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00:00:00You think that I'm just
00:00:06Sunsuit Survivor
00:00:09You think that I'm just
00:00:16Sunsuit Survivor
00:00:18Thank you
00:00:25Thank you
00:00:26Thank you very much
00:00:37That is my time
00:00:39Thank you so much
00:00:41Did you see me trip into my special?
00:00:44That's great
00:00:45That sums up my whole act
00:00:51Buckle up
00:00:53Here we go
00:00:55So I know a lot of you
00:00:57Saw me get third place on America's Got Talent
00:01:04Thank you
00:01:07America's Got Talent is an amazing show to be part of
00:01:10It is definitely a little weird
00:01:13Because it's the largest talent show in the world
00:01:16But it's like comedy versus whatever
00:01:22Like do you like one-legged unicyclists?
00:01:27How about two dogs in a duffel bag?
00:01:31Doesn't make any sense this show
00:01:33And I don't mind getting third place
00:01:36That's actually great
00:01:37You know I'm touring all over
00:01:39And well I'm here tonight
00:01:48Well because this is what third gets ya
00:01:55Yeah fuck you Hollywood
00:02:01I'm going to Greenwood Village bitch
00:02:11Vegas can suck it too
00:02:15I'd rather be here any damn day
00:02:24Well I live here it's great
00:02:29Again third place is amazing
00:02:32But the thing is
00:02:34Me getting third place
00:02:37Just proves once again
00:02:41That Americans have no idea how to fucking vote
00:02:56Every chance you get you
00:02:57Fuck it up man
00:02:59Well this guy seems like a real dumbass
00:03:02Huh?
00:03:03That's my guy
00:03:04Yeah
00:03:08America's Got Talent though
00:03:09They want to like get you to say crazy things
00:03:13In these interviews
00:03:14So they'll be goating me like
00:03:16So Josh
00:03:17Do you think that you're funnier
00:03:19Than a little girl
00:03:20That can sing Pavarotti?
00:03:26I sure fucking hope so
00:03:31I know I can hip check her in the hallway
00:03:36I never wanted to beat up kids
00:03:38More in my life
00:03:40Little talented shits
00:03:42Get out of here
00:03:44I will say this about America's Got Talent
00:03:46It's very inclusive
00:03:48To the disabled community
00:03:51Yeah
00:03:56I mean some people call it exploitation
00:04:07But that's
00:04:08No it is very inclusive show
00:04:15Like you know I have cerebral palsy
00:04:18And there's amazing acts like Cody Lee
00:04:20He's blind and autistic
00:04:22Man he's amazing
00:04:24Such an amazing talent
00:04:25And then like it just all walks alive
00:04:28Like ballerinas with no arms
00:04:31And like all the way down
00:04:34To magicians
00:04:44I'm not sure what spectrum that is
00:04:47But they're definitely on it
00:04:52Again I don't mind getting third place
00:04:56But do you understand how humiliating it is
00:04:59To lose to a fucking magician?
00:05:08I've never been more embarrassed in my whole life
00:05:10I'm telling you
00:05:11But here's the thing about magic man
00:05:14It just gets me so bad
00:05:16Because we're a room full of adults
00:05:18You guys all understand
00:05:21That magic
00:05:24Isn't fucking real
00:05:25Right?
00:05:28You get that right?
00:05:29They tell you up front
00:05:31It's called a trick
00:05:34Okay I'm gonna trick you now
00:05:37And then somehow you're still like
00:05:39Oh my god
00:05:42Oh my god
00:05:49Where did my nickel go?
00:05:55The fucking creep stole it from me
00:06:01Fuck magic
00:06:03I hate that shit
00:06:05Look at this bunch of bullshit
00:06:07I've ever seen in my life
00:06:09I didn't like magic before this
00:06:11But now
00:06:14Yeah the other day
00:06:15My son tried to show me a magic trick
00:06:17I was like
00:06:18Not in this house
00:06:23You see son
00:06:24We have dignity
00:06:27Not like these fake ass wizards
00:06:31Little Harry Potter bitch
00:06:39Hey you guys wanna see a trick?
00:06:44That's actually what a pimp says
00:06:52And I'd much rather my son be a pimp
00:06:54Than a magician
00:07:03Listen man
00:07:03I don't know where you pulled that rabbit out of
00:07:05But I know where you can stick it
00:07:10Up there with that gerbil
00:07:18I knew there was some filthy magic lovers out there
00:07:26Dark arts motherfuckers
00:07:27Come on
00:07:30I gotta say
00:07:31A lot of you are laughing
00:07:32But I can see
00:07:33Quite a few people
00:07:34Just looking at me like
00:07:37Well he was such a nice boy on television
00:07:42I'm a real boy
00:07:51Just got my strings cut off
00:08:00Still working it out
00:08:07It's a Pinocchio joke guys
00:08:11I feel like some of you didn't get that
00:08:14I don't know why you wouldn't have got my reference
00:08:16I'm from a cartoon from the 40s
00:08:21Did you know that there is an actual like list
00:08:24Of all the talents
00:08:25In the world?
