#video #Have I Got News for You - Season 4 (US) - Episode 08: Ophira Eisenberg, Moshe Kasher
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00:22Welcome to Have I Got News For You.
00:24I'm Roy Wood Jr.
00:26In the news this week, RFK Jr. has more to say about what you're eating.
00:37Texas Man loses big on Jeopardy.
00:40By the way, what kind of freak even knows Stalin's birthday?
00:45I don't know it, and I don't care to know it.
00:47Trump continues evading Epstein questions.
00:58On Amber's team tonight, he's a comedian, podcaster, and author
01:01who you can catch on this season of The Pit.
01:04I'm going to get him to check out this rash I got on my neck
01:06during the commercial break.
01:07It's Moshe Kasher.
01:13And joining Michael, she's a comedian, writer, and actress
01:17who hosts the podcast, Parenting is a Joke.
01:19She's also Canadian, so that means she can get me a deal
01:24on some backbaking in Sofia Eisenberg.
01:27I got you. I got you.
01:29Now for the biggest stories of the week, let's play the feud.
01:33Everybody, watch the clip.
01:35Tell me, what is the story?
01:37That's the Italian flag.
01:39That's wet, man.
01:40Oh, straight up Hormuz.
01:42Oh, that's expensive. That's expensive.
01:44Yeah.
01:44What's the story?
01:45We're living in hell?
01:48The story is the war in Iran, the administration is selling it,
01:52but is anybody buying it is the bigger question.
01:54Now, I think we can all agree that the best option
01:56is to not have a war,
01:59but as the great Slim Charles said on the wire,
02:01once you in it, you in it.
02:03Mm-hmm.
02:04So question to the American government,
02:07how's that timeline thing going?
02:09President Trump also telling Time magazine this week
02:12that, quote, I have no time limits on anything.
02:15President Trump told CBS News, quote,
02:17I think the war is very complete, pretty much.
02:19We won. We won the best.
02:20In the first hour, it was over.
02:22When it's over.
02:23And I don't think it's going to be long.
02:25When are you going to know when it's over?
02:26When I feel it.
02:28Okay.
02:28I feel it in my bones.
02:29It seems as though we've moved away from weeks
02:31and just onto vibes.
02:33It is. War is vibes.
02:34Everybody knows that famous quote.
02:36Is that also from the wire?
02:37No, that's not from the wire.
02:39So now, the administration says
02:41that there's only one person
02:42that's in charge of calling the shots on this war.
02:44Who is that person?
02:45Netanyahu.
02:47The ghost of Jeffrey Epstein.
02:52If he's dead. If he's dead.
02:54The person that's making the decisions
02:56is actually the exact person you wish it wasn't.
02:59The president has set a very specific mission
03:01to accomplish, and so it's not for me to posit
03:04whether it's the beginning, the middle, or the end.
03:06I love Wet Man.
03:07That man just is so drenched at all times.
03:12Is he doing drugs, and it's just making him a juicy boy?
03:16Every day.
03:18What is Wet Man?
03:20I'll tell you what, when I watch him speak,
03:21I turn into a juicy boy as well.
03:25Are you saying that our secretary of war
03:28does like 40 burpees before every press conference,
03:31and it just comes out, just shag them ready?
03:32And then he shadowboxes and does a lot of like,
03:35you are a defense secretary.
03:38You are.
03:41How are Republicans as a whole feeling about the war, gang?
03:45Nobody wants this war.
03:47Well, except...
03:48Netanyahu.
03:49Yeah, that's right.
03:50Nobody's into it.
03:51Nobody.
03:51The Republicans are gone.
03:53The Democrats are never there.
03:54Who is this for?
03:54According to White House press secretary, Caroline Levitt,
03:57quote,
03:58Republicans are unanimously supportive
04:00of President Trump's bold decision
04:02to launch combat operations.
04:05Ah, yes.
04:06The only thing Republicans are unanimous about
04:08is that they hate taxes,
04:10and they hate good haircuts.
04:12LAUGHTER
04:14Is it true that the Republicans are unanimous
04:17in supporting this war,
04:18is what Caroline Levitt's saying?
04:19Is that the right thing?
04:20Well, she's always told the truth.
04:22That's right.
04:22Yeah, she's...
04:23I haven't seen a lot of Republicans
04:25coming out like full-throated.
04:26I should rephrase that.
04:27I haven't seen a lot of Republicans...
04:29LAUGHTER
04:29One Republican that has been coming out,
04:32um, in full support...
04:34Yes!
04:35LAUGHTER
04:35...is, uh, South Carolina Senator Lindsey Graham.
04:39What do you mean you ain't got no more mint and juleps?
04:41What do you mean?
04:42LAUGHTER
04:42Lindsey Graham has been salivating
04:44for war with Iran for years,
04:45and now that it's happening,
04:47oh, boy, he's happy,
04:48and he's got no time for people who disagree with him.
04:51So we have a Commander-in-Chief in President Trump
04:53who I think is Ronald Reagan, plus, plus, plus.
04:56If President Trump had not done this,
04:59they could have had a nuclear capability
05:01within months, weeks, not months.
05:03To all those who don't believe that,
05:05you're stupid.
05:06You're a fool.
05:07He's just like the president
05:09who had Alzheimer's, plus, plus, plus.
05:12LAUGHTER
05:14LAUGHTER
05:14What is President Trump
05:15now calling the military action in Iran?
05:19It's a rondelay.
05:20LAUGHTER
05:21Is it a jaunt with missiles?
05:24LAUGHTER
05:25That's a pretty solid base.
05:27I think I do know.
05:28Is it an excursion?
05:30LAUGHTER
05:31Oh!
