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00:00:11Oh
00:00:14Golly, well, well, what if Donald shouts at me?
00:00:19What do I say labby?
00:00:23Just be yourself Prime Minister yourself is who everyone likes
00:00:30Hello
00:00:35I've sought that scary scary wonderful president
00:00:40Why so blubber difficult to talk to?
00:00:44Just be honest and tell them we can't send any more ships to the Strait of Hormuz Oh
00:00:50Crumbs, I just hate conflict so much
00:00:55Are you referring to the wall or this phone call?
00:00:57Isn't there a way I can not do both?
00:01:01I just want to keep him happy labby
00:01:04You don't understand him like I do. I could change him I
00:01:11Don't think the feelings mutual he can't stop insulting you he called you a coward
00:01:16I'm out of my depth here labby
00:01:19How did this trust make this job look so easy?
00:01:25Look we were worried you'd lose your nerve so we've taken steps to help you gain unfounded confidence
00:01:31Mr. Prime Minister meet your Gen Z advisor at Luke Hoopie
00:01:34What's off Stamzy?
00:01:35Boop, boop, boop
00:01:38Is the most qualified person we have he is the only person under 23 who voted Labour and would so
00:01:44again in the next election
00:01:47You're not voting for the Green Party
00:01:49Nah, my dad works in oil
00:01:52No cap Stamzy, I love you and I do hearts this way with my thumb
00:01:57Thank you at little hoopie. I love you too
00:02:02Sirk here is trying to set boundaries with the president while preserving their special relationship
00:02:07Mmm, I see. Facts. Facts. Okay, so you're looking for more of a special situation ship. Okay, I've got you
00:02:14covered
00:02:15I'm an expert in messy drama. I've been in three throuples, and I'm currently gay
00:02:22First thing you've got to do you've got to forget the phone call these days all about the voice note.
00:02:27Oh, I'll try anything. I'll do anything
00:02:31Except take a stand
00:02:35So care-coded hey listen take the phone and just speak from the heart
00:02:42Hi Donald
00:02:45I'm afraid I can't go to war with you
00:02:48That doesn't mean we can't still be chums
00:02:53America and Britain have a long proud tradition of cooperation and nothing can take that away
00:03:00Remember the good times
00:03:02Remember D-Day
00:03:05Remember Live Aid
00:03:08Remember Iraq
00:03:11For the first week and then none of the rest
00:03:16Remember
00:03:16Remember Helen Baxendale of friends
00:03:20Remember Hugh Laurie on friends
00:03:23Remember the episode of friends where they all came to London
00:03:28Remember the one where Joey put on all of childless clothes
00:03:34That was a funny one
00:03:39Get back on tracks I get yes most importantly remember the one where Ross and Rachel were on a break
00:03:46I
00:03:48Think perhaps that's what we need
00:03:50Not forever just until you've got all this war out of your system
00:03:55Listen we want different things I know how badly you want to start world war three and that's great
00:04:04You should absolutely do that but we can't be a part of it
00:04:09You can however use the naval bases whenever you want
00:04:14Me bassa sue bassa
00:04:20Me bassa sue bassa
00:04:44And embrace their wonderful
00:04:46And embrace their wonderful unproblematic culture
00:04:48Speaking of which
00:04:51Speaking of which
00:04:52Live from London
00:04:53It's Saturday
00:05:04It's Saturday Night Live
00:05:07With
00:05:09Wim
00:05:12Mamet Anamashown
00:05:19Ayawade Bramboye
00:05:25Larry Dean
00:05:32Celeste Spring
00:05:38George Fouracres
00:05:44Anya Magliano
00:05:50Annabelle Marlowe
00:05:55Al Nash
00:06:01Jack Sheff
00:06:07Emma Ciddy
00:06:15Paddy Yard
00:06:22Musical guest, Wet Leg
00:06:28And your host, Tina Fey
00:06:40Ladies and gentlemen, Tina Fey
00:07:02Thank you very much
00:07:03Oh my gosh, I am so excited to be here in London
00:07:07It is an absolute honor
00:07:08And honestly, kind of historic
00:07:11Guys, I am the youngest person ever to host SNL UK
00:07:20Again, my name is Tina Fey
00:07:22Here in the UK
00:07:24Here in the UK you might know me as the teacher from Mean Girls
00:07:29Or you might remember a long time ago when I played Sarah Palin on SNL US
00:07:37Or maybe you feel like you recognize me as the lady from the show Veep
00:07:42And that's fine too, let's go with that
00:07:45So why do a UK version of SNL?
00:07:48Well, like so many large-scale American operations these days, no one really knows why
00:07:56But here's what this is, okay?
00:07:58It is a sketch comedy show
00:08:00There will be a different celebrity host each week
00:08:03There will be music performances
00:08:04And the show is truly live
00:08:07So things may go wrong
00:08:09Things may have already gone wrong
00:08:11My pants were supposed to be full length
00:08:15And I'm so excited for you to meet your cast
00:08:17They are wonderful
00:08:18I can't even begin to understand them when they speak
00:08:23One boy is either Scottish or choking
00:08:28But their energy is A plus
00:08:30And I'm going to stay out of their way tonight as much as possible
00:08:34I'm just here as a long-time SNL employee to help out
00:08:39And to answer like any questions anyone might have
00:08:42Oh hi, yeah, Nicola Coughlin
00:08:49It is lovely to see you
00:08:51But my question is if this is SNL UK
00:08:55Then why are you the first host?
00:08:58Shouldn't it be like a British icon?
00:09:00Like David Beckham or Judi Dench
00:09:02Or like Shrek
00:09:04Wait, Shrek is British?
00:09:06Scotland isn't Britain, Tina
00:09:08Educate yourself
00:09:11Well, that is a valid question
00:09:13Why an American host?
00:09:15And the way it was explained to me
00:09:17Was that for this first episode anyway
00:09:20How do I put this politely?
00:09:22None of you fuckers would do it?
00:09:26Does that make sense?
00:09:27It does
00:09:30Is it possible that many of us were a little reluctant
00:09:32To be in the first show
00:09:34Because this is going out in Britain
00:09:35And British people tend to root for the failure of others
00:09:41Yeah, why are you guys like that?