00:08:26Like there's a huge compiled list
00:08:29Of all
00:08:31And like it's a picking order
00:08:32Like of worth and value
00:08:36And like it's a very like
00:08:38It's a huge list
00:08:41I mean
00:08:42It's like
00:08:43It's so long
00:08:44And um
00:08:46I actually memorized it
00:08:48And I was gonna give you like a rundown
00:08:54Of what's on the list
00:08:55Obviously we don't have time for the whole list
00:08:58But like a good example
00:09:00Is that the very top
00:09:02Is
00:09:04Stand-up comedy
00:09:12And then the next rundown
00:09:14Is astronauts
00:09:20And then dolphins
00:09:24And Michael Jordan
00:09:26And then like I'll just scroll down
00:09:29Down
00:09:29Down
00:09:30Like a bunch of pages down
00:09:32And then we get to like
00:09:34Improv groups
00:09:35And then juggalos
00:09:39And then guitar acts
00:09:42And then the Irish
00:09:46And then
00:09:47And just calm down
00:09:49The list is still really long
00:09:51You're pretty high up
00:09:52Irish
00:09:53You're doing good
00:09:54It's a very long list
00:09:56Don't be so quick to judge here
00:10:00And again
00:10:01I just gonna scroll down
00:10:03To like
00:10:03Interesting rocks
00:10:05And then
00:10:08Like
00:10:09Like
00:10:09Chia pets
00:10:12And then
00:10:13Big kites
00:10:16And then
00:10:18Down
00:10:19Down
00:10:19Down
00:10:20And we go
00:10:20I'll just go to the bottom
00:10:22Where you finally get to mimes
00:10:26And then
00:10:30Mentalists
00:10:31And a mentalist
00:10:33Is just a magician
00:10:35That's smart enough
00:10:36Not to call themselves that
00:10:40And then
00:10:42Ventriloquists
00:10:45And then
00:10:46Joe Rogan
00:10:54And then
00:10:56You finally get on down
00:10:57To the filthy
00:10:58Fucking magicians
00:10:59Very bottom
00:11:01Very bottom
00:11:01Very bottom
00:11:02Well here's the thing
00:11:04If you're not getting
00:11:04My humor
00:11:08That's actually my fault
00:11:11You see
00:11:12I didn't explain
00:11:14How comedy works
00:11:17So I'm just gonna
00:11:18Give you a quick rundown
00:11:21And again
00:11:22This isn't for most of you
00:11:25You're doing great
00:11:29Just a couple of pockets
00:11:36All right
00:11:37So how a joke works
00:11:40Is I
00:11:42Take an idea
00:11:46And then
00:11:47I go and I take
00:11:48Another idea
00:11:51And then
00:11:53I
00:11:53Bring them together
00:11:57And then
00:11:57When they come together
00:12:00That's the funny part
00:12:05But the only thing is
00:12:08You gotta do the math
00:12:12So you gotta be able
00:12:13To go into your own head
00:12:15And then figure out
00:12:16Why
00:12:20The other people
00:12:21Are laughing
00:12:31All right
00:12:32Well let's see
00:12:33If you can follow
00:12:34This one
00:12:37So I got a neighbor
00:12:40That's colorblind
00:12:41And he
00:12:43Is surprisingly
00:12:45Racist
00:12:55You guys get it?
00:13:00It's because
00:13:02He doesn't see color
00:13:06That's the part
00:13:07That's weird
00:13:09That he would
00:13:10Harbor hatred
00:13:11In his heart
00:13:17I hate that guy
00:13:18Man
00:13:21The other day
00:13:22I went over to his house
00:13:23I was like
00:13:23Listen man
00:13:24It's not cool
00:13:25To be racist
00:13:26He was like
00:13:26Get your black ass
00:13:27Off my porch
00:13:41I was like
00:13:42She
00:13:43That was a pretty
00:13:54Easy one guys
00:13:59And I'm gonna
00:13:59Step it up now
00:14:04You know
00:14:05Because there's
00:14:05No point
00:14:06In holding
00:14:06The whole class back
00:14:09For just
00:14:10A couple of pockets
00:14:19Oh
00:14:20Hey
00:14:21Is that
00:14:22For me
00:14:23Oh thank you
00:14:24Was it
00:14:25That bad
00:14:26Huh
00:14:28I thought
00:14:29I was doing
00:14:29Okay
00:14:34You know
00:14:35It's bad
00:14:36When a seasoned
00:14:37Server's like
00:14:38Hey I've seen
00:14:38A lot of shows
00:14:39And you're gonna
00:14:40Need this
00:14:47It's not
00:14:47A good sign
00:14:48On the special
00:14:49You know
00:14:54Well here's the real deal
00:14:55I do like drinking
00:14:56But I'm
00:14:57Already working
00:14:58With a speech impediment
00:14:59So
00:15:03And besides
00:15:04I don't know
00:15:04Which one of you
00:15:05Sick fucks
00:15:06Sent that up here
00:15:10You see one of you
00:15:12Just say
00:15:12Give this to the comedian
00:15:14It's a little payback
00:15:17For Cosby
00:15:20Holy shit
00:15:23Alright
00:15:23Alright
00:15:25Oh
00:15:26Alright
00:15:26Oh
00:15:28Yeah
00:15:29Just making sure
00:15:30We're all listening
00:15:34Yeah
00:15:35You're doing it
00:15:36You're doing it
00:15:39So proud of you guys
00:15:43Come a long way
00:15:44Tonight
00:15:45That Cosby thing
00:15:46Man
00:15:47That fucked me up
00:15:47Because
00:15:48As a comedian
00:15:49I grew up
00:15:50Looking up to that guy
00:15:51We all watched his show
00:15:53It was a great show
00:15:54And then that came out
00:15:55About him
00:15:55And it ruined
00:15:56His body of work
00:15:58But here's my thing
00:16:00I always was
00:16:00A little suspicious
00:16:03Because anytime
00:16:04Anybody's that clean
00:16:07In public
00:16:09Remember he was
00:16:10I was like
00:16:10Oh you can't say
00:16:11The filthy curse words
00:16:14That just reminds me
00:16:15Of those politicians
00:16:16That are like
00:16:18These
00:16:19Homosexuals
00:16:20Are ruining our nation
00:16:23Blah
00:16:32Blah
00:16:33Just
00:16:35Just
00:16:37Sucking
00:16:38Random
00:16:38Dicks in airports
00:16:39Blah
00:16:40Blah
00:16:40Blah
00:16:42I can't
00:16:43Find enough
00:16:44Of these things
00:16:44Blah
00:16:45Blah
00:16:46Blah
00:16:46Blah
00:16:51Blah
00:16:52Remember they busted
00:16:53A senator
00:16:54In the Minneapolis airport
00:16:56It was a little while back
00:16:57They had a whole
00:16:58Sting operation
00:16:59It was called
00:17:02To catch a senator
00:17:08And they got one
00:17:11It didn't even take too long
00:17:15But basically how it worked
00:17:17Is that you go
00:17:18In the men's room
00:17:19And then you go
00:17:20Into one of the stalls
00:17:22And then you poke your foot
00:17:23Under the side
00:17:24To the next stall
00:17:26And that's a sign
00:17:27That you
00:17:29You know
00:17:30Need a blowjob
00:17:32Whatever makes you fly better
00:17:34You know
00:17:45All I'm saying guys
00:17:47I fly a lot
00:17:50And I'm like
00:17:51Well how far
00:17:52I gotta get my leg
00:18:04I'll tell you
00:18:04Come on
00:18:05Two stalls over
00:18:08No takers
00:18:09No takers
00:18:15All I get is pissed off
00:18:17Dude's like
00:18:18Here's some toilet paper
00:18:18Fuck off
00:18:31Fuckin' magic
00:18:42You get it?
