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00:06Sous-titrage Société Radio-Canada
00:30I don't want to talk about it anymore.
00:34I pick up day laborers and tell them that they'll get paid at 6 p.m.
00:38At 5.45, a certain INS agent by the name of Mose Schrute
00:42throws them in the back of a van, drops them off in the middle of Harrisburg
00:46and tells them it's Canada.
00:48Hola, amigo.
00:50Hola. ¿Tú eres un bueno worker?
00:52Sí, yo muy bueno worker.
00:54¿Y el acento? ¿Dónde are you from?
00:57Scranton.
00:58Y, before that, La Philadelphia.
01:01¿You speak English?
01:02Yes, I'm really good at English.
01:03Okay, good. Me too. Get in the car.
01:05Okay.
01:07Who is this guy by our cars?
01:10That is my new maintenance worker, Nate.
01:12And you'll be happy to know that he's taking care of that hornet's nest
01:15that you've been griping about.
01:16I got stung up my dress.
01:18Poor hornet.
01:19I've left him all the tools he needs.
01:21This is do or die.
01:22If he chooses correctly, he'll conquer the hornets.
01:25And if he doesn't?
01:27He'll die.
01:28What?
01:29Uh, beg your pardon?
01:30When did the phrase do or die become so corrupted?
01:32Is that a blowtorch?
01:33No.
01:34No, no, no, no.
01:36Oh, no, no, no.
01:37Interesting choice.
01:39Oh, yes.
01:40Very, very smart.
01:41Walking away.
01:42Go away.
01:43No, no, no, no.
01:45What is he doing?
01:47Oh, it's stinging him.
01:48No, no, no.
01:49No, no.
02:14Good morning, Erin.
02:15Any mustaches?
02:16I mean, messages.
02:18Terrific.
02:19There are many reasons a man would wear a fake mustache to work.
02:24He is a fan of the outrageous.
02:27He loves to surprise.
02:30He loves other things as well.
02:34God.
02:35Oh, wow.
02:40Okay.
02:43It's a pimple, fellas.
02:45Avril Lavigne gets them all the time,
02:46and she rocks harder than anyone alive.
02:48Uh, that's no pimple, Michael.
02:50You mean cancer?
02:51What?
02:52No.
02:52Wait, no.
02:53Definitely not.
02:53Not cancer.
02:54It's just good to catch a Michael train of thought early
02:56before it derails and destroys the entire town.
02:59Wait, wait, wait, wait.
03:01It's just a cold sore.
03:02It is?
03:03Yep.
03:03Just a cold sore.
03:04Just a cold sore.
03:05Thank you, Phyllis.
03:06I don't have acne.
03:07I have a cold sore.
03:08I didn't even have a cold.
03:09I don't know how I got it.
03:10I know how you got it.
03:12How?
03:13Michael, come on.
03:14A cold sore is herpes.
03:17What?
03:17What you should do, Michael,
03:18is have a doctor take a look at it,
03:20because we don't really know what that is.
03:21I know tons and tons of people who have herpes.
03:24I have it myself.
03:26That's what it is.
03:27I've never seen a herpes on you.
03:28Because it's on my genitals, genius.
03:30You have a penis?
03:31Michael, have you ever been tested for STDs?
03:34Yeah.
03:35My last physical when I was 40.
03:37That was like 10 years ago.
03:38No, it was like four years ago.
03:39Michael, you're at least 46.
03:41Why at least?
03:42If you're guessing 46, just say 46.
03:52Can we please talk about how gross Meredith is?
03:55This is what you get
03:56when you treat your body like an outhouse.
04:00You know what, guys?
04:01How about we just chill out a little bit
04:02on the herp chat, okay?
04:04I was an RA in college,
04:05and I can tell you,
04:06number one sexually transmitted disease
04:10is ignorance.
04:12I guess maybe she could marry a meth dealer
04:13with crabs.
