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Have I Got News for You - Season 4 (US) - Episode 08: Ophira Eisenberg, Moshe Kasher
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00:22Welcome to Have I Got News For You.
00:25I'm Roy Wood Jr.
00:26In the news this week, RFK Jr.
00:30has more to say about what you're eating.
00:37Texas man loses big on Jeopardy.
00:40By the way, what kind of freak
00:43even knows Stalin's birthday?
00:45I don't know it, and I don't care to know it.
00:47Trump continues evading Epstein questions.
00:58On Amber's team tonight,
01:00he's a comedian, podcaster, and author
01:01who you can catch on this season of The Pit.
01:04I'm going to get him to check out this rash
01:06I got on my neck during the commercial break.
01:07It's Moshe Kasher.
01:13And joining Michael, she's a comedian, writer,
01:16and actress who hosts the podcast Parenting is a Joke.
01:19She's also Canadian.
01:21So that means she can get me a deal
01:24on some backbaking.
01:25It's Ophira Eisenberg.
01:27I got you. I got you.
01:29Now for the biggest stories of the week,
01:32let's play the feud.
01:33Everybody, watch the clip.
01:35Tell me, what is the story?
01:37That's the Italian flag.
01:39That's wet, man.
01:41Oh, straight up Hormuz.
01:42Oh, that's expensive.
01:43That's expensive.
01:44Yep.
01:45What's the story?
01:45We're living in hell?
01:47Uh, the story is the war in Iran.
01:50The administration is selling it,
01:52but is anybody buying it is the bigger question.
01:54Now, I think we can all agree that the best option
01:56is to not have a war,
01:59but as the great Slim Charles said on the wire,
02:01once you in it, you in it.
02:03Mm-hmm.
02:04So question to the American government,
02:07how's that timeline thing going?
02:09President Trump also telling Time magazine this week
02:12that, quote,
02:13I have no time limits on anything.
02:15President Trump told CBS News, quote,
02:17I think the war is very complete, pretty much.
02:19We won.
02:20We won the best.
02:20In the first hour, it was over.
02:22When it's over.
02:23And I don't think it's gonna be long.
02:25When are you gonna know when it's over?
02:26When I feel it.
02:28Okay.
02:28I feel it in my bones.
02:29It seems as though we've moved away from weeks
02:31and just onto vibes.
02:32It is.
02:33War is vibes.
02:34Everybody knows that famous quote.
02:36Is that also from the wire?
02:37No, that's not from the wire.
02:38That's...
02:39So now, the administration says
02:41that there's only one person
02:42that's in charge of calling the shots on this war.
02:44Who is that person?
02:45Netanyahu.
02:47The ghost of Jeffrey Epstein.
02:52If he's dead.
02:53If he's dead.
02:54The person that's making the decisions
02:56is actually the exact person
02:58you wish it wasn't.
02:59The president has set
03:00a very specific mission to accomplish.
03:02And so it's not for me to posit
03:04whether it's the beginning,
03:05the middle, or the end.
03:06I love wet man.
03:07That man just...
03:08It's so drenched at all times.
03:12Is he doing drugs
03:13and it's just making him a juicy boy?
03:16Every day...
03:18I love wet man.
03:20I'll tell you what,
03:21when I watch him speak,
03:22I turn into a juicy boy as well.
03:25Are you saying
03:26that our Secretary of War
03:28does like 40 burpees
03:29before every press conference
03:30and it just comes out
03:31just...
03:32I'm ready.
03:33And then he shadowboxes
03:34and does a lot of like,
03:35you are a defense secretary.
03:38You are.
03:41How are Republicans as a whole
03:43feeling about the war, gang?
03:45Nobody wants this war.
03:47Well, except...
03:48Netanyahu.
03:49Yeah, that's right.
03:50Nobody's into it.
03:51Nobody.
03:51The Republicans are gone.
03:53The Democrats are never there.
03:54Who is this for?
03:55According to White House
03:55Press Secretary Caroline Levitt,
03:57quote,
03:58Republicans are unanimously
03:59supportive of President Trump's
04:01bold decision
04:02to launch combat operations.
04:05Ah, yes.
04:06The only thing Republicans
04:07are unanimous about
04:08is that they hate taxes
04:10and they hate good haircuts.
04:12LAUGHTER
04:13LAUGHTER
04:14Is it true that the Republicans
04:16are unanimous
04:17in supporting this war?
04:18is what Caroline Levitt's saying?
04:20Is that the right thing?
04:20Well, she's always told the truth.
04:22That's right.
04:22Yeah, she's...
04:23I haven't seen a lot of Republicans
04:25coming out like full-throated.
04:27I should rephrase that.
04:27I haven't seen a lot of Republicans.
04:29LAUGHTER
04:29One Republican that has been coming out,
04:32um, in full support...
04:34Yes!
04:35LAUGHTER
04:35Is, uh, South Carolina
04:37Senator Lindsey Graham.
04:39What do you mean
04:39you ain't got no more mint and juleps?
04:41What do you mean?
04:42LAUGHTER
04:42Lindsey Graham has been salivating
04:44for war with Iran for years
04:45and now that it's happening,
04:47oh, boy, he's happy
04:48and he's got no time
04:49for people who disagree with him.
04:51So we have a Commander-in-Chief
04:53in President Trump
04:53who I think is Ronald Reagan
04:55plus, plus, plus.
04:56If President Trump
04:57had not done this,
04:59they could have had
05:00a nuclear capability
05:01within months,
05:02weeks, not months.
05:03To all those who don't believe that,
05:05you're stupid.
05:06You're a fool.
