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00:05my mom called me a liar from the day i was born not because i actually lied but because of
00:10this
00:10thing around my neck the verity choker mom was luna of silver moon pack and she believed one
00:15thing above all lying was the mark of a weak wolf we were her daughters future alpha heirs
00:21weakness was not an option so when my twin sister emma and i were born mom clasped these chokers
00:27around our throats which had witch magic to detect lies green light means truth red light means you
00:33were lying emma's choker always green she could shred mom's ceremonial cloak and blame the cat
00:39and gem would glow a steady green not me green light believed me mom i'm hungry and flash red
00:49light the choker choked tight i shifted on instinct a small white wolf pawing desperately at the gem
00:55around my neck claws scraping against it unable to get it off i'm not lying not lying please but mom's
01:02eyes had already gone cold instant punishment mom's punishment wasn't gentle no food locked in my room
01:09no contact with anyone in the pack the truth necklace doesn't lie stella starve now study later
01:16i'm doing this for your own good after 10 years of this i started believing it too maybe i really
01:22was
01:22born wrong new year's eve everything changed mom was getting ready to take emma to the pack's bonfire
01:28celebration and that's when the pain hit like a knife twisting in my gut i collapsed on the floor
01:34my skeletal frame curling into itself mom please the choker flashed red and choked tight she looked down at
01:43me disgusted in her eyes in your dream stella faking an illness to ruin our night she grabbed emma's hand
01:51and headed for the door i wanted to howl but my wolf was too weak to answer i shifted anyway
01:57forced it
01:58a small white wolf trembling on the floor ribs heaving maybe in this form the pain would hurt less
02:04it didn't i couldn't even hold the shift i slipped back into myself without meaning to
02:09sorry mom i won't lie anymore but the pain got worse way worse the door handle turned for one
02:16second i thought mom's coming back she came back for me hurry up the bonfire is starting emma's waiting
02:23mom i reached out with a shaking hand please something's really wrong i feel like i'm dying
02:30she glanced at my neck the gem was flashing red over and over she crouched down grabbed my chin
02:36stella how long are you gonna keep this up can't you just be honest and stay here and think about
02:43what you've done dad appeared in the doorway honey should we at least leave her some food food she has
02:51a stash of snacks she bought with stolen money she won't starve lock the door when that gem turns green
02:58will talk but but what it's because you spoil her that she turned out this way look at emma her
03:07gem has
03:08always been green stella is a liar an alpha heiress who can't tell the truth she needs discipline but my
03:15cabinet was empty emma stole that money emma ate those snacks emma just stood there with her glowing green
03:23gem saying not me and mom believed her i tried to defend myself it wasn't me red light the choker
03:31choked tight i tried to shift nothing happened deep inside my wolf barely stirred mom locked me up for
03:39three days with nothing but water and stale bread mom turned to leave emma peeked through the door
03:45made a face at me bye sis we're gonna see the bonfire her gem glowed a steady green so pretty
03:53the door locked the house went silent i called my wolf nothing came back not even a whisper just me
04:01alone the pain was unbearable but i kept thinking mom's right the gem doesn't lie it's red so i must
04:11be
04:11lying i'm not in pain i'm not in pain i'm not in pain i kept repeating it like a prayer
04:20eventually
04:21i almost believed it the pain dulled or maybe i was just going numb i crawled to my desk i
04:30had to write
04:30that was the rule if the gem glowed red i had to pen a thousand word apology or mom would
04:37never let me
04:38out i am a liar write it down and maybe mom would forgive me maybe she'd even let me out
04:46i opened my
04:47journal pages and pages of apologies i'd written over the years sorry i lied i won't do it again but
04:55this time i wanted to write the truth my vision blurred my hand shook as i wrote mom i really
05:03love
05:04you it really hurts why won't you believe me please believe me just once the moment i finished the
05:12last word the pain vanished just gone i felt light weightless i looked down i was floating and there
05:23slumped over the desk was my body motionless the gem still flashing red around a dead girl's neck
05:30oh i'm dead and then she came out my wolf stepping out of my body like she'd been waiting all
05:38along
05:39small skinny barely holding together she looked up at me and once soft and low in the pack's old
05:48stories they say when a wolf dies young her spirit doesn't cross over alone her wolf walks beside her
05:56until they find the door together i knelt down she pressed her nose into my ghostly palm finally we were
06:04together now but i never learned how to be honest sorry mom i heard laughter mom dad emma coming through
06:12the front door tonight's bonfire was beautiful the best one yet just like our emma perfect in every way
06:22i'd never heard her sound like that when she talked about me i floated toward them my wolf patting
