#video #Ep09 Love Story Episode 9 Engsub
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00:10And this is a recurring dream that you're having?
00:16Yes.
00:17And in it, the two of you are riding in that convertible in the motorcade in Dallas.
00:24Only you're the one that's injured.
00:27And what are you wearing?
00:28I'm wearing the same thing as Mother wore, the pink tweed suit and the pillbox hat.
00:34She hates wearing hats.
00:36I do.
00:37Okay, well obviously that's what tracks what we're talking about in our sessions.
00:42The idea that you are paying the price for John's fame, for John's ambitions.
00:48It also speaks to an outsized fear of exposure of the real world.
00:54Let's just try not to editorialize, okay?
00:56Well, maybe if I was at home sleeping with her in our bed, she wouldn't be having these nightmares.
01:01You were the one who decided to leave and now you're saying your absence is the problem.
01:04Yeah, so we wouldn't say anything we could never take back.
01:07Yeah, so you go on a walk, John. You don't move out.
01:09I didn't move out.
01:10You left and then you, you, yeah, you didn't come back. So how would you characterize that?
01:14Oh my God.
01:15And if that is your instinct to bolt when things get hard, how can I trust you just won't keep
01:19doing it?
01:20I was the one that made it very clear that divorce was off the table.
01:22So I should just feel comforted that you have unilaterally issued that decree?
01:26It means that the only option in my mind is to make this marriage work.
01:30John, there is a difference between not wanting us to fail and wanting us to succeed.
01:35John views our marriage through the lens of the media.
01:37He's more concerned with the optics of our issues than our actual issues.
01:41We cannot just ignore the fact that we live under a microscope because it's inconvenient.
01:45I cannot be the third person in my marriage, spending the rest of my life competing with everyone else in
01:52the world or his family's legacy or his magazine.
01:58I know that this is going to sound counterintuitive, but just based on everything that I'm hearing, I would advise
02:07a trial separation.
02:12I'm sorry, what?
02:13Your advice for our marriage is divorce?
02:17No, but I think part of the reason that you two aren't finding any clarity is that you're stuck in
02:26this sort of liminal space.
02:29Maybe, if you severed contact for a little while, you would gain a clearer idea of what you're missing or
02:39what your life would actually look like without the other.
02:44Mm-hmm.
02:45Like, for how long?
02:47Yeah, like one, two weeks?
02:49A month, maybe two.
02:53Um, do you have, like, too many clients or how many?
02:56No, no.
02:57I mean, you obviously would see me, you just wouldn't see each other.
03:01I can't not talk to my wife for a month.
03:04Yeah, I don't want to do that either.
03:06I mean, I don't think I could, even if you asked me to.
03:08Yeah.
03:10Well, I mean, you won't come together, you won't let go, and instead you are just white-knuckling this marriage
03:18into a downward spiral.
03:47What happened to one cigarette a day?
03:49We're drinking in a dive bar in the middle of a work day after marriage counseling.
03:54I'd say my discipline is shot for the day.
04:12You know something funny?
04:14When I'm at the Stanhope, reminiscing about our life together, I never replay the bad moments in my head.
04:21All I think about is us at our best.
04:24Laughing.
04:25Always reaching out for each other.
04:29Never enough for us to just be in the same room.
04:31We always have to feel each other to know that we're really there.
04:35And then when we get together, it's all we can do not to rehash every fight we've ever had.
04:39I don't think we're totally to blame.
04:43Our marriage counselor hates us.
04:49Yeah.
04:49I think she's going to become a divorce mediator because of us.
04:54You know what I was thinking about the other day?
04:56Hmm?
04:57That trip we took to Honduras when you got poison ivy everywhere and I had to wrap your hands in
05:04socks to keep you from itching.
05:05There was calamine lotion everywhere.
05:07Yeah, one big pink man.
05:11Very messy.
05:12What about that time we had sex on the rooftop in Paris and you almost got electric it in?
05:17Worth it.
05:27If only we knew that.
05:29What?
05:34How could we end it?
05:46We should get going.
05:47One more drink in this place and we really will be a sob story.
05:53Hey.
05:54Sorry.
05:56It's okay.
05:59Do you mind if I drop by and get that linen blazer?
06:29Howl.
06:35Howl.
06:40Howl.
