- 1 day ago
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01:00I was just kind of passing through the area and Jimmy said if I was, I was to come in
01:04and practice my interviewing techniques on you.
01:07You okay with that?
01:08Yeah.
01:09Great.
01:09Love it.
01:10That was unexpected.
01:12He's like the most unintentionally funny human being in the world probably, I think.
01:17Okay.
01:18We'll get started then.
01:19Um, who should we get first?
01:21David.
01:23Up you come.
01:25Have a seat.
01:26Sit down.
01:26Thank you very much.
01:28Okay, Dave, we'll get straight to it.
01:29First question.
01:30Do you like crisps?
01:32Uh, they're all right.
01:33Yes.
01:34Ready, salted only.
01:35Yeah.
01:35Any particular flavour?
01:37I said ready, salted only.
01:38Okay.
01:39Obviously it's a competitive market.
01:41So, could you suggest a new flavour of crisps?
01:44Sam Campbell will have no idea who he is.
01:48Who's this guy?
01:49Is this a thing?
01:50And why has he got so much lemon juice in his hair?
01:52This is going to be Richard Madeley.
01:55Okay, I mean, I have to...
01:56He's married to Judy Finnegan.
01:58Yeah, but I'm looking for a new man.
01:59If you have to listen to the...
02:00Neddy's to do a show called Richard and Judy.
02:03Do you want to hear my idea for a new flavour?
02:05Yes, please.
02:06Tuna fish casserole.
02:08Oh.
02:08Yeah.
02:09Complex flavours.
02:10David, it's been wonderful talking to you.
02:12You may return to your seat.
02:13Thank you very much.
02:13Thank you very much indeed.
02:15Wow.
02:16Sam Campbell.
02:17Would you please step up for the podium?
02:18Go on, Sam.
02:20Go on, Sam.
02:22Ah, Sam, you're Australian, right?
02:24Yeah.
02:24Okay, do you even know who I am?
02:29Let's cut to the chase, Sam.
02:31What was the last thing you asked ChatGPT?
02:33I don't really use it.
02:34Good for you.
02:35Okay.
02:35It's talking to a soulless robot, isn't it?
02:37I don't feel like that at all.
02:38You're a great guy.
02:44Alan?
02:44Alan?
02:45By the way, you make me wish I had six nostrils.
02:47Your scent is lighting it up, dude.
02:50Sam, you've been great.
02:51You can return from when she came.
02:52Oh, thanks so much.
02:52It's an honour to meet you.
02:53Seriously.
02:54Great to talk to you, man.
02:55That was wonderful.
02:56Yeah.
02:57Off you go.
02:57That means you could.
02:58No, I really appreciate it.
02:59I enjoy being interviewed by Richard Maidley.
03:02He's not someone that I sort of know.
03:04I've definitely seen a poster of him or a picture or maybe even on a bookmark, honestly.
03:09Like, he has...
03:10I have seen a picture of him.
03:13Bemi, would you come up, please, and have a chat?
03:16Go on, Bemi.
03:19I'm such a fan.
03:20Good to see you.
03:21I'll have to stick with that hand, I'm afraid.
03:22I'm just such a fan, yeah.
03:22Yeah.
03:23Bit of a repetitive strain and injury in that one.
03:25Whatever you do in your bedroom, it's your business.
03:27Yes, well, quite.
03:29You've won two BAFTAs, haven't you?
03:31Two, yes.
03:31Two BAFTAs.
03:32That's amazing.
03:33Congratulations.
03:35Do you want to have a guess how many BAFTAs I've won?
03:38Yeah, that's right.
03:40Absolutely zero.
03:42Zero BAFTAs for the Maidley.
03:44The Maidley?
03:45You just call yourself the Maidley.
03:47What's he doing?
03:48Having not won one.
03:50Yeah.
03:50Or even held one.
03:52Yeah.
03:52If you had to compare the weight of your BAFTA to something, what would it be like?
03:56Maybe a small owl?
04:02Um, maybe.