05:07He's just like the president
05:09who had Alzheimer's
05:10plus, plus, plus.
05:12LAUGHTER
05:14LAUGHTER
05:14What is President Trump
05:15now calling
05:17the military action in Iran?
05:19It's a rondelay.
05:21LAUGHTER
05:21Is it a jaunt with missiles?
05:24LAUGHTER
05:24That's a pretty solid guess.
05:27I think I do know.
05:28Is it an excursion?
05:30LAUGHTER
05:30Ah!
05:32It's just a little excursion, baby.
05:35Just a few missiles, baby.
05:36Why are you tripping?
05:37And the president makes it
05:38perfectly clear
05:39that he has his priorities
05:41in order.
05:42We did a little excursion.
05:43We had to take this little
05:44couple of weeks,
05:45few weeks of excursion,
05:48but it's been incredible.
05:49Our military is unbelievable,
05:51the job they're doing.
05:52So we had to take an excursion,
05:54but it's doing well.
05:56The market's holding up well.
05:57You just said
05:58it is a little excursion
06:00and you said it is a war.
06:02So which one is it?
06:03Well, it's both.
06:04Did you see
06:05how many times
06:06he circled back
06:07to say excursion?
06:08He's really trying
06:09to get it to take it.
06:10Loves that word.
06:11Well, when you're
06:12going through
06:12late-stage dementia,
06:13certain things get stuck
06:14in your brain
06:15on a, like, loop...
06:16I'm sorry, did I...
06:17I'm sorry,
06:17I didn't mean
06:17to offend anyone here.
06:19Our audience
06:20all has late-stage dementia.
06:23LAUGHTER
06:24The Merriam-Webster
06:25definition of excursion,
06:27a usually brief
06:30pleasure trip.
06:31Oh, my God.
06:32Oh, my God.
06:34Where's the pleasure
06:35part of this excursion?
06:36You didn't see
06:37Lindsey Graham
06:38in that talking head.
06:39He seemed like
06:39he's having
06:40extreme pleasure right now.
06:42But it's also, like,
06:44whatever, improv, right?
06:45Yes and?
06:45He just yes ands them
06:46in this grand circle.
06:48It's like,
06:49well, thank you.
06:50It is both.
06:51You are brill...
06:52Oh, yeah,
06:52excursion and a war.
06:54That's it.
06:55How is the war
06:56actually going?
06:57No matter how much
06:58we bombed them,
06:59Iran has control
07:00of a very, very
07:02important piece
07:03of geography
07:04within the region.
07:05What are they
07:06in control of over?
07:07The Hard Rock Café Tehran.
07:09LAUGHTER
07:11LAUGHTER
07:12What piece of geography
07:14is Iran in control of?
07:16The Strait of Hormuz.
07:17The dire Straits of Hormuz.
07:19It is the Strait of Hormuz
07:21scene there,
07:21trying to just put the tip in.
07:23LAUGHTER
07:24Roy.
07:25Roy.
07:27We have to look at it.
07:28Put the picture back up.
07:29It looked like
07:30it's throwing it back.
07:31No, you want me to say that?
07:32LAUGHTER
07:32The Strait is one
07:34of the most important
07:35energy choke points.
07:37One-fifth of all crude oil
07:39flows through there.
07:39That's why M.G. Graham likes it.
07:40It's a choke point.
07:41Now I get it.
07:43LAUGHTER
07:44LAUGHTER
07:44Here's the spokesman
07:45for Iran's military command.
07:47We will never allow
07:48even a single liter of oil
07:50to pass through
07:50the Strait of Hormuz
07:51for the benefit
07:52of the United States,
07:54the Zionists,
07:55or their partners.
07:56I did not think
07:57he sounded like that.
07:57That's crazy.
07:59LAUGHTER
07:59How is it,
08:01after all this time,
08:02there's still just one path,
08:04the most important path
08:05of resources in the world,
08:07and no one's like,
08:08you know,
08:08you can just go that way.
08:09Like, there's just one path.
08:11There is another road,
08:13the gay of Hormuz,
08:14but it's much...
08:16LAUGHTER
08:16LAUGHTER
08:17You like that?
08:18It's much more complicated.
08:20What else did Iran
08:21reportedly do
08:22to the Strait of Hormuz
08:23that made headlines?
08:24Oh, they're mining
08:25the shit out of it right now.
08:26On Tuesday,
08:27it was reported
08:28that Iran was laying mines
08:29in the Strait.
08:31Trump was quick
08:32to address this news,
08:33uh, posting on,
08:35uh, Truth Social,
08:36quote,
08:37if Iran has put out
08:38any mines in the Strait
08:39of Hormuz,
08:40we want them removed
08:42immediately.
08:43If for any reason
08:44mines were placed
08:45and they were not removed
08:46forthwith,
08:47the military consequences
08:49to Iran
08:49will be at a level
08:50never seen before.
08:52Oh, shit,
08:53new-new Trump truth
08:54just dropped.
08:56LAUGHTER
08:57General, general!
08:58Ebrahim,
08:59pick up the mines!
09:00We gotta do
09:01a forthwith!
09:03LAUGHTER
09:05LAUGHTER
09:05APPLAUSE
09:06Between Iranian mines
09:07and American strikes,
09:08the Strait has become
09:09extremely dangerous
09:10and is now described
09:11as Death Valley.
09:13Knowing all of this,
09:14the president says
09:15the Strait of Hormuz
09:16is open for business.
09:18Uh, he spoke to reporters
09:19at the White House
09:20on Wednesday,
09:20but before we get
09:21to what he said,
09:23please check out
09:23this photo
09:24from the impromptu
09:25press briefing.
09:26Whoa.