06:43Howl.
06:44Howl.
06:46Howl.
06:47Howl.
06:52Howl.
06:54Best kiss we've ever had.
06:57It has to be our first, outside your apartment.
07:00No, no, that doesn't count.
07:03I mean, as a couple.
07:05There have been lots?
07:06Yeah.
07:09John's Beach?
07:10Which time?
07:14What about by that fire in that lodge in Montana?
07:20Now I remember what it was.
07:22Fuck.
07:23I'm so late.
07:26Okay.
07:29Hey, wait.
07:29Give me a kiss.
07:34Bye.
07:35I'll see you later, yeah?
07:37Okay.
07:39Love you.
07:39I love you.
07:40Bye.
07:41Bye.
07:47That's not what I had in mind.
07:48Bye.
07:52Bye.
07:58Bye.
08:00Bye.
08:03Bye.
08:06Bye.
08:08Bye.
08:09Bye.
08:09Bye.
08:10Bye.
08:10Bye.
08:11Bye.
08:11Bye.
08:12Bye.
08:53Here you go, buddy.
09:14Morning.
09:16Hi.
09:17Hi.
09:21Sorry, I didn't want to wake you.
09:23No, it's fine.
09:24I know you haven't been sleeping well.
09:25It's okay.
09:29I have a 9 a.m. breakfast.
09:32Gotcha.
09:36I can cancel it.
09:38No, no, it's fine.
09:39I just, um, I thought maybe we might want to talk about last night.
09:44Yeah?
09:44Yeah.
09:49I mean, do you feel bad?
09:53Uh, no.
09:56I, I don't know.
09:57Do you feel good about what's happening right now?
10:03Why don't we meet for lunch?
10:06You know what?
10:07It's probably best we just talk about it at counseling anyway.
10:12Do you think we'd tell Colleen?
10:14I mean, we kind of did exactly the opposite of what she asked us to.
10:21John, I'm confused.
10:23Are we angling for a gold star here or trying to save our marriage?
10:27I mean, I just don't want her to think that we're any more self-destructive than she already does.
10:35Am I seeing you at the George Gala?
10:37No, John, I, I, I just can't right now.
10:42So then I assume Rory's wedding is off the table?
10:48I love you, but you still don't get it.
10:52It's not as easy for me as it is for you.
10:55What is it?
10:57Pretending like everything's okay.
11:00I can assure you that this is anything but easy for me.
11:04I'll talk to you later.
11:07Yeah.
11:23I don't think I've been back here since she died.
11:27You look terrible.
11:29Wow.
11:30Mom really is here with us.
11:31And you're graying.
11:32Yeah, well, stress will do that to you.
11:42Sit down.
11:47It's a lot.
11:51But you have to ask yourself what's actually within your control.
11:55And what can you save?
11:58She won't forgive me.
11:59For what?
12:00Ruining her life?
12:02Destroying her anonymity?
12:04Failing to protect her?
12:06I mean, I remember sitting here with mom and her telling me that any woman I ended up with would
12:11be under the illusion that we were entering a partnership.
12:13When in reality, I'd just have to orbit me like everybody else.
12:20She was married to the president of the United States.
12:24All she knew was how to orbit a great man.
12:27But you aren't dad and Carolyn isn't the first lady.
12:32John, you dated countless women who were more than willing to let you be the center of the universe and
12:38none of them stuck.
12:39And then you met someone who wasn't willing to contort themselves into whatever they thought you needed.
12:44And you fell in love.
12:47And now those qualities, that fire, that self-possession, aren't serving you anymore and you're crying foul.
12:53I have tried everything in my power to make her happy.
12:58What she's asking of you feels unreasonable because no one has ever asked it of you before.
13:03Your whole life, people have been willing to take whatever pieces of yourself you're willing to give them.
13:08But she isn't.
13:11And she was never going to be someone who would be.
13:19I know you've been made to feel like your life is predestined, but that doesn't mean you are powerless to
13:24change it.
13:28The question is, do you love her enough to do that?
13:59I spoke to John earlier.
14:04He called to ask what you were doing.
14:08Well, what'd you tell him?
14:09I said, pick up the phone and call her yourself.
14:16He did offer to drop me off in the vineyard on his way to Rory's wedding.
14:20That'll butter you up.
