- 5 minutes ago
No matter how you measure it, Bert Kreischer is a success. And yet, the fear never really goes away. In this conversation, the stand-up comic, podcasting powerhouse and star of the new Netflix series Free Bert, talks about imposter syndrome and what actually drives his relentless work ethic. He shares his formula for telling a great story and explains why the most awkward celebrity interactions often make the best ones. Plus, Guy Fieri drops in to ask Bert a few questions of his own.
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00:00we usually have a reader question but today we have something a little different a government
00:04official asked to call in okay we've got the government official on the line and you are on
00:10with the mayor of flavor town this interview is going on and i know it's probably playing pretty
00:17straightly so i thought i would jump in and come at you with some hard-hitting questions i need you
00:22quickly respond to hey everyone welcome to how success happens i'm dan bova writer and editor
00:32at entrepreneur.com and normally when we have guests on the show and they talk about losing
00:37their shirt and business it's a bad thing but today's guest has a whole new take on that
00:43bert kreischer is a wildly successful comedian a wildly successful entrepreneur and well the man's
00:51just wild hey bert how are you i'm doing great i'm doing fantastic i just finished my workout i'm
00:56having a protein shake wow yeah words i didn't expect to hear come out of your mouth that's
01:02fantastic you know i i think i i was just talking to my trainer about this because he said you
01:06know
01:06people ask what it's like to work out with me and he's like you know it's not the thing you
01:10think it
01:11is and i think that's always been my approach to everything is like look like the be the cinderella
01:17story be the underdog be the thumb the one no one expects to get up at seven o'clock get
01:23to the gym
01:24work out eat right and then party at night you know yeah oh i love that i i was watching
01:31your
01:31instagram post about uh your love letter to drinking alcohol and you were talking about do all the things
01:38that keep you in shape so that you can enjoy this thing and i tell you it was very inspiring
01:43it brought a
01:43tear to my eye i you know i feel like that's i feel like that's an analogy for life is
01:48you know
01:49bust your ass in business so that you can take your kids on vacation you know yeah right you don't
01:54i i i
01:55look back at life and i think i wanted the big house so badly and it's not about the big
02:00house it's
02:01about the experiences with your family and being able to do cool stuff with your kids and do cool
02:06stuff with your wife and be able to afford to send them to college and get them a nice car
02:10not nothing fancy but get them something that they're excited about those are the things that
02:14matter we i look back at of all the houses we've owned the first one what is it 1100 square
02:20feet
02:20that was my favorite house that was that that smelled like family it sounded like family that's awesome
02:25there's so much happening in your life you've got multiple podcasts you're running a production
02:30company with your wife you have comedy specials you have this new show free bird coming out on netflix
02:37and you talk about hard work when you were a sixth year senior at fsu did you imagine that one
02:44day
02:44you would be working this hard no i didn't understand what work was in all honesty and i did this
02:50it that
02:51sounds like it comes from privilege but i didn't understand what hard work was because i didn't
02:54understand passion yet and i all i knew is that i wasn't good at school i didn't know how to
02:59study i
02:59didn't understand people that could sit behind a textbook and read it or people that could sit in a class
03:03and take notes i never understood what taking notes was i didn't know how to study for a class
03:07so i had zero passion about school and when you have not when you're not passionate about something
03:12it's really hard to apply yourself and so i had no i had no direction i was kind of rudderless
03:18and then
03:18the one thing i was good at was coming up with like ideas for parties i know this sounds so
03:23silly but i was
03:24the social chairman of my fraternity for four four and a half years and so i could throw one hell
03:28of a
03:29party and when i got behind an idea that i had like unga unga bulunga or excalibur i could really
03:35apply myself and come up with really fun crazy next level ideas and once i found comedy i understood
03:43all those people that worked hard in school i understood what they were doing and and so i think
03:50i i had no idea that i'd ever work i couldn't imagine how i'd work i'd understand anything about work
03:58at all and i had jobs but it's like clock in clock out and now it's like i i'm so
04:05lucky i found what
04:07i'm passionate about because i don't ever look at anything as work and this this desk i'm sitting at
04:12is covered in work and it's not work to me at all yeah oh that's amazing so do you remember
