#video #The King of Queens S03E14 Ctrl Episode 14 Engsub
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Short filmTranscript
00:04a paintball party you say it like you've never heard those two words together all right so let
00:09me get this straight we drive a hundred miles up into the Catskills in order to run around in the
00:14muck and shoot balls of paint at each other yes it's Deacon's birthday you don't think maybe the
00:23guy should get to choose what he wants to do on his own birthday honey you really want to do
00:27this
00:28I don't care yes he does fine can't afford to paint the house but we can cram it into guns
00:33and shoot it at each other what are you running from okay can we order now I'm starving I come
00:42knowing what I want
01:08burger looks good
01:29how's that that's good
01:31my eyes are getting weary my back is getting tight
01:37I'm sitting here in traffic on the Queensborough bridge tonight
01:41but I don't care cause all I want to do
01:47is cash my check and drive right home to you
01:53cause maybe all my life I will be driving home to you
02:13if you like what the girls do during the day wait till you see them at night stay tuned for
02:18more college girls crazy and real
02:20all right 200 channels nothing on it's okay Doug you can watch your college sluts in Rio
02:30not my college sluts and just so you know next time we're out and you see a girl you think
02:36is hot you can look I can yes just don't be a jerk when you do it like that thing
02:41you do with your eyes it's so creepy doesn't that hurt a little but I push through
02:46come on you know what I'm saying I mean just because we're married doesn't mean we're not going to be
02:50attracted to other people once in a while
02:53you know it's okay I mean I would be worried if you weren't like Jamie my Neil girl you think
02:59she's hot right no Doug yes you see it's okay you could just tell me you don't have to lurk
03:06outside the salon window when you come to pick me up
03:11she's purdy yes she is so come on anybody else you could tell me
03:18all right well I guess it's Maggie at the dry cleaners oh and this toll taker on the white stone
03:24bridge I mean from the waist up she's mwah
03:27the rest of her that's anybody's guess
03:30that's why you didn't get easy pass so who revs old carry-up huh all right um well I ain't
03:40hating that kid Pedro at the car wash whoa what the young buff and illegal good choice good choice
03:47so who else come on I want to want to know what kind of nympho I'm dealing with here okay
03:52um well the sparklets guy
03:55Eric at the office deacon oh and that guy who power walks his greyhound in the morning
04:04I'm pretty sure he's gay though you don't have to worry about it I mean those little shorts right
04:09right so deacon huh yeah deacon among others but among others deacon yeah some ladies got a thing for
04:20deacon want some deacon and eggs I don't have a thing for him and it's no more of a big
04:27deal than
04:27the ones you said not a big deal just a fun fact you know look at your fruit fly lives
04:32for a day and my
04:34wife's hot for my best friend would have thunk it I don't know
04:42and we are back New York down to
04:48what nothing I just just noticed that your ear is a little small for your head a little bit just
04:55a little bit
04:57I'll tell you Doug this is great hanging like this yeah glad you could make it guy I mean before
05:02my
05:02pizza place went out of business I wouldn't have time for this stuff too busy making a living
05:08everything works out for a reason oh I'll tell you I am really looking forward to this paintball party
05:13I could use a little relaxation
05:20you spot me right up there what happened to your car ah I sold it to buy a karaoke machine
05:25a pump up
05:25business little late on that fad I can take eight in my minivan who's going oh see you got us
05:36uh plus
05:37Carrie Kelly uh my sister Stephanie yeah right with us Danny hey guys hey man I was just uh driving
05:46by couldn't help noticing all the cars of my friends come on man this wasn't planned it just sort of
05:53happened and I suppose hot wings just happened stop hey you remember my cousin Danny right hey man
06:01good to see you again hello come on now sit down hang out watch a game I would but my
06:11seat is
06:13occupado sit here okay I'm going back to the house anybody want anything some more hot wings
06:18uh no thanks man trying to drop a few pounds good great you're on top of that man I didn't
06:26know
06:26Doug's sister was coming on this paintball thing I'm thinking maybe I shouldn't go why not
06:31like 10 years ago we all went on this big ski trip shared this big condo yeah so yeah so