00:18:48You know
00:18:49Having a disability
00:18:50Is interesting
00:18:51Because people always
00:18:52Want to help me
00:18:53With stuff
00:18:54And that's so kind
00:18:55I do appreciate it
00:18:57But here's the deal
00:18:58For the most part
00:18:59I got it
00:19:01You know
00:19:03And the other thing
00:19:04About me
00:19:04Is I'm not afraid
00:19:05To ask you for help
00:19:08Like
00:19:08I know my limits
00:19:09Like
00:19:10Let's say there's a
00:19:11Pot of hot soup
00:19:13That needs to be carried
00:19:18I'm like
00:19:19Hey
00:19:19Hey please
00:19:20You know
00:19:21Thank you
00:19:23I appreciate that man
00:19:24Thank you
00:19:28Well what I've come to find
00:19:30Is that more often than not
00:19:31People are like
00:19:31Hey can I pour that for you
00:19:33And then they spill it
00:19:35And I'm like
00:19:35Well I could have
00:19:36Fuckin' done that
00:19:44And you robbed me
00:19:45Of my independence
00:19:51That's actually
00:19:52The funny part
00:19:57Cheers everyone
00:20:04Yeah
00:20:05Use more next time
00:20:06Date raper
00:20:14I ain't feelin' shit
00:20:17It's just good to be touring
00:20:19You know
00:20:19Well the whole thing
00:20:20With COVID
00:20:21Is like
00:20:21You guys understand
00:20:23That I'm coming in here
00:20:26With
00:20:27Some pre-existing conditions
00:20:33Let me tell you
00:20:35When COVID showed up
00:20:36I was like
00:20:36Get in line
00:20:37Motherfucker
00:20:43You're at the back
00:20:44With bunions
00:20:45And tennis elbow
00:20:52They're good dudes
00:20:53They'll show you around
00:20:55Ins and outs
00:20:59COVID though man
00:21:00I mean I've been a comedian
00:21:01For 20 years
00:21:02Doing 200 shows a year
00:21:04And then the pandemic hit
00:21:06And I became
00:21:07A home school teacher
00:21:13I was very ill prepared
00:21:15For that
00:21:18You see folks
00:21:19I'm a comic
00:21:20For a reason
00:21:23Like sorry guys
00:21:24Daddy can't help you
00:21:26With your math homework
00:21:27But if you need
00:21:28A good dick joke
00:21:29I gotcha
00:21:38A big one
00:21:39With curves in it
00:21:44That's curves
00:21:45Plural
00:21:48I like a good
00:21:50Plot twist
00:21:54I don't know
00:21:55The whole pandemic
00:21:55I mean
00:21:56Here's the deal
00:21:57I have
00:21:58I have two kids
00:21:59I love being a dad
00:22:01I love being a dad
00:22:02And uh
00:22:03Oh
00:22:04Oh
00:22:05Oh
00:22:06Well thanks
00:22:07I'll be sure
00:22:08And tell them
00:22:08You did that
00:22:13Hey guys
00:22:14Let my special
00:22:14On the seven people
00:22:15Clap for ya
00:22:27You guys understand
00:22:29That I
00:22:30Can fucking hear
00:22:32Right
00:22:45I have two kids
00:22:47And uh
00:22:47I also have
00:22:4850% custody
00:22:49Of the kids
00:22:51And uh
00:22:52Well
00:22:53If you know
00:22:54Anything about that
00:22:55You know
00:22:59That's
00:23:00A lot of custody
00:23:13I've actually
00:23:14Like sat down
00:23:15And worked it out
00:23:16That's half
00:23:16Of my time
00:23:21And that's real
00:23:22That's real time
00:23:25That you don't get back
00:23:26It's real
00:23:30Again
00:23:31I love my kids
00:23:32Very much
00:23:33But
00:23:34It's time
00:23:35To go to
00:23:36Your fucking
00:23:37Mom's house
00:23:44I have a 12 year old
00:23:46Daughter
00:23:46And uh
00:23:47She
00:23:49Will not
00:23:50Shut the fuck up
00:23:51Man
00:23:53Oh my god
00:23:55Again
00:23:58I like her
00:23:59A lot
00:24:02She's probably
00:24:02In my top five
00:24:12I just don't know
00:24:13How to tell her
00:24:14Any other way
00:24:16I don't give a
00:24:16Flying fuck
00:24:17About Ariana Grande
00:24:22And then
00:24:23To offset that
00:24:23I also have
00:24:24A 14 year old
00:24:25Boy
00:24:26Living at the house
00:24:28You guys
00:24:28Familiar with
00:24:29These weirdies
00:24:33I'm telling you
00:24:34It's all I can do
00:24:35To keep them
00:24:35Off the magic
00:24:48I'm like
00:24:48Nah bro
00:24:52Oh and he's also
00:24:53Been taking a lot
00:24:54Of long showers
00:24:59Yeah and when he
00:25:00Finally comes out
00:25:01His hair isn't even wet
00:25:12Come on man
00:25:14You can lie
00:25:16Better to me
00:25:20The other day
00:25:21I stopped him
00:25:22In the hallway
00:25:23After a particularly
00:25:24Long shower
00:25:27I caught him
00:25:28I was like
00:25:28Hey man listen
00:25:29I don't give a shit
00:25:31What you're doing
00:25:31In there
00:25:32Just turn off
00:25:33The fucking water
00:25:44I'm like
00:25:44Do you understand
00:25:45How many laughs
00:25:46I had to get
00:25:47For that shower
