:11And yet Evan was
00:57:14Part of Paul
00:57:15Even though he didn't know
00:57:17Crap about what to do about Evan
00:57:19You know he was stunned by the whole thing
00:57:23He never really shied away from that
00:57:26My own relationship with Evan
00:57:28Took a very very long time
00:57:32To become what it is today
00:57:35Alright are you ready to go get an icy?
00:57:38Yes
00:57:38Yes?
00:57:39Would you like my phone?
00:57:42Yeah?
00:57:43Austin and Weston
00:57:44Not this weekend
00:57:46Not
00:57:47Next time
00:57:48Not yet
00:57:53There's a green triangle
00:57:55Uh-huh
00:57:58There's a green triangle
00:57:59Uh-huh
00:58:00There's an orange
00:58:02I'm sent down
00:58:03Right
00:58:04I understood his habits
00:58:07And got those down a lot quicker
00:58:09And a lot easier than I did
00:58:13His form of communication
00:58:15When I first started going back and forth
00:58:18Beth and Evan would drive me to the airport
00:58:20I remember one time in particular
00:58:23Towards the beginning of all this
00:58:25He's walking back and forth in front of me
00:58:28With a book in his hand
00:58:29And it's a book about
00:58:31Going to the airport
00:58:33And what you do
00:58:35When you go you know
00:58:36We go to the airport
00:58:37To take trips
00:58:38And I realized in the middle of all this
00:58:41He was ready for me to go
00:58:43I won't say everything he did was purposeful
00:58:47But I would say
00:58:48The majority of it was
00:58:50I mean he had a little message and everything
00:58:53Really especially there in the beginning
00:58:55That we did
00:58:56We did together
00:58:57Especially if it's a verbalization
00:58:59Or if it's a direct interaction with a person
00:59:02He is trying to say something
00:59:05So if he doesn't have the words for what he says
00:59:08Then he's going to replace it with an action
00:59:10Or some kind of verbalization
00:59:13Trying to get you to understand what it is he wants
00:59:16Christmas is my favorite holy day
00:59:20Let's look at you in the mirror
00:59:24I love it
00:59:25I love it
00:59:27I knew you would
00:59:33Rudolph the red-nosed reindeer
00:59:37Had a very shiny nose
00:59:41And if you ever saw it
00:59:45You'd even say it blows
00:59:49They want foggy Christmas Eve
00:59:54He sent a king to say
00:59:58Rudolph with your nose so bright
01:00:02Want to die by sleigh tonight
01:00:06Then how the reindeer loved him
01:00:09As shewered out with me
01:00:13Rudolph the red-nosed reindeer
01:00:17You could have been a story
01:00:27Great job
01:00:32When we did begin to see each other on a consistent basis
01:00:36We made a promise
01:00:37That no matter what we did
01:00:40Not his children or mine would suffer
01:00:44We made a commitment
01:00:45To, you know, pursue this relationship
01:00:51I was kind of getting used to the idea
01:00:52That he might be my boyfriend or something
01:00:54But I was not interested initially in
01:00:58Like, oh, getting married
01:01:00I mean, I had a job
01:01:01I was an elder writer who's in St. Louis
01:01:02Paul Evan was in school
01:01:04I was in no way going to leave that for that
01:01:08I told Paul, I said, I'm never going to meet your kids
01:01:10Come when you can
01:01:11We'll have a great time
01:01:13And that's where this thing is going
01:01:15And I said, because I'm not
01:01:16I can't meet those kids
01:01:24Paul's kids were wonderful
01:01:25You know, they love him
01:01:27I mean, he is their brother
01:01:29But now, if you ask him who they are
01:01:31He's going to list them in order
01:01:32Grace, Kenny, Jackson, William, Caroline
01:01:36Austin, Waston, and Dan
01:01:37Ready, set, go
01:01:40My dad did give us a forewarning
01:01:43And said, she's going to be here
01:01:44When you get home from school
01:01:45And we got home from school
01:01:47And she was just sitting at the counter
01:01:48And her makeup was perfect
01:01:50And everything was just together
01:01:52And she just had like a
01:01:54She just has like a presence
01:01:55And she was very striking from the get-go
01:01:57That was my first impression
01:01:59It was like an adjustment for us
01:02:02Obviously, someone new in the house
01:02:03With her and Evan
01:02:04But it's also like an adjustment for her
01:02:06Because we're a big adjustment
01:02:08We're us, you know
01:02:08Like it's a big adjustment
01:02:09Yeah
01:02:10There was five of us
01:02:11And both of us were teenagers
01:02:13And my dad's not a low-maintenance kind of guy
01:02:16And we are not exactly
01:02:19We got some maintenance to us
01:02:22We weren't easy
01:02:23She told us a while back
01:02:26That she would hear us every once in a while going
01:02:28Where is she?
