- 2 weeks ago
Gogglebox S27E08 H 264 Episode 8 Engsub
Category
🎥
Short filmTranscript
00:00There's a spider on the butter.
00:02What is it?
00:03Spider on the butter.
00:05Oh, not stuck into it by its legs?
00:08No.
00:09You mean it's just walked across the butter?
00:11I've dealt with it in a humane way, Mary, by putting it into the plate drawer.
00:20Have you ever done all like that?
00:22Well, I ain't telling you what they had.
00:26Oh, Barcelona.
00:29No, I don't like that this guy's trying to tell me how to eat my dinner.
00:32A what?
00:33Foot fetish!
00:34I had no idea that was a thing.
00:36Remove my britches, expose your loins.
00:38I like that.
00:40Oh, Ronnie.
00:43This is weird.
00:44Jeez, he's immersed in me, fucker, innit?
00:46This is why I don't date.
00:48That is Dyson with the devil.
00:49Oh, no.
00:50He suffers for his art, doesn't he?
00:52A Bentley Continental!
00:54I think I'd rather call it a Dane, I'd say, wouldn't you?
00:57Who's been arrested now and for what?
01:02In the week we said a sad farewell to maths dating coach Mel Schilling,
01:07we enjoyed lots of great telly.
01:11Famous faces were getting their hands dirty in the big white tent.
01:14I'm going to be honest with you, I'm not really a pastry girl in that sense, never made it.
01:19It just seems like a lot of work.
01:21So I was told once in domestic science at school, if you're making pastry,
01:24I was told you should run your wrists under cold water and they cool your blood,
01:31and then when you're rubbing in, your hands are...
01:34Darling, throw it in the Madge mix.
01:39More furry friends were finding their forever homes on Channel 4.
01:44It is very, very difficult, but there's no alternative for us.
01:47He needs someone that can just give him the love that we've given him and we will miss him.
01:52Madge jumps from the floor to the kitchen worktops and, like, goes inside the air fryers.
02:02She knows how to open the air fryer drawers and go inside.
02:05Is it extreme intelligence or is it extremely bad behaviour?
02:08I don't know, do you know that I was cooking other week,
02:11I was cooking a jacket potato in air fryer.
02:14I hear this crash bang wallop come downstairs,
02:17the air fryer drawers are open and my jacket potatoes are on the floor.
02:21And there was something new giving us a fright on Netflix.
02:33That is something very bad about to happen.
02:37What, the fact that she's getting married?
02:40Something very bad is going to happen.
02:44RJ!
02:45What?
02:45Why are you saying that about our wedding day? That sounds mean.
02:50I wish someone had told me before, man.
02:59In Blackpool...
03:00Me and Paige have had to start putting locks on the cupboards.
03:03Really?
03:04The kids now, they just help themselves to everything.
03:07They're like locusts, they just strip the cupboards.
03:10Pete and his little sister Sophie.
03:12Paige went out the other day and I had Eva and Jimmy write.
03:15I'm like, next thing, Eva just walks in the living room with a packet of wine gums going...
03:21Do you want the wine gums?
03:23I'm like, no.
03:24Do you want the wine gum?
03:25You shouldn't be eating them.
03:30Do you want the wine gum?
03:45Yeah.
03:46He's like, so?
03:47So?
03:48On Saturday night, there were more BGT hopefuls doing their thing on ITV1.
03:56What's Saturday night?
03:58We're eating carrots?
03:58Carrot.
03:59Carrot and water, Simon.
04:01It's a new way forward.
04:02I wonder what talent we're going to unleash today.
04:04Who knows?
04:05It could be anything, couldn't it, with Paige?
04:10BGT is just an old favourite.
04:12How long has it been around?
04:14At least 40 years.
04:16Longer?
04:16At least.
04:17Good luck.
04:18Good luck.
04:18Good luck.
04:22What are these?
04:24Seven silky white suited specimens doing our stage.
04:27I'm going to put a wager on the fact that I'll give it 15 seconds before someone's shirtless.
04:33There'll be no tops on shortly.
04:34What's the name of the group?
04:35We are Agua Company.
04:37We are Salsa Dancers.
04:39Salsa Dancers!
04:40That's not a talent though.
04:42My gran and granddad used to go to a salsa every week.
04:44Dad, you're into salsa, aren't you?
04:46No.
04:47No, the dip.
04:49We hope we can bring our energy and our enjoyment to your special judges.
04:55Oh, don't worry, I'm already enjoyed.
04:57I know.
04:58Oh darling, it's like a line-up of your exes.
05:01That's so rude, but actually, you're right.
05:03It is.
05:08Oh, he's moving his chest, oh my God.
05:10I love a man who can dance salsa.
05:13Throw me around.
05:14You'll never forget being thrown around by that man from the Sheffield Salsa Society, will you?
05:18No, I loved it.
05:23Oh, they love it, they love it, these lads.
05:27If they were choccy, they'd eat themselves.
05:29Of course they would.
05:35There's a tongue, did they see the tongue?
05:37Come on, get him off, man.
05:40Christy, the bloody dance act on a strip show, man.
05:47Okay.
05:49You all right?
05:49Yeah.
05:50It's getting a bit raunchy.
05:51Oh, yes.
05:52I like cola.
05:53God, the quicker they get the tops off, the better for you.
05:59Which one's your favourite?
06:01I like him.
06:01He'll keep sticking his tongue out.
06:05You can calm down.
06:06No.
06:07I know they're all your type.
06:08I know they're all your type.
06:09No, no, no, no, no.
06:10They're not, only four are.
06:17It's a different gain this outfit, isn't it?
06:19It's, well...