00:09:43Well, not me
00:09:44I'm Irish
00:09:46Educate yourself
00:09:49Look, that all is to say
00:09:50If this show is a hit
00:09:51And if you do ever happen to get Olly Murs for musical guest
00:09:54I would be honoured to come back
00:09:56And win a BAFTA for it
00:09:58Amazing
00:09:58Well, that's great to know
00:10:00Thank you, Nicola
00:10:04Any other questions?
00:10:06Oh, sure
00:10:07Michael Cera
00:10:07Hi
00:10:13Hi, Tina
00:10:13Hi, Michael
00:10:15Why are you here?
00:10:15You're not British
00:10:17No, I'm Canadian
00:10:18It's part of the Commonwealth
00:10:19Educate yourself
00:10:23Sorry
00:10:24No, I don't really have a question
00:10:25But I just wanted to say
00:10:26I think you just swore a second ago
00:10:28You said the F word
00:10:29Oh, yeah
00:10:30We are allowed to swear in this version of the show
00:10:37It's crazy
00:10:38Can I try?
00:10:39Sure
00:10:40If you want to
00:10:43Shitbird
00:10:44Just fucking
00:10:46Bollocks
00:10:48I think I would use it sparingly
00:10:50It feels kind of unclassy
00:10:51Yeah, you know what?
00:10:52You're right
00:10:53I agree, Michael
00:10:53That's a great note
00:10:54Thank you so much
00:10:58We have time for one more
00:11:00Oh, yes
00:11:01Graham Norton
00:11:02Thank you
00:11:05So nice to see you
00:11:07I just wondered
00:11:08Did you know that this is usually my studio?
00:11:11Yeah, I did hear that, Graham
00:11:13Thank you for loaning it to us
00:11:14Oh, would you mind if I came up there
00:11:16And just showed you a fiddly thing about this place?
00:11:18Oh, I would love it
00:11:18Come on, Graham Norton
00:11:19Everybody
00:11:22Great
00:11:23Thank you, thank you, thank you
00:11:25Yeah, sure
00:11:26Now, Tina
00:11:27I believe you've always had a deep love of British comedy
00:11:32Are you interviewing me now?
00:11:34Let me help you
00:11:35I have a gift for making American celebrities likeable to a British audience
00:11:41Wait, are we not likeable?
00:11:43Oh
00:11:46Hey, I hear you have a really funny story about watching British television as a young child
00:11:52Oh, well, yes, actually
00:11:54Growing up, we thought that anything British was educational
00:11:57So my parents showed us all British shows
00:12:00And we used to watch Benny Hill as a family
00:12:03No
00:12:04As a young girl, you would watch Benny Hill?
00:12:07No
00:12:08It really messed me up sexually
00:12:12What about Ab Fab?
00:12:13Oh, sweetie, darling
00:12:14You're just a little shop girl, darling
00:12:15Keeping up appearances
00:12:16Richard
00:12:18Monty Python
00:12:19That is an ex-parrot
00:12:20Fawlty Towers
00:12:21Nobody mentioned the war
00:12:23Are you being served?
00:12:24My pussy is like an alarm club
00:12:27Reggie Perrin
00:12:28I didn't get where I am today by waffling
00:12:30Deep cut, Monty Python
00:12:32We lived in shoebox in middle of road
00:12:35East Enders
00:12:36I killed Ethel
00:12:37Oh, my
00:12:40David Fred
00:12:42David Fred
00:12:43There's been a rape up there
00:12:45And dark trends
00:12:47Nothing beats a Jet 2 holiday
00:12:49Auto-gloss repair
00:12:50Auto-gloss replace
00:12:52Oh, that's right
00:12:53You got it
00:12:55They're all yours now, Tina
00:12:56All yours
00:12:56We've done a great show
00:12:58Wet Leg is here
00:12:59Stick your out and watch this
00:13:01When it comes to age-defying skin care
00:13:09I don't need a time machine
00:13:11I just need something that works
00:13:14So I can bring back the spark in me
00:13:17And in us
00:13:21And now I've found it
00:13:23The anti-aging cream that works so well
00:13:25Everyone will think your husband
00:13:27Is a nonce
00:13:31She's my wife
00:13:32She's a grown woman
00:13:33Shut your mouth
00:13:34You made me sick
00:13:39Introducing Indourage
00:13:41With active compounds and hyaluronic acid
00:13:44Indourage delivers special protection for your skin
00:13:46And ensures your husband will need special protection when he's in jail
00:13:51My wife's skin has never looked more youthful and fresh
00:13:54It's destroyed my life
00:13:55Thanks, Indourage
00:13:56My skin looks so fresh
00:13:58My husband can't go anywhere without being hunted by right-wing, paedophile-catching militias
00:14:08Frank, someone's at the door
00:14:11Thanks, Indourage
00:14:12My husband is no longer allowed within 200 feet of a score
00:14:17My husband lost his record deal
00:14:19And some, but not all of his fans
00:14:24He loves the way I look
00:14:25Yeah, but, you know
00:14:27Not like that
00:14:28Sorry
00:14:29Excuse me
00:14:30Little girl
00:14:31Do you know this man?
00:14:34Your wife
00:14:35You sick bastard
00:14:37He's married to an Indourage girl
00:14:39He's married to an Indourage girl
00:14:42I'm married to an underage girl
00:14:45I'm going to have a pronounce that right
00:14:48No, I didn't mean that
00:14:51No, it's the name of the thing
00:14:54Indourage
00:14:54I'm not underage
00:14:57Or am I
00:14:58She's not
00:14:58She's not
00:14:59Indourage by Peter Lay
00:15:10Hello
00:15:12I'm David Attenborough
00:15:14And it can't be long now
00:15:21As the only remaining national treasure
00:15:24Not on that list
00:15:26I enjoy a place as one of 90% of the British public's dream dinner party guests
00:15:34But I'm often asked who would be on mine
00:15:38Well, using DNA sampling and my own brother's Jurassic Park technology
00:15:44I have reanimated some of history's greatest Britons for one night only
00:15:50So that I can ask them
00:15:52So that I can ask them
00:15:53What really makes Britain great?