00:25:54That wasn't enough
00:25:55Guys
00:25:58Yeah
00:25:59Yeah
00:25:59My boy's ankles
00:26:01Are still dry
00:26:06He's causing
00:26:07The drought here
00:26:15Remember the first
00:26:17Couple months
00:26:18Of the lockdown
00:26:19There's just some
00:26:20Real dark days
00:26:23Yeah I just
00:26:23Thought I'd bring you
00:26:25Back there
00:26:28I remember the first
00:26:29Couple of months
00:26:30Of that lockdown
00:26:31The whole world's
00:26:32Caving in around me
00:26:34All of us
00:26:35You know
00:26:35We don't know
00:26:35What the hell's
00:26:36Going on
00:26:37You lost your job
00:26:38You're locked in your
00:26:40House with your kids
00:26:45Just washing your mail
00:26:46And shit
00:26:50I tell you
00:26:51I found myself
00:26:52Doing all these
00:26:53Childhood activities
00:26:54You know
00:26:54Like doing puzzles
00:26:56And playing board games
00:26:58And crying
00:27:04Maybe throw in
00:27:05Some long showers
00:27:14Sometimes I'd cry
00:27:15In the shower
00:27:18Just multitasking
00:27:23I'll tell you this
00:27:24About the pandemic
00:27:25Like I would rather cry
00:27:28Than do a fucking puzzle
00:27:33Shit I'd rather eat
00:27:35A puzzle
00:27:38Thousand pieces
00:27:39No problem
00:27:43And then in the morning
00:27:45I shit out
00:27:45A rustic farmhouse
00:27:57Which is weird
00:27:59Because it was
00:27:59A puzzle of a kitty
00:28:06Something ain't right
00:28:07Down there
00:28:10Something's off
00:28:17So stupid
00:28:18Alright
00:28:27Yeah this right arm
00:28:29He's a
00:28:31He's a busy boy
00:28:32Over there
00:28:36Very busy
00:28:38Appendage
00:28:38For sure
00:28:40It's like living
00:28:41With a raccoon
00:28:41Or something
00:28:45Yeah the sun
00:28:46Goes down
00:28:47He got some shit
00:28:48To do
00:28:51He's over there
00:28:52Scurrying around
00:28:55I still don't even
00:28:56Know where he
00:28:57Got the watch
00:29:09Yeah
00:29:09Little fucker
00:29:10Won't let me
00:29:11Look at it
00:29:11Either
00:29:33He probably got it
00:29:35From a magician
00:29:46Fuck magic
00:29:51Fucking hate magic
00:29:52Alright
00:29:55Motherfucker
00:30:05I'm like
00:30:05At night
00:30:06I'm trying to sleep
00:30:07And this thing
00:30:07Is just up
00:30:08You know
00:30:09Writing emails
00:30:19I'm like
00:30:19Who could you
00:30:20Possibly be
00:30:21Writing to
00:30:23Probably
00:30:24Some club
00:30:25Foot in Kansas
00:30:35That's a
00:30:36That's a pretty
00:30:37Hard correspondent
00:30:38Right there
00:30:40I can't imagine
00:30:41A club
00:30:41Foot types
00:30:42Too well
00:30:48I don't know
00:30:49Why I say
00:30:49This shit
00:30:50Man
00:30:50I don't
00:30:51I don't
00:30:55I never write
00:30:55Any of this
00:30:56Down
00:30:59You should see me
00:31:00Before the show
00:31:00Just pacing around
00:31:02Like
00:31:02Oh man
00:31:03I hope it
00:31:03Comes out again
00:31:07Frankly
00:31:08You're lucky
00:31:08I'm even
00:31:09Facing the right
00:31:10Direction
00:31:17Oh yeah
00:31:17Oh look at this
00:31:18Shit
00:31:19Look at this
00:31:25Don't encourage him
00:31:28He didn't earn that
00:31:31I got dudes
00:31:32Running up on me
00:31:33Yo bro
00:31:34You work out
00:31:35I'm like
00:31:36I can't even
00:31:36Get him to lift
00:31:37A fucking
00:31:38Fork
00:31:41This is
00:31:42Straight palsy
00:31:43Bro
00:31:45You wish
00:31:46You had this
00:31:49Man I've been
00:31:50Working out
00:31:51Since I came out
00:31:57And probably
00:31:58A little
00:31:58In utero
00:32:03You know
00:32:03What they say
00:32:04The early baby
00:32:05Gets the Popeye
00:32:06Arm
00:32:13I don't
00:32:14Think they
00:32:14Really say that
00:32:19But now that
00:32:19You heard me
00:32:20Say it
00:32:20You should
00:32:21Say it
00:32:23Yeah
00:32:24Try that
00:32:24At work
00:32:24And let me
00:32:25Know how it
00:32:25Goes
00:32:28Actually I'm
00:32:29Pretty sure
00:32:29I know
00:32:29How that
00:32:30Goes
00:32:31Hey Thompson
00:32:32You're early
00:32:33Today
00:32:33Well boss
00:32:34You know
00:32:35What they
00:32:35Say
00:32:35The early baby
00:32:36Gets the Popeye
00:32:37Arm
00:32:37Huh
00:32:44I'm gonna
00:32:44Need you
00:32:44To pack
00:32:45Your shit
00:32:45Up
00:32:45And get
00:32:46Out of
00:32:46Here
00:32:55Okay
00:32:56You've had
00:32:56Your turn
00:32:57Bud
00:32:58Oh
00:32:58Oh
00:32:59Okay
00:32:59We'll do
00:33:00It
00:33:01You wanna
00:33:01This'll
00:33:02This'll
00:33:03Shut him
00:33:03Up
00:33:04Alright
00:33:05Look at
00:33:05This
00:33:20Palsy
00:33:20Shadow
00:33:21Puppets
00:33:24I'm gonna
00:33:24Win a GT
00:33:25Next time
