- 16 hours ago
The Trades S03E01 (2026)
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TVTranscript
00:00The End
00:08Odds! Wake the fuck up! We're going hard!
00:10Oh fuck!
00:10Jimmy's retirement weekend! You can sleep when he's dead!
00:13Okay, I'll distract him. You fucking gotta get out of here!
00:15With what? A teleporter?
00:17Go hide!
00:18Fuck!
00:18Here?
00:20I don't know!
00:20You're gonna love that!
00:22Ew! Use rubber!
00:23Hey Odds! You alive or what?
00:26Fuck bro! You can't just barge in here like that, okay?
00:28Cause I was rubbing one out!
00:31Glad I didn't walk in on that!
00:32Yeah, me too!
00:33Here, get the Caesar in here! All your essential nutrients!
00:36Awesome! Tomatoes, vodka, clams, and...
00:39Holy shit! Way more vodka!
00:41Gave one of my famous pickled beans! This new batch?
00:44Make your ass lips pucker!
00:45Can't wait!
00:46You're welcome!
00:47Fuck!
00:48Grab your shit!
00:49Did you flip?
00:50Oh! One more thing!
00:52Huh?
00:53You want your eggs Todd style?
00:54Uh, no! Scrambled's fine!
00:55Scrambled coming up!
00:56Thank you!
00:57You're welcome again!
00:58Don't problem at all!
00:59Get the fuck out of here!
01:00Damn!
01:01Okay!
01:01What have I done?
01:02Oh, here we go!
01:03Okay!
01:04Oh shit, this is gonna suck!
01:06Fuck!
01:07Ugh!
01:08Ugh!
01:09Ugh!
01:10Why the hell were you up on our roof?
01:12Dodd's roof!
01:12He's got shingle rot!
01:13And there goes the timer!
01:15Holy fuck! It's cold!
01:17Ugh!
01:17Don't need for a shower now!
01:19Ugh!
01:20Shingle rot!
01:21First, I'm hearing of it, Mr. Handy Mullet.
01:24Are you shaving your whole face?
01:25I've been doing it since I was five!
01:27Oh!
01:28You do it once and it grows back thicker!
01:29If I don't stay on top of this, I'm a daytime werewolf!
01:32Well, look who it is!
01:33I'm not here!
01:35Ugh!
01:36Ugh!
01:37Ugh!
01:38Ugh!
01:38Hey, what up, slugs?
01:40Morning, boss!
01:41You look!
01:42Please!
01:42Don't even go there, dick lamp!
01:44Your waiter in service last night was bullshit!
01:46What the fuck happened to the dessert I paid for?
01:47Oh, I ate the dessert myself!
01:49You were too busy eating my sister's face!
01:53Hey, you wanna see a drawing of the dream I had?
01:55Are you wearing clothes this time?
01:56The fuck?
01:57Oh, Jesus.
01:58Is that your step-mom again?
01:59Yeah, Miss Nancy.
02:02Except this time she's part woman, part recliner.
02:04You really need to talk to somebody about this.
02:07I am!
02:08You're my someone!
02:09I'm not qualified!
02:10What do you think this dream means?
02:11Oh, great.
02:13We're all clear.
02:14Ow!
02:15You fucking city weasel!
02:20Fuck!
02:21Don't stare him in the eyes.
02:23You should know better.
02:24I do know better.
02:25How about I just punt the fucking thing over the fence?
02:30Hey, buddy.
02:31What are you doing here?
02:32Oh, hey.
02:33Bud.
02:34I was just, uh, coming to take you to breakfast.
02:37I got breakfast on the go inside.
02:38Come on in.
02:39Oh, nice.
02:39What happened to your face?
02:40You getting in a fight?
02:41Yeah, I know.
02:41I just run through the bush hunting squirrels and shit.
02:44How come you're all wet?
02:45Uh, cause I think it was raining over where I am.
02:47It's not a small pizza or something?
02:48It's raining.
02:49It's not a fucking cloud in the sky.
02:50Drive that into you.
02:52Wow.
02:52Todd style.
02:54Oh, yeah.
02:55What is that?
02:56Did I do that to you?
02:57No.
02:58Do we?
03:00Thank you, toddler.
03:01Uh, did everyone have a good night?
03:03Oh, yeah.
03:04Sure did.
03:05Yeah?
03:07Anyone special spend the night?
03:09It's me.
03:11It's me.
03:11Todd?
03:12Nope.
03:13And probably for the best, cause I snore like a bastard.
03:16Playing hard to get, huh?
03:17Good strategy.
03:18Not that hard.
03:19We already talked about another date.
03:20That a boy.