00:15:55This is David Attenborough's Last Supper
00:16:07I'd like to welcome my guests
00:16:10Prime Minister
00:16:12Prime Minister
00:16:12Prime Minister
00:16:12Prime Minister
00:16:16Sir Isaac Newton
00:16:17Nurse
00:16:19Mary C. Cole
00:16:20Diana
00:16:22Princess of Wales
00:16:26Author
00:16:28Agatha Christie
00:16:29Poet
00:16:31Benjamin
00:16:32Zephaniah
00:16:33Freddie Mercury
00:16:35From Queen
00:16:38Elizabeth I
00:16:39From Being the Queen
00:16:43Surprise, surprise
00:16:44It's Cilla Black
00:16:48Thank you so much for hosting this dinner party, Sir David
00:16:52You're very welcome, Princess Di
00:16:55Now
00:16:58As this cloning technology
00:17:01Only works
00:17:03For one hour
00:17:05I'll cut to the chase
00:17:07What do you think
00:17:10Makes Britain
00:17:11Great
00:17:13Before we commence
00:17:15There is a mystery I should like to solve
00:17:18Are we doing starters?
00:17:20I'm getting a starter
00:17:23I'm bleeding, starving
00:17:24Yes, order whatever you like
00:17:26Tonight is about thrilling conversation
00:17:29And the greatness
00:17:30Of Great Britain
00:17:32Yes, Winston Churchill
00:17:34Shall we get three starters for the table
00:17:37And do picky bits?
00:17:39Hey-ho
00:17:41Freddie says he wants the croquettes
00:17:43Oh
00:17:46I'd have the croquettes
00:17:47But I only want a little nibble
00:17:54Well, hang on, hang on
00:17:57By my calculations
00:17:58There are three croquettes in one order
00:18:01And ten of us
00:18:01Therefore, if we order three portions
00:18:03One person will miss out
00:18:04The solution is simple
00:18:06We order four
00:18:08That means that three people will get two croquettes
00:18:11But who?
00:18:13Another mystery
00:18:14Look, look, look, look
00:18:16Don't worry about the food
00:18:18The BBC have spared no expense
00:18:20Bringing you back to life
00:18:23I'm sure they're happy
00:18:24To cover one dinner
00:18:26At the Ivy
00:18:27Now
00:18:28As to the source
00:18:30Of Britain's greatness
00:18:32Not to be that person
00:18:33But I don't like croquettes
00:18:34I'd rather get the soup
00:18:35How about
00:18:36That's a lot of starter
00:18:37Just for use
00:18:38Happy to eat at it
00:18:41Freddie's right
00:18:42We should all have to pay
00:18:43For your starter
00:18:44No, no one's paying
00:18:45No one's paying
00:18:47It's
00:18:48It's cupboard, guys
00:18:49Tonight
00:18:50It's about
00:18:52Scintillating conversation
00:18:53And
00:18:54Learning from each other
00:18:57Yes
00:18:57Benjamin Zephaniah
00:18:58Do you think each coffee comes with a free rice?
00:19:01If it has an asterisk next to its name
00:19:04Then it comes with a free rice
00:19:07People on the street
00:19:09You're right, Freddie
00:19:11There are some people on the street
00:19:12But that doesn't answer the question about poppadoms
00:19:16Stop it
00:19:17Stop it now
00:19:20It doesn't matter what we have to eat
00:19:24I'll put that down
00:19:25Put it
00:19:28This experiment has been a complete waste of time
00:19:31And money
00:19:32The answer I was looking for
00:19:35As to what makes Britain truly great
00:19:37Was
00:19:37The NHS
00:19:38And centre parks
00:19:40There
00:19:42You've ruined it
00:19:43Dinner over
00:19:47Now we shall move on
00:19:49To the lovemaking portion of the evening
00:19:53Anybody who wants to leave
00:19:56Now's your chance
00:20:00Head over to iPlayer now
00:20:02To see the full uncut edition
00:20:04Of David Attenborough's Last Supper
00:20:08Oh my god
00:20:11That's your chance
00:20:11I'm happy that
00:20:12You
00:20:12Go, go, go
00:20:44I'm Ed Boobies, welcome to Boobies Goes to the Films, the show about all things cinema.
00:20:50And this is a very special day, I'm pinching myself, to be honest.
00:20:54We've got Ricky Hall and Lena Phillips in the house.
00:21:00What's happening?
00:21:01Good to be here.
00:21:02They're here to talk to us through their new film, Hot Streak, and they are two icons of cinema.
00:21:07I hope you don't mind me saying.
00:21:09No, I don't mind at all.
00:21:10Keep saying it.
00:21:14Lena, I've been a fan since your first film, Sunrise Eyes.
00:21:18Wow, that's a deep cut.
00:21:20Oh, yeah.
00:21:22Colt, that's a colour.
00:21:24And Ricky, Crazy Goat, underrated movie.
00:21:29Thanks so much, man.
00:21:30No, no, thank you.
00:21:31And I guess I'm trying to say, I love you and your work so much.
00:21:34I hope that's not too creepy.
00:21:36No, thank you.
00:21:37Thanks so much, man.
00:21:37Okay, so let's talk about Hot Streak.
00:21:40I watched this last night, it fucking sucked.
00:21:49Excuse me?
00:21:51It sucked.
00:21:53So bad, like all the way through.
00:21:56What happened?
00:22:02Lena, you first.
00:22:06Yeah, well, we loved working on this movie.
00:22:09Yeah, it was a dream to work with Vicky, our director.
00:22:13But why did it suck so bad, like all the way through?
00:22:16Well, I don't think it sucked.
00:22:18It did.
00:22:20Did it?
00:22:21Yeah, all the way through.
00:22:23Where's our PR?
00:22:24No, no, he's gone to get me some fruit.
00:22:26Look.
00:22:28I could be wrong.
00:22:29I don't think I am.
00:22:31But I could be.
00:22:32Let's check out a clip.
00:22:37Oh.
00:22:39Oh, boo.
00:22:42They're sucking so bad, Vicky.
00:22:44You're not even acting there.