01:02:29Where is she?
01:02:30Where is she?
01:02:30Yeah, when she first was spending a lot of time up there
01:02:32And we didn't know her very well
01:02:33We'd all kind of
01:02:34Or if we wanted something
01:02:36We'd send like one
01:02:37Usually the cutest kid out
01:02:39You go, you go
01:02:40Yeah
01:02:40It really was like she never skipped a beat
01:02:42I'm sure she did
01:02:43In her own private time
01:02:44But to us
01:02:46It just seemed very
01:02:47I don't know
01:02:48It's just
01:02:49It's always been
01:02:50It's always felt natural
01:02:52Like how it should be
01:02:53And then came the time for them
01:02:56To actually meet Evan
01:02:58And you know
01:02:58Kids are just different
01:03:00They're just resilient
01:03:03Whenever we actually got down there
01:03:05Beth was talking to us
01:03:06And Evan just came in
01:03:08With these
01:03:09Pile of sugar cookies
01:03:11I think there were like six of them
01:03:12She just turned around and saw and goes
01:03:14No sir
01:03:15And took like three or four of them away
01:03:17And he started following her around
01:03:19Around the house saying
01:03:20No sir
01:03:21Yeah
01:03:21No sir
01:03:22And that was
01:03:24That was our first
01:03:24That was my first impression
01:03:26That was my first time ever seeing Evan
01:03:28My first experience
01:03:28And I just thought
01:03:29He's mad
01:03:30This is what it is
01:03:32Let's go
01:03:33I think at first
01:03:35We put a big emphasis on just
01:03:37Making everything as smooth as possible for him
01:03:39We went about our regular lives
01:03:41And you just added in this other variable
01:03:44They never really seem to skip a beat
01:03:47I think it says something for them
01:03:49You know what kind of people they are
01:03:50There was a lot of change growing up
01:03:52A lot of moving around
01:03:54Anything that's different
01:03:55Just kind of flows naturally
01:04:02Beth made a book
01:04:04About people getting married
01:04:06People in her family
01:04:08People in my family
01:04:10Her and Dennis
01:04:11People in the Disney movies
01:04:13Or the other movies he's like
01:04:14Getting married
01:04:16When we got married
01:04:17It was kind of generally accepted that
01:04:20As crazy as it would seem
01:04:22I would stay in El Dorado
01:04:23And he would stay in St. Louis
01:04:26We just decided that's the way it was going to be
01:04:28So we still were doing school
01:04:30Going to work
01:04:31Trying to travel on the weekends
01:04:33That's a lot
01:04:34I was committed
01:04:35And so was Beth
01:04:37We were committed to both Evan
01:04:38And we were committed to
01:04:40The five other children
01:04:41It was a balance
01:04:42In making all that work
01:04:44So we finally decided
01:04:46That when Evan turned 18
01:04:48And didn't have to go to school anymore
01:04:49I would quit my job
01:04:51And we would have to
01:04:52Evan and I would have to go to St. Louis
01:04:56I was sort of excited
01:04:58We were going to go to a big city
01:05:00I had done a lot of research
01:05:02There was an autism community there
01:05:03We'll be able to take advantage
01:05:05Of all sorts of resources
01:05:06That we haven't had
01:05:08Or maybe there's things
01:05:10I don't know about
01:05:11Maybe we had a better chance
01:05:13Of finding facilities
01:05:15And post-high school life
01:05:18For him
01:05:19That did not turn out
01:05:21Exactly as planned
01:05:25One evening
01:05:26It was just Beth and Evan and I
01:05:28And he kept turning off the TV
01:05:31And I would turn it back on
01:05:33And he would turn it off
01:05:34And I would turn it on
01:05:35And he would turn it off
01:05:36And Evan just reaches down
01:05:38And grabs my hand
01:05:41And grabs my wedding ring
01:05:44And starts trying to pull it off my finger
01:05:46Evan made it very clear
01:05:47That he was mad about the whole darn thing
01:05:50And he was mad at Paul
01:05:51Because
01:05:53For having caused the whole darn thing
01:05:55And he wasn't happy
01:05:57Evan had been in his room there
