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00:13I don't think Dakota being anywhere is a good idea.
00:27I don't think he should be at anything that we're at.
00:29I feel like this is just how all of Taylor and Dakota's fights go.
00:33They both don't have any self-control and they just can't help it.
00:36I knew we were doomed from the moment Dakota walked in the door.
00:39I've been waiting around for someone that is not there.
00:42You're not, you don't exist.
00:43He doesn't exist.
00:44Not in you.
00:45He's not you.
00:47It's just gonna be someone else and it fucking sucks.
00:51You're always cutting me down.
00:52You're always saying how much I fucking suck and how awful the man I am.
00:56Over the course of everything in our relationship, Taylor,
00:58that is all I've ever heard.
00:59And that's what's like so hard for me.
01:01It's so tough on me.
01:02Like that's all I ever hear.
01:04And so I know what I did.
01:05I know I fucked up.
01:06I know I broke you.
01:07I know I screwed up.
01:08I'm not stupid.
01:08I know what I did.
01:10But me and Jace head out there to mediate the conversation, make sure anything doesn't escalate more than Arnie has.
01:17Then I just feel like a sad, disappointed mother who is watching her child just like make all the wrong
01:23decisions in life and ruin her life.
01:25I think it's the part that's so hard is that's also all I've ever heard from you is like fuck
01:29you.
01:30You're a piece of shit.
01:31I hate you every single day for the last three years.
01:34But you know what is coming from me.
01:35It's coming from just hard.
01:36I'm just hard.
01:37I'm just hard.
01:55I'm hard.
01:55I'm trying to move forward.
01:56And it's hard.
01:58I want out of this toxic cycle.
02:01But like for me I still to this day in therapy have trouble admitting that I deserve better.
02:08Do I think holding on to Dakota is like this wound I'm trying to heal my biological dad?
02:17Maybe.
02:18I think we both struggle with like just like feeling like yeah we like deserve better.
02:31So I don't want to see you hurting.
02:34I want you to be happy.
02:36I want to see you like thrive and I am and will always be here for you.
02:44I feel sad for both of you because I want you both to be happy.
02:47Yeah.
02:49But I think unfortunately and I think you guys both know too that it's not.
02:53It's not meant to be.
02:54Yeah.
02:54It's not.
02:59Obviously where it ends is like breaking the cycle.
03:03And like letting it go because to be honest the only person I'm torturing is like myself.
03:08I just yeah I want to let it go.
03:10Like I pray like every day.
03:13Like just let it go.
03:16I just like more than anything I think at this point like we just we owe it to our son
03:20to like really try to work together on moving forward and just kind of being on the same team for
03:29him.
03:30Because that's all we can do and we have to do it like we're in each other's lives now forever.
03:36Yeah.
03:38I would much rather make it a little bit better than it be awful forever.
03:45Yeah I agree.
03:46In our situation if Taylor's not going to be the one that stops like I'm going to have to do
03:52it.
03:53And I think that's just been really hard for me to do if I'm being honest.
03:55But I just want to be able to like co-parent with her and be there for our son together
04:00and just make sure he comes first.
04:03And that's hopefully the goal.
04:05I just obviously everything's so fresh it's harder than done but I agree.
04:09I want that too.
04:11I cannot be talking about this over and over again.
04:14It's keeping me stuck going out to the bachelorette.
04:16I think honestly in some mysterious way it was meant to be because it is going to break me from
04:20that cycle.
04:20It's a long time that's going to be the longest stretch I've had probably without Dakota.
04:24I need to do what's best for me you know.
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05:10It's supposed to be the total fight for me.
05:12We want to do what this Line積 can breach in doing.
05:12Yeah you can trust me in those extensions.
05:12You can trust me by you.
05:14Change your cards and balance the message which we rely on.
05:14Your army is there?
05:15Great teamigning and I believe there are some creators of dollars over other parts of my friends
05:21My name is goodbye!
05:43I honestly feel like this opportunity
05:45being on Dancing with the Stars,
05:47it's definitely been a lot on me mentally and physically,
05:50but I want to show my kids
05:52it's important to go after their dreams and goals.
05:55You know, if I can do it, you can do it too.
05:59Hey girl, hey.
06:01Oh, I miss you.
06:02How are you feeling?
06:03I like love watching you every week.
06:06I just get better and better.
06:07I'm dying right now.
06:08Like I had like five mental breakdowns yesterday.
06:10Like I think everything's starting to catch up to me,
06:13especially being away from like Zach and the kids all day.
06:17Like I think for Zach,
06:19I think what's hard for him
06:19is he's living for like the Jen show.
06:22Like it's, I'm just, you know, Jen's husband.
06:26And I know that Jacob feels similarly with that.
06:28Jacob's always very supportive,
06:30but obviously in LA,
06:31we kind of had a little bit of a disagreement
06:32here and there about how things should work
06:35and business and all of that.
06:36Since then, I think he's been nothing but supportive
06:38with not only my career,
06:39but also like me emotionally.
06:41And like when I tell him,
06:42I feel emotional or burnt out.
06:43Like he is the first one there to help me
06:45and ask me what I need.
06:46As long as he feels appreciated by you,
06:49this is like your moment.
06:50And he needs to understand that.
06:52Like you need that space, you know?
06:54Yeah.
06:55Tell me how it's going for you.
06:57Like with the book tour and like New York and...
07:00It's so good.
07:01It's just like exhausting.
07:02I'll be back in Utah for, um, yeah,
07:05for your event in Salt Lake City.
07:07Love that.
07:08I have my book tour event in Salt Lake next week.
07:10It's been like 10 years of compiling material
07:12and writing it down and getting it in a book.
07:15And it's finally here.
07:16And I couldn't be more excited and proud of myself.
07:18So I did the Tamron Hall show
07:20and then I did a virtual podcast.
07:21And I'm just tired, but it's worth it.
07:24Like I want to get the most promotion for books I can.
07:27So it's like, I know I need to grind.
07:29So...
07:30Well, is that hard too?
07:31Like having to like retell all those stories from your book?
07:35Certain interviews are lighter,
07:37but some of them like dig a little bit more.