05:32It's just a little excursion, baby.
05:35Just a few missiles, baby.
05:36Why are you tripping?
05:37And the president makes it perfectly clear
05:39that he has his priorities in order.
05:41We did a little excursion.
05:43We had to take this little couple of weeks,
05:45few weeks of excursion,
05:48but it's been incredible.
05:49Our military is unbelievable,
05:51the job they're doing.
05:52So we had to take an excursion,
05:55but it's doing well.
05:56The market's holding up well.
05:57You just said it is a little excursion,
06:00and you said it is a war.
06:01So which one is it?
06:03Well, it's both.
06:04Did you see how many times
06:06he circled back to say excursion?
06:08He's really trying to get it to take.
06:10Loves that word.
06:10Well, when you're going through
06:12late-stage dementia,
06:13certain things get stuck in your brain
06:15on a, like, loop...
06:16I'm sorry, did I...
06:16I'm sorry, I didn't mean to offend anyone here.
06:19Our audience all has late-stage dementia.
06:24The Merriam-Webster definition of excursion,
06:27a usually brief pleasure trip.
06:31Oh, my God.
06:32Oh, my God.
06:34Where's the pleasure part of this excursion?
06:36You didn't see Lindsey Graham
06:38in that talking head.
06:39He seemed like he's having extreme pleasure right now.
06:42But it's also, like, whatever, improv, right?
06:45Yes and.
06:45He just yes ands them in this grand circle.
06:48It's like, well, thank you.
06:49It is both.
06:51You are brilliant.
06:52Oh, yeah, excursion and a war.
06:54That's it.
06:55How is the war actually going?
06:57No matter how much we bomb them,
06:59Iran has control of a very, very important
07:02piece of geography within the region.
07:05What are they in control of over it?
07:07The Hard Rock Cafe Tehran.
07:11What piece of geography is Iran in control of?
07:16The Strait of Hormuz.
07:17The dire Straits of Hormuz.
07:19It is the Strait of Hormuz.
07:21Seen that, trying to just put the tip in.
07:25Roy, Roy, we have to look at it.
07:28Put the picture back up.
07:29It look like it's throwing it back.
07:31Nah, you wouldn't say that.
07:32The Strait is one of the most important energy choke points.
07:37One-fifth of all crude oil flows from there.
07:39That's why Lindsey Graham likes it.
07:40It's a choke point.
07:41Now I get it.
07:44Here's the spokesman for Iran's military command.
07:47We will never allow even a single liter of oil
07:50to pass through the Strait of Hormuz
07:51for the benefit of the United States,
07:54the Zionists, or their partners.
07:56I did not think he sounded like that.
07:57That's crazy.
07:59How is it, after all this time,
08:02there's still just one path,
08:04the most important path of resources in the world,
08:07and no one's like, you know, you can just go that way.
08:09Like, there's just one path.
08:11There is another road, the gay of Hormuz,
08:14but it's much...
08:17You like that.
08:18It's much more complicated.
08:20What else did Iran reportedly do
08:22to the Strait of Hormuz that made headlines?
08:25Oh, they're mining the shit out of it right now.
08:26On Tuesday, it was reported that Iran
08:28was laying mines in the Strait.
08:31Trump was quick to address this news,
08:34posting on Truth Social, quote,
08:37if Iran has put out any mines in the Strait of Hormuz,
08:40we want them removed immediately.
08:42If, for any reason, mines were placed
08:45and they were not removed forthwith,
08:47the military consequences to Iran
08:49will be at a level never seen before.
08:52Oh, shit, new Trump truth just dropped.
08:56General, General!
08:58Ebrahim, pick up the mines!
09:00We gotta do it forthwith!
09:05Between Iranian mines and American strikes,
09:08the Strait has become extremely dangerous
09:10and is now described as Death Valley.
09:13Knowing all of this,
09:14the president says the Strait of Hormuz
09:16is open for business.
09:18He spoke to reporters at the White House on Wednesday,
09:20but before we get to what he said,
09:22please check out this photo
09:24from the impromptu press briefing.
09:26Whoa.
09:27Yeah, there's a honey-baked president right there, boy.
09:32The makeup is shrieking from his eye.
09:34You see that?
09:35He sweats so much,
09:36all of a sudden, he's like,
09:37it's me, Jeffrey Epstein!
09:40Here's Trump's advice for ships
09:42in the Strait of Hormuz.
09:44Are you talking to CEOs
09:45of various oil companies
09:48encouraging them
09:49to use the Strait of Hormuz right there?
09:51Yeah, I think they should.
09:52I think they should.
09:53I think they should use it.
09:55What could happen?
09:56Go ahead.
09:56I want you to get it.
09:57Why not?
09:58It's going like this.
09:59Iran repeatedly attacking
10:01the flow of Middle East oil,
10:02at least six ships targeted
10:04in the last 24 hours.
10:05Overnight, two oil tankers
10:07hit off southern Iraq.
10:08Videos circulating online
10:09showing one of them ablaze.
10:11President Trump still sounding optimistic,
10:13claiming the vital Strait of Hormuz
10:16is in, quote,
10:16great shape.
10:17Yes.
10:18That shape is a mushroom cloud.
10:23Now, obviously,
10:25the violence and uncertainty
10:26is impacting gas prices,
10:28which have risen 65 cents
10:29a gallon nationwide.
10:31Panel,
10:31how high do you think
10:33gas prices are going to go
10:35before it's all over?
10:36Seven dollars.
10:37I live in California.
10:38It is seven dollars now.
10:40Oh, no, that's right.
10:41Yeah, that's why I drive
10:43a zero-guilt vehicle,
10:45a Tesla.
10:45But, um...