03:21Nice.
03:23What'd you get up to after Dane and I left last night?
03:26I left right after you guys.
03:28Are you sure?
03:28Yeah.
03:29Um, what time did you leave?
03:31Later.
03:32Later.
03:33A little later.
03:34Not too late.
03:34Not nose beers late.
03:35Nothing like that.
03:36You know, just, uh, earlier for some.
03:38Later for others.
03:38You know what I mean?
03:39It's just kinda just...
03:40One of those get up.
03:42Yes.
03:42You're being weird.
03:44One foot.
03:44Ah, you guys got some catching up to do.
03:46Cause I'm already on round two.
03:53Happy Monday.
03:54Ah, what a messy weekend.
03:55My brains are scrambled.
03:57You gonna be okay to work today?
03:59Did you get that all out of your system?
04:00I don't know, man.
04:02Okay.
04:03Alright.
04:03You were not hung over.
04:05You're good.
04:06You were definitely hung over.
04:08Here.
04:08Coffee.
04:09Check.
04:10After coffee, gum.
04:12Take this for the pain.
04:14Chase it down with this.
04:16What would you do without me?
04:18I'd be fucked.
04:20Look at me.
04:22Ow!
04:23Now you're good.
04:23The fuck?
04:25Let's go Monday!
04:26Do this!
04:27Woo!
04:28We are crushing life.
04:30Rushing it!
04:31Good morning, ladies.
04:32Hey!
04:33It's Monday, but Todd's got Friday energy.
04:35Oh, yeah.
04:36Smell that?
04:36That's the smell of money being made, bitches.
04:38Paytrex cleared.
04:39I gave us a raise.
04:40As you should.
04:41While you're at it, I'll take one.
04:42Sure, sweetheart.
04:43Pew pew!
04:44Pew pew!
04:45That's the walk of a man that wishes I'd take him back.
04:47Heard that.
04:48Heard that.
04:49Maybe I wanted you to.
04:53Hey, chips.
04:54Let's talk to some champions.
04:57Fuck.
04:57Hey, Steffi.
04:58What's cracking?
04:59Hey, brother.
05:00Today could be the day.
05:01Zero infractions.
05:02Oh, let's hope.
05:03Oh!
05:04Was that one?
05:05Nothing unsafe about that.
05:06That's called team spirit.
05:07Yeah, it is.
05:08Don't you fuck this up for me, Winky.
05:11Hey, Taze.
05:12Don't just stand there.
05:13Put your hands in your pockets.
05:14Why stand when you can lean?
05:15Why lean when you can sit?
05:16Clocked in.
05:17Tuned out.
05:18Have a good shift, everyone.
05:19Play safe.
05:20Look at this.
05:22We finally saw the mystery of the eight-inch puke.
05:24It's not a puke.
05:25It's a hair.
05:26Not the janitor's head.
05:27Oh, well, thanks.
05:28Fuck.
05:29I've been praying for closures of that one.
05:34Russian hands?
05:35No, no, no.
05:36That came out of the pizza.
05:37Russian hands.
05:40Good morning, sunshine.
05:42Hey, Chelsea.
05:43Hell of a night at Jimmy's parody.
05:45Yeah, officially unionized.
05:47Cheers to progress.
05:47Also, congrats.
05:49You get to swing the axe today.
05:50It's your first official layoff as general foreman.
05:53Well, that was a fun little 180.
05:55Contract got pulled.
05:56Initially it was four guys, but I got it down to one.
05:59So, clock's ticking.
06:00One?
06:00That's it?
06:01Don't we have apprentices sitting around?
06:03Or travel cards visiting?
06:05Retirees?
06:05You're one head heavy.
06:07You know the crews.
06:08I'm sorry, but I need a name.
06:10Can you do it?
06:12Layoffs are your job, GF.
06:13Okay, can I just-
06:14No, you can't pick yourself.
06:17Fuck.
06:21Your colon called.
06:23It's scared.
06:24It's unionized.
06:25It's organizing waka through my butthole.
06:27At this point, I feel like you're not even digesting food.
06:29You're more brining yourself from the inside out.
06:31If I taste the food, then the food tastes me.
06:34Okay.
06:35Fuck!
06:35You asked?
06:35I delivered.
06:37This is coital silver.
06:39This will help get rid of my lung whistle?
06:41Oh, yeah.
06:42This stuff might have to tickle out of my throat and open my third eye.
06:44This is the shit the FDA doesn't want you to know about.
06:46Oh-ho-ho.
06:48Try it.
06:49What do you gotta lose?
06:49Come on, man.
06:50I'm telling you.
