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Short filmTranscript
00:00We started with 10 comedians.
00:03It's like the first day of school.
00:04And just one rule.
00:06Do.
00:07Not.
00:08Laugh.
00:10Are you doing bubble right?
00:12Or burp.
00:13Oh!
00:14Or squirt sausages at a nice old lady.
00:17Oh dear.
00:18But one by one, they're cracked.
00:20No!
00:21Whoa, Sam!
00:2310 has become 4.
00:26I've got to give you a red card.
00:31His eye looks like a grape in a tumble dryer.
00:40Who will go the distance and be the last one laughing?
00:44Okay, that was definitely a laugh.
00:57Whoo!
00:58.
01:23Doors.
01:25We've only got 40 minutes left, so we're going to go sudden death.
01:30Oh, wow.
01:31OK.
01:33We've not got much time left.
01:34If anyone laughs, it's a red card.
01:37Ooh.
01:39What are you doing there, Jimmy?
01:41I've got to go.
01:42I've got to be quick.
01:44That's very good.
01:46Hey, look at them guns.
01:46Doors.
01:48Doors!
01:49For fuck's sake.
02:00Jimmy, as I live and breathe.
02:07Do you want a hand, Jimmy?
02:09I'll be OK.
02:15If they didn't laugh at that, they're not going to laugh at anything.
02:18No, no.
02:22You're really happy, aren't you?
02:23I might just leave that there.
02:25Doors.
02:30He's left his frickin' little safe, I think.
02:54Doors.
02:56Doors.
02:57Doors.
02:59Doors.
03:01Doors.
03:03Doors.
03:05Doors.
03:06Doors.
03:06Doors.
03:07Doors.
03:08Doors.
03:08Bob's going to get a song.
03:11Is that his laptop?
03:12Yes.
03:14Love song, darling?
03:16Yes, please.
03:17Would you join me?
03:19I'd like to tell you about my true feelings for you.
03:26So just relax, yeah?
03:28Just wrote a few words for you.
03:35You are the love of my life.
03:39Would you one day be my wife?
03:43Cause if you would, I would give up the booze.
03:48Tend to your crops and sterilize your loo.
03:53Both of those things I would do for you.
03:58Cause you are the love of my life.
04:02You are the hobbit I adore.
04:07I'll buy you meat and what's more.
04:11If we were together, I'd stop drinking bitter.
04:16I'd polish your shoes and mend the leak in your shitter.
04:21Both of these things I would do for you.
04:25Cause you are the love of my life.
04:29Dave.
04:32I hope in some way that helped.
04:34It did help.
04:35Yeah.
04:35That was very moving.
04:36And I liked the way you rhymed bitter and shitter.
04:40That's...
04:41I couldn't think of anything else.
04:43I think David Mitchell might be unbreakable.
04:45David, have you ever dropped a Bible onto like a dog or something?
04:55Not onto a dog.
04:57You're pretty certain that you've got a good grip when it's a religious text.
05:01Well, I'm carrying out a Bible.
05:01Yeah, I think you probably do.
05:02I probably do accord it.
05:04Favourite shape?
05:06Favourite shape.
05:06Square.
05:07Nine bits of advice.
05:08Nine.
05:09Nine.
05:09So they're targeting.
05:11David.
05:13Or try and get your tax bill done early.
05:16Don't smoke.
05:18Don't tell people not to smoke.
05:23Learn to drive.
05:24I wish I'd learned to drive.
05:25Do you not drive?
05:26David, it's not to learn, my friend.
05:28No, but that wouldn't...
05:29You know, a bit of practice on that wouldn't be a...
05:33He is ready.
05:34She wouldn't speak!
05:36Do you want to have a go, Dave?
05:37I mean...
05:38It's quite fun.
05:39Is it?
05:39Yeah, it's great.
05:40David on a poufer is fun, isn't it?
05:41It's good.
05:43Well, that's true.
05:43You know what I mean?
05:44There we go.
05:45There he goes.
05:48I'm going very tentatively.
05:50Go through the gap.
05:50I can't really steer.
05:52Right, here's Romesh's rap book.
05:55Read us.
05:56OK, let's have a look.
05:59Come on, right.
