- 5 hours ago
Bait S01E03-4 (2026) [Full Movie] [Long Version]Full EP - Full
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Short filmTranscript
00:10I hear that. I really do. It's just really not a good day to me, because it's Eid, so I've
00:14got to stick with family.
00:14Okay. Well, you could have stuck with the family yesterday, but now you've got to do what the shiz long
00:18you created.
00:18Is it really that bad? A lot of people seem to like the whole action and routine.
00:22I reckon it will help them visualize me as Bond.
00:25Okay. Well, there is a lot of chatter. Some people think you're a tough guy, other people think you're insane.
00:28This could cost you the role.
00:30Oh, fuck.
00:34Saju, how many of you are doing this?
00:36Mommy, have you met Felicia?
00:37This is the team.
00:38Oh, this is your agent.
00:42Mommy, remember I said to wait in a car and I'm going to get the suite?
00:45No, don't give me the suite.
00:48Felicia.
00:48Zafika.
00:49Farron.
00:50Same as you, just babysitting Bond.
00:52Well, now only auntie's waiting for you.
00:53It's very disgraceful.
00:54Felicia, you're going to get him the job.
00:56Yes.
00:57If he kills me.
00:59Shaji is just perfect for the job. I'll tell you why.
01:01Okay.
01:01When he was a little boy, he used to say, Mama, I want a license to kill. Remember, Shaji?
01:06Oh, how specific?
01:07I don't remember that.
01:08Yeah.
01:10Oh, look, he's got the mid-time.
01:11I'll just be a minute, okay?
01:12Bye-bye, Felicia.
01:13Bye, I'm so sorry.
01:14You don't know if you're a black lady.
01:20Sorry.
01:21You are a black lady.
01:22I know.
01:26What the fuck is this?
01:27You tell me.
01:34Oh, you know what?
01:35I can't get into this right now.
01:36Okay, listen, none of this, none of this matters, okay?
01:39No one reads the fucking news.
01:40However, this is a big problem.
01:44The person you assaulted, you broke his arm and now he wants an apology.
01:47Sid said he was going for the giant Buddha's head, but now he's coming for you with 200,000
01:51followers and counting, young and brown, your core fan base.
01:55Assaulted?
01:56This man ran at me with a metal object, Felicia.
01:59It was a kind of straight pain, Shah.
02:01Yeah, you know what I'd say.
02:02I mean, the worst he could have done was tag you.
02:04Okay, fine, just give him his apology.
02:05Okay, good.
02:05All right, so how are you going to do?
02:07Oh, no, you have to apologize.
02:09On a video by end of day or he's pressing charges.
02:12Listen, it's Ian, so I've got to stick with the family.
02:14My mom usually hosts, but I fucked that up this time.
02:16That's on me.
02:17I can't be dealing with this.
02:18I have to be with the fan today.
02:19I have to make it right.
02:20This is about your career, Shah.
02:22Your credibility in your community for the people that you see are doing all of this for.
02:30Is it your most followers of me?
02:31Shah!
02:33I'm Shah Latif here.
02:35Eve Mubarak to everyone celebrating.
02:37I want to address the incident at the King's Museum last night.
02:40You might have heard about it or seen it.
02:42Well, I lived it.
02:43And I want you to know that in that moment, I wasn't thinking at all.
02:46I was acting out of sheer instinct.
02:50Community is the most important thing in the world to me.
02:54And I would never take it for granted.
02:56And there's nothing more painful to me than to know that I might have hurt a member of my own
03:00community.
03:01And to know that I might have betrayed your trust in some way, hurts me deeply.
03:06You good, yeah?
03:07Yeah, I'm good, yeah.
03:10So, you've come to visit us lonely villagers.
03:14Oxford educated.
03:15But no sense.
03:17Why did you attack that young man?
03:18Don't listen to him.
03:19Come, let's take a selfie.
03:22And I want you to know that I'm going to do everything in my power to make up for it
03:26and to make it right.
03:29Should have won black.
03:31It would go better with the animal witch's gold palace.
03:36Eve is my day.
03:37It belongs to all Muslims.
03:38But me.
03:39It's mine.
03:40And she took it.
03:41You know one thing she doesn't have?
03:43What?
03:44Her son, Salim, you know, golden boy.
03:48I stood to buy a big shot.
03:50Always trying to compete with you.
03:52Bad shot.
03:53Probably getting a Russian prostitute pregnant this second.
03:55Don't talk, Felty.
03:59Orbital?
04:00She doesn't have her main attraction.
04:03Even me can be the stars of the show.
04:05We just...
04:06Come on.
04:08You worried about what Norti Naila thinks?
04:09Nangi Naila.
04:10Nangi Naila.
04:13She always shows skin because she's got no style.
04:16Where is she?
04:17She's probably too busy checking herself out in the mirror to come host her own party.
04:34Samina.
04:35He's Mubarak.
04:36He's Mubarak.
04:38So happy you could come.
04:40So we decided to co-host this year.
04:42This part of you, Kamal, did you, Tahira?