04:18the first
04:18time you got paid to be funny so that's a that's a tricky question because you don't get paid to
04:26be
04:26funny for a while meaning you a lot of times you pay to do open mics it was like 10
04:31bucks to get up
04:32at an open mic and i got paid at the boston comedy club i got a door i got a
04:37job working the door and
04:39the the caveat the benefit the at the end of the night if i had brought in enough people i
04:44could get
04:45on stage the first time i got paid for being funny was oh uh probably i did a showcase in
04:53uh in la when
04:56i was like probably 27 and uh for icm and i went into this meeting i did really well in
05:03the showcase
05:03and i went to this meeting i remember getting done the showcase and they scurried me out the back door
05:08so that no one could talk to me this is back when development deals were huge in hollywood
05:11and the next day i had a meeting with a woman i wish i remembered her name she worked at
05:15fox
05:15and she said to me you're about to get offered more money than you'd ever imagined and i want to
05:21be the
05:21first one to give you that money and i remember sitting on her couch she was sitting crisscross
05:25applesauce barefoot she was she was pretty i wanted her name was like dana something and uh
05:32and i remember that feeling that feeling was like really a crazy feeling yeah and she did she offered
05:38me five thousand dollars a week on the x show i got paid five thousand dollars a week doing a
05:42late
05:42night talk show with like three other people and i did the math wrong and i thought i was a
05:45millionaire
05:48i was with my buddy eddie we were on franklin and we were driving and i go i'm gonna get
05:51five
05:51thousand dollars a week he goes five thousand dollars a week times 20 times 50 50 that's a million
05:56dollars and i was like i'm a millionaire let's go to vegas
06:01five times 50 because i'm a millionaire
06:04that's amazing uh is there anything in your life now i mean you've had so much success
06:11are you able to tap into that just like that joy that that like crazy feeling of success like that
06:19has that come about again in your life no and that sounds it sounds callous but i think you know
06:27i'm
06:27someone who doesn't want to know how deep the ocean is that i'm swimming in you know i i it's
06:32it's it's
06:33you know i think sometimes if you're aware of the sharks it's not fun swimming in the ocean so you
06:38just
06:38got to pay attention i remember i was sitting in my hot tub out there and uh just talking business
06:43i
06:43don't mind talking business and uh i got a call from my agent and he said hey you're the number
06:49two
06:50earning comic in the world this year and i was like what he was like yeah you made 33 million
06:55dollars
06:56and i was like i did he was like yeah i was like who's number one he was like kevin
07:00hart
07:01i was like wow and i couldn't really wrap my head around it i was like that doesn't feel like
07:05i made
07:0633 million dollars like i mean i guess i did but it might happen i didn't i didn't get anything
07:11new
07:11and i didn't like i don't know where the money is it's just it's it's not like tangible like the
07:17money's somewhere and i didn't like i i i know that no no one's ever said no to me about
07:23buying
07:23stuff but i just it doesn't seem seem real to me so like at a certain point and i and
07:29this is just
07:29me speaking i can't speak for anyone else but i feel like money just is a number that's negotiated
07:36at the end of the day and i guess my bills are paid i don't think i'd notice the difference
07:42between
07:42100 million and 10 million that's that's i i recently had a woman on who had recently become
07:49a billionaire and i asked her what's the difference between having 100 million dollars and a billion
07:55dollars and she could not answer the question she's like yeah i don't know uh i remember i got
08:01offered a 10 million dollar deal one time and and i took it and it was a touring deal i
08:06was and i was
08:07and they were like you're gonna give you 10 million dollars for the next year and i was i was
08:12like wow
08:13i remember being like because we were still in the old house and in 1100 square foot house and i
08:18was like
08:18that felt good that felt good and i remember we went to vegas and we took our friends to vegas
08:22and we paid for everything and and that felt great now that's the fucking norm i pay for everything all
08:30the time anyway i mean i take i take my family to hawaii i took 15 people to hawaii and
08:34i'm just like
08:35i guess i'll pay so yeah i don't i wish i wish there was i wish there was like because
08:39i know people
08:40strive for money and i think it's the fun thing when you want to make money is to know that
08:45there's
08:45the difference i was sitting with a friend of mine who's one of the richest guys i know we were
08:49we'd just gotten uh intravenous stem cells if that can give you any hint of who my friend was
08:54and i said to him uh what's it like having like hundreds of millions of dollars and he kind of
