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Adult Best Friends [Full Movie] [Trending]Full EP - Full
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Short filmTranscript
00:00:05Captions by Red Bee Media
00:00:06No, I'll be leaving
00:00:22Something's happened to me
00:00:25If something's wrong, thank you
00:00:29I wonder what it is
00:00:31I am with my imagination
00:00:39That keeps on closing
00:00:43This new sensation
00:00:46What are you doing?
00:00:48Nothing
00:00:49Why are you in here?
00:00:52Maddie said the seventh grade boys are sneaking over for a kissing party
00:00:55I know, I'm so nervous
00:00:57Then don't do it, I'm calling my mom to pick me up
00:01:00You can't, Maddie said we all have to kiss them
00:01:02I don't want to kiss
00:01:03We're thong underpants
00:01:05I hate thong underpants
00:01:06But I'm worried if I wear normal underpants and no kissing stuff
00:01:09Then Maddie won't invite me to sleep over as anymore
00:01:14Well, you could sleep over at mine
00:01:17Tonight?
00:01:19Yeah, I mean we're not allowed to watch TV, which sucks
00:01:21But we could do braids
00:01:23And I have a trundle bed
00:01:24I love trundle beds
00:01:27Do you have a best friend?
00:01:29No
00:01:30You?
00:01:33No
00:01:35Take me down, down, down, down
00:01:37I don't know where to go
00:01:38I can't come out today
00:01:39I've been reading Katie's famous
00:01:41But I don't give a shit
00:01:43I've been trying my best to live within two weeks
00:01:47But I've got to see me what's wrong with my life
00:01:50I've got to be on my own
00:01:51Yeah, so that's the next feature
00:01:53You are going to be a doctor
00:01:56I don't want to be a doctor
00:02:04This is Katie's future
00:02:07You can marry me to Daniel
00:02:10Thank you
00:02:10Daniel
00:02:11Daniel
00:02:12Can you see me?
00:02:19Danny
00:02:20What are you calling?
00:02:22When I made it bad
00:02:24The gas tank was empty
00:02:27It always had that scrape
00:02:45okay read another post give me a hard one uh okay from seattle to savannah what a long strange
00:02:51trip it's been hashtag van life tom bryer how did you know that because tom bryer needs to get a
00:02:58job
00:02:58okay this one's hard okay here's to adulting forever with this one he put a ring on it
00:03:09singular exclamation sarah casper you're cheating i'm not cheating i'm that good
00:03:13she's engaged she's a child she's 32 years old sarah casper would throw it all away for like
00:03:22some random guy that was random they've been dating since college do you have any snacks
00:03:27do you know i eat dinner i have peanut butter and what a spoon oh my god let me make
00:03:33you something
00:03:33i'll just have sultene at home oh my god no i'll make you um make you a turkey burger i
00:03:38can put
00:03:38poblanos on top what's poblanos oh it's a giant mexican pepper it's actually our favorite pepper
00:03:47second only to the jalapeno you'll love it i promise it's really good i'm fine thank you
00:03:53well if you're not hungry maybe you want a joke that i heard today made me think you instantly okay
00:03:59this is very good okay so there there are two pigs in a pit of mud and and the wife
00:04:05pig uh turns to
00:04:07the husband and says no the husband says to the wife you're right you're right um the the husband
00:04:13pig says to the wife hey did you see farmer should we get going parties are at nine o'clock
00:04:18so
00:04:18oh you want to go to that yeah really my throat feels kind of weird i i feel like
00:04:25i don't know if i got everyone sick that i you don't feel warm no good no you feel cold
00:04:29do you not want to go it's a crazy to stay here i mean we have food here blankets here
00:04:36i'm comfortable
00:04:36you're comfortable you're comfortable we could watch a movie yeah but hey if katie doesn't want
00:04:39to go out delaney i'd love to go out with you please don't make me go alone i'm nervous and
00:04:45i'll get
00:04:45too fucked up no you will not like she doesn't even come out anymore because she's always with her
00:04:54boyfriend john i know i did that his name is john john john do you think she's okay right
00:05:08i'm gonna go i'm gonna go meet her i don't like him is that wrong to say you know like
00:05:13if you don't
00:05:13like your best friend's boyfriend it's the way he makes her if that makes sense i'll be pied
00:05:21oh you know what though my my contacts are already out
00:05:26that's like a whole thing only here she moves in with him kind of fast if you ask me
00:05:33but nobody asks me i'm gonna go meet her for a little
00:05:39okay
00:05:42john
00:05:44yes he's hot i get it i see it but he's boring
00:05:48occupied
00:05:50i think she's fine yeah i'll come have sex
00:05:59how do you have the patience well we actually had an agreement that if i set up his wi-fi
00:06:04he
00:06:04promised to wear boxers under his shorts during our pt sessions oh well that could be worth it
00:06:09it's a give and a take but uh this looks nice right yeah i like it in the shade it's
00:06:14good
00:06:15uh oh i don't suppose i could get you to call her back maybe
00:06:20she gets so anxious when she's hung over
00:06:22no she does i just um i just how was it
00:06:26no my uber is now 27 minutes away
00:06:29where are you i answered a 2 a.m text from this guy
00:06:33the drugger he got the more he talked about julia
00:06:37yeah not next just a female friend he's clearly in love with
00:06:42did she hook up
00:06:43yes he asked me to role play
00:06:45uh wow like be a cheerleader or something that's
00:06:48oh i wish
00:06:49more like
00:06:50we're best friends and i suddenly see him in a new light
00:06:53oh my god
00:06:54um i ordered pizza to my apartment what do you want
00:06:57oh that sounds good no john and i are doing a picnic
00:06:59do you want to come
00:07:01you know what no i'll i'll just try you later
00:07:03okay bye
00:07:04all right bye
00:07:07well she's fine but she met a new guy and
00:07:13oh my god
00:07:14it's okay
00:07:14no no no
00:07:15it's okay it's okay as long as i have your undivided attention now
00:07:20yeah
00:07:20yeah
00:07:22when i first moved here it took me a while to get adjusted
00:07:25yeah you were mugged like three times that first week
00:07:28all right well i thought everyone needed directions but then
00:07:32then i met you
00:07:33and you actually needed directions
00:07:35and i'm so
00:07:36so glad
00:07:39that i walked you into that coffee shop
00:07:41because you have made my life so much better
00:07:44than i ever thought that i deserved
00:07:48will you marry me
00:07:51yeah
00:07:55i hate the art katie left here it's so gross
00:07:58it's sentimental
00:07:59okay well i live here now and i like actual art
00:08:02let me just ask katie if she wants it before we throw it away
00:08:05where is katie i feel like she's usually here by now like
00:08:08complaining about some ugly house she can't sell
00:08:11she's doing a picnic with john
00:08:13like eating on the ground
00:08:15yeah i feel so bad for her
00:08:18you know it's like she misses the party last night
00:08:20and now she has to waste her entire sunday doing a picnic with her boyfriend
00:08:24can i say something
00:08:25i really don't buy john's whole i'm such a nice guy thing
00:08:28like you're a pervert
00:08:30you literally touch old ladies all day
00:08:32that's his job
00:08:34he's a physical therapist for old people
00:08:36katie would fall for a pervert
00:08:38i mean she's clueless
00:08:40remember that time she got you like a briefcase filled with old papers for your birthday
00:08:44those are my great-grandparents birth certificates
00:08:46why would you want that
00:08:48she likes thoughtful surprises
00:08:49she's exactly like my sister
00:08:51she's nothing like your sister
00:08:54mary had one kid and now she won't shut up about her pelvic floor
00:08:57yeah mary's the worst
00:08:58and her baby isn't even cute
00:09:01i can't imagine having a baby right now
00:09:02it's actually disgusting to have a baby
00:09:04or getting married
00:09:05kill me
00:09:07but we're pretty far from that
00:09:08we like you and me
00:09:10no me and katie
00:09:13delaney what
00:09:14you and katie are on totally different paths
00:09:16i mean katie lives with her boyfriend
00:09:19they're very serious
00:09:20and you literally still like
00:09:21fuck the first guy who shares a cigarette with you
00:09:28we love you
00:09:29thank you
00:09:30oh thank you
00:09:31we love you so much
00:09:32thank you
00:09:32we cannot wait to celebrate with you guys
00:09:35bye
00:09:37i love your family
00:09:38i love them
00:09:38didn't you see your sister was crying
00:09:40yeah no it's funny she's known for months
00:09:42how did i not find this ring
00:09:43oh the ring was in a box
00:09:45in a bin
00:09:46in an air vent
00:09:47in my office
00:09:47you would never find me
00:09:48that was never
00:09:49and how was delaney playing it
00:09:50so cool
00:09:51yeah no i didn't tell delaney
00:09:55what
00:09:57oh well i figured you wanted to tell her
00:09:59right
00:10:00yeah
00:10:00yeah
00:10:01so delaney has no idea
00:10:04no but we can call her