04:44But you know Naila, how do you deal with her?
04:47She doesn't have to deal with her.
04:48She doesn't have to deal with her.
04:49She doesn't have to do the decoration.
04:50She's a penthouse.
04:53The Quran says charity is a blessing.
04:55Please eat it in the garden.
04:57Eid Mubarak.
04:59Eid Mubarak.
05:05Eid Mubarak.
05:06Eid Mubarak.
05:07Thanks for coming.
05:08Hello ladies.
05:10Eid Mubarak.
05:11Eid Mubarak.
05:13Where are your wife?
05:14What's going on?
05:15In Saint Saint.
05:17Oh.
05:17Now he has passed, you're the eldest.
05:19No thank you, I'm fine standing.
05:22Baba, go to your favour.
05:23Don't tell when me, yeah?
05:24Is that how you're going to kill us, Bond?
05:26By raising the blood sugar?
05:29Yeah, I'll mention that to the writers.
05:31Maybe they're single.
05:34Maybe, yeah, maybe.
05:35Why don't you do a Pakistani film?
05:36Something with Mehra Khan in it.
05:38No, no, you're doing a guru vidra.
05:54Sure, good first try, good first try,
05:56but I'm going to need you to do another apology video.
06:00First, you forgot to say the words I'm sorry,
06:02which is kind of key to the whole thing.
06:04He's buff, no?
06:05Keith says he's gone mental.
06:07Yeah, it's fucking hot.
06:08Sorry, can you in my focus, please?
06:10This is the latest.
06:12Well, this guy likes you.
06:17Also, the whole Aladdin outfit and the Bollywood sweet shop,
06:20he's their community, like, ten times.
06:22It feels like you're begging it.
06:24Maybe, down the brow.
06:26I don't get it, what is a problem?
06:27That looks tough, man, I'm 22, mate.
06:30What were you trying to get wifed up?
06:32Get it to me sooner rather than later.
06:34This is not going away.
06:36Hi everyone, Charlotte Tiff here.
06:38Now, last night at the King's Museum,
06:40a brother and I came into conflict.
06:43Now, I should not have reacted the way that I did.
06:46And the brother in question, perhaps,
06:48should not have run at me with a metal object
06:50the way that he did.
06:52Ruba is a community-led...
06:54It's not fucking community-led.
06:56The fact is, we're all in this together.
06:58And in the future, I promise to use my platform
07:00not to lash out, but to reach out.
07:04Bro.
07:05Ruba is for...
07:07You want some chai or something?
07:09No.
07:11Ruba...
07:11Bro, we good?
07:12I'm good, are you good?
07:13Yeah, I'm good, bro, we good.
07:15But I'm good, are you good?
07:16Yeah, I'm good.
07:16I'm good then.
07:18Ruba, not Ruba.
07:19What are you doing?
07:19Trying to focus, man.
07:20You are distracting me.
07:22Alright.
07:23Yes.
07:23Yo, they got them little laddus over there
07:25with the pink and green balls on them.
07:26You want them?
07:26Big man, please.
07:27I don't want laddus right now, okay?
07:29I just want to concentrate.
07:29Why?
07:30Aren't you supposed to be holding it on his hand?
07:33Oh, yeah.
07:33Shit, in a bit, yeah?
07:35Don't bring me no laddus.
07:36We'll go forward.
07:37No, no, no, no, no.
07:40No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
07:42No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
07:44Yeah, I know.
07:44It's only gone, it's only gone.
07:45You came in there?
07:46Where have you been?
07:47I've just been checking on Baba and Zofi.
07:49Bastard, you promised you're not going to leave me.
07:51So if I just die standing here alone...
07:53Please, please don't do this now.
07:55You left me.
07:56I'm sorry.
07:57I'll make it up too.
07:57My name!
07:59My Salim is coming!
08:05Salim!
08:06My son!
08:10Salim!
08:15Salim!
08:31Salim!
08:34Salim!
08:37Look, Mr. Tobai.
08:40Look at him, the dancing monkey.
08:42Doing his mother's dirty bidding.
08:43Making Russian prostitutes pregnant.
08:45Look.
08:46No, he's not, Mommy.
08:46That was a joke that I just made.
08:50Oh, look at that fresh spray.
08:52Zulfi, weakest of us all.
08:56Don't leave.
08:57Shahjus, she's coming.
08:57Don't leave.
08:58Shahbeta, can I borrow your Mommy for a minute?
09:00I need my co-host in the kitchen.
09:02Okay, we're just going to...
09:03Okay, okay.
09:04No, no, let's go.
09:04Let's go.
09:05Let's go.
09:05Let's go, let's go.
09:09Our KPI is the most interesting thing about this, okay?
09:12It's the retention of the customer base
09:13after that discount period, you know?
09:15It's off the charts.
09:16People want more community-driven rides, she helps.
09:18Yes, Salim.
09:19Yes.
09:20What are you saying, bro?
09:20Yes.
09:21Look at this guy.
09:22You good?
09:22Yeah.
09:23Come, join us, man.
