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Mock the Week 2026 S01E08
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04:21delivered it seems like a very weird way to heat your house that a man drives a tanker full of
04:25oil
04:25up to your type it's like it's like having your electricity delivered every three months ago just
04:30showed up to change the batteries in your house a really huge double a battery you put it in the
04:37wrong way take it out spin it around the old one a few times do you really i think i
04:46think you're
04:46joking i actually know we have heating oil in our house yeah it's more than doubled in price yeah
04:52this is the most irish i've ever felt that you are yeah i was reading this i'd never heard of
04:57this
04:57before that we were burning protestants
05:05we've been watching songs of praise going oh that's a good one now
05:11you get a week out of that one now
05:15how did you get the news about the oil prices ed your medium wave radio your blackberry
05:21we have the internet brought in once a week in buckets
05:26what else might go up in price everything everything everything was going to go from price
05:31yay mortgage rates are going up aren't they mortgages are going to go up and uh as a millennial can
05:36i
05:36just say ha ha ha i just think with the mortgage is going up right it's just like because you
05:41know
05:41boomers are the ones with the mortgages yeah right and if you are a boomer who's struggling to pay
05:45your mortgage just think if maybe you'd bought a few less houses and a few more posh copies you
05:49wouldn't be in this yeah well that's a millennial crowd there we are there can i say that we're
05:58always being criticized for being like the golden generation because we've earned more money from
06:02property than our kids let me tell you there is nothing golden about having your children live with
06:07you forever
06:14nothing it does worry me i wonder if we're going to get to the point where the only way we'll
06:18keep warm
06:19we'll be having forges smothered in deep heat and we'll just pass pass lay-bys in norfolk and there'll be
06:27people rotting in puffin jackets that happens anyway yeah also people on ozempic and monjaro they
06:35got a lot of hate for a while and now food's so expensive who's laughing now we don't need it
06:42yeah but you can there's there's ways to like you know there's money saving ideas to get it cheaper
06:46you know like to get petrol cheaper you just got to find that garage that does it cheaper than all
06:50the other ones haven't you you know i found this one it's 10p cheaper than anywhere else and it's in
06:53carlisle so i just drive there every time how has keir starmer stood up to donald trump by by not
07:00sending uh ships straight away and then offering to send ships but being told that the war is
07:06already won and then not even saying anything when being asked for more ships we have sent a ship
07:14anyway we have yeah but it was not it wasn't offensive it's defensive and it's the hms dragon
07:19why is it called a dragon dragons are not water-based animal i think i think it's a concession
07:25to the welsh i think it's a kind of the welsh isn't a dragon is it technically no no it's
07:30got a
07:30different name and it's got those big legs i don't think that's a dragon either what is it then i
07:38should
07:38go how can i get an hour on this this will never come up again that's fantastic we basically you're
07:46bringing second-hand panel show information i tell them about the news what did they say about
07:53uncat's countdown when are we doing the prize task this is a class 45 destroyer isn't it and what the
08:01thing i do yeah yeah yeah yeah if either me or dara knew that we'd look really suspicious
08:10yeah yeah notoriously they have certain weaknesses that semtex can be jammed into
08:16i think you should send him uh more ships but charge a 60 tariff for each one
08:22i think that's the by the way that's the system the chip the chip that's being sent isn't the one
08:29at
08:29the back it's the little white one at the front i think it's wonderful that he's just sent one
08:38battleship because even when you play the game battleships you have more than that i just love
08:45the idea of d4 hit right that's done then yeah moving on before we move on a big shout out
08:53to people
08:54in cyprus because i was in cyprus last week because i got there faster than hms dragon
08:58i'll be there and come back like whenever i did a show over there but a big shout out to
09:02the woman
09:02who posted on twitter the day after is they're going well thanks to dara breen who actually came
09:06unlike fake billy ocean so i don't know who fake billy ocean is but oh no you you are not
09:14welcome
09:14back in cyprus because you you chickened out of going to cyprus and fake billy ocean is somewhere
09:18london going sounded really dangerous you know and when the gun gets tough uh