06:28silently at my side moving on instinct i wanted to help them take off their cloaks that's what i always
06:34did mom my arms passed right through her body like wind why is it so cold here is the hearthi
06:42out i stood
06:43there staring at my transparent hands my wolf pressed against my leg and looked up at me with sad eyes
06:49right dead wolves couldn't hug the living shall we go and see stella she hasn't eaten yet still the
06:56good cop i looked at mom hopefully if she found me dead would she be sad would she regret it
07:03she won't
07:05starve she is a werewolf not a human pup this whole fake sick for attention thing is out of control
07:12i laughed
07:13bitterly mom wasn't wrong werewolves heal but i hadn't been able to in a long time last winter the
07:21choker left bruises that stayed for days that hadn't happened before i reached for my wolf she was still
07:27there but the warmth never came she was too hungry just like me mom never noticed she only ever looked
07:36at
07:37my neck for one thing the gem and whether it was red or green mom pushed open my door didn't
07:43even turn
07:44on the light just for a second her eyes flashed gold her wolf might have known mom didn't listen in
07:50the
07:51dim glow from the hallway she saw me slumped over my desk i looked like a skeleton hadn't moved still
07:58putting on an act you're ten years old not five grow up mom i'm not playing i'm dead look at
08:07me
08:07touch me i'm freezing she couldn't hear me she only believed what she wanted to see emma squeezed
08:15past her held up her choker with that smug little grin look my gem is green stella's is still red
08:22she's lying
08:23even in her sleep that's my good girl ignore the liar let her stay there maybe she'll learn how to
08:30be honest should we at least put her in bed it's freezing put her in bed look at that red
08:37gem still
08:38lying come on leave her we have to visit grandma tomorrow the door locked again i floated next to
08:46my corpse my wolf curled silently at my feet staring at that single point of red light in the darkness
08:53mom if you'd just stepped closer if you'd just touched my hand you'd know i was ice cold but you
08:59didn't you believed the choker not the daughter you carried for nine months that night a rat crawled
09:06out of my empty cabinet i used to scream whenever i saw rats but now i just floated by the
09:11ceiling
09:11watching it scurry across my dead body the rat bit into my toe i didn't feel anything my wolf charged
09:19at it anyway and passed right through landing on the other side she turned back to look at me
09:25confused lost i pulled her close and buried my face in the fur of her back it's okay you can't
09:32feel it
09:33anymore it'll be over soon she let out one low growl then went still against me finally no more pain
09:41for either of us the next morning sunlight streamed through the window no warmth reached my body in
09:48the kitchen i could hear mom making breakfast the smell of roasted meat crept under my door my favorite
09:55but mom always said liars don't deserve meat so i only ever got steamed vegetables she was clanging the
10:01pots extra loud on purpose trying to tempt me out trying to make me give in and apologize for things
10:08i never
10:08did in the old days i might have caved i might have confessed to anything for one bite of roasted
10:14meat
10:15but i don't need food anymore stella still hasn't come out yet dad asked reading the pack notices she
10:22is so stubborn she can eat or not i don't care emma walked to my door and made a big
10:30show of sniffing the
10:31air then she screamed dramatically mom stella's room smells like poop did she poop in there i floated by
10:41the door watching my sister with a bitter smile my wolf sat beside me ears flat eyes low the hearth
10:49was
10:49burning hot after just one night my body started to rot mom stormed over pounding on the door
11:03i remembered being six i had food poisoning couldn't make it to the toilet in time
11:10mom didn't help me clean up she made me stand outside pointed at me and told the neighbors
11:15look at this she's such a mess she can't even use the toilet herself now she thought i was dirty
11:22again
11:22leave her let her sit in her own stink but dad stood up frowning that smells really bad i should
11:30check could it be a dead rat or something my heart if i still had one leapt dad please open
11:39the door
11:39i'm right here just turn the handle and you'll see i'm not moving i waved my transparent arms frantically
11:47my wolf ran straight to my bedroom door willing dad to open it dad's hand touched the door handle
11:54his hand froze someone was pounding at the front door a pack elder urgent business dad's face went
11:59pale he grabbed his cloak the border there's an emergency he was already out the door i froze
12:06so close one second away if that knock had come one second later i would have been found maybe then
12:13i wouldn't have rotted alone that afternoon mom took emma to the pack market the house was empty
12:18except for my corpse when they came back that evening loaded down with food and gifts from the market
12:23the smell had gotten worse mom gagged the second she walked in stella are you trying to turn this
12:29place into a den of inequity she didn't even open my door just grabbed cloth strips and sealed the gap
12:35at