14:23Did you say yes?
14:25Well, I'm not going to turn down a ride on a summer Friday.
14:31You should have seen him when I came downstairs this morning.
14:34I was heading off to work like it was any normal day.
14:37Well, did you say, hey, can you cancel your meeting?
14:39We really have to talk.
14:41I shouldn't have to.
14:42It's not my job to edify him.
14:44Well, then you clearly weren't that desperate to communicate either.
14:48No.
14:50You think because of our shit with dad that him leaving is the ultimate betrayal?
14:55But this is also you projecting shit onto John that has nothing to do with him.
15:01If you really wanted to work on this relationship, you would swallow your pride,
15:07jettison this compulsion to be right, and do what's in the best interest of your relationship.
15:13All I've done is compromise for him, Lauren.
15:16It's only compromise if it's by your own volition.
15:19But you can't cling to the past and work towards a future at the same time.
15:31Thank you all for being here.
15:39Carolyn and I could renew our vows in Times Square,
15:42and the press would brand it a charged altercation.
15:45And I don't want to move a thing
15:49It might change my memory
15:55Oh, I am one of my feelings
15:58I do, I don't want
16:01But I can't hide
16:06And I won't go
16:09I won't sleep
16:11I can't breathe
16:23Excuse me
16:24You look beautiful
16:26Thank you
16:27What made you change your mind?
16:29I know how important it's just to you
16:31I know how important it's just to you
16:35And I know I want to try
16:37I don't wanna call my friend
16:42But they might make me from this dream
16:48Oh, I am one of my friends
16:51I'll do what I want
16:54But I can hide
16:59And I won't go
17:01I won't sleep
17:04And I can't breathe
17:07Until you're resting here
17:47You're early
17:49Well, I knew if I was late
17:50And you stormed out
17:51I wouldn't be able to catch you
18:04It's your go-to date spot
18:05What can I say?
18:07I'm a sucker for a laminated menu
18:14Do you know what I remember about that first date?
18:18That my bike got stolen?
18:21That
18:23And
18:28You said you felt like you had a sign over your head
18:30That read the hunk flunks
18:32And that that was all people saw when they looked at you
18:35And I remember asking you what your sign read
18:37And you wouldn't tell me
18:39And you still haven't told me
18:41I don't think I've told anyone
18:48Because if you knew what my sign said
18:52Please handle with care
18:54And not as tough as she looks
18:55Then Jig would have been up
18:58There'd be no mystery for you to solve
18:59No defense system to disarm
19:04And therefore no reason to stay
19:08But then I met you
19:11And I fell in love with you
19:12And I didn't want to do that anymore
19:16I wanted to let you in
19:23You made me realize that I'm someone who
19:27Who wants to be loved
19:30And nurtured
19:33And taken care of
19:35And
19:43How do we know we won't hurt each other?
19:47We don't
19:49We don't
19:49We just know that we want to try
19:52And build a life for ourselves
19:55As partners
19:56I know, what does that look like though, John?
19:58Because I don't think our marriage
20:00Can withstand any more scrutiny
20:02I know
20:04And part of that means I have to
20:06Re-examine my relationship with everyone
20:08And everything that isn't you
20:11Because you come first
20:13But I don't want you to feel you have to choose
20:16I know you've been burdened with unfathomable expectations
20:19And I would never fault you for trying to meet them
20:22Carolyn
20:23You're the one thing in my life that I know
20:25That I'm destined for
20:29I love you
20:34I love you too
20:43You know, I was thinking
20:44If you're up for it
20:46You and I could go on a trip
20:50Where?
20:51Anywhere you want
20:53Paris
20:54Belize
20:55Tahiti
20:58For how long?
21:00Until we decide to come home
21:02Wherever that might be for us
21:06I'll be back on Sunday from Rory's wedding
21:08Why don't we pull out a world map
21:09And find the most remote island no one's ever heard of?
21:13I forgot about that, um...
21:16Rory's... Rory's wedding
21:17Don't even worry about it
21:18Caroline's not even going
21:20No, I wanna go
21:22You do?
21:27Yeah
21:31Yeah
21:31I miss dancing with you
21:35I miss dancing with you
21:39Oh, I don't know
21:41Oh, I wanna go
21:59How long?
21:59How long?
22:03You know?