09:24Join us.
09:24I'll be busy.
09:25I've always been doing that anyway.
09:26Yeah, I've got you some logos, bro.
09:28So I never got your number.
09:29How you been?
09:30I've been good, bro.
09:30Yeah?
09:31You've been breaking shit.
09:32What do you mean by that?
09:35Glass ceilings.
09:37Try it, man.
09:37Try it.
09:38And I got his arm.
09:40It's just a fracture.
09:41Hey, just to bring this back to what we were talking about before you got here.
09:44Yeah.
09:45You know, our number of drivers are growing.
09:46By the day, we'll be in all key five bars by June, so...
09:49Muba!
09:50Sick idea, innit?
09:51I've been there from day one, I remember.
09:52Bro, I'm so proud of this guy.
09:54Gus Smith is so proud.
09:55And you know what's amazing?
09:55He's always been an entrepreneur.
09:57If anything, he just went from selling grams to Instagram.
10:04Just out of interest, what was your credit situation with the criminal record and everything?
10:08No problems whatsoever.
10:09No issues.
10:10And just for clarity, I didn't go inside for selling mall.
10:14It's not just five-bit of violent disorder.
10:15It was.
10:16It was self-defense, to be honest with you.
10:17It was really before, in a way.
10:18He's a ride or die, and he was there for me.
10:19Any credit issues, though?
10:20No credit issues, because I'm going all in with everything that I've got, right?
10:24So if you need any credit, if you need financing, just talk to me.
10:27Sorry, Gus, I was on the impression we were coming in seed round rather than source series A.
10:32You see this conversation here?
10:33This is, in fact, the closest he's been to the business, right?
10:38In fact, obviously, it's too close.
10:40Okay, give me back my dildos, then.
10:44Even for me personally, the most important quality by Muba is, in fact, the quality of the relationships.
10:51We're not just there for them when we want,
10:53because that's bullshit.
10:55That's fake.
10:56Get the fuck off me, bro.
10:58I don't know.
11:01And anyway, I've always had a passion for customer services.
11:03It's my thing.
11:04That's one thing I picked up in Dubai.
11:06That's what we do best, hospitality.
11:07That's our culture.
11:08One might say it, like, the Muslim way of doing business.
11:11I love the idea.
11:13I'm going to present it to the guys, see what they say.
11:14Well, you're taking this...
11:16You're trying to get investment from Dubai.
11:20Yeah, okay.
11:21Yeah.
11:22You good?
11:23No, I'm just saying, you know, Dubai works for people with the, you know, all like, with the...
11:27But, I mean, what the fuck's this guy going to do in Dubai, man?
11:30He ain't going to let you in, bro.
11:31You don't want to go there, man.
11:32I'm all in, yeah?
11:33Remember that.
11:37He was disrespectful.
11:38He referred to your quiff like that.
11:39There was no need.
11:40It looks good.
11:42Shah, got your second apology.
11:44Yeah, that's not going to work.
11:45First of all, what was up with that background?
11:48If you post that, you'll have to issue a second apology for being a rich arsehole.
11:51Also, you forgot to say sorry again.
11:53Oh, the first class.
11:56I've done it, Naila.
11:58I've done it.
11:58I've done it with you.
12:00Next year, you'll be back at yours, right?
12:01No, absolutely, yes.
12:03Very kind of you to step in this year, Naila.
12:06Taira, don't worry.
12:15I worry for him, for all of you.
12:22It's so much pressure.
12:24That's very kind of you to worry.
12:25I see a bit of your sister in here.
12:35Does Shah Jahan have someone you can talk to?
12:38He has me.
12:39Rukhaya had you too.
12:40But she needed more help, right?
12:43And I don't see anyone else.
12:44She doesn't know anything.
12:46Naila, please.
12:48It's all good.
12:49My son is going to be the next James Bond.
12:51We all couldn't be more proud.
12:54The man has changed.
12:57It's okay to talk about these struggles now.
12:59Really.
13:03It's all good.
13:05First class.
13:54I love that guy too.
13:59Shah, we need that apology.
14:01We're running out of time.
14:02I've literally written it out for you.
14:04Just find a quiet, neutral room.
14:06Record it and send it back now before it's too fucking late.
14:09Okay?
14:33Am I interrupting something?
14:35Yeah.
14:37A conversation.
14:39Can you fucking close the door, please?
14:42Is this like you two...
14:44I like her.
14:45Texting.
14:46Wow.
14:47So how long has this been going on?
14:48Six months.
14:49Three months?
14:50Okay, so this is nothing.
14:52Can we please not do this in front of Shah?
14:53I'm sure.
14:54I'm not going to tell anyone.
14:54Why don't I come here?
14:55Can we not do this in front of Shah?
14:56I came here for you.
14:57But I never asked you to, did I?
14:59But I asked me to.
15:00I never...
15:00Calm down.
15:01I never fucking asked you to.
15:02And this, this whole thing you're doing here, this is what I'm talking about.
15:05This is the whole problem.