04:15I don't even want to know about these things.
04:16Hey, guys.
04:24How did this happen?
04:25How did I get this?
04:26Sometimes it can lie dormant in a woman for years.
04:29They may not even know that they have it.
04:30You know what?
04:30I feel like one of those old-timey sailors with V.D.
04:34Hey, it's me own darn fault.
04:36Girl in every port.
04:37What port?
04:38The Jan port?
04:40The Holly port?
04:41Don't even.
04:42Holly was clean, okay?
04:44If anything, I gave it to her.
04:45You may have.
04:46Oh, my God.
04:47What if I did?
04:48You need to contact Holly.
04:50You need to notify her
04:52that she is crawling with herpes.
04:54Okay.
04:54You know what?
04:55Might.
04:56Might be crawling with herpes.
05:00I might have gotten it after her.
05:02You need to contact every woman you've been with
05:04and notify them of your herpes infestation.
05:06It's the right thing to do.
05:08There's no way I'm going to do that.
05:10Then I will.
05:11All right.
05:13Now, I'm no doctor,
05:15but it seems to me that we all have an obligation
05:17to the public health
05:18to track down anyone who gives us a disease,
05:20inform them of it,
05:21and take overwhelming revenge on that person.
05:24Again, I'm no doctor.
05:26I'm just a normal guy who enjoys revenge.
05:30Hello?
05:32Hi, Donna.
05:33It's Michael.
05:34Michael, I didn't think I'd hear from you.
05:36Have you been?
05:37I have a disease
05:39for which there is no known cure
05:41that has been sexually transmitted to me.
05:44Oh, no.
05:46I can't even say it.
05:47H-I-R-P-E-E-N.
05:56Wait.
05:57You're calling to tell me that you have herpes?
06:00No, I am calling to see if you gave me herpes,
06:04because if you did,
06:06I would be able to avoid a lot of sucky conversations.
06:09So you have it, right?
06:10No.
06:12Does your stupid husband have it?
06:13No, he doesn't.
06:14Are you telling me I have to get tested?
06:16Yes, I am telling you
06:17you have to get tested for herpes.
06:18Goodbye.
06:19So long, Donna.
06:20Excuse me.
06:21Everyone, can I have your attention, please?
06:23Not again.
06:24What do you mean, again?
06:25You're always asking for our attention.
06:27No, maybe like a year ago.
06:29Hmm, seems recent.
06:30No, that's...
06:31Andy, the reason it seems more recent
06:33is because many of us here
06:35have never stood up
06:35and asked for everyone's attention,
06:37and it seems like you've done it
06:38on several occasions.
06:39Everyone, I've noticed that
06:41we have not been entirely kind
06:43to one of our own
06:44due to...
06:45Oh, cut.
06:46That's what I was thinking.
06:46and you kept announcing scores.
06:49It's the world's only international sports.
06:53This is Holly.
06:56No, this is Holly.
06:59No, this is Holly.
07:02No, this is Holly.
07:04No, this is Michael Scott.
07:07Busted.
07:10So what can I do for you, Holly?
07:12I'm calling because
07:13there was a terrible car accident.
07:16Oh, really?
07:17Was anyone killed?
07:18A lot of people.
07:20Any nuns?
07:22Three nuns.
07:23Missionaries from South Africa.
07:26Were they in the missionary position?
07:29Hot pizza.
07:31Check it and see.
07:32I got a whole bunch of pepperoni.
07:36Yeah.
07:36Now you're looking at me.
07:38Anyone who's interested
07:39in entering into an honest discussion
07:41about the sexual amours
07:42and taboos of modern society
07:44will be rewarded
07:45with a pizza break.
07:46Do you ever wonder
07:47what life would have been like
07:48if you hadn't been transferred?
07:51Yeah.
07:52We would have twins.
07:54I don't think we'd have kids.
07:56Maybe for a few weeks.
07:57Mm-mm.