07:39And it's like, oh yeah, it makes me emotional.
07:42I cried in another one the other day.
07:43I'm like, damn, this is hitting.
07:46That's the hardest thing for me to get over
07:47with the hurdle of, you know,
07:50the recovering from the abuse
07:51is that I blame myself for a lot of it.
07:54It is painful to revisit all these memories.
07:57I am glad to do so.
07:58They can help just one other person.
08:00And so that's what I'm really hoping this book will do.
08:03Macy, you're the best.
08:04I freaking love you.
08:06Like, honestly, I miss you.
08:07I love you too.
08:08It's going to be worth it.
08:10Once I win that mirror ball, baby.
08:11Thanks.
08:29How was rehearsal, babe?
08:31It was so good.
08:32I feel like today was the first day
08:33where I'm like, specifically for the Samba,
08:36I'm like, ooh, like, I'm moving it.
08:38Yeah, like, I'm feeling it a little bit.
08:39Should we see?
08:40Can we see a little Samba roll?
08:41Yeah, of course.
08:42I think.
08:43Here we go.
08:45Whoa!
08:48I like the end.
08:51Dance has always been a part of my life.
08:53When I'm dancing, I feel most like myself.
08:57And so being able to be in this experience,
09:01I feel like I've refound something in myself
09:07that was missing, like something reignited
09:09and, like, a light went off.
09:16Hello, love.
09:17I don't mean to call you on a Saturday,
09:19but we had to tell you.
09:21Christmas match has officially been greenlit.
09:24I have the offer in hand.
09:26You will star and you will be the executive producer.
09:30Oh, my God!
09:33Oh, my God!
09:36Holy shit!
09:38I've always envisioned this, Whitney.
09:40I've always had this dream
09:41of being an actress in big feature films.
09:44This is a movie that is made for TV,
09:46so it's a big deal.
09:47Not only will I be an executive producer on this,
09:50I am playing the lead role in this feature.
09:52I told you L.A. looked good on you.
09:55I feel overjoyed, but also overwhelmed.
09:58I've never seen anyone
10:00who puts their mind to something
10:02go out and achieve it with such strength.
10:05I knew you were going to do this.
10:06I'm not surprised.
10:09I'm crying.
10:12I'm feeling like all my dreams are coming true.
10:14I've never experienced this before.
10:15It's like all these exciting things are happening,
10:17but I feel like I already can't catch up.
10:20I'm just, I'm feeling a lot of anxiety right now.
10:23It's just like, it's very rewarding
10:24because it's like, okay,
10:26like the blood, sweat and tears,
10:28it's paying off, like for something like that.
10:30I don't know what I'm going to do with MomTalk.
10:33I think L.A. might be our new home base.
10:36I think we need to consider it.
10:37Okay.
10:39I'm experiencing this fork in the road.
10:42It's showing up for MomTalk in Utah
10:44while also pursuing this dream.
10:47The truth is, is I wouldn't even be here
10:49if it wasn't for MomTalk
10:51because that's where it all started.
10:52And I don't really know how to navigate that right now.
10:55Your mom is going to be a movie star!
10:57Here we go again and again
11:01I can feel my heart breaking
11:06Do you hear just what you're saying?
11:09Told you don't humiliate me
11:12Here we go again and again
11:19Where's Mom?
11:21She's already in.
11:23My slip-up with Dakota in California
11:26was a big wake-up call
11:27but it's no secret that my mom is judgmental
11:30so I'm nervous to tell her
11:32Like I start sweating before the convo starts
11:34because I'm just like, here it comes
11:35I thought it was going to be cold today
11:36I know, this is like me
11:37I'm like dying of heat
11:38Take that off
11:40No, it's a tank top
11:41You know, a lot of wear tank tops
11:42because you're Mormon
11:44She hasn't worn her garments in years
11:46So why can't you be in a tank top?
11:48You do not wear your garments regularly
11:51So when did you guys get back from L.A.?
11:53Who all went?
11:54All the girls, their husbands
11:56and then Mason came and Dakota
11:59Chase was supposed to come but he got sick
12:01Why did Dakota go?
12:03I don't know
12:04because he's a part of dad talk
12:05so I'm not
12:06I don't call those shots
12:08My hope for Taylor on The Bachelorette
12:10is for her to find somebody
12:11that she absolutely loves
12:13and that is going to be
12:15the best partner for her and her kids
12:17and then that she can truly forget about Dakota
12:21So what went on in L.A.?
12:23Nothing really
12:25Just hung out
12:26I mean, me and Dakota bitch per usual
12:29He tells everyone that he wants to be with me
12:32still
12:32and it's like my decision
12:34that I don't want to be with him
12:35so this is like my choice
12:37and like true
12:38but at the same time
12:39like it's my decision
12:40because of his decision
12:41Yeah, totally
12:42He's to blame
12:43but it's still your decision
12:45to either be with him
12:46and live in a miserable life
12:48and go through all this trauma all the time
12:50and always be crying
12:51or
12:52Yeah
12:52So did you sleep with him in L.A.?
12:55No
12:55No
12:56Why?
12:57I'm just wondering
12:57because he was there
12:58No
12:59Why are you laughing?
13:01Why would I ever
13:02Even if I did
13:02I'm just saying
13:03I would never admit anything to you
13:04because of your reaction
13:05just so you know
13:06I immediately saw it in your face
13:08like it was disgust
13:08like did you sleep with him?
13:10Why in the hell
13:11am I going to tell you anything
13:13if I'm getting that?
13:15She means well
13:17She means well
13:18But that being said
13:19there's some judgment there
13:20Do you think by now
13:21the approach would be
13:23a little bit different
13:23if she's wanting me
13:25to confide in her?