09:27Yeah, there's a
09:28honey-baked president
09:29right there, boy.
09:31LAUGHTER
09:31LAUGHTER
09:32The makeup is shrieking
09:33from his eye.
09:34You see that?
09:35He sweats so much,
09:36all of a sudden,
09:37he's like,
09:37it's me, Jeffrey Epstein!
09:40LAUGHTER
09:40LAUGHTER
09:41Here's Trump's advice
09:42for ships
09:42in the Strait of Hormuz.
09:44Are you talking to CEOs
09:45of various oil companies
09:47encouraging them
09:49to use a straight-up
09:50Hormuz right now?
09:50Yeah, I think they should.
09:52I think they should.
09:53I think they should use...
09:54What? What's going on?
09:55Yeah, what could happen?
09:56Go ahead.
09:56Why not?
09:58It's going like this.
09:59Iran repeatedly attacking
10:01the flow of Middle East oil,
10:02at least six ships targeted
10:04in the last 24 hours.
10:05Overnight, two oil tankers
10:07hit off southern Iraq.
10:08Videos circulating online
10:09showing one of them ablaze.
10:11President Trump
10:11still sounding optimistic,
10:13claiming the vital
10:15Strait of Hormuz
10:16is in, quote,
10:16great shape.
10:17Yes, that shape
10:18is a mushroom cloud.
10:21LAUGHTER
10:23LAUGHTER
10:24Now, obviously,
10:25the violence and uncertainty
10:26is impacting gas prices,
10:28which have risen 65 cents
10:29a gallon nationwide.
10:31Panel, how high
10:32do you think gas prices
10:34are going to go
10:35before it's all over?
10:36Seven dollars.
10:37I live in California.
10:38It is seven dollars now.
10:40Oh, no, that's right.
10:41Yeah, that's why
10:42I drive a zero-guilt vehicle,
10:45a Tesla.
10:45But, um...
10:48No, I'm kidding.
10:49I drive an oil tanker.
10:50Like, I said...
10:52They groaned like
10:53a paternity test episode.
10:55Like, you...
10:56The bad dad
10:57that came out.
10:59Right now,
11:00oil costs about
11:00$100 a barrel,
11:02but Iran says
11:03we need to get ready
11:04for oil to cost
11:07$200 a barrel.
11:09So, here's Energy Secretary
11:11Chris Wright
11:11with a response.
11:12Do you agree
11:13that people need
11:14to be prepared for that?
11:17We're going through
11:18short-term energy disruption
11:20for just huge
11:21long-term gain.
11:22You're seeing
11:23Iran's behavior.
11:24Could that hit
11:25every country in the region?
11:26mean $200 a barrel?
11:30Um, I...
11:31I would say unlikely.
11:33I...
11:34I...
11:36That means yes.
11:37It's going up
11:37to $200 a barrel.
11:38I love it when people
11:39pretend there's a delay.
11:41You know?
11:42I mean, there was a delay.
11:44It was in his brain.
11:46No, anytime anybody
11:47in this administration
11:48starts stuttering,
11:49you know you're on
11:50to some sort of
11:50essential truth.
11:52Yeah, well,
11:52it's going to be
11:52$200 a barrel.
11:54It is,
11:55and that's when
11:55we're going to stop the war,
11:56when it gets too expensive
11:57for them to continue
11:58to perpetuate this lie
12:00that this is somehow
12:00for our safety.
12:02Nobody's buying that.
12:03How do you stop it?
12:05Like, once you've started,
12:07how do you stop it?
12:08Kate, I'm going to say
12:09something controversial here.
12:11This is, uh,
12:12the best part
12:14about Donald Trump
12:15being the president.
12:16He can just be like,
12:17Daddy's done, baby!
12:19Like, he can just pull out
12:20anytime he wants.
12:21Oh, yeah.
12:22But I do think
12:24that his essential instability
12:26is the off-ramp.
12:27His madness
12:28is the off-ramp
12:29that he needs.
12:30Another leader
12:31would double
12:32and triple down.
12:33I think he's going to just go,
12:34oh, we're done.
12:35Mission accomplished.
12:36Everything's happened.
12:37But, I mean,
12:38do you think Iran stops
12:39when Trump stops?
12:40Do you think Israel
12:41stops when Trump stops?
12:42Do you think Bahrain stops?
12:44And do you think Lebanon stops?
12:45And do you think
12:45the Houthis in Yemen stop
12:47and Russians stop
12:48and all the rest of it?
12:49You brought in the Houthis?
12:50I had to.
12:51I love saying Houthis.
12:54Listen, I haven't, um,
12:55game-theoried out
12:56this entire thing
12:57that I just said.
12:58Neither has Trump.
13:00Fair enough.
13:01But I do,
13:02I think everybody
13:02wants a way out.
13:03And in war, right,
13:04you're looking for an off-ramp,
13:05and I think there is
13:06no off-ramp
13:07because there was never
13:07an on-ramp.
13:08This is all the most incoherent,
13:10all war is incoherent,
13:11and this is the most
13:11incoherent one
13:12that I've ever seen.
13:14And as we know,
13:15day one,
13:16they killed Khomeini, right?
13:17And as we know,
13:18as comedians,
13:19you don't start
13:20with your closer
13:20or you're gonna bomb.
13:23With oil prices,
13:25uh, $100 and climbing,
13:27uh, what's the administration
13:28going to do
13:29to alleviate
13:30this pain at the pump?
13:32They're gonna release
13:32sanctions on Russia,
13:34and they're gonna,
13:34they're gonna empty
13:35the, uh, strategic
13:36petroleum reserves,
13:37which are already
13:38half empty.