08:59thought for a second and he goes i don't know he goes you know i don't really worry about much
09:05and i was like that's it that's all there is that's it i gotta tell you for someone who doesn't
09:12have that much money i i imagine like just late at night just checking my bank account and just
09:19staring at it and smiling but um i guess that gets old pretty quick i have no idea i'm i
09:26mean
09:27i don't even know how to get i don't even know what bank we use
09:30my wife takes care of all my wife my wife if my wife dies i don't know the pin numbers
09:36for our
09:37fucking anything i don't know where our money is i don't know how to get a hold of our money
09:43yeah oh that's fantastic so burt we we have something special that's going to happen in
09:48one minute but i'm gonna i'm gonna i ask you one more question and i'm gonna ask you to
09:52hang on uh because we have someone who wants to call in but we'll get to that um but uh
09:59so i asked
10:00about the first time you uh got paid do you remember the first time you bombed and how you were
10:07able to
10:07kind of pull yourself out of that yeah i do i remember the first time i bombed i was doing
10:12i
10:12mean the first time i did stand up i crushed i did 20 minutes in tallahassee after four accomplished
10:18comedians i'd never done stand up before and i destroyed i mean i got offered my own morning show
10:23on by a radio show in tallahassee i decided to move to new york first time i got on stage
10:27in new york
10:28i crushed i mean i crushed so hard that it was like we're making the right decision and then i
10:34brought
10:34out the secret weapon and the secret weapon was a guitar i used to play songs for my fraternity
10:40and i knew that if i brought this guitar up i go buddy it's a matter of time before i
10:47because
10:48remember i was famous like a rolling stone magazine had discovered me and called me the number one
10:51party in the country i had this like cachet i had this like movement behind me i was like guys
10:56uh
10:56i'm done doing the open mics as soon as i bring this guitar out and i brought the guitar on
11:02stage
11:03and i put it by the fireplace at the boston comedy club and everyone in the audience stared at the
11:09guitar and i tried doing comedy and then they were all like why don't you just play the guitar
11:15and i remember them thinking that and i bombed for about eight minutes and then i put the guitar on
11:22and i'd already bombed so hard that they didn't want to hear anything i had to say and i bombed
11:26so hard
11:27i wish i had this guitar case because it's it's a reminder my cousin and my sister came to see
11:33me
11:33and it was so awkward in the cab ride home that they peeled the subway station map off the back
11:39of
11:39the cab they used to have them in the cabs the sticker they peeled it off just to busy themselves
11:45so
11:45they didn't have to talk to me and they put it on my guitar case and i still have that
11:50guitar case
11:50and i still have that subway map and i remember that uncomfortableness and i can tell you almost
11:56every time i've bombed i can tell you where i was what happened how bad it got oh my god
12:03yeah you never forget good bombs i can tell you other people's bombs i remember some of the best
12:09bombs i've ever watched is my buddies bombing
12:15do you is there anything you that you do to pick yourself up after a bomb like oh no you
12:22wake up the
12:23next morning you go maybe i'm not meant to do this maybe this is not my calling i can't believe
12:27i tricked
12:27everyone for so long this is i'm never gonna shake this i had a bomb so bad that i woke
12:33up in probably
12:352010 i had two kids no two i had two children i had two children i was a professional comedian
12:41and
12:42i woke up the next morning going how am i gonna pay for this house i'm the worst comedian that's
12:45ever lived i'm i don't deserve to do this i can't believe i let that happen back when i wore
12:50a shirt
12:50i had one in miami where flop sweat started i mean it it hit me flop sweat started and it
12:59hit me
12:59and it dripped down my face off the tip of my nose onto my shirt and i listened to everyone
13:06in the
13:06audience go oh that's amazing my favorite one my favorite this is my favorite bomb story ever
13:15is my best friend tom segura he opened for me one time let's see if i can get this right
13:21i use my hat
13:22he opened for me one time and he had combed his hair like all the way back he combed it
13:28all the way
13:28back and as he bombed his sweat would flop the hair the hair combs would thing until he had i
13:35swear
13:35to god one combed standing slice of hair standing up and he was soaking wet but one hairline was holding
13:45on and the whole audience we were in sacramento the whole audience watched as it wiggled and wiggled
13:50and when it dropped to one side the room went oh and he had no idea it was happening i
13:58think about
13:59that one a lot that's amazing we usually have a reader question but today we have something a
14:04little different um a uh a government official asked to call in uh because i had some questions