00:22:46I mean, you are acting, but it's so wrong and sour.
00:22:50You know?
00:22:51No, no, stop the tape.
00:22:53Stop the tape.
00:22:54It's just, that sucks.
00:22:58I just...
00:23:02I just know if you tried, if everyone tried and, like, gave me everything, we could have
00:23:08got there.
00:23:10It didn't have to be good.
00:23:12You know, I don't need good.
00:23:14I just need it not to fucking suck.
00:23:17Like, all the way through.
00:23:19Can everything stop sucking all the time?
00:23:21Because it's making my life bad.
00:23:24Is that too much to ask?
00:23:26Please!
00:23:28Sorry.
00:23:29We're sorry.
00:23:31That's okay.
00:23:33Join us next time on Boobies Goes With The Films.
00:23:36I've been at Boobies wishing you a decent day.
00:23:38We are getting legend famous.
00:23:46Get to work.
00:23:47What a time to be alive, people.
00:23:49My name is Turpin Turpin.
00:23:50Yep.
00:23:51Both my names are Turpin.
00:23:53Great job.
00:23:53All right.
00:23:54Jan, how are we doing?
00:23:55Good.
00:23:55Yeah.
00:23:55Guys.
00:23:55What do we do here?
00:23:56We're all working together to make the internet as bad as we can possibly get it.
00:24:00It's a team effort.
00:24:02I'm Jan.
00:24:02I'm almost 19 and I'm the password manager.
00:24:05Essentially, my job is, just before you enter in a short, memorable password of your own,
00:24:10I come up with a very long and complicated one.
00:24:12I'll remember it and I don't.
00:24:15I'm the X-Man.
00:24:17I do all the X's for online adverts.
00:24:19We try and make them smaller than any human finger.
00:24:21Even if you do manage to press it, what does an X even mean?
00:24:24Sometimes it can mean, close this window.
00:24:26Sometimes it can mean, open four more windows.
00:24:29It can matter.
00:24:30I think most people think it's the first one.
00:24:33Most people voted for Hitler.
00:24:37Sorry.
00:24:38I'm online a lot.
00:24:39Don't know what's real.
00:24:40The thing is, is there are websites that no one would ever intentionally visit.
00:24:44You know, no one actually wants to enter the Omaze house drawer.
00:24:48No one is really owed money just to be born between 1995 and 1997.
00:24:52And no one intentionally clicks on family guy porn.
00:24:55Except me.
00:24:57But that's only because of how much I like to look at it.
00:25:00This is good, people.
00:25:01This is good.
00:25:03Woo!
00:25:04My speciality.
00:25:05I'm the guy who moves things at the last second so that people click on the wrong stuff online.
00:25:15Okay, she's about to click.
00:25:17Standby.
00:25:18Standing by.
00:25:24She's hovering.
00:25:27She's hovering.
00:25:30And...
00:25:31Budget.
00:25:32She's hovering.
00:25:34She's hovering.
00:25:35She's hovering.
00:25:36She's hovering.
00:25:36She's hovering.
00:25:37Annoying.
00:25:37Yes!
00:25:39Yes!
00:25:40Yes!
00:25:41Yes!
00:25:42Yes!
00:25:42Yes!
00:25:43That's five seconds.
00:25:44She won't get back.
00:25:46So.
00:25:47We got her.
00:25:53Do you get paid?
00:25:54No.
00:25:55No.
00:25:57Well, let me ask you this.
00:25:58Let me ask you this.
00:25:59Do you get paid for your job?
00:26:01Yeah.
00:26:04Interesting.
00:26:12Gosh, ten hours of labour.
00:26:14Doesn't look like this little man's in a rush.
00:26:16Why is it taking so long?
00:26:18Why is it taking so long?
00:26:18I don't know.
00:26:18I'm sorry.
00:26:19He's just a bit...
00:26:19He's just a bit shy.
00:26:22Aw.
00:26:23Aw, look at it.
00:26:24He's just...
00:26:24Hold this.
00:26:25Bless him.
00:26:26Well, he's not wrong with being shy, is he?
00:26:29Aw, not wrong at all.
00:26:31I think I'd prefer a shy one, to be honest.
00:26:34Out of my way.
00:26:35I'm Dr. Amanda Miller.
00:26:36I graduated Harvard.
00:26:37Summa Cum Laude.
00:26:38My kids are very mean to me, but I don't have time to get into that right now.
00:26:42Wait, where's the obstetrician here?
00:26:44He's just a bit shy, isn't he?
00:26:46I wish that was the case.
00:26:47I'm so sorry, Mrs. Cook, but your baby is not shy.
00:26:50He's something much more sinister.
00:26:52He's pretending to be shy for attention.
00:26:59And we need to act fast before it metastasizes.
00:27:03But this all seems a bit dramatic.
00:27:05Well, unless you want your son to be an adult man who is addicted to cancelling plans,
00:27:10let me do my goddamn job.
00:27:15Wait, hang on.
00:27:16What if he's shy around strangers, but he lets his guard down around people he trusts?
00:27:21Like an introverted extrovert.
00:27:23Yeah, those are essentially a myth.
00:27:25Most people who make a big deal out of being shy are, medically speaking, fake-ass divas.
00:27:31That son of mine's gonna be a fake-ass diva.
00:27:35I mean, look, I'm no doctor.
00:27:38I'm just a stupid rocket scientist, but I think he's genuinely shy.
00:27:44Okay.
00:27:46But like, now he's dancing.
00:27:55I'm just like, why would a genuinely shy person do that?
00:27:59Wait, he's quite good.
00:28:02Oh my God.
00:28:03He is quite good.
00:28:06He's not amazing, but he's quite good.
00:28:08He's got spirit.
00:28:10You can tell he's actually enjoying himself.
00:28:12Hey!
00:28:14Ho!
00:28:15Hey!
00:28:17Ho!
00:28:17Mr. and Mrs. Cook, this is serious.
00:28:20Okay, an authentically shy person would not pop their puss in this manner.
00:28:26Oh, Harry.
00:28:28Maybe she's right.
00:28:29What if our son is giving cringe?
00:28:32Only claiming to be socially awkward when it suits him.