09:24fake billy ocean does not go to cyprus so you were there yes so you're our first line of defense
09:30i was
09:30yes briefly i was briefly i was in an advanced position in the current so it's like starma basically
09:37said we're not sending you a warship we will send you dara obrius
09:41that's what's going on moving on what's going on here this is my pornography it's a fully dressed
09:49man being kind to animals those two the two ugly alpacas in the background look like they're
09:55bitching about the fit one at the front he always gets he's always pushing his foot i think you'll find
10:04that's why alpaca's being radicalized by somebody else he's disappointed he's like on hinge it said
10:10feisty redhead they're actually becoming increasingly rare in the uk lib dems
10:20what is a lib dem race do they face the same prejudice as bisexuals
10:27this is that davy being no more mr nice guy he's saying vote lib den or i will slash this
10:31animal's
10:31throat
10:31i mean ed see how much that energized the crowd
10:42this is the known nonsense tough guy they want to see from ed davy these days
10:46you mind if we go back that thing's neck yeah can we can we go back to talk about the
10:51iran war to
10:51lighten the move
10:55many viewers are upset but any of the content in tonight's show there will be a number at the bottom
11:01my kids loved alpacas and then ed came on the television and talked about alpacas dying why
11:05did he do that why did you talk about alpacas dying because sometimes they have to die
11:11they're a menace just for more votes yeah why was he criticized this week by the way why was there
11:17david criticized he's touching up an alpaca
11:21has he been told to ditch the clown act he has yeah absolutely yeah yeah i mean it's a bit
11:26annoying i've
11:27booked him for my daughter's birthday party bringing an alpaca with him which is going to be a nightmare
11:34in the open kitchen at the end it's holding up a severed head of an alpaca
11:39crying and going this is the new reality
11:43i mean they said to ditch the clown act but that's his whole thing isn't it yeah that's it without
11:47that
11:47he's got no personality he's got the you know spirit of a mortgage advisor trapped trapped in the
11:52body of a sex tourist yeah i think it's really out of order he's just a happy guy oh look
12:00at that
12:03yeah honestly this is enjoy this this not photoshopped not fake not ai slot genuine shot
12:11of a political leader and everything about it is perfect he's living the exact life of everyone in
12:16an advert for incontinence patch everything he does is like i can still do it all thanks to tenor
12:23i can go bungee jumping paddle boarding and all wearing white trousers and then hugh comes in with
12:30the oh look at that what a lucky guess yes oh no all of the photographs of this every photograph
12:36you have about davie is this like the go and pick up another one there we go
12:41all of them come with loads of tiny texts about how
12:45do not take money if you're also taking this dude
12:48counter-indications conclude heart attack disease it must be annoying to be a lib dem donor being
12:54like are you spending the money on campaign literature and focus groups oh no he's put
12:58springs on his ass and gone to thorpe park again where's ed as he zonks behind people where's ed
13:05gone and he's in a giant inflatable ball he's rollerblading through lego land every day
13:08in some ways refreshing rather than seeing somebody on a sex island yeah you're seeing somebody at
13:15chesington
13:17he makes me genuinely feel so happy i like him and i like the fact that yeah you're right epstein
13:21would never have replied to an email from him
13:25i don't want to be his friend yeah yeah okay do you want to come to the island of grown
13:33-up fun
13:33no
13:37you don't want a massage you want to go go-karting
13:41at the end of that round the points go to ed here and sarah
13:47join us after the break for more mock the week
13:57now we play a game called you think that's bad in a world where everything seems to be going wrong
14:02this is a chance for a performance to compete to outdo each other with tales of woe from their lives
14:06and i decide whose is the worst anyone care to start us off i wear the same pants as peter
14:14mandelson
14:17okay one small clarification right it's an arresting image uh you do need the same brand of pants it's
14:23not like you don't alternate days i'm intrigued by the fact that you read you've looked at the photos
14:27from the epstein file and recognized the brand of pants and felt well i don't say i'm wearing them
14:32now but when i was sort of a teenager i wore roughly the same sorts of pants i had a
14:36slight pant disaster
14:37at one point as a teenager and i had all my pants stolen and i had to go and buy
14:43more pants
14:43this is the day before i went back to school and i ended up with like 11 pairs of white