10:48No, I'm kidding.
10:49I drive an oil tanker.
10:52They groaned like a
10:53paternity test episode.
10:55Like, you...
10:56The bad dad that came out.
10:59Right now, oil costs
11:00about $100 a barrel,
11:01but Iran says
11:03we need to get ready
11:04for oil to cost
11:07$200 a barrel.
11:09Here's Energy Secretary
11:11Chris Wright
11:11with a response.
11:12Do you agree that people
11:13need to be prepared
11:14for that?
11:17We're going through
11:18short-term energy disruption
11:20for just huge
11:21long-term gain.
11:22You're seeing Iran's behavior.
11:24Could that hit...
11:25Could your term
11:25mean $200 a barrel?
11:29Um, I...
11:31I would say unlikely.
11:33I...
11:34I...
11:36That means yes.
11:37It's going up
11:37to $200 a barrel.
11:38I love it when people
11:39pretend there's a delay.
11:41You know?
11:42I mean, there was a delay.
11:44It was in his brain.
11:46Anytime anybody
11:47in this administration
11:48starts stuttering,
11:49you know you're on to
11:50some sort of essential truth.
11:52Yeah, well,
11:52it's going to be
11:52$200 a barrel.
11:54It is, and that's when
11:55we're going to stop the war,
11:56when it gets too expensive
11:57for them to continue
11:58to perpetuate this lie
12:00that this is somehow
12:00for our safety.
12:02Nobody's buying that.
12:03How do you stop it?
12:05Like, once you've started,
12:07how do you stop it?
12:08Kate, I'm going to say
12:09something controversial here.
12:10This is, uh,
12:12the best part
12:14about Donald Trump
12:15being the president.
12:16He can just be like,
12:17Daddy's done, baby!
12:18Like, he can just pull out
12:20anytime he wants.
12:21Oh, yeah.
12:22But I do think
12:24that his essential instability
12:26is the off-ramp.
12:27His madness
12:28is the off-ramp
12:29that he needs.
12:30Another leader
12:31would double
12:32and triple down.
12:33I think he's going
12:34to just go,
12:34we're done,
12:35mission accomplished,
12:36everything's happened.
12:37But, I mean,
12:38do you think Iran stops
12:39when Trump stops?
12:40Do you think Israel
12:41stops when Trump stops?
12:42Do you think Bahrain stops?
12:44And do you think
12:44Lebanon stops?
12:45And do you think
12:45the Houthis in Yemen stop?
12:47And Russians stop?
12:48And all the rest of it?
12:49Oh, you brought in
12:49the Houthis?
12:50I had to.
12:51I love saying Houthis.
12:54Listen, I haven't, um,
12:55game-theoried out
12:56this entire thing
12:57that I just said.
12:58Neither has Trump.
13:00Fair enough.
13:01But I do,
13:02I think everybody
13:02wants a way out.
13:03And in war, right,
13:04you're looking for an off-ramp.
13:05And I think there is
13:06no off-ramp
13:07because there was
13:07never an on-ramp.
13:08This is all the most
13:09incoherent,
13:10all war is incoherent.
13:11And this is the most
13:11incoherent one
13:12that I've ever seen.
13:14And as we know,
13:15day one,
13:16they killed Khomeini, right?
13:17And as we know
13:18as comedians,
13:19you don't start
13:20with your closer
13:20or you're gonna bomb.
13:23With oil prices,
13:25uh, $100 and climbing,
13:27uh, what's the administration
13:28going to do
13:29to alleviate
13:30this pain at the pump?
13:32They're gonna release
13:32sanctions on Russia
13:34and they're gonna,
13:34they're gonna empty
13:35the, uh, strategic
13:36petroleum reserves,
13:37which are already
13:38half empty.
13:39Yeah, they're half empty.
13:39It's the same person
13:40that was supposed to do
13:41that, that never fills
13:42the Brita in the fridge.
13:45I feel like you're
13:46bringing a battle
13:47from your home
13:47on this show.
13:48I have a problem
13:49with that,
13:50but they were supposed
13:51to be filled.
13:51Look, are they half empty
13:52or are they half full?
13:54I love it.
13:54That's a good point.
13:54I love it.
13:55Uh, the administration
13:56has made it easier
13:58for Russia
13:58to sell their oil,
14:00Michael,
14:01issuing a 30-day waiver
14:02that lets countries
14:04buy the Russian oil
14:06that is already at sea.
14:07Why is it particularly weird
14:09that we're helping Russia
14:12make a profit
14:13off of this war?
14:13Aren't they sharing
14:14strategic military intel
14:16with Iran?
14:18Points.
14:20Yes.
14:20Yes.
14:21The Washington Post
14:23reported that Russia
14:23is providing intelligence
14:25to Iran
14:25to help them target
14:27U.S. forces,
14:29uh, in the region.
14:30Our administration
14:31is a lot of things,
14:32but are they mad at Putin?
14:33Not really.
14:35Do we think
14:35that the Russians
14:36have shared, uh,
14:38intelligence about the location
14:39of U.S. military assets?
14:41And if they have,
14:42why would we be giving,
14:44uh, waivers
14:44on Russian oil sanctions?
14:48Well, I-I'm not
14:49an intel officer,
14:50um, so I can't tell you.
14:52I can tell you that
14:54yesterday on the call
14:55with the president,
14:56uh, the Russians said
14:57that they have not
14:58been sharing.
14:58That's-that's what they said.
15:00So, you know,
15:01uh, we can-we can take them
15:02at their word.
15:04Putin said it.
15:05I believe it.
15:05That settles it.
15:07This-this whole thing
15:08is a mess.
15:09Yeah.