06:01I think David's playing a good game.
06:02He's going to try and protect them all out.
06:04Yeah.
06:04It's a lovely treat, isn't it?
06:05That's how you dreamed of your rap tunes performed.
06:08Banned from Kiss Chase, this is called.
06:11David finding my rap book.
06:13I mean, even saying the words as a 47-year-old father of three,
06:17my rap book.
06:18Please smash me in the face.
06:20It was like somebody finding a pair of your skiddy underpants.
06:24My romantic struggle started early.
06:27When I was eight, the whole class played Kiss Chase
06:29and I was banned from participating.
06:31Do it in a rap way, though, David.
06:32It was in a rap way.
06:39My romantic struggle started early.
06:42Is that more rap?
06:43That was deep rap, yeah.
06:44Yeah.
06:44Go deeper, Dave.
06:47David might go.
06:48David might go.
06:50My romantic struggle started early.
06:53When I was eight, the whole class...
06:54It doesn't scan.
06:56It's the introduction.
06:57It's not the actual...
06:58No.
06:59The whole class played Kiss Chase
07:00and I was banned from participating.
07:03Mainly by the kids,
07:04but the teacher admitted they had their reasons.
07:06Oh, sorry.
07:07This is just an introductory paragraph to the rap.
07:13This makes a lot more sense.
07:15Go on, Dave.
07:16Kiss Chase, kiss Chase, please kiss my face.
07:19You'll need to slow down, though.
07:20I'm not good in a race.
07:22Kiss Chase, please kiss me, although I am smelly.
07:25I struggle with B.O.
07:26and don't wash under my belly.
07:28That was horrible.
07:29Mind drop.
07:31Sorry, I'm not taking the blame for that.
07:34David Mitchell could read a Kendrick Lamar lyric and ruin it.
07:44Can I...
07:45Oh, I have...
07:45Oh, yeah.
07:47Hello?
07:48Oh, hi, Sam.
07:49Could you get David to do his Joker, please?
07:52Vladimir Putin has been assassinated.
07:54Who?
07:55It's time for David's Joker.
07:57My Joker?
07:58I think it...
07:59Yeah, I think they're just...
08:00OK.
08:00Yeah, OK.
08:01Let's go.
08:02This way.
08:03He's got two Jokers.
08:05Oh, my God.
08:07This is so exciting.
08:08Do you want to have a waltz with me, Bob?
08:10Nope.
08:11OK.
08:15Hello.
08:17Sorry, just before I start, a bit of explanation about this one.
08:21I've worked with a lot of stand-up comedians over the years,
08:25but I've never done stand-up.
08:27I feel I know you.
08:29I thought this would be a very trusting environment
08:31just to try it out.
08:33Oh, no.
08:34Anyway, just a bit of stand-up comedy from me, please.
08:38Good luck, Dave.
08:38Go for it.
08:39Go for it.
08:39Be supportive.
08:40Absolutely.
08:41OK, quick reminder, if anyone laughs, red card.
08:47Ladies and gentlemen, he hasn't tried stand-up before,
08:51so please give him a big hand!
08:54David!
09:00I know what you're thinking.
09:03David Mitchell's let himself go.
09:09Is this thing on?
09:11Yeah!
09:13Oh, fuck!
09:14Fuck!
09:15Fuck!
09:18OK, yeah, so...
09:24I went on a dating app the other day,
09:29as a result of which my wife has left me.
09:33In retrospect, I shouldn't have used her email, but...
09:39Didn't want the spam.
09:47Cats and dogs.
09:49So, cats and dogs!
09:53They're overwhelmingly similar, aren't they?
09:57Domesticated mammalian quadrupeds.
09:58The lot of them.
10:00Bob?
10:01Bob?
10:02Bob's in trouble.
10:03So, no point in anthropomorphism...
10:05No point in anthropomorphism...
10:08Fundamentally, they're the same thing.
10:09They live in the house and they won't try to kill you.
10:12Oh, you know, although there have been terrible, terrible news...
10:15Let's just...
10:15No, move along.
10:18Hmm?
10:18Crowd work.
10:20Um...
10:20Crowd work!
10:24Uh...
10:25Where are you from?