04:03Oh, OK.
04:04Yeah.
04:04Your eyes are amazing.
04:06I'm getting lost in them.
04:09Jimmy, he's not not fit.
04:12Romesh, would you please step up?
04:17Nice to see you.
04:17Hi, nice to see you.
04:18We last met on Red Nose there, I think.
04:20We did, yeah, it was good.
04:21You've got three children, haven't you?
04:22Yeah.
04:23Any tips for conceiving?
04:25Um, let your wife spend a lot of time with her personal trainer.
04:32The reason I ask is that when Judy and I were trying to conceive a few years ago,
04:36I used to douse my balls in icy water beforehand.
04:43Right.
04:44Apparently it ups the sperm count.
04:45Right.
04:46Yeah.
04:46Oh, it's agonising.
04:47But, so hold on, are you dropping that into a cup or how are you doing that?
04:51Oh, you're up in a bucket.
04:52Put several, you know, tray loads of ice in.
04:55In.
04:56Count to 50.
04:57Yep.
04:58Out.
04:59Go.
05:00So what, are you squatting over into a bucket of icy water?
05:03You're squatting, well, you're dropping.
05:06Does that not give Judy the ick a little bit?
05:08Uh, well, I did that in the bathroom and then I...
05:10And then you come out.
05:11...came out.
05:12Yeah.
05:12Nicely chilled, with fast-swing sperm.
05:15So I just thought I'd pass it on if you wanted to.
05:16Oh, thanks.
05:17I don't want any more children, actually.
05:18But thankfully I can just let the marriage take its natural course.
05:21All right, Romish, well, thank you very much for your time and good luck with your marital sex life.
05:25It's been very good talk.
05:25Thank you very much.
05:26Thank you for your time.
05:27I mean, Richard made the, you know, broadcasting legend.
05:30The thing that I didn't want was the image of him squatting to lower his testicles into a bucket of
05:34ice water.
05:35And his testicles are just dangling separately to the rest of his body and then he just dips, it submerges,
05:40and then lifts, and then submerges.
05:43I'm thinking of it now.
05:44Alan Carr.
05:45Oh.
05:46Fellow master interviewer.
05:48Hello.
05:49Do you come up.
05:50Oh, wonderful.
05:51Great to see you again.
05:52Um, Alan, I want to play a game of word association.
05:55Fantastic.
05:55With you, go.
05:57Chips.
05:57Onion.
05:59Beetroot.
06:00Hair.
06:02Weave.
06:03Banana.
06:04Loom.
06:05Onion.
06:06Taj Mahal.
06:07India.
06:11Milton Keynes.
06:12Banana again.
06:14Roller skate.
06:16Pork sausage.
06:18Knife.
06:19Innuendo.
06:21Cheeky.
06:22Thrust.
06:24Open.
06:25Went.
06:26Right.
06:27Yes.
06:28Up.
06:28Over.
06:29My.
06:29Your.
06:30Arse.
06:31Yes.
06:35I think they're going to kiss.
06:36David.
06:38Thank you very much.
06:43That is tough.
06:44That is really tough.
06:45Guys, it's been great seeing you all.
06:47I've only paid for 15 minutes barking, so I've got to go before I get a ticket.
06:51Thank you very much indeed.
06:52Take care.
06:52Richard Maidley.
06:54Legend.
06:55Maidley.
06:58The smell.
07:00He was doing some dangerous stuff.
07:02The smell on Maidley.
07:04I want to see if he's lingered.
07:09Guys, I've got his chair with the smell in.
07:12Wow, Mal.
07:14If anyone wants to smell.
07:16Let's see if I can smell.
07:17Not there.
07:20We're in the third hour, still no red cards.
07:23Unprecedented.
07:24He did smell incredible.
07:25Yeah.
07:26Oh, I think, I think all over.
07:28Do you think?
07:29Really?
07:30You think in the morning he goes,
07:34Oh, you think he's doing the...
07:35One, two, three, four, nipple, nipple.
