- 4 hours ago
Combatting toy makers create a disturbance. A claustrophobic prisoner has a problem with the jail cell. Barney faces his first holiday as a separated man.
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00:02morning morning morning oh what a day what a day there's a snap in the air you can almost hear
00:08it
00:08and gentlemen it's getting quite christmassy i must have passed five santa clauses on the way
00:14over from the hotel you know that reminds me of the first time we took david to see santa
00:21claus over at macy's as hard as we tried we couldn't get him to sit on his lap
00:29next year we went back there they talked for 45 minutes kid had a list that long
00:35you all right barn yeah fine
00:40is that a new suit barn yeah oh it always puts me in a good mood too really yeah and
00:48i buy suits all
00:49the time must give you a real rush
00:54uh what do we got here uh arnold cummings male caucasian tried to hold up a liquor store in
01:00lexington they didn't have to torture me torture apparently when he tried to leave the store the
01:06clerk tackled him then locked him in a room before he called a room it was a closet without any
01:11windows
01:12no air when we arrived we found him scratching at the door whimpering i'm apostrophobic
01:19my sympathies mr cummings i really can't stand being cooped up i'm afraid you may have come to
01:27the wrong place mr cummings
01:32uh take a statement pictures prince to hold
01:36oh okay captain yeah
01:39claustrophobia just another sob story huh sir
01:43actually claustrophobia is a very real and legitimate illness uh dietrich i don't have time
01:47to talk about it now i have to uh answer the phone
01:51i don't know that sure fear of being confined in an enclosed place is just one of many neurotic
01:57phobias there's agoraphobia fear of open places xenophobia fear of strangers acrophobia fear of height
02:07we got a possible burglary in progress on 13th
02:10uh volunteer
02:14take dietrich with you
02:16come on offer we got business
02:18okay we'll pick it up later
02:20i'd like to
02:21you know uh phobia is sort of a hobby with me
02:25oh really
02:25yeah
02:27is there a word for the fear of being enclosed in a confined place but uh only with certain people
02:35i'm not sure we can talk about it in the car
02:37happy
02:39no
02:39no
02:40no
02:51i
02:52oh
02:53no
02:55to
02:56no
02:57hey
02:59hey
03:00oh
03:01oh
03:02oh
03:07uh
03:52Hey, Mrs. Miller.
03:56Hi, Sam.
03:58Oh, oh, it's good to see you.
04:02Yeah, you too.
04:02Oh, thank you.
04:03What you doing here?
04:05I mean, um, well, we don't get much of a chance to see you, you know, since, uh...
04:12Oh, uh, since Barney and I separated.
04:15There must be a reason.
04:17Yeah.
04:20Well, we, uh, we meet from time to time, um, by virtue of our joint checking account.
04:28I'll go get Barney.
04:29Is Barney...
04:41Guess who's here?
04:43My wife.
04:45You were expecting her?
04:47Yeah.
04:50That's why you got the suit.
04:52What is this preoccupation with my wardrobe?
04:54Can't a man get a new suit once in a while?
04:56Sorry.
04:59Hi.
05:00Hi.
05:01How have you, uh...
05:04How have you been?
05:05Fine.
05:07Thanks.
05:09Is that a new suit?
05:10Sure is.
05:15It's, uh...
05:16All right, come on, Perry.
05:17Inside here.
05:18Okay, I'm going.
05:21Oh, hi, Liz.
05:23Hi, Rob.
05:24How are you?
05:26I'm fine, thank you.
05:28How have you been?
05:28Just fine.
05:29I've been okay.
05:32Hey, uh, haven't been seeing much of you.
05:35Well, thank you for noticing.
05:38Yeah.
05:40Oh, uh, I hope I'm not interrupting anything.
05:42Oh, no, no, no.
05:44I, I, I wait in the office.
05:46Uh, uh, excuse me.
05:48Of course.
05:52It's great to see you again.
05:53Oh, it's great to see you again.