07:58We would be married.
07:59Michael, I've been dating AJ
08:01for a year and a half now.
08:02You do this, you know.
08:04Do what?
08:05You romanticize things.
08:08I don't romanticize.
08:10No.
08:11Michael, you cried at that tagline
08:13for a movie you made up.
08:15He had no arms or legs.
08:16He couldn't see, hear, or speak.
08:19This is how we led a nation.
08:21You made us out to be more than we were.
08:24Maybe we were more than we were.
08:25I don't know what you're getting
08:27so upset about.
08:28We had a fun flight
08:29a long time ago.
08:30It's a good memory.
08:31Okay, all right.
08:32I gotta go.
08:34Michael?
08:38You forgot to mention the herpes.
08:40It didn't come up organically.
08:43To accommodate the suppliers.
08:46Gentlemen, nice to see you.
08:48It'll be just a moment.
08:48If you could show them
08:49into conference room B,
08:50the pharmaceutical company
08:51should be able to accommodate us.
08:53How do I do it?
08:54Raise my daughter,
08:55work as director of office purchasing
08:56for this hospital,
08:57and release an album
08:58of Doris Day covers
08:59on my own label?
09:02If I knew, I'd tell you.
09:03It's nice to see you doing so well.
09:05Yeah, I'm really happy.
09:05me and Astrid
09:07against the world,
09:08and we're loving it.
09:09Yeah, so,
09:10kind of the super mom.
09:11Bringing on the bacon.
09:12Yeah.
09:13Right up in a pan.
09:14Never, never, never
09:15let's do a buggy hatch on it.
09:18Love that commercial.
09:19I don't understand
09:20the reference.
09:22Well,
09:23Michael,
09:24it was nice to get your call.
09:25We had to come over right away.
09:26It's urgent.
09:27Okay.
09:27Michael has something to tell you.
09:28Are you gonna
09:29keep me in suspense?
09:38Would you excuse us?
09:40Okay, I'm gonna
09:41head out of here.
09:42I know you have a lot
09:43to talk about.
09:44Okay?
09:45Is there a
09:46operating theater
09:47that's open to visitors?
09:49Never mind.
09:49I'll find it.
09:52He hasn't changed.
09:53No.
09:54So,
09:55what couldn't wait?
09:58Am I the kind of person
09:59to misremember
10:01our relationship
10:02as something more
10:02than it was?
10:03Michael Scott,
10:04you are here
10:05for a post-mortem.
10:07What?
10:08You want to dig
10:09into our relationship.
10:11Go over it.
10:12See what killed it.
10:14Okay.
10:17I'm in.
10:19So, guys,
10:20I've been really bothered
10:21by the way
10:21certain people
10:22are getting treated
10:23around here,
10:24and I just think
10:25as an office,
10:26we're better than that.
10:27Okay, now,
10:28I'm gonna show you
10:29a picture
10:30of genitalia.
10:31Oh.
10:33Andy.
10:34Was it because
10:34he's black?
10:35Nope.
10:36It's because
10:36it's genitalia.
10:37Perfectly normal
10:39genitalia, Tuna.
10:40Now,
10:42I'm gonna show you
10:42another picture
10:44of perfectly normal
10:45genitalia.
10:46Oh.
10:46Oh, my God.
10:48Am I blocking anybody?
10:49Can everybody see?
10:50Perfectly normal.
10:50Oh, my God.
10:51Big deal.
10:52Yeah, sure.
10:53It's got some herpes on it.
10:55But you know what?
10:56It's just as normal
10:56as anyone else's.
10:59No.
11:00In the beginning,
11:00we were not good.
11:02Well,
11:03there was a bit
11:03of a learning curve
11:04in the conversation department,
11:05but between the sheets,
11:07we were like
11:08Jordan and Pippin.
11:09Well, if there's
11:09anything exciting about it,
11:10it was because
11:11we both knew
11:11it was wrong.