22:09That might have been even better than the first time.
22:17I should go.
22:21Gotta find a dress.
22:29What if we're jumping the gun?
22:31What do you mean?
22:32It's just we're finally getting to a good place
22:34and I don't know if subjecting ourselves to the prying eyes
22:37of a massive Kennedy wedding is the move for us right now.
22:41It's normal to feel anxious and apprehensive,
22:43but you two are going into this weekend
22:44with a completely different mindset than in the past.
22:48Go get your nails done. Go from there.
22:51Okay, okay.
22:52One step at a time. Love you.
22:54Thanks, Laura. See you soon.
23:03Hey, this is John Kennedy requesting a standard weather briefing
23:06for a VFR flight from Essex County to Martha's Vineyard
23:09departing around 6 p.m.
23:12Uh-huh.
23:15Uh-huh.
23:18Uh-huh.
23:35What did she say exactly?
23:37She was nervous.
23:40I thought we moved past this.
23:43Neither of you are going to change overnight.
23:54Uh-huh.
23:55No?
23:59No!
24:06No, no.
24:08No.
24:09No, no.
24:10No, no.
24:57I'm going to go sit with him for a bit.
24:59Okay.
25:06Permission to enter the cockpit?
25:15Excuse me?
25:17Oh, fuck.
25:38I missed you.
25:42I had a feeling.
25:43I had a feeling.
25:49I had a feeling.
26:15I had a feeling.
26:18I had a feeling.
26:56everything okay yeah you should you should go back to your seat
27:08i want to stay with you
27:37it's okay just breathe john just breathe
27:48just breathe
28:22united states coast guard air station cape cod this is petty officer rieta how may i help you
28:28can i get the aircraft information
28:34and the name of the pilot
28:55can i help you we're sorry to disturb you we're from the custer county sheriff's office your
29:04family's been trying to reach you on your cell but we know there's no service out here what is
29:08it what's wrong it's your brother ma'am his plane has been reported missing
29:24hello
29:32what i i'm sorry can you say that again
29:38no that's correct that was my understanding well i can wait if you want to check i don't think
29:43the answer is going to change they say they can have a plane ready for us within an hour
29:47okay what do you want to tell the kids i don't know just we have to get home have you
29:51talked to
29:51the highness airport no i wasn't able to get through them oh but teddy said they didn't land there
29:55either but we know they took off right yes we got confirmation from essex county airport
30:01i'm sure there's an explanation we begin tonight with breaking news john f kennedy jr's plane has been
30:08reported missing off the coast of massachusetts the piper saratoga allegedly disappeared from radar
30:15the coast guard as it was on route from new jersey to martha's vineyard at this hour the coast guard
30:20is
30:21stressing that this remains a search and rescue mission officials are urging anyone with information
30:27to come forward what has happened to john f kennedy jr and his missing single engine aircraft plane is
30:37believed to have carried not only john f kennedy jr but his wife carolyn beset kennedy and her sister
30:43and lauren they've taken off from new jersey heading to martha's vineyard in massachusetts for a kennedy
30:48family wedding the plane never arrived
30:58senator kennedy i have the president on the line
31:07mr president
31:18i understand we uh we uh appreciate your efforts sir
31:29thank you for calling
31:44please please don't say another word
31:48i beg of you please
31:51don't say anything
31:57they're reporting i don't care what they're reporting ed i'm not doing this again
32:01okay i will not
32:13why don't you come sit down
32:14i'm not leaving ed i'm staying right here okay as soon as i go out there
32:22he was just here
32:30he cannot be gone ed
32:35he cannot be gone
32:38that doesn't make any sense do you understand me that doesn't make any sense it doesn't make any
32:43fucking sense it doesn't make any sense he's not gone he's not he's not
32:50i just
32:52sweetheart sweetheart i'm so sorry
33:02please don't do this to me i can't do it again
33:09i can't do it again
33:11Oh, my God.
33:45Teddy called again.
33:48We have to discuss the funeral arrangements.
33:50Where would he like to have at St. Peter's Basilica?
33:54What do you want me to tell him?
34:00Then I'll let him know as soon as I make my decision.
34:05The New York Times called as well.
34:13He spent his whole life bound to that little boy.
34:21Desperate to free himself from a tragedy he couldn't even remember.