07:37Is that what we do?
07:39Front door.
07:39Front door.
07:40One, two, three, four, nipple, nipple, front door.
07:43Front door.
07:43Yeah.
07:43He's front door-ing, definitely.
07:45I just go, uh-uh.
07:48That's it, really.
07:49You've got squirty cream.
07:53Ha!
07:55Ha!
07:58If you could summon up, Sam,
08:00you had the power, summon up 50 ducks, yeah?
08:0450?
08:04Ducks.
08:05Oh, okay, yes.
08:06When would you...
08:07But you can only...
08:07When would you use it?
08:09You can only use it once.
08:12Oh, I really like that.
08:14Okay, so when would I summon up 50 ducks?
08:1750 ducks, yeah.
08:17To propose to someone as part of that.
08:20Nice.
08:20Yeah.
08:21So it's a will you marry me sort of.
08:23Well, is that unfair?
08:25To be like,
08:26is she marrying me for me or me for me ducks?
08:29Me for my 50 ducks?
08:31And what if she says no?
08:32Yeah.
08:33We've used the duck moment.
08:35Oh, God, I wasted my duck summon.
08:38Well, what about you, Amy?
08:40Uh, Christmas shopping.
08:42Where it's all busy.
08:43I'd go, 50 ducks.
08:45Bam.
08:46Oh.
08:46The aisle's clear.
08:47I mean, it's full of ducks.
08:49So maybe that doesn't work.
08:51When would you use the ducks, Bob?
08:55Maybe...
08:57At the dentist?
09:00Just before the needle?
09:0350 ducks.
09:04Don't you need this guy to concentrate?
09:08You're right.
09:09Yeah.
09:10But it would be a moment.
09:11That's like almost like you said,
09:12when's the worst time you should do it?
09:14In the...
09:15You're right.
09:15I think dentists...
09:16How do you do it?
09:16How do you summon them, by the way?
09:18Oh, yeah.
09:20Ducks.
09:22Oh, ducks!
09:25I don't know.
09:27Something like that.
09:30Wide to the side.
09:32Ducks!
09:33It's just...
09:33That's how you do it.
09:35Ducks!
09:36The duck summoner.
09:37Amy Gledhill is the duck summoner.
09:39Coming this far.
09:40Sam Campbell as 50 ducks.
09:42As 50 ducks.
09:43I play the 50 ducks.
09:44Yeah.
09:45I'd love to see that.
09:47Yeah, I'll come in as all the ducks.
09:49Mm-hmm.
09:53I think the quack, Sam.
10:03Sam Campbell looks like he has spiritually locked his face.
10:06I think Sam Campbell has actually got the screensaver on his face.
10:11Hey, do you find it amusing...
10:13I thought you were about to sing, hey, Jude.
10:14..when that company, a proprietary brand of famous chicken outlets...
10:19The one with the colonel.
10:20Exactly.
10:21They used to have all of their chicken in the UK
10:24delivered by one delivery firm,
10:26and then some idiot in the management of the company
10:30decided to put it out to tender,
10:32and some other firm said,
10:34no, we can undercut them for the delivery of the chicken.
10:37And they said, great, we'll go for that.
10:39And within two days of them changing firms,
10:42half their branches in the country
10:44had had to close due to lack of chicken.
10:47And it just makes me laugh so much
10:50at the thought about this other firm
10:52that have agreed this contract,
10:53they're taking this money,
10:54and then they just can't believe how many chickens
10:56they have to get to different places.
10:59That's what you get from trying to cut costs.
11:01And the first firm, they knew what they were doing.
11:04It's difficult.
11:04Imagine it, getting to thousands of chickens.
11:07You need another thousand chickens,
11:08another 700 chickens in Nottingham.
11:12This is classic Mitchell.
11:14600 chickens in Loughborough.
11:16I've only got 50 docks over here.
11:18Fucking hell.
11:19300 chickens in Kent.
11:20Quick, now, more chickens.
11:22They're eating the chicken.