10:27Middlesbrough.
10:28Sorry, no, I'll keep the...
10:29Where are you from?
10:31Middlesbrough.
10:31Fuckingham?
10:32He said, fuckingham!
10:35Honestly, what?
10:37Fucking...
10:37Fuckingham where?
10:38Fuckingham, fuckinghamshire?
10:42It's weird.
10:43Are you together?
10:44Not really.
10:45What are you doing with him?
10:50That's going nowhere.
10:54Um...
10:54Too close to what I do, though.
10:59Observational stuff.
11:01Um...
11:01Okay, so...
11:02What about...
11:03What's the deal with assisted dying?
11:10Who wants assistance dying?
11:12It's the last thing you want.
11:14What's next?
11:15Assisted stubbing your toe?
11:18Assisted being late for work.
11:21Assisted stepping on a plug.
11:24Assisted falling over.
11:27Assists...
11:27What other...
11:28Assisted being in a traffic jam.
11:30Assisted food poisoning.
11:36Assisted getting a bag back.
11:39Why do people want assistance dying?
11:42Hmm?
11:42It's a serious topic.
11:47You know, obviously, you're quite right.
11:49There's, um...
11:50They're in a lot of pain.
11:51The bottom line is it's...
11:53It's no existence for some people.
11:56Anyway, that's all I've got time for.
11:58Um...
11:59So, have a great trip back to fuckingham.
12:03Um...
12:04You idiots.
12:08Uh...
12:08Thanks, you've been a great audience.
12:10I'm David Mitchell.
12:11Good night.
12:12APPLAUSE
12:14That's the closest Bob's come.
12:16Yeah.
12:16Definitely.
12:17It's not Alan Woods yet.
12:18Sam's going to try and finish him off.
12:20Go on, Sam.
12:21I didn't mind that.
12:22I thought he was all right.
12:24I enjoyed that very much.
12:26He was good.
12:27He was extremely funny.
12:29Yeah.
12:30Bright future.
12:32That was right up my street.
12:34And he's very good.
12:36LAUGHTER
12:38Where are you from, Middlesbrough?
12:40Fuckingham!
12:41LAUGHTER
12:43You know, it's a few wrinkles to iron out,
12:46but please, I can book the O2, I think.
12:50No wrinkles as far as I was concerned.
12:53What sort of usually tickles your funny bird?
12:55He should have asked that six hours ago, shouldn't he?
12:59I like innuendo.
13:01I like a clever innuendo.
13:04Well, you're as dry as a divorcee's martini.
13:07A what?
13:08You're as dry as a divorcee's martini.
13:12What's the innuendo there?
13:19It's a simile?
13:20Yeah.
13:22Why would a divorcee have a particularly dry martini?
13:28Do you mean dry as in...?
13:30Just sort of dry.
13:35Oh.
13:39Can I show you something?
13:41Please do, Dave.
13:41Let's get close.
13:43Because I'm a bit worried.
13:44What's this?
13:45What's he got?
13:47There's a thing on the...
13:49Well, to put it delicately, it's on the bottom of my back.
13:53Mm-hm.
13:54It's changed.
13:56Do you want me to investigate?
13:58Well, I've taken a picture.
13:59I just love your...
14:02Your opinion, really.
14:03Input.
14:03I mean...
14:05What do you think?
14:07There's this sort of...
14:09Metallic blue.
14:12It's sort of...
14:12You see the skin around it is disrupted.
14:15Do you want me to have a look?
14:16Well, let's just sort of zoom out a bit, maybe.
14:20Oh, actually, no, it's fine.
14:21Sorry, it's a...
14:22Hot cross bun.
14:23It's just a hot cross bun.
14:24Sorry, that's not there.
14:25Just a hot cross bun.
14:25It's just a hot cross bun.
14:26Sorry.
14:28Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha!
14:31This is it.
14:32This is it, you see?
14:33That's...
14:34Sorry, that's...
14:34Oh, sorry.
14:35Just that's...
14:36You see?
14:36Oh!
14:37Oh!
14:39Looks to me like you've got lunch and meat over the back.
14:43Right, yeah.
14:44Yeah.
14:49Bob immediately spotted it.
14:51And his lunch and meat...