14:48pants
14:48and one pair of yellow pants that my mum thought were normal but on the front they had a logo
14:53that
14:53said beware the beast why did you have all your pants stolen i don't mean to sound like i'm victim
15:01blaming but it turns out that now that you're famous
15:04no no no you're in school
15:07well i don't know except my dad was a vicar right so we lived in a
15:10no that's enough
15:12i mean more here
15:15i was very common you think that's bad
15:18i don't have one nearly as bad as any of that no we think that's weird
15:28well i years ago i used to have the weirdest fetish ever i used to steal a vicar's son's pants
15:35and i thought i got away with it too
15:38if you think that's bad if your wife suggests you should introduce some toys into the bedroom
15:42she didn't mean hungry hippos and they don't like to be called that it's alan and graham from next door
15:53i asked them to come around in huge pants as well
15:57if you think that's bad i just bought an apartment in dubai
16:05if you think that's bad my um cloud got hacked and my nudes were so unsexy they got grok to
16:10get me dressed
16:13if you think that's bad i just bought non-refundable tickets to take timothy
16:17chalamet to the ballet if he won an oscar
16:20if you think that's bad my children are so addicted to screens at the moment the only way i can
16:25get them
16:25out for a walk is to lure them out the house with the router
16:33we can only yeah we can only walk to a 50 meter extension extension of some sort
16:40if you think that's bad i've had so many kids now the hospital named some stirrups in my honor
16:45do you think that's bad i had to tell my wife that our skybox is broken and i was unable
16:52to record
16:52last week's episode in order to stop her from watching the derogatory comments you lot made
16:58about what was going on between me and a french exchange student
17:12the next round is called running out of heating oil
17:20this game involves sarah and scott if you could make your way to the performance area please
17:25this rounds the stand-up challenge i launched a wheel of news and wherever it chooses to stop one of
17:29our performers will step forward and talk about that subject the winner is whoever i think is the
17:33funniest okay here we go let's have our first topic please and the first topic is ambition who has
17:39left us there uh so i've been thinking a lot recently about paula radcliffe because it's uh 20 years
17:47ago this year um paula radcliffe of course uh incredible athlete exceptional woman 20 years ago she
17:54was running the london marathon and she um yeah you remember now she uh she needed the toilet and she
18:01didn't want to lose the time that it would take to go and do it uh sort of privately and
18:05you know they're
18:05they're filming it it's live television and so she she crouched down at the side of the road and she
18:10did it a poo and this is the important bit she then got up and she won the london marathon
18:18i know and
18:20i'm obsessed with it i'm obsessed with it because there is nothing i want that much
18:26in terms of like your lives like your hopes and dreams like your ambitions the things you'd like to
18:31achieve is there anything where you think yeah i would do a outside in front of everyone in order
18:36to get it because i can't think of anything you know like postcode lottery no driving license no
18:42i test myself with scenarios so i saw like imagine the other day i was like what if the academy
18:47call me
18:48and they're like sarah this year at the oscars we will give you the best actor oscar you're not in
18:54anything it's the male category we will read out your name all you have to do in the aisle as
19:02you're
19:02walking up to collect it and i would say no no thank you not under those circumstances and then i
19:08imagine that they're calling me back you know they're trying to persuade me they're like oh sarah
19:11no you you wouldn't have to crouch down and do it in an embarrassing way you know you could just
19:16do it like a horse yeah so let's not even slow down drop out of your dress on the way
19:25up there
19:26and i'll still say no no thank you i don't know if my lack of ambition is holding back my
19:31career
19:33my husband wants very different things to me uh uh my husband he would like a threesome
19:38that's his ambition yeah he was like the other day he's like oh he's australian uh oh you don't want
19:47to be sexy if we could get some other people involved in the bedroom and i'm like no no no
19:52i
19:52could do all of it i just move my arms and legs quicker you know just whizz around the bed
19:58a bit
19:58you know i can put on a funny voice you won't know in the dark you know touch my tits
20:10that leaves us with scott let's see what your topic is let's spin the wheel
20:15okay the topic is aging okay i uh i'm 46 now um you're right not to applaud