14:11for you so i'm gonna dial him right now and then we'll hold up the phone and then um we'll
14:18see what
14:18happens okay we've got the government official on the line so i'm gonna hold it up to the camera
14:24now and you are on with the mayor of flavor town i just put some rings on i figured if
14:36this is happening
14:37i gotta be in on this i gotta be in on this all right wild man uh palomino danny palomino
14:44here
14:44you don't know his real stage name but uh this interview is going on and i know it's probably
14:50playing pretty straightly so i thought i would jump in and come at you with some hard-hitting
14:55questions i need you to quickly respond to all right burt if you could tickle anyone who would it be
15:05tickle shaquille o'neal
15:10okay second question what is your stripper name uh romeo horse
15:16okay if you had to tattoo a human body part on your neck what would it be a thicker neck
15:37i would i would do a fist a fist right there okay if you had to give up sex or
15:46beer for one
15:47year which would it be
15:52well i gotta tell you i just got oculus glasses and i'll tell you i mean i had my first
15:58foursome
15:58the other day with three chicks in an oculus room it's insane so i give up the sex i mean
16:03oculus
16:04doesn't talk back they're there when you need them
16:09okay you keep your oculus all right um if you had to walk down rodeo drive would it be in
16:16a thong
16:16or would it be with six clowns in a minivan oh thong without a doubt i'm much more comfortable in
16:22a
16:22thong i i hate clowns you know i hate clowns i fucking hate clowns i don't like the upside down
16:27world that clowns live in i'm a thong guy all day i didn't mean you to speak out of fantasy
16:38okay um if you had to start on a professional sports team and play in the championship what
16:47sport and what position would you play it would have to be baseball but it just doesn't sound fun
16:52i think i'd want to be on a football team and i'd want to be a kicker i want i
16:56want the same thing
16:57that happened that raven's pittsburgh game i want the pressure i want my favorite kicker in the
17:02world sebastian janikowski and that guy loved the pressure i'd have a bottle i've had a bottle of
17:07tequila with me on the bench and i get a little bit of buzz get rid of those nerves and
17:12bang out 40
17:13yarders what song drives you nuts and you have to turn off the radio when you hear it come on
17:19anything leanne plays god damn i this is me and my house guy every night alexa shut the fuck up
17:31okay all right and last question and it cannot be me but if you were going to push over a
17:38porta potty
17:38who'd be in it the ex-president of venezuela
17:47manjaro manjaro what's his name manjaro i thought they were protesting my diet drug
17:55well i love you brother that was the best hangs i'm glad you get to meet my boy dan boba
18:01dan is the
18:01real deal i've known him forever he could tell you some stories most are not true yes i did tackle
18:07him
18:07on the red carpet and i did tear his sleeve off his jacket at my house for dinner but other
18:11than
18:12that i love you guy i love you brother thank you man you're the best all right love you dude
18:19that guy is a handful man all right thanks dude bye
18:31all right well there was uh that's like one of my you know it's like uh the you you meet
18:38celebrities
18:39you know i was a fan of guys for a very long time because i was at we were both
18:43i was at travel
18:44channel when he was at food network and i would watch him work a room and then to become friends
18:49with him is kind of mind-blowing what's mind-blowing is like to get a facetime from him on a
18:55sunday
18:55afternoon and not be like the typical like oh shit i don't want to i don't want to have to
19:01you
19:01can just answer and go what's up and just talk to him you know that's the i fucking love that
19:05man
19:06so well that leads me to uh i mean you obviously have a lot of fans uh some more prominent
19:13than
19:13others but what are the rules of fan behavior that you would love to to put out there because i
19:19know
19:19you've got this upcoming fully loaded at sea where you're going to be on a boat with a bunch of
19:24your fans like what's what are the rules there's no rules i you know here's the deal is i've i've
19:29always been very honest about this and this isn't a popular um take from i guess if you call me
19:36a
19:36celebrity is i i'm a fan and i geek out and i misbehave and i talk i get nervous and
19:43i say stupid
19:43things in front of celebrities i've done it to chris robinson i've done it to sammy hagar i've done
19:49it to a bunch of people where you just where you get excited and you and you aren't you're out
19:54of
19:54yourself and you and you say you regret things and that's the part of the fun of meeting a celebrity
19:58is getting up the next morning going what did i fucking say and so there's no rules around me you
20:04know obviously don't hit me and you know try not to kill me but like the most for the most
20:09part if
20:10it's it's like let just get it if you get excited get excited it makes me excited and i got