15:05So just to clarify, you didn't come into Steve's office then for the thing?
15:07No.
15:08Yes.
15:08Does he know, by the way?
15:09Oh, for fuck's sake.
15:11Well, yeah, he's going to find out now, isn't he?
15:12I'm not going to say anything.
15:13I've got your back.
15:14I've got your back.
15:15Look, we don't have to tell anyone.
15:17Let's just be real about what this is, because this is something, right?
15:20Me and you both know it.
15:21What does that even mean, bro?
15:23Well, you live a million miles away, okay?
15:26You have a whole life.
15:28You have fucking house keys, car keys, so many keys, okay?
15:32I have one key.
15:33I can give you keys.
15:34I don't want your keys, okay?
15:35I want mine.
15:36Yo, can I just step in here for a minute, offer maybe a different perspective from my own more
15:39mature experience, yeah?
15:41I want an honest answer from both of you, okay?
15:44All right?
15:45All right.
15:45Now, let's say, let's say you've been texting.
15:48There's some emotional ambiguity about where you both stand, all right?
15:53Yeah?
15:53You can relate, right?
15:54You send a message, a heartfelt one.
15:57Instead of it going green, it goes gray.
16:00What does that mean to you?
16:02It means you're blocked.
16:05Fuck off, really?
16:06Yeah.
16:07Let me just show you this.
16:08Okay, I'm going to ask you to leave now.
16:09Can I show you this quickly?
16:10No, no, no.
16:11Oi?
16:12Don't say anything to anyone.
16:13I'm chill.
16:16Salim, yeah?
16:20He's not fucking chill.
16:27With trade gone, who will lead the prayer?
16:29Pasha?
16:31Okay.
16:32Well, he recites beautifully, but I think I should lead.
16:35How will you?
16:36Seated?
16:36I won't be seated.
16:37Well, where's by?
16:38Think about it.
16:38Let someone else lead.
16:40Listen, you ass-wipes.
16:42I can run circles around you idiots.
16:44I will lead.
16:51By so desperately pursuing the role of Bond, an icon of the white establishment,
16:56Shah Latif is exchanging his political art for vanilla distraction.
17:00And so he joins a long line of brown men who think that by becoming our oppressor,
17:04he's somehow liberating all of us.
17:05And he puts a filter on his IMDb pic to look more white.
17:18Come on.
17:20Allahu akbar, allahu akbar, la ilaha illa allah, allahu akbar.
17:30Hey, Shah Latif here.
17:32I was involved in an incident last night at the King's Museum that was both unfortunate
17:36and avoidable.
17:37And I'm deeply sorry.
17:39Hey, hey, hey, hey, you fucking thing.
17:41Bismillah ar-Rahman ar-Rahim.
17:45Alhamdulillahi Rabbil Alameen.
17:47Shah Latif here.
17:48Last night at the King's Museum, I fucked up a guy running at me with a metal object.
17:53And apparently I'm the one who has to apologize.
17:59Hi, Shah Latif here. Literally nothing to apologize for. Trying to save my career and my life. So I'll fuck
18:05you and your little TikTok, you little.
18:37Hello. Yeah, hi, is this Sid? Uh, yeah. Hi. Hi, this is Shah Latif. Is it? Actually. Yeah, it is
18:48actually. Bro, I just want to say, I am so, so sorry.
18:54For what happened yesterday. No excuses. I was banging out of order. I just don't know what came over me.
19:02I really hope you can find it in your heart to please forgive me.
19:08Yo, I appreciate this, man. I really do. I was going to call my lawyers, but then the fact you
19:15called, man.
19:16Oh, bro, he's been eating me up the whole day.
19:18I can't tell you how much this means, man. Legit.
19:23Do you mind just sending me what you just said? Like in a recording?
19:29Sorry?
19:30I need the engagement, bro.
19:32Right. I mean, I guess so.
19:35Nice, man. Appreciate it. All right. Oh, and thanks for the follow, mate. Just remember, keep the bid under 90
19:40for the algorithm here.
19:43Mm-hmm. I will do.
19:45All right. See you.
19:58Oh, my God.
20:05What happened?
20:06You fell.
20:08I was praying on a chair already.
20:09You want to sit down?
20:12Oh, my God.
20:13How is your breathing? Okay?
20:14You okay? Huh? Why didn't you sit him down?
20:16Brother, now you want to be involved.
20:17What the fuck's that supposed to mean? I'm doing something inside.
20:19It's for yourself. Don't come at me.
20:20You always fucking want to be the hero and you're never around.
20:22All right, all right.
20:23Come down, mate.
20:24Baba, do you care?
20:26Is anyone getting any water?
20:28I'm going to do you want to get a blanket or something?
20:33Are you good, bro?
20:34Brother, are you good?
20:36Are you dumb?
20:37He's a fucking diabetic and you're giving him boxes of sweets.
20:40Shabbat, bada.
20:42Shall I just fuck off again, yeah?
20:42You better when I'm not around, that's what you're saying.
20:45No, no, what? He's not my dad, he's your dad.