00:33:29Apparently
00:33:30The only
00:33:30Thing that
00:33:31Can beat
00:33:31Magic
00:33:32Is a
00:33:32Injured
00:33:33Crane
00:33:42Did you
00:33:43Did you
00:33:44See the
00:33:44Shadow
00:33:4737
00:33:48More months
00:33:49Of winter
00:33:56Fucking
00:33:57Magic
00:34:03Now listen
00:34:04I was
00:34:06Coming in
00:34:06Here
00:34:06Tonight
00:34:07And one
00:34:08Of you
00:34:08Stopped me
00:34:09Out there
00:34:09In the
00:34:09Lobby
00:34:10Just so
00:34:11Excited
00:34:11Hey
00:34:13I came
00:34:14Here just
00:34:15To see
00:34:15You
00:34:17I was
00:34:18Like well
00:34:18I guess
00:34:19You can
00:34:19Fucking
00:34:20Go home
00:34:29Mission
00:34:30Accomplished
00:34:31You
00:34:33Dumbass
00:34:41And if
00:34:41You
00:34:42Figured
00:34:42Out
00:34:42You're
00:34:42Supposed
00:34:43To
00:34:43Stick
00:34:43Around
00:34:45Sorry
00:34:45I called
00:34:46You
00:34:46Dumbass
00:34:49I was
00:34:50At my
00:34:51Hotel
00:34:51The other
00:34:52Day
00:34:52I went
00:34:52To go
00:34:53Get
00:34:53Some
00:34:53Delicious
00:34:54Lobby
00:34:55Coffee
00:35:03Is it
00:35:03Just me
00:35:04Or does
00:35:04Every hotel
00:35:05Somehow
00:35:06Manage to
00:35:06Make their
00:35:07Coffee
00:35:07Taste like
00:35:08It was
00:35:09Percolated
00:35:09Through a
00:35:10Trucker's
00:35:11Ass
00:35:21Junkie
00:35:31That's
00:35:31Actually
00:35:32Where the
00:35:32Term
00:35:33Cup of
00:35:33Joe
00:35:34Comes
00:35:34From
00:35:41Thanks
00:35:42Joe
00:35:44You
00:35:45Made
00:35:45A
00:35:45Good
00:35:45One
00:35:47From
00:35:48His
00:35:48Rim
00:35:49To
00:35:49Mine
00:35:57Sorry
00:36:01That's so
00:36:02Gross
00:36:04You know
00:36:05Before I
00:36:06Say this
00:36:06Crazy
00:36:06Shit
00:36:07I do
00:36:07Have
00:36:08That
00:36:08Alarm
00:36:08In
00:36:08My
00:36:08Head
00:36:09Going
00:36:09Off
00:36:09Like
00:36:10Hey
00:36:10Dude
00:36:11Don't
00:36:12Say
00:36:13Club
00:36:14Foot
00:36:14In
00:36:14Kansas
00:36:15Or
00:36:17But
00:36:18Then I
00:36:18Say
00:36:19It
00:36:19You
00:36:19Laugh
00:36:20And
00:36:20I'm
00:36:20Like
00:36:20Ha
00:36:20Ha
00:36:20Told
00:36:21You
00:36:21Fucker
00:36:26Don't
00:36:26You
00:36:26Be
00:36:27Cushing
00:36:27To
00:36:27Me
00:36:32You
00:36:32Know
00:36:32I
00:36:32Really
00:36:33Used
00:36:33To
00:36:33Think
00:36:33I
00:36:33Had
00:36:34A
00:36:34Way
00:36:34With
00:36:34Animals
00:36:36And
00:36:37Then
00:36:37I
00:36:37Realized
00:36:38That
00:36:38I
00:36:38Just
00:36:38Make
00:36:38A
00:36:39Lot
00:36:39Of
00:36:39Crumbs
00:36:49I
00:36:50Just
00:36:50Got
00:36:50A
00:36:50Pack
00:36:51Of
00:36:51Random
00:36:51Ass
00:36:51Dog
00:36:52Is
00:36:52Following
00:36:52Me
00:36:53Around
00:36:54Just
00:36:55Hoping
00:36:55I'll
00:36:55Break
00:36:56Into
00:36:56A
00:36:56Muffin
00:36:57Or
00:36:57Something
00:37:00I
00:37:00Don't
00:37:00Know
00:37:00How
00:37:00Many
00:37:00Times
00:37:01I
00:37:01Tried
00:37:01To
00:37:01Go
00:37:01Into
00:37:02A
00:37:02Restaurant
00:37:02Like
00:37:02You
00:37:03Can't
00:37:03Bring
00:37:03Your
00:37:03Dogs
00:37:04In
00:37:04Here
00:37:04These
00:37:05Ain't
00:37:05My
00:37:05Fucking
00:37:05Dog
00:37:08If
00:37:08You
00:37:08Could
00:37:09Get
00:37:09In
00:37:09A
00:37:09Piss
00:37:09Off
00:37:09That
00:37:10Be
00:37:10Great
00:37:12And
00:37:13Then
00:37:13I
00:37:13Come
00:37:13To
00:37:14Find
00:37:14There
00:37:14Just
00:37:14Other
00:37:14People's
00:37:15Service
00:37:15Dogs
00:37:23Yeah
00:37:27Just
00:37:28Saw
00:37:28Me
00:37:28Stumbling
00:37:29By
00:37:29Hey
00:37:30Man
00:37:30You
00:37:31Wait
00:37:31Here
00:37:32I
00:37:32Gotta
00:37:32Help
00:37:32This
00:37:32Guy
00:37:41Hey
00:37:43Hey
00:37:43Slow
00:37:44Down
00:37:44Tell
00:37:44I
00:37:44Got
00:37:45Your
00:37:45Mail
00:37:54You
00:37:55Guys
00:37:55Get
00:37:56It
00:38:05Makes
00:38:05Me
00:38:05Feel
00:38:06Happy
00:38:06That
00:38:06You
00:38:06Doing
00:38:07You
00:38:07Doing
00:38:07The
00:38:08Work
00:38:08You
00:38:08Doing
00:38:09The
00:38:09Work
00:38:15Yeah
00:38:18Sorry
00:38:19This
00:38:19Is
00:38:19Bugging
00:38:20The
00:38:20Shit
00:38:20I
00:38:20Mean
00:38:30Like
00:38:30Where
00:38:31The
00:38:31Fuck
00:38:31They
00:38:31Think
00:38:31I
00:38:32Was
00:38:32Going
00:38:35This
00:38:42Stage
00:38:42Ain't
00:38:42That
00:38:42Big
00:38:45There's
00:38:45Enough
00:38:46Leash
00:38:46Here
00:38:46To
00:38:46Go
00:38:47Outside
00:38:50You
00:38:50Guys
00:38:51Want
00:38:51Go
00:38:51Outside
00:38:54You
00:38:55Can
00:38:55Go
00:38:55Outside
00:38:55Who
00:38:57Is
00:38:57Going
00:38:57Go
00:38:57Outside
00:38:58Who
00:38:59Is
00:39:00A