15:09But at least we're
15:10over there in the region
15:11for a good reason.
15:13Question to the panel,
15:14what's the reason?
15:15You remember
15:16when he went to Congress
15:17and said,
15:17this is why we have
15:18to have this war
15:19with Iran?
15:19Yeah, and he asked
15:20for permission.
15:21Yes, yes, yes.
15:21And he received
15:22that permission, right?
15:23Oh, yeah.
15:24They voted and they gave him-
15:25He wouldn't have launched
15:25this war if he didn't
15:26have congressional approval,
15:27obviously.
15:28Yeah, there was, like,
15:28a vote and-
15:29Yeah, there.
15:29Yeah, okay.
15:30And then the entire
15:31world community
15:32came together and said,
15:33we also support this.
15:34We'll go-
15:35Okay, all right.
15:35Okay, so this war
15:36started because of a dare?
15:40Caroline Levitt
15:41said it a lot better.
15:42The president said yesterday
15:43for the first time
15:44that he had to strike Iran
15:45because he believes
15:46that Iran was going
15:48to strike U.S. targets
15:49within seven days.
15:50Where is he getting that?
15:51This was a feeling
15:52the president had
15:53based on facts.
15:56Vibes, baby.
15:57I told you war is vibes.
16:00If this is feelings
16:01based on facts,
16:02question to the panel,
16:03where did Trump get his facts?
16:06From his feelings.
16:08Sort of a circle.
16:09The feelings bring the facts,
16:11the facts bring the feelings,
16:13the feelings, the facts.
16:14War.
16:15The president went to war
16:16with a little help
16:17from his friends.
16:18The situation was
16:19very quickly approaching.
16:20the point of no return
16:22and the United States
16:24found it intolerable,
16:26in my opinion,
16:27based on what
16:28Steve and Jared
16:29and Pete and others
16:31were telling me,
16:32Marco, so involved,
16:34that I thought that
16:35they were going to attack us.
16:36See?
16:37He talked to his people.
16:38Steve and Tommy
16:39and Jim and them.
16:41Ronnie, Bobby,
16:42Ricky and Mike.
16:45I'm going to bomb Iran.
16:46Who cares who you like?
16:49That's a joke
16:50for four black people
16:51and Moshe.
16:52Yes.
16:55Jared Kushner
16:56and Steve Witkoff
16:57were the guys
16:57in charge of the Iran
16:58negotiations in Geneva
17:00last month.
17:00They did a great job,
17:01didn't they?
17:01How about a hand
17:02for Jared and Steve,
17:03everybody?
17:04Keeping us out of war.
17:05Good job, guys.
17:06To be fair, Michael,
17:07they're real estate guys.
17:09Okay?
17:10They did the best they could.
17:11They really did.
17:13It was reported on Monday
17:14that even though
17:15nuclear experts
17:17questioned the extent
17:18to which they understood
17:20the technical details
17:22of enrichment programs.
17:24Witkoff and Kushner
17:26still did not bring
17:27any technical experts
17:28from the U.S.
17:29to sit in
17:30on their talks
17:31with Iran.
17:32This is what I'm saying.
17:33They used to pretend
17:34they used to do theater.
17:35They'd bring the nuclear expert
17:37knowing we're going to war
17:37with them no matter
17:38what happens.
17:39They'd bring on the scientists.
17:40What do you think?
17:40Oh, he says that
17:41they were doing it.
17:42We've got a reason.
17:42The theater's done.
17:43You remember when George W. Bush
17:45trotted Colin Powell
17:47out to the U.N.
17:48with all his lies
17:48and the pictures
17:49and the missiles
17:50and the things
17:50and then all of us
17:51were like,
17:52oh, Colin Powell,
17:53he wouldn't lie to us.
17:57That was theater.
17:58We're kind of post-theater.
18:00I miss theater.
18:01Me too.
18:02And the fact that
18:03they gave Colin Powell
18:04a Tony Award for that,
18:05I thought was just...
18:07It was a good performance
18:09to be honest.
18:10Cats was robbed.
18:24Welcome back.
18:25It's time for the
18:26Offend-O-Meter.
18:27Teams have to tell us
18:28who's the offender,
18:29what they did,
18:30and who they offended.
18:31Put an offender
18:32on the screen, please.
18:34Teams, who is this offender
18:37staring into your soul?
18:39Lex Luthor.
18:41He's offended
18:42because you shut your blinds
18:44and he was looking in there.
18:47That's Judge Boesburg,
18:50I believe.
18:50Yes, it is.
18:51That is U.S. District Court
18:53Judge James Boesburg.
18:56Yeah.
18:57He does look like a Boesburg,
18:59doesn't he?
19:00Boesburg offended
19:01U.S. attorney
19:02and unofficial brand ambassador
19:03for boxed wine,
19:04Judge Jeanine Pirro.
19:06He looks fine.
19:10How did Judge offend Jeanine?
19:13They were trying to prosecute
19:15Jerome Powell,
19:16who's the head of the Fed,
19:17and they were trying to indict him.
19:19I know this one.
19:20They're accusing him
19:21of fleecing the remodel
19:24of the Federal Reserve buildings
19:26and padding their profits
19:28or pimping their rides,
19:29as it were.
19:30Judge Boesburg offended
19:31Jeanine Pirro
19:32by blocking her subpoenas
19:33against Federal Reserve Chair
19:35Jerome Powell.
19:37Technically,
19:38the whole subpoena
19:39had a lot to do
19:40with building renovations,
19:41but if you ask
19:42Ms. Pirro to explain...
19:44I'll deal with the devil.
19:46I'll take a case
19:48from the devil
19:49if you can give me
19:51information
19:53that will lead me
19:55to possibly find a crime.