00:28:35Eh, slash them.
00:28:37He's sitting in the corner at parties because he gets overwhelmed,
00:28:41but then he's the loudest and most abrasive person there by quite some distance.
00:28:47The type of bitch to give a presentation at work and make the whole thing about how nervous he is,
00:28:51even though it's like, girl, you volunteered to do this.
00:28:55Oh no.
00:28:56Now he's holding his hands out to show that they're shaking,
00:28:59but it's obvious it's him who's making it happen.
00:29:02Oh!
00:29:04Doctor, do something!
00:29:06Grab a leg.
00:29:08Honey, are you the diamond in my wedding ring?
00:29:11Because you are fake as hell and we can see right through you, okay?
00:29:16Okay, well, he's dancing again.
00:29:18Oh, gosh.
00:29:19Doctor, please.
00:29:20We just want him out of there safe and sound.
00:29:24Fine.
00:29:25I promised myself I would never do this.
00:29:29Hey, sweetie.
00:29:30How are you feeling?
00:29:32So, um, a bunch of us are thinking of doing karaoke.
00:29:37Ah!
00:29:37Stop! Don't leave without me!
00:29:40But I'm literally just gonna watch.
00:29:42Woo!
00:29:44He's coming!
00:29:45He's coming!
00:29:46Oh!
00:29:47Oh!
00:29:48Congratulations!
00:29:49He's a nightmare!
00:29:53Oh!
00:29:55Oh!
00:29:57Oh!
00:29:58Oh!
00:30:00Oh!
00:30:02Oh!
00:30:05Ladies and gentlemen, Wet Leg!
00:30:15Nice child!
00:30:17Get out of the way!
00:30:19We're in our way!
00:30:20You brought a feet up!
00:30:22Too bad!
00:30:24You couldn't stay!
00:30:26We're in our way!
00:30:28Take this back!
00:30:28It's more any soon!
00:30:32Hot!
00:30:38I got all I got on!
00:30:44Zafir, Coutinho.
00:30:45And I'm gonna be I'm sorry!
00:30:47Oh!
00:30:47You know how?
00:30:48I got in my guitar my 소�.
00:30:48I know but let me do that one.
00:30:54Hey!
00:30:55Wow!
00:30:55Hey, hey!
00:30:55Pitt,
00:30:55Magic beans, I hope you're gonna get out soon
00:30:58Oh man, I hope you're gonna get out soon
00:31:02I really hope you're gonna get out soon
00:31:05Oh man, I hope you're gonna get out soon
00:31:13Good job, give you an A
00:31:16Golden star, you keep your level
00:31:19Good job, she took a break
00:31:23Made a mistake
00:31:25But she needs ever
00:31:29Kill her forever
00:31:32Kill her forever
00:31:36Kill her forever
00:31:41You think I'm pretty, you think I'm pretty cool
00:31:45You wanna fuck me, I know most people do
00:31:48The paper's back here, you read it, it says most do
00:31:52I gave you magic beans, I hope you're gonna get out soon
00:31:55I really hope you're gonna get out soon
00:31:59Oh man, I hope you're gonna get out soon
00:32:02I really hope you're gonna get out soon
00:32:06I know you're up at night, pushed over your phone line
00:32:13The dream of the hill is crooked from the wind that bites
00:32:21You say you're lost at sea, call the RNA light
00:32:28You're washed up around you, you've been standing in my light
00:32:35You're standing in my light
00:32:39You're standing in my light
00:32:42You're standing in my light
00:32:48You think I'm pretty, you think I'm pretty cool
00:32:52You say I'm scared, I know most people do
00:32:56This is the real world, honey
00:32:58Yeah baby, spider, everything, our business just won't get it through
00:33:03Nice job, now get out of the way
00:33:06Two times, you take a fuck in
00:33:09I bet I'll be you, you wanna be you, you wanna be ya, ya, ya, ya, ya
00:33:17Nice job, now get out of the way
00:33:20You're in our way
00:33:22Get up forever
00:33:33Thank you
00:33:35Thank you
00:33:35Thank you
00:33:36Thank you
00:33:48Thank you
00:33:55It's Weekend Update, with Anya Magliano and Paddy Young.
00:34:10I'm Paddy Young.
00:34:11And I'm Anya Magliano.
00:34:17Coming up on tonight's Weekend Update,
00:34:19paedophilia, but first, war.
00:34:25Yesterday, in a shock U-turn,
00:34:27Keir Starmer finally gave his consent for President Trump
00:34:30to use British bases to protect the Strait of Hormuz.
00:34:33At which point Trump said,
00:34:35Consent? Now you've taken all the fun out of it.
00:34:40As Iranian strikes continue to hit Dubai,
00:34:43the cost of chartering a private jet has risen so high
00:34:46that many influencers have been struggling to flee.
00:34:49I must stress, though, it's not all good news.
00:34:57If any influencers are killed, and again, we can only hope they are,
00:35:02at least they'll be easy to identify by their dental records.
00:35:05They're the massive white ones made in Turkey.
00:35:09You've got to feel for them.
00:35:10They went there to evade income tax, and now they have to evade income in a tax.
00:35:15We're now three weeks into the Iran war, which started with the death of one Ayatollah Khomini
00:35:20and the appointment of another Ayatollah Khomini.
00:35:23Khomini? Two, but one's dead now.
00:35:33Not everyone in NATO wants to get involved.
00:35:36German Defence Minister Boris Pistorius said there would be no military participation from Germany.
00:35:41Where was this energy in 1939?
00:35:47Also, is there a more evil name than Boris Pistorius?
00:35:53How do you do the name Saddam Walliams?
00:36:00The head of the Asian Football Confederation said this week that Iran is still set to play at the
00:36:06upcoming World Cup in America. If Iran does take part, America has guaranteed that all of their
00:36:12matches will be refereed by a completely impartial MQ-9 Reaper drone.
00:36:18We all know the supply of oil has been affected by this war,
00:36:22but the Strait of Hormuz is also the primary route for a third of the world's helium.
00:36:26A spokesperson for the helium industry said...
00:36:37We've run out of helium.