12:35the bottom if you want to stay in there and make disgusting stew zoos don't stink up my house
12:40she patted her hands together satisfied then went to prepare dinner i stared at that sealed door my
12:46wolf pressed her nose against it and whimpered once so that's it i'm worth less than a venison dinner
12:51by day three even the cloth strips couldn't contain the smell mom was arranging fresh wildflowers trying
12:57to cover it up but the stench of death is unmistakable sweet rotten oily she cut a rose stem too
13:03hard
13:04a thorn pierced her hand she snapped in her mind i was doing this on purpose not bathing poop on
13:11the
13:11floor hiding dead rats in my room all to piss her off all to defy her authority as luna
13:17she grabbed a rolling pin from the kitchen stormed toward my room i'm done with you you disgusting
13:24little brat time you learned what real pain feels like i floated in front of her waving my arms desperately
13:30don't come in mom please please even though she never loved me i didn't want her to see me like
13:39that but she walked right through me ripped the cloth strips off jammed the spare key into the lock
13:44the door flew open the smell hit her like a wall she stumbled back retching stella what are you doing
13:51she saw me still slumped over the desk back turned not moving to her this was the ultimate rebellion
13:58i'm talking to you she marched over raised the rolling pin but stopped she wanted to see my face
14:05first wanted to see my get up she grabbed the back of my shirt grabbed my skin the moment she
14:11touched me
14:12she froze through the thin fabric her hand didn't feel warm flesh she felt cold hard dead meat the kind
14:19of cold that seeps into your bones what but momentum carried her forward she yanked crash my body stiff as
14:27a
14:27board toppled backward taking the chair with it and there was my face blue black eyes bulging features
14:33twisted in agony dried foam and blood crusted around my mouth around my blackened neck the verity
14:40choker hung lifeless the gem dark no red no green just silence my journal slid off the desk fell open
14:48at
14:48mom's feet the last page stared up at her mom my stomach really hurts the choker is wrong i'm not
14:55lying
14:55please don't punish me mom screamed not a wolf's howl a raw guttural shriek that tore through her throat
15:03she stumbled backward slammed into the bookshelf a clay pot shattered but she didn't seem to feel
15:10the pain she just stared at me eyes wide unblinking no no no no this is not real
15:19stella get up stella get up i'm not mad anymore stop scaring me her hand reached out trembling to
15:29touch my arm the second her skin made contact with my corpse she recoiled like she'd been burned that
15:35cold was too real lisa from next door heard the screaming and went straight to the pack healer
15:41when she saw what was in my room she collapsed in the gate within the hour heavy boots on the
15:47floorboards
15:47the pack healer and a handful of pack warriors crowding the entrance mom sat on the floor a
15:54warrior's hand on her shoulder she's speaking it she's always lying
16:00it doesn't lie i'm just teaching her no one responded they all looked at her like she was a monster
16:07the pack healer crouched next to my body he muttered under his breath severe malnutrition
16:13organ failure this puppy has been starved for at least a month he carefully tried to remove the
16:19verity choker but it had fused years of tightening had pressed the leather deep into the skin of my
16:25neck damn it he had to use tools to pry it off even dead my soul flinched my wolf lifted
16:33her head and
16:35long raw desperate the kind of howl that should have shaken the walls no one heard it no one
16:43flinched we were already dead a warrior picked up my journal started reading his face went from neutral
16:50to horrified mom's eyes locked onto that book that's her confession she admits she lied look she wrote it
16:58herself the warrior pushed her back wrapped the journal and cloth and took it we'll report it to
17:06the council that's when dad got home he saw the pack healer and the pack warriors crowding the doorway
17:13saw the body wrap being carried out saw the long cord that sealed away my entire life his legs gave
17:21out
17:22he collapsed on the doorstep emma stood nearby sobbing in confusion she pointed at the discolored verity
17:29choker on the table why does stella have a black collar and i have a green one see she held
17:36up her
17:36neck the gem blinked its steady green it was grotesque the council elders arrived before dawn mom
17:44straightened when she saw them even now even with my body three days cold and rotting her luna instincts
17:51kicked in she lifted her chin squared her shoulders it didn't work today they started questioning mom in
17:58the living room mom grabbed the verity choker off the table like it was a lifeline test it that choker
18:05proved she was lying red gem means lie i never abused her the choker told me i was just educating
18:16her
18:16the council elders looked at her like she'd lost her mind the pup showed signs of extreme malnutrition
18:24months of starvation aphelion multiple old injuries consistent with prolonged that's dis discipline
18:32that's teaching her to be honest then she did something insane you don't believe me fine i'll wear it