06:37we had a
06:38couple drinks and let's just say I threw one her way huh that's very sweet of you told her that
06:45I
06:45really liked her I promised that I'd call as soon as we got back to the city here's the kicker
06:50I never
06:52did get out so Deke the big three three hey we've got to do something special for your birthday oh
07:03we
07:03are yeah that's normally a paintball party upstate what I told you like a month ago you remember you
07:09you called it a barbaric throwback to the worst in human nature I just say things to hear myself talk
07:15you know that well the thing is I mean the teams they got to be even and I uh I
07:22already invited Danny
07:25oh I see um hey I'm late for a thing uh goodbye hold on Spence you can come no no
07:35I wouldn't want
07:35to uneven your precious teams Spence it's okay forget it I don't want to get in the way of all
07:41this time
07:42you've been spending with your little cousin and by the way I know about the jet ski I only took
07:49Danny
07:49because she's going through a hard time right now now you're coming to paintball you got it no you're
07:52coming even if I got a tacky and strap you to the hood of my car what are you yelling
07:56at Spence for
07:57because my wife thinks you're hot honey come on we got about a million people to pick up coming
08:08I am one handsome black man what are you doing staring at yourself in the mirror how do you keep
08:16your hands off me what is with you today nothing oh some little honey on your route thought you were
08:24fine nope at least not anyone on my route so who then oh better not tell you don't want to
08:31get you
08:32jealous and get those claws out oh please honey I think I can handle it
08:39my eyes I think I'm cool I never was and just smile just taking some clean fresh air for me
09:07all right people listen up okay now the object is to capture your enemy's flag
09:12okay now remember we're out here to have fun but also to kill any questions
09:23okay then yeah let me help you with that I got it but maybe you ought to go help your
09:30girlfriend
09:36need some help with that no I think I got it
09:41been a long time huh has it you look real good you mean I'm not the fat cow I used
09:49to be
09:50yeah right okay well let's get this show on the road where the hell is Carrie
09:59okay that was unpleasant would you hurry up we're choosing a peems oh I'm sorry it was so lovely in
10:04there I lingered did you make a little effort to enjoy this if not for me at least Deacon hey
10:12would you stop with that already you're the one who can't stop loving him yeah that's right Doug I got
10:18it bad for Deacon guess what we're planning to kill you and run away with your millions hey come on
10:24man
10:24let's choose sides get this paperwork started you can have first pick let me see who would I like to
10:31have by my side I will take Kelly get over here miss Foxy Brown come on Colonel okay you got
10:41my wife
10:41I'll take yours Carrie come on sugar yes this just feels right yeah well we could just stop picking
10:49right now and we'd have a winning team oh yeah well so can wait I guess we better keep picking
10:55though
10:57I take Lewis why doesn't someone just give me a wedgie now and complete my humiliation well I
11:07told you it'd be extra well what are we gonna do excuse me do you need any additional personnel
11:18uh yeah great well uh we'll get you some equipment no need I have all the necessary equipment in my
11:25vehicle
11:37okay how long are we gonna sit here cuz I gotta be honest I really thought there was gonna be
11:41a lot
11:41more running and shooting this is a lot of lurking it's just that we only rented the field until 2
11:4730
11:47after that we got to pay extra okay you don't have to shush me okay I'm a person you were
11:53sitting here
11:53for 45 minutes okay I want to start shooting people Doug yelling at me will not keep your wife
11:58from lusting after your best friend how did you know that I believe the question is how did you not
12:05know
12:08they're not having an affair or anything you know she just uh thinks he's kind of attractive
12:13so but it doesn't really matter and it's eating you alive yes it is yep
12:33time for a second coat
12:36oh it's just a game you psycho
12:39let's go Doug I'm sorry how are you all right man
12:42Doug I gotta go
12:57try and take my place think again pizza boy
13:18hey oh I kill kill anybody yet no god this paintball thing is so stupid I know
13:45you okay what's going on your words going for me she's got crazy eyes she's taking this worse than I
13:53thought he wants
13:55Yeah.
13:57Oh, my God.
13:59Did Doug tell you?
14:01Uh-huh.