20:46Shut you.
20:47Shut you.
20:48You know what? You think you're a fucking bad man.
20:50Oh.
20:50Fucking, yeah, my people is my bad.
20:52How the fuck are you going to help your people
20:53if you're too busy sucking white people's dicks?
20:57It's okay with me. He's just crying about last night, bro.
20:59What? You came in to take me.
21:00You came for a free fucking meal, bro.
21:01I saw you giving out your little business cards.
21:02That's some sweet little minicap driver.
21:04Blow it, blow it, bro.
21:05He's a leech, man.
21:06Tell us to him. He's been leeching off me my whole life.
21:08What are you trying to leech off this dickhead?
21:09Bro, he doesn't care about your shitty ideas.
21:11He's trying to chirp his little sister.
21:13What?
21:13Only chirp his little sister.
21:14I love her.
21:15All right, what the fuck, man?
21:17Are you fucking, are you mad?
21:18Listen, don't listen to him.
21:19He's lost the fucking blood.
21:20He's been chatting to her pig's head in the freezer.
21:21What?
21:22What freezer?
21:22In the garage and he's been talking to her.
21:24You talking to her pig's head?
21:25What if I have?
21:26What if I have?
21:26What if I have?
21:27Better listener than any of you lot.
21:28That's what happens when you're related to you guys.
21:30I'm not the first family member to lose my mind, am I?
21:31Hey, enough.
21:34Hello, Shaju.
21:37Why are you saying it to me?
21:39No, no, I'm asking him.
21:40Why is he saying that to me?
21:41Baba, what did I do?
21:41What did I do?
21:42I'm trying to fucking make a difference.
21:43I'm not just sat there fucking complaining about everything.
21:45Will you not judge me?
21:46Huh?
21:47Why are you fucking touching me?
21:48Don't touch me.
21:49Shh.
21:49I'm trying to change the world.
21:50All right?
21:51So anyone doesn't look at you and think you're some fucking worthless,
21:54thinking, bitter, baggy.
21:56Look at me.
21:56Get the fuck out of here, boss.
21:58Baba, I'm not the problem, am I?
21:59She blames you for what happened to your mom, bro.
22:00Shut up!
22:01Stop!
22:05Don't touch me.
22:16You're a fool.
22:18Come on.
22:21Don't touch me.
22:22I love you
22:28I love you
22:30I love you
22:33I love you
22:39I love you
22:39I love you
22:39You ready?
22:41Amazing
22:42One mixed brew
22:44Wow
22:45One biryani
22:49Orchidol
22:50Great
22:51And some none
22:52Ah, thank you
22:53Enjoy your meal
22:54Let us know if you would like anything else
22:55Can I get some more water?
22:56Yeah, sure
23:09Oh my god, Yasmin
23:12What the fuck?
23:14What are you doing here?
23:16What are you doing here?
23:18Oh yeah, you come here every year on Eid, don't you?
23:21I totally forgot
23:23You forgot?
23:24Yeah, yeah, I'm just here picking up some food
23:27Right
23:28What a coincidence
23:29I know
23:30Actually, um, do you mind if I?
23:35What's happening?
23:37I just told you, I'm just here picking up some food
23:38On the other side of London at 9.30
23:41On Eid
23:43Yeah
23:44Don't eat that
23:45Why not?
23:46You won't like it
23:47I think I know what I like
23:48It's chicken, not lamb
23:51Why would you get the chicken?
23:53Try new things
23:53Is that okay?
23:55No
23:55It'd be weird because the lamb's a signature
23:57Okay, so you're here because of the article
23:58Can we stop pretending?
24:01I'm sorry, what article?
24:03Are you being serious right now?
24:06I'm sorry if I missed your, what is it, an article?
24:08That sounds fun, tell me about it
24:09You were doubling down on this, right?
24:12Dude, you know how it's like, I've got busy, you're busy
24:14Well, I'm sure you're not fixated on everything that I'm doing, right?
24:17This is a strong take, I've got to hand it to you
24:19I don't know what you mean, it sounds like you think I'm
24:21Like killing myself to be something that I'm not
24:24And you memorised it, that's sad
24:27Oh, you're sad, I'm not sad, I've been having a great time
24:29I've been swapping out political art for vanilla destruction
24:32Can you stop quoting my article, please?
24:35And it's not even about you, actually
24:36Oh, it's not about me
24:37Full disclosure, Shar Latif and I know one another
24:40And have spent time together socially?
24:43Is that how you're going to describe our relationship?
24:46That's how you describe our relationship, alright?
24:47And you calm down, these people are not your audience
24:49You're ruining their dinner, and mine
24:51This is revenge porn, man, this is revenge porn
24:53Dressed up as an identity politics and pop culture
24:55It's a big piece
24:56Is it revenge porn if you're fucking yourself over?
24:59Yeah, actually it is, that's a sub-genre of revenge porn
25:02Yeah, it is, it doesn't matter what kind of porn it is
25:04Delete that now!