00:10:06right now maybe
00:10:06uh yeah
00:10:07um let's do
00:10:08let's call her later though
00:10:09because i think she's probably asleep
00:10:10no it's fine
00:10:11we'll just call her from my phone
00:10:12it'll be a big surprise
00:10:13i promise
00:10:13yeah
00:10:16hey
00:10:16hello
00:10:18you can just leave the pizza at the door
00:10:19and i'll grab it
00:10:20thank you
00:10:26does she not have my number safe
00:10:28no she does
00:10:29i think she does
00:10:31i thought you'd be pretty excited to tell her
00:10:33i am
00:10:36i really am
00:10:37i just
00:10:37i just wanna
00:10:39tell her later
00:10:40right
00:10:43i know
00:10:43um
00:10:45i'm not her favorite person
00:10:47that is not true don
00:10:48she loves you
00:10:48it's just that she has a hard time with change
00:10:50you know when she was younger
00:10:51her parents sold the family minivan
00:10:53and she asked if she could go visit it at its new house
00:10:57that's really sweet of her to want to check in on it
00:11:00and then remember when i told her i was moving out
00:11:04she didn't talk to me for like two weeks
00:11:08and whenever i passed her door she'd be muttering benedict arnold
00:11:11right but but this this is a good change
00:11:14i know and i'm so excited and i love you so much and i and i cannot wait to get
00:11:20married
00:11:21but i i just want to make sure i tell her in the just in the right way for her
00:11:27okay
00:11:30so let's parking lot the holiday campaign and dig into the meat and taters of our spring
00:11:34into content campaign so this campaign is it's going to be a big lift so we really need to stop
00:11:40the scroll we need some big ideas we need some blue sky ideas and like we just like really need
00:11:46everybody on this but i was kind of thinking delaney maybe you could run a point for us
00:11:52i don't i don't really have the bandwidth for that right now i copy that luca it's all yours
00:12:00okay um wow yeah that's that is just that's amazing i do just want to flag that i'm working
00:12:06overtime on two major campaigns right now since delaney didn't have the bandwidth last month
00:12:10so it's just kind of all falling on my shoulders so that's that's totally fine i just do just want
00:12:15to flag that no and thank you for flagging that delaney do you think you could maybe like carve
00:12:21out some time to kind of tag team it yeah i i got a flag that i'm spread pretty thin
00:12:26over here
00:12:28what are you working on delaney putting out fires what kind of fires big ones with employees that you
00:12:34don't know right and is that why your camera's always off no my camera's off luca because it's
00:12:39allowed to be off okay guys i should finish up with a round of peaks and valleys
00:12:43so my valley was missing last week's happy hour never has someone been so missed but my peak
00:12:50is that it's on the books for next week popcorn to delaney i guess my valley was editing luca's q4
00:12:59pitch
00:12:59and then my peak was it's done now popcorn to alex you know
00:13:08my valley was at ryan and i hit a speed bump
00:13:13wow so he he wants to open up the relationship and i just i don't think that i have the
00:13:18sexual
00:13:18confidence to withstand it so we're taking some time apart to kind of ideate on next steps
00:13:25but alex are you okay how are you feeling you know like i was upset obviously i was really upset
00:13:33for a beat but then i had a one-on-one with my best friend you know we went out
00:13:36we got some drinks
00:13:37we blew off steam just like old times just the two of us and that like really really helped
00:13:42best friends just get it oh we're so aligned on that luca
00:13:47so what was dad's reaction we facetimed him quickly yeah he was really happy for us yeah
00:13:53yeah
00:13:56and i mean not that happy oh
00:13:58come on he was really excited it seemed yeah or you need to call him after five
00:14:04speaking of alcoholics how did delaney take the news um she's was happy fine good delaney doesn't
00:14:11know yet katie wanted to tell her in her own way before we told anybody else that is so
00:14:16classic i uh do you know that delaney knew that our parents were getting divorced before
00:14:20i did is that true yeah i mean uh she's my best friend so i think you'd get it if
00:14:28you had
00:14:29a best friend well my wife is my best friend so daria who's your best friend no i'd rather
00:14:34not say we're each other's best friends yeah like normal adults delaney loves katie she'll
00:14:42be really happy once we tell her john have you ever heard of expectation recalibration therapy
00:14:47i was reading an article about it excuse me what article it's an article where was this article
00:14:54in the journals for doctor peat doctors henry have you been listening again to my sessions with
00:15:00my patients anyway expectation recalibration is basically a therapy where you work to accept
00:15:04that someone will never change right like they suck like medically and in your case that's delaney
00:15:10and in our case it's our dad so i mean daria confirmed that he's a narcissist i have never
00:15:15treated your father and i've never made any medical claims about him excuse me but you have i mean
00:15:20what are you talking about you know what are you i sent him 20 of my poems in the past
00:15:25year
00:15:2520 and he never once told me that i was talented right i mean how hard is it to reply
00:15:34with a
00:15:34compliment how hard is it to like you know just say like a simple henry you are a brilliant artist
00:15:38right and it is a crime that you have to edit other people's much weaker novels instead of traveling
00:15:44the world on your own book tour right he is selfish katie and so is delaney yeah i hear you
00:15:50um
00:15:51i i don't think delaney's selfish i think she has a hard time with change daria was treating our
00:15:56neighbor the other day he would know he's a total freak daria i mean he gets off on lizards and
00:16:00let
00:16:01did he say blizzards or it was lizards it was lizards it was lizards he gets off on lizards and
00:16:05his wife
00:16:06wants to divorce him clearly and daria said something that i think applies here tell them the thing about
00:16:13the change oh well you know uh people's nerves about change they can be calmed by the familiar
00:16:22so you take them to a comfortable environment and you break the news it's kind of like you take
00:16:28your kids to their favorite ice cream shop and tell them you're getting a divorce i mean i think
00:16:32that's something that you should consider with delaney i mean she's about as mature as an eight-year-old
00:16:36so seen her hork down a pint of chubby hubby in one sitting so we know she likes ice cream
00:16:44yeah
00:16:47that's not a real basketball third from the left is cake you know i decided i don't even want cake
00:16:52at my birthday this year i actually think it's really weird to like bring out food and then make
00:16:56people eat it did you find a bar yet i'm gonna do it here i'm going for a very specific
00:17:02aesthetic
00:17:02so if you could not invite ah no i thought you'd be asleep uh katie i didn't know you still
00:17:10had a
00:17:11key uh delaney said i could keep one for emergencies what's the emergency um well this time it's not so
00:17:16much an emergency really as it is um a surprise for my best friend oh man i had actually had
00:17:24this
00:17:24whole thing planned that i was gonna sneak in and like put clues around the apartment but okay whatever
00:17:27since you're awake i'll just show you now
00:17:33what the fuck is that i planned us a mini beach vacation
00:17:39you don't seem excited what's there to be excited about katie it's the beach i'm excited i i really am
00:17:45um and that poster is that's your most thoughtful gift yet you see the umbrella i see the umbrella
00:17:51you know these trips can be kind of weird for me is john at least bringing a friend no no
00:17:56john's not
00:17:56coming why yeah why no reason i just thought it would be great for the two of us to go
00:18:05on a trip
00:18:05connect have some quality time like old times yes yes just like old times
00:18:12who
00:18:27kiss me one
00:18:29kiss me twice
00:18:51all right there we go nice we're here what time is check-in at the pelican palace surprise
00:18:59we aren't staying at the pelican palace right yeah i got us a i got us a rental house actually
00:19:05on wonder weekend wonder weekend rentals kind of creeped me out i don't like the idea of using
00:19:10other people's kitchen appliances but you're okay sleeping in a bed or a bunch of high schoolers just
00:19:14rounded the bases but the pelican palace is where all the parties end up i know imagine that
00:19:19noise when you sleep a freaking wink is there a bar
00:19:25what at the rental house is it a shared space or private private and there's a lock box so we
00:19:33don't even have to meet the guy you found it oh gosh gps can be a little wonky here so
00:19:42so glad you guys figured it out how we doing are you uh are you uh douglas are you my
00:19:51fifth grade