34:30All he wanted was to simply be.
34:38All he'll be remembered for is what he could have become.
34:54If you're flying using visual navigation alone, relying on the lights of the coast, the horizon, instead of your flight
35:00instruments, and you're suddenly flying in the pitch black with haze everywhere, the ocean and sky essentially blend into this
35:07black hole and you can experience what's called spatial disorientation.
35:11Where you basically don't know which way is up. So you start course correcting the plane based on what your
35:15impaired brain is telling you instead of reality.
35:18Would they have known they were going down?
35:20They would have known if something was wrong, obviously, but no, not necessarily.
35:26I spoke to someone over to NTSB and he explained it's like being taken under by a wave. Water is...
35:43Let me start by offering my deepest condolences.
35:46Where is she?
35:48Sorry?
35:49Your wife. She was supposed to be here. Where is she?
35:53I think she just felt, in light of the circumstances, it would be better if I helped broker the arrangements
35:59for the remains.
36:01Is that right?
36:07I assure you she was just trying to be mindful of your feelings.
36:11Oh, is that the pretext that her legal team concocted? My feelings? Because if it is, she should fire them.
36:20Why don't we, uh...
36:25Uh, President Clinton has offered, uh, that John be buried in Arlington National Cemetery alongside President Kennedy and Jackie next
36:35to the eternal flame.
36:36Um, however, if we wanted to keep John and Carolyn together, we would propose, uh, Holy Hood, the Kennedy family
36:45burial plot in Brookline, Massachusetts.
36:47Why would my daughter be buried in a state she has no ties to?
36:51Are you suggesting those are my two choices, which you so kindly laid out for me?
36:58No, no. Of course not.
37:01But...
37:02But...
37:02If you preferred that Carolyn be buried with John, the family would insist that you'd be alongside the rest of
37:08the deceased Kennedy relatives.
37:10The family would insist.
37:13The gall of you to sit there and try and dictate terms.
37:18No, I'm-I'm simply relaying the wishes of the Kennedy family.
37:21If the Kennedy family feels so strongly about this, why did they send you?
37:31Whatever you decide to do with Carolyn's remains...
37:34You keep saying her name.
37:37You keep saying Carolyn.
37:39May I remind you that I had not one but two daughters on board that plane that he crashed.
38:09It's not one but two.
38:09It doesn't mean that I'macaÄŸed with both of the students.
38:10But I didn't feel like I had no idea.
38:10It didn't mean to be the friend he had no idea.
38:10It wasn't the one but two daughters on board that went from the people's right.
38:16But it was very similar that I had no idea.
38:16It wasn't a just, it was very specific about it.
38:16But I had never seen you in the rightful way.
38:18Because it never looked when he had never seen the��s.
38:31Oh, my God.
38:52Your husband needs to work on his bedside manner.
38:55I think some wires might have gotten crossed.
38:58Oh, I assure you there was no misunderstanding in what he said or how he said it.
39:02Well, I know his intention was to concentrate on the logistics so as not to exacerbate the situation.
39:09Then maybe dispatch a less obtuse spokesperson next time.
39:18Maybe it's the best I call.
39:19I'm not finished.
39:20And I will not be dismissed a second time.
39:29Some of the media are saying they crashed because Carolyn was getting her nails done.
39:35Delayed their takeoff.
39:39Not that your brother wasn't equipped to fly at night and took off anyway, but that she held them back.
39:45Her vanity.
39:48Are you aware of that?
39:53I stopped reading the news.
39:55Well, I have nothing left to protect but their legacies.
40:00There are images of your brother beaming around the world on the cover of every newspaper and magazine.
40:08Carolyn's photo is usually on the inside and Lauren is practically a footnote, but she wasn't famous, so I guess
40:16her face doesn't sell papers.
40:21My faith has allowed me to make sense of the world, helping me understand the big existential questions.
40:33But now, there's just a deafening silence.
40:47I mean, how do you live in a world that doesn't make any sense?
40:53How do you live in a world that doesn't make any sense?
40:54How do you even get out of bed?
41:00As soon as you open your eyes, one second longer and you realize the world you're waking up to is
41:08painfully incomplete.
41:23When I was 18, I was living in London, staying with a family friend who was a member of parliament.
41:32One night, we left his house and a bomb went off.