13:39Yeah, they're half empty.
13:39It's the same person
13:40that was supposed to do
13:41that, that never fills
13:42the Brita in the fridge.
13:45I feel like you're
13:46bringing a battle
13:47from your home
13:48on a business show.
13:48I have a problem
13:49with that,
13:50but they were supposed
13:51to be filled.
13:51Look, are they
13:52half empty
13:53or are they half full?
13:54I love it.
13:54That's a good point.
13:55I love it.
13:55Uh, the administration
13:56has made it easier
13:58for Russia
13:58to sell their oil,
14:00Michael,
14:01issuing a 30-day waiver
14:02that lets countries
14:04buy the Russian oil
14:06that is already at sea.
14:07Why is it particularly
14:09weird
14:09that we're helping Russia
14:12make a profit
14:13off of this war?
14:13Aren't they sharing
14:14strategic military intel
14:16with Iran?
14:18Points.
14:20Yes.
14:21The Washington Post
14:23reported that Russia
14:23is providing intelligence
14:25to Iran
14:25to help them target
14:27U.S. forces,
14:29uh, in the region.
14:30Our administration
14:31has a lot of things,
14:32but are they mad at Putin?
14:33Not really.
14:35Do we think
14:36that the Russians
14:36have shared, uh,
14:38intelligence
14:38about the location
14:39of U.S. military assets?
14:41And if they have,
14:42why would we be giving,
14:43uh, waivers
14:44on Russian oil sanctions?
14:48Well, I'm not
14:49an intel officer,
14:51um, so I can't tell you.
14:52I can tell you that
14:54yesterday on the call
14:55with the president,
14:56uh, the Russians said
14:57that they have not
14:58been sharing.
14:59That's-that's what they said.
15:00So, you know,
15:01uh, we can-we can take
15:02them at their word.
15:04Putin said it.
15:05I believe it.
15:05That settles it.
15:07This-this whole thing
15:08is a mess.
15:09Yeah.
15:09But at least we're
15:10over there in the region
15:12for a good reason.
15:13Question to the panel.
15:14What's the reason?
15:15You remember
15:16when he went to Congress
15:17and said,
15:17this is why we have
15:18to have this war
15:19with Iran?
15:19Yeah, and he asked
15:20for permission.
15:21Yes, yes, yes.
15:22And he received
15:22that permission, right?
15:24Oh, yeah.
15:24They voted and they gave him-
15:25He wouldn't have launched
15:25this war if he didn't
15:26have congressional approval,
15:27obviously.
15:27Yeah, there was,
15:28like, a vote and-
15:29Yeah, there.
15:29Yeah, okay.
15:30And then the entire
15:31world community
15:32came together and said,
15:33we also support this.
15:34We'll go-
15:35Okay, all right.
15:35Okay, so this war
15:36started because of a dare?
15:40Caroline Levitt
15:41said it a lot better.
15:42The president said
15:43yesterday for the first time
15:44that he had to strike Iran
15:45because he believes
15:47that Iran was going
15:48to strike U.S. targets
15:49within seven days.
15:50Where is he getting that?
15:51This was a feeling
15:52the president had
15:53based on facts.
15:56Vibes, baby.
15:57I told you,
15:58war is vibes.
15:59If this is feelings
16:01based on facts,
16:02question to the panel.
16:04Where did Trump
16:05get his facts?
16:06From his feelings.
16:08Sort of a circle.
16:09The feelings bring the facts,
16:11the facts bring the feelings,
16:13the feelings,
16:14the facts, war.
16:15The president went to war
16:16with a little help
16:17from his friends.
16:18The situation
16:19was very quickly approaching.
16:21The point of no return
16:22in the United States
16:24found it intolerable,
16:26in my opinion,
16:27based on what
16:28Steve and Jared
16:29and Pete
16:31and others were telling me,
16:32Marco, so involved,
16:34that I thought
16:35that they were going
16:35to attack us.
16:36See?
16:37He talked to his people.
16:38Steve and Tommy
16:39and Jim and them.
16:41Ronnie, Bobby,
16:42Ricky and Mike.
16:45I'm going to bomb Iran.
16:46Who cares who you like?
16:49That's a joke
16:50for four black people
16:51and Moshe.
16:52Yes.
16:55Jared Kushner
16:56and Steve Witkoff
16:57were the guys
16:57in charge of the Iran negotiations
16:59in Geneva last month.
17:00They did a great job,
17:01didn't they?
17:01How about a hand
17:02for Jared and Steve,
17:03everybody,
17:04keeping us out of war.
17:05Good job, guys.
17:06To be fair, Michael,
17:07they're real estate guys.
17:09Okay?
17:10They did the best they could.
17:12They really did.
17:13It was reported on Monday
17:14that even though
17:15nuclear experts
17:17questioned the extent
17:18to which they understood
17:20the technical details
17:21of enrichment programs,
17:24Witkoff and Kushner
17:25still did not bring
17:27any technical experts
17:28from the U.S.
17:29to sit in
17:30on their talks
17:31with Iran.
17:31This is what I'm saying.
17:33They used to pretend
17:34they used to do theater.
17:35They'd bring
17:36the nuclear expert
17:37knowing we're going
17:37to war with them
17:38no matter what happens
17:39and bring on the scientists.
17:40What do you think?
17:40Oh, he says
17:41that they were doing it.
17:42We've got a reason.
17:43The theater's done.
17:44You remember when
17:44George W. Bush
17:45trotted Colin Powell
17:47out to the U.N.
17:48with all his lies
17:48and the pictures
17:49and the missiles
17:50and the things
17:51and then all of us
17:52were like,
17:52oh, Colin Powell,
17:53he wouldn't lie to us.