00:19:51teacher just dougie's fine yeah i i just asked because the the listing had said that there was
00:19:57a lock box so i didn't think we'd get to meet here she is yeah i love to walk everyone
00:20:02through the
00:20:03space first only because it's a really important place to me oh it was my mom's she uh she died
00:20:10here
00:20:11oh gosh no not in the front yard oh she died inside katie right so you must be delaney yeah
00:20:20i love that
00:20:20name family name who's my grandfather's oh my gosh i was named after my mom's brother who we don't talk
00:20:27to anymore he's uh he's a pedophile so oh i'm sorry oh no no no he was always cool with
00:20:34me yeah
00:20:36but uh called a lot you know when he was doing time yeah i guess inmates are like really hard
00:20:41on
00:20:41child predators i didn't mind saying hi then but once he got out and started coming here unannounced
00:20:46oh my gosh i keep talking and talking you guys probably just want to see inside right
00:20:51pretty cute huh i love it yeah mom left the place to meet my sister but lauren has a family
00:20:58now so
00:20:59she let me keep it all to myself ah score yeah oh all the art on the wall is for
00:21:04sale
00:21:08what little munchkin did these i am an artist yeah well technically my day job is medical sales but
00:21:15i've been working my tush off and is there a wi-fi password uh yeah it was in the welcome
00:21:22pamphlet that
00:21:22i sent over because guests are really supposed to read the pamphlet uh before they check in so oh but
00:21:29it's okay i have a spare set of rules right here oh perfect oh i also threw in my favorite
00:21:35local
00:21:35spots you girls hot dog fans dingo's dog yeah yeah um we know it we used to come here near
00:21:41a little
00:21:41fun yeah sisters best friends i love uh best friends any big plans for best friends night
00:21:48um i think we'll probably hang here make a cheese plate you get plenty of cheese at home
00:21:56i thought we could go to a bar i mean i brought a lot of orange wine for us to
00:22:00drink here
00:22:01oh that's a no what is no alcohol on the premises that's ridiculous um what she means is we were
00:22:11really just gonna have a glass or two yeah no exception to the rules was it just a quick
00:22:16scam of the welcome email because no shoes is also a big one i can't sleep with the sound of
00:22:23stomping
00:22:24i thought this was a private space yeah the upstairs is your private domain
00:22:29i hang my hat in the subterranean domicile
00:22:33i live in the basement
00:22:39what are you doing head of file has this address okay well it's a good thing we're adults
00:22:43i look young
00:22:47so what happens when you stray from places you know and love your mom got staff at the pelican palace
00:22:51the pelican palace is fun they keep beers in the ice machine you prefer dirty ice over a literal
00:22:57deathbed yeah okay i put a lot of effort into planning this trip and i would like if we could
00:23:01at least relax and try to connect enjoy ourselves appreciate where we are
00:23:07ow
00:23:12cameras what the hell what they're where i work there for outfitters all right those cameras aren't even on
00:23:18people just see them and are less likely to steal do you see any ironic coffee table books for sale
00:23:24here because i don't dougie's boarding off shoplifters he's watching us get his rocks off he's not
00:23:29camped out in front of the monitor with his hands down his pants he's nice
00:23:36no no i'm not staying here all night and being one of dougie's cheese eating cam girls okay
00:23:40i'm going to a bar all night at a bar yeah
00:23:45shh shh
00:23:46thing is though if it's loud
00:23:48we won't really be able to talk
00:23:50we talk all day
00:23:54i know that's a good point
00:23:57yeah let's go to a bar
00:24:01man this place has really changed
00:24:04used to get packed
00:24:06i saw this pottery place in town and they have a morning class that teaches you how to make little
00:24:09bowls for your keys
00:24:10i kind of was hoping we'd sleep in
00:24:11yeah it's not till seven
00:24:14okay cheers to this weekend thank you for planning it
00:24:18um as you know we've had so many great memories here as friends and we've crossed so many milestones together
00:24:24and i thought it would be the perfect place to come to cross one more and i think that it's
00:24:30the most important thing we do
00:24:31if we are able to flourish together like two roses two two best friend i guess roses
00:24:37who um
00:24:38uh can i get a beer please
00:24:40that guy
00:24:41real hot
00:24:42who
00:24:43the helmet guy
00:24:46uh okay not why we're here
00:24:47um okay so i was saying we we have crossed so many milestones together here as friends
00:24:53he looks like dennis fuller
00:24:54oh dennis fuller another loser
00:24:56should we go talk to him
00:24:58i'm in the middle of saying something okay
00:25:00um
00:25:06you need to pick that up
00:25:07i'm gonna call him back
00:25:12uh i'm gonna be quick
00:25:14don't move
00:25:20sorry i had to get to a quiet place delaney dragged me to a bar
00:25:23you know celebrating
00:25:25celebrating
00:25:26the proposal
00:25:29katie
00:25:29uh yeah yeah yeah yeah it cut it cut out for a sec
00:25:32um
00:25:33not yeah not yet
00:25:34you said that you would tell her by tonight
00:25:36no no i know i i was i was just about to when you called
00:25:38well daria sent over some invitation samples and she said we should pick one by next week
00:25:43okay yeah sounds good
00:25:44i'll send you some photos and then you can decide or i can decide to send me photos on the
00:25:50back
00:25:50uh whichever
00:25:51okay i'll catch you later i'll catch you later love you bye
00:25:58checkin in
00:25:58all right you gotta check in
00:26:00i'm the social chair for sigma new so i got to plan this bachelor party for my almost bro-in
00:26:05-law
00:26:05and i always go big last month we had a naughty nuns and a frisky friars party friars like ball
00:26:12tell me what do you do
00:26:13uh finance
00:26:15okay
00:26:16humble
00:26:17do you follow crypto because he he created apex coin
00:26:20uh gq did vote at one of their up and coming coins of the year this year but it's not
00:26:24a big deal
00:26:25oh my god anybody can make this low itty b coin nobody oh so sorry sorry
00:26:30hi hey um i'm katie hey kaylee oh my god you look exactly like my twins look at this
00:26:39is apex coin funding any strippers this weekend i don't pay for intimate experiences i do
00:26:44i wanted one real bad i found one online that's so mean to you sorry about him the legend himself
00:26:51it's charlie delaney katie nice to meet you katie again do you think it was a bad idea to have
00:26:58a
00:26:58college junior playing my master party uh we're actually probably gonna head out
00:27:05oh would you actually mind opening these for us all good i got it oh no party flops
00:27:13yeah you didn't you didn't want to use your party flop you thank you one beer and we go
00:27:21one beer and we go
00:27:39let's go yeah let's fucking go i'm gonna fire up some tunes
00:27:48that smells fucking awful oh my god that smells so bad wait i didn't smell anything i didn't what's
00:27:54it smell like
00:27:58yo did anybody see a dog walk through here
00:28:03bottle opener on the bottom of a shoe stop smiling stop and then i don't know what kind of
00:28:08moron walks through dog shit and has no idea you don't even know how to get strippers for a bachelor
00:28:13party well not all guys like strippers that one i get yeah totally john really doesn't okay john
00:28:18actually doesn't because he has a sister he does you hung out with her like three times all right
00:28:26will you open the door
00:28:30you have the key you have the key
00:28:33no i have the key you wanted to carry it i have the key i don't have the key
00:28:41where'd it go it might have fallen on my pocket why can't you carry a purse i'm sorry i need
00:28:45to brush
00:28:45my teeth we can go back to the bar and look for them no you know what we have to
00:28:50do no yeah
00:28:54sorry again doggy oh that's fine i was only asleep for an hour okay good oh yeah sorry just pop
00:29:00those
00:29:01off for me oh yeah sorry it's just the rules thank you just forgot that's fine i love those flats
00:29:14oh sorry
00:29:18before you go back down to the basement what's the deal with the cameras oh my gosh i had to
00:29:24up my
00:29:24security after a nightmare renter you ever heard of a home birth
00:29:30but the cameras don't actually record oh no they're the real deal yeah no audio of course because
00:29:36you need a permit for that and no cameras in the bedrooms or bathrooms this was all in yeah in
00:29:43the
00:29:43welcome email yeah was it just a quick skim because we can pop a squat and look things over if
00:29:48you want
00:29:48oh no we should not pop any squats we'd like to go to bed and we'd like to watch tv
00:29:53alone do you guys
00:29:56know how to work the roku yes yes i saw that in the binder she saw the i cracked myself
00:30:02up i don't have
00:30:04a roku it was a trick question you fell right into my trap i'm really gonna need you to do