14:02Oh, God.
14:04Okay. Chunky dies today.
14:20Hey! That went right by my ear.
14:22Yeah, cuz I missed.
14:25All right. Now I gotta shoot you.
14:27Fine. Just don't say you're gonna call me after you shoot me.
14:31Hey, look, I'm sorry about not calling you, okay?
14:34It's just that my phone was broke.
14:38And I blew my nose on the napkin that had your number on it,
14:41and I couldn't tell if it was 667...
14:43Can you shut up?
14:44You know, I really liked you, Richie.
14:46I'm sorry.
14:48But you know what?
14:51And the guy, when I saw you today, I thought,
14:54wow, she looks good now.
14:58Really?
15:01That's sweet.
15:04Oh!
15:07Jeez, my aim is better than I thought.
15:11Look, Richie, I'm sorry. I'm sorry, Richie. You're gonna be okay.
15:17I...
15:21I'm out of ammo!
15:24I'm out, too.
15:26So what do we do now?
15:29First, we calm down.
15:33I think my ground came loose.
15:36Our only chance is to head for those woods over there.
15:39We've got more ammunition, and we're gonna head on back.
15:42Okay, okay.
15:45I don't know if you believe in God.
15:48This might be a fine time to say a little prayer.
15:51Okay, okay.
15:55Well?
15:58Oh, uh...
15:59Bless us, Father, for the pain we are about to shoot.
16:07I'm really more of an amen guy.
16:11Doug, let's go. On three.
16:13One, two...
16:17Give me a three.
16:18Give me a three.
16:46Hold it.
16:49Oh, God.
16:53Why are you stalking me?
16:55I'm not!
16:56What did I ever do to you?
16:57None of your B.I.B. is whacked.
17:24I left my inhaler in the van.
17:27I left my inhaler in the van.
17:27Er-er-er-er.
17:31Er-er-er.
17:36Er-er-er!
17:39Er-er-er!
17:48Er-er-er-er!
17:49Er-er-er-er!
17:51Er...
17:52Er.
17:58this is fun
18:12okay you never told me what this means i don't even know
18:16where are they all right maybe you were wrong maybe they're not here
18:46i can't do this i'm not good at war
18:51you really don't have an ounce of self-respecting i just want lunch for god's sakes man tuck in your
18:59underwear
19:06i gotta get back
19:12hey stephanie
19:15so you're gonna call me yeah sure i'll call you
19:24all right what do we have here
19:32oh extra crispy
19:34winner
19:36don't move
19:40you're right carrie yeah he likes his chicken yeah well now he's finger licking dead
19:48good one so long my man
19:51hold it
19:54go ahead man pull the trigger
19:56but if you shoot me kelly shoots you
19:57yeah well kelly shoots me carrie shoots kelly
19:59then i shoot carrie
20:01no you shoot me and you're never getting sex again
20:03you can't do that
20:05oh it's done
20:08all right we're getting crazy here
20:09look man we we all came up here to celebrate my best friend's birthday and
20:13we're acting like idiots
20:15come on let's all just
20:17let's calm down okay
20:20all right
20:24what was that nothing you were gonna shoot me but your gun jammed i think you're wrong
20:30oh man you are unbelievable leave him alone this is your fault deacon hey i can't help being fine
20:38and i can't believe you told deacon what i said well i couldn't told him if you didn't tell me
20:44you asked i didn't want to hear deacon i wanted pedro at the car wash
20:50all right you're right i started this whole thing
20:56go ahead take a free shot at me
21:00i'm not gonna shoot you no come on no come on you'll feel better here
21:04have a piece of chicken and shoot me you'll be a new man hold it say good night little lady
21:32i thought he was going for the chicken
21:49honey i'm home
21:52where the hell have you been oh are you at that stupid paintball place again
21:58i went i went oh wait oh wait oh wait you know the hendersons are coming for bridge
22:02i mean look at you would you take that stupid rag off your head i got i got i got
22:06the ice cream you
22:07i wanted this is frozen yogurt my god you're an idiot
22:13i i'll go back
22:47I'll see you next time.
22:56I'll see you next time.
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