19:57You just know
19:58she'd be so fun
20:00to get shit faced with.
20:01Oh, yeah.
20:02It would be a good night out.
20:03It would be so fun.
20:04Here's Powell
20:05at a congressional hearing
20:06on the renovations
20:07last summer.
20:07We took down
20:08the old marble.
20:09We're putting it back up.
20:10We'll have to use new marble
20:11where some of the old marble broke,
20:13but there's no new...
20:14There are no special elevators.
20:16There's just...
20:16There are old elevators
20:17that have been there
20:18there are no new
20:19water features.
20:21Water features?
20:22There's no water features?
20:23Oh, no, Ophira.
20:25I'm sorry.
20:27Since 2022,
20:28the Fed has been renovating
20:29two historic buildings
20:30in D.C.
20:31The buildings
20:31are almost 100 years old,
20:33so that means
20:33there's a lot of work
20:35to do to the buildings,
20:36like making things
20:38ADA-compliant
20:39and removing asbestos
20:41and lead.
20:42But the White House
20:42says the whole thing
20:44is too expensive
20:45and extravagant
20:46and a boondoggle
20:47with Trump's
20:47deputy chief of staff,
20:49James Blair,
20:50even calling the project
20:51the Taj Mahal
20:53on the National Mall.
20:55Yeah, I mean,
20:56it's not like
20:56they're making a ballroom.
20:59Are the renovations
21:00too extravagant?
21:01It's ADA compliance
21:02and asbestos and lead.
21:04Those are like
21:04three things
21:05Trump don't like.
21:06He's like,
21:07there is no such thing
21:08as disability,
21:09asbestos makes you stronger,
21:10and lead is a good beverage.
21:11Like, they're...
21:13Of course
21:13they're upset about it.
21:14They're the deregulation kings.
21:16Well, as of last year,
21:18the project is running
21:19about $700 million
21:21over budget,
21:22but according
21:23to Jerome Powell,
21:24that's just what
21:25fixing an old building
21:27like that costs.
21:28Janine Pirro's subpoenas
21:30say that Jerome
21:31lied in his testimony,
21:32but Judge Bozberg
21:33did not agree
21:35with Janine.
21:36What's the real reason
21:37people think
21:38Ms. Pirro
21:39subpoenaed
21:40Mr. Powell?
21:41Trump keeps wanting him
21:42to cut the interest rates
21:43and Powell keeps saying,
21:45eh, maybe not right now,
21:47and then that's
21:48why he went after him.
21:48And so the Imperial
21:49is then sent out
21:51like a legal hit person.
21:53Yep.
21:54Okay.
21:54Here's Jerome
21:55when he was first
21:56subpoenaed back in January.
21:57The threat of criminal charges
21:59is a consequence
21:59of the Federal Reserve
22:01setting interest rates
22:02based on our best assessment
22:04of what will serve the public
22:05rather than following
22:07the preferences
22:07of the president.
22:08None of this
22:09is really about
22:10the renovations.
22:11In his ruling,
22:11the judge wrote,
22:12quote,
22:13there is abundant evidence
22:14that the subpoena's
22:15dominant,
22:16if not sole,
22:17purpose is to harass
22:18and pressure Powell
22:19either to yield
22:20to the president
22:21or to resign
22:22and make way
22:23for a Fed chair
22:24who will.
22:24He also added,
22:25the government
22:26has offered
22:26no evidence
22:27whatsoever
22:28that Powell
22:28committed any crime
22:30other than
22:31displeasing
22:32the president.
22:34Oh.
22:34Don't displease
22:35the king.
22:37What do we think
22:38Judge Pirro had to say
22:39about the judge's ruling?
22:41She probably said,
22:41She had to guess,
22:42you know,
22:43and even more
22:44or one of us
22:45just have her
22:46sound like that.
22:47It's not like that.
22:48It's not like that.
22:49It's not like that.
22:52It's not like that.
22:53It's not like that.
22:54I'm not like that.
22:54I guess that.
22:56God's over.
22:57It's not like that.
23:06It's not like that.
23:09ability to investigate crime. As a result, Jerome Powell today is now bathed in immunity.
23:19Bathed in immunity.
23:21Bathed in immunity.
23:22While bathed in Botox or so.
23:25Yes.
23:27No matter what happens with Powell, Jeanine Pirro is going to be the one who really gets
23:30the last word.
23:31I'll tell you what's historic. What's historic is that I prosecute everything other than
23:3610% of the cases where the United States attorney before me didn't prosecute 67% of the cases.
23:43That's what's historic. I'm willing to take a not guilty. I'm willing to take a no true
23:49bill because I'll take all the crimes and put them in. Thank you.
23:55She definitely does have arrested by airport security at a bar vibe.
24:00You want to go out with her? No, you'll never go back to that bar again.
24:05But you will have a story for the rest of your life.
24:09Yeah, I feel like she has that moment of like, it's 1 a.m. You want to go to the
24:13yacht? You're
24:14like, there's a yacht! You know, like that.
24:16Is Jeanine up to something more?
24:21She's performing and her performing like that has done her a lot of good. It got her where
24:26she is today. The louder she is, personally, the more fun I have.
24:30I feel like I know where we're going with this and I like it. Last week, Kristi Noem out on
24:35her
24:35ear. People were speculating about who's next. The name Pam Bondi keeps coming up. What's Pam
24:41Bondi, the attorney general of the United States? You don't think Judge Jeanine is looking at Pam
24:46Bondi and going, I can do that better than you can do that?
24:49So, Judge Jeanine is being very emphatic about this issue and the reason why, CNN's Casey
24:56Hunt has a theory.