20:16no rules and
20:17you know there's rules that i'll put out there like i don't do i'm probably not going to do a
20:20shot with you because i try to stay away from shots these days um don't ask my daughters to
20:25take a picture of us they're going to fucking not do it they're going to take a picture of themselves
20:29um don't ask to take a picture of my daughters they don't want to be a part they didn't ask
20:33to
20:33be famous that's it really those are you know if you see one of my daughters or my wife crying
20:38while
20:39i'm talking to them give us a little space you know that's it like one time that happened my
20:42daughter and i were having like a great parenting moment in snow skiing and we were sitting at the
20:48bottom of the lift and she was crying and she was having a hard time snowboarding and i was talking
20:53to her about perseverance and and and her butt hurt and she was done with it and i was saying
20:59you know
20:59this is what it's all about and and then a fan just walked up my daughter's crying he's like dude
21:05and i was like can you just give us a second and then and then you know my daughter's like
21:11i just sometimes want you just to be my dad and that's it and you're like that's but those are
21:17i
21:17mean but also i'm not angry if you don't recognize the social cues because i haven't recognized social
21:24cues at times you know that's that's part of the fun of this whole celebrity thing and when you
21:32meet someone who's a dick like i heard this barrett story about barry bonds where someone went up and
21:36was like dude you're my favorite player and he goes you call me dude one more time i'll knock you
21:39the
21:39fuck out yeah that's that's great you just got a great barry bond story that's how it fucking works
21:44that's how it fucking works you got a barry bond story i'm never i'll never forget so yeah that's
21:49the that's the fucking you know i was sitting there tom and i were having lunch one day and a
21:53fan sat
21:54down next to us he's like holy fucking shit he was like i'm sitting he goes i know you guys
21:59are
21:59friends but i've never seen it and tom goes hey can you leave us the fuck alone and the guy's
22:03like
22:03wow and i go yeah man that's that's your interaction i hope you got a good story that's how it
22:09works
22:12you know that's the that's the that's the rub so well speaking of stories i mean anyone who's seen
22:17any of your specials uh just listening to you now you you are a storyteller you're an amazing
22:23storyteller and one of the things that we talk about here all the time is entrepreneurs need to
22:29tell their story the story of their brand like give something that people can kind of latch on to
22:34so i'm wondering can you give the the burt kreischer crash course and how to tell a good story
22:41yeah oh easily easily the a good story starts with a great ending always a great ending now
22:50obviously when you build a story um sometimes you got to find the ending and and that's the fun
22:56but sometimes when you have the ending first those are the greatest stories to work on
23:02and and and it also needs a great a great hook you need a great moment in that story that
23:09really
23:10cues your your listener um like i'll tell you good this is this is silly but like i sometimes you
23:20walk
23:20up on a good story and and you see a good story just happen it doesn't need to be a
23:26huge story it's
23:27just as funny in the moment like i was over the break i this is my favorite story lately and
23:32it's
23:33just it's just like a really just a bite-sized story is uh there's this black dude and he was
23:39on
23:39the aisle and he was in ralph's and he was talking to the kid who worked at ralph's the young
23:44latino kid who clearly doesn't give a fuck about his job and the black guy's like my age and he's
23:48wearing a black tracksuit and i happen to be wearing the same tracksuit but in gray randomly
23:54and the black guy goes hey man where's the bread and the the the fucking kid goes aisle one and
24:04he
24:04goes aisle one and he goes why don't you keep the bed by the jams and jellies you keep the
24:08bread by
24:09the jams and jellies and i'll have to walk my ass aisle one and he goes use your fucking head
24:13man
24:13now i gotta walk my ass to aisle one and then he turns around and he looks at me he
24:17goes cool
24:17tracksuit and he just walked away and i go that that's a great story in my opinion i take that
24:23on
24:23stage and then i go but it needs an ending so then i go walked up to the mexican kid
24:28and i go
24:28hey man where's bread but you need an ending you know that that's the fun of a story is like
24:34i
24:34haven't taken that on stage yet but i will take that on stage and figure it out because it's it's
24:40sometimes it's like the littlest thing when when things like this are happening do you write them
24:45down or it's just like in your head and it's locked in i write some stuff down like uh like
24:53i'll write
24:53some stuff down i put it in my notes just to remind me but for the most part it's it
24:59for the most part