13:26Your reaction
13:26and your approach
13:27I would never tell you
13:28Okay, Dakota Jr. then
13:29you're being like Dakota
13:31if you're saying that
13:31Not really
13:32You're saying exactly what
13:33You're my mother
13:34I know
13:35but you're not a fuckboy
13:38You're my mother
13:39It doesn't matter
13:39You're supposed to be
13:40my safe place
13:41I understand that
13:42but I am trying to help
13:44maybe I
13:45like you said
13:46I don't come across that way
13:47but I do try to help
13:48I'm not telling you shit
13:49because I don't want to hear it
13:50I don't want to hear your approach
13:51I don't want to hear you
13:52yell at me
13:53say I'm trash
13:54I'm stupid
13:54I'm dumb
13:55when I need help
13:55I'm not calling you
13:57because this is how you treat me
13:58You don't call me?
14:00Taylor
14:00what is wrong with you?
14:02You
14:02What the F is going on?
14:04What do I do?
14:06What do I do?
14:06Your approach to everything
14:08Taylor at this point
14:09is just trying to dodge
14:11what she has done
14:12She's just lashing out
14:14You're my mom
14:15I know
14:15but you should treat me
14:16with respect
14:17I agree
14:18In the Ten Commandments
14:19does it say
14:20honor your kids?
14:21No
14:21One of the commandments
14:22is to honor your mother
14:23and father
14:24Okay
14:24And you're the worst at it
14:25I think it would be nice
14:27to like have my mom
14:28not like talking about
14:29the prayer Bible
14:30this and that
14:30kind of just be like
14:31human with me
14:32like everyone makes mistakes
14:33like regardless of like religion
14:34Don't you think this is something
14:36she acts like that way
14:37maybe because of how
14:39it's been in the past
14:40But I did sleep with Dakota
14:41so we'll just get that
14:42out of the way now then
14:43That's so dumb
14:44Go ahead
14:45Go ahead
14:45Go on
14:46That is so stupid
14:48But that's what she's
14:50It is
14:50It is stupid
14:51Why isn't it stupid?
14:52Go ahead
14:53Why isn't it stupid?
14:54I think it's stupid
14:55Why do you think I get mad?
14:56Because I don't want you
14:57to have fun
14:58I don't want you to have sex
14:59any of those things
15:00No
15:00It's to prevent you
15:02from all the shit
15:04that you go through
15:06I've cried it
15:07for the last
15:08freaking three years
15:09But you're not in my shoes
15:11I know
15:12but I've been in your shoes
15:13with your biological dad
15:14When did you get divorced?
15:16When did you
15:17have two miscarriages?
15:18When did you
15:19have another baby daddy
15:20that went after your friend?
15:21Did you experience all of that?
15:23I think sometimes
15:24Taylor doesn't realize
15:25everything that I went through
15:27with her biological dad
15:28You have not been in my shoes
15:30I've gotten pregnant
15:31from a guy
15:32that was in an attic
15:33Okay
15:33Like Dakota
15:35Yeah
15:35Worse
15:36Probably even worse
15:37Okay
15:38Okay
15:38Because he
15:39Yeah
15:39Okay
15:40But I think that
15:41going back to church
15:42and having that foundation
15:45it helped me
15:46get back on track
15:47I feel like
15:49Taylor would be
15:50more grounded
15:50if she was
15:52going to church
15:52and doing the things
15:53that she has been taught
15:55You'll sleep with him
15:57and then you'll be like
15:58oh he's
15:58I still hate him
15:59I still think that
16:00Disgusting person
16:00So why do you sleep with him?
16:02It's called the cycle
16:03Why do you keep doing it?
16:04You're addicted
16:05It's a cycle
16:05Then why don't you get help
16:07to not be addicted to that?
16:08The brain is not
16:09I need to rewire it
16:10It's not okay in there
16:11I think that anyone in this world
16:12can fucking say
16:13Taylor's brain is not okay
16:14No fucking shit
16:15Well it needs to start getting okay
16:16because you're going on
16:17a freaking bachelorette
16:18pretty soon
16:19You think the guys
16:20that are going on this show
16:22are going to want somebody
16:23that's like that?
16:24They might be like that
16:25I hope not
16:26I know that I fucked up again
16:28Right now I think I just want
16:29her as a mom
16:30and to have some grace
16:31like it's already done
16:32so you can either
16:33help me through this
16:33or just like judge me again
16:35and see how far that gets us
16:36So you going on The Bachelor
16:38how do you want to
16:39portray yourself
16:40like this wild
16:41pineapple girl on there
16:43Pineapple girl
16:43what does that mean?
16:44You know what I mean
16:45Or something like
16:46Swinger
16:47You make your own life
16:48That's why I'm changing it
16:49Well you better start
16:51changing that then
16:52It's like
16:52You're being contradicting
16:55No today I was actually
16:56just being straight up
16:57No you were being
16:58a complete bitch
16:59Oh
17:01See
17:01Oh there's another one
17:02There it is
17:02Dude look at you
17:03as a mother
17:04You have no respect
17:05You just call me a bitch
17:06I don't give a fuck
17:07I'm not the fucking parent
17:09Stop talking
17:10I am not the motherfucking parent
17:12You just call me a bitch
17:12Don't tell me about respect
17:14Calling you a bitch
17:15is nothing
17:16compared to the way
17:17you treat me
17:18Nothing
17:20I think we all have some
17:21things we need to work on
17:23Yeah but Taylor
17:24doesn't have to work
17:25on anything
17:25because she's fucking perfect
17:27I do think she has
17:28worked on a whole bunch
17:30so I don't want to
17:31discredit that
17:32Okay
17:33In the Mormon culture
17:34it's hard to accept
17:35the children's mistakes
17:36because we're known
17:37as like this picture
17:38perfect family
17:38My child messed up
17:40so now that's an image
17:41based on me as a parent
17:42But for my mom and I
17:43it's very like mirroring
17:44like I'm seeing something
17:45in myself that I
17:46don't want to talk about
17:47or acknowledge
17:47It's a reoccurring pattern
17:49for both of us
17:50and nothing changes
17:51nothing changes
18:01Break it down
18:02Break it, break it down
18:03now
18:03Break it, break it, break it down
18:05now
18:05Bada, bada, bada, boom
18:06Hi again
18:07How are you?
18:08Good, how are you?