14:53He's got up close with a lot of lunch and meat.
14:56He's probably woken up to that view.
14:58I'm so intimately involved with lunch and meats and spams
15:04that I knew straight away what I was looking at.
15:11Okay, I'm going back in there.
15:12Okay.
15:13I'll deal with this.
15:16Okay.
15:18Got to get in somehow.
15:20They're gonna go head to head.
15:21Doors.
15:22Hey, oh, hello.
15:23Who's in?
15:24Hey, Jimmy.
15:25He's not so happy.
15:26Sorry.
15:27Bob, Mel, please join me on stage for a head-to-head challenge.
15:30Hey.
15:32We are going to test your knowledge of the animal kingdom.
15:36What I'll let you do is look your partner in the eye.
15:40It's a game I call Nature Calls.
15:41I'd like you to, in turn, look your partner in the eye and make the noise you think this animal
15:48makes.
15:50Mel, you're to go first.
15:53A coquettish bee.
15:55One moment.
15:56You hear me.
15:59There.
16:02A mo-so-al-so-al-so-al-so-al-so-al-so-al-so-al-so-al-so-al
16:06-so.
16:06Okay.
16:08Bob.
16:09A drunk elephant.
16:18Well, a Mafia boss sheep.
16:27Bye-bye, bye-fucking-bye.
16:39Bob's going to go.
16:41Now they've both got twitches.
16:47Bob, a duck from Belfast.
16:49No.
16:53Crack.
17:02Crack.
17:04Sounds a bit Norwegian to me.
17:07He's been there, yeah, but he's based in Belfast.
17:11He's done the tour.
17:13Well-traveled.
17:15I was thinking Dutch.
17:17That was crazy.
17:18Definitely European.
17:20Crack.
17:21Crack.
17:22That's more Oslo than Belfast.
17:24I'd need more Belfast, Bob.
17:25Crack.
17:26That's definitely more Oslo.
17:29Crack.
17:31Oh, my God.
17:33How can you survive that?
17:36OK.
17:37Mel.
17:38A Geordie monkey.
17:44Whoa-oh-oh-oh.
17:48It is very good.
17:49That is what they sound like.
17:52Oh, that's so crap.
17:56Bob, a cool goat.
18:02Meh.
18:07Meh.
18:10That sounds pretty cool.
18:12Mel, a flamboyant frog.
18:15Ribbit, ribbit.
18:19Ribbit, ribbit.
18:23Ribbit, ribbit.
18:28Rebbit. Rebbit.
18:31Bob, easy one for you. A Randy Dolphin.
18:42It's very far away.
18:45Very far away.
18:47Can you come a bit closer, please?
18:49Really?
18:50No, no, the dolphin.
18:53Pardon me.
18:58Hiya, baby.
19:06Belle's gone. She's gone.
19:08No. No.
19:14You'd like to take your seats? We'll take a look at the clip.
19:17Having to do those animal noises at very, very close quarters with Mortimer,
19:22and I think it was a quick bark of a laugh. It was like that.
19:26Couldn't pull it back and I knew I'd lost it then.
19:28That was extraordinarily fun.
19:30Let's take a look.
19:32Bob, easy one for you. A Randy Dolphin.
19:39Hiya, baby.
19:44Mel. I'm gone.
19:46Oh, Mel.
19:46That was a laugh disguised. It was fun though, wasn't it?
19:48It was brilliant.
19:50It was brilliant.
19:50I loved that.
19:51Every minute.
19:52I don't want to go.
19:53I must go.
19:54You have to go, but you've done very, very well.
19:56Please come with me.
19:57Oh, my God.
19:58And then there were three.
19:59Thanks, Mel.
20:00We all need you.
20:01Okay.
20:02Guys, be strong.
20:04Doors.
20:09I thought you were out first.
20:11You did so well.
20:12I honestly thought you'd be gone in seconds.
20:17Well done!
20:19You did so well.
20:21Oh, God.
20:22Brilliant.
20:23He was so brilliant.
20:24Relax that cheek.
20:24I've done something permanent.
20:25Leave me the wind.
20:27Mel survived the drunk elephant and the duck from Belfast,
20:30but the Randy Dolphin got her.