17:57That was theater.
17:58We're kind of post-theater.
18:00I miss theater.
18:01Me too.
18:02And the fact
18:03that they gave
18:03Colin Powell
18:04a Tony Award for that,
18:05I thought was just great.
18:07It was a good performance
18:09to be honest.
18:10Cats was robbed.
18:24Welcome back.
18:26It's time for the
18:26offendo-meter.
18:27Teams have to tell us
18:28who's the offender,
18:29what they did,
18:30and who they offended.
18:31Put an offender
18:32on the screen, please.
18:34Teams,
18:35who is this offender
18:37staring into your soul?
18:39Lex Luthor.
18:41He's offended
18:42because you shut
18:43your blinds
18:44and he was looking
18:45in there.
18:47That's Judge
18:49Boesburg, I believe.
18:50Yes, it is.
18:51That is U.S.
18:52District Court Judge
18:55James Boesburg.
18:57He does look like
18:58a Boesburg, doesn't he?
19:00Boesburg offended
19:01U.S. attorney
19:02and unofficial brand ambassador
19:03for box wine,
19:04Judge Jeanine Perrault.
19:06He looks fine.
19:10How did Judge
19:11offend Jeanine?
19:13They were trying
19:14to prosecute
19:15Jerome Powell,
19:16who's the head
19:17of the Fed,
19:18and they were trying
19:18to indict him.
19:19I know this one.
19:20They're accusing him
19:21of fleecing
19:22the remodel
19:24of the Federal Reserve
19:25buildings
19:26and padding
19:27their profits
19:28or pimping their rides,
19:29as it were.
19:30Judge Boesburg
19:31offended Jeanine Perrault
19:32by blocking
19:33her subpoenas
19:33against Federal Reserve
19:35Chair Jerome Powell.
19:37Um, technically,
19:38the whole subpoena
19:39had a lot to do
19:40with building renovations,
19:41but if you ask
19:42Ms. Perrault to explain...
19:44I'll deal
19:45with the devil.
19:47I'll take a case
19:48from the devil
19:49if you can give me
19:51information
19:52that will lead me
19:54to possibly
19:56find a crime.
19:57You just know
19:58she'd be so fun
20:00to get shit-faced with.
20:01Oh, yeah.
20:02It would be
20:02a good night out.
20:03It'd be so fun.
20:04Here's Powell
20:05at a congressional hearing
20:06on the renovations
20:07last summer.
20:07We took down
20:08the old marble.
20:09We're putting it back up.
20:10We'll have to use
20:11new marble
20:11where some of the
20:12old marble broke,
20:13but there's no new...
20:14There are no special elevators.
20:16There's just...
20:16There are old elevators
20:17that have been there.
20:18There are no new
20:19water features.
20:21Water features?
20:22There's no water features?
20:23Oh, no, Ophira.
20:25I'm sorry.
20:27Since 2022,
20:28the Fed has been
20:29renovating
20:29two historic buildings
20:30in D.C.
20:31The buildings
20:31are almost 100 years old,
20:33so that means
20:33there's a lot of work
20:35to do to the buildings,
20:36like making things
20:38ADA compliant
20:39and removing asbestos
20:41and lead.
20:42But the White House
20:43says the whole thing
20:44is too expensive
20:45and extravagant
20:46and a boondoggle
20:47with Trump's
20:48deputy chief of staff,
20:49James Blair,
20:50even calling the project
20:52the Taj Mahal
20:53on the National Mall.
20:55Yeah, I mean,
20:56it's not like
20:56they're making a ballroom.
20:59Are the renovations
21:00too extravagant?
21:01It's ADA compliance
21:02and asbestos and lead.
21:04Those are like
21:04three things
21:05Trump don't like.
21:06He's like,
21:07there is no such thing
21:08as disability,
21:09asbestos makes you stronger,
21:10and lead is a good beverage.
21:11Like, they're...
21:13Of course they're upset about it.
21:14They're the deregulation kings.
21:16Well, as of last year,
21:18the project is running
21:19about $700 million
21:21over budget,
21:22but according to Jerome Powell,
21:24that's just what fixing
21:26an old building like that costs.
21:28Janine Pirro's subpoena
21:30say that Jerome lied
21:31in his testimony,
21:32but Judge Bozberg
21:33did not agree with Janine.
21:36What's the real reason
21:38people think Ms. Pirro
21:40subpoenaed Mr. Powell?
21:41Trump keeps wanting him
21:42to cut the interest rates,
21:44and Powell keeps saying,
21:45eh, maybe not right now,
21:47and then that's why
21:48he went after him.
21:48And so then Pirro
21:49is then sent out
21:51like a legal hit person.
21:53Yep.
21:54Okay.
21:54Here's Jerome
21:55when he was first subpoenaed
21:56back in January.
21:57The threat of criminal charges
21:59is a consequence
22:00of the Federal Reserve
22:01setting interest rates
22:02based on our best assessment
22:04of what will serve the public
22:05rather than following
22:07the preferences of the president.
22:09None of this is really
22:10about the renovations.
22:11In his ruling,
22:12the judge wrote,
22:12quote,
22:13there is abundant evidence
22:14that the subpoena's
22:15dominant, if not sole,
22:17purpose is to harass
22:18and pressure Powell
22:19either to yield
22:20to the president
22:21or to resign
22:22and make way
22:23for a Fed chair
22:24who will.
22:24He also added,
22:25the government
22:26has offered
22:27no evidence
22:27whatsoever
22:28that Powell
22:29committed any crime
22:30other than
22:31displeasing
22:32the president.