25:01i think it's jarred from memory of like telling good stories or like sitting around a room and someone's
25:06like yo did you uh like it's like i'm not a joke writer and i love jokes i love jokes
25:12but just it's
25:13not my passion it's not i'm not a i'm not a mathematician guy i'm gonna sit around the table
25:18guy i'm gonna sit at the fire guy i'm gonna sit on a porch next to an old man and
25:23listen to him tell
25:24a story do you get nervous anymore you've been at this for quite a long time but like you know
25:29you're
25:29backstage at kimmel or whatever show or or one of your performances like what what's what's your what's
25:36your state of what's your mindset at that point no i don't get nervous per se um i think i
25:46i you
25:47know i i used to get really nervous like when i did last comic standing 2 i was my butt
25:54cheeks were
25:54sweating like i was sweat was running down my legs i was so nervous and i sat back there at
25:59that moment
26:00and i drank maybe a hundred red bulls and i was like because i was one i wanted to get
26:04up i wanted to
26:05get my energy up i wanted to kill and i was and i needed that money and then and then
26:09i and and then
26:10i sat in this stairwell at last comic standing and i was like i'm not enjoying this like this isn't
26:16fun
26:16and if this is the job i don't want to do this and then i didn't get last comic standing
26:21and two and i
26:22was devastated but you know now it's like if i i'm the most comfortable i am on stage i'm the
26:29most
26:30comfortable i am in an arena i if you put me on any stage everything i don't think about on
26:36my flight
26:37the next day for that moment i'm very present which i'm not often in life but uh and i don't
26:43get i get
26:44i get nervous like uh i had to do the cmas and i got nervous that i would mess up
26:49and say like vma or
26:51that i would mess up and say say something off where you don't know you do it um but for
26:57the most
26:58part you kind of go into cruise control and you do what you do best and the same thing happened
27:05over
27:05it when we did the new year's eve for cbs i just i went into cruise control and i just
27:10didn't stand
27:11up i just kind of remembered what i knew i needed to say and kind of said it so uh
27:16yeah maybe i'd be
27:16better if i got more nervous i don't know but do you think that's a matter of just reps or
27:23is it
27:23like that mindset shift that you just said i don't want to be a nervous wreck anymore so i'm just
27:29not
27:29going to be i think it's reps i think it's getting up there enough and then being i remember when
27:36i
27:36first started i remember being like i wonder i should i should stand on the stage more so i get
27:41more comfortable on the stage and i was like i wonder if i can if they'll let me spend the
27:45night on the
27:45stage one night and just sleep on the stage that was just it was like a crazy workaround but i
27:51think
27:51it's just the more you get up on stage the more comfortable you are on stage i'll get nervous
27:55oddly enough i'll get a little nervous sometimes if i'm performing in la i used to more not now as
28:01much
28:01but in at the comedy store because the lineups were so crazy like just a few years ago in like
28:072019
28:09the lineups were like i mean norm mcdonald david spade joe rogan bill burr sebastian maniscalco
28:16tom segura i mean whitney cummings tim dylan like mark norman couldn't get on stage that i mean
28:24they're like the guys that are the biggest comics in the world right now would have a hard time getting
28:28on those stages wow and that's how crazy it was and i would get nervous because yeah like oh my
28:34god
28:34but yeah not as much anymore um you've you've mentioned tom a bunch of times and i wanted to
28:41ask you about the the vodka porosis vodka what went into that decision to start a company together
28:48and more importantly what were the what were the taste test sessions like well you know so funny i was
28:54sober during the taste testing and so uh i i was just tasting it i was literally putting in my
29:00mouth
29:01swirling it around and spitting it out when we were tasting it and we had like 17 different flavor
29:06profiles me and him settled on the same two and then decided drinking those two on the podcast which
29:13one we were going to pick um it was it what happened is i was getting i was getting approached
29:17by a bunch
29:18of um either distillers to white label a brand uh personally they were coming to me or i had the
29:25people that started fit vine had their non their non-compete had run out and they wanted to start a
29:30wine with me because i really liked their wine and um and then i just decided uh i called tom
29:38i said
29:38you know i brought tom into one of the deals i said you know i'd be i'd be really upset
29:42if tom started
29:43a booze without me so i'm going to reach out to my buddy tom and see if he's interested first
29:48and then
29:48if not i'll just move forward and he said he is interested but he wanted to he didn't want to
29:53white label it he wanted to build a company from the ground up he's like it's going to cost more