00:30:11a refresher
00:30:11the rules after i leave okay gonna need a verbal k from both of you okay
00:30:26and while i'm at it why don't i throw us all in a group text just in case of emergencies
00:30:31katie i have
00:30:32a few hundred digits but um delaney
00:30:58which time is it it's early um it's really early go back to bed
00:31:10i'm gonna uh i'm gonna go get us coffees
00:31:35it's a matter of privacy i don't think it's a little weird for your friend's wife to post
00:31:39something before i the bride have posted anything you know i mean but you told delaney right yes yes
00:31:46i i told her we're engaged i i will ask them to take it down okay yeah i just don't
00:31:53want it up there
00:31:53okay i gotta go yeah all right i love you bye hey hi hi i almost didn't recognize you without
00:32:04the dog
00:32:04shit on your cop oh that's funny too soon i am sorry i overheard you on the phone i didn't
00:32:13realize
00:32:13you were a bride yeah yeah congratulations thank you thank you it's um it's really recent um and i'm
00:32:24really really excited i just need to figure out uh i haven't told uh my best friend yet uh delaney
00:32:32who you
00:32:32met last night so i just need to you know figure stuff out so what she doesn't like him uh
00:32:38you know
00:32:38i mean she's she's not the most emotive person so it can be it can be it was hard to
00:32:43tell in the
00:32:43beginning but yeah she likes him she does yeah she does like him yeah now say it one more time
00:32:48but
00:32:48i want you to really need it she she does like him so look a few of my friends weren't
00:32:54that happy
00:32:54for me when i got engaged i think they're just freaked out that they think your fiance is gonna
00:32:59hijack your life and they're never gonna see you again i know which is crazy one of them just straight
00:33:04up stopped inviting me places because he said i don't know how to hang anymore not that that's gonna
00:33:09happen to you i think no no i know um okay good luck with you know enjoy your coffee yeah
00:33:19bye
00:33:27you're up what time is it time to get up cold brew there you go it's beautiful out by the
00:33:34way where's
00:33:34my phone our phones are tucked away safely in the kitchen drawer why because today is about having
00:33:42fun without distractions we're gonna float around untethered to technology just like when we were
00:33:47little what happened to pottery we're not going to pottery we're gonna be wild crazy spontaneous we
00:33:54are going off the grid i think there's a left back there who's following you i'm following you
00:34:03why i'm left-brained no i'm left-brained which one's the one that's bad at math because you're that
00:34:08one that's very rude you know what's rude is those are my sneakers and you're wearing them and you
00:34:13didn't ask me katie oh my god hi and delaney hey glenn oh my god wow you two hanging out
00:34:23it's like
00:34:24stepping back into 2008 again i love it
00:34:31you have a baby congratulations yeah max she's a girl oh she's amazing she's such a great eater she
00:34:38sleeps 8 to 8. wow that's awesome um are you here for the weekend oh no my partner and i
00:34:42we live here
00:34:42full-time yeah we moved away from the city which was super scary but you know i love it wait
00:34:46did i see
00:34:47that you got married uh no no oh you know what i'm thinking about the other katie in your grade
00:34:53yeah
00:34:53the other katie she had her wedding featured on nautical nuptials amazing wow well what are you up
00:35:00to today we're probably just gonna grab some food at the deli actually in town oh my god their locks
00:35:06is
00:35:06what got me through my second trimester just the craziest cravings with this little one you know
00:35:17but we're actually having a bbq of mine today you should come is it a party it's a bbq yeah
00:35:23come
00:35:30sorry we just we get it a little crazy on the weekends well i mean as you know crazy as
00:35:36we can
00:35:36with a little one um so what is it you do theo i'm a filmmaker yeah i'm commercials
00:35:47yeah yeah he just got back from tokyo oh wow you know i hear japan's amazing what commercial were
00:35:53you shooting um it's nothing but sweetie just don't tell them oh he's being so modest he's being
00:36:00modest he was shooting a watch commercial with brad pitt and natalie portman oh wow uh that's that's so
00:36:08cool did you get to meet them the celebrities yeah that's not really why i do it though
00:36:17no of course not yeah oh hello oh oh hi oh no careful she she can bite oh she does
00:36:26uh well yeah i guess she really likes you um i've never seen her do that with anyone but me
00:36:40i think um yeah i think it's your turn daddy you know i'm pretty sure i read in the book
00:36:44that
00:36:45it's better to let him cry it out right no that's for um when we're putting her to sleep
00:36:49baby yes well and nappies no no not just nappies oh no she wants to come on yeah i want
00:36:56to
00:36:56ah yeah okay oh we're gonna look after the child as well come on yeah just excuse me okay okay
00:37:08i'm very worried about the dog i'm sorry okay i felt bad i saw them wandering the neighborhood
00:37:15looking longingly at all these families what were they supposed to be stories invite strangers in this
00:37:20house first it was the kitten in the garage now it's these spinsters from your past maybe we have a
00:37:28child we do wow i just forgot about the 46 hours of labor and my torn anus the chatty one
00:37:36is hiding
00:37:36something and i know that you don't care but the new keeps on fiddling with noodle i want them gone
00:37:41i want my life back ladies i couldn't find any weed but some ketamine
00:37:52fuck
00:38:00oh it hit my spine
00:38:04oh my god since when is petting a dog weird it's not like i was only petting tail
00:38:10i'm serious okay well i'm not hiding anything they're just freaking nuts whatever that's the
00:38:16most excitement they've seen in months so yeah her partner just shot a commercial with brad pitt but
00:38:20i hear you yeah they clearly hate each other though hate each other maybe they're a little tired
00:38:26she had a baby or maybe they were in love and then they had the baby and now they hate
00:38:31each other
00:38:31that's real nice i'm i'm sorry that's the reason i don't want kids all right i know you want kids
00:38:36i mean it i don't want kids okay you don't mean that don't say that um i do mean it
00:38:44i don't want
00:38:45kids delena you don't mean that stop can we not have this conversation because that really put a
00:38:52damper on my entire day yes okay sorry um okay what do you want to do follow me okay
00:39:24i'm gonna get this with my name on it and she's gonna get this with her name on it
00:39:31what's the other two percent um
00:39:34here we go
00:39:38Open the window
00:39:44Get back in the sand
00:39:52This ain't no ghetto
00:39:58You're on the payroll
00:40:20Let the grown man cry
00:40:26Oh my
00:40:32Oh my
00:40:37Really?
00:40:38Yes, he cuts his toenails in the car.
00:40:40That's a good thing.
00:40:41Shots!
00:40:42Keep it going all nighter!
00:40:44Oh, hi Kyle.
00:40:46You sure you're allowed back in here?
00:40:50Dude, I'm so embarrassed.
00:40:52How can we make this up to you?
00:40:55Um, I guess one of you could eat some dog shit.
00:40:58Shit, I'll do it.
00:40:59No, I'll do it.
00:41:01I'll do it.
00:41:02I'm so sorry that we keep subjecting you to this.
00:41:04Let's just do a round of fireball shots for everyone.
00:41:10You like fireball?
00:41:13I love fireball.
00:41:16Let's fucking go.
00:41:20What is with Phil?
00:41:22What's up, Kaylee?
00:41:24Oh my God, dude.
00:41:26I gotta go to the bathroom.
00:41:27Well, we've been having so much fun.
00:41:29It's been hard to find the right time to tell her.
00:41:32Right.
00:41:33But more importantly, as soon as you tell her, it's gonna be weird.
00:41:37Uh, yeah, that too.
00:41:39All right, then don't think about it and just have fun.
00:41:41I can't not think about it.
00:41:44She is going to find out.
00:41:46Mm-hmm.
00:41:48Oh my God, you're so stressed.
00:41:50I know, I know.
00:41:51I can feel your heart beating in your chest.
00:41:54I know, I know.
00:41:56Well, my fiancé wants to try for kids as soon as we get married.
00:42:00So this will be the last time I see my friends for the next 18 years.
00:42:07That's so sad.
00:42:08I know.
00:42:09Don't say that.
00:42:10I agree.
00:42:10The fact is that we're getting older and we're not gonna have a lot more weekends like this.
00:42:14We're not 80 years old.
00:42:15This is not your last hurrah.
00:42:17Do you know what a bachelor party is?
00:42:18By definition, it is a last hurrah.
00:42:20I think you're being dramatic.
00:42:22I don't think so.
00:42:26Maybe we get another drink?
00:42:28Yes.
00:42:28Is that an awful idea?
00:42:29No, it's a good idea.
00:42:31Okay, twist your arm?
00:42:32Twist my arm.
00:42:33I don't really do the whole American idealization of excess, super-sized thing.
00:42:37Well, except when it comes to real estate, because tiny homes scare me.
00:42:41Oh.
00:42:43Beijing.