20:25and i've reached the point now i'm going to the gym just to maintain where i am which is
20:30truly tragic i've got a i've got a personal trainer he says you're looking to get shredded
20:35you're looking to get ripped i was like no jace i'm looking to get dressed that would mean
20:40i just like to put my socks on without involving my children first
20:45i don't know what's happened to me i'm trying i'm clinging on i went to a post-punk gig recently
20:50and i got in the mosh pit which was an error because it was just everyone my own age at
20:55one point we all
20:56had our hands in the air like an act of defiance but what ruined it was a sea of apple
21:01watchers
21:02warning us we're in a loud environment
21:06you're gonna smash the system but you keep it below 85 decibels
21:10you're not meant to be there because that's the thing that leaves you behind my nephew's 19 he's had
21:15them holes put in his earlobes right when was that agreed it makes his face look like a camping ground
21:23sheet i don't know whether to talk to him or peg him down i mean
21:34it's like a piece of tarpaulin with opinions
21:38do you know what that's really good for it's measuring the perfect portion of spaghetti
21:45what's that gonna look like when he's older i suppose he gives somewhere for a nurse to hang
21:49a drip doesn't it maybe that's the idea but i i look at my dad my dad's in his 70s
21:55he's embracing
21:56it right he stopped caring i was there the other week he was polishing his car with a pair of
22:01old
22:01underpants he said to me it's better than any cloth i said yeah but take them off
22:09i can't watch you grinding up the side of an octavia like a geriatric beyonce it's horrific
22:16doing a slow drop in the alloys mate like victoria beckham at a wedding i can't have this
22:26but i am trying i want to leave a legacy for my children i'm trying to look after
22:30myself and then something happened the other week and i thought what's the point
22:33because i was at a gig another act came up to him and said scott you look fantastic have you
22:37have you been training have you been dieting i'd have the neurovirus i've been shitting myself
22:44inside out for a month i thought i was gonna die and he looked at me and went whatever you're
22:49doing
22:49keep doing it that's the best you've ever looked your cheekbones have come back i've given up on the gym
22:56i'm licking andrails outside of walking i'm only eating in one star rated restaurants i've just
23:03ordered a tapeworm on the dark web basically i'm gonna ship myself into skinny jeans thank you
23:12well done point here and go to scott bernard take down come on join us after the break for more
23:20mock the week
23:27the next round is called if this is the answer what is the question on the border six categories scott
23:33which category would you like uh politics please okay your topic is politics the answer is around 500 000
23:39what is the question how much would i pay to have an uninterrupted poo in my own house
23:46is it how much will i win if prince andrew becomes a new host of strictly
23:53is it how much do i owe the student loans company for my degree in financial planning
24:00is it what would christmas have cost me if i've got my kids everything they asked for
24:05is it of the 10 billion donald trump is suing them for how much would bankrupt the bbc
24:12is it what's the going rate to jog a politician's memory
24:18how much would a million pound house be worth if peter mandelson moved in next door
24:25is it how much do vets now charge to drain a dog's anal glands
24:31it's a lot that is a lot if only we could run our houses on the juice that comes out
24:35of
24:37i'll do it for free isn't the word juice it was the word juice
24:40is it how much was the restaurant find at the end of ratatouille
24:47is it how much of my half million pound investment did i lose when i invested in hawk twa coin
24:56is it how much did my dad think leaving a light on in one room would cost per
25:00is it how much damage was done when they left my nan in charge of the thermostat at madame tussaud
25:08is it four people four nights summer holidays at center parks how much is a flight from abu
25:15darby to heathrow is it how much was bonnie blue's last dry cleaning bill
25:23is it how much could you make annually from my new cryptocurrency huge coin
25:31is it how much did i make selling a vicar's son's pants on ebay
25:36is it if a busker borrowed your hat dara how much could he bit in it
25:47massive head if you go to a money exchange in an airport and exchange one million british pounds
25:56for british pounds how much do you get okay they have the correct answer please how much does it
26:02cost to keep my daughter in her various school clubs per month dreams that are going nowhere
26:13how much has sarah pasco turned down to poo in public
