- 9 hours ago
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00:00Oh, what's the matter, my girl?
00:02You've hardly touched your seagull soup.
00:05I'm not hungry.
00:06But it's your favorite.
00:09Just not feeling it today.
00:11This isn't about that rotten bittern girl, is it?
00:15You should be happy that she's gone.
00:18Bitterns and butterns aren't meant to be together.
00:21I thought I was over her, but...
00:25Tell me.
00:32Fuck.
00:35Is that a white girl?
00:38It's fine.
00:40I'm fine.
00:41Look, I'm eating.
00:43See?
00:47Oh, where are you?
00:51Sorry, Feather.
00:52Where are you going?
00:54Put my seagull soup in the fridge.
00:56I'm going to paddle to Grouse Lake.
01:00Why?
01:02Revenge.
01:03Yes, I can love you, baby.
01:07All night long.
01:12Keep it in the wall, I think.
01:13Keep it in the wall.
01:15And we're debating a hot button issue.
01:18Does the park have too many benches?
01:19Or do we have the right amount of outdoor seating?
01:22Let's go to the phone lines.
01:24Anyone?
01:27Anyone?
01:29Do we have too many benches?
01:31I'm waiting for your calls.
01:33Yes or no?
01:34You all know my stance.
01:35I'm against them.
01:36While you gather your thoughts,
01:38here's Johnny Long back in an old jeet band
01:41with a poop-shoot shuffle.
01:44It's like nobody's listening.
01:51Baby, PJ just got his first headshot kill.
01:55What did I tell you about playing first-person shooters with PJ?
01:59That we shouldn't.
02:00But you're doing it?
02:02Yeah.
02:03What the heck?
02:04Bad, PJ.
02:05Bad!
02:08Bad trainers!
02:10Who's you?
02:11I know your Pete are in there.
02:17It's just the button.
02:19Don't let him in.
02:21Come out and face me!
02:24He must be mad about Chickadee.
02:26Why?
02:27Because she dated Ammoniokray?
02:29Do you think he's mad about that?
02:31Look at her!
02:32Look! You wilted my flower!
02:39Come out and fight me!
02:44He'll go away.
02:45She left her for a white girl.
02:53I won't forget this.
02:58See? He's already gone.
03:02I want you.
03:04What did I do?
03:06My name is Ernie Butter.
03:08Your niece broke my daughter's heart.
03:12Prepare to die.
03:14I gave you your change, man.
03:16But where is it, bro?
03:17I put it in your hand.
03:18Or did you?
03:20Mind blower.
03:25Alright, bro. That's the fifth time you've done that today.
03:28I will be out of your hair soon enough, Dean.
03:29Um, speaking of your hair, why don't you check?
03:32Under your hat.
03:34Mine.
03:35Brenda!
03:37That was supposed to fly away.
03:38Uh, that was, uh...
03:40How are things going with, uh, cousin Leon?
03:43Oh, he's wrecking out, man.
03:45I boss him around.
03:46Pay him nothing.
03:47And I make him work weekends.
03:49And I stole Gail from him.
03:50Our brotherhood is solid.
03:52Just need a signature, boss.
03:53Yeah, man.
03:56And he calls me boss.
03:58Do you know what you signed there, Dean?
04:00If I had a nickel for everything I didn't know I signed,
04:04I would have seven nickels?
04:08Oh, boy.
04:09You bitterns took my daughter's heart.
04:12So I want to take something of yours.
04:15You're not getting my leftover pizza, buddy.
04:17No, I want more than that.
04:19Well, I want bitter and blood.
04:21A fight to the death.
04:23Really?
04:25Okay, not to the death.
04:27I just watch a lot of TV.
04:29I'm not gonna fight you, man.
04:31I'm a dad now.
04:32I'm what they call a role model.
04:36I knew that you were a mascooch,
04:38but I didn't know you were a coward.
04:40Ha!
04:41Joke's on you.
04:42Everybody knows I'm a coward.
04:45Fine.
04:46We'll settle this in the traditional way.
04:49The way of our ancestors.
04:51Staring contest.
04:54High stakes, cribbage.
04:57You're on!