00:42:45Hold those.
00:42:49What's his deal?
00:42:51Oh, he's a good dude.
00:42:52And he's, like, low-key rich now, too.
00:42:54But he only dates models.
00:42:56Sorry.
00:42:57Hey, um, are you single?
00:43:00Yeah, I'm single.
00:43:02Same.
00:43:03I mean, me and my boys have, like, a strict no-dating policy for junior year.
00:43:07I love that.
00:43:08I wish my friends got that.
00:43:11Could you be putting a good word with, uh, Tommy?
00:43:14Like to date?
00:43:15No.
00:43:16I'll like to smash.
00:43:17Yeah, I'll just watch.
00:43:20Yeah, I'll ask him.
00:43:21Less of an ask and more of a temperature check.
00:43:23Just check it out for me.
00:43:25It's my mission to get you kissing.
00:43:28Oh!
00:43:29Phil, Tommy, family fireball shots!
00:43:33Oh, fuck.
00:43:34But now I think about the fish out.
00:43:36Down in the Caribbean sunshine.
00:43:39In my younger days, I was so bad.
00:43:42Laughing about all the fun we had.
00:43:45Seen and let the feel the world spin.
00:43:47Mixing different ocean feet and cousin.
00:43:49Listen to the drummers and the night sound.
00:43:51Listen to the singers make the world fun.
00:43:54Oh, fuck.
00:43:55I forgot to vote.
00:43:57Uh, guys, there's nothing open.
00:43:59We really don't need to force the night.
00:44:00No, no, no.
00:44:02We said all-nighter.
00:44:04We did.
00:44:04I feel like Tommy Delaney still need to clap cheeks.
00:44:07What are you talking about?
00:44:09Nothing.
00:44:09He's drunk.
00:44:10Ignore him.
00:44:10Well, we would invite you back to the Pelican Palace bar.
00:44:13But it is, I've been told, an out-of-order vending machine in the parking lot.
00:44:20So they can't host.
00:44:21They can't host.
00:44:22Do you?
00:44:24You guys, should we just call it?
00:44:26Yes.
00:44:26No, no.
00:44:27Let's go to ours.
00:44:30What about Dougie?
00:44:32No.
00:44:33We'll be quiet.
00:44:38Sorry.
00:44:39This is the only room in the house without cameras.
00:44:41I have cash.
00:44:42Yeah, I think I should probably take Phil home.
00:44:45No.
00:44:46No.
00:44:47You should stay here.
00:44:49Charlie and Katie, they'll be back any second.
00:44:51I'm friends with Danny.
00:44:52Or we could play a game.
00:44:55You guys ever heard of Twister?
00:44:57Oh, man.
00:44:59The beta thighs brought it to the hockey house last spring.
00:45:03No, seriously.
00:45:04I told Phil's wife I'd watch him.
00:45:06I think it's time for us to go.
00:45:08Phil?
00:45:09I'm good.
00:45:09Chill.
00:45:09Come on, we'll go back to the hotel.
00:45:11I think we should get Phil coffee.
00:45:12Phil, do you want a coffee?
00:45:13Don't fucking touch me.
00:45:15All right, yeah, let's get Phil coffee.
00:45:18Is that okay?
00:45:19Yeah, go get me fucking coffee and get out of here.
00:45:22Great, let's get Phil coffee.
00:45:23Bye.
00:45:25This guy fucking thinks he knows what it's like to fucking live in a house with three women.
00:45:28No offense.
00:45:29You're awesome.
00:45:30Ooh, a smooth banana IPA.
00:45:33That could be your wedding drink, like your bride's signature cocktail.
00:45:38I'm not doing any of that stuff.
00:45:40Right, because you're, like, cool bride.
00:45:43Yes, yes, that's right.
00:45:45What's your signature cocktail?
00:45:47Well, I'm a cool groom, so I can't do that.
00:45:50Oh.
00:45:50You might actually be too cool of a groom if it takes you seven years to propose.
00:45:57Look, love happens in its own time.
00:46:00Oh, right.
00:46:00It's, you know, I don't make the timetable.
00:46:02Love makes the timetable.
00:46:03And that's what you told her?
00:46:04Yeah.
00:46:04Yes, that's what I told her.
00:46:05And how much time did that buy you?
00:46:07Seven years.
00:46:09Ah, ah, ah.
00:46:10I see.
00:46:12What made you wait so long?
00:46:14I just wasn't sure.
00:46:17About your fiance?
00:46:18About any of it.
00:46:19I just, I just didn't know if that's what I wanted.
00:46:22You know, I just think it's this thing that we all think we're supposed to do because everybody else does
00:46:26it,
00:46:26but we never stop and ask ourselves if it's what we actually want.
00:46:30And then I realized that I did want it, and I do want kids,
00:46:35and that eventually I just had to get out of my own way and find somebody that I liked
00:46:40and use good judgment and be smart and just, you know, pick them and be happy.
00:46:48So romantic.
00:46:49I don't care if you don't think it's romantic.
00:46:51It's honest, and honesty is what sustains a marriage.
00:46:55It's not romance.
00:46:57I mean, you actually don't think that there's one person for everyone?
00:47:03I'm sorry, you can't be serious.
00:47:05What?
00:47:06One person for everyone?
00:47:07No, of course not.
00:47:08I think there are millions of people that we can connect with.
00:47:11It's just a matter of when you meet them.
00:47:13We're not marrying these people because of timing.
00:47:17Don't say we're marrying them because of soulmates,
00:47:19because I'll leave you here with those beers.
00:47:25We are marrying them because we love them.
00:47:29Yes.
00:47:31I mean, right?
00:47:33I said yes.
00:47:35I, you're not selling me.
00:47:37Do you know?
00:47:38That's not my job.
00:47:39Oh!
00:47:40This coffee expired six years ago.
00:47:43Coffee doesn't expire.
00:47:44I got cash money, baby girl.
00:47:46Remember that stuff from the 90s?
00:47:47Don't worry about that.
00:47:48We'll give you some tap water, okay?
00:47:49Or like Windex or something.
00:47:50Would you like to share a glass of wine?
00:47:52What?
00:47:54Someone found a speaker.
00:47:56Connect.
00:47:57No, I have to conserve my battery for the Uber so we can leave.
00:48:00You remember leaving?
00:48:01You can use my phone for the music.
00:48:03No offense, but you probably don't have my kind of music on your phone, so...
00:48:07What kind of music do you like?
00:48:09House.
00:48:09But a very specific kind of house.
00:48:11I like specific house.
00:48:13Oh my God.
00:48:14Just listen to your music, okay?
00:48:15Put on your phone.
00:48:16I'm fine.
00:48:17Are you...
00:48:17Put on your phone.
00:48:18I'm fine.
00:48:19Oh, Tommy.
00:48:22I'm coming, Tommy.
00:48:28I'm going to make two glasses of wine still for...
00:48:31If anyone wants to stay and drink it with me.
00:49:01Delaney, can you fire for some pizzas, hon?
00:49:05For the guys, at least?
00:49:07I mean, I'm happy to host those.
00:49:09Yeah, you don't seem anxious about it at all.
00:49:10Well, I'm just a little worried.
00:49:12If I get a bad review, that is on you.
00:49:14What is with you in this review?
00:49:15Are you in some sort of legal bind?
00:49:17No.
00:49:18No, but...
00:49:19I will write you a comment if they give you a shitty review.
00:49:22Oh, oh.
00:49:23You know...
00:49:25Um...
00:49:25We can just go back to my hotel, if you want.
00:49:28I mean, just say the word.
00:49:32Charlie, I can't.
00:49:34I'm engaged.
00:49:35You know, I...
00:49:37Trust me.
00:49:41I feel it, too.
00:49:42But there's not...
00:49:43Oh, I'm sorry.
00:49:44I meant, like...
00:49:46I meant all of us would go back to my hotel, like...
00:49:49Instead of you hosting here, just because you seemed anxious about it?
00:49:53Yeah, no.
00:49:54I'm...
00:49:55I'm so sorry.
00:49:56Um, just because we'd been flirting, so I thought that you were...
00:49:59I wasn't suggesting that you and I would go back alone to my hotel.
00:50:03I hope I wasn't giving off that impression.
00:50:06I mean, did you think the friendly banter meant that I was gonna, like, cheat on my fiancé?
00:50:11No.
00:50:12No.
00:50:20I gotta...
00:50:20Okay.
00:50:22That's a fad, dude.
00:50:26Delaney, what the fuck are you doing?
00:50:28We said we'd stay in the bedroom.
00:50:30Delaney!
00:50:31Phil, buddy?