11:23Get the chicken there now.
11:24Chicken, chicken, chicken.
11:25And this firm's thinking,
11:26what, another fucking chicken?
11:30He's going to have a heart attack one day,
11:32you know, surely.
11:34Not another chicken,
11:35another 700 chickens immediately.
11:40Doesn't bear thinking about, does it?
11:46I'm sorry to have put it in your mind.
11:55Do you consider yourself an adrenaline junkie?
11:58Definitely.
11:59Theme parks, roller coasters, fast cars?
12:01Yeah, yeah, yeah.
12:02Monster trucks?
12:04Not really monster trucks.
12:06You've seen them, though?
12:07Yeah.
12:07I like a float, you know,
12:09when you just stand on the back of a lorry.
12:11Oh, yeah.
12:16The fruit machine is once again available for inspiration.
12:20Please pull the lever.
12:28Worst pet peeve.
12:30Pet peeve?
12:31Is these, like, bad habits?
12:33Yeah, or things that just annoy you generally?
12:34My doctor's surgery has put a really annoying song
12:40on their caller waiting.
12:42What is it?
12:43I can't remember, but it's annoying.
12:45That's not normally how anecdotes work.
12:46Yeah.
12:50That's not normally how anecdotes work.
12:53Can you not do, like, an approximate sort of...
12:56Yeah, yeah.
12:56It's a bit like this.
12:58Yeah.
12:59I don't want to, you know...
13:00Well, my pet peeve is when people set up an anecdote
13:02and don't finish it.
13:07I don't like those people in the street asking you for money.
13:10I know you're not meant to say that, but, you know,
13:11when they lie, hello, cheeky chops,
13:13want to talk about leprosy?
13:15Al, do you live in 1932?
13:18Yes.
13:19Who are these people?
13:20Sorry.
13:20The people who want you to sign up for a charity.
13:23Chuggers.
13:23Oh, right, right.
13:24They're called chuggers, charity muggers,
13:26but I call them chunts.
13:40Do you like pickleball?
13:42Are you sporty?
13:44You clearly don't know who I am.
13:46You asked me before if I'm into monster trucks.
13:50I'm just trying to find out what you're into, Alan.
13:53That's a laugh.
13:54Yeah, you're right.
14:01I'm just about to insult you two.
14:04We're getting strict at this stage
14:05because they're all doing incredibly well,
14:07but that was definitely a laugh.
14:09Doors?
14:10If so, good on you.
14:11Hi, everyone.
14:13We've had a laugh.
14:15Do you want to see?
14:16It's me, it's me, it's me.
14:18Are you sporty?
14:19You clearly don't know who I am.
14:21You asked me before if I'm into monster trucks.
14:26I'm just trying to find out what you're into, Alan.
14:29That's very funny.
14:34Oh, Ames.
14:35Oh, no.
14:38Alan, he's so cheeky.
14:40It's the twinkle in the eyes that gets you.
14:42We're getting strict now.
14:43You're all playing brilliantly, but we're getting quite strict.
14:45That yellow totally deserved, and I'm surprised I lasted that long.
14:48I'm going to go and restart the game.
14:50OK.
14:50Doors!
14:52So, Alan tries to tip Sam over the edge,
14:55but Amy gets caught in the crossfire.
14:57It's a yellow for Gledhill.
15:00We've got five yellow cards.
15:02This is good.
15:03Let's restart the game.
15:05Oh, hello.
15:06Here we go.
15:06Right.
15:11Where do you stand on quad bikes?
15:19Do you remember MTV Cribs?
15:21You showed that.
15:22Yeah.
15:22Well, I did MTV Cribs with Derek Okora.
15:26And we were in Cribs,
15:28as in, like, a place under a church where they keep their dead bodies.
15:31So, it was a pun on MTV Cribs.
15:33Yeah.
15:33The thing is, he was struggling with the autocue,
15:36which was,
15:36Hi, I'm Derek Okora.
15:37Welcome to MTV Cribs.