22:34Oh.
22:34Don't displease
22:35the king.
22:37What do we think
22:38Judge Pirro
22:39had to say
22:39about the judge's ruling?
22:41She probably said,
22:41She, I guess,
22:42Ms.
22:43You know?
22:43I don't even want
22:44I want to
22:45make this happen.
22:46It's not that bad.
22:47It's not that bad.
22:48It's not that bad.
22:49It's not that bad.
22:52It's not that bad.
22:53I guess that.
22:55Yes.
22:57It's not that bad.
22:59Yeah.
23:02Point!
23:05Watch this.
23:05he has neutered the grand jury's ability to investigate crime as a result
23:13Jerome Powell today is now bathed in immunity in immunity yeah in immunity
23:22while bathed in Botox or so yes no matter what happens with Powell Janine
23:29Pirro is gonna be the one who really gets the last word I'll tell you what's
23:32historic what's historic is that I prosecute everything other than ten
23:36percent of the cases where the United States Attorney before me didn't
23:40prosecute 67% of the cases that's what's historic I'm willing to take a not
23:46guilty I'm willing to take a no true bill because I'll take all the crimes and put
23:52them in thank you she definitely does have arrested by airport security at a
23:58bar vibe you want to go out with her no you'll never go back to that bar again
24:05but you will have a story for the rest of your life yeah I feel like she has that
24:11moment of like it's 1 a.m. you want to go to the yacht you're like there's a yacht
24:15you don't like that is Janine up to something more she's performing and her
24:23performing like that has done her a lot of good it got her where she is today the
24:27latter she is personally the more fun I have I feel like I know where he's going
24:32with this and I like it last week Kristi Noem out on her ear people were
24:37speculating about who's next the name Pam Bondi keeps coming up what's Pam
24:41Bonnie the attorney general of the United States you don't think judge
24:45Janine is looking at Pam Bonnie and going I could do that better than you can
24:48do that judge Janine is being very emphatic about this issue and the
24:54reason why CNN's Casey Hunt has a theory there's been some conversation around
24:59whether Janine Pirro is potentially a future replacement for Pam Bondi if the
25:03administration is unhappy with her what do you plan on focusing on with the
25:10current attorney general well first I mean that I've heard that same rumor that
25:18would be a complete disaster I mean I'm not sure you get worse than Pam Bondi but
25:22that that might be it right there
25:27it's just you mean worse than Pam Bundy for comedy no yeah I have never watched Pam
25:34Bondi speak for any real length you know just other than clips let that ho get in
25:40there I will watch every book
25:44that was offended meter we'll be right back
25:58welcome back it is time for like curious teens I'll give you three biographical details about a
26:05public figure but only one is true you have to guess which is the truth and
26:09which are sort grubby lies time for three facts about Trump's pick for
26:14Homeland Security secretary and third smartest Mark Wayne in his class Mark
26:18Wayne Mullin our facts about Mark Wayne are he builds birdhouses in his free time he
26:26hosts a podcast where he breaks down Reacher episode he wants owned a plumbing
26:32company birdhouses all right I don't think he builds a birdhouse I don't think he likes
26:37birds so do you think he owned a plumbing company I think he owned a plumbing company
26:41yes I do all right we're gonna go with plumbing company he hosted Jack Reacher podcast that just
26:46fills me with joy I love the idea it's like what's up this is Mark Wayne I'm the head of
26:50Homeland
26:50Security today's episode is brought to you by me undies
26:58Mark Wayne Mullin once owned a plumbing company
27:04after high school Mark Wayne took over his family's plumbing business and with his level of animal
27:10magnetism obviously he had to be the face of it hi I'm Mark Wayne Mullin with mullin plumbing at the
27:16red ridder do you have a stool that just doesn't flush right a lot of times that's due to the
27:21water level in the
27:21tank that needs to be adjusted it needs to be about a half inch below the Douglas valve or to
27:26worse clearly Mark says water line politics aside I trust somebody who talks that fast
27:33to fix shit in my house I've never heard a plumber describe a stubborn stool in their promotional
27:40material you have a big fat stool that you just can't get to flush it breaks in half but it
27:44kind
27:44of goes on to the side and then you got to pee it off and then it just won't go
27:48Mark Wayne
27:49he am I time for three facts about journalists and the lady who designs the Incredibles costumes
27:58Christiane Amanpour our facts about this fine respected journalists are she was former housemates
28:07with JFK Jr she rollerblades to work she has seen Fleetwood Mac in concert over 150 times
28:16which one is the truth I'm going to say it's number three seen Fleetwood Mac 100 percent yeah
28:21why would JFK Jr have housemates that doesn't make any sense right he's like I'm renting out a two
28:26bedroom it's rough for the Kennedys these days Christiane if you pay a little more you could have the bigger
28:35bedroom it's got to be three all right we're going to Fleetwood Mac also well now they said three so
28:42now I want to go
28:43to two quick copy if you're saying two we're going three we're going two correct no we're going one
28:51Christiane Amanpour was former housemates with JFK Jr
29:00Amanpour is the chief international news anchor for CNN so she can probably afford her own house now
29:07but back in the day in college she needed a roommate here she explains I spend two of my years
29:15at
29:15university sharing a house with him probably to this day nobody really believes that John Kennedy