00:36:46With pressure mounting to secure the Strait of Hormuz,
00:36:50and the Royal Navy almost completely out of action,
00:36:53the government have decided to send in the only British naval captain who's ready to go.
00:36:58Please welcome Captain Birdseye!
00:37:00Come on!
00:37:05Even the hearties!
00:37:08Now, Captain, I think the question a lot of people
00:37:12at home are asking is,
00:37:14why is the government sending a fish finger man to a red-hot war zone?
00:37:20Fish finger man? I am the purveyor of the finest fish fingers in the land.
00:37:25Succulent cod fillets and a perfectly crispy golden crumb.
00:37:28Only the best for the captain's table. Fish finger?
00:37:31Captain Birdseye, can I remind you, this is a military operation.
00:37:35Exactly. Preparation. Timing. Control. Six minutes one side, turn.
00:37:41Six minutes the other. Now that's what I call a proper fish finger.
00:37:45Fish finger?
00:37:47You're about to be deployed to a ramp. Can you stop banging on about fish fingers?
00:37:51Fine. We also do chicken dippers, potato waffles, and for some reason the devil only knows, peas.
00:37:59Captain, there are real lives at stake here.
00:38:02Oh! You want to get real, do you, you scurvy little deck rat?
00:38:07All right, answer me this. You think I've spent the last five decades sailing around in a 150-foot
00:38:13schooner with 300 singing children just to sell fish fingers, do ye?
00:38:18I'm sorry, did you say 300 singing children?
00:38:20Because I'll tell you what's real, you bilge-drinking haddock.
00:38:25What's real is the nation's favourite fish fingers are just a cover for my actual work.
00:38:30Special Forces black-up savagery that would haunt your dreams.
00:38:34What's real is opening up a Serbian mercenary's neck with a machete.
00:38:39Watching it yawn open, hot and steaming, like a split fish finger.
00:38:44This is insane.
00:38:46Insane? I'll show you insane.
00:38:50Are those human fingers?
00:38:52Only the best for the captain's table.
00:38:56Captain Burnsey, everyone!
00:38:58Another new hero!
00:39:05Renovations to Andrew Mountbatten-Windsor's new home, Marsh Farm,
00:39:08have been taking place over the last month, including the installation of Sky TV.
00:39:14So, if you're watching, Andrew, hello!
00:39:17You're not gonna like this next bit.
00:39:20Also, I'm older than I look.
00:39:28Andrew's new residence, Marsh Farm, is of course named after the nearby marsh where his body will be found.
00:39:38It was reported this week that the police investigation into Andrew is set to widen.
00:39:43The big question now is, if Andrew is charged, found guilty and put in prison, will he be able to
00:39:48keep his mouth shut?
00:39:49I hope not, said his cellmate's penis.
00:39:59Conservative leader, Kemi Badenoch, told Times Radio that she would confront a shoplifter if they were, quote,
00:40:05not too big.
00:40:08So, rest assured, if you shoplift and Kemi does try to stop you, it means she thinks you're skinny.
00:40:16In showbiz news, feuding father and son David and Brooklyn Beckham narrowly miss each other whilst at the same Beverly
00:40:22Hills Hotel.
00:40:23The feud began when Victoria was, quote,
00:40:26inappropriately close with her son at his wedding,
00:40:28and escalated after Brooklyn accidentally yelled out his wife's name during sex with his mum.
00:40:43The award-winning TV series, It's a Sin, is set to be adapted for the stage as a dance show,
00:40:49as if a TV show about the AIDS crisis could get any gayer.
00:40:57Tonight, the K-pop band BTS are launching their new world tour.
00:41:01My worry is, with 82 dates across 23 countries,
00:41:05the stress of the tour is going to put a strain on Jimin and V's soulmate relationship.
00:41:10Sure, J-Hope nurtures sugar's inner child, but will Jimin's teasing of sugar make V jealous?
00:41:15And can RM give enough skin chip to baby Jungkook while melting at J-Hope's laugh?
00:41:19Will his dimples still be popping at Jimin's cuteness after an 82-date tour?
00:41:24No idea. I'm not really that into BTS.
00:41:29For Weekend Update, I'm Anya Magliano.
00:41:31And I'm Paddy Young. Goodbye!
00:41:32No idea.
00:41:34No way!
00:42:12Please be safe in London, Will.
00:42:14Nay, worry not, wife.
00:42:16I will be nothing but safe,
00:42:18for all I will think of is returning to thee
00:42:21and our boy, Hamnet.
00:42:25What about our daughters?
00:42:27I must away.
00:42:30My production of the tempest begins anon.
00:42:35Adieu.
00:42:49Tempest was a hit.
00:42:53Methinks I might write another of these plays.
00:42:58Will, thou art returned.
00:43:00Did I not tell thee I would?
00:43:02But hast thou nothing to say?
00:43:06I have sorely missed thee.
00:43:08Likewise, my dear wife, likewise.
00:43:11But dost thou not think I appear chinged?
00:43:17Tis hard to fix mine eyes on anything
00:43:20for the blood that doth course in mine veins
00:43:22on the sweet return of thee to me.
00:43:25Really look at me, though.
00:43:29What vexes thee?
00:43:31I've got a cunty little earring.
00:43:38That's all it is.
00:43:39The hour is upon me.
00:43:40I must to London.
00:43:42My staging of Macbeth awaiteth.
00:43:47Well, Will, I will wait upon thy return.
00:44:06William, thou art returned.
00:44:11Good day, wife.
00:44:13Good day, Hamnet.
00:44:20Will, how London hath changed thee.
00:44:25Come, wife.
00:44:26Let me sit and put me fate up.
00:44:31What art thou wearing?
00:44:33Oh, dost like it.
00:44:36Tis me slutty little chain.
00:44:42Tis all the rage in London.
00:44:45I must to London.
00:44:49My next staging awaits.
00:44:52Henry IV, part two.
00:44:54Henry V.
00:44:58Let not London change thee too much.
00:45:16We don't call them and have returned.
00:45:19We don't call them and have returned it.
00:45:32My eyes do not recognize thee.
00:45:35Well, tis me bitch.
00:45:39Will, thou art a different man.
00:45:42Peace, wife.