05:55I'll be in in a minute, please.
05:57What do we got?
05:58Oh, it's great to see you again.
06:01Oh, um, Barn, this is, uh, Clyde Perry.
06:05I, uh, caught him ripping off the Perfecto Toy Company.
06:08Is that the loot?
06:09Uh, yeah.
06:10Got himself quite a haul.
06:11Well, a boomerang, a race car, a cute little doll, a yo-yo.
06:19I'm really just a big kid.
06:22And, uh, this, which I haven't given a name to.
06:27Looks like someone's insights.
06:32No signs of a struggle.
06:35Stark, I didn't know what I was picking up.
06:39Uh, where's Dietrich?
06:41He's, uh, bringing the owner down.
06:43All right, tag all that stuff and, uh, do something with that.
06:48Uh, Perry, come on, take a seat over here.
06:51Come on, can't you give me a break?
06:53Otherwise, I'm going to be spending Christmas in jail.
06:56Hey, where you spend it doesn't matter.
06:58It's who you're with.
07:05Uh, $420, the Greenwich Hotel.
07:09Rent, three weeks.
07:10Rent.
07:12Small room.
07:13Mm-hmm.
07:14Single bed.
07:17I see.
07:19Better than Central Park.
07:23Listen, uh, about Christmas morning, what time do you think I should come by?
07:29Oh, well, you know, David, he'll be up at 5.30.
07:33All right.
07:35Maybe I should come, uh, Christmas Eve and wait.
07:40Rachel won't be there until nine.
07:44Fine.
07:48Uh, Madison's Sporting Goods, $12.
07:52Bullets.
07:52Ah, so, bullets.
07:56Listen, uh, I got a call from Mr. Woodman.
07:59He, uh, wondered why he hadn't heard from us about the cabin.
08:05Oh, I forgot all about that.
08:07Uh, well, no, I didn't forget all about that.
08:10Uh, I just, um, put it out of my mind.
08:15Fine.
08:16Just a natural assumption on his part.
08:18I mean, every year, 14 years.
08:20Fifteen.
08:22Fifteen.
08:23Fifteen.
08:25Any case, I guess he just took it for granted.
08:28We'd be taking it again, you know.
08:29Yes, well, of course.
08:30He had no way of knowing.
08:32Yeah, so I told him I'd, um, let him know.
08:39Um, Marioni's Cafe, $36.
08:43Is that a little Italian place on 23rd Street?
08:48$36, dinner for two.
08:51I see.
08:53Me and Inspector Luger.
08:56Oh, he's had his eyes on me for a long time.
09:01Let me tell you all about the toy business.
09:04It's all thieves and cat's robes.
09:08I thought it was mostly elves.
09:10Stefan Meddling, owner of the company.
09:12Oh, how do you do?
09:13I'm Sergeant Harris.
09:15Where is my ooze?
09:19You know exactly what I'm talking about.
09:23Everybody's after it.
09:24Um, could you possibly be referring to this?
09:28Oh, thank God.
09:29It's, it's safe.
09:32Have you any idea how many people would just love to get their hands on it?
09:37I wouldn't even hazard a guess.
09:39It's going to be the hottest item on the market next season.
09:44Look, look how it oozes in and out of your fingers.
09:50Beautiful, beautiful.
09:51It is beautiful.
09:54And it's completely harmless if swallowed.
09:57And it doesn't stay in close.
09:59It's quite a breakthrough.
10:05You have to run in?
10:08Well, I'm sure you have a lot of work you have to do.
10:12Yeah.
10:13Uh, listen, uh, uh, don't worry about that.
10:17About what?
10:18Oh, uh, Mr. Woodman.
10:20I'll, uh, I'll call him.
10:22I'll explain the whole situation.
10:23Oh, sure.
10:24Right.
10:25Well, I'm sure he's not going to have any trouble renting that place.
10:28Oh, no.
10:29It's a lovely place.
10:30Oh, sure.