11:12Because we worked together.
11:14No.
11:15Okay.
11:15Imagine there's a princess
11:16who falls for a guy
11:18beneath her station,
11:19and the queen
11:19doesn't like this at all.
11:20And the princess
11:21knows that the queen
11:22doesn't like it,
11:22and so it makes her
11:23want to do it all the more
11:23just to get at the queen.
11:25Am I the princess?
11:27No, I'm the princess
11:27and the queen.
11:29Okay, so I'm the guy
11:30at the station.
11:33Mommy!
11:34Azzy!
11:36Oh, how was school?
11:39It was cool.
11:40What did you learn?
11:43What did I learn?
11:44You might have learned
11:47shapes or blocks
11:49or clocks
11:50or colors
11:51or you might have learned
11:53that we're all
11:55sisters and brothers.
11:57I have herpes.
12:00I used to think
12:01that she was the one
12:02or at least
12:03a the one
12:06and if I called
12:07that one so wrong.
12:11Herpes,
12:12like all STDs,
12:13is a consequence
12:14of sex.
12:15Can anyone else
12:15name any other consequences?
12:17It feels unbelievable.
12:19Okay, I guess
12:20I'm going to make
12:20a prose column.
12:23Feels unbelievable.
12:25Okay.
12:26The ability
12:27to express love physically,
12:29it's a magical thing.
12:32Express love,
12:33magical.
12:34It feels amazing.
12:36Okay,
12:37is that different
12:38from feels unbelievable?
12:39Yes.
12:41Then I will write it down.
12:42the feeling
12:44of pure risk.
12:45Create a head
12:46that in the cons column,
12:48but it's thrilling.
12:50Okay.
12:51Um,
12:52then
12:53we'll move
12:54that thrill
12:55of risk.
12:57Andy,
12:57aren't there also
12:58negatives to sex?
12:59Yes,
13:00thank you.
13:01Such as?
13:02Unplanned pregnancy?
13:03Yes,
13:04unplanned pregnancy.
13:05Like Jim and Pam,
13:06what?
13:07Hey,
13:07just admit that
13:08your baby was a mistake.
13:10Hey, hey, hey,
13:10our baby was not a mistake.
13:13She was a surprise.
13:15Good.
13:15I'm sure they don't regret
13:16having that child.
13:18Let's move it to the pros.
13:19Thank you.
13:19Okay.
13:20Unplanned pregnancy.
13:21Going in the pros column.
13:25Next up is Helene.
13:27You're going to want
13:28to make a left
13:28on Willow,
13:29which is a little ways away.
13:31I'll remind you.
13:32You know,
13:32I don't know
13:33if I trust Jan's judgment.
13:35She...
13:35Jan knows paper.
13:36No,
13:36not paper.
13:38Relationships.
13:38to have the ability
13:39to point out
13:40if a man is making
13:42a bigger deal out of something
13:43than is really there.
13:44Wait,
13:44what Holly said?
13:45Yes.
13:45I don't think...
13:46Forget it, Michael.
13:47Today is about herpes.
13:49I know.
13:49Okay?
13:49Who gave it to you?
13:50Who has it?
13:51Right.
13:52And who is going to pay?
13:53Okay.
13:53I know.
13:54Answer your question about Jan.
13:55No.
13:55Jan is insane.
13:57Why do you think I...
13:57Left Willow now!
13:58All right!
13:59God!
14:01Hi, stranger.
14:04Long time.
14:05Who are you?
14:06I'm Michael.
14:07We dated for a while.
14:09I don't think so.
14:10Michael?
14:14Oh, hey!
14:16Dwight?
14:16Would you take my grandmother
14:18for a walk
14:19while I talk to the real Helene?
14:20Come on, old lady.
14:21Let's go.
14:22What is happening?
14:23Shh, shh, shh, shh.
14:23Come on.
14:24Who can tell me
14:25the safest form of safe sex?