06:51Smells like a slot machine, man.
06:53Is that fish?
06:54Yes.
06:55Oh.
06:55And smoked mackerel from my Uncle Ezekiel.
06:57Yeah, well, now everyone is smoked.
06:59Delicious.
06:59Look at it.
07:00Oh, you microwaved it in tin foil?
07:02You dummy.
07:03Oh?
07:03That's precisely what you're supposed to do with it.
07:05That is literally the one thing you're not supposed to put into a microwave.
07:08That's so correct.
07:09It's not fireworks.
07:09I need to show you some backwoods culture, okay?
07:11Who raised you?
07:12Oh, yeah.
07:13Wolves.
07:14Yeah, something's fishy and it ain't that mackerel.
07:18Oh, yeah.
07:19Bad hair, you think?
07:21No, dude.
07:22Small sex.
07:23Small sex.
07:34Small sex.
07:34Maybe.
07:35I mean, what do you think?
07:36You want to come with?
07:38Make it a date?
07:39You're asking me on a rabies date?
07:41Fuck yeah.
07:41It's not my first shot and it won't be my last.
07:43You might as well just come with me.
07:44I'll get blasted and then we'll go get some wings.
07:46I do like sweet and spicy.
07:48Yeah?
07:49Yeah.
07:49Do you like it like the weekend?
07:51From what I remember, it was okay.
07:53What you remember?
07:54Better than okay.
07:55You know it.
07:55Admit it.
07:55You had fun.
07:56Come on.
07:57You did.
07:58Give it.
07:59I'm fucking serious.
08:00Reggie, I'm fucking serious, okay?
08:02What?
08:02This does not go beyond us.
08:04You're his best friend.
08:05I'm his fucking sister.
08:06I will not be the toolbox talk.
08:07No one here will know anything about what happened between us.
08:10Talk of the morning, lovers.
08:13For fuck's sake, Stu.
08:15Fucking snake.
08:16Oh my god, Dewey.
08:18That is right.
08:18I know everything.
08:20I told you.
08:21What do you mean told me?
08:22He lives there.
08:23The price for my silence will be 40 bucks.
08:25What?
08:25However, I will not delete the mental images.
08:29Ew.
08:30You're not extorting me, Dewey.
08:32I will fuck your shit up.
08:34Get him.
08:35That's a bit aggressive for a guilty conscience.
08:37You give me $40 and I...
08:39I will give you a fucking punch in the balls, Dewey.
08:43And I will squeeze your head off.
08:44How does that sound?
08:45Easy, big fella.
08:47Imagine Todd's face when he finds out his bestie and his sister played the little game of drill and fill,
08:51huh?
08:51Okay, he's kinda goss.
08:54Fuck you, Dewey.
08:5440 for your silence.
08:56Good deal, good deal.
08:57Fine.
08:57Don't be like some fucking foot fungus coming back next week, Dewey.
09:00I expect your silence.
09:01Well, fungus is resilient.
09:02Silence!
09:04Okay, here we go.
09:06Who's the most expendable?
09:07Come on, Tanner.
09:09Come on, Tanner.
09:13Fuck!
09:15Alright.
09:16I guess we let the people decide.
09:24Please!
09:25God!
09:26Can't you see we're on a banana break, Dewey?
09:28Jesus, Dewey.
09:29I have been entrusted with something of an adult nature.
09:33Hmm, do tell.
09:35How adults are we talking?
09:36Triple X adult.
09:38Maximum spicy.
09:39Ooh, that's my favorite level of spice.
09:42And I'm the only one that knows.
09:43Not for long.
09:47Alright.
09:48Who's up?
09:50Oh, here we go.
09:51Hey, Tan Man.
09:53Hey.
09:53Quick question.
09:54How do you feel?
09:55I've been taking a long weekend.
09:57Maybe back-to-back long weekends.
09:59And all the days in between.
10:01Uh, I mean, I love the time off.
10:03Is it paid?
10:04I need the hours.
10:05No, I was thinking more voluntarily.
10:08Oh.
10:09Well, I'm saving up for a place of my own,
10:11because I still live at home with my mom, man.
10:13Oh, you do, do you?
10:14She just got a new boyfriend.
10:15Right.
10:16At night, I can't hear him, but...
10:18Oh, I can sure as hell hear her.
10:19Okay.
10:20Oh, fuck.
10:21Unless that is him.
10:23I hope not.
10:24I actually gotta be somewhere different.
10:26Alright.
10:32Didn't see the sign?
10:33I saw it.
10:36Whoa, beauty.
10:37What?
10:38What?
10:40So, listen, Roach.
10:41What do you think about taking some time off?