18:09Good
18:10Since I've had Lottie
18:11my skin has kind of
18:12flipped 180
18:13and kind of went
18:14through a flare again
18:15and I was recommended
18:17to one of the leading
18:18stem cell doctors
18:19so I'm staying longer
18:20in L.A. to get
18:21this stem cell treatment done
18:23Hello
18:24Oh, hello
18:25How are you?
18:27Oh, good
18:28How are you?
18:29So good
18:30I invited Whitney
18:31to come with me
18:31to do my stem cell treatment
18:33It definitely means a lot
18:34to me
18:34especially because
18:35when I am doing
18:37any treatments
18:37for my health
18:39I feel like
18:40it's very vulnerable
18:41Whitney and Jace
18:42are in a very similar
18:42place
18:43having to deal
18:44with what happened
18:45to me and Connor
18:45and the implications
18:46that it's brought
18:47into our marriage
18:48so I feel like
18:49we have that shared
18:50that shared experience
18:54Hi
18:54Am I in your seat?
18:56Yeah
18:56Okay
18:56Do you want me to do it for you?
18:59I don't know
19:00She's still earning back
19:01my trust
19:02so I don't know
19:02about that quite yet
19:04I don't know
19:05if I would trust
19:05her to inject that in me
19:06I had this brand deal
19:08in Utah
19:09I was so worried
19:09that I wasn't going
19:10to make it
19:10to Michaela's appointment
19:11but I was able
19:12to catch an early flight
19:13because I really
19:15wanted her to know
19:16how important it was
19:17for me to be here
19:18What do you want me to do?
19:19Do you want to watch
19:19something funny?
19:20Do you want me to tell you
19:21something funny?
19:22No, it's fine
19:23Okay
19:23I'm good with the needles now
19:25Okay
19:26This isn't your first rodeo
19:28Yeah
19:28I'm trying to do it
19:30all right now
19:30I'm trying to
19:31get this movie going
19:33Dancing with the Stars
19:34rehearsals
19:35brand deals
19:36and all of these
19:37relationships that
19:38I've worked so hard
19:39rebuilding
19:39I feel like I'm being
19:41spread very thin
19:43How are you and Jace?
19:45I love that, man
19:46They're still like
19:47I know
19:48He's so great
19:48He's so great
19:50It's like
19:51it's still the therapy stuff
19:52I'm like
19:53there's just so much
19:54going on
19:55So Jace and I
19:56haven't made
19:57really any progress
19:58as far as our intimacy
20:00and our sex life goes
20:02He wants me to work
20:03through my trauma
20:04so we're able to fix that
20:05When you attempted
20:06sexual intercourse
20:07how often was it
20:08satisfactory for you?
20:13It hurts really bad
20:14I'm just going to say
20:15never
20:16All the health stuff
20:17that's happening to me
20:18right now is kind of
20:18out of my control
20:19I feel like I have to
20:20give that top priority
20:21because it's hard to
20:23focus on anything else
20:24and be motivated to
20:26fix anything else
20:27while I'm in this state
20:29So you started going
20:30to therapy again
20:31with Jace?
20:32I did like
20:33one or two
20:33Okay
20:34Yeah
20:35I told them basically
20:36I'm like
20:36I just can't work
20:37on really
20:37Talk for a second
20:38Sorry
20:39Shut up
20:41I didn't say that
20:42I'm like
20:45It's okay
20:45We've said worse
20:46to each other
20:46Yeah we have
20:47It's nice to have
20:48Whitney here
20:48and just to have
20:49support
20:51I think it's hard
20:52being around Jace
20:53right now
20:53Internally I'm feeling
20:54a lot of pressure
20:55just because I know
20:56that these are issues
20:57that are like weighing
20:58on me and weighing
20:59on Jace and our marriage
21:00and it's like
21:01I know I have to
21:02fix them at some point
21:03and if I don't fix them
21:04then our marriage
21:05could be over
21:06Oh
21:08I'm so sorry
21:09I'm so sorry
21:13This is what you want
21:15and you can just run
21:19Oh run
21:22Unlock that door
21:23and just run
21:27Don't look back
21:28No more
21:30This is what you want
21:32Taylor
21:33Hello
21:33Where are you?
21:35My room
21:36Just straight chillin'
21:37Hi
21:38You have like
21:39that huge toy room
21:40she can play in
21:40Do you want to go play
21:41with toys?
21:43Oh
21:43Okay
21:44We'll go play
21:44with some toys
21:44Macy was really upset
21:46when I told her
21:46I was gonna do Unwell
21:47instead of her book event
21:48Even though Unwell
21:50is a cool opportunity
21:51and I was really excited
21:52about it
21:52At the end of the day
21:53Events like this will come and go
21:55but my friendship with Macy
21:56means so much to me
21:57and I would never want
21:57to let her down
21:58Okay wait
21:58what's going on
21:59with the book show here?
22:00Do I need to know anything?
22:01I actually got a lot of messages
22:02after you posted it
22:03people were like
22:03I bought my ticket to fly out
22:05Okay good
22:05Yay
22:06People from out of state
22:07which is cool
22:07I think it's because
22:08this format
22:09I originally was not
22:09a meet and greet
22:10but now I think
22:11they're changing the format
22:12it'll be a smaller venue now
22:14than it was before
22:14so they can meet me as well
22:16and now the tickets
22:17are selling because of that
22:18Good
22:18Yeah
22:20My book tour event
22:21is tomorrow
22:22I was really stressed
22:23about ticket sales
22:24and it all came together
22:25Jessie is hosting
22:26Whitney and Jen
22:27are also flying in for it
22:29so I'm really excited
22:30to have MomTalk support
22:32You were gonna tell me something
22:34what was it?
22:35Oh yeah
22:35what was that?