01:06:00At the St. Louis house
01:06:02And
01:06:04For some reason
01:06:05I walked into his room
01:06:06There was one of the books
01:06:09That I think Mary Pat
01:06:10Had made for him
01:06:12Me and my dad
01:06:13It was about him
01:06:14And his father
01:06:18And he had been looking at it
01:06:27Dad
01:06:30He didn't want to forget him
01:06:33That moment
01:06:34As hard as it was
01:06:36I think it helped him
01:06:38Get some things out of his system
01:06:40That he couldn't communicate
01:06:44I really think it helped me
01:06:45To make sure
01:06:47I wasn't afraid
01:06:48To talk about his dad to him
01:06:50Because before all that
01:06:52I didn't
01:06:53After all that
01:06:54I did
01:06:55That was our moment
01:06:56And it was pretty damn good
01:06:59After all that
01:07:01She had every intention
01:07:03Of creating a life in St. Louis
01:07:05And
01:07:06There just
01:07:07It never was that comfortable
01:07:09Of a fit
01:07:10Especially for Evan
01:07:12When it didn't work
01:07:14I think it rocked us
01:07:16On our heels a little bit
01:07:17He would just look at me
01:07:18Like what are you doing
01:07:19Mother
01:07:19What are you thinking
01:07:20I mean
01:07:20I could almost see that
01:07:22In his face
01:07:22When I would pick him up
01:07:23Like
01:07:25What are we doing here
01:07:26And he would just look at Beth
01:07:28And go
01:07:28Pack a bag
01:07:30Airplane
01:07:30He's like
01:07:31Take me home now
01:07:33You know
01:07:33He didn't have a life
01:07:34Outside of the house
01:07:35At all
01:07:36And he's totally used to that
01:07:37Go anywhere in the community
01:07:38And know people
01:07:39And they know him
01:07:40I think in retrospect
01:07:41It was a lot to expect
01:07:44Of Evan
01:07:44And he did his best
01:07:46To adjust
01:07:47Till he just couldn't
01:07:50His body literally
01:07:51Just had stress responses
01:07:53I know he had seizures
01:07:54He was kind of
01:07:55Taken away from
01:07:55Everything he knew
01:07:57Growing up
01:07:57And I get
01:07:58The way I think about that
01:07:59For me is like
01:08:00I mean like
01:08:01Would it bother you?
01:08:03Probably
01:08:03You know
01:08:04And there you go
01:08:05In retrospect
01:08:06I feel kind of stupid
01:08:08Having thought
01:08:10That he was gonna be happy
01:08:12Or that we could find
01:08:13All those things
01:08:14That I perceived
01:08:14In my mind
01:08:15Had to have been missing
01:08:16From our experience
01:08:18And the one thing
01:08:19That we really needed
01:08:20We already had
01:08:22I don't know
01:08:23The El Dorado
01:08:25The place is like
01:08:26What's home to him
01:08:26As much as the people there
01:08:28And getting pulled from that
01:08:30Was really hard for him
01:08:32I think
01:08:32Yeah
01:08:32He missed his community
01:08:34He missed his friends
01:08:35And it was almost like
01:08:37We had instilled in him
01:08:39So much community
01:08:41We made the decision
01:08:45Albeit sadly
01:08:46That the best thing for Evan
01:08:49Would be to come back down
01:08:50To El Dorado
01:08:52Paul said to me
01:08:54Pack your bags
01:08:56And take him home
01:08:57It wasn't me having to go to him
01:08:59And say
01:09:00I gotta
01:09:00You know
01:09:01I gotta go
01:09:02He came to me
01:09:04And so we
01:09:07Packed our bags
01:09:08And came home
01:09:12And so
01:09:13I went to work
01:09:14At the community college
01:09:16To create a pilot program
01:09:18In El Dorado, Arkansas
01:09:20To include people
01:09:23With developmental disabilities
01:09:24On the college campus
01:09:26Beth contacted me
01:09:28She was the new program director
01:09:30Over the Stepping Stones program
01:09:31A newly formed program
01:09:33At the college
01:09:34That gave people
01:09:37The opportunity
01:09:38To do things
01:09:39That they would never
01:09:40Have gotten to do
01:09:41On their own
01:09:41My friend Jason here
01:09:43Had always wanted
01:09:44To be a firefighter
01:09:45So through the
01:09:47Stepping Stones process
01:09:48Jason was able to train
01:09:51And he was able
01:09:52To come up