10:43Uh, like, paid vacation?
10:45Nope, it'd just be a vacation.
10:46Oh, I can't.
10:47I'm two payments behind on my dirt bike.
10:49That's okay.
10:50They said they'd take my thumb,
10:52and this one's opposable, so...
10:54I guess you can't paint without your thumb.
10:56Oh.
10:57For fuck's sakes.
10:58Hey, man, you didn't even piss.
11:00Whoa!
11:01You're doing...
11:01You sure you don't want a bit of time off?
11:03Hell no.
11:04Look at these delts.
11:06They're not gonna feed themselves.
11:08Look at them.
11:09Which ones are the delts again?
11:11I just can't do it.
11:12I know too much about their lives.
11:13They all have stories.
11:14Dats.
11:15Pets that need surgeries.
11:17A guy's mom having sloppy, loud sex.
11:19It's fucked.
11:19You're the GF, Todd.
11:21Part of the job is making hard calls.
11:26Look, I know it sucks.
11:27Just find the balance between being a friend and a leader.
11:30What does this have to do?
11:30It's more than about your piss, Roach.
11:32It's everything!
11:33Todd!
11:34Fuck.
11:35Look at this!
11:36If you trace the silver supply chain backwards, bam!
11:38That's where the airborne microchips come in.
11:40Right under our ignorant little noses.
11:42I was just asking why my piss is so, uh, stinky.
11:45Honest.
11:45No, no, no.
11:46Look.
11:46That's the detox piss, man.
11:48It's the best kind of piss.
11:49It's the number one of number ones.
11:51Now, come on.
11:52Move!
11:53Happy scrapbooking, boys.
11:54Fuck you, Todd!
11:55Good one.
11:55And you're having a tough time finding a candidate?
11:57Crazy gets shit done.
11:59Oh, conch wouldn't be conch without crazy.
12:03Watch that line, Leonard.
12:04I'm not sure about that calculation.
12:06I used your theorem.
12:08Not very well.
12:08Leonard.
12:09Mehdi?
12:10Where are you?
12:11Why are you on a necklace?
12:12I'm supervising Leonard's work from abroad.
12:14My arms got tired, so I made this Mehdi strap on.
12:17Unfortunately, his arms tire very easily.
12:20What?
12:21Not that easily.
12:22Well, boys, if these walls could top.
12:26I just alphabetized those.
12:29What's our little rat saying now?
12:31No clue.
12:32I don't tell tales out of school.
12:34Oh, sure.
12:35Right, right, right.
12:36Come on, punky deuster.
12:38Spit it out.
12:39But a certain lady carpenter and her burly journeymen have been erecting platforms after hours.
12:45What?
12:46What?
12:46Wait!
12:47Ah!
12:47My connection glitched.
12:49Ah, Leonard, elevate me.
12:50Close, sir.
12:51I want to study his eyes.
12:53I'm telling you the truth.
12:55You're thrown by my droopy eye.
12:56I was born with it.
12:57I don't think so.
12:58I don't think he's telling the truth.
13:03Take it out.
13:05Fuck, Dewey.
13:06You can't tell anyone's top secret.
13:10Okay.
13:11Odds and Bearback are doing the horizontal fender bender.
13:15What?
13:15He's putting his hammer into her holster.
13:19Ah, say no more.
13:21I am a vault.
13:23But that is too big of a secret to keep.
13:25What do you mean?
13:26That means I need 50 bucks.
13:2750 bucks?
13:28Come on, Dewey, that's the best rate of a vault.