22:36I mean it's nothing goodness
22:37it's just
22:38I told my mom
22:39like about
22:40Sleeping with
22:41Wait about
22:42Oh just Dakota
22:43and it was a shit show
22:44She was asking
22:45she's like
22:45you didn't like
22:45sleep with Dakota
22:46and I was like
22:46no
22:48and I was like
22:48you know
22:48and then I just like
22:49her judge
22:50I saw her face
22:50and I was like
22:51you know what
22:51actually I did
22:52I slept with them
22:53and I was like
22:54I just like told her
22:55I don't need to hear it
22:56like I know
22:56I regretted it instantly
22:57I was like
22:58it's a setback
22:58she doesn't
22:59like she's like
22:59I just don't get it
23:00and I'm like
23:00it's okay
23:01no one gets it
23:01I don't get it
23:02so I get it
23:03it's the approach with it
23:04I was like
23:04as a mother
23:06I just want her to know
23:07that I'm scared
23:08to tell you
23:08like
23:09kids rebel more
23:10when you can't
23:11tell your parents things
23:12yeah
23:12and we're way past that
23:13because we're older now
23:14but I'm like
23:14I just want to change
23:15that for my daughter
23:16and then she's like
23:17oh so like
23:17you think like
23:18I'm a horrible mom
23:19and you're the best mom
23:20and I'm like
23:20that's ego talking
23:21she took it to another level
23:22I'm like
23:23I get her hurt
23:24and frustration
23:24I get that
23:25but it's like
23:26well no wonder
23:26I'm scared to tell you
23:28like the approach
23:29just try to approach it differently
23:31I feel like that's
23:32probably pretty similar
23:33for like all of our parents
23:34like I don't know about you
23:35but like I think
23:36I had a similar situation
23:36like I got pregnant
23:37right
23:37like my parents
23:38thought I was a virgin
23:39because I didn't
23:39feel comfortable
23:41confiding in them
23:41because I was like
23:42well I don't know
23:42how they're going to react
23:43and like I think
23:45you know like
23:45just the culture
23:46of the church and stuff
23:47I was like
23:48they're going to freak out
23:49and so I didn't tell them
23:50like that I was being abused
23:51or anything
23:51because I just didn't know
23:52what was going to happen
23:52you know
23:53and I think my parents
23:54I'm really close
23:54and they did an amazing job
23:55raising me
23:56so it's not even
23:57to discredit them
23:57I think it's just
23:58the way they're raised
23:59and it's like
24:03from Macy's perspective
24:04of generational trauma
24:06especially regarding church
24:07and how we were raised
24:09in a culture
24:09I maybe need to look
24:12more into that
24:12that way
24:13I can maybe be the one
24:14to like stop it
24:16and break the cycle
24:17I think you're so used
24:18to chaos
24:18that it is your comfort zone now
24:19someone was saying
24:20like I like
24:21do these mistakes
24:22and I must enjoy it
24:23I must enjoy the pain of it
24:25I think you do a little
24:26that's what I'm saying
24:26like we need to
24:27it's almost as if
24:28I don't want it to fix
24:29because it's like
24:29makes me feel like off
24:30this shows me
24:31that there is a problem
24:32and she's aware of it
24:33this is a great first step
24:35unfortunately time will tell
24:37I need to
24:38you're good
24:38I know I'm sorry
24:39the boobies are hurting
24:41I could talk about this all day
24:42but
24:42well thanks for letting us come over
24:44I hope that helped you a little bit
24:45and didn't overwhelm you more
24:53oh my goodness
24:54you're the biggest boy in the world
24:56and now we cinch it
24:57so get in Billy
24:59you guys ready for a pumpkin patch
25:01oh baby chicken
25:02oh my gosh
25:03there's goats in here too
25:04try to not step in the poo though
25:06Billy's like what the
25:08oh he's got your hair
25:11Connor and I had planned this day
25:12to take the kids to the pumpkin patch
25:13and I'm feeling overwhelmed
25:15I was able to catch an early flight
25:17and show up for Michaela's appointments
25:18the last few days rehearsals
25:20have been very stressful
25:22so it's like
25:23I'm playing a game of tug of war right now
25:25so I'm feeling that mom guilt
25:27I feel like we haven't been able
25:28to do stuff like this in a while
25:29it's fun to get the kids out
25:31and do something like for the family
25:32I know
25:33it is
25:35how are you doing
25:37oh babe
25:48you know I haven't done anything for Billy
25:51I've done nothing
25:54I'm feeling like the worst mom
25:56I'm trying to do it all right now
25:58and I feel defeated
26:00I just don't feel like I've been as present
26:02and I've been showing up for my kids
26:04like how I would like to
26:05you don't need to worry about that
26:07I have that covered
26:09I promise
26:12but I feel like that's just one small thing
26:14to a much bigger picture
26:15what's going on?
26:17I'm just overwhelmed
26:21and I just
26:21I feel like a bad mom
26:29I don't even feel like I have the energy
26:31to go hop on a plane
26:33in and out
26:34to go to Macy's book tour
26:36you are doing so much
26:38and with everything on your plate
26:40I imagine it's very scary
26:43I don't want to do it all
26:45the truth is though
26:46you have a lot on your plate
26:47and it's stressing you out
26:49and I don't want you to hit a breaking point
26:51like of course like
26:53it's Macy's event
26:55so then I just
26:56I feel this other pressure
26:57where I'm like
26:58no like I have to make it work
26:59I have to be there
27:00it's okay for you to say
27:02this is too much for me
27:03I can't fly to Utah
27:06be there for an hour to two hours
27:08and then immediately fly back to LA
27:10I think a good friend would understand
27:13well she didn't understand the first time so
27:14and you know what
27:15I hope things have changed
27:17I am feeling a little bit triggered
27:18because of what happened with Baby Mama
27:20when I didn't show up to that event
27:22Whitney do you still not regret
27:24not going to Macy's Baby Mama launch?
27:27yes or no?