01:09:53To the El Dorado
01:09:54Fire Department
01:09:55And be a firefighter
01:09:56With us
01:09:57She's a mentor
01:09:58To me
01:09:59And she helped me
01:10:02Get an internship
01:10:04And I'm happy
01:10:08That she did
01:10:10They made as big an impact
01:10:13On me as I made on them
01:10:14I think
01:10:14But I also feel
01:10:16Incredibly lucky
01:10:18To have been a part of that
01:10:20For even a short time
01:10:21In the meantime
01:10:22At my house
01:10:25My issues
01:10:26With my job
01:10:27Were still unsolved
01:10:31Evan goes to college
01:10:33One day
01:10:34Evan and his mom
01:10:35Got in the car
01:10:37And drove to a place
01:10:38Called
01:10:40May know ya
01:10:43I was getting
01:10:44A little more desperate
01:10:46A little more afraid
01:10:47Something would happen
01:10:48To me
01:10:48And now we weren't
01:10:49In St. Louis
01:10:50And now Evan
01:10:51Was by himself
01:10:51And oof, oof, oof
01:10:53I'm getting old
01:10:55And he didn't have
01:10:56The patience
01:10:56With his old mother
01:10:57And you know
01:10:58There were a lot of
01:10:59Dynamics going on
01:11:00Because we were there
01:11:01Just me and him
01:11:04You want to just
01:11:05Stay here all day?
01:11:08She comes home
01:11:09From church one Sunday
01:11:10And she calls me
01:11:11And she says
01:11:12I ran into Ralph Weiser
01:11:14At church today
01:11:15He had been instrumental
01:11:17In creating programming
01:11:18For people with
01:11:19Developmental disabilities
01:11:20That sort of stuff
01:11:21It might know you
01:11:22I had no idea
01:11:24That in my little backyard
01:11:26There was this little
01:11:27Place over here
01:11:28And he said
01:11:29I'd like to show you
01:11:29Around some
01:11:30And I pulled up
01:11:32To this place
01:11:32And there was a day
01:11:33Program for preschoolers
01:11:34With developmental disabilities
01:11:36And adults
01:11:37She went over to look at it
01:11:38And it was a perfect
01:11:39Situation for Evan
01:11:40All of the group homes
01:11:41That I had been
01:11:42Interested in looking at
01:11:44People shared rooms
01:11:45And I knew that
01:11:47Evan James was never
01:11:48Going to share a room
01:11:48With anyone
01:11:49And he said
01:11:50Yeah there's five rooms
01:11:51On one side
01:11:51And five rooms
01:11:52On the other
01:11:52I said
01:11:52You mean everyone
01:11:54Has their own room
01:11:55Yeah
01:11:56Well of course
01:11:57Monday morning
01:11:57I was on the phone
01:11:58And I said
01:11:59I might be interested
01:12:00Some time
01:12:01In Evan getting on
01:12:02The list
01:12:03To live in the group home
01:12:05And maybe go
01:12:06To the day program
01:12:07And she said
01:12:08Beth
01:12:08From what I understand
01:12:09Evan's at the top
01:12:10Of the list
01:12:13She said
01:12:14Evan
01:12:14When men turn 21
01:12:16They go to college
01:12:17In Magnolia
01:12:18So he were going
01:12:19To college in Magnolia
01:12:21His hat started
01:12:24Then guess a house
01:12:26Just around the corner
01:12:28From Evan's college
01:12:28There's a beautiful house
01:12:30Where really nice people live
01:12:31Honestly the first time
01:12:33She took him over
01:12:34To see the group home
01:12:35And we were so nervous
01:12:36About that
01:12:37He met everybody
01:12:38He saw his room
01:12:39He saw the whole house
01:12:41And he just
01:12:42Turned to Beth
01:12:42And said
01:12:43I love it
01:12:44They asked Evan
01:12:45If he would like
01:12:46To live there
01:12:46Evan and Mama
01:12:47Decided it would be
01:12:48A great place to live
01:12:50The plan sort of
01:12:51Happened to me
01:12:52And when it did
01:12:53I felt okay
01:12:57And I had never
01:12:58Felt okay
01:12:59And then she
01:13:00Fixed up his room
01:13:02Of course
01:13:02The cutest room
01:13:03With the cat in the hat
01:13:04And Dr. Seuss
01:13:05And at first
01:13:06It was just a few days
01:13:08It was a slow integration
01:13:11I got your medicine
01:13:12I'm going to take it in there
01:13:13Put it up
01:13:14Put it up
01:13:15Are you good?