25:05Delete that or I'll break your fucking nose with it
25:07Yeah, it's good
25:08And the deleted pics folder, what do you think, I'm fucking thick?
25:11Isn't that what you want?
25:13And that's not a private language here, you idiot
25:16Dude, can you just delete it?
25:17I wanted a selfie, you can talk to me, I'm very approachable
25:19Yeah, thank you, dude, enjoy your milkshake
25:22Thank you, yeah, show's over
25:23What are you doing?
25:24Are you kidding me?
25:25Enjoy your little family
25:25Come on, man, let's take it, have you been paid?
25:27Is she paid?
25:28Yes, I paid
25:28And I'm the dramatic one
25:29Okay, look, look, time out, please
25:31I just want to talk
25:32Excuse me
25:32After all this time?
25:33I'm sorry about that
25:34Can we just have a chat?
25:35It's not right, man
25:37It's not right
25:38No
25:38I'm here
25:39I don't want to talk to me, sir
25:40I don't want to talk to you, sir
25:42Fuck the hell
25:43Why did you see that?
25:44Is there a back door?
25:46Where's the back door?
25:47I think they're here for me, right?
25:49Anyone?
25:50Fine, thanks
25:50I'll find it myself
25:51Wait
25:52Wait, go
25:55Sorry
25:58Is there an exit?
26:00Hey, hey, hey, hey, go away, go away
26:01It's not allowed
26:02It's not allowed
26:02Please
26:03I'm half going to DJ, huh?
26:04Can I have a chat?
26:05Alright, thank you
26:06Sorry
26:06What are you doing?
26:07Do you have to worry?
26:08No
26:08No
26:11Don't be here
26:12I'm not trying
26:12I'm trying to be there
26:14I'm on my way out
26:18Please go down
26:22Charger, stop
26:24Okay, sorry
26:26I want to be done all wrong
26:27I just wanted to see you
26:28That last bit wasn't my fault
26:31Come on now
26:31That was crazy
26:33You're crazy
26:33You're crazy
26:34Me?
26:35Come on, you knocked three people out just by staring at me
26:38If you ever need a job, I could do with security
26:42If you think that was fine, you have some serious issues
26:45Better than, you know, book club for wine
26:47What kind of ETH is that, huh?
26:48How about your ETH?
26:49What, crossing London to stalk your ex?
26:50You need help
26:52You know what, I do
26:53And you did help me
26:54And I'm grateful, because it shows that you care
26:56I do care, actually
26:57What was more beautiful, lady?
27:00You know what, yeah
27:01Yeah, I'll buy a rose
27:03I should be thanking you, right?
27:05No, please
27:06Can you help me?
27:06What?
27:07How much are rose?
27:08Five pounds
27:09Okay, that's a bit steep
27:10I'll do 250 for her
27:11Okay, you're embarrassing yourself
27:11Oh, that isn't that
27:12That's not the first time I would have done that for you, though, is it?
27:16I don't need a rose from you
27:17You don't need anything from anyone
27:18No, just not from you
27:19Actually, my life's pretty great
27:20Okay, if it's great, lend me five pounds
27:22And I'll buy you a rose and I can stop and scratch
27:25Five pounds is expensive
27:28You know, if you knew me at all
27:31You know, I hate roses
27:33I remember that
27:34I just
27:34You've got to love the gesture, huh?
27:37You love the gesture
27:37Guys, guys, why don't you come in for the best curry on Brick Lane?
27:4020% off for the lovely couple, eh?
27:42We're not a couple
27:43But we used to be, you met my family
27:45Yeah, I did, actually
27:46And you know what?
27:48He made me wear a jacket over my sleeveless dress the first time when I met his dad
27:51Well, no, not in a funder way
27:52Just my dad's a bit of a, like, little pervy uncle, mate
27:55Listen, she was making out like I would have locked her in a cupboard if we carried on dating
27:58Yeah?
27:59She put all her cultural and family issues on me just because I'm brown
28:01That's racist, isn't it?
28:02Isn't it more racist to be killing yourself to play a white neo-colonial MI6 agent?
28:06But if I played him, he wouldn't be white, would he?
28:08Yeah, but you would be
28:09Guys, I've got an idea
28:10Why don't you go to my cousin's restaurant across the road? I think that's better for you
28:13Don't you want to hear about how he brought a date to my friends and family screening?
28:16A date?
28:18That was not a date, she was a work colleague that I brought
28:20She was shit in your mango tree flop
28:23Guessing it wasn't enough to snog her on screen
28:24Good for the career to be spotted out and about with her
28:26God forbid anything come from all that
28:28Okay, okay, hadn't we broken up by then?
28:30Sure, that night was about me, okay?
28:33And also, taking a break isn't the same as breaking up
28:35Okay, then how exactly would you define how we
28:38Fucking cunt, fuck
28:39What?
28:40I left my bag at the restaurant
28:41Okay, do you, um, do you have to go back there now?
28:44I have my passport in it and I'm leaving tomorrow
28:45Where are you going?
28:46Fuck, Argentina
28:47What? Why are you going to Argentina?