05:04Hilda, no one's listening to my show,
05:06and I demand chief and council to do something about it.
05:10Hilda?
05:11Oh, sorry.
05:12What?
05:13True crime podcast.
05:15Hilda, nobody's listening to my show.
05:18What do you want me to do?
05:19Get Deedee to pass a law forcing everyone to listen to your damn show?
05:24You can do that?
05:25Face it, Roger.
05:27No one wants the radio.
05:29It's all podcasts.
05:31The hell is a podcast?
05:33It's like TV for your ears.
05:38I'm listening to one now.
05:40It's about crimes and they're true.
05:44Well, who wants to hear that?
05:46Everyone does.
05:53What's this for?
05:55Happy retirement.
05:56Radio's dead, bro.
06:01Are you sure you're ready for this guy?
06:04Well, I wanted bitter and blood, but this will have to do.
06:08I probably shouldn't tell you this now, Ernie, but I'm a cribbage champion.
06:13Is that a fact?
06:14Yeah, I've been playing Stephen Harper for years and I haven't lost once.
06:19That's technically true, yes.
06:21Well, then you care to make it interesting?
06:23When I win, I get your canoe.
06:26The real prize is watching your sorry ass swim across the river.
06:31When I win, I'm gonna take something close to your heart.
06:35You leave my leftover pizza alone.
06:38I don't want your pizza.
06:40I want your lodge.
06:43Ha, ha, deal.
06:44Not the lodge.
06:46That's crazy.
06:48Can't do it over here.
06:50Paul, uh, about that.
06:52Shut up, Stephen Harper.
06:53I'm about to skunk this butter's butt.
06:56Um, the reason why you beat me so many times is because I let you.
07:01What?
07:01What?
07:01And now I suppose you're gonna tell me you let me beat you at those staring contests,
07:06too.
07:06Enough!
07:08It's time for some cribbage.
07:14I'll take that.
07:15Hey, give that back.
07:17No, Dean, this is a deed and your signature's all over it.
07:21What?!
07:23Is a deed.
07:25It means we own the store now.
07:27Yeah.
07:27Who's we, man?
07:29Oh, um...
07:30Oh, no.
07:32Oh.
07:40Gregory.
07:42I am your father.
07:44No!
07:47Oh, wait.
07:48I knew that already.
07:49Yeah, I knew that too, man.
07:50Yeah.
07:51Did you know that?
07:53We all knew this.
07:54Yeah.
08:02Does Paul even know what he's doing?
08:05Come on, man.
08:06Hurry up!
08:07Be faster!
08:09It's like he's just doing little races with the pegs.
08:12And he's still losing that.
08:18121!
08:20Spunked!
08:22Your lodge is mine!
08:41Lips.
08:42I need your help.
08:44Come on.
08:45I'm training.
08:46I'm looking for some crime.
08:48Preferably true.
08:49What for?
08:49I'm doing a podcast, except on the radio, which is way different.
08:53You're in the right place.
08:56If it's not here, it doesn't exist.
09:00I have some false crime if you want to see that.
09:03Damn it.
09:05Don't worry.
09:07True crime is everywhere.
09:09You just gotta look.
09:11Then let's go.
09:19I thought we were bros, bro.
09:22We were bros, bro.
09:24Aw, you're mad because I take big shits in the break room, and I told everyone it was you.
09:29Why would you do that?
09:30Because I don't want everyone to think I take big shits.
09:33Duh.
09:33I did this because of Gail.
09:38Gail.
09:43And now, yeah-man is no-man.
09:47Don't you have enough already?
09:49At first, I thought this shack you call a store wouldn't last.
09:55Yet somehow, you've cut into my profits, and we just can't have that, can we?
10:03You'll never get away with this, man.
10:05Yes, we will.
10:06See, all I have to do is take this deed into the city
10:09and have it notarized at the bank of MacGuffin, and the deal is done.
10:15Workers, give these trespassers the bums' rush.
10:21Dean.
10:22Whoa, hey.
10:23Figure it away.
10:24Fuck, man.
10:25It's an expression.
10:46Oh, I love the smell of fresh ink on a large deed.