01:13:16I'm good
01:13:19I was as scared
01:13:21For him to do it
01:13:22As he was to do it
01:13:24And so our transition
01:13:25Was very slow
01:13:27For him even
01:13:28Spending the night
01:13:29Evan is going to be able
01:13:31To go to Magnolia
01:13:33And have a chance
01:13:35To become as independent
01:13:36As life will allow him
01:13:37To be
01:13:38But something did happen
01:13:41About this time
01:13:44Boom
01:13:44We find out
01:13:46That Evan's got Crohn's
01:13:49About 40% of people
01:13:50With autism
01:13:51Also have Crohn's disease
01:13:53He was in excruciating pain
01:13:55And I had no idea
01:13:58What to do with him
01:14:00Hospitalizations
01:14:01And procedures
01:14:02And illness
01:14:03And weight loss
01:14:04He was developing
01:14:06Rectal abscess
01:14:08That were requiring
01:14:11Incredibly painful surgery
01:14:12And I'm like
01:14:13Oh great
01:14:14You know
01:14:14We got autism
01:14:15We have seizures
01:14:16And now we have this
01:14:19He learned
01:14:20Well if I don't eat
01:14:21I don't go to the bathroom
01:14:23So maybe I won't eat
01:14:24I mean he was just miserable
01:14:26Once again
01:14:28Here's Beth
01:14:29Who gets one of the
01:14:31Over the door
01:14:32Shoe racks
01:14:33And that's Evan's medical
01:14:35So he could tell her
01:14:37What he needed
01:14:38Like she would have
01:14:40The different creams
01:14:41The gloves
01:14:41And what do you need
01:14:43What do you want
01:14:44So he could help
01:14:45Communicate what he needed
01:14:47So at that point
01:14:48We took Evan
01:14:49Back to St. Louis
01:14:51You would start
01:14:52To get a handle on things
01:14:53And then they'd call you
01:14:54Up on the phone
01:14:55At work and say
01:14:56We just did a scan on him
01:14:57And his appendix
01:14:58Is about to rupture
01:14:59You know
01:15:00You have to get him
01:15:01To the hospital
01:15:02Immediately
01:15:02I don't know
01:15:03How he did it
01:15:05It almost killed him
01:15:08In fact
01:15:09I'd never seen her
01:15:11Almost to the point
01:15:12Of being hopeless
01:15:13I mean that's just
01:15:14Not Beth
01:15:14But she was about there
01:15:16But all of our
01:15:17People aligned again
01:15:21From just out of the blue
01:15:22To guide us
01:15:24Through another situation
01:15:25Crohn's is in remission
01:15:27He's gone from having
01:15:28To have monthly infusions
01:15:30To monthly injections
01:15:33It's still something
01:15:34That they have to stay
01:15:36On top of
01:15:37But it is under control
01:15:38Right now
01:15:38He continues
01:15:39On that medicine today
01:15:41That is not easy
01:15:43On the body
01:15:44It creates quite
01:15:45A detriment
01:15:46To the immune system
01:15:48I noticed
01:15:49He was really
01:15:50Scratching his eyes
01:15:51And his ears
01:15:52A suppressed immune system
01:15:53Causes all sorts of problems
01:15:55So we have been fighting here
01:15:56As of late
01:15:57Topical dermatitis
01:15:59That has affected
01:16:00His ears
01:16:01And his eyes
01:16:02Being kind of
01:16:03Unable to explain
01:16:04This to him
01:16:04He's really
01:16:05Rubbing his eyes
01:16:06And as he's
01:16:07Really digging in there
01:16:09He's scratching his corner
01:16:10And there's going to be
01:16:12Long term vision damage
01:16:13If he
01:16:15Rubs too hard
01:16:16Too long
01:16:17Same thing with his ears
01:16:18The written word
01:16:19Is very important
01:16:20In our family
01:16:21So we need to make sure
01:16:22That he continues
01:16:23To have access
01:16:24To that strength
01:16:25Actually
01:16:26I think it's time
01:16:26That we put some medicine
01:16:27In his eyes