14:28Condoms.
14:29Incorrect.
14:29The only true form
14:30of safe sex?
14:32Okay.
14:34Abstinence.
14:34Oh, I didn't realize
14:36we were doing
14:36trick questions.
14:38What's the safest way
14:39to go skiing?
14:40Don't ski.
14:42Huh?
14:44I just thought
14:44I'd bring it up
14:45in case someone here
14:46was practicing abstinence.
14:48That's all.
14:48Anybody?
14:49Andy, that's way
14:50too personal
14:50of a question.
14:51Well, someone could answer
14:52it if they wanted to.
14:56Okay.
14:57In that case,
14:58I will now show you
15:00how to put this condom on
15:01using this pencil.
15:05Oh, God.
15:06What?
15:07Why would you choose
15:08a pencil, Andy?
15:09Well, I'm not going
15:09to use my penis, Oscar.
15:10It's not exactly hard
15:11right now anyway.
15:12Come on.
15:13Give it a rest, pencil d***.
15:14I'm doing this
15:15for you, Meredith.
15:16I didn't want it.
15:17Well, did you?
15:18Why?
15:19Didn't...
15:20Because no one
15:20would appreciate
15:21what I'm doing right now.
15:24Whoa!
15:26It'll go away in time.
15:28Just don't touch it.
15:29Did I make more
15:30of what we had
15:32than was really there?
15:33What did you think
15:34we were?
15:34Just a quirky,
15:36indie movie,
15:38weird sort of thing.
15:39Breaking all the rules,
15:41but had to end
15:42because if somewhere
15:43was over for you.
15:45I think that
15:46for you to have come here
15:48even expecting
15:50that we could have
15:51a conversation like this
15:52shows how self-deluded
15:55you are, Michael.
15:56Your memory
15:58has failed you greatly.
16:01Jerk.
16:15Michael.
16:18So this is a chef's kitchen,
16:20which makes it perfect
16:21for real entertainers.
16:23Real entertainer
16:24like Billy Joel.
16:26Michael.
16:26Carol.
16:27How are you?
16:28I'm great.
16:29How are you?
16:30I'm great.
16:30I saw your sign outside
16:32and I decided
16:33I'm going to pull in
16:34and maybe I'm going
16:35to buy a house from her.
16:36You didn't call my office
16:38and ask them where I was?
16:39No.
16:40No?
16:41Because the receptionist
16:42told me that a man called
16:43but he would only say
16:44that he was my ex-lover.
16:46Weird.
16:46Yeah.
16:47Sounds like a nice guy.
16:48I don't know.
16:49I mean, people were being
16:50really mean to Meredith.
16:52Well, this wasn't really
16:53about Meredith, was it?
16:55You and Aaron were broken up.
16:56How is that relevant
16:57to anything?
16:58I asked you
16:59if it was okay
17:00if I asked her out.
17:01You said,
17:02and I quote,
17:03my good sir,
17:04nothing would make me happier
17:06than to hand you
17:07the hand of the hand
17:08once in my hand.
17:09I specifically remembered it
17:10because you said it
17:11in such a weird way.
17:12Well, the only reason
17:13I said that
17:13is because you asked
17:14me so politely
17:15and it was very difficult
17:16for me to say no.
17:19I'll let this slide.
17:21But I expect you
17:22to put this whole
17:23Aaron thing behind you.
17:25Oh, wow.
17:26Another living room.
17:27It's a family room.
17:28You put the TV there.
17:30You put your family here.
17:32Michael, why are you here?
17:35Somebody told me
17:36that I romanticize
17:38relationships.
17:40You know,
17:41we all do that.
17:42I have herpes.
17:45What?
17:46Did you have that
17:47while we were together?
17:48I just found out today.
17:50It's right there.
17:52Oh.
17:53Oh, that's what
17:54you're talking about?
17:54Mm-hmm.
17:55I'm sorry.