20:33It's game over for Gedroych.
20:36You ain't laughing, are you, Sam?
20:38I don't know what's going on.
20:39I think I have found his own.
20:41But I know what you mean.
20:43Well, I guess it answers the question,
20:44how long does it take people to go utterly mad in a room?
20:47Yeah.
20:49You are the love of my life.
20:52I will treasure that.
20:54And I'll hold you to it.
20:55I'm going to ask everyone,
20:57who do you think is going to win?
20:59Sam.
21:00Sam.
21:01Sam.
21:02Sam.
21:03Sam.
21:03Sam.
21:04Everyone's saying Sam.
21:05I'm going to go David Mitchell.
21:07Okay, let's restart the game.
21:08This is so fun.
21:12We're off again.
21:13Okay.
21:25Do you have a special name for a wee that you do if you get up in the night?
21:31No.
21:32No.
21:32Not a special name.
21:35Bob's going for David now.
21:36What?
21:37Well, I do one regularly.
21:42Right.
21:44Could I recommend calling it a Chadwick?
21:47Chadwick's not bad.
21:48A Chadwick.
21:49Yes.
21:50I'm just...
21:51Yeah.
21:51Sorry.
21:52I was Chadwick.
21:53Just...
21:54Just Chadwick-ing.
21:58Bob, Jimmy.
22:09Fucking hell.
22:10I got you with Chadwick.
22:12Bob's gone.
22:13Okay.
22:19Another one bites the dust.
22:21Oh, Bob.
22:22No way!
22:24Doors.
22:28Hey, Jimmy.
22:29Oh, Bob.
22:30Take a look.
22:31Could I recommend calling it a Chadwick?
22:34Chadwick's not bad.
22:35A Chadwick.
22:36Yes.
22:37I'm just...
22:38Yeah.
22:38Sorry.
22:39I was Chadwick.
22:40Just...
22:41Just Chadwick-ing.
22:49Fucking hell.
22:51That's the way to go.
22:53The champion has been defeated.
22:55Mr. Mitchell did me.
22:56Did you with your own Chadwick?
22:58I got David Mitchell talking about his early evening movement.
23:04I think he just caught me off guard.
23:07It just made me laugh.
23:08Now, one of you has got more cards for other people than the other one.
23:12We've got five minutes remaining.
23:13If neither of you laugh in the next five minutes, the person who has caused the most laughs will be
23:18the winner.
23:18The laugh assassin?
23:19The laugh assassin, yeah.
23:21Nice.
23:21Bob, come with me.
23:23Good luck, lads.
23:24Good luck to you.
23:25It's been a pleasure.
23:27Doors.
23:27I'll watch you, man.
23:28I think, where have you been all my life?
23:30All right.
23:31Yeah, yeah, yeah.
23:31Sorry, then.
23:32I mean...
23:33Yeah.
23:34You did very well again.
23:35Not so bad.
23:36Yeah, bronze.
23:37Bronze this time.
23:38Bronze.
23:39Yeah.
23:39That's good.
23:40The chat turned to late-night wheeze, and Bob simply couldn't hold it any longer.
23:45Our reigning champion is out.
23:48Bobby!
23:49Bob Mortimer, everyone.
23:52Bobby!
23:56Well done, mate.
24:00Bob, come and take a seat over here.
24:03I've never been in here before.
24:04It's lovely.
24:05Nice.
24:05It's really nice.
24:06Lovely to have you.
24:07Let's restart the game.
24:09I've got this killer question that I think is just going to do you, but I don't want to
24:11waste it.
24:12No, there we go.
24:13David.
24:13Oh, hi.
24:18David, how many emails do you get most days?
24:22Both are so incapable of an authentic chat, aren't they?
24:27Well, it varies.
24:28Maybe 20.
24:30Promotional or social?
24:32Oh, I don't get much spam.
24:34Mainly admin.
24:38This doesn't feel very natural conversation, does it?
24:41No, no.
24:41We're very different people.
24:44We are really different people.
24:47We're different, OK?
24:48And congrats for making it to the final two.
24:51I think it's nothing to sneeze at, you know?
24:52No.
24:52It's pretty awesome.