29:20cleaned his own toilets he did I'm here to tell you are you not like JFK Jr and can't clean
29:26your own
29:26stools come on down Mark Wayne Mullins red roto rooters does anyone know why JFK Jr is in the news
29:36this
29:36week did he come back there's a show about him and his grand love bonus points you know the love
29:43yeah the blonde lady mm-hmm the blonde lady Nancy Grace herself people are talking about JFK Jr because
29:52of the Ryan Murphy show love story which details the relationship between Kennedy's son and his wife
29:58Carolyn Bissette and one person definitely does not like the show oh is it the um the weird guy that
30:06says we can't take Tylenol it's actress Daryl Hannah what I knew it yes earlier this month Hannah wrote a
30:13piece in the New York Times about how furious she was about how she was portrayed in the show apparently
30:21it was bad enough that Hannah felt the need to say this I have never used cocaine in my life
30:27or hosted
30:28cocaine-fueled parties I have never pressured anyone into marriage I have never desecrated
30:33any family heirloom or intruded upon anyone's private memorial wow you're gonna talk shit about
30:40America's mermaid do you prefer mermaid era Daryl Hannah I'm more of a Kill Bill era
30:48wait a minute that's Uma Thurman
30:52no she said she plugged her eye out was in another oh this has been like curious more after the
31:02break
31:13welcome back it is time for meet in the middle where we find common ground between two different
31:19people who would never be caught hanging out all right on one side we have Suzy Wiles Jason Kelsey
31:25Sean Penn and Ken Paxton and on the other side there's Benny Blanco Paul McCartney Timothy
31:32Chalamet and Paul Thomas Anderson wow the game is afoot which two of these people have notoriously
31:40dirty feet well we all saw oh I guess we didn't y'all Selena Gomez and Benny Blanco were doing
31:49a
31:49podcast Benny Blanco was like y'all always clowning me because you say my feet are gross she goes no
31:55they're not grabs his nasty foot no and puts both of her angelic lips on them and kisses it like
32:01this
32:03buddy you could have barfed your face off wow but they're in love and I think that's beautiful
32:09okay so Benny Blanco who's on the other side don't you think Sean Penn has the nastiest feet
32:14decades of a crude Malibu asphalt on his foot
32:20by the way either side of this is a dream blunt rotation
32:25I want to say Chalamet Chalamet his dirty feet right doesn't he his mom was the ballet dancer
32:31that's why he hates ballet that's why he hates ballet
32:35Chalamet and Penn Blanco and Penn Benny Penny
32:38it is Benny Blanco and Jason Kelsey
32:43footballer in 2024 Jason Kelsey made waves when he tweeted quote
32:47what kind of weirdo washes their feet
32:50now uh Benny Blanco didn't announce his foot washing habits but if you look really closely
32:55on his show Friends Keep Secrets you can tell what's going on with his foot
33:00let's just pretend that we're hanging out like we normally do you never even hang out
33:02I was gonna say that's the ball
33:04are we gonna have to pretend
33:06his feet are like Trump's hands
33:10either way it's gonna bring down his wiki feet score that's for sure
33:13um if you don't know what wiki feet is wiki feet is a website where people can rate the feet
33:19of
33:19various celebrities question to the panel who on this panel has the highest wiki feet score
33:27it's so obvious
33:28mine is very low
33:30I know it's not mine I look like a hobbit
33:32like
33:33here are the scores
33:34Ophira Eisenberg
33:36your rating on wiki feet is 3.79 stars
33:39that seems pretty good
33:42Emma Ruffin
33:453.82 stars
33:48well that's from people who ain't seen these shits
33:51it is busted down there
33:52Michael Ian Black
33:554.84 stars
34:01but the wiki feet winner on this panel
34:04Moshe Kasher 4.17 stars
34:08congratulations to me
34:11I'm telling you it's hobbit like
34:14it's
34:14no
34:15no
34:15no
34:16no
34:17no
34:17no
34:20no
34:20no
34:20no
34:21no
34:22no
34:22no
34:23no
34:25I feel like Lindsey Graham at a Thunder Down Under concert
34:30all right next up we've got
34:33Jam Mams
34:35which two of these people dated Lilith Fair performers
34:40ooh
34:41I do know that Ken Paxson was with Ani DeFranco for a while
34:47it seems like it's got to be Sean Penn and Paul McCartney right
34:50sure
34:51okay
34:51Paul Thomas Anderson
34:52he could easily
34:53oh yeah
34:53that's a Lilith Fair guy right there
34:56totally
34:56Paul Thomas Anderson
34:57Sean Penn
34:58Sean Penn and Paul Thomas Anderson
35:01both dated Lilith Fair performers
35:04in addition to directing several of her music videos
35:07Paul Thomas Anderson was in a relationship with Fiona Apple
35:10Oh yeah
35:10and Sean Penn had a secret relationship with Jewel in the mid 90s
35:16whoa
35:16when she was living in her car and was looking for a little extra poetry money
35:22Miss Apple has said that her relationship with Paul Thomas Anderson was not healthy
35:27but she did credit him with helping her to quit drugs
35:32wow
35:32in an interview with the New Yorker
35:34Fiona Apple says she was inspired to quit drugs after quote
35:37one excruciating night with Paul at Quentin Tarantino's house
35:42explaining quote
35:43every addict should just get locked in a private movie theater with QT and PTA on coke
35:49and they'll never want to do it again
35:53I saw you on coke I was like I gotta put this shit down
35:59let's do beak freaks
36:00which two of these people both love bird watching
36:04oh
36:04well these two motherfuckers are birds
36:07look at this face
36:08Susie Wiles
36:08look at that face
36:09now you can't see who I'm pointing to but you knew exactly who I'm pointing to
36:14all right we know Chalamet doesn't like any of the fine arts
36:17no
36:18McCartney that sounds right
36:19McCartney yes
36:20we're going Paxton and McCartney