18:44watch it'll be green the leather pressed against her skin cold sticky that was my blood
18:52she took a deep breath tried to calm herself she needed to prove she was innocent needed to prove
18:59her way of raising an alpha air was right she held up the gem eyes wild listen i'm rachel i'm
19:07stella's
19:07mother this is the truth the absolute truth the gem flashed red mom's confident expression shattered
19:18i said truth i said truth i am rachel i never abused her i did it for her own good
19:27i love her and suddenly she remembered me 10 years old gasping as the choker tightened around my throat
19:36biting my lip so i wouldn't make a sound is this what it felt like why is it red i
19:44am telling the
19:45truth turn green you're broken you're setting me up but the gem kept flashing like it was mocking her
19:51you're a liar you're a liar you're a liar enough this is just a bloodstone i've seen it before it
20:02changes color with body heat fear pain anything that makes your heart race temperature rises it burns red
20:10that's all it does no witch magic never was think about your daughter ruptured appendix organ failure
20:20the pain must have been unbearable she was terrified and what did you see a red gem so you punished
20:28her
20:29more which made her more scared which made her temperature rise which made the stone turn redder
20:39you are luna you are supposed to protect every wolf in this pack you couldn't even protect your own
20:46daughter you ignored her cries for help you starved your daughter to death mom's world collapsed she sat
20:55there staring at the flashing gem on her own neck and finally understood for 10 years every red light
21:02wasn't because i was lying it was because i was scared scared of her anger scared of being misunderstood
21:11scared of eating food that made me sick i was in pain pain that made my heart race and cold
21:17sweat pour
21:18down my face i was desperate desperate for a hug for her to hold me the way she held emma
21:25every signal
21:26from my frightened heart she had interpreted as proof of my lies no get it off
21:36i'm not lying i'm not she tried to shift fur rippling across her skin bones cracking but the
21:44leather cinched harder around her throat the moment her neck didn't change she snapped back into human form
21:50gasping gasping i can't get it off stella take it back i'm sorry it's all my fault
21:59this little bit of choking and she was already breaking mom i suffered for 10 years the council elders
22:08needed evidence for judgment so they opened my journal in front of my parents february 14th sunny
22:16mom put celery on my plate i'm allergic my throat swells i can't breathe i said i can't eat it
22:23but
22:23because i was scared of making her angry my body ran hot the gem flashed red the choker tightened my
22:32mom said i was picky lying made me eat the whole plate that night i threw up blood my throat
22:39felt like
22:40it was on fire i shifted to ease my pain mom saw it and said i'd snuck berry juice that
22:46i was faking
22:47the choker tightened for 10 more minutes mom's hand flew to her mouth she was shaking violently
22:56she remembered that she really did think it was berry juice she didn't even look closely just turned
23:03away to read emma a bedtime story that was blood from a swollen torn throat june 1st pups day emma
23:13shredded
23:13mom's ceremonial cloak emma's heart is always calm her gem stays green i tried to explain but i was
23:21scared of being hit my body ran hot red gem choker tightened for 10 minutes it hurts so bad but
23:30i didn't
23:31cry because crying makes your body run hotter and mom thinks that means you're not sorry so i held my
23:38breath pretended it didn't hurt mom said see she doesn't even blink she's definitely faking it dad
23:47couldn't take it anymore this man who had always put the pack before his own family chose duty over his
23:53daughter for 10 years you monster what did you do that was your daughter you treated her like a stray
24:03blood at the corner of her mouth not my fault not my fault it's her it's emma and this gem
24:10was always
24:11green emma was a good one if it wasn't for that green light making me trust her i wouldn't have
24:17believe the red light so much this is emma's thoughts that little princess everyone protected
24:23one of the council elders walked over gently removed the green verity choker from her neck
24:29took out a blade pried the gem loose right there it rolled onto the table still glowing green
24:37steady unchanged the elder picked up the stone a glowstone that is all your younger daughter's choker
24:45was always going to shine green no matter what she said did or lied about it would never change
24:54your so-called verity choker was a fraud that was her truth for 10 years that was the evidence she
25:01used
25:02to convict me a common glowstone that put me in hell while emma lived in paradise so i wasn't a
25:09liar
25:09i laughed laughed until i cried turns out ghosts could cry too the elder turned to the last page
25:16of the journal his voice broke the handwriting was a mess clearly written while dying mom if i die will
25:24the choker stop glowing red or if it turns green will you hug me then i'm not lying i couldn't
25:31heal myself
25:32anymore my stomach hurts so much like knives next life please don't make me wear the choker please i just
25:41want to be a normal pup i want to eat mom's roasted meat mom stared at the broken glowstone on