06:20Strip ourselves up.
06:21As long as they don't take their trousers down, I'll be quite happy, man, to get through this.
06:30Obviously well waxed, aren't they?
06:32They are.
06:33They're well manicured, those boys.
06:36I bet they're fun to go out for a night with.
06:38I think we'd have a really good evening with them.
06:40I'd probably leave about midnight and you would carry on.
06:43I'd want you to leave much before midnight.
06:48In Surrey.
06:50Mum.
06:50It's so cool.
06:51What made you go onto the website and decide, yeah, I want that cardigan out of all of the
06:57cardigans on the website?
06:58Sarah, her husband Andre and their daughter Shay.
07:02Well, this is not going back.
07:03I quite like it.
07:04It's one of my favourites now.
07:05I don't think it can be sent back and nobody else is going to buy it.
07:09I mean...
07:11Um...
07:16How dare you?
07:18How dare you question my taste?
07:21Unreturnable!
07:22On Sunday night, we were cooking under canvas again with the VIPs on Channel 4.
07:28B-b-b-b-bake off, b-b-b-bake off.
07:30Oh, for God's sake.
07:32You're so...
07:33I love the programme, but you're obsessed with it.
07:35I'm so obsessed.
07:36I find that even if I'm cooking something and I do actually follow instructions, it's
07:41still either burnt, soggy or cold.
07:44Oh.
07:47Oh, I'd love to get my lips around that.
07:51Oof.
07:52OK, so today the judges would love you to make eight delicious breakfast pastries.
07:57Ooh, lovely.
07:59Hey, listen, I've seen on our credit card statement that you've been having a lot of almond croissants
08:03recently.
08:04I've now found a new one.
08:05Almond croissant with chocolate inside.
08:07OK, and you wonder why we're not losing weight.
08:10Your pastries need to have a delicious filling, which can be either savoury or sweet.
08:15Ooh, you could have a savoury filling.
08:16Oh, no, don't waste this opportunity on savoury.
08:19I've never had a croissant.
08:21Have you?
08:22No.
08:22Oh, they're nice.
08:24I thought croissants were for fucking posh people.
08:26Well, they are.
08:27Well, they are now.
08:28They used to be.
08:28And I've never had one.
08:30Despite failing to impress Paul last time he was in the tent.
08:33I tried really hard on that.
08:34That's the worst thing.
08:36John's once again going entirely plant-based.
08:39I've never had anything vegan, apart from an apple.
08:42Luckily, we've got no vegans in our family.
08:45Morning, John.
08:46Hello there.
08:47Ask what you're making today.
08:48Cheese twists.
08:50Oh, I like a cheese twist.
08:51Oh, I've got some of those at home, which Nona's made me.
08:55Mmm, nice.
08:56Overastas, they got them.
08:58They're bloody gorgeous.
09:00Have you seen them with the bacon in as well?
09:03Mmm.
09:03What cheese are you using?
09:04Vegan.
09:05What is vegan cheese?
09:06Probably cashew nuts or something.
09:08Do you know what?
09:09I've actually had vegan cheese and it was bloody awful.
09:13Yeah.
09:13Smelled like a pair of your feet.
09:15How long have you been vegan?
09:17Well, look at the disappointment.
09:19We were the third vegan, I think, seven years ago on the planet.
09:21And now there's loads of us.
09:23So you have to be nice to us now because we're an army.
09:25I've tried a bit of corn.
09:28Corn scotch egg.
09:29I like them.
09:30Mum did a corn bolognese once and it was bloody awful.
09:33But I think that's probably because it's mum's cookie,
09:35not necessarily the corn.
09:37If you're going to be vegan, just be vegan.
09:39Don't be ramming it down everybody's throat trying to educate.
09:42Well, that's what you've got to do with vegan food, isn't it?
09:44Ram it down people's throat because they won't eat it willingly, will they?
09:47That absolutely stinks.
09:48What is it?
09:49It's bacon.
09:50Vegan bacon, also known as faken.
09:53Is it tofu?
09:55Tofu?
09:56No, I don't think so.
09:58Oh, I can twist.
09:59It looks all right now, doesn't it?
10:00It does actually, John.
10:01It looks very good.
10:02Well, it smells over here though.
10:03Why does it smell?
10:04Because it smells damp.
10:06Damp?
10:07Oh, don't.
10:09They've taken the mick out of him being a vegan.
10:13It'll be his bloody vegan.
10:15Twists.
10:16Have you been vegan all your life?
10:18No.
10:18All his stuff's falling out of his twists.
10:21Oh, my God.
10:23It's looking a bit funky in there.
10:24They look unreal.
10:25They look a mess.
10:27The cheese has come out.
10:28I wouldn't eat it.
10:29I'm not even vegan.
10:30I only did his piss Paul off.
10:31They look a bit pale.
10:32The problem is that there's no egg wash or even milk wash on the top of him.
10:36No.
10:36So they're lacking somewhat in colour.
10:38Can you get vegan eggs?
10:40Vegan eggs?
10:40How can you get vegan eggs?
10:42Well, how can you get vegan cheese?
10:44And bacon?
10:45Because men make vegan cheese.
10:47You don't get chickens.
10:48Say, oh, can you lay a vegan egg?
10:51It's now time for the baker's breakfast pastries to face the judgement of Paul and Cherry.
10:57They look nice.
10:58They look good.
10:58Is that a sausage roll?
11:00I don't know what the hell it is.
11:01I think I once paid 18 quid for that in Gales.
11:07Happy with them?
11:08Are you happy with them, Paul?
11:10Don't...
11:10Don't...
11:11Don't turn this around on me!
11:13Paul's fuming already.