00:45:43I be you, Shakespeare.
00:45:45The remix be Troy Savan.
00:45:49Tis not thee, Will.
00:45:51Tis so, bitch.
00:45:53Thou art in Stratford-upon-Avon, and I've been in London upon Ketamin.
00:45:57Thou art in Stratford-upon-Avon, and I've been in London upon Ketamin.
00:45:59I'm like Charlie XCX.
00:46:01Sorry, Charlie 10, 110.
00:46:08I'm in my glow-era, I'm in my glow-up-era, honey.
00:46:13What's that era?
00:46:14We are in one, bitch.
00:46:16Mine.
00:46:19My wife, I bring gifts.
00:46:21This is called a tote bag.
00:46:25I want that not.
00:46:31Wig, my girl.
00:46:33Thou'st look cunty for sure.
00:46:37What does the C word mean?
00:46:40Hmm.
00:46:41Methinks I can't explain.
00:46:42It's not a bad word.
00:46:44It's a good thing.
00:46:45A great thing.
00:46:46It's, uh, bleached brows.
00:46:49It's, um, the cast of Desperate Housewives.
00:46:52It's Cabin Crew, bald head on a woman.
00:46:55Uh, the Elizabeth line, a thin woman eating a big plate of meat.
00:46:58It is as the riddles play upon thy tongue.
00:47:01Thou art just gagged.
00:47:07Hamlets ate the powder within your coin purse.
00:47:18He'll be fine.
00:47:20Tis but a K-hole.
00:47:22And you know what hitteth hard in the hole?
00:47:25Rihanna, bitch.
00:47:25K-chuh.
00:47:49you've seen the film
00:47:51you've heard the musical
00:47:53now experience
00:47:56the experience
00:47:58the live
00:47:59Paddington bear experience
00:48:01this is so exciting
00:48:03we can't believe we're actually going to meet Paddington
00:48:05aren't we?
00:48:06we brought marmalade sandwiches
00:48:08it's Clara and Pantoo
00:48:10we got bands from Magic Mike
00:48:13and Liz kept groping Magic Mike
00:48:15watch out Paddington
00:48:18I can't wait
00:48:19to meet that little bear
00:48:22welcome
00:48:23to 32 Windsor Gardens
00:48:27at London's most immersive experience
00:48:30get closer to Paddington than ever before
00:48:34now
00:48:35who here would like to meet
00:48:37a very rare sort of bear?
00:48:42Janet!
00:48:43open the cage!
00:48:44a place where memories
00:48:46last forever
00:48:53Paddington?
00:49:10why did we hire a real bear?
00:49:12well I know we wanted to hire
00:49:14the little actress from the musical
00:49:15but she wanted too much money
00:49:17and I had seen the bear in something
00:49:20he was amazing
00:49:20what was it?
00:49:21what was it?
00:49:29the zoo
00:49:30I had seen him at the zoo
00:49:34that was amazing
00:49:36I've lost half my face
00:49:40none of that happened in the films
00:49:43that was a lot more blood
00:49:44than I thought there'd be
00:49:46and at Paddington's photo booth
00:49:48we'll be sure to capture
00:49:49all of the magic
00:49:51well I was actually on a terrible date
00:49:53but let's just say
00:49:54I didn't need to ask for Angela
00:49:56I asked for Paddington
00:50:00the Guardian calls it
00:50:02truly unforgettable
00:50:03they said he likes marmalade
00:50:05he doesn't like marmalade
00:50:07he likes
00:50:08human hands
00:50:11I've always thought that three kids
00:50:13was a bit too many
00:50:14and now I've got the optimum amount
00:50:18none
00:50:19the sage says
00:50:21inarguably immersive
00:50:23do I have any regrets?
00:50:26in retrospect
00:50:27maybe hot glue gunning
00:50:28the hat to the bear's head
00:50:30may have made it more angry
00:50:34I'm taking it to Broadway
00:50:35regardless
00:50:36the live Paddington bear experience
00:50:39book before June 25th
00:50:41and get a free tetanus jab
00:50:44found a foot
00:50:45has anyone lost a foot?
00:50:47no
00:50:53once again
00:50:55wet leg
00:51:11can you catch
00:51:14a medicine ball
00:51:15can you catch
00:51:17yourself when you're full?
00:51:19you should be careful
00:51:21do you catch my drift?
00:51:23cause what I really want to know
00:51:24is can you catch these fists?
00:51:27yeah
00:51:27yeah
00:51:28yeah
00:51:29yeah
00:51:30yeah
00:51:31yeah
00:51:32man down
00:51:34yeah
00:51:35yeah
00:51:36yeah
00:51:37yeah
00:51:37yeah
00:51:38yeah
00:51:39level up
00:51:40I know all too well
00:51:43just with your life
00:51:47I don't want your love
00:51:50I just want to fight
00:51:57we're on our way
00:52:00to the club
00:52:02stupid is
00:52:04stupid does
00:52:05winazine
00:52:07racking up
00:52:09ketamine
00:52:10giddy up
00:52:12yeah
00:52:13yeah
00:52:14yeah
00:52:15yeah
00:52:17yeah
00:52:17yeah
00:52:19man down
00:52:19yeah
00:52:20yeah
00:52:21yeah
00:52:23yeah
00:52:24yeah
00:52:24yeah
00:52:25yeah
00:52:25level up
00:52:26I know all too well
00:52:29just with your life
00:52:34I don't want your love
00:52:36I just want to fight
00:52:44we don't get pussy
00:52:45get the boo
00:52:46I saw him sipping on dog food
00:52:48this always happens
00:52:49late at night
00:52:50some guy comes up
00:52:51says I'm his type
00:52:51I just threw up in my mouth
00:52:53when he just tried to ask me out
00:52:55don't approach me
00:52:56I just want to dance
00:52:57with my friends
00:52:58yeah
00:52:59yeah
00:53:00yeah
00:53:00yeah
00:53:02yeah
00:53:04man down
00:53:05yeah
00:53:06yeah
00:53:07yeah
00:53:08yeah
00:53:09yeah
00:53:10yeah
00:53:11level up
00:53:12I know all too well
00:53:15just with your life
00:53:19I don't want your love
00:53:21I just want to fight
00:53:26I know all too well
00:53:28love
00:53:29still in your life
00:53:33I don't want your love
00:53:36I just want to fight
00:53:37I know all too well
00:53:46I know all too well
00:54:25Four things, thank you.