25:46the table
25:47that truth magic she trusted without question a worthless stone because of that stone she spoiled emma
25:54for 10 years because of that cursed red light she tortured me for 10 years
26:03mom started laughing her voice cracking at every sound worse than crying fake all fake
26:14i killed my most honest pup and i worshipped a liar she'd lost her mind for real this time
26:23my death became the talk of the entire pack lisa the neighbor who had sent for the pack healer told
26:29everyone what she'd seen every wolf knew by morning luna had starved her own daughter to death monster
26:38murderer she doesn't deserve to be luna stones flew at our door the word killer carved into the wall
26:46the council convened within the day the verdict was swift dad lost his alpha title no wolf would follow
26:54him now my grandfather the former alpha read out the judgment himself he didn't look at his son once
27:01dad walked out of the council hall and never looked back he took emma and left the pack that same
27:07night
27:08emma was a bad seed sure but she was still his blood before they left emma tried to take her
27:14green choker
27:15dad stomped on it why the hell would you want that piece of trash emma cried as he dragged her
27:22away
27:22mom got out of the dungeon the healer said she had lost her mind the council locked her in the
27:28home instead the one that still smelled like death her mental state deteriorated fast she refused to
27:35take off the red choker she would tighten it herself whenever the guilt got too heavy she said choking
27:41was the only thing that eased it it was her self-imposed punishment i floated in the darkness
27:46my wolf curled beside me watching her unravel day after day she'd talk to the empty corner where i used
27:53to stand stella i brought you some food no celery today it's all roast just how you like it but
28:01there
28:01was no food there was nothing just her hands cupped around air she'd pretend to set a plate down her
28:08hands shook the gem flashed red she was anxious guilty falling apart she smiled but her eyes were
28:16empty the gem is red mom is lying liars don't deserve food she pulled the choker tight with her own
28:24hands
28:25let it choke her her body convulsed against the cold floor it hurts so much is this how stella felt
28:33i'm sorry mom started reenacting my diary entries i couldn't eat celery because of my allergy
28:41so she forced herself to eat spoiled food until she vomited blood then swallowed it back down i was
28:48locked in isolation so she locked herself in my old room lights off and bowed to my portrait
28:55until her forehead bled over and over blood on the floor late at night she'd see the red glow of
29:03the bloodstone reflected on the wall to her it looked like my bloody eyes were watching she kept
29:10punishing herself the wounds healed slower and slower her wolf exhausted by months of self-torture
29:17slowly fell into a deep sleep mom didn't care she scrawled on the back of my journal i'm sorry
29:24i was wrong red means pain red means love please come back and say it hurts hurts one more time
29:32i'll save you i promise too bad i'm dead dead wolves can't cry for help eventually the new alpha
29:40intervened mom's self-harm had gone too far she'd nearly choked herself to death with her own hands
29:46he ordered her to move to a small hut at the far edge of the village locked from the outside
29:52someone
29:53posted to watch her day and night she was the strangest woman they'd ever seen nobody knew where
29:59she'd found it a frayed red cord tied around her own neck her homemade choker if anyone tried to remove
30:07it she'd snap at them teeth bared snarling wild-eyed don't touch me stella's watching
30:15she'll be angry if you take it every time the guard called her name and brought her food mom would
30:22grab the red cord and pull it tight against her own throat convulsing screaming red light red light
30:30don't punish punish me i'll eat i'll eat even if the food was scalding hot she'd gulp it down burning
30:38her throat wouldn't spit it out she was reenacting my final moments living my hell on repeat years later
30:46emma grew up without guidance and with a trail of shame behind her she drifted from pack to pack
30:52stealing to survive no one would take her in when she ran out of options she remembered mom was still
31:00alive she slipped back into the silverman pack under the cover of night not for love for money hey crazy
31:08lady dad's dead give me whatever you've been hiding emma stood there face hard eyes full of
31:15contempt she looked at mom's hollow broken form and spat on the floor it's disgusting give me what i
31:24want or i'll send you to meet your daughter for a moment mom's cloudy eyes cleared she looked at emma
31:31and suddenly remembered that choker that always green glowstone that decade of deception it's you you lie
31:41you're the green light that wasn't there you killed stella give her back to me give her back to me
31:49the last shred of maternal love twisted into something feral mom lunged grabbed emma by the throat
31:57should have died not her you
32:03emma thrashed but couldn't break free from a mad woman's grip the guards rushed in pulled her off emma
32:10stumbled out of the hut terrified they're all insane she bolted into the forest she didn't get far