24:57There's been some conversation around whether Jeanine Pirro is potentially a future replacement
25:02for Pam Bondi if the administration is unhappy with her. What do you plan on focusing on with
25:10the current attorney general? Well, first, I mean, I've heard that same rumor. That would
25:18be a complete disaster. I mean, I'm not sure you'd get worse than Pam Bondi, but that might
25:23be it right there. Is Judge Jeanine worse than Pam Bondi?
25:29For comedy? No. Yeah.
25:31I have never watched Pam Bondi speak for any real length, you know, just other than clips.
25:39Let that hoe get in there. I will watch every fucking minute.
25:43That's what I'm saying.
25:44That was the Fendimeter. We'll be right back.
25:58Welcome back.
26:00It is time for Like Curious Teens. I'll give you three biographical details about a public
26:06figure, but only one is true. You have to guess which is the truth and which are sort of grubby
26:10lies.
26:11Time for three facts about Trump's pick for Homeland Security Secretary and third smartest
26:17Mark Wayne in his class, Mark Wayne Mullin.
26:21Our facts about Mark Wayne are he builds birdhouses in his free time. He hosts a podcast where
26:27he breaks down Reacher episodes. He once owned a plumbing company.
26:33Birdhouses.
26:34I don't think he builds a birdhouse. I don't think he likes birds.
26:38So do you think he owned a plumbing company?
26:40I think he owned a plumbing company. Yes, I do.
26:41All right. We're going to go with plumbing company.
26:43He hosts a Jack Reacher podcast. That just fills me with joy.
26:47I love the idea. It's like, what's up? This is Mark Wayne. I'm the head of Homeland Security.
26:51Today's episode is brought to you by MeUndies.
26:56I'm sold. We want to go with two.
26:58Mark Wayne Mullin once owned a plumbing company.
27:04After high school, Mark Wayne took over his family's plumbing business. And with his level
27:10of animal magnetism, obviously, he had to be the face of it.
27:14Hi, I'm Mark Wayne Mullin with Mullin Plumbing, the Red Ritter. Do you have a stool that just
27:18doesn't flush right? A lot of times, that's due to the water level in the tank that needs
27:22to be adjusted. It needs to be about a half inch below the Douglas valve or to where it's
27:27clearly Mark says waterline. Oh. Politics aside, I trust somebody who talks that fast
27:33to fix shit in my house. I've never heard a plumber describe a stubborn stool in their
27:39promotional material. You have a big fat stool that you just can't get to flush. It breaks
27:44in half, but it kind of goes onto the side and then you got to pee it off and then
27:47it just
27:47won't go. Mark Wayne, TMI. Time for three facts about journalists and the lady who designs
27:55the Incredibles costumes, Christiane Amanpour.
28:00Oh. Our facts about this fine respected
28:05journalists are, she was former housemates with JFK Jr., she rollerblades to work, she
28:12has seen Fleetwood Mac in concert over 150 times. Which one is the truth?
28:18I'm going to say it's number three, seen Fleetwood Mac.
28:20100%. Yeah.
28:22Why would JFK Jr. have housemates? That doesn't make any sense.
28:24Right, he's like, I'm renting out a two bedroom. It's rough for the Kennedys these days.
28:33Christiane, if you pay a little more, you could have the bigger bedroom. It's got to be three.
28:38All right, we're going to Fleetwood Mac also. How about rollerblades?
28:41Well, now they said three, so now I want to go to two. Quick copy it on us.
28:45No, if you're saying two, we're going three. If you're saying three, we're going two.
28:47Correct. No.
28:48We're going one.
28:51Christiane Amanpour was former housemates with JFK Jr.
28:56Go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go.
29:00Amanpour is the chief international news anchor for CNN, so she can probably afford her own house now.
29:08But back in the day in college, she needed a roommate. Here she explains.
29:13I spent two of my years at university sharing a house with him.
29:17Probably to this day, nobody really believes that John Kennedy cleaned his own toilets.
29:21He did? I'm here to tell you.
29:22Wow.
29:23Are you not like JFK Jr. and can't clean your own stools?
29:27Well, come on down.
29:28Mark Wayne Mullins, Red Roto Rooters.
29:33Does anyone know why JFK Jr. is in the news this week?
29:37Did he come back?
29:39There's a show about him and his grand love.
29:42Bonus points, you know the love?
29:44Yeah, the blonde lady.
29:45Mm-hmm.
29:46The blonde lady, Nancy Grace herself.
29:50People are talking about JFK Jr. because of the Ryan Murphy show Love Story, which details the relationship between
29:57Kennedy's son and his wife, Carolyn Bissette, and one person definitely does not like the show.
30:03Oh, is it the, um, the weird guy that says we can't take Tylenol?
30:07It's actress Daryl Hannah.
30:10What? I knew it!
30:11Yes. Earlier this month, Hannah wrote a piece in the New York Times about how furious she was about how
30:17she was portrayed in the show.
30:20Apparently, it was bad enough that Hannah felt the need to say this.
30:24I have never used cocaine in my life or hosted cocaine-fueled parties.
30:29I have never pressured anyone into marriage.
30:32I have never desecrated any family heirloom or intruded upon anyone's private memorial.
30:38Wow.
30:39You gonna talk shit about America's mermaid?
30:42Mm-hmm.
30:42Do you prefer mermaid era, Daryl Hannah? I'm more of a Kill Bill era.
30:46Ooh.
30:47Yeah, that's amazing.
30:49Wait a minute.
30:50That's Uma Thurman.
30:52No, she said she plucked her eye apples in another...
30:56Oh!
30:58Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
31:00This has been Lycurious. More after the break.
31:02Woo!