01:16:28So
01:16:29Eye time
01:16:33Yes
01:16:39Eye time
01:16:39No
01:16:41You ready
01:16:43Ready
01:16:53Eye time
01:16:54Eye time
01:16:57Try not to
01:16:59For a minute
01:17:03Be gentle
01:17:04Yes
01:17:04Be very gentle
01:17:05Don't rub hard
01:17:08Beth always knew
01:17:10And Dennis too
01:17:11That Evan
01:17:12Was going to need
01:17:13Special attention
01:17:14All his life
01:17:15And that was one reason
01:17:17Dennis fought so hard
01:17:19With the leukemia
01:17:21You put his
01:17:22Health issues
01:17:23His autism
01:17:25The death of his father
01:17:26Moving
01:17:27New and more
01:17:30Health issues
01:17:32That's a lot
01:17:33That's a lot
01:17:34For anybody
01:17:36Evan has
01:17:37Real autism
01:17:39And all the medical
01:17:40And emotional
01:17:41And disabling
01:17:43Effects of it
01:17:44And yet
01:17:44There's something
01:17:46Special about him
01:17:47And I don't even know
01:17:49How to put it
01:17:50Into words
01:17:50He can do amazing
01:17:52Things with that brain
01:17:53It's just not
01:17:55Things that
01:17:56Are going to
01:17:57Keep him
01:17:58From needing
01:18:00Someone to make sure
01:18:01He's always okay
01:18:05Look at me
01:18:06Look
01:18:08Nose
01:18:08Did you have a good week?
01:18:10Good week
01:18:11Good
01:18:11Good
01:18:12You ready to go home?
01:18:13Yes
01:18:13Alright
01:18:14Let's pick up your stuff
01:18:15Give it to your mom
01:18:17What is it?
01:18:19Alright
01:18:19Alright
01:18:20What is it?
01:18:23Alright
01:18:24Good
01:18:26Good
01:18:26I love it
01:18:27Good
01:18:29Okay
01:18:31I like that
01:18:32What?
01:18:34Oh
01:18:37Santa Claus ornament
01:18:39Yeah
01:18:40I thought that would be good too
01:18:52I have told all of my nieces and nephews
01:18:55My great nieces and nephews
01:18:57And my stepchildren
01:18:58And intend to tell their children
01:19:00If I live long enough
01:19:03That my only requirement of them
01:19:07Is that they go see him once a year
01:19:09And it can't be a holiday
01:19:11Because I figure there are so many of them
01:19:14That surely two of them will show up every month
01:19:17If they commit to that one time a year
01:19:20Going to Magnolia and taking Evan to dinner
01:19:22That's the only requirement
01:19:24And if everybody does that
01:19:28Then a couple of times a month
01:19:30Evan gets to go out to dinner with someone he really cares about
01:19:33And if something really terrible is going on in his life
01:19:36Somebody will know
01:19:38I don't really see it as a responsibility
01:19:40And I never even saw it as a question
01:19:43I feel like Evan's village
01:19:44Is going to go down to the next generation
01:19:48And I feel like he'll always have people
01:19:50We need to do our part
01:19:52Because he's impacted us so much
01:19:54And done so much for us in our lives
01:19:56That he doesn't even realize
01:19:57We're just going to have to take shifts
01:19:59You know
01:19:59You're going to take care of him in three months
01:20:00He can move into the room next door
01:20:02I'm not worried about it
01:20:03But like I know for sure that there's a community behind Evan
01:20:06I have complete faith in that
01:20:08And I have faith that all of us will come together
01:20:11And do what's right at the end of that
01:20:12It's just what we would do for our brother
01:20:16Yeah
01:20:16There is no fear or worries about what the future looks like for Evan
01:20:19I feel like he is going to survive and thrive
01:20:23As the older generation moves on
01:20:25We'll make sure he's taken care of
01:20:27We just have really big shoes to fill
01:20:31Really big