00:39:00Good
00:39:00Boy
00:39:00Who
00:39:02Is
00:39:03Going
00:39:03Go
00:39:03Go
00:39:03Go
00:39:04Go
00:39:05Outside
00:39:09The
00:39:09Other
00:39:09Day
00:39:10I
00:39:10Was
00:39:10In
00:39:10My
00:39:10Back
00:39:10Yard
00:39:11With
00:39:11My
00:39:11Kids
00:39:12You
00:39:13Know
00:39:13We
00:39:13Just
00:39:13Out
00:39:14There
00:39:15Chipping
00:39:16Away
00:39:16At
00:39:16That
00:39:1750%
00:39:18Time
00:39:18And
00:39:22Just
00:39:28Got
00:39:28Them
00:39:28Out
00:39:29There
00:39:29Pulling
00:39:29Weeds
00:39:29Or
00:39:30Whatever
00:39:32And
00:39:35Then
00:39:35A
00:39:35Bird
00:39:36Landed
00:39:36On
00:39:36Me
00:39:37Scared
00:39:38The
00:39:38Shit
00:39:38Out
00:39:38Of
00:39:38Me
00:39:38I'm
00:39:39Not
00:39:39Gonna
00:39:39Lie
00:39:40And
00:39:40Here's
00:39:41The
00:39:41Deal
00:39:41With
00:39:41That
00:39:41That
00:39:42Upsets
00:39:43Me
00:39:43Because
00:39:43I
00:39:43Pride
00:39:44Myself
00:39:44On
00:39:45Not
00:39:46Being
00:39:46Afraid
00:39:46Of
00:39:46Bugs
00:39:47Or
00:39:47Animals
00:39:49But
00:39:49When
00:39:49You
00:39:49See
00:39:50That
00:39:50Out
00:39:50Of
00:39:50The
00:39:50Corner
00:39:51Of
00:39:51Your
00:39:51Eye
00:39:52And
00:39:53Then
00:39:53You
00:39:53Think
00:39:53That
00:39:53It's
00:39:54A
00:39:54Bug
00:39:55It's
00:39:56A
00:39:56Big
00:39:56Fucking
00:39:56Bug
00:39:57Right
00:39:59No
00:40:00Just
00:40:00A
00:40:00Bird
00:40:01Sitting
00:40:01There
00:40:02It's
00:40:03Claws
00:40:03Claws
00:40:04Through
00:40:04Though
00:40:04It
00:40:05Felt
00:40:05Like
00:40:05A
00:40:05Giant
00:40:05Ass
00:40:06Global
00:40:06Warming
00:40:07June
00:40:07Bug
00:40:07Or
00:40:07Something
00:40:09It
00:40:11Was
00:40:14Just
00:40:14Looking
00:40:14At
00:40:15Me
00:40:15All
00:40:15Calm
00:40:15It
00:40:16Was
00:40:16So
00:40:16Calm
00:40:16I
00:40:16Started
00:40:17Feeling
00:40:17Like
00:40:17Snow
00:40:18White
00:40:18Like
00:40:25Look
00:40:26Children
00:40:26It
00:40:27Picked
00:40:27Me
00:40:29I'm
00:40:30The
00:40:30Pretty
00:40:30One
00:40:31Yes
00:40:35Yeah
00:40:35And
00:40:36Then
00:40:36It
00:40:36Ate
00:40:37Something
00:40:37Out
00:40:37Of
00:40:37My
00:40:37Beard
00:40:38And
00:40:38Flew
00:40:38Away
00:40:47Feed
00:40:48Your
00:40:48Family
00:40:53It's
00:40:54A
00:40:54Symbiotic
00:40:54Relationship
00:40:57It
00:40:57Gets
00:40:58Food
00:40:58And
00:40:59I
00:40:59Get
00:40:59Clean
00:41:02All
00:41:02Right
00:41:03Not
00:41:03Too
00:41:03Many
00:41:03Science
00:41:04Buffs
00:41:04Out
00:41:04There
00:41:08You
00:41:10Know
00:41:10People
00:41:11Often
00:41:11Ask
00:41:11Me
00:41:11If
00:41:12My
00:41:12Show
00:41:12Is
00:41:12Family
00:41:13Friendly
00:41:14And
00:41:15I'm
00:41:15Like
00:41:15Well
00:41:16It
00:41:17Depends
00:41:17On
00:41:17Your
00:41:18Fucking
00:41:18Family
00:41:21I'm
00:41:22Going
00:41:22Let
00:41:22You
00:41:22Decide
00:41:24I
00:41:25Don't
00:41:25Know
00:41:25About
00:41:25You
00:41:25Folks
00:41:26But
00:41:26I
00:41:26Like
00:41:26My
00:41:27Kids
00:41:27Learning
00:41:28From
00:41:28Professionals
00:41:33Oh
00:41:34Thanks
00:41:34For
00:41:34The
00:41:35Whistle
00:41:37I'm
00:41:37Gonna
00:41:37Store
00:41:37That
00:41:38In
00:41:38My
00:41:38Heart
00:41:38For
00:41:38Sure
00:41:44I
00:41:45Do
00:41:45Travel
00:41:45A
00:41:46Lot
00:41:47The
00:41:47Other
00:41:47Day
00:41:48I
00:41:48Had
00:41:48To
00:41:48Go
00:41:48To
00:41:49Cleveland
00:41:50And
00:41:53Well
00:41:53The
00:41:54Night
00:41:54Before
00:41:54I
00:41:55Went
00:41:55Out
00:41:55To
00:41:55Dinner
00:41:56With
00:41:56My
00:41:56Lady
00:41:58Went
00:41:58To
00:41:58A
00:41:58Pretty
00:41:59Fancy
00:41:59Place
00:42:00Dressed
00:42:01Up
00:42:01Nice
00:42:02And
00:42:02We
00:42:03Were
00:42:03Having
00:42:03Fun
00:42:03A
00:42:04Little
00:42:04Drinking
00:42:05Laughing
00:42:05Eating
00:42:06And
00:42:07I
00:42:08Was
00:42:08Feeling
00:42:08Good
00:42:09My
00:42:09Timing
00:42:09Was
00:42:10On
00:42:12So
00:42:12Then
00:42:12Across
00:42:13The
00:42:13Way
00:42:13There
00:42:13Was
00:42:14This
00:42:14Old
00:42:14Couple
00:42:15They
00:42:15Look
00:42:16Real
00:42:16Nice
00:42:16They
00:42:17Dress
00:42:17But
00:42:18They
00:42:18Just
00:42:19Look
00:42:19Like
00:42:19They're
00:42:20Having
00:42:21The
00:42:21Most
00:42:21Boring
00:42:23Conversation
00:42:23You
00:42:23Could
00:42:23Possibly
00:42:24Have
00:42:24So
00:42:25I
00:42:25Looked
00:42:26At
00:42:26My
00:42:26Lady
00:42:26I
00:42:26Was
00:42:27Like
00:42:27Hey
00:42:27Babe
00:42:28I
00:42:28Hope
00:42:29When
00:42:29We're
00:42:29Old
00:42:29We're
00:42:30Not