31:04Woo!
31:05Woo!
31:07Woo!
31:09Woo!
31:11Woo!
31:11Woo!
31:12Woo!
31:13Welcome back.
31:14It is time for Meet in the Middle, where we find common ground between two different people who would never
31:20be caught hanging out.
31:22All right, on one side, we have Suzy Wiles, Jason Kelsey, Sean Penn, and Ken Paxton.
31:28And on the other side, there's Benny Blanco, Paul McCartney, Timothy Chalamet, and Paul Thomas Anderson.
31:35Wow.
31:35The game is afoot.
31:37Which two of these people have notoriously dirty feet?
31:41Ooh.
31:42Well, we all saw... Oh, I guess we didn't.
31:45Y'all.
31:46Selena Gomez and Benny Blanco were doing a podcast.
31:50Benny Blanco was like,
31:51Y'all always clowning me because you say my feet are gross.
31:54She goes, No, they're not.
31:55Grabs his nasty foot.
31:57No.
31:58And puts both of her angelic lips on them and kisses it like this.
32:03Buddy, you could have barfed your face off.
32:06Wow.
32:07But they're in love and I think that's beautiful.
32:09Okay, so Benny Blanco, who's on the other side?
32:11Don't you think Sean Penn has the nastiest feet?
32:15Decades of a crude Malibu asphalt on his foot.
32:20By the way, either side of this is a dream blunt rotation.
32:26I want to say Chalamet.
32:27Chalamet has dirty feet?
32:29Right?
32:29Doesn't he?
32:30His mom was the ballet dancer, right?
32:31That's why he hates ballet.
32:32That's why he hates ballet.
32:35Chalamet and Penn.
32:36Blanco and Penn.
32:37Benny Penny.
32:38It is Benny Blanco and Jason Kelsey.
32:43Footballer.
32:44In 2024, Jason Kelsey made waves when he tweeted, quote,
32:48What kind of weirdo washes their feet?
32:50Now, uh, Benny Blanco didn't announce his foot washing habits,
32:54but if you look really closely on his show, Friends Keep Secrets,
32:57you can tell what's going on with his foot.
33:00Let's just pretend that we're hanging out like we normally do.
33:02You never even hang out anymore.
33:02I was going to say, that's the goal.
33:04Are we going to have to pretend?
33:06His feet are like Trump's hands.
33:10Either way, it's going to bring down his WikiFeet score.
33:13That's for sure.
33:14If you don't know what WikiFeet is, WikiFeet is a website where people can rate the feet of various celebrities
33:20question to the panel,
33:21who on this panel has the highest WikiFeet score?
33:27It's so obvious.
33:29Mine is very low.
33:30I know it's not mine.
33:31I look like a hobbit.
33:32All right.
33:33Here are the scores.
33:34Ophira Eisenberg, your rating on WikiFeet is 3.79 stars.
33:39Wow.
33:40That seems really good.
33:43Amber Ruffin, 3.82 stars.
33:48Well, that's from people who ain't seen these shits.
33:51It is busted down there.
33:53Michael Ian Black, 4.84 stars.
34:01But the WikiFeet winner on this panel, Moshe Kasher, 4.17 stars.
34:08Congratulations to him.
34:12I'm telling you, it's hobbit-like.
34:14It's just...
34:14No!
34:15No!
34:16No!
34:17No!
34:17No!
34:20No!
34:21No!
34:22No!
34:22No!
34:23No!
34:27No!
34:27Thunder Down Under comes over.
34:31All right.
34:32Next up, we've got Jam Mams.
34:35Which two of these people dated Lilith Fair performers?
34:40Ooh!
34:41I do know that Ken Paxton was with Ani DeFranco for a while.
34:47It seems like it's gotta be Sean Penn and Paul McCartney, right?
34:50Sure.
34:51Or Paul Thomas Anderson.
34:52He could easily...
34:53Oh, yeah.
34:54There we go.
34:54The Lilith Fair guy right there.
34:56Totally.
34:56Paul Thomas Anderson.
34:57Sean Penn.
34:58Sean Penn and Paul Thomas Anderson!
35:01Both dated Lilith Fair performers.
35:04In addition to directing several of her music videos, Paul Thomas Anderson was in a relationship
35:09with Fiona Apple.
35:10Oh, yeah.
35:11And Sean Penn had a secret relationship with Jewel in the mid-90s.
35:15Whoa!
35:17When she was living in her car and was looking for a little extra poetry money?
35:22Ms. Apple has said that her relationship with Paul Thomas Anderson was not healthy, but she did credit him with
35:30helping her to quit drugs.
35:32Wow.
35:32In an interview with The New Yorker, Fiona Apple says she was inspired to quit drugs after, quote,
35:37one excruciating night with Paul at Quentin Tarantino's house, explaining, quote,
35:43every addict should just get locked in a private movie theater with QT and PTA on coke and they'll never
35:50want to do it again.
35:53He's like, I saw you on coke, I was like, I gotta put this shit down.
35:59Let's do Beak Freaks.
36:00Which two of these people both love birdwatching?
36:04Oh.
36:04Well, these two motherfuckers are birds.
36:07Look at this face.
36:08Susie Wiles.
36:08Look at that face.
36:09Now, you can't see who I'm pointing to, but you knew exactly who I'm pointing to.
36:14All right, we know Chalamet doesn't like any of the fine arts.
36:17No.
36:18McCartney, that sounds right.
36:19McCartney, yes.
36:20We're going Paxton and McCartney.
36:21What do you think?
36:22You know, we'll go the other direction.
36:24Yeah, we say the other two people.
36:26Yep, that's right.
36:27White House chief of staff Susie Wiles and Paul McCartney are both the big birdwatchers.