28:49Wait
28:51Someone's taken it
28:53My airports are moving, fuck
28:54Oh shit
28:55You're going to catch you on foot
28:56We need a cabinet
28:57Oh wait
28:58Taxi
29:00I need to get it back
29:01That's gone, listen
29:03Can you just, just let me help
29:05Just trust me for once
29:07I don't know
29:09Come on
29:11Come on
29:12Come on
29:12Come on
29:13Come on
29:14Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
29:15Hey mate, listen
29:16Can you give us a lift?
29:18Yeah, come
29:18Yeah?
29:19How fast is this going?
29:20How fast is this going?
29:21Not that fast
29:21Faster than walking on it
29:23Oh yeah, it's a bike
29:26If you annoy me, I will ditch you
29:27Understood?
29:28You always say that, but you're still here
29:29Yeah, well, I'm leaving the country tomorrow, aren't I?
29:32Hey, this is an emergency
29:33Can you follow this dog?
29:35Yeah?
29:36Alright auntie, I got you
29:37Auntie?
29:38You're definitely going to get a tip
29:39Alright, listen
29:40It's going to be fine
29:41What's the name of you, Tina?
29:43Funding came through for my doc
29:44The shipwreck one?
29:45Mm-hmm
29:46Cool
29:47Come on
29:49Proud of you, man
29:51I don't mean that to patronise you today
29:52Well, it was a little bit patronising
29:54No, seriously
29:54I wish there were more knocking in keys about shipwrecks
30:07Your dad is more, um
30:09Herb and Fondo
30:12I appreciate you saying that
30:14He would have killed to have me in your family
30:17I would have liked to kill him
30:18I'd have to keep pulling him to one side like that
30:19What the fuck are you doing?
30:21Chill out, baby
30:25How is he?
30:27He's not good
30:28Nah
30:29He's not, um
30:32Yeah, he's not good
30:38I think my whole family ate me
30:41I think my whole family ate me
30:41They probably do
30:45They probably do
30:52That's mad
30:53Shut up
30:57That is
30:58Come on, that's crazy
30:59Of all the tunes
31:01That's wild
31:01Ha ha ha
31:06I can make you feel better
31:09Better, turn up for your auntie
31:11I'm getting auntie with a rabies
31:12If you can't
31:13I can make it all clear
31:18Don't pretend
31:20You're bad
31:21You're healing
31:22Try so hard
31:23That you can
31:24Can't conceal it
31:26Whatever you feel inside
31:28I can make you feel
31:29Is it here?
31:30Somewhere around there.
31:32Maybe it's in the diner over there.
31:33In there?
31:34Yeah.
31:37Thanks.
31:38Yeah.
31:3910% off your next ride.
31:40Leaving tomorrow.
31:41Well, when you get back then?
31:42Not coming back.
31:43What do you mean, I'm coming back?
31:44Doesn't matter.
31:46What do you mean by that?
31:47Kat, Manny, Charlie?
31:48No, man.
31:50Nice one.
31:53What do you mean you're not coming back?
31:54No.
31:56It's here.
31:59Okay.
31:59Okay?
32:00Um, yeah.
32:02I think, is that down there on the left?
32:04Yeah.
32:04Hurry up.
32:04It takes weeks to get a new passport.
32:06Don't worry.
32:06We're going to get it.
32:07Wait, I think it is.
32:09It's like behind.
32:10It's this one here.
32:16Hi.
32:18Hi.
32:19Welcome to the glow up.
32:2025 hands.
32:21Oh, I'd like to pay.
32:23Please.
32:23But I don't have my wallet or phone.
32:26How has this become an expensive date for me?
32:32And here are your putty bags.
32:36Down the corridor on the right.
32:37Okay.
32:38Okay.
32:40So what are we going to perform exactly?
32:41Uh, it's a bum bag.
32:42Okay.
32:43What kind of bum bag?
32:44Just a bag.
32:45Right.
32:46Neon.
32:47Pink and yellow.
32:48Wait, is this the one that I got you?
32:50Yeah.
32:50Oh.
32:52All right.
32:52Relax.
32:53What?
32:53No, we shouldn't be too hard to find, right?
32:55It's convenient.
32:56It's a useful size bag.
32:57Okay.
33:01Oh, I'm sharp.
33:06It might be a bit tricky.
33:08Oh, shit.
33:10I'm never going to find my bag in here.
33:12Whoa.
33:13Aren't you forgetting something?
33:15Say what?
33:16Check your goodie bag, mate.
33:17Can't let you on the dance floor like that.
33:20Oh, with the paint.
33:23All right.
33:25Fuck it.
33:27I'm not really...
33:28I'm shit at this kind of...
33:29Sit down.
33:29I'll do it.
33:34Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
33:34Be nice.
33:36Be nice.
33:37When am I not nice?
33:40As much as you want to humiliate me,
33:44remember whose passport...
33:46Don't rush the artist, please.
33:50Sorry.
33:53Or look into her soul.
33:59Why'd you get rid of the nose ring?