24:54Yeah.
24:54Yeah.
24:55Though likewise, I think we've done, we've acquitted ourselves well.
25:00Dave might go, you know.
25:01I don't think Sam's going.
25:03Sam is invincible.
25:06I'm going back in.
25:07Go on, Jim.
25:08Good luck.
25:09Let's seal the deal.
25:10Come on.
25:11What would you do if you were you?
25:12I would do mine.
25:13I think the shouting was kind of nice.
25:14Do you think we go back to the shouting?
25:16Yeah.
25:17OK.
25:17We've got to find a winner.
25:20Doors.
25:23You can operate that better than that puff.
25:27Hi, guys.
25:28Congratulations on making it this far.
25:31Yes.
25:31Please take a seat.
25:34As a special treat, I've got some delicious food for you.
25:38You can eat as much as you like, but there is a catch.
25:40You have to feed each other.
25:42Are you happy to do that?
25:43I'm happy to do that.
25:44Go for it.
25:45I couldn't survive this.
25:46Could you?
25:47Not somebody feeding me.
25:49And what's the policy on feeding frenzies?
25:52We're all in favour of it.
25:54Yeah, yeah.
25:54Doors.
25:55OK.
25:57Oh, my God.
25:58There's so many items there.
26:00What would you go for?
26:00I'd go hand on eclair.
26:02Hand feed eclair.
26:04I think I would go eclair and then a proper actual mush.
26:10Do you like some squirty cream?
26:12Yeah.
26:12Yeah.
26:18It's a little bit, Scott.
26:20Oh, sorry.
26:20Just pop that back in.
26:21There we go.
26:22Shame to miss it.
26:23He's got his finger in his mouth.
26:24That can't be good, can it?
26:25I'll have a squirt.
26:27Oh, will you ever?
26:31Oh, my God.
26:32Oh, no.
26:33I would be howling, brother.
26:35I would be howling by now.
26:37Oh, God.
26:38I don't think Harry Houdini could escape these eyes.
26:41The great escape artist.
26:43So that's a great line.
26:44I mean, it's a bit dated, but...
26:47Oh, I think that's just the gas.
26:51That was like...
26:52Oh!
26:52Sorry.
26:53Sorry, David.
26:54Sorry, David.
26:55Sorry.
26:55Oh, no.
26:56I can't make it stop.
26:56Sorry.
26:57Don't make it sexual.
26:58No, no, no.
26:59Whatever you do.
27:00Oh, David.
27:04Has it at all got in my beard?
27:07Just a smidgen.
27:09This is so wrong.
27:11What are we watching?
27:13Ever seen a little flick, Lady in the Trap?
27:16Oh.
27:17I think you'd have to take control of one end.
27:19Yeah, yeah.
27:19OK.
27:25Oh, my God!
27:32My mouth isn't big enough.
27:34There's always room for more.
27:35Jelly.
27:36Oh, a bit of jelly.
27:37Could some not even a flicker.
27:40Right.
27:41There we go.
27:41Mmm.
27:43You've got to savour it.
27:44Does it taste funny?
27:45It doesn't ever.
27:46Why aren't you laughing, then?
27:48David, you need to have some of this jelly.
27:50It is so good.
27:51OK.
27:51We need a really nice big bit.
27:53There we go.
27:53Here it comes.
27:54Here comes the aeroplane.
27:56Oh, with circle in the runway.
27:58Oh, here we go.
27:59Uh-oh.
28:00Turbulence.
28:00We've got to stay in there.
28:01This is like CCTV footage of a nursing home.
28:09Banana?
28:11You think so?
28:12Yeah, OK.
28:14They say they're easier to peel from the counterintuitive end.
28:17I read that in the trades.
28:21That lean-in could have been amusing many hours ago.
28:23Yes.
28:24But now that part of me has died.
28:26It's gone.
28:29Can I tell you this?
28:30One minute to go.
28:34Eat it.
28:37Eat it.
28:37Eat it.
28:38Eat it.
28:38Eat it.
28:39Eat it.
28:39Eat it.
28:44Mmm.
28:45Is it banana-y?
28:46It's really good.
28:47Mm-hmm.
28:48Maybe the potassium.