01:20:37This story shows a pattern
01:20:40Of me
01:20:43Running into just the right person
01:20:45Or just the right help
01:20:48Or just the right piece of information
01:20:51When it was necessary for me
01:20:55Which is
01:20:56You know
01:20:58Maybe luck
01:20:59Maybe divine intervention
01:21:00Maybe whatever
01:21:01I don't know
01:21:02But
01:21:03Behind all of that
01:21:07I'm looking at the picture of these people
01:21:11And this is my family
01:21:14These people were the people that struggled through
01:21:17So that he learned to go to church
01:21:19And go to a restaurant
01:21:22And go to a family dinner
01:21:23And you know
01:21:24People call me out
01:21:25I can't take him anywhere
01:21:26Well
01:21:29Find these kind of people
01:21:31Who will accept you
01:21:33No matter what
01:21:36They're not your family
01:21:37You have to find them
01:21:38Because they're key
01:21:39For me
01:21:40It was these people
01:21:45And I owe them everything
01:21:51This commitment that Beth has
01:21:53To Evan
01:21:54You can't help but be moved by it
01:21:58You have no idea what it takes
01:22:00And you have no idea what kind of love that kid can provide
01:22:03He's taught us so much
01:22:07Through the whole thing
01:22:10You have no idea what love and work and dedication this took
01:22:17To get one person to the point he is today
01:22:22And that's one person
01:22:25What Beth is doing can be super impactful
01:22:28If the message can be spread
01:22:30Because there's a lot of people out there that don't have that support
01:22:34We have a movie star again, Evan
01:22:35Movie star
01:22:37I just think of how much my life has been enriched
01:22:40By knowing Evan and him being a part of my life
01:22:44I still get excited when I see him
01:22:47And when he comes up and gives me a kiss
01:22:50Or hugs my neck and says I love you
01:22:52Oh my gosh
01:22:53I just hope that people who have a Beth
01:22:58Or have an Evan in their life
01:23:00Take this and really help them
01:23:03One thing I hope people take away
01:23:05Is what a privilege it has been
01:23:09To be part of this story
01:23:14I think people found a common purpose
01:23:18And in this common purpose
01:23:20Was Evan
01:23:23So as it all
01:23:24As it ends
01:23:25As I said before
01:23:26What would I say to someone
01:23:27There's so much to be
01:23:30Taken from a situation
01:23:31Like this
01:23:32It's not that
01:23:33Do you get tired
01:23:34Heck yeah
01:23:35I'm going to be tired by Sunday
01:23:37But
01:23:38As far as the life's experience
01:23:40I am different
01:23:42I am better
01:23:43I'm a better person
01:23:45So maybe
01:23:46You know when people say
01:23:47Oh you do everything for him
01:23:49You know
01:23:49I'm like
01:23:49Well maybe he saved me
01:23:51I don't know
01:23:52He saved me
01:23:58Your favorite song
01:24:01You've got a friend in me
01:24:05When the road goes
01:24:07Wrap the head in your mind
01:24:10That's the moments from your nice warm bed
01:24:13We stick together and can see it through
01:24:16Cause you've got a friend in me
01:24:20Oh you've got a friend in me
01:24:25Some of the folks might be a little bit smarter than I am
01:24:30Bigger and stronger too
01:24:32Maybe
01:24:34But none of them will ever love you the way I do
01:24:39It's me and you
01:24:41Boy as the years go by
01:24:46Our friendship will never die
01:24:50You're gonna see it's our destiny
01:24:57You've got a friend in me
01:25:08The end
01:25:09Good job
01:25:43Good job
01:26:03Good job
01:26:24Good job
01:26:24Good job
01:26:33Good job
01:26:40Good job
01:26:41You
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