00:42:30Like
00:42:31That
00:42:32You
00:42:33Know
00:42:33Still
00:42:34Together
00:42:49She
00:42:49Laughed
00:42:50She
00:42:50Laughed
00:42:51Thank
00:42:52Goodness
00:42:52That's
00:42:52A
00:42:52Scary
00:42:53Joke
00:42:53Right
00:42:53There
00:42:55Taking
00:42:56Some
00:42:56Risks
00:43:00So
00:43:01Then
00:43:01That
00:43:01Night
00:43:01Before
00:43:02I
00:43:02Flew
00:43:02To
00:43:03Cleveland
00:43:03Early
00:43:05Well
00:43:05In
00:43:06Bed
00:43:07She
00:43:07Held
00:43:08Me
00:43:08The
00:43:08Entire
00:43:09Night
00:43:10So
00:43:11Then
00:43:11In
00:43:12The
00:43:12Morning
00:43:13When
00:43:14My
00:43:14Alarm
00:43:14Went
00:43:14Off
00:43:15I
00:43:16Rolled
00:43:16Over
00:43:16I
00:43:17Was
00:43:17Like
00:43:17Hey
00:43:17Babe
00:43:18You
00:43:18Know
00:43:18When
00:43:19I
00:43:19Come
00:43:19Back
00:43:19I'm
00:43:20Going
00:43:20To
00:43:20Do
00:43:20The
00:43:20Same
00:43:21Thing
00:43:21For
00:43:21You
00:43:22And
00:43:23Then
00:43:23We're
00:43:24Going
00:43:24To
00:43:24See
00:43:24How
00:43:24You
00:43:24Fucking
00:43:25Like
00:43:25That
00:43:29I'm
00:43:29Hot
00:43:30I'm
00:43:30Hot
00:43:32I'm
00:43:33Hot
00:43:33Hot
00:43:33I'm
00:43:34Hot
00:43:35I'm
00:43:36Hot
00:43:36Hot
00:43:38I
00:43:38Love
00:43:39You
00:43:39But
00:43:39I'm
00:43:39Hot
00:43:40I'm
00:43:41Very
00:43:41Very
00:43:41Hot
00:43:42Please
00:43:43I'm
00:43:43Hot
00:43:43I'm
00:43:44Hot
00:43:44I'm
00:43:45Hot
00:43:47Like
00:43:48I
00:43:48Will
00:43:48Let
00:43:48You
00:43:49Put
00:43:49A
00:43:49Toe
00:43:49On
00:43:49My
00:43:50Cast
00:43:53But
00:43:54Besides
00:43:54That
00:43:55I'm
00:43:55Hot
00:43:57Very
00:43:57Very
00:43:57Hot
00:44:00And
00:44:05The
00:44:06Thing
00:44:06Is
00:44:06We
00:44:06Have
00:44:06A
00:44:06Big
00:44:06Old
00:44:07California
00:44:07King
00:44:08Size
00:44:08Bed
00:44:08This
00:44:09Is
00:44:09A
00:44:09Huge
00:44:10Bed
00:44:10And
00:44:11The
00:44:12Other
00:44:12Night
00:44:12She
00:44:13Came
00:44:13All
00:44:14The
00:44:14Way
00:44:14Over
00:44:14And
00:44:15Pushed
00:44:16Me
00:44:16In
00:44:16The
00:44:16Ocean
00:44:21The
00:44:21Other
00:44:22Night
00:44:22I
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00:54:54Be
00:54:54The
00:54:54Best
00:54:54Man
00:54:55And
00:54:55Then
00:54:56He
00:54:57And
00:54:57His
00:54:57Wife
00:54:58They
00:54:58Then
00:54:59Had
00:55:00Their
00:55:00First
00:55:00Baby
00:55:01Again
00:55:01Very
00:55:02Exciting
00:55:05But
00:55:06Then
00:55:06More
00:55:07Recently
00:55:07Their
00:55:09Son
00:55:09Was
00:55:10Diagnosed
00:55:11With
00:55:12Cerebral
00:55:13Palsy
00:55:14So
00:55:15It's
00:55:15It's
00:55:16Just
00:55:16Like
00:55:16Interesting
00:55:17And
00:55:17Weird
00:55:18Because
00:55:18This
00:55:19Guy
00:55:20That
00:55:20I've
00:55:20Known
00:55:20My
00:55:20Whole
00:55:21Life
00:55:21Is
00:55:22Now
00:55:22Coming
00:55:23To
00:55:23Me
00:55:23Asking
00:55:24Me
00:55:24All
00:55:24These
00:55:24Questions
00:55:26And
00:55:27I'm
00:55:27Like
00:55:27No
00:55:30I
00:55:31Didn't
00:55:31Sleep
00:55:32With
00:55:32Your
00:55:32Wife
00:55:48Yeah
00:55:48We
00:55:49Just
00:55:49Fucked
00:55:49Around
00:55:54But
00:55:54If
00:55:54He's
00:55:55Got
00:55:55Hair
00:55:55Like
00:55:55This
00:55:58Get
00:55:58Him
00:55:59Checked
00:56:06It's
00:56:06Just
00:56:09I'm
00:56:10Sorry
00:56:10I
00:56:10Just
00:56:10Joke
00:56:11In
00:56:11My
00:56:11Head
00:56:11That
00:56:12I
00:56:12I'm
00:56:12Not
00:56:13Saying
00:56:22All
00:56:23Listen
00:56:23Guys
00:56:24You
00:56:24Don't
00:56:24Have
00:56:25To
00:56:25Twist
00:56:25My
00:56:25Arm
00:56:33It's
00:56:34Already
00:56:34Pretty
00:56:34Hooked
00:56:35Up
00:56:35Over
00:56:35There
00:56:39Alright
00:56:40Well
00:56:40Just
00:56:40Remember
00:56:41You
00:56:41Wanted
00:56:41Me
00:56:41To
00:56:42Say
00:56:42This
00:56:45So
00:56:46I
00:56:46Recently
00:56:46Discovered
00:56:47That
00:56:48You
00:56:48Don't
00:56:48Need
00:56:49The
00:56:49Peanut
00:56:49Butter
00:56:50For
00:56:51A
00:56:51Dog
00:56:52To
00:56:52Lick
00:56:52Your
00:56:52Asshole
00:57:13Thanks
00:57:14Thanks Joe
00:57:16Well I only bring this up
00:57:20Cause I know
00:57:21Some of you sick fucks out there
00:57:24Wasting your money on peanut butter
00:57:32Could be saving up for something
00:57:36All I'm saying is a dog is gonna do it for free
00:57:45All I would like to clarify that is not a field tested joke
00:57:54I just took the elements was like huh checks out
00:58:15Hey do you guys think if I die in a freak accident that the media will have the nerve to
00:58:24call it that?