00:50:32Time to go.
00:50:33Finally.
00:50:33Yeah, let's go.
00:50:34No.
00:50:34Stay.
00:50:35You can go to my room.
00:50:36I'll make it fun.
00:50:37No.
00:50:38No, thanks.
00:50:39Is it because I'm not a model?
00:50:40No, because I don't share a genuine connection with you, and it feels weird to lead you on.
00:50:44Oh, fuck you.
00:50:45You know, I came here to celebrate an important time in Charlie's life.
00:50:49I tried to politely keep my distance so I could spend time with my friends, who I never see.
00:50:53But you inserted yourself into our plans and put us all in a very weird situation.
00:50:58So, honestly, fuck you, Delaney.
00:51:00No.
00:51:01No.
00:51:02No, no, no.
00:51:03Fuck you, Tommy.
00:51:05Fuck you.
00:51:06Because that, that's the dopest girl that I've ever met.
00:51:10And you may not get her.
00:51:13But I do.
00:51:22I think I love you.
00:51:29What?
00:51:31What are you talking about?
00:51:34What?
00:51:35No, no, no, no, no.
00:51:36What is going on here?
00:51:38Who are these people?
00:51:39Mom's house?
00:51:40Can you not?
00:51:41On the art?
00:51:42I'm sorry.
00:51:43I'm sorry.
00:51:43They are about to leave.
00:51:45Additional guests?
00:51:45Shoes inside?
00:51:47Alcohol?
00:51:49You agreed to the rules.
00:51:51I know.
00:51:51I know.
00:51:52I'm sorry.
00:51:52There were a lot of rules.
00:51:54And honestly, no alcohol is crazy.
00:51:55So...
00:51:56Yeah, because I don't want to relapse again.
00:51:58I'm two years sober.
00:52:00What is wrong with you people?
00:52:01This is my house.
00:52:02It kills me that I have to rent this out.
00:52:05But with my mom's leftover medical bills, I don't really have...
00:52:12Really?
00:52:14I'm not going to not do the coke.
00:52:18Hi, honey.
00:52:19Hi.
00:52:20We're here for Big Dick Phil.
00:52:23Oh, my God.
00:52:24I'm him.
00:52:25Phil, please tell me that you didn't hire...
00:52:28Delaney said I could.
00:52:29I said he could.
00:52:30Because guess what?
00:52:31All guys like strippers, Katie.
00:52:33Even your lover, Charlie.
00:52:35Okay, well, he's not my lover.
00:52:36I mean, you have been eye-fucking her all week, dude.
00:52:39See?
00:52:40Whoa.
00:52:41What about my sister?
00:52:43Let's not chill.
00:52:44What are you talking about?
00:52:45She's engaged.
00:52:49You knew?
00:52:52Charlie knew.
00:52:54Hey, we're drunk, okay?
00:52:55Let's not talk about this right now.
00:52:57You don't want to talk about how you hid your engagement from me for an entire weekend?
00:53:01Can you stop?
00:53:02How you put our phones in a kitchen drawer?
00:53:05Stop.
00:53:05You're a psycho.
00:53:06Hey, you're a fucking bitch.
00:53:09Okay, this is just sad.
00:53:10I can't dance here.
00:53:12Same.
00:53:12Friendship stuff is super triggering.
00:53:15Yeah.
00:53:23Okay.
00:53:24I got another girl, but it'll take her 45 minutes to get here.
00:53:28Get out!
00:53:29You get out?
00:53:32You're a pervert.
00:53:34You filmed us.
00:53:38Pervert, pervert, pervert, pervert, pervert, pervert, pervert.
00:53:45You're creepy!
00:53:47You don't treat guests this way!
00:53:53Everywhere's closed, Delaney.
00:53:54I'm talking to you.
00:53:55Okay, but nowhere's open.
00:53:56You don't know everything.
00:54:04Oh, hello.
00:54:07I'll have one pizza for one person.
00:54:12I can go home.
00:54:16He says it's going to be five minutes, so...
00:54:19Didn't want to know what type of pizza?
00:54:20I always get pepperoni, and they always know, so...
00:54:23Yeah, I didn't hear a credit card number.
00:54:26I'm paying cash for Chuck.
00:54:27Oh, hello.
00:54:54Tommy took my charger into his room and I know but all right well Kyle's also not exactly the
00:55:03most reliable narrator I can't look I'm gonna be home in a few hours no I'm here
00:55:19no my service is fine I'm gonna I'll be home in a few hours and then we can talk okay
00:55:33ready great four hours and 37 minutes to destination
00:55:53you
00:56:34Can you please talk about last night?
00:56:37About what?
00:56:40All that...
00:56:41I mean...
00:56:44Do you remember any of it?
00:56:46I know you can black out big chunks when you drink like that.
00:56:53I remember that you lied to me about getting engaged.
00:56:57I remember that.
00:56:58I tried to tell you.
00:56:59That first night, I had this whole thing planned.
00:57:02It's the whole reason we did the trip.
00:57:05You lied to me all weekend.
00:57:08No, I tried to tell you all weekend.
00:57:11Another lie.
00:57:12That's great.
00:57:14Why do you always lie?
00:57:15Honestly, you lie to me all the time.
00:57:17I'm not a liar.
00:57:17It's just really hard to be honest with you.
00:57:20I mean, you hate everything.
00:57:22You hate everyone.
00:57:23I don't hate everyone.
00:57:25Admit you hate John.
00:57:27Admit it.
00:57:28You've never liked him.
00:57:29You roll your eyes when we talk.
00:57:30You don't laugh at his jokes.
00:57:31I don't know why he's so sweet, but you have always hated him.
00:57:34I hate how boring he makes you.
00:57:36Boring?
00:57:36Why?
00:57:36Because I don't want to babysit your fucking benders.
00:57:38At least I'm not stuck in some sad routine.
00:57:41I'm not sad.
00:57:42I'm happy.
00:57:43You look happy.
00:57:45Why don't you call it?
00:57:47I'm serious.
00:57:47Why don't you leave the city?
00:57:49Go drown your personality in white wine with Gwen.
00:57:52That sounds better than staying here and wasting it with you one weekend at a time.
00:57:58Why don't you try caring about something?
00:58:01Why don't you try making a fucking effort?
00:58:06Why don't you grow up?
00:58:07I am growing up.
00:58:08You still do cocaine.
00:58:10Doing cocaine is fun, Katie.
00:58:11Okay.
00:58:12Yeah, well, maybe we're too different now.
00:58:17Yeah.
00:58:18Maybe we are.
00:58:25Get out.
00:58:33Hey, there she is.
00:58:35How you doing?
00:58:36You feeling okay?
00:58:37Yeah.
00:58:37Let's go out of the shower.
00:58:38Okay.
00:58:39Okay.
00:58:49Got it.
00:58:53Got it.
00:58:55I'd rather feel.
00:59:12There were two pigs, okay, and they're in the same pit of mud.
00:59:16And the wife pig turns over to the husband pig, and she says,
00:59:19Have you seen Farmer Joe's pants lately?
00:59:28Why would you cancel?
00:59:30The husband goes, oh, that's so funny, I thought he said porkchop.
00:59:44Thank you so much for having me with you this time.
00:59:54Oops, did a thing. Officially secured Series B Fundy for my startup.
01:00:02How do you think posted that?
01:00:04Oh, oh, oh, um, Elon Musk.
01:00:10Uh, no, no, it's someone we know.
01:00:12Oh, oh, uh, um, I give up.
01:00:18Uh, okay. Um, no, it was Diane's date from, uh, New Year's.
01:00:24No, I don't, I don't even think I met her.
01:00:26Oh, is she friends with Delaney?
01:00:28Speaking of which, is Delaney coming to dinner this weekend?
01:00:32I don't think so.
01:00:35Why?
01:00:36Well, we're gonna fight.
01:00:38The two of you are fighting?
01:00:40Yeah.
01:00:40That's maybe never happened in the history of the world.
01:00:44What happened?
01:00:44Um, it's very dumb. Uh, it was about the engagement.
01:00:48Oh.
01:00:50I, so I, I never actually told her. She found out on my phone and went ballistic and got wasted.
01:00:56Wait, wait, wait, what do you mean? You didn't, you didn't tell her that?
01:00:58I mean, remember I tried and you called, so I couldn't really. And then I tried later that night and
01:01:02it got extremely weird.
01:01:03No, no, no, no, no. Don't, don't, don't do that. I let you wait until the perfect moment to tell
01:01:10her how you wanted to tell her.
01:01:12And you said you would do that on the trip you told me. You would handle that on the trip
01:01:15so we could start planning our wedding.