10:30The loft.
10:31Stone fireplace.
10:32Yeah.
10:34It's hard to resist.
10:37I know.
10:39Yes.
10:41Oh, what is it, Dietrich?
10:42Captain, my, uh, oh, excuse me, Mrs. Miller.
10:45It's all right.
10:46I don't think we've ever really been introduced.
10:47I'm Arthur Dietrich.
10:48Oh, how do you do right there?
10:50Of course, the captain stole us a lot.
10:51Uh, what is it, Dietrich?
10:52We'll talk later.
10:55I got a lead from the owner of the toy company.
10:57It may be a case of industrial espionage.
10:59Uh-huh, yeah.
11:00All right, check it out.
11:01Yes, sir.
11:01I'm sorry for the interruptions.
11:02No, it's just okay.
11:03Okay.
11:04I'm going now.
11:04Yeah, fine.
11:05I'll be out of here in a second.
11:07I'm gone.
11:12You.
11:15Pardon me.
11:19Hey!
11:22I run out!
11:23Hold it down, Cummings.
11:24I run out of here!
11:27I'm going to put the cuffs on.
11:28Let me out!
11:30What's going on, you?
11:32Please, I'm suffocating!
11:35Mommy!
11:36Daddy!
11:39I think you have your hands full.
11:42Let me out!
11:44We'll talk later.
11:45Goodbye, everybody.
11:47It's nice to see you.
11:48Let me out!
11:50Sir, what should I do?
11:51Let him out!
11:52That makes sense.
12:00Who's that?
12:02It's Mr. Metterling.
12:03The father of ooze.
12:05Ah, yes.
12:07Mr. Metterling.
12:09I'm Captain Miller.
12:10I'd just like to say that we're going to do everything we can to clear this out.
12:13Oh, sure.
12:14That's what they told me last year when they stole my sludge.
12:20Sludge?
12:22It's not a pretty story.
12:25In my office.
12:28Oh, Bart.
12:29It was, uh, really great to see Liz.
12:31It's too bad she couldn't stay longer.
12:33Well, we just had some checks to go over and Christmas plans to finalize, you know.
12:38Yeah.
12:38Big, uh, turkey dinner with the family, huh?
12:42No, just, just Christmas morning with the kids.
12:46Oh.
12:46You're not going to stay for dinner?
12:51This is all very silly and stupid.
12:54Here's the rent.
12:55Oh, Berman.
12:57So you thought you could get away with it, huh?
13:00My lawyer will be contacting your lawyer.
13:04You too?
13:04This is Nathan Berman, owner of the Berman Novelty Company.
13:07Mr. Berman, I'm Captain Miller.
13:09I am completely innocent of anything.
13:12First, you stole my sludge, you know.
13:14Oh, you're crazy old man.
13:16Whoa, whoa, whoa, gentlemen, please.
13:17Uh, he's talking gibberish, Captain.
13:19I know him for 35 years and he's no longer completely with us.
13:25Oh, listen, Berman, I...
13:26Gentlemen, please, please.
13:28Mr. Berman.
13:30Mr. Berman, we are investigating a burglary.
13:33And, uh, our information has it that, uh, you might be able to shed some light on it.
13:40I am a law-abiding merchant.
13:42Now, who would want to accuse me of anything like that?
13:45I never said a word, Mr. Berman.
13:50You're not going to take the word of that cheap hoodlum.
13:56Oh.
14:00Well, I had a right to...
14:02The right to steal the sweat and genies of another man?
14:05What about my fuzzball?
14:06Oh, I already had one.
14:08And I suppose you already had speed checkers and baby comatoles.
14:11So what about Death Race and Mr. Onion?
14:14Hold it, hold it, hold it.
14:15I'm not really concerned about speed checkers or Death Race or, uh, baby...
14:22Baby comatoles.
14:25What we are concerned with is burglary.
14:29I want him arrested for theft.
14:30And I want him arrested for patent infringement.
14:34Fine.