32:18rogues the kind that haunted the borderlands preying on anyone foolish enough to run through the trees
32:24alone at night emma never saw them coming by the time she did it was too late she survived barely
32:32both legs shattered beyond repair she'd never walk again meanwhile mom was strapped to her cot staring at
32:40the ceiling tears streaming in her dreams she finally saw me i was 10 again no choker white dress smiling
32:49mom she reached for me crying with joy
32:54stella but the moment her hands touched me i burst into ash no she woke up screaming if she'd been
33:02wearing that choker it would have been blood red eternal torment i stood in the void watching it all
33:09mom strapped to her bed emma in a wheelchair begging on the market dad drunk and dead in some gutter
33:16i felt
33:17nothing no satisfaction just a flat dead calm my wolf padded over quietly she didn't howl didn't nudge
33:26just pressed her head against my hand and held it there in the distance a door of light appeared soft
33:33steady waiting i looked at my wolf she looked at me yeah time to leave this life was too bitter
33:41nothing worth holding on to i floated to mom's hut one final time she looked ancient hair completely
33:48white frail as paper she sent something her cloudy eyes focused on a point in the air right where i
33:54stood stella is that you her trembling hand reached into the emptiness mom destroyed the choker i don't
34:00believe in it anymore come back please i'll cook for you no salary i'll buy you new dresses not emma
34:07tears rolled down her face i looked at the red marks on her neck from the frayed cord i i
34:13reached
34:13out my cold ghostly finger touched her forehead this was my final mercy sleep mom in sleep there's
34:21no pain her eyes fluttered shut she slumped into a deep dreamless rest a breeze blew through the hut the
34:27old journal on her cot flipped open the last page my dying words stared up at the ceiling but below
34:34it
34:34in shaky handwriting were new lines written by mom during a lucid moment next life let me wear the
34:41choker let me be the liar punish me however you want just don't leave me i stared at those words
34:47felt nothing too late repentance means nothing to the dead mom i don't hate you anymore but i don't
34:54love you either let's not meet again i turned away my wolf was waiting in the distance the door of
35:00light
35:00still glowed soft steady patient i looked at my neck the phantom verity choker still there even in
35:08spirit form the nightmare that had changed me for a lifetime i grabbed it it shattered into nothing
35:13i felt weightless free no red light no hunger no lies just freedom my wolf pressed against my side
35:21together we walked toward the light i didn't look back morning came a guard pushed open the door
35:26rachel time to eat no response she walked closer mom's hand clutched the torn journal a single tear
35:33crystallized at the corner of her eye she crouched beside her held two fingers beneath her nose
35:38nothing she was gone passing through the door wasn't violent no spinning no chaos just warmth like
35:45sinking into a spring stream i looked to my side my wolf was gone i didn't panic i pressed my
35:51hand to
35:52my chest and there she was steady warm then i heard her voice not a whimper not a whine clear
35:58and bright
35:59and full of life like the first time we met run i shifted four paws hit the ground and i
36:05ran through
36:05forests that smelled of pine and rain through cold shallow streams that splashed silver around my legs
36:12through meadows i had never seen but somehow knew my white fur caught the light my paws were sure
36:18my lungs were full my body was strong no choker around my throat no red light no hunger the lingering
36:26ache in my soul the phantom pain of 10 years started to fade with every step i ran toward brightness
36:33behind
36:33me old life dissolved like a worn photograph left out in the rain mom's final tear the red glow of
36:41the
36:41choker blood on the journal pages gone i didn't look back that 10 year nightmare was finally
36:47truly over when i opened my eyes again i was tiny wrapped in soft blankets someone was humming
36:56a woman's voice gentle off key but full of love her fingers brushed my cheek the scent of wild flowers
37:05not the cold clinical distance of my old mother not the silence of someone who only touched me to punish
37:12i blinked up at her she had kind eyes a soft smile she cradled me like i was made of
37:19glass grace is awake
37:21honey come quick our daughter just opened her eyes a man appeared tall a little awkward but his face lit
37:29up when he saw me he touched my tiny hand with one finger his voice was deep warm hey grace
37:37i'm your dad
37:40grace not stella no weight no chains no red light just grace a name that meant something light
37:49something cherished this house was small but warm full of light cartoon painting on the walls flowers by
37:57the window sunlight pouring through the windows warm on the floor i realized fast this family was nothing
38:04like the last one they never forced me to do anything there were no chokers no red lights no punishments
38:12for
38:12things i hadn't done i grew learned to crawl to talk and when i was three mom made a stew
38:20with celery
38:21the green stalks in the bowl triggered me i flashed back to choking throat swelling vomiting blood