26:19is it actually is it is it how much uh did peter mandelson ask for as a severance
26:24pay absolutely right thank you very much ed thank you
26:30yes the question i was looking for is what did peter mandlin request a severance payment after he
26:35was sacked as uk ambassador to the united states this is the news that information about the
26:38negotiations was included in the release of a 147 page collection of documents on mandel's
26:43appointment and subsequent removal following the emergence of more details about his friendship
26:47with jeffrey epstein peter mantle has continually denied any wrongdoing could we have written a more
26:52fucking word you have to what was the outcome of all this the outcome was he asked for a half
27:02a
27:02million and they gave him about 70 grand which just shows us the shithot negotiator we lost
27:09that's what you got to do man i asked for 500 grand to do this show from tlc
27:12sure i didn't get it but i got 10 pounds an episode and an appointment with dr pimple popper
27:19you said the reason he asked for 500 000 pounds was because what he said was the actions of his
27:25majesty's government have permanently damaged his employability oh he's 72 what is he going to miss
27:33on an internship now because of this i think we don't want to see like what he got we should
27:39be able to
27:39see how he asked for it you know i want to see dragons i'm asking for 500 to never work
27:47again
27:47yeah due to my links to an international super nonce
27:53alleged super not yeah i think we know that i just wanted to be honest yeah i think he's not
27:59going to
27:59see us from beyond the grave it's a bold move i almost respect him like would i let him take
28:06my daughter on holiday no but he could get a john lewis refund he's going to make his real money
28:11in
28:12podcasts though isn't he oh yeah it's so obvious that no one's going to get any consequences and he's
28:17going to start a podcast with andrew called the rest is redacted
28:24it's like me i complained about a pizza at domino's and i was on the phone sort of back and
28:29forth for about 20 minutes and then in the end they said you want some dough balls and i just
28:33went deal
28:34and that was i knew when i've won you know yeah yeah you've got pizza express dough balls from domino's
28:40that is power well did you want to just pretend you'd been a pizza express because it might be
28:46useful as an alibi later it's where people go where people go uh this picture came out you know during
28:55all this the the honestly the yeah that's it there you go but this looks like the eye view of
29:00the
29:00terrified child who's come to collect their ball they've kicked over the fence
29:07like these this rich powerful cabal of men who were like secretly basically running the world the
29:13elite and they have the same chair and table you can buy from bq for 500 quid
29:20that's what they're saying it's a display model we'll never sell it now get off it
29:25finally an image more disturbing than when i caught my mom doing reverse cowgirl
29:35is andrew vaping he looks like he's vaping is he he'll do anything to impress a teen
29:40you know did you say vaping you said vaping yeah yeah i did say vaping he's allegedly vaping
29:47he's a vapist there's a lawyer with a pen going
30:06it was allegedly in there at the end of that round the points are scott reese and catherine
30:17the next round is called audience question time we throw ourselves open to the studio audience and
30:21invite them to ask us questions on any topic first up is there a nikki here by the way hey
30:26nikki how are
30:27you i'm good how are you i'm very well thanks for asking uh and what question do you have for
30:30everything here what do you think is really overrated qi it's just facts to explain slowly i
30:39mean people can't even remember them what's the point any podcast that won't have me as a guest
30:47instantly becomes overrated in my mind surely there's no one that wouldn't have you as loads yeah
30:51off menu can go fuck itself
30:57video doorbells people say they're amazing because you can check in on them wherever you are so you
31:01can be on a beach you know watching someone burgle your house and all you can do is try and
31:07persuade them
31:08to stop you know i'm just upstairs i'm just inconvenienced at the moment please don't take
31:15my son's pants again they're holding up the stuff they're robbing like that have you got the charger for
31:21this i've got a similar thing i think it's overrated i think camera phones are overrated i think looking
31:28at pictures of yourself actually makes you feel much worse about yourself much more critical i know that
31:33younger women look at women my age and older and think oh why are you walking around you know you
31:38look terrible you know why don't you care about it and the reason is that like when we were growing
31:43up we had our photographs taken once a year at school twice if someone brought an owl in