15:38But then he would go,
15:41You're all right, darling.
15:42Don't worry.
15:43Don't worry.
15:44We're filming a show.
15:44It's all right.
15:45She's crying over there.
15:47She's a Victorian woman.
15:48He struggled with the,
15:49Hi, I'm Derek Okora bit,
15:51but he was having a conversation.
15:53Alan Carr was the one that I feared most.
15:56There's a vibe or something that just makes me want to laugh.
15:59Did you do the Cribs thing, Alan,
16:01because you believe in that sort of stuff?
16:03No, yeah, I'm interested in things like that.
16:05But, yeah, it was interesting.
16:06Did you find any of it genuine?
16:08No.
16:08Nothing at all?
16:09He's a charlatan, isn't he?
16:11Well, you saw him when the spirit guy spoke to Tupin Carmoon
16:14and he had a Scouse accent.
16:15Hello, I'm Tupin Carmoon.
16:17I died all those years ago.
16:19You do the math.
16:21Does that sound like Tupin Carmoon to you?
16:23Does it?
16:25Great.
16:25I like Derek.
16:26I'm here with Nefertiti.
16:29I smell a rat, Bob.
16:33Poor Alan.
16:34I think lots of people are avoiding him
16:35because they knew they'd laugh if they spoke to him.
16:50Bob's got the laptop.
16:52That means he's got some songs for some people.
16:54Oh, yes, please.
16:55I thought it was a sandwich.
16:56Oh, no.
16:57Oh, he's got his laptop.
16:59Oh, no.
17:01Bob, don't do it.
17:04Anyone want a song?
17:05No.
17:05No.
17:07I'll have a song, Diane.
17:08Will you have a song, Diane?
17:09Yeah, I'd love a song.
17:11No.
17:15Oh, I already wish I hadn't said yes.
17:19I mean, I did ask for the songs.
17:21I don't know why I did that.
17:22I just felt like, because I'm a big fan, I just wanted the songs.
17:26Diane's on a yellow.
17:28Here we go.
17:30Dan, would you like a song about dental nurses?
17:33I used to be a dental nurse.
17:35I wasn't trained, I just learnt on the job.
17:38You could back then.
17:39They only got me because I fit the uniform.
17:49Dental nurses will never be the boss.
17:52They sterilise the needles and teach you how to floss.
17:57Dental nurses hand over the tools,
18:01top up the mouthwash and mix the fucking glues.
18:04Lunch and meat is lovely, but it's full of fucking fat.
18:08Kale is much more healthy, but it tastes of underpants.
18:12Tin dot dog's a good value, but the nutrients are low.
18:16On Sunday, I will kill again, this time in Middlesbrough.
18:20Yes.
18:25That was great, that was lovely.
18:27Do you want another one?
18:28Yeah, go on, do another.
18:32Oh, God, this is...
18:34This is going to be worse, isn't it?
18:36You can tell.
18:40You ready?
18:43You're a nutjob, you're in bags, you've got a cobbler's head in a hole beneath your shed.
18:51I don't know how many times, Dan, I've caught you hiding onion rings under me horses,
18:57painting zips on me pigs.
19:01And I've seen you outside Costco when I wouldn't let you in, because how much you stank.
19:05You're a chin strap, you're a mouse hat, you once went to Leeds and drank a pint of bees.
19:14You're a bog roll, you're a wingnut.
19:17You once threw a snake at Paloma Faith's face.
19:21You're a pork chop, you're a job lot.
19:24You once slaughtered an eel on Alan Shearer's fields.
19:31Thank you for receiving those songs.
19:34Well done, Bob.
19:37Oh, God, he's so good.
19:41That was hard.
19:42Yeah, that was hard.
19:43The first song, I thought, I can cope with this.
19:46And then the second one, I had to move away from him.
19:52What did you say about Paloma Faith's face?
19:54Something about her face.
19:55You once threw a snake at Paloma.
19:57Faith's face.
19:58Faith's face.
19:59Is it based on a true story?