14:34You charge Mr. Meddling.
14:36Mr. Meddling will charge you and it'll all be very nice.
14:38Okay, Harris.
14:39Mr. Berman, please, this way.
14:41Berman, over here, please.
14:42Uh, Dietrich.
14:42Mr. Meddling.
14:45Okay, Mr. Berman, you want to take a seat there?
14:47I've got to book you.
14:49On what charge?
14:51Grand theft ooze.
14:55Come on, man.
14:57Down.
15:02You finally finished those arrest reports you want.
15:05Oh, thank you.
15:07Yeah.
15:10Hey, uh, I was going to make some fresh coffee.
15:12You want a cup?
15:14No, no, no.
15:14It's fine.
15:15All right, thank you.
15:22All right, why don't you come over to my house?
15:24What?
15:26For Christmas dinner.
15:29Come on, Wojo.
15:31What did I say, come on, Wojo?
15:33I'm making an invitation.
15:35You've probably got other plans.
15:37No, I haven't.
15:42Listen, I, you know, I can make a turkey and, uh, pick up some beer and, uh, it's a lot
15:47of good ball games.
15:51Sure, yeah.
15:53Sounds nice.
15:55Great.
15:59You're sure I'm not interrupting anything?
16:01I mean, uh, you're usually not without female companionship on such occasions.
16:07Oh, yeah, well, you know, my outlook on that has sort of changed.
16:14Oh?
16:15Yeah, I mean, uh, well, the way my social life used to be, uh, getting in a sack-a-rooney
16:21was the main thing.
16:23But, uh, there are other things, you know, like, uh, friendship.
16:30Just, uh, good feelings between people.
16:34Well, it can be just as satisfying.
16:40It's very, uh, wise.
16:45Well, I've, uh, I finally realized that sex wasn't everything.
16:52I guess I don't have to tell you that.
16:58I'm going under.
17:00I had to do something.
17:02I don't believe you.
17:04Place of birth, please.
17:06You think to hire a thug to rob your competitor is the act of a solvent man?
17:11Eastern Poland.
17:14What happened?
17:15Listen, I overestimated the 50s craze.
17:19Who didn't?
17:21I have 14,000 hula hoops stacked up.
17:25I'm tired.
17:27You're on a trade?
17:29For what?
17:31Pover sticks.
17:33I have a warehouse full of them.
17:36Forget it.
17:37You can't give them away.
17:40Where's it going?
17:41I lost interest.
17:45You're reconsidering.
17:50Problems, gentlemen?
17:52Nothing you can help, Captain.
17:55Mr. Mettling, uh, we're going to need your signature on this complaint form.
17:59Yes, I know, Captain Miller, but, but then, uh...
18:03But what?
18:04Mr. Berman has been stuck with 14,000 hula hoops.
18:10That's punishment enough.
18:12How about you, Mr. Berman?
18:13We're going to proceed with patent infringement?
18:19Well, with the courts the way they are now, I'd be dead before it comes to trial.
18:26And even if I win, what will I get?
18:28Pogger sticks.
18:30To get it.
18:32Okay, I guess that means, uh, both you gentlemen are free to go.
18:35Yeah.
18:36Uh, Ms. Mettling, don't forget your, uh, ooze.
18:40Oh, thank you very much.
18:43What about me?
18:45Oh, yeah.
18:46Oh, uh, Barton, we got him red-handed.
18:49Oh, come on, it's, it's, it's almost Christmas.
18:55Oh, everybody's dropping charges, turn them loose.
18:58Oh, bless you, Captain.
19:00Yeah, yeah.
19:00God bless you.
19:02God bless everyone.
19:04All right, all right.
19:05Come on, let's go, Tiny Tim.
19:15We're back.
19:17Oh, have a nice little walk?
19:21Wonderful.
19:22Good, good.
19:23Good.
19:25We've been going for quite a while.
19:27I made approximately 35 circuits around the block.