31:50for me the most overrated thing is like productivity gurus and like cold shower people who like wim hoff
31:56it and do all that cold shower in the morning because they always say it's got all these benefits
31:59having a cold shout ice cold shout they're like really wakes you up in the morning i'm like yeah
32:02of course it does it's pouring ice cold water on yourself that's how they wake up hostages
32:07that's a cuckoo clock in guantanamo bay i'm a free man i can do it and then they'll be like
32:12oh it
32:12reduces stress it's like oh does it you know what i find stressful breathless goosebumps and a fully
32:15retracted penis okay you really hit your targets that's because i've been waterboarding yes thank you
32:23very much okay uh for the next question there's a will somewhere in the audience hey will how are
32:29you what uh question do you have for everyone uh what news would you most like to hear at the
32:33moment
32:33uh well i would love to hear that greenland and canada have launched a successful invasion of america
32:43um
32:46i um i really want sort of things for my friends so i'd like ed to get on off menu
32:50and reese to get
32:51on qi i'd love to hear that trump has been an elaborate hoax by derren brown
32:59and i'd love that to be revealed by new mock the week host reese james
33:05i would like my teenage daughter to bring down the cups and bowls she's got in her bedroom
33:09uh yeah because at the moment we're a one bowl family um we're just passing it back and forth
33:18and uh you know i'm sick of eating my weetabix out of a wok
33:24oh you said bones i thought you said bones
33:28there could be bones up there i'll be honest with you i wouldn't be surprised
33:32it's like an archaeological dig under her bed at the moment how old is she 15.
33:37oh yeah they're pure evil they're on tick tock so much they're like instruments of the chinese
33:43government at this point but they do bring them down is he has to leave them even near the dishwasher
33:49no they're inside the door of the kitchen magical fairies will take them from there to wherever
33:53you wait till you get a husband that's the dream sarah he's out there somewhere
34:01uh my god there's a radiator and there's just cups and bowls the entire rail on the radio yeah
34:07maybe unchain her from it then
34:13thank you very much thank you and thank you all right join us again after the break
34:27the next line is called between the lines it features hugh and reese so would you make your
34:31way to the press pit please reese delivers a speech in the guise of a leading figure on the world
34:35stage
34:35while hugh translates what they really mean this week reese is ed milliband
34:41he's still knocking about is he hello remember me i am the political equivalent of tennis's
34:52jamie murray i know how effective wind is as an energy source i am full of hot air
35:05i am the choice of the party to replace keir starmer hard to believe i know
35:11we must learn to say no to donald trump especially when the question is would you like a bacon sandwich
35:20i am one of the few faces in the cabinet that people recognize they think i'm wallace
35:27chucking cheese grommet good you said that i thought you meant greg wallace
35:34people mock my ideas as crazy they won't be laughing when i'm driving my cheese powered car to my
35:39house made of wool the tories of course okay
35:49the door is okay why is your internal monologue interrupting your external monologue
35:57hugh will you please let me continue my dream of pretending to be ed milliband
36:04i'm all about net zero that is my current approval rating
36:10sadly it is true that there are people in other countries who really hate us
36:14my brother still isn't speaking to me oil rig workers seem very keen for me to re-explore the north
36:21sea they kept trying to throw me out of their helicopter i want to reassure you the iran
36:27conflict will not affect your energy bills i want to but i can't we are doomed
36:34sell up burn your furniture live in a tent
36:42thank you very much
36:51now we come to scenes we like to see so if everyone can make their way over to the performance
36:56area
36:56please i'll read it this week's topics and we'll see what our panelists can come up with okay here
37:00we go the first subject is unlikely things to hear on a property show
37:05well despite looking rundown dated and a bit sad with just a bit of tlc we can get him back
37:11in
37:12his chair pressing his little buzzer well now it's time for a lick of paint and a sniff of glue
37:26a real fixer-upper but the economy's bad and i decided to move in with him anyway
37:33it has some wonderful period features uh the kitchen even has its own cholera outbreak
37:41now look at those wonderful exposed beams now if the roof hadn't caved in you wouldn't have seen
37:47those well they're renovating another property they've bought for a pound but have they paid