20:01No, it's not.
20:02Oh.
20:03It was a pigeon.
20:06Mmm.
20:06Okay.
20:08I'm going to get another Joker.
20:09Ooh!
20:10I'm thinking Alan.
20:12Yes, please.
20:14I know.
20:15Oh, shall I get it?
20:17Shall I?
20:18Go on.
20:18Yeah, you go on.
20:21Hello, last one laughing.
20:22Oh, hi, can I get Alan Carr to do his Joker, please?
20:25Sure thing.
20:27Bye-bye.
20:27Love you, bye.
20:29Al, could you please do your Joker?
20:32Oh, no.
20:34Okay.
20:35Go, Al.
20:37Oh!
20:38So we've got five comics on a yellow card,
20:40and Alan's Joker.
20:42Great.
20:43Oh, hang on.
20:44He goes alone.
20:46Here we go.
20:47I'm looking forward to this.
20:48This is going to be good, isn't it?
20:50All right, let's see what he's brought.
20:52Come on, Alan.
20:53Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, it's game show time,
20:58so please welcome, Mr. Game Show himself, Alan Carr.
21:05Holy shit.
21:07Hello, and welcome to my brand new game show,
21:10Concentration, or Constipation.
21:16Cue the music.
21:22Concentration, or constipation, it's up to you.
21:25To find the clue, is Alan's poo long overdue?
21:30Or is it concentration?
21:32Or is it concentration?
21:39And the rules of constipation or concentration could not be simpler.
21:44I'll be presenting to you a series of scenarios.
21:47You've got to see, am I constipated, or am I concentrating?
21:52Okay?
21:52Yeah.
21:53Please welcome my glamorous assistant, Pat.
21:56Pat Noodle.
21:57Please come out.
21:58She'll be passing out your paddles now.
22:01Oh, wow.
22:03Look at lovely Pat.
22:04It's a play on Pot Noodle,
22:06but obviously you won't want to pour boiling water over Pat.
22:08She's already tasty as it is.
22:11Wow.
22:12Thanks, Pat Noodle.
22:13You might have seen her from the 1990s reboot of The Price is Right.
22:19Jimmy Tarbuck's How Fucking Much.
22:24Well, I suppose you want to know what you're playing for.
22:27Yes, Alan.
22:30Sausage.
22:32The winner, and this is an Alan Carr promise,
22:36I will make whatever sausage you want.
22:39Cipollata.
22:40Cumberland.
22:41The ring ones.
22:41I can do that, but you've got to win, though, okay?
22:44So remember, concentration or constipation.
22:48What am I doing?
22:49This is the first scenario, okay?
22:54Concentration or constipation.
22:58Okay.
23:11Concentration or constipation?
23:15Constipation, constipation.
23:17Bob, concentration.
23:18It's actually concentration.
23:21Wow, well done, Bob.
23:24I was opening up a pack of laundry tablets and we've all been there, haven't we?
23:30Oh, yeah.
23:31Right.
23:32Next scenario.
23:33Am I constipated or am I concentrating?
23:38He's forgotten how to pronounce constipated.
23:59So am I concentrating or constipating?
24:03What am I doing?
24:04Okay, constipation.
24:06Concentration, David.
24:08Concentration.
24:08Even Bob again.
24:09Well, let me reveal the scenario.
24:11It was constipation.
24:13Oh, constipation.
24:15Wow.
24:16What was that?
24:17I had gone to Alan Titchmarsh's summer party where he serves hardboard eggs done six ways
24:24and we all got bunged up and I had to manually evacuate Claire Balding with one of his trowels.
24:34It's a good game, isn't it?
24:36We're trying to get some of the Only Connect audience, you know.
24:39They would love this.
24:40Yeah.
24:42Okay.
24:43Concentration or constipation?
24:53I think he's coming.
24:59I think he's coming.
25:15I was constipated and concentrating.
25:18I was on the toilet doing a word search but I'd eaten some unripe bananas wrapped in processed meat
25:25and washed it down with an Imodium smoothie.