13:29can give you for my silence wait are you serious you're blackmailing me taxing gossip hey i accept
13:36e-transfer cash thanks bud oh shit everybody knows do we people are talking do we not us
13:47though we're confidential but not for free what we heard you're paying out hush money hush money
13:55and what is it that you want mani pedis shellac none of that cheap clear coat shit
14:00and a spray tan or like a full caramel glaze caramel glaze okay ra mel oh my god this shit
14:09ain't cheap do we know you're good for it yeah we might uh start feeling chatty you know i look
14:14after snacks now too i have to feed him and wash him and that's on you cost money you know
14:19we got
14:20a growing number of employees interested in being paid to keep their mouth closed about that
14:24gossip i know it's appalling you should probably report this to chelsea no no don't do that
14:32unless you'd be willing to donate to my bulking regimen would you do we would you
14:43hey boss are you okay i gotta lay someone off fuck look at these beautiful bastards how am i supposed
14:53to pick
14:54to pick
14:56well done fresh off the torch
14:59anyone
15:00anyone
15:117 68 69 you have it
15:18todd my man whenever i've got to be a stone cold bad bitch
15:23i call him my alter ego stephanie oh yeah yeah this is step you've met her this however
15:30is stephanie there's a difference oh there's a difference it's in the attitude check this out
15:36hey tanner your locker's been compromised clear it out ah fuck me not again go dead behind the eyes
15:42no blinking no throat clears monotone find an attitude that works for you don't be fucking todd
15:49todd be toddrick got it say it
15:57i'm todd i'm a stone cold i'm a stone cold bad bitch yeah you are man you got this
16:08gotta lay you off hey todd i can see your lips moving but all i can hear is nickelback
16:13oh yeah sometimes you gotta remove a good stud to finish the wall
16:19what your voice sounds fucking weird oh is this your attempt at a boss man voice
16:24i gotta lay you off that sucks for you man because i ain't going nowhere
16:33fuck my life yeah you're gonna have to practice toddrick you couldn't lay off that
16:38oh she's all right you all right
16:43oh yes oh god due to recent economic developments the price for my silence has increased fucker you
16:52better not have told anyone do we i will screw you to the wall and throw fucking knives at you
16:56you better not fuck this up for me what are you getting told anyone absolutely not i mean my god
17:02how many people did you tell hypothetically if i had told someone then i hypothetically would now
17:08need some more money to hypothetically not tell more people hypothetically i'm by the balls right
17:14now how much more do you need oh this will do oh what the fuck do we if you remember
17:19i know where
17:19you sleep unfortunately for you b-dubs i now know where you've been sleeping for fuck's sakes do we
17:25no no no no get it shot the white of silver put it down no no get it off me
17:39what the hell's going on here
17:41you can't chug colloidal
17:43why are you helping i mean it
17:51homer i'm laying you off
17:56wait what oh bummer man bring it up
18:01hey come on thanks for that taste
18:07maureen kicked me out now she's worried if i don't talk to someone i'm gonna build a bunker
18:11but i've already got a bunker so this would just be like what another bunker
18:15are you seeing someone about this
18:17yeah i mean there's a group deprogramming programming we meet every thursday night in the
18:23basement of this vape shop and sometimes it's virtual but okay basically we all sit in a circle
18:29and say the real stuff out loud like chemtrails might not actually exist or the the moon landing
18:41might have actually happened it probably did it's been hard man where you been staying
18:47um park my van outside bob's hardware there's no nighttime security
18:51sometimes i sleep in my shed or underneath the uh lunchroom tables
18:57are you serious
18:58the home of the fridge helps me sleep plus just knowing your food's safe in there you know
19:02see i really think you need some time off
19:05i can't be laid off you corporate bobblehead i got maureen and the kids to support
19:08i get it and i hate this but i also have to do my job
19:11you assaulted roach today and you probably fucking poisoned him like that is not good
19:16what kind of a fucking idiot chugs coitus
19:18homer no you're right you're right sorry i'll just
19:22but listen homer that being said my wi-fi has been on the fritz
19:29so call your cable company
19:30no i think it's a homer problem
19:33my garage has a futon
19:35i mean dewey sleeps out there too hums in his sleep
19:38it might match the same frequency as the fridge
19:40you troubleshoot my wi-fi network
19:42i'll float you a few bucks
19:43and as soon as we need manpower you're back on my crew
19:50so you got a bunker
19:51yeah but it's mostly just for our winter clothes and christmas decorations
19:55yeah
19:57yeah
19:57okay
20:24it's
20:44Oh my god, are you fucking kidding me?
20:48I'm sorry.
20:49Todd is still up.
20:50No he's not.
20:51He's sleeping on the couch.
20:53Look, I made this for you myself.
20:56What are those?
20:57They're handcrafted and beautiful.
20:59Like you.
21:00I made them out of beer tabs of deer teeth.
21:03You can call them beerings or...deerings, whatever you want.
21:07Reggie, you really shouldn't be here.
21:09You don't fucking listen.
21:11I listened.
21:13I just didn't agree.
21:20Joey?
21:21Oh.
21:22Fucking solid.
21:23Are you on our side now?
21:26I do worm.
21:27Thanks, blood.
21:29After you, Romeo.
21:37Oh, oh yeah.
21:39What'd you have?
21:40Nachos?
21:41Close.
21:41Tacos.
21:42That'll teach you don't ever blackmail me again.
21:45I definitely got pink eye in my future.
21:48It's better than two black eyes.
21:50Coming in.
21:50It took you long enough.
21:51Easy does it.
21:52Oh, oh, okay.
21:53Watch it.
21:54There you go.
21:56I wonder what Todd's up to.
22:01Oh!
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