27:28I'm saying no
27:29because I'm saying
27:30if I didn't make the mistake
27:31I wouldn't have known how to make it right
27:33I just feel like I would say
27:34I regret it
27:35but wish I handled it differently
27:37I get that
27:37I understand you have this pressure
27:39to feel perfect
27:40and I think that's one reason
27:42why you're choosing everything
27:43except for yourself
28:03after speaking with Macy
28:05I don't want things to be this bad with my mom
28:08so I'm trying to heal myself on two fronts right now
28:11first I hired a genealogist
28:14to you know
28:15maybe get more answers
28:16about my biological dad
28:17and if you wanted
28:18you reached out to me
28:19regarding your search
28:20for your biological father
28:22honestly I don't know too much
28:23but what I have is
28:27his name
28:28he is deceased now
28:29so
28:30that helps
28:32so with my biological dad
28:33there's been really no relationship at all
28:35I met him one time when I was four
28:37I think because
28:38he was never in the picture
28:39there's been a lot of issues
28:41with relationships
28:41and like trouble with men
28:43and so
28:43I do think it's important
28:44to work on that wound
28:46hi
28:47how are you
28:48good
28:48how are you
28:49good
28:49welcome in
28:50thank you for coming today
28:53and then
28:54my mom and I decided
28:55to finally see a specialist
28:56what I hope to get from it
28:58is maybe just a better understanding
28:59of each other
29:00that way we can compromise
29:02and maybe get along better
29:03great
29:04I'll put you and your mom there
29:06come in
29:08hi
29:10welcome in mom
29:11hi
29:11oh gosh
29:13so exciting
29:14long overdue isn't it
29:16yes it is
29:17I'm Hillary
29:18and I specialize in the mother-daughter relationship
29:21did you have expectations or hopes about
29:24I do have a question for you
29:25how does a parent
29:27parent
29:27their adult
29:28kid
29:33and they end up doing the same thing
29:35over and over and over
29:37but then be like
29:38poor me
29:39I need to go to the hospital
29:40or I need to do this
29:41or I need to do that
29:42or I'm feeling miserable
29:43or I'm crying
29:44or
29:45I mean
29:45and after that
29:46and that sympathy
29:47like
29:48has dwindled
29:49do I say that to you
29:50or are you making it up
29:51can you let me
29:52tell
29:53like explain it to her first
29:54and then you can talk to me
29:56about it
29:56let me do my part
29:57and then you can
29:58well I'm wondering where that's coming from
30:00so everything I've ever told her
30:02has happened
30:03like
30:04like exactly how I said it was going to happen
30:06this is what's going to happen
30:07it has happened
30:08but here's what I've learned
30:09is that daughters need to feel heard first
30:11you worry about them
30:12and you carry that with you
30:14and I think that sometimes you express your worry
30:16and it comes across
30:19tell me if I'm wrong Taylor
30:20as you feel like you're not trusted
30:23to make your own decisions
30:24and make solid decisions about your life
30:28yeah I just feel like
30:29there's like a sense of control there
30:31and like
30:31I don't want to be controlled
30:32I do feel like
30:33the more I'm controlled
30:34the more I'm going to do
30:35whatever the hell I want to prove
30:37you're not going to control me
30:38I'm curious
30:39if you've thought about
30:40what would it look like
30:41if your mom did support you
30:42I think we'd probably
30:44just be a lot closer
30:44I'd be a lot more open
30:45and know that I could go talk to someone
30:47and they would just be like
30:48I'm so sorry
30:49like I hear you
30:50that's got to be horrible
30:51that you're going through that
30:52like what can we do
30:54I couldn't think of anybody at the time
30:55that I could do that with
30:56so I just suffered a little
30:58through all of it
30:59and I knew I had a support system
31:01I always have
31:02but at the end of the day
31:02I knew the reaction
31:03so I didn't tell anybody
31:05and I'm not blaming
31:06like obviously
31:06my relationship
31:07all on freaking Dakota
31:08but it's like
31:11it's miserable
31:14and at the end of the day
31:16I just want someone to choose me
31:20and I know it's like
31:22it looks dumb
31:22and you feel like you're dumb
31:24but it's like
31:25you just also
31:26I think you haven't
31:28you've had your situations
31:29but you've never had this exact one
31:31so I don't expect anyone
31:32to freaking get it
31:32thank you for sharing
31:34sorry
31:35sorry
31:35no don't apologize
31:37it needed to come out
31:38I don't know how to express
31:45like that empathy
31:47I am hard on Taylor
31:49because I love her
31:50and I can see
31:51some of the traits
31:53that I had
31:54when I was young
31:55I struggle with that
31:56and I don't want
31:58her to go through
31:59everything that I
32:00went through
32:01and I just want her
32:02to be happy
32:03I loved my first boyfriend
32:05her biological father
32:07he asked me to marry him
32:08I could have married him
32:09but he just had like
32:11an addiction
32:11like
32:12and I always put her life
32:13like I always thought
32:15you know
32:15like he's not
32:16he's not the person
32:17for us
32:19because
32:19I don't see us happy
32:21you don't have to have
32:23the answers
32:23you don't have to fix it
32:25you just need to be there
32:28for her
32:29I love my kids
32:30more than anything
32:32in this world
32:33I would give up
32:34everything for them
32:35like
32:36I have lived my life
32:38for them
32:39hearing my mom
32:40say the sacrifices
32:41she made for me
32:42gives me a little bit
32:43more perspective
32:44on the way she reacts
32:45to certain situations
32:46and I think
32:46understanding what happened
32:47in her past
32:48with my dad
32:49is even more important
32:50to help me understand
32:50as a whole
32:51you're a great mom
32:53I can see how much you care
33:09today is the salt lake city
33:11book tour event
33:11it just feels like
33:12a dream that's coming true
33:14I just feel so incredibly grateful
33:15that I had this opportunity
33:16to share my story
33:17and mom talk plans
33:19a little brunch
33:19to get together
33:20before the event begins
33:21and I'm really excited
33:22to kind of hang out
33:23the girls before the tour starts
33:24and it means so much
33:25that they're supporting me
33:27are you the only one here
33:28you freaking biatches