00:58:35I do
00:58:39Fucking jackals
00:58:44There's a lot of bang for your buck in that little joke right there
00:58:48I'll tell you this when I do die I don't want to be cremated but I do want my remains
00:58:56to be scattered
00:59:05Yeah just run me through a wood chip and I
00:59:11He loved this mall
00:59:17They're never gonna forget him at Build-A-Bear
00:59:27Josh Blue Juicy Bear
00:59:29I will admit that I've been watching a lot of serial killer documentaries
00:59:37And I think I'm finally ready
00:59:45My research is complete
00:59:48Time to get to getting
00:59:52I figure uh you know start in Colorado
00:59:56Seems like a real starter state
01:00:00A lot of mountains and you know
01:00:04And people that wouldn't be missed
01:00:09Not you folks of course
01:00:12Sure you all got a colorblind racist neighbor or something
01:00:20You guys remember
01:00:24From earlier
01:00:29Just checking
01:00:33Yeah uh yeah me as a serial killer
01:00:37Yeah the night stumbler
01:00:46I'm pretty sure forensics have caught up to my skin level
01:00:51They're gonna catch on pretty quick like
01:00:54These strangle marks are really weird
01:01:01And this guy's footprints all over the fucking place
01:01:14This was all before he got to the victim
01:01:23This was all before he got to the victim
01:01:24The real struggle happened over here
01:01:29What the fuck was he doing
01:01:33He's gonna try and tie his shoe or something
01:01:40Are you guys seeing all these dog tracks
01:01:56What's that you're saying?
01:01:57How the victim is another magician?
01:02:09Oh yeah and by that tan line
01:02:11He looks like he's missing a watch
01:02:21And what do we have here?
01:02:24One but as a glove
01:02:33Hey burn that for me
01:02:36I'm trying to frame a guy on share a pair
01:02:48You get it?
01:02:54Hey did you know that Botox was originally being invented
01:02:57To help people with cerebral palsy?
01:03:01It's a pretty cool thing man
01:03:04They were developing it
01:03:05They were trying to find a way
01:03:07So that they could inject the muscles
01:03:09So that um
01:03:13Wouldn't fucking do that
01:03:20Well but then somewhere along the way
01:03:22They discovered that Botox
01:03:25Also makes wrinkles go away
01:03:29And then they were like
01:03:30Well fuck cerebral palsy
01:03:37We could really be helping people
01:03:42God forbid you had a crow foot
01:03:46The guy with the twisty arm can wait
01:03:52I love that joke man
01:03:56Cause I'm sure you can feel that weird vibe
01:03:58That kind of rolls across the room
01:04:01What that is
01:04:02Is that just all the people with Botox
01:04:04Trying to frown
01:04:19I guess all joking aside
01:04:21What I want to know is
01:04:22Does he look younger?
01:04:30No crow feet on that
01:04:34Alright I've got to tell you this
01:04:35One of the last crazy things that happened to me
01:04:37Over the pandemic
01:04:40And this really gets me worked up
01:04:42Man I'm not going to lie
01:04:44This is more
01:04:45More uh
01:04:47It's just more offensive than the peanut butter thing
01:04:50But
01:04:53But
01:04:53But it's in a much different way
01:04:55And it's
01:04:56Some
01:04:56Somehow grosser
01:04:57But
01:05:00Alright I'll just
01:05:02I'll just
01:05:02Just tell you what happened
01:05:04So
01:05:04Over the quarantine
01:05:06I ended up
01:05:07Needing to get
01:05:08A new business manager
01:05:10Which is like
01:05:10A very important role
01:05:12In a career
01:05:13But here's the thing
01:05:14Is that we were
01:05:15Doing the hiring process
01:05:17Over zoom
01:05:19Which to me is not
01:05:20A way to communicate
01:05:22With other people
01:05:23It's just not
01:05:24It's still not personal
01:05:25And I'm hiring
01:05:26A very important job
01:05:27Cause I feel like
01:05:28If I get to meet you
01:05:29Face to face
01:05:30Look in the eye
01:05:31Shake your hand
01:05:32I'm a pretty good
01:05:33Judge of character
01:05:34But like on zoom
01:05:35I can't even
01:05:36Tell if you got
01:05:37Pants on or not
01:05:41That's always my last
01:05:42Question of the interview
01:05:43I'm like
01:05:44And uh
01:05:45Can you please stand up
01:05:49Show me what
01:05:50You're working with
01:05:57And if you're
01:05:58In a wheelchair
01:05:58Just scoot in the frame
01:06:04I'm an equal
01:06:05Opportunity employer
01:06:10Wouldn't that be
01:06:11Funny if I wasn't
01:06:12Though
01:06:17Like fuck these
01:06:18Blind people
01:06:22Non-seeing
01:06:24Motherfucker
01:06:28Go ahead and laugh
01:06:29They can't see ya
01:06:34Anyway I hired
01:06:36This guy
01:06:36I thought he was
01:06:38The right guy
01:06:38For the job
01:06:39And to tell the truth
01:06:41He was doing great
01:06:41Numbers look good
01:06:44Operations running smooth
01:06:46So then
01:06:47Remember when the pandemic
01:06:49Finally broke enough
01:06:50That we could start
01:06:51Going out to restaurants
01:06:53I was like
01:06:54Alright let me take
01:06:55This guy
01:06:55Out to lunch
01:06:56And meet him in person
01:06:58Now at lunch
01:07:01He orders
01:07:02A sub sandwich
01:07:05And you know
01:07:06When you get your sub
01:07:07There's the cut end
01:07:09And then there's
01:07:11The heel end
01:07:14He fucking ate it
01:07:15From the heel end
01:07:16I had never seen no shit like that
01:07:47I fired him on the spot
01:07:51I was like
01:07:51We are done here
01:07:52You psycho
01:07:55You're changing passwords
01:07:58Seriously
01:07:59How about the show of hands
01:08:00Right now
01:08:01You ever seen anybody
01:08:02Do that
01:08:03No
01:08:04Cause it's not a fucking thing
01:08:05That you know
01:08:09Oh yeah
01:08:10Now you want to be
01:08:11A member of our society
01:08:12Get the fuck out of here
01:08:16A chinchilla knows better than that
01:08:23Look I know that our country
01:08:24Is very politically divided right now
01:08:27But I am all
01:08:28Pretty sure we can
01:08:30Come together on this
01:08:33And don't eat the heel end
01:08:36And then burp your body
01:08:45Oh you know
01:08:46Who does eat it
01:08:47From the heel end
01:08:48Fucking magicians
01:08:52You guys are awesome
01:08:53Thank you so much
01:09:15You think there are hunters
01:09:27Where do you write your material?
01:09:29This is it bud
01:09:33I really write
01:09:34I mean I don't ever write anything down
01:09:36I'm really serious
01:09:37I don't
01:09:38I always said this
01:09:40If I ever put like
01:09:41A little bit of effort into this
01:09:46I could be really fucking good
01:09:55I just don't care
01:09:59Yeah one left
01:10:00Make it good
01:10:03Make it good
01:10:05Do you know what he has
01:10:06You're totally kidding
01:10:06Oh god fucking
01:10:11Oh god
01:10:12Oh god
01:10:43You know it's okay
01:10:46for a cripple
01:10:46to beat up a woman, right?
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