36:31Yep.
36:32Everyone's right, it's the bird people.
36:35It's like looking in a mirror.
36:38Well, I love me, you know, so I like to watch me.
36:41Paul has a lot of references to birds and songs of his and likes to go birdwatching between shows when
36:47he's on tour.
36:47Does anyone want to guess what conservative politician Susie Wiles has gone birding with?
36:52I know Dick Cheney likes to shoot people in the face when he goes birding.
36:56Right.
36:57And Matt Gaetz likes to look at younger birds.
36:59Right.
37:02Point!
37:03Oh!
37:04Check out!
37:08It's former Florida rep Matt Gaetz.
37:12Gaetz said that the two spent time together watching the herons and the wood ducks and the woodpeckers.
37:18Wow.
37:19And that's probably not the only reason Matt Gaetz owns binoculars.
37:22Yes.
37:23The cool part is there's no age of consent in the wild.
37:29We didn't get to Ken Paxton and Timothee Chalamet, but they're both desperate for votes and they're both flirting with
37:34your mom.
37:35More after the break.
37:45Welcome back.
37:46It's time for which is higher.
37:48I'll give you two unrelated numbers from the news.
37:51You tell me which is higher.
37:54Melania arrived on stream in earlier this week panel.
37:58The controversial documentary is now available to watch at home via Amazon Prime.
38:02Which brings us to the question, which is higher.
38:06The domestic box office gross for Melania or the amount of cash Ivana Tromp received from Donald in their divorce.
38:16Oh.
38:17Oh, wow.
38:18Both such small numbers.
38:22Melania, I want to say, grossed a surprisingly high number.
38:27I want to say, Ivana.
38:28I just want that, anyways.
38:29I'm pretty sure the Melania number is $16 million.
38:34That's right.
38:35Because it cost $40 million to make.
38:38And I remember laughing about that.
38:42The domestic box office gross of Melania, $16.4 million.
38:49Wow.
38:49And the amount that Ivana got from Trump in their divorce, $14 million.
38:54Oh.
38:55So the domestic box office gross of Melania is higher.
38:59Wow.
39:00That means Melania, too, is going to get greenlit, baby.
39:05Ivana was able to parlay her marriage to Donald and some other paying gigs.
39:09Five years after they got divorced, the two actually appeared in a commercial together.
39:14Here's the first part.
39:15You really think this is the right thing for us to be doing, Ivana?
39:19What do people think?
39:20Let them talk.
39:22Ivana.
39:23Ivana.
39:23Ivana.
39:24Ivana.
39:24Ivana.
39:24It's wrong, isn't it?
39:26But it feels so right.
39:28Then it's a deal.
39:29Wow.
39:30Question to the panel.
39:32What is that commercial about?
39:34Adult diapers.
39:37It feels so right.
39:41Golf course cemeteries.
39:45Divorce lawyers.
39:47Here's the answer.
39:48Then it's a deal?
39:49Yes.
39:49We eat our pizza the wrong way.
39:51Crest first.
39:52Introducing stuffed crust pizza from pizza.
39:54You'll want to eat it the wrong way.
39:56Crest first.
39:57Now I have the last slice.
39:58Actually, you're only entitled to half.
40:01See?
40:04Divorce lawyers.
40:04Around the time of the airing of this commercial, uh, industry experts say it transformed stuffed crust pizza into a
40:11multi-billion dollar business, adding 300 million in sales in its first year, according to the official Pizza Hut blog,
40:21Hut Life.
40:23Oh, my God.
40:26I didn't choose Hut Life.
40:27Hut Life chose me.
40:31That's what Java has tattooed right here.
40:34That was Witches Hard.
40:42All right, it's time for my favorite game.
40:45It's called who that baby is.
40:47I'll show you a famous person's baby picture and you tell me, boy, who baby is?
40:52Who is the baby?
40:53Let's see the baby.
40:54Aww.
40:54That baby looks familiar.
40:56They were born in Inglewood, California.
40:58Hmm.
40:58They once taught a class at Stanford on personal branding.
41:01Oh.
41:02And they were the first black woman to appear on the cover of Sports Illustrated's swimsuit issue dated Chris Webber
41:06in the early 2000s.
41:07And they were the main subject of the recent docu-series, Reality Check, Inside America's Next Top Model.
41:14I had it no clues, but I felt in a weird position to have to lean to a black woman
41:18and say, oh, I know exactly who that is.
41:21But it's Tyra Banks.
41:22Yeah.
41:23Jarrell Hanna.
41:25That baby is Tyra Banks.
41:29I want to give you all two facts about Tyra Banks.
41:32You tell me which fact is real.
41:35First fact.
41:35On her daytime talk show, did Tyra fist fight the cheetah girls?
41:40Or pretend to have rabies?
41:43The drama for the rabies sounds like a little...
41:46So good, right?
41:46It's great, but...
41:47I mean, like, she put a little Alka-Seltzer in her mouth and then she just...
41:50On her daytime talk show, Tyra Banks pretended to have rabies.
41:57That was Who's That Baby?
41:59I want to thank our guests, Moshe Tasha and Ophira Eisenberg.
42:03And of course, thank you to our team captains, Amber Ruffin and Michael Ian Black.
42:08Before we sign off, here are a few more stories we're watching.
42:13Politician frustrated with sneaky little hobbitus.
42:20Senator introduces Bill to limit the temperature of soup.
42:25I'm Roy Wood Jr. and I'll see you next week for another episode of How That Got Loops For You.
42:29And check out my website, Roy Wood Jr. dot com, for my rescheduled Straight Up Ramaz dates.
42:35Thanks for going home!
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