37:54too much find out in amanda and ellen's chernobyl job with its sea views excellent transport links
38:04and beautiful luxury accommodation epstein island really is a jewel in the crowd
38:13okay which one of the two is your least favorite right well don't send that one to private school
38:17and you can afford this flat
38:21today we're going to be answering the most important question when buying a house
38:25why are estate agents such twats welcome to homes under the hammer this week it's
38:33amon and the hammer is a sledgehammer
38:38well i've pebbled dashed the wall i'm sorry about that but i do feel a lot better
38:46and this property actually has its own blue plaque i don't know much about the guy but i like the
38:50name
38:50harold and seems he was some sort of sailor or ship man
38:56welcome to grand designs and here she is well gran what have you designed
39:0521 year old callum is doing a fantastic job on this bar and conversion he's got the drawings done
39:10the builders are on standby and now it's the tricky part of the project waiting for his parents to die
39:18now this one is a bit out of your price range but we've got a handy trick to knock a
39:22few grand
39:23off the asking price we've spray painted the word nonce on the garage
39:29i think they're going to love this next house it's near a school it's everything they wanted
39:35and it's in the country one problem that country is tajikistan
39:43homes under the hammer a program aimed at entrepreneurs but watched mainly by the unemployed
39:48in their underpants sitting in rented accommodation
39:54john here is looking for a new premises for his thesaurus shop
39:58and it's all about location position whereabouts
40:04now the primary bedroom does have ensuite potential if you're willing to take a
40:09shit in the wastebasket
40:13right so apparently that was a retaining wall
40:21i know people don't like estate agents but we are trustworthy now in answer to your question
40:26no this flat does not have subsidence you're going to be out
40:30they've broken through the pelvic floor and breathe new life into this old fallopian tube
40:36that's all coming up this week on changing wombs
40:41the next topic is things you don't want a relative to say oh oh sorry sorry you have to be
40:47on the
40:47step you've got to be on the step you've got to be on the step you've got to be on
40:50the step you're
40:50not to blame ed i know i'm not to blame you're not to blame dating when i say the thing
40:55and then
40:55then we then you walk in all right sorry i've never done the show before things you don't want
41:02a relative to say not not you ed no in real life dara's a cunt
41:19every third generation has a tiny penis your grandfather had one
41:28hand jobs aren't incest are they
41:34you look so much like your father which is lucky because he's just got a speeding fine
41:41can i ask some advice uh how long are you supposed to wait before you say i love you for
41:45the first
41:45time because it's been 34 years dad just say it
41:51we're so excited to meet your girlfriend uh your dad's been a subscriber for months
42:00this has been in our family for generations and now i'm passing it on to you son congratulations
42:05you're going to be bold before you're 30. sorry sorry the family that plays together stays together
42:15who's up for naked twister
42:18okay can i open another present what's it going to be oh it's rice i hate uncle ben
42:26oh yeah no we've done the dna so we are 30 anglo-saxon 25 scandinavian and 15 sheep
42:36while you are under my roof you will examine my stool samples
42:42well i'm sorry son but in this family we support tottenham hotspur
42:50i've got bad news about your father he's robert jenry
42:58oh i used to change your nappies fill them with heroin and take you over the border
43:07just wish mum and dad were here to see this but uh it couldn't be arsed
43:17your uncle david died doing what he loved your auntie janet
43:24yeah it was a really difficult birth i mean he's absolutely huge the full 30 pounds completely
43:28ripped me in shreds but uh we thought of a name dara o'brien
43:37well done darling you're finally going to be on mock the week and it's not on the bbc
43:46the bad news is it's hereditary the good news is you're adopted
43:54i'll just clean the table before you sit down your grandfather messed it up when he
43:59was railing me on it earlier
44:04jord i hate you dad you're the worst dad in the world even worse than that dad from outnumbered
44:21that's the end of the show this week's winners are ed byrne hugh dennis and sarah pasco
44:33thank you for watching i'm daryl green good night
44:39i'm
44:40i'm
44:41It's a life around the world of hope Don't believe that everything we can see out there
44:51We are the body, we are the body This is the world, this is the world
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