00:54:36Oh, Jane, look at you. Divorced, saggy, alone. What a sad little life, Jane.
00:54:46Fancy profits, eh?
00:54:49Um, sure. Yeah, I've actually lost a ton of weight.
00:54:53Oh, good for you.
00:54:54Uh, due to immense stress. I have a bad life.
00:54:58I'm sorry to hear that.
00:54:59Well, I'm just going to do it round your top, OK?
00:55:02So, uh, here we go. We've got the middle.
00:55:04That's 38 inches, so, yeah, that's quite wide.
00:55:08And cuff size, that's a B, so it's small.
00:55:13You're not happy with that?
00:55:15Oh, 38B, that's not exactly a sexy bra size.
00:55:19It feels kind of schlubby.
00:55:21Oh.
00:55:22Would you like me to zhuzh?
00:55:25Huh?
00:55:27Zhuzh it up a bit for the surrounds.
00:55:30What does that mean?
00:55:32A zhuzh for the surrounds.
00:55:34Right, OK.
00:55:36So I come back in, and I zhuzh, right?
00:55:39I very loudly make a point of how big your bra size is.
00:55:43These out there don't know what you're really measured as.
00:55:47Wink, wink.
00:55:48Is that a British thing?
00:55:50It is a thing.
00:55:52Do you want to give it a go?
00:55:54It is a free service.
00:55:56Sure.
00:55:57Won't be long, ladies.
00:55:58I'm just doing a fitting.
00:55:59Oh, my goodness!
00:56:02Wow!
00:56:03These are going to measure up nicely.
00:56:06So we're going to start with the width.
00:56:08Very petite.
00:56:10But your cup size is...
00:56:12Big?
00:56:13Big cup size, right?
00:56:16Oh, crikey!
00:56:17Yeah, they've got a real weight to them.
00:56:19Oh, fantastic!
00:56:21In fact, I'm surprised...
00:56:23You don't topple over.
00:56:24You don't topple over!
00:56:26With a great big rack like that, my bit.
00:56:29Oh, four!
00:56:31You nearly poked my eye out.
00:56:34You've heard of Pinocchio?
00:56:36Well, you're like that, but the nose is big, lovely bazoombas.
00:56:41Is that okay?
00:56:42Yeah, that's good.
00:56:44So, I'm happy to tell you.
00:56:46What size would you like, darling?
00:56:47Big, but keep it classy.
00:56:49Double D is good.
00:56:49Oh, no, we're going bigger than that.
00:56:52You're a gorgeous, petite and perky 28G.
00:56:58What an absolute pair.
00:57:01Oh, how's that feel?
00:57:03I...
00:57:04I feel amazing.
00:57:05Thank you so much, Miss...
00:57:08Juggs.
00:57:09They call me Juggs.
00:57:13Right.
00:57:14There you go.
00:57:17Put these back on the rack, Jackie.
00:57:20They were sold far too small for this customer's great big buzies.
00:57:26Lovely tits you got there, miss.
00:57:30Juggs.
00:57:31Wait.
00:57:33Is there anything else that you could zhuzh for me?
00:57:36Like, for the surrounds?
00:57:38My 2026 is kind of rough.
00:57:41Basically, I was responsible for editing this British Film Awards ceremony and...
00:57:49Let's just say I did not get it right.
00:57:53It's a zhuzh for the surrounds, darling, not for the soul.
00:57:58But you'll be alright with those great big wicked knockers.
00:58:04Uh, excuse me.
00:58:08Reggae Jean-Page, what are you doing in the women's changing rooms?
00:58:12Oh, it's a long and sexy story.
00:58:16Listen, I don't usually do this, but...
00:58:18Can I buy you a drink?
00:58:20On the fifth floor, next to the baby clothes and electricals.
00:58:24Sure, I could do that.
00:58:29Thanks for changing my life.
00:58:50What kind of Irish is your grandad?
00:58:55What kind of Irish is your gramps?
00:58:59Is he this?
00:58:59Come here to me.
00:59:00Which one of you little garbs shows through a heap of phobes in my window?
00:59:03You better tell me.
00:59:04Because I know you're that and I know you're that and I know you're that.
00:59:08What kind of Irish is your grandad?
00:59:11Is he this?
00:59:11So that's a picture of me back in 82 on the 12th of the King William Lodge.
00:59:16You know, they can all they want to ban it.
00:59:17They're not desperate.
00:59:18What kind of Irish is your grandad?
00:59:25Is he this?
00:59:32I'm Christmas.
00:59:34He's the tree he I punto above the King William Lodge.
00:59:38He just orders his history.
00:59:45Oh, oh she's the ska, oh she's the taulla
00:59:48Oh, oh she's the taulla
00:59:54And I'm sure you can play
00:59:57Sorry!
01:00:00Wow!
01:00:03Nicola Coughlin from the Dairy Girls.
01:00:06No, it's Dairy Girls.
01:00:08It doesn't matter, Nicola Coughlin, none of this is real!
01:00:14Goodnight, God bless, love you!
01:00:20Waterford Sessions with four items.
01:00:27My biggest thanks to Wetleg, Nicola Coughlin,
01:00:31Michael Cera, Graham Norton, Reggie Jean-Page,
01:00:34and a huge thank you to the cast and writers and everyone
01:00:39for welcoming me here and making such a great week.
01:00:43Congratulations, SNL UK boys!
01:00:46Congratulations!
01:00:48Congratulations!
01:00:48You're welcome back to the G-H-R-C-H-Start!
01:00:50M-H-R-C-A-R-B-E-R-R-E-R-I.
01:00:53M-H-R-C-A-R-R-E-R-A-R-T-O-R-E-R-E-R.
01:00:59M-H-R-R-E-R-V-E-R-R-E-R-E-R-E-R-E-R.
01:01:01M-H-R-R-E-R-R-E-R-E-R-E!
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