10:53Now, get off my lawn.
10:59This is all your fault, Paul.
11:02What?
11:02I'm not the one that made Chickadee fall in love with a moony acque.
11:06I blame you.
11:08What did I do?
11:10Yeah, you're the one who wanted to live in the lodge,
11:13and if we weren't living there, we wouldn't have lost the lodge.
11:16That was Buckethead's idea, and she belongs to Dean.
11:20What?
11:21How is this all my fault?
11:23Well, you did sign every piece of paper Cousin Leon put in front of you, so...
11:26Hey, man, your dad took the store.
11:27I blame Stephen Harper for letting me win all those years.
11:31Well, I blame all of us for not making the most of a bad situation.
11:34Maybe a song will cheer us up.
11:35The veterans on the bus go round and round.
11:38Yeah.
11:38Round and round.
11:39Shut up, Stephen Harper!
11:40Shut the fuck up, man!
11:41I got you so much!
11:43We can't just sit here and stay down.
11:46We gotta get up and fight.
11:47That's the spirit.
11:49Yeah, man, it's an idea, and you can't kill ideas.
11:52Let's get back to business.
11:55Stephen Harper, come grab my kid!
11:58There's an echo in here.
12:01Yeah, it's almost like we're stuffed inside of a speaker.
12:05Wait a minute.
12:07Speaker?
12:12Put it on full blast.
12:15Let's Manuel Noriega this clown.
12:21I love the sound of bitter tears.
12:26You thought you could push me out with your CIA tricks.
12:31Give me back my pizza!
12:32And the lodge!
12:34And my bathrobe, holla!
12:36Oh, did you know I pushed all your beds together and made one giant bed, and then I had the
12:47nakedest, sweatiest nap in it.
12:51You son of a bitch!
12:53That was supposed to be my dream!
12:55No, it's mine!
12:57Unless...
12:58Unless what?
12:58Unless you take me up on my original offer.
13:03Fight me!
13:04I want my home back!
13:06Yeah, stop being such a mama's boy and go punch out that kukush!
13:11Do it for the boy!
13:12You too, Stephen Harper?
13:14All right!
13:20I'll do it!
13:21Then you meet me...
13:24at Fight Road.
13:30Ah, nuts.
13:32They must know we're here for the contract.
13:34Let me look.
13:35Yeah.
13:36Oh.
13:36Yeah.
13:38Clothes for...
13:40reservations.
13:41Hey.
13:42Let's go ahead and book an ass-whooping.
13:44Yeah, it actually says renovations, but I'm in.
13:47Follow my lead.
13:48Okay, man.
13:52Uh, Yoo-hoo.
13:54Ah-ah-ah-ah!
13:54Wait.
13:55You see the coin, right?
13:59Now look behind you.
14:02Abracadabra, bros!
14:03Two bros, one punch.
14:05Okay, let's drag them around the corner.
14:06Yeah.
14:06I'm so sorry.
14:08I'm so sorry.
14:09I'm so sorry.
14:10I'm so sorry.
14:11I'm so sorry.
14:15I thought you said there was true crime everywhere.
14:18There is.
14:20I can smell it.
14:21Yeah, you said that already.
14:23There's crime everywhere.
14:25All the time.
14:26At any given moment.
14:28And we'll find it.
14:30We better.
14:36That one's still moving.
14:46I see you came alone.
14:48Yeah.
14:49Duh.
14:50Just like a stupid bidder.
14:58Hey, man.
15:00You lie.
15:01Oh, did I?
15:10Wow, these guys really move fast.
15:13Yeah.
15:15There's the deed.
15:16It's just sitting there.
15:18That was I-E-Z.
15:21Wait.
15:23Voice wanted to do this.
15:27Dean?
15:28Yeah.
15:28That was I-E-Z.
15:30There they are.
15:31Seize them.
15:32Aw.
15:40No one's coming to help you, Bittern.
15:44You're too greasy.
15:46Oh, yeah?
15:47Is that so?
15:51You're damn right he's greasy.
15:53But we love him.
15:55Who is we?
15:58We is we.
16:00Is that it?
16:01A couple of bitterns and a little ragtag?