28:51If you like me.
28:53Oh, yeah, I do like you.
28:54Yes.
28:56I don't want that.
28:57Because I really like you.
28:59What do?
29:00It's starting to become something of a fascination.
29:03LAUGHTER
29:06You want chips?
29:07No, we probably shouldn't have had dessert before the year.
29:09Well, yeah, as a savoury pudding.
29:10Yeah, of course.
29:11They're stone cold.
29:12Go on.
29:15You can't like that.
29:18OK, we're going to count down.
29:20You have ten seconds remaining.
29:22Ten.
29:23OK, quick.
29:24Nine.
29:25Oh, my days.
29:27Eight.
29:27David.
29:29Seven.
29:31Six.
29:32Six.
29:32This has been such a nice experience.
29:35Five.
29:35Chip.
29:37Four.
29:37How's this chip?
29:39Three.
29:40Two.
29:41I've been blowing out hard for the revolution.
29:44One.
29:45Two.
29:47Two.
29:48Two.
29:50Two.
29:53Wow.
29:55Amazing.
29:55That's incredible.
30:01OK, it goes to the tiebreaker.
30:04Ooh.
30:05What happened?
30:06Whoever's caused the most cards is the winner.
30:08The most laughs.
30:10Who's caused the most laughs?
30:12Is it Sam or Dave?
30:13OK.
30:14It's come down to this.
30:16A tiebreak.
30:17Doors.
30:20Hey, Jimmy.
30:21Gentlemen, if you'd like to join me on the stage.
30:25Thanks very much.
30:26You've both played an incredible game.
30:30One of you will be declared the winner of Last One Laughing.
30:35And I can tell you the person that caused the most laughs today...
30:41Is...
30:43Whoa, Sam!
30:46Oh!
30:49He's gone right red.
30:54Sorry, I was just Chadwick-ing.
31:02David Mitchell.
31:05Thank you very much.
31:12We have a winner!
31:14Aww!
31:15Well done!
31:16Yes, well deserved.
31:18And congratulations.
31:19Let me kiss you on your shoulder.
31:22Aww!
31:23He's so sweet!
31:25Now, how do you gents feel?
31:27That was quite insane.
31:29Because I think we disappeared into a place where there was no laughter.
31:34I have to say, for all of the bleakness at the end, I am delighted to win.
31:38And I think that shows a want of character in me.
31:42But I was very pleased.
31:44What was the closest you came to laughing today?
31:46Um, Alan Carr.
31:47Just when I would check him out, sometimes he would really crack me up.
31:50Yeah, I came close quite a few times early.
31:54You were both absolutely unbreakable.
31:56I kept thinking this driver was telling me about we're going up in foster care.
32:00It was like really harrowing.
32:01And I've just been thinking about that to get to this place.
32:05Is David Mitchell a worthy winner? Absolutely.
32:07The guy is a pro.
32:09Roisin, come through with the others and the trophy.
32:12Oh, wow!
32:14Yay!
32:16I'm really pleased that David won.
32:18He did so much.
32:20And on the strength of his singing and dancing alone, I think he deserved it.
32:27Ah, here they are.
32:29So fun.
32:30I've had a lovely day, I loved it.
32:33Oh, my God!
32:34It went to the Mitch and I think he was very, very flipping solid all the way through.
32:41You're entertaining, you're making other people laugh, but you're solid yourself.
32:46Absolutely worthy of the trove.
32:49Well done.
32:51Thank you, everyone.
32:52He was funny.
32:53He was sharp.
32:55He was just really good entertainment.
32:57So I'm really pleased he won.
32:59Well done!
33:01That was Last One Laughing season two.
33:04David Mitchell is the winner.
33:06I mean, they're all winners.
33:07We've had a tremendous time.
33:08Yay!
33:11Rocky!
33:14David's a formidable force just because of his wit and his brain.
33:18Well done, David. Nice job.
33:19It was just a terrifically funny group of people.
33:24I was honoured to be in their company.
33:27To be chosen alongside them, it would just genuinely felt, oh, this is nice.
33:34That's our show, everyone.
33:36Thanks for watching. Good night.
34:28We'll see you next time.
34:33Bye.
34:33Bye.
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