25:28Ah.
25:31And can I just tell you, this word search was hard.
25:34I nearly prolapsed trying to find Thomas Schaffernacher.
25:40So, who is the winner, you ask?
25:43I think actually it's Ramesh.
25:46Ramesh, well done.
25:47Come over here.
25:48Come on then, Pat, my love.
25:50You're going to help me.
25:51What kind of sausage?
25:53What kind of sausage would you like?
25:55You are a vegan so you don't touch the meat.
25:57What kind of sausage would you like?
25:58It's like a stroke.
25:59Wow.
26:03A noodle.
26:12It's a lot of sausage.
26:13Alan's going to make himself go.
26:17That was really nice.
26:19It's like a robot that can shit.
26:21Yeah.
26:24Would you like this sausage?
26:29Romesh, take the sausage.
26:30Take the sausage, please.
26:31Oh, there you go.
26:33That's you.
26:34That's safe.
26:35You're leaving with that sausage.
26:36Can I just say thank you, everyone, for watching Concentration or Constipation?
26:41Thank you so much.
26:44Pat Noodle.
26:45Please, Pat.
26:46Give us...
26:48Just stay there, Pat.
26:50Just stay there, Pat.
26:51Just stay there, Pat.
26:53You okay, boss?
26:57You good?
26:57Yeah.
27:00I think so.
27:02I think you are, aren't you?
27:08I think so.
27:09Oh, my dad.
27:09That's a bit.
27:10I'm just telling you about the scars.
27:12Oh, wow.
27:16Oh, wow.
27:17The thing is, I have hosted shows like that for real, so, I mean, it was a bit weird for
27:22me, because I have actually done...
27:24That was strong.
27:24Also, can I just say...
27:26Oh, hello.
27:28Hello.
27:29What?
27:29Was it me with the machine when it came out?
27:33Get him, Jimmy.
27:34This makes a lovely cheese board for us all to keep.
27:37I'm going to put mine...
27:37Yeah, thanks for the gifts, Sam.
27:38And it's good, because it reminds you, doesn't it, what cheese can do?
27:42Yeah, doors.
27:43Oh, here he is.
27:44Doors.
27:45Hello.
27:46Such a purposeful walk, isn't it?
27:48Okay.
27:49Stand by your beds.
27:51Amazon have asked me to say that that is their format now.
27:54Great.
27:55Okay.
27:55Yeah.
27:55Can Pat Noodle come too?
27:57Oh, yeah.
27:58Pat Noodle's...
27:58Actually, they want to do it without you and just her.
28:01She was extraordinary.
28:03What was the show she did with Jimmy Tarbuck?
28:05Jimmy Tarbuck's How Fucking Much.
28:11Okay.
28:12We've had an incident.
28:14We've had some laughter in the room.
28:15Oh.
28:16And, well, I'll show you.
28:18Can I just tell you, this word search was hard.
28:21I nearly prolapsed trying to find Thomas Schaffernacher.
28:29Sal!
28:30Oh, yes!
28:31Oh, yes!
28:33The set is so nice.
28:34You're powerful, but nothing's tougher than that.
28:37I mean...
28:37That was hard.
28:38You did very, very well.
28:39As soon as it opened and I just saw the set, I thought,
28:43I'm in trouble here.
28:44Alan could have come on in the jacket and just gone,
28:46Schaffernacher.
28:48And I probably would have laughed.
28:49Shit.
28:51While I've got you,
28:53there's another one.
28:55Oh.
28:59Say it ain't so.
29:05Okie-dokie.
29:06Oh!
29:10If he had two straight eyes, he'd be driving a taxi.
29:18What is this house?
29:20I used to fancy the Jack of Clubs in the pack of cards.
29:23So I've got to give you a red card.
29:25Really?
29:26Okay, that's one for you.
29:27Hello.
29:27One for you.
29:28You'll come with me.
29:31We've all bitten down on his shoe when trying to curl one out.
30:31We're right back.
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