01:01:17I mean, you're a little obsessed with planning the wedding.
01:01:19Well, yeah, I want to celebrate our marriage with our family and our friends.
01:01:23No offense. I, I don't think you really get it. You know, I don't think you get me and Delaney
01:01:27exactly. I don't think you could.
01:01:28How do you, how do you say that? I've been nothing but accommodating to you and your friend. She has
01:01:34a drawer in our dresser.
01:01:36You said that was fun. It was. It is. But I just want to know when you're going to choose
01:01:42us, right?
01:01:44When, when you will stop bending our lives together for Delaney.
01:01:48It's not just Delaney. Hold on. No, no, no, no. What do you, what do you, what do you mean?
01:01:53You know, marriage can really change your life. And, and a lot of times it's for the better.
01:01:59Which I think will be, you know, our case. And I'm very excited, of course, but there's just a lot
01:02:04of changes.
01:02:04Like, for example, you know, eventually we will probably want to move out of the city and that's fine.
01:02:08And I'm, you know, we'll do that for you. And you go out there and then all of a sudden
01:02:13all your friends are married couples that moved out there too.
01:02:16And, and nobody knew you before you were a married couple.
01:02:18So it's actually a bit like you didn't exist before you were part of a married couple. So that's the
01:02:23new you.
01:02:23I'm just going to, I'm just going to stop you. I don't even know what to believe in the world.
01:02:29John!
01:02:34So, anyways, popcorn to Delaney.
01:02:37I didn't have any peaks this week.
01:02:41Well, a week of valleys spends time in our town eventually. Everything okay?
01:02:46Yeah, it's, everything's, okay.
01:02:49Delaney, we're here if you ever want to share, obviously, but you seem to hate peaks and valleys, so.
01:02:54I don't hate peaks and valleys.
01:02:56Really? Once you thought you were muted and you screamed fuck when we started playing the game.
01:03:02Okay, fine.
01:03:03Um, my valley was, my best friend, lied to me about getting engaged.
01:03:16What?
01:03:18Wow.
01:03:19Wow, that is a deep valley. Very deep.
01:03:23Okay, let's dive into this. Let's dive into this. Come on, we're here for you.
01:03:30Wow, your hair. I always pictured, pictured you as a blonde.
01:03:35Look at you.
01:03:37Okay, so wait, tell me everything. Who is his fiance? What's his name?
01:03:41John.
01:03:42Where's John from?
01:03:44Yep, John.
01:03:46The Midwest.
01:03:47What state?
01:03:48Minneapolis.
01:03:51Michigan or Minnesota. It's an M. I just, I can't remember right now.
01:03:56You seem like you must hate him.
01:03:58They don't hate him.
01:04:00They don't hate John.
01:04:01That's very nice. It's your best friend, so you're trying to be nice, but, like, what did he do?
01:04:04He obviously cheated.
01:04:06He obviously...
01:04:06He cheated. He did cheat. Alex, he cheated.
01:04:09John did not cheat. John's not a cheater.
01:04:11He's totally obsessed with her.
01:04:15But too obsessed, probably.
01:04:18No.
01:04:19No.
01:04:20Oh, no. To where it's, like, true crime.
01:04:23No.
01:04:25He treats her really well. He's a very good guy.
01:04:28So he treats her well?
01:04:32Yeah, he treats her well.
01:04:35Wait, and she, is she, like, happy with him?
01:04:42Yeah.
01:04:44Okay, wait. Sorry for the disconnect here, but what's the problem?
01:04:49And the toy guy said that that's the most popular thing he sells.
01:04:52Yeah, no, the kids wanted one of these.
01:04:54I just got them a new globe, but never enough.
01:04:58So, where's John?
01:04:59His, uh, work thing.
01:05:01Oh, did he decide if he wanted the chicken or lamb skewers for the cocktail hour?
01:05:05Shoot.
01:05:05Uh, I'll ask him. I'm not sure.
01:05:07If you get that thing wet, it turns blue.
01:05:10So he's rehabbing brittle hips after sundown?
01:05:13He's really burning the midnight oil.
01:05:16And, um, if you wanted to go back to red again, you just put it in the sun.
01:05:20Is there trouble in paradise?
01:05:23You can't hide from an empath, little sister.
01:05:27Um, Delaney and I got into a fight, and now John and I are in a bit of a fight
01:05:34about that fight.
01:05:35Of course. No, no, no. We all saw this coming.
01:05:38You know, you guys are emotionally stunted.
01:05:40Daria says you both have arrested development.
01:05:43I never said that very much.
01:05:44I was like, you just happened to leave your notebook open to a page that said never individuated into adulthood?
01:05:48Did you find the key to my office again?
01:05:50It doesn't matter.
01:05:50Look, the medical fact is you guys are basically still kids who are clinging on to each other in the
01:05:55cafeteria of life.
01:05:56You're emotionally stunted.
01:06:00Oh, that's a very mature response, Katie.
01:06:02Do you see what I'm saying?
01:06:04You're stunted.
01:06:05It's so rich coming from you.
01:06:07Look, I'm sorry.
01:06:08I really hate to be the one to have to tell you this,
01:06:10but it might actually be time for you to grow up.
01:06:13We have all had to.
01:06:15Did we?
01:06:16I mean, did we all have to?
01:06:17You were like 40 years old, and you still blame everything on our parents.
01:06:20You're emotionally stunted, not me.
01:06:22Tell him, Daria.
01:06:23No, no, no, Daria.
01:06:24Tell her that she's narcissistic like Dad.
01:06:26Do you know that the DSM-5 defines narcissism as a personality disorder, right, Daria?
01:06:30A cluster B personality disorder, which I think we can both agree you have.
01:06:34I have a personality disorder?
01:06:36Oh, my God, you're delusional.
01:06:38You're literally medically delusional.
01:06:39You're certifiable, Daria.
01:06:41Tell him.
01:06:42You have every symptom.
01:06:43Tell him.
01:06:43Tell him.
01:06:44Shut up!
01:06:45Just shut the fuck up!
01:06:51Today I listened to a man detail an intense reptilian fetish that's ruining his marriage.
01:06:58And I had to tell him, no, that's not weird.
01:07:01That you want an iguana to act as a third?
01:07:05A girl ate rocks in front of me.
01:07:08And I had to tell a mother who told me that she lost her pregnancy.
01:07:14I had to promise her that she would get over it one day.
01:07:19Do you guys want a medical diagnosis?
01:07:23You are both ungrateful shits!
01:07:38I can't believe she said all that stuff about her patients.
01:07:42I mean, isn't that supposed to be, like, really private?
01:07:46Okay.
01:07:48I know we didn't have the ideal childhood.
01:07:53But you cannot keep using it as an excuse.
01:07:57I mean, come on.
01:07:59Can you be the adult for once?
01:08:03Can you help me for once?
01:08:07Things are going to be okay with John.
01:08:12I don't know, actually.
01:08:16Yeah, he's...
01:08:17He's really mad.
01:08:18People get mad, Katie.
01:08:21It's part of life, and it's going to be a long road if you walk around trying to make everything
01:08:26nice for everybody all the time.
01:08:27You've got to be honest.
01:08:30I know...
01:08:32what Delaney means to you.
01:08:34And I know how much she was there for you when you were kids.
01:08:36And yes, I maybe thought that you were freaks.
01:08:40But what you had was special.
01:08:43You guys had a great run.
01:08:48So maybe it's okay that it's over.
01:08:52Sometimes the past can't last.
01:08:57Pass me to my poem journal.
01:08:59Hurry up.
01:09:01Quick, quick, quick, quick.
01:09:04Okay, I made a guest list.
01:09:06Pretty much everyone who's coming is cool, except for, like, one other assistant from my office.
01:09:10Have I shown you her grid before?
01:09:12She posts so much emo shit.
01:09:15It's like, we get that you have cancer.
01:09:17Maybe she wants support.
01:09:19What?
01:09:21Well, we're seeing it helps other people.
01:09:24Oh, it doesn't help me.
01:09:25I meant other sick people.
01:09:28Right.
01:09:29Wait, how much do we hate Katie?
01:09:31Like, we haven't talked about this at all.
01:09:33Yeah, what she did wasn't great.
01:09:37You know what I always say.
01:09:39Hate motivates.
01:09:41Liking stuff, I can motivate too.
01:09:43No, liking stuff is for sheep.
01:09:46Plus, hating stuff is, like, our thing.
01:09:47We both know the whole world sucks.
01:09:50The whole world sucks?
01:09:52Yeah.
01:10:01I think I need to leave.
01:10:03I mean, same.