38:27i stumbled backwards shaking tears came without permission mom immediately put down her spoon crouched
38:35pulled me into a hug grace what's wrong you don't like celery i couldn't speak just shook my head
38:43sobbing dad knelt too rubbed my back hey it's okay you don't have to eat it can you tell us
38:50why their eyes
38:51were patient gentle finally i choked out it hurts my throat makes me bleed they didn't say the verity
39:01choker doesn't lie they didn't accuse me of faking they took me to the pack healer immediately turns out
39:08i really do have a celery allergy after that celery never appeared in the house again mom added it to
39:15her market list grace's allergies celery she checked every time she shopped i lay in her arms that night
39:23smelling wildflowers and realized this is what it feels like to be believed love isn't measured by a
39:30stone it's listening even when the story sounds impossible when i was four dad took me to the pack
39:37healer for my first health check there was a blood draw i saw the needle and lost it flashes of
39:43the
39:43choker tightening around my throat flashes of starvation i screamed clung to dad's leg
39:49the healer sighed i couldn't stop shaking don't punish me i'm not lying dad immediately scooped me
39:57up sorry she's not ready we'll come back another time on the walk home dad didn't scold me for being
40:03weak he just asked gently grace did someone hurt you before i buried my face in his shoulder tears
40:12soaking his shirt mom joker red light i couldn't explain it clearly but he listened nodded it's okay
40:22dad's here now no one's ever hurting you again from then on they took me to the pack healer regularly
40:29not for blood draws just to talk she has been hurt be patient with her my parents never complained
40:37never made me feel like a burden they bought me a colorful necklace but never forced me to wear it
40:42this is just a pretty thing grace wear it if you want take it off if you don't we'll love
40:48you either
40:48way slowly i started to heal i could say i don't like this without fear i could say i'm scared
40:57i could
40:57say i want that i didn't have to worry about my heart racing being proof of a lie i started
41:04sharing my
41:04stories with them i cried when i didn't get a toy i laughed when i got praise i was finally
41:11just a pup
41:11a normal loved pup when i turned seven i started at the pack school there was a girl in my
41:18class
41:18annie sullivan she looked exactly like emma same eyes but her hair was shorter and she was timid
41:27scared the first time i saw her my heart clenched flashbacks emma's smug grin the green light mocking
41:36me i stepped back instinctively annie noticed she looked down voice barely a whisper i'm annie
41:46do you want to be friends her tone was so careful so desperate to please just like i used to
41:52be
41:52i glanced at her neck she wore a simple choker with green gem my stomach turned later i found out
42:00annie's mom was strict too demanded honesty locked her in her room without food when she made mistakes
42:08one day annie accidentally knocked over the teacher's ink pot she was trembling too scared
42:14to admit it i saw her face red rimmed eyes barely holding back tears i remembered myself at that desk
42:21writing i am a liar over and over i walked over took her hand annie it's okay accidents happen
42:32let's tell the teacher together she won't be mad annie looked at me shocked but mom says liars are bad
42:39wolves being honest isn't about never making mistakes it's about owning up when you do and even if you tell
42:46the truth you shouldn't be punished for it if the teacher gets angry i'll stand with you if your mom
42:52gets angry come to my house my parents will help i gave her the courage i never had she confessed
42:58the
42:59teacher forgave her told her to be more careful next time from that day on we have been best friends
43:05i brought annie home to meet my parents she saw how warm they were how they didn't yell didn't punish
43:11little things i told her you don't have to make everyone happy you're allowed to feel things say
43:20things one day annie's mom came to pick her up from school she saw us together in her face twisted
43:27she grabbed annie's hand did you mess up again is grace covering for you annie immediately looked down
43:34silent i stepped in front of her looked at the mom in the eye ma'am annie didn't do anything
43:40wrong
43:42she's a good pup you shouldn't always assume the worst
43:48she's scared of you the mom froze looked at me then at annie's tear-filled eyes her expression softened
43:55that night she called my mom thanked her said i'd opened her eyes over time i'm sorry annie's mom got
44:03gentler what you want to do started listening instead of yelling and annie she blossomed confident
44:09happy i watched her laugh freely one day and felt this warmth in my chest i didn't get saved in
44:15my
44:16last life i suffered alone in the dark but this time i could save someone else i could stop another
44:22stella from happening maybe that's the gift my past life gave me the ability to see pain and to heal
44:29it
44:29when i was 10 my parents took me to visit grandma there was an old oak tree in her yard
44:34its branches
44:35spread wide casting shade over the whole garden i sat beneath it watching sunlight filter through the