11:15It just doesn't look very attractive.
11:17Yeah.
11:17Sometimes vegan food doesn't look attractive, though.
11:20You just have to eat it.
11:22Did it crunch?
11:25Interesting flavour.
11:26Interesting.
11:27What does that mean in reality?
11:28When somebody says interesting, they usually mean shit.
11:35I'm so sorry.
11:36Did you like it?
11:37I'm so sorry!
11:40Not what you want to be saying.
11:42I mean, I ate one, and now I feel physically sick.
11:46Don't get high off your own supply, John.
11:48I made that tartar tan the other day, didn't I?
11:51That was lovely.
11:52Yeah.
11:52Very rustic looking, but lovely.
11:55What do you mean rustic looking?
11:57Ah, you put the crust of your pastry and you pass out for that pigeon.
12:01Didn't you?
12:02Yeah.
12:03Well, aye.
12:04Have you seen him since?
12:07What, are you trying to say I've killed the pigeon, you?
12:09Well, I'm just saying, have you seen him since?
12:12Because he always used to be on the fence.
12:22In Hall.
12:22Do you know last night, don't you, for tea?
12:24I said to Ray, what do you want for your tea, Ray?
12:26I said, oh, can we have fish cakes?
12:28We haven't had them for ages.
12:29She met them.
12:30So I met them.
12:31So I got the fish, and I met them.
12:33Best friends Jenny and Lee.
12:35Lee, at 11 o'clock, I could still smell the fish.
12:40I'd been round with disinfectant.
12:42It stunk the shelly out.
12:44I said to him this morning, we're not having any more.
12:46To be fair, I wasn't going to say no today.
12:48Do I smell the fish?
12:50It's from them bleeding.
12:52Fish cakes!
12:53Oh, Lee, it was awful.
12:55I wasn't going to say no, but I'm just glad you said you made fish cakes last night.
12:58It stunk.
13:00On Saturday night, something big from across the pond had found its way onto sky.
13:06Pedder's look.
13:06What?
13:07SNL.
13:08It's come from America.
13:09Wrote us a couple of American party coats.
13:12What we need is a laugh, Charles.
13:13Yeah.
13:14Not more gloom-mongering from people like you.
13:16We need cheering up.
13:17It's Saturday Night Live!
13:20Saturday Night Live!
13:22Oh, I hope it's good.
13:23Oh, I know.
13:24I hope it's good.
13:25And your host, Tina Fey!
13:31Yes!
13:33Don't know who you are, but yay!
13:35Tina Fey!
13:36Oh, Tina Fey!
13:37Yes, I know Tina Fey!
13:39My name is Tina Fey, here in the UK.
13:43Well, they all know her, don't they?
13:45Yeah!
13:45She's like the queen of SNL.
13:47No one better to come and start this show.
13:49Tina Fey's not from the UK.
13:51Tina Fey, well, she's allowed.
13:53Look at her.
13:55Here in the UK, you might know me as the teacher from me.
13:58Mean Girls!
13:58CHEERING
14:00I never watched that.
14:01No.
14:02Yeah.
14:02She was the teacher of Mean Girls!
14:03Yes!
14:04So, why do a UK version of SNL?
14:07We were asking the same thing, Tina.
14:09Well, like so many large-scale American operations these days, no one really knows why.
14:15LAUGHTER
14:16That's a joke, Mary.
14:17Hmm.
14:18Do you get it?
14:19Yes.
14:19That's a knock at the wall.
14:20You see, they keep things political and current as well.
14:22OK.
14:24And I'm so excited for you to meet your cast.
14:26They are wonderful.
14:27I can't even begin to understand them when they speak.
14:32LAUGHTER
14:33Because she's American and they're British.
14:35Yeah, or I wasn't.
14:36I'm just here as a long-time SNL employee to help out and to answer, like, any questions
14:44anyone might have of what to...
14:46Oh, hi!
14:47Yeah, Nicola Coughlin!
14:48LAUGHTER
14:48She's from Derry Girls, this girl.
14:51She was out of something Bridgerton.
14:52She's famous for Derry Girls.
14:54She's famous for Bridgerton.
14:55Who watches Bridgerton?
14:56I do.
14:56My question is, if this is SNL UK, then why are you the first host?
15:03Good question.
15:04How do I put this politely?
15:06None of you fuckers would do it?
15:08LAUGHTER
15:08Well, I don't know.
15:10There would be plenty who do it.
15:12One of the lads of blue would be up there.
15:14I'm fucking right.
15:14Well, Duncan would be all over these.
15:16Of course he would.
15:19Time for one more call.
15:20Oh, yes!
15:21Graham Norton!
15:23Oh!
15:25Oh!
15:26Where have they dragged Graham at?
15:28What the fuck has he gone?
15:29Let me help you.
15:31LAUGHTER
15:32Let me help you.
15:35I have a gift for making American celebrities likeable to a British audience.
15:41LAUGHTER
15:42He does.
15:43He does.
15:44Hey, I hear you have a really funny story about watching British television as a young child.
15:50Oh, well, yeah, yes, actually.
15:52Growing up, we thought that anything British was educational, so my parents showed us all British shows and we used
15:59to watch Benny Hill as a family.
16:01What's Benny Hill?
16:02That.
16:02Do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do.
16:05I think.
16:06What about ab fab?
16:07Oh, sweetie darling, you're just a little shop girl darling.
16:10Keeping up appearances.
16:11Richard!
16:12Jesus!
16:13She's quick.
16:14Monty Python.
16:15That is an ex-parrot!
16:17I think we're a bit young for this.
16:19Yeah.
16:19I remember every one she said.