36:21what do you think
36:21you know we'll go the other direction
36:24yeah we say the other two people
36:25yep that's right
36:26White House Chief of Staff Susie Wiles and Paul McCartney are both bird watchers
36:32everyone's right it's the bird people
36:35it's like looking in a mirror
36:37well I love me you know so I like to watch me
36:41Paul has a lot of references to birds and songs of his
36:45and likes to go bird watching between shows when he's on tour
36:47does anyone want to guess what conservative politician
36:50Susie Wiles has gone birding with
36:52I know Dick Cheney likes to shoot people in the face when he goes birding
36:56right
36:56and Matt Gaetz likes to look at younger birds
36:59right
37:02point
37:08it's former Florida rep Matt Gaetz
37:12they said that the two spent time together watching the herons and the wood ducks and the woodpeckers
37:18and that's probably not the only reason Matt Gaetz owns binoculars
37:22yes
37:23the cool part is there's no age of consent in the wild
37:29we didn't get to ken paxton and timothy chalamet but they're both desperate for votes and they're both flirting with
37:34your mom more after the break
37:45welcome back
37:46it's time for which is higher
37:48I'll give you two unrelated numbers from the news
37:51you tell me
37:51which is higher
37:54Melania arrived on stream
37:56and earlier this week panel
37:57the controversial documentary is now available to watch at home via Amazon Prime
38:02which brings us to the question
38:04which is higher
38:06the domestic box office gross for Melania
38:09or
38:10the amount of cash
38:12Ivana Tromp received from Donald
38:14in their divorce
38:16oh
38:16oh wow
38:18both such small numbers
38:22Melania
38:23I want to say
38:24grossed a surprisingly high number
38:26I want to say Ivana
38:28I just want that
38:29anyways
38:29I'm pretty sure
38:31the Melania number is 16 million
38:34because it cost
38:3540 million to make
38:37and I remember laughing about that
38:42the domestic box office gross of Melania
38:4516.4 million dollars
38:48and the amount that Ivana got from Trump in their divorce
38:5214 million dollars
38:54so the domestic box office gross of Melania is higher
38:59wow
39:00that means Melania too
39:02is going to get green lit
39:03baby
39:05Ivana was able to parlay her marriage to Donald
39:07and some other paying gigs
39:09five years after they got divorced
39:11the two actually appeared in a commercial together
39:14here's the first part
39:15you really think this is the right thing for us to be doing
39:18Ivana
39:19what will people think
39:20let them talk
39:23Ivana
39:23Ivana
39:24Ivana
39:24it's wrong isn't it
39:26but it feels so right
39:28then it's a deal
39:29wow
39:30question to the panel
39:32what is that commercial about
39:34adult diapers
39:37it feels so right
39:41golf course cemeteries
39:45divorce lawyers
39:47here's the answer
39:48then it's a deal
39:49yes
39:49we eat our pizza the wrong way
39:51crust first
39:52introducing stuffed crust pizza from pizza
39:54you'll want to eat it the wrong way
39:56crust first
39:57now I have the last slice
39:58actually
39:58you're only entitled to half
40:01see
40:03divorce lawyers
40:05around the time of the errand of this commercial
40:07uh
40:08industry experts say
40:09it transformed stuffed crust pizza
40:11into a multi-billion dollar business
40:14adding 300 million in sales in its first year
40:17according to the official pizza hut blog
40:20hut life
40:25I didn't choose hut life
40:27hut life chose me
40:30that's what java has tattooed right here
40:33that was which is hard
40:35we'll be right back
40:42all right
40:42it's time for my favorite game
40:45it's called
40:45who's that baby is
40:47I'll show you a famous person's baby picture
40:49and you tell me
40:50boy who baby is
40:51who's the baby
40:53let's see the baby
40:54aww
40:54that baby looks familiar
40:55they were born in Englewood, California
40:57they once taught a class at Stanford on personal branding
41:01and they were the first black woman to appear on the cover of Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue
41:05dated Chris Webber in the early 2000s
41:07and they were the main subject of the recent docu-series
41:10reality check
41:11inside America's Next Top Model
41:13I had it no clues
41:15but I felt in a weird position
41:16he had it no clues
41:16to have to lean to a black woman
41:18and say oh I know exactly who that is
41:21but it's Tyra Banks
41:22yeah
41:22Jarrell Hanna
41:25that baby is Tyra Banks
41:28I want to give you all two facts about Tyra Banks
41:32you tell me which fact is real
41:34first fact
41:35on her daytime talk show
41:37did Tyra fist fight the cheetah girls
41:40or pretend to have rabies
41:43the drama for the rabies sounds like a little
41:46so good right
41:46it's great but
41:47I mean like she put a little Alka-Seltz in her mouth
41:49and then she's like
41:51on her daytime talk show
41:53Tyra Banks pretended to have rabies
41:57that was who's that baby
41:59I want to thank our guests
42:00Moshe Tasha and Ophira Eisenberg
42:02and of course
42:03thank you to our team captains
42:05Amber Ruffin
42:06and Michael Ian Black
42:08before we sign off
42:10here are a few more stories we're watching
42:13politician frustrated with sneaky little hobbitus
42:20senator introduces bill to limit the temperature of soup
42:25I'm Roy Wood Jr. and I'll see you next week for another episode of How I Got Loose For You
42:29and check out my website
42:31Roy Wood Jr. for my rescheduled
42:33Straight Up Her Loose Dates
42:35I'm Roy Wood Jr. and I'll see you next week for another episode of How I Got Loose For You
42:40I'm Roy Wood Jr. and I'll see you next week for another episode of How I Got Loose For You
42:41and I'll see you next week for another episode of How I Got Loose For You
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