29:57money
29:57but i think the payoff is going to be bigger and he goes and i and he goes i think
30:01it would be fun
30:01to be liquor barons and i was like okay and so it took it was like a year and a
30:06half process
30:07we designed the bottle we helped in the design of the logo we designed the cap we designed
30:12how you open the bottle i mean everything to the flavor profiles to um to the distilling process we
30:19picked a proprietary distilling process that left it cleaner because for me it's more about i mean
30:24all of the branding it's recovery it's it's it pairs well with our 5k because it's our our my
30:30brand has always been recovery i don't think people see it that way but trust me and i would
30:34say this if i stop recovering if i stop working out if i stop drinking water at the end of
30:38the night
30:38if i stop recovering you'll notice if i stop partying you're never going to notice if i stop
30:44drinking you won't know how does it like i was i was always blown away when people go are you
30:49an
30:49alcoholic i go you don't sit at my house and watch me drink that's what are you based off of
30:54a story
30:54you heard on the podcast or that i got hammered on rogan you think that's my problem god
31:02that's fantastic um all right well i appreciate all this time you're giving me so we could get
31:07we could get into the speed round if you're ready for that i know you just had one with guy
31:11but um the first question we always ask everyone is what is a habit that you are happy to have
31:18and one that you wish you could ditch oh i think it would be the same habit
31:25i mean no mine mine always go internal i'm very punitive so my punitiveness drives me to do things
31:34like go to the gym or work hard in the gym or to uh say that i'm not that great
31:39of a comic and work
31:40harder and do more dates and when i prepare for a special i go for an entire month i stay
31:45i live on
31:46the road and i do maybe about 80 shows that month and that's all punitive stuff that's i'm i really
31:52love that habit because it drives me but i feel like at a certain point i wish i could get
31:57rid of it
31:58because it's not a fun partner to have where you're just beating yourself up and you're saying
32:03to yourself you're not worth the success you're not worth the being in the room you're not like it's
32:09there's imposter syndrome that goes along with it but it but i do my dad used to say
32:14he wasn't a good trial attorney so he would over prepare for trial attorney be it for for trials
32:22and i remember hearing that as a kid going like so that's the thing like if you're going to play
32:27baseball you got to work harder than everyone you got to be in the batting you got like you you
32:32can't
32:32you're not going to have better talent than anyone but you can work harder than everyone
32:36and there's a comic i wish i could say his name he's so talented he's so naturally talented
32:42but he is absolutely not even remotely close to where i'm at in this career and it's simply because
32:48i remember doing a podcast with him and he was telling me he was getting ready for his netflix
32:51special and he's like i go wow when you shoot it and he's like in uh three weeks i'm gonna
32:55go out
32:56on the road i think these next two weeks i went what he was like yeah i'm gonna get the
33:01you know
33:01kind of put the material together i've been doing i've been doing the material in clubs for a while
33:06but like i'm gonna i'm gonna shape the hour in the next couple weeks and i went wow in my
33:13head i
33:13wanted to go it takes me 18 months to get ready for a special and then and that's just working
33:18on
33:18the materials 18 months easy i mean with this next one is going to be 28 months and then i
33:22go and then
33:23i leave over a month out i leave i used to leave and fly to different cities every single night
33:30even
33:30when i had kids now i get on a tour bus and i travel around the country doing every fucking
33:35show
33:35i can find and i go this guy just does two weekends and i was like he must he must
33:42wake up with like
33:43the best inner dialogue like you're crushing it big guy no introspection no punitiveness no right
33:50he thinks the special was amazing that's great um and uh so i know i know you've got to go
33:58so i have
33:58one last question and this one got this also got sent in by someone very special uh chris de stefano
34:04uh had a question for you a very highbrow question coming your way um if you could put your nipples
34:13anywhere else on your body where would you put them and why right under my eyes like post malone
34:21so that i could always say hey hey my eyes are up here
34:27my eyes are up here i see you looking at my nipples up that's beautiful well i think that's uh
34:35i think we found our ending uh what do you think i think so chris de stefano is the best
34:40i love that
34:41guy yeah good guy thanks for the question chris and bert thank you for the time and laughs this has
34:48been awesome hey thank you this has been a blast
34:52you
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