16:21Fawlty Towers!
16:22Nobody mentioned the war!
16:24Little Britain.
16:26Do you really want me to take that one?
16:29Are you being served?
16:30My pussy is like an alarm clock.
16:33LAUGHTER
16:33I didn't get my eye out today.
16:35She's actually quite funny, isn't she?
16:37LAUGHTER
16:40Oh, I love that, Mrs. Slocum.
16:42Shhh.
16:43Yeah.
16:43Oh, that's all you know.
16:46They're all yours now, Tina.
16:47All yours.
16:48We've had a great show.
16:49Wet Leg is here.
16:50Stick your out and watch this.
16:52CHEERING
16:54Wow.
16:56It's a long intro, isn't it?
16:57What's that intro, isn't it?
16:59Do you know what?
16:59I'm going to be honest.
17:00I thought it was going to be shite.
17:01But it's actually spot on.
17:03Brilliant, isn't it?
17:04Yeah.
17:05Should we have laughed, like?
17:07What?
17:08Should we have laughed?
17:10I don't think it's mandatory,
17:14but I think that's the essence of the show.
17:16Oh, right.
17:20In Wiltshire.
17:21Oh, what's that terrible noise?
17:28This is the worst one.
17:29Oh.
17:30What's that terrible noise, Mary?
17:32Are you having a...
17:32I'm throwing your horrible anoraks down.
17:35Oh, Mary.
17:35Giles and his wife, Mary.
17:37What on earth have you left anoraks upstairs for?
17:42Mary, there's no reason to disrespect the anoraks.
17:45I'm just...
17:45Will you please hang them up on the door instead of leaving them?
17:49What were they doing up there, Mary?
17:51Well, you go up absentmindedly taking them off.
17:53Because I like them and they're a statement of identity.
17:56Sorry, Nutter, you mustn't bring them upstairs to the bedrooms.
17:59There's my camouflage anorak.
18:00I haven't seen that for ages.
18:02Yeah.
18:02That makes me virtually invisible.
18:04On Friday, it was troubling news close to home hitting the headlines on the BBC.
18:10Oh, very nice.
18:13Sandwiches.
18:14Corned beef.
18:15Oh, I love corned beef.
18:16I've cut all the crusts off, everything.
18:19Oh, thank you.
18:20Have you got any piccolili?
18:21I'm sweating my tits off.
18:23What, for cutting the crust off?
18:29Bloody hell.
18:30Cookie!
18:31You may have noticed, if you've started buying Easter eggs this year,
18:35that you're paying more for less.
18:37Finally, a news I have an opinion about.
18:39We never got Easter eggs at Christmas.
18:42Well, you won't get Easter eggs at Christmas, would you, Lee?
18:45We never neither.
18:47According to the Consumer Group, which the traditional chocolate treats
18:51are being hit by shrinkflation with prices going up,
18:54while products definitely seem to be getting smaller.
18:57Oh, yeah, you can't get a thick egg anymore.
18:59Do you know, loads of people are talking about this round the park.
19:02Are they?
19:03Yeah.
19:03We was chatting about it only yesterday.
19:06It's true.
19:07I thought I'd been going mad over the last few years.
19:10I thought, is it just that my hands are grown upsized now?
19:14Or have Easter eggs got smaller?
19:16The Consumer Group Witch has been taking a look at Easter eggs.
19:19Across a number of the big supermarkets,
19:21it found that with some chocolate eggs,
19:23we are paying more for less.
19:25Jesus would fucking close the cave door if you heard this shit.
19:28I mean, it's just as well we've got witch, really, isn't it?
19:33Because if we didn't have witch, we wouldn't know all this.
19:37Take, for example, the extra large galaxy egg.
19:40It would have set you back around five pounds last year
19:43for about 250 grams of chocolate.
19:4540 grams down and a pound up.
19:47That's what I'm seeing there.
19:48Disgusting.
19:49Oh, my God. You bastard.
19:50That's scum, that is.
19:51That's a different level of scum.
19:53This year, it's nearly a pound more for a lighter version.
19:57We're getting hit at every angle.
19:58You know, even the Easter Bunny's wearing a masculine stride jumper there.
20:02Yeah, disgusting.
20:02Disgusting.
20:03And with the Cadbury Mini Eggs milk chocolate egg,
20:06again, it's price up but weight down.
20:08Not the mini eggs.
20:09I know, I know.
20:10Mini eggs are already mini.
20:12Exactly.
20:13They're like mini mini now.
20:15Yeah.
20:15Mini mini mini eggs.
20:17The inflation on chocolate is considerably higher
20:20than other grocery items
20:22and consumers are noticing that.
20:24You'd want to go out with Lisa,
20:26who's a consumer expert round the shop, wouldn't you?
20:29She'd be like, put that down.
20:31Oh, no.
20:32Don't have that.
20:33And this does seem to be a bit of a trend in the chocolate aisle.
20:37We know about shrinkflation.
20:39We know about skimflation.
20:41To stop saying now, would you give somebody your last roll off?
20:44Because you wouldn't, would you, no?
20:46Do I watch this cough?
20:47Yeah.
20:48I'll save it for myself.
20:49Is it making us healthier, though?
20:51Don't start that.
20:52No?
20:52Don't give them a skate joke.
20:53Yeah.
20:54If you're buying an Easter egg,
20:55you're not doing it to track your calories, are you?
20:57Yeah.
20:58No-one's putting an Easter egg in my fitness pal.
21:01Manufacturers have faced tough choices.
21:03Some have cut the amount of cocoa they're using.
21:06You can tell because it doesn't taste same, does it?