33:30can anyone show up on time ever
33:32are you literally the only one
33:35because I didn't hear me
33:36where's our
33:39hello
33:42you look freaking hot
33:46how do I even get around here
33:48I'm like how do I
33:48get over
33:50you guys I have an announcement
33:51this is the official mom talk
33:52everyone else is out
33:54actually yeah
33:54can we just vote people out
33:55tell her about freaking Whitney
33:57hey wait yeah
33:58oh yeah Whitney's not coming
33:59yeah
34:00Whitney called me last night
34:01and she was like crying to me
34:02and she's like
34:02I just am so exhausted
34:04I'm so good
34:04but two things can be true
34:05she can be exhausted
34:06and overwhelmed
34:06but also still be a good friend
34:08also production paid for her flight
34:10they had someone at the airport
34:11waiting to pick her up
34:11she just never told them
34:12she wasn't coming
34:13so she just ghosted her job
34:15I'm so grateful that Whitney
34:17has been showing up for me
34:18recently
34:19but I don't think it shocks people
34:20when Whitney's like
34:21I'm not going to show up to things
34:22just because she does have that pattern
34:24it doesn't mean that
34:25it doesn't still hurt
34:26like I know it still hurts
34:27Macy that she's not showing up
34:29for these things
34:29and then Jen's not coming either
34:31and then Jen's sick
34:32yeah
34:32part of me is like
34:33not to be rude
34:34but like is Jen sick
34:35or does she know I hate sickness
34:36and so she's like
34:37shocker
34:38no she knows
34:39she knows that she hates
34:40part of me is like
34:41is Jen really sick
34:42I'm not going to say
34:42she's faking it
34:43but like
34:44I feel like we've all been
34:45being very very very
34:47supportive of the girls
34:48on Dancing in Charge
34:48yeah
34:49granted
34:49yes
34:50but I post for them
34:50every Tuesday
34:51I over the top
34:53like supporting them
34:54and the fact that
34:54they can't even show up
34:55for you right now
34:56is really fucked up
34:57honestly
34:58I think it's really important
34:59that all of us girls
35:00support Macy
35:01this is literally
35:01her dream come true
35:02writing her memoir
35:03on her life
35:04I just feel like
35:04this is like something
35:05that's really really
35:06major for Macy
35:07that is a one
35:08in a lifetime opportunity
35:09and I feel like
35:10missing this is just
35:11it's not okay
35:13we can't speak on like
35:14how exhausting
35:14the experience must be
35:15like we don't know
35:16but like this isn't just
35:17like some normal event
35:18like yeah
35:19and they literally
35:20say we're going
35:21yeah I know
35:22so that's the part
35:23that's like weird
35:23and that's what made
35:24me feel so bad
35:25it was like they did
35:25that on purpose
35:26after you all talked
35:27about me not going
35:27and then they made
35:29a point of saying
35:29I see why you're frustrated
35:30yeah
35:30I said like
35:31I got ridiculed
35:33for like almost not coming
35:34because of Unwell
35:35and I chose to stay
35:36because this is more important
35:37and once you told me
35:38how you felt
35:38I was like nothing matters
35:40you know
35:40I think Whitney pointing out
35:42that I wasn't going to be
35:43coming to Macy's book event
35:44to host
35:44and being critical about it
35:46was so that she could
35:47jump in and save the day
35:48how do you actually feel
35:49about Jessie not going
35:50I'm not upset
35:52I'm just more like
35:53oh that sucks
35:54but can I tell you something
35:55you already committed to that
35:57that's the problem I have
35:58yeah
35:59do you need a host
36:00yeah I mean
36:01I'm still like I
36:03all volunteers
36:04do you want to
36:05absolutely
36:06so it's just kind of funny
36:07that roles ended up
36:08being reversed
36:09and I'm here to support
36:10Macy and she's not
36:14hi
36:15how are you
36:17congrats
36:18thank you
36:18how are you
36:19good
36:20yeah
36:21everyone's just talking
36:22because Whitney
36:22you'll find out
36:23Whitney and Jenner
36:24are coming
36:24pissed about it
36:25I don't really know
36:26how that's acceptable
36:27at all
36:28that's what we're saying
36:28I'm pissed
36:29she's like I just don't like
36:30having to ask for support
36:31either you know
36:32that's not my personal
36:33girlfriend would show up
36:34for their friend
36:35no I agree
36:37I have to go though
36:38I have to go run over there
36:39because I have to go
36:39where
36:40I have to sign books
36:41before it starts
36:41oh
36:42I have to go sign books
36:43so I'll see you guys
36:44over there okay
36:44I will see you there
36:45I'm just like bugged
36:46I'm bugged
36:47I am too
36:47I do think two things
36:49can be true
36:49I think that Whitney's
36:50here for the opportunities
36:51but I think she did miss
36:52those real friendships too
36:53like obviously she came back
36:54and said I'm here
36:55for Dancing with the Stars
36:56so I'm like
36:56it's not shocking
36:57I feel like Whitney
36:59it's not a great look
37:00that she came back
37:01to Home Talk
37:01for Dancing with the Stars
37:03however people just
37:04kept making sure
37:06that I knew
37:06that I only came back
37:07for clout
37:08which is wrong
37:09it was for money
37:10so they use this
37:11as a fucking stuffing stone
37:12and then they fucking piece
37:12exactly
37:13that's what I'm saying
37:14it's not okay
37:17let's get that straight
37:18we wouldn't have
37:19all of these awesome experiences
37:21like Dancing with the Stars
37:22and blah blah blah
37:23let's keep going
37:23if it wasn't for this friend group
37:24and I feel like
37:25you can't just be like
37:26fuck you
37:26I'm on Dancing with the Stars
37:27I don't care about you
37:28Dancing with the Stars
37:29has taken her to Hollywood
37:30so happy for her
37:32but she's clearly over this
37:33and that means that
37:34she's also over the friendship
37:45she's clearly over this
37:47and that means that
37:47she's also over the friendship
37:48like
37:49it sucks so
37:50because I feel like
37:50I started to build
37:50like a friendship with her again
37:51and then she just does
37:52things like this
37:53and I'm like
37:53I start second guessing again
37:54I'm like
37:55do you even care
37:56yeah
37:57right
37:57as an ambitious career woman myself
37:59I totally understand
38:00why Whitney's taking
38:01all the opportunities
38:02and wanting to advance her career
38:04I think it just hurts