19:31If you wish, sir, uh, I'll run them over the tombs now.
19:35Tombs?
19:37Bellevue.
19:38Oh.
19:40Take him over to Bellevue and, uh, introduce him around.
19:44Yes, sir.
19:45Bellevue.
19:48I am more sick than I am criminal.
19:52Absolutely.
19:54Okay, Cummings, let's go.
19:57Oh, Mrs. Miller.
19:59Oh, hi, hi, Lennon.
20:02Hi.
20:03Hello.
20:04Um, I'm the man who was screaming.
20:08Oh, yes.
20:09Uh, yes.
20:10It's very nice to see you again.
20:12You're very lovely.
20:15Oh, thank you.
20:16Look, don't mind him.
20:17He's crazy.
20:19Oh, oh, I, I didn't, I didn't mean in his opinion.
20:21I meant in a general way.
20:22You are lovely.
20:24Love it.
20:26I wasn't trying to move in, sir.
20:29Come on, Cummings.
20:30That's fine.
20:37Hello.
20:38Hello.
20:41Uh, when I got home, I found some more checks.
20:45Oh.
20:47Not really.
20:48Took me quite a while.
20:51But I found them.
20:54Barney?
20:55Uh, I, I, I think I'll go downstairs and check that roster board.
20:59Fine.
21:01Yeah, I'm gonna, I'll...
21:08The checks.
21:10Oh, the checks, yes.
21:12Here.
21:13Uh, another reason that I, I came back was because I really left in the middle of things.
21:20Well, it was kind of hectic.
21:22I mean, yeah.
21:24Oh.
21:26I was thinking about the cabin.
21:29Have you changed your mind?
21:31No.
21:34I always wanted to take it.
21:41Pretty amusing the way you did that.
21:44Yeah.
21:47Will, uh, will you call Mr. Woodman?
21:50Yes, of course.
21:51Yes, I'll...
21:55Look, uh...
21:57Because I, I know it's just for a few days, and it's really mainly for the kids, and...
22:03It's not gonna solve all the problems.
22:05Now, listen, Barney.
22:06Let's not start talking and discussing and analyzing things, because every time we do that, we get into trouble.
22:13We're just going to go, all right?
22:16Fine.
22:17Fine.
22:18Fine.
22:21Fine.
22:23You know the, uh, first thing I'm gonna do when I get there?
22:26What?
22:28I'm gonna start a fire in that big stone fireplace.
22:32Oh, yeah.
22:33Well, it does get very, uh, cold inside.
22:39Maybe we'll...
22:40Maybe some, uh, hot brandy?
22:44Oh, yeah.
22:47It's been very snowy up there, too, you know.
22:49I, I do hope the roads are open.
22:51Oh, yeah.
22:52I hope that you are.
22:54Yes, well, I'll, uh, I'll get out the snow chains.
22:59Oh, yeah.
23:14Goodbye.
23:18Hi, Stan.
23:21Fire is not...
23:23Find some checks.
23:27Oh.
23:31Oh, uh, listen, uh, uh, I, I'm not gonna be able to make Christmas dinner.
23:38You're not?
23:39No, we, we just changed our plans.
23:42We, we, we're gonna take the, uh, the cabin in Vermont after all.
23:47Oh.
23:48Well, uh, well, that's great.
23:53We'll, we'll do it another time.
23:54Sure.
23:55Yeah.
23:56All right.
24:01Listen, would you like to come by Christmas morning while the kids go up and get back?
24:04Well, I get the feeling I'm deserting you.
24:07I, I...
24:07Barney.
24:11You know, in the office when I was, uh, I was telling you about, uh, friendship and, and
24:17good feelings between people and...
24:19Yeah.
24:19How it's, uh, uh, how it's, uh, just as important as, uh, uh, yeah.
24:25Well, I didn't mean it.
24:26I, uh, uh, uh, uh, um, uh...
24:51I, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh...
24:54So I'll, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, I...
24:56uh
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