21:08So they're probably cutting a bit of cost for less cocoa
21:10and still charging the same oil shrinking stuff.
21:12I've never seen you so angry.
21:14I don't like the economy right now, Calum.
21:17Take these examples.
21:18They can actually no longer officially be called chocolate
21:21because they don't have enough cocoa in them.
21:24What?
21:24Penguins?
21:26I love penguins.
21:28I know you do.
21:28Come on.
21:29It's gone from a p-p-p-penguin to a p-p-p-pistake.
21:32It's not only big brands affected by this,
21:34small independent businesses are too.
21:37Other people have alcohol and cigarettes.
21:39I do feel I want 400 calories of chocolate per day
21:44because life's unmanageable without it.
21:46So I treated myself to a bag of mini eggs.
21:48Jesus Christ, I'm still paying them off.
21:51Yeah.
21:52Can you take Klarna for this Easter egg, please?
21:54Can I Klarna these in mini eggs, please?
22:04In North London.
22:06So there's many things I'm going to start doing, Amani, this week.
22:09You know?
22:10I've got the keto diet.
22:11I'm starting on Monday.
22:12We're not all going on diets.
22:14Is it?
22:15Amani has a drone as well.
22:16Who else is going on diet?
22:18Mum says she's going to do some sort of challenge with you.
22:20She wants to see who's going to lose more weight between you and her.
22:24Sisters Amira and Amani.
22:26Yeah, that's what she was telling me yesterday.
22:29That is messed up.
22:29Yeah, she goes, I'm going to go on a challenge with Amira.
22:31Like, I'm going to see if I can do better than her.
22:34That's what she was telling me.
22:35My own mum won't even let me be my skinny legend self.
22:39What?
22:39She's going to lose weight faster than you.
22:43That's going to be so funny.
22:45You know what?
22:45It's a good thing you told me because I feel like that motivated me
22:47even more to beat Mum at her own game.
22:50Go ahead.
22:51That has just fuelled me to the next level.
22:54On Saturday, there were some naughty celebs up to no good on ITV.
22:59What's going on with Till?
23:00What?
23:00What's going on with that?
23:02Oh.
23:05Oh.
23:06Oh.
23:07You're not bringing spooks back in the house, do you look at Till?
23:10When we were younger, you used to pull bear pranks on me.
23:12Do you remember?
23:12When I used to be gullible.
23:15Yeah, do you remember?
23:17This sprawling estate is the home of six brand new TV shows.
23:21I love that venue wherever that is.
23:24Beautiful.
23:25Hypothetical wedding.
23:26Hypothetical wedding.
23:26Welcome to couple girls.
23:28Woo!
23:29Welcome to the applicant.
23:31I'm confused already.
23:32But what none of them know is that all of these shows are totally fake.
23:37Sneaky.
23:38But the contestants are a bit daft, aren't they?
23:41Going on a fake show.
23:42They don't know it's fake.
23:43That's because hidden in the basement is Mission HQ.
23:46Hold up.
23:48There's a whole new level now.
23:49Home to an elite team of celebrity saboteurs.
23:55My head is absolutely spinning with what this could be about.
23:59I think I might have to write this down.
24:01Tonight, the celebrities take on their very first fake show, The Applicant.
24:06Is that an apprentice feel?
24:07I think so.
24:08The applicant, is that a show?
24:10That's a fake show.
24:12Welcome to the applicant.
24:14Over the next two days, you will be competing in a series of tasks to test if you can thrive
24:20in the competitive world of business.
24:22So these are the daft contestants that think they're going on to a real show.
24:26Team Blue Vision.
24:27You will be hosting a wellness and yoga away day.
24:31Corporate away day.
24:32Team building exercise.
24:34Kill me now.
24:35So we'll be required to make a homemade rejuvenating face mask for the guests.
24:39So we're going to say this one includes matcha.
24:41They'll put matcha in fucking in it.
24:43Honestly, I'll wait until they start putting on chips or something.
24:47Mission alert.
24:48Here we go.
24:49What are they going to do?
24:50Joe, disguised as an armchair.
24:52What?
24:53Armchair.
24:53That's quite something.
24:55Yeah.
24:55Have you ever disguised yourself as an armchair?
24:56I've disguised myself as a hat, but not as an armchair.
25:01Oh!
25:01You must ruin the face mask mix by adding too much green powder so it stains the client's skin.
25:08No!
25:10Geez, are we going to do that?
25:12Joe, we can see you!
25:14You look amazing!
25:15Oh, that's an armchair, Mary.
25:17That's funny.
25:19Oh!
25:20He's in.
25:21He's landed.
25:24So...
25:24He actually does look like a chair now.
25:26It does, it does.
25:26That's so clever.
25:28Joe, keep Bluefish moving.
25:29They're on the move.
25:32That is sport.
25:33That's brilliant.
25:34You're not really going to think someone's a fucking fake armchair, are you?
25:37You're going to see how anyone's getting on with the yoga?
25:39Let's get it.
25:39Let's do it.
25:40Let's go.
25:41This is his moment.
25:44There he is.
25:45Go on, Joe!
25:47It is childish, isn't it?
25:50You're going to need to add some water.
25:52Oh!
25:53That's so much!
25:54I don't think we need to overthink it.
25:56It'll be fine.
25:57Oh, he's gone even more.
25:58He's put the full lot in.
26:00Well, go hard or go home?
26:01Do you mind if I put this face mask on your face?
26:05Oh, God.
26:06This is going to be so awful.
26:08Only the best and most premium products
26:12for our guests at the Blue Vision Retreat.
26:16That is so green.
26:17Look how relaxed they look.
26:19Little do they know that when they finish, they'll look like the Hulk.