34:02Um, I don't know.
34:03You look so much fitter with that nose ring, man.
34:06Fuck you.
34:07What?
34:07I'm just saying,
34:07take the attention away from that cold, dead look in your eyes.
34:11Probably around the same time as you started losing half your hair.
34:14You know, um,
34:15fitting hair is linked to high levels of testosterone.
34:17I know you, bro.
34:18So if you need some money for a hair transplant,
34:20you just let me know.
34:22No, I'm fine.
34:22You know, I just take all my self-loathing
34:23and I rub it on my scalp every day.
34:25So thanks for chopping me up on self-loathing.
34:27Next time I see you,
34:29you're going to have shaved your head
34:30and you're going to tell me it's for a role.
34:32Or, because I'm going to have a really secret sad illness
34:34and you're going to be so upset about all the time you're just spending it
34:36and now that I'm dead.
34:38Yeah?
34:38Yeah.
34:39Death guilty.
34:40That's a straight-up auntie move.
34:41It is.
34:42Sorry, did that trigger you?
34:44Sorry, does that turn you on?
34:45I know.
34:46I know you're going to have a lot of fun, but I know you're going to have a lot of
35:16fun.
35:16I know you're going to have a lot of fun.
35:50You're having fun?
35:52Yeah, I am actually.
35:53I'm having fun.
35:54You're going to be looking for a bag.
35:55Yeah, I'm looking as well.
35:56All right.
35:57I'm always looking.
35:57Don't worry.
36:03You're not a bad either in the end.
36:04Not the worst.
36:05You're not a bad.
36:08What are you looking at me for?
36:09I don't have it.
36:31I'm going to go to the bathroom.
36:32I don't have it.
37:02Are you fucking mad?
37:06I'm not the first family member to lose my mind.
37:31Oh.
38:05Hey.
38:08Hey.
38:13Do I find it?
38:23I just want to say, what you're doing, you can halfway across the world, on your own.
38:29It's amazing.
38:30You're fearless.
38:31I've always admired that about you.
38:33Thanks.
38:39So, where are you going to live?
38:41In a flat or something?
38:42Yeah, I found a place near the offices.
38:44Okay.
38:45Great.
38:45Yeah.
38:47Is it like a good neighborhood?
38:49I'm just saying a woman out there on her own.
38:52I can take care of myself.
38:53I know, I know, I know.
38:54The Spanish is kind of shit, so you're going to need someone to...
38:56What are you doing?
38:58What am I doing?
38:59What am I doing?
38:59I'm looking at your passports and I'm having a little bit of a race.
39:03What?
39:05You found the bag, didn't you?
39:08No.
39:11What?
39:11Yeah, you did, you psycho.
39:14What are you talking about?
39:15You just said passports with a fucking S.
39:17Where are they?
39:18Where are they?
39:19Fine, fine, fine.
39:22Oliver Winthrop?
39:24Fucking Winthrop, man.
39:25And I'm the one trying to be white.
39:27Now then, leave me the bag.
39:28Fuck off!
39:49Hey, why did you lie to me?
39:50I didn't fucking lie to you.
39:51You didn't tell me you got a boyfriend.
39:52Why do you think I'm here?
39:54You're the one that lied about the passports.
39:56Okay.
39:57Alright, then I'll be honest now.
39:58I am not here for your fucking article, okay?
40:00I'm here for you.
40:01Look, I'm here for you.
40:03Because I miss you.
40:05I miss us.
40:07Okay?
40:10I'll admit that.
40:12Now, can you admit, if it's really all done between us,
40:16it's a little bit weird that you didn't want to tell me about your boyfriend.
40:18How long?
40:19A year?
40:19A year?
40:20That you're moving to another country tomorrow?
40:23Yeah.
40:23I mean, there's something.
40:24I've got cold feet.
40:26This is a fucking big decision.
40:28Okay, so you've got cold feet.
40:29Yeah, okay.
40:30But I didn't want to see him on my last night in London.
40:33Am I out here running around with you?
40:35Why is that?
40:36Hmm?
40:37But he's fucking great.
40:38He's really great and he loves me.
40:40And he's reliable and he's there for me.
40:43So, I don't know.
40:45I don't know.
40:47I don't know.
40:56Do you want to know what it's like?
40:57Hmm?
41:00Doing the dirty work.
41:04Fighting everybody and being a nobody.
41:09I...
41:11I don't live with myself.
41:13I live with whoever they need me to be.
41:20And if I don't know who I am, it's because I feel like maybe you don't want to know.
41:28No.
41:28Are you acting?
41:31No.
41:32There's like...
41:33Lines.
41:34They are lines, but the feeling is honest.
41:39You're insane.
41:49Please don't go.
41:56Take care.
41:57Okay?
42:11Why not?
42:24You know how lovely it's a type of thing.
42:24Come in.
42:24Why not?
42:24Ooh.
42:34Well, I think cause I have nothing to do.
42:34Cause I've done a little thing that feels better for you.
42:34Uh, uh...
42:40Alright.
42:40You
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