01:10:04This place is a shithole.
01:10:05Like, it's obviously a temporary situation.
01:10:08No.
01:10:09I just don't want to be around you anymore.
01:10:13I hate that we love to hate people.
01:10:17It makes me feel sick.
01:10:20And I want to feel good.
01:10:23I want to be happy.
01:10:25I want to be happy for other people.
01:10:26I want to be happy for my family.
01:10:28I want to be happy for my friends.
01:10:33But I don't know how to do that.
01:10:35I don't know how to be happy
01:10:38for people.
01:10:46Did you, like, write that in your notes app
01:10:48to say to me,
01:10:49That's so fucking lame, Delaney.
01:10:53Okay, bye.
01:10:58All right, just keep breathing.
01:11:00Oh, okay.
01:11:01Other side.
01:11:03One second.
01:11:04Sorry.
01:11:07Delaney.
01:11:10Hi.
01:11:11What happened?
01:11:12Is everyone okay?
01:11:14What?
01:11:14Yeah.
01:11:16Um, then, um, why are you here?
01:11:25Where are you from?
01:11:29Uh, Illinois.
01:11:34I knew that.
01:11:38Did you like it there in Illinois?
01:11:42Do you mind?
01:11:45Sure.
01:11:45Okay.
01:11:47Okay.
01:11:51Who's this?
01:11:53Yeah.
01:11:55Um, yeah, I lived in Illinois
01:11:59pretty much my whole life.
01:12:01High school, college.
01:12:03Go Phoenixes.
01:12:05Go Phoenixes.
01:12:05It was our college mascot.
01:12:07Yeah, my whole family went there.
01:12:08And I am so sorry
01:12:11that I didn't tell you
01:12:12that I was going to propose to Katie.
01:12:15It's okay.
01:12:18Probably made you hate me even more.
01:12:19I never hated you.
01:12:22I hated you existed.
01:12:26That was, I...
01:12:27Right.
01:12:30You never did anything wrong.
01:12:34I did everything to make it
01:12:37incredibly weird for you.
01:12:40And I'm, I'm really sorry.
01:12:47I'm really happy it's you.
01:12:52I will, uh, let you back to work.
01:12:55Yeah, yeah.
01:12:57We're, we're actually in a fight.
01:13:01Um, she lied to me about telling you.
01:13:04And I just don't understand
01:13:06why she can't be honest with me.
01:13:11I don't know.
01:13:14Maybe she's afraid of losing us.
01:13:18Or maybe it's trying to protect us.
01:13:23You really don't know.
01:13:27I do know that getting older is really scary.
01:13:44I'm not paying for this.
01:13:46I got his card on file.
01:13:50Oh, can we talk?
01:13:53I mean, what, what are we doing?
01:13:54I, I, I can't take more silent treatment.
01:14:00That's my client, Jerry.
01:14:04Uh, uh, yeah, I know Jerry.
01:14:07Do you know his wife, Marlene?
01:14:10You know, they've been married for years.
01:14:12Lived in four states, three countries.
01:14:16They got divorced.
01:14:18Got back together.
01:14:20Lived in next door houses,
01:14:21just for their own space.
01:14:25Until they built this place.
01:14:28Together.
01:14:31I don't know what the rest of our lives will look like.
01:14:34But it can be whatever we want it to be.
01:14:37I love you, I love you.
01:14:39I love you, too.
01:14:41I'm sorry.
01:14:42I'm sorry.
01:14:44I'm sorry I lied.
01:14:48And I'm gonna do better.
01:14:50I know.
01:14:51I know, she told me.
01:14:53Who?
01:14:55Delaney.
01:14:57Um, when, when did you see Delaney?
01:15:01Today.
01:15:02She came by the office.
01:15:04Why?
01:15:05She's like, what?
01:15:07Like, returning the stuff I had in her apartment, or?
01:15:12She wanted to know where I was from.
01:15:17Yeah.
01:15:20Actually.
01:15:25Go get your girl.
01:15:29Go on.
01:15:30Yeah.
01:15:31Yeah.
01:15:35Open up your gate.
01:15:37There you go.
01:15:45Oh, my God.
01:16:11Katie, no, there's a list, and you're not the aesthetic.
01:16:15And honestly, even if you were, there's already a Jennifer here, and you can't, like, have
01:16:19a Jennifer and a Katie, you know?
01:16:20Yeah, okay.
01:16:21Um, Roxy, I know you think I'm lame, but I know that you're miserable, and that's why
01:16:27you're so mean.
01:16:28But I feel bad for you.
01:16:30Okay?
01:16:33Yeah.
01:16:34Same.
01:16:35Yeah.
01:16:36Uh, where's Delaney?
01:16:37Where do you think?
01:16:40Fuck.
01:16:44Occupied!
01:16:46Occupied!
01:16:46Delaney, drop the drugs!
01:16:48I said occupied!
01:16:53So I was gonna...
01:16:54Hey, sorry, um, can I go first?
01:16:56Because I'm feeling brave, and that might go away.
01:17:0112.
01:17:08I look at you, and I feel like we are still 12 years old.
01:17:13And I really love that.
01:17:16But we're not 12 years old anymore.
01:17:20And we can't spend every second together anymore.
01:17:26And we don't like all the same things anymore, as much as I try to fight that.
01:17:32And I want to get married.
01:17:35And I want to have kids.
01:17:38And I want to save pictures of bathroom renovations I like.
01:17:45And I want to make little dishes for my keys.
01:17:49And I want to move out of the city.
01:17:50And I know you don't want that stuff.
01:17:52You don't even like that stuff.
01:17:55Actually, and...
01:17:56You don't even really like people who do.
01:18:00Just scary.
01:18:06And I didn't tell you about the engagement, because I was afraid you wouldn't be happy for me.
01:18:12And that would just break my heart beyond repair.
01:18:18And I'm so happy about this next chapter of my life.
01:18:21But I'm terrified that you don't want to be a part of it.
01:18:27And I know I really messed up by lying.
01:18:31And I'm really, really sorry.
01:18:35And if things are different now, I understand.
01:18:40And if we end up parting ways,
01:18:43I just wanted to say thank you.
01:18:51Being your best friend has just been the highlight of my life.
01:18:59And I think we're really lucky to have lasted as long as we did.
01:19:19Well, it's not every day your kid's sister gets married.
01:19:22I'm incredibly honored to be here.
01:19:24And I was asked to put a couple words together
01:19:27and to try to capture the spirit of marriage
01:19:30and what it means to our civilization.
01:19:33And particularly what it means to these two very special people.
01:19:38So, I've done my best.
01:19:40And I think you'll agree.
01:19:45Love's passion.
01:19:47Always in fashion.
01:19:50French kissing.
01:19:52Sad to be missing.
01:19:55Willows swaying.
01:19:57Children playing.
01:19:59Love will find a way.
01:20:02Today.
01:20:03Today.
01:20:05Forevermore.
01:20:07Into Dawn, Katie, and John.
01:20:13You have truly won
01:20:15the game.
01:20:30Thank you for that beautiful poem, Henry.
01:20:38Okay.
01:20:40Let's do this.
01:20:43Dearly beloved.
01:20:56Is it so crazy you spend more time with, like, a hairdresser
01:21:00than you do with, like, your best friends?
01:21:03100%.
01:21:04My eyebrow woman is closer to me.
01:21:06I text her.
01:21:07We're on texting basis.
01:21:08Yeah.
01:21:08Girl, I got what you desire.
01:21:14Yeah.
01:21:16I got a love key to light your fire.
01:21:22Oh, girl.
01:21:24And if you're about to.
01:21:27It's, like, really fun just to, like, sleep, right?
01:21:30To be in bed for a full 24 hours, people say that's depression.
01:21:35A luxury?
01:21:35I say that's a luxury.
01:21:37Exactly.
01:21:38Yeah.
01:21:38100%.
01:21:38100%.
01:22:02It's kind of depressing.
01:22:05It is.
01:22:06Well, that's what they tell you at school.
01:22:08You never listen.
01:22:09You know?
01:22:10But, like, you're like, that won't be me.
01:22:23I'm fostering a bass and hound this week.
01:22:26Oh, God.
01:22:27I know.
01:22:27So running around.
01:22:29I need it.
01:22:30I honestly, I cannot even stand it.
01:22:33I need it here.
01:22:34Just say you're full of air.
01:22:43Love of air.
01:22:48Ooh.
01:22:52Something in you.
01:22:55Something in you.
01:22:57Oh, God.
01:22:59Love of air.
01:23:00Oh, God.
01:23:03Love of air.
01:23:03My God.
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