26:22Does this have magic ingredients in it?
26:25It does. It sure does.
26:26Okay, ladies.
26:27It's time to remove your masks.
26:29Oh, good look.
26:30Oh!
26:33Bring it on!
26:35It's not going to stain our faces, is it?
26:39Yes, it will.
26:40Oh!
26:41That's rank.
26:42I look like Shrek.
26:46You do look like Shrek, lady.
26:49If you just scrub gently, just in circular motions, it will come off.
26:52No, it's not Emma.
26:54HE LAUGHS
26:58Oh, she looks like Kermit the Frog.
27:02Oh, she's making it worse!
27:05I feel like they put too much of a certain ingredient in the face mask.
27:08That's it. Blame somebody else.
27:10He always does.
27:15Well, that's a very silly program, Nutty.
27:18Very silly.
27:19But it did make us laugh once or twice.
27:21Once or twice will be enough.
27:23In spite of our serious selves.
27:24You once tried to say that I'd sabotage you
27:27by putting chewing gum in your hair the night before prom.
27:30You fucking did.
27:31No, I didn't.
27:32What happened was is, we were fighting,
27:34I had chewing gum in my mouth and then I said,
27:36time out, I've lost my chewing gum.
27:38No.
27:39And you said, I hope it's in your hair.
27:41You turned around to walk away
27:42and lo and behold, it was in the back of your hair.
27:45You spat it in my hair
27:46and I had to freeze it out the night before prom.
27:49Disgusting behaviour.
27:52Mum was on about cutting it out.
27:54I said, absolutely not.
27:58In Derby.
27:59So I went to the barbers.
28:01Yeah.
28:02And then when I was walking past, I saw a sign.
28:03And it said that we now do, like, nose waxing.
28:07The Siddiquis.
28:08Oh, it's an experience.
28:10So they get this thing, yeah?
28:11They get the swab.
28:12They then cover it with this, like, green kind of goo.
28:16Yeah.
28:16Then they shove it up your nose.
28:18And then they just go off for a walk,
28:21come back and they yank it.
28:23And he showed it to me afterwards as well,
28:25how many, like, hairs came out.
28:26Oh, my God.
28:28But that's such a guy thing, isn't it?
28:29He, like, showed it to me.
28:30He's like, yeah, you're impressed with that.
28:31Yeah.
28:32I think, yeah.
28:33This week, something creepy was going on on Netflix.
28:37There's a woman, um, renting a house in Ham, H-A-M,
28:43the village, currently with a ghost in it.
28:48And she doesn't know if it's her job or the landlady's job
28:51to have the ghost evicted.
28:53Oh.
28:56I don't think I want to watch her sleep.
28:58Oh, go on.
28:58I want to get a good night's sleep.
29:00I don't think I'm going to get a good night's sleep watching this.
29:03Something very bad is going to happen.
29:16Five days until I do so.
29:18In other words, five days till the wedding.
29:21Leave at your own chosen speed.
29:24Oh, she's nodding off.
29:25She's nodding.
29:25Time to pull all over, love.
29:27I'm not the one.
29:29Rachel!
29:31No!
29:31Careful.
29:33Are you okay?
29:34Oh, my God.
29:35Do you want to switch?
29:35We can switch.
29:36Yeah, yeah, yeah.
29:37Why is he not driving?
29:39She's fucking falling asleep, man.
29:44Why are they always driving off to the middle of an all-wheel?
29:47Yeah.
29:47Where are they?
29:52Stopping for a rest.
29:54I would not be going there.
29:55I would not be stopping there.
29:56I would hold my wee until the next place that I get to.
30:04What's she seen?
30:05What's she seen, Jane?
30:06Dogging.
30:08Oh, my God, Nicky.
30:09Nicky, come here.
30:10What's she seen?
30:11What's in there?
30:12Look.
30:13Oh, my God.
30:14Do you think it's okay?
30:16A baby?
30:17Christ.
30:18Yeah, what's this all about?
30:20OK, see you.
30:21I'm going to go check the bathroom.
30:23No, no, don't get separated from him.
30:26Happy baby.
30:28Oh, God's sake.
30:32Oh, look at the state of that.
30:34And that's the women's.
30:34I'd hate to see the men.
30:37Oh, my God.
30:41Why are they all locked?
30:42Who's left the baby in the car?
30:44There's only one car in the car park.
30:45I checked the men's room.
30:47There's no one in there.
30:48Oh, fuck.
30:48No service.
30:49Oh, there's never no service when you want it easy.
30:51OK, but I think one of us should stay here with the baby
30:53and the other one should drive to the nearest gas station
30:55or restaurant or whatever and call for help.
30:56I'd say I'll go to the gas station.
30:58No way could I stay there like that, waiting for somebody to come.
31:05Why are all the services derelict and creepy?
31:12Hi.
31:12Excuse me.
31:13There's a, like, a rest stop.
31:14I don't know, 20 miles south of here.
31:1620 miles!
31:17She's drove 20 miles.
31:18We found a baby abandoned in a car
31:21and I think that maybe something, like...
31:23Oh!
31:24There's someone else there.
31:25There's someone else in the background.
31:27Oh, my God.
31:27There is.
31:28You're right.
31:30Benjamin.
31:32Yeah, Benjamin.
31:33She don't look like a Benjamin to me.
31:34Is she a ghost?
31:36No, she's not a ghost dad.
31:37She's something much worse.
31:38She's Gen Z.
31:40Benjamin was the name of the guy who worked here before me.
31:43But he hung himself in the bathroom with an electrical cord
31:45and they were too cheap to get me a name tag with my own name on it.