16:06Well, who is fuck now?
16:08It's still you.
16:13Iron Python?
16:15I thought?
16:17I'm so mad right now.
16:19So I see you've leveled up.
16:21Well, so did I.
16:25The south side crazies.
16:28I'm so mad right now!
16:31I'm so mad now!
16:44Attack!
16:45Attack!
16:54Muzzle magic boy.
16:56We can't afford any of his tricks.
16:59When we're done with this place,
17:02strawberries are gonna be $18,
17:04milk $20,
17:05and Lucy's $40 a cup.
17:09You son of a bitch!
17:12Leon, keep an eye on the kids while daddy's away.
17:16These Lucy's aren't bad, actually.
17:23Leon,
17:25I know I stole Gail from you.
17:28And I committed horrible acts of toilet fraud, but...
17:33But what?
17:34But after all that,
17:36we still broed down.
17:37I was faking it.
17:39Fight it all you want, man.
17:41But you can't fight the power of...
17:44...friendship.
17:45Right, Greg?
17:46Yeah, man.
17:48Let's faking go, bro!
17:51Pinata time.
17:53Bro cousins.
17:54Bro cousins.
17:55Nothing's gonna come between us.
17:57Yeah, man!
17:58Now is not the time for friendship.
18:03We have a store to crush.
18:09WhooH!
18:12No!
18:16BJ
18:17Drop the beat!
18:19Drop this deadbeat!
18:25thicker
18:34You got to care what you say...
18:39They're all crazy!
18:41Even your babies are crazy!
18:46Oh, yes!
18:50Oh, my goodness!
18:53Yay!
18:54I said, we have a store to crush!
18:59Sorry, Monopoly man.
19:01But I ain't no button-down,
19:05Yeah! Corn-fed,
19:08Yes! Yes!
19:09Corporate-seller-marshmallow-mother-fucker!
19:15You're gonna regret this, I promise you.
19:17Workers, seize them all!
19:22Hey, give my dad the bum's rush.
19:25Hey, what are you doing?
19:27Oh, no, this is coming off your pay!
19:29Oh, Gregory, you're a bastard from a basket!
19:33A bastard from a basket!
19:43Look at us.
19:45A host with no show and a cop with no crime.
19:49Sorry, Roger. I guess nothing happens in Gross Lake.
19:52My show will bounce back. It always does.
19:55If it makes you feel any better, I'm against park benches too.
19:58I can't stand those things.
20:00Somebody was listening!
20:02Ha!
20:04Wanna head back and play some cribbage?
20:07Let's roll.
20:09Let's roll.
20:14Woo!
20:15Woo!
20:16Woo!
20:17Woo!
20:17Woo!
20:18Woo!
20:18Woo!
20:18Woo!
20:19Woo!
20:20What's wrong, Agnes?
20:21You barely touched your pelican pie.
20:23Oh, I'm just feeling a little mokaby since chickadee is in Europe.
20:28Have you tried to get on Cooker?
20:30Cooker?
20:31What's that?
20:32It's the latest matchmaking app for lonely cookums who miss their granddaughter.
20:35I could use that.
20:37Just fill out a profile, upload a picture, and you'll be matched with eligible granddaughters in your area.
20:44I've got one!
20:45Just click accept, then welcome a new member to the family.
20:48Yeah!
20:50But isn't this a real big choice to be making?
20:53With its easy-to-use features, you can cancel at any time.
20:56You see, Cooker isn't for everyone, especially cookums who have very special boys who need very special attention.
21:03Well, actually, Paul...
21:04Shut up, Stephen Harper!
21:07Maybe Paul's right.
21:09Thanks, Ma, for not upsetting the family dynamic.
21:12I love things just the way they are!
21:15Love you, Ma!
21:16Love you too, Paul!
21:18Love you too, Paul!
21:18Bye, Ma.
21:19They are all sincere wichtige puns.
21:31Simple and cool.
21:32They are all knew it.
21:37Cool and beautifulshots.
21:39Love you too!
21:43I hope...
21:45Bye, Ma!
21:47Bye, Ma!
21:49And small village of a true
21:55I was proud to be
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