44:41leaves my wolf dozed inside me warm and content then i saw her an old woman white hair hunched over
44:48a
44:49walking stick wearing a faded blue dress the second i saw her face i froze she looked exactly like rachel
44:56my old mother grandma noticed me too walked over slowly her eyes were hazy but there was something
45:03familiar in them something heavy what's your name child grace she repeated it softly grace that's a
45:09beautiful name she reached out like she wanted to touch my hair then hesitated pulled back like she
45:15was afraid of disturbing something sacred my mom came over steadied her mom this is our daughter grace so
45:22she was my grandma in this life too over the next few days grandma watched me constantly her expression
45:28was unreadable one morning she brought me a bowl of roasted meat grace eat up this used to be your
45:33favorite i stared at the bowl in my last life i wrote in my dying breath i want to eat
45:39mom's roasted
45:40meat and here was grandma saying those exact words tears blurred my vision this wasn't some distant wish
45:47anymore it was real right in front of me i picked up a piece bit into it tender sweet perfect
45:54grandma
45:54smiled a tired guilty smile that night lying in bed with my wolf curled warm inside my chest i thought
46:02about rachel's last words next life let me wear the choker let me be the liar punish me however you
46:08want
46:08just don't leave me i thought about her final tear the torn journal i didn't hate her anymore hating
46:15someone is like locking yourself in the past chewing on pain forever this life's warmth had already
46:21washed away the bitterness i just felt sad sad that she only understood too late real love was never
46:27about stones or punishment we stayed for a month then went back home before i left she held my hand
46:33grace live well be happy her voice was soft but heavy with meaning i nodded you too grandma i watched
46:40her
46:40walk away and i felt nothing no anger no grief the grudges of my past life were like fallen leaves
46:47blown away by the wind i wasn't stella anymore the girl locked in the dark choking on a lie i
46:53was grace
46:54sterling surrounded by love free at 13 i graduated from pack school got into the best academy in the
47:00region my parents took me to the lake for a picnic to celebrate i stood at the edge of the
47:05water wind in
47:06my hair the scent of pine and cold water on my skin i stretched out my arms feeling the freedom
47:13for a
47:13moment i saw her my ghost self floating desperate to hug someone but passing right through grace what
47:21are you thinking dad handed me a drink i smiled just i'm grateful to be alive to be with you
47:27both mom
47:28pulled me into a hug silly girl we're the lucky ones no one said anything we all just shifted at
47:35the same
47:35time like we'd done it a hundred times before we ran together through the trees through the shallow edge
47:41of the lake water spraying silver around our paws eventually i slowed down turned and threw myself at
47:48them we tumbled into the grass together mom nuzzled her head against mine dad licked the top of my head
47:54with lazy affection i pressed into them both and stayed there breathing hard warm all the way through
48:01i looked up at the sky through the canopy of trees i didn't need to prove i wasn't a liar
48:06anymore
48:06i didn't need to fear a red light i could laugh cry speak freely i had parents who loved me
48:13a best
48:13friend a healthy body a bright future this was the life i died wishing for that night i wrote in
48:20my journal
48:21not the blood-stained confessions of my old life this one was full of happiness growth love i wrote today
48:29we ran by the lake mom and dad shifted with me without saying a word we tumbled in the grass
48:34like
48:34pups i thought about my past self that little girl locked in a room choking in the dark desperate to
48:41be loved she'd never believe that i could be this happy mom and dad love me they taught me that
48:47honesty
48:47isn't something you punish out of someone it's something you grow with patience and warmth annie is my
48:54best friend now she laughs freely she speaks without flinching grandma is getting older but her eyes
49:01are warm when she looks at me my wolf grows stronger every day with her beside me i feel at
49:07ease i don't
49:07hate anyone anymore i don't cling to the past those painful memories are like paw prints in the mud
49:13washed away by rain but they taught me to cherish every step forward i know my old mom sister and
49:20dad
49:21got what they deserved and i finally broke free i found real freedom i don't want to see them again
49:27i don't want to relive that life i just want to be gray simple happy loved the lake was beautiful
49:34life
49:35was beautiful i closed my journal looked out the window moonlight shimmered on the water through the
49:40trees my wolf stirred softly inside my chest warm steady i smiled this life i finally became who i wanted
49:48to
49:48be no red light no starvation no lies just love freedom happiness and those scars from my past they
49:57became part of me proof that i had survived proof that darkness no matter how long it lasts cannot
50:02swallow you whole not if you keep moving toward the light the road ahead is long but i will walk
50:08it
50:09with courage with joy towards something even brighter
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