31:48OK, this is all just looking lovely and a happy place to hang out and have a beer.
31:53Getting better by the second.
31:54Could you call the cops now, please?
31:55Yeah, yeah.
31:56Wait here.
31:57I'll call.
32:01Will they stop this nonsense?
32:04This show, every door is really noisy.
32:09God, she likes fucking toilets, doesn't she?
32:12She's in the toilet.
32:13Why is she going in the toilet again?
32:22Hovering.
32:22Good.
32:23Good.
32:24Good choice.
32:26Door just opened.
32:35Oh, my God.
32:36Oh, my God, that is fucking terrifying.
32:43Oh, my God.
32:47Oh, my God, I would be running out of there.
32:50You are my sweetheart.
32:56Oh, yeah, get a gun, clear your head.
32:58She was just having a pee and a guy's looked down on her and she's just like,
33:00I'm going to have a gumball.
33:01I'll have a wee gumball, yeah.
33:06There he is.
33:06There he is.
33:07Oh, my God.
33:08Is that Bill Bailey?
33:13She's got her keys ready.
33:17He's coming late, he's coming.
33:18You can see him in the bubblegum machine.
33:21Oh, I can see him through the glass bowl.
33:26My God, she put it straight through his hand.
33:31He didn't even feel it.
33:33Shit, man.
33:38Is it out yet?
33:39Yeah.
33:43Do you want your key back?
33:47Why is he feeling the hand and looking at the ring?
33:49I don't know.
33:50Are you sure he's the one?
33:53Are you sure he's the one?
33:55Weird.
33:56Ooh, I remember my sisters asking me that about you.
34:00Did they?
34:00Yeah, are you sure he's the one?
34:03Weird.
34:03Like the Dad.
34:05Having been half scared to death, Rachel headed back to her fiancé at the service station.
34:14oh she found him is she back is she back i can't breathe
34:20where's the car where's the baby where's your fella they're gone
34:31no no turn it off turn it off turn it off too much too much for someone who handles horror
34:37as well you were a bit damsel in distress you were what did i do yeah you you were really
34:42just a girl screen yeah i can handle it doesn't matter i can do like that and then go into
34:48like a little fight mode in it will somebody save me oh god
35:04in leeds what do you think to my eyebrow pencil i did notice your eyebrows looked a little
35:09different today with this new eyebrow pencil i feel like that the color's a bit different
35:14and it makes them look like they've been drawn on with a sharpie yeah they do look a bit sharpie
35:19-ish
35:19i didn't want to say sisters ellie and izzy i don't mind sharpie eyebrows do you not think
35:24my eyebrows are sharpie-ish no that yours looks softer than mine maybe i just maybe it's your
35:30application maybe it's my application maybe it's my technique yeah i think it probably is
35:35can't polish a turd no but you can draw eyebrows on it
35:41on tuesday there was something soft and fluffy on channel four
35:46do you remember when i took my grand's neighbor's dog out for a walk bertie bertie was a whippet
35:51she ran home away from you i turned around the fucker was gone
35:59i mean i personally feel about merlin the reason he makes me so happy is that i know that in
36:06his
36:06little head he doesn't know about anything other than walks dog food and cuddling
36:12oh no i think he knows he knows about a lot of no he doesn't know about putin ukraine he
36:18does he's
36:18very he's very interested in the iran conflict he is not and the inconsistencies in trump's behavior
36:26every year woodgreen takes in over 600 dogs
36:30good lads each one looking for a forever home
36:34oh look they're all lovely
36:36the newest arrival is on his way
36:39oh that looks like a cockapoo
36:42yeah so tell me who have we got here
36:44this is aussie he is eight months old
36:46aussie
36:47uh is he being left at the pound
36:49we are in the process of moving internationally
36:52oh she's in shock here she can't believe this
36:55she can't look at her
36:56leaving the dog behind what
36:58we've weighed up the various different factors if you like with taking aussie with us
37:04there's vaccinations there's the quarantine there's the flight there's temperature
37:09that must be so hard
37:11you get a dog and then eight months later you have to move
37:14and you have to potentially give the dog out
37:16actually he's clearly doing the right thing
37:18doing the right thing
37:18by staying here with aussie while you leave if that's okay
37:23cheers thank you very much
37:24take care
37:24bye bye
37:25eyes leave it all
37:26oh bless him
37:29oh that's got to be heart breaking
37:30oh look at us
37:32it's okay buddy
37:35oh don't show this
37:37where's my dad going
37:38where's my dad
37:40with mum and dad in tow
37:42animal obsessed aurora
37:44is keeping all of her options open
37:46look at her with a little dog teddy and a dog jumper
37:49she's on a mission to get a dog today
38:04clean up after it and wipe his feet
38:07and it's been in the garden
38:08she's like what did i agree to again
38:10i don't really know
38:12i agreed to something but i don't really know
38:15you clean up after it and you wipe his feet
38:25i love this part it's like the first first meet
38:30oh he's here
38:34here he is
38:35oh look
38:37what will she think
38:40look at aurora's face
38:43so he's very into everything he is a social butterfly
38:45oh she's not frightened of him is she
38:48no no don't run away from him
38:50he's fine
38:51has he just got a wet mouth
38:52i think aurora's a bit cautious isn't she
38:55yes she is yeah
38:59i know
38:59well this isn't going as i thought it would
39:03calm down
39:03the mum's panicking now because she's thinking have we made the right decision here
39:07yeah this is going to be a mcdonald's on the way home yeah crying trying to smooth things
39:13go and get my toy go on aurora good girl what can you see in there this toy he might
39:21like
39:22yeah throw it in there no no no look
39:23woo
39:25ha ha ha
39:25hey look she's playing with him mum
39:28yeah look at it
39:30is he going to bring it back though
39:31woo
39:31ha ha ha
39:33oh she's having fun now
39:38she didn't flinch though
39:40they're becoming friends now she's bonding with him