17:56Did you have a doctor
17:57check it out?
17:57I'm between specialists
17:58right now.
18:00Yes.
18:01Yes, Michael.
18:02Actually, you do make
18:04a bigger deal
18:05out of things
18:06than you need to.
18:07You proposed to me
18:08on our fourth date.
18:10Well, I believe
18:10in love at first sight.
18:12Well, so do I,
18:13but we didn't love
18:14each other at first either.
18:16I don't know
18:16what you were thinking.
18:19I know what I was thinking
18:20at the time,
18:21but right now
18:21it just seems ridiculous.
18:23Excuse me.
18:26Someone died
18:26in the upstairs bathroom,
18:27didn't they?
18:28Okay.
18:28No.
18:31We should schedule meetings
18:34because the days
18:35can slip away
18:35with chit-chat.
18:37Are you crying?
18:39No, I'm just sweating.
18:41I don't know
18:41what's got you upset,
18:43but my advice is
18:44to stop crying.
18:45I'm not crying.
18:46I'm just sweating.
18:47Look, you need
18:48to pick yourself up.
18:49Man up, all right?
18:52You will win this
18:53in the end.
18:54It's all about
18:55heart
18:56and character.
18:58be your best self.
19:02Okay.
19:03Yeah.
19:04I have no idea
19:05what this problem is.
19:06It's just my standard advice.
19:07It's good advice, right?
19:09This is Holly Flax.
19:10I can't come
19:11to the phone right now,
19:12but please leave a message
19:13at the sound
19:13of the tiny truck
19:14backing up.
19:17Hi, Holly.
19:17It's Michael.
19:19I just wanted to call
19:20and let you know
19:21that I was thinking
19:22about what you said.
19:24It's just,
19:25you know,
19:27it's weird.
19:28Today,
19:29I ended up seeing
19:31a lot of the women
19:32that I used to date
19:34and in my mind,
19:35they were all great.
19:37And then when I actually
19:38saw them,
19:39it was mostly
19:40a freak show.
19:42And you and me,
19:43that must have been
19:44a real train wreck.
19:47You know what?
19:50Holly,
19:51you're wrong.
19:54You are wrong.
19:56I remember
19:57every second of us
19:58and talking to you today.
20:01I don't feel
20:03for them anything
20:04like what I feel
20:05for you.
20:06It,
20:08I didn't joke
20:09with any of them.
20:10I joked with you.
20:12You were the only one
20:14who was actually
20:15happy to hear from me.
20:16And I don't know
20:17why you downgraded
20:18what we had,
20:19but I did not
20:21make us up.
20:23Okay.
20:24Oh,
20:25and you might,
20:26you should talk
20:27to a doctor
20:27because you might
20:28have herpes.
20:29Bye.
20:36What is this about?
20:38Oscar,
20:39we once
20:39sucked face
20:41in public
20:41as part of
20:42an office presentation
20:43to destroy
20:45the stigma
20:46about gay kissing.
20:48Do you recall?
20:49Yes.
20:49You may have given me
20:50a sexually transmitted disease.
20:53What?
20:53Herpes duplex.
20:55It's probably
20:55just an ingrown mustache here,
20:57but we have to be exhaustive.
20:58I've already contacted
20:59all of my ex-lovers
21:00except for you.
21:01We were never lovers.
21:03I'm going to need a list
21:03of every man
21:04you've ever had sex with.
21:05I'm talking train stations,
21:07men's rooms.
21:08Flower shops,
21:09fireworks celebrations.
21:11Fence with a hole in it.
21:12Moonlit gondola,
21:13carriage ride
21:14through Central Park.
21:15The woods behind
21:16the liquor store,
21:16the swamp behind
21:17the old folks' home.
21:18Electric car dealership.
21:20The Democratic primary.
21:21Oscar,
21:22think of,
21:22think.
21:23Think.
21:25Think.
21:27Think.
21:28Think.
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