38:05that she doesn't care
38:06about the actual friendships
38:07but she got what she wanted
38:09so I wouldn't be surprised
38:10if she never came back
38:11to MomTalk
38:12I think we should check on Jen
38:13on Jen
38:14should we call her
38:15if she answers
38:17hi
38:18how are you feeling
38:20I'm all the things bro
38:22I woke up like
38:23with a fever last night
38:25and I don't know
38:25what's going on
38:26I think I caught something
38:27I'm sad I can't be there
38:28it makes me a big squeeze
38:30for me
38:30I will
38:31okay well let's let her rest
38:33okay love you
38:35can we talk about
38:36the fact though
38:36that everyone's pissed
38:37at Jen right there
38:38now everyone's like
38:39we're like oh
38:39okay Jen's really sick
38:40I'll give her that
38:41I'm shocked she picked that up
38:43I do
38:43she's like hurry Zach
38:44get the fake IV
38:59Macy you're doing amazing
39:00I'm gonna go let everyone in
39:01should I do something funny
39:02or crunchy
39:03no I want you to get a video
39:04that I'm like
39:05I'm taking a video
39:06say I'm taking a video
39:07for Macy
39:07I want you to go in the line
39:08and have them scream each year
39:10you guys ready
39:18how proud do you feel
39:20with Macy
39:23I'm so proud of Macy
39:24that she accomplished
39:25this huge task
39:27of telling her story
39:28and getting it out there
39:30in this book
39:30just knowing the struggles
39:32that she's been through
39:32I just can't be more proud of her
39:34I'm beyond excited for her
39:37and just so happy
39:38that she's able to be here
39:39in this moment
39:39because it's been a long road
39:43do they have energy drinks
39:44here you think
39:44oh I'm sure
39:45somewhere
39:46this is so cool
39:47oh my gosh
39:48this is like legit
39:49like a huge octroium
39:50oh yeah
39:51I don't know
39:51you didn't know that
39:52no
39:52when do I ever know anything
39:54I just show up
39:55hey Macy
39:55will you come over by the mirror
39:56we'll take a picture
39:57oh yeah yeah yeah
39:58alright guys
39:59you ready
40:03Taylor
40:04thank you so much
40:05love you guys
40:05hi everyone
40:07you think you'd be here
40:09last year
40:10yeah it's crazy
40:11love you
40:13and now I'm telling my story
40:14to a bunch of people
40:16and it's absolutely so crazy
40:18and then also to see
40:19all my girls in the front row
40:20supporting me
40:21it just means the absolute world to me
40:23it sounds cheesy
40:24but that's what mom talk is all about
40:26is to cheer each other on
40:27it's real
40:28it's raw
40:28it's vulnerable
40:29it's funny
40:29it's everything you want in a book
40:30and I'm so proud of her
40:31so if you'll help me
40:33welcome to the stage
40:33the one and only
40:34Macy Neely
40:46you can always create your own future
40:48your mistakes do not define you
40:49and you can do whatever you want to do
40:51like there are no limits
40:53you mentioned that you wanted to
40:55change your book one day
40:56yeah
40:57how do you know that you're in that one day
40:59and what is your next one day
41:01oh that's a good question
41:02I think for me
41:03it was like once I met my husband
41:05and that was kind of like
41:07felt like my happily ever after
41:08obviously the story is still just beginning with that
41:11but I think once I met him
41:12I was like this is it
41:13like this is my one day
41:14you know
41:15stop
41:19when I was 20 years old
41:21living at my parents house
41:22single and alone and pregnant
41:24I never would have thought
41:26I was going to
41:27start my journey of writing a book
41:29so I feel like it's a very full circle
41:30pinch me moment
41:31it honestly just doesn't feel real
41:32that it's all happening now
41:34and then obviously even the book
41:35like this is so full circle for me right
41:37so I think like
41:38this is it too
41:39like I think we're always going to have those moments
41:41like this is like what I've been waiting for
41:42and it's here
41:43and as far as what's next
41:44I think we'll just have to wait and see
41:46because I don't even know
41:46I'm just trying to soak in this moment
41:48and enjoy it
41:49because this has been a dream of mine
41:50for 10 years
41:50and I'm excited that it's here
42:10Hi
42:11Nice to meet you
42:12Nice to meet you
42:13I'm Taylor
42:13I'm Luana
42:14Nice to meet you
42:15I know we spoke on the phone
42:16but it's good to put a face to a voice
42:19Today I'm meeting with a genealogist
42:21and I feel very nervous
42:24that's the word I can, you know
42:27excitement for sure
42:28it's like ooh what's out there
42:30but also it could be a little unsettling
42:31because it's like something
42:32you've always wondered
42:33or had questions about
42:34so it could be a lot to process
42:36if there is information there
42:37Are you ready to get started?
42:39Yeah I am
42:39All right
42:40All right
42:40Okay
42:41So I took the information you gave me
42:43Okay
42:44And I created a family tree
42:46We found your father right here
42:50Okay
42:51Brian Scott Wilkinson
42:53And there's your mother
42:54And then I found his brother
42:57And we were able to contact
42:59two of the people
43:00on this tree
43:02Mmm
43:02That are on this side
43:04The one side you're looking for
43:06your birth father's side
43:07We're gonna go ahead and look
43:09at your family tree
43:10just a little bit here
43:12Let's see if I can pull that out
43:14Oh my gosh
43:17So I have two others
43:19You have two half siblings
43:22That's crazy
43:24Holy shit
43:24I have two other siblings
43:25I have four siblings
43:28Wild
43:28I have a lot of questions
43:29about my biological dad
43:31Like did he ever ask about me?
43:32Did he ever talk about me?
43:33Did he ever mention he had a child
43:34or multiple children
43:35for that matter?
43:36What happened after the fact?
43:38Like where was he involved
43:38in those children's lives?
43:40If he was his parents
43:41Like what does his mom
43:42think about all of it?
43:43Did she ever want a relationship?
43:44Why didn't you try
43:45the sister, the brother?
43:45There's so many questions I have
43:48That is wild
43:55Welcome to the first annual
43:56Mom Talk
43:57First Dad Talk
43:58Pickleball Championship
44:03Dakota and her did DM
44:05No one knows though
44:06This is why I can't trust people
44:09This is too much
44:10It'd be so easy
44:11This is why I can't trust people
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