39:43she's bonding with him
39:44i see
39:45come on
39:46i see
39:47oh i i think he wants me
39:49oh he's sitting down
39:52yes that's what i want to hear
39:55well done i see
39:58well done
40:01well done
40:06stop it
40:07there we go
40:07stop it
40:08now it's all perfect
40:09hmm
40:10he's making friends with me
40:13that's sweet isn't it
40:14he's making
40:18that is really honestly
40:20in a world full of shit how lovely is that
40:23really nice
40:24oh my god that is just adorable
40:26yes
40:26that was really lovely
40:28you're crying
40:29are you
40:30yeah slightly
40:32no no no i'm booking us in
40:35no
40:35to go to the dog house
40:37no we're not
40:39no
40:39no
40:39no not yet
40:40we would think about it but i know if you go there you'll just come back with a dog
40:44i can give an old boy another chance in life like you
40:47so thanks
40:48in leeds have you recovered from supper weekend because we lost our voices i was gonna say up until
40:57yesterday i was a bit croaky mate i definitely clocked up about 85 000 steps that weekend
41:02i know best friends danielle and daniella they say ravers burn more calories than gym goers
41:08oh absolutely let me tell you in my raving days at my like pinnacle of my raving days i was
41:15svelte
41:16mm-hmm same
41:17i was
41:17same
41:18body
41:19same
41:19and then you're adding the heels my toes were like that
41:23but my body
41:24body
41:24with them ginger toes but body
41:30oh man take me back
41:32on sunday night contestants were playing cat and mouse in a new high stakes game show on channel 4
41:38i've seen this advertised looks all right this it looks basically one bunch of people
41:42changed another lot of people adult hide and seek sounds cracking we're resorting to child's
41:47games now yeah because we're running out of game show ideas next it's going to be hopscotch
41:52or something like that bloody red rover won't it
41:5610 players will fight to win up to 100 000 pounds you don't even need to pay me to do
42:03this
42:03can i just say you do it for free well i'll do it for free just for fun pitted against
42:08each
42:08other as prey i'm feeling so nervous right now versus predator do you know i'd be good at this
42:15sue from running club yes you would oh i hate being chased i have nightmares about that you know
42:20oh dear oh terrible and they never catch me god knows how well i must be fast in my dreams
42:30you love the hunger games and all that sort of stuff too
42:34so the thrill of the chase yeah what's the chase is over who cares
42:40yeah you chased me for so long and then you know got me it was the easiest hunter i've ever
42:44had
42:47predators your task is simple hunt the prey surely you want to be the predator what group would you
42:53want to be in the prey or predators i need to see the benefits above yeah yeah yeah
42:58if one of you catches a prey you will swap roles in the game oh so the prey doesn't die
43:04the prey just
43:05becomes a predator each night one predator will be voted out of the contest oh so you're safe for
43:12being prey you'd think that being a predator would be a good thing but in this game it's not you
43:16don't
43:16want to be a predator you want to be prey at the end of this hunt if any five of
43:21us are still predators
43:22the rest of us who have become prey that's their back they're plotting mary trying to scheme already
43:28you know trying to form alliances prey are the only ones that get a say in the cull so nathan
43:33has
43:34proposed a pact what's the pact right we've got a pact already they've only just met each other as
43:39long as we convert the majority of us into prey we're all safe yeah nathan's basically put his
43:44hat in the ring here and said look us lot we're going to stick together as predators so these five
43:50are on
43:50the back foot aren't they by the end of today they need to be prey three two one
43:59go get out of there it's basically a big game of tig in the woods for adults for money
44:07for sake after predator roy caught shelley he was then on the runner's prey
44:15who's that oh he's spotted someone oh there's another one there's another one there's another
44:20one no way out of all the people i had to see in this damn forest it had to be
44:26you it's
44:26fucking roy this is going to test the alliance now because he's the first one to switch over
44:33he's the first one caught again see this pond yeah there's another i really want to catch you
44:38what did he just say i really want to catch him it was his idea nathan's the guy that suggested
44:44the
44:44pact yeah no nathan it's funny nathan didn't even hold back he just went sharp for a minute i really
44:51want to catch her we can't start turning each other in the first time all right i'm not going to
44:55catch you
44:56because i like the game plan tempting though wouldn't it oh i'd have done it i know you would you
45:00just
45:00suck that pack off the minute it was made players the glade is now reopened the hunt will conclude
45:08in 10 minutes oh 10 minutes late back to the glee yeah where you all started yeah oh come on
45:16ready to pounce it's nathan again no nathan's coming out nathan's coming for roy
45:24oh right oh my god he is too nathan you're sorry i'm sorry i'm gonna do it oh no oh
45:35i cannot
45:36believe the cheek of nathan oh they got him but it was mel who got him so not only has
45:47nathan shown
45:48his true colors he's also still a predator that's chef's kiss this has proper made me what a game of
45:54eye and seek all right i lied first deal is it's got to be within the house and the garden
46:01give me 30
46:02seconds yeah yeah so sean sound
46:1415 seconds now no you start when i go
46:20see what's on the other side now julie
46:27no hiding your baking skills here molly may and babatunde alesh are in the bake-off tent you can
46:33stream or watch sunday at 7 40. and the goggle boxers have just been watching it the hunt prey
46:39versus predator you can stream or watch it's brand new tomorrow at nine but next charlotte church joins
46:45the lads for the last leg
Comments