41:35The IRA had planted one under the front right tire of his car and the only reason we weren't in
41:40it was because we were running late.
41:46I agonized over that for so many years.
41:52I couldn't understand why so many bad things had happened to people in my family, but for whatever reason, I
41:59was spared that day a bomb went off.
42:02The only thing I really gleaned from that experience was that there is no rhyme or reason as to why
42:09some of us get to stay here a little longer.
42:17All we know is that time doesn't belong to us.
42:23Nothing is promised.
42:24Nothing is promised.
42:32I'm sure you already know this about me by now, but I'm not someone who lets people in very easily.
42:39I don't know if it's because I question their motives or maybe it's because I have this feeling that the
42:45less people I know, the less people I'll inevitably have to grieve.
42:57I didn't know Lauren very well, unfortunately, but I knew she was incredibly smart, funny, beautiful, dynamic.
43:14But I did know Carolyn, and I knew she was struggling.
43:22And instead of reaching out to her, I will regret what I didn't do and what I could have done
43:35for the rest of my life.
43:41She said she didn't recognize who she had become.
43:50And now that person will be immortalized forever.
43:59I only wish she had lived long enough to be remembered for something else.
44:18I've heard people say sorry for your loss so many times over the course of my life.
44:26It just starts to sound like white noise.
44:29Like when people say, God bless you.
44:33But now I'm sitting here across from you.
44:40And all I want to say is how sorry I am.
44:46But I also know that it's not enough.
44:51And it will never be enough.
45:16I'm remembering a conversation I had with John a while back where he said he wanted to be cremated.
45:23With his ashes spread across the sea.
45:27I was wondering if maybe we could spread John, Carolyn, and Lauren's ashes together as one.
46:11He said he had a mission.
46:14He immediately died.
46:14And he finally kissed.
46:15And revealed his memories with his eyes.
46:17He was still alive.
46:17He was still alive to let Me be my husband.
46:18He was still alive.
46:21To be the back of his house, we should have expected him to let him live.
46:32Let's go.
46:56Let's go.
47:27I won't ask you how you're holding up.
47:29I always found that question moronic.
47:35I knew he was gone.
47:40As soon as I heard that pounding on the door, I just felt this shift.
47:47It's just overwhelming sense of dread.
47:54I felt that same way when I got the call about my parents playing.
47:58I was 27 years old.
48:00I had three children and a newborn.
48:04I just remember the phone ringing in our house in Hyannis, and for whatever reason, I wouldn't answer it.
48:11And then it rang again, again and again.
48:15I don't think I realized how young you were when that happened.
48:18I don't think I realized how young I was.
48:25I know I'm not a Kennedy by blood, but you and I are alike in a lot of ways.
48:31We take pride in our resolve and in our independence.
48:36That's why we're so averse to pity in all its forms.
48:41It's not enough we have to survive all this loss.
48:44We have to ensure that we're not defined by it.
48:48It's exhausting.
48:51It's hard to imagine a world in which I don't feel this way every day.
48:56Well, the grief is always going to be there.
48:59But it's your relationship with the grief that changes.
49:03At some point, you realize you can do something with it.
49:07Because you felt you had no choice?
49:09No, because when I didn't have one, I knew I could.
49:16I understand the urge to retreat even further.
49:20To get away from the prying eyes and the concerned whispers.
49:25But privacy doesn't always ensure peace.
49:29If it did, I'd have vanished a long time ago.
49:33We are Kennedy women, and we're still here.
49:37And that can't be for nothing.
49:51We're there.
51:42Life means all that it ever meant.
51:48It is the same as it ever was.
51:56Do not stand by my grave and weep.
52:03I am not there.
52:04I do not sleep.
52:16I am the thousand winds that blow.
52:20I am the diamond glints in snow.
52:48I am the sunlight of ripe and green.
52:53I am the gentle autumn rain.
52:59As you awake with morning's hush, I am the swift outflinging rush.
53:12Of quiet birds encircling flight, I am the day transcending night.
53:40Do not stand by my grave and cry.
53:47I am not there.
53:48I am not there.
53:49I did not die.
53:50I am the light.
53:52I am the light.
53:54I am the end.
54:30To be continued...
54:59To be continued...
55:30To be continued...
55:45To be continued...
56:06To be continued...
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